winter bloom 2009

Bloomcelebrating Valley women

Winter 2009

BetsyHay:Givingback

atUnitedWay

OK,I’ll admit it. I’m kindof a grinch. The thoughtof my holiday to-do list

makes me want to crawl under the cov-ers until January. If I could just hit abutton and fast-forward the whole holi-day season, I would.

But after spending this yearworking on Bloom— andbeing surrounded bywomen who inspire andchallenge me to be a betterversion of myself — I’vedecided I want this season tobe different. Instead of stress-ing out about my messy house andtotal lack of culinary skills, I’m embracingthe holiday spirit, baking (really easy)Christmas cookies, playing with the kidsin my extended family and watching “It’saWonderful Life.”

So whether your holiday cheer isthree sizes too small or overflowing,there’s something for everyone in thisissue of Bloom.

Love your reindeer sweater andsnowman earrings? We tell you how towear them with style in “Strut your(holiday) stuff.”

If you’re looking at the rapidly ap-proaching holidays and need some deco-rating inspiration, take our quiz on page37 and then go crazy with the ornaments,popcorn garlands or tinsel!

After you’re done, take a break and

read Rachel Bowman’s essay on page 19about her Aunt Iva. It will have you re-membering, probably with tears in youreyes, the people whose love and generos-ity have shaped your own life.

And speaking of generosity, our coverstory about Betsy Neff Hay will inspireyou to look around your community and

ask how you can help make it abetter place.

I’d like to thank Patti andRobert Good and Sam Car-rier at Robert Good Pho-tography and Rodney Goodat Artistic Photography for

the wonderful photo illustra-tion of Betsy on our cover. Angela

Lawson at Roberta Webb Day CareCenter was our gracious host and Betsyshares the spotlight with some of thecenter’s students.

So before I head off to the kitchen toattempt some baking, I’d like to wish youall a joyful holiday season.

After a short break this winter, we’ll beback at the end of March with our springissue. Please stay in touch— you can callme at 574-6276 or e-mail me [email protected].

Merry Christmas!

Katheryn HuffEditor

FashionHoliday wear dos and don’ts;accessorizing tips from the pros 5

RelationshipsHow to pick the perfect gift forevery stage of your relationship 9

CareerTwo businesses make Christmastheir year-round focus. 12

In Full BloomBetsy Hay looks at the big pictureof the community’s needs in herwork at the United Way 14

KidsHow to answer the “SantaQuestion”; How an aunt’sgenerosity shaped a life 18

MoneyDonating money to a charitycan be a gift for you as well;more people skipping gifts togive to others 21

SpiritualityTurn to these books and music tosoothe your stressed soul 24

HealthFeeling frazzled? Plan to have ahappy, stress-free holiday 26

FitnessGet active to make some healthyholiday memories; check out ourholiday calorie guide 28

HomeDon’t have a clue what yourChristmas decorating style is?Take our quiz 36

KitchenGo savory for your next party 42

View from the ’BurgAfter a year testing her ownlimits, Heather Bowser shareswhat she learned 46IN

SID

EB

LOO

M

Photo by Florence BarrettWatch out Santa — the Bloom women are out for your job! Kneeling, from left to right:Jacquelyn Walsh and Alicia Wotring Sisk. Standing, from left to right: Heather Bowser,Mary Lou Dean, Katheryn Huff, Rachel Bowman and Kate Elizabeth Queram.

Bloom is a publication ofRockingham Publishing Co., Inc.

Copyright © 2009Rockingham Publishing Co., Inc.

231 S. Liberty St.Harrisonburg, VA 22801

For advertising information,contact Canessa Collins at 574-6214

or [email protected]

4 Bloom Winter 2009

Winter 2009 Bloom 5

Strut your (holiday) stuff

When theweathergets colder

and the days start flying offthe Advent calendar, it’stempting to snuggle intoyour favorite holidaysweater, slip on yourChristmas tree socks andgroove to the tunes fromyour musical Santa pin. Butis it fashionable? Can youconceivably wear yourRudolph earrings and yoursnowman sweatshirtwithout looking like aholiday display gone wrong?

As it turns out, you can, and in a chic way,too. According to local fashionistas, the key ismoderation.

“Don’t overkill it,” said Vivian Myers, ownerof The Designer Consignor and Merle NormanCosmetics in downtown Harrisonburg. “A littleis better. A lot is not fashionable.”

Here, from head to toe, is the skinny on howto strut your seasonal wear the modern way.

The Christmas sweaterTraditional Christmas sweaters, resplendent in

their reindeer-and-Santa glory, have been rele-gated to the back of most closets, but accordingto Myers, this is the year to dust them off.

“I think with theeconomy the wayit is, we shouldall wear Christ-mas sweaters— Christmasanything— tomake people havethe spirit,” shesaid.

To do it chicly,Crystal Fleming, owner of CasualFridays boutique in New Market, suggested wear-ing minimal accessories — most holiday sweatersspeak for themselves, she said — and saving thesweaters for particularly festive events.

“It’s always acceptable for holiday parties.From the day after Thanksgiving ’til the day ofChristmas, you can wear those,” Fleming said.“It’s just fun to wear with bright red turtlenecksor bright green turtlenecks. You can also tone itdown with a plain scarf.”

The Santa pin, the Christmas earrings,the Hannukah necklace

Holiday jewelry is aperfect way to in-corporate sea-sonal spirit intoyour officewardrobe, Myerssaid.

“A pair ofearrings,they’ve even

made Christmas bracelets now that are fashion-able. I think one or two pieces at the office isenough, and that just lets people know that youare in the spirit,” she said.

For a modern take on holiday jewelry, Flem-ing recommended a jeweled brooch or a neck-lace made from glass balls in Christmas colors.Because holiday jewelry tends to be larger(think of the musical Santa pins) and flashier(such as Christmas light-bulb earrings) thanother pieces, she recommended allowing it tobe the focal point of your outfit.

“Holiday jewelry should only be worn onplain clothing. You should not have a Santasweater and wear a Santa pin,” she said. “Youshould have a nice red sweater with a nice pin— don’t over-accessorize. Less is more.”

Spirited socksIf overt holiday expression isn’t your style,

consider celebrating more subtlely with theSanta, Rudolph or Hanukkah socks you’ve re-ceived from relatives in the past. Becausethey’re hidden by boots or pant legs, the socksare an ideal way to embraceholiday spirit at the of-fice, Fleming said.

“Oh, they’refun. That’ssomethingyou can hideand still havefun with.Santa socks willalways be in,” she said.

Myers takes it a stepfurther, donning her socks —featuring scenes for Halloween, Thanksgiving

Show off your spirit withoutlooking like a Christmas train wreck

ARTICLE BY KATE ELIZABETH QUERAM / PHOTOGRAPHY BY PETE MAROVICH

your FASHION

See Fashion on p. 8

6 Bloom Winter 2009

Master theart of accessorizing

ARTICLE BY RACHEL BOWMAN / PHOTOGRAPHY BY NIKKI FOX

To customers of Casual Fridayboutique in New Market, ownerCrystal Fleming is known as

“The Accessory Guru.” She can take anyoutfit and create multiple looks using thejewelry, scarves, handbags and otheradornments she has in her shop.

Accessorizing is an art, Fleming said.“It’s creating a structure on a structure. It’susing clothing as a canvas to pull shapes,textures and colors together.”

Make the most of your outfit by adding the right scarf or necklace. Here,necklaces and scarves dress up three basic outfits every woman has in herown closet.

Winter 2009 Bloom 7

Fleming said there are many rea-sons, including religious modesty, thatsome women choose not to acces-sorize, and she respects their decision.But, she also believes accessories arenecessary: “How you feel inside isvery important,” she said. The rightaccessories, paired with well-fittingclothing, can help a woman feel goodabout herself and project self-confi-dence and competence, she added.

Skeptical? Fleming has tested herbelief. She dressed in a basic white“Casual Friday” T-shirt and blackslacks, sans accessories, and went towork. Customers were polite, she said,but no one asked her for help. Afterlunch, she grabbed several pieces ofjewelry to dress up her original outfit.The difference was astonishing; cus-tomers began asking her to find ascarf, a handbag or earrings to go withthe clothes they planned to buy.

That’s why Fleming thinks notusing accessories is the biggest acces-sory mistake most women make.“They think we’re trying to sell themthings,” Fleming said, but she thinksthe customer deserves to look herbest. Also, each customer is a walking

representative of her boutique— ifthey don’t look good, her shop doesn’tlook good, either.

No matter where you choose toshop, Fleming said any woman canfind the perfect accessories to fit herneeds. Here, she shares her guidelinesfor choosing the right accessories tomake every outfit — and the womanwearing it — shine.

� Pick your canvas: Without afoundation of well-fitting clothes thatcomplement your complexion andbody, accessories just won’t work.Begin with a top in colors and pat-terns that make your skin glow; avoidcolors that make you look pale. Tocreate a body balance, make sure thehem of your top falls about where athree-quarter-length sleeve would fall.

V-neck tops slenderize most women,but don’t be afraid to venture intoother neckline shapes or try a necklinethat features a fun texture. Pants orskirts should also fit well and color-co-ordinate with tops. If you aren’t sure,take your outfit to someone like Flem-ing; many salespeople will offer tipsand suggestions to make sure yourclothes will fit the occasion.

� Jewelry: Forget what you weretold about avoiding certain shapes ormaterials. And no, not every piece ofgreen jewelry will go with all yourgreen clothes. Fleming said jewelryshould reflect the shapes and texturesin the outfit. If the top you’re wearinghas round shapes in its pattern, findjewelry in a complementary color andshape to echo the theme. If yourneckline is textured, forego a necklaceand focus on bangles or earrings toenhance the neckline. And pay atten-tion to the texture and sheen of thefabric. “Even bits of color can beadded as long as the textures areechoed,” she advised.

� Scarves: A wardrobe staple,scarves will be trendy this year,Fleming said. Most women know a

Casual Friday owner Crystal Fleming says accessorizing is an art: “It’s creatinga structure on a structure. It’s using clothing as a canvas to pull shapes,textures and colors together.”

and Christmas — at the gym.“When I do exercise, I wear

those with my Reeboks,” she said.

The embroideredturtleneck or shirt

According to Fleming, the holi-day turtleneck (the collarof which is embroi-dered withsnowflakes,Christmastrees ormenorahs)or shirt isnot partic-ularly envogue —but you canstill wear it. Trytopping the turtleneckwith a stylish black or red cape, or asolid-colored sweater.

“Tone it down a bit by maybewearing a white sweater with ablack turtleneck that might have alittle snowball on it,” she advised.

Myers agreed that the holidayturtleneck should be paired with a

low-key top. “Definitely a solidcolor. If you have the turtleneck,you don’t need more,” she said,adding that it still serves a purpose.“That’s making your statement thatyou’re celebrating the holiday andyou want people to feel the joy.”

No matter your take on holi-day fashion, it’s expressing the

joy and spirit of theseason that’s

most im-portant,Myersadded.

“Ithinkweneed

to staypositive and we

need to stay in thespirit of Christmas no

matter what religion we have,” shesaid.

Kate Elizabeth Queram is a reporterfor the Daily News-Record. She doesn’t owna Santa sweater, but looks forward toexpressing holiday spirit via her red patent-leather pumps.

8 Bloom Winter 2009

colorful scarf can add sizzle to abland outfit. But scarves can also beadded as a casual or dressy adorn-ment to almost any outfit. Wear onescarf two ways; drape casually aroundthe neck for a day at the fall festival,then wrap around the shoulders andpin with an heirloom brooch to makea classy entrance at dinner.

