shiny & new zine issue #1

8/3/2019 Shiny & New Zine Issue #1

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Dearest Readers,

Shiny & New began, humbly, in 2008 and since thenweve gone from to employ a timeless clich strength tostrength. Incorporating live reviews, album critiques andeveryones favourite end-of-year shenanigans into our eve-ryday musings, weve created a small but loyal fanbase (welove you!) and a blog that not only can we be proud of, but

that has a distinct and virtuous (ahem) goal: to write aboutthe artists and music we love, froth at the mouth aboutand obsess over, in a way that is neither patronising, sexistnor elitist.

This zine is a way to say thanks to yall for clicking onour website every day. The theme, is end of year lists. Yes,thats right! YOU, alone, get to savour our favourite thingsof 2010 (shouted, Oprah style). You veryspecial people get to read our Albums of the Year feature,our singles of the year feature, our pretentiousreminiscences, some comical feminist poetry,our favourite artists, and our favouritegigs. We also take a trip down memorylane to past albums weve reviewed...Who would've thought we had ar-chives dating back to 1986?

We hope you enjoy everyfingerlickin page-turningly goodslice of it. Now weve just

gotta start work on nextyears

Yours, ever more,The Editors of Shiny & New

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Weve not written a poem in agood few years. You know, satdown and thought of somereally good rhyming couplets ormagical metaphors that no onehas ever thought of before. Buttoday, for this article, wethought: why not? We not open

with a jolly little verse, to puta cheeky smile on our readersface? Well, after fifteen min-utes of trying to figure out agood line to pair with Sheonce made the top ten onthe Billboard chart, wedecided there was a rea-son we havent enteredthe realm of poetry forseveral years. And areconsiderably unlikelyto ever, again.

Now that weve got

that out into the open, we canbegin with the show. It wasone of the easiest decisionsweve had to make in a year ofpertinent pop ponderings whoshould be our artist of theyear? Scratch that, this titledeserves proper noun status.Our Artist of the Year (see,makes all the difference!) isRobin Miriam Carlsson, for herServices to Pop Music in theYear 2010. Ifyoure read-

ing this, youknow whoRobyn is, butd e p e n d i n gwhich side ofChristmas youreon you may behallucinating fromgone-off turkeygiblet sandwiches and needreminding.

Robyn is Swedens finest

pop artist cur-r e n t l y

working, andhas been for

nearly a decade. Robyn co-writes and produces all of hermusic, and retains full creativecontrol. Robyn owns her own

record label. Robyn hasw h i t e - b l o n d e

hair (no

S w e d i s hstereotypes here) anda cute little snaggletooth. Priorto this year, Robyn last pro-duced an album of originalmusic in 2005. In 2010, Robyngave us not one, not two, butthree new albums of originalmusic. Ah, its all coming backt o you now?

Much has been spoken

about the decision to

triple her workload,

and it all boilsdown to breaking

the traditional

system. After

five years of

touring and pro-

moting one single album (it

must have been the most re-

released album of all time)

youd naturally want to fuck it

up a bit. Granted, each album

was around eight tracks, but

thats more than enough if

every song is classified good

or above, as was usual the

case. Who would want an al-

bum of fifteen tracks of medio-

cre material over eight bril-

liant songs? Robyns year began

at the end of 2009, when

Dancehall Queen andFembot leaked

to the net. We

were foaming at the

mouth. Being starved

of music from one of

our favourite artists for

half a decade was not

easy, and the glittering

gays of the internet

swooped like vultures.

Both excellent songs, they

were slightly above the

quality of the previous al-

bums non-single tracks. Then

came the big punch to the

stomach. Dancing On My

Own, the song everyone had

been waiting for Robyn to

make since With Every Heart-

beat, blew us all away. Tak-

ing the formula of the afore-

mentioned Kleerup classic (see

right, we conducted a very

high-security covert operation

in Stockholm to uncover it!)and basically amplifying it by a

million, it is the stand-out

track from all three albums

and stands amongst the very

best music she has produced in

her career. Body Talk, Pt. 1

appeared and gave us a greater

variety in sound. The previ-

ously mentioned Dancehall

Queen was a

Diplo special, the

R o y k s o p p -

produced None of

Dem is one of the

most different

things shes put

her name to and

Cry When You

Get Older in-

jected a healthy

dose of flat-out

euphoria. The album or is it an EP? We

dont know, and nor does Miss I Change My

Mind With Every Interview Carlsson was

a very robust mix of styles and moods, but

exactly what fans wanted after five years

since Robyns release. The Dancing On My

Own video was fucking amazing too.

