Phantom: The Darkness WithinJourney into the Abyss

By: Fredric H. Cilbrith III

“This is a continuation of the pervious poem expressing the turmoil one has with our own Darkside.”

Note: “This work is enclosed with the interworking’s of yet another Masterpiece if I do say so myself. As always what the populous takes away from this piece is entirely your own thoughts and feelings. I do hope that you enjoy this immensely as I did putting quill to paper.”- Phantom

Part I: A mask upon the Wall

Does anything matter anymore?Should I give in once and for all, letting the darkness flow through me?Consuming my being entirely?

A mask sits on a wall in the opaque night smirking,Gesturing me towards it; the voice echoing in my mind,Edging me back into my unknown world.Telling me “It’s alright; I’m here to help you.”I follow willingly…

Upon the mask is a face of a figure,seeing as if it were a ghost.It stands there grinning at me…waiting patiently for me.Wanting me back with full force,So that once again terror will ensue upon society…Letting go and revenge being fulfilled one last time.

Tortured…Scorned…Deformed for all eternity; yet still awaiting the chance to strike at the ‘precise’ moment.

From within vibrations are exchanged then transferred,The figure appears standing in his usual dress and bows gracefully,His head lifts slightly grinning at me once more;As it ascends straight thy feels everything at once…

Thus tugging at my insides wanting me to turn to darkness.

Emotions filed down to tiny specs,Some shelided off by the barrier within surrounding me,Insanity seeps in me as if flowing through thy veins;Causing thy to laugh hysterically.

The mask laughs along with me,Sitting now my skin getting ‘goosebumps’ along my arms,An uncontrollable shaking starts around my body;Not knowing what to do at the moment,It calls me back once again…as I let it.

“You will join soon enough. We both know Phantom won’t harm you…”

~June 20, 2013

Part II: Denial/Contemplating

Darkness is the abyss to which knows no end,Smiling as if something is unknown to it;Its faceless no emotions shown within its quiet environment,As it sits there contemplating the matter.

Finding myself going back to it,Being more mature having a ‘sense’ of society.Detachment becoming more real;Though it may be a downfall it keeps me sane.

He has been with me for almost a year now,Still up to his ‘wise’ ways; counseling me in ways no one can.Not making sense to those who consider the word ‘normal.’

To live in today’s ‘modern’ society with all its misdoings; seems unlawful.

What happened to the days where ‘justice’ was served?If a person did something morally wrong,They in turn got what they deserved.

If you slept with the Queen; your head was to be severed within the month,Or if you stole gold coins from the ‘Royal Treasury’; your fingers were cut off by a blade. Now all you get is a ‘slap on the wrist,’Crooked court system that now stands;On a fake Monarchy drawing people in.

Deals made in private rooms,People involved taking an oath of silence,Thus later overturned…being outspoken;Brought to the court by peoples own envy and greed.

False pretenses ushered amongst the electives,Denied among all; the public naive to what’s happening,Therefore the accusations are nothingHence, society being turned on its heel.

Sitting back in the abyss contemplating either to give in ‘fully’ to the darkness or not.

Thinking that everything will be ‘alright,’As if something is holding me back,What that is exactly,I haven’t the faintest clue.

~October 3, 17, 21, 2013

Part III: Questioning the Darkness/ Urging Temptation

Other thoughts come into focus,Prodding my mind for days sometimes, weeks at a time never ceasing.Always rehashing itself again and again,Thoughts becoming a blur of unaware emotion,Most of all is that fear, inside of you always awake steadily on you every second.

What good will come of joining with it?Will it make me a ‘better’ person, able to think and see my action’s before anyone else?Will it help me have a ‘wiser’ sense of the world?

Sitting back in the unknown awaiting the answer,As I ask myself: “Why can’t I do this? Why can’t I let it go?’ Thus the two beings ‘truly’ becoming one,Then and only then would I be thy true self.Wanting to accept it thought holding back once more,“Holding back from what?”Still the question remains…Why?

Closing my eyes slowly,Going into a trance; feeling the ora around me calming down,Breathing slower and slower,Slipping into and out of perception;Until coming to the dark light seeing myself regenerated into thy true form.

