the regular joe northwest 2014

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June 2014Vol 1, Issue 1

Celebrating the Coolest Stuff in Northwest MO



Mindi L. Phillips, Editor

“There is nothing to do in a small town.”As a lifelong resident of Northwest Missouri, aside from a brief

stint in college, I feel a certain pride when it comes to not onlyrepresenting, but promoting, my rural turf. Growing up on burritosduring the Worth County Fair while watching the bed races and cot-ton candy in the Stanberry park while riding the carousel on the 4thof July, I am transported back in time by just passing through one ofthese towns to those sights, sounds, and yes, even tastes of my child-hood.

As I raise my own children here, I feel that many of us take theseopportunities for granted. I know some of these events are fadedmemories, as support of the community has waned. Plans for annualcelebrations of some small towns have long since been abandoned.

The good news, neighbor, is that many communities have heldonto these traditions. They do exist. When we sit in our homes andlabor the point that “there is nothing to doin a small town,” we are forgoing an op-

portunity to reconnect to our history and toconnect to the little town “down the road a

piece.”One reason may be that we do not hear

what is going on three towns over. Maybeit is not advertised locally. Word of mouthdoes not carry the way it used to, despitesocial media. We may read a post aboutwhat our old classmate or neighbor or uncleate at the café yesterday, but they neglect totell us that their local VFW is hosting a sh

fry or that the Chamber is hosting a freeFriday night concert series all summer long.When contemplating what I wanted to

accomplish with the Northwest edition ofthe Regular Joe, it became quite clear thatmy mission was to promote the local com-munity. Now I am not just talking aboutstimulating local business, though that hasalways been a goal since the Joe startedin Saint Joseph in 2007. I am referringvery speci cally, and with a lot of love formy roots, to the elevation of the entertain-ing and intertwining of our tiny towns andcommunities. I want to bring us together

by directing us out of town.Is that counterintuitive, to encourage our Northwest Missouri

people to get up and go? Why, no! I want us to leave our homesand visit the neighboring town and their latest event and the bou-tiques and the coffee shops. I want us to then invite residents of saidtown to our own upcoming festival. I want us to keep the informa-tion owing so that there is no excuse for thinking, or even uttering,“There is nothing to do in a small town.”

I hope that our readers get the feeling that we are one big com-munity, one so rich with culture and tradition that one big festival

just could not possibly contain it all. I hope our readers are moti-vated to get out and join each other for a corn dog or a cup of coffeeor a night of live music under the stars because of the Regular Joe

Northwest Edition. I am not a poet, and I do not strive to be one.My hope is that each reader nds a gem of wisdom, a chuckle, or the

ash of a fond memory while browsing these pages. And I hope thateach reader turns to page 6, where Rich Piper says it all much betterthan I could.

From the Desk of Joe Northwest

Dirt Band

THE ALBANY, MO. CHAMBER OF COMMERCE PROUDLY PRESENTS...

SATURDAY,JULY 5, 2014

DOWNTOWN ALBANY, MISSOURICONCERT HELD RAIN OR SHINE!!!GATES OPEN AT 3:00 PMNITTY GRITTY DIRT BAND ON STAGE AT APPROXIMATELY

Nit

ty Gritty

RESERVED SEATS ARE SELLING VERYFAST....DON’T WAIT TOO LONG

AS WE WILL BE DOWN TOGENERAL ADMISSION VERY SOON!

For Ticket Prices & Availability

Call 660.726.4155, ext. 29,email: cwor

[email protected] THROUGH PAY-PAL ONLINE AT

www.albanymochamber.com

OUTLAW JIM& THE WHISKEY BENDERSWILL BE OUR OPENING ACT

AGAIN THIS YEAR!!!

RISING STAR...SAMANTHA FISH

FROM KC WILL BE OURCLOSING ACT...YOU DON’T WANT TO

MISS HER!

2



Dear Joe,What the heck is The Regular Joe Northwest Edition?

Dear Name Withheld,The Regular Joe Northwest Edition is a paper dedicated to entertainment andlocal events in Northwest Missouri. We aim to amuse, encourage, advise, andhopefully not annoy our readers! Please send us schedules of local events,

photos, and other content to keep our Northwest community up to date on allthe area’s coolest stuff!

Dear Joe,There is never anything going on in Northwest Missouri. I’m bored. What doyou suggest?

Dear Bored in NWMO, Read our reply above. We list amazingly entertaining events happening throughout the NW region. Check out our musiccalendar and our local events list in our monthly print edition, as well as our frequently updated online edition. And be sureto let us know if you hear about any events not already listed! Get out and do something! We may just take your picture and

post it on our “Mug Shot” page.

3

Dear Joe,

Contact Regular Joe Northwest816-596-0701

[email protected] Box 76

Union Star, MO 64494

Read us online

www.regularjoepaper.comClick on “Northwest!”



Go to www.regularjoepaper.com and click “Northwest” for the latest updates!

ALBANYFri 7/5 Rhythm & Roots Festival feat. Nitty Gritty Dirt Band (on the Square)

KING CITYSat 6/21 Rock‘n Country Variety Show (Tri County Visitors Center)

MARYVILLESat 6/14 Folk Songs by Tony Brown (Nodaway County Historical Museum)Thu 6/19 Downtown Sounds Summer Concert (on the Square)Sat 6/21 KNIM Country Music Festival (Mozingo Lake)

SAVANNAH7/11 – 7/13 Dawg Daze feat. Ricky Skaggs w/Ozark Mountain Daredevils (Old MacDonald Farm)

TARKIOFri 7/11 – Sun 7/13 WalnutStock Music Fest feat. Warrant w/ Head East

UNION STAR Fri 7/4 – Sat 7/5 Red White & Bang Festival feat. Vic Row, Rick & Manda Hontz, 101 in the Shade

Live Music Across NWMO4

Your band or venue not listed? Contact us to get on the live music schedule!Too late for print? We’ll get it on our online calendar! Email submissions to

[email protected]



Danny R. PhillipsRegular Joe Music Guy

When I was a kid, the Nitty GrittyDirt Band blew out of my mother’s gar-gantuan GE console stereo alongsideother country rock greats like The FlyingBurrito Brothers, Neil Young, The Band,and Ozark Mountain Daredevils, but “TheDirt Band” was always at the top of herlist. When thinking back to those days ofspinning mom’s records, giant earmuffs

rmly planted on my six-year-old head,it was often those sounds I heard: banjo,mandolin and lap steel intertwining,invading my mind, becoming part of myconsciousness as I grew, perhaps shapinghow I look at music even today, 35 yearslater.

