personality development- returning to moiz with...
TRANSCRIPT
1
Personality Development
A GUIDE FOR SUCCESS
Jamal Khan
Recently Retired Staff Sergeant
35 YEARS WITH THE TORONTO POLICE SERVICE
2
AUTHOR’S PROFILE
Jamal Khan is a recently retired Staff Sergeant of the Toronto Police Service with 35 years of
Toronto police work to his credit. Jamal Khan hails from Hyderabad, India, where he completed
his bachelor of commerce degree from Osmania University, Hyderabad, India. While pursuing
studies in chartered accountancy he had an opportunity to immigrate to Canada and he did so in
October 1970. In June 1971 he joined the rank and file of the Metropolitan Toronto Police Force.
He subsequently worked in various police units and earned a broad range of policing experience.
Throughout his career he received many awards, letters of appreciation and positive citations from
the community at large and from within the police department for helping community members and
for his dedication toward community-based policing.
� He is a recipient of Governor General of Canada awards and medals presented to him for
twenty and thirty years of loyal and meritorious service to law enforcement in Canada; and for
his unblemished service record.
� Throughout his career he has taken many enrichment courses including crisis intervention,
conflict resolution, senior police administration, community-based policing, human resource
management, communication in supervision, teaching and effective presentations and
investigations and interviewing techniques, to name a few.
� He was appointed one of the founding members of the South Asian section within the former
Toronto Police Ethnic Relations Unit in 1977.
� He was appointed as a multi-cultural training lecturer at the Charles O. Bick police college in
1978. He trained police officers up to and including the rank of staff sergeants about “How to
police a multi-cultural society”.
� He was a member of many community and police-related committees formed to foster and
maintain better relationships between the two.
� During his tenure of 14 years as a Staff Sergeant, he oversaw the Headquarters’ Family and
Youth Services Division, 11 Division Emergency Response Platoons and 11 Division
Community Response Unit located near High Park in the west end of Toronto.
� Before he retired in July 2006, as part of the Chief of Police’s special taskforce, along with
Toronto Police’s Headquarter Chaplain, he provided diversity training to all frontline Toronto
police officers at the divisional level. This major responsibility took over four years to
complete. In all, over 5000 frontline police officers were trained by the taskforce.
� He assisted the Police Recruiting Unit throughout his career to recruit police constables and
civilian members. Through the use of various methods, including radio, television and print,
qualified individuals were recruited.
� He mentored many young men and women who wished to join the police department with a
high degree of success.
� He was a regular columnist in various South Asian newspapers and appeared on many radio
and television shows promoting harmonious relationships between the police and the
community at large.
3
� He was recognized and received a community service award from the Sikh community of the
Greater Toronto Area and vicinity.
� He was recognized and received an award for his dedicated service from the Hindu community
of Toronto and vicinity.
� He received an award from the United Way for his voluntary service in helping to organize the
first international cricket tournament in Toronto between former world champions, the West
Indies, against the rest of the world.
� He was a guest speaker at the National Police Academy in India and at the Canadian Police
College, Ottawa. He spoke on the topic of community-based policing.
� Along with Toronto’s Police Chief, many Deputy Chiefs and the Community Mobilization
Unit, he organized basketball games to raise funds and toys to be sent to Tsunami ravaged areas
of the world.
� He was instrumental in getting Toronto Police Officers to sponsor 7 orphan children from
earthquake-affected areas of Kashmir.
� He assisted and represented Toronto Police and the Muslim community in organizing inter-faith
conferences.
� He received a letter from the U.S. Department of Justice, Community Relations Service,
congratulating him in acknowledgment of his role in building bridges between various
communities and police departments.
� Currently, Jamal Khan serves as a mentor for P.E.A.C.E Services (Prevention of Elder Abuse
and Community Education) in Toronto.
4
BACKGROUND
Using my experience in policing as a reference, I have always wanted to share information
with respect to the various types of incidents we get involved in as human beings, and also
how we handle such incidents. In many such situations we end up providing intervention
by way of counselling, giving advice and/or arrest. For reasons of privacy, I will not be
able to discuss specific incidents that I have dealt with in my career. However, I will
discuss some root causes that I believe contribute to such incidents and then I will
recommend solutions.
Since society is made up of all sorts of people and we are all basically prone to error,
people do not always react to contentious situations in the best manner. When faced with
problems at home, work or in school, we are sometimes pressured into doing things that we
may later regret. But we are all members of one society: yours and mine. I feel we all bear
some responsibility to properly address such problems and suggest solutions for the
betterment of us all.
I will also use this opportunity to offer suggestions to prevent such incidents from coming
about at all. Remember, prevention is better than cure!
Since the antagonists in each of the incidents I will refer to are all the same in their
humanity (young or old, married or single, rich or poor), one of the best first steps I
recommend is a definite need to revisit and review people’s personalities and character.
What causes people to act the way they do?
We live in a liberal society and the risk of temptations is high. Our society is a permissible
one and has immoral temptations available for everyone. Yet society believes in the
philosophy of allowing people to make their own choices; whether they want to act upon
these temptations or not it is up to the individual. But unfortunately, like I have said earlier,
humans are typically weak individuals and have built-in vices. If they are unable to control
these temptations to pursue their vices, they lose out in life and face failures. Remember,
‘what is predictable is preventable.’ For example, if you drive while drunk, chances are
high that you will be caught. Meaning, you can predict that if you drive while drunk, you
could be arrested, charged, lose your license, go to jail, kill someone or lose
your own life. When you know and can predict the consequences of your
actions, you can prevent it from happening. In other words, don’t drink and drive.
The same principle applies with other immoral issues. But since people are weak, they give
in to bad habits in the case of drinking and driving, yet blame others for their own faults.
This again is a typical human trait.
Therefore, it is necessary to look at why people do things the way they do. Look at their
personalities; their attitudes and behaviours. In over 35 years of police work I have seen so
many lives wasted because people could not control their inborn evils and they go astray.
They could not resist temptations and were unable to control their vices and they allowed
these vices to overpower them. As a result, they go berserk and get themselves into trouble
5
with the law, with their loved ones and or with the rest of the society. Some of these people
were not even criminals, but because of their bad behaviour they got themselves into
trouble with the people they come in contact with and lose out in life. They lose their peace
of mind. Unrest sets in their lives making them even more desperate and full of vengeance.
Therefore, it is essential to have a good personality to have a good, trouble-free and
successful life.
6
PREAMBLE
Personality development is an exercise in changing your attitude using information on character and
confidence building to improve the way you think and do things in life. If your attitude is positive,
your behaviour will be positive. A positive attitude is required to be successful in life. If your
attitude is negative your behaviour will likely be negative, which will likely lead to troubles and
failures in life.
Your attitude about life determines how you behave in life. If you behave well with people, chances
are you will be liked and respected. Your character, mannerisms and behaviour are major factors in
determining your personality and these may lead you toward the path of success.
You want to have the best of everything in life? If so, then you need to behave in the same way. In
another words, in order to get the best in life your behaviour should also be the best. Goodness
attracts goodness. Evil and bad character attracts evil and bad character. It’s the law of nature. If
you expect good in life, you are expected to do good also. Positive action will produce positive
results. Negative action will obviously produce negative results. There’s no surprise here!
My intention is to share ideas and options with you to help improve your character and personality
in general. While trying to improve your character with this Guide, I will also encourage you to
instil discipline in your daily life. Your positive attitude and good manners will bring you success in
life. You can have smarts and technical knowledge of the best kind, but unless and until your
behaviour is up to par, you will not be able to impress people in business, jobs or in your daily life.
Though I am confident this Guide I have laid out will become an important resource in your life to
help improve your lifestyle, I pray that through its use it brings you peace, tranquility and success!
With best wishes and warm regards,
Jamal Khan
Retired Staff Sergeant
E-Mail Address: [email protected]
Website: www.pdsconsultinggroup.com
Copyright
First Edition, May 2007, Printed in Canada
Copy Right – CIPO (Canada)
Copy Right Registration No. 1046827
All rights reserved! No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any
means, electronic, mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and
retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author.
7
_____________________
TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. WHAT IS PERSONALITY?
2. BUILDING STRONG MORAL CHARACTER AND EXCELLENT BEHAVIOUR
3. A SMALL TRUTH TO MAKE LIFE 100% SATISFYING
4. BEWARE OF YOUR INBORN EVILS
5. BRING DISCIPLINE INTO YOUR DAILY ROUTINE
6. BE COMPASSIONATE AND HELPFUL
7. BE POLITE AND SPEAK GENTLY
8. DO NOT BE A PROCRASTINATOR
9. DEVELOP A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
10. AVOID BEING SAD
11. TIPS TO OVERCOME SORROWS
12. DON’T LIE OR DECEIVE PEOPLE
13. DEVELOP PEOPLE SKILLS, NOT PEOPLE COMPLEXES
14. BELIEVE IN HEALTHY COMPETITION AND BECOME COMPETITIVE
15. DO YOU PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH?
16. BE COOPERATIVE, NOT DIFFICULT
17. STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF
18. ALWAYS BE TRUTHFUL
19. VOLUNTEER YOUR TIME AND EFFORT FOR SOCIAL SERVICES
20. AVOID VIOLENCE! IT WILL DESTROY YOU
21. QUESTIONNAIRE TO DETERMINE YOUR PERSONALITY
22. WORDS TO THE WISE
23. YOUR CHECKLIST TO HELP DEVELOP YOUR CHILDREN’S PERSONALITY
24. CONCLUDING REMARKS
25. RECAP
8
WHAT IS PERSONALITY?
Personality: Character, behaviour traits, qualities.
In other words, ‘Personality’ means a sum total of how you live, how you think (your
attitude) and how you behave!
Everyone has the traits making up our personalities within us.
From when we were little, we all developed these traits by learning from our parents, how
we lived our lives and the way we interacted with others. In other words, in many cases
your personality is a learned quality.
Can I change and develop my personality?
Yes, you can!
If you feel you need to develop and improve your personality, it can be done! Again, in
many cases, these qualities are learned. Thus, they can be unlearned and relearned by
unlearning old habits that you want to change. However, you need to acquire positive new
personality traits through learning and practicing on a daily basis. In addition, you need to
be mindful that if you don’t use positive traits on a daily basis, you will lose them and you
will go back to your old habits. You must practice them on a daily basis until they are
instilled in you.
