‘‘the devil never sleeps’’.falicov

Changing Constructions of Machismo for LatinoMen in Therapy: ‘‘The Devil Never Sleeps’’

CELIA JAESFALICOV,PH.D. n

All abstracts are available in Spanish and Mandarin Chinese on Wiley Online Library (http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/journal/10.1111/(ISSN)1545-5300). Please pass this information on toyour international colleagues and students.

This paper presents current narratives about masculinity that question simplisticnegative stereotypes of machismo for Latino heterosexual men. Various models ofmasculinity within Latino cultures are described using evidence from ethnographicstudies, research data, and clinical observation. Therapeutic advantages of includingpositive cultural masculine traits such as respect and dignity are illustrated withan extensive case study. The case highlights contradictions in the coexistence ofconstructions of masculinity and traces progressive stages for transforming theseconstructions. In this strength-based approach, attention is directed to elements ofcultural memory that reclaim a strong relational ethic present in the indigenous cul-tures. ‘‘Within the culture’’ definitions of masculinity contribute alternative construc-tions toward a more empowering cultural narrative for Latino men than the usualnegative stereotypes.

Keywords: Engaging Latino Men in Therapy; Multiple Masculinities; AlternativeDiscourses to Machismo; Strength-Based Constructs for Latino Men; TreatingHumiliation and Shame

Fam Proc 49:309–329, 2010

El hombre es fuego la mujer estofa, viene el Diablo y sopla. En el hombre, el Diablo nuncaduerme . . .: The man is fire, the woman straw, the devil blows and ignites it. In the man, thedevil never sleeps . . ..(Mexican saying dating from the Spanish Conquest [my translation])

For several decades, social scientists and popular culture have persisted in theirfascination with machismo or the cult of manliness among Latino men from

various backgrounds (Dıaz-Guerrero, 1975; Echanove Trujillo, 1973; Paredes, 1966;Paz, 1961; Penalosa, 1968; Ramos, 1962; Stevens, 1973; Thompson, 1991). In theprototypical description of machismo, the better man is the one who can drink themost, sire the most sons, defend himself the most, dominate his wife, and command

Family Process, Vol. 49, No. 3, 2010 r FPI, Inc.

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Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Celia Jaes Falicov, 3551 FrontStreet, San Diego, CA 92103. E-mail: [email protected]

nDirector of Psychological and Counseling Services, University of California San Diego Student-Run Free

Clinic Project and Independent Practice, San Diego, CA.

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/journal/10.1111/(ISSN)1545-5300



mailto:[email protected]

the absolute respect of his children. It is also part of the configuration to have strongsexual drives and seek variety in sexual relationships, while being possessive andjealous toward the faithful wife. The old saying ‘‘The Devil Never Sleeps’’ refers tothis seemingly incurable or insatiable drive for seduction and the picaresque side ofmen who cannot stop themselves from thinking and acting on devilish thoughts in thepresence of women.

The monolithic simplifications embedded in the machismo mystique are increas-ingly being questioned by contemporary constructions of Latino heterosexual mas-culinity. These alternative constructions emerge primarily from the past 20 years ofLatino scholarship based on ethnographic and research findings in psychology, soci-ology, and migration studies (Casas, Wagenheim, Banchero, & Mendoza-Romero,1994; De La Cancela, 1991; Gutmann, 1996; Mirande, 1997; Torres, Solberg, &Carlstrom, 2002). My observations of first- and second-generation Latino men in in-dividual, couple, and family therapy also support a much wider and more complexrange of multiple masculinities than the machismo stereotype. The emergence of self-help movements by Latino men focused on concepts of masculinity also draws intoquestion unitary homogeneous depictions of men’s values and behaviors (Carrillo &Goubaud-Reyna, 1998; Tello, 1998).

In this paper I examine changing constructions of Latino masculinity with a viewto their useful applications in therapy. Several authors (Bepko, Almeida, Messineo, &Stevenson, 1998; De La Cancela, 1986) have pointed out the need for a focus onconstructs of masculinity among men of color. By highlighting strength-based aspectsof masculinity in what has been so far a pathological or deficit oriented view, alter-native constructions can help counteract therapists’ negative preconceptions aboutLatino men that may prematurely or incorrectly influence engagement and treatmentdecisions. An extensive case illustrates the theoretical and treatment steps ofchanging relational views of masculinity held by the client and therapist and theliberating effects of resisting stereotypes and honoring personal choices.

CHALLENGINGTHEGRANDNARRATIVEOFMACHISMO

In social constructionism, a metanarrative, sometimes known as a ‘‘grand narra-tive,’’ is an abstract idea that is thought to be a comprehensive explanation ofknowledge regarding a topic. Machismo can be seen as a grand narrative about Latinomen’s cultural history, social experiences, and gender behavior that promotes anessentialist view of masculinity.

Many theories have been advanced to understand the origins of machismo. Thesetheories include a biologic explanation about men’s hard-wired inclinations (Ing-oldsby, 1985); patriarchal entitlement theories (Torres, 1998; Torres et al., 2002);patriarchy as reinforced by Roman Catholic doctrine (Walsh, 2010); psychoanalyticexplanations appealing to an unsolvable Oedipus theme (Sequeira, 2009) or a reactionformation to formalized religion (Nolan, 1976). Some theories present the idea thatmachismo traits may be a colonial inheritance from the Spanish conquest of LatinAmerica (Glick & Fiske, 2001; Mirande, 1997; Monfort Tomas, 1985) sometimes re-ferred to as conquest trauma (Ramos, 1962). Others have argued for a social classinequity compensation theory, whereby disempowered men express in the domesticdomain their frustrated need for power by oppressing women (Hondagneu-Sotelo &Messner, 1997; Pena, 1991).

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Current scholarship obtained by ethnographic and research data and by criticaltheory provides evidence to challenge the claim of a grand narrative of negative ma-chismo and the need to include variables of migration, race, class, work, urban or rurallocations, stage of the life cycle, and family organization and ideology.

