the words i never said, volume 2

8/9/2019 The Words I Never Said, Volume 2

1/20

LOVE/P.S. I

HATE

YOUTHE WORDI NEVER SAI

VOLUME JAN/FEB 1

A COLLECTION OFANONYMOUS RANTS

WRITTEN TO THESPECIAL SOMEONES

IN PEOPLES LIVES


2/20

CONT

ENTS

TABLE

OF

THEWORD

SINEVER

SAID

PART 1:

Rants collected during the days oJAN 20 to FEB 14.05 THE RANTS

PART 2:

Notes on the PROCESS AND PRODUCTION o vol. 2 o WINS

18 PRODUCTION NOTES

EDITORSNOTEAFTER THE SUCCESS o theWords I Never Said Volume1, I ound more rants kept com-ing in. One o the big themes I

saw when looking at rants orthe rst volume was love. WithValentines Day coming up, Idecided to put together rantsto loved ones as a service tothose taken and single alike.All rants are anonymous andedited or punctuation only.Enjoy and keep ranting!-ALYSSA BAILEY

Editor and Project Founder


3/20


4/20

THER

ANTS

THEW

ORDSINE

VERSAIDV2

Youre the best thing thats

never happened to me.I dont know you yet; I can wait to meet you. All know is that regardless o our pasts, theres going to

be something that just works between us when wemeet. I hope youre a good person; I hope yourehandsome and treat people humanly. I hope youdont take what you have or granted; I hope youwont take me or granted. But your characteristicsdont matter so much now; right now, you donhave a ace. And Im glad. Im in no rush to meeyou, but I know when I do youll be worth it. Souture someone, take care and believe in yourselIm happy on my own right now, but know this: Il

always believe in you no matter what.

Where did he come rom,

this new guy o yours?Wehad a thing, and it was great. I likedyou; you liked me ... it was so un. But

then... you start dating this kid out othe blue like that just blindsidedthe hell out o me. I was under theimpression you wanted un then all oa sudden youre in a relationship withsomeone else? I dont get it. I told youId be here or you and that I wasntgoing anywhere and although youdidnt want to date, I always believedId be able to be there or you throughanything and do everything in mypower to make you and your lie hap-py. And I still do. Youre an amazingperson who brings out such amazingqualities in everyone else and shouldbe recognized and appreciated or it

every single damn day.

Its weird:all this time I thought

you didnt care. But youveshown me that you really do,

and I am eternally grateul orthat. Thanks or being here when I

needed you the most.

T i m e

orgot, but

I didnt. I havent,and I never will orgetno matter how hard I tryand even i I want to...

Toher:Fortherecord:

Youbrokemyheart.Youleftmetorot.Butforsomereason,Imstilltryingtoyourfriend.Idontknowwhy.Maybeitsbecauseyouwethenicest,kindest,mostdown-to-earthpersonIveevermYouweremyworld.Thenwiththosefewwordsinthate-mIhavelaseredintomybrain,youshatteredmyworld.Ilovyou.Ivelovedyouforalongtime.Iwillalwaysloveyou,nmatterhowmuchyouhatemefor it.Yousaidwhatyouv

done is formyowngood.So...whendoeseverythingbecomegood?Imtiredofallofthis.Imissyousomuch.None

ofthisisworthlosingyou.Ifyoueverdecidetotalktomeagain,IllbewaitingbecausethatswhatIdo.Iwillalwayswait out for you. If this message ever reaches your ears,knowthis:ImeanteverywordIhaveeversaidtoyouwithallmyheart.Ihopeyouwillonedaygetthismessage.


5/20

0

This year will be the frst V-Day Ill

spend alone in a long time.Depressing? Yes,especially since Im still madly in love with my ex. Oh boy. Beingjust riends isnt boding too well or us. You take away that couple-talk we do every night, and it becomes the sporadic hey-hows-the-weather kind o talk. We used to conde in each other talk aboutevery detail o our lie but ever since that day when we parted,

not even a weekly update is given. I thought this could work, beingjust riends. Four years o an intimate relationship shouldve given ussomething. Maybe everyone was right about me dating the wrongguy. Maybe I just wanted someone to reassure me that Im lovedin the world. Now that I think about it, maybe thats all he reallywas. I cant remember the last time my parents said, I love you, orhugged me. I dont think theyve ever kissed me ater the age o venor had a amily moment with me. Having him by my side mademe happy; I was able to hear the words I love you or Yourebeautiul time and time again, but now its criminal to even send theheart emoticon.