No one can force you to change. You alone can choose to change and improve your
personal traits and behaviour. This book can only assist you by giving you pertinent
information and options that you can use to realize change in your life. Thus, you can
develop and maintain your personality with dedication and consistent work.
Advantages of personality development:
By developing your personality you will not only improve your relationships with others,
but also your overall performance in life. You will be at peace with yourself and those who
come into contact with you will receive positive feelings from you.
Having a good personality will allow you to be well liked and respected by others. Such
respect can only lead to gaining people’s confidence and trust. In earning trust from others,
you will hold the key to success in life.
This guide will assist you in achieving your goal.
Disadvantages of having a bad personality:
If your personality is negative, people may end up avoiding you and would likely not hold
any respect or trust for you. You may end up feeling rejected and lonely and this loneliness
could cause depression and other failures in life.
9
If you change your lifestyle according to what you learn and apply through this Guide, I
can assure you that when you complete this book you will start feeling like an altogether
different person. The changes in your personality could include an improved outlook on
life and enhanced overall behaviour. That is the main goal of this Guide!
Now, let’s examine some of the qualities and traits you need to develop to advance your
personality.
10
BUILDING STRONG MORAL CHARACTER AND
EXCELLENT BEHAVIOUR
As I mentioned earlier, no one can force anyone to change their personality. To achieve
such a change one must have the desire and drive to change their habits. If you want to
change, you have to put your mind and heart to it and work hard on a daily basis to practice
what you learn here. I cannot make someone mentally and physically strong and powerful
or change someone from being unsuccessful to successful. You yourself have the ability
and potential to become everything and anything. To accomplish this it is necessary to
practice what experts in this field call ‘Self Discovery’.
‘Self Discovery’ deals with the exploration within oneself of the skills and talents you
naturally possess and then strengthening and developing them. I can help you do just that
by providing appropriate information and options to help develop these skills and talents
and to develop your overall personality. Our main focus is on changing behaviour, which is
a learned quality. We can work to improve your behaviour through education and by
practicing good manners.
In order to become successful in life you need to instil moral values. You all have these
basic values in you. You need to ensure that you practice these moral values on a routine
basis and always in your daily life, whether you are interacting with people in business, on
the job, in school, or in your own family. However, at the same time, you need to ensure
that you don’t become extreme while practicing good values and mistakenly look down on
people whom you think do not have these qualities. You need to keep an open mind
regarding other people‘s opinions even if you do not agree with them. Holding differing
opinions should not mean that conflict is an inevitable result.
In today’s materialistic world there is an unending rat race for acquiring things. We all
seem to be under limitless stress all the time and we all have become excessively money
minded. There is endless comparison between others and us and everyone wants to earn
more money, have more comforts and more and more luxuries, because others are doing it,
too. This desire to have more and more is nothing but greed and it causes boundless stress
in your life. This greed is so overpowering that in order to get ahead you do not hesitate to
step on others’ toes and spoil relationships with people you work with, live with and do
business with. You do all this despite the risk of ruining relationships with loved ones.
If you make money using lawful means, it is well and good and all the power to you. But if
you don’t care how you make money, by hook or crook, then you better be ready to suffer
the consequences. The success you will have achieved will be a temporary one. Then it will
bring more stress and failure into your life. Remember the phrase: ‘Easy come, easy go’?
Now, let’s examine the following story dealing with a main source of stress in life and the
causes behind it.
11
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, get together to visit a former
university professor. The conversation soon turns into complaints about stress in work and
life. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor goes into the kitchen and returns with a
large jug and an assortment of cups – porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain-looking,
some exquisite – and tells them to help themselves. After all the visitors are with cup of
chocolate in hand, the professor says:
“If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving the plain and
simple ones behind. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, know
that this is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no
quality to the chocolate. In most cases, it’s just more expensive and in some cases even
hides what we drink.
What all of you really wanted was chocolate, not the cup, but you consciously went for the
best cups, and then began eyeing each other’s cups.
Now consider this: Life is the chocolate, and the jobs, houses, cars, things, money and
position in society are the cups they are just tools to hold and contain life, and the type of
cup we have does not define nor change the quality of life we live. Sometimes, by
concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the chocolate God has provided us.”
“God brews the chocolate, not the cups, so enjoy your chocolate.”
Negative thinking and negative approach lead to downfall, whereas positive thinking,
positive approach and good behaviour produce positive and good results.
When you use negative means that are unethical to earn money, name and fame you may
get it but it will not give you happiness, peace of mind or real success in life. It may not
even last for very long, either. If you want to attain real success, including peace of mind in
your life, then carefully work toward building a progressive and morally strong character.
Once you have these traits you will find the doors of success opening up for you, because
people like to deal with those people whom they like and trust!!!
Regardless of whether you are a business person, work for someone else, or go to
school, remember that the outcome of any project or organization depends upon
teamwork, competence, behaviour, enthusiasm and dedication of its people (the
human resource).
If you are good the outcome or result will be good. If you are bad the result will be bad.
Therefore, you need to ensure that you become a valuable member of any team. You need
to work in the team setting. You cannot do all the work by yourself and you cannot expect
others to carry the load. Try to be a good team player!
Now let us look at the word Excellence! What does it mean?
Excellence has the following meaning: brilliance, superiority, merit, distinction and
fineness.
12
Excellence does not mean that you only excel in achieving material gains because you just
want to lead a posh and lavish lifestyle. You should also strive to achieve success in other
fields of life such as high morals. In order to excel in moral values you must acquire such
knowledge that may help you to achieve your objective in the best, quickest and easiest
way.
Excellence would also mean that you have control over what you do, not the other way
around. You should have total control over your work, hobbies, habits and passions and not
allow them to control you. In other words, you should be in total control of what you do in
life and how you do it - ethically.
There is so much potential within us all to develop our personalities. We must recognize
and understand this potential. We cannot ignore or neglect this precious wealth of character
that eventually leads to the development of personality.
All humans have been gifted with certain talents and skills. To discover and utilize all your
talents and the potential within you is the best education in the world. Self discovery of
these talents could make you successful.
Let us now examine the difference between attitude and behaviour. Once you understand
this, chances are very good that you will allow your attitude to change and thus become a
well-behaved individual on the path toward becoming successful in life.
ATTITUDE: “Attitude” refers to your mindset, way of thinking, feelings or a point of
view.
BEHAVIOUR: Behaviour means actions, deeds, conduct and performance.
In other words, attitude refers to feelings that you may have about something or somebody.
When you act on these feelings, your action then becomes your behaviour or conduct. You
need to ensure that your action is good and acceptable behaviour and will not get you in
trouble with others.
In the work environment, you need to be aware that you may have a good or bad feeling
about another employee. But when you act out that feeling, it then becomes your
behaviour and that behaviour, if unwelcome, could land you in trouble.
If you have a good attitude toward your job, then your performance would likely also be
good. If you have a bad attitude toward your boss, then your behaviour with her or him will
reflect your attitude and could create a conflict. In fact, you may even get fired. After all,
how long can you remain in that position of dislike?
To explain further, let’s examine the following mathematical calculation:
13
A SMALL TRUTH TO MAKE LIFE 100% SATISFYING
IF
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
IS EQUAL TO
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
HARD WORK
H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
KNOWLEDGE
K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
LOVE
L+O+V+E
12+15+22+5 = 54%
LUCK
L+U+C+K
12+21+3+11 = 47%
Then what makes 100%
Is it MONEY?
Many of us believe that money brings satisfaction and happiness in our lives. Let’s
check it out:
M+O+N+E+Y
13+15+11+5+25 = 72%
What about LEADERSHIP? This brings fame and fortune. Could this be it? Let’s
examine it:
L+E+A+D+E+R+S+H+I+P
12+5+1+4+5+18+19+9+16 = 89%
Then I wonder what brings 100% satisfaction in our lives.
It has been said that every problem has a solution only if we change our attitude
toward finding a solution.
14
Well, if this is true, then just by changing our attitude can we solve our problems?
Then let’s change our attitudes and become positive about finding the right answer.
If changing one’s attitude is so important, then why not evaluate the word
ATTITUDE and see what happens.
A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =
100% Bang on!!!
Now you know why your attitude is so important! It brings you satisfaction. When
you get satisfaction you get peace of mind. This is what success is all about, a
combination of being satisfied and having peace of mind!!!
You change your attitude, you change your life!!!
Therefore, when I talk about helping develop your personality, I am talking about
providing you with information or options that could influence your attitude to change
and become more positive about life in general.
However, keep in mind that you need to practice and use this information and advice in
your daily routine to instil them in yourself. When you are interacting or behaving with
people in your daily life in a positive manner, chances are they will like you. If people like
you as a businessperson or as a co-worker or as a student, you will become popular as a
person with good behaviour and good morals. Your positive image can bring you success
and peace of mind in life. And that is what we are all seeking in life, right? We all want to
be liked by people in our lives and become successful in what we do, including finding
good jobs, making good money and leading a well-off lifestyle. All this is possible if we
have a good personality. Thus, developing your skills, manners and character are all part
and parcel of developing your personality.
15
BEWARE OF YOUR INBORN EVILS
It has been said that more often than not we are our own worst enemies.
A person who is occupied in doing corrupt and immoral actions is, plainly and simply put,
bad. What is worse is promoting such actions, including producing pornographic films and
magazines, drug trafficking (drug users and dealers), terrorizing innocent people and
exhibiting criminal behaviour in general. Still worse, this type of people often influences
others to do such illicit deeds also. They influence people in a negative way and encourage
them to act out the inborn evils that you and I possess, but generally and widely keep in
check.
Do you think that these people have found peace of mind because they have made much
money through such immoral and illegal means? Have they found real success in life? Are
they satisfied with their lives?
I will leave the answer up to your imagination.
For the most part, people who achieve and maintain success in life have stayed away from
these ills of society. For better example, let us examine these vices one by one.
LUST: Lust refers to intense desire, but more specifically, sexual desire.