� Handbags: Too many womendress for a special occasion, then takethe same pocketbook they use toshop for groceries, Fleming said. “Nomatter what you paid for it, if it does-n’t go with what you’re wearing, itdoesn’t look good,” she added. Investin handbags that reflect the textures,shapes and colors of your go-to out-fits. And, when buying new clothes,make sure you pick out a handbag,too. Even a discount store bag willlook like a million bucks if it’s pairedwell with the rest of your outfit.

� Shoes: The wrong pair ofshoes has the ability to drag down anotherwise neat look, Fleming said.Again, remember her mantra —shape, texture, color — when select-ing shoes. Even if a medical condi-tion means you have to buyspecialized shoes, as she does, just

clip on a simple adornment to reflectthe rest of the outfit.

� Hair: Fleming also sees hair asan accessory; it’s one of the firstthings people notice. If you haven’tchanged your hairstyle since highschool or early adulthood, go to yourstylist and discuss updating your ’do.You don’t have to take chances on afad cut, she said, but do treasure yourtresses and treat them as an accessory.

� Don’t overdo: Just as a healthybalance of accessories can make anyoutfit look great, too many is, well,too much, Fleming said. If you lookat what you’ve put on and questionwhether it’s overpowering your outfit,it probably is.

� And don’t under-acces-sorize: Although sometimes plainmakes a powerful statement, it’s agood bet several accessories will en-hance the message you want to proj-ect. Choosing too few or too smallaccessories can throw off the pro-portions of an otherwise amazingoutfit.

Rachel Bowman is a writer for theDaily News-Record. Though nearly 40, shestill loves trying on her Granny’s rings.

Fashion from p. 5

Pete Marovich

Winter 2009 Bloom 9

your RELATIONSHIP

Find the perfect presentfor any stage ofyour relationship

Be agreat

gift-giver

ARTICLE BY KATE ELIZABETH QUERAM

PHOTOGRAPHY BY NIKKI FOX

When Alexis Morehouseand her boyfriendWilly had been dating

for less than two months, he gaveher a tool belt for Christmas.

She was thrilled.“I wanted it!” recalled Morehouse, who’s still with Willy

two years later. “I’m a compulsive weekend warrior, and I’malways dropping things and hurting myself.”

Morehouse added that while most women probably would-n’t be thrilled finding a tool belt underneath the tree, it wasthe ideal first Christmas gift for a new relationship.

“It was the perfect present,” she said. “It wasn’t too senti-mental but it showed that he put a lot of thought into it.”

For new couples still in the throes of early-relationship in-fatuation, gift-buying can be difficult. You don’t want to send

istockphoto.com

10 Bloom Winter 2009

the wrong message by buying something too extrav-agant or expensive, but you also don’t want to givesomething impersonal. According to Morehouse,the easiest way to decide on a gift is to learn aboutyour significant other’s interests.

“You give them something they can use for theirown hobbies that they enjoy. What I’ve always re-sorted to is sports-related gifts, because they’re notso sentimental but it’s something that he really, reallyloves,” she said. “It’s something a guy will think iscool, but it doesn’t have to mean more than that.”

Though coming up with a gift idea may becomeeasier the longer you’re together, the buying processis never entirely worry-free.

“As you get further along in your dating rela-tionship, it becomes much easier to purchase an ap-propriate gift for that person, but the worry shifts,”said Dawn Morris, who’s been with her husbandJohn for almost 20 years. “You shift from worryingabout whether the person is afraid that you’re push-ing the relationship too hard… to making sure thatyou give a thoughtful, considerate gift.”

The best gift she ever received from John fit thatdescription exactly, Morris added. After her mother’sdeath, Morris spent her birthday in Northern Vir-ginia sorting through her estate. When she returnedhome to Harrisonburg, John met her at the frontdoor.

“He said, ‘Did you notice your gift?’ And I’mlike, ‘What are you talking about?’ …He had put a

Dawn Morris’ favorite gift from her husband John was a sign proclaiming their house “WigglebuttRanch,” a reference to their six cocker spaniels. “It was the best birthday present ever, because there’sso much thought put into it. Because we love our dogs so much, and it was just, ‘Wow, how did hethink of that?’ ”

Winter 2009 Bloom 11

‘Wigglebutt Ranch’ placard by the door under ourhouse number because that’s what we jokingly callour house,” said Morris, who owns six cockerspaniels, called “wigglebutts” for their happy, wrigglyrear ends. “It was the best birthday present ever, be-cause there’s so much thought put into it. Becausewe love our dogs so much, and it was just, ‘Wow,how did he think of that?’ ”

According to Kristin Slevin, a resident in mar-riage and family therapy at Transitions in Harrison-burg, the time and thought that goes into gift-givingcan be, in the end, even more meaningful than thegift itself.

“A lot of the time, for people who gift-giving

and receiving is important for, it’s more the idea of,‘You’ve been thinking of me’ that counts. It doesn’t

even have to be something that’s really expensive fora lot of people,” she said. “I think those kinds of

gifts can be appealing to lots of people because…there’s so much wrapped up in it, it’s not just the ob-ject. It’s the time spent, the thoughtfulness. I thinkthat something like that can appeal to all kinds ofpeople. Just a thoughtful gesture.”

Morris agreed that fundamentally, the emotionbehind the gift is the most important thing.

“I think in any relationship, it’s easy to default tosomething you don’t have to think about,” she said.“But I think on certain occasions, if you just put alittle thought into it, it shows you care.”

Kate Elizabeth Queram is a reporter for The DailyNews-Record. All she wants for Christmas is you.

“... [I]f you just put a littlethought into it, it showsyou care.”

— Dawn Morris


ARTICLE BY JACQUELYN WALSH / PHOTOGRAPHY BY MICHAEL REILLY

With Christmasdisplayspopping up

around the city, many peopleare just beginning to thinkabout the holiday season.But for two Valley stores,Christmas is on their minds— and the source of theirbusiness — year-round.

At Tis The Season in Bridgewater, colorful bulbsline the doorway and garland accents the windows.It’s barely October, but the shop is always full ofholiday cheer.

Tis The Season opened in 2001 and focusedsolely on Christmas items. Owner Sam Wheelbarger,

62, also had a store where he sold handcrafted cus-tom dollhouses. Now, the shops share one space,consolidated due to the economy, says Wheelbarger.Nevertheless, his Christmas and dollhouse shop isbursting with decorative Christmas items, and adecked-out tree dares you to resist the holiday spirit.

In New Market, The Christmas Gallery has aroom devoted solely to Christmas decorated 365days a year with extravagant Christmas trees, stringupon string of lights, ornaments and holiday embell-ishments. But by November, manager Bonnie Se-mans says Christmas will invade the whole shopwith its cheery red and green presence. “As we getcloser to Christmas, Christmas kind of takes overthe entire store,” says Semans, 67.

Semans says being surrounded by Christmasyear-round helps to keep her young. “I’m a big fanof Christmas because it’s always in the back of mymind. This job was really a perfect niche for me,”

The Christmas Gallery in New Market keeps a holiday room year-round but once November arrives, the whole store is devoted to Christmas.

your CAREER

Every day is ChristmasFor two Valley stores,

At Tis The Season in Bridgewater, miniaturedollhouses share space with holiday decor.


says Semans. “It’s really fun in the sense that youfind the child in yourself.”

The Gallery expects to make one-third of itsannual income in just a couple of months, says Se-mans. Although the shop sees more people closerto Christmas, tourists shop here all year long.

“Pressure is on closer to Christmas,” says Se-mans. “But if you have Christmas all year, younever stress about it coming.”

The view from behind the counterThose on the inside of the Christmas business

still have to deal with routine holiday tasks — in-

cluding holiday shopping.“I buy for Christmas all year long, but not just

because I work here,” says Semans. “I’ve alwaysdone that. You don’t feel the expense as much andwhen you see something for somebody, you canget it right then and there.” Semans says she tendsto be done with her Christmas shopping by Sep-tember or October and uses the money she savesfor after-Christmas sales.

Being surrounded with Christmas all day doeshave its benefits.

“I do get some gifts … here for my family. Mydaughter and daughter-in-law will see things they

like in the store and I’ll give it to them at Christ-mas,” says Wheelbarger. “Although most of thegifts I give come from somewhere else because wework here all the time, so it’s not as much of apresent.”

Semans admits she does shop at her work-place, out of convenience and the variety of mer-chandise. “I do tend to give a lot of Christmasornaments, and they’re usually ornaments fromThe Christmas Gallery,” she says.

See Shops on p. 35


Faithin action

File photo

Employees trickle into theRockingham Mutualmeeting room as Betsy

Neff Hay talks with her otherpresenters. She chats with JaneKincaid about the aftercareprogram at Mercy House. It’sapparent that Betsy is familiar withand interested in all aspects ofMercy House, including the peoplewho work and volunteer there.

Betsy is at Rockingham Mutual on a Tuesday afternoon to talkabout this fall’s United Way campaign. Half of the insurance com-pany’s 67 employees attended a morning meeting. The rest are here.

For Betsy — and United Way — the money is a means to an end.“United Way is perceived as only being a fundraising group,” says

Betsy, executive director of United Way of Harrisonburg-Rocking-ham County since 2004. “What we’re really about is the end resultof that: community impact.”

Betsy’s job consists of raising money and investing itwisely. In addition to giving talks, she meets withCEOs of area companies and with board members of

the 30 agencies United Way funds.Betsy has been moving toward the United Way job all her

adult life. When she earned her master’s degree in social work atVirginia Commonwealth University, her concentration was incommunity-level systems.

Before moving to Harrisonburg nine years ago, she lived inBristol, where her then-husband was a minister. She worked atWellmont Regional Medical Center.

“I walked into Wellmont and asked what I could do,” she says. “Ilooked at what the hospital had to offer.”

What it had was a strong home health department. Buildingon that, Betsy was hired to develop an in-home hospice program.


Betsy Hay gives voice to the vulnerablein her work at United Way

ARTICLE BY LUANNE BROWN AUSTIN / COVER PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY ROBERT GOOD PHOTOGRAPHY, COURTESY PHOTOS

in FULL BLOOM

OPPOSITE PAGE: United Way Executive DirectorBetsy Hay (left) and JMU intern Stephanie Dudleyserve breakfast at Our Community Place in April.

Betsy (right) is amember of theGrateful Tread, acycling group thatraises money formultiple sclerosisresearch. She rodein the MS 150 thissummer with AnnPettitt, Carol Lownand Linda Green.

Betsy (right) ranthe RichmondMarathon in 2004.“Completing amarathon taughtme that, with properpreparation andsupport, I can doanything I put mymind to!”

Betsy with herdaughter,Rebekah, andher son,Douglas, afterhe ran theBaltimoreMarathon inOctober.


“It thrived,” she says. Then, she beganbuilding an in-patient hospice on thehospital campus.“It was the first of its kind in Ten-

nessee,” Betsy says. “By looking at the bigpicture, we added value to the hospital.”Adding value seems to be a recurring

theme in Betsy’s social work career. Whenshe came to Harrisonburg in 2000— be-cause of her former husband’s job— shewalked into the Harrisonburg-RockinghamFree Clinic and asked then-executive direc-tor Elly Swecker how she could help. Atthe time, the clinic had never had a socialworker.“She developed the social work pro-

gram at the free clinic and took the leadin this area for at least a year,” says Elly.The program, which Betsy developed asa volunteer, serves as a model for othercommunity health clinics.

