reinvigorating the dialectic volume two

8/2/2019 Reinvigorating the Dialectic Volume Two

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After weeks of theorem busting a teamled by Doctor Hermans from our own highlyesteemed Mathematics Department haveconclusively been able to demonstrate that 107does constitute a majority of 26,073. Themethod began by using the fact that bothnumbers are non complex positive integers inthe real plane, it then employed the basicprinciples of Boolean computational analysiswhich state that close integers statisticallysimilar can hold the same variable (A*=107,

A^=26,073). When compared to B, when B=419,000=astwood, Hermans saw that A*=(1/2)A^ and that therefore A* is a subset of A^consisting of more than half of its members.Therefore 107 is a majority of 26,073.

THE DIALECTICREINVIGORATINGVolume Two

A publication for subversive political satire and the promotion of counter-hegemonic discourse

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SILENT MAJORITY SPEAKS

have inadvertently been forced in to the wideopen, The group originally founded by noneother than Phil Coombes (admin) as a hub forthe effective protection of President MarkHarrop who had said this to say about thegroup We do things very well, but we can, wemust and we will do better, not beingblindsighted by trivial and meaningless littlesnippits, but LISTEN to the students and

encourage the voice of the silent majority.This group wield such power in part becausethey have, as they put it themselves at theirmeeting on the 22nd January 2012, at TheBristol Pear good organisation this hascaused surprise and panic. So good in factthat the Editor was able to discover the 'secret'group on a computer left logged on in theMason Lounge. As well as outlining a complex

defence strategy for a president who l ies the group has been used throughout theelection period. Rob the Builder was delightedat not winning his election for VPDR I'm glad I

don't have to get paid a pittance to work withthem in an organisation whose method of selecting candidates is unlike every singlereal company in the world. That Rob hasspent years living and breathing democracydoesn't seem to have stopped him wishingthat it didn't exist. The group also liaised withSabbs to give them adequate time to preparefor censures that were ceremonially given to

show the group was open to criticism andthe improvement of the Guild by acceptingthat the Sabbs sometimes make mistakesFormed by the same Clique that hold and runfor the majority of Guild positions this groupis not representative of you the student body.Don't let them tell you they are.

The group holds a strong belief in students notbeing responsible enough to ever make anydecisions on anything even slightly important.


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2.

How I found the other in the urinalWhilst I was working in the MainLibrary, the pressures of deadlines for thesubmission of a final year dissertationbrought the more material aspects of our

disjointed human existence back intofocus: I needed to pee.

Once at the urinal, a spectral bodyunexpectedly brushed the swinging door,and swiftly entered the toilet. Who or what was this stuff that was making meuncomfortable, unable to urinate, andforcing me to ponder my own existence insuch dark times?As I reflected upon this majestic event, Icouldnt help but trace every moment backto when I was in my seat. Anotherunexpected event, this time the request ofthe bladder whilst working, constitutedanother unknowable Other. For example,one cannot know how much urine thebladder holds, how much foam it willproduce once in the urinal, let alone how

warm it will be and how much vapour andheat it will emanate. The Other is aspectral flow, unpredictable and irreducibleto quantities or speculations.One might well say that I found theOther in the urinal!

But there is more. At a later date, in theBarber Institute, I was surprised onceagain. My own entry into the Art Decobuildings toilets made the room haunting,as my gaze chased the reflection of myown body in the tall black marble wallsfrenetically.

There, whilst standing in front of the urinal,I noticed the black wood barrier separatingthe two excreting bodies from each other,held by hinges that kept it two inches from

the wall.

Upon glancing at this gap, this terriblerupturing lack in the confined rectal spaceof the humid toilets, I witnessed the -

apparition of a spectral authoritativePhallus. Its bigger than mine!, Ithought to myself. This spectral,unexpected Other, was just as

haunting and transparent as the last,only this time it had constituted itsdominance on me! It undermined anddiminshed my masculinity as aconstituting element of my subjectivity!Oh NO! Am I THE OTHER?! AREYOU THE OTHER?! Is it there, insidethat neatly tucked-away laundrybasket? Or is it that smelly old sock,buried deep under the dirty laundrypile?

The theme of the story really rotatesaround Derrida's conceptualisation ofthe Other as a spectral non-entity,paired up with Deleuze's concepts ofFlows and the Rectum. The messageis that a seemingly 'degrading' textregarding well establishedphilosophies (I am referring here to therecurring 'toilet humour') actually doesthem justice, reiterating thatPhilosophy cannot be contained in aPlane of Consistency. Just like the

very material objects of our social world present in the story, oftenforgotten and obscured by our gaze,the discussion of Derrida andDeleuze's concepts 'flows' like urine.

DUCHAMP


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3.

In short, the story reminds us that thespectral Other can be found anywhere,and perhaps especially, in the neglectedlocations of our daily experience. This, inturn, sparks an important reflection onthe constituting factors of oursubjectivities, undermining our identity

and opening up a radical space for thedeconstruction of our own selves.

Women's Officer electcalls for topless Mermanstatue in the Guild

David Eastwood - Prime Cuts!This week Dave helps us throughthe stages of his finest dish - TheBratworst Sausage.1. Buy (ine)quality ingredients. Irecommend sourcing EU battery meat -

pigs taste so much better knowing theyscreamed until the end.2. Be sure to get you Chauffeur to pickthem up in your outrageously niceJaguar - and certainly don't waste anyof your OWN money purchasing them.A nifty accounting trick to use in thesecircumstances is to write it off asstudent-funded expense.