Internalized Dominant or Hegemonic Representations of Masculinity

To the extent that dominant culture and sociopolitical variables shape cognition,affect, and behavior, the contents of machismo have become part of men’s (and wo-men’s) cultural self or cultural identity, that is the socially prescribed images that onestruggles to fulfill because they have become internalized as the public ideal. AlthoughLatino men’s socialization has traditionally incorporated patriarchal images of power,seduction and domination and some machismo traits may be observed in Latino menin different degrees, this recognition need not embrace a grand narrative of machismoas the primary description of Latino men.

Popular Culture Representations of Latino Masculinity

According to Mirande (1997) and Arciniega, Anderson, Tovar-Blank, and Tracey(2008), the extreme images of Latino men as daring, arrogant, unpredictable, andlustful were introduced to the New World by Spanish conquistadores who embodiedmany of these traits themselves. El Diablo Nunca Duerme, the devil never sleeps, iswhat the Indians said about the Spanish: ‘‘the White devil is up to no good, alwaysstealing, pilfering and taking our women.’’

The term machismo, however, seems to have a much shorter history. According toCarlos Monsivais, a well-known Mexican cultural critic (cited by Gutmann, 1996, andby De la Mora, 2006), the word machismo dates back to the ethnoindustry launchedduring the Golden era of Mexican cinema in the 1950s. These movies created imagesand myths that invented and bolstered national identities and were later perpetuatedfor export. A central figure of these movies is the irascible Mexican bandido withpistols and sombrero ready to shoot for his honor and to get or regain the woman of hisdreams. This image is perpetuated and stylized in American movies of the same periodwhich showed Latin characters a la Rudolfo Valentino with hair slicked back, nostrilsflaring, gliding across the floor, courting one damsel or another.

Applying Critical Cultural Theory, a discipline concerned with the production ofmeaning in everyday practices, Gutmann (1996) and De La Mora (2006) suggest thatalthough the popular culture portraits of Latino men are framed in a quaint and al-most jocular manner, these practices really convey a denigrating view that can be seenas a prejudicial, racist construction about minority men.

While watching these movies, as well as in my clinical practice, I have observedmany characters that offer alternative positive portrayals of Latino masculinity.However, these characterizations have not received the attention that the negativeconstruction has acquired over time. Almost invariably, in addition to the Mexicancowboy type who is ruthless, vengeful, and downgrading of women, there are othermale characters depicted as honest, humble, and hard working. Films by the ac-claimed classic directors Emilio Fernandez and Pedro Infante provide good examplesof additional noble characters that work hard to support a widowed mother, or rescuethe fallen honor of a sister or work day and night to provide a home for many siblings.

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Interestingly, those decent movie characters have not become cultural stereotypes,perhaps because they are not as charismatic as the ‘‘macho Mexicano’’ or do not up-hold the glamorous Latin stereotype. One might speculate whether this oversight isbased on the need to reinforce the prejudice that all Latinos are uncontrollable‘‘machos’’ or perhaps, whether glamorizing the mean characters projects the dis-avowed masculine fantasies of American audiences.

It seems possible that machismo as an overarching cultural grand narrative mayhave been more prevalent in the past and may have always represented a partial andlimited description of the varieties of masculinity in various countries, regions, sub-groups, and individual narratives. Current studies challenge the overgeneralization ofmachismo by documenting a wide range of variation in men’s stories and behaviorsand by observing many indicators of cultural transition brought about by the immi-grant experience and by changes in the countries of origin.

Multiple Masculinities,Gender Renegotiations, and Local Patriarchies

Latino immigrants come from Latin-American countries where there have beensignificant cultural and social evolutions precipitated by women’s increased rights andeconomic power in the larger social structure and the attendant gradual ideologicalshifts (Gutmann, 2003; Vigoya, 2003). Changes continue to occur as a result of mi-gration as well.

Multiple masculinities

In a working class neighborhood of Mexico City, an ethnographic study (Gutmann,1996) centered on the meanings of machismo found men who spoke loud and ag-gressively and men who spoke softly and quietly; men with relative sexual disinterestand others with high interest. The informants also talked of married women who weredomineering and had several sexual partners when their husbands were away. Somemen ardently believed in fidelity while others felt it was acceptable to cheat once ortwice but not all the time. When I inquire about their fathers’ involvement with theirwives and families when they were growing up, my Latina women and men clientsreport at least as many, if not more, positive as they do negative qualities.

It appears that Latino men, like White men, live in a culture of ‘‘masculinities’’ inwhich each man expresses his maleness in a unique way, as a blend of mainstreamcultural expectations along with alternative features or behaviors (Brod, 1987; Gar-field, 2010; Gutmann, 2003).

Gender renegotiations

Gender relations also undergo continual renegotiation as immigrant women andmen rebuild their families in the United States (Maciel, Van Putten, & Knudson-Martin, 2009). Several factors, such as differences between the sending and thereceiving country with respect to women’s increased economic opportunities, thedecreased influence of the Catholic Church on control of fertility, and the U.S. legalprotections against family violence, facilitate immigrant women’s striving toward amore modern type of marriage based on greater trust, intimacy, and sexual love(Hirsch, 2003; Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1994). Men’s reactions to these new expectationsvary from becoming more entrenched in old definitions of sex roles to slowly em-bracing new ways of being and behaving toward women.

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Local patriarchies

A study of Latino immigrant men and women from different countries living in LosAngeles questioned the existence of a homogeneous patriarchal discourse. Interviewsconducted by Gonzalez-Lopez (2005) revealed regional patriarchies, that is regionallyconsistent patterns and locally defined gender constructions. These patterns of pa-triarchy are shaped by the socioeconomic and power dynamics and the varied culturalhistories of each local region in the countries of origin. Regional patriarchies arefurther organized into rural patriarchies and urban patriarchies. The former termidentifies more intense expressions of patriarchy and gender inequality found in smallprovincial locations in the sending countries. The latter term identifies the disguisedor deemphasized gender inequalities more commonly seen in urban metropolises,such as Mexico City (Gonzalez-Lopez, 2005).

Local gender constructions are also evident in the transnational communities thatimmigrants belong to in the United States. These communities play two fundamentalroles. First, they update their members as to new developments in the local commu-nities of origin because immigrants go back and forth carrying information from hereto there and vice versa. Second, these communities also help reconstruct new mean-ings attached to love, sexuality, and gender identities through witnessing and en-gaging in conversations among immigrant women, and to a lesser extent among men,who share information, opinions, and protective advice (Gonzalez-Lopez, 2005; Hon-dagneu-Sotelo, 1994).