In 2001, Betsy applied to be the firstexecutive director of GenerationsCrossing, an intergenerational day-

care program that pairs young childrenwith older adults.“Generations Crossing was a wonder-

ful concept,” Betsy says. “I thought, ‘Ican get in on the ground floor of some-thing.’ I love starting things fromscratch.”Board member and friend Judith

Trumbo says, “We were thrilled to haveher passion, attention to detail and expe-rience to jump-start the GenerationsCrossing program. And she lived up toher billing.” Plus, “her compassion andcaring made each client and staff mem-ber feel special.”Then, in 2004, Betsy took the United

Way job.“Here, I have the potential to impact

the community in a bigger way,” she says.“I was excited about looking at the bigpicture. I didn’t know where the gapsmight be.”

Betsy opens the RockinghamMutual meeting by commend-ing the company for its past

contributions. They are United Way’sseventh biggest supporter, she says,right behind larger companies likeCoors Brewing Company and Cargill.Last year, Rockingham Mutual raisedmore than $34,000.As a speaker, Betsy is comfortable and

passionate. She’s been doing this all her life.

“I am a product of social activism ..growing up in Baltimore and Rich-mond [in the ’60s],” Betsy says. Thesuburban churches she attendedworked hand-in-hand with citychurches to reach out to people strug-gling with social and racial issues. Inhigh school, she was fascinated withlearning how communities form, howdifferent sectors interact with one an-other and how issues are resolved.Her career is also a reflection of

her parents’ values: Her father was ex-ecutive director of the Maryland HeartAssociation and later a regional direc-tor for the American Heart Associa-tion. Her mother volunteered in theschools and with agencies caring forpeople with disabilities.“I learned the role of nonprofits and

the value of volunteerism early on,”Betsy says.Later, Betsy stayed involved in church

work. “It was a wonderful life for me be-cause church work is who I am,” she says.“I was raising two kids and just trying tobe a good church member. Not so muchas a pastor’s wife, but just for who I am.”Today, Betsy serves as an elder at

Massanutten Presbyterian Church. Shesings in the choir and helps lead a finan-cial campaign.After showing the employees at

Rockingham Mutual a film about thework of several United Way agencies,Betsy introduces Kim Denman, a MercyHouse success story, who is speakingduring the meeting today.Kim talks about her alcoholism and

drug use, which started when she was 15.It landed her in a juvenile detention cen-ter, then jail, and finally, in rehab. After-ward, her probation officer put her inMercy House, a United Way agency.When she began working at Mercy

House Thrift Store, Kim started to feelbetter about herself. She began tomake new friends. Now, she is fullyself-supporting.“I give to United Way in my pay-

check,” Kim says. “Thank you for help-ing me.”It’s people like Kim that keep Betsy

doing what she does.“I think Betsy puts her faith in ac-

tion by choosing jobs that work to im-prove the lives of others,” says Elly,now the executive director of BigBrothers Big Sisters.

“Who I amwas thereall along.

I am lovedby God

with a lovethat willnever goaway.It frees

you to betotally

comfortablewith

yourself.”— Betsy Hay

Buta year ago, Betsy found thatshe was the one in need. Her hus-band of 30 years divorced her.

Her first response was denial. She thought,“This is not happening to me. No way.”“It was disorienting,” she says. “You

think you know who you are. Your lifecenters around your spouse and yourfamily. I asked, ‘Who am I?’ ”In addition to getting counseling, Betsy

leaned on her closest friends. She told theUnited Way board president she was in cri-sis and may not be functioning well.“When you go through total disrup-

tion it affects everything about your life,”Betsy says. “Sometimes it was hard toconcentrate, to be productive.”Eventually, Betsy got through the

worst of it. “Who I am was there allalong,” she says. “I am loved by Godwith a love that will never go away. Itfrees you to be totally comfortable withyourself.”Then Betsy decided she wanted to

thrive again. She found the strength tomove on from the divorce.“She was absolutely devastated, but was

able to grieve the loss, call on the supportof friends and family and move on. Betsytakes care of herself in a way that allowsher to heal and rejuvenate,” says Judith.During the worst part of her divorce

journey, Betsy asked her pastor, Ann Pet-titt, if there was anyone at church whohad walked in her shoes. A week later,Ann suggested Carol Lown. The two be-came true friends.Betsy also draws on the strength of

her friends as she deals with the deterio-ration of her mother, who is in the finalstages of Alzheimer’s disease. Betsyspends Sunday afternoons visiting withher in the nursing home. She reads aloudto her from the Bible or another book.They sing hymns together.“She doesn’t talk much anymore, but

when she makes eye contact with you —when she connects — her whole facegets animated,” Betsy says. “It melts me.”

Betsy also finds an outlet for herstress by hitting the road — ei-ther on foot or on a bike.

When a man at church announcedhe was organizing a bicycle team toraise money for multiple sclerosis,Betsy joined. She bought a bicycle andbegan riding with the group, who call

themselves the Grateful Tread.She also ran the Richmond Marathon

in 2004, which helped prepare her fordealing with life’s recent challenges. Shetrained for and ran the 26.2 mile racewith three other women.“We were committed to the success

of one another throughout the entiretime,” she says. “Completing a marathontaught me that, with proper preparationand support, I can do anything I put mymind to!”Betsy says running the marathon was

one of the “all-time top favorite mo-ments in my life.” In October, shewatched her son run his first marathonin Baltimore. A dozen friends met herthere, bringing the same cowbells theyused to cheer Betsy.Betsy has kept close to her children

as they’ve left home for college and ca-reer paths. Douglas, 23, graduatedfrom Appalachian State and works forthe Fulbright Scholar Program inWashington, D.C. Her daughter, Re-bekah, 26, is a University of Virginiagraduate who lives in Atlanta. Sheworks for an organization that raisesfunds for nonprofits.“She hasn’t fallen too far from the

tree,” says Betsy with a grin.Since the divorce, Betsy and her chil-

dren have redefined what family is. Thethree of them have stuck togetherthrough it.“For a very busy woman, she finds

time to travel, spend significant timewith her children and maintain a de-voted circle of friends,” says Judith.“That said, when I have lunch withBetsy, she gives me her complete atten-tion. No cell phone, texting or side con-versations.”Carol adds, “She is someone who

cares deeply about others, whether theyare family members, church members,colleagues or bike-riding buddies.”Her caring is infectious at the Rock-

ingham Mutual meeting. Whether she’sin front of a crowd or alone with afriend, Betsy Hay is Betsy Hay.After the meeting, in the parking lot,

she says, “If there’s a voice for vulnera-ble people at risk of being forgotten, Ihope my position at United Way pro-vides that voice.”

Luanne Austin is a freelance writer livingin Mount Sidney.


“If there’sa voice

forvulnerablepeopleat risk ofbeing

forgotten,I hope

my positionat United Way

providesthat voice.”— Betsy Hay


ARTICLE BY RACHEL BOWMAN

Itwas a cold, snowyChristmas Eve in 1958,but the snow couldn’t

dampen Diane Fink’sexcitement. My mother, just6 years old at the time, knewwith the certainty only youngchildren can muster thatSanta was on the way to herGaithersburg, Md., home.My grandparents, Virginiaand Howard Dove, however,uneasily regarded theirdaughter’s anticipation.They’d asked themselves ifshe was old enough to know“The Truth”— that SantaClaus isn’t real.Then something happened that ended any

thoughts of truth-telling. As the family watched tele-vision, a newscaster interrupted the broadcast to an-nounce Santa and his sleigh had been spotted inRockville, Md.“Not even two minutes after that came on TV,

we heard a noise on the roof that sounded likesomeone walking around,” recalled my mom, now57 and living in Broadway. “I got all excited! I knew

it was Santa,” she added, a twinkle in her eye.Her mother, my grandmother, who also lives in

Broadway, shook her head and laughed. “We knew itwas probably just snow falling off the roof, but youcouldn’t tell [Diane] that.” Both admit it made itharder for my mom to accept that Santa wasn’t ontheir roof that night, or that he wasn’t a real person.Most parents probably won’t have to contend

with as extreme a Santa scenario as my grandmotherdid. But, parents still find themselves stumped bythe dreaded “Santa Question.” If they wait too long,they reason, Junior may come home in tears afterbeing “enlightened” on the subject by his classmates.And yet, for many children, Santa is part of the sto-ried “magic” of Christmas— why deprive childrenof the wonder they’ll eventually lose?

Susan Fox, a third grade teacher at Fulks Run El-ementary School, occasionally gets the questionfrom her students, and said there’s no one right wayto handle it. Sometimes, “the cowardly way” is theway she chooses to go— telling them “that’s a ques-tion for our parents.”A mother herself (her children are 16 and 19),

Fox said mature children, or children who seem seri-ous when asking the question, won’t settle for the“ask your parents” gambit. So she tells them whatshe told her own children when they asked: “When[you] stop believing, Santa stops coming.”To forestall tearful scenes and not-so-helpful

older siblings or friends, some parents decide totackle the Santa Question head-on.R.B. Propst of Linville credits his wife, Michele

Propst, 37, for finding a way to preserve the fun ofSanta and pass on their faith to their 4-year-old

daughter, Grace. Besides the usual small gifts inGrace’s stocking, the couple also includes the BabyJesus figurine from their daughter’s Nativity set. “Weset the scene up at the beginning of the season with-out the baby and then she puts him in on Christmasmorning,” R.B. said. “We say that Santa brings thebaby to remind her of the true meaning of Christ-mas. She really likes this and looks forward to herstocking (and finding baby Jesus) each year,” headded.And other parents, such as Diana Drury of

Broadway, believe Santa is such an important part ofChristmas that belief should never be banished.After someone told her then 6-year-old son, Bran-don, that Santa didn’t exist, Drury enlisted a relativeto encourage Brandon to keep believing.Drury said she wrote for advice to his grand-

mother in Tucson, Ariz., who responded with aphoto and a poem written for Brandon from Santa.The poem lovingly details Santa’s love for all people,and sadness for those who don’t believe. Santa alsoseems to realize there will come a time Brandonwon’t hold that childhood belief as strongly:

“Listen, when you get bigAnd Santa you no longer digI’ll just visit another streetFor there is another little boy I need to meet.”

But that’s OK, Santa continues.

“Besides, I’m not the important thingNor are all the presents that I bringIt is the birthday of the little baby JesusThat is the most important to all of us.”Brandon’s a senior at Broadway High School, but

nothing’s changed, Drury said. “To this day, Santastill comes to visit our house,” she said. “We believein the spirit of Christmas, and I’ve always told Bran-don that we are a family rich in spirit.”

Rachel Bowman will turn 40 in January. She is proud tosay she still believes in Santa Claus.

Answering theSanta question

your KIDS

“To this day, Santa stillcomes to visit our house.”

— Diana Drury

adbuilder.com

Inevery family photo album, there’sThat Photo; the one that shows arelative in his or her true light, and the

way you’ll always remember them. My familyhas That Photo, and we call it “The Grinch.”

Our Grinch isn’t green, but she’s wearing a mischievous look and the heightof fashion for Christmas 1970— polyester pants, a floral blouse and thick,cat’s-eye glasses. Judging by the shiny wrapping paper in herhands and the other paper strewn around a tinseledcedar tree, she’s cleaning up before she retreats to herhideout, leaving the Whos who live in this housebereft of holiday joy.

