relationship - beyond pain and pleasure
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1 | P a g e
Going beyond togetherness
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Taoshobuddha
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Relationship Transcending beyond Pain and P
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MEDITATION LEADS TO ULTIMATE FLOWERING
Relationship
Beyond pain and pleasure
2009, Taoshobuddha
All rights are reserved. No part of this pu
may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval s
transmitted, in any form or by any
mechanical, photocopying, recording or otwithout prior written permission of the
publisher TAOSHOBUDDHA MEDITATIO
TAOSHOBUDDHA.
Printed and Published by: TAOSHOBUDDHA MEDI
Cover design and graphics:Anand Neelamber,
leasure
lication
stem or
means,
erwise,original
S and
ATIONS
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Taoshobuddha
The word Taoshobuddha comes from three words, tao, sho, andBuddha. The word Tao was coined by the Chinese master, Lau Tzu.It means that which is and cannot be put into words. It is
unknown and unknowable. It can only be experienced and notexpressed in words. Its magnanimity cannot be condensed into
finiteness. The word Sho implies, that which is vast like the sky anddeep like an ocean and carries within its womb a treasure. It also
means one on whom the existence showers its blessings. And lastly
the word Buddha implies the Enlightened One; one who has arrivedhome.
Thus, Taoshobuddha implies one who is existential, on whom the
existence showers its blessings and one who has arrived home. TheEnlightened One!
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TTTRRRAAANNNSSSEEENNNDDDEEENNNCCCEEE
BBBEEEYYYOOONNNDDD PPPAAAIIINNN AAANNNDDD
PPPLLLEEEAAASSSUUURRREEE
Going beyond togetherness
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uman relationship is very delicate
phenomena. Each relationship is the way
for the continuation of souls journey. Evolvingout of the womb of the unconscious and
subconscious (past) it journeys towardsfruition. However all that happens in this
process actually happens this very moment.This requires awareness, and understanding ofmany things. In the process of its journey each
individual gets lost and fruition never happens.
The pain or pleasure remains the outcome.
Transcendence beyond these requires
awareness. And unless transcendence happensone cannot really understand the purpose of
relationship.
For the purpose of understanding I dividerelationships into two categories.
1. Static or Blood relationships
This relationship is Static in nature. This is also
known as Blood relationship. This does not
evolve. Your father, mother, brother, sister, andchildren remain the same. As a result the nature
H
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of such relationship does not envisage too many
variations and changes.
2. Dynamic or Self Chosen Relationships
Particularly I am referring to Self Chosenrelationships. This category includes male female relationship within the parameter of
marriage or where sex is also involved. Suchrelations are self chosen. In this category also
comes friendship as this is self chosen. This
type of relationship I call Dynamic Relationship.The growth depends on your awareness. From
awareness evolves your understanding. Your
mind, dogmas, belief patterns etc come to playdominant role.
The basis of each relationship is love and itsunderstanding. Love remains nonchalant in
static relationship. Things are taken for granted.
Nature of love never changes. However in thedynamic relationship love undergoes through
various stages. It begins from the gross and
aspires to attain fruition. In fact dynamicrelationship is the journey of transcendence oflove from baser to the precious. It is journey
from the worldly love to love divine. At its peak
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love becomes friendliness or the quality of your
being. Then it does not remain relationship
anymore.
It is this aspect of the relationship that is the
concern of humanity. This relationship issignificant in many ways. It is not based onblood. Yet still it is the basis of all blood
relationships. All blood relations evolve out ofthis alone. The existential energy as Shiva and
Shakti; or Purush and Prakriti is at play as the
basis of this energy field. In scientific terms wecan say it is the interplay of positive and
negative energies. The entire process of
evolution takes place because of thisinteraction. As we are entering into this realm afew things have to be understood first.
Self chosen implies, the two persons guided by
their sub conscious and unconscious states of
awareness have chosen the other as part of thisrelationship. This cannot be wrong when it
comes to souls journey. Your sub conscious
and unconscious is part of total consciousness.This decision cannot be erroneous as far assouls journey is concerned.
