2

Johannesburg

Oudtshoorn

Jeffrey’s Bay

TsitsikammaPort Elizabeth

Knysna

Cape Town

Grahamstown

310, 20, 50 and 100 South African Rand (ZAR) Notes

5

The plane was an hour delayed and on landing in Johannesburg the following morning after very little sleep there was only about 40 minutes to collect my baggage, check it in again and run to the gate. A friendly African man ran with me, but when he asked for money and I had none his face turned to thunder. I thanked him, apologised and ran. In Port Elizabeth Airport there was a small crowd of locals singing and clapping. Patrick, my driver on the transfer to Kwantu, said it was normal for people to get really excited for the weekend. We picked up Melissa; a white girl from California, and her husband Moses; one of the main co-ordinators at Kwantu. After a few short stops at Spar, the petrol station and KFC, we arrived. I was shown around by Lucky and signed a few forms to accept that, the reserve would not take any responsibility for my inevitable death if I were wander around alone at night and happen upon any animals.

The reserve is owned by Mr. Javeed; a wealthy Muslim businessman who opened it as a hobby. There are a few rules that apply, including no alcohol or mixing sexes in dorm rooms - it was made clear that, while the rules officially stand, nobody would really care if they were broken.

Kwantu is about an hour and a half’s drive from Port Elizabeth. It used to be a small farming village called Sidbury and its old buildings still stand. Among them the gas station sits on the old Main Street and is now a small convenience store. There’s a predator camp right on our doorstep and housed separately are two 18-month old cubs; Eris, the lion, and Bangles, the tiger. The staff do allow visitors into their enclosures, but have started to reduce these hours as the cubs are getting a little too old for human interaction.

Our accommodation is called “Tented Camp”; it has two dorms with bunk beds and firm, but comfortable, mattresses. Outside each dorm there are two nicely furnished seating areas; each with sofas, a fire and a large flatscreen TV. Between them is a little preparation area with a large catering kettle and ample supplies of tea, coffee and hot chocolate. The shower and toilet blocks are outside, but have enough room to get changed in, so we don’t have to walk through the cold on an evening - it is winter and the nights and mornings were really cold; getting warm about 10:00, but cooling off by about 17:00 as the night closes in.

Friday 15th July

6

7Tented Camp and the old buildings of Sidbury

Because more-or-less all of the volunteers either went to Port Elizabeth or Tsitsikamma for the weekend, there wasn’t much to do, so Lara, Sarah and myself went to help Katerina in the touch farm area at the back of the complex. She’s a really attractive German lady who started as a volunteer, kept returning and decided to move here indefinitely.

We were in a field with lots of inquisitive ostriches, who would peck at any buttons, claps or loose objects they could see, and the greater part of the day was spent building a cage for the monkeys that would shortly be arriving. The main enclosure already stood and so our job was to place logs for the animals to climb on, to secure the cage with wire mesh and to cover the mesh with soil and grass to make it look presentable.

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While digging we found many grasshopper larvae which we fed to the resident meerkat. We placed the larvae outside the meerkat’s cage and it scratched with lightning speed, consuming the larvae as fast as it could. Katerina told us we could come back at any time to feed the meerkat as the larvae don’t contain many calories…

Before leaving, Katerina placed an egg into the meerkat’s cage. The creature was completely clueless as to how it could penetrate the shell - scratching at it rather than smashing it on a rock as meerkats should. Later on, Katerina informed us that she’d had to break the shell herself as she felt sorry for it. In the evening we watched “Blades of Glory” by the fire.

Saturday 16th July

10Building the monkey enclosure

11Feeding the meerkat the grasshopper larvae we dug up

We met

up

We met up with a few more people who came back from Port Elizabeth: Jackie and James the Scottish couple and an older lady called Pat, who’s made it clear that she won’t disclose her age. Jackie and James are staying in a private room in the hotel and Pat is staying at "Kubs Quarters - another lodge which is more modern and has indoor toilets, a kitchen and a much bigger living space.

After brunch at 10:30 we went on a game drive with Moses. We saw giraffes, termite mounds and warthogs and then got stuck in the mud. We grabbed a few poles to try and lever the vehicle free, but burst a tyre in the process. Stuck in the middle of nowhere, Moses called rescue and told us to be on high alert as the lions could be anywhere! While waiting we tasted some of the wild fruits and learned about their traditional and medicinal properties.

