the river journal, march 2013

Because there’s more to life than bad news

Local News • Environment • Wildlife • Opinion • People • Entertainment • Humor • Politics

March 2013| FREE | www.RiverJournal.com

A News MAGAZINE Worth Wading Through

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4. A STAR IS BORN Movie showcasing the proposed Scotchman Peaks Wilderness and its Friends premieres this month.

6. DOWNTOWN CALENDAR Take a look at what’s happening in Sandpoint

7. AN INVESTMENT IN THE FUTURE It may look like winter outside still, but all over people are investing in the fall harvest.

8. HUNTER EDUCATION Now’s the time to sign up for classes, before you head out into the woods. THE GAME TRAIL

9. THE SPOTTED TOWHEE Although its name has changed, spring is still the best time to spot this lovely bird. A BIRD IN HAND

10. WARNING OR WELCOME SIGN? Gary’s faith walk is leading him to a time of transition. GARY’S FAITH WALK

11. ANTICIPATION For some things, like dinner and grandkids, it’s really hard to wait. THE HAWK’S NEST

12. HEALTH INSURANCE & GUN CONTROL What do these two things have in common? They’re both the subject of legislation this session. A SEAT IN THE HOUSE

13. MAKING A MOVIE Sandy Compton and his favorite place both star in an upcoming movie premiere. THE SCENIC ROUTE

14. CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’ You can take the girl out of Idaho, but you can’t take the Jinx out of the girl. JINXED

15. MATILDA’S DNA Sasquatch is real, captured, and its DNA now sequenced. Or is it? SURREALIST RESEARCH BUREAU

16. OBITUARIES

17. STARTING SEEDS Nancy gives the basics for getting your flower and vegetable seeds started early. GET GROWING

17. HOW WE GOT WHAT WE DESERVE Gil says if we don’t like what Congress is up to, we only have ourselves to blame. VETERANS’ NEWS

18. TALL TALES FROM CHIPMUNK FALLS Boots threatens (?) to expand into documentary. FROM THE MOUTH OF THE RIVER

2O. THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES Born under a bar sign, Scott reflects on baggy basketball shorts. SCOTT CLAWSON

A News Magazine Worth Wading Through

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Contents of the River Journal are copyright 2013. Reproduction of any material, including original artwork and advertising, is prohibited. The River Journal is published the first week of each month and is distributed in over 16 communities in Sanders County, Montana, and Bonner, Boundary and Kootenai counties in Idaho. The River Journal is printed on 40 percent recycled paper with soy-based ink. We appreciate your efforts to recycle.

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THE RIVER JOURNAL

Cover Photo by Phil Hough/Friends of Scotchman Peaks Wilderness. A Scotchman native is curious about Joe Foster and his camera.

220 Cedar St. Sandpoint 208.263.0846

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March 2013| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 3| Page �

A Star is Born: The Proposed Scotchman Peaks Wilderness - Along with its Friends - Makes Movie Debut this Month

From points on either side of the Idaho/Montana border, people launch themselves into an 88,000 acre piece of paradise that’s home to soaring views, rushing streams, tumbling waterfalls, seemingly never-ending forests, stunning rock outcroppings, enough prickly plants to shred a million legs and some of the area’s most iconic wildlife: the proposed Scotchman Peaks Wilderness Area. A couple of years ago, a trio of young men from the East Coast crossed that imaginary line on the map, toting heavy packs full of camera equipment and a dream in their hearts to make stars out of this piece of land and the people who love it and strive for its protection. That dream becomes reality this March 14 as their movie, Grass Routes, premieres at Sandpoint’s Panida Theater. (By the way—for you die-hard westerners who pronounce ‘route’ to rhyme with ‘doubt;’ be aware that many pronounce it as ‘root,’ and thus the wordplay in the movie’s title.)

Although their intention was to make the movie that became Grass Routes, a second movie, En Plein Air, was made along the way; the Grass Routes premier will include a showing of this film as well, which follows a group of local painters into the wilderness.

Jake Glass, Joe Foster and Matt Stauble are the trio behind the lenses. Jake is a student at Pennsylvania’s Muhlenberg College, pursuing degrees in Environmental Science and International Studies. Joe is a Mechanical Engineer and inveterate globe trotter, racking up stints in New Zealand and Peru, along with his time in our Idaho/Montana hidden gem. Matt is a photographer who’s traveled the world in search of the perfect shot. Their company, Wildman Pictures (www.WildmanPictures.com), offers as a mission the goal to combine video and

still photography in a way designed to motivate viewers through producing “informative and socially constructive projects.”

In advance of their arrival for the Grass Routes premiere, Jake and Joe participated in an electronic interview about the film, the Friends, and the “philosophy of grass roots projects” that they believe can not only protect a wilderness, but potentially save the world.How did a group of young, East Coast filmmakers hook up with a western environmental group?

Jake: Believe it or not, in my dorm room my freshman year at Muhlenberg College! I was looking to become involved in environmental conservation work, and stumbled upon Friends of Scotchman Peaks’ website. After speaking with FSPW’s leadership and learning about their story, together we decided a film documentary would best spread their message in a powerful and communicable fashion.

Joe: My start with filming was structured around mountain biking and skiing. That’s actually how I first met both Jake and Matt (the other Wildmen). Jake approached me with the idea of an environmentally focused film, and with my love for backpacking and filming, his academic plans, Matt’s photography skills and outdoor experience, it fell together pretty easily.

Was the movie’s original focus the wilderness itself, or the group that’s looking to have it designated as such under federal legislation?

Jake: As young filmmakers and environmentalists, I think we originally planned for the movie to focus on the wilderness itself. We wanted to do everything we could to promote the Scotchman Peaks as a potential wilderness. However, as our research and own academic experiences progressed, we

realized that a documentary focusing on FSPW itself was truly unique and stood as an inspirational story in and of itself.

Joe: Being able to tell a story that reaches a broader audience was important to us. The film had a lot of objectives. First, show how the philosophy of grassroots politics, open conversation, and positive outreach can lead to strong, balanced communities. Second, generate more supporters. This is a national matter and is supported on a local level; we just need to bring the majestic scenery to more people. I think people will respond positively to hearing about the means in which the ‘Friends’ operate.

There are hundreds of special interest groups just in our area alone. What’s so special about the Friends of Scotchman Peaks?

Joe: After spending a lot of time with Phil (Hough), Sandy (Compton), and the other board members of the peaks, along with other supporters and members of the community... I realized that FSPW was the real deal. These were honest people who were deliberate and considerate in all of their moves in organizing and further gaining support for the Scotchmans. But the place itself, I just haven’t been anywhere like it before. I am looking forward to seeing it in the winter.

Those who venture into the Scotchmans tend to find it a bit magical. What did you think when you explored the area?

Jake: My first experience inside the Peaks came on a 6-day backpacking trip through the heart of the proposed wilderness. If I had one word to describe the Scotchmans, I would say... rugged. I struggled with the actual backpacking the entire week; blistered feet, hungry stomach, mosquito bites, the whole nine yards. But each afternoon, we would reach our camp and I finally had the chance to take a deep breath and look around

A baker’s dozen years ago, the Earth Island Institute established the Brower Youth Award for Environmentalism, in memory of its founder, renowned environmentalist David Brower. In 2012, Wildman Films’ Jake Glass was one of the six recipients of this prestigious award, in recognition of his work in En Plein Air.

“The Brower Youth Award was an amazing opportunity for both Wildman Pictures and for FSPW,” Jake said, in his typical, low-key manner. “The Award honors young environmental “change-

makers” who have created a positive impact through a self-designed project; we were quite honored to have been chosen! After winning the award, Joe and I were met by BYA’s film crew, Rikshaw Films, in Montana, ironically enough. We spent a few days filming a short documentary about our documentary (things really got weird when Joe began to film them filming us!). Last October, I spent a week in San Francisco with the other award recipients. Let me tell you, these kids are doing AMAZING things!

While in California, I attended several workshops and trainings that have helped us elevate our work. The week culminated in a ceremony where our short documentaries were shown and we were introduced to the West Coast environmental community. Feel free to check out our website for pictures and to see my acceptance speech! The Brower Youth Awards are a great opportunity for any young person committed to changing the world!”

Glass wins Brower Youth Award for Scotchmans Work


me and realize the majesty of the area. I think the fact that my physical pain was overmatched by the beauty of the area says a lot about it.

Joe: The colors are all so deep... truly deep. The peaks you see throughout the Scotchmans take all shapes, jagged, round, steep, sheer cliff drop-offs. Look for that in Grass Routes. The terrain varies from deep cedar springs through layers of varying bush and trees, up to dramatic peaks of all different color, size, and cut. The film does not exaggerate. The pre-screeners enjoyed the story but the take-away comment was people slowly looked up from the film and said, “I want to go there.” I can relate. I really enjoy being in the Scotchmans.

What are some of your filming stats?Joe: We think there were around 50-60

people interviewed, plus hundreds of hours of footage and audio sampling. We made two almost-30 minute films and don’t repeat more than 10 shots; we still have many in our stock footage. We were very fortunate that Sandy and Phil are organized and beast hikers... we had a lot of filming opportunities. And a big thanks to Chris ‘Crash’ Compton for taking us up to film from the sky.

How do the two of you break up your ‘roles’ in Wildman Pictures?

Jake: I would be nowhere without Joe, I am absolutely sure of that. While on location, he is the one behind the lens making the shots look beautiful. Back in our studio, he is the one logging countless hours fighting with computers to make this film what it is. My role is more focused around research, planning and conducting interviews, writing scripts, and putting together grant applications. Generally speaking, Joe is a master of detail while I work from a broader

standpoint. I think we complement each other very well because of it. So saying, Joe has also contributed immensely to the story line and writing of our film, while my skills behind the computer are rather minimal. He does it all! I couldn’t have asked for a harder working partner.

