this issue’s extravaganza: wes carpenter’s foreign...

November/December 2015 • Issue 58 • $10 USD pandamagazine.com

This Issue’s Extravaganza: Wes Carpenter’s Foreign Movies

From the Editor

Editor/Constructor Test-Solver Friends of the MagazineFoggy Brume Justin Weinbaum

Lance NathanGordon DowBruce Kaskel

Mark HalpinJoe Cabrera

We’ve lost a number of prominent puzzle people this year. Henry Hook is one of the constructors, along with Mike Selinker and Patrick Berry, that helped inspire P&A Puzzle Magazine. Their work in Games Magazine and Henry Hook’s $10,000 Trivia Contest gave me the desire to write interconnected puzzle suites. Henry Hook passed away in October at 60, far too young.

Big thanks to Joe Cabrera for the cover, and for the new cover layout.

Foggy Brume

Issue 57 Top TenPhlogizote (Ben Smith, Brie Frame, Joe Cabrera, Jenny Gutbezahl,

Kevin Wald, Aaron Fuegi, Susan Glass, Katie Hamill, Phil Steindel)

#AAA Aardvarks (Rich Bragg, Jonathan McCue)

Just for the Halibut (Nathan Curtis, Kyle Keen, Avram Gottschlich)

Buzz Lime Pi (Jay Lorch, Jonathan Anderson, Josie Naylor,

Michelle Teague, Robb Effinger, Sarah Caley, Sean McCarthy, Sean

Osborn)

Das Zauberboot (Mike, Catherine, Dan, Donna, Becky)

Laura Klein and Eric Prestemon

Paul Hlebowitsh

Dan Katz, Jackie Anderson, & Steve Katz

Jeremy Conner

Michael Sylvia

Issue 57 Completists#AAA Aardvarks (Rich Bragg, Jonathan McCue) • A Seer Who

Argues (Adrian, Casey, Catherine, David, Eli, Rob) • Alison

Muratore, Audrey Muratore, Eric Suess • J.H. Andersson •

Ben Lowenstein • Black Fedora Group (Herman Chau, Lennart

Jansson, Nick Wu, Moor Xu, Eric Yu) • Joe Bohanon • Robert

Bosch • Nick Brady • Buzz Lime Pi (Jay Lorch, Jonathan

Anderson, Josie Naylor, Michelle Teague, Robb Effinger, Sarah

Caley, Sean McCarthy, Sean Osborn) • Jeremy Conner • Dan

Katz, Jackie Anderson, & Steve Katz • Das Zauberboot (Mike,

Catherine, Dan, Donna, Becky) • DelphiRune (Steve & Anita)

• Joseph DeVincentis • Martin Doublesin • Doug Orleans &

Paula Wing • david edwards • Joe Fendel • Dustin Foley •

Nathan Fung • Lily Geller • GUToL (Angel Bourgoin, Keith

Bourgoin, Dan Moren, Evan Ritt) • Mark Halpin • Chris Harris

• David Harris • Paul Hlebowitsh • Brent Holman • Illegal

PSL Services (Ata Gurpinar, Kristin Lieber, Julia Tenney, Jon

Singer, Amy Swartz, Cody van Winkle) • Berk Isaac • Jeff

Davidson, Dana Fenson • Just for the Halibut (Nathan Curtis,

Kyle Keen, Avram Gottschlich) • Just-Us League (Ann Kok,

Mark Navarrete, Zack Pierpoint, Ashutosh Sodhani, Jimmy

Williams, Steven Williams) • Gregg Katz • Elaine Kristant •

Alan Lemm • Phlogizote (Ben listed everyone. I just entered

the answers on my account too.) • Phlogizote (Ben Smith, Brie

Frame, Joe Cabrera, Jenny Gutbezahl, Kevin Wald, Aaron Fuegi,

Susan Glass, Katie Hamill, Phil Steindel) • Laura Klein and

Eric Prestemon • Scott Purdy • Jason Rau • Randy Rogers •

Dan Seidman • Donna Smith • sometimes turtles (Umaimah

Khan, Diyang Tang, Kat Fang, Nati Getahun, Alex Cole, Matt

Tse, Eric Marion, Keri Fullwood, Kate Rudolph) • Special Task

Force: Unicorn (Josh Bluestein, Adam Smiles, Richard Spoonts)

• Special Task Force: Unicorn (Josh Bluestein, Richard Spoonts,

Adam Smiles) • Michael Sylvia • Team 98 (John Leen, Jeff

McDowell, Sara McDowell, Lauren Roussel, Randy Thomson,

Olya Veselova, Andy Yeckel) • Team Gladden (Jason, Charlene,

Bradley) • The Gipper (Dave Edwards, Chris Harris, John Louie)

• Barbara Thompson • Titanic • Titanic (Mary-Leslie Duty, Rex

Miller) • John Tuttle • Tweleve Pack (Stvwz, Pianoman, Molnar,

Sluggy, F14Rainman, Fuzzy) • Jay Winter • Henry Wong •

yamjam (yen duong, mark krasniewski)

In Issue 58Pieces of Bamboo • 3–12

Wes Carpenter’s Foreign Movies • 13–25

Answers to Pieces of Bamboo • 29–30

Answers to Issue 57 • 26–28

of 2 © 2015 P&A Magazine. http://www.pandamagazine.com November/December 2015

November/December 2015 © 2015 P&A Magazine. http://www.pandamagazine.com of 12

Each clue leads to an answer that starts with MA and ends with LL. How quickly can you get all 10?

n Pieces of Bamboo

The Sixty-Second Test: MA-LL of America

1. Large primate (8)2. He has a silver hammer in song (7)3. Broker demand (6 4)4. Casual Italian eatery (8 5)5. Fortune-telling toy (5 1-4)

6. Furious, like Howard Beale (3 2 4)7. Tipping Point author (7 8)8. Gone with the Wind author (8 8)9. Possible bank robbery tipoff (6 4)10. Party with costumes (10 4)

Sketchy CharactersCan you name the TV sketch comedy that featured these members?