Replacing grand, universal narratives with small local narratives is a first step tounderstanding individual narratives. Furthermore, awareness about local narrativesused flexibly can diminish stereotypes and expand therapists’ and clients’ viewsduring therapeutic conversations.

AMPLIFYINGTHERELATIONALMEANINGSOFMASCULINITY

New studies provide data to move from traditional conceptions to current realitiesabout Latino masculinities. Progressive approaches to Latino masculinities are of-fered in the work of Mirande (1997) and the analysis provided by Torres et al. (2002)and Arciniega et al. (2008). They propose that male gender roles represent multidi-mensional behaviors that fall on a continuum from positive to negative. These authorsalso suggest that it would be useful to see Latino men’s behaviors within the context ofother Latino ideologies such as familismo, dignity, honor, and family pride. Thesestudies contribute to an amplification of relational meanings of machismo that in-cludes many positive elements not addressed previously (Arciniega et al., 2008; Casaset al., 1994; De La Cancela, 1991; Mirande, 1997; Torres, 1998; Torres et al., 2002).

Negative and Positive Qualities of Machismo

A study of subjective meanings of masculinity based on 101 in-depth interviewswith Latino men (Mirande, 1997) conducted in several locations in California andTexas found two polar and conflicting images of manhood. The negative attributes(machista or false masculinity) included bravado, violence, selfishness, disrespect,irresponsibility, and cowardliness. The positive attributes (hombre, i.e., man or au-thentic masculinity) included bravery, respect, responsibility, and altruism towardtheir families and less fortunate members of society. Other researchers have pointed

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out positive aspects of machismo such as honor, respect, responsibility, generosity,and loyalty (Coltrane & Valdez, 1997; Marın & Marın, 1991).

According to historical documents (Mirande, 1997) the negative images correspondroughly to the Spanish conquistadores who embodied many of these traits and thepositive description corresponds to the Indian conception of manhood. Rather thanbrazen, boastful, and vain, Indian men were socialized to be humble and contrite.Prudence and moderation were expected in all realms including carnal life.

In Mirande’s research, the majority of the respondents did not identify with ma-chismo because they saw it as a negative, false form of masculinity, based on externalqualities. What mattered were the internal strengths of one’s character such as per-severance in the face of adversity. The respondents called the sexist, boisterous, andselfish type a ‘‘machista,’’ while the quietly strong, dignified, and noble man wascalled ‘‘hombre’’ (man) and sometimes ‘‘hombre de verdad’’ (a true man). The ideathat the positive qualities are the authentic cultural strengths that should be theguidelines for a man’s behavior is embodied by Tello’s (1998) proposal to use the termNoble Man as the counterpart to Machista.

Andres Nazario’s discussion (Bepko et al., 1998) of the different words used byLatino men and women to describe different types of men is helpful: varon (male), thatis strong, virile, protective, irresponsible, uncontrollable, and a womanizer; hombre(man), that is respectful and protective of women and family, self-sacrificing, sexual,self-absorbed, socially and politically motivated; and macho (male animal), that isaggressive, brutal, vulgar, drinks excessively, and denigrates women. These differentmeanings of being a man add complexity and subtlety for discussion in therapy set-tings. In Spanish, I asked a client if his reluctance to tell his wife and children abouthis plans for everybody to return to their country was a sign of him being ‘‘un hom-bre,’’ ‘‘un varon,’’ or ‘‘un macho?’’ The client found the shorthand of terms amusingand revealing in the process of figuring out his relational motives and skills. A non-Spanish-speaking therapist might ask the client for the various names he might use todescribe masculinity and which of those he is aspiring to be.

Showing Emotions

In the realm of affection, the prototypical image of men as aggressive, assertive, andcold, that is, not showing emotions, is more consistent with certain Anglo than withLatino representations of masculinity (Rambo, Superman, or Batman, or even JohnWayne) (Mirande, 1997). Among Latinos it is permissible and desirable for men to beaffectionate, show tender feelings, kiss and hug including male children and closefriends. While crying per se still seems to be a taboo, reinforced by parents whenraising boys (Gutmann, 1996), it is interesting that male characters in classic Mexicanmovies openly express many emotions and may cry profusely out of joy or sadness (DeLa Mora, 2006). This display of emotions is quite different than the expectation thatmen should be stoic, silent, and in control that has characterized Hollywood’s rep-resentations of maleness (Mulvey, 1989).

Unlike numerous observations of White men’s emotional constriction and diffi-culties with open expression of feelings in therapy (Garfield, 2010; Wexler, 2009),I find that Latino immigrant men in therapy are often quite capable of showing pos-itive and negative emotions, without much embarrassment over these displays.

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Hostile Sexismand Benevolent Sexism

Sometimes the description of historical roots of machismo points to a quixotic idealof chivalry that assigns to men the role of protectors of women and children (Glick &Fiske, 2001). Another research study (Arciniega et al., 2008) distinguishes betweentraditional machismo and caballerismo (i.e., chivalry) which denotes masculinity asaffiliation and emotional connectedness as well as respectful manners and gallantry,particularly toward women.

Glick and Fiske (2001) used the terms hostile sexism and benevolent sexism to referto ideologies present in patriarchal societies. Hostile sexism refers to the idea thatwomen need to be dominated and mistrusted because they are thought to have hiddenpowers or cunning ways.

In benevolent sexism, women need protection and affection. It is important to recognizethat sexist and paternalistic attitudes are implicit in the belief that women are weakerand need the protection of men. Torres et al. (2002) comment that this view of womenmay be benevolent but not benign as it perpetuates power inequities and it is predicatedon the covert condition that women behave in a maternal or a submissive way.

This distinction between hostile and benign sexism is helpful because even thoughthey appear to be contradictory and mutually exclusive, they are often found in thesame man. A man may shift from one to the other in relation to the same woman andboth positions need to be appropriately challenged in therapeutic settings.