Joe: Wow, thanks. There is a lot of value in collaboration and that is actually something that I am marketing myself as, a collaborator (www.iamdapperdan.com). This project kind of grew beyond what our initial plans were and was influenced by a lot of people. Where some of my weaknesses are, Jake and Matt are more experienced, and vice versa. The direction of the story when we really started digging into the interviews was lead by Jake. To be honest, I had a lot of ideas but I wasn’t making the connection between all the different reasons why the movie exists and who we wanted it to reach.

The three of us benefit from solid brainstorming and kind of beating around each other’s ideas until they are polished. Almost every aspect of our image and the film is a product of individual and group brainstorming.

I was the primary cinematographer for Grass Routes but actually many shots that made it in the final cut were from Matt Stauble’s still photography and some filming and same with Jake. Rikshaw Films made a big impact in the direction of the film by giving us their footage from the Brower Youth Award filming (see sidebar). That allowed us, as Wildman Pictures, to join the story in the way we intended. We also reached out to the community and featured some stunning photos from Phil Hough, Sandy Compton, Jim and Sandii Mellen, Doug Lynch, Brad Smith and Andrew David Klaus. We thought it would be great to include local

photographers’ images!

So what’s the finished product like?Joe: I think if people are going into

the film expecting to hear a juicy story of controversy because they see industry and majestic wilderness, they will be disappointed. Grass Routes is about introducing an overarching philosophy that is effective in changing the outcomes of political conversation. FSPW has done a really good job bringing together a diverse group of people. The Scotchmans span two national forests, two states, and three counties. Grass Routes is the story of how FSPW brought together the communities that surround the peaks and are reaching out further on a national level. I learned a lot through seeing them operate.

I think people will enjoy the soundtrack and we have an exceptional narrator, Chris Lemmon.

And, well, the wilderness. After all of these hours of editing and being in the Scotchmans, I still enjoy seeing them.

The movie has an obvious appeal in our local area... but what about elsewhere? Why would people in other areas want to see the film?

Jake: I think the fact that our film is applicable outside of the local area has been one of the motivating factors that has kept me excited about it throughout the grueling production process. We situate the film in Idaho and Montana, but really use it as a case study with which to promote a different type of political advocacy in our country. Our goal was to say something valuable about what it means to be an interest group in America.

The Grass Routes premiere and a showing of En Plein Air takes place at the Panida Theater in Sandpoint March 14 with doors at 6 and the movie at 7. It will also premiere online at the Wildman Pictures website, where En Plein Air can also be viewed, along with trailers for both movies. The website includes information for those who would like to buy a copy of the film. Tickets ($8 in advance, $10 at the door) for the show can be purchased at Eichardt’s or at the Readery, in Sandpoint, or buy some from Sandy Compton if you happen to catch him in town.

After Sandpoint, the film duo will be taking the movie on the road throughout the U.S. with several additional premieres and what they call a “broad spectrum” of film festivals.

by Trish Gannon

Film screenshot courtesy Wildman Pictures


SANDPOINT EVENTSDOWNTOWN

SANDPOINT EVENTSMarch

10 Sandpoint Vegetarians Community Potluck, �:30-7:30 Spt Community Hall 290-�38713 On Ensemble. Panida Theater, 7 pm 2�3-�1391� Conversations, Evans Bros. Coffee, �:30-7:30 2��-27871� Grass//Routes premier, movie on the Friends of Scotchman Peaks Wilderness, Panida Theater, doors at �. www.ScotchmanPeaks.org1� “Big Art” Reception, Art Works Gallery, �-7 pm featuring 7 regional artists. Free. 208-2��-�7�� 1�-1� Stomp Games at Schweitzer Mountain Resort. schweitzer.com1�-17 Library Wine Tasting Weekend, Pend d’Oreille Winery 1� Grad Night Dinner and Auction, Sandpoint Events Center 208-�97-0�831� Leo Kottke Concert, Panida Theater 2�3-919119 Keepers of the Faith Quartet, Panida Theater.21 Monarch Movie Night: Argo, film and discussion at Monarch Mtn. Coffee. Free. 7 pm21-23 Silver Linings Playbook, Panida Theater, 7:30 pm. 2�3-919122 Lincoln Day Dinner and Event, Bonner Co. Fairgrounds, �-8 pm 2��-��87.22-23 2� Hours of Schweitzer relay benefit. 263-955528-29 Amour, Panida Theater, 7:30 pm 2�3-919130 Bonner Mall Used Book Sale, 10 am to 2 pm

30 Justin Lantrip CD Release Concert, Panida Theater 2�3-9191

April� First Thursday: Dance Around Sandpoint. Learn more at DowntownSandpoint.com �-� Lincoln, 7:30 Panida Theater 2�3-9191�-7 Tropical Daze at Schweitzer. 2�3-9��

PLUS:• Trivia every Tuesday night at MickDuff’s, 7 to 10 pm.• Tuesdays with Ray, Trinity at City Beach, � to 8 pm.• Lounge Music with Neighbor John, Thursdays �-9 at �1 South.• Winery Music - Live music every Friday night at Pend d’Oreille Winery• Starlight Racing - Every Friday night at Schweitzer• Live music, Coldwater Creek Wine Bar, 7-10 on Fridays.• Saturday Jam at the La Rosa Club. Live music! 2��-2100

Visit www.DowntownSandpoint.com for a complete calendar of events

Stomp Games

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Experience Downtown Sandpoint!

Photo by Gary Cowleswww.garycowles.com

March 2013| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 3| Page 7

Although the view outside still says winter, eager gardeners throughout northern Idaho and western Montana are busy planning for the fall harvest, setting up lights and heat mats and poking tiny seeds into rich dirt. Home gardeners and local businesses alike will spend the next two months nurturing this young growth, getting it ready for a home outside, or a home in a pot for you to pick up and purchase if you didn’t already start your own seeds. The River Journal talked with a trio of people in the business of growing out seeds: Ponderay’s All Seasons Garden Center, along with Huckleberry Tent and Breakfast, and Clark Fork High School (both in Clark Fork) to find out what they’re planning for spring, and to garner some planting tips for the rest of us.

At All Seasons, the planting crew of John, Nancy, Marcy and the rest “always begin planting in February with the “P’s”: pansies, petunias and peppers, in that order (and) reseed every week so there’s always new plants coming in,” explained John Hastings. By the time you’re reading this (around mid March), they’re starting tomatoes—about 50 different varieties of them, all of which, John laughs, “grow well here... usually.” (Tomatoes being dependent on a lasting summer; frost in August, or even early September, can take out your crop.)

An old standby they always plant is “Early Girl tomatoes,” says John, but only due to customer demand. “People have been growing them for generations and you’ll always get red tomatoes, even here in North Idaho. But I would never put them in my garden. The taste is just mediocre. There are so many equally dependable and much better tasting tomatoes, like Manitoba, Matina, and Stupice. These varieties should become the ‘old standbys’ for the next generation. I guess an old standby around here that is deserving is Kentucky Wonder bush bean. Big, delicious pods with strong plants that keep the pods up off the ground for easier picking. I love ‘em!” he said.

A little-known growing wonder John is fond of is Rhodochiton, a flowering vine commonly known as Purple Bells. “It grows prolifically in hanging baskets and has this amazing tubular flower,” he said. “ It will cascade a good 3-4 feet in a normal summer and I’ve seen them go 10 feet if we get a lot of heat.” For the veggie gardener looking to try something new, his suggestion is, “tomatillos, particularly the purple variety. They are incredibly easy to grow, making even the novice

gardener feel like a pro. They are the main ingredient in a salsa verde, but will make even red salsas so much more complex in flavor, particularly if you roast them.”

Out at Clark Fork High School, a smaller growing operation begins in the greenhouse (funded by a donation to the school) in March, under the direction of teacher Mike Turnlund (of River Journal, “A Bird in Hand” fame). The entire freshman class has been recruited to help, and Mike points out that “CFHS originally got into the greenhouse business as a way to raise money for extra-curricular student groups and as a way to introduce students to raising plants. The vast majority of our students have never planted a seed, let alone transplanted plants from one pot to the next.”

This month they’re starting flowers, tomatoes and peppers, all of which will be available for purchase some time in May. “Because we’re growing for customers, we tend to stick with the tried and true,” Mike said. That means Beefsteak and Brandywine tomatoes, and Straight-Edge cucumbers. But for those looking to stretch their food horizons, he also plants Purple Cherokee tomatoes. “They have a great taste—reminds you why homegrown tomatoes are so much better than store bought, regardless of the price you pay.” This is the first year the greenhouse is expanding to offer flowers, which will include Verbena, Silver Falls, Coleus, Petunias, and Echinacea.

At Huckleberry Tent and Breakfast, they don’t plant for public purchase, but this year Christine Dick has ventured into seeds, and her self-packaged seed varieties are available in a variety of locations, including online at their website (huckleberrytentandbreakfast.com). “(Husband) Tim and I have been gardening at our mountain homestead outside Clark Fork for over 17 years. We live off our garden’s bounty so we can’t afford to lose a harvest. Through trial and error, we have found great vegetable varieties that consistently produce well in our cool, short growing season,” she said, and it’s those varieties she’s offering under the Huckleberry Tent & Breakfast label. “Right now I’m starting my tomatoes and peppers,” she said. “If I was starting celery from seed this year, I would also be planting it. By the end of this month, I will be starting my Basil and petunias.”

Her “old-standby” plant is carrots. “Our family loves carrots: raw or cooked.