All Holy Scriptures from the world’s major faiths prohibit illegitimate sex. A man or
woman blinded by overpowering lust is forever sad and remorseful. Such people almost
invariably suffer from a strong sense of guilt and this generally puts them under much
stress. Obviously, this would cause anybody to be unhappy and in a perpetual state of
misery and, thus, without peace of mind. As mentioned earlier, our society is very
permissive, however, we are each aware of what is good and/or bad for us. Illegitimate sex
will lead one partaking of this vice to an addiction of sex. Thus, such a person could end up
having multiple sexual partners, which would likely expose one to sexually transmitted
diseases, including HIV-AIDS, even though you think you are practicing safe sex. Besides
this exposure to sexually transmitted diseases, illegitimate sexual activity causes problems
in our greater society. Such problems include: the widespread impact of the illegal sex
trade and related criminal activity, adultery, incest and fornication that will eventually lead
to breaches in societal peace with related dire consequences.
Remember: what is predictable is preventable. If one can predict that this vice will lead to
disaster, staying away from the vice can prevent disaster.
To overcome such desires for illegitimate sex, this surge of sexual energy could be
redirected by engaging one’s mind with religious, spiritual, charitable and/or sports and
fitness activities.
Such positive redirections will help divert one’s mind to other constructive activities and
bring in lasting peace and real happiness. In this vein, we can reflect on the age-old truism
16
“an idle mind is the devil’s workshop”. Keep yourself busy with constructive extra-
curricular activities and be a good role model of morality for others.
ANGER: Anger has several manifestations, including rage, fury, wrath, irritation,
resentment and annoyance.
When things don’t go one’s way, a typical reaction is to get angry, irritated and annoyed.
Ultimately, such emotions can lead to rage and like someone said: “when rage prevails,
common sense derails.” When rage hits, one loses control of mind and body. When angry,
the likelihood of becoming insensitive and doing things that you wouldn’t think of doing
when not angry. When decisions are made in the heat of anger, it has been proven that such
decisions are largely wrong and later regretted. Further, these decisions could end up
hurting not only others, but oneself as well. Always try hard to stay cool as ‘cooler heads
prevail’.
Anger not only compromises one’s behaviour, it adversely affects your state-of-mind and
health. Not only could your digestion be adversely affected, but anger takes its toll on your
liver and kidneys as well. Anger also triggers blood pressure problems that could lead to
acidity, ulcers, insomnia, anxiety and depression. So, when angry, you not only lose the
peace of mind we all look for and need, you could also ruin your own body’s functioning
as well.
Society has by and large recognized anger and angry people as a danger to society. This is
regularly evidenced in the fact that our courts use anger management as an alternative to
putting people convicted of various crimes in jail. Ultimately, our courts want to ensure
that through anger management courses, people receive education and information that will
influence attitudes in a positive way. Thus, the expectation is that behaviour will change
for the better after education and calmness will be maintained in everyday situations as
well as under stressful circumstances.
Therefore, the best choice is to control your anger! Don’t become anger’s victim or
captive!
GREED: Greed and temptation are two peas from the same pod. Greed is widely accepted
throughout history and modern times as an evil force. Many wise leaders and thinkers
including Plato, Socrates, Moses, Jesus, Mohammad, Thomas Aquinas and many others
have unanimously submitted that greed is a root cause of many social ills and problems.
Greed is known to cause anger, but particularly if someone is being prevented from getting
what they want. Also, a main cause of people becoming corrupted is greed: greed for
money, property and fame. Greed is among the foremost root causes of human problems.
Desire or greed for more and more money forces people to become cheaters and liars.
When desire for more material things is not controlled, excessive greed is an inevitable
result. If these desires are pursued recklessly, often such pursuit will lead to unlawful and
shortcut methods and chances are that sooner or later offending parties will be caught and
punished. Whatever may have been gained would be lost. In addition, any and all peace of
mind will be lost and the ultimate earning would be a criminal record. You will face
17
dishonour and embarrassment at the hands of the judicial system and for the rest of your
life you will end up being a suspect every time and anytime something similar happens.
The law of similar acts will kick in and you will always be a suspect. You will always be
suspected. Is this what you want? All such negative activity will cause so much stress that
one cannot handle it and as a result, you will lose your mind and your health.
Don’t be greedy. It will only bring more and more troubles into your life!!!
ARROGANCE: Some examples of arrogance include snobbishness, pride, haughtiness,
superiority complex and self-importance.
Pride comes from arrogance and arrogance is one single vice that overshadows and absorbs
any merit points one may have accumulated.
However, one should realize that pride is not the same thing as self-respect or self-
confidence. Not realizing this difference, an arrogant person may not see their wrongdoings
and continue to live immersed in arrogance.
No one will tolerate someone suffering from a superiority complex or showing signs of
arrogance. How would anyone react to the following scenario?
If in the course of communicating with another, you realize that this person is looking
down on you or condescending to you, would you tolerate that person? In my experience, it
is the rare person that would put up with such behaviour and treatment for too long.
Therefore, you should learn to live by being modest and humble, but of course, you
should always maintain your self-respect and self-confidence. Don’t be a snob, but
don’t undermine yourself either!
EGOISM: Egoism means selfishness, self-centeredness, insensitivity and lack of
consideration for others.
People would not like you if you were selfish. Egoism is another such vice that we should
all be careful about and stay away from. If one becomes egoistic you become insensitive
and don’t care about other people or other people’s opinions, you only think of you.
“What’s in it for me?” becomes the primary motivation for those stuck in this train of
thought. Such people also think they are always right. Their behaviour becomes such that
they think they know everything and there is no need for them to learn anything from
anyone else, because they know it all! This behaviour sooner rather than later will cause
such people to be in conflict with others. Once others realize your shortcomings, they will
start avoiding you and have nothing to do with you.
Egoism and Greed ultimately lead to acute jealousy. People afflicted with these negative
traits become jealous of others who achieve things in life. When people suffer from
jealously, they cannot bear to see others happy and content. Thus, those who are jealous
attempt to create problems for the successful. Obviously, while jealous people try to
destroy others, they become vulnerable and weak and could be destroyed by others due to
18
their self-imposed weakness. In addition, when you are jealous you use negative energy
and this energy could adversely affect your mental and physical health. If not controlled
and remedied in time, it is likely that those suffering with jealousy will lose their mental
and physical wellness to this disease!
Therefore, you must avoid being self-centered and opportunistic.
JEALOUSY: Envy, resentment, suspicion, distrust
When you are envious of another’s looks or status, or desire their possessions, you go
through the pain of jealousy. Jealousy is known to cause your blood pressure to go
skyrocketing. This in turn would prove to be harmful to your mental as well as physical
health.
Obsessing and desiring to own someone else’s wealth or property must be avoided at all
costs. Speaking in terms of spirituality jealously is a sin according to the world’s major
religions. As well, if someone is caught obsessing over someone else’s possessions and
property, they could face criminal prosecution. Ultimately, everyone should enjoy what
they have and live within their own means. If you want to get ahead in life do so by using
lawful methods.
If one practices self-praising, but cannot tolerate someone else’s achievements and
felicitations; if one criticizes others but cannot bear being criticized; if one envies the
success of others and considers oneself superior to them, then this person suffers the illness
of jealousy. Sooner or later the brunt of this vice will be borne by this person. They could
lose their health and worldly possessions in an instant, as they have no control over their
own passions and destiny. The phrase “What goes around comes around,” represents the
nature’s laws and should be kept in mind.
Mental discipline is the key in controlling jealousy.
If you feel jealousy toward anyone, the best remedy is to not think about them and involve
yourself in doing some constructive work. This will keep you occupied and put your
energies to use in a positive way. Eventually, you will gain recognition for achieving
positive things in life. So jealousy serves no positive purpose and should be avoided!
CORRUPTION: Corruption means dishonesty, bribery and fraud.
If one has become corrupt, in effect, one has become dishonest, immoral and fraudulent.
People obviously prefer to deal with those they can trust. If it is found out that one is
untrustworthy and a corrupt individual, it would become very difficult to sustain potentially
personal and occupational relationships.
One may become wealthy by accepting illicit money, positions or gifts in bribe, but keep in
mind the old saying, ‘easy come easy go.’ Be aware that corruption is a vice and a crime. It
can only lead to bad consequences. One cannot expect a bad thing to produce positive
results. Good results can only come from good efforts.
19
Avoid this abhorrent vice at all costs before one sells oneself and one’s conscience for
merely material gain!
FEAR: What one doesn’t know will likely cause apprehension, but to remain afraid and
immobile is cowardly and unwise. Enthusiasm and courage are qualities that help one get
out of difficult situations, not fear. Fear stops you from taking any action and makes you
ineffective.
The first condition to obtain peace is to overcome your fears. Fear is the worst enemy
living within ourselves. Fear creates doubt and discourages and weakens your self-
confidence.
Fear of failure, embarrassment, loss of life or money and the like can make our lives
miserable. Such fear can cause serious harm to our mental and physical health. One can
easily become anxious and paranoid if fears are not controlled before it is too late.
20
BRING DISCIPLINE INTO YOUR DAILY ROUTINE
If one properly plans their activities, they will enjoy life to the fullest and remain happy and
content. If someone’s daily routine lacks proper discipline their system will surely become
out of control. This could adversely affect your mental and physical health.
Generally speaking, well organized and disciplined people get up early in the morning,
attend to the call of nature, exercise, take a bath and pray. They then have breakfast and
read the newspaper to bring them up to date. Subsequently, they get on with their daily
activities and assignments. These may include jobs including jobs that require shift work,
education or business. Those who are retired also need to find something creative and
positive to keep them busy. This could include volunteer work to help others or
organizations that deal with people in need. On the one hand, such activities are the best
utilization of time, and on the other hand, they act as physical and mental boosters. When
you are mentally relaxed then only can you attain peace of mind and stay happy in a sincere
and meaningful sense. But if your routine is disorganized, problems like lethargy, lack of
focus, lack of concentration, irritability and depression may set in. Therefore, those who are
employed, work for themselves, go to school or are retired, if any of these are seeking
lasting peace and joy, they should plan and organize daily activities and maintain discipline
in your daily life.
Be systematic!
21
BE COMPASSIONATE AND HELPFUL
Compassion or kindness is something we all need to instil within ourselves. When we
interact with compassion in dealing with people, they will react the same way toward you.