So why the break up i we are both madly in love with each other? Iregret it every second, wishing that I had more condence that along-distance relationship could work, but now more than ever, Ibelieve long-distance relationships are doomed to ail. Humans bynature need that physical intimacy. We cant deal with a purely emo-tional relationship; well go insane. Even i its just seeing each other,knowing that theyre real, and theyre in ront o you, thats much bet-ter than a string o text glaring at you rom the computer screen. But Iknow Im just trying to blame anything and everything except me. Its

because o me that we broke up. I became too dependent on him. Irelied on him to reassure me every day that I was loved. I ruined myown lie because o him. And I realized that, which is why I was theone to break up with him. He was probably secretly relieved, nallybeing reed o an over-emotional girl clinging on to him. Im still wait-ing or the part where I become a better person because o this.

When V-Day comes, itll be ocially two months since ourbreak up. I hope that by the time V-Day comes, I canwalk by all the red, pink and white decorations with-out grimacing and maybe even have an eye

out or Cupids magic. Until then, I still rmlybelieve theres nothing wrong with notloving my ex a millimeter less sinceour break up.

Are you

out there?I know you are. I just want to le

you know Im waiting. And whenyoure with me, I will tell you eveday just how beautiul you are every day. I will spoil you and treayou like the guy o your dreams. wont lie, cheat or steal. I will giv

my undying love to you ... I justhope I nd you soon.

I know

that it makes

no sense. I know thatIm leaving in seven months,

and youre going to be here oranother two years. I know we dont seeeach other that oten, and I denitely knowthat its hard enough now. But despite all this?

Im alling in love with you, and Ive neverbeen happier.

Thank you or staying with me even when I told you I wasbroken. Maybe youll be the one to help glue me back together. Thank you o

not giving up on me.


6/20

THER

ANTS

THEW

ORDSINE

VERSAIDV2

Our relationship was ridiculous. I hardlyever saw you, and your parents had (and, rankly, probably still

have) you on the shortest leash I have ever seen. And you weresuch a ucking girl! Never beore have I seen a boy who criedso oten or who was so insanely emotional that he associatedsappy songs with everything that happened to him. I have noidea how I dated you or over a year because, as I look back onour relationship, I mustve been so tolerant o your whiny, bitchy,eminine attitude. Your parents own you and that I wasnt a prior-ity in your lie just became too much or me. I need someone whocan actually grow a pair and stand up to his parents or once inhis lie, and apparently that was asking too much or you.

Im not sorry or what I did to you.

I am sorry, however, or how I did it. It was awul I led you on,and I know that I shouldve gured out my eelings beore talkingto you. So Im sorry or messing with your heart, but Im not sorryor breaking it. And i thats too harsh or you, maybe you can getsome balls and deal with it.

You believed in me when no one elsecould, gave me strength when you yoursel wereweak, prayed or me when I wanted to give

in. You made me strong, kept me sae andshowed me a love that I will never or-

sake. Thank you or restoring peace inboth o our hearts.

All that I am or ever

hope to be, I owe to my

angel Mother.

-Abraham Lincoln

You

made me

stronger and or thatI will always thank you. Youare meant to be in my lie and

together, we keep changing eachother. I am the person I am today

because o you. Thank you orbelieving in me.

All I have to ask is

what changed.When didbeing together orever suddenly turnto what you didnt want? I supported you

through a year o heartbreak, pain, laughter,love and school work. You told me I was theonly girl you would ever need. I was your every-thing: I could tell that summer when you always a-cebooked me to say you missed the sound o my voiceand couldnt wait til I was back in your arms. My rst dayback in Ottawa, I was so mad at you I hung up the phone onyou not once, not twice but three di erent times because I keptstupidly thinking you were ready to apologize. You never told meabout what happened when I wasnt around. Do you realize howdevastating it is or a girl to nd out shes been replaced? You didntrealize that day we ought how crushed I was I cried or almost threehours. You were my whole lie and my everything that year; now we

never talk. I miss what we used to have.


7/20

0

You know whats the worst eeling ever?That sinking eelingyou get at the bottom o your chest when you nd out something you didnt want to know. It doesnt even hurt. Its moreo an ... empty eeling like how youre ree alling into nothing because what you thought was there wasnt. Its the eeling when you know the answer yet you make yoursel vulnerable in exchange to nd out. Why was I so nosy? Why didI have to know? And now I cant stop thinking about it. Curiosity kills ... broke the neck o my hope.

I thought disappointment only came with expectation. However, I didnt expect this whole thing to hit me the way itdid nor did I ever begin to imagine that I could get mysel stuck in this whole mess wait no, not mess. You dont even

know how your actions every little thing keep me thinking or weeks. You have no idea how one thing you say cankeep me pondering, keeps me awake at night and most o all, youre in total oblivion o how many tears were shedover you.