A Vision of Gruesome Terror

Eyes go black feeling the darkness within,Wanting to let it flow from thee,Ensuing a ‘horrific terror’ on society;Smiling knowing that I have them all within my grasp.

Not letting me go…making me do things that aren’t right,That society has programmed into my mind to say to me now, “This isn’t right.”Something is right in Justice being served,Acting on one’s impulses for the better of humanity.

Walking through the town unannounced,Not caring if the ones who ‘didn’t care’ are hurting a pain worse than death now.Fire starts in the middle of the courtyard,I stop an watch in fascination as I look around;Seeing the faces that surround this dark fate.

People being thrown into the fire screaming for their lives,While the burnt corpses lie against the cobblestones to rot away in their own existence,Therefore as if being ‘unborn’.Corpses lie decaying to dust; some scream for me to save,Staring furiously at them letting them die in their own agony;I grin evily.

The people that wronged me finally getting what they deserved,Thinking to myself quietly, “I had a hand in choosing who lived and died here.”

I smile knowing that I have finally won the war at long last,A war that had gone on for centuries.

Walking away; fire intensifying behind me,Darkness surrounding me finally;Seeing myself for what I am,Pure terror…

I open my eyes as if it was a dream,The anger and hatred coming to me all at once;Laughing hysterically smirking saying to myself, “I had them, I had them all within my grip…”Eyes night black as I foil through my mind,At my own vice…thoughts of one’s immorality.

Closing my eyes once again,Focused on breathing as I come back to myself,Dark and Light separating again;When they were formerly together,Causing so much pain and torment;They will join again when time allows.

Opening my eyes as if feeling myself again,My eyes going back to their original color.Phantom smiles, “Are you ok?”I nod, “I am, that was a very revealing experience.”He just stands there grinning, “I believe it was.”

Having a belief as to what thy morals are,Everything becoming an enigma,What it stands for either float;Or come crashing down into the earth entirely.Therefore one’s values mean nothing…

Urging to give into temptation;Letting it consume me,Is ‘the choice’…there is no other opition.Do it or not…

It will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done….

Not afraid of accepting it or what I’ll become,Unknown to the affects; mindful of the future,Doubtful of one’s self; seeing ‘true potential’ as it glides within the moment,Fading once more as the ‘chase’ starts to find it again.

~October 29, 2013

Part IV: Inner Demons on All Hollow’s Eve

Once again Phantom appears at my side to aid me in my fight,Inner Demons surround my being;Eviliy tormenting my soul laughing in thy face saying:

“You can’t join with your own darkness. You’re a coward.”

He stands there his hand reaching to grasp mine,In that moment it’s as if all the torment that has lasted for years was taken away;Anxiety has now become a blur within my thoughts;Undefined as to what is this ‘new reality,’The Monstrous head that rears itself before me now…seems fake;Not knowing the true nature of darkness and what lies within it.

Standing there eyes going black as I give into the darkness,Pocessing its true power; having felt nothing like it before.Wanting nothing more than to divulge into the nightmare,Darkness being cleansed within itself thus it becoming pure energy;Having the power to pick it up and lie it back down,Then when you sit there and it consumes you,Instinct takes over…

Remorse: The King’s verdict is simple, “There is none!”

He smiles sitting on his throne already knowing the outcome of his court,Nobility and pesants alike laugh at the gawked prisoner;Eyes turn black once more realizing his own self,Rises up with a fist in the air,The jester mocks him laughing at him calling him a ‘coward’He leaves banished from the Kingdom never to return;Uttering under his breath his vow for vengeance on those and the King himself.

There is no ‘spur of emotion’It does not run on it;Since there is no need of such things,Emotions are things we feel at the moment;Eventually they fade all that’s left in the action of ones impulses.

Things are better that way;Because then there is no care in the actuality and thus being the reality we all make,Then we can become our ‘Trueselves’

But it is our choice what to do with ourselves when we meet them,I would enflick pain on those that have done wrong to me in the past;Once that is done ill be able to accept myself for who I am.

Thus everything being connected once more,Light and Dark are the same;Trust me I know this first hand.

