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Copyright © 2013 The Compassionate Friends, Inc. All Rights Reserved
“A Nonpro f i t Se l f -He lp Organ iza t ion fo r Fami l ies Who Have Expe r ienced the Dea th o f a Ch i l d ”
MARCH—APRIL 2013
P.O Box 3065 Portland, OR 97208-3065 Ph. 503-248-0102 www.tcfportland.org
March 2, 2013
April 6, 2013
Jeff & Peggy Littman Co-facilitators
March 19, 2013 Grief in the Workplace
April 16, 2013 Am I Sad or Am I Depressed?
(Third Tuesday of every month)
Sunnyside Seventh Day Adventist Church
10501 SE Market St. Portland, OR 97216
(near Mall 205)
M e e t i n g s :M e e t i n g s :
P o r t l a n d , O r e g o n
(First Saturday of every month)
First United Methodist Church
1838 SW Jefferson, Rm. 130 Portland, OR 97205
(Corner of SW 18th / Jefferson)
Chapter Leader: Carolyn Ph. 503-307-8450 [email protected]
Co-Leader/Treasurer: Beverly Ph. 503-665-9576
Newsletter Editor: Deb 503-490-0766 [email protected] Member Database: Kim Ph. 503-830-9456 [email protected]
Telephone Outreach: Melody 503-248-0102 [email protected]
Website: Diane Ph. 503-810-7072 [email protected]
Member-At-Large: Patricia 360-624-2256 [email protected]
I am Spring
~ Carol Clum, TCF Medford, OR
On the Move? If you move, please let us know your new
address to continue to receive this newslet-
ter. It costs the Chapter about 65 cents each
time the Post Office returns a newsletter.
We appreciate your cooperation as this will
save the Chapter money which can be better
spent. Please send your address change to
Kim Fritschi, Member Database at
*As always, you can change to e-newsletter (paperless) anytime you wish!
MARK YOUR
CALENDAR
We are so pleased
to announce
Alan Pedersen,
bereaved father,
Singer & songwriter
will perform at our
Tuesday night meeting
in August!
See page 11 to
learn more about
Alan and his music.
More details to follow.
Page 2 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
To our newest members—we offer our warmest welcome! If you have walked through the door to a TCF meeting, we understand how traumatic and difficult that is to do...we have all taken that step and reach out to you in friendship and support.
As our TCF Credo says, “We come from different walks of life…”, but the common bond we now share is the death of a beloved child, grandchild, or sibling. Others cannot understand the terrifying and debilitating emotional issues that occur in our daily lives once this event happens; a TCF member can and does!
We hope you will find our meetings and newsletters to be a source of comfort, a place where tears are allowed, no judgments are made and the hope that through this trauma, we can once again find hope and meaning in our lives.
A Warm Welcome to New Members….We’re Glad You Found Us!
Portland Adventist Medical Center
Debbie Esmond, Graphics Department
& staff for printing our newsletter!
Carolyn (in memory of Kelsey)
Deb (in memory of Jorey)
Jenna (in memory of Jorey)
Patricia (in memory of Kenton)
An Easter Remembrance Easter signifies the Risen Christ, the most hopeful and posi-
tive symbol of Christendom, and the Jewish Passover cele-
brates escape from oppression and slavery into the prom-
ised land. These holidays have not become burdened with
required gift giving, home decoration, and lavish partying.
As winter ends, and the trees, shrubs, and flowers of our
valley burst into bloom, many bereaved parents feel their
spirits lift a bit, and the pall of gloom subsides for many.
Some of our parents, in fact, leap into spring by planting a
memorial garden for their child, which gives them some-
thing positive to do, and provides them with the pleasure of
creating a little spot of beauty for them and their family and
friends to enjoy. The exercise and getting out into these rare
and beautiful spring days are an added health bonus. And to
have flowers from your child’s garden to bring inside
to brighten your kitchen soon gives special joy.
Whatever the approaching religious season holds
for you, pitch in and welcome it. And don’t forget
the power of flowers especially a spot of your
own creation.
~ Jackie Rohr, TCF, Ventura CA
What the caterpillar
thought was the
end of life … the
butterfly knew
was just the
beginning ...
Moving Through The Grief Of Losing a Child
I was a woman like many others; focused on my five children and family, living a quiet
life on Bainbridge Island in the state of Washington. And then, in August 2004, our
lives changed. That night, eight teenagers piled into an SUV and took a midnight joy
ride. My 16-year-old twin daughter, Sarah, was killed.