This is crazy. I dont want it anymore. Yeah, Ive said this many times, but this time it hit me so hard that I just need to moveon. It wouldnt bother me i I ound something else to grip onto, and this wouldnt be a problem i I just had someoneto pull me back down. You were the one who lited me up like a ladder to the sky that I was tempted into ollowingAs Im ollowing up, I get more and more mesmerized by how high I can climb but in exchange or that, I gave up mycommon sense and put mysel into oblivion o just what exactly I was getting into. Now that youre gone, the ladder tothe sky, I have no other choice but to all not climb down, ree all.

Yeah, it eels insecure when Im alling. Im alling right now.

Yeah, its gonna hurt even more when I land, Im very aware o that.Perhaps thats why I didnt let go sooner. I wasnt willing to give up my altitude nor was I willing to jump when I hadthe chance.

But all that doesnt matter anymore because i I keep ollowing you misleading me, Im just setting mysel up or ahigher, harder all that Im going to have to deal with with a way bigger impact some point in the uture.

Instead o ocusing on the insecurity o alling, Im gonna take this opportunity to enjoy the sceneryaround me and discover what I missed out while pursuing you.

It sucks eeling weightless, but all I need is time, and Ill be back on my eet, just like

beore.

And its like all o a sudden, it doesnt eel that great to be that high up, andeverything will be alright without you...

Youneverseemt

ogetovermy(oranyones!)faults.N

ooneisperfect,n

otevenyou.

Dealwithit.

I share my

world with the mostbeautiul and perect brother.

He in turn introduced me to a groupo children whom I will love until my dying

breath: children with autism. To the child with au-tism: you are not missing anything, and you are not

broken. You are fawless. You are precious. You areyour own person in a world o sheep. You are loved,and I will orever and always be in your corner, sup-porting you, cheering you on and ghting or you. Tomy brother: Sabrina loves Chance and No Gi Da.


8/20

THER

ANTS

THEW

ORDSINE

VERSAIDV2

What happened to you?You were the most com-passionate person Id ever met. You cared so much about everyoneand everything, and it all seemed so genuine. It seemed like amiracle at the time, that someone who had been so much pain had struggled through so much could be so happy, so careless.But you never were. It wasnt until the end o our riendship that I sawhow damaged you were. And I dont blame you or being dam-aged. So many people have gone through less and come out worseor wear. I do blame you, however, or trying to hide it rom me orhiding it or your amily and your other riends. You can still be whoyou are and talk about what youre going through, but you chosenot to and that takes away rom who you are because its made youugly on the inside. Its made you bitter and biting and unair. And Iwish we were still close because I want to be there or you. I wantto be able to help you, and I want to be your riend again. But thethings youve said, the lies that youve told, the gossip that youve

spread have lessened that desire. What you said isnt true, and youknow it. It sucks that you think Id do that to you. Maybe there wasa miscommunication, but Id like to think that i you thought that waswhat was happening youd have said something. But you didnt.And now Ive gone rom love to hate in less than our seconds. Allbecause you elt the need to eel wanted? Im sorry but not oranything Ive done.

You are the desert rain I never thought would come.

Beore we even knew each other much less talked in person or over thephone I heard stories about you. I was hesitant to show interest because

o what others said. Im glad I didnt. No person truly has your best inter-est except or you, and I learned that once I took the rst step at gettingto know you. You saw a level o comort in me that allowed you to

be honest and come to ace what was act and ction. To you, Iwas the girl who made you change it all. The girl who made

you want to be a loyal, trustworthy and an overall nice guy.It took people orever to get used to us and today, they

still cant believe you settled down. But I can. Once acheater, not always a cheater. Just like in Hes Just

Not That Into You: the unexpected declaration olove, the exception to the rule. In your own per-

sonal way, Im positive youre my exception. Ilove you. Thanks or being the rain.

The annoying little

name that I claim to

hate:I really love it. They saythere is a ne line between

love and hate, and I wish youknew that my hate really meanlove. Youre such an awesomeperson; I just dont know how

to tell you. :

This isnt

just or you

because Im sure

its happened to a

lot o people beore:Dont you hate it when you

develop a tiny crush on someone?

Dont you hate it when everyoneteases you? Dont you hate it when

people say he might like you? Dont youhate it when he doesnt? Dont you hate it

when he gets a girl another girl? Dont youhate it when there was so much you couldve

done to make it happen?


9/20

0

I dont know much about you,and you took me by surprise. I wasnt expectingsomeone like you to come into my lie ... at all.

But somehow youve snuck into my thoughts. I tryto imagine what itd be like i there was something

more than work uniting us. What i you snuck aglance? What i you were as genuinely surprisedat my attractiveness my kindness as I was atyours? Youre a little older, but that two year agegap makes all the dierence.