Egalitarianismand Joint Decision Making

For several decades, some empirical studies have found the existence of egalitari-anism and joint decision making between husband and wife in many aspects of Latinofamily life such as child-rearing or household decisions, particularly in families wherethe wife is employed (Baca Zinn, 1982; Coltrane, Parke, & Adams, 2004; Cromwell &Ruiz, 1979; Mirande, 1997). This is not to deny that the same men may also displayauthoritarian behaviors in other areas of family life.

Investment in the Father Role

Several studies call into question the idea that Latino fathers are peripheral, domi-neering, and emotionally uninvolved. In fact, Latino fathers have been found to be in-volved, affectionate, and a significant positive influence on their children from an earlyage. Numerous clinical observations show the effectiveness of engaging a Latino man infamily or couples therapy by calling him directly and asking him to attend the sessions forthe sake of the children (Falicov, 1998; Ramirez, 1979). It took just one comment on mypart to convince a man to bring to couple’s therapy the wife that he was leaving foranother woman; the comment I made was if he had considered how his children wouldlater in their lives construe the circumstances that caused him to leave his family. Indeed,it seems likely that the cultural emphasis on familismo, that is investment in anddevotion to family relationships, may be more powerful than machismo.

Many Latino men readily attend parenting groups. They prefer to go with their wives,but the wives report ambivalence about their presence because husbands talk too muchand monopolize the available time. We can see again an example of contradictory genderconvictions. The social aspects of attending a men’s group, particularly a group of co-nationals, may also hold considerable appeal. Such was the case of a client of mine whowas upset over having been accused of child physical abuse and decided to convene a

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group of immigrant men living in the same trailer park to discuss how to change theirchild-rearing practices to fit better with the laws in the United States.

In school-based parent groups, I have heard Latino fathers express awareness about theperils of authoritarianism and corporal punishment, implicit in machismo traits, whilethey also worry that they lack other cultural parenting skills that will insure respect andobedience from their children without resorting to physical punishment. Fatherhood alsobecame a positive motivator for change in the lives of Mexican origin teen fathers whowere on juvenile probation for serious offenses (Parra-Cardona, Sharp, & Wampler, 2008).

Countering ‘‘macho’’ stereotypes about men’s aloofness from family life, it appearsthat less acculturated Mexican men are more likely than more acculturated men tosupervise children and engage them in conventionally feminine activities. The cul-tural value of familismo, as manifested in family rituals, may explain the involvementof fathers (Coltrane et al., 2004). I have yet to see a Latino father choose to do solitarywork in his garage over going out for a family picnic.

Cultural Transition and Contradictory Consciousness

Today, Latino men are aware of mounting cultural criticisms of traditionalmachismo from younger men and women of all ages. Many men have entered a processof cultural transition regarding the dominant masculine ideals and the need for amore fair treatment of women. This self-criticism, based on a new social desirability,provides an opening for reflections with clients. Nevertheless, the same men may beunaware of patriarchal remnants in their beliefs and attitudes.

Family and community relations exhibit a shift in the direction of gender egali-tarianism, but it is important to point out that these shifts do not occur in a homo-geneous, formulaic, or linear way. These changes happen unevenly, resulting incontradictory combinations in everyday life where some historical aspects of machismocoexist with increased egalitarianism, perhaps in ways invisible to its actors(Gonzalez-Lopez, 2005; Maciel et al., 2009).

Thus, Latino men, perhaps like men everywhere, appear to be immersed in a formof contradictory consciousness, an expression borrowed from the Italian Marxistphilosopher Antonio Gramsci by Gutmann (1996). Gramsci believed that in situationsof cultural transition there are two types of consciousness: one inherited uncriticallyfrom the past as a traditional cultural self, and the other developed practically as newexpressions of values in everyday life.

THEORETICAL ANDTHERAPEUTIC ORIENTATION

The theoretical overarching position I take in my work with immigrant men andtheir families is a social constructionist perspective that acknowledges difference andsingularity in masculine socialization but also includes the larger picture of cultural,socioeconomic, racial, and historical forces at work. I include several evaluation andtreatment tools in this work:

1. The Multidimensional Ecological Comparative Approach (MECA)2. The Concepts of Shame and Humiliation in the Cultural Gaze of Others3. Deconstructing Internalized Dominant Gender Discourses4. Discovering Positive Cultural and Personal Constructs of Masculinity5. The Use of Movies in Therapy with Latino Clients

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AMULTIDIMENSIONALECOLOGICALCOMPARATIVEAPPROACH

The MECA model (Falicov, 1995, 1998, 2003) embraces the construct of ecologicalniche to denote multiple locations and identities for each client. MECA focuses on fourdimensions of cultural life and these can be used to explore internalized dominantdiscourses and changing conceptions of manhood.

a. Migration history: local patriarchies in country of origin and country of adoption;cultural transition of gender models.

b. Ecological context: social class, race, immigrant status, occupation, work expec-tations, community models of masculinityFsocial support from and social con-demnation by friends.

c. Family life cycle: child rearing and cultural conceptions of manhood over the lifecycle and their current impact.

d. Family organization: experiences related to collectivistic/hierarchical and indi-vidualistic/egalitarian ideologies; relational expectations such as traditional orcompanionate marriages, transmitted from generation to generation.

Shameand Humiliation in the Cultural Gaze of Others

Among common child-rearing techniques utilized by Latino parents is shaming,which includes teasing, mocking, and ridicule whereby misbehaving children, oftenboys, are made to feel small, stupid, or clumsy in an effort to control them. Theseshaming practices often take place in front of a large family or extended group(Falicov, 1998). Shame-prone or secure identities may be related to the intensity andduration of those experiences (Harper & Hoopes, 1990). The concept of shame is usedfrequently in the domestic violence literature where it is used in its Spanish trans-lation ‘‘verguenza’’ for the treatment of Latino men (Welland & Wexler, 2003).

The impact of community life in reinforcing or modifying cultural gender social-ization can be significant because many Latinos, rich and poor, may be surrounded byan intensely involved network of acquaintances, neighbors, and friends that scruti-nize, tease, banter, and give advice (De Hoyos & De Hoyos, 1966; Falicov, 1998;Gonzalez-Lopez, 2005). Men and women may experience a profound sense of shameand humiliation when found wanting or at fault in their cultural gender expectationsby the witnessing group. Therapists can explore and reflect with clients about theimpact of the cultural gaze of others.