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Soul seeks evolution from this state. And it
wants to attain freedom from the bondage of
body-mind mechanism. It is the sub consciousand unconscious that begins this journey. In the
process you have to journey through dark caves
of the soul. These dark caves are created byyour dogmas, religious beliefs and the mind.The moment mind comes to play its role
problem begins. This you need to understand.You have to trust your initial judgment. As you
traverse through these caves many emotions,
feelings etc emerge and mind fails tounderstand this for the continuation of the
journey. In the absence of understanding we
tend to abandon the one relation and want totake another course. Thus we remainthroughout a traveler and never find a place of
rest. In the desert of Misery, and pain youexperience occasional oasis of pleasure or
happiness.
To transcend beyond pain and pleasure and
thus attain to the state of bliss you need to
understand certain things.
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1. Start being honest and true when you
enter into relationship. And only that allow the
same to your partner as well.2. Start dropping all deception, masks,
faces.
3. They have become habit. So unless youdrop them consciously and deliberately, theyare never dropped and therefore continue to
hang around the neck.
And much pain will come this way. For example,
you are going with her and you see a beautifulwoman and you say to her that you are pulled
by this woman and her beauty. A great desire to
possess her has arisen in you. You are honest.Not that you are going to possess her, but thedesire has arisen. There is fear in you. You are
caught into two situations. If you are honest andthere is lack of understanding in the other this
will create a serious problem. To appreciate and
encounter such situation is quite natural. Insuch a situation if you are honest problem
comes and if you are dishonest that two will
create problem.
Ordinarily you feel it is better not to say such
things to your woman. Even if she catches you
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red-handed still you never confess. And she will
catch you many times, because your eyes will
show. When you look at another woman who isbeautiful and attractive and suddenly a desire
arises in you. Unconscious is playing its role.
You cannot do anything right now about it. It isnatural for such situations to arise. To doanything is possible only when it has arisen, not
before it. But it has arisen now. You can repressit but you cannot do anything else.
Even if the woman catches you, you would liketo pretend that no, it was not that. You were
looking at something else. Do not be untrue.
Then you will be vulnerable to pain. And startby being vulnerable to pain because everybodywants to be open for pleasure and nobody
wants to be open for pain. And the arithmetic is:if you are open to pain, only then can you be
open to pleasure. They are directly proportional
to one another. If you are not open to pain youcannot be open to pleasure. That is why there
are so many people in the world, each
hankering for pleasure, and everybody is in painbecause they have taken a wrong step from thevery beginning.
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And let her also be true, allow her truth. Do not
force her to repress. Allow freedom. By and by
you will learn the bitter-sweet taste of it. It isbitter and sweet both at the same time. And if
you can become available to pain, nobody can
prevent you from becoming available topleasure or joy. You have earned it. By goinginto pain one earns and learns how to be in
pleasure or joy.
So just start opening by and by. And there is no
need to do it all of a sudden and too much, atone time? Because that can destroy a
relationship!
Go in small doses slowly and slowly. Just show alittle part of your real face and not the whole
face at one time. By and by let the mask slip. Letthe mask be loose. Then one day you can
remove it totally. And she will also feel very
happy by and by, because when you startbecoming open, you help her also to become
open. It works in a reciprocal way. She becomes
open. You become more courageous.
And when this opening brings pain you will see
that it has brought a totally new quality to pain.
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It is a quality that is very refreshing. It is painful
and yet cleansing, painful yet worthwhile. It
brings something. It brings integration andsome clarity too. And makes you more aware!
Pain always makes people aware. When you
consciously go into it and there was everypossibility that you could have avoided it. Thewoman was not with you and you came home
and you told her that a beautiful woman passedon the road and suddenly a great desire arose in
you and you did not know from where. Now
there was no need. She was not with you. Youcould have easily avoided it. But it is not good to
avoid. When you have given your heart to a
woman you have to share everything that arisesin your heart. There should not be anythingprivate. Everything should be shared.