Now, on July 5th I’ll get a chance torelive those precious moments with the

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band in the lovely townsquare of Albany, Missouri, as part ofthe annual Rhythm and Roots Festival,sponsored by the Albany Chamber ofCommerce. For the second year in a row,Outlaw Jim and the Whiskey Benderswill kick off the show. To close out thenight’s festivities, the Rhythm and RootsFestival is proud to welcome Blues MusicMagazine Best New Artist 2012 and Kan-sas City native Samantha Fish. Generaladmission is $35 per ticket, VIP is $37, ora table for 8 can be had for $250. Ticketscan be ordered by phone at 660-726-4155ext. 29, by email at [email protected] via PayPal at www.albanymochamber.com

Many fans of country and pop knowthe Nitty Gritty Dirt Band’s 1987 hit

“Fishin’ in the Dark” (which featured leg-endary guitarist Bernie Leadon), but thatis not the beginning and end of the DirtBand’s story. Formed as the IllegitimateJug Band in 1966, founding membersJeff Hanna and Bruce Kunkel were at the

forefront of the country folk movementthat included Jackson Browne (who was

brie y a member of the Dirt Band), ChrisHillman, the Eagles and Gram Parsons.The Dirt Band” had much successthrough the 1970’s and 80’s, recording themonster hits “Mr. Bojangles” (penned byoutlaw country great Jerry Jeff Walker),“Long Hard Road (The Sharecropper’sDream),” and “Fishin’ in the Dark.” In1972, the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band releasedone of the greatest collaboration recordsof all time, “Will the Circle Be Unbro-ken.” The album, featuring Mother May-

belle Carter from the legendary CarterFamily, Roy Acuff, Doc Watson, MerleTravis, Earl Scruggs, and many other gi-ants of country and

bluegrass, is a testa-ment to the resilien-cy of the songs writ-ten by A.P. Carter,Hank Williams, FredRose, and MerleTravis. It is also ashining light on theDirt Band’s abilityto cross both genres

and generations,touching music fansof all ages and ilk.“Circle” is truly amodern masterpieceof country music.

Though the NittyGritty Dirt Band’slineup has changedmany times through-out their 48-yearhistory, a few thingshave remainedconstant. Lead manJeff Hanna willalways be there tosing his songs. The

passion for the mu-sic that in uencedthem as musicianswill never die out.Most importantly,as long as there are

people looking forsomething different,searching for musicthat crosses genre boundaries with thedexterity and graceof a dancer, capti-vating audiences

and helping them discover those thatcame before, the Nitty Gritty Dirt Bandwill always have an audience and a placein music history.Albany Rhythm and Roots Festivalis sponsored by the Albany Chamber ofCommerce.

Tickets may be ordered by email [email protected], by phone at 660-726-4155 ext. 29, or via PayPal online atwww.albanymochamber.com

Gates open at 3pm. Nitty Gritty DirtBand begins at 8pm.

Listen to Danny Phillips’ free form podcast “Don’t Have a Clue” the secondSaturday of every month at 4pm on www.

stjosephmusicfoundation.org radio.

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band to Play Albany Festival Joe Music -5



Rich Piper

HERE. Not up there, over there, down there; but here.Here, is the great, glorious, grand, gracious, gorgeous Northwest

MO; the part of the world where you and I choose to live and/orwork.

Here is worthy of celebration.Here is an area of more crossroads than crosswalks.Here friends tend to do more talking then texting.Here friends tend to be real, not virtual.Here torn jeans are not so much a fashion statement as it is a

sign of a bad work day.Here is where for understanding directions it is more useful to

know where Mr. Kellogg’s old house that burnt down in ’42 used to be than to have a road map in hand.

Here is where directions for life come more from family heri-tage than popular culture.

Here is a lot of open country, open minds, and open hearts.Here are also traditions and convictions, but generally not the

judgmental kind.Here is where posts on the café door are read more closely than

the posts on Facebook.

Here it’s more likely to be a mile to the blacktop than a mile tothe grocery store.Here is a place folks live and work, sometimes where folks,

and family before them, have lived and worked for generations.Other times here is a place for a new start and a new home. Forsome folks, here is a place to live and sleep but involves drivingelsewhere to work. But here is also a place where some of us,

by choice, drive to in order to work. For example, here is whereI spend the vast majority of my waking hours, principally in two

Northwest MO communities, even though I “live” just outside ofSt. Joe. That’s because I like “here.”Here is where there still exist neighborhoods, in the old, and

perhaps best, meaning of that term. For here neighborhoods are notsubdivisions or areas of a city where people live cocooned withintheir houses and cars; instead here are communities of folk whoknow one another, spend time with one another, help one another,and are active friends and neighbors with one another.

Here neighbors aren’t houses on a computer or video “sim”game; friends aren’t just folks who look at your Facebook page.

Here neighbors may be next door, down the road a piece, or inthe next town – but they are known. They are real. They are trea-sured. And above all, they are neighborly.

