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• •••

JUN -i------ "- - S'

. : ..: 1. 2.

. SOMEBODY CROSSED MY SKIS Then all I d want is a 91ass of beer,

t Combjtjoh to : warm my rear (Tune: , Somebody Stole my Girl) Someone teach m& to steer,

Somebody crossed my skis, Oh, ul' t it be lovely . .

I didn't bendmy knees, _

My skis dug in right uptomytoes, Both tips were broken,

WASN'T. IT JUST LOVELY Rude were spoken. .words - - -

My mouth is full of snow, (Tune: Wouldn't It be Lovely) I've scars that 'I can't show, w returned from a week on skis• If, you could only see.. With lots of bruises on seats and knees, The bruises on the back of me, . They should remove all trees, Won' t someone pass the Icdex please, But wasn't it just lovely Somebody crossed my skis.

- The girls all swooned under Ludwig 's glance,

o LDN'T IT BE iiii Used lots of cotton to mend split pants, Wanted music to. dance,

All I want is a pair of skis,'

But wasn't it dust lovely. Two straight stocks and two well Cohn must have thought that he was

bent knees, wearing roller skates Bourke Street devoid of trecs, He came crashing to the floor Oh, wouldn' t it be lovely, With a dirty big pile of plates. Lots of sunshine and not much glare, No one else holidaying there, What gave Creina that look of bliss, And ski owe everywhere, Twas the deputy-presidential kiss, Oh, wouldn't it be lovely. Then-Harry lined up o

. Oh, wasn't it just lovely. I would twist and turn, traverse

and leap All through the week; I would never stop until, splash. Into the bloomin' creek; .

3.

BE PAEPARED

(with respectful apologies to Mr. Torn Lehrer)

Be prepared, That's the 3ki Club's solemn creed, Be prepared, And be pure in word and deed, Be prepared to point your tips

straight down the hill, Don't be worried if you're slightly

short of skill, Be prepared, Keep your dog clips done up tight, Don't forget, Take your boots off every night, If you climb up with a popsie to

some sheer and dizzy height, And the weather closes over, so you

have to stap all night, Take an outsize sleeping bag that

can be shared, Be prepared.

Be prepared, Don't defile the virgin snow, If you must, Make those holes where they won' t shc: Don't solicit in the ski lodge, that'-

not nice, Unless the Club gets its percentage of

y;ur price,

4.

Be prepared, Try to get a bottom bunk, It will help, Ihen they carry you home drunk, If you go intc the bathroom and you're

only half awake, And you think that Marilyn Munroe must

have got there by mistake, That's just 60*0 with his manly,

bottom bared, Be prepared.

Be prepared, Don't disgrace the piping strike, In the bus, Always take along your bike, Be prepared to hold your liquor pretty

well, Don't write rude words in the snow if

you can't spell, Be prepared, Always carry your own pack, If it won't, Fit on lain Muecke's back, If you're looking for adventure of a

plain old-fashioned kind, And you meet a nice srw-bunnie who is

similarly inclined, Don't be worried, don't be flustered

don't be scared, Be prepared.

R2

I WILL IF YOU WILL

She went for a schuss down the Bull Run. the Bull Bun,

It really was a sha-ame, She broke through some onset on the

Bull Run, the Bull Run, And head over shoulders she came.

Chorus

Singing I will if you will, if yc•u'lJ so will I,

This is your chance, don't let it pass by,

Some say it's naughty, but 1 like to try,

So I will if you will, if you'll so will I.

Now I was out on the Bull Bun, the Bull Bun,

And saw this daring, da-ame, T T-)

her form on the ull Sun, the Bull ISun,

And full of ideas I became.

Chorus Chorus

I helped her to her fee-eet, her fee-set,

And said "re you in pai-ain?", Before she could reply-y, reply-y, She fell head over shoulders again.

Chorus

I carried her back to the lo-odge, the b-edge,

To do what I had pla-anned, But ...@ was therein the lo-odge,

the lo-odge, And he soon had the matter in hand.

Chorus

So if you are out on the Bull Run, the Bull Bun,

And a maid in distress you espy, Don't carry her back to the lo-odge,

the lo-odge, But deal with her right where she lies.

Here preferably insert the name of a medico - but qualifications other than medical ones may also be suitable

'I'MGLAS I DON'T SKI ANY MORE" (Tune: "I'm Glad I'm not Young Anymore",

from "aigi"

How lovely to sit here in the lodge With only the cooking chores to-dodge, I'm glad i.dO't ski any more. No sliding around on icy snow, With crust on the top and ice bel'w. I'm glad I don't ski any more, Here firmly anchored, an armchair skier am I,

7.