But I smile when I see this photo, because thewoman was anything but a grinch whose heart was“three sizes too small.” My Aunt Iva had a generousheart when it came to her family, and I know her heartwas filled with her love for me.

The rest of the world knew her as Iva Biddinger. Shewas my Granny’s younger sister and best friend, a womanwho married the love of her life and was widowed young.She worked most of her life in a laboratory in McLean andlived a carefree, single life in Gaithersburg, Md., where shetold us of meeting politicians or grocery shopping with playersfrom the Washington Redskins. She was 36 years old when Iwas born.

But to me she was Aunt Iva, one of the coolest women inthe world. Because she and Granny were close and she liked getting out of thecity, we saw her a lot. I recall listening for the hum of her Volkswagon Beetlemost Friday evenings during my childhood, eager to hear stories she’d tell of thedangerous bacteria she was working with or the dizzying pace of life in the D.C.Metro area.

Aunt Iva took her work seriously, but she was just as serious about celebrat-ing life. If the calendar listed a special day, be it Flag Day or Groundhog Day,she’d send cards (with a few dollar bills tucked in) to mark the occasion. If Hal-loween fell on a weekend, she’d leave work early to help Granny pass out caramelapples and bags of candy, all while dressed in a white biohazard suit to scaretrick-or-treaters. Birthdays meant dinner out and lots of gifts.

Her Christmas celebrations, however, put all the other holidays to shame.

She’d shop all year, stuffing her small car (by the 1980s, a Toyota Tercel) withheavy-duty garbage bags bulging with wrapped gifts. By the time she’d unloadedthe bags beneath our tree, then added Granny’s gifts, it would look as if the treewere supported by an island of shining packages.

Were my siblings and I spoiled? I don’t think so. Instead of showing off hersizeable paycheck or dazzling us with the latest fad, Aunt Iva’s gifts showed thatshe listened to us and respected each of us as a unique person with our own inter-ests. For me, she’d arrange visits to historical sites and find biographies and bookson astronomy and history (“The Bog People,” about Iron Age bodies found inpeat bogs in northern Europe, remains a treasured denizen of my bookshelf). She

supplied my brother with hunting and fishing equip-ment and peanut butter pies; my sister, the fashion-for-ward one, received clothing and jewelry. I cringe tothink how she must have felt handling some of ourinterests: the Michael Jackson jackets, the music (Al-abama, Bon Jovi and Def Leppard), the parachutepants! I once asked her if she ever felt embarrassed,but she shook her head and told me the joy ofwatching us opening our gifts made up for anyodd stares she got from store clerks.

“The Bog People” notwithstanding, how-ever, I will always be grateful for the intangiblegifts — the values and encouragement she in-stilled in me that make me feel lucky to havebeen her niece.

I thank her (and Granny) for reading tome and in front of me. The gift of literacyhas opened up so many amazing worlds

and new ideas for me, and taught me there’s alwayssomething beyond what I see before me.

I thank Aunt Iva for taking me to museums and encouraging my love of thesciences. Instead of telling me, “girls don’t like that,” she delighted in each newdiscovery I made and contributed to my nerdiness by introducing me to both“Star Trek” and “Star Wars” and buying subscriptions to archaeology magazines.I returned the favor with “Harry Potter.”

I thank her for taking my siblings and me to places where we had to be-have. Wherever we went, Aunt Iva expected us to be polite and act withclass. She also wanted to show us there was a world beyond our little countrycommunity, and, like it or not, we’d have to navigate it someday. I know Ican go anywhere and not feel intimidated, as long as I remember my manners.

I thank Aunt Iva for giving me an adventurous spirit. Most weekends,she’d wake early, grab breakfast at a deli, pick a direction and drive. Some ofthose travels yielded cool boutiques in West Virginia, while others ended in a

COLUMN BY RACHEL BOWMAN / COURTESY PHOTO

Aunt Iva’s legacy

Iva Biddinger, or Aunt Iva as she was

known to her nieces and nephews.

farmer’s field. She never felt fear traveling alone,and she was prepared for any mechanical or cli-mate problem. The journey and what she’d findwas the important part, she’d always say.Really, though, all this is to say I thank her for

giving me the gift of myself. Many people shapeour lives, but the women in my life — my Mom,my Granny and my Aunt Iva — have made mesomeone I am proud to be. This gentle yet firminfluence became apparent when I was 18 andjust weeks from starting my freshman year atBridgewater College.Aunt Iva invited my mom, siblings and me to

her apartment (now in Dublin) for a “furnish thedorm” shop-a-thon weekend. The first foray was forus alone, and we headed to the New River ValleyMall in Christiansburg to buy clothes. I was sweptalong in her energetic wake, watching dazedly as shehad me try on acid-wash jeans, pastel blouses andcandy-colored sweaters, then whipped out her creditcard to pay for everything.Arms loaded with bulging shopping bags, I

finally gave in to the anxiety bubbling in mystomach. As she put the Reeboks I’d just triedon back into the box and looked for a cashier, Iwhispered, “This is just too much, Aunt Iva, Idon’t think I deserve all this.”At that, Aunt Iva turned a sharp about-face,

grabbed my shoulders and pulled me face-to-face.“Rachel, don’t you ever tell someone you don’t de-serve something they give you. You ARE worth itand deserve to have nice things. When someonewants to show you how much they love you, you let

them and say ‘Thank you!’ ” she said. “Now do youstill want these shoes?”“Uh, yeah,” I replied, because I really wanted

them. “And thank you,” I added.

Aunt Iva died in March 2003, a few days shy of35 years after her husband. For Christmas later thatyear, my brother, sister and I received gifts in themail: a peanut butter pie for my brother, and prettycoffee mugs for my sister and me. They were giftsfrom Aunt Iva. Mom said she’d ordered them a yearbefore at Aunt Iva’s request, just before she becameill and had to be placed in a nursing home. She saidAunt Iva wanted to make sure we got somethingfrom her for Christmas next year.So, because of my Aunt Iva, I believe there’s

no higher calling than that of being an aunt. Ide-ally, an aunt is the one who has the luxury to trulylisten to her nieces and nephews, take in theirdeepest secrets and hurts, delight in their tri-umphs and help shape them into outstandingmen and women. I’m daunted by the task, unsureif I’m able to measure up to her impossible exam-ple — but I’m joyfully trying!I am blessed to be called Aunt by five nieces and

two nephews (and a little one, Wesley, who died be-

fore I ever got a chance to know him). When Iwatch Shaye, Jeb and Jodi organize shows from thedress-up box, I think about Aunt Iva patiently listen-ing to my endless prattle about fossils and Civil Warbattles. When I admire Shanna’s exuberant artwork,I am reminded that Aunt Iva encouraged me to findopportunities to write, then saved every piece I’dever had published. When I cry with pride at Jurni’sband concerts, I remember that Aunt Iva took pridein my accomplishments and insisted we celebrateeach one. When I listen to Brianna talk about boys, Irecall Aunt Iva telling one of my boy “friends” she“knew people who knew people who could make ameatball out of you” if her niece wasn’t treatedproperly. When I enjoy “fries-day” with Tristan, Iunderstand the pleasure Aunt Iva must have feltsharing the simplest of activities with me. And whenholidays and family milestones pass, I wistfully won-der what I would have shared with Wesley, whowould have been 13 this year. I would have been hispartner in adventure, his champion, holder of his se-crets, his biggest cheerleader— just as I am witheach niece and nephew I have.I can never hope to be just like Aunt Iva. But, it’s

her loving example I follow with my own nieces andnephews. And, I think, if even one of them thinksof me with the love and esteem I feel for Aunt Iva,this will be my life’s greatest accomplishment.

Rachel Bowman has received multicolored manicures andpedicures, eaten cardboard-flavored cookies with a smile andbroken speed limits to get to concerts, spelling bees and plays— all out of love for her nieces and nephews.

I can never hope to be justlike Aunt Iva. But, it’s herloving example I follow ...


your MONEY

It’s Thanksgiving time again.Like everyone else, youprobably have many things in

your life for which you are thankful.And you may want to show yourappreciation for what you haveby making a gift to a charitableorganization. If you do, both youand the charitable group can comeout ahead.

Of course, it’s no secret that 2009 has been an unusualyear for the economy, with most of us feeling the effects ofthe recession in one way or another.

Consequently, you may believe you can’t really afford to

make charitable gifts right now. But there’s probably neverbeen a more urgent need for these gifts, as the distressedeconomy has led to a decline in contributions for charitiesacross the country. Furthermore, your charitable gift canprovide you with some distinct economic advantages.

Specifically, by making charitable contributions, you cangain these tax benefits:

� You can take an immediate tax deduction. If you item-ize your taxes, you can deduct your contributions to charita-ble organizations as long as they are “tax-qualified.” (Be sureto ask the organization if it has tax-qualified status.) Your taxdeductions for charitable contributions are generally limitedto 50 percent of your adjusted gross income. (If you want toclaim a deduction for the 2009 tax year, you’ll need to makeyour contribution before Jan. 1.)

� You can avoid capital gains taxes. If you want to sup-port a charitable group, you’re not limited to making cashcontributions — you can also donate other assets, such asstocks or real estate. If you’ve held these assets for a longtime, their value may have risen considerably.

COLUMN BY GANNON IRONS, FINANCIAL ADVISOR

The giftthat

gives back

Why being charitable pays off for you

See Giving on p. 23

istockphoto.com


Giving to others for the joy of itARTICLE BY RACHEL BOWMAN

Karen D.“Katie”May loves

Christmas. She hascherished memories ofspending the day with herfamily in Bergton, and a bigpart of that day was thegifts she’d receive from herparents and grandparents.But May, now 29, isn’t achild anymore.

An engineer at WCAV-TV in Charlottesville,May said she has a job she likes, can pay the rent

and buy what she needs. So that’s why last Christ-mas, when her mother asked what she wanted,May requested she take at least a third of what sheplanned to spend on her and donate the money toa local charity or a relative’s bills.

At first, May was worried the request hadfallen on deaf ears or even hurt her mother.“[Mom] smiled and said OK, but I didn’t hearanything about it ’til about a week after Christ-mas,” she said. Then she received a card from hermother that included a receipt for the groceriesshe’d purchased for a needy family in Broadway.

“I was so touched I cried,” May recalled.For many people, gifts are the epitome of the

holidays. There’s something special about givingand receiving presents among family and friendswho care deeply for each other.

But then there are people who feel as Maydoes, say directors from several area charity organ-izations. Though they cite different reasons, thosefolks seek out food pantries, homeless outreaches,mentoring programs and other service organiza-tions to share good will and give gifts to peoplethey may never meet. In return, the donors saythey’ve been given a gift as well — the joy of help-

ing neighbors and the warmth that generositywithout expectation often gives.

Charitable organizations need help year-round,but few times seem to reveal people in need likethe holidays. The community organizations servedby the United Way of Harrisonburg and Rocking-ham County feel the stress of meeting thoseneeds, said Executive Director Betsy Hay.

Equally important to the United Way are thepersonal efforts of volunteers — individuals, fam-ilies, office staff and classmates — who take indonations and offer personal time and services tothe many programs under the community organi-zation’s umbrella, Hay said.

“I think it’s just complementary to the timeswe’re living in right now,” she explained.

