speech121listening2014

To Do

• Listening Quiz

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

~ Greek philosopher, Epictetus

“Good listeners stay out of the other’s way” so they can learn what others think and feel.”

~ Listening expert, Robert Bolton

Top 4 Things that Irritate People about Listening.

Researchers from University of Denver found:

1. The other person interrupts me when I talk.1. The other person interrupts me when I talk.2. The other person doesn't2. The other person doesn't’’t look at me when I talk, so I t look at me when I talk, so I

am not sure if he or she is listening.am not sure if he or she is listening.3. The other person talks down to me.3. The other person talks down to me.4. The other person does distracting things when talking to 4. The other person does distracting things when talking to

me (texting, picking fingernails, cleaning glasses, me (texting, picking fingernails, cleaning glasses, fidgeting with pencils, looking at watch, etc.)fidgeting with pencils, looking at watch, etc.)

Other:Other:??

How we communicate

The Importance of Listening Listening can change lives

Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

According to researcher Phyllis Kemp in an article “Are you Listening?”

People who are listened to are:•Less likely to get upset when there is a problem or conflict.•Can become more mature, more democratic, more open to personal experience and less defensive.

People who listen well:•Are respected more in the workplace. •More likely to be promoted.

Ways of Hearing

Most of us are all born with the ability to hear.• People who have hearing challenges receive messages visually through writing,

lip reading, captions, American Sign Language (ASL), and use of different types of hearing aids.

• Before ASL there was Helen Keller Sign Language.

Definition for Hearing

It is the active, complex process that consists of:

Being mindful; physically receiving messages, selecting and organizing messages; interpreting messages; responding; and remembering.

Listening is the key to success!

The Process of Listening


Stage 1: Receiving – the physiological, passive process of hearing vibrations around you. (External and internal stimuli compete for our attention. )

• HearingHearing is being aware of sound generated by the environment. is being aware of sound generated by the environment.• ListeningListening is understanding - a skill which allows us to interpret those sounds that is understanding - a skill which allows us to interpret those sounds that

create meaning.create meaning.

Hearing/Listening Scenarios:Hearing/Listening Scenarios:• A baby crying. (Type of cry)A baby crying. (Type of cry)• Breaks squealing from a car (How close)Breaks squealing from a car (How close)• A police siren (Length of siren)A police siren (Length of siren)• Or, a crash in the kitchen (Do you hear glass breaking etc.)Or, a crash in the kitchen (Do you hear glass breaking etc.)

The Process of Listening (cont.)


Stage 1: Receiving continued

Determining factors:1)The immediate importance of the stimulus – Do we attend or filter it out (baby crying, police siren, someone chocking)2)Our related experiences (we hear what we expect to hear and filter out most of the rest.)3)Emotional state (can adversely effective selection of stimuli )


Stage 2: Selecting and Receiving Material - We selectively attend to some messages and not others.

1. Physical elements - What information your eye or ear takes in. Stimuli that intense, loud, or unusual or stand out gets our attention.

2. Environmental elements – The major nongenetic causes of environment elements can be exposure to noise, aging, ototoxic drugs (certain medications can damage the ear, resulting in hearing loss, ringing in the ear, or balance disorders.) viral and bacterial infections, and interactions between these factors.

3. Learned elements - Our interests, expectations, culture, personality, habit: what filters we use to select what we take in and how we react to it.



3rd Step – Interpreting/Evaluating – consciously or unconsciously judging the speakers message or motives. •Often we impose our meanings onto others (Correcting, arguing or telling them how they feel)

3nd Step – Interpreting/Judging

As we listen, we interpret/judge what we hear.

1) What prototype (Does the person represent are ideal of a good friend, person in trouble, student, teacher do the

closely resemble.) 2) The personal constructs to define more detail (Is the person upset or calm, open

to advice or closed to it.)

3) Based on the construct of others, we apply stereotypes (how has this person reacted in the past? How this situation similar to others?) that predict what they will do.

4) We then apply the script (how the interaction should proceed, including how we should act.)