I raise my tankard as other fellows L by, "Hero's mud in your eye'."

And if on a bright and sunny day, I venture out lust a little way, I soon get tired and seek that

welcome door, Oh, I'm so glad that I don't ski any more.

No toiling up some confounded hill, When all the way down it's one long

spill, I'm glad i don't ski any more No hurtling down at breakneck pace, To finish up in the water-race, I'm glad i don't ski any more, No aching shoulders, no purple

bruises to hide, No jagged boulders to greet my tender

backside, when I subside, But back ift the lodge when day is done, I'll brag just as rrucch as anyone, I've had the show hut I'll still hold

the floor, Oh, I'm so glad that) I don't sKi any more.

Tune: WIIJDICQME FAIR

John Lewis, John Lewis, lend me your old coach,

All along, down along out along lee, For I want fr to go and visit the

snow.

Chorus

With lain Muecke, Tom Lawrence, Royce Juttner, Cohn Jarrett, Des Barnsley, Sandy Blight, Old Uncle Don Woods and all,

Old Uncle Own 4o-oods and all.

And en shall we meet again, don't be late,

All along, down along out along lee, On Friday morn at quarter to eight,

Chorus

Then Friday came and off we did go, All along, down along out along lee, To Falls Creek slopes with their

cov?ring 'f snow,

Chorus

The path through the snow wasn't clear it is true,

9,

All along, down along out along lee, But all except Clarence knew just what to do,

Chorus

Only Clarence set off for-the top of the hill,

All along, down along out along lee, And all that remains is as left in his will.

Chorus

But this isn't the and of this shocking affair,

All along, down along out alcng lee, Althouah he he dead of his horrid

Chorus

When the wind whisth cold on the snow of a night,

All along, down along out along lee, Old Clarence's image doth appear

ghastly white.

Chorus -

And all the long night be heard skirling and groans,

All along, down along out along lee, From Johnson's projector as films

be shown. Chorus.

10.

DO YOU KEN DON NOODS

Do you ken Don cJoods in his coat so black

Do you ken Don Noods on an ice-covered track

Do you ken Don Noods when he's flat on his back

With his skis up the creek in the morning.

Do you ken Des B with his skis so blue Do you ken Des B with his Barbara true Do you ken Des B with his bum cut too As he stems down the race in the morning.

Do you ken young Carl with his beard so fair

Do you ken young Carl as he meets a. dare

Do you ken young Carl as he sails thru the air

Nhen his skis get crossed in the morning.

11.

Do you ken lain N with his build so slim

Do you ken lain N with his kit so trim Do you ken lain N when he's full to

the brim But sober as a judge in the morning.

Do you ken young Deans with his ease and grace

Do you ken young Deans as he sets the pace

But he'll finish up in the water race With Frank and Torn in the morning.

Do you ken SAS SKI with its piping shrike

Do you ken SAS SKI on a motor bike Which is better than a bus for a long long hike

On the way hack home in the morning.

THESEFOOLISH THINGS

The nursery slopes that bear a learner's traces,

Deep holes dug out in many different places,

And how the wet snow clings, These foolish things, remind me of

you.

12.

The race line on the hill, a famous lunge,

It is an awful Blight to take the plunge, Their skis did not have wings, These foolish things remind me of you.

A hill, a schuss, you loose control And when you see that tree, You somehow know what has to be,

The camera man stands nearby softly purring,

And as you fall you hear the camera whirring,

How fiendishly he grins, These foolish things remind me of you.

The lodge in evenings when the dinner's eaten

He sings a witty song that can't be beaten

und 0-oh how he sings, These foolish things remind me of you,

The happy gang the friendly smiling faces,

The empty bottles and unsteady paces, The trip that each year brings, These foolish things, remind me of you.

L 2 .

PULLY PIWhiNS

I'ma brOken-hearted milkman, in grief I'm arrayed,

Through the keeping of the company of a young servant maid,

What lived on board and wages the house to keep clean

In a gentleman's family near Paddington Green.

Chorus

OH, she was beautiful as a butterfly And as proud a: a Qucen, Was pretty little Polly Perkins Of Paddington Green.

When I'd rattle in the morning and shout ??Milk below",

To the sound of my milk cans her face she would show

With a smile upon her countenance and a laugh in her eye;

If I'd thought she'd have loved me I'd have laid me down to die.

Chorus

When I asked her to marry me she said "Oh what stuff'."

And told me for to hop it, for she'd had quite enough

Of my nonsense - at the same time I'd been very kind.