Zelda Whetzel, director of the CommunityMinistry Food Pantry in Bergton, said she alsosees the growing need for basic food items as peo-ple from Bergton, Criders and Fulks Run visit thepantry’s location in the Bergton Recreation Center.Although donations of money and food havebeen plentiful, Whetzel said the food pantryspends hundreds of dollars each month to buygroceries, and the freezer they use for perishable


goods has gone bad. But she still feels blessed.People from churches, businesses and Ruritanclubs have donated office equipment andnearly 70 hours of volunteer time each monthsince opening earlier this year, making sure thefamilies and individuals who need the pantry’shelp get it, she said. “We meet the needs ofpeople where they are,” she added.

That’s why both the food pantry andUnited Way make it easy for people to givetheir time and tangi-ble donations, espe-cially during theholidays. Hay saidsome local familiesand other groups, in-cluding office or de-partmental staff,school groups andfriends, opt to“adopt” a needy fam-ily or facility. Then, members of the group de-vote a block of time to perform services,refurbish facilities or buy groceries, clothingand toys. And sometimes employees have pre-sented the service time as a Christmas gift inhonor of a relative, supervisor or businessowner, a gift that Hay said seems to be well re-ceived and appreciated.

Whetzel said volunteers at the Bergtonfood pantry tell her they live by the organiza-

tion’s motto, “Neighbors Helping Neighbors,”and find their service there allows them to ex-tend a hand of friendship and ministry fartherthan their individual efforts may reach. “Theylike the idea of being able to help someone,”she said.

And helping one’s neighbor has intangiblebenefits no matter how much or how little youhave to offer, Hay said. Many volunteers tellher that giving simply for the joy of it, with no

expectation of return orwords of praise from therecipient, generates warmfeelings and allows themto reconnect with a sim-pler, meaningful life theycrave, especially duringthe holidays.

May agrees with that.This year, she said sheplans to ask her aunts to

skip gifts for her and spend the money on hergrandmother. “There’s got to be somethingdone around the house or something sheneeds, and really, I don’t need anything,” shesaid. “I’m OK. Someone else can use [themoney] more than me right now.”

Rachel Bowman is a writer for the Daily News-Record. Her family taught her that the best gift you cangive is your love and attention.

If you were to sell appreciated assets, you’d have topay capital gains taxes on your profits. But if you do-nated these assets, you could avoid the capital gains li-ability while still claiming the tax deduction.

� You can remove assets from your taxable estate.In 2010, the estate tax is repealed, but it will be backin 2011. Estate taxes can be heavy, and if your heirsaren’t prepared for them, they may have to sell assetsto pay them. To possibly help avoid this problem, youmay want to reduce the value of your taxable estate.One way to do this — and also receive an immediateincome tax deduction — is to donate assets, such asinvestments and property, to a charitable group. If youwant to still enjoy the benefits of these assets whileyou’re alive, you could transfer them to a charitable re-mainder trust, which would then sell them and rein-vest the proceeds, out of which you could receive anincome stream for life. Upon your death, the charityyou have designated will receive the remainder of thetrust’s assets. (To properly establish this type of trust,you’ll need to work with a qualified legal adviser.)

As you can see, the old saying “when you give, youalso receive” is certainly true when it comes to makingcharitable donations. So during this holiday season, beas generous as possible — to charitable groups and toyourself.

Gannon Irons is a financial advisor with Edward Jones inHarrisonburg. For more information, call 433-4907.

Giving from p. 21

“I think [volunteering]is just complementaryto the times we’reliving in right now.”

— Betsy Hay

Tisthe season to release yourspirit. No, not that bottle ofaged brandy you’ve been

saving for a special occasion. Your soul.Instead of releasing it into the chaos ofshopping malls and gift wrap, boost yourspirit with some soul-easing books andtunes and stay calm amid the holidayhassle.

You’re probably already giving to charities, participating in fooddrives and lovingly thinking of each relative as you buy or make thema gift, but even the most thoughtful efforts can leave you strung outand needing some time to regroup. Although you deserve just that,without much cash left in the budget, a spa treatment or vacation isusually out of the question.

But there’s a simpler way to ease the stress of the seasonal festivi-ties. By taking some time to read a book or enjoy some music, youcan continue your love for the holidays while letting go of the ten-sion that often tags along.

Read a good bookKnowing you need to relax is just the first step. Figuring out how

to do that is a little harder. For advice on how to get back to a calmstate of mind, Sallie King, professor of philosophy and religion atJames Madison University, recommends books by Jon Kabat-Zinn,especially “Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body

your SPIRITUALITY

ARTICLE BY JACQUELYN WALSH


Songs & books to ease your spirit,boost your Christmas cheer

Soulsoothing

istoc

kpho

to.co

m

and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness.”Kabat-Zinn’s works teach mindfulness, a com-mon Buddhist theory of being present in the“here and now.”

“It’s important to be in the present momentand learn how to just kind of go with it,” Kingsays. She also recommends spiritual teacher andauthor Eckhart Tolle’s books. Tolle’s No. 1 NewYork Times bestseller “The Power of Now: AGuide to Spiritual Enlightenment” uses simplelanguage to help you focus in on yourself. Thesetypes of books can reduce the likelihood of turn-ing into a stressed-out holiday monster.

Linda Alley, director of congregational re-sources at Eastern Mennonite Seminary, says theresource center library has resources includingCDs and DVDs that the public can check out.

Alley recommends “Be Still,” a DVD that en-courages contemplative prayer and reflection as aremedy to a restless, fast-paced modern world.

Alley suggests searching the spirituality sectionof libraries and bookstores if people are lookingfor prayer, poetry or meditation books. Booksthat help you set a daily meditation schedule canhelp you find your center, says Alley.

“I sort of do it as I go because I’m a busy per-son,” says Alley. “My drive to work is a meditationtime. I use that as quiet time and I don’t turn theradio on.”

Alley knows a young man in her congregationthat says a small prayer for whatever the need isevery time he stops at a red light. He may pray forthe strength to stay motivated during the day orfor a sick friend’s speedy recovery. By centeringyour mind or focusing it on someone else’s well-being, you can de-stress gradually during the day,ensuring that stress doesn’t build up during theseason, she said.

Uplifting soundsIf reading a book just feels like one more thing

on your to-do list, try music instead. As a generalrule, any song without lyrics is likely to ease yourmind. You aren’t focusing on the worries of yourday and you aren’t focusing on someone else’s wor-ries either. If you can’t stand instrumental or classi-cal music, choose uplifting songs that amplify the

joyfulness of the holidays, Alley says.Many stores carry spa music or soothing

sounds on CD. You can also find relaxing songsor new age music online.

Eckhart Tolle’s CD, “Music To Quiet TheMind,” is sequenced to ground and calm you, Kingsays. A compilation of sacred chants, musicians andcomposers as well as sounds of a Tibetan flutisthelp convey what Tolle strives to elicit in people: ex-periencing the liberty and beauty of the “now.”

CDs that have someone reading a poem orsinging a song can be calming as well, says Alley.Instrumental and classical music has a soothing ef-fect that connects to our natural body rhythms,our heartbeat and the flow of our blood, she adds.

Changing your state of mindOne of the most important — and easiest —

ways to lessen stress is to simplify.Wendy Miller, assistant professor of spiritual

formation at Eastern MennoniteSeminary, has five grown childrenand lots of experience with holidaystress. Her secret to a more calm-ing holiday has developedthroughout the years.

“We began gradually tosimplify,” says Miller, 71.“We’re always working to-wards simplifying howmuch money we spend andsimplifying the madnessthat begins to latch hold ofpeople during the holidays.”

Miller’s family used to or-ganize a “name list” so that

each person only brought one gift for one per-son at Christmas. But even then, Miller says shewas beginning to notice that when she went tothe mall something else took over her, and shestarted to question how the many advertise-ments and store arrangements are designed tomake you buy more and more. After some re-search, Miller thought to herself “Who’s reallyin charge here?”

“So instead of dragging our feet toward shop-ping, we thought, ‘How would it be, if instead ofgiving to each other, we [asked] who can we giveto?’ ” says Miller, whose family now makes dona-tions to global aid organization Heifer Interna-tional instead of buying Christmas gifts.

Alley says she would tell any busy, stressed-out mom to “think about your own memories,what things do you remember that were mostmeaningful for your childhood? Try to give thatto your own kids.”

It’s usually not the gifts under the tree you re-member but the gifts that somebody made or agathering or family tradition, Alley says.

“If [a mom is] trying to have this huge holi-day and do it all, she should think about whatmemories are most meaningful to her andfocus on them.”

Jacquelyn Walsh is a reporter for the DailyNews-Record. Her stress-free music for theholidays is “Alvin and the Chipmunks”Christmas songs.


“My drive to work is ameditation time, I usethat as quiet time and Idon’t turn the radio on.”

— Linda Alley


Be honest — Doyou feel stressedand overwhelmed

this time of year? Wish youhad one of those “easybuttons” as the holidayseason approaches?

Sometimes I do! Just think… in an instant you coulddecorate your home, get theshopping and wrappingdone, stock your kitchenwith all the ingredientsneeded to make yourfavorite Christmas goodies,

and still be available to dothe little extras for everyonewho needs your help. (Ofcourse, all while gettingplenty of rest, staying inyour exercise routine andfeeling nothing but calmand cheerful.)

COLUMN BY CHRISTINA KUNKLE, CERTIFIED LIFE AND WELLNESS COACH, R.N.

your HEALTH

Outsmartthe holidayhurricane

Four steps to a calm and happy Christmas season

istockphoto.com

I know what you’re thinking— in your dreams,Christina! Well, you’re right, this scenario would onlyexist there, as no magic “easy button” exists to helpus manage the stress and high expectations that wetend to create for ourselves around the holidays.Even though it’s supposed to be “the most wonder-ful time of year,” too often we let the endless de-mands on our physical and emotional energy turn itinto “the most stressful time of year!”

I’ve pushed myself past the point of exhaustionbefore with a non-stop approach to getting ready,only to end up sick instead of enjoying time with myfriends and family. This year I’ve challenged myselfto address holiday stress by putting it to good use.I’ve been asking and listening for answers to thequestion “So what would a more resilient approachlook like?” I don’t want to end up sick again, andknowing the definition of insanity, which is doingthe same thing again and again but expecting differ-ent results, I know I must take new actions to enjoythe energy, happiness and health I do want.

To achieve a focused yet relaxed holiday mindset,it’s essential to connect with your inner strength andguidance, getting crystal clear about what you reallywant. There’s an energy mismatch when we don’ttake enough time to decide who we want to be be-fore we jump into action on what we think weshould do. This can mean the difference between ex-periencing joy or being overwhelmed. Joy comesfrom being in alignment with our deepest values andbeing overwhelmed is the result of working hard

without a plan and draining tons of energy, which isextremely stressful!

I challenge you to join me in a more resilientstrategy, so we can “outsmart stress” together. Areyou in?

Awesome! Let’s get going…

Create a holiday mission statementA mission statement helps us cut through the

clutter of everyday activities and set passionate in-tentions that represent the best within us. We useit to stay inspired and to remember what’s impor-tant — not to impress anyone else. This approachtoughens your mindset by disciplining it to focus ontaking inspired actions. What a great way to enjoythe holidays by design instead of surviving it by de-fault! An undisciplined mind tends to be anxious,dwelling on problems and things that bother you.Clear intentions keep the focus on finding solutionsto problems, and can provide valuable guidance. Forinstance, when making decisions about how tospend your time, energy and money, you can ask“Will this choice take me closer to or further away frommy mission?”

Here are two examples. (Tip: Whether you’recreating a personal or a family statement, write it as ashort, positive statement in the present tense.)

