TheSevenSpiritualWeaponsbyCatherineofBologna

TranslatedbyHughFeiss,OSBandDanielaRe.

Preface

ChristJesus

(1)Withreverenceandsweetandgentlelove,IpraythatChristJesuswillguardfromthesinofunbeliefanyonewhocomestoknowofthislittleworkwhichImadewiththedivinehelpandnotattributetotheviceofpresumptionnortakeamissanyerrorinthispresentlittlebook.IamtheleastpuppybarkingunderthetableofthehonorableandrefinedservantsandsistersoftheimmaculatelambChristJesus,sisterofthemonasteryoftheBodyofChristinFerrara.I,theabovementionedpuppy,wrotethisbymyownhandonlyforfearofdivinecondemnationifIweresilentaboutwhatcoulddelightothers.(2)Ialsointendthat,asItellthesweetmemoryofthesaintsofthepastintheirbooks,eachcreatureoughttomakeitselfpraiseworthyinitscreatorthroughthemanifestationofthedivineProvidenceconferreduponitbythedivineCreator.(3)Inthis,onewillknowgloballytheinfinitecharityofourLordGodwhen,throughhismercy,hedeignstohelpandconservehiscreationeachday,keepingitsafeamidaccidentsandfrequentdangers.

(4)And,bythis,wehaveanincreaseofourfaithinhim,ourGodthetruemaker,knowinghimtobetheconservatorofthis,hisowncreation.ThanksbetoGod.Amen.

(5)InthenameoftheeternalFatherandofhisonlybegottenSonChristJesus,ofthesplendoroftheFather’sglory,forloveofwhom,withjubilationofheart,Icry,sayingtohismostrefinedservantsandspouses:

LeteveryloverwholovestheLord

Cometothedancesingingoflove,

Lethercomedancingallafire

Desiringonlyhimwhocreatedher

Andseparatedherfromthedangerousworldlystate

…

Placingherinthemostnoblecloisterofholyreligionsothat,purgedthereofeverystainofsin,shewasclothedintheadornmentofholyandnoblevirtue.Hereformedthebeautyofthesoulandleadsitbacktoitsfirststateofinnocencesothatafterthispilgrimage,shecanworthilyenterintothegloriousbridalchamberofhermostchasteandvirginalspouseChristJesus,fromwhosehandshewillreceivetheprizeoftriumphantglory.(6)Thisheimpartstothosewho,forloveofhim,abandonthevainpleasuresofthiswearyworld,subjectingthemselvestotheruleofreasonandabandoningtheirselfwill,andtakerefugeinthesafeportofholyreligion,offeringthemselves

completelytothewillofanotherandfollowingthewayofmostholyobedienceandabandoningtheirownwillinallthings.

(7)But,awarethatthiscannothappenwithoutviolencetooneself,Ihavewrittenherebelowatsomelengthsomecounselstocomfortthosepersonswhohaveenteredthenoblebattleofthisobedienceand,beingstronglyattackedandassaultedbytheirownwillandbyhowtheyseethingsorhowthingsappeartothem,areverysad,thinkingthat,bythis,theyloseallthemeritofobedience.(8)Thatisnottrue,becauseeveryvirtueisperfectedbyitscontrary.ThatthisistrueIwillshowlaterwhenIwillspeakofthisexcellentandbeautifulvirtueofobediencewhichisworthilycalledthequeenornobleempress.

(9)So,whoeverdesirestojourneywithoutdangerandhappilyfromthispassinglifetoherheavenlyhomeland,lether,throughthemostnoble,gentleandkindspousethatshecouldfindandthatis,takeupthisobedienceasanimpenetrableshieldwhichwillgivecompletevictoryoverourenemiesandwillbejudgedatthesavingportofeternalretribution,asChristsays:“Whoeverfollowsmedoesnotwalkindarkness,buthaslight.”33

(10)Butbecauseatthebeginningofthisbattleandevenuntilitsveryconclusion,shemustpassthroughastormysea,thatis,bywayofmanypainfultemptationsandfiercebattles,atthebeginningofwhatfollows,Iwillputsomepowerfulweaponswithwhichtofightlegitimatelyagainstthecunningofourenemies.(11)Butitisnecessarythateachwhowishestoenterintothisbattleneverputdownherarms,forherenemiesneversleep.So,filledwithgreatfervorandconfidence,wetakeupthearmsinpraiseofChrist.Amen.

(12)WhoeverfromdeepwithinhernobleandzealousheartwishestotakeupthecrossthroughJesusChristoursaviorwhodiedonthefieldofbattleinordertogiveuslife,letherfirsttakeupthearmsnecessaryforsuchbattlesandespeciallythosewhicharetreatednextinorder:firstisdiligence;second,distrustofself;third,confidenceinGod;fourth,memoryofhispassion;fifth,memoryofone’sowndeath,sixth,memoryofthegloryofGod;seventhandlast,theauthorityofHolyScriptureasitgivestheexampleofChristJesusinthedesert.

(13)Thesoulwhichisespousedbythepricelessringofgoodwill,thatisofdivinelove,andwishestoserveGodinthespiritoftruth,mustfirstcleanseherconsciencebyapureandcompleteconfessionandmakeamostfirmresolutionofnotwantingeveragaintosinmortally,andinsteadtodieathousandtimesifthatwerepossible,becausethepersonwhoisinmortalsinisnotamemberofChristbutofthedevil,andisdeprivedofthegoodsofholymotherthechurchandcannotdoanythingwhichwillprofitherforeternallife.(14)AndshedoesthisalsobecausetowishtoservethisGodfaithfullyrequiresaresolutionnottosinmortally,aswassaidabove.Butnotethat,shouldyoubeinmortalsin,youshouldneverdespairofdivinegoodnessnorceasetodowhatevergoodyoucandosothatinthisway34youcangetoutofsin.Andwiththishope,alwaysdowhatisrightinwhateverstateyoufindyourself.

(15)Besidesthis,itisfittingthatthefaithfulservantofChristdisposeherselftowishtowalkthewayofthecross,foritbefitsallthosewhoserveGodtoengageinbattleagainsttheadversariesofGodandfromthemtoreceivevariouspainfulwounds.Andaboveall,itisnecessarytohavegoodandeventhebestarms,especiallythosewhichfollowbelow,tofightagainstthoseadversariesvigorously.

[I]OftheFirstWeapon

(1)ThefirstweaponIcallzeal,thatissolicitudeindoinggood,sincetheHolyScripturecondemnsthosewhoarenegligentandlukewarminthewayofGod(Apoc3.15-16).TheofficeoftheHolySpiritistoinspireinusgoodinspirations,whileourdutyistoacceptthemandputthemintooperationbywagingcontinualviolenceagainstoursensualitywhichalwaysinvitesustowhatiscontrarytowhatthespiritwills.(2)Therefore,itisnecessarytoresistitwithtruediligenceandnottoletthetimegrantedtouspassbywithoutacquiringthefruitofgoodworks,asitiswritten:

Whoeverwishestogoup,lethimrestnot

Fromthoughts,fromspeakingworksanddoingdeeds

AndalwaysexertinghimselfinGod

butwithdiscretion,sothatwhenouradversary,likeawickedtraitor,assailsusfromambush,wecandefendourselves.(3)By“fromambush”Imean,whenundertheappearanceofgoodhewishestokillyou,forthereisasmuchdangerintoomuchasintoolittle.AndsoItellyou“withdiscretion,”awarethatthisvirtueestablishesandperfectsalltheothervirtuesaccordingtowhatwassaidbythegloriousteacheroftheancientholyfathers,thatis,St.AntonioofVienna36

(4)Soitisproperforustoexercisewithtruediscretionallthespiritualandtemporalvirtues.However,whentheenemyseesthathecannotimpedetheservantofChristfromdoinggood,hewillseektoenticeherwithdoingtoomuch.SoexerciseallthevirtuesinpropermeasurethattheweaponoftrueanddiligentdiscretionmaybeexercisedbyusforoursalvationandforthepraiseofChrist.Amen.

[II]OftheSecondWeapon

(1)Thesecondweaponismistrustofself,thatis,tobelievefirmlyandwithoutdoubtthatonecouldneverdoanythinggoodbyoneself,asChristJesussaid:“Withoutmeyoucandonothing”(Jo15.5).Norcouldoneresistsuccessfullythefuryoftheinfernalenemiesfortheircunningwickedness.Andifsomeonedoesconfideinherownwisdomandwillnotdothis,letherknowforcertainthatbyjustjudgmentshewillfallintogreatruinandletherbeawarethatthisenemyismoremaliciousthanotherseveninthiswickedness.(2)Andtherefore,thesecondweaponforfightingagainstthisenemytellsonenottotrustinoneself,andblessedisshewhohasthisnoblequalityinherself.Andtotheextentthatthepersonisinagreaterstateofvirtueorexercisestheofficeofprelate,themoreherneedforit.(3)Ireceivedthisexamplefromanoldandveryprovenreligiouswhosaidthatwhenhewasaprelate,wheneverhewasabouttobeginsometaskpertainingtohisofficeofgoverningthemonastery,ifhediditaccordingtohisinclination,Godmostoftenallowedsomeanxietyortribulation;andifonthecontrary,hediditaccordingtothecounselandinclinationofthemajorityofhissubjects,italwaysturnedoutwellandoftenhefoundhimselfconsoled.(4)Now,then,howcouldthesubject,especiallyonenewlyenteredintoreligion,havesuchpresumptionthatshewouldwanttolivebyherownlightsandherfoolishfervorandnotratherbythecounselandwillofhersuperiorandmistresssothatthevirtueofholyhumilitymightshineinherandtheweaponofself-diffidencemightbewieldedbyher.TothepraiseofChrist.Amen.

[III]OfTheThirdWeapon.

Thethirdweaponistoputone’strustinGodandforloveofhimtofiercelywagebattlewithgreatreadinessofspiritagainstthedevilandagainsttheworldandone’sownfleshwhichisgivenoneinorderthatitmightservethespirit.Andaswestandtriumphantwiththefeetofouraffectivityontheseenemies,wetrustinGodwithfirmhopethathewillgiveushisgraceabundantly,bywhichwewillhavecompletevictoryoverallourenemiesandwillknowthathedoesnotabandonthosewhohopeinhim.(2)WhenevertheservantandspouseofChrist,bythepermissionofGod,findsherselfinagraveanddangerousstorm,shecriesfromherhearttowardheaven,saying:“Goddonotabandonme.”Then,howevermuchshefearedanddoubtedwhethershewasabandoned,shewillberaisedupbythedivineandhiddenmysterytothehighestperfectionwithGod.(3)WehaveanexampleofthisinhisonlySon,when,atthepointofapainfulandbitterdeath,hecriedout,saying:“Father,whyhaveyouabandonedme?”(Mt27.46).(4)Thishappenedbecausethedivine,unitedinseparablytohim,reallyabandonedthehumanandsensitivepartinhisnature.Thiswastheaimofjustice,sothatthepainfulobedienceofChrist(Ro5.19)wouldcancelthepleasureofthedisobedienceofourfirstfather.(5)Returningtoourtheme,theservantofChristdoesnotfearabandonmentwhateveritmightseemsometimes,forsheknowsthatGodoureternalFatherwillnotallowthistohappenjustashedidnotallowittohappentohisownSon.Eventhen,whenshefindsherselfingreatstraitsandtribulation,shewillincreasehertrustinthedivineaid,recallingthesweetpromisethathemadetousthroughthemouthoftheprophet:“WithhimIamintribulation;Iwillsnatchhimupandglorifyhim”(Ps91.15).(6)Whowouldnotwanttobetroubledinordertohavesosweetandfaithfulacompanion,whoofferstobewithhisfaithfulintimeofadversity?Herewehaveallthemorecausetowantmorestronglytobetroubledthanconsoled,andinthis,toholdtofirmhope;thatisthethirdweaponwearetoemploy,entrustingourselvestoGod.TothepraiseofChrist.Amen.

[IV]OftheFourthWeapon.

(1)Thefourthisthememoryofthegloriouspilgrimageofthatimmaculatelamb,ChristJesus,andespeciallyhismostholydeathandpassion,keepingalwaysbeforetheeyesofourmindsthepresenceofhismostchasteandvirginalhumanity.Thisisthebestmeansforwinningeachbattle,andwithoutit,wewillnotachievevictoryoverourenemies.Everyotherweaponwillachievelittlewithoutthisonewhichsurpassesalltherest.(2)Omostgloriouspassionandcureforallourwounds.Omothermostfaithful,wholeadyourchildrentotheheavenlyFather.Otrueandgentlerefugeinalladversities.Osupportivenursewhoguidechild-likemindstotheheightsofperfection.Orefulgentmirror,whoilluminethosewholookatyouandrecognizetheirdeformities.Oimpenetrableshieldwhomostsmartlydefendthosewhohidebehindyou.Omanna37suffusedwitheveryfulsomesweetness,youaretheonewhoguardsthosewholoveyoufromeverydeadlypoison.(3)Oladdermosthighwhoraiseuptoinfinitegoodsthosewhoflyupwarduponyou.Otrueandrestorativehospiceforpilgrimsouls.Oeverflowingfontwhoprovidedrinkforthethirstywhoareinflamedforyou.Oabundantseaforthosewhorowonyouintheirderelictboat.Osweetolivetreewhostretchyourbranchesthroughalltheuniverse.Ospouse,gentletothesoulwhichisalwaysinlovewithyouanddoesnotlooktowardothers.(4)Andsoexerciseyourselvesuntiringlyinthis,dearestandkindestsistersandgazeuponyourselvesinhisradiantsplendorsothat,inthisway,youcanconservethebeautyofyoursouls.Trulythispassionisthatwisemistresswhowillleadyou,belovednovices,tothebeautyofallthevirtues,andinthisway,youwillattainthemantleofvictory.TothepraiseofChrist.Amen.

[V]OftheFifthWeapon

(1)Thefifthweaponistoremindoneselfthatwemustdie.ThistimeiscalledthetimeofmercyinwhichGodlooksdowndayafterdaysothatwecanamendourlivesfromgoodtobetter.Ifwedonotdothis,wewillhavetorenderaccount,notonlyoftheevilswehavedone,butalsoofthegoodsleftundonebyournegligence.AndsoPaulthegloriousapostlespokewell:“Letusdogoodwhilewehavetime”(Gal6.10).(2)Sooftenthinkaboutdeathandalwaysstandreadyforit,forweknowneitherthedaynorthehourwhenthemoststrictjudgewillcommandustorenderaccountofthetalentofgoodwillgrantedtoussowecouldexerciseitinpraiseofhimandforthesalvationofoursoulandofourneighbors.(3)Novicesshouldespeciallybeonguard,aswassaidabove,lest,outofexcessiveconfidenceinthemselves,theytrespasstheruleimposedonthembytheirsuperiorsandmistresses.Theyshoulddevotealltheirefforttowalkingalongthatwaywhichismarkedforthemregardingtheregimenofbodyandsoul.Isaythisbecausesometimestheenemy,withshrewdcunning,leadsthosewhoareonlyslightlyinstructedinthespiritualbattletothinkthattheymustsoondieandthattheywillhavelittletoshowforthemselvesiftheydonotdofurtherpenance.(4)Forthisreason,themalignantonestrivesandstudiestomakethemexceedtheruleoftrueobediencewhichiswithoutanydoubtmoremeritoriousthananypenancetheycoulddo.Soitisnecessarytousewithgoodjudgmentthisweaponofrecollectionofourdeath,sothatitcanbeutilizedforthesalvationofthesoulandforthepraiseofChrist.Amen.

[VI]OftheSixthWeapon.

(1)ThesixthweaponisthememoryofthegoodsofparadisewhicharepreparedforthosewholawfullystrugglebyabandoningallthevainpleasuresofthepresentlifeinaccordwiththesayingofthemostholydoctorSaintAugustinethatitisimpossibletoenjoypresentgoodsandfutureonestoo.(2)So,dearsisters,becontentnottohaveinthisworldanypleasureoranybeloved,anddonotgrowtiredofdenyingyourownwill,rememberingwhatourpatriarchSt.Francissaid,thatis,thatthemostexcellentandgreatestgiftthatGod’sservantcanreceivefromGodinthisworldistoconquerhimselfbydenyinghisownwill.Sohesaid:“SogreatisthegoodthatIbehold/thateverywoundisbelovedbyme,”38inordertoshowhow,throughthememoryofeternalthings,herejoicedinsufferingevil.(3)Andinconfirmationofthejoyswhicharepreparedforyou,dearestsisters,Iwillofferthefollowingexample:whenIenteredthispresentmonastery,notlongafterIenteredthepresentmonastery,thereenteredayoungwomanwho,aftershewashereforalittlewhile,tiredofdoinggoodandregrettedhavingabandonedthewayoftheworld.Andithappenedthat,beinginthatframeofmind,shewenttomakeherconfessiontoaveryworthyservantofChristtowhomshesaidthatshewantedtoreturntotheworld.(4)Hewasstartledbythisandresponded:“Daughter,becarefulwhatyouareabouttodoforIhavereceivedavisionthisnightorratherearlythismorningwhichcausedmetowonderagreatdealbecauseIdidnotknowwhatitwishedtosignify.”Shesaid:“Pleasetellmeaboutit.”(5)Andhesaid:“Iwasledtoabeautifulfeastwheretherewerecountlessyoungladiesalloverwhowereresplendentwithindescribablebeauty,andtheywereclothedwithwondrousgloryandhadgarlandsofbeautifulflowersontheirheads.Andthusadorned,theywalkedtowardayoungladywhoevidentlywishedtowalkintheircompany.Andsowithmuchjubilationandfestivehonorandglory,theydrewupinfrontofhertoreceiveherasshewished.(6)Andwhentheywereinfrontofher,sheseemedtoregrethavingcomeandturnedaround,andwhenthatmostnoblecompanysawherdothat,itseemedthatallRomagnawassad.Atthatmomentthevisiondisappeared.Andthen,returningtomyself,Iponderedwhatthisvisionwassupposedtosignify,butnowIunderstandforsurethatGodhasshownthattomebyyourcoming.(7)Forthisreason,Ibegyou,daughter,thatyounotfollowyourcurrentevildesireandtemptation,butstandstrongandpersevereuntiltheend,sothatyoucan

finallyreachthatnoblefeastandcompanywhichIsaw,andresteternallywiththesegloriousvirginswhoawaityou.”(8)Whensheheardthis,sheresolvedtostaywithus,morefromshamethananythingelse.Butafteralittletimehadpassed,whenitwasobservedthatshedidnotcarryherselfinareligiousway,shewassentbacktoherfamilyandquicklycametotheendofherlifeamidthevanitiesoftheworld.ThuswasverifiedthevisionoftheservantofGod,because,losingthecrownofhervirginity,shewasjustlydeprivedofrisinguptothevirginalprovincewhichtheservantofChristhadseen.(9)So,belovedsisters,bestrongandconstantinperseveringindoinggoodsolelyforthepureloveofourLordGodandhopefirmlyinthegoodsofparadisesothatyoucanfinallyreachthemsayingtogetherwithourseraphicSt.Francis:“Thosewhoarejustawaitmeuntilyourewardme”(Ps142.8).TothepraiseofChrist.Amen.

[VII]OftheSeventhWeapon.

(1)OftheseventhweaponIwillelaboratemoreatlength.Iwilldothisinordertomakeclearasubtletrickplayedononeofthefirstsistersbytheenemyofoursalvation.ThisisthereasonthatIhavebeenmovedtowritethepresentlittlebookasawarningandinstructionforallthenovicesisterswhoarehereatpresentorwillfollowinthefutureinthismonastery,thesalvationofwhom,togetherwiththatofallrationalcreatures,Ihavesodesired.WiththefrequentanddailydemandofdivinehelpitseemedtomethatinabrieftimeIwouldlackthenaturalpowersofmyfragilebody,sothatevenwithgreatviolenceIcouldscarcelyfinishcompilingthisbook.Thegreatweaknesscausedmetotremble,notonlyinthehand,butalsointheheadandthroughoutmybody.Iwouldbecontent,forloveofChristJesus,ifinstead,Ifinishedthemortalpathandthedeadlydeceitsofthejourney.

(2)TheseventhweaponwithwhichwecanconquerourenemiesisthememoryofHolyScripturewhichwemustcarryinourheartsandfromwhich,asfromamostdevotedmother,wemusttakecounselinthethingswehavetodo.ThuswereadofthemostprudentandconsecratedvirginSt.Ceciliawhereitsays:“ShealwaysborethegospelofChristhiddeninherheart.”39(3)Andwiththisweapon,oursaviorChristJesusconqueredandconfoundedthedevilinthedesertsaying:“Itiswritten”(Lk4.1-13).Therefore,dearestsisters,letnotthedailyreadingsthatyoureadinthechoirandattablegowithouteffect;andletthethoughtswhichyouheareachdayinthegospelsandepistlesatMassbenewletterssenttoyoubyyourheavenlyspouse.Andwithgreatandferventloveputtheminyourbreast,andwhenyouhavemoretime,thinkaboutthem;dothisespeciallywhenyouareinyourcellsothatyoucanbetterandmoresecurelyembracegentlyandchastelythethingswhichtheycommandyou.(4)Bydoingthisyouwillfindyourselvescontinuouslyconsoledbecauseyouwilloftenreceivenewsfromtheonewhomyouloveaboveallelse.OhowsweetandgentleisthedivinediscourseofChristJesusinthesoulofherwhoistrulyenflamedbyloveofhim!IsnotthewordChrist’sownsweetandmellifluousmouththeevangelicaldoctrine?Certainlyitis,andsohowattentivelyyoushouldlistentoitandtasteit.(5)AndhereIputanendtotheaforesaidweapons.ButinthisregardIbegyou,dearsisters,thatyoulearntousethemwiselyandneverbefoundwithoutthemsothatyoucanbetterobtainthetriumphofvictoryagainstyouradversaries.Andbeonguardthatyouarenotdeceivedbythemereappearanceofgood,forthedevilsometimesappearsintheappearanceofChristorofthevirginMaryorintheshapeofanangelofasaint.Therefore,ineveryapparitionthatoccurs,takeuptheweaponofScripturewhichshowshowthemotherofChristcomportedherselfwhentheangelGabrielappearedtoher.Shesaidtohim:“Whatisthisgreeting?”(Lk1.29).(7)Followherexampleineveryappearanceandfeeling,andyouwillwanttotestmuchbetterwhetheritisagoodorawickedspiritbeforeyoulistentohim.Blessediswhoeverdoesthis.Also,itisnotlessnecessarytokeepacloseguardonthoughtsofthemind,sincethedevilsometimesputsgoodandholythoughtsinthemindtodeceiveitundertheappearanceof

virtue,andafterthat,inordertoshowwhatitis,triesandassaultsonestronglywiththevicewhichiscontrarytothisvirtue.Thistheenemydoesinordertobeabletoenticethepersonintotheditchofdesperation.

(8)Thatthisistruecanbeshownbywhathappenedinthestorytoldbythelittlepuppyherselfwho,whenshewasstillyoung,enlightenedbydivinegrace,cametotheserviceofGodinthismonasteryand,withhealthyconscienceandgoodzeal,waseagerdayandnightforholyprayer,andshestrovetomakeherowneveryvirtuewhichshehadseenorheardtobeinothers.ShedidthisnotoutofenvybutinordertobetterpleaseGodinwhomshehadplacedallherlove.(9)Andaftersometime,whenshehadreceivedmanygracesfromGodandhadalsoundergonegreatandvariedbattlesandtemptations,somuchsothatonetimebeingassaultedbyamentalsuggestionandknowingfromthisthatthedevilwaspresenttoher,shespoketohimveryfirmly:“Know,malignantone,thatyoucannotcometomeinanyway,howeverdisguised,thatIdonotrecognizeyou.”(10)ButGod,wishingtohumbleherandshowherthattheenemywasmoremaliciousandastutethanshe,permittedonesubtledeception,thatis,thisdevilappearedtoherintheformoftheVirginMaryandspeakingtohersaid:“Ifyoupartfromyourbaselove,Iwillgiveyouthevirtuouslove.”Havingsaidthis,hedisappeared.(11)ThinkingthatthishadbeentheMotherofChrist–becauseatthatmomentshewastheninprayerandwasbeseechingtheMotherofChristtodeigntogiveherthegraceofbeingabletolovehersonardently–anyway,thinkingthattheapparitionhadbeentheMotherofChrist,whenithaddisappearedshebegantoponderwhattheVirginMaryhadwishedtosaywhenshehadtoldherthatifsheleftherbaselove,shewouldgiveheravirtuelove.Andthedevilelicitedfromhermindbyahiddendeceittheideathatshewishedtosaythatsheshouldabandonthesoulofherownsensesandofherownopinion.(12)Becauseofthis,withallherzealsherenewedherefforttoobeyhersuperiorwithoutanydiscernmentnorcareforherselfasshewasusedtodoing,becauseinthebeginningofherconversion,evenbeforeshewasobligedtodoso,shehadlovedanddesiredtrueandholyobediencemorethanalltheothervirtuesandtothisshehaddevotedallherzeal.Still,bymeansofthisherenemiessoughttodeceiveherandbegantosendintoherheartvariousandnewthoughtsagainstobediencesothatjudgmentsandmurmuringenteredhermindregardingalmostallthethingsdoneorsaidbyhersuperior.(13)Andshefeltgreatsorrowandbitternessbecauseofthisandtoldherfault40tohersuperiormanytimesandwithgreatshame.Andstillthebattledidnotcease.Therewasmuchthatdisturbedherandespeciallythis:everytimeshereceivedstrengthnottoconsentcompletely,shewasviolentlydrawntoit.

(14)Andthenturningherselftotheweaponofprayer,shereceivedsomecomfort.Forshedidnotconsentcompletelybutremainedingreatbitternessthinkingthat,bythis,shewasincontemptoftheVirginMary.Shesaid:“ShetoldmethatIoughttoleavebehindmyownopinion,andeverydayIthinktheopposite.”Thusshewasledintogreatdesperation,unawarethatthiswastheresultofthedevil’sinstigationandthinkingitwaspurelyfromherself.

(15)WhenthemaligndevilsawthatneverthelessshedidnotloseherhopeinGod,heponderedhowtofindamoresubtledeceit.So,onemorning,whenshehadenteredintothechurchtopray,hesuddenlyappearedtoherintheformofChristcrucified,standingintheformofacrosswithhisopenarmsspreadsomewhatinfrontofherinafriendlyandbenignfashionasthoughwishingtodrawherback.Hesaidtoher:“Thief,youhaverobbedme.Givemewhatyouhavetakenfromme.”(16)ShebelieveditwasJesusChrist.Sowithgreatreverenceandfear–assoonashehadappearedtoher,shevoluntarilyhadprostratedherbodyontheground,sothatsheappearedtobesubmissiveinmind–sheansweredbysaying:“MyLord,whydoyousaythistome?ForIhavenothing;infact,IammostpoorandasnothinginyoursightandinthisworldIamsubordinatetootherssothatIdonothaveanything.”(17)Herespondedbysaying:“Iwantyoutoknowthatyou

arenotsopoorandthatyouhavesomethingbecauseImadeyouinmyimageandlikenessbygivingyoumemory,intellectandwill;andbyabandoningyourselfbyavowofobedience,youhavereturnedthemtomeandmovedmetotellyouthatthisshowsyoutobeathief.”Sheunderstoodthathesaidthisbecauseofthethoughtsofinfidelitywhichshehadinherheartagainstherabbess,aswassaidabove,andsheanswered:“MyLord,whatshouldIdobecauseIdonothavemyheartinthecontrolofmyfreewillandIcannotrestrainthethoughtswhichcometome?”(18)Heansweredsaying:“DoasItellyou;catchyourwill,memoryandintellectandmakesurethatinnomatteryoudosomethingotherthanthedesireofyourelders.”Andshesaid:“HowmustIdothiswhenIcannotretaintheintellectwhichdiscernsorthememorywhichremembers?”Andheanswered:“Placeyourwillintheirsandthinkthattheirwillisyoursanddonotwishtoexercisememoryorintellectinanymatterotherthantheirs.”(19)Andshesaidshecouldnotdothat,awarethatshedidnothaveherheartsubjecttoherfreedom.Hesaidtoher:“DoasItoldyou;thatis,sleep,wakeandrest.”Sheansweredhim:“Sir,Idonotunderstandwhatyouwanttosay.”Andhesaid:“Bysleeping,Imeanthatyoushouldnotinvolveyourselfinthepresentthingsofthisworld;andbywaking,Imeanthat,nevertheless,youshouldbezealousaboutyourdutytoobey;andbyresting,Imeanthatalwaysandinallyourworksyoukeepyourmindincontinualmeditationonmypassion.”(20)Andhavingsaidthisandmanyotherthingstostrengthenherinobedience,hedisappeared.She,believinghewasJesusChrist,kepthermindonthesethingsandthoughtaboutthemoften.Nevertheless,shedidnotthinkshehadherheartfreefromtheabove-mentionedbattlesincewithgreatimportunity,assoonasherabbessorderedsomeexerciseorsaidsomething,itseemedthatathousandjudgmentscametohermind:“Thismatterwouldbebetterifitwerethusandso,”andmanythoughtsofinfidelityandcontradictionofwhichsheneverspokeexceptinherculpatohersuperiormentionedabove,aswasnotedearlier.(21)Shedidthiswithgreatshameandbitternesssothatmanytimesshecouldhavewashedherfeetwiththeabundanceofherpainfultears.Andshesaidthatifshehadn’tmadeuseofthisremedyof“sayingherculpa,”41manytimesshewouldhavebecomeconceitedandrebelledagainstobeyingthisabbess,formanytimesshewastemptedveryviolentlytogoandfightwithherandcontradictthethingsshedidorordered.Thiscouldhaveledtothedamnationofhersoul,forinnowayisareligiouspermittedtocontradicthersuperiorsunlessitisamatterofmortalsin.(22)Andforthisreasonwhenshewasthustempted,sheresistedstrongly,knowingthatitdidn’tcomefromherselfbutfromtheenvyoftheenemy,whohasthefiercestspiteforthosepeoplewhorightlyserveGodinthestateofobedience,andsohewasalwayssearchingfornewwaysbywhichhecouldtrickher.Sheresistedhimwithpatienceandwillhavethecrownofmartyrdom.