Still the voices think I can’t do it,Join with my alternate reality;Becoming ‘Thy True Self’

Maybe not now because of the lack of confidence but one day,I promise myself that now.

~October 31, 2013; February 21-22, 2014

Part V: Choices/ Hierarchy

I am a tool though afraid of stepping unto the world,Of thy own creation being tormented;By what is the outcome that proceeds my existence,Fear is nothing…no reason or need of it;As I have said before the closer you are to darkness the easier things become.

I am my own person though being haunted by situations of the past,moved on from that it still drifts in and out of my mind.Neverending…reliving the nightmare over and over again,While the person who caused it sits up high on their ‘immatation’ of a hierarchy,Fake accusations forming at their mouths.Squandering beneath them as if they are ‘higher power’

Today I stand up for myself,Going to war with all I have…leaving it all to time,Sooner or later they will realize once and for all;I was right…they were wrong in misleading me.

They will suffer not I,It was a choice of ‘free will’ they chose to go against me,Now I choose to take down the structure and dismantle it;Brick by brick…only to have it fold unto itself,Becoming rubble as they lay under it dying;Past gone and all things anew.

By this I accept the Darkness giving into it fully.

Hierarchy:

Crashing as the walls come in closer surrounding me,Shook hard as if it were an earthquake.Two people are with me;It comes falling forward bracing for impact,Anxiety starts once again.

As I leave the scene I want ‘justice’ as to what was done.

Calling out for her three times in horror;There is an authority figure right in front of her,Seeming as if it were a ‘slap in the face’Consoling her trying to sooth her emotions,Yet still calling out to her…

She came into the clinic putting on a ‘fake’ smile,Tough barely saying two words to me.Not caring that I was in the same situation;

Making me feel as it I’m nothing to her,‘Low’ to her ‘high’ standard; sitting there my anxiety on high…because of her.

Wanting the person’s involved to receive the highest penalty,Not death that would be too kind…jail at least,There they would rot away thinking about what they caused;Hopefully coming to a reality that they hurt people in turn.For we all lucky to be alive…

Slowly calming down,Anxiety gracefully halting…stopping entirely.As I’ve said before ‘I want justice to be served for the committed crime.’Letting all know this happened,Aftermath being righteousness;The impartiality of this consequence thus being treated with fairness.

Integrity still my own…

As they sit in the courtroom,I will grin as they lose their rights,I’ll bow slowly in front of them secretly saying, ‘Thank you.’

Fear, Worry, Wrong.Thoughts that boggle my mind everyday,What makes it all tick, the very center of it?Stressing over the smallest of things;Making them seem enormous,Its been happening for years…Questioning “Why?”

Dueling on this matter that is unknown,Isn’t good for the essence of the human soul;as if it’s the decaying pathway through the inetconnected universe...Shrouding the possibilities that are endless;Denying the realization of ones True Self

This is whats holding me back,How does one let go of it?In joining with thy True Self does one let go of Humanity?Therefore turning your humanity off;having not to care of the surroundings?

~December 19-20, 26, 2013

Part VI: Doubting the Power of the Inner Darkness

Part I: Accordance with One Another

I wonder if I did something wrong in my own mind,Images; experiences coming to the surface once more,Wondering if the person still cares but in the end making the choice not to take it back.Its better that way, because then I don’t have to deal with any of it;Pain, Fear, Anxiety its all gone.

Two figures stand next to me: Louis and Phantom.Two sides of my ‘own’ darkness,Each with its own purpose searching the night in ways to help me…Louis smiles waiting to strike his hatred to those who wronged me,Phantom tips his hat in accordance grinning knowing that when I join things will be better,I believe that now that it will be better…ill be in control for once;They both know that.

“Don’t worry things will get easier as time passes sir…”

Louis nods in agreement, “Phantom is right on this matter, in time things will fall in line.”I’ve gone through this again and again in my own head; struggling with this choice.Day to day I want to make it and not look back,Same questions come into focus non-stop…but how will it change me?Vows that are a lifetime in the making: for Better or Worse, the ultimate marriage of Darkness.

Part II: Worry/Crusade Warfare

I smile though my anxiety is on high,Worry courses through my veins; the situation being more complex than ever,Even if I didn’t do anything to cause harm…it still creeps in the background;Waiting to plunge into an attack.

