LEARNING TO WORK TOGETHER

A COURSE HANDBOOK

Practical Skills for Collaboration

Handbook

July 2008

KAZ STUART

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CONTENTS

Levels of Thinking 1

Types of Learning 2

Contracting 3

Comfort, Stretch, Panic 7

Rapport 9

Contact Doors 11

Neurophysiology 14

Frames of Reference 18

Strokes 23

Psychological Games 28

Discounting 35

The Power of Beliefs 39

Self Talk 43

Berne’s Imagos 45

Ego States 50

Locus of Control 55

Transactions 56

Drivers 60

Edward de Bono’s Six Thinking Hats 63

Concepts for Thriving 64

Team Behaviours 67

Cycles of Development 68

Change Curve 73

Affirmations 74

Leadership / Followership 75

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LEVELS OF THINKING

This course will be working at each of these levels.

As you learn about each concept, activity and skill, think about what it means for you as an individual, for you as a professional, for your team/s and your organisation. Ultimately all this will impact on outcomes for children and young people, as the adults around them model effective collaboration and social skills.

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ME AS A PERSON

ME AS A PROFESIONAL

MY TEAM

MY ORGANISATION

OUTCOMES

TYPES OF LEARNING

Whilst you are on this course, you will be learning in three dimensions. This is what makes the course so powerful and life changing – it addresses all three areas of your life.

How will you generate this kind of learning in your organisation?

Organisational learning

Professional learning

Personal learning

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CONTRACTING

DRAWING CONTRACTS

Schools have always been the forum for complex contractual arrangements regardless of whether these are explicit or hidden. These are multi cornered contracts, and are shown by diagrams like the example below showing a MULTI AGENCY TEAM contract.

It is important to identify both who are the parties in the contract, and what is expected between them.

Many triangles may be added together to show contracts with more than three partners.

The distance between the points of the triangle show the relationship between the partners in the contract – the psychological distance. Some examples of these are given below.

INDIVIDUAL

ORGANISATION TEAM

Expectations between

individual and source

organisation

Expectations between the

organisation and collaborative team

Expectations between the team and the

individual

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Individual= blueOrganisation= redTeam= yellow

A: I’ll spend an extra day working for you, my boss will never know!B: That person you sent us is rubbish, how can we both get shot of them?C: This team might help us get more work if we play our cards right!

As you can see, psychological distance from one of the parties, and collusion between the others can lead to game playing – this demonstrates the need for a psychological level to the contract.

A

B

C

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LEVELS OF CONTRACT

Whether partners are managers, front line workers, children, parents, or local authority staff, contracting principles must apply in establishing effective, sustainable and successful relationships. A summary of the principles is provided below:

Contracts may be verbal or written.Contracting is a process of establishing clarity about why and how we work together and for what purpose or outcome. All levels need to be clear to avoid unwitting sabotage.

In the contracting process we establish protection for the group to work, permission for what and how we will work. These lead to the group working in a potent way together.

There are six levels to contracts as shown below:

Dimension Level Principle ExampleProtection Procedural Establishes clarity and

avoids misunderstandingsWhere, when, who, domestics, recording.

Professional Implies individuals delivering within limits of their competency

What do partners offer in terms of their collective role, what does the group need?

Permission Purpose Emphasises that partners are permitted to achieve

Why together, what do we aim to achieve, how will we know when we have achieved it?

Process Establishes an agreed style of interaction

How do we intend to work together?

Potency Psychological The hidden dimensions are made explicit to avoid sabotage

What might occur outside of awareness – what are the elephants in the room?

Physis Acknowledge the wider context in which the group / partners can grow

How does the purpose of this work fit with everyone’s development – is it appropriate?

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REFLECTION

How many teams / groups do you work in?

Do you have a contract for any of them?

What are the expectations within the team?

What levels of contract are missing?

Are there any psychological games taking place?

How would you put a contract in place for this team?

What benefits can contracting bring to you, your teaching, your team, the school?

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COMFORT / STRETCH / PANIC

Explains when individuals are most likely to learn. When people feel comfortable, learning is low, when they are stretched learning is at its highest, when they feel in panic it is very difficult to learn as fight or flight takes over and survival is their main concern.

Physical signs of being stretched include; faster heart beat, sweating palms, hairs on the back of your neck sticking up, rashes round your neck. Adrenaline flows and there is a sense of apprehension and even nervousness.

Stretches lead to development. If you always do what you’ve always done then you’ll always get what you’ve always got.

Experiences can move from stretch to comfort. Things that were once a stretch for individuals often move into comfort after a few times of doing them. This can be one reason why practising is important when learning new skills or behaviours such as receiving and giving feedback or compliments.

Different people are stretched by different experiences. Activities will be the stretch for some people while for others sharing a room or expressing their thoughts to a group. Individuals are different, need different types of support, have different learning styles etc)

If you are continually stretched you’ll become stressed and worn out. People need to feel comfortable some of the time. Encourage individuals to mange this themselves on the course.

Peer pressure can sometimes encourage people to step into panic. e.g. If everyone else has completed a high rope event an individual may feel they have to as well and so put themselves in panic. Warn delegates about this and reinforce that it is OK to say ‘No’.

‘Challenge by choice’ can be a useful phrase when talking about this.

Refer back to comfort stretch and panic during the course. For example; personal posters, are their disclosures a stretch for them? Is the feedback they are giving a stretch? Encourage people to make conscious choices regarding where they are operating.

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What do you anticipate being a stretch for you in this change? Have you ever got closer than you intended to panic, and what did that look / feel like? What has moved from to stretch to comfort for you at work? What support will you need to survive stretch?

LEARNING

COMFORT

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RAPPORT

Rapport Building is about becoming responsive to someone with whom you are communicating. We do this naturally – particularly with people we like or agree with. We can use it as a tool for increasing the effectiveness of our communication with all people. Rapport is about creating a sense of connection with another person, in such a way as to build a sense of trust or mutuality. We can learn to do this consciously, with anyone at any time.

How well we relate to others can affect how well we perform. Building rapport with those around us is fundamental to our happy existence and a precursor to effective learning.

The main elements of rapport are:

Matching: The process of subtly adopting elements of another person’s verbal and non-verbal behaviour in order to gain rapport

Mirroring: The process of adopting elements of another person’s verbal or non-verbal behaviour in a way which mirrors what they are actually doing

Pacing: The ongoing process of matching another person’s behaviours, beliefs and ideas to create exceptional rapport

Leading: Establishing a high level of rapport and then altering your own behaviour in such a way that someone else follows.

When you first meet someone, spend time subtly matching and mirroring their body language, breathing words. This will make them feel aligned to you, feel that they get on with you, and trust you. Having gained this rapport, you can then subtly start to pace and lead them – if you have true rapport you will find that they will follow you, and match your body language. At this stage they are more likely to listen and agree with what you are also saying, and have a constructive conversation with you.

The skills of rapport building give others a sense that you understand where they are coming from. Sometimes this may be the only goal as, for example, in trying to smooth a previously difficult relationship. Alternatively, you may wish to build on the rapport gained to move the person or situation forward in some way. It is a powerful tool that is the first step in any hostage negotiations, so should work for us!

7% words – the language (clear, simple, unambiguous, well chosen, right representation system)38% music – vocal variations (speed, pitch, emphasis, volume)55% dance – body language (posture, eye contact, gestures, use of space, tension, breathing)

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LANGUAGE OF RAPPORT

VISUAL AUDITORY KINAESTHETIC

Looks good to meI see what you’re sayingA birds eye viewIt clearly shows howIn the light ofIn view ofPaint a different pictureYou can plainly seeSeeing redMental pictureSight for sore eyesTunnel visionA sparkling opportunityIt dawned on me slowly

Rings a bellTurn a deaf earGave them an earfulMusic to my earsLoud and clearPower of speechTo tell the truthOn the tip of my tongueWord for wordUnheard ofBig mouthClearly expressedSharp tonguedCalling the tune

Get a handle onTouch baseSlip through fingersScrape togetherGet to grips withFeel connected toGet a load of thisGet in touch withGot to hand it to youGet the driftFeel light headedPain in the neckStiff upper lipFirm propositionYou’ll kick yourself

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CONTACT DOORS

Paul Ware investigated this notion of how we contact each other, and suggested that everyone has one particular way in which they prefer to be approached. To make successful contact we need to use the words, gestures, tone, facial expression, posture and gesture which are most welcome to each individual person.

How to best make contact

Ware (19836) suggests that thinking, feeling and doing (our behaviour) are three ways of being for which we each have our preferred order. These are like ‘doors’ through which we can be successfully contacted, or which we may slam shut if wrongly approached. The table below shows ways of recognising people whose ‘blobs’ are mostly in the various quadrants, and some clues for making effective approaches. This is probably how they approach others; if you approach them in the same way they will respond positively.

1. Contact door:

Use: feelings focussed words and sounds:

‘How are you really?’ ‘You sound fed up’

appropriate touch

lots of gestures – be expansive

a warm tone

lots of inclusive eye contact

use question formswith rising inflection at the end

lots of smiles and eyebrow movement

2. Contact door:

Use: thinking focussed words:

‘I believe..’ ‘What’s your opinion..?’

appropriate physical distance

hand gestures such as counting off points as they’re being made

interested tone

brief steady eye contact – looking away – repeated

upright body

Feeling Thinking

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3. Contact door:

Use: lots of sounds:

‘cor’ ‘wow’ ‘humph’

enthusiastic tone

lots of facial expression

lots of movement of body and gestures

darting eye contact

4. Contact door:

Use: statements, short and to the point without added emphasis

‘This is how to do it’ ‘Ask me if you need help’

still body without gestures

neutral, emotion-free tone

When someone is approached via a contact door which is different, or even diagonally opposite, to their preferred mode it may appear to be especially ‘wrong footed’ and problems may arise.

And then what…?

When someone senses they have been approached appropriately and consistently to a sufficient extent, they will relax into their essential style for carrying out tasks with all their positive ego-states integrated and available. Any slight stress however and they may only be available in the ego-state they prefer to be approached in. If the stress increases, then they are likely to only have negative ego-states available.

The quadrant below describes the ‘targets’ for performing effectively:

Reactive behaviour

Inactive behaviour

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1. Feelings Door

When sufficiently nurtured and given the space

to express their feelings (contact door), people

with this style will think efficiently in the group.

2. Thinking Door

When sufficiently respected, and given enough

opportunity to express their thoughts and

opinions, people with this style will then use

their feelings with a chosen few.

3. Reactions Door

Having been allowed their fun (action contact

door) sufficiently, if unstressed, people with this

style will express their feelings and passions

with everyone.

4. Inaction Door

When left alone (inaction contact door) for long

enough, and encouraged to use symbols or

visualisations or just watch from a safe

distance, people with this style will think clearly

on their own or with others.

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NEUROPHYSIOLOGY

Let me introduce you to two friends:

Miss A Success Mr Failalot

What does their body language tell you about them? What do they think? What are their lives like? What do they do for a hobby? How do other people respond to them?

Neurophysiology is about what your body is physically doing at any one point in time. It can be affected by your mind, and it can affect your mind. It is a key therefore to mental mastery, and effective learning.

It is a combination of:

Body posture Nervous energy Muscle tension Breathing Temperature Blood pressure Perspiration

It can be enabling or disabling.

We can use somatic relaxation techniques to create a calm neurophysiological states and loud music or bright colours to create a lively neurophysiological state.

The free diver Mayol managed to double his red blood cell count MENTALLY before he did a free dive – this led to his success.