We are all essentially social animals and need to socialize and work with one another.
Therefore, it is required that you develop a habit of looking after others, especially when
they are in need. If everybody is doing this, then the whole of society will end up taking
care of and supporting each other? Isn’t this what society should be all about?
Essentially, it only makes sense for every individual to instil feelings of friendship and a
sense of togetherness within our social contexts. Even if we are generally very competent
and accomplished people, if we don’t have these basic qualities about ourselves, people
would be repelled from us and would not like to keep our company.
To a great extent, our success depends on how we behave with others. It is rightly said that
one should behave with others as one would expect others to behave with you. Similarly,
treat people the way you like to be treated.
Demonstrated good behaviour and cooperation makes a person well-liked. A person who is
self-centered will invariably be isolated from society.
An isolated person does not get any support because he or she does not support
anyone else! When it comes to relationships with others, it is clearly a two way street.
If you help others they will help you. This is just how humans are.
Therefore, be compassionate and take care of others!
Also, in talking about taking care of people in general, if you volunteer your time and effort
for various causes, one must not overlook the need to take good care of your spouses,
parents and children. This is something you need to be mindful of. Let’s examine the
following scenario.
Scenario: You are a very compassionate person and always busy in taking care of others.
One day a close friend suggests you should spend more time with your family. How would
you react to this comment? Would you get offended or would you read between the lines
and deduce that perhaps someone you love, i.e., a member of your family, might have
spoken to that friend of yours? Would you infer that somebody in your family feels
neglected as you are frequently busy helping others and leaving your own for others to take
care of?
It is very important for you to take care of your family first. Remember charity starts at
home. You must be careful to not neglect your own family, i.e., spouses, children and
parents! When you take care of your own family first, there will be peace and cooperation
in your home; that will allow you to do social work peacefully!
22
BE POLITE AND SPEAK GENTLY
Rudyard Kipling is quoted to have said “Words are the most powerful drug used by
mankind”.
It costs nothing to be polite, but it definitely gives a lot. Being polite or speaking softly is
not a weakness! It is a virtue that we should all try to learn. You can still be assertive if you
are polite.
Your personality should be so pleasing and attractive that it should impress others. To
impress people you need to be polite and soft spoken. You cannot be rough around the
edges and rude in conversation and expect people to like you. It is just not going to happen.
If you are polite and cultured, people will like you. You will have a magnetic effect
through your dealings and behaviour and people will be attracted to you.
You will leave a lasting positive impression on others. People will like to hang around with
you. Because of your polite and respectful behaviour you will become a positive role model
for others.
If you use harsh conversation, it can result in heated discussion and this will likely lead to
disputes. If you have control over your speech, use the right tone of voice, and speak
gently, everybody would like to converse with you. You can be firm in getting your point
across while using the right tone of voice and phraseology.
Before making rude comments against someone, think about the hurt you may cause.
Ultimately, the policy is to avoid such behaviour. Don’t be rude or be a big mouth!
Words that come out of your mouth are like arrows they can never go back in your mouth.
You should pay extra attention to what you say and how you say it because, ultimately, you
have to face the consequences.
It has been rightly said that the tongue rests in the mouth after making a rude comment,
but the cheek has to suffer the slap.
Are you the type of person who uses ‘frankness’ in speech because you give too much
importance to strong, quick replies and are afraid of being considered a weak and
ineffective person? Psychologists conclude that those who think this way are in fact
suffering excessive pride or have a superiority complex. Your speech is controlled by your
thoughts or mind. You say what you think.
So it is essential that you control your speech. Think before you talk. If you don’t and just
say things in frankness then you may say something unwise and offend people. In future,
people won’t trust or respect you in social gatherings because they won’t know what to
expect from you. People will start avoiding you and you will become unpopular. You will
end up losing your friends and hurting dear ones. A person who speaks harsh words often
repents when he is in a better frame of mind.
23
Therefore, we should always try to use soft and gentle speech and the tone of voice
appropriate for a given situation. Have control over what you want to say and think twice
before you speak. In replying or reacting quickly, you may end up saying the wrong things
and aggravating a situation rather than resolving it. You can still be firm and assertive
without being aggressive and rude!
24
DO NOT BE A PROCRASTINATOR
We have all been given an unpredictable lifespan. Therefore, we must learn to value and
respect time. Anything you want in life, a good job, money, respect, etc., can be achieved if
you realize your passions and legitimately pursue them in a timely fashion. The key here is
‘Timely fashion’.
If you don’t value time it is not going to wait for you. The clock will continue to tick. Learn
to use time constructively and effectively. Time is a commodity in short supply, thus, it is
too precious for you to waste. Create and use opportunities, don’t wait for opportunities to
present themselves. Do what you want to do now. Don’t procrastinate in carrying out your
responsibilities.
A poet has rightly said: “The ship of time waits for none.”
If you neglect old responsibilities, you will not be able to complete new ones. If you
procrastinate and delay today’s work for tomorrow, you will meet neither today’s nor
tomorrow’s deadlines. If this is how you operate, you are not reliable, dependable and
trustworthy. On the other hand, if you are punctual, value time and get the job done as
promised, you will be recognized as a disciplined and well- organized person who produces
deliverables on time. Punctuality will lead you to achieve success in life.
If you analyze the lives of successful people, it becomes evident that the major quality that
led to their achievements was that they valued time. People who utilize their time wisely
not only get new opportunities, but they also know how to make the best use of given
opportunities.
Thomas Edison was an inventor who, by utilizing his wisdom and talent, developed more
than 1000 inventions in his lifetime, including the long lasting light bulb and the
gramophone. It is said that his laboratory was his place of recreation. He stayed in there for
12 to 13 days before he completed his invention of the light bulb. He hardly slept during
this period as he valued time so much.
When he was a child, a teacher punished him by pulling his ear so hard that he became
hearing-impaired and could only hear when spoken to loudly. He often thanked God for
his deafness saying, “If I was not deaf I would have to listen to unnecessary political and
social disputes and my concentration would be disturbed. Now I can utilize my complete
time in unveiling the secrets of nature.”
Like Edison, when an opportunity presents itself, we should use it effectively and not
procrastinate. If you don’t use it you will lose it.
But on the other hand, if no opportunity is in sight, don’t wait for one to come along. If you
know what you want to do in life, create an opportunity and work on it with punctuality,
efficiency, perseverance and patience.
25
By utilizing every moment of your life you can reach your tasks and targets and
obtain success in life.
Thus, value time and manage it effectively!
26
DEVELOP A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
A positive attitude is very important in life.
People appreciate others who are broad-minded, positive and jovial in life. If you have a
negative outlook at home, work, business or school, few would be able to deal with such
negativity.
That is why it is important to adopt a positive outlook on life and get rid of negativity. Such
a change will help improve relationships with others making them more satisfying.
If you live within your physical, emotional and financial means, you will be content with
what you have. You will not have mental anxiety or tension and no material competition
with others. Keeping yourself in a narrow frame of mind will only restrict your growth and
you will end up being a negative person with tunnel vision. Our outlook should always be
that the glass is half-full not half-empty.
You can win the hearts of others by demonstrating positive, polite and affectionate
behaviour. Identify your weaknesses and improve on them so that the positive aspects of
your personality become more visible and powerful. Further, conduct a self-analysis of
your strengths and weaknesses and improve on your weaknesses to the extent that you
progressively eliminate them. You will be amazed how your new and enhanced personality
will affect people in a positive way.
Your attractive external appearance can impress people for a limited period of time. But
when you prove yourself worthy and able with strong qualities like your positive
personality, strong work ethic and your trustworthiness, then nobody will notice how you
physically look, they will respect you for who you are. It should also be acknowledged that
physical beauty has a role in all of our lives, but not nearly as significant as people make it
out to be. How you look was never within your control or choice and is a direct result of
your lineage through your parents. By adopting a healthy and positive attitude, that’s often
all you need to achieve popularity, success and peace of mind.
So develop and enhance your personality and always focus on the positive!!!
27
AVOID BEING SAD
We only live once, so we should make the most of life and the best of life. Of course, we
all face ups and downs at times and it is understandable if we feel sad at down times. But if
we prolong the down time with sadness, and we don’t have an underlying medical
condition, then we are being unfair to ourselves by not enjoying happiness when it comes
about. When we willingly prolong sadness, indirectly we are saying that we have no faith
in our own emotional strength, nor do we have faith in the Supreme Being to fix problems
for us. In order for the Almighty to help us with our problems, we should also try to help
ourselves! Don’t give up; persevere!
Instead of losing hope and trust, we should try and develop an attitude demonstrating that
we have the strength to overcome temporary issues and lead a happy and balanced life
under all circumstances. As far as possible, we should try to maintain an atmosphere of
love, happiness and laughter.
Depression and sadness will only isolate us from society. Such emotions will also deprive
us of the opportunities to develop and achieve desired goals.
Good-natured people who are always smiling attract people toward themselves. If we try
and smile genuinely, how we are perceived will be obvious based on the positive reactions
we get from others. They cannot help but be friendly toward you as well. When you apply
this approach on a regular basis you will unconsciously inculcate these qualities to the
extent that it will become an ingrained part of your personality.
Many a time in life we come across disappointments, but a positive and hopeful attitude
toward life can only help us to overcome such obstacles.
We may come across instances in which our entire day is started off on the wrong foot.
But we cannot keep thinking about such negative instances because whatever is done is
done. You cannot undo it, so there’s no sense in dwelling on it.
When you hear bad news, your mind will handle it and then put it aside. But if you keep
dwelling on it, the same news will drain your energy and cause anxiety and tension.
Remember, it is only within yourself that you need to deal with it first. Whatever is
happening is happening within your own frame of mind. If you need to feel remorse over
it, feel sorry for a brief period of time and then get on with other tasks.
It is required that you concentrate on finding a solution for such problems from within
yourself. You can and will find the solution for it from within! When you practice this type
of self-analysis and come up with solutions to solve your own problems, you will realize
that you can honestly accept and manage the facts of life as they come. This will also help
you gain self-confidence.