Help arrived and we were soon off again. From a distance our group saw a pair of elephants on a hill (and after a good deal of explaining from the rest of the group I was able to see them too). We came really close to lots of zebras and a pair of white rhinos, and by chance we heard the roar of Zulu, the only male lion on the reserve. We followed the noise and drove right up to him. He didn’t mind is being there, he simply stared at us, yawned and lay down. When he got up and set off we quietly followed in the hope that he’d head back to his missus, but he just marked his territory in a few places and settled down elsewhere. Lions are the laziest of the cats, typically sleeping for about 80% of the day.

We headed back to the reserve and washed the vehicle, as promised, to thank Moses for taking us out on his day off.

Sunday 17th July

14The animals we saw on my first game drive at Kwantu

15We goat stuck and had to be rescued

During the week we wake up at 07:00, meet at 07:30 and go to work for a few hours. At 09:30 we have breakfast and work again from 11:00 to 13:00. The last bit of work is from 14:00 to 16:00, then we’re free to wash. Dinner is served at 18:00 and afterwards we mostly entertain ourselves for the evening - the co-ordinators may put on the occasional movie night for us.

There is an old enclosure in the middle of the reserve, once used to house the lions as they were growing up. A watering hole is going to be created in its place, so our job was to dig up the metal poles once used for fencing. As they were cemented into the ground we had to dig deep around the cement blocks and lever them out. Working with Jo and Pat, we somehow managed to find the largest slab of the group and so only dug up one pole.

During the week

After breakfast we went lion tracking and managed to find Zulu, but not Chiedza and her cubs. The lion cubs are at the age where they will follow their mother around 24/7. We returned to the original digging site after lunch and continued our work.

That evening I headed over to Kubs Quarters and played Poker on the patio with the majority of Kubs’ residents, followed by Uno with Pat, Jackie & James. Later on when most people had gone to bed, Courtney, Sinead and Phoebe taught me a few more card games.

Monday 18th July

18Digging the fences up from the old lion enclosure

The game on the reserve must be periodically caught in order to vaccinate them, paint them with insecticides, or possibly to relocate them to another reserve. William decided that today would be a great day for game capture. We tried and failed twice and unfortunately the day was very long and not very productive. In the morning we were instructed to set out three layers of netting at the bottom of a clear stretch of land and William, on his motorbike, was supposed to herd the game into the nets so we could paint them with a tick repellent. We had to wait behind the bushes, else the animals wouldn’t willingly run towards the nets.

Unfortunately the motorbike's engine failed and even after it was fixed William just couldn't seem to drive any game in the right direction. After breakfast, Dave took us into the predator camp. We saw the Bengal tigers, the adolescent lions and lionesses and the white lions. The predators are kept here in order to allow the game population to flourish as Kwantu is still a relatively new reserve.

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We were also shown the various skulls and how to identify the different types of game.In the afternoon we had to crouch behind very small bushes in front of the nets at the second game capture site. This idea seemed rather unattractive considering we were lying right under the potential stampede that was about to occur. William had prematurely managed to herd a small group of animals, which we saw running past the jeeps en route. The land was very boggy and two of the jeeps got stuck. We had to walk the rest of the way. William was pretty pissed off - apparently it was our fault as we should have got the nets up faster. Dave told us to ignore him. We headed back and, desperate for the toilet, I jumped into the first Land Rover I could find. As there were no available seats, Melissa let me sit on the little black platform between her and Iris in the front. The ride was bumpy and uncomfortable!

Tuesday 19th July

22Inside the predator camp

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24Game capture sites one (above) and two (below)

25An African Hoopoe that flew into Tented Camp and wouldn’t fly out again

The morning was spent removing foreign vegetation from the reserve (AKA weeding) and after breakfast we packed our lunches and headed to the Elephant Sanctuary. After picking up and transporting the faeces to the compost heap by wheelbarrow, we did a little more weeding to make the field look nice for the Kwantu guests and made the elephants’ beds using hay. We then fed the elephants and had a quick ride while Prosper explained the differences between the African and Asian species. We ate lunch and waited around for about an hour. Unfortunately the staff’s cat had got into Jo’s bag and helped itself to her sandwiches. We then headed into the valley and watched the elephants roam the land; it was fascinating to watch the sheer power and control of their trunks as they picked up grasses and broke branches from the trees. Before heading back, we removed some more foreign vegetation. This was more fun, than before; swiping at thistles and alien plant species with sharp cutters.