But to marry a milkman she didn't feel inclined.

14.

Chorus

Now the words she uttered went straight through my heart

I sobbed and I sighed and I straight did depart;

With a tear on my eyelid as big as a bean,

Bidding good-bye to Folly and Paddington Green,

Chorus

Now in six months she married, this hard 'hearted girl

And it was not a Wi-count and it was n t a Hearl,

And it was not a Baronite, but a shade or two iniss,

Twas the bow-legged conductor cf a twopenny bus.

Chorus

FH.ANKIE 'AND JOHNNY

Frankie and Johnny were 'avers, Oh lord hw they did love, They swore to be true to each other, Just as true as the stars above, He was her man, he wouldn't do her wrong.

15.

Frankie went down to the corner Just for a bucket of beer, She said Mr. Bartender, Has my lover Johnny been here? He is my man, he wouldn't do me wrong.

I don't want to cause you no trouble Don't want to tell you no lie, But I saw your lover half an hour ago With a girl named Nellie HUgh. He is your man, but he's doin you wrong.

Frankie looked over the transom, Over the transom so high, There on the sofa was Johnny, Making love to Nellie PUgh, He was her man, but he was doing her

Tong.

Frankie drew hack her kimono, She drew out her little 1 44; Booty toot toot, three times she did shoot,

Bight thro' that hardwood door, She shot her man, cause he was doing

her wrong.

"Boll me over easy, Boll me over slow, Boll me over on the right side, 'Cause the left side hurts me so; I was your men, I was doing you wrong".

16.

Bring out your thousand dollar coffin, Bring out your rubber-tyred hack; I am taking my man to the graveyard, And I ain't gem' to bring him back, He was my man, but he was doing me

wrong.

Bring round a thousand policemen, Bring 'em round today; Lock me in that dungeon cell• And throw the key away; I shot my man, cause he done me wrong.

Frankie, she said to the warder, What are they going to do? Warder he said to Frankie, It's the 'lectric chair for you; You shot your man, tho' he was doing

you wrong

The sheriff came round in the morning, He said it was all for the best, He said her lover Johnny Was nothing but a doggone pest; He was her man, but he was doing her

wrong.

This story has no moral, This story has no end; This story only goes to show That there ain't no good in men He was her man, he wouldn't do her

wrong.

17.

HULLABALOO BALAY

Me father kept a boarding house, Hallabaloo balay, Hullabaloo balay

balay, Me rather kept a boarding house, Hallabaloo balay'.

The boarding house was on the quay, Hullabaloo balay, Hullabaloo balay

balay, But the lodgers were nearly all at

sea, Hullabaloo balay

A flash young fellow call'd Shallow Brown,

Hullabaloo balay, Hullabaloo balay balay.

He ogled my mother all round the town, Hullabaloo balay.

My father said"Young man me b'y", Hullabaloo balay, Hullabaloo balay

balay, To which he quickly made reply Hullabaloo balay.

Next day while dad was in the Crown, Hullabaloo balay, Hullabaloo balay

balay, Me mother ran off with Shallow Brown, Hullabaloo belay.

18.

Me father slowly pined away, Hullabaloo balay, Hullabaloo balay

balay, 'Cause mother came back on the

following day. Hullabaloo balay.

SHE WAS PUOR BUT SHE WAS HONEST.

She was poor, but she was honest, Victim of the squire's game; First he loved her, then he left her, And she lost her honest name.

Chorus It's the same the whole world over, It's the poor that gets the blame; It's the rich that lives in clover, Win' t it all a bleedin' shame.

Then she ran away to London, For to hide her grief and shame. There she met another squire, And she lost her name again.

Chorus

In the rich man's arms she flutters Like a bird with broken ng; First he loved her, then he left her, And she hasn't got a ring.

20.

SHWES IN THE VEWY BEST COFNI1

(Tune: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean)

I've shares in the very best companies, In tramways, nobacco and tin, In brothels in kim Janiero My God how the money rolls in

With wealth in the big German steel works,

No wonder I helped Hitler win, For when he suppressed the trade unions, My God how the money rolled in

My father sent field guns to France, My brother raised loans for Berlin, My uncle sent scrap iron to Tojo, To make sure that the money roiled in.

My cousin's a starting price bookie, My mother sells synthetic gin, My sister sells sin to the sailors, My God how the money rolls in

My brother's a curate in Sydney, He's saving young girlies from sin, He'll save you a blonde for a dollar My God how the money rolls in

We've started an old-fashioned gin shop, regular palace of sin,

The principal girl is my, , grandma My God how the money rolls in........