Easy1. John Cleese, Eric Idle, Graham

Chapman, Terry Jones2. Chevy Chase, Chris Farley, Tina

Fey, Colin Quinn3. Keenen Ivory Wayans, David Alan

Grier, Jim Carrey

Difficult4. Dave Foley, Bruce McCulloch,

Scott Thompson5. John Candy, Eugene Levy, Andrea

Martin6. Michael Ian Black, David Wain,

Ken Marino, Kerri Kenney

Downright Impossible7. Julie Brown, Tom Kenny, Jennifer

Aniston, Wayne Knight8. Teresa Graves, Hamilton Camp,

Mel Stewart, Chuck McCann9. Aziz Ansari, Rob Huebel, Paul

Scheer

Quote Square

A quote and its author is hidden in the grid below. In each row and column, cross off the person being clued.

Actor BillActor William

Comedian BillyComedian WillHam William

Mailman WillieMaligned athlete Bill

Actress/Singer WilliamsPolitician/Athlete Bill

President BillShowman BillSinger Billie

Singer/songwriter BillSoldier William

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

1O A N B L L A B C D

P W V L L Y C I N E G

2F R A M R M A E L A C

U A E U R U R R U L

3A H N A M O N B C E

L S N F Y T U Y E N R

4H L E F L E D S A A I

M O O R I P T H K Y

5M I P A H K E E N C

N W S E T R F T R E S

6A B R A I D A L E A L

T S W L I L L E I Y

7C A L A F N I O R E

M N S I O N L T R N S

n Word GardenOur word garden conceals 10 words in a mystery category. Find words by selecting a starting square and then mov-ing the given direction and distance to get the next letter (e.g., 2L means move 2 squares to the left). Words never travel off the grid. Some additional letters will be leftover. These will form a clue to help identify the mystery category.

T T D R C A E E D R

P U B L E M U N O B

I T S A U O I T O E

M U C E Y C P Y T M

S M O T I I D R U I

R O A V P N R T I E

J A B A Y C T E E I

A R G T N N E A I O

I N M I N T E I N N

B I O E A L N T V I

?? 2D 3D 2D 1R 1U 3U 2U

?? 2R 3D 2R 3D 4L 3U 2U 2R

?? 2R 3D 2R 3U 1U 4L 3D 1L

?? 2D 2L 2D 2R 3U 3L 5D 3R 1D 1D

?? 3R 2U 2L 1U 3R 3D 1R

?? 3D 5R 4U 3R 2D 7L 3D

?? 1L 3L 1D 4L 1U 2D 8R 6D

?? 3U 2L 7R 2L 2D 2L 3U 2U

?? 4D 1L 3R 3D 4R 6U 1L

?? 6U 3L 3U 3L 2D 2L 7D 7R 3U



1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

Mindy Lahiri

For the dropquote below, solve the clues to determine what letters belong in that column. An * indicates that the letters will go into that column in order.

1. Term for help, with no repeated letters2. Over there, colloquially*3. ____ of war*4. Steal or burgle5. Vegetarian’s milk6. Mute dwarf, minus the even letters7. Days of ____, minus the 3rd letter*8. Charlie Chaplin film studio*9. Vex, or “vex” rot-13*10. Small*11. File size abbreviation12. Long journey minus driver’s license stat*13. Actor Harris*14. Roast beef fast food chain, minus the first and last lettters15. That same chain, minus the odd letters16. That same chain, minus the second, fourth and fifth letters17. Sit in on a class, minus the consonants*18. Greek god forerunner, minus the vowels*19. Ford’s Model*20. Cultivate crops, minus the vowel21. One’s noggin, minus the last letter22. And so on23. Bird’s home, minus the vowel24. That vowel*

n Jawdroppin’ Challenger

n Logic Puzzle: Spice WomenFive women (including Billie and Georgia) competed in the Southern New Mexico Salsa Festival, where each brought their own spin on salsa. Each salsa used a different type of tomato (including Heirloom), a different type of pepper (including the Trinidad Scorpion chili), a different type of citrus, and one mystery ingredient (including cantaloupe). Each salsa was ranked (4 being the highest, 0 being the lowest) on heat, flavor, appearance, and consistancy. Can you use the clues below to determine each woman’s full name (including Ms. Green), color of her bowl (including green), ingredients, and ranking?

1. No one’s first and last name started with the same letter. Roberta White is the only woman whose bowl had the same color as her last name.

2. No one got the same score in any two categories. No two salsas had the same overall score.3. The salsas were ranked for flavor in this order, from highest to lowest: Willa’s sauce (which used kiwi as a

mystery ingredient), the salsa that used cherry tomatoes and tangerines, Ms. Brown’s salsa (which used a naga viper pepper), the salsa in a brown bowl (which used Schnapps as a mystery ingredient), and the salsa with the best ranking for appearance.

4. The salsas were ranked for appearance in this order, from highest to lowest: a salsa that did not belong to Britta, the salsa that had peach as a mystery ingredient, a salsa that belonged to either Ms. Red or Ms. Brown, a salsa that was not in a red bowl, and Ms. White’s salsa.

5. The salsas were ranked for heat in this order, from highest to lowest: the salsa that used Meyer lemon, the salsa that used tomatilloes, the salsa that did not use the Infinity chili pepper, the salsa in a black bowl that used Fresca as a mystery ingredient, and the salsa that used the Carolina Reaper (which earned more points for flavor than for appearance).

6. The salsas were ranked for consistency in this order, from highest to lowest: the salsa that used the Bhut Jolokia, a woman whose salsa ranked overall lower than the woman who used orange, a woman who did not use the Infinity chili, the woman whose salsa scored more points for flavor than the woman who used plum tomatoes, and the salsa that used beefsteak tomatoes.

7. The salsa that used key lime ranked overall lower than the salsa that used lime.

First Last Bowl Tomato Pepper CitrusSecret

Ingredient Heat

Flav

or

Appe

aran

ce

Cons

isten

cy

Over

all S

core

.



n CryptolistomaniaWe’ve taken ten items that have something in common and encrypted them with a simple substitution cipher. Can you decode each list and figure out the connection? In each list, the connections are all related to “down” phrases.