We start thinning and eating the baby carrots in July. In the fall, we wait for a couple of frosts before the final harvest. With each frost, the starches in the carrot turn to sugar and they get even sweeter. We layer the carrots in sawdust and store them in our root cellar where they will stay good until next July when the fresh carrots are again available in the garden.”

Lettuce is another standby plant. She plants a small patch every 2 to 3 weeks in order to have fresh lettuce spring, summer and fall.

If you haven’t tried growing it yet, Christine recommends planting Kohlrabi. “First of all because it looks like something they would eat on Star Trek and second, hardly any bugs mess with it. You can eat Kohlrabi raw (texture is similar to Jicama) like carrot sticks or grate it to use as a substitute for cabbage in coleslaw, or you can stir fry it. It has a mild cabbage flavor. It is space sensitive! So make sure that you have 4-6 inches between each plant or it won’t form its “bulb.” Harvest when the bulb is baseball size, peel the hard outer layer and you’re good to go.”

Whether you’re starting plants now, or looking to buy plants come May, gardening, Christine says, is worth the effort. “Growing a garden not only provides your family with the freshest, healthiest vegetables, it is also an economical way to stretch your food dollars. For example, buying two packages of carrot seeds for around $3, my family of five can grow enough carrots for ALL year! By freezing, drying, canning, root cellaring as well as eating fresh vegetables, your garden can provide healthy and inexpensive food year round.”

Visit our website (RiverJournal.com/outdoors/gardening) to read the top five seed-starting tips each of this trio has to offer. You can also see “Get Growing” with Nancy Hastings on page 16 for more seed-starting tips.

All Seasons Garden Center is located on Hwy. 200 in Ponderay and is open Monday through Saturday from 9 to 5. The Clark Fork High School greenhouse, located on the school grounds in the heart of downtown Clark Fork, will be offering plants for sale in May. Huckleberry Tent & Breakfast’s “tried and true” seeds can be purchased in Clark Fork at Evergreen Supply, and in Sagle at Peck’s Feed Store. In Sandpoint, find them at The Co-Op, Carter Country, Winter Ridge Natural Foods, Sandpoint Super Drugs, and The Garden Store on the Cedar Street Bridge.

-Trish Gannon

The Garden Genesis

| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 3|March 2013

Are you or your children interested in hunting and have never

hunted in Idaho or another state? Well, it’s time to get signed up for an Idaho Hunter Education course so you all can begin the process of becoming a sportsman.

Idaho Code Chapter 4, Title 36-411 states that anyone born after January 1, 1975 must complete an approved hunter education course to purchase an Idaho hunting license unless the person has held a valid hunting license in Idaho or another state, or the person has proof of completion of an approved hunter education course from another state.

Over 12,000 students are certified annually by 850 highly qualified hunter education instructors. Most of these instructors are volunteers in our communities who have dedicated themselves to teaching youth and adults about being ethical and responsible hunters—my hat’s off to those men and women.

How long is this course and what can I expect? The traditional classroom course is approximately 20 hours in length and includes a range and live-fire exercise. Topics covered include safe handling and operation of firearms, ammunition, archery and various hunting equipment, hunter responsibilities and ethics, wildlife management and conservation, hunting regulations, and other related information.

Are there age requirements for signing up for the class? Nine years old. They must meet the knowledge and skill standards outlined in the course curriculum to receive their course certificate. However, course graduates

will not be able to purchase a hunting license until their tenth birthday.

Is there only a classroom course or are there other options? Yes, the Internet option is available for students 10 years old and above. Following completion of the online course, students must also attend a 6- to 7-hour field day to receive their certification. With that being said, I really recommend the classroom course for children under 18; most kids get a lot more out of the classroom setting.

I want to archery hunt but I already have my Hunter Education Certification. Do I have to take bowhunter education too? To purchase an archery-only permit in Idaho, all bowhunters must show proof they have completed the Idaho Bowhunter Education Course, or an approved bow hunter education course from another state, or show evidence of being previously licensed for an archery-only hunt in Idaho or another state.

How long is the bowhunter education course? The bowhunter course averages about 12 hours. Topics include bowhunting techniques, ethics, shot selection and placement, the blood trail, safety, tree stands, and understanding your individual limitations and abilities

How do I sign up for these courses? Go to our website (http://fishandgame.idaho.gov) and click on the education tab. Select the course you’re interested in and find a location near you.

Another exciting option for children between the ages 10-12 is the ICOA Youth Camp. The Idaho Conservation Officers Association has developed a Youth Conservation Camp to encourage children to learn outdoor skills. ICOA was formed in September of 1976 and is an independent employee association

representing Idaho conservation officers that work for the Idaho Department of Fish and Game. ICOA is an independent, non-profit organization that acquires its own funding to conduct their objectives. And one of our objectives is to “Cultivate in young people a respect for natural resources.”

The 2010 Youth Conservation Camp will be held August 12-16, 2013 in Cascade, Idaho at the Trinity Pines Camp and Conference Facility. The facility is top notch and will provide an outstanding setting for the camp. You can get a glimpse of the facility online at www.tpines.org/. We are extremely proud to offer youth between the ages of 10-12 an opportunity to have hands-on experience, instructed by conservation officers from across the state, in hunting, fishing, and trapping activities. Also, there will be a ropes course that instills team building, goal setting, and self-confidence lessons. This opportunity is being provided on a first come, first serve basis to the first 30 youth. Cost per camper is $255. We are encouraging churches, sportsmans’ associations, or any other group to sponsor a child that would benefit from our Conservation Camp. Applications will be made available on the ICOA website at icoaonline.org starting in April.

The Bonner County Sportsmen’s Association is offering two $500 Scholarships for the ICOA Youth camp in honor of Leo Hadley and other outstanding sportsmen and women. The scholarships will be awarded to Bonner County students planning to advance their education, and who are interested in outdoor and conservation activities, have completed a Hunter Education program, and may have personal or family participation in local sportsman and civic organizations. Please contact Cathie Malison for scholarship details at [email protected]

I would really encourage you to get your kids to this camp, it’s an outstanding experience and they will be Hunter Education certified upon graduation of the class. I am a camp counselor at our youth camp and I have not seen a disappointed kid yet! Anybody with questions about the camp can call or email me.

Leave No Child Inside... and get them signed up for Hunter Education!

The Game TrailMatt Haag

The Scotchman PeaksKeep ‘em wild.

For our Families, For tomorrow.www.ScotchmanPeaks.org

Friends of Scotchman Peaks Wilderness

Hunter Education Classes


The English language is an interesting phenomenon.

I use that term simply because it best describes this strange tongue that we call our own. If you’ve ever conducted a brief study of the English language or have had the opportunity to study another language—using your native language as a point of reference—you soon discover that English is a linguistic wonder. Meaning, I wonder how it even works! Not only does it lack many true tenses, it is basically a collection of idiomatic expressions—expressions that don’t sit still. Is there a language on earth that changes as rapidly as English? It is sick! (By the way, nowadays that means “cool.”)

And the birding world has not been exempt from this mania of word evolution. When I started out in birding I could chase down such species as Northern Orioles, Plain Titmice, Whistling Swans, and Oregon Juncos. Now they’re all extinct—no, not the birds, the names. The Northern Oriole is now split between the Bullock’s and the Baltimore, depending on what side of the continent you are; the Plain Titmouse is plain no more, being reclassified as either the Oak Titmouse or the Juniper Titmouse; the Whistling Swan has become the Tundra Swan; and, lastly, the Oregon Junco has been lumped in with about three other similar species to become the Dark-eyed Junco. That is this week anyhow, it might change later. I have a suspicion that all of this is simply a ploy to sell bird books!

And the same is true for our bird of the month: the Spotted Towhee. One day, out of the blue, my aptly named Rufous-sided Towhee was transformed into the equally appropriately named Spotted Towhee. Why? Why the shift from Rufous-sided (rufous means “rusty-colored” by the way) to the Spotted? Because research revealed that the Rufous-sided was actually two distinct species, now named the Eastern Towhee (the East coast species) and the Spotted (the West coast version). I wonder who got the privilege of renaming these two species. Why wasn’t I called? I think I could have done better...

The Spotted Towhee is one of my favorite birds. While it is one of the more common songbirds, it is not one of the more commonly seen. This secretive little fella might be big for what it is, but it’s still not going to intimidate anyone

this side of a mouse. It is a sparrow, but you might not realize this because of its size, body configuration, coloration, and habits—that just about covers it! It is about the size of a blackbird.

So how would a person recognize a Rufous… I mean, a Spotted Towhee if it were seen? The Spotted Towhee sports a distinctive panache of blacks, browns, and whites. Since the bird prefers rustling around in the underbrush, digging in the leaf litter for bugs and whatnot, it will appear to be dark colored. But once it makes itself visible, the true beauty of this bird becomes apparent. The dominant color is a slate-black that covers the head, shoulders, and back, with the dark color coursing down to the tip of its long tail. The flanks are a gorgeous rusty color, hence its previous name of Rufous-sided. The color is quite striking and a great field mark. The breast is black above and white below, down through the belly. And a vivid white it is, contrasting boldly with the black and browns. Distinctive white spots, often blurring into streaks, decorate the top of the wings and the corners of the tail. Lastly, the eyes are an eerie red, providing a discordant contrast to the rest of the color scheme. They just don’t look right, but do provide yet another handy field mark. The female is similar, but she swaps out the black color for a covert earthy brown. The bills of both are large, black, and conical.