Argh.We caught Robyn live in June. One half

of S&N had already seen her, two years pre-

viously on her last UK tour, and the other

half hadnt, so it was a very exciting affair

it was also her first date in the UK sincepreviously mentioned tour, and her first

chance to debut Body Talk material. Our

review is on the site, but it was possibly our

favourite gig of 2010. Energy, dance, vocals,

wall of synths it was all there. Robyn is an

impeccable live act, and while she has been

confined to venues on the smaller side of

the spectrum since her Britney-level peak of

fame in the 90s, she makes the audience

feel like they are watching a commanding

pop star in an arena. All of Pt. 1 was cov-

ered, as well as some oldies. Whos ThatGirl? and Be Mine! were both given re-

vamps, making them a hell of a lot darker,

but somehow they flowed easier into the

Body Talk stuff despite the Body Talk stuff

not being very dark.

A drumbeat reminiscent of heart-

beats when you see someone youre

in love with necking someone else.

Synthesised sadness. Crying,

screaming and kicking tears.

Lyrics concerning someone youre

in love with necking someone else.

And being alone.

Glory of all glories middle eight,

allowing for maximum effect in

emotional crescendo.

A very specific chord structure,

perfected in secrecy by the Swed-

ish government (with help from

Abba, Kleerup and erm.. Nenah

Cherry) in order to maximise sales

of their foreign exports by

achieving optimum melancholic

dance euphoria.


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The following thirdand final part of the trilogycontained the juiciest of mo-ments such as Time Machine,a collaboration with Max Martin if you dont know who he is,1) put this zinedown cos youaint earnt theprivilege toread it, and 2)he produced

Robyns very firstoutput of mate-rial, which wasgood in a Britney/Christina/late 90skinda good (ergonothing like whatshes been doing for thepast decade) which con-tained l y r i c s

a b o u t

DeLoreansand such;Call YourG i r l -f r i e n d ,which isbasicallyR o b y nfantasis-ing aboutencour-aging a

guy to break up with hisgirlfriend and run off with her

(a sequel to Dancing On MyOwn perhaps?) and Stars 4-ever, which is about as closeas Robyn has got to cheesy inthis campaign, yet the mes-sages and words defy the lis-tener to not get a warm, fuzzyheart.

Did any of that lastparagraph make grammaticalsense? Whatever, weve madeit to the end of our whirlwind

track-by-track breakdown ofBody Talk. The final instalmentis still a point of contention forus here writers, as we (likemany of our readers yes

wererefer-r i n gt oyou)

h a v esomething aca-demics are beginning toterm iTunes-related ObsessiveCompulsive Disorder. To applythe condition to this example,were talking about Robynsown indecisiveness on whatBody Talk actually is.To me, theyre one album,and I just decided to release itin three parts because I feltlike I needed to change my way

of working is one of her offi-cial lines on the topic, yetweve also got variations alongthe lines of each part being analbum in its own right, or anEP. Fine, fair enough. So whathappened with Pt. 3? It wasreleased along with Robynsfavourite bits from the otherparts as an album termed BodyTalk, but then what do you doif you already have the other

two parts, in full? What if youjust want the new material?

Thankfully artwork wasreleased for just a Body Talk,Pt. 3 EP to satisfy us freaks,but there still isnt a physicalversion. Since we invested inPt. 1 on compact disc (oursummer was spent touring thelocal by-pass with None ofDem blaring out of our car)we would have been more than

tempted to complete the tril-ogy if Pt. 3 was available.Whatever, we can move onwith our lives. Well, two grandspent on therapy later. Oooh,

you know what wewould have loved!? A

big-ass Body Talkvinyl set. Oh Christ

yes.So all in all, the cam-

paign was absolutelyfantasticabulous. Not

entirely commercially

successful, but we thinkshe recognises this is her

cross to bear. An amazingpop star who just cant get

that elusive number one.Dancing On My Own did al-right, but the albums werentthe roaring successes theycompletely shouldve been. Itslikely we wont get any newmaterial from Robyn for a cou-ple of years, but we couldnthave been happier with whatshe did in 2010. Three albums,

two gigs and a shit load of bril-liant pop later, were going tocrown our love affair with Ms.Carlsson off in March 2011 withher Manchester gig, which wepresume will be her last in theUK for a good couple of years.Robyn you are the Shiny &New Artist of the Year, andBody Talk is our Album of theYear. Robyn, we salute you!

