!Summer 2015 Parent Newsletter !From Your University and Career Advancement Counsellors!!A few weeks ago, your CIS University Counsellors held a couple of parent sessions: one for Year 13 parents about to transition their graduates to university; the other for Year 12 parents entering the college application process. While attendance at both events was perhaps 25% of each grades parents, we cant help but wonder why parent attendance at informational sessions about the college admission process is far greater than our sessions focusing on student and parent health and wellbeing? !!Does the marked disparity in attendance suggest that getting into college is more of a priority than other considerations? We dont believe that to be the case. In an era where the college admissions process is increasingly marked by ever higher levels of stress and anxiety, were hopeful that more parents will take full advantage of these sessions in the future. Those who attended felt they were helpful and reassuring in lowering anxiety; wed like all of our parents to benefit from such sessions in the future.!!Rest assured that we will continue to work toward creating a healthier college process environment for our community. A quick glance at the Summer 2015 table of contents below is an excellent indicator of our desire to keep you informed, thoughtful and healthy. We are also increasingly aware of the need to bring our message of calm reassurance to parents of younger students and are currently developing plans for the coming school year to do just that. !!In the meantime, we hope that you continue to find this newsletter helpful, informative and reassuring. You can reference back issues by simply clicking on this link indexing articles from past issues. Additionally, our website is an excellent resource for parents looking for general as well as specific information on the many aspects of the college process.!!Finally, as always, please feel free to contact our University Counselling and Career Counselling staff whenever questions arise. We are here to serve you as well as our students. Appointments can be made through our fabulous administrative assistant, Ms. Brankie Wong at: bwong@cis.edu.hk!!Your CIS University Counsellors!Sow Fun Dawson - sfdawson@cis.edu.hk!Robert Mansueto - mansueto@cis.edu.hk!Marc Marier - mmarier@cis.edu.hk!!Your Individual and Career Advancement Counsellor:!Annie Yung - ayung@cis.edu.hk!!! Whats inside ! Have You Ever Wondered Why Your CIS University Counsellors Dont Promote Prestigious University Acceptances?!

Perfectionism: Its Anything But Perfect !Page of 1 12

! My Son Is Considering Universities Ive Never Heard of. Im Fine with Him Casting His Net Wide, But How Can We Tell If a University Is Good? !

Sciences Po Offers Something Very Unique in the Social Sciences ! Recommended Reading: Where You Go Is Not Who Youll Be Is a Timely Plea for Sanity in the College Admission Process !

CIS Mentorship Program: Where Our Alumni Help Our Students! A Correction, Articles of Interest from Around the Web, and Humour!!!Have You Ever Wondered Why Your CIS University Counsellors Dont Promote Prestigious University Acceptances?!!The word is out. The graduating Class of 2015 has racked up an impressive slate of university acceptances with offers from several of the most hyper-competitive schools in the world. Parents who are unsure of our role, much less our philosophy in the college admission process, assume that as university counsellors, were thrilled. !Yes and no. The fact is, were thrilled for ALL of our graduates, but deFinitely not for the reasons some might assume. Were proud of and happy for the students of need who earned generous scholarships to their schools of choice; for the personal and emotional growth that our students experienced in this process; for the students who tell us that theyre appreciative of the fact that they didnt get into their dream school that applying and being denied was worth the experience; for our students who researched and selected schools based upon an honest assessment of Fit; for our students who experienced a successful application process while overcoming academic and personal challenges; for the relationships we nurtured and the trust we were shown; and for our wise and supportive parents who gave us such a fabulous group of kids to work with. Yes, this is what were thrilled about. !What were not thrilled about is the perception held by some that there are losers in this process who will face a more difFicult path through life because their university !

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Despite our best efforts to convince them otherwise, too many of our graduates leave CIS with a nagging sense of inadequacy, believing that they are relegated to a future lacking in the opportunities that only a handful of classmates will enjoy at their more lustrous schools. That mindset doesnt thrill us at all. Nor should it thrill you.