Party Down

PUJTHJO

UVVKATQTTC

FIQSGQMA

FVFMKQJI BQYKC

OQKUAYJTO

YVQPK

GJYKUHQC

NJTOHJTO

PVJYAA

SJZAY

Water Down

ACG

DKQIPUC

EYAAUC

KQOYUCD

IKCCP

UTMWWH

UTPC

IXTHHCU

ZCT

WICTH

Buckle Down

RUWWAG

PCDW

QDPEACAG

PKPWACZAGP

POMANDVA

XANE

LANVGM

XKEEMC

YAEDN OMMJ

VKQQNUCJ

Stand Down

ZOM QOAXAXJ

DMHAHTN

YTDDAM

FAQMDK

ZOM JDMMX FANM

XMMBCGN ZOAXJQ

BACCMDMXZ QMTQWXQ

AXQWFXAT

CADMQZTDZMD

ZOM BTDP OTNC

Keep Down

GMKF

HYKEL FMXDE

LEKXWEVLHD

FPEMJD EMMG

LYJHDMJ

OMXDE WKVODT

APKUDO

UKEKUDFZ

WKEWVAKJ

UVJJKAOD

Thumbs Down

APEA

VMIDZG

SMS

APF PCCWHZ LPWJPX

CQPL

HIWVWHRQ CRWQMIZ

AMJV

SZARHQZ

HQMXDZI

CWBBQZ

1. Black, poetically Dish ____ On a boat Waste material

2. Hindu celestial being Mastercard alternative Prefix for cloth Prefix for pool

3. Aroma Fencers’ swords Sassy They hold sails

4. Belong to one’s basic nature Give credit to Make stronger Went bad, like bread

5. Lullaby location In a dirt-free manner Pitches dangerously Wide part of a river

6. Civil War general Large cask Rodent Slang for a PI

7. Adorned, in a manner In concert Kind of shoe More prying

8. Christmas synonym Ensnare Large instrument Rapper Combs

9. Government-level Lasts or persists More droopy Nullifies

10. Garbage truck Gentle Hindu religious community Speak unfavorably about

11. Downy ducks Nook counterpart One’s whereabouts Return to court

12. Goes back on one’s word Hot Saharan wind Member of a band that’s not prominent Night time

13. Hearing or sight Looking at Remnants of wounds Thin openings

14. Bands Director Scott Leafy vegetable More banal

n PinwheelClues are grouped by their location in the grid, which has four-way symmetry. For example, answers to group 1 will go in the four-letter entry marked with a 1 and its three symmetrically corresponding locations. When done, the four unclued entries will be related to spinning pinwheels.

1 2 3

4 5

6 7 8

9 10

11 12

13 14



In each crossword below, a simple substitution cipher has been used. Can you decipher each? A starting hint has given for each puzzle.

n Sniffling Crossword

1 142 153 164 175 C 186 197 208 219 22

10 2311 2412 2513 26

1 142 153 164 175 186 197 U 208 219 22

10 2311 2412 2513 26

n Illustrated CrosswordFor any clue that says “See illustrations”, refer to the illustrations below.



Across1. Soups up, like one’s

ride6. Malice11. See illustrations15. French school16. Relief in the desert17. Calgary hockey player18. See illustrations19. Coastal feature20. Romeo, Tristan, Isolde,

or Juliet21. In pain22. Wanton desires23. Off one’s rocker24. Lack of opacity26. See illustrations27. Recent Joaquin

Phoenix film28. Avail29. High-ranking military

officer (2 wds)30. See illustrations (2

wds)34. Atom component36. Door fastener37. See illustrations41. See illustrations (2

wds, hyph.)45. Same as above46. Scottish hillside47. The ____ Games48. See illustrations51. Stag55. Am not?56. Unit of time59. Part of DNA and RNA60. Pale yellow flowers63. Stock purchases64. Mrs. Gorbachev65. Common contraction66. See illustrations67. Crichton movie68. Kind of skirt (hyph.)69. Blow up70. Foreshadowed

71. Negative word72. 9th in a series73. Lacking freshness74. Allowances

Down1. Jewish festival2. See illustrations3. See illustrations

(hyph.)4. Beach in Spain5. Common Spain verb6. Evening get-togethers7. Stomach pains8. Small bodies of land9. See illustrations10. Superlative ending11. Twins of a sort12. Extravagant13. Aviator Earhart14. Smallest amount

17. Shear:Sheep::?:Whale22. Like draft e-mail, likely23. Burn the outside of25. Kind of mill26. See illustrations29. Unit of volume31. Couple, perhaps32. Beaches33. Country whose

pronunciation is highly debated

34. Sixth sense, e. g.35. “Super duper, man!”37. Dig deep38. Pushy or overly forceful39. Zuider ___40. Make a mistake42. Morbidly overweight43. LOST initiative44. One of five English

monarchs

48. ____-side49. Coop members50. Series component51. Dots’ counterparts52. Stick53. Ally together (2 wds)54. Caught up in57. It’s needed for cheese58. Star-shaped flowers60. See illustrations61. Star in Orion62. Titan’s forerunner64. Square ____67. Eye on TV68. See illustrations

n Social Media PuzzlesIn November, P&A started a series of Social Media Puzzles intended to help promote the magazine. Each puzzle is posted to Tumblr, Facebook, and Twitter. All four puzzles for a given month combine to form a metapuzzle. Submit the metapuzzle answer to [email protected]. One randomly chosen correct answer will receive a P&A Coffee Cup! And help us get the word out about these puzzles!


Wes Carpenter’s Foreign Movies

Another year, another Wes Carpenter failed attempt to save his movie studio. This time, Carpenter is now providing the subtitles for foreign language versions of the films shown below. However, something’s gone horribly wrong. What was the eventual result with these movies?

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover

An American Werewolf in Paris

Star Wars IV: A New Hope

The Seduction of Joe Tynan

Spies Like Us

The Silence of the Lambs

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

North Dallas Forty

Dan in Real Life

Serial Mom

Masters of the Universe

Dead Poets Society


CoMMentary traCks

3TMSTS KMMM33KSKK3MK3SM TSTTTS · STSSSSK3 3KTSMMSS 3TKSSS ·

MMSSMTSS3T MSSSKKSSKM33S33S3T

K3MTKSS3SSMM SMSSTT33KKKSM3STMM · M3SMTTMM3STS STMMKMMMSMTTMM ·

33SSTT33 TS3K33MTMT3S S3SSTT TS33MTKK

KM33SSTS3M: TSM3MT MSS3TT3KTM3M M3TTSSSSTTSS · TSM3MT

M3TTSSSSTTSS TTST KM33SSTSSK MMMT33MSM3 · TTT3MTSSKKSS33K33K

33TS TSM3MT SMMTSMTTSSSK MM333K3S

KMMS3SKTM3 KTMMTT33KKKTTKMSMM TMSM T3KKSM3TKT · 33TTM3TTSSMSSMTT

33TTMMKK3S · KSMSSSMT 3SKKTSKKSSKT

M333SKKK33TT MMMS33MKTT M3T3MT33KK 3MKKMMMSS3MK ·

3KK3TTSK3T33KSKS · MMKSK333MK SSKKS33K KS.MM.