Your best chance of seeing this reclusive, chimpmunk-wanna-be of a bird is right now, in the spring. The male will be as exposed as he can dare himself to be, perched at some prominent spot belting out his territorial calls. His song is simple and he usually finishes with some

raspy squawks, but it is not unpleasant. Since he is rather shy, you’ll need to employ your best ninja skills when approaching him—or use a good pair of binoculars. He won’t stay exposed for long, but don’t worry. He’ll be back. Love is in the air and he’s also got a territory to defend, so he’ll be busy singing again in a few moments. Just don’t try to scare him. If he thinks you’re an intrusive paparazzo, he might just hunker away and try to outwait you. And trust me, he will. Or he’ll flit away and then the game is up. You’ll have to try again another time.

These birds are ground nesters and prefer very dense undergrowth. As noted above, they forage on the ground and sometimes their grubbing can be quite noisy. You might think that there is a good-sized rodent rummaging in the bushes, but it is a towhee.

There are a handful of other towhees, but none make it up this far north. The closest relative is the Green-tailed Towhee of the Great Basin. It is a known breeder in southern Idaho. But who knows, the way bird species are seemingly expanding in every direction, maybe they’ll become an occasional visitor. Green-tails are seen in the Lewiston area.

Alright birders, let’s go! Spring is here. Birds are a’flying! There’s work to be done and fun to be had. So get out those binoculars, bird guides, and pencils and get to task doing what the best-looking, most-intelligent people on earth do: bird watch. I know, I’m one of them, and so are you! And keep an eye out for this month’s favorite bird, the Spotted Towhee. Happy birding!

Michael TurnlundA Bird in Hand

Spotted Towhee: Competing with the Chipmunks

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MOSCOW, RUSSIA—For 28 years, I was a part of the

institution of the U.S. Air Force. For 17 years, I have been a part of the institution of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.). On March 31, I formally de-couple from institutions for the first time in my adult life and officially enter “retirement.” I am anticipating major personal and psychological adjustments along with joyous opportunities of freely choosing how to invest my time and energy. It is both daunting and very exciting at the same time. Sometimes in my mind, I see a yellow triangle warning sign marked “Transitions Ahead!”

In my faith walk, I have taken much from the story of Abram/Abraham as told in the Book of Genesis. Across the Jewish, Christian, Islamic, and Baha’i traditions, he is known variously as a prophet, patriarch, forefather, and sometimes “Father of a Multitude.” Today, I reflect on his transition from a fixed and known life and lifestyle in Haran, a community located on a major Mesopotamian trade route, to the absolute unknowns for himself and family as he “set forth to go to the land of Canaan” answering the Lord’s call. While a man of extraordinary faith, maybe he too had occasional warning signs of transition flash through his mind.

I write from Moscow where I am visiting church partners (Orthodox, Baptist, Lutheran, and Presbyterian) for the last “official” time. Traveling with the person who will assume my responsibilities, each visit is a “hand off” from me to her. These days are filled with reflections: memories of joy and pain as churches have renewed themselves after decades of communist persecution, farewells to people I care deeply about knowing I

likely will never see them again, worshipping in places and styles so different from that in our North Country, and dipping once more into aspects of Russian culture I have learned to love (ballet, borscht, blini, and much more!)

When Abram/Abraham departed Haran he was promised, “I will make of you a great nation.” Me? My goal is a whole lot simpler! I’m just looking forward to more time to be with family, tend the forest, and deepen my engagement with conservancy and living at peace with the earth. Regular readers of the River Journal know the many close by possibilities: Idaho Conservation League, Montana Wilderness Association, Friends of Scotchman Peaks Wilderness or the Pend d’Oreille Bay Trail, Lake Pend Oreille Waterkeeper, and more.

Perhaps, just perhaps, a life spent traveling and working in many nations of our world will allow me a perspective that is a bit more global. Experiences in Russia, Armenia, Germany, Turkey, Zimbabwe, Costa Rica and beyond should be worth something when sorting out approaches for my next few years. While hardly biblical, there is great wisdom in the bumper sticker, “Think Global, Act Local.”

Maybe the image of a yellow triangle warning sign in my head should actually be a welcome sign, the kind we pass when moving between Idaho and Montana on Highway 200. Welcome to new possibilities. Welcome to a new phase of life. Welcome to new beginnings.

In his own way, Abram/Abraham responded to the Lord’s welcome sign when he and his family passed through their transition and arrived in Canaan. In response to the welcome sign in his head, he built an altar and worshipped the Lord in thanks.

When the snow melts, I think I will plant a tree, a young Ponderosa Pine, to thank the Lord and recognize the extraordinary opportunities in this life’s transition. It seems a very good thing to do!

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There is a lot to anticipate. The water for

my potatoes is taking forever to boil and the old Carly Simon song “Anticipation” is starting to run through my head. I keep checking and checking but it does not boil. Linda said I shouldn’t keep removing the lid but the line “It’s making me late” from the song is loud and clear. The only thing I am late for is fresh mashed spuds with lots of butter.

At the same time the salmon in the oven is taking forever to cook. I turn up the heat and open the door to take a look again. Linda seemed to be quite entertained by my antics. She said I should leave the door closed and it will stay hotter inside.

Anticipation seems have surfaced and is quite prominent for me now. I know, and I tell others, to be “in the moment,” to live now as I can’t live in the future or in the past, given they don’t exist except in my mind. But right now several fun opportunities seem to be in my future.

Even though it snowed yesterday, Spring is getting closer. Yesterday’s snow transformed the look here from a gravely, dirty, icy field back to white. It included a light frosting on the trees, much prettier now. I enjoy winter and all it offers and I always embrace a new season with anticipation and hope.

The next several months are filling with exciting new opportunities. But I feel I’m not moving forward as I wait for dinner to get up to temperature. Linda is enjoying the moment immensely. That doesn’t speed things up for me.

A few weeks ago we were Skyping with our kids, Ana and Noah. Alice, our only grandchild, was wearing a new t-shirt, a rather typical style we are used to seeing her in. It isn’t unusual for her shirts to have some cute saying printed on it. This particular shirt said “Big Sister.”

Now that was an announcement that fired up a whole bunch of my anticipation electrons. One grandchild is definitely grand, so two must be grander, or more grand, or grandeur.

As you might guess, it means there are plans being made for a trip to Virginia in the fall. It also meant we reprioritized some of our summer plans. That, of course, was done with the joy of getting to be with the young family as they expand.

Interestingly for me, looking forward to being a grandparent again is as exciting as the first time. I will be able to get to know another wonderful personality and watch it make its own discoveries just is its older sister is.

So as I anticipate having dinner sometime tonight I also have other things to look forward to.

“Anticipation, Anticipa-a-ation,” sings Carly. That song is becoming an ear worm in my head.

Before we go to Virginia there will be another stop. Linda’s right knee has needed more heat, or ice, or just plain care lately. Yesterday she visited with an orthopedist who said it was time for a replacement. She had her left knee done a few years ago and was hiking mountain trails without pain in six months. This time the initial test after recovery will be keeping up with a near three-year- old. While Ana and Noah finish another pregnancy and a new parenting project is started, the knee will have to be up for the grandma task.

It looks like June will be the surgery date. That means making sure the house is ready for rehabilitation. The first floor bedroom will look like a nursing home room for a little while until the steps can be scaled again. Area rugs will be picked up for safer rehab walking and an

exercycle will be prominent in the living room.

It also means several short, slow walks as healing takes place and strength returns. We are hoping for warm enough weather so she can rest and recover while sitting outside on the porch or deck.

I open the oven door again and Linda laughs, “Leave that closed, it will never get hot.” I’m thinking I should be getting an amusement fee from her. I wait for her to look away and check the potatoes.

“Anticipation anticipa-a-ation it’s making me late.”

Anticipating spring is a little different this year; as soon as the snow is gone there will be some pressure to get the yard ready for a big event in August.

A close friend, who I first met when she was about three and got to watch grow into a lovely adult, wants to use our back yard for her wedding. That will mean doing a little extra around the place this summer. We want it to reflect the specialness of the day. And it certainly will be a special day for us all.

So as Linda is being amused, and in the moment, I frantically try to get water to boil and salmon to cook, I reach for the oven door and she starts to laugh. Embarrassed, I pretend to be wiping a spot off the handle; she laughs harder.

Suddenly steam starts to rattle the lid of the pot on top of the stove; finally, it won’t be long now. It is time to get the butter ready for the spuds and some lemon ready for the fish.

One thing not lost on me though. Linda was simply being patient and enjoying the moment as I fretted and worried, getting dinner done. Maybe next time I’ll just sit with her and relax too, let it take as long as it takes. Of course, she won’t be nearly as entertained.

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Legislative activity is increasing substantially as the session continues toward adjournment, hopefully by the end of March or no later than the first week of April.

Two issues receiving a lot of attention over the past few days are legislative proposals that would set up a state implemented insurance exchange and a number of gun-control related proposals in reaction to gun control advocates attempting to further restrict our second amendment right to keep and bear arms as a result of the tragic grade-school shooting in Newton, Connecticut.

As I mentioned in my last article, implementation of a Health Insurance Exchange is required under the Federal Patient and Affordable Care Act and the legislature has to decide whether to follow Governor Otter’s lead and adopt a state exchange program or let the federal government implement the exchange in Idaho. This is a controversial issue among legislators; some oppose a state implemented exchange and others support a state implemented exchange. The main consideration is whether one believes the state can implement an exchange program more beneficial to state residents or conversely that a state exchange would only be mirroring federal requirements without any real state influence on the requirements of the exchange program.

Senate Bill 1042 (S1042) is legislation implementing a state implemented health insurance exchange. The purpose of S1042 is to “establish a state-created, market-driven, health insurance exchange that will facilitate the selection and purchase of individual and small employer health benefit plans and is intended to enhance Idaho residents’ choice regarding options and access to affordable health insurance.”