(23)Butreturningtoourplan,whensometimehadpassed,thisbattlegrewevergreater,andshewouldneverhaveresistedhadshenotenduredwithloveandreverence,andobeyedhersuperiorinallthings.Further,shewasneverfoundstubbornorobstinateinheropinions,althoughbynotconsentingtothedevilshewasalwaysinvolvedinagreatstruggleandinbitterness.Sogreatwasthemultitudeofhertears,whichsoabounded,thatifGodhadnotconservedhersightbyhisgrace,itseemsimpossiblethathereyeswouldnothavedissolvedinherhead.Butwhensuchwasherbitterweepingthatshereachedthepointthatitseemednomorewatercouldflow,bloodcameinitsplace.(24)Andherheartcouldnotrestrainitselffromweepingbecauseoftheunspeakablesadnesswhichhadwoundedit,especiallysinceitwasdeprivedoftheflameofdivinelovebywhichshewasoftenaccustomedtobevisitedwithsuchabundancethatshecouldwithgreateffortbarelyhideit.Shesufferedfromgreatdrynessinherheadandcouldnotpraynorsaytheofficewithoutgreatpainandeffort.Moreover,inthiswaypainfulsadnessincreasedbecauseshefearedthatitmightbefromtheviceofsensuality.(25)Thisfearproceededfromtheenemybecause,aswassaidabove,alreadyinthefirstapparitionhehadsaidthatsensualityarosefromhim,andnowhearousedher,whofearedinherheart–notonlyher,butevenacquaintances–thatshewassensual.Inthiswaysheboreandsustainedmanyrebuffsandaccusations.Thiswasthecomfortandsupport

broughttoherinthemidstofsogreataplight.Asherpainbecamecontinuallyworse,itwasasifsheweredeprivedofunderstandingwhilethebattlesragedwithinandaroundher.(26)Andforthisreason,shebegantosnatchsomereposeatnightandnottostayawakeallnightashedid,thoughshewassoaccustomedtoprayerthat,evenwhenshewassleeping,shewasraisedupintheformofacross,thatis,withherarmsextended.Nodoubtthiswasinducedbytheenemysothat,byprayingtoomuch,shewouldwearout.(27)Andbesidesthis,itseemedtoher,andsoitwas,thatwhathadhappenedtoherwaslikewhathadhappenedtothegloriousJob,thatis,thatshewasdeprivedofallrichesofmentalandbodilygrace,andthevirtueswhichshehadadoptedinthebeginningwithgoodzealandwithouthesitationnowseemedimpossibleforhertohavetodo.Ifthevirtueofpatiencewerenotproposedtoherinhermind,shewouldhaveverylittle,butthattheslightestwordwasspokentoherinducedinhergreatbitterness.Thishappenedtoheraftertheabovementioneddeceitsthroughthegreatpovertyofspiritwhichshesuffered.

(28)Aftersomemoretimehadpassedinsuchpoverty,theenemyofallthosewhohavesetfootonearthappearedagain.ThistimehecameintheappearanceoftheVirginMarywithherlittleSoninherarms.Headdressedherandspokethus,scoldingher:“Youhavenotwishedtoabandonyourwickedself-love,andIwillnotgiveyouthevirtuouslovethatismylittleSon’s.”Andhavingsaidthis,hedisappearedlikeapersonwhowasupset.Andshe,thinkingthatitwastheMotherofChrist,ponderedverybitterly,believingthatshewasestrangedfromherandherSon.

(29)Nowletthelistenerthinkintowhatmortalweaknessandsadnessofheartthisledher,somuchthatshecouldscarcelyholdherselfupright,somuchthatmanytimesshewouldhavedespairedifshehadnotknownwellthattheworstsinthatcanbeisthatofdespair,andalsobecausethedivinegoodnessnevertakesawaythegiftofgoodwill,throughwhichshealwayshadthedesireofnotwantinganythingwhichwascontrarytothedivinewill.(30)Andwhenthemalignonesawthatthroughallthishecouldnotobtainherdamnation,itseemsthathereceivedfromGodthefreedomtoredoublehisrageagainsther.Knowinghowandhowmuchshelovedthehonorofthismonasteryfromherheartandthecommongoodofallthesisters,hesoughttoafflictherinanotherway.(3l)So,onenight,whentheothersistersslept,sheheardhimwalkingaroundthemonasterylikeamadmanyellingwithfrightfulandterriblevoice.Andafterthis,whenhedidn’treceivefromGodfreedomtodestroythemonasterytothegroundashappenedtoblessedJob,hedidsomuchthat,inashortwhile,themonasterywasemptyofbothgoodsandsisters.Butshestoodfirmanddidnotwishtogooutsideuntilitwaspromisedtoherbythosewhowentoutoftherethatshecouldreturnandbeginagaininbettersurroundingsthanbefore.(32)Sowiththispromise,shewentoutsidewithgreatsorrow,sayingtothosewhohadcomeoutside:“PutmeinaplacewhereIwillhavenooccasiontoseeorspeaktoanyone.”Andthusitwasdone.Aftersomedays,asitpleaseddivineprovidence,shereturnedtothatplacewithfiveotherofthosesisterswhowerethereearlierandbegantoreformthemonasteryingoodorder.Butsometimepassedbeforetheywereabletosealthemselvesinacloistersothatpeoplewhocametovisittheplacewentinside.

(33)Sotheenemymadeuphismindagainstherandarousedsomepeopleofhighstatusintheworldwhosecretlyaskedhertopleaseagreetogoandstayintheirhouseinthecompanyofoneoftheirlonelylittledaughters,andsaidthatifitwasnecessarytoobtainpermissionfromthepopeorfromanyoneelse,sheshouldnotdoubtthatallwhichwasnecessarytothehealthofthesoulandthebodywouldbeprovidedherbetterthanshecouldknowhowtoaskforit..Shedidnotconsenttoallthesepromises,butstayedfirmlyandconstantlyintheaforementionedplacewithfullfaiththatshewasstillestablishedinthecloisterundertheRuleofSt.Clare.Andsoitwas.

(34)Buttheenemy,furiousoncemore,beganagaintowanttorazetothegroundthefoundationof

therevealededifice.Shewasdrivenintoseveredoubtandhadrecoursetotheweaponsofprayer,andwithheartfeltaffection,sheraisedherinteriorvoice,callingouttoheavenandaskingfordivinehelp.AndshewasfullyheardandboreandsustainedmanyandvariedtribulationsbothinherownpersonandinherneighborswhichIamnotgoingtoputdownherebecausethelistwouldbetoolongtotell.(35)Butasitiswrittensoithappened:“Theycalledoutinthedayoftheiraffliction,andyouheardthemfromheaven”(2Esdr9.27-28).Andsoithappenedthatthebuildingprogressedfromgoodtobetter,andtheenemylostthebattleandremainedconfused.ThishappenedtothepraiseoftheLordGodwhodoesnotabandonthosewhohopeinhim,whopermittedhertohavemanygreattroublesbecausehewishedtotestherthiswayandmakeherworthyofgreaterglory.

(36)SoheopenlypermittedthatshewouldknowhowtheabovementionedapparitionshadproceededfromthedevilandthatGodhadpermittedallthatinordertomakehercometoagreatknowledgeofherself.Andsoithappened,because,havingpassedthroughtheabovementionedhellishpunishmentwhichlastedforaspaceoffiveyears,shewasonceagainconsoledbythedivinevisitationandconfirmedinsuchagreatknowledgeofherownweaknessandnothingnessthat,ifalltheblessedsoulshadsworntothecontrary,shewouldnothavebelievedit.(37)Besidesthis,sheremainedinsuchasalutaryfearthatbefore,orratherinthesightofthedivinemajesty,shesawherselfasnothing,incomprehensibleandunutterable.Andsoatsomecost,shebecameratherexpertinthediabolicaldeceitsandalsointhetrueanddivinevisitationaboutwhichshesaysandaffirmsthefollowing:WhenGod,throughhiskindness,deignedtovisithermind,suddenlyhedrewnearwiththisineffableandtrustworthysign:thatis,beforehimthereproceededtheholyauraofhumilitywhich,enteringher,immediatelycausedhertoinclineherinteriorandexteriorhead,sothatsheappearedtobetheprincipalrootofallfaultspast,presentandfuture.(38)Andthusaccusingherselfofanyfaultcommittedinherneighbors,sheremainedintrueandheartfeltloveofthem.Andtheninherpresenceshonetheradiantsunandtruewarmingfire,Christ,andwiththissoulhereposedinpeacewithoutanythingmediatingbetweenthemsothatwellcanshesay:“Ohighnothingness,yourdeedissostrong/thatitopensallthedoorsandentersintoinfinity.”42

(39)Andthen,astheflameofdivineloveburneddown,themindstayedillumined,theheartwarmedandcaughtfirewithdesiretosufferevils,andherfacewasjoyouswithjubilantandfestivesentiments.Andsometimestheeloquenceseemedtoremainonthereadytoaugmentthevirtuesandtoreproveandtobearwithdefectsgentlyandsweetly.Andsometimes,onthecontrary,sheremainedasthoughobliviousofanyspeechthroughthegraceofunitylovewhichabidedinher.(40)ThemoreshewasintunewithGod,themorefearshehadofbeinghisenemyandofbeingdeprivedofhim,andbyinthiswayshewasabletoenjoythedivinepresencewithoutdangerofvainglorythroughwhateverpersonhebecamepresent.(41)Andshealsothoughtthatallmortalcreatureswereequallynothinginthesightofthedivineandimperialmajesty;insomeineffableway,shewasbroughtaninteriorlightthroughwhichsheunderstoodthatonlyGodcouldbringherjoyandgloryandthroughgrace,giveherinfinitegoodandthroughjustice,infinitepenalty.(42)Itseemedtoherthesummitofstupiditytovainlygloryinoneself,andfordreadofthattokeepfromacceptingthedivinesentimentsandfromdoinggoodwhenevertheywererevealedtoher.Idonotsaythisforthebeginningnovicebutfortheperfectwhoregardvanityasnothing,towhichperfectionnoonearriveswithgenuinefirmnessexceptbycarryingthepainfulcross,passingbywayofmanytemptations.

(43)Onthecontrary,nowwishingtoshowbyitscontraryhowtounderstandandrecognizethediabolicmessengersthroughtheexperiencewhichshehadintheabovementioneddiabolicalapparition,shesaysthatinallthreeoccasionswhentheenemyshowedhimselftoherinthewaydescribed,itneveroccurredtoheratthatmomenttowonderifitwasthewickedspirit.Instead,immediatelyandwithoutanyverification,shebelievedthatitwasthegoodspiritbecause,inthese

apparitions,thefalseenemyalwayspreachedtoherthatvirtuewhichshelovedthemost,thatis,obedience.Thenwithmuchimportunity,heinsinuatedtheopposite,puttinginherheartthoughtswhichinclinedhertopassjudgmentonhersuperiors.(44)Andthen,afterthis,undertheappearanceofcontrition,hearousedsomuchsorrowoverthesesuggestionsthathemadeherstayinapitofunspeakableanddamnablesorrow,givinghertounderstandthatthisproceededfromherselfandnotfromhimfromwhomitdoubtlesslydid.(45)Theenemykepttothisparticularmethodbygivingherforalongtimethetemptationofblasphemy–forwhichsheneverfoundanyremedyeitherinconfessionorinanyotherway–untilfinallythedevilcametoheronenightwhileshewassleepingandopenedherearsandtoldhertoblasphemeGod.She,stillsleeping,refused,saying:“Iwillnotdothat.”Andwhentheevilonesawhowmuchshedespisedhim,hemadesuchaloudracketthatshewokeupandfelthimdepart.(46)Andinthisway,sherealizedclearlythatitwastheenemywhohadafflictedhersobyputtinginherheartsuchblasphemiesandthenleadinghertothinkthattheycamefromherselfinordertomakeherfallintodespair.Andafterthis,sheremainedvictoriousovertemptation,seeingopenlyhowtheenemyinsinuatedsuchblasphemiesintoherspirit.(47)Soifanyofyou,belovedsisters,shouldbetemptedinasimilarstruggle,donotbealarmednorsaddenedbythinkingthatitproceedsfromyourselfratherthanonlyfromdiabolicenvywhichcannotstanditthatGodbeadoredandpraised.Butineternity,withoutanyrespite,hewillbeblessedandpraisedandmagnifiedandsuperexaltedindespiteandderisionofLuciferandallhiscompanionsandthedarkbrigade.Amen.Amen.

(48)Now,wishingtoshowmoreclearlywhathappenedtoheraftertheaforesaiddeceits,shesaidthathergoodwillseemedtobepartiallyasleepinrelationtodoinggood,andthattheslightesteffortbegantoseemtoherlikeunbearablelabor.Shewaswithoutthetasteofdevotiontosuchanextentthateverythingseemedbeyondher,andmanyyearspassedbeforeshecouldrecoverthetasteforprayer.Andinthetimeoftheseapparitions,shewassostronglytemptedbytheviceofvainglorythatthefalseenemyplacedinherheartthatshesaidthattheaforesaidapparitionscouldbeconsideredgood;andbythissuggestionhehidhimself.(49)Hereoneshouldconsiderwithwhatcraftinesstheenemydeceivedherregardingthewayofobedienceandthenplacedinherheartthecontraryandbeyondthis,causedhertothinkthatthesethoughtsproceededfromher.Andthewickedonedidallthistomakeherfallintotheditchofmortalsadnesswhichwassodangerousthatwhenshewasliberatedfromit,shesaidthatshehadfearedshewoulddepart.Shesaid:“Whichdoyouwant:toreturntotheaforesaidsadnessortohaveyourheadcutoff?”Withoutdoubtanyonewouldrespondthatshewasreadytoundergosuchadeath,evenwithgreatpleasureanddelightratherthantobereturnedtothissadness.”

(50)Althoughitmayseempresumptuousofme,Isincerelyaskallthosewhowilleverfindthemselvesabbessesinthismonastery,thattheytakecaretobevigilantovertheflockcommittedtothem,knowingthatthedevil,thehellishwolf,alwaysseekstodevourit.Henceitisnecessarytokeepadiligentwatchandnotwaittosavethelambwhenitisinthemouthofthewolforatthepointofdeath,butimmediately,withtruegoodnessandgenerosity,supportitsweaknessesofsoulandbody.OhowpleasingitistoGodandsalutarytothesubjectwhenthesuperiorgivesherhelpbeforesheasksforit,becausewhatisaskedforislesspleasingandlessrewarded.(51)Andwhoissohard-heartedthatwhentheyhurttheirfootoreventheirlittlefinger,shedoesnotbendherheadtolookatitandherhandtomedicateit?Andwhileeachleadermustmaintainthismannertowardallhersubjectswithoutanylaziness,theoppositeisadeadlymedicine,bringingdamnationtoboththeheadandthemembers.Nowitisenoughtomeritthisifonedoesnotopenhereyestothedove’ssimplicityandrecommendittothatOnewhoseesallwithoutanyrest.(52)Shewillrememberthatshemustshowgreaterconcernfortheleastsoulcommittedtoherthanforthewholeworldwithallitsdecoration.Hersisaveryimportantburdenwhichsheshouldconsiderwell.Andalwayssheshouldshowwithtrueprudencegreaterloveforthosewhoaretemptedto

disobedienceandinfidelitytowardher,ratherthantowardthosewhodonotfollowsuchaway,becausethevirtueofobedienceislovedmoreandlonginglysoughtbysuchaperson,asisclear:theenemyalwayswouldratherattacktheservantofChristregardingthatvirtuewhichheknowsislovedbyher.(53)Thatreligiousisblessedwhosustainswithpatiencesuchbarkingandconquersherself,becausenoonewillreceivethecrownofobediencewhodoesnotsustaininthiswaythebattleofcontradictions,astheinfinitegoodnessofourLordsays;thatis,thosewhoconquerthemselveswillseizeholdofheaven.

(54)Fromthisitfollowsthatthosewhoobeywithviolencetotheirownopinionandwhoarevexedintheirownwillandtheirownbreastanddiscernmentwillnotlosethemeritoftrueobedience,butwillmostlywithoutdoubtacquireagreatershareofheavenlyglorybydoingcontinualviolencetothemselvesandsubjectingtheirownwillnotonlytotheirmotherandsuperiors,butalsototheirequalsandthoseunderthem.ThewayofsuchvirtueismanifestintheinfinitegoodnessoftheSonofGodwhenhewasobedientnotonlytohiseternalFather,butalsotohismotherandtoJosephasthegospelmakesclearwhenitsays:“Andhewassubjecttothem”(Lk2.51).(55)Aboveallfeelashamedoftheprideofthehumanheartwhichdoesnotwishtobesubject,butalwaysseekstolorditoverothersandstandabovethem.Andthusthemindofthosepersonswhoareinvitedtothemarriageofthelamb,thatistoholyreligion,areconfoundedfortheybelievethat,afterashorttimeduringwhichtheystoodatthegateofsalutaryobedience,theyaresuitabletohavethepowertoruleandmanageothers.(56)Inthistheyaredeceivedbecause,believingtheyhavetraversedthewayofperfection,theyfallintotheditchofpresumptionbecausetheydonotconsiderhowfartheyarefromtheperfectandhumbleobedienceofChristJesus.Afterthetwenty-nineyearsduringwhichhewassubjectandobedient,hidingtheloftinessofthedivinityundertheshadowofhisvirginalhumanity,onceagainmoreopenlyandasthoughhehaddonenothingbylaboringinthisobedience,heboreandsustainedgreatandvariedsufferingsandderision.ItisclearthatnotonlywashenotregardedastheSonofGodhewas,buthewasevencalledandregardedasablasphemerofGodandaviolatorofhislaw.Hewasnothonoredbytheprincesandgreatonesoftheworldashisservantswanttobetoday,butinsteadhewasconsideredafoolandanevildoer.HeboreandsustainedallthisinordertobefullyobedienttohiseternalFather.(57)AndheshowedthathisobediencewasperfectwhennotonlywashesubjecttohisFather,butalso,throughobediencetothisFather,hesubmittedtothelordshipofthevilestsinnersatwhosehandshereceivedsocrueladeath;andthenhecompletedhisobedience.

