[Plain-text: “Identifying abuse.

Warning Signs.

Sometimes it is hard to identify unhealthy patterns, especially early on. Abusive behaviours can start small and build. Below are some early warning signs of an unsafe relationship.

Withholds affection or closes off communication with the aim of punishing you. Humiliates or demeans you. Monitors your friendships/relationships. Acts possessive. Uses your words against you. Prevents you from making your own decisions, or influences you to get the results they want. Gaslighting. (see definition below)

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of mental/emotional manipulation. It can be hard to define because it takes many forms, but if someone is consistently belittling your feelings, downplaying instances in which they’ve hurt you, reframing situations for their gain, and/or dismissing any conversation in which you try to address those occurrences, it might be gaslighting. Gaslighting includes phrases such as:

“You are too sensitive.” “You never remember things correctly.” “You’re making things up.”

The goal is to make you doubt your own memories or perception, leaving you confused and powerless. They discredit your feelings to make you dependent and insecure. You feel guilty and “not good enough”, as if you can’t live up to their expectations.

Cycle of Abuse.

Unhealthy relationships might not feel bad all the time. Understanding the cycle of abuse can help you identify warning signs and patterns.”

An infographic displays a cyclical process.

It begins with “Calm: Also known as the ‘honeymoon period.’ No abuse is actively occurring.”

Next is “Tensions build: ‘Walking on eggshells’; someone is making you feel like you could anger them by saying or doing the wrong thing.”

Next is “Incident: The abuse is acute; can be physical, emotional, or sexual; might be controlling or manipulative in nature.”

Then “Reconciliation: Might include apologies or self-deprecation; gaslighting may occur here as well if an abuser tries to downplay or excuse their behaviour.”

Then back to “Calm.”

The credit at the bottom reads: “Infographic by Diana Sousa and Kyrie McCauley for Equality for Her.”]