Pt. 2 popped up a few monthslater, with an electronic versionof the acoustic Hang With Mefrom Pt. 1 as lead single. Thething we found with the wholecampaign was that the qualitynever subsided for us. With aproject such as this, it can beexpected that all the juicy crea-tive energy would be swallowedup in the first release and even-tually quality overall would dip;

to be honest, nothing betterthan Dancing On My Owncropped up but thats fine. Thatwas the first single from theentire campaign, and nine timesout of the ten that is the case.However, the albums as self-contained pieces of work werepretty equal and each displayedan impressively solid standard ofmusic. Having said that, out ofthe three Pt. 2 ranks as leastfavourite.

Crackers included

opener In My Eyes (absolutelyentrancing when performedlive), Include Me Out (a per-sonal favourite of other S&Nwriter) and Love Kills. TheSnoop Dogg duet Criminal In-tent had moderately fiercelyrics, but we just cannot takeanything seriously if its outputfrom an artist who calls him-self Snoop Doggy Dogg. WeDance to the Beat has to rankas our least favourite song fromthe entire campaign; we think it

was meant to come across assomething along the lines ofDont Fucking Tell Me What toDo, but while the former hadthe fortune of providing an im-pressive opening to an album,the latter just came off as abit drab. Having said that,were not ones to focus on thenegatives; In My Eyes wasliterally top-class single mate-rial, as was Include Me Out.

And as for Indestructiblewell. We made a point of pur-posefully not listening verymuch to the acoustic recordingtagged onto the end of Pt. 2 aswe felt that our over-listeningof the acoustic Hang With Mesomewhat impaired our enjoy-ment of the fully vamped upelectro version (read: we werefucking bored of it) and we be-lieve this was for our benefit.

Indestructible ranks as num-ber two in the entire Body Talk

catalogue. A frenzied bubblingstew of Italo-disco strings,synths and a punch-your-hand-in-the-air chorus/lyrical theme,its a more optimistic WithEvery Heartbeat, and if youhavent already gatheredfrom this article, anyvariations onthe theme ofWith Every

Heartbeat arefabulous withus.

Dancing On My OwnIndestructibleInclude Me OutTime MachineFembot


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he first timeShiny &New be-c a m e

aware of Nicki Minaj,she was gurning, af-fecting a ridiculousCockney-by-way-of-Australian accenta n d m a k i n gMariah Carey looklike a parody ofherself in herown video (nothard, admit-tedly). Anyfemale rapper(and yes, wehate theterm, butits less inele-gant than arapper who hap-pens to be female)is enough to raise aneyebrow of interestover at S&N HQ, be-cause they dontcome along all that

often, and their suc-cess rate is evenmore sporadic.What caught oureye even morethan the fact thatMissy Elliott, LilKim, Eve, Lauryn Hilland the exquisite Khiaare all missing in ac-tion, thereby creating a

femcee (*shudder*) drought, is that NickiMinaj first blipped on our radar singing

about a man sleeping with a maledeacon and gesticulating wildly like

a drag queen.Needless to say, our queer little

brains kicked into interestedmode. Since then Ms. Minaj has fea-tured on what feels like hundreds ofsongs many of which have beenenormous hits and released a solodebut album of her own (more onwhich, later). What we adore aboutthe woman, aside from the way shemakes RuPaul look demure and sub-tle, is that she is genuinely, almostprodigiously, good at rapping. SO

good, in fact that Kanye West, of allpeople, reckons she has the potential

to be (one) of the worlds greatest rap-pers. Now aint that an endorsement?

Even without it, were perfectly capa-ble of judging her enormous

talents ourselves.This is a woman who

rhymes Sri Lankaw i t h W i l l yWonka, like itsthe most obvious

thing in thew o r l d , a n dweaves rhythmic

patterns togetherso frenetically she

puts 99% of otherrappers totally toshame. Consider LilKims recent disstrack Black Fri-day: on it,

Notorious Kimberley prettymuch employs one rhyme scheme/rhythm/tone of voice throughout theentire song, leaving the listener grap-pling to stay awake. Minaj is never thatlazy. In her lengthy feature on TreySongz Bottoms Up she stops rappingentirely to breathily reappropriate ahook from earlier in the song, andthen explosively spits out, all rapid-fire: REST IN PEACE TO ANNA

NICOLE SMITH, like it makes all thesense in the world. This is an intelli-gent woman, with a seemingly end-less and boundless imagination.It brings us to the subject of hersolo material, which even themost hardened fan would have toadmit has been hit and miss, but thathonestly doesnt matter. When careersare looked back on, its rarely the firstalbum thats concentrated on indeed,if many artists with long and fruitfulreleasing histories were to be judged onthe strength of their first album, theywould have few fans and almost nocritical acclaim to speak of. So we (andyou) shouldnt fret. Nicki Minaj can,and will, do better than her first album(which we don't want to undersell ithas its moments of pure unadulteratedgenius). And that, in a rather truncatedand prolix fashion, is why Onika NickiMinaj Maraj is our New Artist of theYear. Shes brought us laughs, joy,quotes galore and a video of Michelle

T r a c h t e n b e r g r a p p i n g .So theres always that.


