Stages of a Relationship

Emotional Stages Development of a Love Relationship Six Stages of LoveCouples Journey Stages10 Stage Model of Interpersonal RelationshipsFive Stages from Beginning to End Stages of Marriage7 Types of Marriage

5 emotional stages – according to ages

1. 20-28: Getting into Adult World2. 29-34: Starting to question “Who

am I?”3. 35-43: Midlife scare – inner

changes4. 44-54: Rediscovering (apart of

together)5. 55+: Growth toward wisdom

Development of a Love Relationship(Jerry Braza)

Attraction: bring two people together, similarities draws them together. Differences allow them to grow.

Positive Feelings: most of the time when together. Strong feelings. Temporary and illusion (sometimes)

Development of a Love Relationship, cont.

Depth begins: Faith in each other begins to build Novelty continues/sexual attraction strong Communication is excellent, talk easily Little or no criticism, mutual discovery (feels

good) Stability: newness wears off

Develop rational strength through many activities

Openness is the KEY

Development of a Love Relationship, cont.

Crossroads #1 Assume friendship will last without any work

needed to keep it going Take each other for granted Don’t develop common interests (do most

things independently) Talk less and less – begin to be critical and

indifferent Tension increases, fighting, arguing – sex

becomes less enjoyable Relationship falls apart

Development of a Love Relationship, cont.

Crossroads #2 Develop and expand common interests Work at relationship/communication Do things for and with each other Shared journey Strong bond – can handle stress Relationship offers more fulfillment Lasting sexual enjoyment

Six Stages of LOVE (Judy & Jim Sellner)

1. ROMANCE: Love as a giddy, enthralling, passionate, and largely conflict-free condition.

2. EARLY COMMITMENT: high expectations, incomplete knowledge and understanding, the couple decide to become committed to each other.

Six Stages of LOVE, cont.

3. POWER STRUGGLE AND CONFLICT: the bloom is off the rose and reality starts to intrude, as two individual identities emerge.

4. RESOLUTION AND ACCEPTANCE: the couple learn how to confront each other constructively and resolve major hostilities.

Six Stages of LOVE, cont.

5. COMMITMENT OR ETHICAL LOVE: a transformation of emphasis from “What can this relationship do for me?” to “What can I do for this relationship?”

6. LOVE MADE VISIBLE or MATURE ROMANTICISM: you inspire each other to do creative things that have an effect on other people

Couples Journey Stages (Susan Campbell)

1. Romance: happily-ever-after2. Power struggle: accept each

other at end3. Stability: no risking, too

comfortable4. Commitment: love even though

don’t always like5. Co-creation: beyond relationship,

outer world

Couples Journey Stages (Berkeley Therapy Institute Stages)

1. Happy Time: romantic, enjoy togetherness

2. Conflict and Regrets: begins in disappointment, reality, disillusionment (question wisdom in being together), differences emerge, mutual disapproval

3. Reaching an Accord: give up blame, develop realistic expectation, mutual acceptance, accommodation, and attraction.

10 Stage Model of Interpersonal Relationships -Knapp

GROWTH Stages Initiating Stage

Impressions Checking out

Clothes Physical Attractiveness

Intelligence Testing Ideas Opinions Attitudes Beliefs

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.)

GROWTH Stages Experimenting Stage

Seeking common ground Testing the waters with self-disclosure Provide personal histories

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.)

GROWTH stages Intensifying Stage

Swap possessions clothes CDs

Use pet names for each other Increase self-disclosure Increase risks Increase openness

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.)

GROWTH stages Integrating Stage

Constantly nearby Share friends Others identify the dyad as a couple or

best friends

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.)

GROWTH stages Bonding Stage

Formal commitment Engagement Marriage Signing a lease Going into business together

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.)

DECLINE Stages Differentiating Stage

Focus on the differences Increased conflict Increased time apart

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.)

DECLINE Stages Circumscribing Stage

Superficial conversation Safe topics

Conflict avoidance Appear to be committed in public Focus on the relationship

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.)

DECLINE Stages Stagnating Stage

Lack of relationship growth Lack of communication on relationship Introduction of emotional pain

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.)

DECLINE Stages Avoiding Stage

Physical separation Direct communication Hostility Antagonism

Knapp’s 10 Stage Model (cont.)