Here neighbors are likely to lend you a tool to x something,

but they are just about as likely to lend a hand.What here is not is that it is not simply a smaller version of the

big, or medium, sized city. In fact, here, is not a down-sized ver-sion of anything. What here is happens to be unique, special, andsomething I, and I trust, you treasure.

Now, if you have picked up this paper and been reading this lit-tle piece of writing of mine, but you don’t live and/or work here…Here’s some friendly advice…

Drop in on one of the festivals, socials, fairs, or other specialevents that will be going on here this summer. Take a drive, seethe scenery, breathe in the air; it comes in a variety of avors here;and then play the games, watch the parades, listen to the music, andmost de nitely eat the food.

Dress comfortably, bring some cash, (ATMs exist here, but youcan’t count on nding one), and don’t be surprised to start noticing

people that you have never meet in your life wave to you as youdrive down the road, or say “hi” to you as your walking by. (It’s

just one of those things we tend to do here.)I guarantee you will have some fun. If not, I’ll write you a per-

sonal apology right here for everyone to see.Oh, and for the rest of you, my dear readers, let’s openly cel-

ebrate and be proud of what all of us who live and/or work here,

have here.And here you have it. See you here next time. Rich has spent most of his adult life living and/or working in

small, rural communities in Wisconsin, Iowa, and Missouri, includ-ing several long stretches in Northwest Missouri. Rich chooses to

spend most of his weekday, daytime hours teaching students sci-ence, and other things, in Union Star. He also chooses to spend hisSundays, and some other occasional time, with the good folks inCainsville. You can reach Rich at [email protected] with

comments.

6 A Celebration of HERE



Devyn Porter

It’s a hot summer day, friends are over,

and the tunes are playing. You decide it’s timeto break out snacks and refreshments and bringout a fresh plate full of cut watermelon and oth-er seasonal fruits. But where did it come fromand what chemicals were used on it to help itgrow? These are questions that can easily beanswered when you purchase your produce atthe local farmer’s market!

Most communities have small, local

farmers. They take their time and money to produce fresh, delicious produce for their townand surrounding areas, and yet people continueto buy their produce from people who can’tanswer their questions.

According to information posted onthe United States Department of Agriculturewebsite, the chemicals that farmers are allowedto use on their crops are only required to beevaluated for content every 5 years, leaving alot of time for harmful substances to be addedto the chemical composition and endangeringthe consumers for up to 5 years. This includesgrowing agents and pesticides, also. As well asthese chemicals having the potential to impactour health, they are also impacting our envi-ronment for years to come. The website has

posted a current list of the allowed and prohib-ited substances. Included on that list are speci-cations as to how much can be used. If there

is a restriction that has to be placed on howmuch can be used, why is it allowed anyway?

Many people believe when purchas-ing produce from their grocery store that theterm “organic” means that it is chemical free,and that is incorrect! There are many chemi-

cals that are allowed to be used on fruits andvegetables that will still allow the produce to

be considered organic. Consumers are beingmisled by this and are also being charged a

great deal more. A list of the “organic” friendlychemicals can also be found on the website forthe Department of Agriculture.

There are multiple bene ts from shop - ping at the local farmers market other thanknowing exactly where your fruits and veggiesare coming from and what is being used onthem. I fully believe that local farmers will bemore inclined to spend the money they earn inlocal shops, stimulating the local economy anddeveloping a more cultured community thatonly locals can create themselves. A close knit

community will develop, and the small townfeel will take over where everyone is friendlywith one another, ready and willing to helptheir neighbor.

Plus, having fresh goods around thehouse is a bene t in itself, right? How manydifferent things can be made out of the produceyou bring home? It can be used to infuse water,which is the next big thing! Fresh popsiclescan be made as a tasty summer treat for thekids by mashing up fruits and putting them ina popsicle tray. You can also cut them up into

smaller pieces and frozen in an ice cube trayto make avorful ice cubes to chill a glass ofwater. Homemade pies, spreads, jams, and

preserves - the possibilities are endless. We arecoming into canning season, and tomatoes will

be perfect for fresh sauces! The joy of drop- ping off a jar of homemade goods with friendsand family never gets old.

The bene ts of having fresh fruits andveggies around the house are endless, andknowing exactly what is going into your bodywill make you feel better and healthier. With-

out the chemicals in the body, more energyis also an added bonus! No one wants to beweighed down by unnecessary chemicals andthe health of our children who don’t have athriving immune system like adults do, don’tneed to be exposed to these chemicals. Doyourself, your family, and your local growers afavor and take a trip down to the local farmersmarket this weekend. You’ll be sure to nd the

best tasting produce you have ever laid yourhands on, and in the end, your taste buds willthank you.

Go Local or Go Home Joe Health -7



ALBANYTue 6/3 Summer Reading Program Begins (Carnegie Li-brary)

Sat 6/7 NW Medical Center 5k/1mi Run/Walk

BETHANYThu 6/12 Babe Adams 5k walk/run (Memorial Park)Sat 6/14 Babe Adams Coed Slow-Pitch Softball Tourna-ment (Memorial Park)Fri 6/20 BTC Youth Bene t Corps Golf Tournament(Country Club)

HOPKINSThu 7/10 – Sat 7/12 126th Annual Hopkins Picnic

MARYVILLEFri 6/6 - Sat 6/7 The Vill’s Big Fish 34 Fishing Contest(Nodaway Lake)Sat 6/14 Chamber Country Classic Marathon/Half/10k/5k(Donaldson Westside Park)Sat 6/21 Playin’ in the Park Family Event (Beal Park)Sat 7/5 Optimists Kids Fishing Contest (Mozingo Lake)

SHERIDANFri 6/27 – Sun 6/29 Old De ance Weekend feat. PokerRun, Parade, Horse Show