Bacigalupe (2000) offers a relevant therapeutic application. He calls it ‘‘Reflectingin Public About the Public’’ whereby the therapist fosters the sharing of differentvoices within the client, focusing on his ideas about how society, community, family,and therapist form opinions about the client. This invitation is rewarding but painfulbecause it leads men to recognize patterns of racism, classism, or sexism in which theyparticipate as victims, survivors, and perpetrators. Thus, men are powerless in someways but accountable in others.

The terms shame and humiliation have generally been used as synonyms but inrecent years there has been an interest in distinguishing between the two conceptsparticularly to understand the experiences of refugees and other minorities oppressedby violence (Oravecz, Hardi, & Lajtai, 2004). Some authors have offered a relationalanalysis of shame and humiliation based on the effects of power-over dynamics. Therelational practices they suggest such as mutual empathy, authenticity, and humor in

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therapy can help transform shame and humiliation into opportunities for growth andgreater connection (Hartling, Rosen, Walker, & Jordan, 2000).

Sluzki (2007) offers a model that differentiates between shame and humiliation.Shame appears when a person internalizes the responsibility for having made publichis vulnerabilities and wants to run away or hide. Humiliation is the result of at-tributing to another person, rather than to oneself, the responsibility for being seenunfavorably or demeaned by others and it is followed by a wish to attack or revengethe responsible party. Thus, shame internalizes the event while humiliation exter-nalizes it. Sluzki suggests that therapeutic rebalancing, with the therapist acting asempathic witness, could help the shamed person in the direction of greater empow-erment through externalization while the humiliated person can be helped to inter-nalize and become accountable, thus experiencing a more healthy type of shame. Thelatter entails a recognition that we have human limits, we make mistakes and try torepair them.

Deconstructing Internalized Dominant Gender Discourses

Consistent with a social constructionist view that denies the existence of a grandnarrative of fixed truths about Latino men, I find the work of narrative theorists(White & Epston, 1990) and its applications (Maldonado & Auron, 2006) helpful inattempts to deconstruct with clients how much of their stories and social perfor-mances are driven by unquestioned dominant discourses promoted by family social-ization, communities of belonging, and popular culture.

Dominant cultural discourses become partially incorporated as values or ideologies,but they have a performative aspect as well, even a fictional aspect, that may not reallyfit with the individual’s true feelings or ideas (Butler, 1990). In therapy, I initiateconversations to discern how much of the stereotyped masculine behavior is feltdeeply and how much of it is merely ‘‘obligatory’’ performance. It seems plausible, forexample, that the issue of ‘‘defending one’s honor,’’ which has drawn men into duelingfor generations, has always had a strong performative component.

Discovering Positive Cultural and Personal Constructions of Masculinity

To discover positive views of masculinity it is very helpful to tap alternative con-structions that are already present in the client’s life but have not been honored fullyby his current presentation. It is also important to highlight alternative narrativesthat exist in more silent or hidden ways within the original cultures themselves, andcould be reclaimed for therapeutic purposes. Sharing findings from ethnographic andresearch studies and clinical observations about positive masculinities as well asdiscussing the client’s family of origin, extended family, and circle of friends generallyyields a rich variety of local and individual models of masculinity.

The Use of Movies inTherapyWith Latino Clients

Latino families are intensely involved with watching movies and telenovelas (T.V.serials similar to American soap operas) that depict the drama of love relationships.Among the prominent themes addressed are machismo and also infidelity by the manor the woman. The number and variety of daily serial programs is very extensive andapplicable to therapeutic conversations (Falicov, 2009). Latin-American cinema withEnglish subtitles is more practical and accessible for non-English-speaking therapists.

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In recent years, there has been a great deal of interest in using movies to supportworking on specific therapeutic issues. The usual approach is to recommend specificfilms to be watched reflectively by the client as to the plot, characters, and relevance toone’s own life (Hesley & Hesley, 2001; Solomon, 1995, 2001).

Movies can also be a starting place for consciousness raising discussions aboutgender, race, culture, class, or sexual orientation and provide the basis for balancingthe personal and the political, the intrapsychic and the social, one’s own needs and theneeds of others (Almeida, Vecchio, & Parker, 2007). There is a didactic or psychoed-ucational aspect of movies because a person can compare himself to the characters,recognize motives or behaviors that were unacknowledged before, or learn newsolutions to old problems. A client can also invite family or friends to watch the movietogether and engage in comparing themselves and each other to the characters andlearning from the feedback received.

For several decades, Mexican cinema depicted male characters representative ofhypermasculinity. Starting in the 1990s Mexican and other Latin-American moviesbegin to depict attempts to modernize gender power relationships such as the movies‘‘Danzon’’ (1992) or ‘‘La Tarea’’ (Homework, 1991) while still producing idealizationsof traditional gender ideologies like those depicted in ‘‘Like Water for Chocolate’’(1992). Today, Latin American cinema raises critical issues about the harm and costsof machismo. The movie ‘‘Amores Perros’’ (Life is a Bitch, 2000) is rich in material forreflection and discussion as it covers the vulnerabilities of different types of love, sex,and violence in various social classes, generations, and urban subcultures.

The use of film in therapy can help differentiate the glamorous but destructivecharacters from those who show an admirable relational ethic that tends to go un-noticed. One therapeutic advantage of films produced in Latin America or by Latinosin the United States is that they often depict men with flawed personalities, addictionsor problematic behaviors who must come to grips with their weaknesses and theirrestricted possibilities for change. Thus their imperfections resemble real life menwith whom the viewer can identify (De la Mora, 2006).

The clinical case that follows illustrates the five components of theory and practice:MECA, Shame and Humiliation, Deconstructing Gender Discourses, DiscoveringPositive Constructions, and using Movies, and integrates these components by orga-nizing the treatment into progressive steps.

AMACHISTA ANDANOBLEMAN IN RELATIONALLYORIENTEDTHERAPY

A triangle of infidelity that involves a husband and a wife who is involved withanother man represents the most serious attack on manhood and therefore it has thepotential to reveal as much or more about the internalization of a masculine culturalself as the more common presentation of an extramarital affair on the husband’s part(Falicov, 1992, 1998).