Theres a bit o something that keeps saying every-thing was such a neat coincidence with us; whatwere the chances? It was all just ate. But I knowdestiny doesnt work like that; Im not a girl who be-lieves in airy tales or fu. Nothing will ever happenbetween us. But there are moments when I needto remind my imagination to take a step back andstop asking what i? Our paths are just overlap-ping or the time being: nothing more, nothing less.

The frst time you broke myheart,I was completely devastated.We hadbeen together or 20 months. My world had ended.About a month and a hal later, you came backaround and into my lie. My brain told me no, but Igave you a second chance. We spent the next ninemonths together. Then you cheated on me again. Iemotionally closed o immediately and never had thatbreakdown again. I convinced mysel I was ne and

never shed any tears. I had convinced mysel that youdidnt deserve any o my tears. A month later, I eelthe pain.Youre gone now or good, and part o mewishes you would come back around in about hala month and tell me it was all a horrible dream.Part o me absolutely hates you, but the oth-er part o me is irrevocably in love withyou. I wish I didnt think about youconstantly.I wish you werent

always on my mind, and Iwish I could nd some-body who wouldtreat me bet-ter.

Both o you are unbelievable.

I dont think I can handle this riendship.

Yeah, Ill miss you guys, but I think I missmy happiness more.

I just want

to say thankyou or everything,

or orgiving me or all the crapIve done or always being there

or me even though I ignored you hal thetime. Thank you or loving me unconditionally

through everything, even the times I betrayed you.Thank you or guiding me through lie. I oten chose

the wrong path, but you helped guide me back to the rightone. I love you so much, and nothing will ever change that.

What you saidto me hurt me more

than youll ever know.


10/20

THER

ANTS

THEW

ORDSINE

VERSAIDV2

Youve put my lie into perspectivesthat I never imagined Id have to see through. And while I thankyou or the much needed insight, I also hate you or it. I thought Idgured everything out. I thought I had reached a stable state ohappiness. And you, in one sentence, shattered my entire acadeNo, not on purpose. I doubt you realize the impact you had onme. Im grateul that you said it i anything though. My happinesswas painully hollow an attempt to keep mysel rom realizing

that i I had to put up with another moment o what I calledhappiness, I was going to scream. Im second guessing

mysel on everything everything! There are so many

things I want to say to you that I cant, be it because itstoo soon, or theres simply something or someone

getting in the way. One day Ill nd the condence to tell you what youve done to me: to

tell you what I was missing and what I wandone. And on that day, I will walk away

either very happy or very sad. I cansay which, but either way, I will walk

away knowing that is how I reallyeel.

For the past couple o years,whether we were in arelationship or not, I either spent Valentines Day with you or was supposed to (remember thatyear Valentines Day was supposed to be our rst date, and you bailed?) This year is so, sodierent. I dont remember the last time we talked. And while Im perhaps headed toward be-ing healthier and happier than Ive ever been, today it eels like somethings missing.Sending love your way. I hope you think o me too i only briefy.

Youclaim to belike a second

mother to me.You say you would do any-thing you can to help me out.Youre nice ... to my ace. Whenyou dont realize Im around, Ihear you talking about me. On a dai-ly basis, I see you write horrible thingsabout me. This has been going on or twoyears, and I never said a word to you aboutit. I probably never will. You made me eel like

I cant tell you anything without you telling every-one you know. I wondered why your amily lookeddown on me ... until I realized what you were tellingthem. Things I said in anger and not even to or at you arebeing held against me because you take one little state-ment and blow it up into a huge ordeal. Every time I catchyou talking about me, I want to strangle you but insteadI keep quiet and walk away. Sometimes I cry and some-times I dont, but Ill never let you see that. I wont giveyou the satisaction o knowing you hurt me. Ill ocus onmaking sure my daughter never ends up treating peoplethe way you treat me.

I dont knowwhetherto love

you or hate you.Whenever youre around, youre all I can

think about, but it seems like you donteven notice me. Please, just give me a

sign; Id rather know that you hate me thannot know how you eel about me at all.


11/20

1

To the guy who gave me hope, then took it

away rom me then gave it back again:I started talking to you on Skype about three months ago. We never really talked to each other beore we had a mutual riendthough. I talked to you once in person, but it wasnt much o a conversation. On Facebook, Id IM you asking you a general ques-tion about a eld trip. We started getting to an actual conversation. As usual, Facebook chat started spazzing and not working.We moved over to talking on Skype. Our conversation lasted or a while. It was one o the best conversations Ive ever had. I eltlike something clicked that is, until about hal way into the conversation. We were discussing our love lives and when I asked

you i you were into any girls, you said, Kind o. Not really, Im working on a girl right now. I thought the girl you were workingon was me. Too bad you said it was another girl. I really thought something was there in the ew hours we talked. I guess I was

a bit late in talking to you.