(58)Andbecauseofthisexample,everypersonwhoiscalledtothestateofreligionoughtnotonlytodesiretostaythirtyyearsormoresubjecttoothersasChristdid,butalsosheshouldwithgreatfervoraskGodeverydayforthegraceofbeingabletoremaininthestateoftrueandhumbleobedienceinordertobemoreconformedtohisSon,who,aswassaid,notonlywassubjectandobedienttotheFatherandtohumancreatures,buttoinanimateonesalso,because,bytakinghuman,passibleflesh,hewassubjecttosufferingfromhunger,thirst,coldandheatandothernecessitieswhichafflictourweakness.Andfinally,throughthevirtueofobedience,hesubmittedhimselftothecruelmasteryofthebitternailswhichnailedhimfinallyanddecisively.

(59)Andhowcouldanyonedoubtofhersalvationifsheendedhermortalpathinsuchvirtuewhichmakestheservantmorelikehermasterthananyothervirtue?Becauseofhisholyobedience,didnottheeternalFatherpromiseAbrahamtocommandhisSontotakeupourmortalityinordertovivifyus?Certainly,sowhoeverwishestobuildagoodbuilding,letherlaydownthisvirtueasherfoundationandbelievefirmlythatshewillbebettersavedbythisthanbyanypenitenceorfastingorcontemplationshewishes.(60)ThereisnorationalcreatureofsolittleunderstandingthatshedoesnotknowthattruereligioncannotdoanygreaterthingfortheLordGodnoranythingmorepleasingtohimthantogiveherwholeselfforhim,leavingbehindherownwill,sothatitisclear

thatthecreaturewhosubjectsherselftoothersforloveofhercreatordoessomethinggreaterandmeritsmorethandoestheonewhoserveshimwithherownselfwill.AndifAbrahamwasjustifiedforobeyingonlyGod,howmuchmorewillthatonebejustifiedwho,forloveofGod,subjectsherselftoobeytheservantofthisGod.

(61)Andso,dearlybeloved,makefirmyourresolve,knowingthatyoucannotdoanythinggreaterforyourspouseChristJesusthanpersevereandfinishundertheyokewhichyouhavetakenupthroughhim,awarethattheenemysometimesmakesthewayseemtoonarrowortoolong.Andithappensthatthenovices,suddenlyentereduponthefieldofbattle,areplacedtotheproofsothattheyarechangedfromleadintothefinestgold,thatis,fromsensualandworldly,theybecomespiritualandcelestial.AndthisOurLordGodbringsabout.HewishestoleadthembythewaywhichhisSonwalked,who,asweknow,fromthetimeofhisbirthtohisdeath,alwayswalkedthewayofthecross.

(62)AndthereforeGodlovesthemwithafather’slove.Hewishestomakethemco-heirsofthegoodsofhisSon.Allofasuddenhebeginstoplacethemonthewayofthecross,andwithhispermissiontheyareassaultedbythehellishenemiesstealthily,thatis,undertheappearanceofgood.Inthiswayhemakesthemregretsomuchwhattheyhaddesiredwithsomuchfervorthat–sincetheyareinthemonastery–thedevilputssuchterrorintheirheartsthatifitwerenotfortheirembarrassment,theywouldturnback,thatis,gooutside.(63)ThishappensespeciallytothosewhopromisetoproducethemostfruitonthewayofGod,foritseemsthattheyhavenotfoundGodastheyhadhoped,butalsotheyhesitatetobedeprivedofhimandofeverygraceanddevotion,forbecausetheydesiredhiscomingwithgreatfervorfortheloveofGod,theyundertooktoabandonfriendsandrelatives,andtheenemyattackedthemwiththeopposite,givingthemsuchrecollectionandtendernessregardingthemthatawakeorasleep,itdidnotseemthattheycouldthinkofanythingelsebutthem.(64)Andwhiletheywerewonttodesiretodomuchpenance,theyarenowattackedbysensualityandgreed,somuchsothattheyhardlydaretotakethebreadwhichisplacedbeforethembecausethedevilarousesthemso.Andforashortwhile,theyaredeprivedofeverytasteofdevotionsothattheyenterintogreatsadness,saying:“TrulyIwasbetteroffbeforeIcamehere,andIservedGodbetterandwithgreaterdevotionthanIdonow.”(65)Andso,undertheappearanceofgood,theenemystrivestomakethemturnbackbyshowingthemthatthewayistoonarrowortoolong.ButinnowayshouldthespouseofChristconsenttosuchdeceits,butwithfortitudeandreadinessofspirit,sheshouldsteelherwillandsaytoherself:“IfmyLordGodpermitsthatIbealwaystemptedtotheendofmylife,Iwillneverconsent,butIwillstandfirm.”(66)Andwhenshehasmadethisresolution,shewillgotoprayerwithasmuchfervorasshecanandsaywithherheartandhermouth:“MyLord,sweetJesusChrist,throughthatinfiniteandineffablelovewhichmadeyoustandboundtothecrueltormentofthepillarandsustainthefierceandcruelblowsofyourenemiesformysalvation,Ipraythatyougivemesuchstrengththat,withthehelpofyourgrace,Icanachievevictoryovermyenemiesandwithpatiencesustainthisandeverybattlethattheycanlaunchagainstme.”(67)Andthenletherbowaboutonehundredtimesmoreorless,assheisable,atthenameofJesus,invokinghimalways.EachpersonwhomakessuchaprayerwithagoodheartshouldbecertainthatshewillsoonreceiveremedyandcomfortaccordingtothesayingandsweetmemoryofmostholyBrotherBernardinowhomIcallandholdtobethePaulofourpatriarchSt.Francis,sinceChrist,wishingtohavehislifecomplementedinhim,promisedoneofhisbrotherstomakehimashemadetheApostlePaul,whocouldnotrefrainfrompronouncingthenameofJesus.ThisispreciselywhattheapostleofFrancis,St.Bernardino,hasexaltedonceagaininthepresentnotonlyinhispreaching,butalsointhedevoutpeoplewhichheleads.ForthisreasonhecanrightlybecalledthePaulofFrancis.

(68)Butletusreturntooursubject.Whentheaforesaidprayerisfinished,ifbydivinedispensation

thetemptationhasnotdeparted,letthepersonwhohasitimmediatelywithoutanyregardforpersonsorshamereturntoherspiritualfatherormotherandmistressandsayconfidentially:“IsaymyculpathatIamstronglytemptedtodepartfromthismonasteryandthatIamnothappyaboutthis.Ipraythatyouhelpme,thatisthatyouputmeinchainsorinprisonuntilthisbattlehasceased,sothatIcanpersevereintheplacetowhichGodhascalledme.”Andinthiswaytheonetemptedintendedthatsheshouldbeheldbackwhenshewasdrawntoconsent.

(69)AndthegraciousGod,seeingtheeffortthatyouaremaking,willcommandthedeviltoleaveyou.Hewillcrownyounotonlywithineffablegloryintheotherlife,butalsointhepresentlife,hewilladornyouwithmanyvirtuesandgraces.Ofthiswehaveanexampleofonewho,touchedbydivinegrace,leftfriendsandparentsandenteredamonasterywithgreatfervor.Andafterashorttimehefeltsuchagreattendernessandloveforhisrelativesthathewasstronglytemptedtoreturntothem,somuchsothatheseemeddrunkwiththeirmemoryandranhereandtherethroughthemonasteryasifhewantedtoclimboverthewallsandweptwithgreatsorrow.(70)Andseeingthis,thebrothershadcompassiononhimand,findingnootherremedythatcouldhelphim,theythoughtofputtinghiminchains.Heremainedforawhileinthatpenance.AsitpleasedtheAlmighty,Godpromisedthattheaforesaidtemptationwouldleavehimandthathewouldreceiveinhissoulsuchgracesandadornmentofvirtuethatamongtheothershewascalledfullofholinessandofdivinelight.

(71)AndinthisthereliesademonstrationofhowpleasingtoGodisthepersonwho,becauseofloveforhim,bearsandsustainspatientlyallthetemptationsandadversitieswhicharepromisedhim;henceblessedandmorethanblessedisthatreligious,maleorfemale,whoisalwaystemptedandneverconsents,asGodsaysintheApocalypse:“Theonewhoconquers,Iwillmakeacolumninmytemple”(Apoc3.12)andsoalsosayshisgloriousapostleSt.James:“Blessedisthemanwhosufferstemptationbecausewhenhehasbeenproven,hewillreceivethecrownoflife”(cf.Jas1.2).

(72)Therefore,theyaredeceivedwhocometotheserviceofGodbelievingthattheywillservehimwithsweetnessandgentlenessofspiritandmentalpeace,becausethisisnotwhatGodgivestohisfaithfulservants;rather,heinvitesthemtobattle,saying:“Whoeverwishestocomeafterme,lethimdenyhimselfandtakeuphiscrossandfollowme”(Mt16.24).Wehaveanexampleofthisinhimself,whenhedescendedfromheaventoearthnotforrepose,buttoenterintobattleandtoreceiveinsteadofhonor,contempt;insteadofrest,fatigue;insteadofriches,poverty,insteadofsufficiency,hungerandthirst;inshort,hesufferedsomanyandsoseriouswoundsthathewouldhavewishedtodieonthefieldofbattle.

(73)Andnevertheless,belovedsisters,thebridewhohasChristashergroomwishestobejoinedtohim,agreestoconformherselftohim,andsubmitsherselftoeverybodilyandmentaltorment,butshealsointendsnottowishtodoanyspecificthingwithoutthepermissionofhersuperior,becausethevirtueoftrueobedienceisworthmorethanalltheothers,anditleadsthosewhopracticeittoheaven.Andinanysituation,itissafeforthesubjectpersontomanifesthertemptationswhichshehasreceived,becausethehiddenwoundcannotbetreatedorcured.Andthemorethatthesituationseemstohergoodandsafe,themoreshemanifestsit,lestundertheappearanceofgoodshebedeceivedaswastheonewhowasdiscussedabove,towhomtheenemyappearedintheformofChristandoftheVirginMary.

(74)ThereoccursanotherdeceitwhichIdon’twishtopassoverinsilence,butwillmentiontomakemoreastuteandprudentthosewhoprogressonthewayofprayerandspiritualsavor.Onenight,whenshewasatmatinsinchoir,shefeltsomekindofconsolationinhermindand,believingthatthegoodspiritcausedit,shekeptsayingmatinsanddidnotmovefromchoirnorfromher

placeinordernottomakeascene.(75)Followingtheleadofthesentimentwhichhadariseninher,inherheartthereoccurredaverbalargument:Godhadmuchennobledmanandwomanbygivingthemfreewillsotheycoulddogoodandevil,andsowhentheyhaddonegood,Godcouldcrownthemasifbyjustice;andtheApostlePaulhadsaidonthispointthattherewaslaidupforhimthecrownofjusticebecausehehadexercisedhisfreewillindoinggoodandleavingundonetheevilswhichhehadthefreedomtocommit.Afterhermindhadbeenoccupiedforsometimeinthislineofreasoning,sheremainedthinkingthatthiswastheresultofdivinegrace.(76)Thenextnightwhenshewasagaininchoirsayingmatins,therecametohersuchmentalexhaustionandsuchabodilystenchthatitseemedshecouldnotbearit.Withthis,thethoughtstruckherthatitcouldbearguedthatbecauseofthefatigueoftheofficeandtheotherhardshipswhichshevoluntarilybore,sheshouldreceiveasdueherinjustice,ahigherstatethanChrist,whohadneverbeenabletosinnortoexperienceanyconcupiscenceenticinghimtosin,ashadshewhohadthelibertyofsinningandwassubjecttosinandneverthelesshadleftthewayofviceandsinbyexercisingherselfinvirtue.

(77)Inthiswayshesuddenlybecameawarethatthiswasadiabolicmessage.Shehadrecoursetotheweaponofhumility,subjectingherselfinherimaginationtotheinfernalabyssandconsideringhowshehadreceivedfromGodthegiftofgoodwillwithoutwhichshecoulddonogood.Inthisway,shebecameawareandunderstoodthattheconsolationshehadreceivedthepreviousnightwastheworkofthedevilwhowishedtoleadhertothinkthatshehaddonegoodonherown.Shewasnotawarethat,becauseGoddeignedthatwehavefreedomtodogoodandevil,weareobligatedbydebtofjusticetodogood,andwecannotdoitwithoutdivinegrace.Whoeverthinksthathecanbyhimselfaccomplishsomethingbesidesfaultanddefectisreallylackinganysortofintellect.

78)Now,returningtothethreadofherargument,withtheheartfeltaffectionofloveIaskyou,belovedsistersandespeciallythenoviceswhoarehereandmustsucceedinthefuture,thateachputhercaretoherdutytowalkbythewayofobedience,becausethisisthesacrificewhichGodwishesfromyou,andforthisyoumustleaveeveryotherthingandputthisbeforeeveryprayerandcontemplationandmentalsweetness.(79)Soblessedareyouifyoupersevereindoinggood,neitherseekingnordesiringanyconsolation,forasSt.Bernardsays:ToserveGodisnothingelsethantodogoodandsufferevil,andtheruleofthetrueservantofChristisnevertoreceiveconsolationexceptintimeofgreatnecessity.43Thisisthesecureway;forwhoeverwantstogotoGodthroughsweetnessandconsolationisdeceived.

(80)So,belovedsisters,donotwishforanyconsolationfromthisGod,excepttofinishyourlifeforhisloveinthestateoftrueobedienceandsubjection.Inthiswayyouwillacquirethereignofheavenandinthisworldyouwillpossessholyprayerandalltheothervirtues.ThisiswhathappenedinBlessedPaultheSimplewho,intheshorttimethatheservedGodinpureobedience,acquiredthegraceofdoingmiracles.44(81)Idonotsay,however,thatapersonshouldwishtowalkthewayofobedienceinordertodomiracles,becauseChristsaid:“Learnfrommenottodomiracles,buttobehumbleandmeekofheart”(cf.Mt.11.29).Christ’sservants,maleorfemale,neitherseeknordesireanymiracleexcepttofinishtheirlivesvirtuously,perseveringinthatstatetowhichGodhascalledthem.(82)Andthiswillbesuchagreatandwondrousmiracle,shewillwantthatitnotbeknownbytheignoranceofworldlypersonswhohavenoexperienceofthecombatwagedbyGod’sservants,maleandfemale,withthoseenemies,thatis,againstthedeceivingworldwhichalwaysappearstomortalcreaturesasifitwerecoveredwithflowers,andagainsttheirownfleshwhichrebelsagainstthespiritandattacksitconstantlywithnaturalweapons,andagainstthecountlessinfernalenemieswho,withmuchmaliceandtreachery,likewickedtraitors,alwaysseektodeceiveandkillthesoulsdisposedfordivineservice.(83)Andsosuchcombatants

performagreatmiracleandprovidegreaterproofbeyondanycomparisonwiththesoldiersoftheworld,fortherecertainlywillnotbefoundanymansoignorantthat,evenifhehadwisdomofSolomonandthestrengthofSamson,hewouldgointothefieldofbattleandcommencetheskirmishwithhiseyesclosed,thatis,hewouldnotwanttofightagainstenemieshecouldnotsee.

