the social tasks of friendship steven r. asher duke university pittsburgh mind-body center visiting...

The Social Tasks of Friendship Steven R. Asher Duke University Pittsburgh Mind-Body Center Visiting Scholars Program: The Nature of Social Relationships June 12-13, 2007

Collaborators Current Doctoral Students Vito Guerra Julie Paquette MacEvoy Kristina McDonald Former Doctoral Students and Post Docs Jude Cassidy Sonda Gabriel Andrea Hopmeyer Gorman Shelley Hymel Sherri Oden Jeffrey Parker Jennifer Parkhurst Peter Renshaw Amanda Rose Valerie Wheeler

Overview The Challenges of Social Life Conceptualizing and Measuring Peer Adjustment What is Life Like for Children Who Have Peer Adjustment Problems? Can Social Relationship Skills Training Make a Difference? The Social Tasks of Friendship The Role of Goals in Social Competence

The Challenges of Social Life

An Incomplete List of Social Tasks Entering a Group Generating Fun Ideas Ambiguous Provocation Sharing Resources/Belongings Managing Conflict Making Requests Negotiating Rules Responding to Requests Maintaining Interactions Retrieving Belongings Listening Dealing with Loss Communicating Contingently Self-Disclosure Terminating Interaction Eliciting Disclosure Coping with Rejection Apologizing Coping with Public Failure Expressing Appreciation

An Incomplete List of Social Tasks (cont.) Coping with Public Success Keeping Secrets Sticking up for a Friend Forgiving Asking for Help Refusing to Dare Helping Defending Self Comforting Avoiding Danger Coping with Teasing Getting Picked for Teams/Activities Expressing Affection Coping with False Accusations Anger Management Getting Even Complimenting Achieving Equity/Fairness Persuading Resisting Distraction by Others

The Core Questions of Relationships Is this person fun to be with? Is this person easy to get along with? Is this person trustworthy? Do we influence each other in ways I like? Does this person facilitate and not undermine my goals? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Is this person similar to me? Do I respect/admire this person?

Social Life as a Goal Coordination Task What makes social life so challenging is that multiple goals have to be pursued and coordinated, simultaneously. (See Dodge, Asher, & Parkhurst, 1989, for a discussion)

Conceptualizing and Measuring Peer Adjustment Peer Acceptance Friendship Friendship Quality

Peer Acceptance Peer Acceptance refers to how much other members of a group like a particular person and want to spend time with him or her

Measuring Peer Acceptance: A Rating-Scale Sociometric Measure How much do you like to play with this person at school? I dont I like to Examples like to a lot Louise Blue 1 2 3 4 5 Russell Grey 1 2 3 4 5 John Armon 1 2 3 4 5 Andrea Brandt 1 2 3 4 5 Sue Curtis 1 2 3 4 5 Sandra Drexel 1 2 3 4 5 Jeff Ellis 1 2 3 4 5 Bill Fox 1 2 3 4 5 Diane Higgins 1 2 3 4 5 Harry Jones 1 2 3 4 5 Jill Lamb 1 2 3 4 5 Steve Murray 1 2 3 4 5

Measuring Peer Acceptance: Nomination Sociometric Measures Who are the three people you like the most in this class? John Armon Andrea Brandt Sue Curtis Sandra Drexel Jeff Ellis Bill Fox Diane Higgins Harry Jones Jill Lamb Steve Murray Jo Anne Norman Pam Riley

Who are the three people you like the least in this class? John Armon Andrea Brandt Sue Curtis Sandra Drexel Jeff Ellis Bill Fox Diane Higgins Harry Jones Jill Lamb Steve Murray Jo Anne Norman Pam Riley

Sociometric Classification Based on Like-Most and Like-Least Nominations Like-Most Like-Least Nominations Nominations Popular HighLow Rejected LowHigh Neglected LowLow Controversial HighHigh Average AverageAverage

Core Question 1: Is this child fun to be with? AcceptanceRejection good sense of humordisruptive resourceful/skillfulbossy/domineering participatory/readilylow cognitive skills involvedwithdrawn/apprehensive

Core Question 2: Is this child easy to get along with? AcceptanceRejection cooperativebossy/domineering/stubborn open-mindednon-responsive responsive/availableprickly/defensive/touchy/needy

Core Question 3: Is this child trustworthy? AcceptanceRejection reliableaggressive/mean honestdishonest loyalbetrays confidences

Core Question 4: Do we influence each other in ways I like? AcceptanceRejection cooperativeaggression/mean respectfulbossy/domineering considerateresistant/stubborn