Stage 5: Responding – giving immediate or delayed feedback to the speaker on what you think and how you feel about the message•Transitional process in which we simultaneously listen and speak. Signs of responses include:•Eye contact•Nodding•Attentive posture •Smiling •Asking questions to invite more interaction.



Stage 6: Remembering – Retaining information (Effective communication depends on this.)•Important: You remember not what was said, but what you remember was said.

•Memory is reconstructive, not reproductive You construct message(s) that makes sense to your.


Stage 6: Remembering

Short Term or Active Memory •Information we are currently aware of or thinking about. •In Freudian psychology, this memory would be referred to as the conscious mind.

The duration of short-term memory•Most information will be stored for approximately 20 to 30 seconds.•It can be just seconds if rehearsal or active maintenance is not done.

The amount of information that can be stored in short-term memory can vary. •In an influential paper titled "The Magical Number Seven, Plus or Minus Two," from psychologist George Miller suggested that people can store between five and nine items in short-term memory. •More recent research suggests that people are capable of storing approximately four chunks or pieces of information in short-term memory.



Long-Term Memory•Long-term memory refers to the continuing storage of information. •This information is largely outside of our awareness, but can be called into working memory to be used when needed. •Some information is fairly easy to recall/other memories are more difficult to access.The Duration of Long-Term Memory•Through the process of association and rehearsal short-term memory can become long-term memory. •While long-term memory is also susceptible to the forgetting process, long-term memories can last for a matter of days to as long as many decades.

Long-term memory is usually divided into two types - declarative (explicit) memory and procedural (implicit) memory.

Declarative includes all of the memories that are available in consciousness. Declarative memory can be further divided into episodic memory (specific events) and semantic memory (knowledge about the world).

Procedural memory involves memories of body movement and how to use objects in the environment. How to drive a car or use a computer are examples of procedural memories.



Stage 6: Remembering

Chunking: A term referring to the process of taking individual units of information (chunks) and grouping them into larger units.

•The most common example of chunking occurs in phone numbers.

•For example, a phone number sequence of 4-7-1-1-3-2-4 would be chunked into 471-1324.

Chunking Tips1) Form an acronym

•Write the facts you need to remember.•Underline the first letter of each fact. •Arrange the underlined letters to form an acronym that is a real word word you can pronounce.

Examples:

HOMES -The five Great Lakes: Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, and Superior

Order of Operations in Math

5 Forms of Nonlistening

1) Pseudo listening2) Monopolizing3) Selective listening4) Defensive listening5) Ambushing

Forms of Nonlistening

1. Pseudo listening• Pretending to listen.• Happens when we are bored, but want to appear interested.Indicators: • Responses that don’t make sense.• Confusion, when called upon in class.• Asking to have message repeated, or asking questions

about information already given.


2. MonopolizingFocusing on ourselvesInstead of listening to others. Tactics:•Conversation rerouting – Bringing conversation back to ourselves. •Interrupting – questions and challenges to speaker to divert conversation in another direction


3) Selective listeningFocusing on particular partsof a conversation. Examples:•If a professor says “this will be on the exam.”•Things we aren’t interested in. •Ideas or information we don’t agree with or make us uneasy. •Information that is critical to us or our loved ones.


4) Defensive listeningPerceiving information as personal attacks,Criticism, or hostility in communication that isnot. •We read motives into whatever a person says.•We perceive negative judgment in innocent comments.•Other instances are over specific topics, vulnerable times, or having low self esteem.

Tip: We can miss important information and can turn people off from being honest with us.


5) Ambushing•Literal listening carefully for purpose of attacking a speaker. •Involves careful listening, unlike the other forms of communication.•Intent to gather information to attack.

Auding - Mindfulness

BE HERE NOW

•We don’t let our thoughts drift.

•We do not focus on our feelings and responses.

•We put away electronic devices and or stop any activities that can get in the way.

•We fully tune in (without imposing our ideas, judgments, biases, stereotypes, prejudices, values, and feelings)

•It’s a choice to be mindful

“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it”

― Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life

6 Barriers to Effective Listening

1. External obstacles– Message overload – Too much information!(Class

information, emails, text message, voice mail, work) We have to screen or prioritize.