SKK3T3TMKSMMSSMSMK · MTK3KKKKKT 3SMKMSMSSS TTTT: MM33KM KSTKMS

TMMSKKMS33KM 3SK333KSTT33T3MSSK · KMTTMMMTK3TMTTSS

SM3TSTTMK3 TKSK K3TMSS 3MTSTKTKKM 3MSSTTKKK3 (K3KS33KTSSMM

KMTTMM T3SS33KK3TTKSM) · KMSSTTK3TMKKK3TTTSKTSS33 TTSMKM K3TMSS

MKTT33333TTK33KK SK33TK3S TMSSTSTS · TSTTKKSS333MTSTTKKK3

SMSKKK 33MT3M3TKKKMSMKKTM 3SMS3K · SMSKKK TMKKMSTMMMSS

T3KKKKTT · SK3MT3KT3MT3MM3T3KTT

SSTT333SMK T3MS. 3SMKSS MSMM3KTKSS33 · MMKTTK MMSSKTMMKKSS ·

MSTTS33STT MTKKTT3MMS MTKTS3K33MSS33MS 3SMKSS SKTT333S3KTTS3MS

TKSMMKS333 STK3MKTT33MM33K3TK · ST3MK3T333M3ST33KK · KTSSK333

T3MKSSKK33M3TK 3MKT 3MKMST33K3 TKSMMKS333


DoCuMentaries

Movies teach you many things that might be usable in real life.

Start with the phrase WHAT IS REALITY?

If feeding a mogwai after midnight causes it to become a gremlin, turn the first letter 180 degrees. Otherwise, delete the last letter.

If vampires are repelled by garlic, move the second letter to the fourth position. Otherwise, move the second letter to the front.

If Jason Voorhees terrorized Camp Crystal Lake, make the second letter the same as the last letter and delete the last letter. Otherwise, make the last letter the same as the first letter.

If Dorothy landed on the Wicked Witch of the East, shift the first letter forward one space in the alphabet. Otherwise, move the fourth letter to the second position.

If Romeo poisoned himself, move the last letter to the third position. Otherwise, swap the eighth and ninth letters.

If Damien Thorn had a 666 birthmark on his scalp, swap the ninth and tenth letters. Otherwise, change the second letter to an O.

If Mary Poppins uses an umbrella to fly, change the second letter to an O. Otherwise, add a G after the first vowel.

There is a seven-letter nationality in the string. If taking the red pill allows you to perceive the Matrix, delete the last five letters of this nationality. Otherwise, delete all but the second letter of the nationality.


Movies by the nuMbers

What on earth are you basing these results on?

THX 2GI

15 Going on 36

12401-EVIL

11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 Ronin

The 208 Blows

Around the World in 44 Days

D1: Rise of an Empire

11 Days, 12 Nights

Gone in 36 Seconds

2037: Conquest of Paradise

Passenger 30

13 Angry Men

91 Hours

(2152) Days of Summer

Miracle on 114th Street

633: A Space Odyssey

Assault on Precinct 23

36 Hrs.

10 Days of the Condor

1120000 Leagues Under the Sea


on LoCation

It’s important to keep track of how damaged various locations get. But it’s worth it, because it’ll be a hit!

Clues either go across or down, but always pass through the coordinate given. Bars, when added, will be symmetrical.

C5 Tree coat, we heard (3)B11 Almost agree to sail (3)K9 Flagstaff educational institution

with schnauzer’s heart (3)L3 Doctor only partially seen for a

brief period of time (3)G7 Judge, jump, no judge (3)C2 Be next to big instrument turned

over (4)B10 Roam around with my Latin

love (4)F4 Cars wrecked on curves (4)I12 Ghostly noise before medium’s

report (4)H7 Male swan has male feature of a

male bird (4)I2 Attorneys maintaining one

platform (4)L4 Bowl type (4)D13 One be cross at goat (4)L11 Helper’s enthusiasm never

starts (4)E7 Fascinated by headless horse (4)B5 It’s not right to allow failure to be

internalized (4)J8 Angry about one servant (4)L6 Lennon’s most often seen with

Yoko...that’s a mistake (2-2)A8 Man with some oleomargarine (4)F8 Uh-oh...porches, but no street (4)M1 Push promotional piece an

excessive amount (4)A6 Cleaner’s joke slightly off (1-3)E12 Got to the bottom of this

bottomless decaf? (4)K12 Psychic witness (4)

F10 Auks make bird (4)I8 It’s often put down next to a

drink (4)F10 Note British market (4)E2 Mix cast-iron portion (4)L4 President from back to front to

back (4)B10 Essay about a plate (4)I6 Porn’s revolting...try this

antacid (4)M10 Moobs, perhaps?! (5)C4 Prevent one trying to lose weight to

lose an imaginary amount (5)D1 Deceive a prophet (5)G12 Legal expert with two pieces of

clothing, we hear (5)K3 City rodent has muscle (5)G4 Back to Minutemen’s leader to get

more guns (5)C9 Brew us tea, cook (5)J9 Hey, what’s first? Pizza? Wowee (5)

C2 First two robots’ superiors (6)C5 A very loud song at event (6)F4 Surprised by pie (6)J9 California dude coming back with a

member of the Iroquois (6)M10 Ask after block material (6)L12 A lot of sleep both ways (6)E7 Weights...they might be used as

incentives for speakers (6)C12 Leader has it...using bad

checks (6)A6 Q-and-As about exchange (6)L2 Speed around Los Angeles

building (6)H13 Bit of lotion used in many burns (6)M5 Take down some of the weirdest

royals (7)G9 Medicine with no pluck (7)D13 Chapter 9 is about returning my

snacks (5 3)J3 Place by one number a metal (8)

A B C D E F G H I J K L M

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13


proDuCt pLaCeMent

Like most movies these days, this puzzle relies on product placement, although it is not always handled well.