STANBERRYSun 6/15 Father’s Day Breakfast (Community Center) Father’s Day Antique/Custom Car Show (Park)

Fri 7/4 4th of July Celebration (Park)

TARKIOFri 7/11 – Sun 7/13 WalnutStock feat. Air Show, BBQ,Poker Run, Music (Jct 59 & 136 Hwys)

UNION STAR Fri 7/4 – Sat 7/5 Red White & Bang Fest feat. 5k, Fire-

works, Vendors, Music (Park)

ONGOING EVENTSKing City Farmer’s Market - Wed 3-7pm, Sat 8am-12noonKing City Senior Center: Potluck Dinner 3rd Wednesday Pitch Tournament Last Monday Cards DailyMaryville NWMSU Summer Movie Series, free Tue 7pmRon Houston Center for Performing Arts &9pm Raymond J. Courter College Park PavilionJune 3: “Saving Mr. Banks” (PG13)June 10: “Need for Speed” (PG13)June 17: “Muppets Most Wanted” (PG)June 24: “Divergent” (PG13)July 1: “21 Jump Street” (R)

Events & Festivals across NWMO8

Check our up-to-date online calendar atwww.regularjoepaper.com

Want your event listed? Contact us to get onthe schedule! Too late for print?

We’ll get it in our online calendar!

Email submissions [email protected]



Danny R. PhillipsAnnual Father’s Day Antique andCustom Car Show, Stanberry, MO

Sunday, June 15, 2014Being a proud Midwesterner, lo-cal tradition is important to me. Family,togetherness, and helping one another areengrained in our special Midwest DNA.A Stanberry, Missouri, tradition 31 yearsstrong returns to the city park again thisFather’s Day: the Annual Father’s Day CarShow. The Regular Joe Northwest spoke

with event mainstay Dave Hibbs aboutthe good the car show does, the amount ofcars that roll in every year, and the time a

person entered his daily driver, a semi, inthe show.

“The car show is part of our fund-raising. We have an annual tractor pull.We’ve done volleyball tournaments, roundrobin softball tournaments. We’ve done

a bunch of different things in the name offundraising. We give two scholarships,one for a boy, one for a girl, as well,”Hibbs told The Joe.

Over the past 31 years, the car showhas become one of the most popularevents in the area. “Our average is about165 entries. Our highest has been around227, and our lowest was under 90. That

was on a totally rainy, miserable day. Therst one we did, we had 110 entries show

up.” The car show has grown to an eventthat features 38 classes divided from an-tiques to classics, tractors to special inter-ests. Groups also include street machines,street rods, rat rods, Pro Street, motor-cycles (6 different classes for those alone),and a high school category.

“Besides the normal awards, we giveaway special awards: best un nished,

best interior, best rag top, best in show, best in show modi ed. We gave a Best

Driven Award one time,” Hibbs said witha chuckle, “and we had this guy show upin his semi to enter. Luckily it was a time

when we were in the street because it hadrained. There’s no way he was parking inthe park.”

Another great thing about the carshow, aside from the wide range of beau-tiful vehicles that grace the Stanberrycity park, is the fact that there is no pre-registration to be involved. “We’ve talkedabout pre-registration of course, but we’ve

never done it. People just show up the dayof the show. We’ll register you and getyou to the right parking for whatever classyou would t in.” Hibbs said, “We try toget all like classes together. It makes iteasier for people to enjoy the cars, easierfor voting, all that.”

I was surprised tohear that people have

come so far to join theranks. “One time, we hada bunch of vehicles comethrough because there wassome sort of anniversarydrive across Missouri, andthis guy trailered his carfrom Alaska and drove toStanberry with the others.

It was a bigdeal.”

Hav-ing attendedmany times,I can attest tothe fact thatthe StanberryFather’s Day

Car Show isa big deal tomany people.It is a time

to gather with family, a time to enjoy thesunshine, and a time to gaze upon the lov-ingly restored chariots of youth. We can

use the car show as a way to rememberthose good times and people gone by.There is not a more tting way to

remember our youth than a beautifullyrestored car or tricked out motorcycle.There is no more a loving tribute to theman who has always been at your side,always been there through good and bad,than to buy him a funnel cake, maybe a

hot dog. The car show is a great way forhim to put the stresses of life aside for awhile as he dreams about that car he al-ways wanted. I know that is what my kidsare doing for me this year.

For more information, visit www.stanberryjcclub.org

9Annual Stanberry Father’s Day Car Show

Registered Representative, Farmers Financial Solutions, LLC30801 Agoura Road, Bldg 1, Agoura Hills, CA 91301-2054, Tel 818.584.0200

Member FINRA & SIPC

Sandra J. YoungsInsurance and Financial Services Agent

Sandra J. Youngs Agency, LLC700 E. US Hwy 136 • Albany, MO 64402Ph.: 660-726-3007 • Fax: 660-726-3027

Cell: [email protected]



Mike Rockett, Jr.