Core Question 5: Does this child facilitate and not undermine my goals? AcceptanceRejection cooperativecompetitive helpfulindifferent resourcefulinterfering

Core Question 6: Does this child make me feel good about myself? AcceptanceRejection supportive/kindinsulting/demeaning responsivenon-responsive likes medislikes me

Core Question 7: Is this child similar to me? AcceptanceRejection common values and interestsdifferent values and interests respect for peer conventionsnonconformity to peer conventions similar demographicssuperior manner handicapped

Core Question 8: Do I respect/admire this person? AcceptanceRejection honesty/integrityviolates moral standards defends selfeasy to push around competentnot competent

Friendship Friendship is a dyadic relationship with certain properties such as mutual attachment, commitment, and special concern for one anothers welfare.

Measuring Friendship: Nomination Measures Who are your best three friends in this class? John Armon Andrea Brandt Sue Curtis Sandra Drexel Jeff Ellis Bill Fox Diane Higgins Harry Jones Jill Lamb Steve Murray Jo Anne Norman Pam Riley

Decisions About Friendship Nomination Measures Limited versus Unlimited Nominations Unilateral versus Reciprocal Choices

Friendship Quality Friendship Quality refers to the specific features of a friendship such as the extent to which it provides companionship and recreation, help and guidance, emotional support, and shared intimacy. Friendship qualities also include how much conflict exists in the friendship and how easily conflict gets resolved.

Friendship Qualities Companionship and Recreation Validation and Caring Help and Guidance Intimate Exchange Conflict and Betrayal Conflict Resolution

Friendship Quality Questionnaire-Revised (Parker & Asher, 1993) Think about your friendship with Jamie. 1.Jamie and I live really close to each other. Not at all true A little true Somewhat true Pretty true Really true 0.12..3...4 2.Jamie and I always sit together at lunch. Not at all true A little true Somewhat true Pretty true Really true 0.12..3...4 3.Jamie and I get mad at each other a lot. Not at all true A little true Somewhat true Pretty true Really true 0.12..3...4 4.Jamie tells me Im good at things. Not at all true A little true Somewhat true Pretty true Really true 0.12..3... 4

Companionship and Recreation Definition: The extent to which the friends spend enjoyable time together inside or outside of school. Sample items: Jamie and I always sit together at lunch. Jamie and I do fun things together a lot. Jamie and I go to each others house after school and on weekends. Reliability: Alpha =.75

Validation and Caring Definition: The degree to which the relationship is characterized by caring, support, and interest. Sample items: Jamie tells me Im good at things. Jamie makes me feel good about my ideas. Jamie and I make each other feel special and important. Reliability: Alpha =.90

Help and Guidance Definition: The extent of the friends efforts to assist one another with routine or challenging tasks. Sample items: Jamie often helps me with things so I can get done quicker. Jamie and I help each other with schoolwork a lot. When Im having trouble figuring out something, I usually ask Jamie for help and advice. Reliability: Alpha =.90

Conflict and Betrayal Definition: The extent to which the relationship is characterized by disagreement, annoyance, and betrayal. Sample items: Jamie and I argue a lot. Jamie and I get mad at each other a lot. I can think of some times when Jamie has said mean things about me to other kids. Reliability: Alpha =.84

Intimate Exchange Definition: The extent to which the relationship is characterized by disclosure of personal information and feelings. Sample items: Jamie and I are always telling each other about our problems. Jamie and I talk about the things that make us sad. When Im mad about something that happened to me, I can always talk to Jamie about it. Reliability: Alpha =.86

Conflict Resolution Definition: The degree to which disagreements in the relationship are resolved efficiently and fairly. Sample items: Jamie and I always make up easily when we have a fight. Jamie and I always get over our arguments really quickly. If Jamie and I get mad at each other, we always talk about how to get over it. Reliability: Alpha =.73

What is Life Like for Children with Peer Relationship Problems?

The Experience of Peer Rejection A year-long wireless observation study revealed 32 distinct types of rejection that could be grouped into six major categories Asher, Rose, & Gabriel (2001)

Excluding and Terminating Interaction (e.g., sending a child away) Were not gonna play with him ever. Denial of Access (e.g., refusing a childs attempts to join) Laura is not in the club. Aggression (e.g., physically attacking) Dominance (e.g., giving orders) Stop it, you fool. Moral Disapproval (e.g., disapproving of someones behavior) Involving a Third Party (e.g., relaying a negative statement) Now Im supposed to tell you to please kiss off.

