quotes from ga

8/8/2019 Quotes From Ga

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Season 1:

Episode 1: "A Hard Day's Night"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "I can't think of a single reason why I should be a surgeon, but I can thinkof a thousand reasons why I should quit. They make it hard on purpose. There are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it's more than just a game, and you either take that stepforward or turn around and walk away. I could quit, but here's the thing. I love the playing field."

Episode 2: "The First Cut is the Deepest"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "It's all about lines. The finish line at the end of residency, waiting in linefor a chance at the operating table, and then there’s the most important line, the line separatingyou from the people you work with. It doesn’t help to get too familiar to make friends. You needboundaries, between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It’s all aboutlines... drawing lines in the sand and praying like hell no one crosses them."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keepother people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too

dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take achance, the view from the other side... is spectacular."

Episode 3: "Winning a Battle, Losing the War"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "We live our lives on the surgical unit. Seven days a week, 14 hours aday, we're together more than we're apart. After a while, the ways of residency becomes theways of life. Number one: Always keep score. Number two: Do whatever you can to outsmart theother guy. Number three: Don't make friends with the enemy. Oh, yeah, Number four: Everything,everything is a competition. Whoever said winning wasn't everything... Never held a scalpel."

Episode 4: "No Man's Land"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell youwhen you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know howyou fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. As for rules,maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something we have to define for ourselves."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Intimacy is a four syllable word for: Here is my heart and soul, pleasegrind into hamburger, and enjoy. It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossibleto live without. Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's... relatives, romance, androommates. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want toknow."

Episode 5: "Shake Your Groove Thing"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a bike for your birthday or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast. Being an adult?Totally overrated. I mean seriously, don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and theno parents anywhere telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility, it reallydoes suck. Really, really sucks. Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and paythe rent. And if you're training to be a surgeon, holding a human heart in your hands, hello? Talkabout responsibility. Kind of makes bikes and cookies look really, really good, doesn't it? Thescariest part about responsibility? When you screw up and let it slip right through your fingers."



MEREDITH: "I guess we're adults. The question is, when did that happen, and how do we make itstop?"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Responsibility. It really does suck. Unfortunately, once you get past theage of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away. It can't be avoided. Either someone makes us face it or we suffer the consequences. And still adulthood has it perks. Imean the shoes, the sex, the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. That's, pretty damngood."

Episode 6: "If Tomorrow Never Comes"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the worldthe secret of his success. 'Never leave that 'til tomorrow,' he said, 'Which you could do today.'This is the man who discovered electricity. You’d think more of us would listen to what he had tosay. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d say it had a lot to do with fear.Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision,because what if you’re wrong. What if you make a mistake you can’t undo. Whatever it is we'reafraid of, one thing holds true. That by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than thefear of doing it. It can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. And you thought I wasspeaking metaphorically."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine. He whohesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard thephilosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poetsurging us to ‘seize the day'. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like BenjaminFranklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. Andthat even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying."

Episode 8: "Save Me"

MEREDITH: "You know when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be -- white dress, prince charming who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill.You’d lie in your bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santaclause, the tooth fairy, prince charming -- they were so close you could taste them. But eventuallyyou grow up and one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn tothe things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirelybecause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope and faith that one day they would opentheir eyes and it would all come true."

DEREK: "I'm a surgeon, I don't have any friends."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because

almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyesand it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’treally expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream.The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after -- justthat it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. Andonce in awhile, people may even take your breath away."

Episode 9: "Who's Zoomin' Who?"



MEREDITH: [narrating] "Secrets can't hide in science. Medicine has a way of exposing lies.Within the walls of the hospital, the truth is stripped bare. How we keep our secrets outside thehospital -- well, that’s a little different. One thing is certain, whatever it is we're trying to hide;we're never ready for that moment when the truth gets naked. That's the problem with secrets --like misery, they love company. They pile up and up until they take over everything, until you don'thave room for anything else, until you're so full of secrets you feel like you're going to burst."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally setsecrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open, like it or not. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem withsecrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not."

Season 2:

Episode 1: "Raindrops Keep Failling on My Head"

ALEX: "Surgery is the only specialty at the hospital where we don't waste time getting to know thepatients. They're slabs of meat, and we're butchers."

MEREDITH: "To be a good surgeon you have to think like a surgeon. Emotions are messy. Tuckthem neatly away and step into a clean sterile room where the procedure is simple. Cut, suture,and close. But sometimes you’re faced with a cut that won’t heal. A cut that rips its stitches wideopen. They say that practice makes perfect."

Episode 2: ""Enough Is Enough (No More Tears)""

MEREDITH: [narrating] "There's something to be said about a glass half full, about knowing whento say when. I think it's more of a floating line, a barometer of need. Of desire. It's entirely up tothe individual, and it depends what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other timesthere's no such thing as enough, the glass is bottomless... all we want is more."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "I have an aunt who whenever she poured anything for you she would

say 'Say when.' My aunt would say 'say when," and of course, we never did. We don't say whenbecause there's something about the possibility, of more. More tequila, more love. More anything.More is better."

ADDISON: "Sometimes people do desperate things to get someone's attention. But there are twosides to every story."

CRISTINA: "When you're feeling emotional... sometimes it's hard to keep a level head andconsider all the facts."

Episode 3: "Make Me Lose Control"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Nobody likes to lose control, but as a surgeon there's nothing worse. It's

a sign of weakness, of not being up to the task. Still there are times when it just gets away fromyou, when the world stops spinning, when you realize your shiny little scalpel isn't gonna saveyou. No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. It's scary as hell. Except there's an upside to thefree fall. It's the chance you give your friends to catch you."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Surgeons are control freaks. With a scalpel in your hand, you feelunstoppable. There's no fear, there's no pain. You're 10 feet tall and bulletproof. And then youleave the O.R. All that perfection, that beautiful control, just falls to crap."

Episode 4: "Deny, Deny, Deny"



wouldn't let some guy drag me down. Mrs. Snyder said that I'd be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion with someone, and if I did, we'd be together forever. Even now, I believe that for the mostpart, love is about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending... most of the time. And sometimes, despite all your best intentions, fate winsanyway."