Man- icks, not to be confused with “chick- icks”are really a dif cult topic to research. Therefore Iset out to burden our crack investigative staff with

the task of nding ten great man- icks and informus why we, as men, must see them. But then I real-ized that we had no crack investigative staff. Therefore, being left to my own devices, I dis-covered in researching my own topic that researchsucks and decided to sit by myself and just referto my own library to nd these ten great lms thathave helped de ne my gender while simultaneously

boosting microwave burrito sales. So what constitutes a great man- ick? Believeit or not there are rules, my friend. We men aresimple creatures, and we value non-complexity. Sohere are three pieces of criteria in what makes agreat man- ick. One: We don’t like complicated plots. Most mencouldn’t care less about thinking while watch-ing movies; we just want to sit, brainlessly crunch

popcorn, and swill Dr. Pepper while we are beingentertained. Two: We like our violence stylized. Stylizedviolence is a Hollywood term for violence that is

stylized. Three: Sex scenes in some movies have becomecompletely gratuitous and terribly offensive, so

please don’t change it. Plot clause: As a movement we men have decidedthat a moderately complicated plot is ne if it some -how leads to a girl-on-girl ght scene (particularlywith swords) somewhere before the end credits.Other than that, KISS is the rule: Keep It SimpleSpielberg. So now it is time to give you the list of ten greatman- icks and why everyman should see them. 10. Jaws. When Steven Spielberg made thismovie adapted from a Peter Benchley novel of thesame name, little did he realize what he had reallygotten himself into. The rst dilemma they facedin making this movie was nding a credible villain.Some really smart producer suggested they train areal live shark to attack people but not hurt them.Yet an even smarter producer told the rst producerwhat a really bad idea that was. Therefore they

approached production designer Bob Matte, and alegend was born. “Bruce” (dubbed by Spielberghimself after a lawyer he knew), the rst “anima -tronic” shark ever used in lm, hardly worked andcaused serious delays in the shooting schedule,

costing Universal bags of money. Yet, Spielberg in his ingenuity got the fake greatwhite (made of latex and steel) to work just enoughto single handedly create the world’s rst summer

blockbuster. Why all men should see it: There are severalreasons why, but fundamentally it’s a manly thingto watch three grown men try to catch a 25 foot,3 ton shark with nothing more than a heavy dutyrod and reel, a bucket of chum, and a handful ofhollow barrels to trick it to the surface. But ChiefBrody simply tossed a compressed oxygen tank inits mouth and shot at it with a lever-action ri e. Ofcourse, in Hollywood, something this asinine actu-ally worked.

9. Die Hard . Bruce Willis was fresh from incred-ible success on television, and this was his rstmajor motion picture. With the collective talentsof Willis, Director John McTiernan, and movie badguy Alan Rickman, DH almost became a genre inand of itself, the average-guy-with-an-above-aver-age-hairpiece-gets-himself-trapped-in-an-extraordi-

nary-building-that-is-being-seized-by-thieves genre.And it paved the way for other movies quite like it(I believe the term in Hollywood is “sequels”). Why: There are several reasons, most of whichinvolve stylized violence and spectacular explo-sions. Not to mention watching Willis get dirtierand dirtier as he maneuvers himself through the

bowels of the Nakatomi building evading AlanRickman and his Euro-trash cohorts. 8. Rocky III . Some of the best man- icks haveRoman numerals in the title, and this Stallone-festis no exception. Written and directed by Sly him-self, Rocky Balboa stands toe to toe with “ClubberLang,” a wrecking machine played by a severely

buffed out Mr. T. That part you knew, but here’s

the part you didn’t know. Stallone wrote Balboa’sghting weight to be 202 pounds, but in reality heweighed around a buck fty, as T weighed in atcloser to 180 pounds. When the unknown Mr. T.signed on to play Lang, he had to train and trimdown. And while he was obviously committed tothe part, T absolutely abhorred the intense dieting.

10 10 Great Man-Flicks & Why All Men Must See Them



Stallone was quoted as saying about T, “We keptnding candy bar wrappers in his trailer.”

Why: Rocky III was the turning point in thectitious Balboa saga. With the rst two movies

Stallone trained to look like a “real” boxer. In R3Stallone pushed himself and trained more like a

bodybuilder. Eating little more than white meat

chicken and doing hours of cardio, he shredded his body and signi cantly dropped his body fat percent -age. And if not that reason, Mr. T was one bad dude(dude?). 7. Ghost Busters . Originally written as a 30-pagetreatment by Dan Akroyd and sent to Director IvanReitman, the story (which at that point wasn’t titledGhostbusters) was much more supernatural thanwhat was shown in theaters and was written as avehicle for Akroyd and John Belushi. Of courseafter Belushi’s death, the script was revamped by

Akroyd, Reitman, and Harold Ramis (Ramis wasadded at Reitman’s request, not only as a thirdGhostbuster but also as co-writer). The best lines inthe movie were reportedly given to Bill Murray. Why: Sigourney Weaver dressed provocativelyand spouting lines like: “Take me now, sub-crea-ture.” (Duh!) 6. The Cowboys . We’re getting old school here,

but we men have to give credit where credit is due.John Wayne was very much like the characters he

played: rough, tumble, and patriotic. He was bestknown and loved for his westerns. When Waynedied, part of the genre died with him. Hollywoodwesterns would never be the same.

The Cowboys was different from his other west-erns. One reason was simply because Wayne wasn’tin the habit of dying in them. This movie changedall of that. Bruce Dern had the unsavory task ofactually killing Wayne in TC. Just before that scenewas shot, The Duke had a few choice words forDern and seemed to take umbrage on behalf of the

American public. “Boy,” said Wayne, “America isreally going to hate you!” Why: You’ve got John Wayne bossing several

pint-sized mis ts and turning them into cattle driv -ers. I can think of a few pint-sized mis ts I’d like to

boss around myself. 5. The Incredible Hulk . This second attempt at

bringing Stan Lee’s creation to the big screen wasmuch better than Ang Lee’s overly cerebral rst at -tempt. While Lee is an incredible director, the truthis we just wanted to see the big green brute breakstuff, a lot of stuff. Basically, this version relied heavily on the televi-sion show of the same name, and it was a wisemove. Lou Ferigno for several seasons was the

incredible Hulk incarnate. He not only brought StanLee’s comic book creation to life, he also broughtit to the masses. And America, particularly men,loved it. Why: Because when Bruce Banner gets angry,his muscles become engorged, and the poor suckerthat has pushed him to this point is in deep doo-doo.