How do I battle them both: Anxiety/Darkness?Losing the war that seems two sided; the blade becoming double edged;While the causalities are decaying by the day; blood count infinite,Within thy mind the walls closing in not stopping causing more anguish,Tempting more and more to give into it…

I stand General heading the Army of Night smiling watching the slaughter of the Enemy.

Centuries of Warfare: Crusade Battleground

Both sides have been fighting for years,Hatred, Tension, Anticipation all leading to this moment;The Battle that chooses a Victor and leaves the Vanquished crumbled for the next century.To the Victor go the Spoils…

Hearing the ground temble with the sound of footsteps,Over the roar of “Charge” from both sides of the field;The grunting of voices tensed excited for War,Plugeing of blades into bodies followed by screams towards the Heavens.

Soldiers firing arrows smooth and swift too far off enemies,Plucking them one by one as they fall to the ground;Horrified cry’s to the left and right of us,Chaos overflowing from each other not stopping until the last man stands.

Evenly matched in skill one tempting the other,Dueling to the last breath not knowing what it took to get here;As I told you blood count is immense both armies not caring for one another,I smile seeing the corpses that lay either bleeding from stab wounds or flaming arrows in their backs;Laughing as they rot away into the earth…

When all is done the King sits on his throne grinning slyly,Taking all the measure for himself not caring for his rankings,Drunk slurring his words though talking as if he knows what he speaks;Being false in every way possible.

This is the pathway that no one dares to venture down,For it only means the end of all things then to begin anew once again.

Part III: Overwhelmed in ‘The Choice’

Here it is again the road that untwines itself…never-ending,Head spinning full of worry and torment;Heightened to a boil then overflows climaxing,Not being able to speak at times;Worse is the shaking as if there is a thousand needles within me…

Wanting it all to just stop but it doesn’t,Then the question comes as it has a hundred times before:“What if I join with the Darkness? Why do I keep fighting it when I know within my mind I want this more than the World?”

Louis and Phantom both know of this,As they sit back waiting for me to make the choice;Not to say that the pain is unbearable,We all know that when I join with my own Darkness I will become the person;I have so longed to be…

How long does the ‘Rabbit Hole’ go?Will this choice be a ‘Forest of Endless Night?’I know that the outcome will become what I wish,I want to join with it…it’s the one thing I have wanted for a year now.

Why is it when you try to do something or fail people are mad at you?When you cry over something small you secretly become the laughing stock of your peers?People whisper secrets because they don’t have the guts to say it too your face;Makes them seem fake…

Can’t a person cry because their anxiety is on high and that they have no way of controlling it?Even when they try it still takes over and has their emotions confused;

But people don’t understand that they fail to seek it,Then use harsh words to their advantage.

Why so you can have a better sense of yourself?Make the other person feel weak…Society is based on words most of them cruel,What ‘class’ if there is any left in the population;Is there anymore…None…

Cutting ties once again because it’s easier as I’ve told you time and again,It’s ok cause it only makes me closer to my own Darkness;Letting me feel its rush of excitement,Finally it all will go away and all that’s left is actions;No emotions behind any thought or deed…Ever.

~January 10-14, 2014

Part VII: Spiritual Deliverance

After all this time I still pounder the question Why,Why do things happen the way they seem to;If you open yourself to the possibility of the Impossible the Possible will happen,The Universe has done this to me.

It’s a white aura that appears before me,Knowing All that I have done and are going to do;My Past and Present but also what lies within the Future,Smiles as it looks into my eyes seeing my true self and what it stands for.

Phantom smiles back tipping his hat thus bowing gracefully,Louis stands there just smiling as it just grins back,Then It stares at me once more,Both Phantom and Louis stand there for the Universe knows them both;As I sit there it stares back at me telling me things unheard of before,Seeing the marks on my hands lighten within this conversation;

It knows that they have been by my side the entire time,Having no opinion of them but accepting them as I Am,As apart of me and greeting them with a smile.

“Let go of every human emotion and you will receive something higher.”

It smiles as I start to tear up asking the questions I have so longed for,Sitting there It touches my shoulder easing my pain;I come to and just stare in wonder asking “Why Me?”