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Johnson and Swindley defined four different states depending on your energy and attitude. These are summarised in the table below.

Positive Attitudes and Emotions Negative Attitudes and Emotions

High Energy PEAK STATEAlert, inspired full of energyEnthusiastic passionateConfident, self assuredCalm, quiet mind

ANGRY STATEEnergetic but tenseNot enjoyableFrustrated, overwhelmedMind unsettledDesire to get even

Low Energy RESTING STATECalm, easy going, tension freeLeisurely, unfocussed, having funLetting go and recoveringRelaxed body, quiet mind

INCAPABLE STATEDrained, listless, burnt outBored, uninterested, mildly depressed, no funIrritated, slightly tenseDiscouraged, disinterested

.

Reflection

What state are you in after a morning of teaching?

What state are your pupils in after lunch?

What state would be best for you to teach from?

What state would be best for your pupils to learn from?

State awareness and control

Awareness of your ‘state’ and the ability to control it is very important in performing. Our state is usually unconscious, so it will take some effort to become aware of it consciously. Through control of beliefs and state people manage to firewalk – it is a powerful tool.

There are three exercises here to give you an experience of the power of state, they require a partner.

1. Awareness of your own state2. Getting into a desired state3. Eliciting other people’s state

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1. AWARENESS OF STATE EXERCISE:

Find a partner and some space. Take about 5 minutes each to support each other through the following exercise.

Reflect back to a significant moment in your life….See yourself in this moment in front of you looking as you did….Notice where you are and what is happening around you …. And what else is happening?Notice your posture …. And what kind of posture is this posture?Notice your facial expressions …. And what kind of expressions are these expressions?

Step into this image, take on these expressions and posture….Notice the sounds you were hearing around you?Whereabouts are these sounds …. And what kind of sounds are these sounds?Notice hearing what you are saying to yourself …. And what kinds of things are you saying to yourself?

And now notice feeling those feelings you felt….Whereabouts are these feelings …. And what kind of feelings are these feelings?And those feelings are like what?

Just BE in the state you are now; feeling, hearing and seeing yourself in this state ….

When feeling, hearing, and seeing yourself in this state, What kind of state is that state?And that state is like what?

After you have both completed the exercise, have a short discussion about your experiences … you may wish to begin by exploring the kinds of responses the questions were generating.

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2. GETTING INTO A DESIRED STATE

Now one of you chose a state to be in (secretly), fully experience it and create it.

What would the breathing of a person in that state be?

What would their posture be?

What would their facial expression be?

How would they sit / stand?

Be that person, adopt the physiology.

Think the thoughts they might have.Get fully associated.

3. ELLICITING OTHER PEOPLES STATES

Now your partner mirrors your state exactly.

Sit with it for a while

Observe and mirror every detail that you can.

See if they can name the state that you chose.

Swap over.

What have you learned from this?

What is a useful state for you?

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FRAMES OF REFERENCE

Berne introduced the concept of frames of reference as our existential position, or attitude towards ourselves and others. There are four frames of reference:

I'm not OKYou're OK

get away from

I'm OKYou're OK

get on with

get nowhere

I'm not OKYou're not OK

get rid of

I'm OKYou're not OK

As small children we all attempt to make sense of the world. We want to be able to predict what will happen. We also tend to believe that we cause everything! We therefore draw some conclusions about whether we and others are OK or not on the basis of what does happen. We also lack sufficient experience of the world and therefore tend to rely on what other people tell us (or signal to us at the ulterior level).

For example:

For I’m not OK, You’re OK - we have no way of knowing that our clumsiness at dressing ourselves is a normal part of growing up

For I’m not OK, You’re not OK - if someone we love is taken into hospital, we may think we caused them to be ill, and that they have deserted us

For I’m OK, You’re not OK - if we are constantly compared favourably to others, we may come to believe that we really are superior

When we grow up, most of us will spend plenty of time believing that we and others are OK. However, under stress we are likely to revert to our childhood conclusions. The life positions are the key to many of the apparently negative ways we behave. Psychological games are played so that we finish the game in a way that reinforces our basic life position.

The window that you are looking through (or life position that you are adopting) may be demonstrated by your thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, and actions (verbal and non verbal). We will now look at the implications of adopting each window:

IOKUOK – this person is likely to build a reality for themselves that is a win, winIOKUNOK – this person will write a losing reality being victimised and losing out to othersINOKUOK – this person will seem to be a winner but operates from a one up one down position of continual struggle as those around them eventually reject the put downsINOKUNOK – the person is convinced that the world is futile and full of despair, life involves rejecting and being rejected

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Once we have chosen a window to look through (a rational unconscious decision is made at about 3 years), we tend to live the rest of our lives from this position, noticing evidence that reinforces it and creating situations to reinforce it. This becomes a life script or story for us.

Positive strokes invite I'm OK You're OK. Negative strokes invite one of the other three not OK positions. Discounting serves to maintain the not OK life position we have adopted.

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Frames of Reference and Strokes

Our life position also determines the way we accept strokes. Offered a positive stroke, someone in INOKYOK will think you are just trying to be kind. The IOKYNOK will be condescending and arrogant. The INOKYNOK will be suspicious and wonder what devious reason you have for pretending to be nice to them when they don’t deserve it.

How will people in each of the 4 life positions react when:

I’m OK, You’re OK

I’m not OK, You’re OK

I’m not OK, You’re not OK

I’m OK, You’re not OK

you praise them

they need to praise you

you criticise them

they need to criticise you

you behave in a way that shows you trust them

you have a conflict with them

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The table below links the windows to cognitive behavioural theory to create an easy to use grid demonstrating what we might think, feel and do from each life position. This is shown below:

IOKUOK IOKUNOK INOKUOK INOKUNOKThoughts

(okay / not okay)

I am great at teamwork, and so are my team

I am great at teamwork, but Fred keeps letting us down

I can’t get one with John, everyone else did really well though and finished

I hate this, I can’t do this. It’s pointless. We’re all useless at it.

Feelings

(righteous or smug / shame or embarrassed / despair)

Pleased with everyone’s actions / achievements equally

Ha! I that showed them, bunch of losers!

Oh god, I really hope I don’t have to do a test again – I was rubbish, they all thought I was stupid, they can all do it.

School sucks – its rubbish. The teacher just made us all look stupid.

Behaviours

(superior / inferior / pessimistic)

Treats everyone with due regard.

Shows off, gives instructions, takes control.

Reticent, hangs back, quiet.

Pessimistic, uninvolved, pours cold water on the effort.

It is also useful to look at how each life position would respond to success or failure – this is often a key to realizing our general disposition, especially in the realm of emotion and feeling.

IOKUOK IOKUNOK INOKUOK INOKUNOK

Response to success

That is great!Fantastic, I did really well, I knew I would! I’m great.

That must have been easy, I only did it because of all the help I got from the instructor.

That was unusual, it’s a fluke, bet I won’t do that again.

Response to failure

What can I learn from that for next time?

That’s not like me, it must have been hard – bet the instructor stitched us up, and John messed up!

Oh no – I let them all down, as usual, that always happens, I hate team activities!

Typical, that figures, we’re so rubbish I knew that would happen, its pointless!

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THE WINDOWS ON ASSERTIVENESS

The Windows on the World also link to assertiveness, they have different levels of assertiveness linked to them as shown below.

I'm not OKYou're OKPASSIVE

FRUSTRATEDNEGATIVE CONFLICT VIEW

FOCUS ON THE PROCESS OF PROBLEMS OLVING

PASSES THE TIMEOBEYS DUTIESRELINQUISHESACCOMODATES

PASSIVE

I'm OKYou're OK

ASSERTIVE

CONFRONTATIONPOSITIVE VIEW OF CONFLICT

RESOLUTIONBALANCES TASK AND PROCESS OF

PROBLEM SOLVINGMAKES USE OF TIME

USES RULES AS GUIDELINESINFORMS

EXPLORESDECIDES

ASSERTIVEAT EASE

DEFIANCEWITHRAWL

IGNORES CONFLICTHELPLESS AT PROBLEM SOLVING

WASTES TIMEVIEWS RULES AS ABSOLUTES

DEFENDSHOLDS STILLAPATHETIC

ACIDLY CYNICALI'm not OK

You're not OKPASSIVE - AGGRESSIVE

RESENTMENTPUTS ORGANISATION BEFORE SELF IN

CONFLICTFOCUSSESON TASK OF PROBLEM

SOLVINGKILLS TIME

MAKES AND ENFORCES RULESCOONTROLSPERSUADESENFORCES

AGGRESSIVEI'm OK

You're not OKAGGRESSIVE

WHICH DO YOU RECOGNISE IN YOUR SELF, YOUR STAFF TEAM?

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STROKES

A stroke is a form of recognition, like when your friend says you cooked a fantastic meal, or did a great job decorating, or look stunning, or when a loved one smiles at you. When did you last get some recognition?

All humans need recognition.

You can get a stroke for who you are (you are such a good friend), or for what you do (that is a great piece of work).

You can get positive strokes (recognition for doing something good) or negative strokes (recognition for doing something bad).

Humans need recognition so much, that if they do not get positive strokes, they will act up to get negative ones, as negatives are better than none! We all learn as children that we can stimulate negative strokes more readily than we can positives. Annoy someone and they pay attention to you! Because strokes are a biological necessity, we will then unwittingly settle for negatives rather than being ignored.

We all learn as children that we can stimulate negative strokes more readily than we can positives. Annoy someone and they pay attention to you! Because strokes are a biological necessity, we will then unwittingly settle for negatives rather than being ignored.

Strokes are given and received via the senses:

hearing - the things we say to each other- the sounds of music, singing- tone of voice (e.g. angry, friendly)

sight - facial expressions, gestures, posture- via paintings, ornaments, scenery- through written comments (e.g. memos, performance appraisals)

touch - shaking hands- holding, hitting- through textures and temperatures

taste and - through food and drinksmell - perfumes, air fresheners, tobacco

There are strokes that are:

Positive unconditional – you are greatPositive conditional – I love you when you…..Negative unconditional – I hate youNegative unconditional – I hate you when you…..Counterfeit – you look sooooo nice (blatantly not meant)Marshmallows – over the top strokes that feel sickly

The Grid below shows different types of strokes:

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Stroke Economy

We all develop characteristic patterns of stroking, called Stroke Economies.Claude Steiner suggested that we treat strokes as if they are money, operating an ‘economy’ in which we are careful about how many strokes we give away and conscious of whether we are receiving the amount we think is due to us.He identified 5 stroke rules - myths that we nevertheless all obey to some degree:

don’t give strokes don’t ask for strokes don’t accept strokes don’t reject strokes don’t stroke yourself

Your stroking patternFor the strokes you give to others

Identify 5 people you

work closely with

How often do you give them

strokes?

What is a typical stroke

you give them?

Is it positive or negative?

What intensity has it?

Now repeat for the strokes they give you

List the same 5 people

How often do they give you

strokes?

What is a typical stroke

they give you?

Is it positive or negative?

What intensity has it?

(page overleaf from TACTICS by Newton and Napper)

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Warm Fuzzy Tale by Claude Steiner (abridged by J Hay)

Once upon a time there was a land where everyone was happy. Each person was born with a magic bag which contained an endless supply of warm fuzzies. When these were handed out to other people, they were like the touch of a small child’s hand – so that people felt warmth and caring whenever they received a fuzzy. And because the bags were magic, everyone could ask for and get as many warm fuzzies as they wanted.