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Swanlights Antony and the JohnsonsIf you thought it was impossible for Antony Hegartys music togrow even more beautiful, you were wrong. Swanlights is sofragile, so delicate, so threaded through with a bittersweetdespair, you find yourself unsure whether you should cry,smile or do both. The lyrics are especially and charminglyoblique, the album is like nothing else.

All Days Are Nights (Songs for Lulu) Rufus WainwrightWainwright may be one of the cleverest people in popbut occasionally his music is overcomplicated and his

voice flat when set against his rich, ornate arrangements.Not on this album, a pared down masterpiece borne from

Rufus grief at his mothers deaf. His piano playing isboth modern and timeless, his songwriting: frenetic and

heartbreaking.

Have One On Me Joanna NewsomHow do you follow up arguably one of the greatestalbums of all time? Triple it, apparently. This 3CD ex-travaganza is so expertly wrought it leaves you(literally) breathless. How does Newsom fold suchspellbinding interlocking rhythms and melodies intoeachother? How does she weave stories so meandering

and heavy with meaning? An incredible achievement.

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The Suburbs

Arcade FireNostalgia for a simpler time is the theme for Arcade

Fires third album and it says a lot that it speaks so di-rectly to someone only 20 years old. It says a lot about

how fast our rapidly-developing world has changed.And it says a lot about the skill of Arcade Fires song-

writing turning a semi-clich subject from somethingpotentially trite into something sumptuous and heart-

rending and bleak.

Pink Friday- Nicki MinajWe may still be a lil biased due to this being the only thingweve listened to for a fortnight, but this was the biggestfresh breath of hip hop air weve taken in a very long time.Her raps are intelligent, funny, bossy and have somethingto actually say, while we must admit were more thantaken with her ridiculously trashy look. Her singing voice ispretty-bordering-on-quite-good, and her knack for samplingfucking good songs is more than endearing. The best vocalriff from Dont You (Forget About Me) (The BreakfastClub anyone?) is used to a magical effect on Blazin.

Flesh Tone - KelisA brave new direction from an artist previously well

established in a rather rigid set of genre constraints,Flesh Tone reflects a desire for experimentation andnew tastes things we love. The music is certifiably

incredible, with the very best producers in the field ofdance moulding their sounds to fit Kelis rather spec-

tacular personality. The music is glorious, the imageryis exciting, the segues are wonderful.

A brilliant album.

Head First - GoldfrappWhile (unusually for such musical innovators) appear-ing at the tail end of the brief but blissful resurgence

of 80s synthesised dream pop at the end of the dec-ade, Head First still manages to spin something new

from used yarn. The soundscapes more than meet theexpectations laid down by Goldfrapps precedingreputation and body of work, with truly uplifting

tunes being welcomed into their impressive canon.And the artwork is fucking gorgeous.

Here Lies Love - David Byrne & Fatboy Slim

We werent especially knowledgeable about thework of David Byrne, Fatboy Slim or Imelda Marcos,but if you put them in a food processor (not liter-ally lolz) and an incredibly captivating concept al-bum featuring a plethora of fabulous all-femalesingers (just what we like) pops out, maybe theyshould work together more often. The insufferableFlorence Welch becomes mildly likeable, whileMartha Wainwright, Cyndi Lauper, Risn Murphyand Tori Amos form just some of the remarkablevocal talent. Solano Avenue featuring the previ-

ously-unknown-to-us Nicole Atkins is a highlight.