The second emotion of sadness is worry. Worry causes mental torture and can adversely
affect your heart, glands, nervous system and, ultimately, your overall health. Your power
28
of resistance against illness decreases and you become vulnerable to mental and physical
sicknesses. Worries can also decrease your life span. Worry is a process negatively
involving your mental emotions. You can control worries by improving your thought
processes.
A scholar once said that worry is the product of an idle mind. One, who does not like to
work, likes to worry. If you are worried once, people will come forward to help you but
when you make worrying a habit, people start avoiding you. Just put yourself in other
people’s position and think if you would like to help people who have made worrying a
habit?
29
TIPS TO OVERCOME SORROWS
Some effective ways to manage emotional disturbances that can bring on sorrow include:
� Keep yourself busy;
� Try and divert your mind to more pleasant issues;
� Avoid living alone as far as possible;
� Meet people and go out with friends;
� Participate in light conversation;
� Go to places of worship for meditation, prayers and socializing;
� Get involved in physical fitness activities;
� Help those in need of your help. Such good deeds will bring you a sense of
achievement and satisfaction;
� Almsgiving or charity will psychologically help you tremendously. In this way, you
will again get a sense of satisfaction that you were able to help someone in need, and
this will help bring peace and tranquility in your own life. You will also be able to
understand the needs of other people.
� Although the following is not mandatory in any way, it is advisable to give alms and
assistance to people in the following order: to your parents, relatives (blood and others),
orphans, the helpless (needy) and travelers in need.
� When you have a problem and are unable to solve it by using self-help methods, instead
of keeping everything to yourself, seek help. Talk to a friend whom you trust to keep
things confidential. Sometimes, when dealing with challenges in life, it may even be
that all you really need is to talk to someone in order to vent and organize your feelings.
However, if you talk to people who only listen to publicize your issues and they have
no constructive advice to give you, that will likely only add to your anxiety and
problems. In fact, it is even advisable to stay away from such people.
� Furthermore, to get rid of such emotional disturbances, you should also make certain
changes within yourself. First and foremost is strengthening your attitude in life. We all
should be positive and cheerful about living and strive to improve the conditions we are
in. As indicated in the tenets of many faith groups, the Supreme Being helps those who
help themselves. For example, as is widely known and accepted, patience is a ‘virtue.’
Why is this so? Because when people lose patience they often do things that a rational
person may never want to do. Therefore, in order to stay free from worries, my advice
is to apply the Triple ‘P’ formula: Positive, Persevere and Patience. This formula
reminds us that one will get positive results when we persevere and are patient. Humans
are essentially very impatient creatures. Hence, the Supreme Being commands us to
persevere and have patience to achieve positive results.
� Don’t cry or lose sleep over minor setbacks in life. Even if the setback turns out to be a
major challenge, we can’t really do too much. It has already happened, so why continue
to worry over something that is beyond our control?
Ella Wheeler Wilcox effectively sums this thought up in her poem Solitudes: “Laugh, and
the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone.”
30
Worrying will not solve your problems. In fact, worrying will likely increase your
problems and may lead to having an extra load on your mind, i.e., the initial problem you
were worrying about and now the added stress of the worrying itself.
Therefore, be happy and use the methods discussed above to overcome your worries and
sorrows. Cheer up!!!
31
DON’T LIE OR DECEIVE PEOPLE
If we want to succeed in life, then it is essential to instil good habits within ourselves. As
mentioned a few times earlier, the result of a good deed will be good and the outcome of a
bad deed will be bad.
If one frequently lies to others, it stands to reason that one will get hooked on this corrupt
practice and may become known as a habitual liar. A time may come when you will neither
repent nor feel guilty for such bad deeds. It is widely accepted that bad habits and ideas are
ingrained more rapidly than good ideas and good habits.
Therefore, we must try and keep ourselves away from all kinds of bad habits, bad ideas and
bad company.
With the help of education, whether it is academic or religious, you must instil good habits
to such an extent that these become your personality and your moral wealth. Then you use
this wealth to spread goodness and remain peaceful throughout life.
Ironically, the same formula applies to lying. If you ingrain this bad habit, it is very
difficult to get rid of it. It becomes second nature and stays with you until and unless you
work hard to get rid of it by instilling good values and good habits.
Therefore, do not risk losing your credibility by resorting to lies and deceitfulness under
any circumstances. Try to achieve your desired goals with honesty and firm determination.
If you want to be a successful individual in life then you need to honestly analyze
traits of your character and first get rid of your flaws with firm determination.
32
DEVELOP PEOPLE SKILLS, NOT PEOPLE
COMPLEXES
Nobody likes ill-tempered people. Conversely, jovial people who are cooperative, positive
and easy to get along with are well liked and trusted.
You live and interact with many people in your life. Some are jovial individuals while
others are not so friendly. Still others are outspoken individuals who may seem to have a
superiority complex. Everyone has character traits that are liked by some and disliked by
others. But good morals are liked and appreciated by all.
When people conduct themselves inappropriately and such behaviour is not to your liking,
you understandably get upset and may get into disputes with them, even about minor
issues. You might call it a ‘personality clash’. In worse case scenarios, such personality
clashes may lead to major disputes where people end up seriously harming each other. If
alcohol or drugs are introduced into the mix, they may further add fuel to the fire and
aggravate the situation even more.
If you want to achieve success in life, you need to develop the habit of behaving properly
with others. It is absolutely essential that you demonstrate high quality of conduct and
communication skills to interact properly and cooperatively with other people.
If you behave properly with other members of society, you will get both the high regard
and remuneration deserved by your ability and experience. Not only this, if people have
faith in your ability to perform given tasks, this will only increase your personal market
value.
Therefore, it is of the utmost importance to progressively upgrade your behaviour and skills
to stay competitive in the market to get what you want.
Another important aspect of people skills is to try and instil within yourself the habit of
smiling. In almost any circumstance, a sincere smile casts magic.
American businessman, writer and teacher Dale Carnegie explained in his famous
business courses: "[A smile] costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who
receive, without impoverishing those who give. It happens in a flash and the memory of
it sometimes lasts forever”.
While discussing people skills it is also essential that we talk about people with complexes.
At this point, I would like to address the condition known as the inferiority complex.
What is an inferiority complex?
According to the Gage Dictionary, an inferiority complex is an abnormal feeling of being
inferior to other people resulting in timidity in some cases and aggressiveness in others.
33
How does one develop an inferiority complex?
The feelings produced by such a complex can be instilled in you at an early stage of your
life and can be encouraged by either family members or strangers. For example, you may
have been teased at home, or abused in your childhood (sexually or physically abused,
bullied in school, etc.). Also, some people may be uncomfortable with certain aspects of
themselves and this can lead to the development of an inferiority complex. This can include
physical appearance, status in life, etc.
Indeed, to some degree, any of us may feel lacking in one part of our lives or the other, but
if this feeling lingers and interferes with one’s overall productive work, then there is a
problem that needs addressing.
To feel inferior and limit oneself by such feelings is contrary to a fulfilling life. Essentially,
those who suffer from inferiority complexes doubt themselves, their skills and/or abilities.
They may think they cannot do any thing right and become weak and confused. Further,
such people are overly concerned about what people will think or say about them.
The following are some behaviour that people with inferiority complex may display:
� They like to praise themselves;
� They appear abnormal, either the way they dress or look;
� Due to fear that their message will not be heard, they try to influence people by talking
loudly;
� Such people become jealous of others’ success easily;
� People with inferiority complexes are quick to take revenge by backbiting, rumour
mongering or bad mouthing others;
� They are generally pessimistic and negative;
� They become angry quickly and are capable of making hurting and pointed remarks and
statements;
� Their achievements are superficial and they derive satisfaction out of being praised and
flattered;
� People with inferiority complexes generally do not take unsolicited advice or
constructive criticism well. If they are given any such suggestions, they do not welcome
them and may behave in a manner playing them down. Further, if they do accept the
suggestions, they grudgingly implement them;
� They often tell their problems to others and seek advice, but they seldom act on such
advice.
By analyzing one’s own personality according to this list, it should be evident whether you
do or do not bear any of these traits. We all agree that nobody is perfect, but if you feel you
need to improve your personality in certain areas and wish to become positive about
yourself, it is never too late. You should simply start practicing positive and moral values
on a daily basis and gradually you will rid yourself of weaknesses and bad habits.
Develop interpersonal communication skills and become likeable and trustworthy.
34
BELIEVE IN HEALTHY COMPETITION AND BECOME
COMPETITIVE
In our society too many people hope to become successful overnight. This could be through
get-rich-quick schemes, risky investments with their money and, sadly, there are those who
choose to achieve success by using unlawful or deceitful methods. Inevitably, this latter
category will sooner or later face the consequences.
However, the safest and best way to achieve long-lasting success is by adopting the spirit
of healthy competition. In other words, upgrade your skills and become competitive.
Organizations and businesses are not about to lower their standards to accommodate lower
achievers, so we need to upgrade our skills to meet their requirements. Don’t use unlawful
or shortcut methods because you are lazy to achieve your goals. Shortcut methods are
almost always short-lived methods.
The fact remains, as discussed before, that all humans have been gifted with qualities and
talents that they need to explore within their own personality. You have them too. You
have hidden powers that if properly identified and worked on could lead you to success in
life. Always keep in mind that you have been created by a Supreme Being in his own
image. His image is compared with immense energy or power. As such, every individual
possesses three dimensions/sources of energy or power, i.e., human (physical), divine
(faith) and mental power (brain). Those of you who recognize these powers are able to
attain the highest goals. Unfortunately, those of you who fail to recognize this immense
source of energy or power may likely face failures in life. Someone rightly said: “Success
is the outcome of our continuous efforts. Opportunities or chances are immaterial.”
If you decide to wait for opportunities or miracles to find you, you will keep waiting and
may never achieve success. How do you think some of the most successful businesspeople
achieved such heights in life? They never waited for success to find them. They either
grabbed the opportunity when one came along or created an opportunity!
If you work hard with determination and honesty, your efforts will never go to waste. Your
willpower (determination) is more important than the work itself. If you plan right, gather
as much appropriate information as you can about the task and move forward with firm
determination, you can reach your goal and attain success. Someone put it very nicely:
“Just like a small and weak flame of fire is unable to produce sufficient energy; similarly
it is impossible to get success on the basis of weak willpower.”