A ew days later, it was New Years Eve. You spent it with that girl you told me about. You told me since you were sick, you didntdo too much, but you still kissed. My heart sank a bit that night when you told me. I realized that I started liking you when I elt

upset that you kissed that girl.

A week later, you mentioned how you were planning on asking her out. I thought to mysel with midterms going on and not thatmany days o, you guys would break up in about a month. I knew that was a mean thing to think o, but I really liked you then.I didnt like her at all. The thing is, you never knew I didnt like her. I always played it cool and went aw at all your stories and

asked rom time to time, How are you two doing? Honestly, I didnt give a damn.

We went on that eld trip at the end o the month. I got sort o irritated by one o your riends. I realized he changed a lot since

I rst met him. He wasnt the same person anymore ater he met another one o your riends. And I know that may be conusing,but Id rather not mention names in this. Anyways, I was araid that you would go downhill with him too, but you didnt. I knewyou wouldnt stoop that low. Thats one o the main reasons why I liked you and still do: because you were sweet, kind, unny,

etc. ... wow, thats so clich.

Its been a little bit more than a month. You and your girlriend broke up a ew weeks ago apparently. I never knew until a ewdays ago. To tell you the truth, I was pretty happy when I ound out ... as rude as that is. I thought this could be a second chance.But I also knew that you and I would never happen and that its all in my head. A ew days ago, I was talking to you about you,but you didnt know we were talking about you. You told me how me and this other guy I used to like were in the riend zone. I

realized that you and me were in the riend zone too. But I dont want to be in there.

Just a ew hours ago, you told me you wanted to read this rant. You said you wouldnt judge me. But the thing is, i you read thisrant, you probably would judge me in one way or another we wouldnt be in the riend zone anymore either. We probablywont be the riends we are now anymore, and I wouldnt want that to happen. I enjoy the convos we have just about every

day. I eel like I can tell you everything well, just about everything. Ive never had consistently good conversations withthe same person or more than a ew days. I all that ended, I would be crushed. Ha ha, thats pretty clich too.

Anyways, I really hope though that i I do tell you/you nd out, everything stays the same.

AllIreal

lywantedwastob

eyour

valentine.Im

wo

rriedImighthavefeeling

sfor

youeventhough

thatwouldmesseveryth

ingup.

I hate the games we play.I youare eeling something, you should go right ahead and say it.The truth is better than hiding behind some mask, alwayswondering what is really going on. What are you soscared o, anyways? That maybe someone willlike you back, that maybe someone wont

judge you, that maybe someone canlook past all the shields and deensesto the real you? Im ready to beyour riend i thats what youneed right now, and Ithink youre ready ormy riendship.

Imscared to

tell you the truthbecause Id hate to ruin the riendship

weve built. Its easy to write my eelings becauseits anonymous, and youll never get scared enough to

run away. Every person I know questions our relationship,saying Im too dense to realize how much you care about me. We

spend so much time together that people constantly insinuate that theresomething going on. Even i its true, until you say the words, Ill orever doub

whether you see me the way I see you. Ive completely allen or you. For once in mylie, Im not araid to be me. With you, Im completely at ease I trust you completely

and words just come easy. You never ail to make me smile, reminding me why it eels soright with you. I only I could nd the guts to tell you the simple truth: I like you.


12/20

THER

ANTS

THEW

ORDSINE

VERSAIDV2

Weve been best riends or so, so longand in the past several months, a lot has happened in your lie and with our riend-ship. Ive cried many times rom the hurt youve caused me, but Ive also cried romthe extreme pain that youve had to go through that I have not and cant even imagine. Its hard to be treated like you treat me sometimes because I love you so muchand lately, it truly seems like you dont love me anymore and that sometimes all youcare about is yoursel or your boyriend. But then my heart changes to sadness because o the agony I know youve su ered, continues to hurt you and has changed

you in upsetting ways. Sometimes I dont know what to do because Ive supportedyou as much as I can and done the right thing by comorting you and reaching outo you, but you dont treat me like you appreciate it. You dont treat me like a bestriend anymore or like how our other best riend and me treat you yet you still pretend like you are and that nothing is di erent. It really hurts when someone you lovestarts to treat you like crap, but it kills to know that theyre really hurting inside. I knowthat things will continue to change especially senior year and when we go o to

college. But even though it can be so hard sometimes to not be so angry at youor how you treat me and our other best riend, I still love you so much, and

will always have your back. You only live once, and the only thing that canget you through hard times in your lie are the people around you, and

I want to do everything I can to be one o those people who helpedyou through it. I know it will never go away and will always cause

you pain, but even bad things in lie can make you stronger, andyou can still nd happiness even when you think everything is

wrong. I wish you wouldnt treat us like this, but I truly loveyou like a sister. I know deep down youre an amazing

person, and my heart goes out to you or going througheveryones worst ear. Even though you may not stay

in touch with me (I always thought you would, buIm obviously now seeing a change), I will al

ways wish the absolute best or you.