S1042 passed the Senate a few days ago on a 23 to 12 vote after six hours of highly charged and emotional debate. The bill is now on the House side for consideration. However, House Bill 179 (H179) is another proposed health exchange bill that, among other considerations, provides more legislative oversight on a state exchange program than that provided under S1042. There is an attempt by Legislative leadership, some members of the legislature and the Governor’s staff to incorporate the best provisions of both bills into a new legislative proposal for consideration.

On the issue of gun control there are several pieces of legislation that are being considered; some are in draft stage and some already in the legislative process. There are three bills that I believe are of special significance to Journal readers.

House Bill 192 (H192) provides for an enhanced concealed weapon permit that will allow Idahoans to carry a concealed weapon in at least 39 other states. The permit will require additional training over that which is now required for a permit for use in just Idaho. It will require at least eight hours of face to face training that cannot be substituted by electronic instruction or other instructional means. It also includes live fire training that includes firing at least ninety-eight rounds by the student. The training also has to be conducted by an active licensed member of the Idaho State Bar or a law enforcement officer who “possesses an intermediate or higher Idaho peace officers standards and training certificate.” These requirements are only a part of the training requirements and other conditions required in the legislation before a permit is issued.

This legislation only applies to those who want an expanded permit. Idaho citizens can still obtain a level one concealed weapons permit that is legal in Idaho but doesn’t cover the majority of

other states. H192 passed the House on February 28 and is now on the Senate side for consideration.

House Bill 183 (H183) removes language in Idaho code section 50-308 that grants cities “the power to regulate, prevent and punish those who carry concealed weapons.” This legislation makes clear that only the legislature can regulate firearms. Other provisions in the code that enable the cities to maintain peace within their jurisdiction remain in force. H183 passed the House on February 28 and is now on the Senate side for consideration.

House Bill 229 (H229) provides that, among other conditions, “a firearm, a firearm accessory, or ammunition that is manufactured commercially or privately in Idaho and that remains within the borders of Idaho is not subject to federal law or federal regulation, including registration, special taxation or confiscation” and that since these items have not traveled in interstate commerce they are not subject to the authority of Congress to regulate under its commerce power.”

There are additional draft pieces of legislation dealing with the gun control issue that are expected to be introduced in committee over the next few days and if accepted by the committee will become public and placed on the legislative website for those who are interested in proposed legislation. All of the work of the Idaho legislature can be followed online at www.legislature.idaho.gov

I will continue to provide updates on legislative activity as we progress through the session and I encourage your input on issues important to you.

I can be reached by e mail at [email protected] or by phone at 1-800-626-0471. I can also be reached by regular mail at P.O. Box 83720, Boise, Idaho 83720-0038.

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In summer of 2010, three young guys from Connecticut— via Muhlenberg College in Pennsylvania—showed up in my yard in a Prius with a Thule pod on top. Jake Glass, Joe Foster and Matt Stauble of Wildman Pictures were here to make a movie. I assumed that the Thule was full of film equipment. Instead, it was full of food. The film equipment was jammed into the Prius with backpacks, tents, computers, a massive array of other digital equipment, more food and, of course, themselves. It was a very full car.

Jake, Joe and Matt were looking for a fight, here to film a story about a doughty little wilderness advocacy group fighting the entire industrialized world for a patch of land in the West Cabinets of northern Idaho and western Montana—the Scotchman Peaks. They didn’t find what they were looking for. And, they didn’t make the movie they came to make. At least not right away.

En Plein Air grew out of that visit, a film concentrating on the artists and adventures of the Scotchman Peaks Extreme Plein Air expeditions. Jake and Matt joined artists and few other wilderness junkies on a five-day trek from Ross Creek Cedars to Ross Creek Cedars. That might seem not very far, but there was about 11,000 feet of elevation change in between visits to the big trees, which caused some serious struggle for the first two days. After that, as it always does, the wilderness took over, and we were drawn along, not effortlessly, but assuredly willingly.

The “actors” didn’t have to do much except be where we were and do what we were doing. We were constantly upstaged by the setting, anyway. That and the inimitable nature of the expedition—art and artist immersed in wild country—distracted the filmers in a very beautiful way. Thanks to the talents of Wildman, and particularly Joe Foster’s editing and direction, En Plein Air is a beautiful film.

In July of 2012, Joe and Jake came back to finish the movie they set out to make in the first place. But first, they had to finish wrapping their heads around a different paradigm than the one they expected on their first visit.

Grass Routes: Changing the Conservation is the film that has come out of the latest visit. It is appropriately named. Conversation about wilderness is changing, particularly in the West. Groups like Idaho Conservation League and Montana Wilderness Association and Friends of Scotchman Peaks Wilderness are contributing to that change by inviting people and institutions into the conversation that have been left out in the past. Wildman found FSPW’s effort on behalf of the proposed wilderness in the West Cabinets is more about conversation than confrontation, more about cooperation than condemnation.

Rather than assuming that environmental groups, industry and multiple use groups have nothing to talk about, the starting point for these conversations is about what we do have in common, and how we might leverage that

into agreements we can all live with, where none who come reasonably to the table are marginalized. The United States Congress might do well to pay attention to the model.

It’s not a new model. A lot of wilderness with a capital W has been created this way, from the White Mountains of New Hampshire to the King Range of California. It is a model that seems to be working, for the prerequisite to getting a wilderness bill introduced in Congress is support on the ground in the place where the proposal lies. Grass Routes demonstrably proves that FSPW has done and continues to do its groundwork. It will be part of the vehicle that eventually leads to Congressional designation of the Scotchman Peaks as Wilderness.

On top of that, Grass Routes and En Plein Air are both fine films. Wildman does good work. Jake, in fact, received one of the prestigious Brower Youth Awards for his efforts with Wildman, and both Jake and Joe have worked hard to polish Grass Routes. Via many late nights on Joe’s watch, a few hundred hours of footage have been reduced to a fine feast of ideas and visuals that anyone who is concerned about the future of wilderness will find compelling and inspiring.

FSPW will be showing both films at the Panida Theater in Sandpoint on Thursday, March 14 (6 pm doors and 7 pm films.) The movies will also show in Thompson Falls (1:30 pm at the Rex theater) and Libby (6 pm at the Little Theater) on Saturday, March 16.

Come listen in on the conversation. Better yet, come join the conversation.

Sandy Compton’s latest book is The Friction of Desire, which is totally not about what you might think it’s about. It’s better than that. Buy it at www.bluekcreekpress.com, or in Sandpoint at Vanderfords or the Corner Bookstore. Meet Sandy at the StoryTelling Company on March 24 at Ivano’s. 5 o’clock dinner, 6 o’clock show.

The Scenic RouteSandy Compton Making a Movie

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I am off on an adventure with Brad in California. Well, it’s more like an experiment in terror than an adventure,

but we are off on it none the less. Most people who know me know I am originally from California. I like to think I am not a typical Californian. I have never tried to change Clark Fork, only changed myself to fit in and grow there. I lived in Texas for 30 years or so after a parental-imposed sentence as a child in California. I do go back to my roots now and then to see my youngest daughter, Kerry, who just gave birth to my youngest grandson, Kagan.

Banjo gave us a Banjo warning before we left: “Better you than me, Jinx. I wouldn’t even take that truck to Sandpoint.” I should have known at that very instant what kind of trouble we were headed into. Normally I would have paid heed, but there was an itty bitty Kagan involved, and I hadn’t seen my oldest grandson, Jacob in well over a year. He was growing up without me!

Brad and I left, laughing all the way, from the cold into the sunshine. It would take us two days of travel to get to our destination. There was a time when I would have driven straight through, paying no mind to my eyes demand for down time. Those days are way gone now. We made it all the way to a little town called Cresent, Oregon, discovering that a person is not allowed to pump their own gas in Oregon. Finally a law I could get used to! We pulled into a little mom and pop motel called none other than—wait for it—the Cresent Motel! From the outside I was a little skeptical, but inside was pure delight. They even moved us once in the dark because we couldn’t get a good internet signal (and they were happy to do it)! Two queen-sized log beds with mattresses that made my tired bones sing. If bones could sing that is, mine would have been singing, “Good night, sweetheart, goodnight.” It was a very enjoyable evening, and sleep came and went quickly. Once we were on the road again, I gave Banjo’s warning little thought.

In Modesto, California, suddenly we smelled burning rubber. “Do you smell that?” Brad and I asked almost simultaneously. “Boy, someone is really burning some rubber,” I chirped. Then, it happened. A loud clunk, Brad and I looked at each other, and Brad began to pull to the shoulder. It was us. We were burning rubber. Banjo, as a little devil character, popped up on my left shoulder “Told ya,” he snickered. Brad stopped the little Ranger we drive and bowed his head. My daddy’s little angel character popped up on my right shoulder. “Shoulda prayed sooner than this!” Daddy said indignantly.

Cars were zooming by on the road so fast I was afraid to even get out of the truck. Brad bravely popped the hood and exited stage left to inspect the damage. A burned belt. Banjo the devil whispered, “Didn’t he save the old belt for a spare?” And as luck would have it, he did. It didn’t take terribly long for him to change the belt. “HA!” I scolded my daddy angel, “it was an easy fix!” As soon as those words spurted from my mouth, I should have known what would happen.

We made it down the road about 3 inches. The Ford burned another belt. This time Brad spotted the real problem. One of the pulleys wasn’t doing its job. Now we were out of belts and out of luck. It was 2 o’clock. We didn’t have big choices, we were on the edge of the big nowhere with a bunch of people who didn’t care! I wondered if someone would stop for us if I got out and laid about 20 feet from the car. Would someone stop and help us then, thinking I had been hit? I mean, we were in California!