One day a witch arrived and started a rumour that there would not always be enough fuzzies in the bags. (The witch wanted to sell potions that bring happiness so the free fuzzy supplies were bad for business). People started to hold onto their fuzzies in case the rumours were true, so just as in the financial markets they ended up causing it to become true – there were not enough fuzzies.

Now the land was not so happy. People gave out fuzzies sparingly, and they wanted one in return each time. Someone invented cold pricklies, which stimulated bad feelings but at least reminded people that they were alive. The wicked witch made lots of money selling misery cures.

Eventually a wise traveller came along, saw what had happened and told people that the bags WERE magic, and that the more warm fuzzies they gave out the more would be generated. Some people started to believe the traveller and began to give out more warm fuzzies. We are now waiting to see them succeed in changing the fuzzy giving pattern for the better.

The end

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Hungers

There are three things that all human beings hunger for:

Stimulation Recognition Certainly

These three human hungers are so powerful that they can even push aside our needs for sleep or food. If these hungers are not satisfied at any age, we pursue them. If we cannot get one need met, then we will try to substitute one of the others to make do. This will work for a while, but is never really satisfying as the three hungers are distinct and equal in importance. Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson show the three hungers as points on a triangle:

Are you providing enough stimulation, recognition and certainty for the people in your team?

How might they behave if they do not have each of those needs met?

Stimulation

CertaintyRecognition

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PSYCHOLOGICAL GAMES

When psychological distance grows in contracts, there is scope for games to develop. Eric Berne first wrote about games. He defines psychological game as a repetitive sequence of complementary, ulterior transactions leading to a well-defined, negative payoff for all parties. We will look at what transactions are later. Games often occur out of our awareness, and happen frequently in classrooms. It is important that we are aware of games, and are able to resist the invitation to join in. So let us concentrate on the clues to games.

The key clues that we are playing a game, therefore, are:

it is repetitive - it ‘happens’ to us over and over again, often with different partners it is predictable - anyone watching it could predict the sequence and the outcome it has ulterior transactions - we are not saying what is really going on there is a switch - at some point the communication shifts and the ulterior is revealed all involved get negative payoffs - we feel not OK, either as a loser or as one-up

Advantages of games

It may seem strange that we would engage in psychological games when they lead to such negative results. However, game playing is out of awareness and has a number of ‘advantages’:

biological - the game is a source of strokes existential - the result justifies our view of the world internal psychological - it maintains our physic stability, saves facing our weaknesses external psychological - it gives us a way of avoiding situations, especially intimacy internal social - we get a kick from the punch line external social - we get to pastime by telling our friends about it

Put another way, games fill up the time, they keep people around us, they reinforce our frame of reference and they remind us that we are alive.

Degrees of games

There are three levels of severity of game:

1st degree - games which are socially acceptable, that get played openly 2nd degree - games that are generally played in private, as when we close the door 3rd degree - games that involve serious consequences such as injury

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Examples of psychological games:

GOTCHA! appearing interested and then manipulating another person into appearing to be in the wrong

KICK ME doing things wrong so much that others eventually feel obliged to give you a put-down

BLEMISH nit-picking, always finding something wrong after starting to praise

HARRIED rushing about 'earning' the right to complain or break under pressure

LUNCH BAG acting self-righteously so that others will feel guilty

REBUFF offering assistance and then reacting in an aggrieved way when asked to provide the assistance

YES BUT ... acting as if you need help and then countering every suggestion

AIN’T IT AWFUL always talking about the negatives in life

The drama triangle is the most common game.

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The Drama Triangle

The drama triangle is a game commonly played by two or more people switching roles

There are three roles that people play in a drama triangle:

Persecutor – who puts others down and makes them feel small and not OK. They act in their own interest, they make others suffer, punish others, and think that their victims don’t matter.

Rescuer – who thinks that they are the only person that can help out and solve the problem. Thinks that they are better than everyone else. They take over the problem and solve it for the victim. They tell the victim what to do and what to think, they believe that the victim cannot solve the problem themselves.

Victim – someone who doesn’t think very much of themselves, and who is suffering. This person is the victim of the bully, and may seek, or just use the help of the rescuer to solve their problems. They behave in a needy way as if they do not have the resources to solve their own problem. They do not use Adult thinking and doubt their own abilities. The rescuer reinforces their beliefs that they are not very good by rescuing them.

These people all think about the past rather than the here and now. They talk about things that happened in the past, and behave in ways that they have before.

Victim

Persecutor Rescuer

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The Switch

At some point in the game, a switch happens, and all of the roles swap around.

The Rescuer gets tired of rescuing and not getting their needs met and so can become the Victim.

Rescuers can get so cross with the Bully that they Bully them!

Victims get tired of being patronised and so switch to bully the Rescuer.

Bullies feel guilty and try to rescue the Victim.

For Example:

Line Manager (P): Where is your report, it was supposed to be in yesterday?Individual (V): I’m sorry I ……Line Manager (P):Late again, , this is no good!Colleague(R): It’s not an excuse, it’s a REASON, s/he was ill and could not do it, (P) what would you know, you never listen, you always assume the worst of people!Line Manager (V): I’m sorry if you will just give me an opportunity to explain…

Eventually then all the players get to feel bad.

Can you think of any people that fit these roles?

Can you think of a time when you were made a switch?

Can you think of a time when you were in a drama triangle?

How could you prevent getting into a Drama Triangle?

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The Solution

The drama triangle can easily be turned into a winner’s triangle if all the parties take responsibility for themselves and their rights:

Instead of a Persecutor there is an assertive person – they ask for what they want, say no to what they don’t want, they give feedback and negotiate. They do not punish or make others suffer, but they do try to get their own needs met.

Everyone is aware of their emotions.

Everyone is adult, positive, present and solution focussed.

Instead of a Rescuer there is a caring person – they have concern for the vulnerable person, but they do not take over, they do only their share of the problem solving and do not do things that they do not want to do. They have good listening skills,

Instead of a Victim, there is a vulnerable person who is still suffering. The difference is that the vulnerable person uses. Adult thinking to solve their own problem, and are aware of their feelings as information to problem solve with. They are capable.

ResponsivePotent

Vulnerable

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RULES FOR CONSTRUCTIVE CONTROVERSY

Agreement all the time would not be productive. Professionals challenge one another appropriately to develop practice and to ensure quality.

Here are some rules to keep conflict and controversy appropriate and professional:

Establish norms of openness – encourage all team members to express their opinions and feelings. Do not dismiss ideas because they appear too impractical or undeveloped at first.

Assign opposing views – assign a person or subgroup the role of critically evaluating the group’s current preferences.

Follow the golden rule – People should always discuss issues with others the way they want issues discussed with themselves.

Get outside information – search for information from a diverse set of outside sources to help the group to make a decision.

Show personal regard – Ideas can be criticized, but do not attack a person, their motivation or personality.

Combine ideas – the team should avoid etiher / or thinking, and try to combine ideas to create alternative solutions.

Read the next section on thinking hats to see another way to handle critical and sometime conflict in thinking, also read the copied chapter on conflict management.

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YOUR EXAMPLE OF A GAME:

1. How does it start?

2. What happens next?

3. Then what happens?

4. How do you feel?

5. How do you think the other person feels?

6. What do you think the hidden messages are?

7. What do you really want to say to this person?

8. What do you think they want to say to you?

9. How does it end?

10. How else might you behave at the beginning in order to get a more constructive result?

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DISCOUNTING

Discounting is an internal mechanism that occurs outside our awareness and involves us minimising or ignoring some aspect of ourselves, others and/or the situation. We discount in order to maintain and reinforce our frame of reference. We just don’t seem to notice things that would lead us to change our minds or our behaviour. People see only the external manifestations of discounting, such as the four passive behaviours:

doing nothing - e.g. not speaking when expected to, discounting the ability to think or to solve problems.

over-adapting – e.g. complying with the wishes of others without checking if they are real, or checking in with what her wishes are. The over adaptation is a contaminated ego state, and is often stroked by close relations. This person is discounting their own options, following what others want, and so relates to the driver please people.

agitation - e.g. tapping a finger when you disagree with a statement made in a meeting. This is discounting the possibility of taking action; the discount leads to discomfort and agitation.

incapacitation or violence - incapacitation can be alcoholism, drug abuse or psychosomatic disability willed on the self to prevent something else happening. Violence is also passive as it’s another displacement activity – the subject of the violence being unrelated to the problem, and the problem not needing violence to solve it.

None of these solve the problem. Instead, they invite a dependency, with another person in the hope that they will solve the problem for us. In this way we avoid taking responsibility.

If they solve the problem for us, they too have discounted. They too then avoid responsibility because it was not their problem so they were just helping us out.

These passive discounting behaviours link to a youth development tool called the 4P’s – it shows four attitudes, or positions that young people(and adults) may take when in a training situation, and are shown below:

PRISONERDon’t want to be there.OVER ADAPTATION

PROTESTERShouts about dislike(AGITATION / VIOLENCE)

PARTICIPANTFully engaged(NO DISCOUNT)

PASSENGERAlong for the viewDO NOTHING

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Redefining

In everyday situations we often become aware of discounting because someone redefines. This means that they subtly change the gist of the conversation. If you ask what time the report will be ready, they may redefine by asking you what time you need it by. You may not even notice that your question was not answered and that you still don’t know when the report will be ready.

Levels of discountingWe may discount the:

situation - we overlook what is happening significance of what is happening - that it is a problem potential solutions available to us skills we (or others) have to deal with the problem strategies we can implement to apply our skills to the problem possibility of being successful in our actions

Because discounting is out of awareness, it is difficult to recognise that you are discounting the stimulus or situation. Discounting will create incorrect beliefs, inaccurate self talk and limited behaviour. It is important that we stop discounting, and that we ACCOUNT for all our capabilities and skills. In this way we formulate positive and accurate beliefs, and become potent – able to act in any situation.

DISCOUNT MATRIX

The discount matrix shows different levels of discounts in problem solving, and the appropriate level of intervention. Hay (1995) developed these into a six step model for success. To use the steps, you think of the issue you are facing, and walk up answering the appropriate question. This is even more powerful if done physically on the steps taped to the floor. This is simple and effective and easy to understand facilitating participation in problem solving, and avoiding a rescue!

SITUATION

SUCCESS

STRATEGIES

SKILLS

SOLUTIONS

SIGNIFICANCE

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Using this model, each step calls for us to account for:

1. What is happening?2. How it’s a problem?3. What might be done?4. Whether we can make the necessary changes5. How we can implement the changes?6. Whether we have the necessary commitment

DISCOUNTING EXERCISE

THINK OF A RECENT PROBLEM THAT YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED.

Note as many details as possible about the situation and why it is a problem.

What options have you considered? Ask someone unrelated to the problem to suggest options - and note them all without arguing!

For each possible option, what capabilities would you need to implement the solution? Again, use someone else to stimulate your thinking on this.

What strategies might you now use? For example, are there skills you need to acquire to solve the problem? Are there new ways of behaving that you will need to practice?

What will you do now to ensure that you solve the problem? When?

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Language Patterns

These language patterns are useful clues to show that a discount is happening. You might spot them in a conversation with a colleague “These team meetings never get us anywhere!”, or you might notice them in your own thoughts and self talk, “Fred, what a nightmare, he always winds me up!” These patterns clue you in to non – logical thinking that is probably based on invalid information and discounts.

Statement Questions to challenge Pattern name

“They find it hard to secure outcomes here”

Who does and why, and how often? Always? In which year groups / classes?How specifically?

Unspecified Noun

“I’m the worst manger, what a loser”

All the time?Every situation? Compared to who?Why?What?