(84)BythisexamplewhichIhavegiven,onecanrightlycomprehendhowgreatamiracleisperformedbythoseservantsofChrist,menandwomenwhopersevereingoodworksandsoconfoundtheloversoftheworldwhosaythatsuchfightersaremerepowderpuffssincetheyfailtoconsiderthattheyfightincessantlywithinvisibleenemies,thatis,withtheseastuteandmightydevilswhichneverceasetoassaulttheminordertodrawthembackfromthewayofGod.(85)Andsogreatistheirwickednessthattheyalsousedthisothertrick.Whentheyseethatareligiousisferventandsocannotbedrawnbackfromdoinggood,theyattempttocommandhertobeginwithoutdiscretiontodotoomuchbeyondthecommonrule.Andinthisway,becauseshehaslefttheweaponofdiscretionbehind,inashorttimeshebecomesweakorfallsintosuchgraveillnessthatsheisconstrainedtorelaxherzealforprayerandallothervirtues.(86)Inthisway,theyareunabletoexertthemselvesonthewayofthespiritandbecomeweakandinsupportabletothemselves,andtheydepriveGodofhonorandtheircompanionsofgoodexample.Andwelldoesitturnoutthus,becausetheyhadthepresumptiontohaveexceededthecounseloftheirmothersandmistresses.

(87)Moreover,iftheenemyseesthathecannotprevailinthis,heusesanothertack.Whenheseesthatthereligiousbeginstotastethesweetnessofdivineloveinprayer,heimmediatelyplacesinherthedesireandwilltogointoadesertedandsolitaryplace,saying:“IknowthatIwouldhaveabetterwaytotasteGod,andIcouldbeinprayerdayandnightasmuchasIwanted.”

(88)Therefore,belovedsisters,beprudentandconsiderhowthiscounselanddesiredoesnotaccordwithChrist’strueandbestcounselwhichinvitesyounottofollowspiritualsweetnessnortheconsolationsandpleasureofyourownwill,buttobearthebelovedcross,saying“Lethimdenyhimself”(Mt16.24),whichistosay:Whoeverwishestofollowmetothehighestperfectionshouldsellhisownwilltotallyandleaveallthingsandcometothestateofreligion,whichtrulycanbecalledthecrossbecauseofitscontinuousdenialofself-will.

(89)Andthattocarrythecrossismoreexcellentthanseekingspiritualjoycanwellbeunderstoodthroughtheexampleofthepresentgeneration.AlthoughtherearefoundmanymenandwomanintheserviceofGodwhoexperiencegrandsentimentsandvisionsandspiritualelevationsbutdonothavethegracetodomiraclesnortoknowthesecretsofothersortoannouncefuturethingsasothershave,theyproceedonthewayofthecrossinthestateoftrueandhumbleobedience.(90)OneofthesewasOurFatherSt.Franciswhosaidthathewasperfectlyreadytoobeyandtosubjecthimselftotheonewhohadenteredreligionmostrecently.Healsosaidthathewouldratherhaveabrotherwhohadpassedthroughthewayoftemptationandnotthatofsweetnessandconsolation,thatis,ofspiritualsentiments.Andhesaidthatthereligiousmustbecomelikeadeadmanwhocontradictsnooneand,ifheisbeaten,doesnotlamentbutstayswherehehasbeenassigned.

(91)OfthiswehaveanexampleinthemostholyvirginsSt.MarinaandSr.Teodora45andmanyotherswhohadmeritedtobeholynotforthesakeofjoysandspiritualsweetness,butbecausetheyperseveredunderobediencenotonlytotheirelders,butalsototheirequalsandthoseyounger,bearingwithtruepatiencethecrossofboredomandfatigueandsweatintheirmonastery,puttingupwithcoldandheat,hungerandthirst,scornandshame,mortificationandrumorand–inbrief–innumerableinjuriesandpersecutionsandbittertemptationsandbattlesnotonlywiththeirownfleshandfragilesexandwithfuriousdevils,butalsowiththosefromwhomtheydeservedto

receivesupportandrefugeinalltheirsufferingandnecessity,thatis,fromtheirprelatesandbrothers.(92)Andbecauseitwasso,howdidtheyhidethemeaningoftheirholiness?Theywerenotthosewhosenameswereonothers’lips,norweretheyregardedasgreater,butrathertheywerethelastandthemostdespisedbecausetheyhideverygraceandvirtuethattheyhad,somuchsothattheywereinsteadthoughtstupidandsinful,notwiseandvirtuous.Thiswasnotbecausetheyputupwithmadwomen,norbecausetheydidsomegoodinthemonastery,butbecausetheydidnotexcusethemselvesfromtheblowsandbadreputationsimposeduponthem,butratherthoughtthatthepresentmiserybroughtthemgreathappiness.

(93)AndtrulythesearethepricelessandbeautifulfurnitureandadornmentsofthespousestheEmperor,ChristJesus,ourGod,whosays:“Whoeverwhowishestofollowme,thefountainoflife,mustgobythestraightway”(Lk13.24).Andsothathemaycomfortyourhearts,belovedsister,knowthatyouarecalledtothestraightwayandleavebehindvainhappinessandnaturalandcorruptpollutions.FightmanfullywithyourownweaknessandsubmityourselfwilltoeveryonefortheloveofGodsothat,inyou,theremaybeapeacefulspiritwhichservesasthedwellingplaceoftheHolySpirit,ashetestifieswhenhesays:Uponwhomshouldmyspiritrest,ifnotuponthehumbleandmeek?

(94)ThebelovedcompanionofourpatriarchSt.Francis,namely,BrotherGiles,teacheswhathumilityweshouldstriveforwhenhesays:“Whoeverwishestopossessperfectspiritualpeace,whichisthetruemotherofhumilityandmeekness,regardseveryoneassuperiortohim;lethimlovewithoutdesiringtobeloved;andlethimservewithoutdesiringtobeserved.”46BysuchexamplesyoucancomprehendwellbywhatvirtuesyoushouldbeadornedasyoupersevereintheplacetowhichGodhascalledyou.Anditiswellsaid:

Osinner,willyouneverrepent?

WhatIrecoveredforyoubymyblood,

Uponthecrosswithmortaltorments?

Soonerorlater,Iwantyoutobecontent.

(95)Inordertoshowthatthisisthewaythingsare,Idonotwishtopassoverinsilenceanotherthingthathappenedtotheabovementionedreligious.Theenemyappearedtoherintheformofthecrucified.Atthebeginningofherconversion,sheenteredthepresentplaceinwhichsomepeoplewereliving,andshebegantotastethegentlesweetnessofthedivineloveinprayer.Forthisreason,sheconceivedagreatdesiretogoinasolitaryanddesertedplace.Shethoughtshecoulddomuchgoodthiswaybecausetheplacewasnotyetobligatedtothereligiouslife,andsoherdesiregrewverystrong.(96)However,shewasafraidtotrustherselfandsoughttolearnthedivinegoodpleasure.Soshebegantooffergreatandalmostcontinualprayer,dayandnight,askingthedivineMajestytodeigntorevealtoherwhatmanneroflifesheshouldfollow.Aftershehadprayedformanydayswithgreatcareandanxiety,onemorning,whenshewasinthechurchatthislocation,aboutthehouroftierce,shewasprayinginaheartfeltmannertoGodthathebepleasedtohear.Thedivineclemencydeignedtorevealtohereverythingshehadaskedand,amongotherthingswhichIdonotmentionnowoutofproperrespect,shewastoldthatapersonmustremainandstayinthatstateandplacetowhichGodhadcalledher.Andthen,inorderobeythedivinerevelationsheresolvedtostayinthispresentplace,indicatingopenlythatthiswaswhatourLordGodwilled.

(97)Bythissortofevent,wecanunderstandthatthebestthingistopersevereintheplacethat

Godhascalledus.Andbewarnedthatthenovicetemptedbyinstabilityoranyothervicenotonlyatthebeginning,buteveninthemiddleorneartheend,mustneverthelessstandfirmandpersevere,recallinghowtheholydoctorSt.Augustinesaidthatthelifeofthesoulontheearthistemptation,andthatblessedisthereligiouswhoalwaysstrugglesandneverconsents.

(98)AndthatthisistrueisshownbythisexamplewhichIheardfromavenerablereligious.OnceayoungmanenteredamonasterywithgreatfervorinordertoserveGod.Assoonashehadenteredandreceivedthehabit,hebeganagreatbattleagainstthetemptationofwantingtoleave.Hedidnotconsentalthoughhewasmademiserablebythinkingaboutit.Withpatienceandconstancyhebegantowalkthewayofobedienceandoftheothervirtues.Withgreatreadiness,hefulfilledallthatwasimposedonhim.Nevertheless,hecontinuedtohavethattemptationinhisheart.

(99)Heperseveredforalongtimeinthisbattle,andheendedhislifeinthatsameplacevirtuously.GodpromisedthathewouldworkmiraclesathisdeathtoshowhowthismanhadmeritedthecrownofsanctitybythecontinualtemptationwhichhehadborneforloveofChrist.Bythis,weareabletounderstandhowmuchGodispleasedbythevirtueofpatiencewhichknowshowtobearandsustainthetemptationandallothercontraryandpoisonousthingsthatGodpermitsfromwhateverdirectionhewishes.

(100)Obelovedsisters,rememberwhatSt.Bernardsaid,thatdelicatelimbsdon’tgatherunderathorn-crownedhead.47Butifyouwishtobe,notonlymembersofChrist,butalsotrueservantsandbrides,itisfittingthatyourunthethorn-filledway,followinginhisfootsteps(101)whichinbriefarethefollowing:

insteadofproceedingwithhonorandloftiness

hecametobearcontemptandbaseness,

insteadofwithabundanceandriches

hecamewithpovertyandneed,

insteadofwithpleasureanddelight

hecamewithpainanddisgrace,

andinsteadofwithlordlinessandfreedom,

withobedienceandpunishment,

insteadofwithpowerandhealth,

withweaknessandinfirmity,

andinsteadofwithloftynobility

withtheoxandtheassascompany,

insteadofwithpapaldignitylikeagreatpriest

hehadJosephasacompanion

andinsteadofwithregalservants

thepoorfishermen,

insteadofcomingwithheavenlyfood

hewantedtogobegging,

andinsteadofhisdivinity

hetookonourmortality,

andinsteadoftheimperialheights,

thethievesintheirbaseness.

(102)Rejoice,mysisters,walkthiswayofChristthetruemessiah,andonityouwillconcludeyourjourney,ifyoudonotwishtobetricked,becauseallthecompanywhichhasgonetoheavenwalkedalongthatway.

(103)Dearsisters,ifsomeonethinksthatbattlesandtemptationsarenecessarytotruereligion,forheritissupremehappinesstobesubjectedanddejected,andgreatrichestobepoorandbegging,andgrandhonortobedespised,andtheoptimalheighttobebasestandlastofallthings,andgreatconsolationtobeafflictedandtormented,andgreathealthtobeweakandneedyforChrist,supremeandineffableknowledgetobereputedfoolishonaccountofHim,andfinallytolivewellandtorejoiceineternityandforhimtodieandfinishbodilylifewithagreatandbittermartyrdom.(104)Odearestsisters,theseandsimilarthingsaretheadornmentswhichwillmakeyoumostbeautifulandpleasinginthesightofoureternal,invisibleandimmortalGod,forloveofwhomIentreatasmuchasIcanthatyoubearwithtruepatienceeveryanxietyofthepresentlife.(105)Andyou,novices,guardyourselvesfromdoingwhatisusualamongthosewithlittleminds–thatis,thestupidandimperfectreligious–wholikepersonsoflittlespiritseemtobeingoodsteadbecausetheyare,intheirimagination,welllovedandwellregardedbytheirsuperiorsandmasters,butdonotwishtoreceiveasharplookfromthemnorarebuke,andwhentheyaremortifiedareupset.Suchastateofaffairsiscompletelyreprehensible,forthegooddaughter,whensheisstruckbyablowofmaternalcharity,shouldhumblywishanother;andthemorethesubjectisledalongthestrictroadofhersuperior,themoresheshouldfeelcompelledtorevereandloveher.Sheshouldrecallthatmosthumblelamb,ChristJesus,whowasneverwantinginobediencetohisfather,eventhoughbyhisdoingthishewashated,despisedandsubjectedtomanypainfulblowsandtorments.

(106)Andnevertheless,thegoodandhumbleobedientpersonisnotsaddened–howevermuchheseemstobehatedandafflictedandtormentedeverywherehelooks–andhedoesnotimputethistoahumancreaturebutwithtruepatienceandfortitudebearsitcheerfullythroughaspecialgracegrantedhimbytheeternalFatherwhichallowshimtoundergothisinordertobecomeaparticipantintheinheritanceofhisbelovedSonwhoinvitesustowalkonthestraightandnarrowpathandgivesusanexampleinhimself.(107)Forthisreason,thefaithfulservantdoesnotwish,butoughtnotbesoignorantthatsherejectsforherselfwhathappenedtoherLord:thatis,crucifixioninspiritandbody.AndsotheApostlePaulrightlysaid:“Weoughtnottogloryexceptin

thecrossofourLordJesusChrist”(Gal6.14).

(108)Furthermore,donotbeslowandafraidtosufferevilsandtoworkatwhatisgood.

Ifyoudonotpushyourselfwithgreateffort,

youwillnotbeatruespouseofChrist.

If,however,youbearsufferingforhim

thenyouwillliveinglorywithhimforever.

Andthemorethatyouabandonyourselfforhim,

knowthatintruthyouwillfindhim,

andyouwillneverbeabandoned.

Hence,itiswellsaid:“EachofyoushouldgiveallofhimselftoblessedJesus,andwithtruehumility,offeryourselfalwaystohiseverywish,”knowingthatthemoreperfectthepersonis,themoreheisintunewiththedivinewill,butwhenoneisinthegreateststateofperfection,itisnecessarythatheremainingreatfear.48(109)Thisthereligioustowhomtheenemyappearedintheformofthecrucifiedwouldmakeyouunderstand,and,inspiteoftheaforesaiddeception,IcansaywithoutanyerrorandwithalltruththatthegraceofGodendowedherwithsuchgreatgraceanddepthofvirtueandvictoryovertemptationthatitwouldtaketoolongtotellofit.Butfromamongmanythings,IwilltellthisonetothepraiseofChristandasanexampleandcautionforyou,belovedsisters,sothatyouwillbecarefultoremainingreatfearaftermanygracesandneverthinkthatyouhavetheknow-howorcapacitytoaccomplishanygoodwhatever,ifnotthatGod,byhisgrace,givesyoulightandintelligencetobeabletoknowthediabolictricksandthestrengthtoresistthem.(110)Consider,aswassaidabove,thatthissisterwaspartiallyandforacertainlengthoftimegivenintothelibertyofthedevilaloneinordertodevisewithinherselftheabilitytorejectandresistthedevil’swickednessandpower.Nevertheless,beforethishappened,shehadpassedthroughthelevelsofperfectionandhadreceivedknowledgeofeachoftheselevelsasshepassedthroughthem.Andafterallofthese,shewasshownhowhersoulwasrenewedandrestoredinitsfirstinnocence.

(111)Andbesidesthis,foralongtimesheenduredagreatstrugglewithsleep,somuchsothatdayandnightshecouldnotrootitoutofherheart,sothatinordertooffersomeresistancetoitforthemajorityofthetime,shestoodintheformofacrossandinpenanceatprayerandthedivineofficeandevenatmass.Onemorningshewaswiththeothersandwasstandingintheformofacrossforthereasonjustgivenandthinking,asshedidso,howmuchwasitpossibletoresistherweakness,anditdidnotseemthatshereceiveddivinehelpinsuchdebility.ShewasovercomewithsuchdesperationofmindthatshewouldhavefaintedawayifGodhadnotthengivenherrelief.

