To the average person: Being polite means showing good

manners and thinking about other people’s feelings

For the sociolinguist: The way that people choose to speak

and how their listeners react to what they say

Ideas of politeness vary between cultures

What is polite in one culture is not necessarily polite in another

Saying to a woman “You’ve gained weight.” Compliment in Africa and Arab

cultures• Means that you’re looking healthy.

Very rude in America, Europe and most of Asia

Better to say the opposite “Have you lost weight?”

1. Get me a Coke.2. Get me a Coke, Andy!3. You’ll be a pal and get us a Coke won’t you Andy?4. Could you possibly get me a Coke from the machine

please, Andy? 5. If you’re going to the machine, could you possibly

get me a Coke while you’re there?6. If you’re going to the machine, would you possibly

be so kind as to get me a Coke while you’re there please?

7. I’m really sorry to ask, but if you’re going to the machine, I’d be ever so grateful if you would possibly be so kind as to get me a Coke while you’re there please.

A person’s self-image Other people’s image of a person In Japanese: 体面 or 面子

Positive face Self Want to be liked

and respected Desire for approval

from others Negative face

Others Desire to act freely

Politeness is used when your face is threatened When you might lose other’s respect When you can’t act freely

Called face threatening acts (FTA)

Request: Asking for money “Could I borrow \5,000?”

Compliment: Man complimenting a woman “You’re really beautiful.”

Expressing thanks “Thank you for your help.”

Taboo topic “How old are you?”

Apology “I’m sorry for being late.”

Social distance Friends have more flexibility than strangers

Social status Equals have more flexibility than unequals

Nature of the threat Some threats may be bigger

Politeness is a way to show awareness of another person’s face

Face-saving act: saying something that lessens the possible threat to another’s face

Shut the door! Does not leave the hearer with any choice Makes the speaker sound more powerful

Please: “Shut the door please.” Hedges: “If it isn’t too much trouble,

shut the door.” Questions: “Could you pass the salt?” Provisional language: Using if, would,

can, etc. Make refusing easier

In general terms, politeness is being nice to other people.

More formally, politeness is concern for someone’s face. Negative face: be able to act freely Positive face: be liked and admired

Interaction with people can threaten people’s face

People avoid face threatening acts with polite strategies