How many weenies do we men know that we wouldlike to hulk out on? Also, the scene in which theHulk is in a street ght with the Abomination, whois slightly bigger and stronger, the green-meaniespies an ill-parked cop car, picks the thing up, rips itin half with his bare hands, and proceeds to whol-lop the big A with both halves of it. How frickin’cool!!!! That’s one heck of a way to avoid a speed-ing ticket. 4. Commando . This movie, made in the early80’s, was probably as brainless as it gets. It was

violent, rife with cheesy lines, and had Rae DawnChong in it. They sure don’t make movies like thatanymore. While the plot was thin at best and theaction completely gratuitous, we men were glued toour seats. Why? Because of Arnold Schwarzeneg-ger, that’s why. Arnie had the acting skills of a deepwoods yak, but the Austrian Oak shed blood in themost grotesque of ways, usually while breaking

bones with his bare hands. Why: Because we have the power of subliminalsuggestion, next thing you know you’ll nd yourselfstanding in line at your local video store, renting acopy of this movie. And don’t be surprised whenthe clerk says, “This movie is due back Thursday,”that you begin to bark like a dog. 3. From Dusk ‘til Dawn . Quentin Tarrantino iscompletely incorrigible. He makes movies that areheavy with dialogue, severely bloody, and rife withhot chicks. While QT wrote the script, he turneddirectorial honors over to Robert Rodriguez, whois obviously just as twisted. Rodriguez is one of

the few directors who can tell another man’s storyand add his own visual style to the mix. Two Texas

bank-robbing brothers on the lam head to the borderof Mexico and hijack a family and their RV to makethe last stretch. George Clooney in his rst moviesince ER plays the elder of the two brothers, andTarrantino himself plays the younger. They end upat a Mexican dive bar just off of the main highway.And after a bar room brawl things suddenly turn

bloody. But not like you’d think. Wanna’ knowmore? Rent it. Why: Because of Salma Hayek, hubba hubba! 2. Gladiator. There may be a non-complicated

plot rule, but we men have no problem with anintelligent plot. A man- ick can be simple and

smart. Gladiator, for instance, is just such a movie.This movie has it all: action, violence, and a wimpyemperor who has the hots for his sister. In this epic

lm directed by Ridley Scott, Russell Crowe starsas Maximus, a Roman General who became a slave,who became a gladiator, who took revenge on thevery emperor who tried to kill him.

Crowe oozed testosterone and rugged handsome-ness while he sliced his opponents into quiveringmounds of esh. He took on gladiators of all shapesand sizes and even a hungry tiger or two and neveronce inched or seemed to sweat in fear. “Are younot entertained?!” Why yes Mr. Crowe we are. Now please putdown the sword? Why: Well if the sword ghting and the bloody

beheadings aren’t enough, then we can always re-sort to subliminal suggestion again.

1. Braveheart . Mel Gibson directed and starred inthis masterpiece written by Randall Wallace, a de-scendant of the title character. William Wallace wasa man that rallied his fellow Scotsman to ght thetyranny of the snooty English. Of course, Gibsonmade the medieval battles look easy, because themmomma’s boys across the pond are wimps. There’s

just so darned many of them! Why: Because this is one of the few man- icksour women actually want to watch with us. They’lltell you the reason why is because it’s based onhistory, or they’ll all of a sudden claim they are aneighth of a sixteenth part Scottish. Maybe they’dgo so far as to say, “I rented it for you, dear.” Butthe truth of the matter is, they just want to see MelGibson in a kilt. This is only one list of ten great man- icks andas many reasons why you should watch them. Ofcourse there are several great man- icks, and thegreatest among these is simply a matter of opinion.Chances are you, my fellow man-friend, are ques-

tioning my intellect and are rattling off several mov-ies I haven‘t listed. But let’s face it, how can wenarrow this list to merely ten? There are hundredsof movies that can qualify as “great.” So what doyou do? You create your own crack research staffand here’s how: You contact as many male friends as you can,charge them each ve bucks for unlimited access toa keg of beer, request they bring snacks like littlesmokies doused in barbecue sauce, and choose astack of movies for you all to watch. Then youdrunkenly vote for the ten best in the world accord-ing to you. And if you do this, call us. We might have some

part time work for you.



JB Claywell

It started, for me, with a trip to the movietheater. I remember seeing trailers for thelm and thinking that it would be a movie

that I would enjoy. So, I loaded myself andmy teenage son into the car and off we went.

Neither of us had any idea that the lm wewere about to see was based on a book, letalone a series of books.

As we sat in the theater, munching popcorn, I began to notice things about thecharacter of Jack Reacher that I found relat-able and enjoyable. The underlying theme ofsimply doing what is right, no matter what,

became readily apparent and immediately ab-sorbable. I found myself liking Jack Reacher.He was a good guy in very different and morerealistic ways than the Chuck Norris, StevenSegal, or Bruce Willis action heroes of mymovie-going youth.

Of course, I had noticed that “JackReacher” the movie had been based on a bookcalled “One Shot” by Lee Child. I had neverheard of Lee Child until that afternoon; beingan avid reader, I decided to do some research.

First, I wandered out to a local bookshop. I asked an associate if there was a copyof “One Shot” in stock. The shop had multi-

ple copies available near the front of the store.

There, Tom Cruise stared menacingly out atme on the cover of the movie tie-in paper- back. I thought to buy the book, but eventu-ally decided against it simply because I had

just seen the lm. One book, one lm, right?Why bother?