See him in his splendid mansion, Entertaining with the best, While the girl that he has ruined Entertains 'a sordid guest.

Chorus

Soc him in the House of Commons, Making laws to put down the crime, While the victim of his passions Trails her way thro' mud and slime.

Chorus

Standing on the bridge at midnight, She says "Farewell, blighted love" Then a scream, a splash - Good Heavens,

What is she a-doing of

Chorus

Then they dragged her from the river Water from her clothes they wrang, For they thought that she was drownded,

But the corpse got up and sang.

Chorus.

21.

BIBLE STOEIES

Adam was the first man so we all believe,

One morning he was filleted and introduced to Eve.

He had no one to show him but he soon found out the way,

And that's the only reason that we're standing here today.

Chorus Young folks, old folks, everybody com€ come,

To our little Sunday School and have a lot of fun,

Park your toffee apples and sit down upon the floor,

And we'll tell you Bible stories that you've never heard before.

David and Solomon lived very wicked lives,

They spent the afternoon with other people's wives,

And then in the evenings when their conscience gave them qualms,

Solomon wrote the Proverbs and David wrote the Psalms.

Chorus

Goliath was a big man so big and strong and tall

David ras a 1ittle man

But David took his little sling and half a brick as well,

End when he slung the brick at him Goliath went to hell.

Chorus

Esau was a man with a very hairy chest, His chest it was so hairy, he'd no

need to wear a vest, His father left him property not very far from Norwich

And the silly blighter swopped it for a basinful of porridge.

Chorus

Jonah was a mariner, so goes the arwient tale,,

Eho booked a steerage passage on a transatlantic whale.

The atmospheric pressure grew too heavy on his chest,

Jonah pressed the button and the whale did the rest.

Chorus

Pharaoh had a daughter with a most bewitching smile,

She found the infant Moses in the rushes by the Nile,

24.

She took him home to dear papa, and Salvation i-rmy saved her, sir, from he believed the tale, going to the bad.

Which is just about as probable as Jonah and the whale.

loDl5 Chorus

When Aaron was so jaded that he couldn't raise a laugh,

He opened up a night club which he called the Golden Calf,

Of course the cops got wind of it and pinched the blooming lot,

And Chief Inspector Moses got promotion on the spot.

Chorus

Moses was the leader of the Israel-ites-flock

He used to get spa water by striking on a rock,

One day from out the multitude there came a mighty cheer,

Instead of getting water he got West End bitter beer.

Chorus

Muth was a flapper of the very modern type,

She wore short skirts and she rode a motor bike,

She wagged a wicked lipstick and her eye was on the glad,

Job was most unfortunate with boils and things from birth,

He used to think he was the most unlucky man on earth,

He advertised in all the periodicals for years,

For something that would take away the spots behind his ears.

Chorus

Samson was a fighter of the very highest class,

Slew 40,000 Philistines with the jaw bone of an ass;

The roof fell in one day when he leaned upon a pillar, nd that was the end of Samson and his lad; friend Delilah.

Chorus

25.

ALOUETT.E

Alouette, gentifle Alouette, Alouette, je te plumerai. Je te plumerai la tote, Jo te plumerai la tete, A la tete, a la tote, Oh! Alouette, gentile iaouette, Aluette, je to plumerai. Je to plumerai le bec, Jo to plumerai Ia boo, A la tete, a la tete 9 Ohl.

etcetera - with le nez, las ysux, lee ailes, le dos, las jambes, lee pieds.

AIN' T GONNA GRIEVE

The deacon went down to the cellar to pray

But he got drunk and stayed all day (Repeat.)

Ain't gonna grieve my Lord no more (4 times after each verse)

Oh you can't go to heaven on roller skates

You'll skate right past those pearly gates (Repeat)

26.

You can't go to heaven in a Ford machine

Cos the Lord don't stock no gasoline.

You can't go to heaven in a Ford coupe

Cos the Lord prefers a Chevrolet.

You can't go to heaven in a submarine Cos the Lord don't like no tinned

sardine.

You can't go to heaven in a P.B.Y. Cos the goddam things don't fly that

high.

Oh you can't go to heaven in a sleeping bag,

Cos there ain't no room for your wings to wag.

Oh you can't go to heaven in a feather bed,

Cos you'll never getup when the prayers are read.

Oh you can't go to heaven in a woman's arms,

Cos the Lord don't like them female charms.

Oh I wanna go to heaven all dressed in white,

I wanna be good and do things right.

Oh if you get to heaven before I do, Just bore a hole and pull me through.

2C.