1

**ENTY-S**

*ENTRA* P***

*OM*OP***

SU*KE* P****

*IS***ER*TAND

2

**ORIA ST*IN**

M*X**UM

D**SOM**I*C

PLA*F*R**

B**AKFA**

3

*U*HESS

CO*P**ATI***Y

M*CRO**NA**

*L*SS**

P**TI**PL*

4

RA*T*****AN

H*A***AR

**NO*YLL*B**

**I***ANC*R

S****NO

5

**NO**D*

**WOR**R

A*GH**IS**N

***OO

A*PL* **E

6

S**C**RS

DI*GNO*T***

*EN*LTI**TE

*AL*I*O*COPE

**V*R*ERATI*N

7

**RFOL* *SL*ND

*I*UTE*ANT G**ERN*R

R*E*ORI*

EU*O*Y

*****B**T

8

BO*SH****T

**ILTIN***

*R**PA

AS***P

***PPI** PAP**

9

E*H****E GLYC**

U*S*R***SI*G

S***HE***G

P*U* R***RE

*IN*R* STA*

* 1 * 2 3 4 5 6 * 7 8 9 *


reD Carpet experienCe

Who are you wearing?

EIC

ELE

ALE

PNS

GOO

VAA

AND

WRS

NHS

GIY

DRI

HQI

RAI

• Angelic

• Artwork created with a pencil

• Australian known for a pouch

• Commedia dell’arte character

• Eden

• A lot of snow

• Mexican garments with hoods

• Not real

• One from a cold nation

• Primitive folks

• Something human-like

• What one irons out

• Whitish pasta sauce

Calvin (4)

Christian (5)

Coco (7)

Donna (6)

Giorgio (5)

Jimmy (6)

Kate (8)

Oscar (8)

Pierre (1)

Ralph (7)

Tom (7)

Tory (6)

Vera (6)


sCreening


set Dressing

It can be difficult to figure out where you are, but you can often use costumes to help.

1 2 3 6

Country (2)

5 6 3 2 7 4

Capital (9)

3 2 6 1

Capital (3)

5 2 3 8

State (2)

1 2 3

Capital (3)

1 2 3 5

Country (2)

1 2 3 4

Country (3)

1 6 4 3 2

State (3)

5 4 1 2

Capital (4)

2 3 4 5 6

Capital (8)

4 7 8 1 6 3

Capital (6)

2 3 6 4 1

Capital (6)

5 4 2 3 1

6 8 6

8 4 5

5 6 6

9 9 6


stunts

Stuntwork often involves using disguised stunt people instead of actors, but there’s usually something off.

• Acrid or bitter (4) + Where yonder is (5) + Jock’s rival (4)• Authentic, perhaps too much so to quit (5) + Big block of concrete (4) + Actress Spelling (4)• Crew member (2’1’1) + Smooth the surface of (4) + Circular shape (4)• Rodents (4) + Chaluim Chille, to the English (4) + Guinness or Baldwin, but not Trebek (4)• HTML keyword used to indicate a section of text (3) + Heart chambers (5) + Entreat or beseech (3)• Indian beverage (4) + Juan or Eva of Argentina (5) + A place to perch (4)• Fancy vehicle (4) + Duelist Aaron (4) + Disease-spreading bacterium (4)• Opera song (4) + Inventory (5) + Speed or pace (4)• ____ or less (4) + Landed (4) + Nought (4)• “Rah!” or “Bravo!” (5) + Stiff hair or bristle (4) + Towards the back (6)• Spanish slang for marijuana (4) + Tennis player Lendl (4) + Midsection (5)• Vote into office (5) + Common practice, especially in creative arts (5) + “Ta-ta!” (5)

Scene 1 Actors (4)• Long angry speech• One who samples certain dairy products• Senator or representative• Brazilian style of music (2 wds)• One who likes preaching• Cover a metal object

Scene 2 Actors (5)• They often have carrots to offer• Adults at a prom, probably• Smelly object for the second actor in Scene 1• Noble being• Reason to be• One from Georgia or Mississippi


teChniCoLor

80 O A D R U N N E R M CC A L K E B2

E F4 T 99 U C A T I N I R L I O S 28

L W O N R A 00 A O G N O D 80 F0 AF S

L A O I J N E S A D0 R Y O R B O 00

I N R T 99 B B T 14 N Y D0 T A E0 B H

N D E 22 F I O I K U R S T C R B 43

I A 30 E 00 N 58 C L E C M E K E Y N

T EE T R I FF O O H E1 E H FF L A F 70

N 11 I 51 A 61 E D T E U 40 A E T L A

N T I F L Z Y M 88 T 55 Y R N D A R

T DB A U G U I N B E I A F U A Y B

39 O O S E V E L T R M C I I N N A

H D6 A U H A U S E 44 A E E B E G G

40 O T T W E I L E R C N L L M R E

O AC A C H A E L R A Y L D L L A I

H S I F G I B L E E DA O R T I I C4


6 ...

5

4

titLe sequenCe

Time to catch up on some exciting film series.

2

1

3


WhoDunnits

The * indicates that the letters appear in order in that column.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

’

1. Dirt ___ (death) + Symbol for Potassium2. Nut that cyanide supposedly tastes like, minus the vowels3. Last name of master criminal Danny, with the last letter changed to the third4. Suspicious + peaceful letter?5. Richard who starred in the mystery Primal Fear6. Dark and mysterious, like a criminal’s past, minus the vowels + fourth letter of the alphabet7. Fictional PI Milan Jacovich lives in this state, minus the last letter8. Jolene Jackson series author Boyd, with the L changed to an N9. Zen riddle10. Puts it together (in gin, that is)11. ____, or My Mom Will Shoot! (minus the last letter)12. Word before fiction, with the L changed to W*13. Stand-_____ 14. Pull _____ one (2 wds)15. Unravel or come apart + letter that can be the opposite of S or Y16. Abbreviation for “that is”, repeated twice*17. Two-Face’s last name, with the vowel changed to C18. First letter of a popular mystery award*19. “Oh, I thought you should know...”20. TV cop T. J., minus the doubled letter21. And Then There Were ____, with the first vowel changed to an A*22. Alfred Hitchcock and the ____ Investigators, minus the last letter23. 23rd letter + State where J. B. Fletcher lived (abbr.)*24. Novelist Grafton, minus the last letter*