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!of choice does not enjoy the elite or prestigious status conferred by a tiny handful of schools. Despite our best efforts to convince them otherwise, too many of our graduates leave CIS with a nagging sense of inadequacy, believing that they are relegated to a future lacking in the opportunities that only a handful of classmates will enjoy at their more lustrous schools. That mindset doesnt thrill us at all. Nor should it thrill you. The good news is that a year at university works wonders in convincing our graduates the truth of what is clearly understood among college graduates - that where they go is far less important than what they make of the opportunity. Arriving at that understanding is a critical milestone of success in this process, and in life. !While we are thrilled by the fact that ALL of our graduates have the enviable opportunity to pursue their academic dreams at quality and exciting institutions the world over, we need our CIS community to understand that ALL of our graduates share equally in the hope and promise of an outstanding university educational experience, not just an anointed few - all of these fabulous kids are winners. !And now you know why your CIS University Counsellors dont promote prestigious university acceptances. !Sincerest congratulations to all of our wonderful Class of 2015 graduates and their parents! !Your CIS University Counsellors !!On Student Health: Perfectionism Is Anything But Perfect !!Perfectionism is a good thing. It means I am in control. It means that I am dedicated. It means that I am perfect. (Year 11 Student) !In a culture where outstanding academic and extra-curricular performance is a norm, its not at all surprising to hear CIS students waxing on the many supposed beneFits of striving for perfection. At schools where cultural expectations and socio-economic forces create a high-pressure atmosphere, students are more likely to adopt perfectionism as the path which best guarantees exemplary academic achievement, prestigious university acceptances, outstanding career options and a lifetime of personal fulFilment and professional reward. !Perfectionism De.ined Perfectionism is an unhealthy response to pressure for outstanding performance in every aspect of ones life. Whether the pressure is externally generated by family, peers, teachers; or the source is internally driven by the students personal

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Perfectionism is an unhealthy response to pressure for outstanding performance in every aspect of ones life While all students will feel some pressure to perform well, the perfectionist student responds in unhealthy ways.

!standards, pressure happens. While all students will feel some pressure to perform well, the perfectionist student responds in unhealthy ways. Again, pressure and perfectionism are strongly linked. !CIS and Pressure Without question, many of our students do feel a high degree of pressure to not only succeed, but to excel in an exemplary manner. According to a recent survey of our current Year 11 and 12 students, 60% agreed with the following statement: In order to get into a prestigious university, I have to be perfect or as perfect as I can be. Many of our students respond to this pressure by either meeting or striving to meet their perception of the ideal student which typically includes: ! maintaining a 6/7 average across all his or her classes; winning election as an advisory or student council representative; being highly involved in several CCAs which can include orchestra, debate, as well as a human rights/charity organization; participating in a competitive sport such as swimming or tennis; being immersed with tutors to stay ahead; engaging in additional competitive sports and additional performance endeavours; participating in an extensive list of summer enrichment courses, multiple mentorships and internships. These students organise, manage, discipline, control, regulate time, space and self to a sine qua non standard in order to achieve their ideal of perfection and maintain it. While there are always those very rare students who appear able to maintain an incredibly high level of achievement without any observable side effects, most, in fact, do not. Students are not robots. According to our research, over half of our students identify themselves as highly stressed with regard to academic performance. In the Year 11 and 12 survey cited above, 66% ... worry that I am unable to arrive at a healthy balance between academics, co-curricular activities, and everything else I do. !In a community such as ours where pressure is endemic, parents and students need to be aware of what perfectionism is and the dangerous attitudes and behaviours it engenders. !Perfectionist Behaviours Research has shown that perfectionism is closely correlated with mental disorder as well as emotional and cognitive disregulation. What does that mean? Lack of sleep - going to bed at 1 or 2am, which turns into 3am with a wake-up alarm set for 4:30 AM. Eating disorders/over-exercising - a sense of control over how one eats, what one eats, how one exercises creates a type of control that perfectionists require. Emotional dysregulation - stress, anxiety, depression, emotional outbursts. !

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In a community such as ours where pressure is endemic, parents and students need to be aware of what perfectionism is and the dangerous attitudes and behaviours it engenders.