Poorer School Adjustment More difficulty in early school years (Ladd, 1990) Higher rates of school drop out (Parker & Asher, 1987)

Greater Loneliness at All Ages Assessed Even very young children have a basic understanding of what loneliness means. Do you know what being lonely means? Uh-hum. Like if youre uhm, a Martian, and you dont eh, eh, uh, and you only live on one planet andnobodys um, with ya, on that planet.

Loneliness and Social Dissatisfaction Questionnaire (Asher, Hymel, & Renshaw, 1984) Primary Items Its easy for me to make new friends at school. I have nobody to talk to. Im good at working with other children. Its hard for me to make friends. I have lots of friends. I feel alone. I can find a friend when I need one. Its hard to get other kids to play with. I dont have anyone to play with. I get along with other kids. I feel left out of things. Theres nobody I can go to when I need help. I dont get along with other children. Im lonely. Im well-liked by kids in my class. I dont have any friends.

Filler Items I like to read. I watch TV a lot. I like school. I play sports a lot. I like science. I like music. I like to draw and paint. I like playing board games a lot.

Loneliness and Social Dissatisfaction Questionnaire for Young Children (Cassidy & Asher, 1992) Primary Items Is it easy for you to make new friends at school? Do you have other kids to talk to at school? Are you good at working with other kids at school? Is it hard for you to make friends at school? Do you have lots of friends at school? Do you feel alone at school? Can you find a friend in class when you need one? Is it hard to get kids in school to like you? Do you have kids to play with at school? Do you get along with other kids at school? Do you feel left out of things at school? Are there kids you can go to when you need help in school? Is it hard for you to get along with the kids at school? Are you lonely at school? Do the kids at school like you? Do you have friends at school?

Items on the UCLA Loneliness Scale 3 rd Revision Sociability Items How often do you feel outgoing and friendly? How often do you feel shy? Social Provision Items How often do you feel you can find companionship when you want it? How often do you feel there are people you can turn to? How often do you feel that there are people you can talk to? How often do you feel that you lack companionship? How often do you feel that there is no one you can turn to? Closeness/Intimacy How often do you feel that no one really knows you well? How often do you feel that there are people that really understand you? How often do you feel that you are no longer close to someone? How often do you feel close to people? How often do you feel that your relationships with others are not meaningful?

Belonging/Similarity How often do you feel that you are in tune with the people around you? How often do you feel part of a group of friends? How often do you feel that you have a lot in common with the people around you? How often do you feel that your interests and ideas are not shared by those around you? How often do you feel that people are around you but not with you? Isolation How often do you feel left out? How often do you feel isolated from others? Loneliness Items How often do you feel alone? All items answered on a 1 (never) to 4 (always) scale. (Russell, 1996) Items on the UCLA Loneliness Scale 3rd Revision (cont.)

Asher, Gorman, Guerra, & Gabriel (in preparation) 775 fourth and fifth grade students ranging in age from 9 to 11 years old. Children completed a rating-scale sociometric measure to assess childrens acceptance by peers. Children completed an inventory of behavioral nomination items, which contained 12 items used to identify children who are prosocial, submissive, withdrawn, or aggressive. Children completed a loneliness questionnaire that consisted of 12 items asking about loneliness in the context of class, the lunchroom, the playground, and in physical education.

Research Aims To develop a reliable measure of loneliness in various school contexts To learn whether there are context differences in loneliness To learn whether differences between accepted, submissive low-accepted, and aggressive low-accepted children vary as a function of school context

Items on the Loneliness in Contexts Questionnaire- School Age Classroom Do you feel sad and alone in your classroom? Is the classroom a lonely place for you? Are you lonely in your classroom? Lunchroom Do you feel sad and alone in the lunchroom? Is the lunchroom a lonely place for you? Are you lonely in the lunchroom? Physical Education Do you feel sad and alone in P.E.? Is P.E. a lonely place for you? Are you lonely in P.E.? Playground Do you feel sad and alone on the playground? Is the playground a lonely place for you? Are you lonely on the playground?

Filler Items Do you like to do math at school? Do you like to read at school? Do you like to play sports at school? Do you like going on field trips with your class? Do you like to draw and paint at school? Do you like having parties in your classroom at school? Do you like going to the library at school? Do you like music class at school? Do you like making reports to the class? Do you like to work on group projects at school? Do you like reading books at school? Do you like to play games at school? Do you like doing homework? Do you like to write stories at school? Do you like school assemblies? Items on the Loneliness in Contexts Questionnaire- School Age (cont.)