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Janelle Mone careened into ourlives with her stunning and effortlessly in-ventive EP, Metropolis (Suite I The ChaseSuite), particularly on the track ManyMoons a song so jampacked full of energyand a seemingly boundless set of ideas, itleft us literally breathless the first time weheard it. Ohhh, we thought, what the hellwas that?! It was like Andr 3000 had had asex change and decided to cover MadonnasAmerican Life,

produced by MissyE l l i o t t a n dcoached in vocalacrobatics by KateBush and ErykahBadu. Actually, wehate those sorts ofdescriptions, sototally ignore thatand bear in mindthat if youre notalready familiarw i t h J a n e l l eMone (you shouldbe), shes unlikeanything else. Ok,one last compari-son: imagine ifJanet Jackson had10 times the vocalrange she does,was capable of orchestration, lyrical dexter-ity and obsessed with science fiction thenyou might be able to picture just how in-c red i b le The ArchAndroid i s

Thats the thing Ms. Mone is soinventive, her palette of references and

influences so delightfully varied, and hervoice so dextrous and skilled, that its hardto find the words to do her work justice.This album is truly, something to savour(although not perfect, we hope future worksmight be shorter, with one or two fillertracks cut). The tracks blend into each othereffortlessly, and especially since some ofthem are very long and contain manychanges of pace, sometimes you dont knowwhether youve moved from one song to the

next, or not. You enter an endless dream-world where symphony orchestras loom outat you, only to be replaced by punky guitarriffs (Come Alive: The War of the Roses),hazy 70s prog-like ballads (Mushrooms andRoses) and futuristic funk. Some believethat great music is music that does the un-expected: music that surprises. And nothingis more surprising than this album. One mo-ment youre drifting away on a 50s Tears

on my Pillow-

style doowopballad (the stun-n i n g O h ,Maker) and thenext youre bob-bing and writh-ing about to analmost pop-rock,uptempo (ColdWar) . The al-bums crowningglory is its clos-ing number,BaBopByeYa,the must sump-tuous, stunning,sensuous, involv-ing, dark, shud-deringly good 8minute trackyoull hear all

y e a r .Theres supposedly a concept here,

but as is often the case with superior con-cept albums, its kind of besides the point the music takes precedent here. JanelleMones debut album is a work of such raw

genius, its hard to talk about without get-ting passionately speechless, its the kind ofthing you have to experience for yourself.Perhaps itll date badly, perhaps itll stalequickly, but one thing we know for sure:Mone is an artist to watch and whose everymove and experiment we will savour andsalivate over. If you listen to only two al-bums from 2010 make it Robyns Body Talkseries, and this.

Robyn has undoubtedly been theartist of the year, and unquestionably pro-duced the single of the year (in the shape ofDancing On My Own). Shes also released,alongside Janelle Mone, the finest body ofwork in 2010, but her unconventional re-lease strategy has put us in a quandary. Yousee, we have a chronic case of iTunes OCD,at Shiny & New towers, so Robyns epic (inthe traditional sense of the word) Body Talkseries has caused us

no end of grief - arethey EPs? Is therean album? Is there acompilation? *head(s) explodes*

With thefinal, 3rd, instal-ment finally re-leased, we thoughtthat Body Talkcould stand as oneof the albums of theyear. We wanted itto, so that we feltwe had a big over-arching cohesivebody of work to tie2010 together, butthe officially re-leased 15-track al-bum didnt sound right - partly because al-most every song is a heart-stopping, foot-stomping, pulse-quickening, euphoria-inducing, hip-shaking sobathon and 15 ofthose in a row is enough to send anyoneover the edge (one needs light and shadelols) but also because we had gotten used

to each individual instalment, released asan 8 track mini-album, and their individualerm flavours. So this article is praising ourpreferred mode of listening to the Robynsongs released this year: the three separateEPs Pt. 1, Pt. 2 and the digital-only 5-trackPt. 3:

Pt. 1 is the eclectic, masterpiece-riddled introduction to the series, veeringwildly from disco (Dancing on my Own) torobopop (Fembot) to queeny reggae

(Dancehall Queen) to dark electro (Noneof Dem), all deranged and knowing. Pt. 2 ismore cohesive, but with fewer standouthighlights (although the incredible IncludeMe Out and In My Eyes are nothing if notmemorable), much more sinuous and glitter-ing, like a gay James Bonds collective ex-peditions, at once dark, dangerous and in-tense (Love Kills) and then on the incredi-ble Indestructible (Acoustic), both melo-

dramatic and

romantic andyet somehow icecold;Then the shorterand sweet(er),Pt. 3 is the pop-piest, the mostupbeat, jubi-lant, brighteyed,hopeful, not amournful or self-pitying momentin sight fromthe stompathonTime Machineto the heart-breaking pseudo-stalker anthemCall Your Girl-friend, via the

ber-romantic Stars 4-ever. These 3 EPsmay seem like theyd all slot together, butsomehow, they work best (in our humbleopinion) apart. Body Talk may not representa complete or coherent album, in the tradi-tional sense, but that doesnt matter be-cause its an incredible achievement. The

sheer quality here is outstanding! Whichother artist could expel 20 pop master-pieces in 12 months across 3 mini master-works? No one. We make the rules, so wecan just as easily break them. This may notbe your typical album it may be 3 sepa-rately released ones but thats whatmakes it great. Its one of our albums of theyear: a glittering abundance of tracks.


