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The incredible story of a star Magpie who

rose from the ‘absolute bottom’

Adam Treloarcelebrates after the

Magpies beat Geelongin the First Qualifying

Final at the MCG.Picture: STEPHEN

HARMAN

GRUNDY’SGUILTY

PLEASUREPAGES 84-85

BRAVESTPLAYER

EVERSPECIAL: PAGE 87

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THE MONSTER

ADAM Treloar is notashamed, nor doeshe want anyone tofeel sorry for him.

His battle withanxiety — a feeling of beingworthless — has recently beenmade public. By “coming out”,Treloar has found freedomfrom those chains of despair.

Despair might not be theright word. The umbrella termfor it is mental health.

The intricacies are low self-esteem, catastrophising smallthings and believing people arejudging you. The brain goesinto overdrive. You feel vulner-able, you question yourself,about what you do and whatyou say. You feel and see fail-ure when others see optimism.Rational thinking and con-tentment are puzzles that can’tbe solved. But overall, it’s thatsense of worthlessness.

Danny Frawley died from it.Wayne Schwass is a voice ofchange because of it.

Treloar is living it. He’sdealing with a monster thatkeeps trying to get him, scarehim and maybe even hurt him.

“I’ve been to the absolutebottom,’’ the Collingwoodmidfielder, 26, says.

“But right now in my life, Ifeel it’s the complete opposite.The challenge is to stay upthere. I’m not a superhero.I still have my days.’’

Are you troubled? “No.”Complex? “Yeah, a little bit.”Complicated? “Compli-

cated within myself, yes.”Confident? “I reckon exter-

nally I can show I have confi-dence, but …”

Caring? “100 per cent.Caring is the one that mattersto me.”

What will people readingthis think of you?

“I want them to see me asthe individual that I want to beseen as. That I’m a caring,thoughtful person. I don’t havea bad word to say about any-one. I’m a massive lover. AndI’m someone who has a lot ofpassion and lot of motivationto make his family proud. Justsee someone who is caring andworks his a--- off.

“But he overthinks … hedefinitely overthinks.”

EVERYONE is a product oftheir upbringing.

Treloar tells stories of hischildhood as if it’s therapy.They are not woe-is-me. Theyare real and affecting.

At 12, he’d have a bad train-

ing session and get annoyed.“Little things used to tick meoff,” he says.

“A lot of this has to do withmy insecurities and anxieties,about not feeling worthy orgood enough in the world I livein because I feel in my headthat I don’t deserve it. Mymind is trying to convince meI don’t deserve it and that’swhere it all stemmed from.

“When I talk about growingup rough … we grew up rough.”

Treloar didn’t know his oldman. “He left my mum …I don’t know. I might not havebeen born when he left. I’vemet him on the back of mebeing intrigued when I was 16.

“I met him once. I didn’twant to have anything to dowith him and I’ll never wantanything to do with him.”

Treloar’s mother was 21when he was born. His brotherwas born three years earlier.They have different fathers.

“My mum was 21 with twokids growing up in a flat inDoveton, which isn’t the safestarea, and my stepdad cameinto my life when I was aboutone,” he says. “They are mar-ried. They had a further twokids, a brother and sister. It washard for mum to work becauseshe was busy with four of us.

“My stepdad worked hisa--- off. He brought in all themoney. I call him by his name,Ken, but he’s my dad. I say myparents to anyone who asks.

“It was all loving, but I don’tthink they made the best deci-sions when they were young.

“I reckonmy work ethicI’ve got fromKen. He’s a goodman. He would doanything for us tohave food on the table.Sometimes it was tough.

“I can remember times wedidn’t have food, sometimeswe didn’t have electricity. Myparents never owned a house.We lived in this ministry housein Dandenong up until whenI moved out when I was 17.

“There was no room for me.I was on a single mattress inthe hallway for about a yearand a half. The hallway wasright where the bathroom andtoilet was, so whenever some-body needed to go the toilet,I’d get stepped on.

“The day before I moved upto the Giants, my last sleep wason the mattress. That said, itwas all loving.”