Sports JerseysLeft-hand Side• 1937: lawman, reap• 1953: nomads, sped• 1957: Ingrid, sala• 1960: solemn, must• 1961: bedcover, lied• 1963: thorny, ache• 1963: vilest, Drea• 1970: coward, thin• 1976: lemons, Bean• 1979: burlap, file• 1980: bodega, scar• 1984: Camden, mute• 1985: smokier, plate• 1988: amount, lily• 2001: bobcats, parer• 2011: Galore, coat

Right-hand Side• nods, swiped• lens, Beacon• cord, within• bode, scarab• sole, Muscat• grid, salami• be over, limned• skier, placate• boats, partner• aunt, lazily• lore, combat• Thor, Apache• Caen, minute• lawn, redcap• burp, futile• vest, dreamd

Each pair of words are connected by the removal of one bigram in the first word and the insertion of a second bigram in the second word. (e.g., Lawman/Reap->Lawn/Redcap which involves MA->DC.) Each pair of bigrams represents a sports team that relocated in the given year. Use the number on the right as an index into the old team’s name and read in the right-hand order to get SUPERSONICS TODAY. The answer is THUNDER.

1953: MA->WI: Braves [S]1976: MO->CO: Scouts [U]1970: WA->WI: Pilots [P]1980: GA->AB: Flames [E]1960: MN->CA: Lakers [R]1957: IN->MI: Pistons [S]1961: DC->MN: Senators [O]1985: MO->CA: Kings [N]2001: BC->TN: Grizzlies [I]1988: MO->AZ: Cardinals [C]

n Answers: The Green Issue2011: GA->MB: Thrashers [S]1963: NY->PA: Nationals [T]1984: MD->IN: Colts [O]1937: MA->DC: Redskins [D]1979: LA->UT: Jazz [A]1963: IL->MD: Zephyrs [Y]

Tin CansThe solved word search is shown. Leftover letters spell “Of a certain shape, soon, damaged, smell, element, hockey team, queues, doll.” Replace CAN in certain words to make new words matching these definitions: CONICAL, ANON, DENTED, ODOR, SODIUM, DUCKS, LINES, BARBIE. The new letters spell CANOODLE.

Old LettersEach answer starts with a different single letter. Y-axis, H-bomb, T-bone, M. Butterfly, S Corp, J. Crew, B. Dalton, D-Day, P. Diddy, A-frame, U-Haul, O. Henry, R. Kelly, Z Nation, v-neck, iPhone, x-rated, K-rations, L. Ron Hubbard, N-Space, C-Span, f-stop, g-string, Q-tip, W-Two. Once placed in the grid, use the first letter in place of the numbers at the bottom to get HOTMAIL PRODUCT. The answer is E-MAIL.

Past Tax FormsIn each case, the Federal side is a country, while the State side is an anagram of a state within that country minus one letter.Puzzle #1: 1. Carouse/Coarse/Score; 2. Traipse/Pirate/Taper; 3 Lactose/Closet/Celts. Federal side spells USA. State side spells AIO (IOWA-W).Puzzle #2: 1. Rarebit/Barter/Terra; 2. Attunes/Statue/Taste; 3. Dragnet/Argent/Great; 4. Apricot/Captor/Actor; 5 Jealous/Joules/Seoul. Federal side spells INDIA. State side spells BUNPJ (PUNJAB-A).Puzzle #3: 1. Migrate/Triage/Tiger; 2. Ovaries/Savior/Aviso; 3. Exports/Poster/Strep; 4. Impetus/Septum/Temps; 5. Cinders/Diners/Rides; 6. Tedious/Duties/Suite. Federal side spells MEXICO. State side spells AROUND (DURANGO-G).Puzzle #4: 1. Brought/Trough/Routh; 2. Redrawn/Andrew/Waned; 3. Antsier/Insert/Rents; 4. Spritzes/Persist/Sister; 5. Reading/Danger/Grand; 6. Varlets/Starve/Avert. Federal side spells BRAZIL. State side spells GRIPES (SERGIPE-E).Puzzle #5: 1. Vinegar/Ravine/Riven; 2. Utensil/Insult/Tunis; 3. Poacher/Cheapo/Epoch; 4. Dimples/Lisped/Spiel; 5. Smartie/Timers/Items; 6. Rankest/Skater/Treks; 7. Acronym/Macron/Carom. Federal side spells GERMANY. State side spells ALADRAN (SAARLAND - S).The answer is WAGES.

Business CardsEach cryptolist is related to a card suit, except that one entry is an actor that played the Joker.Category 1: Red Sox, Yankees, Dodgers, Giants, Rockies, Diamondbacks, Cesar Romero, Marlins, Cardinals, Brewers (Baseball teams, who play on Diamonds)Category 2: These Dreams, Jack Nicholson, Baracuda, Alone, Mistral Wind, What About Love?, Magic Man, If Looks Could Kill, Never, Beautiful Broken (Heart songs)Category 3: Philip Marlowe, Rick Blaine, Mark Hamill, Baby Face Martin, Linus Larabee, Charlie Allnut, Roy “Mad Dog” Earle, Frank McCloud, Fred C. Dobbs, Paul Fabrini (Humphrey Bogart roles, who also played Sam Spade)Category 4: Dallas Buyers, Jared Leto, The Breakfast, Fight, Paradise, Dread, The Mickey Mouse, Bad Girls, The First Wives’, Buena Vista Social (words before Club in movie titles)Category 5: Heath Ledger, Trump Vodka, Trump Model Management, Trump Shuttles, Trump Steaks, Trump Marina, Trump University, Trump’s Scent of Success, Trump Legos, Trump: The Game (Trump-branded products)Index each suit by N, where the Joker actor is the Nth entry. The answer is DEALT.