Episode 9: "Thanks for the Memories"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing todo with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciatingsmall victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for thefamiliar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate."

Episode 10: "Much Too Much"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "How do you know how much is too much? Too much too soon. Toomuch information. Too much fun. Too much love, or too much to ask of someone? When is it all

just too much for us to bear?"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "When you're a kid, it's Halloween candy. You hide it from your parentsand you eat it until you get sick. In college, it's the heavy combo of youth, tequila and well... youknow. As a surgeon, you take as much of the good as you can get because it doesn't comearound nearly as often as it should. Because good things aren't always what they seem. Toomuch of anything, even love, is not always a good thing."

Episode 11: "Owner of a Lonely Heart"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Forty years ago, the Beatles asked the world a question. They wanted toknow where all the lonely people came from. My theory is that a great many of the lonely peoplecome from hospitals. More precisely, the surgical wing of hospitals. As surgeons, we ignore our own needs so we can meet our patients' needs. We ignore our friends and families so we cansave other people's friends and families. Which means that, at the end of the day, all we really

have is ourselves. And nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Four hundred years ago, another English guy had an opinion on beingalone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. Of course it was fancier when he said it. Noman is an island entire onto himself. Boil down that island talk and he just means that all anyoneneeds is someone to step in and let us know we're not alone. And who's to say that someonecan't have four legs. Someone to play with, or run around with, or just hang out."

Episode 12: "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer"

CRISTINA: [to Justin] "I think you should decide to live. Live so you can become a doctor, andyou can find a way to do heart transplants without someone having to die. Live so you can growup and have kids and raise them not to believe in Santa. That would piss your mom off. Just

decide to live. Because in your case, dying really isn't the best revenge."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "There's an old proverb that says you can't choose your family. You takewhat fate handa you. And like them or not, love them or not, understand them or not, you cope.Then there's the school of thought that says the family you're born into is simply a starting point.They feed you, clothe you, and take care of you until you're ready to go out into the world. Thereyou find your own tribe."

Episode 13: "Begin the Begin"



MEREDITH: [narrating] "Fresh starts thanks to the calendar they happen every year. Just setyour watch to January, our reward for surviving the holiday season. Bringing on the great traditionof new years resolutions, put your past behind you and start over. It’s hard to resist the chance for a new beginning, a chance to put the problems of last year to bed."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It’s noton the calendar, it’s not a birthday, it’s not a new year. It’s an event, big or small, something thatchanges us. Ideally, that gives us hope, a new way of living and looking at the world, a way of letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we canhave a new beginning, but it's also important to remember that, amid all the crap, there are a fewthings worth holding on to."

Episode 14: "Tell Me Sweet Little Lies"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "As doctors, we're trained to be skeptical, because patients lie to us allthe time. The rule is, every patient is a liar until proven honest. Lying is bad. Or so we are toldconstantly from birth. Honesty is the best policy, the truth shall set you free, I chopped down thecherry tree. Whatever. The fact is, lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth... thetruth freaking hurts."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fallaway, like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. So we lie."

Episode 15: "Break on Through"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "In general, lines are there for a reason. For security, for clarity. If youchoose to cross the line, you pretty much do so at your own risk. So why is it that the bigger theline, the greater the temptation to cross it? We cant help ourselves. When we see a line we wantto cross it. Maybe it’s the thrill of the unfamiliar, a sort of personal dare. The only problem is oncethat you’ve crossed, it’s almost impossible to go back. But, if you do manage to make it backacross the line, you find safety in numbers."

Episode 16: "It's the End of the World..."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "It’s a look patients get in their eyes... Some kind of sixth sense, when thegreat beyond is headed for you, you feel it coming. What's the one thing you’ve always dreamedof doing before you died?"

Episode 17: "(As We Know It)"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "In hospitals, they say you know when you’re going to die. Some doctorssay it’s a look patients get in their eyes. Some say there’s a scent, a certain smell. Some say it’ssome kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is headed for you, you feel it coming. If todaywere your last day on Earth? How would you spend it?"

Episode 18: "Yesterday"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "I've heard that it’s possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who’sactually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throwtantrums when things don’t go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. Welook for comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all experience, likechildren, we never give up hope."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here’s what I'vedecided. There's no such thing as a grown-up. We move out, we move away from our families.But the basic insecurities, the fears and all the old wounds just grow up with us. Just when you



think life has forced you to truly become an adult, your mother says something like that. We getbigger, taller, older. But, for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids, running around theplayground, trying desperately to fit in."

Episode 19: "What Have I Done to Deserve This?"

GEORGE: [narrating] "Karma. One way or another it will leave us to face ourselves. We can lookour karma in the eye or we can wait for it to sneak up from behind. But karma will always find us.The truth is, as surgeons, we have more chances than most to set the balance in our favor. Yetno matter how hard we try we can't escape our karma. It follows us home. I guess we can't reallycomplain about our karma. It's not an affair. It's not unexpected. It just... evens the score. Andeven when we're about to do something that we know will tempt karma to bite us in the ass...well, it goes without saying. We do it anyway."

Episode 20: "Superstition"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "My college campus has a magic statue. It’s a tradition for students to rubits nose for good luck. My freshman roommate really believed in it and insisted on rubbing itsnose before every exam. Studying might have been a better idea. She flunked out her sophomoreyear. But we all have little superstitious things that we do. If it's not believing in magic statues, it's

avoiding sidewalk cracks or always putting our left shoe on first. Knock on wood. Step on a crack,break your mother's back. The last thing we want to do is offend the gods."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Superstition lies in the space between what we can control and what wecan't. Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. No one wants to pass up achance for good luck. But does saying it 33 times really help? Is anyone actually listening? Whydo we bother doing those strange things? We rely on superstitions because we're smart enoughto know we don't have all the answers.. and that life works in mysterious ways. Don't diss the juju,from wherever it comes."