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Hollywood Marina & The DiamondsMeet Me Halfway Black Eyed Peas (2)Mommas Place Risn Murphy (4)

Shampain Marina & The Diamonds (2)Up Out My Face (Remix feat. Nicki Minaj) Mariah Carey (2)Better Than Love HurtsBittersweet (Freemasons Remix) Sophie Ellis-BextorFembot Robyn (3)Not Myself Tonight Christina AguileraDancing On My Own Robyn (3)XXXO M.I.A.Woohoo Christina Aguilera (feat. Nicki Minaj) (3)Selfmachine I Blame Coco (2)

Cupid Boy Kylie MinogueGet Outta My Way Kylie Minogue (2)Hang With Me Robyn (3)Teenage Dream Katy PerryIn My Eyes Robyn (2)Blood, Tears & Gold Hurts (2)Only Girl (In The World) Rihanna (4)Raise Your Glass P!nk (3)Indestructible RobynWhats My Name? Rihanna

Fuckin Perfect P!nkTime Machine - RobynRomans Revenge (feat. Eminem) - Nicki Minaj (2)

W e s t a r t e d o u rcontroversial and now much-

loved Hot Right Now feature inMarch 2009, with the intent of pro-viding an alternative music chart(on Sundays, when the other one isrevealed), so that songs we love,that would otherwise never go Top100 could find their rightful (in ourhumble opinion) places in the Top20. It has its flaws (sometimesveering wildly between nicely var-ied and a chart made up entirely ofone artists album tracks) but we

love it and Shiny & New wouldntbe the same without it.

In 2010, twenty six songs hitnumber one, very few of which didso in the real charts. Amazingly 5of those have been by Robyn and 2each by Rihanna, P!nk, Hurts, Ma-rina & The Diamonds and ChristinaAguilera. Heres a full run down ofall the songs that got to pretendthey were No. 1 smashes in a smallcorner of the internet, with thenumber of weeks they spent there

in brackets.

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Either Katy Perry is a brilliant, brilliant songwriter capable ofmoments of pure pop genius, or the team behind her is. Eitherway, Teenage Dream took us all back to the most romanticmoments of or adolescence, whether they happened or not.

Never one to do whatsexpected of her, Kelisworked with some of theworlds most ubiquitousdance producers (DavidGuetta etc.) and thencame out with this! Noone else could or wouldrelease it: a pulse-quickening house anthemabout the wonder of lifeas seen through newmotherhood.

Marina hasnt had quite the stellar year she, or her team,probably had hoped for. She still hasnt broken into for-eign territories and none of her singles went top 10.Never matter, though. On Shampain, she used thetopic of drunkedness to sing about celestial angels, over abeat that practically glitters. Scathing sarcasm has neversounded so joyous.

We defy you not to dance to this. If you can get from start tofinish without even tapping or shuffling your foot about, thenyoure clinically dead, or something. And that horn section!Exhilarating. Mone released one of the most bemusing andepic albums of the year, but as this song proved, she couldshine in short form too.

Not the follow-up hit to Paper Planes that might havepleased her record label, but never mind. XXXO is a darkdisco-ish R&B number, that, well sort of defies description.Hooky, fun, and quotable as hell itll go down in history as anunderrated gem. Try not to fall for the lines youre tweetingme like tweety bird on your iPhone or I can be the actress,you be Tarantino.

Best song of the year, nofurther discussionneeded. Tear-inducing,stomach-punching, throat

-grabbing; a Robyn-flavoured brand of desperately sadeuphoria. Has been known to actually make people burst outcrying in nightclubs. Which we believe, was the original aim.That synthesised pounding heart-beat will stick with us for

years to come.

What happens when you put a quasi-Whitney-Leona-styleballad on top of a Deadmau5 sample? A fabulous wave-your-hands-in-the-air-and-feel-the-loveanthem quite simply. Wehavent even discussed this summer soundtrack on the blog,

which is rather baffling, but if record labels continue to in-sist on using pre-pubescent popstars, well put up with it ifwe keep getting productions like this.

The first song we heard in 2010 to a) give us full-on shiversand b) reassure our worries and tell us this year was going tobe a good one for pop. Hurts are the injection of Pet ShopBoys-at-a-funeral that we all need, and this song more thananything else on the album gives the listener that rush of ex-citement and sheer joythat we so crave. The mid-dle eight towards the endshould be the standard towrite all future middleeights by.