Comparisons

“My team are the best”

Who says?Where is the proof?On what grounds?In which ways?

Judgements

“collaboration is interesting”Has there ever been a time when it wasn’t interesting?Are all aspects / topics interesting?

Generalisation

“I will try hard today, its going to be difficult though”

What leads you to believe that?Why will it be hard? Presupposition

“I can’t, that’s impossible” What would happen if you did?What prevents you?

Modal Operators of Possibility

“I mustn’t lose my rag in that meeting” What would happen if you did / didn’t Modal Operators of

Necessity

“You should know I like that!” How exactly do you know that? Mind reading

What language patterns do you notice with the most and least emotionally intelligent pupils in your classes?

Have you noticed any of these language patterns in your own vocabulary?

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THE POWER OF BELIEFS

“An Olympic swimmer has to get up on the block and make probably one of the most sublimely arrogant statements: ‘I am the best swimmer in the world’ – and believe it one hundred and ten percent. Duncan Goodhew, Olympic breast stroke gold medallist.

As beliefs generate self talk, they ultimately generate our performance. Controlling your thoughts is critical to performance in any context. When there is a mismatch between our beliefs and our performance, our mind automatically controls us to give us performance in line with our beliefs.

“They can because they think they can” Virgil

Beliefs are a matter of choice, you can choose to drop limiting beliefs and choose new ones that make life more fun. The new belief delivers a command directly to the nervous system, when you believe something; you go into a state of its being true.

The beliefs we hold may come from our upbringing (see script), our modelling of others, and our life experiences. Our beliefs affect our behaviours and even our physiology – as demonstrated by the placebo effect in medicine.

There are four aspects to this thought control:

Awareness of current beliefs Awareness of desired beliefs Adoption of new beliefs Shattering old limiting beliefs

1. Awareness of the Current Beliefs

To become aware of your current thoughts, spend some quiet time listening to your mind. Become a belief detective. See if you can answer the following questions:

How much time do you spend in positive thought and negative thought?What are you good at?What are you bad at?What do people think of you?What will you be remembered for?What are your beliefs about yourself?

Because Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is based on changing beliefs, it has created ways of eliciting beliefs through what is called Socratic Questioning (just a load of questions to you and me!). As Burns (1980) says: “through a process of questions, you discover on your own the beliefs that defeat you…..you can objectively and systematically go right to the root of your problems”.

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Here are some Socratic questions for you to work through:

SOCRATIC QUESTIONS EXERCISE

What did you do when x happened?

What did it mean to you when you thought/did that?

When was the first time that thought occurred to you?

Did you have any other feelings?

What that happens, what does it mean?

What goes through your mind when you feel like that?

What do you tend to do at those times?

How helpful or unhelpful is that belief?

What good comes of holding this belief?

What is the downside of seeing things this way?

In your experience what seems to make this belief true?

Do you have any experience of this not being the case?

How might someone else respond to that?

Are there any occasions when it is different?

What is it that you fear might happen if you change this belief?

What do you think would happen if that changed?

What would make it easier to change?

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2. Awareness of Desired Beliefs

To be able to adopt new beliefs, you first need to identify what they are. What do other successful pilots believe about themselves, what beliefs would help you? Answer the questions below.

What do you want to do?

What does that mean to you?

What thoughts would be useful to you to achieve this?

What new beliefs would be good / useful?

How would it feel to have them?

How would it be to have them in your life?

What could you achieve if you believed them?

3. Adoption of New Beliefs

“You have to want to win and expect that you are going to win. Top players have that edge. Even if they’re down a few games, they know they’re going to come up with that it takes to win.” Martina Navratilova

How can you develop that edge? How can you believe that you are the winner in any situation? Having given yourself or your students the permissions they need, you can programme new beliefs through use of visualisation and affirmations.

Write down 3 beliefs that hold you back and three counter or opposite beliefs.

What would it be like to have these new beliefs?

What could you achieve?

OLD BELIEF NEW BELIEF

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4. Shattering Limiting Beliefs

A limiting belief is a thought about yourself and your potential that can hold you back from achieving your full potential, and they are sometimes also called mental blocks, e.g. a teacher may have a block about SEAL or experiential learning. Pupils sometimes have blocks about certain concepts or subjects or even teachers. In 1954 Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile because he did not know that it was a difficult thing to do. Once he had broken it and people thought it was possible, loads of people broke it, as they were no longer limited by the belief that it was unattainable. These can often be subconscious. One way to elicit these is to ask repeated questions why, why, why.

To remove the power from a belief (to change a behaviour), it is useful first to see if there is a reason for its existence. It may be that the belief is there to protect you, it has a safety function, saving you from physical harm (I can’t teach gymnastics ) or social embarrassment (I can’t run a demonstration lesson in front of all those people, I might get it wrong and they will think I’m useless!). These safety beliefs set up a self fulfilling prophesy:

If the belief and behaviour does have a safety function, you will need to start by finding an alternative belief or behaviour that will serve the same purpose if you try to just take it away, it will fail.

An NLP technique that assists in clearing limiting beliefs is reframing.

FEARof losing face

SAFETY BEHAVIOURPresent your role as vital

FAILURE TO PROVE BELIEF WRONGI did not lose face because I presented my role as the most important

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SELF TALK

“A man who doubts himself makes his failure certain by being the first to be convinced of it.” Alexandre Dumas

Have you got that little voice in your head telling you what to do all the time, passing judgement on you? Phew – I am not alone! The handbook has mentioned self talk a few times. The self talk is generated by and reinforces our beliefs, ultimately affecting performance.

One of the things that we all need to do is to quieten the negative self talk, and form more positive self talk. Take every opportunity to make positive and uplifting comments to yourself. Make sure your self talk is free of sarcasm, teasing and belittling statements.

High performance people have positive self talk; they build themselves and other up. The NLP page on language (p67) will help you to pick out some obviously flawed self talk, and give you pointers of where to start some re programming. A first step is awareness. Start to monitor your thoughts to see if they are generally positive or negative. CBT talks of Negative Automatic Thoughts – NATs are a stream of thoughts that are so fast and habitual that we are not aware of them, and we act on them as if they are true, which they are often not.

What does your self talk say?

Do you have a stream of NATs when working in a multi agency team?

What might your teams NATs be in a crisis situation?

SELF TALK EXERCISEListen to your self talk over a week.Does it say mainly positive or negative things?Does it build you up and make you feel good, or criticise you?What do you think you are good at or bad at and why?How do you respond to success or failure?

Write down three things you are good at and three things that you are bad at. What do you say to yourself before you do each?

GOOD AT: SELF TALK:

BAD AT: SELF TALK

Do you notice anything from this?

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SELF TALK ABOUT COLLABORATIVE WORK

Think of three really good and three really bad collaborative experiences. See is you can recall what you said to yourself before, during and after each one.

EXPERIENCE BEFORE DURING AFTER

What effect do you think this has had on your work? What are the common themes? What can you learn from this?

SELF TALK TO SUPPORT YOUR NEW BELIEFS

Take each of the three new beliefs that you have identified, and think of self talk that will support them. Start using it – NOW!

Belief Supporting Self talk

BERNE’S IMAGOS46

It is possible to map a group in two ways. Ask a class teacher about their groups, and they will typically tell you who, when, and what function and membership each group has. This is the observable physical and public structure.

In transactional analysis, attention is also given to the private psycho dynamic structure of groups. This refers to the group as seen through the eyes of each individual.

An imago then is a mental image of individuals and subsections of the whole group. It is made of our projections of what the person will be like, behave, say with no further info. These projections are based on our past experiences and script.

There are four stages to imago development:

Provisional Adapted Operative Adjusted

Provisional / Imagine – how we imagine the group prior to meeting them

This is a collection of fantasies and logical thoughts based on previous experiences. We think about ourselves and how we might relate to the leader, can lead to internal thoughts such as: ‘They won’t listen or they won’t be interested or they won’t accept me, it will be a disaster’. This stage is rich in rituals and stroke economies are sensed. This is shown in the diagram below; the newcomer in red, joining an amalgous group of ‘others’ in yellow. L = leader.

l

Adapted / Meet – working out who we want to be close to.

Others

L

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We differentiate some members from all the others, and become closer to them as we get to know them. We sort people though past timing conversations, and decide subconsciously who to play games with. In the diagram below, the newcomer has singled out some individuals (now their own blobs) and there is some grouping vaguely appearing in the rest of the blue blob of others.

Operative / Angling – we sort out how and where we stand with one another

In this stage, the person sorts out their position comparative to other group members. The relationship / position with the leader is decided over time and members settle into their roles. Harmony is established after some jostling for order, which uses a lot of mental energy (ever wondered why training courses can be so tiring compared to a day in the office?). In the diagram below, there is more shape and definition to the ‘others’ within the group.

Adjusted / Get on – a sense of belonging

X x

X xxx

Xx x Groups of others

Individualised people

L

Individualised people

L

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We accept and are accepted and work healthily together. This is a here and now space (rather than being influenced by the past). Games are no longer played, and individuals are all identified and seek autonomy and closeness. The imago does not need to rest here, and can still evolve and change from here.

Tuckman

In 1965 Bruce Tuckman a psychologist devised the theory of small group development. It is still used widely today to describe how people in groups come to work together. The initial model had four stages: forming, storming, norming, performing. Later, Tuckman added a fifth stage, adjourning. The strength of the model, in developmental terms, was that Tuckman found that by bringing the stages of groups development into the consciousness of groups, they moved through them more quickly to effective functioning.

Forming – involves groups in testing one another out, feeling the interpersonal and task boundaries, and establishing co dependencies with other group members. Storming – this stage is characterised by conflict and polarised interpersonal issues as a resistance to group influence and the task influence. Norming – the group feel like a group, and become more cohesive, standards and roles are adopted, openness evolves. Norming facilitates learning, and all educators should strive to reach this stage by group process facilitation rather than ‘teaching’ early in a class’s development.Performing – here roles are flexible and functional and group energy focussed on the task. Adjourning – often now known as mourning (as it is more alliterative I suspect!). This is where the group dissolves or ceases to be. Napper and Newton name this as the ‘clarified group imago’ building on Berne’s previous model.

The links between Berne’s stages and Tuckman’s can be mapped as shown below:

BERNE TUCKMANProvisional FormingAdapted StormingOperative NormingAdjusted PerformingNapper and Newton ‘clarified’ Mourning

REFLECTION

L

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What has been your experience of joining this group?

How did your imago develop?

What did the leaders to do help your team development?

What can you do in your classes to ensure groups perform?

How can you apply this to leading a SEAL team?

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Reflections from Day One

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EGO STATES - the internal voice

Berne wrote that ego states were systems of thinking, feeling and behaving. There are 3 ego states - Parent, Adult and Child. Parent contains what we have copied from others, Child contains recordings of how we have been, and Adult is the here-and-now, current reality state.

These work in 5 different ways. They are neither positive or negative, each having good and bad attributes:

Critical parent – says critical things, but also gives structure and controlNurturing parent – looks after and cares for you, can be smothering and overprotectiveFunctional Adult – the place of logic and calm decision making, not much funAdapted Child – tantrums and sulks to get own way, or has learned to behave and be compliantFree Child – fun loving, or immature

Diagrams of ego states consist of 3 stacked circles:

NurturingParent

FreeChild

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Structural Ego States Functional Ego States

We each have all of these aspects to us, but in different amounts. We change which ego state we are in moment to moment. We sometimes do this as a response to others. You can choose which ego state to be in – they are controllable once you are aware of them. Knowing which ego state particular self talk comes from will give you clues as to how to change it.