Im terrifed

to tell you I

love you.Weve bothbeen through a lot in the past,and the word love is not some-hing either o us throw around.But ater this one month together,m condent that Im going to be withyou orever. Maybe Im crazy or thinkinghis. Ive done this kind o thing in the past,and Ive been completely wrong and had myheart broken. Last time I said I love you to a boy, Ihought it was real and true. But looking back, I knowt wasnt real or true at all because with you, everythings natural and right. Nothing is orced; it all just happens.cant explain what we have, and I dont want to. All that

matters to me is right now, in the present, I know I love you witheverything I have. Youre what I wanted yesterday; youre whatwant today; youre what I want tomorrow. I can see in the way

you look at me you eel the same. You want to say it too, butguess itll happen when its right or us. I love you, boyriend ...

orever and ever.

Come Valentines Day,I want nothing more than to ask

you out: to kiss you, to love you.But somehow I get the eeling thatyou dont want any o it. Appar-ently you love him even though hedoesnt love you anymore. Thereare others out there; why cant

you see this?


13/20

1

I just wanna let you knowbeore I say a lot that I truly care about you, and I do consider you one o my great-est riends Ive ever had, and it gives me a warm eeling in the pit o my stomachevery time you conde in me I know how hard that is or you. But despite everything

I respect about you, there are a lot o things I cant respect.

I dont understand how you can love yoursel so little and expect to be truly loved (bya guy) in the uture. You say you cant be alone that you cant be happy withoutsomeone there to tell you youre beautiul and that everything is gonna be okay. Youshould know youre beautiul. You should know everything is going to be okay evenwhen you have to go a while without having a special someone there. It insults me

that you could take so many things you have or granted like how many riends youhave who love, support and will always be there or you.

You act like you have nothing to live or other than that douche bag you call a boy-riend, and yes, that insults me. Ive gone a long t ime being single, and its taken a loto time and strength to learn that I can wait, and I can be happy along the way. Youact like just cause bad things have happened to you which I admit they have thatyou have some excuse to always be miserable no mat ter what luck comes your wayor no matter how many opportunities present themselves to you. That characteristicis the one thing I cant handle about you: you let your sadness envelop your lie and

poison the lives o the people around you.

Im not telling you you have to be happy all o the time; you dont. But or the sakeo your riends who try so hard to make you smile, please put on a happy ace. I doit constantly or you; I hide my problems because Im too busy worrying about yoursand thinking you wont care i I told you anyway. You only care about yoursel and

the constant problems you have with the wor thless people you decide to date. I youwant someone to love you so badly, you need to sit and think these things throughso in the end, youll know you have someone who truly cares about you. I suggestgetting that decision straight beore you lose the people who HAVE been there or

you all these years...

The sad thing is, even though weve been through so much together, I still think youdchoose your ve month uck buddy over us. Its not something I like to admit, but it iswhat I believe to be true even though you know hes not the one. I love being hereor you and helping you through your problems, but I dont know how I can continuedoing that with absolutely nothing in return. Friendships are two-sided; I need some-one to care about my problems, to give me advice, to give me a shoulder to cryon or once. Ive gone so long with no one but Leah to truly do that with, and thats

pathetic on your part.

Even though Ive gone all this time without having someone to kiss me good night or

tell me things are gonna be okay, Ive lived, Ive been happy and Ive appreciatedmy riends or everything they are. I cant really say as much or you. I can still lovemysel even though youve never cared to listen to anything about my lie. The thing

is, how can you expect to nd true love i you cant even love yoursel?

You need to think about that.

Broken hearts dont easily mend

but Ill still be here i you need a riendThats all Ill be, never more

but its what you wanted to imploreYou should be happy and not so tragicthis didnt happen, ater all, like magic

Its always been your true desirebecause there was something I didnt acquire

I guess Ill never know what you soughtbut i you asked me now, Id rather not

This was your ault; Ill never let you orgetwhat youve done to me; youll live this regret.

Truly

Your Ex-Boyriend

You

allthrowar

ound

thew

ordlov

elike

itsnothin

gatall!K

nowthe

meani

ngand

getre

al!Jee

z.

