“WHEN PLAYGROUND BULLIES GROW UP:

ADDRESSING BULLYING BEHAVIORS IN STUDENT STAFF OR COWORKER RELATIONSHIPS

Presenters:Kaitlin Korbitz

University of Wisconsin- River Falls

Alex ShawFort Hays State University

RESOURCES

The Bully at Work The No-Asshole Rule

Toxic Workplace

AREAS OF IMPORTANCE• From Toxic Workplace!:

• The toxic person’s characteristics and behaviors

• Leaders’ reactions to toxic behaviors

• Leaders’ strategies for dealing with the toxic person

• Effects of toxicity on the system

• The role of organizational culture

on toxicity• From No Asshole Rule:

• How to identify assholes (and asshole behavior)

• Rules for organizational culture

• How to keep your “inner jerk” from getting out

• No Asshole Rule as a way of life

• The Bully at Work • Identifying bullying

behaviors• Effects on person and

productivity • Recovery

BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE:DEFINITION

• From Bully at Work • “Bullying at work is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of a person by one or

more workers that takes the form of verbal abuse;• conduct or behaviors that are threatening, intimidating, or humiliating; • sabotage that prevents work from getting done; or some combination of the

three.• Perpetrators are bullies; those on the receiving end are targets.

BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE:DEFINITION

• Toxic Iceberg• Tip: toxic person’s behavior• Below the waterline: productivity and bottom-line losses • Human and financial costs of toxic behavior

BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE:DEFINITION

• No Asshole Rule• Temporary Assholes• Certified Assholes• Asshole behavior

IDENTIFYING BULLIESTOXIC PERSONALITIES

ASSHOLE ACTIONSBULLIES AT WORK

TOXIC PERSONALITIES3 TYPES

Type 1: Shaming Behavior• Rallies the troops and singles out one person for the attach• Verbal insults• Arrogant/ condescending language/ behavior• Public email abuse• Exploit weakness

TOXIC PERSONALITIES3 TYPES

Type 2: Passive Hostility• Goes behind back instead of addressing people directly• Change mind, but plead ignorance of original agreement• Martyrdom• Distrust of co-workers work and opinions• Territorial, won’t collaborate or share• Rejects negative feedback

TOXIC PERSONALITIES3 TYPES

Type 3: Team Sabotage• Collects info to later use against people• Undermines authority• Withholds information• Enlists “spies”• Abuse authority

ASSHOLE ACTIONS

• Personal insults• Invading one’s “personal territory”• Uninvited physical contact• Threats and intimidation, both

verbal and nonverbal• “sarcastic jokes” and “teasing” used

as insult delivery systems• Withering e-mail flames

• Status slaps intended to humiliate their victims

• Public shaming or “status degradation” rituals

• Rude interruptions• Two-faced attacks• Dirty looks• Treating people as if they are

invisible

BULLIES AT WORK“SCREAMING MIMI”

• Scream, yells, curses• Intimidates through gestures:

points, slams, throws• Physically close to intimidate• Interrupts• Denies others thoughts or feelings• Threatens (job loss or transfer)

BULLIES AT WORK“CONSTANT CRITIC”

• Constantly focusing on target’s “incompetence”

• Negatively responds to contributions

• Accuses, blames and fabricates errors

• Unreasonable demands• Criticizes parts of life unrelated to

work

BULLIES AT WORK“GATEKEEPER”

• Deliberately cuts out of loop• Refuses to make “reasonable

accommodations” (returning to work)

• Denies government and internal mandated protections

• “silent treatment”• Makes new rules on a whim

THE SANDBOX• From Toxic Workplace!:

• Almost 50 percent of those who experiences incivility at work reported that they lost time worrying about this (uncivil behavior) and its future consequences

• More than 25 percent of individuals who were targets of incivility acknowledged that they cut back their work efforts

• 50 percent contemplated leaving their jobs after being the target of incivility, and 12 percent did so

• From bullyingstatistics.org: • 1/3 of folks within workplace are subject to bullying • 20 percent of this bullying crosses line into harassment • 60 percent of bullies identified as male

• Bully male and female identified persons equally• Female bullies often bully other female-identified co-workers

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS

HEALTH HAZARD

Physical• Cardiovascular• Reduced immunity• Stress headaches and

migraines• Increased allergies, asthma• Hair loss• Weight swings

Social• Co-worker isolation• Encouraged compromise

with bully• Spouse questions your role

to cause bullying• Children and friends show

strain• Abandonment/ betrayal by

co-workers

Economic• Paid time off gets

constantly used• Personal savings tapped• File for WC, potentially

lose the right to sue• Formally terminated so that

employer can deny unemployment compensation

• Employers order you to chose between termination and WC

ARE YOU BEING BULLIED?