Were ginormous fans of Annie Lennox, which is a factor wecan only presume helped considerably when we first heardthis track. We love Your Love, and if youve been with usfor the entirety of the zine, youll know we love the Minajtoo. With lyrical themes revolving around samurai and geisha,we were more than happy to keep this beautiful mid-tempo

ditty on loop for the major-ity of the past twelvemonths. If you dont likeMinaj after hearing thissong, you probably neverwill.

A strong contender for the funniest and fiercest songwritingof 2010, Mommas Place was Risns only foray into musicthis year but is a fine example of quality over quantity. Apowerful bass-heavy opening leads into a Mark my words,youll see-style ode to her child, providing an interestingalternative to the unconditional love of Kelis Acapella.


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Emancipate YourselfBraveSpaceshipLil Star (Remix)Young Fresh n New4thof July (Fireworks)MillionaireHoliday/MilkshakeSign Your NameGet Along With YouAcapellaSong for the BabyTrick Me

Shepherds BushEmpire, LondonOctober 1st, 2010

Dressed head to toe in luminescent muscle-covered lycra,

Kelis proceeded to control the dancefloor for 60 sweatyminutes taking us on a cosmic journey through her backcatalogue and latest (sparkling) album. Now, let us getsomething out of the way right off the bat, the lady isfierce. Not a trained or accomplished dancer, Ms. Jonesne Rogers nevertheless strutted, writhed, waved,shaked, shimmied and smiled in the most euphoria-inducing way. And her vocals! Often they are described asoverly weak or husky, but l ive they were on point! Alwaysperfectly in tune, powerful, expressive and with an im-pressive range (despite mic probs).The set itself with its continuous, workout/club-style mix,was perfectly suited to the material and the lady herselfshowed incredible stamina, not faltering or flagging once

despite a gruelling nonstop hour with nobacking dancers or singers to take the reignsand no costume changes or water breaks.The set was very reliant on current or recentmaterial, as some detractors have pointedout, but thats to be expected when an artisttours to support an album, and frankly showsthe strength of the work in question that al-most every single track from it could beplayed live. And what a treat for the fans!Not just was Trick Me the final song, but

also the muchunderrated andneglected mas-

terpieces GetAlong WithYou andYoung Freshn New,paired with themuch-lovedMillionaireand incredibleHoliday/Milkshake fan-made mashup!

(yes, there is a difference)

Very few people have the pres-

ence, magnetism or command ofthe crowd that P!nk has, quali-ties which are required whenfilling a football stadium full ofscreaming fans. It just our luckthat this particular stadium hap-pened to be a five minute drivefrom our home. In one of thefinest concert openings we be-lieve we will ever witness, MissMoore exploded from a jack-in-a-box raised by a crane directlyabove the crowd, landed on the stage via bungee and

yelled (with perfect vocals) Get the Party Started througha steam-punk loudspeaker. Yes, really. A much more laid-back version of the previous

years Funhouse Tour, the Summer Carnivalwas extremely Funhouse heavy (no problem tous, its her best album) with some fan favour-ites and rarities thrown in. So What was per-formed while being thrown around the lengthand breadth of the stadium floor on a cable,while the only thought to run through my mindwas Fuck off Beyonc. P!nk is a superstar,and can put on a show like very few can.

Get the Party StartedFunhouseAve Mary AWho KnewBad InfluenceJust Like a Pill

Please Dont Leave MeSoberIm Not DeadUnwindDrear Mr. PresidentMeanWhats UpWhataya Want fromMeTry Too HardU + Ur HandLeave Me Alone (ImLonely)So What

Ricoh Arena, CoventryJune 24th, 2010


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Bjrk -Debut19931. Human Behaviour2. Crying3. Venus as a Boy4. Theres More to Life

Than This5. Like Someone in Love6. Big Time Sensuality7. One Day8. Aeroplane9. Come to Me10. Violently Happy11. The Anchor Song12. Play Dead

