Taking ResponsibilityProactive people take responsibility for their choices. They show initiative in getting things done and don’t blame others…or make excuses for their mistakes. The opposite of proactive is reactive.

Reactive PeopleTo understand what it means to be proactive, it is helpful to know what it means to be reactive. Reactive people avoid taking responsibility for their choices by blaming circumstances, others, or genes for their errors. They often suffer from “victimitis.”

SYMPTOMS OF VICTIMITIS

Blame other people for their weaknesses “ I would have passed that test, but my friend

would not lend me his notes.”

Blame circumstances for their lack of initiative “ It was too cold outside to go to school."

Blame genetics for poor behavior. “ I cannot control my anger. I was born that way.”

Act like the world is against them. “ That teacher does not like me.”

Expect others to do everything for them. “ Mom, would you warm up my lunch for me?

I don’t know how to use a microwave.”

What are more examples of victimitis?

DISCUSSION 6

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Victimitis is a wrong turn on the road to Taking Responsibility.

The Freedom to ChooseIn the space between what happens and a response is the freedom to choose. Proactive people use that space to choose a proactive response.

H A BI T 1: BE PROAC T I VE

REACTIVE PEOPLE

Something happens to them (stimulus) and they react without

thinking (response).

PROACTIVE PEOPLE

Something happens to them (stimulus) and they pause and think

then choose a response.

Think of someone who has overcome a difficult challenge such as a severe injury or difficult family situation. How did he or she chose a proactive response? Where would she or he be today if she or he had chosen a reactive response?

STIMULUS RESPONSE STIMULUS RESPONSEFREEDOM

TO CHOOSE

VIKTOR FRANKL

As a prisoner in a Nazi war camp, Viktor Frankl was tortured and endured many atrocities. During those times, he observed fellow prisoners and the different ways they responded to their deplorable circumstances. In looking back, he concluded:

“ We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

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Your Pause and Think ButtonNo one controls everything that happens to them in life. People are impacted by their upbringing, their environment, their genetics, and how others treat them. What people are responsible for is how they respond to what happens to them in life.

There is a space between what happens to you (stimulus) and how you respond (response) where you have the freedom to choose your response. It is like a big “pause” button. Especially when something negative happens to you, you can hit that pause button and choose a proactive response.

Write a proactive response to the following scenarios. Then record your own potential “real life” scenario and your proactive response.

You love to play soccer, but the club fees are beyond your family budget.

You feel sorry for yourself and totally give up.

But instead you…

REAL LIFE SCENARIO REACTIVE THOUGHT PRESS PAUSE PROACTIVE CHOICE

Your parents set a rule you don’t

like.

You call them names and say something

that you later regret.

But instead you…

The friends you hang out with want you

to do something you do not want to do.

You go along with it because you don’t

want to offend.

But instead you…

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You cannot always control what happens to you, but you can control your response.

H A BI T 1: BE PROAC T I VE

Taking InitiativeProactive people do not just respond to what happens to them in life, they create the life they want. They show initiative by working from a paradigm of “I’m in charge of me!” Meanwhile, reactive people sit and wait for life to happen.

The best way to predict your future is to create it. - PETER DRUCKER

REACTIVE BELIEFS

“Teachers are in charge of my education.”

“It’s my mom’s responsibility to wake me up in the morning.”

“I hope to have a great day.”

“I’ll wait and see what the future has for me.”

Other examples:

PROACTIVE BELIEFS

“I’m in charge of my education.”

“I’m in charge of waking myself up in the morning.”

“I make my days great days.”

“I will create my future.”

Other examples:

Are your paradigms of who’s in charge of your life reactive or proactive?

TEACH TO LEARN

Work with a partner. Choose one of the following options to share with the class.

• Role-play two people in a conflict situation. One of them is reactive; the other proactive.

• Talk about examples of proactive and reactive people in the news.

• Share for two minutes your thoughts on: “Why proactive people feel better about themselves and get more out of life.”

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