“Why should One choose who Lives and Dies, for I have saved you from many things in your own life. I know what you yearn for every time you speak to Me. You can have that, but You have to seek Me out. Devote part of yourself to seeking the Truth of it All and you ultimately will find it.”

I feel cold air than I’ve ever felt it surround my hands,Making a ball with them I see a sphere of air within it;Swirling in all magnificence as I watch it,Letting go of it; it goes back into the Continuum.

The Universe smiles as if shocked by my amazement,I smile back wanting to know more;Closing my eyes I feel It leave me,Knowing that it will be back in time to meet once again.

I realize now that both light and darkness are one and the same,It cannot exist without the other…

The anxiety at its highest point of torture,Shaking trying to free the feeling yet it is no use;Awaiting the moment for it to subside,Why is it that every day I awaken with the same emotion;Knowing that part of me dies every time it surfaces,Making go closer to the Darkness urging me to finally give in to what I want most.Fear…

We all have it in one way or another,Most humans choose not to face it;Passing it as if it means nothing,Why then I am afraid of facing my own fear thus letting it go;Transforming me to thy true self…

A throne sits in the high room,Monarchs have risen and fallen because of it;Bloodshed the cause and effect of War,Phantom sits there smiling ready to unleash chaos once more,All those either burning in fire or bowing before him as their King,Louis being his Guardian of the Army awaiting his signal.

I sit before the throne wanting to take it all in and become thy true self,Though the mind is holding me back; a key to an unopened door lies in the wings.All this time I thought that it would be my own personal anxiety;My own gilt towards things within the past thus my flaws as well,How can I make it all go away?

It is also Fear; fear of the aftermath in becoming who I want to be,Will I lose my human traits and let go of everything that makes me who I am?I contradict myself on this many times; part of me wants to let go of my emotions,If that happens I will let go of fear and anxiety altogether.

Freeing myself from the Cage that I feel trapped in,Once that is completed I am able to be myself once and for all…

Fear is two sided in this state;It means here that the Fear of my internal torment,And the Fear of becoming thy true self.

January 21-23, 2014

Part VIII: Anxiety of Thoughts/Class in Society

Mind racing towards a conclusion that is unseen,Looking every which way to the solution of 'inner peace'Overwhelming thyself to exhaustion tired of this turmoil within me.Sense of coldness running back and forth along my arms,Wanting to let go of it all and join with the Darkness tuning out the 'thoughts of society'

But cannot stray from it feeling as if I'm locked in a cage,Being of my own torment with my fears as my company;I sit there taking it all in trying to fight it but eventually my Fear wins over all.My fear is like a jester at the Kings court always mocking me,Now it stands above me while it laughs in thy face murmuring:

"This is why you can't be yourself young sir. You bring yourself down so much that there is very little confidence within you. You cannot join with your True Self because of me! Deep down inside we both know that you are nothing! HAHAHAHA!!!!"

Both Phantom and Louis stand next to me telling me to calm down and let it go,Shaking in torment as if crying out to them both wanting them near me;Knots in my chest nonstop at times,Wind getting colder as it surrounds and consumes me entirely;Devouring me piece by piece.

I ask them, "How do I let go?"They say together, "You know how to sir, once you do you will be able to join with us."I nod in agreement.

Everyday my anxiety is my own torment,Rearing its head at certain points of the day;How do I take the blade in my hand and cut off its head entirely...Aftermath being able to join with the Darkness.

Troubles within People of Today

Courting is scarce within the structures of one’s Realm,No one cares of “good will” or the nobility of the “Old World”“Chastity is dead can one bring it back? Is it impossible?”“Why don’t we care anymore?” Being so dense casting aside morals picking up the Unknown blindly;Without even a second glance…“Why!!!”

Class, aristocracy was Everything,Depending how one was taught dictated your actions in the Populous;Now society doesn’t care about one’s thought of Thyself.

Nor seeing the consecquences of the outcome;Thus the “ends defying the means”Being the end result of the Generation of Fools

Seeking for Truth

Reaching trying to clasp onto something,As if lost in the woods searching for the Truth;Kneeling down seeing the markings once more on my hands,“Come find me now… I will help you.”