ACase Illustration

Jose Luis is a 38-year-old client whose MECA’s ecological niche includes being aMexican born, dark-skinned man, and a middle-class executive who has migrated toSan Diego, CA, to manage a business in the San Diego-Tijuana border. He crosses thisgeographic border with enough frequency to consider him a transnational immigrantable to partake of both cultures.

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He requested therapy for himself for anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. Hiswife, Laura, who is also Mexican born and from whom he had been separated for ayear, had become involved with another man. I invited his wife to join us but she onlyagreed to come one time alone, on the basis that her husband needed to address hisproblems before she could talk with him.

In terms of MECA’s family organization and family life cycle, Jose Luis had lived ina nuclear family setting since his wedding 10 years ago. Previously, he had lived withhis parents in a culturally consonant intergenerational setting of adult children highlyinvolved with the father’s business and the parents’ emotional and family life. JoseLuis’s wife, Laura, had been previously married and had two daughters aged 4 and 2 atthe time of the marriage to Jose Luis and were now 14 and 12. Jose Luis had raisedboth girls as his own. They did not have children together.

The couple had been separated following a year of constant fighting over moneyissues. Jose Luis felt very frustrated over Laura’s denial of the need for greaterfinancial austerity. After many fights, he moved out and regained control of the sit-uation by limiting her stipend to a fixed amount. During the year of separation he led asingle life, with a great deal of socializing with other single men, and no doubt morethan social interactions with women. Throughout that year he did not feel guilty ormiss his wife much. However, when he found out that she was being courted by an-other man, he became intensely jealous and wanted to return to her immediately. Butnow Laura was asking for time to think about reconciliation because she felt confusedabout her feelings for another man.

When Jose Luis first found out about his wife’s infidelity and her doubts aboutreturning to the marriage, he embarked on a campaign of wooing Laura back bysending flowers, jewelry, romantic letters, assiduous courting by leaving long tele-phone messages, and serenading under her window. His behavior bordered on a car-icature of a sticky, flowery Latin lover who was desperately driven to reconquer thewoman. As Jose Luis’s formulaic approach was not working he consulted with a groupof men friends who told him that it was too late to woo her through romantic displaysbecause she had been secretly cohabiting with the other man. He was told that hiswife’s lover name is Lukas and that he is of Norwegian descent.

Jose Luis then narrates to me his impulsive reaction to finding this out. He de-scribes a dramatic scene in which, late that same night, he is in Laura’s gardendressed with black pants and black sweater, armed with a portable phone and awalkie-talkie, crouched in the bushes where his wife’s lover car is hidden. Jose Luis isready to confront Lukas and demand that he answer the question: ‘‘Pendejo (Mexicaninsult) what were you doing in my bedroom with my woman even if you made her intoa slut you should have respected her because she is married to me and I demand thatyou get your dirty hands and your dirty prick off my property.’’ When Jose Luisconfronted him in the dark, a scared Lukas ran, climbed over the fence, ran somemore, and hid on the beach.

Jose Luis became desperate. He followed Lukas’s car, and looked to see whetherLaura was with him. He fantasized acts of coercion such as turning Laura into im-migration authorities because she still had not obtained full documented status orstopping child support to dominate her through financial deprivation; he flirted withthe idea of seducing one of Laura’s divorced friends since this would quickly becomepublic and restore his virility. Most of these ideas remained at the level of fantasy buthis behavior threatened his wife sufficiently that she obtained a restraining order.

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TREATMENT STEPS

A Therapist’s Dilemma: As in many current presentations of Latino men in ther-apy, early in the first session Jose Luis had disavowed himself from machismo byvolunteering the statement: ‘‘Yo no soy (I am not) machista. I do not drink, I do notcheat on her, I have never hit her.’’ Only the last assertion turned out to be totallytrue.

In spite of his overt disavowal of machismo, Jose Luis’s recounting of his actions inthe face of events, backed by MECA’s evaluation of involvement in a patriarchalfamily of origin and an ecological context of gender-segregated male friendshipsrevealed many elements of traditional machismo. The contradictions regarding thelabels Jose Luis used to describe his masculinity and his actual behaviors created adilemma for me as the therapist. Where to start?

If I said to Jose Luis that his melodramatic displays represent machismo, I wouldhave justified his out of control emotionality and would have rendered us both para-lyzed by a cultural explanation. If on the other hand, I had yielded, however subtly, tomy own negative evaluations about his ‘‘Latino’’ brand of seduction, jealousy, andvengefulness I would be in danger of being perceived as critical of his handling of thesituation or he may have been insulted by my implying he was a machista, a label fromwhich he had previously distanced himself. Both approaches tend to fail with clientseither because they do not learn anything beyond what they already know, or becausethey feel judged by the therapist, the only source of support they may have at adifficult time. How could I avoid these two pitfalls?

The idea that when he took to the bushes in the middle of the night blindly thinkingonly of revenge, Jose Luis must have been seized by virulent forms of shame and ofhumiliation propelled me to connect empathically with his humanity and to suspend amoralistic rejection of the immature and unacceptable forms of machismo throughwhich he expressed his needs.

Initial Empathy for the Distress:Validate the Emotional Needs but not the Actions

The first steps in treatment were to join and mirror the experience of distress andthe need to feel powerful again (Wexler, 1999, 2009), with an empathic reflectionarticulated by me as follows:

When you found out that Laura was sleeping with Lukas you felt terribly angry and betrayedand thought ‘‘How can she do this to me!?,’’ she is so treacherous. Since other people haveseen her with her lover, your pride was very hurt and publically humiliated. You felt aban-doned and threatened by the thought of being seen as her toy. It makes sense that you wantto do something to feel in charge again, such as running to conquer another woman and feelwanted again, even to the point of intimidating or scaring Laura.

This empathic recognition makes the client’s emotional needs valid without sup-porting the destructive behaviors he chose to regain a sense of power over his owncrumbling sense of self. The empathic response may even decrease the negativebehavior because the client feels emotionally understood rather than feeling isolated.

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Advice Giving as Alliance Builder for Latinos

Perhaps because Latino men usually come to therapy in a state of despair but wantto maintain the good opinion of others, they often express a wish to be given guidance.Asking advice from experts may also be more common in collectivistic and hierarchicalcultures than in individualistic, egalitarian ideologies, as the MECA model suggests.

