The Dunes Results

Newsletter May 2012 www.foothillsgolf.com.au ARBN 0008532C

Round Winner Bob Laurie

Golfer Of The Month Danny

“Chops”

Lamb

2nd Rob Laurie

3rd Paul Munroe

NAGA—Bernie Herbert

Snail—Andrew Manning

Bob Laurie 37 15

Robert Laurie 37 14

Paul Munro 35 13

Jason Bowyer 33 12

Stuart Ray 32 11

Clint Bryant 32 10

Wes Bucci 32 9

Andrew Wylde 32 8

Larry Adami 31 7

Andrew Robertson 31 6

Shane Franklin 30 5

David Castles 30 5

Steve Thiele 30 5

John Glancy 30 5

Michael Elliott 30 5

Ken Stevens 29 5

Warren Arnott 29 5

Brenden Schuring 28 5

Andrew Manning 28 5

Darren Bergwerf 27 5

Peter Wright 27 5

Paul Dossiter 27 5

Adam Watts 27 5

Dave Leverington 26 5

Brett Cathcart 25 5

Rod Crisfield 25 5

Les Major 24 5

Dean Glatzer 23 5

Neil Dipple 23 5

Andrew Lowe 22 5

Mark Otten 21 5

Shayne Elso 21 5

Bernie Herbert 20 5

Next Game

Date: 17th June

Course Address Relph Ave, Portsea. Melways Ref 156 D2

Assembly: 7:00am (2 Tees) Cost: Members $ 40

Honorary Members (Inc $5 membership fee) $ 75

Carts: Book via the Pro-shop on 598429095985 $ 45

Event/s: Stableford

Lunch: Clubhouse

Bookings:

If you do not have internet access or require assistance….

Contact Mark Otten on 0418 350 337 or Email motten@ottenconstructions.com.au

by Thursday, 11th May before 8.00pm.

Editors Mail Bag

Two women are playing golf on a sunny afternoon when one of them accidentally slices her shot into a four-some of men. To her horror, one of the men collapses in agony, both hands to his crotch. She runs down to him, apologizing profusely, explaining that she is a physical therapist and can help ease his pain. "No, thanks. Just give me a few minutes. I'll be fine." he replies quietly, hands still between his legs. Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently unzips his fly and starts massaging his genitals. "Doesn't that feel better?" she asks.

"Well, yes. That's feels great," he admits, "but my thumb still hurts like hell!"

Two couples went on a golf holiday together, and one day the two men went out to play a round, while the girls stayed in the villa. After a while, Bob's wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not returned from the golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until, at 8 p.m., her husband finally staggers up the road. "What happened?" asked the wife. "You should have been back hours ago!" - "Mike had a heart attack at the third hole," replied the husband. "Oh, that's terrible," said the wife.

"I know," the husband answered. "All day long it was, hit the ball, drag Mike, hit the ball, drag Mike . . .

During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.

I described a typical day this way:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7km through some pretty rough terrain.

I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.

I got sand in my shoes, eyes… I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills.

I took a few leaks behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered.

At the end of it all I drank eight beers”. Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an

outdoors man!" "No," I replied, "I'm just a terrible golfer".

A farmer is tending his sheep when a smart dressed guy in a porsche pulls up. Guy says "if I tell you how many sheep you have can I take one". "Sure" says the farmer. The guy gets out a GPS, camera, laptop and after a few minutes says "you have 142 sheep". The guy picks one up and puts it in the car. The farmer says "if I can guess your job can I have my animal back". "Sure". "You're a consultant". How did you know? "You came here un-invited, charged a fee for telling me what I already know and you know nothing about my business, now can I have my dog back.

A Golfer has been slicing off the tee on every hole. He asks his Irish Caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons

for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies: "Aye, there's a piece of shit on the end of your driver."

The Golfer picks up his driver and cleans the clubface, at which point the caddy says: "No, the other end."

Other Competition Winners

Nearest the pin 3th Hole Andrew Lowe

Nearest the pin 6th Hole Paul Munroe

Nearest the pin 13th Hole Darrin Bergwerf

Nearest the pin 17th Hole Wes Bucci

Longest Drive Darrin Bergwerf

Best visitor Award All the way from Mt Gambier—Jack Miller.