Medicine BottlesPer clue 15, Dr. Stabby was prescribed 1 to 4 Arabinose pills per day. It wasn’t 1 (otherwise 2 orange pills would have been prescribed, clue 16). It wasn’t 2, otherwise Dr. Yarrock prescribed 4 pills, which contradicts clue 10. It wasn’t 3, as Arabinose is neither Glucose, nor 200 mg in size (clues 5, 12). 4 Arabinose pills were prescribed, 5 orange pills, and 6 pills by Dr. Yarrock. Dr. Lintock did not prescribe 6 or 4 pills (above), so Dr. Lintock prescribed 2, and only 1 Dextrose pill was prescribed (clue 7). Dr. Lintock didn’t prescribe the pill to be taken 4 times day, so that pill is green (clue 10). The largest pill was not prescribed 3 times daily (clue 12, 14), so the yellow pill was not prescribed 6 times, nor was it prescribed 4 times (above), so it was prescribed 2 times daily, and Dextrose is the largest pill. Neither the blue pills (clue 17) nor violet pills (clue 8) are the largest, so the largest pills are red. Dr. Yarrock’s pills weren’t blue (clue 17), they are violet, and the pills taken 3 times day are blue. If the blue pills were 200, the violet pills would be 100, but that contradicts clue 8. The pills taken 3 times daily are Glucose. Glucose are not the largest, and are divisible by 100 (clue 5), as are Dr. Yarrock’s pills (clue 5). This means Glucose are either 400, 600, or 800 in size. The Arabinose pills are divisible by 25, but not 100 (clue 5) and are also a square (clue 6), so they are 225 or 625 in size. They are not 225 (as they are larger than the Glucose, clue 3), so they are 625 in size. Glucose is smaller in size, so they are not 800. If they were 600 in size, there would be no size available for Sucrose. Glucose is 400, and Sucrose is 550 (clue 5), and must be Dr. Lintock’s yellow pills. The violet pills are 200 (clue 17). The orange pills must be 100mg in size (clue 5, 8). Enclose were taken one more time than the orange pills, so they are violet pills. By elimination, Otiose are the orange pills. They were not prescribed by Dr. Antioch (clue 4), they were prescribed by Dr. Lampock. If Dr. Amblock prescribed the green pills, then some pill would be more than 1175 in size, contradicting clue 1. Dr. Dufrock prescribed the Glucose, Dr. Amblock prescribed the Arabinose and Dr. Antioch the Dextrose (clue 4). The largest pill was more than 950 in size, so they were 1000mg. In color order:• 1 1000 mg. red Dextrose, Dr. Antioch• 5 100 mg, orange Otiose, Dr. Lampock• 2 550 mg, yellow Sucrose, Dr. Lintock• 4 625 mg, green Glucose, Dr. Amblock• 3 400 mg, blue Arabinose, Dr. Dufrock• 6 200 mg, violet Enclose, Dr. YarrockFirst letters of the pills spell DOSAGE and first letters of the doctors spell ALL-DAY. If you determine total dosage, you’ll get 1000, 500, 1100, 2500, 1200, 1200. If 100=A, 200=B, then the numbers form the word JEKYLL.

SawbladesUnbladed: 1: epodes, 2: retool, 3: Reiser, 4: spiced; 5: redraw, 6: roiled; 7. Air Bud, 8. pet rat, 9. Teller, 10. Denny’sBladed: dubstep, relined, warrior, loopier, sedator, decoder, syncope, reships, tartlet, deliria

Bladed answers are formed by the last three letters of an unbladed answer, a letter in the tooth, and the first three letters of the next unbladed answer. The teeth spell out APHORISTIC.

Hazardous MaterialsThe Warnings clue various movie objects that have specific warnings, or dangers:• Ark of the Covenant• Book of the Dead• Cursed Videotape• Holy Grail• Mogwai• Red Ryder BB Gun

• Remote Control• Sunglasses• Trioxin“Frodo: The Ring is SOLUTION WORD. It will hold you to your word”The solution word is TREACHEROUS.

CellphonesThe answer to each clue is a pair of words that have the same pattern on a phone keypad (e.g., 27433 for BRIEF and ASIDE). First letters of the clues spell “Words with only one match.” Identify instances where the two words have only one letter in common in a particular position.• brief aside [I]• raucous savants• incur gnats [N]• stomp rumor• hormonic insomnia• unused toupee• tombed unmade [M]• offkey medley• canape aboard [A]• refugee seethed• cage acid• rich shag• daughter fatigues• sheep riffs• scot rant [T]• tsar trap• punnier stooges [E]• shrunk pistol• invader hotbeds• soothed pontiff• steeds suffer [S]The answer is INMATES.

Water BottlesArrange the squares to form a grid full of bodies of water. There is a missing column and row in the center. To complete the grid, add RED SEA to the missing row, and WHO AM I? to the missing column. The answer is MOSES.

C DM C O T T O N W O O D M NI N I D A V I SS G T A H O E C ES O G K K P OO S G I L A A A E E C

S U L U A R D P N O R T HR P A N A M A E U Z EI E G O N T A R I O S

R E D S E AI S U E Z A P

C O T A R N O EO R C R T T S AL A O D A N U B E KU R O S S I R G N I L EM P O T O M A C E EB A L I I T L GI A T I T I C A C AA M A Z O N C L E N A

CDsIn the crossword, several entries go beyond the edge of the grid. These create four new entries: _ADONN_, EN_A, AD_LE, and BJO_K. Add letters to spell the names of four female recording artists: Madonna, Enya, Adele, and Bjork. These new letters spell MAYER.

The Green IssueEach answer is a transaddition of a kind of green. Below shows the recycling steps. The answer is WE’RE TOO JADED. Note that you can skip the steps altogether and take answers in the order the puzzles were given in the magazine.