Another writer said, “Work is like an arrow, so it is very important to know its target. If
you shoot an arrow and it does not hit the target then the whole effort is wasted. If there is a
bow, an arrow, a hand and power to shoot but there is no target, then shooting an arrow will
be nothing more than a game. Any task done without an aim or target is simply waste of
efforts.”
In order to be successful you need to combine all your sources:
35
� Mental (planning with determination);
� Physical; and,
� Financial.
This concerted effort will assist you to achieve success in your task.
Therefore, use just and fair methods for long lasting success!!
36
DO YOU PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH?
You must lead people by example. If you say you will do something, ensure that you do it.
If you make a promise make sure you deliver on it. Otherwise, your credibility is at stake.
Don’t say you will do something and not do it; do it!
You can only climb the ladder of success if your deeds match your words. Remember the
saying: “Preach what you practice, and practice what you preach.”
Active people are always admired for their actions. Those who keep promises are liked and
trusted.
Even in your own life you want to work with people with definite aims and goals. Who else
can complete his or her work on time through the best and shortest possible way? Nobody
likes people who use flowery language to explain how to work but ultimately do no work.
Those who do not strive in life will encounter only disappointments. Your attitude toward
your work determines your success, and as discussed earlier, we are the makers of our own
attitudes and no one else can build or change them.
Your attitude is like a culture that you have learned, but we are also the best judges of our
character. If we feel we need to change our attitude, the best approach is to struggle to
unlearn what we know.
In that direction, I can only encourage you to change your attitude and adopt a positive
attitude to live positively through life.
If you look at the lives of successful people, you will find that they do what they say and
lead people by example. Instil this habit in your character and you too will be successful,
because people support, like and trust others who practice what they preach and preach
what they practice. Because such people do not practice double standards, they are known
as trustworthy.
If you maintain a good balance between your words and deeds you demonstrate that you
are a strong person. Everybody appreciates this type of appropriate behaviour. On the other
hand, if you only talk for the sake of talking and impressing people but do nothing to back
up your talk, you will be criticized all around. You will be labelled as no more than a big
talker without substance.
In our society, everybody expects others to be honest and truthful, but we need to ask
ourselves if we are honest and truthful in the example we set. If not, then do something
about it!
Can fathers or mothers who drink alcohol too much, or abuse illicit drugs or cheat others in
business tell their children to abstain from these bad habits with credibility? Are such
37
parents credible role models? So, obviously, the best way to teach children is to do
yourself what you would like your children to do.
Be a good role model! Practice what you preach!!!
38
BE COOPERATIVE, NOT DIFFICULT
In our civilized society, we all like to live in peace and cooperate with one another. This is
the secret of our success in this society. Our agreed upon morality requires us to not only
live for ourselves but also for others. When you are ready to help someone in their hour of
need, only then would someone come forward and lend you a helping hand in your own
time of need. This is the law of nature, and it is also the secret of a successful and fulfilling
life.
To this end, it is important that we all live cooperatively with one another and help each
other in our respective hours of need. When we all learn to do this courageously, our entire
society will become cooperative, helpful and decent to live in.
After much research, psychologists have come to the conclusion that humans have psycho
glands of egoism. These are glands that lead to some people, particularly those who cannot
control their egoism, thinking that they are superior to others.
Such people are more likely to be self-centered and selfish. They are likely to do anything
and everything to gain superiority. This means they can hurt others or step on people’s toes
to get ahead, and resort to unethical behaviour and cunningness. They are not predictable
and trustworthy.
The following are some traits common to those with psycho glands of egoism:
� You do not hesitate to hurt your own loved ones;
� You exercise command and control both at home and at your workplace;
� You fight, assault and create problems;
� You think related altercations are someone else’s fault and not your own;
� You feel you are perfect and are always right;
� You won’t take initiative or cooperate if someone tries to help solve your problem;
� You think that other people cause problems in your life and that they need to solve their
own issues;
� You always blame others;
� When you behave this way you cause trouble between people;
� You expect others to obey and respect you, while you do not behave with others in a
similar manner;
Clearly, the above traits can only lead to significant conflicts in such people’s lives and as a
result, sooner or later, you may lose the love and cooperation of your near and dear ones.
This situation may also lead to resultant issues such as loneliness and depression.
Ultimately, if you suffer with the psycho gland of egoism it would surely hurt your mental
and physical health.
If you see such traits within yourself, you should examine yourself and identify your
weaknesses and strengths as I have suggested before. You need to realize that nobody is
perfect and humans do have flaws. As such, you are also not perfect!
39
By assessing your own personality traits, you should accept your weaknesses and do
something about correcting them. Once you accept that there are problems with your
attitude and behaviour, only then you will be able to address and fix the same.
You should also bring about certain changes in your lifestyle. You need to practice
cooperation, empathy, and should learn to give a helping hand to people in your own
families and your community. Be loyal to people around you and they will be loyal to you.
Basically, humans are social animals. We cannot survive by living on our own in
isolation. We have already discussed this subject earlier.
The ultimate secret of success is that one should live in peace with oneself first, then with
people in your own family, neighbourhood, at work or in school. If you develop this ability,
you will soon notice how people that you interact with will change as well and reciprocate
cooperation toward you. This will bring happiness and peace in your life. If you are
peaceful within yourself and with life, you can concentrate on getting ahead in life using
peaceful, lawful and ethical means. Consequently, you will succeed in life.
40
STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF
As everyone knows, we all have ups and downs in life. When we face life challenges, our
emotions and feelings will reflect this. In turn, this can adversely affect our lives. Clearly,
there are some sorrows that are beyond our control, but other sorrows are created by our
own deeds or actions.
It is true that we can lessen our burdens if we share our sorrows with someone else in times
of pain, but at the same time, if you make it a habit to talk about your problems then people
may start avoiding you.
Therefore, if you have the habit of talking about all of your problems with others, it may
indirectly be causing a problem in your relationships. People may be forced to avoid you
and talk about you behind your back and this may end up hurting you even more should
you find out.
If you need help or advice from family and friends, get it while taking into consideration
the circumstances of others. That is to say, don’t position your own problems as though
they should always be at the top of everyone else’s list of priorities. Clearly, no one wants
to become the laughing stock within a circle of friends. This would eventually hurt one’s
own personality, increase anxiety and likely create more complexes.
Inevitably, situations will come up in everyone’s lives where we become upset over
relatively minor issues. If we start excessively bothering over these minor issues, we would
soon find ourselves stressed out needlessly. In other words, taking the situation to its
logical end, if we don’t do anything about this self-imposed emotional stress, our efforts to
progress will be hampered. Therefore, we should try to address and forget unpleasant
experiences at once.
Granted, it may not be easy to quickly forget these unpleasant experiences, and there may
be only a few who are consistently able to bounce back in this fashion. But while trying to
forget these unpleasant experiences, try to remember positive and good incidents to counter
the bad ones. It has been proven time and again that in order to progress in life, you must
forget past mistakes, foolishness and troubles. If you don’t, then you may keep
remembering them and keep creating tension for yourselves! These incidents happened in
the past, so they are over and done with. So why are you still thinking and dwelling over
them? Such thoughts cause more pain and stress now than they did when the incident
happened. So try and forget them as soon as you can!
The good and bad effects of being wealthy!
Many people believe that a lot of wealth and luxuries are the keys to a happy life. There is
no denying the fact that you should have enough money to fulfill your needs. But trouble
starts when you consider wealth as the most important thing in life.
41
When you possess wealth you may feel proud and this could lead to other ills such as those
discussed previously. You need to watch and control your inborn evils. If you don’t have
the money you crave, you may end up using unethical and unlawful means to get it! This
will obviously lead you to trouble and may even land you in jail. Money earned by
fraudulent means could also lead you to walk on the wrong path and take you to misery and
failure in life.
People cannot be happy by having unlimited wealth alone. You need to develop excellence
in personal behaviour to have peace of mind and happiness in life. The old saying rings true
that ‘Money is a good servant but a bad master.’
As we have discussed previously, greed, pride and corruption are your personal enemies
and are within you. If you are not careful and don’t practice good and moral values they
can bring you down very quickly and very hard. Your good deeds, spiritual progress and
personal development are your true friends that will remain with you forever.
42
ALWAYS BE TRUTHFUL
I am sure you have heard the phrase, “honesty is the best policy”. Why do you think this
expression has rung true for generations? Fundamentally it is because honesty is truth. This
phrase came about to encourage people like you and I to be honest and truthful so that
together we can lead a peaceful and conflict-free life. A philosopher described the Truth
“As a lighted lamp that cannot be hidden away in the darkness because it carries its own
light.”
‘A truthful person is dearest to God’, said Jesus Christ
Prophet Muhammad said – ‘Say what is true, although it may be bitter and displeasing to
people.’
If you abide by the truth you would never make false promises. When you promise you
must fulfill your promise. If you cannot do it, say so. Never keep people in limbo.
If you are truthful you will always be trusted and respected. If you develop the reputation
of being truthful you will enjoy the support of others. They will listen to you and trust you.
Truth is a virtue that is very easy to identify. You can just say what you see. There is no
need for you to guess, exaggerate or lie about it. Say what you see.
Telling a lie and remembering it is tough. Sooner or later you will forget the background of
the lie and you will get confused and caught. With the passage of time you forget what you
had lied about and what reason or excuse you had given when you lied. When you tell the
truth you remember the reason as well as the incident because you saw it.
Truthfulness will enhance your personality!
43
VOLUNTEER YOUR TIME AND EFFORTS FOR SOCIAL
SERVICES
What is a social service? As we discussed previously, our society is made up of all kinds of
people who have their own specific needs and requirements. When their needs are not
properly filled they become people in hardship. In such cases, members of society need to
come forward and help them out. This is what social service is all about. Hence, you need
to instil this trait in you to help people in need by offering them your assistance.
You need to be cooperative and helpful to others. If you remain aloof from society you will
be like a frog living in a well. Your progress in life will be limited. Helping people will
broaden your experience and perspectives in life.