Valentines Dayis a constant reminderthat I always end up being single.Just once,Id like to have that one person who al-ways cares, that one person I candepend on, that one person tospend this material holidaywith. I just want that can-dy heart that says Ilove you.

You all have been

trying or years...You

WillNever

BreakMe

... Ever.

Wow,so last Valentines Day

we were together and now we arent.Whats even worse is that we are ghting.

Yeah, so I decided to let you know that you havebeen changing and going down the wrong path due to your

stupid immature riends, and your response was that I didnt uckingknow you. Well, youre right, but rom what Ive seen, you are so immoralits disgusting. I hope that one day you can see how bad youve become maybe beore you screw yoursel over. Happy Not-So Valentines Day, my

stupid ex-boyriend.

I love you is eight letters. So is bullshit.


14/20

THER

ANTS

THEW

ORDSINE

VERSAIDV2

You... youre just conusingI dont know what to think or say or do. And I also dont knowwhat I already have done to be in this position. I mean, thinkabout it. A year ago, I didnt know you existed, much less thathere was something. And somethings are big and exciting and

overwhelming, and I dont know what Im going to do abouit. Because, as you can see, there are plenty o somethings inmy lie, and Im not sure I need another one right now. And yeI know that i I push you away, youre not gonna come backwhich scares me. But Im a big kid, and I know youre a big kidand wed come out o it alright I think. I know you would; probably would. It might take longer. But Id be alright eventually. I just dont want you to hold out waiting or me because know that you wont. Its common sense. No one does, not inour position. So dont. And I know its not waiting, and I know shouldnt think o it that way, but I cant help eeling weird abouit because Ill talk to you, and Ill talk to them, and I dont knowwhich is which. I mean, I know who Im talking to. But I don

know what they are to me. Is it my riend and my riend? Or arethey just two riends? I dont know, and you probably have leso an idea than I do. So I think we should either gure it out andtake time to gure it out, or give this one up and just let everything foat on. It might hurt. But hell, this post is painul. I gure iI can write dea letters to three people about things I dont havethe testicular ortitude (my music teachers words, not mine) totalk about to their ace, then I gure I can gure out where theuck I am and what type o demented uckin Garmin I used toget here. And I can also nd a dierent way: not necessarily away out, just a dierent route. So i youd like to gure it out, thenplease do let me know because I want to; I just dont want towithout you.

Let me

tell you

what I love

about you:I love the way you laugh

even though its not unny,I love the way you call me

babe and love and honey,I love the way

youll tell me anything,I love the way you dance and sing,

I love the way you smile that little smile,I love the way you rock that style,

I love the way youll always be mine,I love that youre my valentine.

I wishthe world hadnt decided Valentines Day was away to make money by selling tacky cards, hal dead fowers and cheap

chocolate. There was a time when it actually MEANT something rather than justbeing a time or shops and companies to make money.

Josh:Even thoughIll never admit this to you

or anyone else, I love you. Ihave or a long time and will oreven longer. You are the reason

I dont date or have a boy-riends; the only one I want is

you. I you stop and think aboutit, youll know who this is rom.

Love, Me

I have known I loved yousince January 1, 2010. I knew because I couldntthink about you without smiling. I knew because Icould never get you o my mind. I knew because Icared more about every insignicant piece o your

lie than I cared about anything in my own. I loveyou so much ... I wish you knew.I wanted to

be a better person this year, happier, caremore ... and when I met you, bam: I was.

Happy Valentines Day. I hope youllbe mine.

So this snow

epidemic needs

to just go away.Can weget a break? Where I live, there was a

week o semi-warm weather. It was show

ing signs o clearing out and then this week48 inches o snow this weekend? I mean, i

the world coming to an end? Im stuck insidebored, watching movies, and I need to go to a

tropical island soon, or Im gonna lose it.


15/20

1

Valentines Day: two words that torment

all the singles out there annuallyI know they torment me

Every day, I am surrounded by love and sex and happy couples, andI can go on with my lie without a second thought. But Valentines Day

... its like lie spitting in my ace, reminding me o how alone I am

People say, Hey, being single is un. Youre young, enjoy it while youcan, blah blah blah. I get it, but Im not that way. I cant unction with

out love: I need that connection, that reliance on someone else tobe happy, to live happily

Thanks V-day or reminding me just how unhappy I can be howalone I am and will continue to be or as ar as I am able to see

The worst part is that I know that its just a Hallmark holiday: an ex-cuse to pay too much or fowers and cards and dinners. Its cheesy

Despite this knowledge, I know that having you as my valentine wouldmake my day. All I want to do is all over mysel to impress you, pul

out all the stops, live the clich o Valentines Day

I know that i I could just have you ... I would never need an-other thing.