I have found that some degree of fulfilling this need is important to the formation ofa therapeutic alliance with Latinos, men and women. I responded to Jose Luis’sdesperate request for advice by telling him I did not know enough yet, that we bothwould need to arrive at answers together but that he should not consider divorceprecipitously nor should he disrupt any aspects of Laura and the daughters’ livingsituation. Generalized, not specific, advice giving is an aid to trust-building by pro-moting what Latinos call confianza or confidence in the professional (Santiago-Rivera,Arrendondo, & Gallardo-Cooper, 2002).

Deconstruct Internalized Dominant Cultural Discourses

One way to begin deconstructing dominant discourses about masculinity is to re-spectfully inquire about what is authentic or heartfelt as opposed to what is mereperformance in the displays of invincible masculinity. It appeared that Jose Luis wasgoing through the motions of displaying a masculine cultural self, using the culturalrecipe for what wins a woman’s heart, although sometimes he was aware thatdefeating the other man was more the issue than winning back his wife’s love. Hisjustification was his opponent was morally depraved and not–man–enough, a machistaliar who dared to dishonor his wife. Jose Luis was displaying benevolent machismo byseeing his woman as helpless and unable to resist the seductions of a man.

Soon after, Jose Luis suddenly shifts to seeing his wife as a treacherous woman whomay have been unfaithful all along. This is the view of women implicit in hostilesexism, an illustration of the shifts that can occur in the same man’s evaluations of thesame woman. It seems possible, that devastated by the public implication that he wassexually inadequate to satisfy his wife, he had failed the cultural specifications ofmanhood and probably wanted to see his wife as failing a cultural ideal of purity.

At this point in therapy, I felt that watching a movie might provide a point of de-parture for deconstructing Jose Luis’s views about masculinity along with his views ofwomen. I recommended a classic Mexican movie, Marıa Candelaria (1944), so that wecould discuss its portrayal of masculine characters. The most dramatic character isDon Damian, the irascible, violent, and domineering store owner who covets and triesto seduce a young beautiful woman. Humiliated by her rejections, he takes on vengefulactions that endanger her life. In contrast, Lorenzo Rafael is a poor, noble, and silentman who shows his inner strength by risking maltreatment and public humiliation atDon Damian’s hands in order to save the woman he loves.

After Jose Luis saw this movie, I asked how the two masculine characterizationsapplied to him. Contrite, he wondered if he had been acting a lot more like DonDamian than like Lorenzo Rafael, in spite of his earlier assertions that he was not amachista. We speculated that Don Damian’s destructive behaviors could be based onfeeling humiliated and how he blamed others for being rejected by the woman hewanted to have, instead of taking responsibility for his contribution. If instead ofhumiliation, he could experience healthy shame he could try to change his behaviormore constructively.

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From Humiliation (Destructive) to Healthy (Constructive) Shame

Jose Luis was aware that he could not exactly be called a ‘‘cornudo’’ (cuckold) alabel he greatly feared, but still, his wife’s involvement with another man was verydemeaning to him publicly. He felt that all his friends would think his wife wastreating him ‘‘como su juguete’’ (like her toy), a terrible public affront to his culturalmasculine pride. Being the victim of infidelity is painful per se but the symbolic tri-bunal of other men’s judgments about one’s masculinity intensifies the suffering ex-ponentially. Feelings of shame and humiliation in the gaze of others dominated JoseLuis’s thoughts. But there were other humiliations that were less visible.

The first humiliation relates to the competition with his wife’s lover. His wife hadonce mentioned in passing that Lukas was not only ‘‘well-endowed’’ but was a betterlover. This was the most terrible affront to Jose Luis’s manhood. Revealing this sourceof pain opened the possibility of introducing to the conversation ecological context andmigration issues. These involved discrimination due to skin color, race, and nation-ality as these concerns were compounding Jose Luis’s fears of inequality and inferi-ority in the competition with another man. Jose Luis then confesses that his greatestsecret fear had been that Laura would one day reject him for a lighter skinned manbecause his skin was much darker than hers. He wondered about the role of thosefears in pampering her with material indulgences.

Now that Jose Luis was less depressed and anxious, the timing seemed right tointroduce issues of accountability and personal responsibility, a therapeutic move thatmay help to counteract his sense of humiliation (Sluzki, 2007). To point out his con-tradictory convictions between a traditional, patriarchal attitude in what in otherrespects approximated a companionate, egalitarian relationship (see MECA section),I asked Jose Luis why he thought that he could unilaterally decide to leave his wife fora year and assume that she should wait for him? We talked about how the patriarchalorganization of his family rearing as a boy may have excused him rather than makehim accountable for this behavior. We reviewed how his perception of his mother assaintly and unconditionally loving may have colored his unrealistic expectations of hiswife.

As Jose Luis began to take responsibility for his very poor handling of his maritalissues it became clear that the relational dynamics of his marriage were related to thedynamics of Jose Luis’s relationship with his father. Jose Luis worked at one of hisfather’s firms and his salary was erratic, depending on performance and his father’swhims. Every time Laura spent too much, Jose Luis had to endure his father’s be-rating and demeaning him before he could extract more money reinforcements.Comparisons between Jose Luis’s views and his father’s own confidence about hismasculinity revealed painful self-evaluations: lack of self-sufficiency, immaturefinancial dependency, and a sense of work inadequacy that precipitated feelings ofshame. Gradually, Jose Luis came to see that he had treated his wife in money mattersin disrespectful ways similar to the aggravations he was suffering at the hands of hisfather.

Although this client displayed a comfortable life style, we can see the connectionbetween work failure, machismo, and fears of inadequacy that has been described forthe MECA migration and ecological context of Latino working class men (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Messner, 1997). Here was a man unable to prove himself in the arena ofwork, not because of lack of opportunities or exploitation as is the case among the

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poor, but because family wealth continuously trapped him and rendered him unable toseparate from his father. This predicament exists among the rich everywhere but itmay be exacerbated in Latinos by the cultural support for family connectednessthroughout the life cycle and by patriarchal domination exercised by the oldergeneration.

