Style Workshop

Professor Louise Wetherbee Phelps

Punctuating Compounds

• Wrong

• I had a better understanding about the definition of a protocol , and the process of designing one.

• RIGHT

• I had a better understanding about the definition of a protocol and the process of designing one

• Wrong

• The letter serves to introduce, and is therefore very formal.

• Right

• The letter serves to introduce and is therefore very formal.

• Right

• To serve as an introduction, the letter needs to be formal.

• Wrong

• It can be difficult for a woman to find a good fit with a company that respects her status as a woman , and that appreciates her needs and priorities as a woman.

• Right

• It can be difficult for a woman to find a good fit with a company that respects her status as a woman and that appreciates her needs and priorities as a woman.

• Wrong

• The interview we completed was a good one and I feel the report represents the depth of our learning.

• Right

• The interview we completed was a good one, and I feel the report represents the depth of our learning.

• Right

• The report represents the depth of our learning, reflecting a good interview.

(Not) Splitting Subjects and Verbs (Predicates)

• Wrong

• Much of what is communicated among colleagues, is now done through electronic mail.

• Right

• Much of what is communicated among colleagues is now done through electronic mail.

Unintended Fragments

• Wrong

• One of which is “Women in IT.”

• Right

• It is distributed to certain groups, one of which is “Women in IT.”

Punctuating Parenthetical Expressions(Added Information): Enclosing in Commas

• Text, transitional word, text.

• Text, phrase, text.

• Text, clause, text.

• Wrong

• Plus, it is also an instant form of communication.

• Right

• It is, moreover, an instant form of communication.

• Wrong/Immature

• There is only one graphic image in the entire Handbook, which is a blurred content of the city of Onondaga and this is placed on the front cover.

• Right/Mature

• The only graphic in the entire handbook, a blurred image of the city of Onondaga , is placed on the front cover.

• Wrong

• Patricia explained that email, although it is common in many businesses is not as important as we expected it to be.

• Patricia explained that although email is common in many businesses, it is not as important as we expected it to be.

• Right

• Patricia explained that email, although it is common in many businesses, is not as important as we expected it to be.

• Patricia explained that, although email is not common in many businesses, it is not as important as we expected it to be.

Using Commas for Non-Essential Elements Attached at Beginning and Ends of Sentences

• Some transitional words, x [subject and predicate].

• Introductory phrase, x.

• Introductory clause, x.

• X [subject and predicate], non-essential phrase.

• X, non-essential clause.

• Note: Comma sometimes optional. Test for readability.

• Wrong

• Thus, the report must follow certain rules.

• However professional writing is important for dealing with clients.

• Right

• Thus the report must follow certain rules.

• However, professional writing is important for dealing with clients.

• At times it was difficult for me to come up with effective questions.

• Without it, no one would pay.

• Wrong

• If the need arose for further training in professional writing courses would be available.

• Right

• If the need arose for further training in professional writing, courses would be available.

• Right

• The department would make courses available if the need arose for further training.

• Wrong

• The department will make courses available but only if the need arises for further training.

• Right

• The department will make courses available, but only if the need arises for further training.

Using Semi-Colons and Colons

• Use semi-colons to join sentences with no conjunction or transition word.

• Use semi-colons to join sentences with transition words (; however, therefore, nevertheless, etc.) and expressions (; for example, in contrast, on the other hand, etc.).

• Use a colon to introduce examples, lists, and quotations. Use a colon to join sentences when the second one sums up or illustrates or is equivalent to the first.

• Wrong

• I had a faint idea, however it turned out to be wrong.

• I had a faint idea, however, it turned out to be wrong.

• I had a faint idea however, it turned out to be wrong.

• Right

• I had a faint idea. However, it turned out to be wrong.

• I had a faint idea; however, it turned out to be wrong.

• Although I had a faint idea, it turned out to be wrong.

• I had a faint idea, which turned out to be wrong.

• Wrong

• Land is divided into distinct pieces with given bearings and distances; meaning a person owns a very specific piece of land.

• Right

• Land is divided into distinct pieces with given bearings and distances, meaning that a person owns a very specific piece of land.

• Wrong

• He wasn’t sure exactly how they were supposed to be written, he could only look up the formats in books.

• Right

• He wasn’t sure exactly how they were supposed to be written; he could only look up the formats in books.

• Wrong

• Many of the documents are handwritten including: casual post-it notes, sketches, and the message book.

• Right

• Many of the documents are handwritten, including casual post-it notes, sketches, and the message book.

• Many documents are handwritten, including these: casual post-it notes, sketches, and the message book.

• Here are some of the handwritten documents: casual post-it notes, sketches, and the message book.

Parallelism

• Edit series, pairs, or lists so that they express parallel ideas in the same grammatical form.

• Wrong

• I really appreciate the time you were able to spend with me and for your very helpful responses.

• Right

• I really appreciate the time you were able to spend with me and the responses you provided.

• I really appreciate your time and your very helpful responses.

• Wrong

• This process yields both team expertise, but also a well-revised document.

• Right

• This process yields both team expertise and a well-revised document.

• This process yields not only team expertise but also a well-revised document.

Possessives and Its/It’s

• Wrong

• Writing has rules and factors that change it’s setup.

• Closer analysis also provides insight into the documents brief but effective language.

• In such an environment ones writing ability is very important.

• A major part of writing is to know what you’re audiences wants.

• Right

• Writing has rules and factors that change its setup.

• Closer analysis also provides insight into the document’s brief but effective language.

• Closer analysis also provides insight into the brief but effective language of the document.

• In such an environment one’s writing ability is very important.

• A major part of writing is to know what your audience wants.

Plurals and Singulars • Wrong

• When a Dean is being reviewed for promotion, they must have a reviewer from another university.

• Each individual receives a “Blackberry” that they are to keep on them at all times.

• I was unaware of how many vital aspects of the piece there was.

• Right

• When deans are reviewed for promotion, they must each have a reviewer from another university.

• Each individual receives a “Blackberry” to keep on hand at all times.

• I was unaware of how many vital aspects of the piece there were.

That/which/who

• Wrong

• They are written for managers that are pressed for time.

• Right

• They are written for managers, who are pressed for time.

• They are written for managers who are pressed for time.

• They are written for managers pressed for time.

This/Which: Clear Reference

• Wrong

• This paints the picture that no matter who you are you can find your niche at the company.

• There are pictures of women with their families, which reveals that family is a priority.

• A good example of this is the first sentence of the second section.

• Right

• This brochure paints the picture that no matter who you are you can find your niche at the company.

• Pictures of women with their families reveal that family is a priority.

Combining Sentences for Mature Writing

• Strings of Ideas (linked by and, so, then, therefore . . . )

• She is the one that the business goes through and she is very proud of her ability to make things work smoothly.

• Mr. U knows that people are often skeptical when being solicited, and he wants to put every fear at rest.

• The interview we completed was a good one, so I feel the report represents the depth of our learning.

• It was written to a coworker. Therefore, he did not have to worry about it being crystal clear.

• When a company needs to export goods, they call Ms. M. She will then contact the carrier and arrange the pickup.