Episode 21: "Band-Aid Covers the Bullet Hole"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "As doctors, as friends, as human beings, we all try to do the best we

can. But the world is full of unexpected twists and turns. Just when you’ve gotten the lay of theland, the ground underneath you shifts. It knocks you off your feet. If youre lucky, you end up withnothing more than a flesh wound, something a band-aid will cover. But some wounds are deeper than they first appear, and require more than just a quick fix. With some wounds, you have to ripof the band-aid, let them breathe and give them time to heal."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "As doctors, patients are always telling us how they'd do our jobs. Juststitch me up, slap a band-aid on it and send me home. It’s easy to suggest a quick solution, whenyou don’t know much about the problem or you don’t understand the underlying cause or just howdeep the wound is. The first step toward a real cure is to know exactly what the disease is tobegin with. But that’s not what people want to hear... We're supposed to forget the past that ledus here, ignore the future complications that might arise and go for the quick fix."

Episode 22: "Name of the Game"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "A good basketball game can have us all on the edge of our seats.Games are all about the glory, pain and the play-by-play. Then there are the more solitary games.The ones we play all by ourselves. The social games, the mind games. We use them to pass thetime to make life more interesting... to distract us from what's really going on. There are those of us who love to play games, any games. And there are those of us who love to play a little toomuch."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "So go ahead. Argue with the ref, change the rules. Cheat a little, take a



break and tend to your wounds. But play. Play. Play hard, play fast... play loose and free. Play asif there were no tomorrow. It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game... right?

Episode 23: "Blues For Sister Someone"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "A wise man once said you can have anything in life if you will sacrificeeverything else for it. What he meant is nothing comes without a price. So before you go intobattle, you better decide how much you're willing to lose. Too often, going after what feels goodmeans letting go of what you know is right, and letting someone in means abandoning the wallsyou've spent a lifetime building. Of course, the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don't seecoming, when we don't have time to come up with a strategy to pick a side or to measure thepotential loss. When that happens, when the battle chooses us and not the other way around,that's when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "The key to being a successful intern is what we give up. Sleep, friends, anormal life. We sacrifice it all for that one amazing moment, that moment when you can legallycall yourself a surgeon. There are days that make the sacrifices seem worthwhile. Then there arethe days where everything feels like a sacrifice. And then there are the sacrifices that you canteven figure out why you're making."

Episode 24: "17 Seconds"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "In life we're taught that there are seven deadly sins. We all know the bigones... gluttony, pride, lust. But the thing you don't hear much about is anger. Maybe it's becausewe think anger is not that dangerous, that you can control it. My point is, maybe we don't giveanger enough credit. Maybe it can be a lot more dangerous than we think. After all, when itcomes to destructive behavior, it did make the top seven."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "So what makes anger different from the six other deadly sins? It's prettysimple really. You give in to a sin like envy or pride, and you only hurt yourself. Try lust or coveting and you'll only hurt yourself and one or two others. But anger is the worst... the mother of all sins... Not only can anger drive you over the edge, when it does, you can take an awful lotof people with you."

DENNY: [to Izzie] "A kiss is worth a thousand words."

Episode 26: "Damage Case"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "We all go through life like bulls in a china shop. A chip here, a crackthere. Doing damage to ourselves, to other people. The problem is trying to control the damagewe've done, or thats been done to us. Sometimes the damage catches us by surprise.Sometimes we think we can fix the damage."

Episode 27: "Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response"

[the cast, narrating]

MEREDITH: "Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive."GEORGE: "Family"CRISTINA: "Love"IZZIE: "Sex"DEREK: "But we only need one thing"RICHARD: "To actually be alive."CRISTINA: "We need a beating heart."ADDISON: "When our heart is threatened"ALEX: "We respond in one of two ways."GEORGE: "We either run or-"



IZZIE: "We attack."RICHARD: "There's a scientific term for this."ALEX: "Fight..."ADDISON: "...or flight."MIRANDA: "It's instinct."MEREDITH: "We can't control it."IZZIE: "Or can we?"

Season 3:

Episode 1: "Time Has Come Today"

MEREDITH [narrating]: "Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us can wants,is more time. Time to stand up. Time to grow up. Time to let go."

Episode 2: "I Am a Tree"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "At any given moment, the brain has 14 billion neurons firing at a speedof 450 miles per hour. We don’t have control over most of them. When we get a chill... goosebumps. When we get excited... adrenaline. The body naturally follows it’s impulses, which I think

is part of what makes it so hard for us to control ours. Of course, sometimes we have impulseswe would rather not control, that we later wish we had."

MEREDITH: [narrating] The body is a slave to it's impulses. But the thing that makes us human iswhat we can control. After the storm, after the rush, after the heat of the moment has passed, wecan cool off and clean up the messes we made. We can try to let go of what was. Then again..."Episode 3: "Sometimes a Fantasy"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Surgeons usually fantisize about wild and improbable surgeries.Someone collapses in a restaurant, you splice them open with a butter knife, replace a valve witha hollowed out stick of carrot -- but every now and then some other kind of fantasy slips in. Mostof our fantasies resolve when we wake, vanished to the back of our mind, but sometimes we'resure if we try hard enough -- we can live the dream."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "The fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good, and twice as much pleasure isbetter. That pain is bad, and no pain is better. But the reality is different. The reality is that pain isthere to tell us something, and there's only so much pleasure we can take without getting astomach ache. And maybe that's okay. Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams."

Episode 5: "Oh, The Guilt"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "We are left with a choice. Either let the guilt throw you back into thebehavior that got you into trouble in the first place, or learn from the guilt and do your best tomove on."

Episode 6: "Let the Angels Commit"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "To make it -- really make it -- as a surgeon, it takes major commitment.We have to be willing to pick up that scalpel and make a cut that may or may not do moredamage than good. It's all about being committed, because if we're not? We have no businesspicking up that scalpel in the first place."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment,and we may be surprised at the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp.Commitments are complicated. We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we're willing to



make, true commitment, takes effort, and sacrifice. Which is why sometimes, we have to learn thehard way, to choose our commitments very carefully."