DECLINE Stages Termination Stage

Preparation to end relationship Indication of trying to "work it out“ Possible transformation of relationship

Rules for new relationship Seeking alternatives

Transitional person End of Relationship

Levinger’s Theory that Relationships Pass through Five Stages from Beginning to End

Stage of Relationship:

INITIAL ATTRACTION

Positive Factors

Proximity and repeated exposure

Positive emotionsHigh affiliation need

and friendship motivation

Negative Factors

Absence of proximity and repeated exposure

Negative emotionsLow affiliation need

and friendship motivation

Stage of Relationship:BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP

Positive Factors

Equivalent physical attractiveness

Similarity of attitudes and other characteristics

Reciprocal positive evaluations

Negative Factors

Nonequivalent physical attractiveness

Dissimilarity of attitudes and other characteristics

Reciprocal negative evaluations

Stage of Relationship:CONTINUATION

Positive Factors

Seeking ways to maintain interest and variety

Providing evidence of positive evaluation

Absence of jealousyPerceived equityHigh level of mutual

satisfaction

Negative Factors

Falling into a rut and becoming bored

Providing evidence of negative evaluation

JealousyPerceived inequityLow level of mutual

satisfaction

Stage of Relationship:DETERIORATION

Positive Factors

Much time and effort invested in relationship

Work at improvement of relationship

Wait for improvement to occur

Negative Factors

Little time and effort invested in relationship

Decide to end relationship

Wait for deterioration to continue

Stage of Relationship:ENDING

Positive Factors

Existing relationship offers some rewards

No alternative partners available

Expect relationship to succeed

Commitment to a continuing relationship

Negative Factors

A new life appears to be the only acceptable solution

Alternative partners available

Expect relationship to fail

Lack of commitment to a continuing relationship

Six Stages of Marriage (Mel Krantzler)

1. Now we are a couple: high hopes, great expectations (3 years)

2. What’s happening to my career: concern with status, income, achievement

3. Here we are parents: caring environment, now more than a couple, change in relationships

Six Stages of Marriage, cont.

4. Suddenly we’re older: disenchantment, aging

5. Is the past my only future (50-65): in touch with self, accepted by spouse as is

6. Summing up: shared interests

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE

The following seven styles were based on a 125 question survey of 8,385 couples.

by David Olson, Professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota. Published in the “Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.”

(from article in Salt Lake Tribune, 11/22/93)

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE

VITALIZED These couples are most satisfied with

marriage and feel comfortable with their spouse’s habits and personality. They rank particularly high on scales measuring ability to resolve conflict and communicate. They tend to be older, married longer, more educated and have higher incomes and job status. More husbands work part time, and fewer of them have two jobs.

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont.

HARMONIOUS They score moderately high on resolving

conflict, communicating and accepting spouse’s habits and personality. But they have drastically lower consensus on issues involving parenting, although they frequently have only one child. They tend to be older, married for a shorter period of time and have the fewest children of any group. They are more educated and have higher status jobs, but men have lower incomes more often than expected and women earn more. More wives work full time and are less often unemployed.

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont.

BALANCED These couples communicate well and

are satisfied with problem-solving strategies. They also have higher than average agreement on leisure activities, child-rearing issues and sexuality. They value their nuclear family and try to balance family life with outside interests. But financial management is a problem in the relationship.

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont.

TRADITIONAL Couples fitting this profile were most satisfied

of all groups in how they handle children and parenting duties. They scored above average on conflict resolution, communication and acceptance of spouse’s habits and personality. Scores were even higher on the part religion plays in their marriage. They marry younger, have more children and the wives tend to work less than in other couples. Most have never considered divorce.

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont.

CONFLICTED Moderately low scores overall with relatively

greater agreement on egalitarian roles in the marriage and making religion an important part of the relationship. Their lowest scores indicate difficulty communicating and resolving conflict. They have less education, lower income and job status and more religious differences. Many couples consider divorce, but they are no more likely to be separated or previously divorced than other couples.

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont.

FINANCIALLY FOCUSED Money, or financial rewards, appear to

hold this type of couple together. They are dissatisfied with six other relationship issues. A majority of both partners have considered divorce.

7 TYPES OF MARRIAGE, cont.

DEVITALIZED Pervasively dissatisfied with their marriages,

these couple tend to be younger, less educated and have lower status occupations and incomes. More husbands have two jobs. Their acquaintance before marriage is shorter. They are more racially and religiously dissimilar. They are twice as likely to be separated as conflicted couples and 10 times more likely to be separated than other types. Also, 20 percent of the partners have been divorced previously.