(112)Hence,asthepriestwassayingtheprefaceandreachedtherecitationofthe“Holy,Holy,”atthatpoint,sheheardthosewordssungintheangelicchoirwhichproceedinthepresenceofsodivineandmostexcellentasacrament.Thatangelicsongwasofsuchagentleandsweetmelodythat,atthemomentshebegantohearit,hersoulsuddenlybegantoleaveherbody,butshedidnotceasetohearthewordsoftheSanctus,althoughshewascompletelyabstractedfromeverything.Afterthis,shemaintainedsuchavictoryoversleepthatforalongtimeshewasnotbotheredbyitandcouldkeepawakewithoutforcingherselfwhenevershewished.

(113)O,o,dearestsisters,donotregretthelackofsleepandtheotherausterities,becausethroughtheirmerits,youwillmerittoreacheternalrest.Iwantyoutorealizethatsheknewthatangelicsongwhichissosweetthatthereisnotonguewhichcanexpressitnormindthatcanimagineit.ButthisIcansay,thatshehadheardthatmostsweetangelicchoirforsuchashorttimethatitseemedlikethebattingofaneye;itwassogentleandsweetthatalmostassoonasitenteredintotherangeofherears,sherenouncedherselfperfectlyandallcreatedthingsasthoughtheyhadneverexisted,andaswassaid,hersoulbeganinparttoleaveherbody.Anditcametopassthatshewasatthatmomentonherkneesandintheformofacrosswiththeothersisters,butshemadenottheslightestnoise,andsheinclinedwithsuchgentlemodestythatsheseemedtoweighlessthanafeather,andtherewasnotsituationthatshecouldnothandle.

(114)Nowwecometothestoryofamoremarvelousandgreatergracegrantedtothissamepersonbythedivinekindness:thatis,foracertainperiodoftime,Godwishedtotryher,sohetookawaytheflameofdivineloveanddeprivedhermentalsightofthesweetpresenceofChristJesus,bywhoseappearanceshewasaccustomedmanytimestobeconsoled.Inthisway,shecameintosuchbitternessthat,dayandnight,sheremainedasthoughincontinualweeping,tosuchanextentthatthetimeassignedtoherforsleepingsheregardedasagreatrefugeinwhichshecouldbettergiveherselftoherpainfultears.(115)Ashorttimepassedinsuchindescribablebitterness,asifeveryconsolingthingwereforherasourceofincreasingsadnessinsteadofjoy.ThefeastofthenativityofoursaviorChristJesuswasapproaching,thatis,thevigilofChristmaswasthenextday.Sheaskedpermissionfromthemotherabbesstoremainthatnightinthechurchtokeepvigiloutofdevotion.Havingobtainedthepermission,sheenteredintothechurchlocatedinthisplacewiththeideainherheartofsayingtheHailMaryonethousandtimesinhonorofthemotherofChrist,outofpenance.(116)Aftershehadsaidanumberoftheprayers,shecontinueduntilaboutthefourthhourofthenight,atwhichhouritisbelievedthattheSaviorwasborn.Suddenly,thereappearedbeforeherthegloriousvirginwithhermostbelovedsoninherarms.Hehadthesameformasotherlittlechildrendowhentheyareborn.Andapproachingthissister,shegraciouslyandwithgreatkindnessplacedthebabyinherarms.

(117)Throughdivinegrace,sheknewthatthiswasthetruesonoftheeternalfather,shestretchedoutherarmsandputherfaceoverthatofthemostsweetbabyChristJesusandwithsuchgentlenessandsweetnessthatsheseemedtobecompletelydevotedtohim,asthewaxistothefire.AndsosweetwastheodorthatemanatedfromthepurefleshofthisblessedJesus,thattonguecouldnottellofitnoristhemindsubtleenoughtoimagineit.AndwhenonehassaidallthatonecansayaboutmostbeautifulanddelicatefaceofthisSonofGod,itseemsasnothing.Andsowewillleavethattotheconsiderationofthehearers.(118)Butwellmightaloversaytome:O,O,unfeelingheart,harderthananyothercreatedthing,howwereyounotthrownintothedarknessandnotcompletelymeltedlikesnowwhenitseesthesun,sinceyouweretastingandgentlyembracingthesplendoroftheFather’sglory,especiallysincethisvisionwasnotinmadness,norimaginary,norevenbyecstasy,butopenandclearwithnofantasy?However,itistruethatassheloweredherfaceoverthatoftheinfant,thevisionimmediatelydisappearedandsheremainedinsuchhappinessthatforalongtimeitseemedthatherheartandallhermemberswouldforeverbeinjubilation.TheheartfeltandbittersadnesswhichhadsoafflictedherbecauseoftheabsenceofthissameChristJesusdepartedfromherinsuchawaythat,foralongtime,melancholycouldnotenterintoherheart.(119)Therefore,belovedsisters,beprudentandknowhowtobearpatientlytheabsenceofthedivinelove,andinsuchtimes,exertyourselvestoremainstrongintheusualmentalandvocalprayerandtheotherholyvirtuesandgoodworksuntilitwillpleasethedivineclemencytorekindletheflameofhisvirginalandchasteloveinyourheart,sothat,whenGodhastestedthesoulthatremainsemptyofhimforsometimeandhasseenthatitremainsfaithfulinsuchpoverty,

hecannotwithholdhisconsolationandreturnstoitinseparablywithgreaterabundance.

(120)However,Isincerelyurgeeachabbesswhowillsucceedtoofficeeverafterinthisplacethatsheusecompassionateandmaternallovewithgreatdiligenceinsustainingthemindandbodyofeachsubjectwhomsheknowsisafflictedwithsuchbittersuffering,especiallysincethereisnosorrowgreaterthanthatwhichthesoulsufferswhichthinksandbelievesthatshehaslostthegraceofGod.Isay“believes,”becausetobelieveisnottoknowinsuchacase.Thereasonisthis:thesoulwhichisinexperiencedintheperfectdivinelove,thinkssheisdeprivedofitwhenshefindsthatshedoesnotenjoytheusualspiritualsweetnessandthatthepresenceofthehumanityofChristiswithdrawnfromher.(121)Andforthisreason,sheisafflictedwithsuchmortalweaknessthatshecannotunderstandthatsheisbeingtested.Andneverthelessinsuchsuffering,Godinhishiddenmysteryisjoinedtoherwithatriumphalloveinthesoul.Theproofofthisisunderstoodfromthepresenceofsorrow,becausethegreaterthelove,thegreaterthesorrow.Hence,theconclusionisthatthesoul,whichlamentedthatitdidnotfeellove,possessesloveandsorrowtogetherandisawarethatonedoesnotfeelsorrowregardingwhatonedoesnotlove.(122)Butthisisnotunderstoodbysmallmindsbecausetheylovethegiftmorethanthegiver.Hence,itisnecessarythatGodwithdrawsensorylovefromthepilgrimsoulandremainwithitundertheguiseofsorrowsothatshemayascendwithperfectloveofhimbymeansofthissorrow,which,Itrulysay,surpasseseverymortalsorrow.Itistruethatitdoesnotseemthustothosewhohavenotexperiencedit.Ithappensthatitdoesnotseemthustothosewhohavenotexperiencedit,andespeciallyworldlywomen,whostrivetoavoidthesorrowthatonesuffersfromthedeathofone’schildrenandfriendsandrelatives.Thisisnottrue,becauseafterthedeathandprivationofpresentthings,thesecanhopetohaveparadisefromGod.(123)ButtheservantofGod,whohasfocusedallherloveonhimandreceivedherespousalfromhim,thatis,theringofgoodwill,throughwhichsheabandonsnotonlyfriendsandrelativesandallcreatedthings,butevenherself,whensheseesherselfandthenbelievesthatsheisdeprivedofGodhimself,whosesweetandgentleloveshehadtastedinpart,itresultsinthatgreatandincomprehensiblepainexperiencedbyonewhoknowsthat,afterGod,shecannotfindagreaterjoynorheightthanhisdivineinfinity.(124)TheresultisthatthepainofthissoulisasincomprehensibleasisGod,whomshefearsshehaslost.Hence,onecanconcludethatgreatpainandsufferingteststhosewhogoonthewayofdivinelovemorethananyothers.

(125)Butitistruethatalltheservants,maleandfemale,ofGoddonotpassthroughthewayofthiskindofsorrow,forfewthereareinthepresentwhopassthroughthelevelsofperfection.Thelatteraretheonlyoneswhoexperiencethissortofsorrowthroughtheexperiencetheyhavehadofit.Andtrulyforthisreasononecanwellsay:“Manyarecalled,fewarechosen”(Mt22.14),becausethespiritoflovehasbecomesocoldthatmanylesscomeonthewayofthissorrow,becausetodaytheirnaturalstrengthissoweakened,thattheyspendmuchlesstimeinspiritualexercises.(126)Forthisreasonitisnoteasytofindthosewhoascendtotheheightsofperfection,consideringthattheweaponsnecessarytoreachthisheightaresobroughttonaught(especiallythatofsufferingevil)thatonecancomprehendhowmoreandmorecometotheserviceofGodandliveearnestlysothattheytastethehoneyofprimitivefervor;butthen,slippingfromthatandsurvivingthetempestofthosetemptationsnecessarytoarriveatthisperfection,theysuddenlyfailandcometonothing.

(127)Pray,then,dearestsisters,standstrongandconstantinthetimeofbattle,andshouldithappenthatthebodyisrenderedcompletelyweak,keepthedesireofthewilltodogoodthingsandsufferevilones,sothatwhatyouarenotabletocompleteinact,youcancompleteinlovingdesire.TothepraiseofChrist.Amen.VIII.

(1)WhatfollowsnowrevealsstillanotherexcellentgracewhichGodgrantedtotheabovementionedreligious,towhomtheenemyappearedintheformofthecrucified.IwilltellofthisforthepraiseofChristandtheincreaseofourfaith.

(2)Again,inalltruthIcansaythatthishappenedtothatsister:namely,foralongtimeshehadaverygreattemptationtounbeliefregardingthesacramentofChrist.Shedoubtedregardingtheconsecratedhost.Shewasmuchafflictedbythisandfoundnoremedyeitherinconfessionorinanythingelse,sowithgreatanguishandbitterlamentshecalledtoGodalmostcontinuously.Andwhenthetimewhensheshouldreceivecommunionapproached,thetemptationincreased,sothatshedidsowithsuchinsensibilitythatshewascompletelywithoutanytasteofdevotion.Asonetimefollowedanother,andshereceivedcommunionwithsuchinsensibility,thebattleincreasedsomuchthatasthoughdrunkwithsorrow,shewasdrawntowardconsent.(3)Kneelinginthechurchamongtheothersisters,asshewasaccustomedtodoaftercommunion,herheartwassoafflicted,thatthensheraisedherselfonherfeetandstoodup,obliviousofherselfandwithoutfindingaplacetobeorrest.ButthegoodnessofalmightyGod,whoordainedthestruggleandthesuffering,preparedbothvictoryandrefuge.Hence,onemorningwhenshewasspendingtimeinthispresentchurchstandinginprayer,Godvisitedhermindandspoketoherintellectually.HegaveherclearknowledgethattheentiredivinityandhumanityofhimwhoisourGodistrulyinthehostwhichthepriestconsecrates.(4)HewentontoshowhowandinwhatmanneritwaspossiblethatunderthesesmallappearancesofbreadwerepresentGodandmanintheirentirety.Andinbrief,hegaveherknowledgeofeverythingthatbotheredherregardingfaithinthissacramentandputanendtothestruggleanddoubtthatshehadundergoneandcouldhaveundergoneinthefuture,convincinghercompletelywithbeautifulandnaturalexamples.(5)Andbeyondthis,heshowedherhowapersonwhoreceivescommunionwithoutatasteofdevotionisnotdeprivedofreceivingthegraceofthissacrament,althoughshehasastrictconscience,evenifherspiritistemptedinfaithoraboutsomeothercontradiction,butshedoesnotconsent.Heshowedheralsothatthemeritofthesoulwhoreceivescommunioninthemidstofsuchabattle,bearingwithpatiencethespiritualstorm,isgreaterthanisthemeritofonewhoreceivescommunionwithmuchsweetnessandgentleness.(6)AndalsoshewasshownhowandinwhatmanneritwaspossiblethattheSonofGod,ChristJesus,wasincarnateoftheHolySpiritandbornoftheVirginMarywithoutthelossofhermostsacredandpurevirginity.AndhewentontogiveheropenanddemonstrativeknowledgeandunderstandingofthehighestTrinityandmanyothernotablethingswhichIleaveoutbecauseofmyweakmemoryandlackofstrength.Allthesethingswereshowntoherthatmorning.Becauseofallthis,hersoulremainedsoconsoledandfreeofthistemptationthatitseemedshehadneverbeentroubled.(7)Andinadditiontothis,thefirsttimethatshereceivedcommunion,whenshehadreceivedthesacredhostinhermouth,shefeltandtastedthesweetnessofthemorepurefleshoftheimmaculatelamb,ChristJesus.Andthisfeelingandtastehadsuchasweetandpleasingsavorandsweetnessthatshecouldnotdescribeitorgiveanycomparisonforunderstandingit.Buttrulyshecouldsay:“MyheartandmyfleshexultinthelivingGod”(Ps84.3).(8)Afterthis,hersoulremainedineffablyconsoled,andhermindwassostrengthenedintheholyfaithofthissacramentthatifallcreatureshadpreachedagainstit,shewouldnothavebeenmovedfromherconviction.Hence,thesadnessthatshehadsufferedbeforewasturnedintojoy,somuchsothat,consideringthebenefitandconsolationthatshehadreceivedthroughit,shewouldnothavewantedtohaveavoidedsufferingthistemptation.AndthusthegreatPaultheApostlesaidrightly:“Ifweshareinhissufferings,wewillsharealsoinhisconsolations”(2Cor1.7).

(9)Andbesidesthis,thereremainedinheragreatandunfailingdesiretoreceivecommunion,sothatshefeltgreatpainandsadnesswhenshecouldnotdoso.Sogreatwasthisthatonetimeamongseveralwhenshewasingreatandgentleweepingsothatfromhereyesthereseemedtoissuetwoabundantstreamsofwater,atthathour,shetrulyfelthersoulcommunicateinthe

goodnessofdivineprovidenceinsomeineffableandincomprehensiblemanner.TothepraiseofChristandthestrengtheningofthosenewplants,whicharenotyetperfectlystableintheknowledgeofthisineffableandincomprehensiblemystery!Thishappenedbecauseourmortalignoranceisnotcapableofgraspingthedivinemysteries.(10)Andso,belovedsisters,ifanyofyoushould,bydivinedispensation,bebotheredbythissortofunbelief,youneednotfear,providedyoudon’tconsent,butmaytrustinglyreceivehimwho,outofhisinfinitelove,deignstocometoyou.(11)OincomprehensibleanddeepestprofundityofthehumilityofChristwhichnotonlybendsovertotakeupourweakandfragilemortality,makinghimselfobedientuntodeath,butalsointhepresentandaslongastheworldwilllastmakeshimselfobedientandsubjecttodescendeachdayandeachtimethesacredwordsordainedbyhimareutteredbythepriests!Theselatteraremortalmenandsubjecttofault,althoughafterhavingreceivedsuchanexcellentoffice,theyshouldbecompletelyholyandheavenly.(12)Andso,mostbelovedsisters,benotremissinpreachingtoGodforthem,thattheymaybefittinglyholyinalltheirfeelings,sothat,withdivinehelp,theymaymoreworthilyfulfillwhatpertainstosuchanunfathomablesacramentandhandleinaholymannerthebodyofChrist,thespotlesslambandyourmostgentlespouseandthespouseofallchasteandvirginalsouls.(13)So,then,dearlybeloved,letnotthewayofhumbleobedienceseemnarrowtoyou,butbehold,notonlyontheroad,buteveninyourhomeland,thetruemaster,ChristJesus,ourGod,whogivesunceasingexample,obliginghimselftodescendattheactofconsecration.Andinwhatmanner?Certainlyundertheappearancesofbread,inordertogivehimselfasfoundtothesoulwhoisstillapilgrim.(14)Andtherefore:

Ogentlesoul,

donotmakeyourselfsovile

thathewillnottakeyou

whowishestocometoyou

bestowinghisgoodness

tobesokind

thathedoesnotmakeappeartoyouopenly

thewideexpanseofhisdeity.