Treloar was always shy. Hewas embarrassed because thefamily didn’t have anything toshow off. Friends never camearound after school.

“My mum did everythingshe could for us,’’ he says.“I love her. Whenever we hadfood we’d have lunches to taketo school. When we didn’t haveit, we wouldn’t have lunches.”

There was an office atschool that had lunches forthose who did not. “That wasthe norm. That’s where all myworries came from.”

At his first training sessionat Dandenong Stingrays, hewore basketball shoes — hand-

me-downs from his uncleand brother — because hedidn’t have runners.

He wore those basket-ball shoes at athletics carni-vals, where he was a state-class cross-country runner andhurdler.

“We ran at the aths track atOlympic Park in grade six andall these kids were wearingspikes and everything else. I’vegot basketball shorts on andbasketball shoes that are bare-ly holding on.

“I felt so out of place. Thenit got to footy and I made allthese reps teams, and I hadboots that were so old theywere coming apart. We’d tapethem up to make sure theleather wasn’t flapping around.

“I felt like parents werelooking over at me and think-ing: ‘Who’s this kid? He lookslike he’s just off the street’.

“On the flip side, that what’smotivated me. I wanted to dothis for my family, but also toprove people wrong.”CONTINUED PAGE 88

MARKROBINSON

LOST AND FOUND‘I’ve been to the absolute bottom – but right now I feel it’s

completely the opposite. The challenge is to stay up there.’

Adam Treloaris rising abovethe despair hehas battled all

his life.Picture:

MICHAELKLEIN

ADAM TRELOAR

CHIEFFOOTBALL REPORTER

88 SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2019 HERALDSUN.COM.AU

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Lost and found

FROM PREVIOUS PAGE

ADAM Treloar is a jum-ble of idiosyncrasies.

At 17, he had obsessivecompulsive disorder andhad a long talk to formerKangaroo and Balibombing survivor JasonMcCartney, who was his

coach at the AustralianInstitute of Sport.

“If I was to see myself at16, 17 and 18, I’d be like,you’re a weirdo, what areyou doing?”

Treloar would “touchwood’’ on everything. If hesaid he hoped his teamwould win, he’d secretlytouch the wood of the seathe was sitting on or get upand find wood to touch.

To reset after a period ofpanic, say walking homefrom school, he would benddown and touch the ground.

“Another thing I used to do… I used to have to go leftaround things.

“This what OCD is. See mycar over there, I’d have to getup and walk left around thetree and the rubbish bin even

though I could walk to thecar in a straight line.

“You’re looking atme like I’m a weir-do, aren’t you?Deep down I’mstill that 13-year-old Dandenongboy who is bitingand scratching and

clawing and doinghis absolute best to

make a name for him-self and his family —

that’s what motivates me.”

MANAGING his world was aconstant psychological wrestleand it collapsed last year.

After 26 touches and kick-ing a goal in the Round 3 winagainst Carlton, Treloar start-ed crying in the spa.

To cover his tears fromteammates, he submerged hisface in the water.

That week, he revealed his

problems to his mum, his girl-friend Kim, leadership andculture manager Nick Max-well, and psychologist JacquiLouder. Coach Nathan Buck-ley was also a constant.

His travails were filmed forthe documentary Collingwood:From the Inside Out, which wasreleased this year.

It was August 3 when hewent public with his struggleson Fox Footy’s AFL 360, wherehe joined Richmond’s JackRiewoldt on Tuesdays.

On September 3, he didn’tfront for the program.

“It was one of those dayswhere I had an anxiety day,’’he says. “It got to about 2pmand I said to Kim I can’t go on.I just feel undeserving.

“You can ask me what doesthat even mean, but I can’t tellyou what it means. It’s just inmy head.

“I felt under-deserving. Andthe biggest thing that goes offthat is anxiety. If I were to goin, I probably would’ve gone tothe toilet and tried to hide.’’

He returned to the showa day after Frawley’s death. Hisfour-minute piece on Frawleyand depression was gripping.

“That’s what I battle with.That’s what I struggle with.”