The face smiles willingly once again reaching out for my hand holding it.

Phantom bows standing next to me,Smiling accordingly already knowing the outcome of my labors;“Sir, why do you fear the Darkness when knowing that it is all the same? Society won’t care… People are liars, trust in few… Only then will you know your allies…”

He already knows my overall fear of society,Afraid of my own acceptance;Scared of the Aftermath,Why can’t I accept it?Fear of not knowing what’s going to happen next that is the ongoing Risk of this Life.

~February 23, 2014; March 10-11, 2014

Part IX: Cascading into the Darkness

“Does one see themselves slipping away at the precise moment?”“Why doesn’t she see it?”Feeling the turmoil which is causing discontent with those surrounding her,Sitting mouth ajar though silent waiting for it all to come Undone;Watching ‘the fall’ seeing the emotions that lie unmencingly on her face,Hidden behind there is a girl crying out for help though everyone either doesn’t see it or dismisses it entirely.

Wanting to hold her in a long embrace thus saving her the pain and torment,Letting her see the way things are now and not the way she thinks they are;Giving her the proof to make her own choices which in turn effect our reality.

Thinking: “Don’t save her she has chosen this path… Let her deal with the person who cares more about herself then her own kin; destroying all ties with those who were close to her Indefinitely.”

Phantom appears saying to me clearly, “Sir, your beloved will be fine in the end… She’s going through a phase in one’s life as we all do…”

“I know that but I’m still worried about her…”

Phantom smiles, “As you should be, but what she chooses to do with the situations that are placed before her; the outcomes of those trials are up to her… It’s not your burden to bear dear sir.”

Questions, Assumptions, Bickering…Why are all these words being formed out of false pretenses, ‘Stirring the pot’ always pondering; Knowing that until one gets the facts you tend to have a misshapen outlook on the matter at hand.

Pool being endlessly deep;Without a pressure point in which to break,Scheming non-stop while ‘her majesty’ laughs seeing the mayhem she caused;Judging the Court in all its Heresy.

Yearning for detatchment,Let go of thy past so that there won’t be torment…Evermore.Walking away from the wicked Queen and her misdoings,Being the ‘jester’ no more

Thus her unraveling becoming her undoing,For if she never ceases to awaken for this definite slumber;That is unto itself her own misfortune.

“You are right in doing so Sir. Walking away from this madness is in some way your own unclasping of thyself from the past. Hence ultimately becoming a better version of Thyself.”

~April 13-15, 2014

Final Act: Inner Battle within Thyself

Locked in a cage as if bounded up by chains of thy own misery;Screaming out for help hearing my voice vibrate through the bars,Trying to soar beyond the boundaries set before me;Only falling once more against the weight of Fear itself.

Faceless voices picking at me, “You’re no good. You’ll never amount to anything… HAHAHAHA!!!”“You are nothing and you will be nothing…”

I crumble at the sound trying to prove them all wrong;In time I will; all of them will bow before me,For now I lie against the floor in terror.As the voices come out of my head and take material form…

The two of them stand over me each of them gripping one of my wings,“HAHAHA!!! In this life you will be nothing dear pesant.”Bones cracking breaking in pure agony;“We’ll just break your spirit till you scream!!! Yes we will!”Skin ripping to shreds; wings detatching from flesh,As thy bleeds seeing the marks on thy’s back where my wings used to be…The voices leave me once more.

I lie there shattered into tiny fragments,No tears come from thy eyes though knelt against the pavement;Tarring at the seams gasping to the point that my lungs don’t intake oxygen…

Phantom and Louis stand there amazed that I’m still standing,I lay still knelt though shaking from pure shock;Phantom inches closer to me, “Are you alright Sir? Can I help you in any form?”“No I can handle it!”

Louis walks over and puts one hand on my back,Lifts seeing the blood eyes going red with fury;“They will pay for what they have done to you Sir. Mark my words!”

Phantom nods in agreement,Releasing me from my own prison thus letting me go free;Joining with them willingly not afraid to standup for Justice instead of Corruption,Therefore I make this Vow to withstand Time itself.

April 22-23, 2014