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At dinner there was no vegetarian food left as some people had decided to help themselves to an alternative meal. Mamma Lydia, the head of the kitchen, seemed rather upset, but, noticing a bowl of pasta on the side, I asked if I could have that instead. She grated some cheese and I was content. After dinner she was still worried I hadn’t enough and started to offer me rolls and bread to take back to the dorm in case I was hungry later. I assured her I was fine and left. The staff here are so lovely and really look out for you.

That evening I watched The Grudge with Tented, and then we had to watch Jackass for a bit as some girls were too scared to go straight to bed.

Wednesday 20th July

28Feeding time at the Elephant Sanctuary

29Walking with the elephants and removing alien vegetation

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First thing, Dave picked twenty volunteers from those who had been bothered to wake up, to go and visit the local school children. We did a little more weeding that morning and as we returned the tools I noticed a broken bow saw blade on the floor. I asked Dave where it could be disposed of safely. “Safely?” He laughed. “You’re in Africa mate, chuck it in the corner”.There was a bit of a fuss over who should and shouldn't go to the school as there wasn’t space for everyone in the minibus. The school children had just returned after their Winter holiday, and because those that had decided to sleep in were leaving at the weekend, they complained at Dave’s earlier decision. After a short changeover, we set off.

As we passed through the shanty town near the school the noisy coach suddenly dropped into silence. We passed a field full of makeshift houses and although we never went into the village, it was clear to see that the living conditions were about as basic as you could get. At school the kids were given their weekly hot meal - chicken, rice, vegetables and an orange.

These sticky hands were soon all over our cameras and jewellery. I let them try out my camera - 190 shots were taken in the time. One child also tried my watch on and gave me it straight back, although Courtney wasn't so lucky as she never saw her ring again. The kids mostly just wanted some attention; piggybacks, cuddles and photos, although the older children, aged about 14, weren't happy as we were right in the middle of their football game. "Get out of the way..." one little kid said in a heavy accent "...Please". I think he was trying to be as polite as he could. Another child tried to feel the pockets of my jeans - he found my wallet and kept repeating the word "dollar" rather forcefully. I didn’t give him any money as all the kids would have expected something!

We left the school and went lion tracking with Dave in the afternoon - unsuccessfuly, seeing nothing besides the warthogs, which Gabby insists are “majestic and graceful” - they really aren’t anything of the sort! In the evening there was a campfire at Kubs.

Thursday 21st July

32Kwantu provides the children of a local school their only hot meal once a week

33The older children played football while the younger ones just wanted some attention

Before

breakf

Before breakfast we dug holes in order to plant trees for the enclosure and afterwards we went on a wilderness walk. The group of volunteers who had just arrived got to play with Eris and Bangles, so I wanted to stay behind and join them. Dave said it was my choice, but promised I'd be able to interact with them sometime next week.

The 25K wilderness walk was primarily done to patrol the fence and check for any holes, which are plugged to stop the animals escaping. It wasn't an easy hike; hills were difficult to climb both up and down and the soil was so dry it was hard to keep your footing at times. Pat kept teasing Dave about how he was a perfect match for her daughter and how she'd love to have him as a son-in-law. When we got to the top of the hill the view was spectacular. We had lunch overlooking the outskirts of Kwantu and headed back to the minibus.

We got back to the reserve quite late and went to the dining room for dinner. One of the kitchen staff had music playing on his laptop and it was a great atmosphere as the weekend was upon us. As he finished setting up the dining area he switched the laptop off. I told him to leave it on, he beamed and we all queued up for food. Soon after we had sat down, the lights went off and we were without power for the remainder of the evening. It was actually really nice not to have power, aside from scrambling about the place to find the toilet and our beds. We took candles back to tented and played card games until we were bored of James and his idea of how to play cheat: "two aces" "three eights" "you can't to that James" "but I didn't cheat, did I?”…

The stars in the sky were so clear as there wasn't an active light for miles, but unfortunately the pictures I took didn't come out. Such a shame!

Friday 22nd July

36The wilderness walk

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When I woke up the power was back and after assembling at Kubs, we made our way to a B&B in Port Elizabeth that’s owned by Kwantu, called “Al Beit”. The accommodation was nice, with indoor showers and dorm rooms that were actually warm. On arrival I sat outside with Ed, Julian, Remi and a really quiet guy called Simon. Ed and I vowed to bring him out of his shell at the weekend.

We walked around the Boardwalk, went for a pint at lunch and returned to the B&B. That evening we walked to the Liquor Store and played drinking games in Al Beit. Even though we're not allowed to drink on the premises, the staff don't mind so long as we stay out of the sight of the guests in the main building.