Personal: “I commit to doing whatever it takesto stay happy, healthy and strong during the busyholiday season. I will look for a way to plant theseeds of happiness by being a blessing to at least one

other person every day. I will laugh a lot, show extrapatience and remind myself to stay positive. I’ll helpbring joy to a family in need this Christmas byworking with Garth and the kids to provide warmclothing and essentials.”

Family: “As a family we intend to stay happy,healthy and strong during the busy holiday season.Each of us will look for a way to plant the seeds ofhappiness by being a blessing to at least one otherperson every day. We will laugh a lot, show extrapatience and remind each other to stay positive. Asa Christmas project, we’ll work together in sup-porting a family in need identified by the SalvationArmy.”

If I’m feeling tired and needing an afternoonpick-me-up, my commitment to staying healthy willencourage me to enjoy a hot cup of tea followed bya short nap rather than digging into the warm panof brownies calling my name from the kitchen! Or,if I’m waiting forever in a check-out line only to begreeted by a grumpy sales clerk, I’ll try to make hersmile instead of getting offended. After all, howother people act is always about them.

Using this tool also helps us stay accountablefor the traditions we’re creating with our children.They’ll get into the habit of helping when they seefirsthand that “Christmas is doing a little somethingextra for someone.” — Charles M. Schulz


See Hurricane on p. 34


Families take to theski slopes atMassanutten Resort.

Family-stylefitness


Get off the couch and head outdoorsto make some holiday memories

your FITNESS

ARTICLE BY KATE ELIZABETH QUERAM / FILE PHOTOGRAPHY

During the holidayseason, with children,siblings, grandparents,

aunts and uncles congregating atyour home, it can be tempting tohunker down with hot chocolate,cookies and DVDs of “It’s aWonderful Life” and “A ChristmasStory.” This year, consider starting

a new tradition by helping yourfamily stay active throughout theseason. The Valley offers tons ofinexpensive and fun outdooractivities that can help you burnoff the calories in those candycanes and fruitcakes — or help youwork up an appetite for even more.

See Family on p. 33


Just say no to holiday calorie overloadARTICLE BY JACQUELYN WALSH

You may notice a little extraaround your midriff as theholiday season ends, a sort

of savings account filled with cookies,pie, turkey and casseroles. Accordingto the American Council on Exercise,the average person consumes 3,000

calories and 229 grams of fat onThanksgiving Day alone. Althoughsavings accounts are usually a greatinvestment, this is one you want to

spend. But spending those caloriesdoesn’t mean you need to sweat forhours at the gym. You can continueyour holiday activities to balance outyour sweets, or you may just think twicebefore chowing down after you realizethat that piece of fudge meansshoveling your walkway for 30minutes. So, to ensure you don’t have toexchange those new jeans you just gotfor a larger size, follow this guide tohave fun while burning those calories.


+ =

+

+

+ =

Go sleddingfor an hour

Snowballfight for30 minutes

= Wrap20 gifts

If you eat this ... Do this to burn it off ...

File photo

File photo

Images by adbuilder.com

150calories

70calories

70calories

70calories

250calories

250calories

250calories


+ + +=

++

+

+ =

Knit 3 gifts, give12 kisses, ice-skate for 30

minutes, cut downand decorate a tree

Shovel yourdriveway (andyour neighbor’s)

=Read “The NightBefore Christmas”

three timesand sing 10 carols

If you eat this ... Do this to burn it off ...

File photo

File photoImages by adbuilder.com istockphoto.com

File photo

70calories

930calories!

70calories

70calories

70calories

70calories 70

calories

The first step, according to Kimberly Durden, acertified personal trainer at the RMHWellness Cen-ter in Harrisonburg, is not to think of any familyouting as exercise, per se. Although any of the activi-ties listed here will get your heart rate up, they’ll alsomake you laugh, help bring your family together and,most importantly, help you have a little fun duringthe hectic holiday season.

“I think the whole thing that people need towrap their brain around is that activity, period, isgood,” she said. “You don’t need to be jogging toget exercise.”

To find a fun group activity, Durden recom-mended looking no further than the mountains andhills surrounding the Valley.

“Right here in the Valley one of the bestthings we have available is the mountain area,”she said. “The kids and I, my husband, all of uslove to go to Massanutten [Resort] — skiing andsnowboarding … that is one of the best thingswe’ve ever done because you go up together, youlaugh, you ride the lift together and have some talk-ing time, but you’re active coming down.”

Snow enthusiasts at Massanutten can also flydown the slopes on inflatable rubber tubes; a funand less skill-oriented alternative to skiing. Ticketprices for skiing, snowboarding and tubing vary; toperuse the options, visit www.massresort.com orcall 289-4954.

For a less extreme winter activity, Durden rec-ommended trekking to the top of a local hill andtrying your hand at sledding, which she said is funfor all ages.

“Even college kids like to do that,” she said. “It’sexercise walking back to the top of the hill everytime, trekking through snow.”

For a more literal trek, try hiking, advised JoshSpaid, assistant general manager of Gold’s Gym inHarrisonburg. Skyline Drive in Shenandoah Na-tional Park offers both long and short hikes for peo-ple of all abilities, which Spaid said is a rewardingactivity regardless of the weather.

“It’s something that everyone can do,” he said.“It’s just gorgeous, and whether the leaves are on orthe leaves are off, it’s still getting out, interacting with

nature, and it’s pretty to see the Valley.”For more information about local hiking, visit

www.shenandoah.national-park.com/hike.htm.If braving the cold seems unappealing, consider

an indoor activity, such as bowling.“They can put the bumpers up for the kids so

everyone can participate,” Spaid said.And if you’re interested in staying active but

would rather do it at home, consider investing in aNintendo Wii video game console, which boasts avariety of games guaranteed to get your family upand moving. Spaid owns a Wii and recently pur-chased “Wii Sports Resort,” a game offering a hand-ful of different “sports” for players to try.

“It’s great. The premise on it is that all the littleWii characters are on an island, and there’s 12 to 16different activities, from shooting the basketball,table tennis … you’re still moving around. I wasgoing for half an hour today, and I was sweating likecrazy. They have other stuff, but those are the funones— something that you can do inside.”

Whether your family activity of choice takesplace outdoors or inside, the most important thing isto make sure everyone’s active— and having a goodtime, according to Durden.

“It’s push a little here, have a little funhere,” she said.

Kate Elizabeth Queram is a reporter for The DailyNews-Record. This holiday season, she is most excited toexercise her passport.


Even something as simple as an hour spentsledding can bring a family closer together.

Family from p. 29


Give sincere Christmas ‘presence’There are constant reminders that Christmas is

the next big event on the calendar. My 3-year-oldis already saying “Mommy, I want that” duringeach dazzling commercial that offers the hottestmust-have toy — a great example of how market-ing pressures us to lose sight of what Christmas isall about, keeping the focus on outside possessionsinstead of the real gifts our spirits are meant to re-ceive on the inside!

I couldn’t agree more that “The best of all giftsaround any Christmas tree is the presence of ahappy family all wrapped up in each other.” — Bur-ton Hillis

With this in mind, let’s go from our head downinto our heart and choose gifts that reflect the valueof creating joyful memories with friends and family.These gifts are personal in nature, which everyone isthrilled to receive. The best part is creating memo-ries that usually cost very little.

When choosing gifts, it comes in handy to knowyour mission, because it promotes using your talentsand strengths to make a contribution. It’s a realblessing to offer gifts of time and love to those onyour list, and there’s great joy when others feel seen,heard and supported.

So what might gifts like this look like?For a child who loves a certain musician, in-

stead of buying a CD— get tickets to attend a live

concert with them.� For someone who is struggling to cope with

an illness — give them the gift of inspiration, posi-tive encouragement and your willingness to listen.

� For an elderly neighbor— give them thegift of a warm meal and help decorating the Christ-mas tree.

� For a busy mom overwhelmed with tryingto balance work and life — the gift of a manicureand pedicure while you take over the evening routinewith the kids.

� Family favorites —Handmade coupons forback rubs, doing chores, playing games or a nightoff from fixing dinner.

� For someone who has wronged you— thegift of forgiveness is priceless (for both of you)!

� For anyone and everyone— the gift ofgratitude! Melody Beattie helps us grasp how power-ful this is: “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. Itturns what we have into enough, and more. It turnsdenial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion toclarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into ahome, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makessense of our past, brings peace for today, and createsa vision for tomorrow.”

Take exceptional careRemember to take a break and allow yourself to

be pampered. Make sure other members of the fam-ily understand how important your downtime is topreserving your well-being. But if they won’t help

you get it, find your own way. You can’t give to oth-ers what you don’t have, so you can’t run on empty!A nap, bubble bath or just chilling out with a favoritebook for a few minutes can be very relaxing. You’llbe refreshed and ready to go again in no time!

� Make preparations a team effort, allowingeveryone to pitch in and then share the satisfactionof pulling a project together.

� Stay healthy! This will allow you to enjoy thefestivities and make it less likely you’ll be flat in bedwith the flu by Christmas day. Give your immunesystem a boost by taking a high quality supplementwith extra B vitamins to support you during timesof extra stress.

� Energize! Movement is great for reducingstress. Even shopping is exercise, so when you visitthe mall park further away than you really have to.Make yourself go up or down a few hills or steps.Walk up the stairs. You’ll burn off calories and re-lieve tension at the same time.

� Make time to enjoy your friends. Eat, sleepand be merry— the extra endorphins will kick inand help you stay positive.

� Breathe to stay inspired! Inspiration means“spirit within.” Your breath is the connection tospirit, which is also a great way to stay connected toyour mission statement.

Above all, accept the responsibility to takegentle care of YOU! If it makes you feel guilty,remember others will benefit from you beingrelaxed and happy. Plus you’ll be a lot more fun

Hurricane from p. 27


for them to be around!

Leverage time and energyHere you receive the payoff for tak-

ing time to decide what’s important. Nowyour action is focused, in alignment withyour values, and less draining becauseyou’re working smarter, not harder. Getthe hang of leveraging your time andwatch your stress shift! Here are a fewpractical tips:

� Time block — Instead of puttingpressure on yourself to tackle big projectslike cleaning the house or gift wrappingall at once, set the timer for 20 or 30 min-utes and consider yourself finished forthat block of time. This way, your taskbecomes much less overwhelming.

� Batch tasks — Group similartasks like shopping, errands and prepar-ing foods whenever possible. Chancesare you have a signature dish that is re-quested by friends and family. Could youmake multiple batches at once to savetime and energy?

� Decorate simply — Considerbringing the outside in — a few well-placed holly leaves, pinecones and ever-green with candles mixed in can make abeautiful centerpiece. Kids also love tocreate their own decorations and display

special artwork!� Prepare ahead — Christmas usu-

ally means a house full of hungry guestsat various points throughout the season.It reduces stress to be prepared. Considerfreezing comfort food like stews, soupsand cakes that you can defrost or heat upin the microwave when friends drop by.

I encourage you to celebrate evensmall steps taken to escape the holidayhurricane better than you have in thepast. “Celebration of your achievement isas important as your achievement be-cause success builds on success.” — JohnPowers. Savor the momentum of beingin an upward spiral.

Can you hear it? 2010 is knocking onyour door and it holds many gifts for you.By using a resilient strategy to outsmartstress, you’ll be happy, healthy and readyto greet it!

Christina Kunkle is a CTA CertifiedLife and Wellness Coach, R.N. andfounder of Synergy Life and WellnessCoaching. She helps busy women preventburnout by promoting bounce-back resilienceto stay focused, positive and excited aboutthe challenges of work and life. For moreinformation, visit www.synergylifeandwell-nesscoaching.com or call (540) 746-5206.