35pts / 27handicap / 12 years old….

Beat 30 members...

Cock of The Walk Normie

Snail Group Andrew Manning

Ball Raffle Bob Laurie

Beer Raffles Larry Adami / Jayson Scanlon

Committee Notice

Could all members please take an extra minute or two when filling out their partners score card,

As the marker it is up to you to determine :

1. How many handicap shots are allocated for each of your players holes.

2. What score (stableford points) that translates to for each hole.

If your score for ‘The Dunes’ game has been altered, it is because a calculation error was found. After

checking all cards it was found ‘14 ‘ cards had simple additional errors—this related to the amount of

strokes compared to your handicap and the stableford points allocated to that amount of strokes.

And lastly—All Markers should enter the scores on their cards after each hole, please do not wait until the

end of the round and then copy your playing partners scores across in one hit...

Saturday Night AUCTION

Prizes Include

Round of Golf for 4

including carts at Moonah Links.

and

Weekend getaway at Blairgowrie

Clints Day Job….

NEW SPONSERS ALWAYS

WELCOME

The Bandit

Good day to you all once again.

Well, it seems as though the recovery wood is not a “recovery” wood at all, but a “soft” wood. Complaints of a migraine, tooth ache, not

getting enough sex, haven’t had enough to drink to be able to write the newsletter, and to drunk to use the keyboard are just like his golf

game – crap.

So, once again I find myself in the corner of the saloon, pint of beer in hand, pen and ink in the other, and my guns on the ready to unload a

tirade of shots your way.

After the Dunes double booked us, we only had to pass on a small amount of gold coins to play this magnificent course. The straight shoot-

ers were Andrew Lowe on the 3rd, Paul Munro on the 6th, Bergy on the 13th, and Wes Bucci on the 17th. Bergy also won the longest drive,

out hitting Virgil at the end of the day. It was actually so dark that he didn’t really know if this happened, but seeing as he had to pick up the

marker and saw the name on the card, he decided to put his name on it anyway.

Third place went to Paul Munro with 35 points. Bob Laurie came in second with 36, and his son Rob, came in first place with 37 points.

These two guys (you would think) would know to use the stroke index, and not the match play index to mark their stableford scores. So

Bob thought he won and was awarded the trophy and balls, whilst Rob only grasped two balls. Now there will be a family feud with Rob

trying to get one of his dads’ balls, and claim the trophy. Seems a bit Tasmanian to me but whatever floats your balls!

One of our new members, Danny Lamb, won the bottle of red wine with a huge 40 points off his now very old handicap of 36. Try doing that after the handicapper trimmed a nice 8 shots off you. Welcome to our club!!! Here is a word of advice Danny. If you want to look after

your handicap, one of the committee members MUST win the wine. The handicapper would be the best person for you to donate it back to.

You will learn most of the tricks by the time you are awarded your 25 year membership certificate.

Norm won the cock of the walk, and it is refreshing to see one of our members taking full advantage of the free alcohol. At the end of the

night, he was walking back to the car looking for his driver in Paul Dossiter, and was overheard asking where he was. Paul simply replied,

“I’m right next to you mate!” Good stuff Norm.

The NAGA was won by Bernie, the same man who just came back from Augusta after watching all the professionals play, and bringing back

with him nothing of what he learnt or saw. I don’t reckon 20 points would make the cut anywhere in the world. Hopefully he will sign it and

wear it at the next game, unlike the other bloke who was supposed to do the same at the Dunes. Don’t worry Larry, I wont name you.

Now the snail was an interesting choice. Many groups were spaced further apart than we would have liked, but there was one group that

came in hours after we had all finished. I can only say that I fully support Dean in his choice of Andrew Manning, and can’t see any reason

why Andrew was so upset that he threw the snail across the room. Being held up by another social group has nothing to do with us. I am

not sure whether Andrew picked up the snail afterwards, but by my calculations, 4 weeks is long enough for a snail to travel from Rye to

Portsea…

The championship ladder is very close with 15 points separating the 1st 19 players. With 5 games played, and 6 to go, anything could hap-

pen. If we can start sledging the pres a bit, and tell Dave Castles to piss off, there will be no committee members in the top 10. Come on

guys, a bit of mutiny never hurt anyone.