Step 1-3:WAGES (SAGE+W) MOSES (MOSS+E)

TREACHEROUSTHUNDER

JEKYLLINMATES

CANOODLEAPHORISTIC

WAGESMOSESMAYERINEPTEMAILDELTA

Step 4-5:APHORISTIC (PISTACHO+R)

APHORISTICCANOODLEINMATESJEKYLL

THUNDERTREACHEROUS

MAYERINEPTEMAILDELTA

Step 6 DELTAMAYER

TREACHEROUSTHUNDER

JEKYLLCANOODLE

EMAILINEPT

INMATES

Step 7:MAYER (ARMY+E)

MAYERTREACHEROUS

THUNDERJEKYLL

CANOODLE

DELTAEMAILINEPT

INMATES

Step 8 THUNDERJEKYLL

CANOODLE

TREACHEROUSDELTA

EMAILINEPT

INMATES

Step 9 THUNDERJEKYLL

CANOODLE

TREACHEROUSDELTA

INEPTINMATES

INEPTINMATES

Step 10-11:INEPT (PINE+T)

JEKYLLCANOODLE

TREACHEROUSDELTA

INEPTINMATES

THUNDEREMAIL

Step 12:TREACHEROUS (CHARTREUSE+O)

JEKYLLCANOODLE

TREACHEROUSDELTA

INMATES THUNDEREMAIL

Step 13 CANOODLEJEKYLL

DELTA INMATES EMAILTHUNDER

Step 14 CANOODLEJEKYLL

INMATESDELTA,

EMAILTHUNDER

Step 15-16:CANOODLE (CELADON+O)JEKYLL (KELLY+J)EMAIL (LIME+A)THUNDER (HUNTER+D)INMATES (MANTIS+E)DELTA (TEAL+D)

CANOODLEJEKYLL

EMAILTHUNDER

INMATESDELTA

Cover PuzzleWhile it’s possible to hit one of the words on the target, it’s also possible to hit a body part to complete each word.• C-RAW/HAND-LER• CH-ANGEL/ARM-ING• DE-LINE/LEG-ATE• DE-PUT/LIVER-Y• DIAG-RAM/NOSE-S• MA-GNAT/CHIN-ES• P-REACH/LUNG-ER• S-WIT/EAR-CH• SUN-BATH/SHIN-E

Sketchy Characters1. Monty Python’s Flying Circus2. Saturday Night Live3. In Living Color4. The Kids in the Hall5. SCTV6. The State7. The Edge8. Turn-On9. Human Giant

Quote SquarePullman [Column 1], Daniels [Column 7], Crystal [Column 5], Ferrell [Row 2], Shatner [Row 3], Lumpkin [Column 4], Buckner [Column 6], Vanessa [Column 2], Bradley [Row 6], Clinton [Row 7], Buffalo [Column 3], Holiday [Row 4], Withers [Row 5], Wallace [Row 1]“Only in grammar can you be more than perfect.” William Safire

Sixty-Second Testmandrill, Maxwell, margin call, Macaroni Grill, Magic 8-Ball, mad as hell, Malcolm Gladwell, Margaret Mitchell, marked bill, masquarade ball

Word GardenIdentity, Supremacy, Ultimatum, Retribution, Betrayal, Sanction, Deception, Objective, Dominion, Imperative. Extra letters spell “Bourne again.” (All of the words follow ‘The Bourne’ in Robert Ludlum’s Bourne series.)

Jawdroppin’“My body is very attracted to your body but when you speak my brain gets angry.”

n Answers to Warmup PuzzlesLogic PuzzleRoberta White has a white bowl (clue 1) and scored 0 for appearance (clue 4). She did not score 4, 2, or 1 for flavor (clue 3) or 0 (above), so it scored 3 and included cherry tomatoes and tangerine. Britta did not score 0 for flavor, and is not Ms. Brown (clue 1), so she had a brown bowl and scored 1 for flavor. Billie is not Brown (clue 1) so Georgia is, and Billie scored 0 for flavor. Willa is Ms. Black. The woman who used peach scored 3 for appearance, and of the women in clue 3, can only be Ms. Brown. The woman who scored 1 for appearance scored 4 for flavor, and 2 for appearance scored 1 for flavor. Willa’s bowl was not red (clue 4) or black (above), so it was green. The woman who scored 2 for appearance is Ms. Red, and Ms. Green is Billie. The woman who used a black bowl can only be Billie Green, and Georgia used a red bowl, and Roberta used cantaloupe. The woman who used a Carolina Reaper can only be Willa. The woman who scored 3 for heat must be Britta, and she used tomatilloes. Roberta scored 2 for heat, and Georgia scored 4. The beefsteak tomatoes were used by Georgia (clue 6). The woman who scored for 1 for consistency is Roberta, which means Billie used plum tomatoes and by elimination Willa used heirloom. Britta scored 4 for consistency, so she used the Bhut Jolokia. Roberta did not use the Infinity chili (clue 5), she used the Trinidad Scorpion, and Billie used the Infinity chili. Billie did not score 2 for consistency, she scored 3 and Willa scored 2 for consistency. Billie’s salsa scored lower overall than the woman who used orange, so Britta must have used orange. Willa used key lime (clue 7) and Billie used lime. In summary:Britta Red, brown bowl of tomatillo, Bhut Jolokia, orange, and Schnapps salsa (scoring 3, 1, 2, 4)Georgia Brownn, red bowl of beefsteak, naga viper, Meyer lemon, and peach salsa (scoring 4, 2, 3, 0)Billie Green, black bowl of plum, Infinity chili, lime, and Fresca salsa (scoring 1, 0, 4, 3)Willa Black, green bowl of heirloom, Carolina Reaper, key lime and kiwi salsa (scoring 0, 4, 1, 2)Roberta White, white bowl of cherry, Trinidad Scorpion, tangerine, and cantaloupe salsa (scoring 2, 3, 0, 1)

CryptolistamaniaParty Down: shindig, hootenanny, clambake, cocktail party, gathering, roast,

birthday, wingding, soiree, mixerWater Down: Dew, Trickle, Puddle, Rivulet, Creek, Lagoon, Lake, Channel, Sea,

OceanBuckle Down: zipper, snap, fastener, suspenders, shoelace, belt, velcro, button,

metal hook, cufflinkStand Down: The Shining, Revival, Carrie, Misery, The Green Mile, Needful

Things, Different Seasons, Insomnia, Firestarter, The Dark HalfKeep Down: Moat, Guard Tower, Drawbridge, Throne Room, Dungeon, Lower

Bailey, Chapel, Parapets, Barbican, PinnacleThumbs Down: Bomb, Turkey, Dud, Box Office Poison, Flop, Critical Failure,

Bust, Debacle, Clunker, Fizzle

Pinwheel

Sniffling Crosswords Illustrated Crosswords

this issue’s extravaganza: wes carpenter’s foreign...

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