slytherin 101: how to win friends and influence people
DESCRIPTION
Do you wish that you were better at getting people to do what you need them to do? Do you keep getting put in charge of things and then get stuck wondering how the heck you're supposed to get things done? Do you keep getting into conflicts with other people because of stuff you've said, and you aren't entirely sure why? Fortunately, Slytherin House has you covered. Come to this talk and learn the basics of how to hack human relationships, using the tools of cunning and ambition to achieve inter-House harmony. As long as you promise not to use these techniques to support the next Dark Lord, of course.TRANSCRIPT
Positive traits
•Cunning
•Ambitious
•Clever
•Rational
Negative traits
•Overly complex
•Manipulative
•Self-centered
•“Rational”
“A Gryffindor will jump off a cliff. A Slytherin will push someone else off. A Hufflepuff will call in five hundred other Hufflepuffs, and they'll carve a stairway. And a Ravenclaw will get hold of a flying carpet.”Transfigurations, by Resonantao3.org/works/59676
“Smart kids in Ravenclaw, evil kids in
Slytherin, wannabe heroes in Gryffindor, and everyone who does the
actual work in Hufflepuff.”
Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, by Eliezer Yudkowsky
hpmor.com
What a Slytherin wants
•Power: having your decisions respected
•Influence: having your wishes respected
•Optimization: exert the minimum effort necessary to achieve your goals
•Subtlety: keep attention on your goals and accomplishments, not on your methods
The route to achieving all those
goals:
People
People are complicated
And have no manual
But there are basic rules
•We are social creatures
•Our brains lie to us
•We fixate on things
•Even when we’re aware of the bugs in our brains, it’s incredibly hard to patch them
Also, we are vulnerable to cute things.
DISCLAIMER:Don’t be evil.
A lot of these techniques can be readily abused.
People tell themselves stories•People are the heroes of their own
stories
•It’s easier to work inside someone’s story than to work against it
•Stories can change over time
•Sometimes people’s stories don’t mesh with their actions; believe the story
Communication styles
•“Ask”/“Guess”, direct/indirect, qualified/confident, receptive/absolutist, and more
•Gendered, classed, geographic/dialectical
•When dealing with a mismatch: set expectations, raise awareness
Using communication
styles•To establish rapport, match styles
•To perform confidence, go slightly more direct
•To perform authority, go much more direct
•Not matching expectations can backfire
Build up relationships
•Spend time doing “social lubricant”
•Keep track of people as individuals
•Be human (and vulnerable) with people
•Authenticity > constructed persona
Rules for mediating disputes
•Don’t get in between the sides if the conflict hasn’t stopped yet
•Don’t side with each person against the other
• Look for points of empathy, but don’t fake them
Getting Commitment•Some of these can be Dark Arts; use
sparingly and with mindfulness
•People hate saying ‘no’ to a direct request: ask someone personally, and tell them why
•People hate looking bad: get the commitment in front of the group
•Give people something or do them a favor before you ask them to do something
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