By getting involved in social work you find out how others live and what their challenges
are. On the one hand, by participating in social work and helping people, you earn the skills
and techniques called for, and on the other you get the sense of achievement that you
helped someone in need. Should there be a need to help someone in future in a similar
situation, your experience will prove useful. Your self-confidence will also improve and
you will be more knowledgeable and assertive in your dealings with others. This in turn
will help your reputation and image of being a friendly, helpful and experienced individual.
All these qualities can only help you toward your goal of being happy and successful in
life.
Also, in today’s employment market, employers are frequently looking for volunteer work
experience among suitable candidates. Even when opportunities are available for
promotions, employers have indicated that they prefer to promote those who volunteer their
time and effort in support of the community at large.
I look at volunteers who are there to help, the unpaid staff. They have a strong sense of
belonging within the community they live in and help people when they need them the
most.
Late U.S. President John F. Kennedy famously said: “Ask not what your country can do
for you - ask what you can do for your country.”
Some of you may not come forward to work for society due to public opinion and how
your efforts may be seen by others. However, all you need to do is to take the first step and
the rest follows. On the other hand you may feel lazy or don’t know how to get started.
The easiest solution for such concerns is to talk to a friend who may have some experience
in social work. They can tell you how to get involved.
But at the end of it all, it is you that needs to bring change into your own lifestyle. Don’t be
lazy or afraid to get involved. Time is ticking away and if you could help people in need,
such time is well spent. Further, when you fall under times of loneliness, by getting out
helping others, you will soon cure yourself. Help others get what they want and you will
get what you want!
44
Writer and thinker Samuel Smiles said: “The battle of life is, in most cases, fought uphill;
and to win it without a struggle were perhaps to win it without honour. If there were no
difficulties there would be no success; if there were nothing to struggle for, there would be
nothing to be achieved.”
Whenever you decide to start some task, do not waste time thinking about the obstacles that
may come in your way. If you keep thinking about these difficulties, the fear will be so
powerful that you will not be able to complete the task. Or psychologically you will feel so
run down or afraid that you will be discouraged from doing it at all.
Whatever you want to do, do it with full awareness! Do your home-work by gathering as
much information as possible before starting. However, delaying it unnecessarily could
bring disappointments and failures. There are many areas in which you can volunteer your
time and effort. For example: join victim services that help victims of crime, help
organizations that cater to the needs of the homeless and the poor. Hospitals and old age
homes are always looking for volunteers to assist them. Get involved in public education if
you are an educator, or if you have the skills to speak before crowds. You can work for
food banks where you go out and collect food for the needy. You can become a uniform
auxiliary police officer to help police officers that are overseeing special events, crowd
control and traffic duties. You can also get involved as a concerned resident or
businessperson of your community and join as a member of the Community and Police
Liaison Committees (CPLC) to help your neighbourhood. Remember you cannot help
anyone by staying home. If you feel like helping people, please come out and join any
social and community service organizations.
Expand your horizons and enrich your personality.
45
AVOID VIOLENCE; IT WILL DESTROY YOU
As discussed previously, a difference of opinion should not result in a conflict. But
unfortunately there are people who feel that the reason there is a difference of opinion is
because they don’t agree with each other. Therefore, a conflict may result that would lead
them to have arguments. Arguments could lead them to a physical altercation and violence.
When you are angry your ability to think rationally is hindered and in the heat of the
moment a common first instinct is to fight. You may end up doing something serious and
irresponsible and later regret your actions. Remember, violence breeds violence. It takes
one such irresponsible move on your part to earn you a criminal record that will follow you
for the rest of your life.
There was a time when only criminals engaged in violent activities, but today even
educated people are directly or indirectly involved in such activities. Take the example of
extremists. They have extreme ideas about life and living. They like to impose their
ideology on people. If you don’t agree with them they think you are against them and they
become your enemies. Those who do not have a strong personality fall prey to these hate
mongers and become their followers without realizing that they are following the path of
failure.
Similarly, gangs and gang members are people who are isolated from mainstream society.
If you look at the background of some of these people you find that before they became
gang members they were simple, innocent individuals having nothing to do with gangs. In
some cases they were lonely people with no one at home to guide them. Some came from
single parent families and did not have proper supervision to help them, or they had too
much freedom and did what they wanted. Other traits include that they were bullies and
wanted to show off by joining a group of individuals who later became involved with the
criminal activities; or that these members were recruited through threats of violence or
coerced in to joining a gang. Their activities will also lead to destruction and failure in life.
Another group of people that breed hatred are terrorists. They actually prey on innocent
people to publicize their cause and try to get the support of the world community. They
don’t realize that by using this method they are actually hurting their own cause. Their
cause may even be a legitimate one, but the method they chose to achieve their goals is
obviously wrong and immoral. They terrorize, kill and maim innocent men, women and
children for their cause.
There are many reasons why humans become violent, but no problems in the world have
ever been solved with violence. However, you can solve even the most complex problems
through mutual cooperation and dialogue. Again, violence will breed violence. In the end,
those who live by the sword almost invariably die by the sword.
Unfortunately, in our time aggressive behaviour is in vogue.
There are basically two kinds of aggression:
46
The first involves physical pain or inflicting physical harm and is called Active
Aggressiveness.
On the other hand when you disturb the routine of people by sending them unpleasant and
offensive information through letters, or phone calls, it creates an atmosphere of tension,
apprehension, harassment, pressure and depression. This is known as Inactive
Aggressiveness.
Competition is a very regular feature of life. It comes up at the time of competing for a
promotion, to get a business contract or to pass exams. Ultimately, you want money you
don’t have. You get disillusioned and frustrated when your ambition to acquire things in a
short time does not work. You then decide to use shortcuts or even unlawful methods to get
what you want. When even that doesn’t work, you get frustrated and angry.
In many cases it has also been observed that despite being highly qualified and competent,
young men and women are unable to get suitable jobs. This results in frustration and signs
of aggressive behaviour become apparent.
Psychologists conclude that ‘those who have a competitive spirit in excess are always in a
hurry to get success. They are always short of time.’ Due to this, such people tend to suffer
from high blood pressure and blow up unnecessarily on many occasions.
At work, such people are so anxious about getting promoted or being able to do different
jobs right away that they lack patience and cannot wait for even reasonable lengths of time.
This causes them frustration and they lose their temper unexpectedly.
Losing one’s temper is a sign of weakness. Employers, colleagues in business or even
family members would not be able to interact with such people on a long-term basis.
Because you have demonstrated a tendency to blow up, others simply don’t know when
you are going to do things out of anger and adversely affect all those around you. Such
individuals become untrustworthy and unreliable.
The glorifications of violence in movies, on T.V. and on the internet, plus the luxurious life
of criminals and corrupt people, often motivate those with weak personalities to indulge in
aggressive, cunning and immoral ways of life. In fact, over these same media, many bad
habits are shown as having high status in society, including the excessive use and abuse of
liquor, illicit drugs and random sexual activity. Immoral vices such as these frequently play
a large role behind violent and aggressive activities among the masses.
Peer pressure is another challenge we should all be aware and careful of. Those with
weaker personalities are often influenced by peers, friends and associates to do things that
are morally wrong. One may even know the behaviour to be immoral, but because of
having a weaker personality, it is very difficult for some to say no to participate in the
activity and they go ahead with it. They may regret it later, but by that time, it will be too
late.
47
When someone can’t find satisfaction in life and becomes upset and angry, one will likely
seek support from their peers. However, if your peers are criminals, gang members, etc.,
they will teach criminal ways to get things in life because that is all they know and practice.
When one follows their advice and guidance, one will end up facing a new set of failures
and disappointments in life due to this newfound bad character and behaviour. This will
cause such individuals to be even more upset and they may even consider trying to end
their lives.
Is this what we have been given life for?
Consider other successful and peaceful people. Why are they so different? They have
inborn evils like the rest of us, but they have been able to control them and avoid immoral
behaviour. We should strive to be like them. We have been given skills and talents like
every other individual and should use these to get ahead in life and be successful.
In such situations, time spent on discovering oneself using self-analysis and self-discovery
is invaluable.
48
QUESTIONNAIRE TO DETERMINE YOUR
PERSONALITY
The following questionnaire is designed to help in the analysis of your own
personality.
Ask yourself the following questions:
� Do you have ambition in life? What is it?
� Have you been able to fulfill your ambition(s)?
� What are your achievements and failures?
� Do you have the feeling that you are wasting your time and energy aimlessly?
� If so, what are you doing about the above?
� Do you wait for an opportunity to present itself to you or do you create one to fit your
ambition?
� Are you short-tempered?
� Do you argue just to win the argument, or do you really have substance in your
argument?
� Are you opinionated and want everybody else listen to you, but have difficultly
accepting what others say?
� Are your jealous of what others have in terms of their looks, money and/or property?
� Have you done anything untoward to these people to harm them or hurt their feelings?
� Are you lonely and depressed?
� Why are you lonely?
� Why are you depressed?
� Do you help people in need? What have you done in this regard?
� Do you volunteer your time and effort in social services to help others?
� When faced with disappointments, do you endure and have patience, or feel sorry for
yourself?
� When you undertake any task in order to be successful, do you use all your personal
sources, including your mental strengths (planning and preparation), physical efforts
(running around to complete tasks) and finances, or do you depend on someone else to
help you do your job?
� Are you a constant complainer?
� Do you get hurt when people are talking behind your back?
� Why are they talking behind your back? Is there a reason why you have become a
laughing stock?
� Do you talk behind people’s backs? Do you spread rumours and gossip?
� Do you use lawful methods to earn your living?
� Do you live to earn money or earn money to live?
� Do you give charity?
� Whom do you give charity to?
� Do you feel you are a loyal member of society?
� What do you do in order to help your fellow members of the society?
� Are you a good role model for your family and friends?
� Do you respect your parents and take care of them properly?
49
� Do you love and care for your spouse and children?
� What type of relationships do you have with your neighbours? Do you try to help them
when they need it? Or do you say you are too busy to help?
� Are you a dropout from school? Why did you dropout? Were you a troublemaker, a
bully or a victim of bullying?
� Do you communicate well with family members and seek their assistance when
necessary?
� Do you have open communications with family members to discuss problems and seek
guidance?