Episode 7: "Where The Boys Are"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "The truth with any kind of wound or disease is to dig down and find thesource of the injury - and once you’ve found it, try like hell to heal that sucker."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "As surgeons, we are trained to look for disease. Sometimes the problemis easily detected, most of the time we need to go step by step. First, probing the surface lookingfor any sign of trouble. Most of the time, we can't tell what's wrong with somebody by just lookingat them. After all, they can look perfectly fine on the outside, while their insides tell a whole other story."

Episode 9: "From a Whisper to a Scream"

CRISTINA: [narrating] "As doctors, we know everybody's secrets. Their medical histories. Sexualhistories. Confidential information that is as essential to a surgeon as a ten-blade, and every bitas dangerous. We keep secrets, we have to, but not all secrets can be kept."

CRISTINA: [narrating] "In some ways, betrayal is inevitable. When our bodies betray us, surgeryis often the key to recovery. When we betray each other, the path to recovery is less clear. We dowhatever it takes to rebuild the trust that was lost. And then there are some wounds, somebetrayals... that are so deep, so profound that there is no way to repair what was lost. And whenthat happens, there's nothing left to do but wait."

Episode 10: "Don't Stand So Close to Me"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is tobe close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care abouteach other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, andonce we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them.The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And

sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it canbe exactly what you need."

Episode 13: "Great Expectations"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "No one believes that their life will turn out just kind of okay. We all thinkwe are going to be great. And from the day we decide to be surgeons, we are filled withexpectation. Great expectations of who we will be, where we will go. And then... we get there."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed whenour expectations aren’t met. But sometimes expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expectedsimply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still, the expected's

just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives."

Episode 14: "Wishin' and Hopin'"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "As surgeons, we live in a world of worse case scenarios. We cutourselves off from hoping for the best because too many times the best doesn’t happen. Butevery now and then something extraordinary occurs and suddenly best case scenarios seempossible. And every now and then something amazing happens, and against our better judgmentwe start to have hope."



MEREDITH: [narrating] "As doctors, we're trained to give our patients just the facts. But what our patients really want to know is - will the pain go away? Will I feel better? Am I cured? What our patients really want to know is - is there hope? But, inevitably, there are times when you findyourself in the worst case scenario. When the patient's body has betrayed them and all thescience we have to offer has failed them. When the worst case scenario comes true, clinging tohope is all we've got left."

Episode 15: "Walk On Water"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Disappearances happen in science. Disease can suddenly fade away,tumors go missing, and we open someone up to discover the cancer is gone. It's unexplained. It’srare, but it happens. We call it mis-diagnosis. Say we never saw it in the first place, anyexplanation but the truth. That life is full of vanishing acts. If something that we didn’t know wehad disappears... do we miss it?"

Episode 16: "Drowning On Dry Land"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Like I said, disappearances happen. Pains go phantom. Blood stopsrunning and people, people fade away. There's more I have to say, so much more, but... Idisappeared."

Episode 17: "Some Kind of Miracle"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "At the end of a day like this, when so many prayers are answered and somany aren’t, we take our miracles where we find them. We reach across the gap and sometimes,against all odds, against all logic, we touch."

Episode 18: "Scars and Souvenirs"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secretroadmaps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal,leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with useverywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "What's worse, new wounds which are so horribly painful or old woundsthat should've healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. Theyremind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what toavoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we

just have to learn over and over and over again."

Episode 19: "My Favorite Mistake"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Surgeons always have a plan. Where to cut, where to clamp, where tostitch. But, even with the best plans complications can arise, things can go wrong. And suddenlyyou're caught with your pants down."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "The thing about plans is they don't take into account the unexpected, sowhen we're thrown a curve ball, whether its in the O.R. or in life, we have to improvise. Of course,some of us are better at it than others. Some of us just have to move on to plan B, and make thebest of it. And sometimes what we want is exactly what we need. But sometimes, sometimeswhat we need is a new plan."

Episode 20: "Time After Time"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "A patient's history is as important as their symptoms. It's what helps usdecide if heart burn's a heart attack... if a headache's a tumor. Sometimes patients will try to re-



write their own histories. They'll claim they don't smoke, or forget to mention certain drugs...which in surgery can be the kiss of death. We can ignore it all we want, but our history eventuallyalways comes back to haunt us."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. Atsome point we all have to choose: do we fall back on what we know, or do we step forward tosomething new? It's hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us... whatguides us. Our history resurfaces time after time after time. So we have to remember sometimesthe most important history is the history we’re making today."

Episode 21: "Desire"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "As interns, we know what we want, to become surgeons. And we'll doanything to get there. Suffer through killer exam, endure 100-hour weeks, Stand for hours on endin operating rooms, you name it, we'll do it."

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have.Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough aswanting something can be. The people who suffer the most, are those who don't know what theywant."

Episode 22: "The Other Side of This Life"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "The dream is this - that we'll finally be happy when we reach our goals -find the guy, finish our internship, that's the dream. Then we get there. And if we're human, weimmediately start dreaming of something else. Because, if this is the dream, then we'd like towake up. Now, please!"

Episode 22: "The Other Side of This Life"

MEREDITH: [narrating] "Maybe we accept the dream has become a nightmare. We tell ourselvesthat reality is better. We convince ourselves it's better that we never dream at all. But, thestrongest of us, the most determined of us, holds on to the dream or we find ourselves faced with

a fresh dream we never considered. We wake to find ourselves, against all odds, feeling hopeful.And, if we're lucky, we realize in the face of everything, in the face of life the true dream is beingable to dream at all."

Episode 23: "Testing 1-2-3"

MEREDITH [narrating]: "A surgeon's education never ends. Every patient, every symptom, everyoperation... is a test. A chance for us to demonstrate how much we know. And how much morewe have to learn."

Episode 24: "Didn't We Almost Have it All"

RICHARD: [narrating] "Being Chief... is about responsibility. Every single surgical patient in a

hospital is your patient. Whether you're the one who cut them open or not. The scalpel stops withyou. You need to be able to look at her family. And to tell them your team did everything theycould to save someone's life. The husband, the wife. Taking care about the people's families. Andresponsibility... it makes you... you take care of the people's families. But you sacrifice your own."