To discuss the father-son relationship and the connection between his work iden-tity and his family of origin organization, I suggested that Jose Luis watch the classicmovie La Oveja Negra (The Black Sheep; Rodriguez, 1949). The movie portrays anautocratic, unscrupulous, and womanizer machista father who does not allow hissensitive and honest son to become a grown man. After watching this movie, Jose Luiswas eager to have a conversation about his own father’s excessive emotional and fi-nancial power over him. Becoming accountable meant to assume responsibility for thework choices he had made and the ensuing feelings of personal failure as a man. Thisis where the deeper unrest lay and where the growth toward healthy, constructiveshame had to take place.

Discover Positive Cultural and Personal Constructions of Masculinity

The previous discussion had yielded many cultural examples of men who did not fitthe stereotype of the autocratic, ruthless, and entitled womanizer. Instead, the filmcharacters that Jose Luis watched and several of his friends represented a differenttype of man who was respectful, considerate, and caring toward women and children.These were legitimate cultural expectations that he could embrace. Indeed, his lifedemonstrated that he had already done so in the form of many honorable personalchoices.

I commented on the fact that he had married a divorced, not a virginal woman. Hehad not had children but had taken responsibility for two children that were not hisand had done it very well. Rather than shame, pride should accompany these personalchoices. I commented that it was clear that he had successfully confronted the culturalgaze of others in this respect and any sense of shame that might have accompanied it.Furthermore, he had been a caring, devoted friend to many people and it was probablya distortion to feel that their judgment of his ‘‘masculine’’ failures would be so harshand unforgiving.

His investment in the father’s role could also become an aid in developing the imageof a noble man that valued the cultural masculine values of dignity, honor, and family.His adopted daughters loved him and would probably want him to be in their lives.Jose Luis was now ready to reconnect and attempt to be a father to the daughters withwhom he would no longer live. He had now come to appreciate that a man is not amachista not just because he announces loudly that he rejects machismo, but ratherbecause he engages in relationally caring actions.

With humor, Jose Luis now wanted to recommend that I watch a movie that helikes, titled Sexo, Pudor, y Lagrimas (Sex, Shame, and Tears, 1999), a comedy aboutthe woes of three attractive and problematic middle-class heterosexual couples inMexico City. Rightly, he wanted to point out to me that although ‘‘old-school’’ in someways, he could identify with many elements of modern sexual relationships, validatingthat his attitude represented a contradictory consciousness, where some aspects ofmachismo were present but not all. His situation is representative of men in cultural

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transition who under stress related to their masculinity, such as a wife’s affair, maypresent in therapy with stereotyped and defensive machismo.

Epilogue

The next time I heard from Jose Luis was close to 2 years after the end of therapy.He came to see me because he had remarried and he and his new wife were expecting ababy boy. This life cycle event made him remember our conversations regarding hisown growth in relation to his father’s influence in his life. Incisively, he reflected thatperhaps his motivation to become a full adult during his first marriage had not beenintense enough to take decisive steps toward autonomy because he had never fatheredchildren himself. It was also clear that his father’s respect toward him had now in-creased, perhaps because of the cultural emphasis on family procreation, inheritance,and generational continuity consistent with MECA’s dimensions of family life cycleand family organization.

The irony did not escape Jose Luis or me that siring a baby boy would finally es-tablish him in his father’s eyes as a ‘‘true macho’’ in the most traditional definition.Most importantly, Jose Luis wanted my help to fully face the obligations andresponsibilities of this new life cycle stage. For this purpose, he reengaged in a briefcourse of therapy focused on helping him carve out a specific domain of expertise in hisfather’s company and to demand a fixed salary with benefits, a fitting request for afather-to-be. The last time I saw Jose Luis was in the waiting room of my office. I wasbetween sessions when Jose Luis approached, beaming, holding his baby for me to see.

CONCLUSION

This paper urges us to situate machismo in a broader and varied context of mas-culine identities rather than focusing on the origins or explanations of machismo, asthese endeavors may unwittingly perpetuate the notion that machismo is the mostdefining feature of Latino heterosexual masculinity. To be effective and socially just inthe treatment of Latino men, therapists need to expand narrow definitions of ma-chismo by moving from traditional stereotyped conceptions to current multidimen-sional realities.

One way for therapists to move their traditional perceptions into current realities isto become familiar with ethnographic and empirical research and revisionist litera-ture that redresses negative stereotypes about heterosexual Latino men by stressingthe variety of patterns and the positive side of machismo. Awareness of these positivepatterns of masculinity may facilitate joining by updating therapists’ culturalattunement and clients’ feelings that they are respected rather than criticized.

While good men have always existed among Latinos, the negative stereotype ofmachismo has been reified for historical and sociopolitical reasons. The contemporarycontext of gender renegotiations supports conversations that reclaim submergedpositive cultural redefinitions and honors personal choices regarding masculine be-havior. At present, two views exist side by side in Latino men manifested as contra-dictory behaviors of holding on to the stereotyped scripts, particularly at times ofintense stress, but also being open to alternative definitions of manhood. Historically,Latino masculinities embrace positive constructions that can guide men towarda relationally caring and considerate life. Nevertheless, in these alternativemasculinities there are embedded forms of hidden patriarchy and benevolent sexism

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that must be challenged as masculine stereotypes continue to impose scripts andscenarios for Latino men, reinforced and/or challenged by family and community life.

Therapy can help Latino men deconstruct the dominant discourses that entrapthem and discover alternative cultural narratives as well as personal stories thatsupport a variety of masculinities. Therapy also provides a space for dialogue, re-flection, and choice among various conceptions of masculinity as portrayed in theclient’s own life, his family and friends, and in the larger culture, such as filmcharacters.

There are other positive theoretical and therapeutic consequences of an amplifiedsystem of meanings for Latino masculinities. One adds a view of Latino men thatencompasses resources in spite of the deficits inherent to patriarchy. A second ex-pounds on strengths within their culture rather than attempting to assimilate Latinosto new images of men patterned after the White middle class version of the modern,egalitarian man. The message in the alternative cultural discourses that emerge isthat there is a Latino way of being a man, and it has positive qualities, not just neg-ative ones. This paper offers a model to help construct an alternative Latino mascu-linity that is positive, nuanced, and contextualized rather than conceived only asnegative patriarchal traits fixed across time and social context.

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