His worthiness, which hehas spurned from childhood,was apparent.

“I know that, but I will neverbe satisfied with footy, neverever. Of course I want toachieve great things. I want tobe a premiership player. I wantto be All-Australian. I want toleave a legacy as a footballplayer. That’s always burninginside of me.

“That’s when I say I haven’tachieved anything yet.

“But mum and Kim andJacqui say, ‘What do youmean, Adam? Think aboutwhere you are now and howmany lives you’ve touched byjust being you’. I know that, butin my mind, I think, ‘Nuh, youstill haven’t done anything.You’re still not good enough’.”

He’s taken days off from

Collingwood this year, too.The most recent was betweenthe break of Round 23 and thefirst final against Geelong.

One of the first panicattacks this season arrived atthe first JLT game.

“Pre-season I’m alwayshappy because there’s no anxi-ety about anything. But it justcomes back. We had a praccymatch against Melbourne andit came back and I had to havea couple of days off.

“I was in the carpark bawl-ing my eyes out and I couldn’tget out of my car.

“Bucks came over, andMaxy and Jacqui, and theyconsoled me and I went homeand had a couple of days off.”

The sense of being a burdenexacerbates his problems.

“I feel like a burden. I feelembarrassed. That’s the mainthing. I feel embarrassed.”

The constant challengebegs two questions.

How has he put togetherthe best season of his career?

“With the anxiety and theworry, one of the biggestthings — hate thinking aboutit and it almost brings me totears — is letting my team-

Talking about hisissues has inspired

Treloar to assistothers — a far cry

from beinga Dandenong

Stingrays drafthope in 2011 (far

right).

‘Week-long’ battleGREATER Western Sydneychief executive David Matt-hews says the Giants havebeen fighting Collingwood allweek after Toby Greene’s ban.

Greene will miss today’spreliminary final against theMagpies after his appeal tooverturn his one-match banfor contact to the “eye region”of Brisbane Lion Lachie Nealefailed.

Matthews took a swipe atthe role of former Magpie andmatch review officer MichaelChristian, who brought theinitial charge against Greene.

“Michael Christian playedin a premiership for Colling-wood, and it feels like we’vebeen playing Collingwood allweek,” Matthews said.

He said the outcome hadleft him with little confidencein the tribunal system.

“There was probably actu-ally not a shred of evidencethat supported the charge, andin the end, the vision was in-conclusive,” Matthews said.

“The evidence of LachieNeale seemed to get set aside,and Toby’s version of evidencewasn’t something they wantedto give credit to either.”

AFL boss Gillon McLachlandefended the tribunal systemand commended Christian.

“An independent processhas validated this,” he said.

The AFL said Matthewswould not be fined.

REBECCA WILLIAMS

’Angry’ Giants readyGREATER Wester Sydneyhas backed its group to standup without Toby Greene andLachie Whitfield, vowing tocome out “angry” in today’spreliminary final against Col-lingwood.

The suspended Greenejoined his teammates for theircaptain’s run at Punt Rd Ovalyesterday after an appeal onThursday night failed to over-turn his one-match ban.

Assistant coach MatthewNicks dismissed suggestionsthe Greene tribunal saga,along with the loss of Whitfield(appendicitis), had been a dis-traction for the players.

“I guess we just have tomove on and get the job donethis week,” Nicks said.

“The boys love Toby, theboys love Lachie.

“They are really importantto the way that we play ourfooty, but guys will step up.

“I think most of us areangry, but you’ve got to beangry — if you want to call itangry or on the edge — to playfinals footy.

“If you don’t, you get criti-cised for not being ready, but ifyou do obviously there ispeople who are questioningthe way that you go about it.

“But we didn’t beat the Bull-dogs and Brisbane by going outthere and playing soft footy.I thought our guys went hardfor the ball and the contest.”

REBECCA WILLIAMS

HOW TO MAKE A DOLLAR

FROM THE BROWNLOW

TOMORROW IN YOUR

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mates down. It scares me.That’s the other thing thatmotivates me.”