We dug out our emergency kit to see what we could use. “Oh, look,” Devil Banjo taunted me, “A candle. Maybe you can burn something! But, oh, you already did that,” he cackled. “Wait,” Angel Daddy said. “There is an SOS sign.” I didn’t even know what SOS stood for. (Save our Skin, perhaps?) We put the flimsy SOS sign in the back window. Devil Banjo pointed out we had tinted windows. UGH! I found a reflector that blinked. That, along with our hazard lights, would surely cause someone to stop and help us.

Five hours later, a California Highway Patrol officer stopped. “Do you need help?” the-couldn’t-be-older-than-12-cop asked. Angel Daddy firmly clamped his hand firmly over my mouth at the silly question. It had been a long wait. Brad explained calmly that we needed a tow. I figured we would get towed to a hotel, call Kerry and start over in the morning.

When Brad asked where the nearest hotel was, the officer was gracious enough to point out a nearby Howard Johnson. “Avoid 9th street,” Officer Fowler said.

“It’s just one street up. Devil Banjo whispered into my ear, “Ninth street must be the hotels where you pay by the hour!” Suddenly, the quaint little multicolored houses on the other side of those railroad tracks and 8 foot chain link fence didn’t look so cute anymore. “The tow truck will be here within the hour,” Officer Fowler stated. “Have a good night.” He turned and high tailed it out of there.

Seriously? He just left us there, not knowing if we were going to be okay or not? How could this be? I whined to Brad, to Angel Daddy and Devil Banjo. Brad just smiled and said, “It is what it is” and Daddy and Banjo grinned, knowing that my mantra had just been used against me. The tow truck (Dizzy and Wise) arrived to tow us to an auto parts store we discovered was less than a mile away. It cost $185 to get there, and I became dizzy and wise to the ways Californians made money. After getting the truck dropped off at the auto parts store and buying the parts, Brad began to rework the pulley. And because my nickname is Jinx and Mother Nature is not my fan, it began to rain. How thrilling. Angel Daddy just shook his bowed head and Devil Banjo made no effort to conceal his laughter.

However, Brad became a superhero and saved the day, or night, as the sun had already set. The part was changed in record time! We arrived at Kerry’s just in time to hug and smooch on Jacob before his bedtime and meet sweet Kagan. There is nothing sweeter than the way a fresh baby smells.

There is a moral to this story, really there is, I am just not sure at this time what it is. It could be, don’t go into California without a spare part for everything replaceable on your truck because NO ONE is going to stop and help you. Or perhaps, don’t go to California unless it’s absolutely necessary. But this is ME we are talking about, so the moral of the story has to be more “Jinxy” I suppose. If ya gotta go, ya gotta go, but don’t expect a cheap little tow. Kiss the babies and get out soon, cause California is filled with loons!

California Dreamin’Jinx BeshearsJinxed

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March 2013| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 3| Page 1�

I don’t mean to make this column a strictly Bigfoot News monthly, but there’s been a couple of recent developments in that area I think readers might be interested in. First, Dr. Melba Ketchum’s Bigfoot DNA research results have just been released and the source of her reputed hair and blood samples has also been located. Short, high quality teaser video clips have been previewed as well by the National Geographic TV channel (which paid a rumored seven-figure advance for the rights) which plans to use the full footage in an upcoming TV special as well as a documentary film which has been advertised for release in this month. Trailers for it can be found online.

The film and DNA results are the endgames of over six years of highly secretive research by The Erickson Project, who collected the evidence in two main locales, British Columbia and Kentucky. Internet rumors have abounded for years that the Project had somehow managed to place a GPS tracking device on a family of migratory Sasquatch. The DNA results, from one of the nation’s most advanced animal DNA scientists, Dr. Melba Ketchum, have been posted online and appear to show an as- yet-unknown-to-science hominid.

The film excerpts I’ve managed to locate, though brief, are relatively high quality. You can view them yourself by googling Erickson Project or Ketchum/Sasquatch DNA. The blood samples, according to Dr. Ketchum, were obtained by sprinkling glass shards around a cache of pancakes left for the Sasquatch family to eat (for future advertising marketers, they were McDonalds pancakes).

Matt Moneymaker, a longtime BFRO researcher, has seen the full, unedited films and says he’s convinced of their authenticity. The HD films, he says, show a family of three Sasquatches, a 9-foot male, a 7-foot female (nicknamed Matilda), and a smaller juvenile. They appear most like the Wookie Chewbacca

from the Star Wars films, though with a black mouth and tongue and pointed, animal-like teeth. The nose appears human,

however, though the brow ridge is more pronounced.

Apparently a documentary film has been advertised for release mid-March and a TV special on Nat Geo is in the works as well. I can only thank Grid it’s not being done by those Finding Bigfoot clowns! (The Oxford U Bigfoot DNA study will not be concluded before summer, but since their collected evidence is similar to Dr. Ketchum’s, I’d be surprised if their results weren’t similar as well).

Dr. Ketchum’s Sasquatch DNA study results, titled; “Novel North American Hominins: Next Generation Sequencing of Three Whole Genomes and Associated Studies,” was just published in De Novo Scientific Journal (a brand new journal started, apparently, by Ketchum just to publish these results). Ketchum’s research seems to indicate a human hybrid (Sasquatch) emerged some 15,000 years ago, according to the DNA evidence examined by her lab and obtained through the Erickson Project.

Anthropologist and Idaho State University Professor Jeff Meldrum, a recognized Bigfoot expert, is currently trying to raise funds for the “Blimp Project,” in which a remote controlled blimp, equipped with a thermal imaging device, will begin searching next spring over wilderness areas favored by the ape-men (or men-apes). Though the University of Idaho has approved the project, Meldrum will have to raise the funds himself somehow. Reportedly, at least two cable channels are bidding for the rights to film a reality TV show following the expedition.

Hopefully, by this time next month we’ll all know more, so ‘til then keep spreading the word: Soylent Green is People! All Homage to Xena!

Editors Note: As this issue of TRJ goes to press, a number of biologists have voiced concerns that Dr. Ketchum’s methodology has been flawed and that her findings of an unknown hominid DNA sequence may, in fact, be that of a panda/dog mixture, i.e, contaminated and worthless. Further, the reported “marked resemblance” in the Erickson film footage to a “Wookie costume” may be just that, someone in a Wookie costume. More on all that next month.

FROM THE FILES OF THE RIVER JOURNAL’SSurrealist Research Bureau

And they don’t have to—after all, don’t we Americans believe if it’s ours, it’s ours and we can do with it what we want? Or

is and we want it, then

you have to give it to us and if you don’t, then you sponsor terrorism and we’ll

By the way, China wants that oil as well. Remember China? The people who loaned us all that money? China’s oil consumption is around 6.5 billion barrels a year, and is growing at 7 percent every year. It produces about 3.6 billion barrels every year. Does this math look good to anyone? Can anyone other than Sarah Palin and George Bush believe we can drill our way out of this problem? Anyone who doesn’t think we better hit the ground running to figure out how to fuel what we want fueled with something other than oil probably deserves to go back to an

: I could go on forever, but you’ll quit reading. So one final discussion for the American public. First, let’s have a true, independent analysis of what happened on September 11, 2001. The official explanation simply doesn’t hold water. This is one of those “who knew what, when” questions that must be answered—and people/institutions must

Speaking of accountability, you might be surprised to learn that I would not support an effort to impeach President Bush after the November elections. First, because that’s too late, and second, because more than Bush have been involved in crimes against the American people. What I would like to see are charges (at the least, charges of treason) brought against Bush, Cheney, et al. Bring the charges and let’s let the evidence of

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� | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 3|March 2013

For those of you who can’t wait ‘til all the snow melts to get your hands dirty, easy indoor seed starting is a fun and productive way to get a jump on your garden! First, assess the space you will “raise” your seedlings, because yes, it is much like caring for children. You must feed them, water them, talk to them… well, that last one is optional.

We suggest a “No Hole” seedling tray to catch your water, filled with smaller containers that have good drainage holes. Recycled plastic strawberry flats or yogurt containers with holes punched in the bottom are an inexpensive way to try many varieties. Those whole broiled chicken containers are a perfect way to start small because the bottom is black and the top clear cover serves as a humidity dome for the seedlings. It is best to bleach water clean whatever you plan to put soil into, even last year’s pots sitting in your garage. Use a 10 percent bleach with 90 percent water solution. Bleaching or throwing them in the dishwasher eliminates the possibility of spreading fungus or disease to your plants right from the get go.

1. Soil - Fill containers with good sterile potting soil or seed starting mix (which is simply an ultra-light potting soil. ) Never re-use old soil or dig outside in your garden bed for seed starting.

2. Seed - Very tiny seeds like lettuce and spinach can be left on the top of soil and softly spritz with water or bottom irrigate with warm water. Larger vegetable seed can be lightly covered with soil. The website at ivygarth.com gives easy to follow guidelines on growing any vegetable and flower varieties from seed through harvest.

3. Cover with plastic wrap or a raised germination dome until sprouts are to up to keep humidity high. Place toothpicks or popsicle sticks with plant labels throughout the soil to keep plastic off the soil.

4. Heat - All seeds need warmth to germinate, however all have very different temperature needs. During the first two weeks a heat mat keeps your soil temp in your house at about 70 degrees, ideal for sprouting.

5. Light - And God said “Let there be light!” Sunny windows are good, however, you will have the best success with your indoor projects if you have additional light hovering 6 to 8 inches over the seedlings with a full spectrum grow light.

6. Air & Moisture - Make sure you take off the plastic germination cover after the plants are up. Do not over water... you will LOVE THEM TO DEATH. A spray bottle with a gentle mist is best to water with until they are strong, 3-4 in. transplants.

7. Fertilize - After the true leaves (second set of leaf branching) use a weak 20-20-20 fertilizer at ¼ strength whenever you water. (1/4 tsp per gallon.)