Happy Valentines Day to all the happy couplesout there. I you need me, Ill be here alone.

I hope youre the one or me.Ive neverelt this way about anyone in my entire lie, and I understandits a long shot since youre the rst person Ive ever loved ...but you make me happy. You make me unbelievably and in-candescently happy. I love you with all my heart, and I knowmost people would say its practically impossible or us to lastsince its a high school sweetheart type deal, but I dont wantto believe that its impossible just because its rare. Youre themost loving, sensitive, sweet, thoughtul, responsible person Iveever met, and I know you would make me incredibly happy iwe were to spend the rest o our lives together. The only thingthat scares me is the possibility that one o us could all out

o love with the other: I dont want to dwell on that sinceits only a possibility, but it just scares me some-times. I want you to be the one or me becauseI know i you really are then I have a shotat a happy ending. I love you so much... so please never stop loving me,and Ill try to do the same.:)

I thinkmy lack oamazing orgasm abilitieshurt your eelings when wedated. I just wasnt comort-able enough around youor it to happen. It made meeven more sel-consciouswhen you told me how shetold you about her squirtingcapabilities and how cool

that was. I miss you. I canttell you how much I miss you,but at the same time, I hopeshe squirts in your eye.

To the girls on my

course:thank you or being suchbitches. Your mean and hateul ways o ig-

noring me and belittling me, whilst also makingyourselves appear innocent, are antastic ways to

make someone eel welcome in a new place. Yourelucky I live with such antastic people, or I would be kicking

your asses, and you wouldnt be able to ignore me. X

Iregretbreak

ingu

pw

ithyou

.I

knowItoldyo

uIveneverregrettedanything...well,

Iregrettha

t,andImafraidIllneverhaveasecond

chancewithyou.Iloveyou.


16/20

THER

ANTS

THEW

ORDSINE

VERSAIDV2

Dear World,I have a conession to makeYou may have your problems; you may have your issues

but I still love you. I know it seems like I dont sometimes, buI do my best to be good to you. From the snow-covered housesin Maryland to the dirty slums in India, I still love you. I love thesimple pleasures and beauties you harbor, and I love the painyou make us endure to reach the good times we so treasure.

love that you make us work harder and keep us striving to reachequality. You may be orgotten by me rom time to time, but youre

still always there or me. I love everything: the green trees in thespring to the red and orange trees in the all to the barren trees

in the winter. I love you or housing lie yet I love you or housingdeath. You are my home, and Ill always love you no matter howmuch you deteriorate, throw natural disasters at us and change

I love you, world.

You are the best.Im going to miss you somuch next year, and I plan to video chat and e-mail andtalk on the phone because youre such a big part o my

lie now, and you always will be. Above all, youre mybest riend so supportive and so loving and I

know you will be there or me always. Youre theone who truly understands me and who pushe

me to be my best my personal best, notwhat others dene as my best. Youre

also the strongest person I know, and Iwant you to know that I admire you

so much. I love you. Thank you orbeing the best mom ever.

Last

Valentines

Day was

probably one

o the best days

o 2009. This year cant

even possibly compare because orstarters, Im single. I wonder i youllthink about me on this day o clichs andstart reminiscing back to that time whenwe watched Juno, baked cookies, playedWii Fit with your parents and ate Chinesetake-out. You were my rst boyriend, andI still remember every moment. I know Icant say it this Valentines Day, but ... Ilove you.


17/20


18/20

THEW

ORDSINE

VERSAIDV2

So many rants, so

little time.The production o ThWords I Never Said, Volume 2 was stretche

across three months. I tried to do a little bit o thbook rant prooreading, layout creation and ran

arrangement as time permited with courses. As alway

the scale o participation or WINS amazed me. The projechas truly grown global with submissions not just coming rom th

United States East Coast, but rom the West, North and eveacross the pond. Im so thankul or everyone who submitte

and who has supported this project. WINS is your product: youwords make it what it i

A special thanks goes out to Pratik Das, Ben Chaln and MilianBudimirovic, my editors and biggest supporters. They provide

eedback along the way, spread the word to riends and were second eye on each and every page

Reading these rants has truly been an honor and enchantingI only hope readers see what I did: the act you are neve

alone in what you are eeling. Valentines Day may bone day a year, but we are all looking or a love t

grasp, snag and hold on to every day o the yea

Continue to inspire and thank you or all yousupport. WINS would be nothing withou

you

Amits

Alyssa Bailey

WINS Founde

FINALNOT

E


19/20

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20/20

the words i never said, volume 2

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