! Isolation - the perfectionist cuts off interactions with family and friends and/or caring about things that were once pleasurable. Self-esteem, identity - shaped by academic performance and how others view them as students. If the perfectionist student is not smart/perfect/well-rounded, the students identity is threatened Standards/Exceptions - the perfectionist sets himself apart from others. Other people need sleep/food/friends/fun/socialising, but not me. I am the exception to the rule, Im above this. I have my own rules, my own goals, my own standards. This creates a mindset that excludes the student from feeling human. !How does it happen? Instead of focusing upon agency, the ability to self-direct and make decisions; resilience, the ability to overcome obstacles and feel successful; self-ef9icacy, the ability to feel effective in the decisions one makes - the internal characteristics that are shaped through failure and understanding control - perfectionist students focus upon tangible ways to appraise themselves, their self-worth, through grades. They will often tell themselves, This is who I am. If Im not smart, Im nothing. If I dont do these things, then my life is over. !In the perfectionist student, the taste of a 7/7 or an 8/8 can act like a drug. Addiction to achieving or maintaining high or perfect grades becomes linked with self-worth (self-esteem), self-conFidence (belief in self), self-concept (awareness and sense of self) and self-identity. !The neurology of happiness starts with the release of Dopamine in the brain. This excitatory neurotransmitter is released and is associated with the limbic system, memory and emotions. Getting a 7/7 causes the release of Dopamine to the reward system and the feelings of happiness, excitement, approval and the myriad emotions connected to joy are tightly linked with the event such as earning a 7 on a very difFicult assessment. The feeling and the thought become recorded automatically and the body becomes conditioned. !Why is this bad? Isnt being perfect a good thing? The danger exists when the student makes a conscious decision to want to feel this way again. The danger exists when the student crosses the line from unexpected to expected, from intrinsic motivation of working hard to extrinsic motivation of feeling good because of the marks. The danger exists when the student now associates achieving high marks with self-worth, with self-identity and with future plans such as college. The danger exists because its not always obvious. Perfectionism masks itself into acceptable, notable and worthy character qualities of dedication, control, assiduity, perseverance, integrity and work ethic. Perfectionist students use perfectionism to justify their behaviours to maintain and sustain perfectionism. These students believe that they have the ability to control and sacriFice basic physical and emotional needs for the maintenance of perfection.

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Perfectionism masks itself into acceptable, notable and worthy character qualities of dedication, control, assiduity, perseverance, integrity and work ethic. Perfectionist students use perfectionism to justify their behaviours to maintain and sustain perfectionism. These students believe that they have the ability to control and sacriFice basic physical and emotional needs for the maintenance of perfection.

!The roles that time and fear of failure play in perfectionism Striving to achieve 7/7s requires self-regulation, self-management, organization and above all, time. Perfectionist students will spend an inordinate amount of time to complete a task, often disproportional to the parameters of the task: for example, studying 4 or 5 hours for a 30-minute quiz, or spending days and days writing and rewriting a 1-page reFlection. Perfectionism may masquerade itself as dedication and perseverance. Perfectionism also does not develop the intrinsic, internal qualities that are often intangible. Rather, perfectionism demands time, an altered thinking pattern, and a skewed sense of self-worth that is tied only to extrinsic motivation of tangible marks and praise. !Perfectionism becomes bad when students believe that there is no path other than the one they are on, a path where fear of failure becomes the motivator in place of internal agency and mastery that comes from true learning and understanding. Again, when students start equating personal worth, identity and conFidence exclusively through the appraisal of grades, this is when things can become serious. At some point, perfectionist students break down, either by avoiding school, procrastinating on their assignments, becoming emotionally disregulated because the fear of failure is what drives perfectionism. !

Im worried that this is happening to my child, what can I do? Acknowledging that perfectionism as maladaptive is the First step to combatting it. Making an appointment with your Secondary School Counsellor, your childs Head of Year and having a transparent conversation about your observations and concerns will further help us to support your child. !