Pain and pleasure both should be shared.
Normally this is not so. We only want to share
pleasure. Purposely I am using the wordpleasure because pain and pleasure go together
as pairs of opposites.
This authenticity will bring an intimacy which isnot the ordinary intimacy of married couples.
Married people are never intimate. They simply
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pretend to be intimate. Their intimacy has
motives in it. Maybe to pretend to be intimate is
good for the children. To pretend to be intimateis good for ones own financial affairs, future
securities, respectability in the society. But
intimacy is not there. It is more a formal thing. Ithappens always like this in almost all therelations. There are no moments of silence
between couples. As lover and beloved therehave always been moments of silence. Then you
could remain silent just holding the hands
together and feeling the surge of refreshingenergy. Or you can go on looking at one another.
Such is the not the situation between husband
and wives. They are always talking no, no, noquarrelling all the while and they get silent onlywhen they are angry after the wrestling bout.
You may be fighting with your woman and a
friend knocks on the door. Suddenly everything
changes and you start smiling. The mind comesin and everything is going so beautifully. And
just a moment before you were ready to kill
each other! What happened? This is just a socialface. You are not only deceiving the friendinstead you are deceiving yourself too.
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So I am telling you to move into pain. It is
arduous, dangerous in the beginning. One never
knows what will happen but one thing is certainthat if you can move through pain, pain will
cleanse you of many impurities, of many gross
elements in you. Certainly it will make you moresubtle and more aware too. And through painyou will become available to pleasure also.
When one is ready to suffer pain there is nopoint in repressing pleasure.
We repress pleasure because we are afraid thatif we allow pleasure to have total possession the
pain will also come with it. It is its other side of
the coin. It will come certainly. So people do notgo into pleasure totally! They go verycautiously. Even while making love people do
not abandon themselves. They remain incontrol. A subtle control, a remote control, they
continue with. They keep the button in their
hand somewhere. If something goes too far andthey are crossing the boundary, they turn it off.
But they never go to the very end of it.
The fear is that if you go too much into pleasureyou may be entering the forbidden territory of
pain. It is always there. And this is the pain.
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So start with pain. And if you can be open in
pain! And if you want some time to cry, cry!Where else will you cry if you cannot cry before
your woman? Forget all nonsense that has been
taught that a man never cries. If a man nevercries, he is not a man. Either he is inhuman or heis superhuman, but one thing certain: he is not
man. Cry sometimes. Share your sorrow, yoursadness. Weep like a child in totality. Crying will
clear many suppressed emotions. Crying is
therapeutic.
And the same I am saying to your partner. She
has to do the same. And by and by you will seethat a great INTIMACY is arising which hasnothing to do with society. And with that
intimacy much happiness will happen. You willexplode into happiness.
But begin with pain, and always remember thateverything has to begin in pain. Meditate
together and open your hearts as they are.
Sometimes wrong, sometimes rotten, and othertimes not worth showing to anybody yet stillshow it to your beloved. In this way you will
also help her to show everything. And when all
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the cards are open you are not even holding a
trump card a new kind of intimacy arises on its
own accord.For me Intimacy implies, Before you I will be
totally nude. I will not hide anything. That is
what intimacy is all about. Intimacy is notbiological nudeness. Intimacy is psychologicalnudeness. It is, When you are in the room, I will
be as if I am alone. Your presence will not makeme repress something. Your presence will not
make me change and show something else
which is not there. I will be as natural as I am inthe bathroom when I am alone! Then there is
intimacy.
There is a risk in it! One never knows what willcome out of it. But one thing can be said
certainly, whatsoever comes will be beautiful. Ifseparation comes out of it, it will be beautiful,
better, more beautiful than the so-called
marriage. If marriage comes out of it, it will betremendously beautiful. If there is existing
relationship it will continue its journey for
fruition.