Critical

Adult

AdaptedChild

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Diagnosis of Ego States

You can work out your ego state, and the ego state of others in four ways:

Behavioural - what do we observe? Is the person scowling like a parent figure, fidgeting like a small child, looking balanced and grounded?

Social - how do other people react? Do they respond as if to a parent, to a child, or to an adult?

Historical - is the current behaviour similar to behaviour the person has displayed in the past (Child ego state) or to the behaviour of someone else from their past (Parent ego state)?

Phenomenological - how does the person experience themself? Do they feel as if they are in the here-and-now, or like a little person, or like a parent?

In everyday interactions, we can usually use only the first 2 elements of diagnosis.

The chart overleaf might help – what kind of a teacher are you?

Self Reparenting

In 1983 Muriel James suggested that we can create a new and better Parent ego state for ourselves if the one we have ‘inherited’ is somehow deficient. If we have lacked good enough care when we were young, we can use our Adult to identify people who are currently caring skillfully for children. We can then copy what they do and store it in our Parent ego state for future use, for ourselves as well as for others.

How would you reparent yourself?

What changes would you make?

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Characteristics of modes sheet (applied to teachers)

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Behavioural Ego State Identification - Our Personal Styles

Nurturing ParentDescribe a situation when you have 'looked after' or cared for another person e.g. getting them a cup of tea when they are tired.

Controlling Parent Recall an occasion when you have directed another person to behave in a particular way e.g. saying 'You should do it like this....'

Functional AdultThink of a time when you gathered information on which you based a decision e.g. choosing which training sessions to attend.

Adapted Child Identify something you do because other people expect it e.g. holding open a door, saying thank-you.

Free ChildWhat do you enjoy? What do you feel excited and motivated about?

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Draw your own egogram

Scale

Controlling Nurturing Functional Adapted Free Parent Parent Adult Child Child

1. How satisfied are you with the pattern?

2. How much of each bar represents positive applications of the ego states and how much is negative?

3. What might you change?

4. How?

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LOCUS OF CONTROL

You are responsible for yourself. If you are successful it is down to you. If you are unsuccessful it is down to you – others may help, but ultimately you are responsible for creating your own success. Owning your own destiny is a powerful and empowering action. Does this sit OK with you or does it make you feel uncomfortable?

How many pupils accept responsibility for themselves and their actions?

Do you attribute your success to others?Do you blame other people for your failure?

Do you agree or disagree with these statements:

It’s often just best to wait and see what happens It’s better to be safe than sorry When things are not going well I tend to give up I tend to blame myself when things go wrong That’s just how it is

Locus of Control and Ego States.

What might Critical Parent have to say about self control?How would an Adapted (compliant) Child respond?And an Adapted (rebellious) Child?

We need to move pupils (and ourselves) to a position where their locus of control is in Adult rather than a parental or child ego state.

Life is 90% how you respond to the 10% of what other people do to you – so don’t blame them!

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TRANSACTIONS

Transactional analysis ‘proper’ is the analysis of interactions between people, or more correctly between their ego states.

There are three parts to the communication process: the sender, the receiver and the message. The sender will ‘send’ a ‘message’ with a particular purpose in mind. This is not necessarily ‘received’ in the same way as it was sent. Each message is delivered from an ego state, with an invitation to respond from the same or a different ego state. The receiver has a choice whether to accept the invite.

So we are looking at both the message, and the ego state in each communication.

A transaction is an exchange of attention, or a stimulus and response. There are three types of transactions and three corresponding rules of communication.

Complementary Crossed Ulterior

1. COMPLEMENTARY TRANSACTIONS (FEEL COOL)

These happen when the ego state responding is complimentary to the ego state offering the transaction. They feel easy and can carry on indefinitely.These are:

Parent to Parent

Adult to Adult

Child to Child

You can see them when the arrows drawn showing the transaction are parallel. 

Adult: Adult complementary transaction.

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For Example:

A: "Have you been able to write the report?" (Adult to Adult) B: "Yes - I'm about to email it to you." (Adult to Adult) A: "Would you like to come and watch a film with me?" (Child to Child) B: "I'd love to - what shall we go and see?" (Child to Child)

These are also complementary transactions as the arrows stay parallel:

Nurturing Parent to Free Child Controlling Parent to Adaptive Child

In fact these parts of us are invited by the opposite. So if I act as an Adaptive Child, I will most likely get the Controlling Parent in the other person. The arrows are parallel, so the transaction is complementary.

Parent: Child Complementary Transaction

For example:

A: "Is your room tidy yet?" (Critical Parent to Adapted Child) B: "Will you stop hassling me? I'll do it eventually!" (Adapted Child to Critical Parent)

Communication first rule is... communication will continue if the transactions are complementary!

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2. CROSSED TRANSACTIONS (FEEL CROSS)

Communication failures / conflicts are typically caused by a 'crossed transaction'. This is when you reply to an ego state that your partner was NOT in. Transaction A to one ego state gets an answer from B a different ego state. In other words, where the arrows are crossed.

The Parent to Child stimulus is crossed with an Adult response.

For Example:

A: "Have you been able to write that report?" (Adult to Adult) B: "Will you stop hassling me? I'll do it eventually!" (Child to Parent) A: "If you don't change your attitude you'll get fired" (Parent to Child)

A: "Is your room tidy yet?" (Parent to Child) B: "I'm just going to do it, actually." (Adult to Adult) A: "I can never trust you to do things!" (Parent to Child) B: "Why don't you believe anything I say?" (Child to Parent)

When the ego state addressed is different for the one responding the communication stops. This is the second rule of communication.

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3. ULTERIOR TRANSACTIONS (FEEL SNEAKY)

This is where a conversation / transaction seems to be OK by what is being said, but there is a sneaky hidden meaning – usually a criticism behind it. What is said is the social level and what is meant is the ulterior (the sneak)!

 

The ulterior transaction is shown as a red line in the transactional diagram. This seems Adult : Adult but is really Parent : Child.

For Example:

A: SOCIAL: “Do you know what time it is?”A: ULTERIOR: You stupid boy, you are late!” Parent to ChildOr “Please don’t be cross, I did my best to be on time!” Child to Parent.

The third rule is that the person always ‘meant’ the sneaky version!

REFLECTION:

Can you give examples of your:

Complementary transactions

Crossed transactions

Ulterior transactions

What does this exercise mean for you?

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DRIVERS

The messages that we receive from the Parents of our caregivers are known as drivers, as in times of stress, they drive our behaviour.

Hurry Up Be Perfect Please People Try Hard Be Strong

These have been called drivers by Kahler, to reflect the way in which the behaviours seem to take over and drive us.

They start as helpful messages about how to behave in order to meet the social and cultural demands in our environment. However, we then confuse them with our sense of OKness, coming to believe that if we fail to behave in these ways we will be not OK. We may also judge others by their level of driver behaviour.

A summary of the characteristics by Newton and Napper may be seen on the next page, along with a grid for you to fill in giving your ideas of how to overcome the negative aspects of each of the drivers.

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CHARACTERISTICS

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EDWARD DE BONO’S SIX THINKING HATS

BLUE HAT Cool, the colour of the sky over all else. This hat is concerned with control and the organisation of thinking processes and the use of the other hats.

RED HAT Suggests anger, rage and emotions, the red hat gives the emotional view

WHITE HAT Neutral and Objective. Concerned with objective facts and figures

GREEN HAT Green indicates creativity and new ideas – like new growth.

BLACK HAT Sombre and serious, this hat is cautious and careful, it points out weaknesses in an idea.

YELLOW HAT

Sunny and positive, it its optimistic and covers hope and positive thinking.

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CONCEPTS FOR THRIVING

This model is adapted from Denton Roberts’ Hierarchy of Functionality. It fits with the philosophy and the belief that basic safety – essentially trust - is of paramount importance for any organisation or relationship to function.

This model can be used as a diagnostic tool and a structure for action. It is based on the assumption that there are six basic components to functionality, i.e. emotional safety, positive reinforcement, clear communication, productive activity, celebration and integration. These five components are built upon each other; one must be in place before you can go on to the next. All except celebration that is, which needs to run throughout all the others!

‘Concepts for thriving’ model

(Anita Mountain, Mountain Associates, 2001)

Integration Celebration

Productive activity

Clear communication

Positive reinforcement

Emotional safety

Feeling Threatened Discounting

Negative Relationships

Confused Communication

Destructive Activity

Dysfunction

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When the five components are established, nourished and applied in an organisation, that is the degree to which the organisation, and the relationships within it, is functional.

When these basic components are not established, nourished or applied, that is the extent to which the organisation is dysfunctional.

Outlined below are the definitions of the concepts:

Emotional safety When I have this my primary needs are taken care of, I am comfortable with myself, and boundaries are maintained.

Positive reinforcement I am given positive recognition and there is mutual exchange.

Clear communication I know I am being heard, and I am therefore more willing to hear others.

Productive activity I collaboratively problem solve. I recognise and am recognised for my competency, and I have a sense of who I am. I am able to balance giving and receiving.

Integration I can be spontaneous. I make positive things happen. I apply learning. I enjoy who I am and what I do.

Celebration I am celebrated. I celebrate me and who I am, what I do and who I am in relation to others and the world. (This runs through every level.)

In order to thrive we need to be nourished by:

acceptance praise appreciation realistic expectations incorporation (belonging).

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TEAM BEHAVIOURS

Teams perform two basic types of behaviours: task behaviours and social behaviours. Task behaviours focus on the group’s goals and tasks. Social behaviours focus on the social and emotional needs of team members. To function effectively groups need both task and social behaviours in the appropriate balance.

type behaviour functionTask Initiator / contributor Proposes new ideas or ways for the group to act

Information giver Provides data and facts for decision makingInformation seeker Requests more information to help in decision makingOpinion giver Provides opinions, values, and feelingsOpinion Seeker Requests the opinions of others in making decisionscoordinator Shows relationships of ideas to organise the discussionEnergiser Stimulates the group to continue workingEvaluator / critic Questions the group’s ideas and procedures

Social Encourager Supports and rewards othersHarmoniser Mediates conflict amoung membersCompromiser Shifts their position in order to reduce conflictExpediter Facilitates communications from othersStandard Setter Evaluates the quality of the group’s interactionsFollower Accepts ideas of othersGroup Process observer

Observes and comments on the group’s process

Ref: D.Levi 2007 Group Dynamics for Teams

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CYCLES OF DEVELOPMENT

The cycles of development is a transactional analysis concept defined by a Pam Levin (1982). The cycles of development show how we complete various developmental tasks as we grow up, and then re-cycle through the stages of development as adults and as change occurs. An overview of the stages is given below:

Stages Age Ego state NeedsBeing 0 – 6 months Natural child NurturingDoing 6 – 18 months Little professor StimulationThinking 1 ½ - 3 years Adult Test limitsIdentity 3 – 6 years Supernatural child Test powerSkilful 6 – 12 years Parent Own wayRegeneration 12 – 18 years Unifying IntegrationRecycling Rest of life Repeat and grow relationships

Illsley Clarke and Dawson (1989) describe a stage as a segment of growing up which engage a child / person in age appropriate tasks that help answer questions about who they are.

In Levin’s words, the cycle of development is significant because “of its utility as a tool to anticipate and resolve the main transitional aspects of life” (1982). Each time we revisit a stage, we can complete the tasks at a more sophisticated level, and can resolve unfinished tasks. As such, it is an appreciative model.