When I

woke

It was a really fun night. We played I have never and James was a real laugh. We got quite a lot of secrets out of him - some of which we wish we hadn't.

Late that evening we went out and ended up in a bar called Barney's with Robin; a guy from the Boardwalk markets that had put Gabby's hair into dreadlocks the previous week. James got very drunk and started mouthing off about how much he loves Mugabe in a club full of Africans. He kept calling me "Jewish dude" as loud as he could in the middle of the street after we’d left. Still, aside from the odd embarrassing moment, it was a really good start to the weekend.

Saturday 23rd July

It had been sunny for my whole stay in South Africa until today! The rain was heavy from the early hours of the morning and showed no signs of stopping. It didn’t stop raining all day! Ed went off with most of the lads for breakfast, but I fancied a sleep in so told them I’d catch them up later.

Luckily, a few others appeared soon after the Tented crew left so we all went to The Boardwalk, ate in News Cafe and returned to the lodge. By the time we got back to Al Beit, the rest of my tour group had arrived - they were only spending a week at Kwantu, followed by a week on the Garden Route.When we arrived back at Kwantu, Advance told us all the boys would have to move out of Tented in order to make room for all the new girls that had arrived.

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Unfortunately it was still raining heavily as I shoved everything in my bag and made my way to Kubs as quickly as possible; splashing my luggage though massive puddles on the way. Luckily my stuff remained dry. That evening we all sat around, played cards and had a real laugh.

I'm much happier in Kubs and the new guys seem really friendly too! Gabby managed to approach Simon more successfully than Ed and I and it turns out he’s hilarious thanks to his brutal honesty.

Sunday 24th July

40The Boardwalk in Port Elizabeth

41Saturday night

42

By this time it had been raining for over 24 hours non-stop and the rain was still really heavy. The roads were flooded and the soil on the reserve was completely waterlogged so we were unable to take a jeep out.Nevertheless, that morning a handful of volunteers, myself included, went out to plant some trees. This was still quite fun despite the adverse conditions. We had to fill the holes in slightly so the soil just covered the roots of the trees and then packed more earth around the perimeter to form a shallow pit for water collection.

The latter part was really easy to do in the rain, but by the time I had finished my jeans were soaked through, my gloves were caked in mud and I just wanted to sit in a warm room and eat my breakfast.

After breakfast I decided it was enough, especially as I didn’t have enough trousers to change after every meal. A few people went out to work but the majority decided to stay in and watch a film. A few people wanted me to go over to Tented, but as I really didn’t want to get wet again, I decided to just stay in Kubs.

Monday 25th July

It was wet and

It was wet and cold outside, but I wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to interact with Bangles the tiger cub. I had been waiting for this for too long! She's adorable and while everyone stood in one place I made the most of the experience following her around, nobody seemed to mind. A few times she grabbed my leg and when she jumped up at me, with her teeth firmly clamped down on my hand, all I could think about was someone taking a photo - nobody did.

In the bad weather on Monday night a tree had fallen onto the fence of the white lions’ enclosure in the predator camp. Because it damaged the wires of the electric fence and forced them together, it was continually short circuiting. Dave switched off the power while we steadied a ladder so one of the groundskeeping staff could separate the wires. The lions appeared to look on with great interest at the tasty human who was close to falling in with them. We cleared up the broken bits of tree and spent the remainder of the morning filling in some holes

in the road near the reserve’s entrance. The soil was waterlogged and difficult to shovel, but we did a pretty good job in the end and Dave drove over it a couple of times to see whether it held - it did!

Our group then went on a Bush Walk with Simon as a thank you for working in the rain the previous day. It was focused on the smaller things in the reserve - mainly plants, ecology and history of Kwantu, Simon tried to convince us that the reserve could provide all we would ever need to survive, sat below a tree he claimed was thousands of years old and showed us a tool that had supposedly remained under the tree since the dawn of the Bushmen thousands of years ago. When Simon tried to encourage us to try our hand at poo spitting, only Tahnee and James stepped up. Tahnee placed the hard, sun-baked, spherical piece of poo in her mouth and everyone was silent... “Remember, spit don’t swallow” said Simon with a grin. The group burst into laughter and Tahnee almost choked.