Try some of these strategies at home: Have a transparent conversation with your child about perfectionism, perhaps, read this article together Notice/ monitor the sleeping, eating habits, as well as behavioural changes (example, is your child more anxious, depressed, angry, etc.) Demand quality time with your child, whether thats seeing a movie, going for a walk, having dinner or a conversation that is longer than 45 minutes. This is a good break for them. Remind your child that their worth and identity are not equated to marks. Remind your child that the process of going through hard work, diligence and perseverance is all we are looking for, not the result. !What can we do? This article is written not to scare you but to increase your awareness about the negative consequences and byproducts that occur through achieving and maintaining what is not sustainable. As concerned parents we need to recognize

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Again, when students start equating personal worth, identity and conFidence exclusively through the appraisal of grades, this is when things can become serious. At some point, perfectionist students break down, either by avoiding school, procrastinating on their assignments, becoming emotionally disregulated because the fear of failure is what drives perfectionism.

!that perfectionism is a cancer to the mind and to the self. As a community, we need to protect our students by reminding them that they are people, which means that they have limits that should not be pushed. Perfectionism is anything but perfect. Lets tackle it, together. ! My Son Is Considering Universities Ive Never Heard of. Im Fine with Him Casting His Net Wide, But How Can We Tell If a University Is Good?!!The right idea As university counsellors, were constantly encouraging students to go beyond the familiar names and truly explore the full range of exciting university options. (See following article on Sciences Po.) This approach, however, can sometimes run counter to parental fears or biases which might best be summarised as the If I havent heard of it, it cant be any good school of thought. !In too many instances, this group-think/name-brand approach can have a negative impact on students desire to Find appropriate institutions. Few people can name much less identify salient characteristics of more than a handful of schools, so sincerest congratulations to you for being open to entertaining institutions off the popular radar screen. !To illustrate, it might be comforting to note that some schools that are popular choices now were relative unknowns in our CIS community just a few years ago. For example, prior to 2007, no CIS student had ever applied to Bowdoin College. Bowdoin wasnt a bad college prior to 2007, it simply wasnt a well-known option. Since then, it has grown into one of the more popular small-college, liberal arts choices for many CIS students. Its hardly the only one. !but the wrong question! How does one evaluate the quality of less well-known institutions? The question is well-intentioned, but it misses the mark. It cant be overemphasized that an ill-Fitting institution will not be a quality educational experience regardless of its prestige. No school is a one-size-9its-all experience. Bowdoin has deservedly gained credibility in this community as a quality US institution, but is it therefore the right school for all CIS students? Of course not. !A much better question to ask is: what are the institutional qualities, ethos, opportunities that will make it a great Fit for my son/daughter? In other words: What are the schools that are right for my child? NOW THATS A GREAT QUESTION, one that should guide all of the students research. !In addition to there being so many great institutions on the road less traveled, theres no shortage of quality resources (Visit our University Counselling Website) to help students make informed decisions based on their wants and needs. By

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A much better question to ask is: what are the institutional qualities, ethos, opportunities that will make it a great Fit for my son/daughter? In other words: What are the schools that are right for my child? NOW THATS A GREAT QUESTION, one that should guide all of the students research.

!encouraging and supporting your sons/daughters efforts to engage in quality research, you can and will deFinitely become enthusiastic (and possibly even jealous!) about the many, exciting, often less well-known university options. !!Sciences Po Offers Something Very Unique in the Social Sciences !!In an effort to expose families to a broader range of colleges/universities with exciting and/or unusual program options, each issue of our UC Newsletter will highlight outstanding institutions not on the popular radar screen. Today, we look at Sciences Po, based in Paris, France. !Background Sciences Po is an old French university (founded in 1852) that in recent years has completely re-invented itself into a truly international institution. A major shift in this transition was the adoption of English, replacing French, as the principle language of instruction. Today, 46% of its 13,000 students are international i.e., from countries other than France. Structure An institution solely dedicated to studies in the Social Sciences, undergraduates are based on 7 campuses throughout France (soon to be 6, as the Paris campus will be completely dedicated to graduate studies). The campus where one studies is determined by the students geographical area of interest; Europe-Asia, Europe-Latin America, Europe-North America, Europe-Africa, European Franco-German, European-Central and Eastern Europe, Middle Eastern and Mediterranean. !Program A three-year degree program, students spend the First two years on their home campus and the third abroad at one of 410 partner universities around the world. During the First two years, students follow a fairly structured core curriculum that includes Economics, History, Law, Political Science and Sociology. Additionally, students are expected to pick up another language appropriate to their regional area of interest, along with French if he/she is not versed in the language of the host country. While the core is common across all campuses, course materials focus on the speciFic geographic location of each campus. !The third year provides students great freedom and Flexibility as they go abroad to study at one of the 410 partner universities. This year affords students the opportunity to focus on personal areas of interests and/or possible areas of future graduate study. !Following completion of that year, students return to their home campus in France, to complete a report on their studies during Year 3, earning them the Bachelors degree. Dual Degrees During the application process, students have the opportunity to apply for one of the Dual Bachelors Degree programs offered currently with six universities:

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!Columbia University (US), Freie University Berlin, Keio University (Japan), University of British Columbia, University College London, and University of Sydney. The Dual Degree programs take four years instead of three, with the First two at Sciences Po, and the third and forth years at one of the universities above. Three additional Dual Degree programs are in the works with National University of !Singapore, UC Berkeley, and the University of Hong Kong. Following four years of successful study, students earn two degreesone from Sciences Po and the second from their Dual Degree university. !Admission Admission to Sciences Po is competitive, and especially so for the Dual Degree programs since students are considered for admission by both institutions. As the University offers a multidisciplinary, multilingual and outward looking education, the ideal candidate is one who is interested in studying the Social Sciences and is !ready to commit to a focus on a speciFic geographical region of the world. Open mindedness and critical thinking are hallmarks of a Science Po education, so they are seeking students that are looking for an academically rigorous program, are open minded and appreciate the dynamics of International Relations. The required personal interview is structured to determine the strength of a candidates public speaking skills, along with a knowledge and understanding of world affairs. !Added BeneFits Two added beneFits of the program at Sciences Po... Once you earn your undergraduate degree at the institution, you gain automatic acceptance to one of the Universitys Masters programs. Secondly, the program is a relative bargain costing approximately 10,000 Euros per year for tuition and fees. !Further information can be found at: http://www.sciencespo.fr/en/education/education-glance !!Recommended Reading: Where You Go Is Not Who Youll Be Is a Timely Plea for Sanity in the College Admission Process !Where You Go Is Not Who Youll Be - An Antidote to College Admissions Mania by Frank Bruni !At long last, a book that takes a calming approach to the ever-increasing hype and hysteria surrounding the university application process. Filled with powerful evidence both anecdotal and statistical, New York Times columnist Frank Bruni makes a compelling argument for the need to approach the application process with a clear understanding of what constitutes a quality university education by

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Two added beneFits of the program at Sciences Po... Once you earn your undergraduate degree at the institution, you gain automatic acceptance to one of the Universitys Masters programs. Secondly, the program is a relative bargain costing approximately 10,000 Euros per year for tuition and fees.

!repeatedly demonstrating that the well-known handful of hyper-selective universities arent the only path to career success or life-long happiness. !Must reading for any parent or student in our community entering the college admission process, Mr. Bruni:

skewers the logic and methodology employed in college rankings;

exposes how the US admission process itself is deeply Flawed;

demonstrates how students and their parents are damaged by the admissions race mentality;

reveals how the burgeoning college consultant industry and how to get in application guides are feeding the frenzy;

interviews recruiters to learn the qualities they want in employees qualities that are demonstrably not limited to graduates of highly prestigious institutions;

challenges the widespread belief that lifelong success and happiness are inextricably tied to the perceived luster of a graduates university diploma. !Favorite quotes from Where You Go Is Not Who Youll Be: For too many parents and their children, getting into a highly selective school isnt just another challenge, just another goal. A yes or no from Amherst or Duke or Dartmouth or Northwestern is seen as the conclusive measure of a young persons worth, the Final verdict on the life that he or she has led up until that point, an uncontestable harbinger of the successes or disappointments to come. Winner or loser: this is when the judgment is made. This is the great, brutal culling. What madness. And what nonsense. !College is a singular opportunity to rummage through and luxuriate in ideas, to give your brain a vigorous workout and your soul a thorough investigation, to realize how very large the world is and to contemplate your desired place in it. And thats being lost in the admissions mania, which sends the message that college is a sanctum to be breached a border to be crossed - rather than a land to be inhabited and tilled for all its worth. !On the U.S. News and World Report College Rankings: Nearly all of the current and former educators I know cite the U.S. News rankings as a major culprit in the admissions mania, and nearly all of them disparage the criteria behind the rankings as fatally Flawed. !How you use college. What you demand of it. These dynamics get lost in the admissions mania, which overshadows them, to a point where it makes them seem close to irrelevant. But their importance is vividly underscored by the histories of just about every person interviewed for this book. !!!!!!

