TEN STEPS TO MENTAL MATURITYA thin line divides a mature person from an immature person. It is said of the former, “He is mature for his years.” Of the latter “He is too immature for his years.” The former is complimentary, the latter condemnatory. Dictionary meaning helps illustrate it further. Mature is fully developed, perfected, ripe. Thus, the mature person is fully developed in arts of human relationships; has acquired some semblance of perfection and is ripe in the ways of the world.Although these qualities should come naturally with calendar years, in many cases they do not. People become “ripe” in years, not in the arts and graces of living. The angularities of personality remain sharp and pointed. They are not rounded off.

A young man, say of twenty, intervenes in a fight between two men in their forties, and saves them from stabbing each other is praised. He is a person of mature judgement. Immaturity is common. Ranbir is in middle life. He expects his wife to mother him as his own mother had in earlier years. He is dependent and wants to pampering or throws tantrums.

The mature one is ripe in thinking. He is not goaded or guided by prejudice, which means preconceived notions about persons and things.

Prejudice means judgement before all the facts are known. The immature are prone to jump to hasty conclusions, especially young people. The mature person is prepared to wait, to suspend judgement until he knows all the facts.

The mature person has no leaning to superstitions. In fact, he revels in knocking them for six. He will walk where the black cat does with a grin. Thirteen leaves him unperturbed. Little by little he roots out superstitions connected with his religion, daily life and makes the necessary adjustments as far as he, himself, is concerned.

He recognizes that superstitions are a legacy of the past, when ignorance and illogical thinking were the order of the day. Knowledge and sane thinking free him from the foolish fears and restrictions that superstitions lay upon him. Superstition is the religion of the feeble minds.

The mature person is ignorant of many things, but he knows it. The immature person is ignorant of many things, and doesn’t know it. The former is ever seeking to extend the bounds of his knowledge. He detests the blind mind and the parochial outlook. His actions and thinking reveal his wide interests and his attempts to scatter his own ignorance.

He adheres to basic principle: the wise man knows he is a fool. The fool thinks he is a wise man.He who has acquired maturity seeks to eradicate fear from his life. He has found that “perfect love casts out fear”. Rather than fear his fellows, he interests himself in them. He tries to understand why they behave as they do, and the whole bent of his life is towards helping them.

LogicTo?keep himself on logic-path, he ever reminds himself of Socrates’ words: “I don’t know.” These three words, believes Socrates, are the beginning of all knowledge. An ignorant man thinks he knows all.

But maturity is something more than the mere absence of prejudice, ignorance and superstition.The mature person has no fears for his health. His temperate life, his good relationships with others, plus his refusal to worry, have brought to him a state of good health in which he is confident he will remain.

He does not fear for the future; he has taken what steps he can to provide for it. For the rest, he has sufficient confidence in himself, and in Life to know there is no cause for anxiety. Jesus was a mature person par excellence, and his sane counsel comes down to us through the ages—“Take no anxious thought for the morrow.”

More positively, the mature person is generally found to possess the following qualities: The mature person remembers that there is more than one way of looking at every question. The other fellow may

be right; he, himself, does not necessarily possess a monopoly of the truth. In any case, the particular allegiance of both parties was largely caused by circumstances over which they had no control.

Maturity says, “Live and let live!” It realizes that there are few evils that do not contain some good, and when man does attain to some truth, it quickly becomes contaminated with error. Maturity, then, keeps a man from being cocksure, dogmatic, conceited, proud. Instead it makes him gentle, meek and tolerant.

Where a man has reached maturity of mind, he is not so preoccupied with himself as to be regardless of the comfort and feelings of others. He puts himself imaginatively in the place of others and reacts accordingly. He is big enough to do this. Scriptures call mankind to maturity when he laid down Golden Rules.

He is objective. He looks upon people and tricky situations in a detached manner. He is like a painter who steps back two feet from his canvas so that he may critically view his own work. Not merely to flatter himself but to improve his work.

ReliableThe mature person is reliable as he is master of his moods. He possesses ”stickability” and is not easily upset by irritations. He is prepared to work for objective—something that may not materialize for years.

He is cheerful because he does not take himself too seriously. He can be reprimanded without sulking, and lose with good grace. He has no place for self-pity. He takes full responsibility for his actions and does not look for scapegoats.

He seldom ridicules others. But he has a sense of humour. He knows that the funniest person in the world can be seen when he looks in his own mirror!

No one could call himself mature if he bears grudges or allows hatreds to fester in his mind. Neither is he mature if he indulges in envy or petty stabbings and mean revenge.

Is it possible for the average person to take steps to hasten the advent of this desirable state of maturity? The answer is definitely in the affirmative. It is more blessed to give than get. This is possible if you turn outwards others than inwards to your own self. Alfred Adler says, “Every human being strives for significance but people always make mistakes if they do not see that their whole significance must consist in their contribution to the lives of others.”

We have all encountered the artful dodger in our life. He is an expert in going to the toilet for a smoke, and a drink on the sly and a dozen other tricks to hoodwink others. Does anybody applaud him??He is laughed at for his mental immaturity.

Man has an incredible capacity for self-deception. Human beings love to live in a world of make-believe, and they are reluctant to come out of it. It is because they find life easier in a world of fantasy. Life is harsh and hard. Hence, facts are seen as unpleasant. The need for self-deception and to cling to misconception, prejudice and wishful thinking—all are marks of immaturity.

Funk-HolesFacing facts is painful, even disturbing, but it has one advantage—we come out stronger, and maturer. There is no point in remaining in mental cocoon. You must have a dialogue with your own soul. Find out funk-holes. Prod them out. This is one sure way to mental maturity.

In the first place, read widely, especially history and biography. If possible, master another language sufficiently to get acquainted with some of its great literature.

Secondly, think deeply. Meditate on what you read, the trend of events in the world today, man’s past and probable future. Ponder the great, sublime topics which have engaged the human mind for centuries—the mysteries of birth and death, the possibility of survival after death.

Thirdly, travel. Do this as much as you can. Vary your experience as much as possible. Mix with all types of people. Listen and watch carefully. Travel is a liberal education. “Look wide” is the motto you can well adopt if seeking maturity.

Lastly, study psychology. More, perhaps, than any other subject, psychology fosters the mature outlook. This is because it enables us to understand ourselves and others. The young and the immature cannot do this. They find bubbling up within themselves all kinds of emotions and they are at a loss to recognize or explain them.

Psychologists have analysed the human mind and labelled its ingredients. They also offer advice on how those ingredients can best be used and controlled.

Nutshell In a nutshell, maturity is:  1. Mental, intellectual growth. It is not related to years.   2. It means freedom from dependence of all sorts.  3. Freedom from prejudice.  4. Freedom from superstition.  5. Freedom from fear, ignorance.  6. Thinking of others.  7. Reliable  8. Master of his moods.  9. Has a sense of humour. 10. Knowledgeable.