COCAINE BILL AND MORPHINE SUE

Cocaine Bill and Mcrphine Sue were walking, down the avenue,

Honey, have a (sniff) have a (sniff) with me, honey have a (sniff) with me. ... (Repeat after each line)

They went from Broadway up to Maine, to see if they could get Cocaine.

The drug sto it was painted green, the sign outside said no Morphine.

They went from Maine to Buffalo, to see if they could get sme snow.

Rhen I die paint my tombstone green, for that's the sign of a morphine fiend.

Now in the graveyard on the hill, lies the hdy of Cocaine Bill.

And in the coffin by his side lies the body of his Cocaine bride.

Now this story only goes to show, there ain't no sense in snif fin? snow.

THE GENDARMOS DUET

We're public guardians bold and wary, nd of ourselves we take good care. To risk our precious lives we're chary

When danger looms we're never there. But when we meet poor helpless fools Or little boys that do no harm.

Chorus We run them in we run them in, We run them in, we run them in, We show them we're the cold gendarmes (Repeat).

If gentleoen do make a riot And punch each others heads at night We're quite disposed to keep it quiet Provided that they make it right.

29.

But if they do not seem to see Or give to us cur proper terms,

Chorus

Sometime: oem du±y's extra-mural And little butterflies we chase 'Je like to gambol in things rural Corrniune with nature face to face. And to our beats then back returning Hefreshed by nature's holy charms.

Chorus

VIVE B' AkOUA

Let ev'ry good fellow now fill up his glass,

Vive la compagnie'.

And drink to the health of our glorious class

Vive la compagnie'. Vive la, vive la, vive l'asaourt Vive la, vive la, vive l'amourt Vive la reinel., Vive le roil. Vive la compagnie'.

Let every married man drink to his wife,

30.

The joy of his bosom and pigae of his life.

Come fill up your glasses: I'll give you a toast,

Here's a health to our friend, our kind, worthy host.

Since all with good humour you've toasted so free,

I hope it will please you to drink now with me.

LYRICAL FRAGHENT

(Tune: John Brown's Body)

She wears a silken nightie in the surrmer when it's hot,

She wears her red pyjamas in the winter u?n en it's not,

But sometimes in the springtime, And sometimes in the fail, She slips between the sheets with

nothing on at all.

Glory, glory for the summer when it's hot,

Glory, glory for the winter when it's not,

Glory for the springtime And glory for the fail, (Then she slips between the shoots with

nothing on at all.

32.

FOUR OLD LADIES ADELAIDE

(Tune: Ever-Loving Adelaide, from "Guys and Dolls")

Adelaide, Adelaide, prim and proper Adelaide,

Is looking askance at me, Looking askance because I'm just

back from the snow, My scars and sunburn show, And broken legs below, But Adelaide, Adelaide, mediaeval

Adelaide, Can jump in the deep blue sea, As seer. or thor; Leore have knit, And when I can walk a bit, It's back to the snow for me.

Oh Dear, What Can The Matter Be)

Chorus Oh dear, what a calamity, Four old ladiea locked in the lavatory, They were there from Monday to Saturday,

Nobody knew they were there.

They were on their way to have tea with the vicar

They went in together because it was quicker,

But they didn't know that the door was a sticker,

And nobody knew they were there.

Chorus

THE EXILED SKIHE' S LAMINT (Tune: Somebody Stole My Gal)

I didn't bring my skis, I'm chopped off at the knees, Instead of wedeln, christie and Schuss,

in Picadilly I'm feeling -Silly, There's not a drop of snw, From Bath to Pimlioc, Thank God that you can't see, This howler hat on top of me, Aomercber me to Dibbin's please, I didn't bring my skis.

The first to go in was Elizabeth Prior, She sang in the church of St.

Benedict' s choir, The level of water rose higher and higher,

And nobody knew they were there.

Chorus

-- --_-

33' 34.

Next to go in was Elizabeth Snorter, Arid she was the Bishop o f Chichoster' daughter, This space is to he used for future

She went in to make half a gallon of outstanding composition. water.

And nobody knew they were there.

Chorus

The next to go in was Elizabeth Spender,

She went in to fix up a broken suspender,

But she got it caught in her feminine gender,

And nobody knew they were there.

Chorus

The last to go in was Elizabeth Humphrey,

She went in because the seat was so comfy,

But the. varnish was wet, now she can't get her bum free.

And nobody knew they were there.

Chorus

it last a young cursf, u iiamd drapi

gent in to light up the eas with a taper.

He found they were safe but they'd run out of paper od nd ocly km or th:y were tA ;rr

35. 36.

This space to be used for songs to be sung only over 7,000 feet.

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