Nowrun,sinners,

andlingernolonger,

forhehasbecomefood

sothatyouwilltakehim.

Neveristhehumanheart

sofulloferror

aswhenitwishestokeepitsdistance

fromsuchfood.

(15)Andtherefore,mymostbelovedsisters,takegoodcarelesttheenemy,undertheappearanceofhumility,strivetodepriveyoursoulsofthegreatmeritwhichcomesfromreceivingcommunion,providedonecandosoproperly.

(16)Andbesidesthis,beloved,rememberme,andIprayandimploreyouasforcefullyasIcanthatnotonlyyou,butalsothosewhosucceedafteryou,inaccordwiththenameoftheplaceinwhichyouarecalled,choosealwayswithallyourpowertopersevereandexpandinthesightofGodbytheobservanceofaholylife,andinthesightoftheChristianpeoplebyperseveranceingoodexample,keepingyourgoodreputationnotoutofself-interestbuttothepraiseandgloryofthemostsacredbodyofChrist,tothehonorofwhichthatvenerablewoman,ourladyBernardinawhofoundedandbeganthismonastery,andinmemoryoftheVisitationofherbelovedMother,thevirginMary.

(17)Therefore,whowouldbesoboldastopresumetoviolatethehonorandthegoodnameofthechurchofsuchaSonandMother?

So,dearlybeloved,withdiligentzealbegoodguardiansandconservatorsofyourholiness“beforeGodandmen.”TothepraiseofChristandthesalvationofallhismembers.Amen.IX.

(1)WhatfollowsisalsoasalutarygracewhichthedivineclemencyofourLordGodgrantedtotheaforesaidreligious,towhomtheenemyappeareddisguisedasChrist.

(2)Now,becauseshedesiredtoobtainfullremissionofallhersins,shebegantopraytoourLord,askinghimtodeigntopardonallhersins,boththeguiltandthepunishment,andtomakethisknowntoherhoweveritpleasedhim.Aboutthethirdyearofherconversion,ithappenedthatshewalkedtothechurchoftheHolySpirittomakeherconfessiontooneofthosevenerablereligiousmenwhocultivatedthevineyardofourLordGod.Theirlifeisworthyofbeingpraised“beforeGodandmen,”exceptthatthisistrulynotrecognizedbytheblindstupidityofamindmoreearthlythancelestial.(3)Butalas,alas,withoutdoubtnotmuchtimewillpassbeforethosewhoaccusedthem,whobecauseoftheirenvycallthem“twistedtops,”willfindthemselvessoseverelycondemnedbythedivinejudgmentthatitbebetterforthemtohavebittentheirtonguesintomorepiecesthantherearegrainsofsandatthesea,ifthatwerepossible.

(4)Butreturningtooursubject,whenthispersonhadaskedintheaforesaidchurchmaytimesthatthedivineclemencydeigntohearher,OurLordGodplainlyrevealedtoherthathehadpardonedallhersins,bothguiltandpenalty.

(5)Now,belovedsisters,Ihavewrittenthesethingsprincipallyforallmydearnoviceswhoarenewlyenteredontothefieldofthespiritualbattleandforthosewhomustsucceedtheminthefuturesothattheymayhavegroundsforstandingalwaysinfear,nevertrustinginthemselves,thatis,intheirownheart,andtheywillconsiderwhatgreatgracestheabovementionedreligioushasreceivedfromGod.Nevertheless,Godpromised,afteralltheaforementionedgraces,thatthisreligiouswouldbeverytroubledanddeceivedbytheenemyappearingtoherintheformofChristandtheVirginMary.Andwhywasthis?Solelytorejoiceinherselfoverthepowertoknowandconquerthediabolicaltricksandtemptations.(6)AndthereforeitwasnecessarythatGodletherbetrickedbytheseenemiesforalittlewhile,sothatthen,humbled,shewouldbecarefultostandin

perfectfearandknowthatGodalonecangiveunderstandingandstrengthagainsthisenemies.Andcertainlythatiswhathappenedsinceshewasbroughtsolowandafflictedatthetimeofthatdeceptionthat,notonlydidsheseemtobeneitherthefriendofGodnorhisservant,butGodevenseemedtohaveabandonedher.Shedidnotrecallthegraces,describedearlier,thatshehadreceived;itwasasthoughtheyhadneverhappenedsomuchwasshebesideherselfbecauseofthemanysadnesseswhichwoundedherheart.

(7)Butnow,havingpassedthestormyseaandbythedivinegraceenteredintothelandofpromise,shesingstogetherwiththepsalmistthewords:“Iwasbroughtlowandhefreedme”(Ps116A.6).Sheisawarethatafterthis,thereremainsprofoundpeaceandvictoryineverybattle.Hence,shemaylivewithoutanysadnesswiththefirmhopeofhersalvation.SheawaitswiththedeepestlongingtheendofthispilgrimageinordertobejoinedcompletelytoChristJesus,ourSavior.Andshehassuchfirmhopeinhimthat,thoughsheisyetinhermortalbody,shealreadyseemstobeacitizenofthatheavenlycourt.(8)Tobesure,thisdidnothappenbecausesherelieduponherself,for,althoughshewasinthemonasterybeforeanyoftheotherswhohavelivedthereduringthistime,neverthelesssheseemedtobethemostplainandthelastofall.Sheknewthatshewasunworthyofbeingamongtherestandtoseethewallsofthemonastery.Shethoughtthatshewasapoisonousandplague-bearingsnakeamonghermostbelovedandvenerablemothersandsisters.

(9)But,seeingthatthegoodnesssustainedandsupportedherinotherlaborsandinsonobleandexaltedaplace,withhumblemienshedevoutlycalledtoheavensaying:“OinfinitekindnessofthemajestyofGod,Iamnotworthytodwellinyourhouse,noreventothankyouforsomanygreatbenefitswhichyouhavegrantedtomewhoamsounworthy.Mydarkenedeyesshouldnothavetheboldnesstopraiseyou,thesunofjustice,which,withtheradiantlightwhichproceedsfromyourbeautifulandlovingface,enlightenstheheavenandthemultitudeofthosewhodwellinit.Andmyabominablemouthisfullofhorriblefilthsothatitcannotpraiseyou,themostgentleandpricelessbalsamfromwhichproceedalltheothersweet-smellingandgentleodors.(10)Inshort,mynothingnessandincomprehensibledejectionandmortalitycannotpraiseyou,theall-highanddivineGodandlivingandtrueman,incomprehensibleandimmortal.Butletyourhighestandmostdevoutcharity,whichdeignedtobearandsustainmeandothersinners,bethepraiseandgloryofyourself.Andletyourpatience,whichnotonlypromisesthattheearthwillsustainme,butalsothatImaystandinyourhouse,eventhoughIamsuchanuncleanandvileworm,bepraiseandglorytoyou,infinitegood.”

(11)Andsoinallthings,shekepttothismannerofthankingthedivineprovidencesothat,exceptaswassaidabove,sheappearedtobeacitizeninthecelestialcourt,sheneverpresumedregardingherself,becauseGodhadgivenhersuchknowledgeofherweaknessandnothingnessandthatofallmortals,thattherewasnowayinwhichshecouldgloryinherselforinothers,butonlythroughconfidenceinthedivinegoodnessandmemoryofthatimmaculatelambwho,forher,paidtheransomforthatpreciousburden,thatis,hismostbitterandpainfulpassion,inthemeritsofwhichshehadplacedallherhope.(12)AndsheleftthisasaninheritancetoallhervenerableandbelovedmothersandsistersinChristJesus,prayingveryinsistentlythattheystandstrongandconstantinthefieldofbattle,perseveringuntiltheendanddesiringandsearchinginallthingsthatwhichwillserveaspraiseandgloryofthemosthighGod,becausehesaysthathewillscatterthebonesofthosewhoseektopleaseothersinsteadofhim.

(13)AndIalsoprayyouwiththesweetestaffectionofcharity,thatyoualwayslovethewelfareofthesharedandholysisterhood,49supportingwithgentlenesseveryonewhomGodallowstofallintoadversity.Alwaysplaceyourhopeinhim.IpresentmyselfaswillingtopraytoGod,ifIreceivegraceinhissight,asIhopetodo,forallthosewhoarehereatpresentorwhowillfollowinthe

futureindoingthewillofGod,servinghiminthespiritoftruthinthisholymonasteryofthedivineandvirginalBodyofChrist,thesweetandgentlefoodofholysouls.

(14)Ontheotherhand,ifanyoneeitherwithinorwithout,inthepresentorinthefuture,willstrivetoimpedethehonorofGod,damagingthegoodnameofthemonasteryforanyreasonordisturbingthepeaceofmutuallove–whichintruthhasbymeansofdivinegraceremainedsuchuptothepresentthatnotevenoncehastherebeenanyquarrelordisturbanceinthecommonsisterhoodsincetheywereenclosed–Iameagertosay,ifitispermittedtome,thatforsuchapersonIwilldemandthevengeanceofdivinepunishment.

(15)Aboveall,leteachthinkcarefullyaboutdoingwhatpertainstoherstate,perseveringindoinggoodwithpatienceandfortitudeandholycompassionandmaternalloveregardingthenourishmentofthesoulsandbodiesofhercompanionssothatthewrathofdivinejudgmentwillnotcomeuponher.(16)Ipray,belovedsisters,thatyoudogoodanddiligentlywatch,lestthebanefulplagueofworldlyambitiongainagreaterholdamongyouinthefuturethanithadinthepast,especiallybecauseIamcertainthatisthestrongestincentiveforcuttingdownthesweetolivetreeofholypeace.Alas,alas,dearlybelovedspousesofChrist,knowforcertainthattheviceofambition,togetherwithalackofholycharity,iswhatbroughtdownthereligiousofformertimes.However,eachofyoulovesandstrivestoalwayswanttobebeneaththeothers,theleastandthelastineverything,andwithtruecharitytobearandsustainthespiritualandbodilyweaknessesofeachother.(17)MostofallIprayforthosewhowillbeabbessesinthisplace.IrecallwhatSt.Bernardsaid,namely,thatthesuperiorshouldneverplaceonthesubjectmoreweightthanshecanbear,sothatthegoodwill,whichGodwishesofthesoul,alwaysadvancesthework.Woetothosepastorsorprelateswho,withlittlesolicitudeandlackofdiscretion,arethecausesofthedestructionofthebodiesoftheirsubject.FortheseGodhasgiventhemsothatinthemthesoulmayattainhisgrace.

(18)Now,turningtomyownbusiness,withreverenceIcastmyselfonthegroundinspiritualsubjection,askingamilliontimesandasmanymoretimesasIcan,pardonfromallmyvenerableandreverendmothersandsuperiorsandallthepresentandfuturesistersforeverypresumptionandfaultthatIhavecommittedinthisandinallmylifeasareligious.

(19)ThepeaceandloveofoursaviorJesusChrist,theimmaculatelamb,whoformewassubjecttothecrueltormentofthebelovedcross,bealwayswithyou,belovedmothersandsistersinChristJesus.TohimIpraythatyouwillbepleasedtoremembermetohisinfiniteloveandmercywhichneverabandonthosewhohopeinhim,eventhoughhepromisesthemsometimesofgreatandpainfultempestsinordertomakethemmoreworthyinhissight.Inthis,maytheyknowthedepthsoftheloveofourLordGod,towhombepraise,gloryandhonornowandineternity.Amen.

(20)He,whoforhishonorhasgrantedmesuchagreatandunfailingdesire,knowsthatmanytimesIhaveprayedwithheartfelttearsandconsideredchoicethathewoulddeigntogivemethisspecialgrace:thatifmydamnationwouldaddhonortohismajestyImightbegrantedthis:thatinthebottomoftheinfernalabyss,ifitmaybesaidtohaveabottom,hewouldchoosetobuildwithhismostseverejusticeanothermorehorribleandunspeakableabysswhereI,astheultimateandmostblameworthysinner,maybeplacedashell’saccuseduponwhomtheforgeispliedincessantlyinordertosatisfytheguiltofallthesinnerswhoeverwere,whoareinthepresent,andwhocanbeinthefuture.(21)TohimIofferedmyselfcontinuallywithheartfeltandconsideredwill,thinkingthattheheadofsomanymembersshouldbegladdenedmorebythisinthesameproportionthatthemultitudeofallsinnersisgreaterthanme,asingle,putridmember.ForitisclearthatinthekingdomofourGod,thenumberofthosewhopraisehimwillbemultipliedgreatlywhen,tothe

numerouscommunityoftheblessed,willbeassociatedbygrace,themultitudeofallthesinners.(22)TheblasphemyofasinglesoulislessdishonortoyoumyGod,thanthatofsuchamultitude,eventhoughIamcertainthatyourmajesty,Godmosthighandincomprehensible,cannotactuallybedishonored.Lord,ifI,sounworthy,cannothavethisgrace–thatbymydamnation,offeringsofcountlessgracesandpraisesmightbemultipliedforyou,knowingthatonecannotaddhonortothedepthsofyourdeity–nevertheless,lovingLord,givemethisgrace:thatthroughmydamnationallsinnersmightbesaved;(23)forIknowthatuntilnow,Ihaveconsideredthesalvationofallsinnersagreaterconsolationandanimmensejoywithoutanycomparisontomyown.Andso,withoutanyhesitationorrebellioninmymind,Iofferedmyselftothedivinejustice,prayingthatitwoulddeigntoavengeonmethefaultscommittedbyallsinnerssothattheirsalvationwouldnotbedeniedtomebecauseofjustice.

(24)Butalas,Ifeartrulythatmypetitionswillbetornupandthrownbackinmyface,consideringhowalsothetalentoflovegrantedtomeonthewaynevercouldbefulfilledactually.Thereasonwhywouldbetoosubtletorecountopenly.ButIcansaythislittleabouttheviolencethatthisheartfeltsorrowwhichIhavebornesolonghasdonetome.Isawthatthistalentismarvelouslygrantedandgiventhroughdivinegracetomanymenandwomenamongthosewholiveintheplaceswhicharededicatedtothedivinecult,andstilltheydonotactuallyletthistalentgroworexpandtowardtheirneighbors,butfinditexpedienttohideitintheearthoftheirhearts,andforthisreasontheysufferandbearmanydeepandpainfulsorrows.

(25)Butwhateverbethecauseofthis,theyknewhowtopaytheirdebts,awarethatsuperiors,sometimesdeceived,offerthehighestcharityunderthenameandwordofsensuality,placingbeforetheirflockwhat,fortheirpart,theycouldnotconsumenordigest.50Andthisisoneofthereasonsthatobservanceinthecloistercollapses.