Tuesday 26th July

44Kwantu Kubs Quarters

45Predator interaction with Bangles

46Repairing the electric fence - closely watched by the camp’s residents

47Bush walk with Simon

Ill and with little sleep during the night, I decided to sleep in. Julian wasn’t feeling too well either. After lunch Dave’s group went Lion Tracking. Both signals from Zulu and Chiedza’s tracking chips appeared to be coming from the same place, the only problem was that they were on the other side of the valley near the old abandoned lodge and Dave said there was no way we'd get there. There were no routes that led to the old lodge and the soil was so waterlogged from the rain that we’d almost definitely get stuck if we tried. After a little searching Dave decided to go for it. Our vehicle attempted to climb the waterlogged hill, but was skidding all over the shop. Dave told everyone to get out and we made it. Both signals were so strong at this point, and aside from a glimpse of the cubs last week, nobody had ever seen them. Dave couldn't resist. We kept edging forward until Scottish James saw Zulu, happily sat in the sun.

Everyone was so excited, but then Chiedza emerged from the bushes. followed by two gorgeous little cubs. We sat watching them for ages. I climbed onto the top of the jeep and took as many photos as I could.

49

As the cubs got braver and edged closer to the vehicle they stopped behind a bush. I asked Dave to ease forward so we get a better view, but as soon as the engine started one of the cubs scampered off, and when the vehicle moved forward the other one followed.

We started back to Kwantu on a massive high but got stuck. Pushing and revving the engine only sank the vehicle deeper so we waited for help to arrive. The tractor finally found us, but in trying to pull the jeep out it also got stuck on its third attempt. Dave had no choice but to interrupt William's busy television viewing schedule and ask him to rescue us. We were all told not to acknowledge him, not to speak to him and not even to speak to one another. Even though William stopped his vehicle short of the mud, we got stuck almost immediately. "Now I'm pissed off" he exclaimed as our hearts sank. Luckily we somehow managed to push him free and we soon arrived back at the reserve, knackered and an hour late for dinner. For some unrelated reason, dinner was postponed by an hour that night, not that we even cared after seeing the cubs. We promised Dave we would help dig the vehicles free the following morning.

Wednesday 27th July

50Lion Tracking with Dave

52

53Chiedza and her cubs

54Our vehicle got stuck, followed by the tractor. William had to come and rescue us

55

57

Dave didn't come to collect us in the morning, we were told that a second tractor was being sent to rescue the stranded vehicles, so we went alone to continue weeding the nursery (herb garden) as instructed.

After lunch, Dave's group were meant to be going for a Wilderness Walk, but as I still wasn't feeling my best I asked if I could go to the school instead. This time I took a load of sweets for the kids and they put on a little dance for us. It was really nice to see some African culture. The sweets were impossible to give out fairly; you were immediately swamped, with no idea who’d had what, so I gave them to the teacher to hand out fairly at a later time.

That afternoon there wasn't much to do. The morning’s rescue mission had failed; two tractors were now stuck on the reserve and Ed and I decided to help if we could.

We waited, but the ranger students had already set off and never came back like we were told they would. Eventually, after wandering about the touch farm for a while, the boys returned and Ed, Simon, Julian, Remi and I had a short look around the predator camp with Densely. We went over the different skulls and bones and teased Ed for not being able to correctly identify them - his exam was two weeks from now.

In the evening we drank a little of what alcohol we'd brought back from Port Elizabeth and had a good laugh. It was the eve of Remi’s birthday, but he was tired and went to bed early. The girls woke him up at midnight, he groaned and muttered a thank you but the following day said he had no recollection of any such thing happening.

Thursday 28th July

58The children put on a dance for us at the school

59

61

The two tractors were still stranded in the middle of the reserve. William must have decided more manpower was in order because we all headed out to dig them free.We dug around the massive wheels of the tractors as much as we could and tried to wedge stones and wooden planks beneath them. As we dug deeper the soil became more waterlogged and it was impossible to drive them out. We eventually gave up and after breakfast we had the option of continuing digging or chopping trees instead. Since I hadn’t done tree chopping and everyone always talks about how fun it is, I decided to take the change of scenery.

Tree chopping was really fun with a machete, but I found the axe difficult to use; rarely hitting the tree itself and more often just digging up the earth around it.

Robbie and Simon followed a short while later and reported the successful removal of the tractors. Simon and Julian didn’t really help with my axe wielding skills; the more the guys laughed at me, the more stressed and useless I got.