Loneliness in Context Measure: Internal Reliability Classroom =.82 Lunchroom =.85 Playground =.86 Physical Education =.85 Total Score =.94

New Revision of Loneliness in Context Measure (Asher & McDonald, in preparation) Class is a lonely place for me. I am lonely in the evening. My place of residence is a lonely place for me. My free time is a lonely time for me. I feel sad and alone on weekends. I am lonely with other people. I feel sad and alone at social events. I am lonely during meal times. I feel sad and alone when I am studying. Bed time is a lonely time for me. All items are answered on a scale of 1(never) to 5(always).

Can Social Relationship Skills Training Make a Difference?

Social Skills Coaching Oden & Asher (1977) Assumptions and Features School is an ideal context for intervention Game playing as an activity context Coach meaty concepts Instruct-Practice-Review Average status partners Avoid stigmatizing

Coaching Results: Peer Acceptance Significant improvement in acceptance status of rejected children. On follow-up, there was continued improvement in peer acceptance. No significant effect of coaching on friendship

Subsequent Social Skills Training Research Peer acceptance gains found in 10 of 15 studies Friendship was assessed in only 3 other studies. None found gains in friendship on a limited friendship nomination measure.

The Social Tasks of Friendship Initiating outside of school contact Being an enjoyable companion Helping friend Reliable partner Managing conflict Friendship in the larger peer group context Self disclosure Expressing affection Friendship transgression Appreciating spirit of equality (Asher, Parker, & Walker, 1996)

Managing Conflicts of Interest

Rose and Asher (1999) 710 fourth-and fifth-grade children rating-scale sociometric measure to assess peer acceptance reciprocally nominated friends were identified from each nomination question: all best friends, three best friends, very best friends modified version of the Friendship Quality Questionnaire; the focal child for their report was the very best reciprocated friend they had, as assessed from the friendship nomination measures 30 vignettes, each of which focused on some form of conflict within a friendship; for each vignette children rated their strategies and goals, with the assessments separated in time and with order counterbalanced

Hypothetical Situations Representing Conflicts of Interests Within a Friendship Exclusivity/Dealing with Friendship in a Larger Social Context Example: You are looking forward to playing with just your friend at recess, but your friend asks some other children to play with the two of you. Helping/Self-Sacrifice Example: After school you go over to your friends house and you are playing his/her video game. Your friend tells you that he/she has chores around the house to do each week and that they are supposed to be done by that night. He/She hasnt started any of them, and now he/she is worried he/she wont have time to get them done. He/She asks you if you would help him/her with his/her chores. You tell your friend that you are having fun playing the video game, but your friend still wants you to help him/her. Maintaining Spirit of Equality Example: You and your friend just finished playing a board game. You had fun playing the game because you got to pick the game and it is your favorite. You really want to play the same game again, but your friend doesnt want to and says its his/her turn to pick.

Hypothetical Situations Representing Conflicts of Interests Within a Friendship (cont.) Being a Reliable Partner Example: You and your friend are supposed to go to the movies on Saturday afternoon. Then a boy/girl in your class who you really like calls and invites you but not your friend to a birthday party on Saturday. You would like to go to the party, but your friend still wants you to go to the movie with him/her. Managing Disagreement Over Resources Example: You are putting together a puzzle during the lunch break. Youve worked very hard on the puzzle, and its almost finished. Your friend comes over, picks up some puzzle pieces, and wants to play with the puzzle with you. You tell your friend that you really want to finish the puzzle by yourself, and you ask him/her to give back the puzzle pieces, but he/she doesnt want to give you the puzzle pieces.

Goals Used in Each Hypothetical Situation Goal TypeActual Wording Relationship GoalI would be trying to stay friends. Moral GoalI would be trying to be fair. Tension ReductionI would be trying to keep myself from getting upset Instrumental GoalI would be trying to go to the movie I want to see. Retaliation GoalI would be trying to get back at my friend. Control GoalI would be trying to keep my friend from pushing me around

Strategy Type, Definition, and Example Strategy TypeStrategy Definition and Example Accommodating StrategyEngaging in an action which satisfies the interests of ones friend at the expense of ones own interests (e.g., I would tell my friend that he can pick the movie.) Compromising StrategyEngaging in an action which satisfies both ones own interests and ones friends interest (e.g., I would say that I would go to his movie this time if I could pick the movie next time.) Verbally Aggressive StrategyStatement by the focal child which has a high probability of hurting the friends feelings (e.g., I would tell him to shut up because I want to pick.)