The thought of losing a child--if “losing” is the correct verb--had never crossed my mind. Tragedies, as such,
were something that happened to someone else, something you read about in the paper or heard from a
neighbor. Nothing could have prepared me for the deep pain...but nothing could have prepared me for the
peace that now permeates my mind and heart.
The shock sets in; everything moves in slow motion as if time comes to a halt, and time has halted.
An acquaintance delivers a candle on day six with a card inscribed, “Place this candle in your kitchen. Each
night while you prepare the family meal know that the shimmering of the candlelight reflects the child who
now lives within you.” A lovely thought. Eight years later, I still light a candle on my kitchen windowsill. My
child lives within me now.
The days turn to weeks. Friends surround you, keeping you busy, your mind occupied. Absorb their kindness.
Accept their help. Eliminate expectations. Learn to be gentle with yourself. Give yourself space. Make room
for quiet. Always remember that grief is personal, as is death. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve.
Seek out therapy. You may be ready. Share your story and connect with others. Surround yourself with those
who will listen, not necessarily those who will offer advice. For it is when others listen that we can sort out our
thoughts and settle our mind.
Your inner strength seeks you out, sometimes sooner in the process, sometimes later. That strength moves you
forward--tiny steps in this process.
Continued on page 10...
MARCH—APRIL 2013 Page 3
WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE.
WE ARE THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS.
The Compassionate Friends is a non-profit, self-help organization composed of bereaved parents/siblings.
We offer friendship and understanding. Anyone who has experienced the death of a child of any age, from any cause,
is welcome. Our meetings give parents an opportunity to talk about their child/sibling and about the feelings they experience through the grieving process.
There is no religious affiliation. There are no membership dues. The purpose of this support group is not to focus on
the cause of death or the age of the child/sibling, as it is to focus on being a bereaved parent, along with the feelings and issues that evolve around the
death experience of a child.
The vision of The Compassionate Friends is that everyone who needs us
will find us and everyone who finds us will be helped.
Sure signs that Spring is just around the corner …
Sunday, March 10th Tuesday, March 26th Daylight Savings Time begins Passover
Wednesday, March 20th Sunday, March 31st Spring Equinox begins Easter
Our Children Lovingly RememberedOur Children Lovingly Remembered
Page 4 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
CONFIDENTIAL
Not available onlin
e
Page 5 MARCH—APRIL 2013
Our Children Lovingly RememberedOur Children Lovingly Remembered
CONFIDENTIAL
Not available onlin
e
Page 6 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
If you wish to make a tax-deductible LOVE GIFT donation, fill in the information below, send with a check for any amount to:
Portland TCF , PO Box 3065 Portland, OR 97208-0102.
Month you would like it printed in newsletter: Donation Amount:
Child’s Name:
Date of Birth: ____/____/_____ Date of Death: ____/____/____
Your name: Telephone or email:
Address: City: State:
Email: Zip:
Special Message (please include how you would like your message to be signed): _____________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
You may submit your love gift and photo online at http://www.tcfportland.org
Thank you to all the families that send in Love Gifts
to honor their child! Your tender thoughts and
expressions of love are testimony
to the fact that ‘Love Never Dies’! Your generous donations are also greatly appreciated!
—Thank you—!
In Loving Memory of
GARI ANN
3/8/2009
It is so hard, even if it has been 4 years. I miss you so very much. Until we are together again, I love
and miss you more every minute of every day. Love, Mom
Barbara L.
In Loving Memory of
JOREY BENJAMIN
7/31/08
It’s hard to believe that you are turning 13, a teenager. I often wonder what you would look like
as a teen. I can only imagine that you are so handsome!
Happy Birthday, Jorey…
Love, Grandma
Deb
The Language of Flowers. As every flower lover
knows, flowers have a language of their own. Every sentiment is
expressed in one form or another by their fragile blooms and, as a
leading psychologist states, “Flowers are a perfect replica of human
life” - planting—growth—bloom—withering.
The forget-me-not signifies true love and memories.
~TCF, Ambler PA
A Love Gift Love Gift is a special note to your child that is printed in the
newsletter—it is a wonderful way to remember and honor their
memory! Families often submit these either on the birthday or
anniversary date of their child, but it can be done at any time!
There is no charge for printing a Love GiftLove Gift, but many families
choose to
If it’s your child’s birthday month, we
invite you to come to our monthly meeting and
share their story! (Even if you don’t come to
meetings regularly, we would love to meet you
and honor your child.)