That afternoon William let us all back in to see Bangles. He must have been in a good mood now the tractors were finally free, and he was down there anyway as he was about to give the hotel guests a private interaction session. The evening was pretty much the same as the night before, except Remi got a birthday cake from the kitchen staff and Phoebe got it right in her face. We also gave James a glass of coke with the tiniest bit of rum to see what would happen. He still got drunk, though not as much as usual, and we managed to convince him to get into the trunk at the foot of a bed. That was my last night in Kwantu...

Friday 29th July

62Two tractors got stuck trying to rescue Dave’s Range Rover

63Tree chopping

64

65Predator interaction with Bangles and Eris

66Remi’s Birthday

67

Before leaving for Port Elizabeth, Dave let his group in to Bangles' cage for a short time, as promised. In PE the first thing I managed to do was to lock myself in the toilet. I waited there for approximately 2 hours while Simon, Julian, Tahnee, Hannah and a few others tried to get me out. After an hour they left for the Boardwalk as it was already 13:00 and getting late for lunch. The manager finally got permission to call a locksmith and an hour later I was free. Feeling bad, the manager drove both myself and Julian, who had waited, to Barney’s.

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The others had walked and had literally just sat down and ordered drinks by the time we arrived. I bought Tahnee, Hannah, Simon and Julian an ice cream in Dolce for waiting for me - not my idea…

That evening we ordered take-away pizza and had some pre-drinks before heading out. We spent the night in News Cafe and Simon even came out with us! it was a pretty decent night for all and afterwards we went to the casino where Julian laughed at Simon for losing 70 R (£7)…

Saturday 30th July

I was woken up at about 6:00 by Flo and Gabby, shouting that they were leaving and we all had to wake up to see them get into the cab. They pulled my covers off and we all headed outside. We were waiting in the cold for about an hour and eventually decided to move into the main lounge area at Al Beit, where we fell asleep until we were awoken by the taxi’s arrival. We said our goodbyes and all headed back to bed.

Waking up at about 10:30, we headed to News Cafe for brunch and went to the market, where I bought a stupidly large, but awesome looking hand-carved wooden rhino for 472 R (asking price 1200 R). We went back to Al Beit and the minibus to Kwantu was about half an hour early so we all said our goodbyes.

I was woken up by

In the evening I went to Leonardo's with the Garden Route people for a nice meal, but when we tried to get into Barney's at about 10pm it was just closing. We took a taxi to the Liquor Store, hoping to play some drinking games back at Al Beit, as we’d been discussing our favourites at dinner, but it was closed. We ended up right back at News Cafe, where we met up with Jackie, James, Pat, Anne and James B, who'd been for their own meal elsewhere. I had three absinth and white rum shots and felt no effect - James B had one and vommed immediately. We sat in the smoking area and chatted for a while and by the time we got back I was knackered and missing Kwantu so just went straight to bed.

Sunday 31st July

70Farewell to Kwantu

71Weekend in Port Elizabeth

72

73

74

I woke up early to post the rhino I'd bought yesterday. At breakfast I saw that Robbie had come back from Kwantu to visit Alice, which was sweet.

I took a cab to the mall with Hannah and eventually managed to wrap the rhino at the hardware store - they gave me a free box and newspaper and I only had to pay for the bubble wrap and tape. I managed to post the item for about 370 R and when I asked if it was insured, the woman replied in a rather obnoxious tone “If it breaks it breaks; you didn't ask for insurance". The taxi driver waited for us the whole time and didn’t charge a cent extra for it so I gave him a decent tip.

The Garden Route people had just woken up by the time we got back so I said goodbye to Hannah and the others and joined them for brunch at Wimpy’s.

Afterwards we met Patrick back at Al Beit and he drove us to the apartheid museum at Red Location; the oldest settlement of Black people in South Africa. The museum was interesting and delivered a powerful message, but it was mainly just panels of text and photos, I felt that it would benefit from being more hands-on.

We had a quick walk along the beach to Barney's for dinner and drinks, but I didn’t stay out too long as I needed to pack and sort out a few things before the Garden Route trip. Some idiot had managed to put a virus on the PC at Al Beit which hid all the files on my memory stick. Alice was panicking as she also had the same problem, but luckily our data remained in tact.

Monday 1st August

75

Our accommodation at Jeffrey's Bay is excellent; a cute little backpacker's lodge right on the beach. There's a bar and people are still here from the surfing festival a few weeks back. The only problems are that the patio door fell clean off when we tried to open it and the sliding bathroom doors neither lock, nor fully conceal the doorway. We went for lunch at a local cafe and had a surfing lesson.