Holiday trendsWheelbarger, 62, enjoys

going to product shows to seewhat’s new for Christmas andto decide what to stock thestore with.When pick-ing outitems,Wheel-barger andhis wife,Dena, grav-itate towardthe country-styledecorations.

“We like the country stuffthat matches the Valley, not somuch the whimsical items,”says Wheelbarger.

He also noticed that orna-ments this year are trending to-ward old-fashioned, simpleChristmas decorations like redand green ball ornaments.

For Semans, she can alsorely on Santas and angels to bethe top sellers. “You got your

golf Santa, your motorcycleSanta. People will pick up thesethemed Santas depending onwhat activity the person theygive it to is interested in,” shesays.

Whether it’s providingChristmasstaples or aone-of-a-kind gift,the Christ-mas hustleand bustle isfun forthose be-hind thecounter.

“At Christmas, it can bekind of a rush, but a lot ofpeople are in a happy moodduring Christmas time,” saysWheelbarger.

Jacquelyn Walsh is a reporterwith the Daily News-Record. Sheoften plans year-round about whatgifts to buy, but as a giftprocrastinator, rarely buys untilright before the holiday.

Shops from p. 13

“We like the countrystuff that matchesthe Valley ... ”— Sam Wheelbarger


your HOME

ARTICLE AND QUIZ BY KATE ELIZABETH QUERAM

What’syour

Christmasstyle?

When it’s time to deck thehalls and trim the tree,what’s your go-to

decoration style? Do you dust off theantique ornaments handed down fromyour grandmother? Do you adorn yourpink aluminum tree with twinkling goldlights and shiny pink ornaments? Or doyou cut down a fresh pine tree and

decorate it with popcorn garlands andgingham bows? To discover what yourdecorating preferences say about you —and what your style really is — take thisquiz. Whether you’ve had the samedecorating aesthetic for years or areabout to string lights in your firstapartment, it’ll give you some insight toyour decorating personality — and tipson how to embrace it more fully.

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How should your Christmas look?Your Christmas stockings:A) Were hand-knitted by your

great-grandmother and have beenhanded down for generations.

B) Are checked with a mutedgingham pattern and have an edgeof lace around the top.

C) Are big, boxy and a bold color.

The ornaments on your tree:A) Are mostly handmade by the

kids in your family, mixed in withsome Santas and snow globes.

B) Are mostly earth-toned andlook like antiques: wooden orhand-carved.

C) Solid-colored shiny orbs, all inthe same color.

When it comes to wrappingpresents, you:

A) Use shiny paper in traditionalChristmas colors — red, green, sil-ver and gold.

B) Stick to matte paper in shadesof brown, cream and gold, and ac-cessorize with hand-tied ribbon ortwine.

C) Buy solid paper in bright, boldcolors and stick to minimal acces-sories. No ribbons or busy nametags.

To decorate the outside of yourhouse, you:

A) Use mostly colored twinklelights, with a few strands of largecolored bulbs mixed in. It’s what

your parents did.B) Stick to white lights and use

fresh holly boughs and wreaths asaccents. You might throw in a sil-houetted reindeer.

C) Aim green and red floodlightson different sections of your house,and shine a seasonal image onto yourgarage door using a light projector.

The wreath on your frontdoor is:

A) Made of real greenery, withholly berries and a red bow.

B) Fabric, in muted colors, maybewith an angel near the bottom.

C) Aluminum, in a sparkly solidcolor — pink or white, perhaps.

Traditional, countryor contemporary —

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IF YOU PICKED MOSTLY …

As: Your style is TRADITIONAL“When I think of traditional, I think of what’s been in

your family a long time,”said Bonnie Semans, man-ager of The ChristmasGallery in New Market.“And not changing the styleof how we decorated out-side 20 years ago.”

For decorative purposes,this means you’re influencedlargely by what your familydid while you were growingup. Traditions vary by familyand region, but according toSemans, most traditionalistswill favor colored lights,handmade or heirloom ornaments and typical Christmascolor schemes, including, of course, red and green.

This year, try adding your own touches to the tradi-tions you’ve inherited. Introduce a new color of Christ-

mas stocking for a younger member of the family, createyour own ornament to add to your heirloom collection orpurchase a new decoration for your lawn. The traditionalstyle is all about you, Semans said, so anything goes.

Bs: Your style is COUNTRY“Country’s more rustic,” said Lynne Hess, owner of Hess

Greenhouse in Harrisonburg.“When you go into the coun-try style, you’re looking at —rustic is the best word. Thetrees are usually a little bit dif-ferent. It’s just a more down-home style.”

Inside, decorations will re-flect a more natural aesthetic,Hess said, utilizing pinecones, twigs and greenery.Trees will usually be deco-rated with white lights, cran-berry and popcorn garlandsor gingham bows, Semanssaid, and the theme is more easily carried out throughout the

entire house as opposed to one room.“Some people … want the whole house to be the same,

and so every room, the bathroom included, would be what-ever style they’re picking. I think that’s especially true of peo-ple who pick a country style. Usually it’s a home that’salready country in flavor,” she said.To expand on the country style of decoration, try wrap-

ping your presents in plain brown paper and accenting withtwine, rope or hot-glued pine cones, Semans said.

Cs: Your style is CONTEMPORARYShiny aluminum Christmas trees in shades of pink, silver

and white; dangling multicolored icicle lights; bold, solid-col-ored wrapping paper with minimal accessories — the con-temporary holiday décor is definitely not your grandmother’sChristmas scheme.“I think that’s when they go in and do lime green trees

and chartreuse trees,” Hess said of the style. “I think you’relooking at newer, more modern colors.”Most contemporary holiday decorating schemes are or-

ganized around one or two colors — blue and white, for ex-ample, or pink and gold, Semans said. In the NewMarketshop she manages, the best example of a contemporary dec-

oration is a bright purple Christmas tree dotted with Elvisornaments, she said.“In other words, you’re

not trying to make a colorstatement, you’re not tryingto do a specific theme,” shesaid.To embrace the contem-

porary holiday décor, remem-ber less is more. Your treeshould have ornaments allthe same color or shape, andgifts should be wrappedcleanly and simply, Semanssaid. And of course, remem-ber that color is the unifyingingredient.“I would say the color part of it is key,” Hess said.

Kate Elizabeth Queram is a reporter with The Daily News-Record. Her dad has always loved big colored Christmas light bulbsand her mom is into handmade Santas. This is important to her, soshe’s probably a traditionalist.


Images by istockphoto.com


Artful wrappingARTICLE BY KATE ELIZABETH QUERAM / COURTESY PHOTOS

Kay Stewart’s inspiration forhomemade holidaywrapping paper

came from the unlikeliestof places — folk singerPete Seeger.

“It was in an old video from the ’60s or ’70s,and it showed his kids making wrapping paperand what it meant to the children and what itmeant to the people opening the presents to havehomemade wrapping paper,” said Stewart, 41, ofBergton. “And I thought, ‘I can do this!’ ”

That was last fall, and Stewart’s been crafting herown paper for birthdays and holidays ever since. Thisyear, all of the presents under Stewart’s Christmas treewill be adorned with her handiwork — no small task, since each piece ofhand-painted gift wrap has to dry for at least six hours, and she never makesit ahead of time.

“I always do it one at a time with a specific person in mind,” she said.Though stores offer a plethora of ready-made holiday wrapping paper,

creating your own is an easy and inexpensive way to individualize each gift forits recipient, Stewart said. For her, the process begins with plain brown craft

paper and non-toxic tempura paints, both of whichcan be purchased at most arts-and-crafts supplystores.

“I use sponges and paintbrushes and … juststart dabbing colors, and kind of fold the paperaround and smoosh it all together to make it ab-stract and smooth,” Stewart said. “I ... put onsome music and just kind of go with where themusic takes me.”

Sometimes, Stewart incorporates the giftrecipient’s name into the paper’s actual de-sign, but more often, she wraps the finishedproduct in store-bought ribbon and affixes

an extra piece as a name tag.

Embellish ItIf making your own gift wrap sounds too time-intensive, using store-

bought elements in creative ways is an excellent alternative, according toBrenda Whitmore, manager of Ben Franklin Crafts & Variety in Broadway.Whitmore prefers to wrap gifts in the store’s plain brown paper and then

adorn them with handmade bows orplain raffia ties, she said. To individu-alize the wrapped packages, Whit-more will sometimes add Christmasornaments or other small objects tothe bow—wooden spoons if it’s agift for newlyweds, or a bookmarkwhen the gift is a book, for example.

“It’s fun. It makes it look prettyand it’s like an extra little gift,” shesaid.

And whether it’s homemadepaper or just small individualtouches, the extra effort is almost al-ways appreciated by the gifts’ recipi-ents, Stewart said.

“They take their time unwrap-ping it because they don’t want totear it, which is funny, becauseeverybody throws away wrappingpaper anyway, so it’s like, ‘Just tearthe thing,’ ” she said, laughing.“Gift giving’s personal, so it makesit more personal for me to makethe paper.”

Kate Elizabeth Queram is areporter for the Daily News-Record.She usually steals her wrapping paperfrom her mom’s basement.


Kay Stewart creates unique wrapping paper for each gift she gives. “I always do it one at a time with a specific personin mind,” she said.


Theend of theyear brings us tothe season of

sociability, filled with feasts,frivolity and festivities. Themajor ones, like Thanksgivingdinner and the various

religious celebrations,come with long-standingtraditions, but this seasonalso brings a plethora ofopportunities to meet withfriends or colleagues for adrink or two (or three) anda bite or 20 (or 30).

COLUMN BY ABBY SCHWEBER / PHOTO ILLUSTRATIONS BY NIKKI FOX

Wow ‘em with wontonsSkip the sweets and craft an arrayof savory treats for your next party

your KITCHEN

Tired of making the same old cookies? Try creating a variety of wonton cups filled with anything from goat cheese to guacamole.


The custom of sharing drinks andsmall bits of food with friends is prac-ticed in many different cultures. Whilesome countries — Britain, China andJapan — pair tea with small meals, it isfar more common for this custom toinvolve alcoholic beverages, and thevariety of foods designed to be eatenin this manner is truly staggering.

The Middle Eastern versions ofthese foods are called mezze, and canbe found in both homes and restau-rants everywhere from Greece andBulgaria to Egypt and Iran. Somedishes are common to all these cul-tures, like hummus, baba ganoush (adip made from pureed eggplant) anddolma (stuffed grape leaves), thoughthe latter come with different fillingsin different places. Another commondish is kofte, which is usually what wewould call a meatball, but can also bemade with either fish or vegetables.Turkish mezze include things likestuffed peppers, cold cheeses and veg-etables like eggplant and artichoke, allserved with raki; in Greece, coldseafood dishes, olives, fried or grilledcheeses, and salads are enjoyed withouzo; while Israelis, Palestinians andEgyptians argue endlessly about which

of them invented the mezze known asfalafel, the highly popular, crunchy ballof fried, spiced chickpea flour, towhich the traditional accompanimentis an anise-flavored liquor called arak.