3. Grind down the meat usingoppressive injunctions and mix them

with well pulped Sociology text books -ignore any Marxists texts however -they're difficult to digest, especially ifyou've used meat from asupermarketised institution.4. Sell them at triple the price, and

justify it by claiming that you need to

'remain competitive'.5. Yum! Exploitation never tasted sogood.

Page three misogyny

After being atsea for manymonths,Leanderhunts around

for a Johnnyhe can use...

On 7th March, in an act of censorshipfrom Redbrick editor Glen KhameneiMoutrie, the newspaper withdrew the mostinsightful paragraph from a valiant expos onthe Guilds systemic oppression of white men.Drawing upon complex statistical data, SarahPullens article Can a man run for WomensOfficer? revealed that 55 per cent ofUniversity of Birmingham students arefemale male students have technicallybecome a minority group. Its high-time thatmore of the loony-Lefts closet-skeletons cameout in full view. Indeed, after reading theexaggerated figures often cited by loud andopinionated women at Birmingham, you wouldbe forgiven for not realising that in fact, sinceat least 2001, few women suffered injury fromhitting glass ceilings. Men, on the other hand,

are filling wards across the city with complaintsof scuff-marks on trainers the case for actionhas never been so clear.

Not content with their ability to brainwash the89% male Sabb-team, local Femi-Nazi groupsare now attempting to cover their tracks byemploying the newly-elected W.O., KristinaIlieva, to make illogical arguments in favour ofa Mens Officer. Ilieva recently wrote thatimplying there should not be a Men's Officersimply because men are 10% less than Womenwould also mean you think there should not bean LGBTQ Officer. Lads the end is nigh.


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4.

RECLAIM THE GUILD FROM RECLAIM THE GUILDThis cunning scheme hatched bySandyha Trott on 'The Silent Majority'forum has the trappings of ademocratic coup detat! It seems that

Trott intends to hijack the organisationand use it to further the almostuniversally agreed principles it iscampaigning on. The tactics trott hasbeen using to achieve her goal arereminiscent of the manner in whichLivingstone's secret group trott groupSocialist Action failed to successfullybeat the Boris clone when it ran for a

second term as Mayor of London She has taken a hands off approach,attending as few meetings as possibleand doing her utmost not to persuade

Apologies to the Birmingham University Back tothe Conservative Futures for getting their namewrong in the last publication. As well as tryingto travel back in time to correct this typo wehave tried to mitigate the Coalitions brutal

welfare cuts. Unfortunately for 99% of us (minusthe Torys) we have failed in both respects Young Conservatives always sounded better.

Content Redbrick can't think of and aren't allowed to think of.

And that'swhen it hit.

Sassoon unexpectedly lost composure asDeputy Chair of Guild Council on Thursdaywhen Matt Saull's motion was passed andgleefully rubbed his hands together in a Grinchlike manner. Analysts over on the 'Low Stake:

Guild Politics' forum later concocted a veryplausible hypotheses to explain Rob's actions.Saulls motion mandated all of Council toattend the next GC in fancy dress - It seemsthat, ever the business student, Sassoon had inthose few seconds recognised the immensefinancial opportunity that was being presentedto him. Most of you probably don't know, butRob has built up a rather extensive andexotic garment collection over his Guildcareer, highlights include the Tiger get-upwhich proved a little too much for Aaron Porterat NUS conference, and his Spongebob creationcarefully crafted from 49p Wilkinsons bathroomscrubbers. Speculation was that the DeputyChair realised that he was in the somewhatprivileged position of knowing there is ademand for embarrassing attire and having asupply of embarrassing attire.After some cursory 'Market Research' Sassoonhas made plans to reopen the chamber for a

Ground-breaking second Guild-Council-Nightin the same week. He plans to make bothSaturday and Thursday as repetitive aspossible but expects students to pack outthe pews because people are monads and

want more of exactly the same. It is expectedthe elastic demand for fancy dress costumeswill be well served by the 'Sassoon FancyDress Emporioom' and that he will profitlike a Nigerian Prince.

Maybe theynever lovedme?

anyone to sign the petition. Sadlythe scheme seems unlikely tosucceed, but Ed bauer seemedgenuinely amazed at the depth of

understanding Trott had of themanner things were achieved innon-hierarchical and structurelessorganisations. The staggering thingis no one, not even me, had everthough of reclaiming an organisationfor the democratic good. So simple.


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Art, comments and suggestions welcome. [email protected]


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For those of you in disbelief about the existence of such a representativeFacebook group here is a gallery of print screens to satiate your hunger forthe TRUTH in guild politics. You have to ask yourself what on earth were theyactually thinking?.....

Caucasian supremacy is consideredvery important by the majority ofstudents. White Power!

Glenwritghtlooks to recreateVirginia Tech onthe radical left

NEVER. GIVE.THIS. MAN. A.FIREARM.

Owner of Globo-Gym James Kendrick has the shackles in the back. Noreally. He does have them.

Sassoon has a tempter tantrum because all the merits he gained in middle schoolfor being the most sycophantic kid in class were entirely useless in the elections.

reinvigorating the dialectic volume two

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