Although I had all the principles I needed to surf, I tended to rush the steps and could never seem to keep my balance for longer than a few seconds when standing up, but it was really good fun. One time I put my foot too far forward so the board took a nose dive as I was being propelled by the wave, and I was flipped off. When I surfaced, the board came down on my head - luckily we weren’t the professional ones,

After our lesson, Maggie, Emma and I stripped off our wetsuits and ran back into the freezing Indian Ocean. Unsurprisingly it wasn’t long before we decided to head back to the lodge. Some people from the morning surfing group had gone horse riding, so we waited for them to return and ordered pizzas for dinner at the bar. We got photos from the lessons and had a relatively early night so as to wake up in time for the drive to Tsitsikamma.

The guys: Robin [Berlin], Matt [NYC] and James [London] are all really easy going and we spent most of the night teaching Robin essential phrases such as “splendid”, “off the hook” and “praying to the porcelain God” as well as mocking different people’s accents.

Tuesday 2nd August

77Jeffrey’s Bay

The drive to Tsitsikamma was (as always) estimated to be “about an hour” by our tour guide Walter. At the start of the trip I was convinced that I wouldn’t ever do a bungee jump, never mind the highest commercial jump in the world, but I managed to talk myself round to about 90% certainty. I was going to do it, how hard could it be? That was until we got to the destination and I saw the drop. That certainty plummeted to absolute 0. There was no way in hell I was going up there!

While the brave ones of the trip went to bungee, we took to the zip wires for the waterfall route. It was really charming, the zip lines were good fun and the views were also pretty cool. We went for lunch at an awesome location by the coast, with spectacular views and crashing waves, followed by the suspension bridge trail, where over 35 different insect species had been discovered since the year 2000. Unfortunately the main bridge was closed and the only one that was open to the public was pretty lame. Nevertheless, the walk itself was a pleasant one, with great views.

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We travelled to the lodge, which wasn’t as nice as the one at J-bay, but it had a bar and a campfire. The boys had to share a little outdoor hut with another backpacking couple, but they were really nice and the only real problem was the toilets; three for the 13 of us plus a handful of other lodgers. There was an outside toilet, but one was full of flies and the other had holes where the windows once stood.

The highlight of the evening was an awesome ‘60s cafe called “Marilyn’s Diner” where we went for dessert after the small meal provided by the backpacker’s lodge. I was in the toilet when everyone left by coach, but managed to get there by foot with a few simple directions as it was so close to the lodge. It was a little eerie walking along a main road in the dead of night, unsure as to whether I’d been given the right directions, but I found it pretty easily. The cafe was painted in vibrant pinks and blues, and inside there was a jukebox and some amazing Chevrolets from that era. Unfortunately I didn’t take my camera with me, and when we passed the following morning it was closed, so I couldn’t take any photos.

Wednesday 3rd August

80Tsitsikamma - The world’s highest commercial bungee jump

81Zip lining seemed a far more attractive idea to a few of us

83Tsitsikamma National Park

84Tsitsikamma National Park - Suspension bridge trail

85The Rock Dassie - its closest living relative is the elephant

En route to Knysna we stopped off at Monkeyland; a place where monkeys from former pet owners and other locations are taken in order to learn how to live in the wild again. We walked through the forest and saw the different species they had, and took a walk across a long suspension bridge, where a bunch of monkeys were busy clowning around.

When we got to Knyna we had some free time at the Waterfront, where there was a shop selling really beautifully crafted cold cast bronze Massai sculptures. One was of a woman kissing a tiny baby, with a price tag of about 9700 R I told the shopkeeper it was slightly out of my price range, even with the 10% discount I was offered. After lunch we all took a boat ride to the heads; where the Knysna lagoon meets the Indian Ocean. It wasn’t exactly the highlight of the holiday. We sat on the top deck (a small platform at the front of the boat, accessed by a metal ladder).

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The boat ride was cold and windy, and to top it all off we had the cheesiest tour guide imaginable. He tried to crack a joke at everything, even though there wasn’t much to see in the first place.

We went back to our accommodation and were shown around by a short, creepy black lady in an orange hoody, who laughed before the beginning of almost every sentence. The boys once again drew the short straw, being placed in a small outhouse at the back of the lodge. The toilet facilities were lacking, with only two toilets and two showers for the whole of our tour and a few other lodgers. We ate out at an Italian restaurant at the Waterfront, where we had all sorts of interesting discussions, like the origin of words like fuck and how to say cunt in German - fotze. The only plus side of the lodge was that I was able to wash my clothes, but it sucked when, at 4am, I had to run through the pissing rain to use the toilet.