The Spanish incarnation is calledtapas, which literally means cover. Theoriginal tapas were slices of bread,placed on top of patron’s glasses inbars to keep the flies out of theirsherry.Throughoutthe years, barownersadded top-pings to thebread, and anew style ofeating wasborn. Theoriginal tapas still exist, as I discoveredin a tiny, out-of-the-way restaurant onehot day in Barcelona when I’d beenwalking for too long and couldn’t bebothered to find a restaurant with anEnglish menu. I couldn’t make headsor tails out of the Spanish menu andthe waitress didn’t speak a word ofEnglish, so she went back into thekitchen and came out with a large traycovered with slices of bread with at

least a dozen different toppings. Ipicked out the ones I wanted and hada delicious meal. On the way out, I no-ticed that, while the tapas weren’t onthe regular menu (I would have recog-nized that word!), everyone seated atthe bar had a plateful. That littlerestaurant was typical in that, today,tapas are served on little plates ratherthan on wine glasses, but they have

gone far be-yond thebasic formof toppedbread. At aproper tapasrestaurant,they servealmost any-thing, from

a simple plate of olives to a classicomelet or a serving of richly flavoredstewed game meat. The only rule isthat each serving must be smallenough that you can eat several, andthe beverages are more likely to becava or sangria than sherry.

In Japan, there is no special wordfor bar food, but a bar that serves littleplates of food along with drinks iscalled an izakaya, and there are dishes

that are considered to be exclusivelyizakaya food. Izakaya cover the spec-trum from high-end luxury to simplefare. At some of the better establish-ments, where the drinks menus are soextensive they have to be separatelybound (in exquisite, embossed leather,of course), an order of sashimi re-quires a visit to the fish tank to selectthe unfortunate creature who will besliced for your dining pleasure, andI’ve seen plates of delicacies lightlysprinkled with real gold dust. Thecheapest ones serve nothing but beer,a cheap liquor called shochu, rice ballsand yakitori: bits of chicken, skew-ered, sauced and grilled to order.

In America, we have the cocktailparty, invented during the era of Pro-hibition as the unexpected offspringof the unlikely pairing of thespeakeasy with improvements in mod-ern, industrial canning technology. Be-fore the 1920s, most Americans whodrank alcohol, drank it in the form ofwine, but with Prohibition, hard liquorwas both easier to make yourself andprovided more bang for the buck forsmugglers. To attract customers un-used to the strong flavor of hardliquor, and particularly the poor

For approximately sixweeks every year ...American parties

became savory-deficient.


quality of cheap liquor that was mosteasily accessible, the speakeasies in-vented new kinds of cocktails, includ-ing a wide variety of fruit flavoreddrinks, popular among women cus-tomers. Meanwhile, companies thathad invested in canning technologiesto provide food for the soldiers duringWorld War I, in the post-war boomera began producing higher qualitygoods for the consumer market, in-cluding gourmet treats like salmon,smoked oysters, anchovies and olives.Fancy finger food with fancy fruitydrinks (made with homemade bathtubgin) produced the cocktail party.

Characteristic of all of these is thedominance of savory foods, withsweets playing a minor role. However,somewhere along the line, somethingwent wrong.

Not all the time, mind you. Justaround the winter holiday season. Forapproximately six weeks every year,from Thanksgiving through NewYear’s, American parties became sa-vory-deficient. Christmas cookies andtortes and brownies and rum balls, pf-effernuese and busch de noel, figgypuddings and fruitcake and ginger-bread. Each wonderful on their own,

but en masse? These things become,not special treats to top off a meal oran indulgent afternoon bite, but thedominant menu items in an orgy ofsugar consumption. The occasionalplatter of veggies or hunk of cheesegets lost in the cornucopia of cacaoand sucrose.The onlyfruits thatdare make anappearanceare dipped inchocolate ordrenched inrum orbrandy.

Be hon-est. How many times have you prom-ised yourself you would only have afew bites and found yourself, hourslater, enduring the sugar rush andwishing for more willpower and thin-ner thighs?

In the past, I have fought backwith phyllo. My friends have come toexpect a platter of savory, flaky, but-tery pastries. Just enough fat and fla-vor to feel festive, but still prettyhealthy. After all, a triangle of phyllofilled with goat cheese, herbs and

mushrooms or spinach includes acomplex carbohydrate, a proteinand multiple vegetables, and whileyou really need to use butter to givethe shell the proper crunch, it does-n’t take much. They even carry acertain exotic flair if you refer to

them bytheir mezzename ofbourekas.On a tablefull ofsweets, theystand outfrom thecrowd andnever last

long. But, let’s face it: phyllo isfinicky, fiddly stuff. The delicatesheets tear easily, wrapping them istime consuming, and then there arethe logistics of getting them to theparty still hot.

So this year, I’m trying some-thing new. Wonton cups. Quickand easy to make, with only two in-gredients, made with healthier oliveoil instead of butter, and best ofall, you can make them in advanceand fill them at the last minute.

Wonton CupsYou’ll need:A package of wonton wrappers

(available at the Asian market behindTaste of Thai)

Olive oil (I’m sure other oils wouldwork as well, but this is what I’ve used)

A muffin tin (I find the 2-inchmedium-sized ones work best)

A basting brushBrush olive oil onto one side of a

wonton wrapper, then press the won-ton wrapper, oiled side down, into oneof the pockets of the muffin tin.When the tin is full, bake at 350 de-grees for 10 minutes or until lightlybrowned. That’s it. You can make per-fect shapes by carefully pleating thesides of the wonton skins or justmush them in; they work equally welleither way. Just be careful with yourfingernails to avoid leaving holes. Thebeauty of these is that they can befilled with just about anything. Useyour imagination, or try one of thefollowing suggestions:

� For kids, use tuna or egg salad.� If you need something quick, all

you need is a spoonful of hummus,guacamole or goat cheese, garnishedwith cherry tomato, black olive or a

[I] have fought backwith phyllo. My friendshave come to expect aplatter of savory, flaky,

buttery pastries.


sprig of fresh herbs. Or a dollop of creamcheese or crème fraiche with a bit of smokedsalmon and a sprig of dill.

When you have a bit more time to getfancy, try one or more of these:

� AMexican inspired salad of black beans,corn kernels, chopped red bell pepper and co-riander and/or parsley, with a lime vinaigrette

� For an Asian flavor, brown any kind ofground meat, mix it with soy sauce, sesame oil,chopped spring onions and briefly sautéed gar-lic and ginger

� Roughly chopped, cooked and peeledshrimp, tossed with cocktail sauce

� Mix some pesto into chopped tomatoesand mozzarella for a canapé-sized caprese salad

� Roasted pumpkin or squash mixed withcrumbled feta and chopped walnuts

�An Indian raita, made with finely choppedonion, diced cucumber, yogurt and mint

� Curried chickpeas, also Indian, made bybriefly sautéing ginger and garlic, then addingcurry powder, well-rinsed canned chickpeasand chopped tomato, and cooking until thetomato starts to wilt (this could even be com-bined with the raita)

Abby Schweber is an assistant professor of worldhistory at James Madison University. She has been atraveler since the age of 2, but didn’t discover her love ofcooking and all things food-related until a few years later.

When creating your wonton cups, gently fold the square wrappers in and overlap (left), using a smallamount of olive oil to help hold them in place. Ready for a challenge? Crimp the wrappers in four places tocreate an elegant Asian-inspired lotus flower (right).

Eleven months ago, a brochure, tapshoes and a Jim Carrey movie alteredthe path of my life.

It all started one rainy Saturday afternoon lastDecember. I was chillaxing on the couch, slurpingdown a stiff dose of television when something hitme: More than seven hours had passed since my TVrampage began and I hadn’t budged an inch. Wear-ing my pjs and flanked by my two 15-pound cats, Ihad remained motionless, wrapped in a blanketmade of old T-shirts.

“I need to pee and I’m hungry,” I thought tomyself. “I hope I can get up. I can’t feel my legs.”

With great effort, I rolled over the snoozing kit-ties and slid off the sofa. After the pit stop, I pausedin the kitchen for popcorn. While I waited for themicrowave to finish, I leaned on the table and fum-bled through the junk mail. There, swimming in apile of credit card offers, was the winter Parks &Rec activities guide.

I flipped it open and turned to the dance class sec-tion. I knew that my childhood friend, Jimmy, taughtAdult Tap but I’d never taken a class from him be-cause I was too scared to try something so foreign.

Oddly, at that exact moment, a movie came tomy mind. A few days before, I watched “Yes Man,”starring Jim Carrey, with one of my co-workers. Thefilm is about this guy who decides to say “yes” toeverything. He ends up trying all kinds of newthings and he’s happier because of it.

The microwave beeped. With the activity guidein hand, I turned off the tube.

“To heck with this,” I thought. “If he can do it, Ican do it. I’m taking the class.”

Before I could change my mind, I pulled onjeans, grabbed an umbrella and climbed into the car.

A store in the Staunton Mall sold tap shoes and itwould be open for another hour. I could just make it.

About $70 later, I was on a new course in mylife. In April, I survived my first dance recital and itfelt amazing. Armed with courage, my thirst for newexperiences seemed unquenchable.

Since that day, I joined a soccer team at EMUand auditioned for a play at BRCC. I learned to playtennis with the other reporters and ping-pong withmy college friend. I cooked my first roast. I drove toNashville by myself — twice. I taste-tested fetacheese, pierogies and the chili at Wendy’s. I got myfirst pedicure, hitchhiked and came face-to-face witha bear in the woods. I conducted my first social ex-periment, called The Secret Garden, and organizedmy entire 10-year high school reunion by myself.

And I’m far from finished. As you may haveread in the DN-R, I’m on a mission to complete 30new things during my 30th year. I’ll hit the big three-oh next November and I plan to tackle even morefirst-time adventures than I did this year. My editorsfor Bloom selected a special assignment just for thispublication. Let’s just say, they unearthed my biggestfear of all — dating. (They’re out to kill me, I swear.)

So, before I die of possible heartache, I’d like topass on a bit of advice. Should you decide to joinme on a stroll down Yes Lane, please be careful. Myjourney was full of extreme highs and lows.

I pulled nearly every muscle in my body during

my dance class. Playing soccer, I broke my ankle,stubbed my toe and bruised my knee. I lost severalof my friend’s tennis balls on the roof of the DN-Rbuilding after I attempted “racket ball” with myself. Idon’t have any room in my closet because it’s nowpacked with expensive tap shoes, recital costumes,soccer cleats, shin guards and tennis rackets.

For the first time in my life, I have deliberatelytasted fear, failure and public humiliation on a regu-lar basis. I was the slowest person on my soccerteam, often outrun by women 15 years older thanme. I wore a spandex dance costume in front of1,200 people, a mortifying experience for someoneof my size. I really did think I was going to be at-tacked by a bear. I’ve already developed an incrediblecrush on a guy from church and the mere thoughtof being rejected by him ties my stomach in knots.

Nevertheless, the journey down The Road LessTraveled has made all the difference.

Each time I stepped off my own path and intothe darkness of the unknown, I found that the roadahead was just as bright, if not brighter, than theplace I started. I made dozens of new friends fromall over the city and I stockpiled enough storiesabout my experiences to fill a newspaper.

Although I’m still scared to do new things—I’m human, after all — facing that fear is getting eas-ier. I’m going to do things this year that the couchpotato from last December would never dream of.

You can do it too. Turn off the tube and trysomething new. It won’t be easy, convenient, painfree or inexpensive, but you won’t regret it.

Be like me— just say “yes.”

Heather Bowser, 29, is a staff writer for the DailyNews-Record. She is a compulsive gum-chewer who is obsessedwith Diet Dr Pepper and lemon-flavored water.


COLUMN BY HEATHER BOWSER

Should you decide to joinme on a stroll down YesLane, please be careful.

How Ibecame a

‘yes’woman

winter bloom 2009

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