In our first cycle we find out what the phase is about, make decisions (scripts) and develop the ego state that corresponds to that stage, creating an aspect of our character that will become part of our personality. Cycles of Development create and are driven by script. As they are linked to ego state development, the cycles of development are often illustrated in ego state format, and the ego state development is shown in the table above:

Stage 7 repeats stages 1 – 6.

The table above also highlights the developmental needs that we have in that stage, whether visiting it for the first or other times. Illsley Clarke and Dawson use the stages to generate a list of questions to be addressed through completion of developmental tasks:

1

5

3

2

6

4

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STAGE 1: Is it OK for me to be here, to make my needs known, and to be cared for?

STAGE 2: Is it safe for me to explore and try new things and to trust what I learn?

STAGE 3: Is it OK for me to learn to think for myself?

STAGE 4: Is it okay for me to be who I am, with my unique abilities? Is it OK for me to find out who others are and learn the consequences of my behaviour?

STAGE 5: How do I build an internal structure that supports me and others? How do I develop the competence to master the technical and social skills I need to live in my culture?

STAGE 6: How can I become a separate person with my own values and still belong? Is it Ok for me to be independent, to honour my sexuality, and be responsible?

STAGE 7: How will I balance my needs for competence, intimacy, connectedness, and separateness with the demands of caring for others, and how will I move from independence to interdependence?

STAGE 8: How do I complete the meaning of my life and prepare for leaving?

As we revisit the stages in adulthood, we either develop each characteristic further reinforcing script, or take the opportunity to break free from script. This process is what gave rise to the book ‘Growing Up Again’ – taking the opportunity when re-cycling to ‘get what we missed earlier so we don’t have to go on living without what we need now’ (Illsley Clarke and Dawson 1989). In this book, the ages and stages chart identifies the developmental tasks, behaviours, affirmations, helpful parent behaviours and unhelpful parent behaviours, re-cycling tasks, clues and activities for each stage.

The cycle occurs by chronological time clock every thirteen years, so a person aged twenty six and fifty two may have in common the same developmental stage and task.

However, further cycles can also run simultaneously. Specific changes in life (marriage, new job, new home, bereavement) can initiate triggered cycles that overlap the chronological ones. These combine to yield the subtleties of developmental tasks and confusions we experience on a daily to day basis, and explain why we may relate to more than one stage at any one point in time.

Triggered cycles due to life changes / events can be mapped effectively onto the competence curve designed by Hay (1992). This can predict (and so help us to manage) or explain, (so helping us to cope) with the stages of change and development experienced – we will move on to this next.

PermissionsIt is vital as care givers and educators that we give children and young people permissions to complete the tasks they need in each developmental stage. Permissions can be given verbally, or handed out as stickers, cards and made into classroom displays or games. A list of permissions is given in the table on page 60 – but feel free to add your own, or get your class to write their own.

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Levin (ibid) describes each stage with characteristics as a child, adult, signs we are back there again, and key transactions that need to take place. These are summarised below:

STAGE CHILD ADULT SYMPTOMS / CLUES

SIGNIFICANT WHEN

PERMISSIONS

POWER OF BEINGNATURAL CHILD

Stop thinkingExist onlyEat and sleep

Mouth sensitivityRecognition for who we areTouch and nurtureExistence recognisedPhysically closeEmotional bonds

Run out of gasEating / sleepingHelplessnessQuestion adequacyDo we have enough…?

PregnantTired / hurt / ill / stressedChange or growthBeginning of new process (i.e. job)Caring for child

I’m glad you’re here

You belong here

What you need is important to us

We are glad you are you

You can grow at your own pace

You can feel all of your feelings

We want you to be here and want to care for you

POWER OF DOINGLITTLE PROFESSOR

Explore and feed senses

Intense curiosityExplorationDevelop sensory awarenessFollow urges without constraint

Short attention spanGoal settingCrave mobilityIntuitiveSeek pleasure, avoid pain

Being nurturedIn new physical settingCreative processTo learn sensory skillBefore independenceCaring for toddler

You can explore and experiment and we will support and protect you

You can do things as many times as you need to

You can use all of your senses when you explore

You can know what you know

You can be interested in everything

We like you when you are active and when you are quiet

We like to watch

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you grow and learn

POWER OF THINKINGADUTL EGO STATE

IndependenceIndividualityseparation

RebellionDifferent, uniqueNOSeek personal limitsHate others thinking for us

Feel angry about nothing in particularMine, NoResistanceDiscountingStubbornProcrastinategreed

Coming out of dependencyLearning new informationDeveloping a new personal positionWhen changing agreementsParenting a toddler

I am glad you are starting to think for yourself

You can say know and push the limits as much as you need to

It’s O.K. to be angry; we wont let you hurt yourself or others

You can learn to think for yourself

You can think and feel at the same time

You can know what you need and ask for help

You can be yourself and we will still care for you

POWER OF IDENTITYSUPERNATURAL CHILD

Who are we Experiment with relationships and sexTest consequences of behaviourFascinated at power to affect othersSet up disagreementsChange internal organisation by taking time out

Power / gender / potency / fantasy / creation / destruction/ hurt / heal issues

Renegotiating a social contractCarrying out a new roleSeeing new relationshipCaring for pre school child

You can explore who you are and find out about others

You can try out different ways of being powerful

All of your feelings are OK here

You can learn the results of you behaviour

You can be powerful and ask for help at the same time

You can learn what is pretend

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and what is real

POWER OF BEING SKILLFULPARENT EGO STATE

Develop new skills / tools / values consistent with out goals

ArgueHassle with others morals and methodsWant our own wayExperiment make mistakesDisagree with others methodsTemporary UNOKTry new social rolesWider social circle

Time structuringPeer group contactPeer pressureDefine realityDealing with authorityArguing and judging

Updating identityLearning new skillsChanging culturesParenting 6 – 12 year old

You can think for yourself and get help instead of staying upset

You can learn when and how to disagree

You can trust your feelings to help decide what to doYou can learn the rules that help you live with others

You can find ways of doing things that work for you

You can learn when and how to disagree

You can learn from your mistakes

You can think before you say yes or no

We still want to be with you when we differ and we can learn together

POWER OF REGENERATIONUNIFYING EGO STATES

Go through phasespreoccupied

Relate to the work in a new and grown up way. Break out of conventions / patterns

AcneAdolescent dreaminessPreoccupation sex

Preparing new skillsPreparing to leave someone / thingEnding any processParenting teenagers

Its ok to be responsible for your own needs / feelings and behaviours

POWER OF RECYCLING

Uncertain and unsureSeek companions

Go slowCompanionshipImportant turning point

Its OK to address the needs that you have

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CHANGE CURVE

This management tool links neatly with the cycles of development to help us to understand our reaction to changes in our lives or the workplace.

The change curve shows natural responses to change. You do not ‘have to’ go through these stages, but they have been found to be common to many people experiencing change.

They are:

Immobilisation – unable to take any actionDenial – refusal to accept what is happeningFrustration – not knowing what to doAcceptance – taking on board the change and getting ready to adapt to itDevelopment – where we start to make the necessary changesApplication – where the changes are implementedCompletion – and readiness for the next change!

As can be seen from the chart below, the stages of development from the cycle of development map over the top.

On a course for example, you may go into the room full of strangers, sat quietly at first, [being] and then started organising the table [doing]. You could then think about your role before starting to truly apply yourself to the task at hand.

Some inappropriate behavioural responses to events may be explained by a failure to complete the developmental tasks involved during childhood and some might need extra support to compensate later.

The curve with the cycle of development mapped onto it suggests the developmental task needed at each point to enable people to progress more quickly through the change process.

→

…

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d enia ldo ing

immob ilisa tio nbe ing

c ha ng ep o int

frustra tio nthinking

a c c ep ta nc eid e ntity

d eve lo pmentskills

a p p lic a tio ninteg ra tio n

c omp le tio n

TIM E

COMP

ETEN

CE

AFFIRMATIONS

These are positive statements that describe the way that you want to be. Repeating the statements re programmes your self beliefs and self talk.

As your self beliefs change, so your subconscious notices evidence to support your new belief or affirmation. This becomes imprinted subconsciously and your behaviour changes to support your new belief.

They feel strange, and odd. If there is a large gap between your real self belief and the new self belief they will even feel difficult to say, let alone accept.

Exposure to them, use of them and time with them work.

An affirmation needs to be:

Personal - about you not other people as you can only control yourself. So it should start with the word IPositive – you are aiming for positive things, use powerful positive words, and state what you want rather than what you don’t want. “I am an excellent teacher” rather than “I won’t be a rubbish teacher”.Present tense - it must be orientated in the here and now not the future, or it will never feel like it applies to you. It feels odd, but stating them present rather than future tense makes your self belief change now, rather than never. With the example above “I am the best XC pilot” – you are not, but by saying you are, your behaviour will support you to become it!Use meaningful words – use the language and words that you like rather than other people’s.Be accurate - you are the best – at what? Where? How often?Be achievable by you - “I am 7 foot tall” – not achievable unless I wear platforms!

How to:

Write them out with the guidelines above Carry them on card Post them around your house Read them frequently every day – say the words, create a vivid picture, feel the emotion Chant them like a mantra.

If negative stuff comes up back when you say them, it will show you some more areas for work – breaking limiting beliefs.

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LEADERSHIP / FOLLOWERSHIP

What kind of leader are you?What are you good at doing (in a leadership role)?Who do people follow in your team and why?

Bearing in mind that many people, including those who are not formally identified as leaders, lead others at some time and in some way, these two questions represent a starting point in self-assessment. Eric Berne and Jean Illsley-Clark have both influenced the theory and practice of Transactional Analysis as leaders.

Berne identified 3 types of leaders (or leadership roles) and Illsley-Clark described what it is that is necessary for leaders to do. These functions she classified as the 5 ‘P’s listed below.

Both Berne and Illsley-Clark were speaking about leadership as a position and function that is invested in individuals. In modern organisations the concept of collective leadership is perhaps more useful.

This way of thinking about leadership is also a particularly useful approach when addressing the function of leadership in partnership organisations, executive boards and governing bodies.

Attributes, Skills and PreferencesHow often have you heard the phrase ‘natural leader’ used to describe someone who is effective in their leadership role? Or equally to discount the possibility that they too could be effective in leading a team or project (as in ‘I’m not a natural leader)? The myth of natural (i.e. fixed, infallible and infinite) leadership ability can be a real barrier to development and an obstacle to establishing and progressing the leadership function in organisations.

This is particularly the case in organisations where the leadership contract is not clearly defined and the various leadership functions lack differentiation. Sometimes people assume a leadership role or have it thrust upon them when there appears to be a gap. This is sometimes a pragmatic reaction to fear of chaos or (even worse) a fear of being seen to be chaotic.

Acknowledging different working styles, operating preferences and personality characteristics is useful in recognising that people are likely to use their strengths differently as leaders. Or put another way, not everybody is brilliant at everything.

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Types of leadershipEric Berne identified three main types.

Responsible This person (as the title implies) takes overall responsibility for the organisation or section. Indeed their name is probably somewhere on the letterhead. They are where the ‘buck stops’ and they acknowledge (or may even proclaim) that this is the case. Examples of this are the prime minister, chief executive or head of department.

EffectiveSometimes known as the ‘power behind the throne’ this kind of leader actually makes things happen, gets the job done and combines organisation with direction in a way that can be invisible. A bit like housework, you might only notice effective leadership when it isn’t done. Examples of this are people who have a deputy role, senior civil servants or secretary to the chief executive.