Thursday 4th August

88Monkeyland en route to Knysna

89Boat trip to the Knysna Heads

The drive to Oudtshoorn; estimated at about an hour, was lengthened due to a detour. It had been raining since last night and was still raining when we got to the Cango crocodile ranch. After Kwantu it seemed totally boring to see animals in captivity and it was annoying to know that the animals from the ranch would never be released into the wild. To top it off, they served crocodile burgers for lunch, which Robin and Matt sampled; apparently it tastes like a fishy kind of chicken.

After lunch we promptly left for the Cango caves which were rather spectacular. in the massive first chamber our guide showed us how dark it was by switching off all lights except for a single red bulb the strength of a small candle… when she did that it was very dark, surprisingly… The second chamber was named the good and evil room as one rock looked like a devil’s face, while another formation resembled an angel’s wings, a bible and a cross.

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The third chamber was called the bridal room, due to a slab on the floor that apparently looked like a bed and a column that resembled a champagne bottle. The final room had a hollow structure, nicknamed the drum. The tour guide made an impression on us all by overusing the phrase “Ladies and jaintelmehn” and by instructing us to follow her torchlight every other sentence. She was also bald – just saying!

The accommodation was a massive step up from the previous place; a small building with a double bed, a bunk bed and en suite facilities. As none of the guys were happy to share the bed, James slept in a little room to the side. For dinner Walter put on a traditional braai for us all; a three course meal with a veggie option for myself and Rosie, and all for a measly 68 R each! We all went to bed relatively early as we had to be up for 6am to travel to Cape Town.

Friday 5th August

92Cango Crocodile Ranch

93Cango Caves

We stopped off for breakfast at Wimpy’s en route to Cape Town and the waitress amused us all when she asked who ordered the “boiked boins on toist withoit the boican”. Once in Cape Town we headed to the top of Table Mountain via the cable car. Each car was massive with a rotating floor to ensure everyone was able to admire the full view. it was a lovely sunny day and after a short walk and a few photos we left for the Waterfront to buy tickets for Robben Island. Unfortunately they had sold out until Monday.

In the evening we all went for a meal at Nandos. We said goodbye to Walter, Logan and Boy at the hotel and they left on their eight hour drive to PE in order to meet the volunteers in Al Beit and take them back to Kwantu. We met with up Shalom and his mate at the hotel, waited a couple of hours for the girls to get ready and we all went to a friendly bar downtown.

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When we started to tire of the bar, Matt decided we should go to a club on Long Street, so we piled 13 people into a 7 seater cab and drove across town. Walking down the street about a minute after the drop off Matt was approached by a shifty black dude who asked if he wanted any coke. When he declined, the guy demanded his gold chain unless he wanted “one between the eyes”. I was so thankful that I’d taken the advice of a couple I met on the plane and removed my necklace before arriving in Cape Town. None of us even realised anything had happened at the time. We were pretty much the only white people around, certainly the only white tourists and we decided to call it quits.

We phoned the same cab and got taken back to the hotel. After the girls spent some time running around, we met up and decided there was nothing left to do, so just went to bed.

Saturday 6th August

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After the events of the night before none of us were fussed to do anything and I had the grand total of 170 R on me. All the shops were closed on Sundays and even though there was plenty to do, all the tourist attractions were too expensive as they involved a long taxi ride to places like Cape Point, or Boulders Beach to see the penguins.

Rosie, Matt and I walked to the Waterfront and had a quick and cheap takeaway on the steps by the big screen; amusing ourselves by throwing scraps to the seagulls and watching them swarm to get them. From there, Matt, Amy and I took a cab to the airport and met up with Robin who had been on a Shark Cage Diving day trip.

We passed through security and saw Maggie, Emma and Amy in the departure lounge. As they were delayed, our planes should have landed in Heathrow at the same time, but it was so busy we never saw them. Matt and Robin didn’t need to collect their baggage as they were on transfers to France and Germany respectively, and as soon as I had my baggage I said goodbye to Rosie and Amy and took the tube to King’s Cross.I wasn’t able to get onto the 09:03 train to Leeds, even though it was empty, as my ticket was a “Super Off-Peak” and only valid from 09:06. I therefore had to wait until the next train at 09:25 - Typical England!

Sunday 7th August

96Table Mountain in Cape Town

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98Final Farewells

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