Having left empty handed, I moved onto my second arena of research. I starteda conversation with a pal of mine who is alibrarian. She clued me in to the fact thatthere was a whole series of Reacher novels.She also said that there was a pretty big fan

base for Child and his character, and that the

vast majority of these people HATED the ideaof Cruise as their beloved crime-stopping

hobo. This information piqued my curiosity.If Cruise was not right to play Reacher; whynot? If there were a slew of these novels,where did they begin? With these thoughtsin mind, I turned my research to the internet,which is maybe where it should have begunin the rst place, but like Reacher, I’m anold-fashioned guy. So, having Googled “JackReacher’s rst appearance”, I set out to nd acopy of “Killing Floor.”

I sought, in reading “Killing Floor”, tomeet Reacher. I wanted to meet the Reacherthat Lee Child had initially introduced to hisreadership. I met, and immediately liked,Reacher. He seemed, to me, to be everythingthat was good about all of my favorite cin-ematic action heroes without all the snark.He was like a tank. He had one direction inwhich to go, and he was going to go in that

direction no matter what happened. He wasa larger than life character, he was huge, hewas powerful and imposing, but he was alsocurious, lonely, and tender. He was immedi-ately relatable. Because of this, he was ableto become a very powerful teacher for me.

Having, in an amazing stroke of luck,stumbled upon the majority of the Reacher se-ries in various Goodwill shops, I tore through

them with a voracious appetite. I was takenwith the character. I appreciated the fact thatthe books were, more or less, episodic. Icould read them in any order. The mysteriescontained in the novels were, although ratherformulaic, expertly written with dialogue thatwas punchy and sharp, painting Reacher asa man who got things done, thought through

problems, and, if need be, became extraordi-narily confrontational. Simply put, Reacherwas fearless in a very plausible way.

Reacher’s impact on my life has been gi-gantic; as big as Reacher himself. You see, I

was born with Cerebral Palsy. I have walkedwith forearm crutches since I was ve years

old. Having grown up in a time when inclu-sion wasn’t taught much in school, I was in plenty of schoolyard scraps. I’d taken plentyof lumps as I made my way through the pub-lic school system into high school.

Being, at this point, an adult nearing 40,and having discovered Reacher in only 2012,I nd that I’m able to carry myself a littletaller. I’m not very tall at all, only about 5’4”;however, I weigh in at about 240lbs. I’m a

bit of a re-plug. Having been taught by TheUniverse to keep my head down, to avoidconfrontation, to apologize for taking up theextra space that I use to ambulate; I’m beingreeducated by Reacher that these past lessonswere unnecessary. Jack’s teaching me, moreand more, to look people in the eye, to standup for myself, to ask for what I need, to speakdirectly and respectfully, and to expect the

same treatment from others. It doesn’t hurteither that I’m a pretty big fellow with a bigvoice, and a sizable vocabulary. I’m physi-cally disabled, not stupid, and tend to makethis fact apparent.

I’ve gone so far as to have a T-shirtmade. It asks: “What Would Reacher Do?”On the back it says: “1. Drink coffee. 2. Saynothing. 3. Kick ass.” Reacher, at this point,

is a much needed friend and ally. He’s a sec-ond chance, an education, and a guru of self-respect, self-reliance, and steadfast character.I’m glad that Lee Child introduced us.

This essay is not meant to serve as areview of any particular book in the series.However, it is meant to encourage a reader orfan of the tough-guy detective novel to checkinto this series. The books are quick, holdone’s attention, are entertaining despite beingformulaic; but hey, any book is better thanstaring at TV all night.

©P&ZPublications. Used by permission.

12 Reacher the Teacher



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RMI Insurance -Stuart Sager & Kevin Henry, Agents

Rob Luke ConstructionRoberson Funeral Home -

Stanberry & King CityRon’s Machining

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My Middle YearsJay Kerner Regular Joe Founder

If you wait long enough, so they say, all will be revealed.For instance, I’ve been wondering for a while now about my belly.And I’m not alone. It’s a popular lament. According to high level re-

search I conducted in various national tabloids, it ranks only behind Big Footand Alien abduction in the public consciousness.

Paul Simon summed up the feelings of many of us when he asked “Whyam I soft in the middle now, when the rest of my life is so hard?”

I mean there’s no rhyme or reason to it. Sure, I don’t exercise like I usedto and yeah, I know my eating habits could be better, but still there has to beanother factor, right? You can just feel the hand of outside forces at work.

So even though I fully intend to do a sit-up now and again, something

always seems to stop me.It’s been a frustrating mystery, but I nally have some answers.It started making sense with the long awaited birth of my granddaughter

last fall and the way her tiny body nestled into my soft gooey center.It was Mother Nature all along, preparing my body for grandparenthood!

Nobody bats an eye at the physical changes brought on by motherhood,noooooo! But let a fellow of a certain age add a little girth in the midsectionand all of a sudden it’s a beer-gut or a pot-belly. I ask you, is that fair? Inother cultures a prodigious stomach is a sign of status, but particularly here inAmerica, an entire industry has developed, preying on those uncomfortablewith nature’s bounty. Ab-busters, Ab-rollers, Eight Minute Abs and every othertime increment. It’s an ab-omination, I tell you! (Ha! I slay me!)

Once I gured it out, I started putting it to work.Feeding a baby in your lap? Where do you rest the bottle? You guessed

it!Got a baby asleep on your shoulder? Flat bellies have to support the

whole 10-20 pounds with just their arms. (Poor bastards). Nature has blessedothers of us with a perfect eshy, infant perch, if you will. And babies know

just where to nd it. My own granddaughter’s pudgy little knees sure know theway to her cuddle spot. She wriggles and squirms till she’s perfectly balancedon the belly. It’s kind of like her own personal beanbag chair. Or maybe one

of those in atable airline pillow things you lie forward on to sleep.Some fellas might cop an attitude, still clinging to some ancient physicalideal they hold for themselves. They sweat and struggle against the relentlessmarch of time, trying to make their exterior package match the one frozen intheir minds.