Season 4:

Episode 1: "A Change is Gonna Come"

Meredith: [narrating] In the practice of medicine, change is inevitable. New surgical techniques



are created, procedures are updated, levels of expertise increase. Innovation is everything,nothing remains the same for long. We either adapt to change, or ... we get left behind.

Meredith: [narrating] Change; we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. Weeither adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’tis lying. But heres the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. Andsometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is ... everything.

Episode 2: "Love/Addiction"

Meredith: [narrating] In the hospital, we see addiction every day. It's shocking how many kinds of addiction exist. It would be too easy if it were just drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think thehardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right?Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life at some point cross the lineto obsessive, compulsive, out of control. It's the high we're chasing, the high that makeseverything else fade away.

Meredith: [narrating] Still, they say you don’t kick the habit until you hit rock bottom, but how doyou know when you’re there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimesletting it go hurts even worse.

Episode 3: "Let the Truth Sting"

Meredith: [narrating] Doctors give patients a number of thing. We give them medicine, we givethem advice and, most of the time, we give them our undivided attention. But, by far, the hardestthing you can give a patient is the truth. The truth is hard. The truth is awkward and very often thetruth hurts. I mean, people think they want the truth. But do they really?

Episode 4: "The Heart of the Matter"

Meredith: [narrating] In life, only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes. No matter howhard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. You’re goingto hurt people. You’re going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover... there’s really only one

thing you can say.

Meredith: [narrating] Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not verypractical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, wewant to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled… old wounds never heal. Andthe most we can hope for, is that one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget.

Episode 5: "Haunt You Every Day"

Meredith: [narrating] There’s a reason surgeons learn to wield scalpels. We like to pretend we’rehard, cold scientists. We like to pretend we're fearless. But the truth is we become surgeonsbecause somewhere deep down we think we can cut away that which haunts us. Weakness,frailty, death.

Meredith: [narrating] It isn't just surgeons. I don't know anyone who isn't haunted by something or someone. And whether we try to slice the pain away with a scalpel or shove it in the back of acloset ... our efforts usually fail. So the only way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a newpage or put an old story to rest.... finally, finally to rest.

Episode 6: "Kung Fu Fighting"

Meredith: [narrating] "There’s this thing about being a surgeon. Maybe it’s pride or maybe it’s justabout being tough. But a true surgeon never admits they need help, unless absolutely necessary.



Surgeons don’t need to ask for help because they are tougher than that. Surgeons are cowboys,rough around the edges, hard core… at least that’s what they want you to think."

Meredith: [narrating] "Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But beinghardcore isn’t just about being tough. It’s about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don’t have to be tough every minute of every day. It’sokay to let down your guard. In fact there are moments when it’s the best thing you can possiblydo… as long as you choose your moments wisely."

Episode 7: "Physical Attraction, Chemical Reaction"

Meredith: [narrating] Before we were doctors, we were med students, which meant we spend a lotof time of studying chemistry. Organic chemistry, biochemistry, we learned it all. But when you'retalking about human chemistry only one thing matters: either you've got it or you don't.

Meredith: [narrating] Chemistry. Either you've got it, or you don't.

Episode 8: "Forever Young"

Meredith: [narrating] There comes a point in your life, when you’re officially an adult. Suddenly,

you’re old enough to vote, drink and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect youto be responsible, serious, a grown-up. We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really growup?

Meredith: [narrating] In some ways we grow up; we have families... we get married, divorced...but for the most part we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen. No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling... forever wondering, forever...young.

Episode 9: "Crash Into Me, Part I"

Meredith: [narrating] We go into medicine because we want to save lives. We go into medicinebecause we want to do good. We go into medicine for the rush... for the high... for the ride. But,

what we remember at the end of most days are the losses. What we lay awake at night replayingis the pain we caused or failed to cure. The lives we ruined or failed to save. So the experience of practicing medicine rarely resembles the goal. The experience too often is ass backwards andupside down.

Episode 10: "Crash Into Me, Part II"

Meredith: [narrating] Some days ... the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, andprobably, and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again.

Episode 12: "Where The Wild Things Are"

Meredith: [narrating] There’s a little animal in all of us and maybe that’s something to celebrate.

Our animal instinct is what makes us seek comfort, warmth, a pack to run with. We may feelcaged, we may feel trapped, but still as humans we can find ways to feel free. We are eachother’s keepers, we are the guardians of our own humanity and even though there’s a beastinside all of us, what sets us apart from the animals is that we can think, feel, dream and love.And against all odds, against all instinct, we evolve.

Meredith: [narrating] We like to think that we are rational beings; humane, conscientious, civilized,thoughtful. But when things fall apart, even just a little, it becomes clear we are not better thananimals. We have opposable thumbs, we think, we walk erect, we speak, we dream, but deepdown we are still routing around in the primordial ooze; biting, clawing, scratching out an



existence in the cold, dark world like the rest of the tree-toads and sloths.

Episode 13: "Piece of My Heart"

Meredith: (narrating) Giving birth may be all intense and magical and stuff, but the act itself: it'snot exactly pleasant. But it's also a beginning... of something incredible. Something new.Something unpredictable. Something true. Something worth loving. Something worth missing.Something that will change your life... forever.

Meredith: (narrating) Great surgeons aren't made. They're born. It takes gestation, incubation,sacrifice. A lot of sacrifice. But after all the blood and guts and gooey stuff is washed away, thatsurgeon you become: totally worth it.

Episode 14: "The Becoming"

Meredith: [narrating] It was a good day. Maybe even a great day. I was a good doctor, even whenit was hard, I was the me in my head. There was a moment when I thought I cant do this, I cantdo this alone. I close my eyes and imagine myself doing it, and I did, I blocked out the fear, and Idid it.

Season 5:

Episode 1: "Dream a Little Dream of Me"

Meredith: [narrating] We all remember the bed time stories of our childhood. The shoe fitCinderella, the frog was turned into a prince, sleeping beauty was awakened with a kiss. Onceupon a time and then they lived happily ever after. Fairy tales. The stuff of dreams. the problemis, fairy tales don't come true. It's the other stories. The ones that start in dark and stormy nightsand end in the unspeakable. The nightmares always seem to become the reality.