• Fear of going to work• Family asks you to stop obsessing

about work• Too ashamed to tell friends• Time off is used for “mental health”• Exhausted, lifeless, no desire• Favorite activities are no longer

appealing• Supervisors tells you to work it out on

your own

• Feel you are provoked to cruelty• Boss is never pleased• Surprise meetings• Others told to disassociate with you• Feel agitated and anxious• Never left alone to work• Others yell at you, but you are judged

if you fight back• Supervisors agree, but won’t intervene

TOP 12 HEALTH CONSEQUENCES FOR BULLIED TARGETS(2003)

1. Severe Anxiety (94%)2. Sleep disruption (84%)3. Loss of concentration (82%)4. Feeling edgy, easily startled

[hyper vigilance/ PTSD] (80%)5. Obsession over bully’s motives

and tactics (76%)6. Stress headaches (64%)

7. Avoidance of feelings, places [Avoidance/ PTSD] (49%)8. Shame or embarrassment that

changes lifestyle/ routines (49%)9. Racing heart rate (48%)10. Recurrent memories [Thought

Intrusion] (46%)11. Body aches (43%)12. Diagnosed depression (41%)

VICTIM/ TARGET SUPPORT

PREVENTIONTHE NO ASSHOLE RULE

TOXIC ORGANIZATION CHANGE SYSTEM MODELBULLY AT WORK: ASSESSMENT AND RECOMMENDATIONS

ENFORCING THE NO ASSHOLE RULE

1. Say the rule, write it down and act on it.

2. Assholes will hire other assholes3. Get rid of assholes fast4. Treat certified assholes as

incompetent employees5. Power breeds nastiness

6. Manage moments- not just practices, policies, and systems6. Model and teach constructive

confrontation7. Adopt the one asshole rule8. The bottom line: link big policies

to small decencies

TOXIC ORGANIZATIONCHANGE SYSTEM MODEL

• Dynamic model- reflects belief that any change in the system affects all other parts of the system directly or indirectly (butterfly effect)

• All parts of the system are vulnerable to toxicity, therefore all should be involved in prevention and creation of effective solutions

• 3 Levels: • Organizational Strategies • Individual Strategies • Team Strategies

ASSESS THE BULLIES IMPACT

1. How I relate to others2. How other people see me3. My performance at work

4. My ability to reason and solve problems• Make 3 copies for yourself, a trusted co-worker, a family member. • Do you see similarities? What are your strengths? Do you judge yourself too

harshly?

HOW BULLY PROOF ARE YOU?Graph

Raters Do Well Could Do Better

Myself

Friend

Family

Do a graph for each of the 5 areas

1. Quality of Relationships with Others

2. Confidence in Personal Competence

3. Emotional Effectiveness4. Confidence in personal

competence5. Emotional effectiveness

INTERPRET THE IMPACT TABLE

• Who thinks you are relatively Bully Proof?• Regarding what aspects?• In what areas are you blind and therefore vulnerable?• Who sees the effects of the bullying experience as you do?• Are they right or are those who disagree with you right?• How are they differences in observation related to the different levels of

support you receive?• On whom can you count for a reality check when needed?• Have you lost your sense of perspective? Are you the frog in boiling water?

CHANGING YOUR PERSPECTIVE

STEP 1Compare your bully problems to a catastrophic event.

STEP 2Mentally edit the memory of your encounter with the bully as if you were

editing a film

STEP 3Try to look at the experience as a positive event rather than an attack on you.

RESTORATION

• Establish and Protect Personal Boundaries• Avoid Unattainable Standards• Count Your Inner Circle• Control Destructive Mind Games• Escape the Trap of Self-Blame• Satisfy Your Needs and Wants• Anger and Shame

CONFRONT

Residents (Students you mentor)

• Empowering victims (from pro staff, potentially peers)

• Determine conflict style• Offer mediation• Encourage direct dialing• Developmental conversations with bullies

• Remember, they are our students too

Co-workers• Deal with it• Twist it• Conversation with bully• Inform supervisor• Form allies• IMPLIMENT THESE METHODS

QUESTIONS?

REFLECTIONS?

TESTIMONIES?

CASE STUDY #1Marie and Antoinette are Hall Directors at Regal University, which is a small, public institution. The professional staff team consists of four hall directors, one assistant director and the director of residence life. Marie transitioned to her position from the corporate world without a Master’s degree, and was not completely familiar with her position. Antoinette graduated with a Master’s in student affairs from a large, public institution, and her graduate position was in residence life. During a 1:1 with you, the assistant director, Marie mentions that Antoinette pulls her aside often to explain why her supervisory style is not effective, and gives her advice that is not solicited. When Marie confronted Antoinette about her behavior, Antoinette began to cry and scream at Marie. Marie comes to you concerned because one of Antoinette’s staff members mentioned the confrontation to Marie during lunch in the dining hall and asked about why the conflict happened. Antoinette does not get along with the only other hall director in the department, and often relies on Marie for friendship and companionship.

• Is this an instance of a toxic work place or bullying?• What would you do?

CASE STUDY #2Pamela and John are mid-level professionals at Colonial University. Colonial is a large, private, 4 year institution located in the Midwest. While considered at the same level in the organizational chart, Pamela often sees John entering the director’s office to “chat”, spending time with leaders at the University, and receiving projects that Pamela was not aware of until John mentions them in passing. John consistently pokes fun at Pamela during meetings, and plays it off as a joke when confronted. Pamela notices that John will often have his feet up on tables during pro staff meetings, talk while the assistant director is speaking, and deliberately ignore aspects or directives of the job when he does not see them as important.

• Is this an instance of a toxic work place or bullying?• What would you do?