PsychologicalThis kind of leadership might also be implied rather than overt and involves the power to inspire and influence without necessarily getting involved with the business of the organisation. Psychological leaders are often described as having strong personalities, figurehead power or they have a role that incorporates latent power, e.g. they could be trouble if they so desired. Examples of this kind of leader are trade union shop stewards, the queen, charismatic anarchists.

Berne also referred to the ghostly power of leaders that have departed, i.e. the person has left the organisation, been sacked, or literally (in terms of this terminology that Berne used) have died. Eric Berne identified this kind of leader as the Euhemerus.

Sometimes the psychological leadership of the organisation is invested in the Euhemerus. In this case the organisation is powered by old values that may be out of step with current organisational goals and needs. There may be a corresponding lack of faith in the leader that replaced the old leader.

Eric Berne’s work raises issues about the disposition, competence and preference that people identify in themselves and others. Consider an organisation that you know well other than your own. Who would you identify as the responsible, effective and psychological leaders?

All three types of leadership can exist in the same person but it is more likely that different people will occupy the different roles.

A key word here is occupy. If the three kinds of leadership are split between different people is this by default or design?

If it is by default, i.e. people fall into roles without discussion or decision, then this can be problematic. The experience of followers (and also of leaders) is likely to be one of fragmentation and contradictory ethos or direction. At the very least there is likely to be tension. In the absence of a contract for leadership, harmony and cohesion is more by good luck than good management.

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Leadership contractsDifferences between leaders in styles, preference and disposition can be acknowledged and united by way of leadership contracts. Once there is agreement about vision, values and goals the priorities, direction and tasks of leadership are easier to work out on the basis of who is good at doing what.

This does not necessarily imply that people are fixed in their preferred roles and do not develop in others. The leadership contract can also include the dimension of development and mutual learning.

This kind of contracting is essentially a dialogue that makes explicit how people can work together as leaders for the good of the organisation. If we consider what leaders do in terms of intended results then their effectiveness becomes more easily measurable.

Jean Illsley-Clark builds upon the work of Eric Berne and Pat Crossman to identify essential functions for health and effectiveness. These functions apply equally to organisational, psychotherapeutic and educational contexts. The descriptors alongside each of the functions are framed in organisational terms.

PermissionThis is about actively encouraging people to contribute to the function and effectiveness of the organisation in a variety of ways. Sometimes people hold back from sharing and using their skills and knowledge not because they think that they are forbidden but because the permission to do so is not explicit.

Although permission can also be implicit as in the example of leaders modelling the behaviours that they want to see in followers. Useful permissions for healthy organisations include messages such as:

Its OK to be: you are welcome here Its Ok to explore, to research and to discover new ways of working Its OK to think, you’re ideas are valued here Its OK to establish your own professional identity, to be yourself in the role that you have Its OK to develop skills, competence and knowledge Its OK to apply and integrate your expertise in a creative way for the benefit of the

organisation and all who operate within it

ProtectionThis involves doing more than providing a health and safe environment. It is about establishing boundaries, clarifying ground rules and exerting appropriate and constructive controls. It is also about translating organisational values into action.

Confidentiality in supervision is a good example of this kind of protection. Protection can also involve supporting the person in terms of how they deal with workloads, relationships, prioritising and stress.

PotencyThis is about fostering and promoting the authentic and realistic power of the individual to actualise ability and influence self, others and the situation. It can relate closely to the concept of

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permission giving in that sometimes people seem to need reminding that they can think for themselves, be creative and express what they feel.

The opposite of potency is passivity. Passivity is reinforced by other people taking more than their share of responsibility and by cultures of aggression or cynicism.

Where there is passivity there will be someone (or something) that blocks, drains or diverts the energy of the person or team. It could be a particular style (or lack) of leadership. Equally it could be a diversionary anxiety or preoccupation with external factors. Future insecurity such as financial or other support is an example of this.

Potent people are energised and feel empowered to express and develop themselves and their bit of the organisation. How does this organisation empower people and stimulate potency?

Practice The contemporary concern with performance, for all its obvious importance in terms of accountability and continuous improvement, can lead to an over-emphasis on task. It is valuable for leaders to reflect upon the relationship between performance management and the practice of leadership.

Practice includes what people do and how they are when they are doing it. Employee (or followership) practice includes things like, how the person expresses the values of the organisation, how they express their own values in the way that they are at work.

There is often a parallel process in the way that leaders and followers behave in organisations. For example, followers seem to be spending more time thinking, talking and expressing feelings than they do actually making things happen, it could be that leaders are doing the same.

Part of the role (for leaders) of enabling other people to transfer their knowledge and skills into action, involves looking at how they use their own skills and knowledge. In other words, looking carefully at how they and other organisational leaders role model good organisational practice.

PerceptionOften the pace of change in organisations does not allow a great deal of time for people to stop, think, reflect and learn from their experiences. Providing the opportunity for employees to do this is good resource management. It harnesses the thinking power of individuals and teams in order to make best use of the insights gained from experience.

The process of leaders doing this in a way that is visible and valuing of one another, sets a benchmark for others and demonstrates how different perceptions can come together constructively. It could be that when leaders do not take part in such structured reflection it is because they are overly concerned about conflict arising from differences.

Conflict of this kind is the result of competing perceptions. When people are valued their perceptions can be challenged in a way that respects the individual whilst contesting what they say. Healthy organisations therefore have ways of arranging for different perceptions to be aired and for disagreements to be blame-free.

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Collective leadership: assessment and planningWhen we combine leadership type with function we have the basis of an assessment review or planning tool which can be applied to any organisational leadership context.

The following matrix comes directly from Jean Illsley-Clark’s work and is proposed as an aid to dialogue about who does what to ensure that the essentials of leadership are covered collectively.

Ways of using the matrixThere are no rules for what should go into the matrix. This is intended as a flexible tool the primary purpose of which is to identify how the various functions are being met and through what style or type of leadership. It is also useful to identify who is doing what within the various categories.

The most important aspect of using this tool is that it provides a framework for dialogues and negotiation. Development and understanding occur when the discussion is conducted within a blame-free and valuing philosophy. The focus could be on assessment of organisational effectiveness, management team functionality or organisational need (particularly in relation to new policies or procedures).

Responsible Effective Psychological

Permission

Protection

Potency

Practice

Perception

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CONTACT DOORS FOR CHANGE

Organisations can be broadly classed into three types – directive, informative and demonstrative.

The table below shows which door to use when making contact with each type of organisation, which door to use when implementing a change. The trap door in the final column shows the door to avoid – it will lead to difficulty and/or conflict.

type of school door to open door to change trap door

Directive doing thinking feeling

Informative thinking feelings doing

Demonstrative feelingdoing

thinkingfeelings

thinking

type of organisation door to open door to change trap door

DirectivePolitical Procedural, hierarchical, protective, safe, achieving, doing

Preferred knowledge; ad hominem, deductive.

Acknowledge existing successes. Take school’s views seriously. Avoid early challenges but be seen to be doing.

Use problem solving style and language to engage thinking.

Avoid creativity or humour or challenging values, which may be seen as disrespectful or unprofessional. D o not focus too early on emotional needs.

Informative Rational Business like, clear, cognitive, precise, efficient, rigidThinking

Preferred knowledge; deductive, statistical

Respect schools analysis. Show research and evidence base, especially quantitative to show thinking.

Encourage creativity rooted in sound experience. Focus on key areas to build on, evaluation, dissemination and links to theory to build confidence then reflect on feelings.

Avoid extremes of control or informality. Do not over nurture staff, but give a clear plan but always avoid doing their work or thinking for them.

Demonstrative Emotional Fun, rebellious, creative, exciting, family / person centred, disorganisedFeeling

Preferred knowledge; intuitive, inductive

Be enthusiastic, use humour and value the distinctness of the school. Use pilot projects. Allow staff to express feelings and show empathy for the organisation by feeling and doing.

Introduce thinking and structure to build safety after feelings have been acknowledged.

Never control or over structure with details. Avoid temptation to do the work yourself, or take over thinking, as you can be left with the blame.

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LEADERSHIP STYLES

Goleman’s Leadership Styles

Goleman (2006) described six styles of leadership in schools.

There are no good or bad styles of leadership – outstanding leaders draw on all these styles as and when appropriate, they are situational.

Coercive – do it now in this way. The primary objective is immediate compliance. Stick rather than carrot.

Authoritative – Let me tell you about what we need to do. The primary objective is providing long term direction and vision for all staff, rather than short term instructions.

Affiliative – The most important thing is that we all get on with one another. The primary object is creation of harmony among staff and between leaders.

Democratic – We will make decisions together. The primary objective is to build commitment among staff. It is participatory.

Pacesetting – Watch me do it, I’m setting the standard, the primary goal of this is achieving goals and tasks to a high standard.

Coaching – Let’s explore what happened and identify what we can do differently next time. The primary objective is the long-term professional development of staff above immediate task accomplishment.

Which is appropriate for the different aspects of your role as a leader of integrated services?

Which will you use to create a culture of collaboration?

Which is your preferred style?

Which style would you like more of?

How will you develop this?

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LEADERSHIP STYLES

How does each type of leadership suit the different aspects of your role working in a collaborative team?

Plot them on the grid below:

Coe

rciv

e

Aut

horit

ativ

e

Affi

liativ

e

Dem

ocra

tic

Pac

e se

tting

Coa

chin

g

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INFLUENCING PEOPLE

Dale Carnegie – How to Win Friends and Influence People

There’s a famous story of a young woman who dined with William Gladstone one evening, and with Benjamin Disraeli the next. (Gladstone and Disraeli were prominent British statesmen of the nineteenth century. They were bitter rivals.)

Asked her impression of these two powerful men, the young woman replied, “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England.”

This anecdote illustrates the message at the heart of Dale Carnegie’s classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. To win others to your way of thinking, put yourself in their shoes.

See life from their perspective.

This is easier said than done. We are each wrapped up in our own lives. We have our own goals and our own worries. It’s difficult to surrender ego for the sake of another person. Yet that’s the key to dealing with people: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The Golden Rule, says Carnegie, is prevalent in nearly every culture, and is the basis for dealing with others.

How to Win Friends covers four broad topics:

Fundamental techniques in handling people How to make people like you How to win people to your way of thinking How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment Each of the book’s chapters has a title that sounds like a link-baiting weblog entry. Each

chapter offers a catchy maxim. This makes the entire text easy to boil down to outline form, which I’ve done below. (Doing this tosses aside the essential flavour of the book, though. I encourage you to read it.)

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

This introductory section gives a broad overview of Carnegie’s topic, and establishes the three core tenets of his philosophy.

If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.

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The big secret of dealing with people: Give people a feeling of importance — be hearty in your approbation and lavish with your praise.

He who can do this has the whole world with him; he who cannot walks a lonely way: First arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six Ways to Make People Like You - In this section, Carnegie covers the basic skills for getting along well with others. These techniques are useful under any circumstance.

Do this and you’ll be welcome anywhere: Become genuinely interested in other people. A simple way to make a good first impression: Smile. If you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble: Remember that a man’s name is to him the

sweetest and most important sound in any language. [Note: Unfortunately, some people read this and go overboard. It's tedious to deal with a salesperson who insists on repeating your name over and over.]

An easy way to become a good conversationalist: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

How to interest people: Talk in terms of the other man’s interests.How to make people like you instantly: Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely.

Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

What’s the best way to settle a disagreement in your favor? My mantra is: If you want to defeat your enemy, sing his song. Carnegie’s approach is similar:

You can’t win an argument: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. A sure way of making enemies — and how to avoid it: Show respect for the other man’s

opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong. If you’re wrong, admit it: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. The high road to a man’s reason: Begin in a friendly way. The secret of Socrates: Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. The safety valve in handling complaints: Let the other man do a great deal of the talking. How to get co-operation: Let the other fellow feel the idea is his. A formula that will work wonders for you: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s

point of view. What everybody wants: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. An appeal that everybody likes: Appeal to the nobler motives. The movies do it. Radio does it. Why don’t you do it? Dramatize your ideas. When nothing else works, try this: Throw down a challenge.

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Nine Ways to Change People without Giving Offence or Arousing Resentment

The book’s final section suggests techniques for changing other people.

If you must find fault, this is the way to begin: Begin with praise and honest appreciation. How to criticize — and not be hated for it: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Talk about your own mistakes first: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the

other person. No one likes to take orders: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Let the other man save his face. How to spur men to success: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every

improvement. Give the dog a good name: Give a man a fine reputation to live up to. Make the fault seem easy to correct: Use encouragement. Make the thing you want the

other person to do seem easy. Making people glad to do what you want: Make the other person happy about doing the

thing you suggest.

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LADDER OF INFERENCE

I take actions based on my beliefs

I adopt a belief about the world

I draw conclusions based on my assumptions

I make assumptions based on meanings I give

I make meanings from data I notice about the world (through my filter)

I collect data from observations and experiences

(our beliefs then affect what data we select next time – creating self perpetuating beliefs)

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SKILL WILL – WHAT ARE YOUR NEXT STEPS WITH YOUR TEAM?

GUIDE

DIRECT EXCITE

DELEGATE

SKILL

WILL

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known by self

unknownby selfask

tell

open/free area

shared discov-

ery

blindarea

others' observation

hiddenarea

unknownarea

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Johari Exercise:

Putting Johari window techniques into practice – how well do you know yourself?

Ask someone in the group who knows you well to choose five words from the list provided. Ask them to be honest and to include at least one weakness. You then write five words from the list about yourself.

Compare notes. Are you surprised at the similarities and/or differences between the two lists?

What was similar? ............................................................................................................................

What was different? …………………………………………………………………………………………

Who am I list of words

Active Excitable Passive Authoritative

Changeable Lively Quiet Responsive

Even tempered Outgoing Confident Talkative

Unsociable Pessimistic Sensitive Calm

Optimistic Anxious Reserved Sober

Peaceful Careful Tense Thoughtful

Aggressive Easy going Reliable Serious

Carefree Impulsive Sociable Driven

Controlled moody Restless Shy

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CASE STUDIES

Scenario 2.1You are a psychologist working as part of a multi-agency team. One of the good things about your team is the way that everybody learns from everybody else so that you all broaden your skills. However, you are gradually becoming aware that there is a downside to this, which is that your colleagues no longer seem to recognise that you have specific expertise that they do not have. There has been discussion of a particular case that you consider requires specialist input from a psychologist, but your colleagues disagree and do not seem to feel that your view should have more weight than anybody else’s. What do you do?

Scenario 2.2At your interview for joining the newly-established multi-agency team as a specialist in paediatrics, much was made of the need to respect individual expertise/knowledge but at the same time aiming towards common working practices in the delivery of services. When you questioned the manager about how this worked the answers were vague.

When you take up the post three months later, you discover that the team buildings have been refurbished. You are to share a communal working space. Storage of files for service users is to take place in a general office. You feel strongly that you need individual workspace and are used to having your own room and your own secure filing system and storage of user records. You are very anxious about issues of ethics and confidentiality. How do you deal with this?

Scenario 2.3A new counsellor has joined your very well-functioning, friendly multi-agency team, which works with troubled children and their parents. At team meetings and in one-to-one settings it has been noted that the counsellor uses a lot of counselling jargon in their everyday interactions. The counsellor quotes theorists and techniques which are unfamiliar to the rest of the team. The team manager has approached the counsellor informally and pointed out that the use of jargon is excluding the other members of the team. The use of jargon has continued despite this intervention. You suspect that the counsellor feels that they have a low status within the team and that they are using jargon in an attempt to project professional competence. How would you approach this issue?

Scenario 2.4Your multi-agency team includes health and social services professionals working together. You have become aware of weak links with education (not represented in the team). To strengthen links, you have started to invite a ‘liaison’ professional to attend alternate weekly meetings and to share some joint client assessment work. The meetings discuss criteria for making agency resources available to your client group (children with complex special needs). Concerns have been raised that some children fall through the net, and that the agency puts up barriers.

After three meetings, a colleague alerts your team to a pattern at the meetings of team members blaming problems on the new person’s agency, and saying that ‘education’ is not cooperative. Also, the visitor soon begins coming less often. Off-record, colleagues said that the visitor (an educational psychologist) does not share the same communication style as the team. How do you maintain your team’s identity, while nurturing closer links with professionals in agencies whose cultural values seem very different?

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Scenario 2.5A front-line family worker is aware of the clash of values between members of the multi-agency team for which she works. In discussions of cases, decisions about what services should be made available to users are hotly debated by those from former social services, health and education backgrounds. But a further clash of values is apparent when she deals directly with service users. She is currently worried about a case of a lone parent father of a 3-year old with complex special needs. There are concerns about discipline techniques and an alleged lack of ‘nurturing’ warmth. Some team members have previously felt that formal action should be taken with social services, and others have felt that this would destroy the chance of working collaboratively to resolve the problems. How do you think the family worker can best voice her concern in dealing with different values:

1 of the team members?2 of the parent in responding to the rights and needs of the child within a family unit?

Scenario 2.6It is part of your multi-agency team’s philosophy to pass your skills on to professionals in other agencies. This is partly a workload issue.

You have been involved in a project training mentors in schools to carry out work with children ‘at risk’ of exclusion. In particular you have provided basic-level family work skills to mentors who work alongside individual children. A confrontation has developed in one participating school. A small group of parents complained to the headteacher that mentors are ‘not sufficiently qualified or skilled’ to advise families on parenting skills. Now the head is threatening to withdraw from the project, despite service level agreements having been agreed with the local authority.

How do you resolve such problems that may arise from passing your skills to other professionals?

Anning, Cottrell, Frost, Green & RobinsonDeveloping Multi-professional Teamwork for integrated Children’s Services

OUP. 2007

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TEAM CHARACTERISTICS QUESTIONNAIRE

Characteristic Questions Open teamwork issues Evidence

Clear and common purpose

Are there stated purposes? Are they clear? Are they agreed?

Are they communicated to colleagues and service users? Does the network participate in agreeing them?

Documented statement.

Records of debate.

Sense of belonging Do members feel the team is successful?Are there agreed values? Do people feel good about the team?

Do colleagues and service users feel good about cooperation and understand and participate in agreeing values?

Questionnaires.

Rating scales.

Synergy Are joint activities undertaken? Are there clear team achievements?

Also with colleagues and service users?

Questionnaires.

Rating scales.

Evidence of activities

Openness Do all members of the team speak in meetings? Are difficult matters raised? Can people be constructively critical of others? Are plans and organisation policies discussed in advance of implementation?

Similarly from colleagues and service users?

Examples of practice Documents

Cooperation and mutual support; informal atmosphere

Are first names or titles used? Is there good induction? Do people work together? Do they discuss practice? Can they criticise each other and the organisation constructively?

Similarly with colleagues and service users. Are links within networks researched, explicit and evaluated?

Examples of practice

Audio and video tapes

Clarifies roles and responsibilities

Are there defined roles and responsibilities? Are they clear? Up-to-date? Are jobs allocated on the basis of them?

Do colleagues and service users understand them in general and in specific cases? Do they have clear roles with fit?

Examples of practice

Meeting minutes

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Characteristic Questions Open teamwork issues Evidence

Sound procedures Are the systems clear? Do people behave respectfully in meetings? Are people organised about responding to requests?

Also to colleagues and service users? Are there procedures for building network links?

Documents

Examples of practice

Audio and video tapes

Appropriate leadership Does the leader dominate discussions?

Are plans made and kept?

Is leadership ceded to colleagues and service users where appropriate?

Audio and video tapes

Case documents

Examples of practice

Regular reviews Are there statistics of case achievements? Are there discussions of case outcomes? Are responsibilities and roles reviewed regularly? Are strengths and weaknesses reviewed regularly?

Are they public and shared with colleague and service users? Are criticisms from the network taken seriously?

Documents

Minutes of meetings

Individual contribution and development

Do team members have a training plan? Is there a team development plan? Do members have the opportunity to try new things? Do they?

Does training involve colleagues and service users? Is network feedback used in reviewing individuals?

Documents

Examples of practice

Participation in good group relations

Are members able to participate in decisions which affect them?

Are decisions openly discussed and agreed?

And colleagues and service users?

Examples of practice

Audio and video tapes.

Rating scales

Develops effective external links

Are there clear linking arrangements with related teams? Local groups? Other organisations?

And do they know about and participate in deciding on and reviewing them?

Documents.

Other team questionnaires

Produces creativeoptions

Does the team generate several options to solve problems or make plans?

Can colleagues and service users contribute?

Examples of practice

Audio and video tapes

Payne, 2000

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GRAPPLING WITH ADVANTAGE AND INERTIAHuxham & Vangen, 2005

CommunicationThis extract is taken from pp. 11 – 12 of: Huxham, C. and Vangen, S. (1996a) Working Together: Key Themes in the Management of Relationships Between Public and Non Profit Organizations. International Journal of Public Sector Management, 9:7 pp. 5-17. © 1996 MCB. Reprinted with permission.

Related to the issue of compromise is that of communication. The plea for good communication is very common among those who have experienced collaboration, probably because of the frustration that poor communication induces. Our participants have made a distinction between three different communication channels: communication between the people in the core group; communication between the core group and the organizations concerned; and the communication between the collaboration and the wider community.

In terms of establishing good communication between the members of the core group, one issue that is a very significant concern to many is that of language. The everyday language of one profession can be quite different from another. What seems like ordinary English to one person may appear to be highly specialized (and unfathomable) jargon to another. Problems with language are significant in all collaborations. The local economic development organization childcare specialist referred to earlier [Box 5.2], for example, cited difficulties with use of language as one aspect of her problems in working with counterparts in local authorities. However, volunteers from community groups often express frustration and even genuine anger about the use of jargon by those they regard as professionals. In their perception the term ‘professionals’ often includes those who work for large charities or even small funded autonomous community organizations as well as the more obvious public agencies. The problems of language and jargon are even more pronounced when community groups are involved because some core group members will inevitably be more articulate that others. They will be exacerbated if parties come from ethnic groups with different natural languages.

Even if there is no serious problem with jargon or natural language, there is still potential for individuals to be talking at cross-purposes because different outlooks lead to different interpretations of the same words. Participants stressed the need to pay careful attention to checking understanding of each other’s meaning as well as language and the need for tolerance.

Communication between members of the core group is thus non-trivial. Ensuring good communication between the core group and the organizations is also an issue argued by participants to be important. Keeping up the communication between organizations and the core group is likely to be highly time-consuming but seen as essential in terms of spotting early signs of disagreements and to gain trust, commitment, support and resources from each organization ….

Finally, for collaborations set up to tackle societal problems at community level, participants have argued that communication between the collaboration and the community as a whole is vital in keeping the group up to date and in maintaining good relations with the community. For instance, for the successful combating of problems such as ethnic conflict or drug abuse, gaining the good will of the community at large could be crucial.

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READING - What Makes a Leader? - Daniel Goleman

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