(26)Alas,thatthecunningofthedevilsincreasessomuchatthepresenttimethattheyhaveaccomplishedsomuchwiththeirsuperstitiousartsandnewdiscoveries–whicharenotlegitimatetoonewhoconsidersthematterwellwithamindilluminedandenlightenedbytruecharity–thatintheholycompanies,theyhavenomoreroomforwhatChristJesus,whocannoterr,leftashistestamenttohisapostles(thereisnoneedthatIrecallittomindswhicharenotchildish);andsohewishedthat,whentheseapostlesfoundthemselvestogether,theywouldgiveeachotherpeaceasasignoftruecharity,sothatwiththisbasis,thefireofcharitywouldincreaseandbroaden.So,also,bycontrastweseethat,notbeingwiselyexercised,italwaysfallsshort.Similarly,amaterialfiretowhichnowoodisaddedlittlebylittlebecomessocolditdiesout.(27)Experiencehasshownthis,for,notonlycanwenotgivethepeacetogether,butalsothedevilhasaccomplishedsomuchthat,underthecloakofvirtue,hehasdrieduptherootofallthevirtues,insofarasatpresent,theydonotdarelookoutforoneanother.Forthosewholistencarefullyafewwordssuffice.(28)Buthewho,throughthedivinedispensationhasbeenmadethephysicianofotherinfirmitiesbytheloveofGod,ponderswithdiligentscrutinytheuselessanddamnableruinthatfollowfromthelackofthisfraternalcharity,thatis,themostnobleandnecessaryvirtuethatcanbeintheholycommunitywhichistoknowhowtobearthechatteringandvariedconditionofeachother.Thisissoweakenedandannihilatedthattheleastbrusqueencounterseemstobeaninsupportableinsult.Wouldthatbythisupset,onecouldbetterunderstandhowandtowhatextentitisnecessarytoalwaysarouseineachotherthefireofspiritualandpracticalcharityreligiouslyandpiously,sothattheenemy,whoseekstodampdownthisnecessaryfire,maybetotallyconfusedandcasttothedepthsoftheinfernalabyss.Amen.ThanksbetoGod.X.

(1)Now,belovedsisters,sothatyouwilltakecaretostandwithgreatfearinpreparationforthe

futurejudgment,IdonotwishtoremainsilentaboutwhatGodwishedtoshowtheabovementionedreligiousaboutthesematters.ThishappenedbeforetheRulewasadoptedinthisplaceoftheBodyofChristandatthetimewhenourfirstmotherSisterLuciadiMascarunilivedhere.Bythedivinewill,shereceivedmeintothisplaceandwasthefirstonewhoshowedmethemannerofservingGodwithpurecharityandmaternalaffection.

(2)Ialwaysregardmyselfasobligatedtoher,andIalwaysrecommendherheartilytoallofyou,mothersandsisters,remindingyoutrulyyouarealwaysobligatedtoher,notonlyforthemanybuildingswhichshehaderectedinthisplaceovermanyyears,butalsobecausethefoundationofthisplacewashers,andalwaysduringthetimeofherhumbleregime,shemaintaineditsgoodreputation,itsholypeaceanditshonestlife.TothepraiseofChrist,inwhosepresenceIhopethatwewillfinallybefoundtogetherrejoicingwithher.Sobeit.Amen.

Now,returningtomytask,IwishtotellofthevisionthatIhavekeptofthefinaljudgmentwhichiswhatfollowsnext.

(3)AroundtheyearofourLordJesusChrist,1431,whiletherewaslivinginthepresentplacetheaforementionedreligious,againstwhomthemalignenemywagedthebattlesdescribedearlier,Isaytrulywithallhonesty,thatherspiritwasdrawntoseethemannerofthefinaljudgmentinthisform;thatis,shesawthemosthighGodstandinginahumanformandaspecthighinthecloudsofheaven,andhewascloakedinred,andhehadhisfaceturnedtowardthewest.Andalittlebelow,notfaraway,wasouradvocatetheVirginMary.Shewasclothedandcloakedinwhiteandstoodinsilence,hergazeraisedupandadmiring.(4)Andbeyondheralittlewaywerethemostholyapostleswhosatuponseatsresplendentliketheflameofagreatfire.Muchfurtherdownfromthemwasanumberlessmultitudeofmenandwomen.AndallstoodontheirfeetandturnedtheirfacestowardheaventolookatGod.Inthemiddleofthemwasonewhopreachedwithagreatvoice.AndthissamereligiouswhosawthiswasontherighthandofGodandstoodwithinthosewhoformedthegreatmultitude,andwithaloudvoiceshecriedtoGodsayingwithmuchhappinessandjoysomewordswhichIwillpassoverinsilencenow.(5)Andwhenthevisionwasfinished,shereturnedtoherself,andshecherishedandponderedthethingswhichshehadseenandbegantothinkwhatwasthemeaningofwhatshehadbeenshown.And,wishingtobecertainofthis,sheprayed,askingthemosthighGodtodeigntorevealtoherwhathadbeenshownher,whetheritiswasthefinaljudgmentorratherwasonlyadiabolicalillusion.Asaresult–“whoeveryouarewhoreadthisunderstand”(cf.Mark13.14)–shewastrulyassuredaboutwhatshehadexperiencedandthedivinevisionandwhatwasrevealedtoheraboutitsmeaningandthat,soon,whatshehadseenwouldbefulfilled,thatis,inashorttimethefinaljudgmentwouldcometopass.

(6)Forwhichreason,dearestandkindestmothersandsisters,IhaveprayedmostinsistentlythatyouwillnevertireofplacatingthedivinejusticewithyourprayerandtosufferevilsforChristsothathewilldeigntobearandcarrythemultitudeofinnumerablefaultscommitteddailybyhumannature,andespeciallyfortheabominablesinwhichiscontrarytothevirginalandchastebeautyofChristandofhismostholymother,andforambitiousprideandcruelgreedwhichnowreignineverygenerationofpeople.(7)AndthesearetheprincipalvicesbecauseofwhichtheChristianpeopleisincontinuousstruggleandbattle.Nowtruecharityissobeleagueredthatevennaturallovehasnomoreplace,sothatonefindsnopeacebetweenfatherandsonandbrothers.Andthesearetheinfalliblesignsoftheapproachingfinaljudgment.Butnomoreaboutthissinceitwouldbetoomuchforustosay.

(8)Butnow,returningtomyheartandconsideringthatinthislastjudgment,humanfaultswillberevealedtoall,Idonotwishatpresenttohideminebuttorevealthem,knowingthatconfessed

faultsareinpartpurgedandevenbetterpardoned.Andtherefore,consciousthataftertheaforesaidthings,examiningwithdiligencethevocationgivenme,Isaytruly,thatbecauseofthefalsenessthatIhavefoundinme,IhavenorighttoexpectanythingbutgreatruinandconfusionbeforeGodandhumanbeings.(9)Thefalsityisthis,thatIhavenotdesiredwithallmyheart,asbefitsthetrueservantofourLordGod,thatallpeopleholdandrecognizemeasvileandmiserableasIbelieveandholdmyselftobe,thatis,proud,arrogant,presumptuous,eviltalking,sensual,aglutton,andlikeanuncleananimaldeprivedofeveryrayofreasonandaprincipalcauseandagentofeveryruinandscandalandlackofgoodthatexistedthroughthewholeworldinthepast,existsinthepresentandwillexistinthefuture.(10)Whence,justlyforalltheseandmanyotherevilsandsinswhichIcannotsay,Ioughttobeheldandnamedthegreatestsinnerwhoeverwasorcanbeinthefuture.

(11)But,truly,Iconfessthat,infactthusfar,Ihaveknownnothingofmyvilenothingness,because,ifIhadknownitintruth,Iwouldnothavedaredtoliftmyeyestoheaven,oreventotheworstplacethatcouldbefound.Whence,inthemurkydepthsoftheinfernalabyss,Idonotfindaplacewhichissuitableformyplague-bearingcarrionsothattherejusticemaybefulfilledintormentingtheonewhohasoffendedthedivinegoodness.Andso,sincenojusticeisfoundinme,itfollowsthatoutsideofmethereisnoplacesoabominableandhorriblethatitsuitsme,butonlymyself.Andtherefore,IwillsimplyremaininmebecauseIamthemostmurkyandfetidplacethatcanbefound.(12)Butalas,knowledgeofsuchthingshasbeenusefultome,sincewithfullheartandanxiousdesire,Isoughtanddesiredsupremelythatjusticewouldhaveitsplacehere,sothateveryintellectualcreaturewouldregardandknowmetohavebecomeaswasdescribedabove.WhereasIhaddesiredthecontrary,thatis,honorandpowerandalsoareputationforsanctity,nonetheless,havingabused,throughnegligence,thedesireofsufferingevil,itfollowsIhavenotkeptthepricelesstalentofgoodwillthatourLordGodgavemethroughhisgoodness;(13)becauseIhavereceivedfromHimthishighestgiftofbeingcalledtohisservice,itfollowsthatIshouldexertallmyeffortwithgenuinediligencetoconformmyselftohim,thatis,towishtoundergoeverysufferingandtotravelthewayofthecross,refusingallhappinessandconsolation,anddesiringthatIbehated,andhonoringgentlyanypersonwhohasdespisedme,andservingthosewhohavedonemedisservice,andspeakinggoodthingsfrommyheartaboutthosewhohavesaidevilthingsaboutme.IknowthatIrightlymeritedthattheyshouldspitinmyfaceratherthanshowbenevolence,andthatthosewhohavebeenofmorehelptomeinthisoughttobemorelovedandreveredbyme.ForIknowthat,bysuchthings,IwillbemoreconformedtoChrist,mysweetLord,thaninanyotherway.(14)AndseeingthegreattepiditythatIhaveexercisedinthis,IcantrulysaythatIhavelivedingreatfalsity,havingthenameofservingChristandnotlovingwhatHehascometobearwithsomuchardoroflove,thatis,thebelovedcross.

(15)Alas,whatagreaterroritisthatIhavetakensolongtorecognize.Althoughinthebeginningofmyconversion,Isometimestookdelightininjuries,andfromthissometimesIdidnotreceivespiritualconsolations,nonetheless,thatfirstfervorreceded,andmanyyearspassedingreatlukewarmness.IdidnotseekwithdiligentzealwhatwaspropertomeasIsaidabove,thatis,tobeinjured,mocked,despisedandslandered,andsubjectedtoeveryleastandvilecreaturesothat,inthisway,Icouldmakeaslightrecompensefortheinjuryoftheircreatorwhowasoffendedcountlesstimesformeandbyme.(16)Alas,mynakedsouliscompletelydeprivedofthosehonorableandroyalqualitiesthatbelongtoit.Tellme,fromthefrontdoyouseeappearabeautifulfacefromwhichshinesthesplendoroftheFather’sglory,thatis,theSonofGodmosthigh?Asyouknow,itseemstomethat,smittenwithloveforyouandevenquitemad,asthoughdrunkinspirit,beingbornfromthedepthsofhissublimedivinity,hebecameamortalmancapableofsufferingbutwithoutlosinghisdivinity,anddescendingfromtheimperialcourtandkingdom,becameapilgrimandstranger,andlikeapoorbeggarwentinwantthroughtheworld,asthegospelmakesclear

whenitsaysthatthecrowdofpriestssaidabouthim:“Wedonotknowwhencehecomes”(Jo9.19).(17)So,thinkthatsoboundlesshasbeenthegreatnessofhisperfectandincomprehensiblelovethathewishedforyoutobejoinedtohim.Moreover,hedescendedfromsuchagreatheightinsuchavileandwretchedlowliness,undertakingsuchatiringpilgrimage,justastheprophetJeremiahtestifies:“Hedweltamongthepeoplesandfoundnorest”(Lam1.3).IwouldhavemuchtosayaboutthesepiousandcompassionatewordswereItoconsiderhowtheoppositeisnowfoundtobetrueofthosepersonswhoarenamedfollowersofChrist;butbecausethatisnotmytask,Iwillkeepquiet.

(18)IreturntothethemeofmynudityandseethatIhavenotreflectedtheunboundedloveofthemostgentlelamb,ChristJesus,whowishedthatformehisbeautiful,virginalandresplendentfacewouldbesostruckanddefiled.SinceIhavenotbeenmarkedbyandpracticedinhisdisgrace,itfollowsthatIambareoftheprincipalvirtuewhichismostnecessarytome.Forthisreason,mymostbelovedmothersandsisters,Iprayyoupleaseentreatthedivineclemencytodeigntopardonmeandfulfillwhatwaspromised:“Iftheadulteresscomestome,andIwillnotmarryher”(cf.Jer3.6-12).

(19)Butyourprudence,dearandgentlesisterswhoaresuchthatitdoesnotseemthatIwilleverbetransformedintooneofyou,takecaresomehowandingoodtimethat,unlikeme,youwillnotbereceivedintothenumberoftheadulterers;instead,likefaithfulandtruespouses,choosesothatwhentheeternalandheavenlyRulerasksforyouandwishestoquietlycelebrateyournuptials–tointroduceyoutothegloriousbed-chamberofhistriumphantglory,sothatforeternityyouwillbejoinedtohisdivineandmostchastelove–youwillnotbefoundunsuitableandwithouttheadornmentswhichbefityouandarenecessaryforsuchagreatvirginalspouse.And,eventhoughIhavenamedthemsomanytimesabove,nevertheless,becausetheydelightme,Igladlyrepeatthemsothatyoumayrememberthembetter.

(20)Mysweetestsisters,IhavesaidemphaticallythatthedowrywhichChristJesuswantsfromyouisthatyoubevigorousinthebattle,thatis,strongandconstantcombatants.Bymeansofthevirtueofpatiencewhichyouexercise,youcanaddtothedowrytheabovementionedqualities,thatis,theunflaggingdesiretosufferevilforChristandineverythingtodesirezealouslytobearandsustainmanytribulations,diseases,anxieties,slanders,derisionandpainfuldeathfromanyquarterwhatever;because,throughtheseandsimilarthings,youwillbecertainofhavingwithyouthenuptialsadornments,thatis,theinsigniaofChristJesus,who,asyouknow,saystohisbelovedspouse,thecrossoflove:“YoubearmeasIhavesufferedthroughyou,myspouse.”Andhealsosays:“Whoeverwishestocomeafterme,thefountoflife,oughttogobythenarrowway”(Lk13.24).(21)Now,then,belovedsisters,youhaveinyourmemoriesthesalutaryconditionofyouradornmentssoyoucansafelygazeuponthegrandandmagnificentemissarywhichwillbesenttoyoufromyourspouse,andthusadorned,youcanaccepthisinvitationandrisetogreatheights.Thenhowgreatlywillbeyourhappinessasyoutastethefruitoftheanguishedsufferingsandlaborswhichyouhavebornwithtruepatience,perseveringintheplacetowhichGodhascalledyou!Ifyoudothis,youwillnotfallbackintomyconfusionandfalsehoodwhich,asIsaidaboveisthis,thatIhavenotdelightedincarryingthecrossasbefitme;andsoIcansayjustlythatbeforeGodandmenIdonotseemtobeanythingbutruinandconfusion.

(22)Notwithstandingallthis,Irecallwhattheprophetsaid,thatis:“evenifIshalldie,Iwillhopeinyourmercy”(cf.Job13.15),forIdonotwishtodepartfromthatexcellentvirtuecalledhopewhich,speakingtomeinitskindness,saysthat

Ireallywillbeabletoclimbintoheaven,

ifinthisworldIdonothaveaplacetolaymyhead,

andthereIwillfindgreatpleasure,

ifIhavealwayssufferedsomeevilshere,

andIwillbemuchhonoredthere,

ifhereforChrist’ssakeamongtheothers,

Iwillbedespisedandafflictedandtroubled,

andinparadiseIwillbedespised,

ifhereIhavenotwhatIchoosetowant,

andinthesightofmyGodIwillsingsweetly,

ifIsinghumblyinchoir,

andbyhimIwillbemadeimmortalandimpassible,

ifhereIdonotfeardeathandsufferingforhissake,

andIwillbemadeempressofhiskingdom,

ifhereforhissakeIampoorandmendicant,

andifIpersevereinhismostchasteandvirginallove,

withoutdoubtIwillrejoicethroughhisgoodnesswithhimineternity.Amen.

(23)ThepeaceofChrist,sweetlove,bealwaysinyourhearts,dearmothersandsisters,andintheheartsofallChristianpeoplethroughwhomandfromwhommayourtrueandoneGodinperfectTrinityandtheincarnateWordbeblessedandpraisedforever.Amen.