Birthdays hold treasured memories and are
especially difficult for surviving parents and sib-
lings; TCF offers a wonderful venue to honor
and celebrate the precious life-story of your
loved one. Taking a few minutes to share a
picture, memento, award or even their favorite
toy is a gentle reminder to all that love contin-
ues and grows with each passing year.
A special Birthday Table is available to dis-
play your pictures and special keepsakes. If you
wish, you may also bring
in your child’s favorite
snack to share...or even a
birthday cake!
Page 7
To include a picture with your Love Gift, please email your special photo to [email protected] or
mail to TCF, P.O. Box 3065, Portland, OR 97208. Your photo will be returned with current address.
MARCH—APRIL 2013
D E A D L I N E
For MAY-JUNE
Love Notes:
April 10th
Bereaved Birthdays
Birthdays are a time for celebration,
not a time for tears. But what happens when the birthdays
no longer mark the year? A birthday marks the moment
a spirit enters life, To share its special love and joy,
and learn from earthly strife. Before a spirit comes to us,
it knows when and how it must depart. It chooses its path carefully,
we are honored from the start. The sadness we now feel
on such a joyous day, In longing for our loved one’s touch,
it’s natural to feel this way. For even though the birthdays no longer mark a spirit’s stay,
Love continues on forever to touch us every day.
I hug my precious memories close to my heart,
And honor my beloved spirit child, who chose me from the start.
~author unknown
Of all the music that
reaches
farthest into
heaven, it is the
beating of
a loving heart.
~Henry Ward
Bucher
THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS Page 8
Who could possibly disagree that we all
look forward to spring? (For one thing, it
means no more outrageously high fuel bills for
a few months)! Most of all, we welcome all the
evidence of new life after the seemingly end-
less cold, sometimes bleak and dreary days of
winter. What a difference the new growth of
leaves on the trees makes in the appearance
of the landscape! There is the sudden burst of
color in all the spring flowers and shrubs—
from the crocus to the beautiful array of
colorful azaleas to the fragrant peonies that
burst into bloom at the end of May. Somehow,
all of this gives us a new burst of energy as
we throw off our heavy, warm, restrictive
clothing and grab our gardening tools to plant
the vegetable gardens and flower beds. How-
ever, we still keep a sweater or jacket close
by for those times, now and then, which are
too cool for comfort just yet.
So it is with us bereaved parents, for
whom our whole world became a bleak, cold
and desolate winter when a much-loved child
was suddenly torn out of our lives. If you are
at this point in your life now, then it is possi-
ble you may not be able even to be aware of all
the beauty of the earth all around you now or
in the summer or even in the gloriously color-
ful fall to come. If this is where you are now
in your grief, be very patient with yourself.
There are those of us who have gone through
several Springs without being aware of them.
It was not even possible for us to smile, let
alone laugh—and we were positive that we
would never be able to do so. Does anyone
remember the first time you laughed, as I do?
It was at least six months after the death of
my son, and I was visiting with a very close
friend who made some comment which must
have struck just the right chord within me,
and I LAUGHED. It was such a shock to hear
that sound come from ME that I actually
reeled back in my chair and asked, unbeliev-
ingly, “Did I do that?” For me, that was the
first small burst of spring coming back into my
life! But, of course, I still had a long way to go.
Be assured—there can be a spring in
your life again! But you will have to work for it.
It won’t come if you just sit back and do noth-
ing. Only you can be the judge of what it is you
should do. Although you do have very special
needs at this time and it is important not to
push yourself beyond the point of your endur-
ance, it may be necessary in the beginning to
force yourself moderately to begin the work
of building a new life for yourself. Eventually,
you, too, will feel the first small burst of
spring coming back into your life. During this
time, you will still need the protective covering
of an understanding Compassionate Friend, as
we sometimes need the protective covering of
our jackets and sweaters on chilly nights in
the spring.