– Message complexity – Complex messages/topics (Science, economics, math classes. Technical words, complex sentences with idioms or slang expressions.)

– Noise – Physical noise can be a distraction (phone conversations, phone ringing, arrival of emails, vibrations of phone.)


2. Internal obstacles - Preoccupation – with our own thoughts, feelings, and concerns.

3. Prejudging communicator or the communication:

• You dislike or disagree with speaker• You anticipate what the person will say and

then you tune them out.(Especially people who hold different views from our own)

• You prejudge others based on culture, religion, age, gender, sexual orientation, race, etc.


4. Reacting to emotionally loaded language – Words and phrases that evoke a strong response, positive or negative. We often attack the other person or tune out. “You should,” “Liberal,” “Far Right,” “Family Values,” “Everyone or Everybody”

What are your triggers? – Lack of effort – It is hard to listen (especially when noise

and physiological conditions.) When this happens tell person you are tired, or want to

discuss difficult topics later.


5. Rehearsing a response - This barrier is perhaps the most difficult to overcome.

• We spend time rehearsing what we will say before the other person is finished speaking.

• One of the reasons is the Speech-rate-ratio: The difference between speech rate and thought rate.

6. Failure to adapt to listening styles - Different skills for different people, situations, settings, etc.

Steps for being a more effective listener

Steps for Being a More Effective Listener

Step 1 -

•Eliminate distractions so you can concentrate and give speaker full attention.•Be present (eliminate self talk)

Step 2 - Look:

•Listen to what isn’t being said as an additional component.•Look for nonverbal clues (especially the face and tone of voice) to help understand what the speaker is feeling.

Steps to Being a More Effective Listener

Step 3. Active listening (Different from hearing)

• Listen for what another person is “really” telling you.

• You may not always agree, but try to give them a chance to be heard.

• Match verbal with the nonverbal to decipher both the content and emotion of the person’s message (Incongruence – Nonverbal and verbal don’t match – past experience helps.)

• Practice confirming responses, not disconfirming responses.


Step 4 - Ask Questions: Help others to focus by using questions that clarify perceptions.

Four purposes of questions:1. To obtain additional information2. To find out how a person feels3. To ask for clarification of a word or phrase4. To verify your conclusion about the person’s meaning are feeling.

Tip: Ask “How” not “Why” questions. “How do you feel about that?” vs. “Why do you feel that way?”Or “How did that happen?” vs. “Why did that happen.”


Active Listening The goal of active listening is understand both the feelings and the

content of another person’s feelings..

1) Paraphrase Content:• After the person is done talking (Don’t interrupt) • Restate in your own words what you think the other person is saying.

(Different from parroting)

2) Paraphrase Feelings:• You could follow your paraphrase with a comment on feeling, such as:• “I imagine you must be feeling ______”(frustrated, confused, happy,

sad, perplexed, etc.) • Followed with “Is that true?” Give the person a chance to respond to your paraphrase.

Practice Paraphrasing• I think we’re seeing too much of each other • (Do I hear you saying that you want some more space or time for

yourself?)• I really like communication, but what can I do with the major? • (I get the sense that you are struggling with career choices now, is

that right?”)• I don’t know if Pat and I are getting too serious too fast.• (I hear some hesitancy about your relationship with Pat, yes?)• You can borrow my car, if you really need to, but please be careful

with it. I can afford any repairs and if you have an accident, I won’t be able to drive home this weekend. (It seems like your car is very important to you right now.)

How we learn and retain information

How to listen better!The “3D” Formula

• DDOT – Don’t do other tasks (cleaning glasses, shuffling papers, doodling – one brain process – can really only focus on one task at a time.

• DMP – Don’t make plans – Extra listening time gives people the illusion the can make plans, shopping lists, etc. – doing this directs the brain to stop listening.

• DD – Don’t daydream – More powerful than DMP – As soon as we start daydreaming the brain stops listening. (It is enjoyable and beneficial – but not when listening.)

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