That’s all for this month, as my pint has run out and I am off on the road between Rye and Portsea, to give that poor little snail a bit of

encouragement. I know he misses Andrew, and can’t understand the treatment he receives after being cuddled every night for the last few

years, only to be thrown away whenever Andrew is in public with him. Poor little bugger.

Until next time,

I am,

The Bandit

2012 Championship

Ladder.

Cock Of The Walk .

Rotation. Current Handicaps.

Dean Glatzer 44

Stuart Ray 43

Jason Bowyer 43

Robert Laurie 41

Paul Munro 41

Wes Bucci 40

Brenden Schuring 39

David Castles 38

Andrew Wylde 38

Andrew Manning 37

Steve Thiele 36

Michael Elliott 35

Ian Falconer 31

Neil Dipple 31

Bernie Herbert 30

Rod Crisfield 30

Bob Laurie 30

Brett Cathcart 29

Andrew Robertson 29

John Glancy 27

Larry Adami 27

Darren Bergwerf 25

Andrew Lowe 25

Les Major 25

Clint Bryant 25

Mark Otten 23

Peter Wright 23

Ken Stevens 21

Ron Cooksley 20

Joe Fekete 20

Denis Hyslop 20

Stuart Kent 20

Warren Arnott 20

Shayne Elso 20

Geoff Goullet 15

Tony Watson 15

Jason Cooksley 15

Paul Dossetter 15

Dave Leverington 15

Matt Wallis 14

Dean Cartwright 10

Danny Lamb 10

Adam Watts 5

Shane Franklin 5

Larry Adami 35

Warren Arnott 21

Darren Bergwerf 18

Jason Bowyer 13

Clint Bryant 29

Wes Bucci 23 1

Dean Cartwright 10

David Castles 16

Brett Cathcart 26

Jason Cooksley 28

Ron Cooksley 36

Rod Crisfield 20

Neil Dipple 18

Paul Dossiter 35

Michael Elliott 19

Shayne Elso 33 1

Ian Falconer 18

Joe Fekete 29

Shane Franklin 25 1

John Glancy 20

Dean Glatzer 16

Geoff Goullet 26

Bernie Herbert 27 1

Denis Hyslop 20

Stuart Kent 21

Danny Lamb 27 -5

Bob Laurie 9 -1

Robert Laurie 13

David Lee 19

Dave Leverington 28

Andrew Lowe 29

Adam Major 28

Les Major 23

Andrew Manning 6

Paul Munro 17 -1

Mark Otten 23

Gary Percy 18

Jerome Purcell 20

Stuart Ray 30

Andrew Robertson 3 1

Michael Russo 25

Brenden Schuring 13

Ken Stevens 22

Cheran Sugathapala 36

Steve Thiele 15

Matt Wallis 15

Tony Watson 33

Adam Watts 18

Peter Wright 19

Andrew Wylde 10

Cock Peter Wright

Chall 1 Bob Laurie

Chall 2 Darren Bergwerf

Emer 1 Michael Russo

Emer 2 John Glancy

Paul Munro

Joe Fekete

Brett Cathcart

Cheran Sugathapala

Larry Adami

Geoff Goullet

Shane Franklin

David Fleming

Jason Cooksley

David Castles

Neil Dipple

Jerome Purcell

Robert Laurie

Andrew Robertson

Les Major

Brenden Schuring

Andrew Lowe

Andrew Manning

David Lee

Jason Bowyer

Tony Watson

Dean Glatzer

Clint Bryant

Andrew Wylde

Stuart Kent

Ron Cooksley

Ken Stevens

Rod Crisfield

Michael Elliott

Stuart Ray

Dean Cartwright

Paul Dossetter

Dave Leverington

Danny Lamb

Adam Watts

Ian Falconer

Bernie Herbert

Wes Bucci

Matt Wallis

Warren Arnott

Denis Hyslop

Steve Thiele

Mark Otten

Shayne Elso