How has he lived the mostpositive year of his life?

“It’s a challenge, but it’s welland truly getting easier be-cause I’ve spoken about it.

“Could you imagine if I wasstill holding on to all of thestuff I’ve spoken about and noone knew about it?

“I’d be ready to explode. Itcould turn into something sounfortunate, do you knowwhat I mean? There’s so manypeople who could go downa completely different pathwhen they have their ownmental demons. And I meana path of destruction.

“I don’t want to say it, but itleads to people thinkingsuicide. I’ve had a friend, fiveyears ago, who took his ownlife. That broke my heart. Hehad so many demons.”

TRELOAR’S outlook on lifehas changed dramatically.

He doesn’t read or listen tomedia. He no longer worriesabout what commentators sayabout his kicking efficiency, orwhen they praise him and

there’s a “but”.“There’s always a but,” he

said. “That was really good byTreloar but … how good wasthat play by Treloar but …

“That has been part of myanxiety, because I feel there’salways a but. And that’s part ofthe reason why I alwaysthought I wasn’t good enough.

“It got to me early, butI know I’m valued internally,and that’s taken me a longtime to accept that’s all thatmatters.’’

Just last week he wasa guest speaker at a mate’smanufacturing business. It wasabout mental health.

“Since AFL 360, a lot ofpeople have asked me about it.

“It gets me out of my ownworld and makes me thinkabout others. Always, mywhole life, and ask anyonewho knows me, I’m a carer. Ifanyone puts their problems onme, I want to help them.

“But since coming out, it’sbeen incredible.

“I still have my anxieties,but if I’ve had a bad trainingsession, it doesn’t matter to meas much any more. I used towalk off the track thinking, ‘F--

FOOTYFORM WITH

NICKSMART

THE MATCHCOLLINGWOODv GWS GIANTS

MCGToday 4.35pm

CHASING THE MONEY■ Giants won 19.8 (122) to 11.9 (75) over Collingwood in their most recent clash in Round 18 at Giants Stadium. ■ Collingwood has won five straight after consecutive losses. They lost four of five before that. ■ These teams met in last year’s finals, the Magpies scoring a 10-point win in a semi-final at the MCG. ■ The Giants have won three straight matches after consecutive losses.

■ The Giants have won three of their past four matches against Collingwood dating back to Round 8, 2017.■ Collingwood is 10-5 at the MCG this season (won four straight). ■ The Giants are 1-2 at the MCG this season (2-4 since Round 2, 2018). ■ The Giants are 6-5 away from New South Wales and ACT this season. They’ve won two and lost three in Victoria.

MAGPIES$1.32

GIANTS $3.50

THE MARGINSMAGPIES LINE

-21.5 $1.90GIANTS LINE+21.5 $1.90

MAGPIES1-39 points $1.95

40+ plus $3.10DRAW

$41

GIANTS 1-39 points $4 40+ points $19

NICK SAYSCAN the Giants cover the sizeable losses of Toby Greene and Lachie Whitfield?

It is certainly a huge askand it is a big reason why Collingwood finds itself so short heading into the Grand Final qualifier.

I like the Magpies, but I can’t see it being a blowout as the Maggies just don’t have the firepower with Jordan De Goey out.

I’d be looking at the Magpies to win between 1 and 39 points.

SATURDAY SPECIALTHERE are two TAB Saturday specials for the first preliminary final. Young Magpie Jaidyn Stephenson (left) and Coleman Medallist Jeremy Cameron (right) are at $3.50 to combine for five or more goals. Magpie ball magnets Taylor Adams and Adam Treloar are at $3.50 to combine for 65 or more disposals.

*All TAB odds correct at 4pm yesterday

-, I’m not good enough. I don’tdeserve to be training, I don’tdeserve to be at this club’.”

Treloar’s confidence comesbecause, he says, he finallyopened up about his problems.

So much so, his future isfootball, Kim, and working inmental health.

“It’s something I’ve thoughtabout these past couple ofweeks. I’d like to get intoit.”For help with emotional difficulties, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 orlifeline.org.au

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