But not me. I’m over it. I realize nally, that it’s Mother Nature’s planfor me. My body is her work. She’s altered my shape to t my new responsi -

bilities. I’m built for comfort not for speed.I gure I’m not so unlike the male seahorse who suddenly develops a

pouch to nurture his brood. (Wouldn’t that be cool! I’d never lose my car keysagain, and I’d always have a place for my cell phone, even when naked!)

But short of that, I guess I’ll take what the old girl has in store for me. I’lltry not to let it get completely out of control, but I won’t hide it either. No elas-tic girdles for me. No electric muscle stimulators. No appetite suppressants assold on TV.

Just the natural article in all of its’ glory. Customized for one specialcustomer (and any successive ones).

So, while I wouldn’t blame you, please don’t be jealous of my belly.There are plenty of bigger ones out there, (though that’s not the only way to

judge.) I like to think it’s about quality, not just quantity.And by the way, thanks for not staring when you see it. My eyes are up

here, ladies.

13



Fifth Annual Scratch Workshop for K-12 Teachers

MARYVILLE, Mo. – Northwest Missouri StateUniversity will host the University’s fth annualScratch Workshop in June to educate teachers aboutsoftware developed to help students think creativelywith a computer. For the rst time this year theScratch Workshop will be offered online to reachmore teachers than ever before.

The workshop offers three tracks: Scratch, Snap!and App Inventor. Each track can both energizestudents and help them hone essential life skills —how to think creatively, reason systematically andwork collaboratively.

The workshop is designed to introduce K-12teachers to technology they can use in the class-room. Scratch is kid-friendly software that allowsstudents of all ages to create computer games,animations, stories, art and music.

Snap! is a Scratch variant that enhances thataward-winning interface by allowing students todesign their own blocks. Snap! can form the foun-dation of a serious computer science course at themiddle to high school level.

App Inventor lets kids write apps they can runon Android devices using a Scratch-like interface.Scribbler Robots allows kids to tap into the thrill ofrobotics.

“Scratch, Snap! and App Inventor are entertain-ing, easy-to-use programs that allow students to tellstories, make games and write music, but they are

more than that,” said Dr. Michael Rogers, assistant professor in the Department of Computer Scienceand Information Systems. “They are a way to teach

students how to think creatively, systematically and problem solve. They also tie into coding, a skill thatis being recognized as critical by more and more

people in industry, education, and government.”

The workshop starts on Monday, June 16, andwill last four weeks. The material will be presentedat a leisurely, summer time pace, and participantscan enjoy it wherever they are through its onlineoffering.

The workshop will include Google Hangoutsonce a week at speci c times during the course ofthe four week workshop. Participants will pro-ceed through the workshop downloading tutorials,watching online videos and asking questions inthreaded discussions.

Teachers also may choose to participate in anoptional workshop orientation session, 9 a.m. to 1

p.m. on Monday, June 16, at the Northwest campus.

Lunch will be included. Further details will be sentto registered participants in early June.

This is the fth year Northwest faculty havehosted the event. For the fth consecutive year theScratch workshops are possible with the help of aGoogle CS4S Grant, a grant designed to promotecomputer science in high schools.

To register or to learn more about Scratch Work-shop visit www.tinyurl.com/northwest-k12.

# # #

For this news release and more informationabout Northwest Missouri State University visitour Media Center at http://www.nwmissouri.edu/media/.

Mark HornickelMedia Relations Specialist | Northwest Missouri

State University215 Administration Building | 800 UniversityDrive | Maryville, MO 64468

660.562.1704 of ce | 660.541.2977 cell |[email protected] | www.nwmissouri.edu

Campus Dining Summer Hours

MARYVILLE, Mo. – Northwest MissouriState University Campus Dining, which includes aStarbucks location in the B.D. Owens Library andBearcat Commons in the J.W. Jones Student Union,has announced its summer hours.

Starbucks is open from 7 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. Mon-day through Friday.

Bearcat Commons’ hours will vary during thesummer, but Campus Dining will serve breakfast,lunch and dinner Monday through Friday duringmost weeks. During most weekends, Bearcat Com-mons will serve lunch and dinner on Saturdays andSundays. For a complete schedule of Bearcat Com-mons’ May hours, click here.

Bearcat Commons’ summer serving hours are7 to 7:30 a.m. for breakfast, 12:45 to 1:15 p.m. forlunch and 5:30 to 6 p.m. for dinner.

Costs for the all-you-care-to-eat meals at BearcatCommons are $6.31 for breakfast, $7.23 for lunchand $8.25 for dinner.

Northwest Campus Dining locations are open tothe public. For more information, including updatedhours and menus, visit www.nwcampusdining.com.

14-Joe Northwest



MUG

SHOTS

We caught these folks out and about in NorthwestMissouri. If you recognze any of these people, let‘em know you saw their mugs in The Regular Joe.



Here’s to the healthiest county in Missouri! St. Francis Hospital & Health Services

would like to congratulate our own Nodaway County for being named the healthiest county

of all 115 Missouri counties in the recent annual County Health Rankings.The rankings were

released by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the University of Wisconsin

Population Health Institute. These rankings measure the overall health of a county, as well

as how well they are doing on 29 factors that influence health, including

smoking, diet, and access to care.

This achievement powerfully demonstrates our community’s

commitment to healthcare excellence and St. Francis Hospital & Health

Services is proud to play a strategic role in the delivery of quality

healthcare to the people of Nodaway County.

IF YOUR TEAM FINISHED IN 1ST PLACE,YOU’D BE PROUD, TOO.

2 0 1 4

C O U

N T Y H E A L T H R A N K I N G

S

660-562-2600 • www.stfrancismaryville.com • 2016 South Main Street • Maryville, MO 64468

the regular joe northwest 2014

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