What a rich, exotic, varied jewel of adebut album. Exhilarating house beats, otherworldly vocals, odd spicytouches like South Asian sitar andsaxophone choirs. Slightly blows ourhead off how weird and delightful thisalbum is. But and yes, there is a but

thrown in here where does Bjrk gofrom here? You end your first albumon an unspeakably moving lamentabout having to live near the sea something that sounds wild, yet or-dered, familiar yet like nothing else youve ever ever ever ever ever heard before. And where do you go fromthere? WHERE, we ask you? Can thisIcelandic maverick actually better this work? Were guessing not. We see a

string of much less inventive and in-creasingly unpopular albums, before amuch-publicised stint in a mental asy-lum. We envisage disastrous guest ap-pearances on soap operas, a flirt withlesbianism and a lonely life as a re-cluse with many cats. We mean, seri-

ously, the album is that good, it justcant get any better and there shallonly be disappointment. Failing theabove catalogue of disaster, shesprobably just destined to be the artistwho is featured prominently in a mu-sic mags list of Greatest Artists WhoReleased One Glittering Album and Went AWOL. Shame, as there is SOmuch potential here.NG

Janet JacksonControl (1986)

Youre thinking Janet Jacksons abit of a joke, arent you? A coupleof hilarious records put out at thestart of the decade flopped likelead balloons, and her brother iscurrently the single biggest popstar on the planet. What hope hasshe honestly got? Well wewouldve agreed before we heardControl.

It seems Jackson the Fe-male has had less than reasonablecreative output regarding her

work before, as both the albumtitle and eponymous track reflecther new-found freedom from theclutches of entrepreneurial (that wasputting it nicely) Papa Joe. Whoeverput her in touch with Jimmy Jam andTerry Lewis (they put the magic in the

SOS Bands Just Be Good to Me) de-serves more than a slap on the back, asthe first three tracks on the record are100% bonafide RnB classics. Nasty issure to be a hit in Soho, while WhatHave You Done for Me Lately? isscreaming out for a Michael-style videoepic.

Our personal favourite is ThePleasure Principle, a dancefloor sure-

hit. Youll be catching us boogying to itsoon. Lets Wait Awhile is a cheesy,Luther Vandross-style sentimental messof asking someone to wait a bit longerfor sex, but is undeniably catchy.

Janets got a lot of potential, and wedont think you should write her off justyet. Shes got a pair of innovative, freshand clever producers behind her, andenough wind in her lungs to scare MissCiccone into a few extra vocal lessons.Speaking of which, well have a UK ex-clusive interview with the Papa DontPreach princess next week!AG


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hen I was asked what I wanted to dofor the new Christmas zine by Shiny and New

I said with a smirk that I'd give thema showcase of my talent in a grand, epic poem,

in which, I continued, smugly perverse,I'd formally commemorate a person in verse.In rhyme I would cry, declaim and clamourover the woman of my heart, my one wife, Rihanna.The woman who I have always Rated R,who told me to Shut Up and Drive my (non existent) car,The ruler of my heart who makes me cry 'Te Amo'when she's straddling a pink tank dressed up in camo-flage, (that was poor) Good Poem Gone Bad (soz)over a flame haired vixen who comes from Barbados.

Better call SOS, this rhymed result is Disturbia'd,it can hardly be compared to Popes' The Dunciad.Oh well, no matter, at least it is Rude, Boy,Hardly cerebral but hard not to enjoyIf you love the Only Girl with hair bright as fire,who makes you surrender your Umbrella to the storms of desire,who has locks as Loud as a pimpernel is scarlet-a hue as brazen as the kiss of a harlot,

Who with many a heart can play Russian Rouletteand when asking What's My Name will make you never forgetit-a name and a beauty that can Pon like De Replay,As acknowledged by her accomplice, the stuttering Shy Ronn-ay,A man, like me, awestruck by a woman so Hard,who lacks nothing but a Rockstar's black guitar,A goddess who needs no rules or rubric,Oh please, Rihanna, Don't ever Stop the Music.

TangledYes, its out in America but itdoesnt come out in the UK untilFebruary or something like that. Andits apparently amazing.

New Joan as Police Woman albumYes.

New No Doubt albumFuck yes.

New Bjrk albumFuck YES.

New Madonna albumFuck YESSSSSSSSSSS.

Janet Jackson & Rihanna tours*faints*

It was created with the aim of being amusic video event on the scale of Mi-chael Jacksons Thriller, and unfor-tunately, it was. We say unfortu-nately because in January this yearour love affair with GaGa came to avery abrupt end. We cant compre-hensively explain what happened, but

we think it was a case of over-exposure beyond over-exposure. Sheneeds to fuck off completelyfor afew months and come back with analbum which is genuinely incredible.Forget the This will be the album ofa decade bullshit, just do some goodwork. But the Telephone video wasincredible, it was a remarkableachievement and it was one of thebiggest things to happen in pop for agood few years. So there. Thats allyoure getting out of us Germanotta.

shiny & new zine issue #1

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