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!CIS Mentorship Program: Where Our Alumni Help Our Students!!This years CIS Alumni Mentorship program kicked off on Saturday, April 18th with the First Meet and Greet session for the latest pairings. The program is now in its third year since being reintroduced to the CIS community in 2013 with well over 200 student and alumni participants. We hope that more students will take advantage of this unique opportunity in the years to come! !The goal of the mentorship program is to strengthen the CIS community by developing a channel for alumni and current Year 11 and 12 students to share experiences, insight and knowledge. It also provides student mentees with another way to seek advice and guidance on academics, university options, careers and personal development. At the same time, it gives alumni another platform to increase their involvement with CIS in a rewarding and productive way. !To make sure they get the most out of the mentorship, students are encouraged to sign up when they are in Year 11. However, if they have missed out on the opportunity in Year 11, there will still be a chance to sign up in Year 12, though they may not be able to maximize the potential of the mentorship being paired up for only one year. The call out for applications usually occur shortly after students return from the Christmas holiday through multiple channels of communication. Although the application is fairly straight-forward, we do expect students to provide thoughtful and reFlective responses in order to best match them with a mentor. !Once all the applications have been submitted, a thorough process of matching will begin. Factors taken into consideration when matching includes but are not limited to the students university and career aspirations, region where students are considering applying to university, program(s) of study, hobbies, interests and even personality traits. !Commitment for this program will last until students graduation, though it doesnt necessarily have to end there. In the past, there have been a number of ex-mentorship pairs who continued their relationship beyond CIS. During the ofFicial mentorship period, communication between the student and their mentor will be ongoing with hope that contact will be made at least once every two months. If the students mentor resides outside of Hong Kong, the mentor will normally schedule to meet up with the mentee when in Hong Kong visiting. A meet up outside of Hong Kong may also take place if the student is in the mentors neighborhood during a family holiday. !Through this program, mentors are encouraged to create an environment of open communication, trust and conFidentiality through a sharing of knowledge and experiences from their own education and career paths. If this sounds like something your son or daughter would be interested in or greatly beneFit from, !

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Through this program, mentors are encouraged to create an environment of open communication, trust and conFidentiality through a sharing of knowledge and experiences from their own education and career paths.

!make sure to be on the lookout for next years call out so they wont miss out on such a rare and exciting opportunity! !!!Correction !!The Spring 2015 UC Newsletter featured quotes from Year 12 parents in which they outlined their view of a successful and healthy college process. The parent quote below contained an error which has been corrected. While we regret the error, we delight in the opportunity to re-print what we see as an ideal perspective on how parents can best support students through a healthy college process. !We expect that our daughter will go to a school that is good for her. We will discuss her choices and respect her viewpoints on what she wants to pursue and where she wants to go. We understand that in the end it is her decision. We hope to provide an environment that is supportive and caring, an environment that helps her to showcase her strengths to schools. We expect to be a source of strength to her, and we see our role as mostly to listen, to give her space to make her own decisions and provide emotional support when she needs. We expect the process to be an enjoyable experience. !Articles of Interest from the Web:!!College is worth it if you have these six experiences Push dont crush the students What is a top school? An Ivy League student weighs in How colleges in the future might have to change How to cut back on college costs Coping with university stress University in Europe: How to tell if its right for you A behind the scenes look at how Cambridge evaluates applicants !!A little humour!We all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school.!There are times when parenthood seems like nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you.!Peter de Vries!!And some much needed satire from The Onion

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