After completing this questionnaire you should have realized whether you need to improve
your personality or not by improving in certain areas. You have to be an honest judge of
your own personality and character and improve your personality if necessary.
It is you who has to choose whether you continue to walk on the path of failure or change
your behaviour by developing and improving your character and personality. You can
become a strong- willed person who can face the challenges in your life and say ‘no’ to
destructive and immoral behaviour.
People who dream of being successful in life should never get involved in violent,
indecent and cunning activities.
Remember, “You reap what you sow.”
50
WORDS TO THE WISE
� Neither husband nor wife should criticize each other in the presence of other people and
arguments should never take place before others. There are people who would take
advantage of this situation for their own benefit. Do not publicize your differences or
problems.
� Spouses should try and solve differences in private. Remember that differences of
opinion do not mean there has to be a conflict. Keep an open mind, use the utmost of
patience and empathize each other and try to see his or her point of view. When you are
able to do that, you will come up with a solution that will be agreeable and beneficial to
both parties.
� In a marriage, the female partner is not alone responsible for household work. Both
parties are equally responsible and should participate equally! It is an unrealistic
expectation that the female partner in a marriage do all the household work and every
other job in the house. Treat family members the way you would like to be treated:
with respect, understanding, care and love.
� Respect and mind your parents. If they are elderly, they need you more than ever
before. Take care of their needs. Never abuse them and remember that when you were
young and vulnerable they did their best to protect you. They looked after you and had
only the best reserved for you. They sacrificed their youth for you while raising you.
They raised you to the best of their ability and they taught you what you now know. As
they either educated you, or accommodated your education, the money you earn today
is because of them. Their older years are our time to pay all that back by behaving
politely and respectfully with them. Of course, you will never be fully and literally able
to pay them back for all they did for you, but you must always love them and treat them
with respect. Never let them feel lonely, desperate or depressed.
� If you have children, give them time and stay cool while dealing with their problems.
Try to understand the needs of your family. If there are difficulties due to the ages of
your children or the age of your parents, understand that these are age-related
challenges and manage them with patience, understanding and love not with intolerance
and abuse. Your kids are watching you and will learn from you and when they grow
older they will behave in the same manner with you. Make sure you become a good
role model at home and lead your family members by example.
� If you are unable to solve family and other issues using your own abilities then get help
from a trustworthy source. Don’t publicize your problems. Deal with them privately
and refer to someone you trust to help you.
Be positive and have a positive outlook on life. As discussed earlier, control your inborn
evils and avoid being greedy and selfish. Every individual has been bestowed with special
talents and skills. Discover them, polish them up and upgrade them to the maximum.
51
Practice what you have learned through this Guide in your daily life. Practice makes one
perfect, remember? Instil good values and discipline in your personality and reap the
rewards of being a successful individual in life.
52
YOUR CHECKLIST - TO HELP DEVELOP YOUR
CHILDREN’S PERSONALITY
Here is a checklist to assist in raising your children with good values. They are your future
and they are the future leaders of our society. They should be raised responsibly, but not
only with a good academic education, but also education in moderate spiritual and moral
values to build good character. Remember, you help develop their personality from the
early years of their lives and learning starts from home. Ensure you do a good job in raising
them to be valuable members of our society. The following checklist includes points you
should consider if you wish to raise well-behaved children:
� Do you have a positive relationship with your children?
� Do your children respect you and listen to you?
� Are you aware that your children watch your attitude and behaviour very closely and
often copy them?
� What type of role model are you for your children?
� Do you have open communication with your children and listen to their likes and
dislikes?
� Do you encourage your children to come to you should they have any problems in
school or else where?
� Do you try to find out what type of friends your children hang around with in and
outside of school?
� As parents, do you get along well with each other, and do your children know and see
that?
� Do you respect each other as spouses and avoid having loud arguments in front of your
children?
� Do you exercise a fair amount of discipline at home? Not so much that they are afraid
of you or too little that they take you for granted?
� Is there any violence in your home between family members? Are your children
exposed to this violence?
� Are they exposed to violence through television, movies or the internet?
� Do you ensure that your family computer is located in an open, public spot and not in
their individual bedrooms so you can monitor their online activities? Please don’t
assume anything – good or bad.
� Do your children have internet friends? Do you know what types of relationships they
share?
� Do you know how to operate your computer and internet? If you do not know how to
operate your computer, I strongly suggest you learn as soon as possible. Please do not
mistakenly assume that your children would not use the internet to view dirty movies or
pictures or communicate with unknown people.
� Do your children chat online with friends?
� Do you monitor their online chatting activity to see whom they are chatting with?
� Do you keep in touch with your children’s teachers and read their performance reports
to see how they are doing in school?
� If they are not getting good grades are you concerned and show interest in finding out
why this is the case?
53
� What are you doing as a parent to help improve your children’s grades?
� Do you know whether or not your children are suffering from bullying or harassment in
school?
� Are you aware of the signs and symptoms of victims of bullying, or those of children
who become bullies and harass other kids? If you are not aware, get the information
from the school safety program.
� Children who are not supported by their families during times of need tend to go astray
and find others for company and support. Sadly, these people are often not the type of
role models appropriate for any children. Make sure always you maintain open
communication and support to your children.
� Do you make any surprise visits to your children’s school or do spot-checking on your
kids?
� Do you know if your kids participate fully in school activities?
� Are you confident that your children are not withdrawn in the school setting?
� If they are withdrawn, or not interested in going to school, do you care to find out why?
� Do you regularly attend meetings with your children’s teachers to discuss your
children’s performance in class and behaviour in the school?
� Do you give your children too much or not enough freedom?
� Do you give time to your kids or you are too busy?
� Do you provide moderate spiritual and moral education to your children?
54
CONCLUDING REMARKS
When you fail, it is natural to feel bad or sad. Apart from feeling down, you may even have
feelings that life is not worth living. When you have these negative thoughts, they may
increase your feelings of desperation and incompetence. This is the time to test your
determination and spirit to fight. It is at moments like these that you should put forth your
most dedicated efforts to pull yourself out of this despondent state of mind and back into
the brightness of hope.
Remember, this is all in your mind. If you have missed out on a job opportunity, lose a
business contract or lose the love of your life, there is never a better opportunity to learn
from your experience to improve and try again. As the saying goes, where there is will
there is always a way.
The following example will demonstrate and support this statement:
An individual who wanted to be a police officer went through the entire application process
nine times. He went through various stages of the selection process but kept on failing at
different stages.
He was becoming desperate but not hopeless. Ultimately, he decided to endure and try one
more time. However, in addition to working on his test requirements, he also continued his
struggle to improve his personality as he felt this was the key area where he was lacking.
In his tenth attempt he passed all the tests and interviews and became a police officer.
After graduating, the new recruit joined the platoon that I was in charge of. As I was his
Staff Sergeant, we ended up working with each other for several years. I can honestly say
that throughout my police career of 35 years, and despite having worked with hundreds of
police officers, I feel that he was one of the best officers I came across in terms of his
attitude and behaviour. Basically, he was a decent and well-behaved individual who had an
impressive personality.
Granted, when he first started his efforts, his skills were not up to the par expected by the
Toronto Police Service in their officers, but he was determined to improve. He kept
learning and improving his knowledge and skills at each attempt he made until he finally
succeeded at his tenth attempt. His is a fine example of what personality development is all
about. He persevered with determination, did not give up after facing difficulty and kept
upgrading his skills to the level where he finally made it. This definitely is a success story.
If you ever fail in life, instead of getting disappointed or disillusioned, just become the best
judge of your own skills and strengths. I assure you that upon examining and analyzing
yourself, you will discover the area where you need to improve for your next attempt.
55
Don’t blame the system or any individual for the setback, just focus and strive to improve
and upgrade your skills then try again. Become more competitive so that you may
eventually win.
You are entitled to feel bad temporarily upon facing failure, but make sure you do not
prolong this period to the extent that you start to feel sorry for yourself. However, if you do
reach this dejected stage, take heart and strive to get out by utilizing the self-help methods
that we discussed in this book. These tools are here just to help you.
However, please note that one of the most interesting aspects of this whole exercise is that
these self-help tips are all within you. It is like a handbook that gives you instructions on
how to avoid troubles and stay happy and successful in your life. If you face troubles, use
the tips from this handbook to solve your problems. They are your support and a guide.
They include your positive attitude, your willpower, your hard work, patience and
Faith!
56
RECAP
� Stay positive and have positive outlook on life.
� Watch your inborn evils or human weaknesses and avoid being greedy.
� Discover your talents and skills.
� Enhance and upgrade your talents and skills to the maximum.
� Remember, practice always makes perfect!
� Instil good values and discipline in your personality by practicing them on a daily basis.
� Practice and apply these values on a routinely basis. As the saying goes, “if you don’t
use them you will lose them!”
� Help others get what they want and you will help yourself get what you want! Perhaps
not from those whom you help but from an unknown source that only the nature can
explain.
� Help and take care of people.
� If you are lonely, find and help another lonely person and serve both your needs.
� Always treat people the way you wish to be treated. If you treat them well, they will
treat you well!
� Parents, please ensure you raise your children well and with good manners and values
as they are our future leaders. The personalities you are developing will be with them
forever.
� Protect and support your children and ensure they are not harassed or that they do not
harass others.
� If your children get bullied and abused (in school or any other place), involve the
appropriate authorities in the matter, e.g., teachers, principals or the police.
� Do not let your children become victims. Their personalities will be negatively affected
for the rest of their lives.
� Stop bad situations from becoming dangerous situations.
It’s as simple as that!
Good luck!
57
Personality Development
A Guide for Success
Jamal Khan is a recently retired 35-year
veteran of the Toronto Police Service, where he
served as Staff Sergeant. His specialities
include community-based policing, human
psychology, and human relations and a broad
range of police experience.
He says “we have all been gifted with special
talents and characteristics that can bring
success in life. All we need to do is Discover our potentials. We
must be honest judges of our own character and personality!”
CHANGE YOUR PERSONALITY, CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!
Remember, your personality is learned like traditions and
customs. It can be unlearned and re-learned to improve it. If
you feel you need to improve or develop your personality, the
information in this guide will help you. You will find your new,
enhanced personality both impressive and winning. Hence, it
will help you walk on the path of success.