In time, you can be the Compassionate
Friend helping another newly-bereaved
parent. BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN, AND KNOW THAT YOU WILL. ~Grace Remsberg
SPRING BURSTS FORTH,
AND SO WILL YOU
MARCH—APRIL 2013 Page 9
SUICIDE BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT www.sbsnw.org
NE Portland... 3rd Mon @ 7-9 pm Claire Woodruff, Facilitator 503-98404242
Mark Anderson, Co-facilitator 503-721-6184 Peace House, 2116 NE 18th Street
Portland OR 97212
SW Portland... 1st & 3rd Mon @6-8 pm Leslie Storm, Facilitator 503-244-5211,
[email protected] Tracy O’Reilly, Co-facilitator
5100 SW Macadam, Ste 400, Portland OR 97239
Gresham...1st Thu @ 7-9 pm Jaime Torres, Facilitator 503-793-1268
St. Henry’s Church School Building (west side of parking lot)
346 NW First St., Gresham OR 97030
Vancouver... 1st Sat @ 2-4 pm Judith Stringer, Facilitator 503-888-0236
Fair Oaks Community Room 5404 NE 121st Ave, Vancouver WA 98682
St. Helens… 2nd & 4th Wed—503-397-7841 The Dalles... call 541-296-8850 for information Hood River... call 541-386-4997 for information
PARENTS OF MURDERED CHILDREN Ph. 503-761-1304 or 503-656-8039 Peace House, 2116 NE 18th Ave
Portland… 1st Mon @ 7 pm www.pomc.com/portland
BRIEF ENCOUNTERS Ph. 503-699-8006
Spanish (503) 972-3376 Peace House, 2116 NE 18th St.
Portland ...2nd Mon 7 pm Beaverton ...4th Thu 7 pm Vancouver ...2nd Thu 7 pm
www.briefencounters.org
Support groups for parents who have experienced infant or pregnancy loss or who are considering or experiencing a subsequent pregnancy/adoption.
SIDS Resources of Oregon 4035 NE Sandy Blvd Suite 209 Portland
Ph. 503-287-8265, www.teleport.com
Me, Too & Company Children, parents, whole families
Ph. 503-228-2104 www.oregonhospice.org
Supports children and families who have experienced the death of a
family member or friend.
The Dougy Center Ph. 503-775-5683, www.dougy.org
Provides safe place for children, teens, young adults & their families who are grieving a death.
Stepping Stones Ph. 360-696-5120
SW Washington Medical Center, Vancouver, WA Support groups specialize in helping
children with their grief.
OTHER
SUPPORT GROUPS: The Compassionate Friends Portland Chapter www.tcfportland.org
P.O. Box 3065
Portland, OR 97208-3065
Ph. 503-248-0102
10501 SE Market St., Portland
Email: [email protected] 3rd Tuesday @ 7 pm
TCF Portland Satellite Chapter Ph. 503-524-0957
First United Methodist Church Rm 130
SW 18th & Jefferson, Portland 97201
1st Saturday @ 10:30 am
TCF of Battle Ground, WA—NEW Ph. 360-910-9669 (Deborah) Battle Ground Community Center 912 E. Main St., Battle Ground, WA 98604 Last Wednesday @ 7:00 pm
TCF Clackamas County Chapter Ph. 503-655-6846 (Barb) Providence Willamette Falls Hospital 1500 Division St. (Conf. Room 6) Oregon City, OR 97045 Fourth Tuesday @ 7:00 pm
TCF McMinnville Chapter Ph. 503-434-5917
Lafayette Community Church
365 3rd St. Lafayette, OR 97127
1st Thursday @ 7:30 pm
TCF Washington County Chapter Ph. 503-324-2504
Elsie J. Stuhr Adult Leisure Center 5550 SW Hall Blvd. (Oak Room) Beaverton, OR 97005
2nd Tuesday @ 6:30 pm
TCF Salem Chapter Ph. 503-743-3930
First Congregational Church
700 Marion St. Salem, OR 97301
1st Monday
Volunteer Corner Can you spare about half an hour (that’s only 30 minutes!)
We are always looking for volunteers to help set up tables,
chairs, etc. at our monthly meetings as well as break down
after the meeting. Your generosity is greatly appreciated!
The Librarian position is vacant at the present time. If you are inter-ested in helping TCF
maintain the book inven-tory call or email Carolyn
AREA TCF CHAPTERS
Have you
read a
good grief
book lately? Tell us
about it and why
you thought it was
helpful to you…
Page 10 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
We are collecting new photos to frame another photo board of our children - thank you to
Bev Waterworth for her dedication/talent making them so beautiful! If you would like
your child’s photo to be posted, please bring a picture
to the next meeting.
www.tcfportland.org
Portland Chapter TCF has it’s own website! Check it out for additional information & resources.
PDX TCF
Become a fan on Facebook!
You can click on the link from TCF’s national website www.compassionatefriends.org or you can log onto Facebook and search for T h e C o m p a s s i o n a t e Friends/USA.
You will find information about upcoming events such as conferences, the Walk to Remember, and the Worldwide Candle Lighting.
Visit TCF often to keep informed of TCF news and events!
Moving Through ...
Continued from page 3...
Let the memories fill your mind. Let
yourself laugh again. Smile. Sing out
when a favorite song you shared plays on
the radio. Let your heart awaken to the
joys memories bring.