Meredith: [narrating] Reality. It's so much more interesting than living happily ever after.

Meredith: [narrating] Once upon a time, happier ever after. The stories we tell are the stuff of

dreams. Fairy tales don't come true. Reality is much stormier. Much murkier. Much scarier.

Episode 2: "Here Comes the Flood"

Meredith: [narrating] As surgeons we are trained to fix what's broken. The breaking point is our starting line... at work. But in our lives the breaking point is a sign of weakness and we'll doeverything we can to avoid it.

Meredith: [narrating] Bones break. Organs burst. Flesh tears. We can sew the flesh, repair thedamage, ease the pain. But when life breaks down... when we break down... there's no science.No hard and fast rules. We just have to feel our way through. And to a surgeon there's nothingworse, and there's nothing better.

Episode 3: "Brave New World"

Meredith: [narrating] In 6500 BC, some guy looked at his friend and said, let's drill a hole in your head... that will make you feel better. And thus surgery was born. It takes a certain brand of crazyto think of drilling into someone's skull, but surgeons have always been a confident bunch. Wedon't always know what we're doing, but we act like we do. We walk into a country, plant a flagand start ordering people around. It's invigorating and terrifying.

Meredith: [narrating] We like to think we're fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak upnew experiences, but the fact is, we're always terrified. Maybe the terror is part of the attraction.



Some people go to horror movies. We cut things open. Dive into dark water. And at the end of theday, isn't that what you'd rather to hear about? If you've got one drink and one friend and 45minutes. Slow rides make for boring stories. A little calamity. Now that's worth talking about.

Episode 4: "There's No 'I' in Team"

Meredith: [narrating] I am a rock. I am an island. That's the mantra of pretty much every surgeonI've ever met. We like to think we're independent, loners, mavericks. That all we need to do our

jobs is an OR, a scalpel, and a willing body. But the truth is not even the best of us can do italone. Surgery like life is a team sport. And eventually, you've got to get off the bench anddecide... what team are you batting for?

Meredith: [narrating] The thing about choosing teams in real life, it's nothing like it used to be ingym class. Being first picked can be terrifying. And being chosen last isn't the worst thing in theworld. So we watch from the sidelines clinging to our isolation. Because we know as soon as welet go of the bench ... someone comes along and changes the game completely.

Episode 5: "Life During Wartime"

Meredith: [narrating] Some wars result in complete and total victory. Some wars end with a peace

offering. And some wars end in hope... But all these wars are nothing compared to the mostfrightening war of all. The one you have yet to fight.

Meredith: [narrating] For a surgeon, every patient is a battlefield. They're our terrain. Where weadvance, retreat, try to remove all the land mines... and just when you think you've won the battle,made the world safe again. Along comes another land mine.

Episode 11: "Wish You Were Here"

Meredith (voiceover): We all get at least one good wish a year. Over the candles on our birthday.Some of us throw in more. On eyelashes, fountains, lucky stars, and every now and then, one of those wishes comes true. So what then? Is it is as good as we'd hoped? Do we bask in the warmglow of our happiness? Or, do we just notice we've got a long list of other wishes waiting to be

wished?

Meredith (voiceover): We don't wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things. Things that areambitious, out of reach. We wish because we need help and we're scared and we know we maybe asking too much. We still wish, though, because sometimes they come true.

Episode 12: "Sympathy for the Devil"

Meredith (narrating): My mother used to say this about residency, "It takes a year to learn how tocut. It takes a lifetime to learn not to." Of all of the tools on the surgical tray, sound judgment isthe trickiest one to master. And without it, we're all just toddlers running around with ten blades.

Meredith (narrating): We're human. We make mistakes. We misestimate. We call it wrong. But

when a surgeon makes a bad judgment call, it's not as simple. People get hurt. They bleed. Sowe struggle over every stitch. We agonize over every suture because the snap judgments, theones that comes to us quickly and easily without hesitation, they're the one that haunts usforever.

Episode 13: "Stairway to Heaven"

Denny (narrating): I believe in heaven. I also believe in hell. I've never seen either but I believethey exist. They have to exist. Because without a heaven, without a hell, we're all just headed for limbo.



Denny (narrating): Heaven. Hell. Limbo. No-one even knows where we're going. Or what'swaiting for us when we get there. But the one thing we can say, with absolute certainty, is thatthere are moments that take us to another place. Moments of Heaven on Earth. And maybe for now, that's all we need to know.

Episode 14: "Beat Your Heart Out"

Meredith (narrating): Any first year med student knows that an increase heart rate is a sign of trouble. A racing heart can indicate anything from a panic disorder to something much, muchmore serious. A heart that flutters, or one that skips a beat, could be a sign of secret affliction or itcould indicate romance which is the biggest trouble of all.

Meredith (narrating): It seems we have no control what so ever over our own hearts. Conditioncan change without warning. Romance can make the heart pound just like panic can. And paniccan make it stop cold in your chest. It's no wonder doctors spend so much time to keep the heartstable, to keep it slow, steady, regular to stop the heart from pounding out of your chest from thedread of something terrible or the anticipation or something else entirely.

Episode 15: "Before and After"

Meredith (narrating): Every patient's story starts the same way. It starts with them being fine, itstarts in the before. They cling to this moment, this memory of being fine, this before, as thoughtalking about it may somehow bring it back. But what they don't realize is that they're talkingabout it to us, their doctors and that means there's no going back. By the time they see us, they'realready in the after. And while every patient's story starts the same way, how the story endsdepends on us, on how well we diagnose and treat. We know the story hinges on us and we allwant to be the hero.

Episode 16: "An Honest Mistake"

Meredith (narrating): There's this thing that happens when people find out you're a doctor. Theystop seeing you as a person and begin to see you something bigger than you are. They have to

see us that way, as gods, otherwise we're just like everyone else, unsure, flawed, normal. So weact strong, we remain stoic. We hide the fact that we're all too human.