Strategy Type, Definition, and Example (cont.) Strategy TypeStrategy Definition and Example Self-Interest Pursuit StrategyEngaging in an action which satisfies ones own interests at the expense of ones friends interests (e.g., I would tell my friend that we should go to the movie I want to see.) Leaving StrategyPhysically leaving the situation (e.g., I would just go away.) Threaten Termination ofVerbally threatening to terminate the Friendshipfriendship if the friend does not comply with the wishes of the focal child (e.g., I would tell my friend that I wont be friends with him unless we go to the movie that I want to see.)

Reliable Partner: Goal You and your friend always play together at recess. One day some other kids ask if you want to be on their team to play a game. You would like to be on their team, but your friend still wants you to play with him. What would your goal be in this situation? really really disagree agree A. I would be trying to get back at my friend. 1 2 3 4 5 B. I would be trying to play the game. 1 2 3 4 5 C. I would be trying to make sure that things 1 2 3 4 5 are done fairly. D. I would be trying to keep myself from 1 2 3 4 5 getting upset. E. I would be trying to stay friends. 1 2 3 4 5 F. I would be trying to keep my friend from 1 2 3 4 5 pushing me around.

Reliable Partner: Strategy You and your friend always play together at recess. One day some other kids ask if you want to be on their team to play a game. You would like to be on their team, but your friend still wants you to play with him. What would you say or do? definitelydefinitely would not dowould do A. I would ask the other kids if my friend 1 2 3 4 5 could play too. B. I would tell my friend that he is a jerk 1 2 3 4 5 for trying to make me still play with him C. I would play the game. 1 2 3 4 5 D. I would just go away. 1 2 3 4 5 E. I would tell my friend that I wont be friends 1 2 3 4 5 with him anymore if he keeps trying to get me to play with him. F. I would play with my friend. 1 2 3 4 5

Goals After Cluster Analysis Relationship Maintaining Goal (trying to stay friends; trying to be fair; trying to keep from getting upset) Instrumental/Control Goal (trying to meet ones own needs; trying to keep from being pushed around by the friend) Revenge Goal (trying to get back at the friend)

Strategies After Cluster Analysis Accommodation/Compromise Strategy Self-Interest Assertion Strategy Hostile Strategy (e.g., leaving, being verbally aggressive, threatening to terminate the friendship)

StrategiesCoefficient Alpha Accommodation/Compromise.93 Self-Interest Assertion.92 Hostile.98 Goals Relationship Maintaining.98 Instrumental/Control.98 Revenge.96

Childrens Endorsement of the Goal of Revenge in Response to Normative Conflict Situations with Friends Average Revenge Goal ScorePercent of SampleN On 1-5 Scale Across 30 Hypothetical Situations Greater than or equal to 4.0 6.1% 41 Between 3.0 and 3.9915.1%101 Between 2.0 and 2.9925.5%170 Between 1.0 and 1.9953.2%355 Notes.Higher numbers indicate stronger endorsement of the revenge goal. These data are based on secondary analyses of Rose & Asher (1999).

Indexes of Friendship Adjustment 1.Number of Best Friends 2.Friendship Quality Positive Friendship Quality -intimate exchange -validation and caring -help and guidance -companionship and recreation -conflict resolution Friendship Conflict

Summary of Hierarchical Regressions of Goals and Strategies on Number of Best Friends, Positive Friendship Quality, and Friendship Conflict Number ofPositive Friendship Friendship Best FriendsQuality Conflict MeasureR 2 B a F R 2 B a F R 2 B a F Goal Relationship Maintaining.00.08 3.52.01.09 2.90.00 -.06.97 Instrumental-Control.00 -.05 1.34.00 -.04.65.03.16 9.91*** Revenge.02 -.14 14.77****.01 -.11 4.86*.06.25 24.72**** Strategy Accommodation-Compromise.00.10 2.56.00.01.03.01 -.19 5.32* Self-Interest Assertion.00.01.02.00 -.01.01.04.22 13.48*** Hostile.01 -.12 6.79**.00.00.00.05.26 17.83**** a: After controlling for gender, acceptance, grade, and the Gender x Acceptance, Gender x Grade, Acceptance x Grade, and Gender x Acceptance x Grade interaction terms in the regression equation. *p

the social tasks of friendship steven r. asher duke university pittsburgh mind-body center visiting...

Documents

social competence slide

appreciation slide

discussion slide

measuring peer acceptance

person fun

particular person

person easy

person trustworthy