8. Transplant & Separate - You will notice you may have got a little carried away and have a nice thick stand of tomatoes. After the seedlings get to be about 2-3 inches, carefully scoop out a chunk of dirt and separate the plants into larger, individual pots, burying the roots well up to the crown of the plant. Use a granular or liquid transplant fertilizer such as SuperThrive, B1 or Dr. Earth Transplant Food in the soil to ease the stress on the plants after transfer. Continue to fertilize weekly with now half strength 20-20-20.

Cheers to Growing!Nancy Hastings grew

up on a 300+ acre farm and now is co-owner of All Seasons Garden & Floral in Sandpoint, She and her husband John have been cultivating community gardens and growing for 16 years

in North Idaho. You can reach them with garden questions or sign up for classes at [email protected].

Douglas Jay GUSTAFSON October 23, 1950 - February 1, 2013 www.LakeviewFuneral.comMarion Patricia Burtch DOWNS September 7, 1924 - February 3, 2013 www.LakeviewFuneral.comCarol Elizabeth KIEBERT June 2, 1941 - February 9, 2013 www.LakeviewFuneral.comMarlene Mary Bedra BANKS February 9, 1948 - February 14, 2013 www.LakeviewFuneral.comRoger S. MORLEY January 19, 1948 -February 15, 2013 U.S. Navy Veteran www.LakeviewFuneral.comDelores “Dee” Reece MAYS February 12, 1925 - February 21, 2013 www.LakeviewFuneral.comJames Oliver GILBERTSON September 5, 1926 - February 28, 2013 www.LakeviewFuneral.comMadeline G. Hiatt Converse KING January 24, 1924 - February 2, 2013 www.Coffeltfuneral.comBarbara L. Humphrey TURNER January 23, 1927 - February 10, 2013 www.Coffeltfuneral.comDonald Joseph Mazur II March 9, 1955 - February 10, 2013 www.Coffeltfuneral.comCelestine Doris Ecclesfield FAIN May 27, 1919 - February 10, 2013 www.Coffeltfuneral.comJewel Vivian Brown GUNTER October 30, 1915 - February 15, 2013 www.Coffeltfuneral.comEdward Ernest BAUER April 21, 1968 - February 15, 2013 www.Coffeltfuneral.comConrad Neil RICKMAN May 18, 1954 - February 17, 2013 www.Coffeltfuneral.comLinda Lee Thurlow ROSHOLT July 8, 1943 - February 20, 2013 www.Coffeltfuneral.comKay Bailey DREIR February 18, 1923 - February 21, 2013 www.Coffeltfuneral.comLinda LaJuan Gladden ATTISON September 24, 1951 - February 27, 2013 www.Coffeltfuneral.comDavid Lee LELL January 3, 1947 - March 1, 2013 U.S., Army Veteran www.Coffeltfuneral.com

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PASSAGESStarting Seeds

Get Growing!Nancy Hastings

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Before I get into what some have called my ‘political diatribes’—others have used stronger language—I’ve some information to pass along. Social Security has a program specifically for those veterans who have been wounded/injured while in service after 10/1/2001. This program is not related to a VA Disability Claim. More information can be found online at www.socialsecurity.gov/woundedwarriors/

Also, any veteran who has been awarded a Purple Heart should contact Ross Jackman at [email protected] for more information. Buck Knives has 100 commemorative knives to give away to these veterans.

Another note that came my way is the dates that Darryl L. Heisey, the State Veterans Service Officer from the Idaho Division Of Veterans Services, will be in North Idaho in March. He will be in Sandpoint on March 13, 20 and 27 and in Bonners Ferry on March 21. Anyone needing times and locations should call the VFW Hall in Sandpoint. Now, on to my monthly diatribe.

Many years ago, when I was proudly wearing the uniform of this country, we had two expressions in common usage. One was SNAFU; the other was FUBAR. For those who served you need no explanation. For those who haven’t no explanation is possible. These two acronyms define the normal daily life of service men and women. Any one who has been following the news over the past month will readily understand the application of either of these terms to our governmental branches’ recent activities.

Between the houses of Congress I’m unsure which is the most dysfunctional. The GOP in the House is now warring with itself in an attempt to see, apparently, just which sect of GOP ideology can cause the most grief for the nation. And, since they are in the majority, nothing can get done for the good of the country without at least some consensus among them and a few of the minority party joining in to pass something on to the Senate. We have very serious problems facing us and those in power seem to be solely intent on thumping their chests and throwing scat at anyone who disagrees with them. Every voter who routinely checks the box next to those candidates who survived the primaries is largely to blame.

Idaho’s CD1 Representative is a case in point. Last year he voted to significantly reduce funding for IEL—a major employer

in southeastern Idaho—and cosponsored various bills that infringed on women’s rights to have control over their own bodies. Was he ousted for this crass display of chauvinism and failure to consider the needs of working Idahoans? No, he was re-elected by a landslide. And he is just one of many examples I could list. A brief peek at Cathy McMorris-Rogers over in Washington reveals that she appears to be the token woman in a GOP leadership dominated by old white men. One has to wonder how much they listen to any counsel she offers. But she sure looks good in those group shots behind Boehner and Cantor.

The House was designed to be the “People’s House.” It was to be the place where many ideas got heard; the best would be incorporated into bills and sent to the Senate for consideration by this supposedly more deliberative body. Somewhere over the past 35 years the House lost that honor, and it is our own fault. The primary system was supposed to winnow out the fringe candidates and ensure a strong candidate who would represent the majority of constituents in their district. Instead, the average voter ignores the primaries and dutifully puts their ‘X’ by whoever wins the primary when they do go to the polls for the general election. The inevitable result is that, usually, the most radical, narrow-based candidate gets their base to the polls during the primary and sails into office in November. We have gotten exactly what we deserve: a Congress so polarized they cannot function.

In the Senate it is almost worse than in the House. In what has been called the most exclusive club in America the level of civility has sunk even lower. Thanks to the arcane rules of the Senate, any one of its members can obstruct any action just by saying they don’t like something. They don’t even have to call it a filibuster anymore. Now, for the first time in our history, we have a former enlisted man who served, was wounded, and won a chest full of medals in Viet Nam being nominated to serve as Secretary of Defense. He’s also a former Senator and lifelong Republican. One might assume he would sail through his confirmation hearings, but one would be wrong.

Why is Senator Hagel having such a hard time being confirmed? Well, for one thing he had the audacity to question the wisdom of the putting tens of thousands

more troops into Iraq back in 2007. He was a strong, vociferous critic of the rationale the Bush Administration used for going to war in Iraq. At one time he called Bush (truthfully in my opinion) the “worst President since Hoover.” The Hawks who remain in the Senate like McCain and Graham made it very clear they hold a personal grudge for these past transgressions. Now, if that hasn’t reduced the level of debate in the Senate to elementary schoolyard fights, I don’t know what would. So much for the wiser, mature deliberations in that august body. I’ve had more reasoned and rational discussions with my children over bedtimes than I’ve seen in Congress over the past four plus years.

As I write this the Senate is in recess and no votes will be taken to confirm Senator Hagel until the 25th at the soonest. I fully expect he’ll be confirmed before the end of February (Ed. note: Hagel was confirmed Feb. 25), after the GOP has pouted and stomped their feet long enough. Until that happens our Defense Department is leaderless while entering into a period of conferences and discussions with our allies over such really pressing issues as ending the war in Afghanistan properly and prudently and presenting a united front to Iran and other trouble spots around the world. The actions of the Senate—especially on the part of the GOP—are detrimental to the security and well-being of this nation and I think it is way past time that Congress stopped playing petty politics and started taking their responsibilities to their constituents and the nation seriously.

I’ll end this on a somewhat lighter note. On Valentine’s Day evening the cruise ship Carnival Triumph finally reached Mobile after being towed for several days from a point about 150 miles off the Yucatan coast. This ‘cruise’ turned a vacation into something like a trip across the River Styx, complete with bad food, water and overflowing toilets. If one were watching CNN on that day you would have thought that nothing else was happening anywhere in the world. One uncovered piece of news was the first ever Senate’s blocking of a Presidential Cabinet nominee. One must wonder just how CNN prioritizes its coverage of news events.

Until next month – ‘Hasta luego’.

Veterans’ NewsHow We Got What We DeserveGil Beyer


Can you believe it? I’m writing a tell-all book about our little community of Chipmunk Falls and its people and, yes, you’re in it! To protect the innocent I changed the name of no one, for after living here for over thirty years I have yet to meet someone that falls into that category. The same goes for the guilty and not guilty.

This is a community that owes its very existence to the land; hunting, fishing, trapping, logging, mining, and stealing. Some may even do actual work, like Junie at the post office. It doesn’t matter if some of these people live dull lives, when I get done telling about it they won’t recognize themselves anyway—but you might!

Take, for instance, the little old lady who lives down the street. When she goes out to fill her bird feeders she talks across the fence to her neighbor’s scarecrow, an old stuffed dress with a bonnet on it. If it’s a nice day she may talk for over an hour. However, her bird feeder is always full without a bird in sight. Perhaps it’s the kind of bird seed she puts out or maybe it’s the eight hundred cats that live with her. The neighbors keep their windows closed even on the hottest summer days because of the smell.

On bright nights when the moon is full, you can sometimes get a glimpse of Chain Saw, the one-legged, Deputy Sheriff, and a couple of his cohorts from down at the local watering hole catching cats with their dip nets back in the alley and castrating as many toms as they can.

“Just trying to keep things within reason,” Chain will say.

“You’d think some one would complain,” I said to Chain one day down

at the Mercantile, “because every time there’s a breeze or if it rains you can smell that cat urine all over town.”