Meredith (narrating): Patients see us as gods or they see us as monsters. But the fact is, we're just people. We screw up, we lose our way. Even the best of us, have our off days. Still we moveforward. We don't rest on all the rules or celebrate the lives we've saved in the past. Becausethere's always some other patient that needs our help. So we force ourselves to keep trying, tokeep learning. In the hope that, maybe someday we'll just come a little bit closer to the gods our patients need us to be.

Episode 17: "I Will Follow You Into the Dark"

Meredith: [narrating] Every surgeon I know, has a shadow. A dark cloud of fear and doubt, that

follows even the best of us into the OR. We pretend the shadow isn't there. Hoping that if we savemore lives, master harder techniques, run faster and farther, it'll get tired and give up the chase.But, like they say, you can't outrun your shadow.

Meredith: [narrating] Every surgeon has a shadow. And the only way to get rid of a shadow,is toturn off the light. To stop running from the darkness, and face what you fear. Head on.

Episode 18: "Stand By Me"

Meredith (narrating): Surgeons aren't known for being warm and cuddly. They're arrogant,



impatient, mean as often as not. You'd think they wouldn't have friends cos who could standthem? But surgeons, are like a bad cold. Nasty, but persistent. Surgeons: nasty, aggressive,unstoppable, just the kind of people you want on your side when you're really screwed.

Meredith (narrating): Practicing medicine doesn't lend itself to the making of friends. Maybebecause life and mortality are in our faces all the time. Maybe because in staring down deatheveryday, we're forced to know that life, every minute is borrowed time. And each person, we letourselves care about is just one more loss somewhere down the line. For this reason, I knowsome doctors who just don't bother making friends at all. But the rest of us, we make it our job tomove that line. To push each loss as far away as we can.

Episode 19: "Elevator Love Letter"

Alex (narrating): Surgeons are all messed up. We're butchers, messed up knife happy butchers.We cut people up, we move on. Patients die on our watch, we move on. We cause trauma, wesuffer trauma. We don't have time to worry about all the blood and death and crap it really makesus feel.

Alex (narrating): Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows ushome, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain

and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It'swhat pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up.

Episode 20: "Sweet Surrender"

Meredith: [narrating] Defeat isn't an option. Not for surgeons. We don't back away from the tabletill the last breaths long gone. Terminal's a challenge. Life threatening's what gets us out of bed inthe morning. We're not easily intimidated. We don't flinch, we don't back down, and we certainlydon't surrender. Not at work anyway.

Meredith: [narrating] To do our jobs we have to believe defeat is not an option. That no matter how sick our patients get, there's hope for them. But, even when our hopes give way to realityand we finally have to surrender to the truth, it just means we've lost today battle. Not tomorrows

war. Here's the thing about surrender, once you do it, actually give in, you forget why you wereeve fighting in the first place.

Episode 21: "No Good at Saying Sorry (One More Chance)"

Meredith: [narrating] Remember when we were little, and we would accidentally bite a kid on theplayground? Our teachers would go "Say you're sorry." And we would say it, but we wouldn'tmean it. Because the stupid kid we bit, totally deserved it. But, as we get older, making amendsisn't so simple. After the playground days are over, you can't just say it. You have to mean it. Of course, when you become a doctor, sorry is not a happy word. It either means you're dieing and Ican't help. Or, it means this is really gonna hurt.

Episode 21: "No Good at Saying Sorry (One More Chance)"

Meredith: [narrating] As doctors we can't undo our mistakes, and we rarely forgive ourselves for them. But, it's a hazard of the trade. But, as human beings we can always try to do better. To bebetter. To right a wrong. Even when it feels irreversible. Of course, I'm sorry doesn't always cut it.Maybe because we use it so many different ways. As a weapon. As an excuse. But, when we arereally sorry, when we use it right. When we mean it. When our actions say what words never can.When we get it right "I'm sorry" is perfect. When we get it right, "I'm sorry" is redemption.

Episode 23: "Here's to the Future"



Meredith (opening voiceover): When something begins, you generally have no idea how it's goingto end. The house you're going to sell becomes your home, the roommates you were forced totake in become your family and the one night stand you were determined to forget becomes thelove of your life.

Meredith (closing voiceover): We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will cushion the blow. But the future isalways changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. But one thing iscertain when it finally reveals itself. The future is never the way we imagined it.

Episode 24: "Now or Never"

Meredith (opening voiceover): Doctors spend a lot of time focused on the future, planning it,working toward it. But at some point you start to realize your life is happening now. Not after medschool, not after residency, right now. This is it. It's here. Blink and you'll miss it.

Meredith (closing voiceover): Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. Youchanged my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now andthen, look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."

Season 6:

Episode 1: "Good Mourning"

Meredith (narrating): According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, when we're dying or have suffered acatastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial because theloss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone, angry withsurvivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything wehave, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed andthe anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to acceptthat we've done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance.

Meredith (narrating): In medical school, we have a hundred lessons that teach us how to fight off

death, and not one lesson on how to go on living.

Episode 2: "Goodbye"

Meredith (narrating): The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. As surgeons, as scientists, we're taught to learnfrom and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives. But in life, strict definitions rarely apply. Inlife, grief can look like a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow.

Lexie: [narrating] Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.Mark: It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change.Alex: And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thingwe gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.

Izzie: That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive.Derek: By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurtthis much.Bailey: Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.Owen: So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.Meredith: The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it.Arizona: The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes.Callie: And let it go when we can.Meredith: The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again.Cristina: And always, every time, it takes your breath away.



Meredith: There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.Alex: Denial.Derek: Anger.Bailey: Bargaining.Lexie: Depression.Richard: Acceptance.

Episode 3: "I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watchin' Me"

Meredith (narrating): Paranoia gives you an edge in the OR. Surgeons play out worst-casescenarios in their heads. You're ready to close, you got the bleeder. You know it but there's thatvoice in your head asking. What if you didn't? What if the patient dies and you could haveprevented it? So you check your work one more time before you close. Paranoia is a surgeon'sbest friend.