Pay attention to the synchronicity and
patterns in your life. Pay attention to your
intuition. And pray. It doesn’t matter
what you believe. Just ask, notice, and
respond. Faith, hope and love all inter-
sect. Maybe things will begin to make a
little sense, just maybe.
Look to your children who live. Note
their resilience and strength during this
epic period of trauma. Let their sense of
life and hope inspire you.
When the pain returns, and it will, allow
yourself to go to the depths of that pain.
Cry. I promise, you will be okay when
you resurface.
And as you move towards years four and five, you
will learn that yes, life has been a living nightmare,
and it is okay to admit that. Realize that as the years
pass, you will learn to weave your loss into your daily
life. Accepting the loss of a loved one is to release, but
not erase. To hold. But not to hold the pain.
As year five turns towards eight, my hope is that you
can slowly wrap yourself around the idea that you can
celebrate life and celebrate death. Death and gratitude
can go hand in hand. Just possibly, it is those who
have passed before us who are our greatest teachers.
Remember always that you never walk alone because
the life of someone who passes lives on in the love
you shared.
Author’s Bio:
Caroline is the author of Heaven’s Child,
www.HeavensChild.com. From the knock on the door to the re-
alization that death and gratitude can walk hand in hand, the
reader walks beside Caroline in this most raw and real story.
Today she lives full-time with her family on Bainbridge Island in
Puget Sound, watching the ferries pass to and from downtown
Seattle. She claims inspiration from combing the beach for sea
glass and treasures, running the island’s trails with her yellow
lab, tending her perennial garden, skiing in the Cascade Moun-
tains, reading good literature, traveling, biking, hiking, playing
tennis, and writing.
Caroline Flohr
www.HeavensChild.com
amazon.com/author/carolineflohr
GOOD MEMORIES ARE THE PERENNIALS THAT BLOOM AGAIN
AFTER THE HARD WINTER OF GRIEF
BEGINS TO YEILD TO HOPE. ~Sascha Wagner
TUESDAY, AUGUST 20, 2013
7:00 PM
Alan Pedersen
is an inspirational speaker on grief and loss, award-winning
songwriter and successful recording artist. In August of 2001,Alan’s only
daughter died in a car accident. Since that tragic event Alan has turned his
journey through the valley of grief and the pain of loss into a collection of
powerful and moving songs recorded on to 4 highly acclaimed CD’s.
Alan speaks and plays his original music at more than 100 events every year
throughout the United States. His gentle mix of humor and straight-from-the-
heart talk wrapped around powerful songs
about love, loss and healing make for a unique experience.
Follow them on Facebook …
AngelsAcross Theusa (Denise Pedersen)
Page 11 MARCH—APRIL 2013
Family & Friends —->> Got a favorite recipe of your loved one?
We would like to collect your favorite
recipes to compile a Portland Chapter
TCF Recipe Cook Book—more details
to follow. To share your recipe/s please
email to [email protected], mail
to the Portland PO Box on front or de-
liver to a TCF
Tuesday or Satur-
day meeting.
Thank you for
sharing!
You’re Always
With Me
Though you’re no longer with me, Every day I find,
One way or another, You’re back there on my mind. I might hear a piece of music.
And at once my mind is stirred, Back to a treasured moment,
The two of us shared. I never try to stop them,
I let them just flow through, It’s just my way of spending time,
Once again with you. ~Jodie Day, TCF Washington
In memory of her brother, Wayne Day
NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION US POSTAGE
PAID PERMIT 1234
PORTLAND OR
RETURN SERVICE REQUESTED
The Compassionate Friends Portland Chapter P.O. Box 3065 Portland, OR 97208-3065
Online Support CommunityOnline Support Community (Topics Available)
Parents/Grandparents ShareParents/Grandparents Share Pregnancy/Infant LossPregnancy/Infant Loss Bereaved 2 years & lessBereaved 2 years & less Bereaved 2 years & moreBereaved 2 years & more Men Only Sharing SessionMen Only Sharing Session No Surviving ChildrenNo Surviving Children Siblings ShareSiblings Share Survivors of SuicideSurvivors of Suicide
For more information or to participate, visit the website:
www.compassionatefriends.org RESOURCES—ONLINE SUPPORT
TCF NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS PO Box 3696 Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696 1-877-969-0010 (Toll free) Email: [email protected]
MARCH—APRIL 2013
The only feelings
that do not heal
are the ones
you hide.
~ Henri Nouwen
By love, they are remembered, and in memory they live.