“You’re new here, aren’t you?” Chain asked.

“Thirty-five years this spring,” I said, “but I live on the other side of town and never ask about her.”

“Well, back during the big war she started a home for lonely sailors over in Sawdust. Got some lovely young women, too, you know, to hold their hand, maybe dance with them. After all, there was a major Navy base here on Lake Pend Oreille and them sailors was a long way from home. She made enough money to build a nice home over here where most of the men liked her well enough, but the women here felt they were too good to be seen speaking to her. She bought a lot of property here in town, built several buildings, and helped pay for a new schoolhouse, even though she didn’t have any children of her own. She owns the phone company, water company and the electric company. She got mad one time at a city council meeting and dared anyone to try and vote her out. “I’ll cut you off too short to hang up,” she said. It’s run smooth ever since. Of course, when she dies everything will go to the town. Like I said, she never had any kids.”

There are many short stories in my tell-all book; most are humorous, but some have a cutting edge. Like the

Johnston family who lives a short distance out of town on a small farm; they raise kids and hogs. They’ve been married eight years and have either nine or ten kids. Shoat Johnston couldn’t think of a name to call his last kid so he just called him Oink. Bellow is a sample of the Johnston family stories.

As I walked into the Mercantile one morning I noticed Mr. Dribble, the school principle, sitting on a bench next to the west wall. Mr. Dribble was easily recognized as he always wore the same faded brown pants pulled up over his pot belly and a faded plaid shirt with a bow tie. In the winter he also wore a wool sweater with leather patches. I looked down at my watch and noticed it was ten thirty and thought to myself, he should be at school. Also sitting with him was Mrs. Sally Saw, Chain Saw’s wife and the

fourth grade teacher. Between them sat a small girl, maybe eight years old. She had been crying and sat there with her hands folded in her lap. Chain Saw, our deputy was kneeling down in front of her, consoling her in a low voice. I crossed over to the post office window and noticed June’s eyes were red from wiping tears on her apron.

“What’s happened?” I asked in a low voice. “Who’s the little girl?”

“She’s one of the Johnston Kids. There’s a bunch of them you know. She’s the oldest. After she came to school this morning, she started crying. Her teacher, Mrs. Saw, took her down to see Mr. Dribble, who finally got her to tell him what was wrong. It seems they were short one kid at supper last night, their two-year-old boy. Can you believe it? The hogs had eaten her little brother!”

Not all the stories in our town are funny. But for over fifty years this story was told as a joke in the South. (I haven’t had so much fun since the hogs ate my little brother), but it originated in truth. Really.

So hold on to your hats, but let loose of your pocketbook, ‘cause I’m gettin’ ready to put Chipmunk Falls on the map!

From the Mouth of the River

Coming Soon: Tall Tales from Chipmunk Falls

BOOTS REYNOLDS

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A lot of things bring back memories and March is no exception! Along with its usual delivery of cling-on mud, standing water, returning and somewhat startled migratory species, wildly gyrating weather patterns and escalating hormonal imbalances, it also brings me annual memories of the very first opportunity I had to slip on a pair of basketball trunks... I was in the very first grade! And these weren’t the trunks of today’s basketball but those of ‘yesteryear’! When trunks were trunks, not short pajamas. March is tournament time for ‘roundball’ fans!

You see, back in ancient times, we as children were forced by coercion into dangerous physical activity far beyond our normal range of knobby-kneed ineptitudes. And for me, this was over and above what my two older brothers had in mind for entertainment. When you first start going to school, this gets way out of hand as teachers are professional grade coercers and coaches are at the very pinnacle of this craft.

In that, our ‘second age of discovery’, my peers and I often discovered we were being set up for ulterior motives such as hygiene education, etiquette (of all things absurd), communication skills and several other such abject humiliations. The gang I belonged to, lead by a consortium of the toughest first and second graders, tried unsuccessfully to thwart these efforts by whining and groaning as much as possible, which wasn’t much as the vast majority of our ‘thwarting’ resulted in our ear lobes being stretched, pinched and in some cases pierced by thumbnail. The

rest of it simply echoed around the ‘boy’s room’ walls, ineffectual as usual.

Public exhibitions of our ‘runtiness’ were considered to be in our own best interest, though, for proper growth and development, humility being one they paid close and happy attention to. Although we had the egos of full-grown adults, our butts were no match for those of eighth or ninth graders, some of whom had been held back enough times to be shaving on a regular basis. Not the actual butts mind you, just the faces that belonged to ‘em.

So we were introduced, at the age of five or six, to what seemed like professional grade basketball. Our salaries, being performance based, were paid out in pretty ribbons with official gold lettering proclaiming the bearer to be somewhat adept and near god-like, depending on the color of the ribbon. The many perks included knuckle rubs, nugies, wet willies, wedgies and butt pats. I felt we were getting somewhat over perked in our ‘rookie’ year and even mentioned this concept to my coach (a ninth grader) who promptly gave me a generous raise, after which, I kept my mouth shut unless stepped on.

Gaining foresight and a little intuition besides, I deemed my coach to be far more important than my teacher and almost less painful! I was not alone here. “Soshul standing trumps edjukashun evry tyme!” wrote one of my esteemed colleagues on his desk, a mere seconds, before having an uncontrollable spasm of overwhelming regret and sore knuckles.

My exposure to this magnificent sport, up to that point, had been severely limited by the fact that we didn’t even have a basketball at home and that I also spent the largest share of my idyllic early youth rearranging dirt with my ‘rolling stock’ and losing my marbles to friends, relatives, or the occasional girl. About the only thing I actually had in common with it was my stunning aptitude towards dribbling, which was also severely limited to liquids of any kind, not basketballs.

There was, however, a great deal of pride involved with being allowed on the same floor at the same time as the upper classmen. The same kind of pride one could feel if one were to, say, survive ‘the running of the bulls’ in Pamplona.

Dangers were everywhere; a menagerie of knees, elbows, navels and flatulence at nose level, bringing on bruises, bumps, welts and watery eyes. Having a gargantuan tennis shoe land full force on your Lilliputian tootsies would cause your ears to go pop like bubble wrap and your tongue to exhibit like a party favor.

This was a standard introduction to physics in that first and foremost grade, instilling forever the notion: ‘for every action, there’s an equal or at least humorous reaction’. Having been born under a bar sign, I’d been studying this theory for years already and still couldn’t figure out how to avoid the consequences.

But I fell in love with basketball anyways. Through the careful use of repetition, I managed to overcome the

Scott [email protected]

sight of my own blood as well as the smell of others’ eating habits. The first time I felt that unfakeable texture of a brand new ball in my hands, or even on my nose or forehead, I was hooked. The echo was even more rewarding!

We learned the important stuff early, during practice sessions at recess prior to an official, all-school tournament made up of all the boys from grades 1 through 9, divvied up into teams well balanced in height, weight, pimples and goose bumps. Things like “MOVE!”, “DUCK!”, “RUN!”, “CATCH!”, “PASS!” and “THAT’S THE WRONG WAY, YOU MORON!” were drilled into each of us to such an extent that we eventually couldn’t hear it anymore and just did what came natural. This included holding our noses, scratching our butts and falling down a lot.

When it came time for us to don some actual uniforms though, my pride overflowed! Nothing in the whole wide world could ever be more important as this!

Towering over their understudies, the junior high kids of our team doled out our trunks and jerseys, sparing every ounce of consideration towards size or shape of their youngest teammates.

I held up my jersey and it looked more like the janitor’s undershirt! Being somewhat of a budding comic, I slid it over my head and crossed the shoulder straps over my nose, hooking them around my ears. This at least kept the fabric off of the floor and elevated the number to just above my knees. About all I needed then would be a ‘trick or treat’ bag and the last day of October, not the first week of March!

I held the trunks up around my waist and my hands almost met at the modest crack of my butt. This worried me some as I was all too familiar with trying in vain to fill out my siblings’ hand-me-downs and vaguely aware of how ridiculous I would look playing in suspenders.

Exploring the possibility of a trade, I came to the conclusion it would be a moot point as they were all the same relative size—relatively humongous. Then I explored the possibility of

wearing them over my jeans until my coach, with the unlikely name of “Squeak,” told me to, “Quit clowning around and lose the pants, big guy.” I ignored any sarcasm he may have implied and graciously accepted the fact he’d used “big” as an adjective in my direction.

We left the locker room and trotted upstairs to the gym, me holding on to my pride with both hands and hoping nobody would throw the ball in my direction until I put on another seventy pounds or so. Squeak ordered us to line up by height then stood back to survey his chances of winning the coveted white ribbon so important to his social well being and dating capabilities.

“Stand up straight! Suck it in and look like men, men!” he bellered, his voice cracking on that first “men” part, prompting two giggles from my right and a pert little snort out of my own button nose but we complied anyways. Two pairs of trunks hit the hardwood—mine, and a second grader’s.

We didn’t quite look like men so far as I could tell. From the waist down, I looked more like a couple of toothpicks sticking out of a sun-dried tomato! Out came a few safety pins and we were ready for business, triggering the one occasion in my first year that I was in favor of my teacher being in the same room as my exposed ear lobes.

I was headily impressed in more ways than one. This was it! The “Big Time!”

I could already hear the deafening cheers and jeers from the throngs of jubilant fans, knowing full well the whole town would have to turn out to actually count as a throng but it usually did for every game. Classmates and teachers, relatives and proud parents, alumni and neighbors would fill the bleachers with yells and smiles, smirks and heartfelt laughter as well as memories and stories of seasons past.

Who could resist such a treat! Life is a parade, get in or go home. And you don’t need to wear trunks. Especially, baggy ones.

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the river journal, march 2013

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