Meredith (narrating): We're all susceptible to it, the dread and anxiety of not knowing what'scoming. It's pointless in the end, because all the worrying and the making of plans for things thatcould or could not happen, it only makes things worse. So walk your dog or take a nap. Justwhatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are.Episode 4: "Tainted Obligation"

Meredith (narrating): The thing about being a surgeon, everybody wants a piece of you. We takeone little oath, and suddenly we're drowning in obligations. To our patients, to our colleagues, tomedicine itself. So we do what any sane person would do. We run like hell from our promises,hoping they'll be forgotten. But sooner or later, they always catch up. And sometimes you find theobligation you dread the most isn't worth running from at all.

Meredith (narrating): We begin life with few obligations. We pledge allegiance to the flag. Weswear to return our library books. But as we get older we take vows, make promises, get burdenby commitments, to do no harm, to tell the truth and nothing but, to love, to cherish till death do uspart. So we just keep running up the tap 'til we owe everything to everybody and suddenly ... whatthe.

Episode 5: "Invasion"

Meredith (narrating): When you get sick, it starts off with a single infection. One lone nastyintruder. Pretty soon the intruder duplicates. Becomes two. Then those two become four. Andthose four become eight. Then, before your body knows it, it's under attack. It's an invasion. Thequestion for a doctor is, once the invaders have landed, once they've taken over your body, howthe hell do you get rid of them?

Meredith (narrating): What do you do when the infection hits you, when it takes over? Do you dowhat you're supposed to and take your medicine? Or do you learn to live with the thing and hopesomeday it goes away? Or do you just give up entirely and let it kill you?

Episode 6: "I Saw What I Saw"

Meredith (narrating): In order to get a good diagnosis, doctors have to constantly change their perspective. We start by getting the patient's point of view, though they often don't have a cluewhat's going on. So we look at the patient from every possible angle. We rule things out. Weuncover new information, trying to get to what's actually wrong. We're asked for second opinions,hoping we'll see something others might have missed. For the patient, a fresh perspective canmean the difference between living and dying. For the doctor, it can mean picking that you'repicking a fight with everyone who got there before you.

Meredith (narrating): When we're headed toward an outcome that's too horrible to face, that's



when we go looking for a second opinion. And sometimes, the answer we get just confirms our worst fears. But sometimes, it can shed new light on the problem, make you see it in a whole newway. After all the opinions have been heard and every point of view has been considered, youfinally find what you're after - the truth. But the truth isn't where it ends, that's just where youbegin again with a whole new set of questions.

Episode 7: "Give Peace A Chance"

Derek (narrating): Ask most surgeons why they became surgeons and they usually tell you thesame thing. It was for the high, the rush, the thrill that comes from cutting someone open andsaving their life. For me it was different, maybe it was because I grew up in a house with four sisters. No, definitely because I grew up in a house with four sisters because it was the quiet thatdrew me to surgery. The operating room is a quiet place. Peaceful. It has to be in order for us tostay alert, anticipate complications. When you stand in the OR, your patient open on the table, allthe worlds noise, all the worry that it brings disappears. A calm settles over you, time passingwithout thought. For that moment, you feel completely at peace.

Derek: (closing narration) Ask most surgeons why they became surgeons and they usually tellyou the same thing. The high, the rush, the thrill of the cut. For me it was the quiet. Peace isn't apermanent state. It exists in moments. Fleeting. Gone before we knew it was there. We can

experience it at any time, in a stranger's act of kindness, a task that requires complete focus or simply the comfort of an old routine. Everyday we all experience these moments of peace. Thetrick is to know when they're happening so that we can embrace them, live in them. And finally letthem go.

Episode 8: "Invest In Love"

Meredith: [narrating] It's impossible to describe the panic that comes over you when you're asurgeon and your pager goes off in the middle of the night. Your heart starts to race. Your mindfreezes. Your fingers go numb. You're invested. There's someone's mum, someone's dad,someone's kid. And now it's on you because that someone's life is in your hands. Surgeons,we're always investing in our patients. But when your patient's a child, you're not just invested,you're responsible. Responsible for whether or not that child survives, has a future. And that's

enough to terrify anyone.

Meredith: [narrating] They say the bigger your investment, the bigger your return. But you have tobe willing to take a chance. You have to understand, you might lose it all. But if you take thatchance, if you invest wisely the pay off might just surprise you.

Episode 9: "New History"

Meredith: [narrating] Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of. And sometimes thepast is something we'll do anything to forget. And sometimes we learn something new about thepast that changes everything we know about the present.

Meredith: [narrating] Doctors live in a world of constant progress and forward motion. Stand still

for a second, and you'll be left behind. But as hard as we try to move forward, as tempting as it isto never look back, the past always comes back to bite us in the ass. And as history shows usagain and again, those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.

Episode 10: "Holidaze"

Meredith: [narrating] The best gift I ever got was for Christmas when I was ten - my very firstsuture kit. I used it until my fingers bled, and then I tried to use it to stitch up my fingers. It put meon the path to becoming a surgeon. My point is sometimes the best gifts come in really surprisingpackages.



Meredith: [narrating] Everyday we get to give the gift of life, it can be painful, it can be terrifying,but in the end it's worth it. Every time. We all have the opportunity to give. Maybe the gifts are notas dramatic as what happens in the operating room, maybe the gift is to try and make a simpleapology, maybe it's to understand another person's point of view, maybe it's to hold a secret for afriend. The joy supposedly is in the giving, so when the joy is gone, when the giving starts to feelmore like a burden, that's when you stop. But if you're like most people I know, you give till ithurts, and then you give some more.

Episode 12: "I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked"

Meredith: (narrating) In surgery, the healing process begins with a cut, an incision, the tearing of flesh. We have to damage the healthy flesh in order to expose the unhealthy. It feels cruel andagainst common sense, but it works. You risk exposure for the sake of healing, and when it'sover, once the incision has been closed, you wait. You wait and hope that your patient will heal.That you haven't in fact, just made everything worse.

Meredith: (narrating) Number one rule of surgery is limit exposure. Keep your hands clean, your incisions small, and your wounds covered. Number two rule of surgery is when rule number onestops working, try something else. Because sometimes you can't limit exposure, sometimes the

injury is so bad you have to cut, and cut big.

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