PERSONAL STATEMENTSWriting a good one – do’s and don’ts

Example 1

This is just a list of famous books – it doesn’t say anything about the student’s

reasons for choosing to mention them

Ever since I was a small child I have always been an avid reader who is passionate about books. I devoured the Harry Potter series and as I grew up I embarked on the classics such as Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and works by Dickens and Shakespeare. These works are ultimately powerful and they will always be read and enjoyed because of their timeless and enduring themes. I would love to achieve my dream and ambition of completing an English degree at university.

This doesn’t actually say anything about the student’s own enjoyment of them either

This basically says: I’ve read the books

set for my English A level - it doesn’t say

anything about why they appeal to her,

or the ideas in them what does this mean? She needs to give sexamples: what particular ideas and

specific themes interest her?

Reading is my passion, and English Literature is undoubtedly the subject which I love the most and the one which most fascinates and inspires me. Recently I have read works such as The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald and Enduring Love by Ian McEwan as well as the poetical works of Browning and Tennyson. I love delving into and analysing such classic texts for their deeper and hidden meanings which are revealed. I am interested in the way different writers use language form and structure to create ideas and meanings in their works. Authors like Shakespeare are so inspiring because of the way their works have the power to move us and engage our emotions and to tell stories which are universal. In addition to this I love writing my own poetry, and am fascinated by analysing the work of such great writers as Shakespeare and Keats in order to inspire my own writing.

again, this is vague and generic – it is not about her own reading of these texts

Again, two examples of things which interest her are listed, but she does not give any specific reasons why. This is a missed opportunity to link her A level disciplines together – she could have talked about the historical context of texts mentioned earlier, such as Gatsby or Rossetti’s poems

what sort of things can we learn?? What have you read???

Within school, I also study History and Fine Art at A level as well as having completed an AS level in French. History is fascinating to me as we can learn so much about ourselves from the past. I am particularly fascinated by the history of the ancient world with civilisations such as the Minoan civilisation and the Roman Empire inspiring me to read more about them in order to understand how they lived and how we can learn from them. Through Art, I find another medium to express my creativity and I love to draw, paint and experiment with ideas. I have always enjoyed expressing myself through different creative media and photography is one of my hobbies. I always have my camera with me to capture images which appeal to and inspire me.

again, the opportunity to make links is missed – the point about “creativity” and “expressing” herself is rather vague and generic

This is basically saying: my parents are pretty well off and I come from a middle class background! It doesn’t include any real reflection on what she has seen or experienced. It sounds like a travel brochure…

French is undoubtedly one of the world's most beautiful languages and as such it is a privilege to have studied it. I have travelled extensively within France, visiting the lavender fields and olive groves of Provence as well as the city of light, Paris. The country never fails to inspire me with its beauty and culture. I have also been lucky enough to travel further afield, to the rainforests of the Amazon and the amazing city of New York, and I am always inspired by the different cultures I experience when travelling.

This is another missed opportunity – to actually say something about how the study of language relates to the study of literature….

Well done. Good for you. But what have you learnt from it, what skills have you developed?

I have contributed extensively to the wider life of the school, taking part in numerous charity events, in particular raising £2000 for MacMillan Cancer Care last year. I am a mentor to year 10 students who are struggling with their GCSE English and also an anti-bullying peer mentor with year 7s. Outside school, I take part in a wide range of sports, such as swimming, athletics, netball, tennis, squash and rowing. I have won numerous competitions and awards - in particular, I was extremely proud to become the county 1500 metre champion in 2012. Last year, I completed my Duke Of Edinburgh gold award. I am a member of the School Council and have been since year 7. I have won awards for attendance every year since year 7 also.

Again, these are just lists. They don’t tell us anything about her skills, or what she has learnt/ how these experiences have affected her

So, what can we learn from this example?

• Don’t be vague – give specific examples and focus on particular ideas, concepts, themes etc

• Don’t be generic – say what stuff means to you

• Don’t just list stuff - be specific about what you have learnt/ skills you have developed

• Don’t try to sound impersonal – you need to show a sense of personal engagement and a personal voice

Example 2

 

People, places and problems are at the forefront of my mind when considering my enthusiasm for geography. The breadth of topics interests me as they range from aspects of everyday life tothe most magnificent landforms and processes on the planet. I am intrigued by how actions on an individual scale can cumulatively have global impacts and how strategies at a range of scales can mitigate these.

• Begins with a clear conceptual focus

Proof that you don’t have to go on expensive foreign trips to explore and reflect on the world around you

 

From the window of my geography class I could see the now dismantled Ferrier Estate, an LSOA in the lowest 10 per cent according to the English Indices of deprivation. The Estate was a prime example of failed modernist architecture and planning, and it could be argued that the redevelopment, with its emphasis on central planning and social engineering, is making the same mistakes again. These ideas are discussed in Harvey's section on architecture in The Condition of Postmodernity where he outlines the differences between modernism, where planners decided what people wanted, and postmodernism, which has been driven by the market. During my work placement in TPS Architects, I looked at ways of designing buildings to make them more sustainable and wrote an article for the company's intranet about green roofs and wind turbines.

Links experiences to independent reading and to work experience

This is a perfect lesson in how to link apparently unrelated subjects to your chosen field

Attending an Art History course, I became intrigued by the way artists' work often links to the geography of an area, such as Mondrian's Composition 2 which reflects the grid lines of New York streets. In literature, too, I have found connections with geography: in Anna Karenina, Levin's account of farming gives an insight into pre-communist Russia and depicts him trying to develop a relationship with the serfs. I am particularly interested in how literary texts reflect and are shaped by the society in which they are created - in English I am exploring the notion of outsiders in society in Anna Karenina and Brave New World. The issue of climate change is one of the most important facing us today, and studying chemistry has given me an insight into the processes driving it. It is also one of the factors exacerbating hydro-meteorological hazards. In Geography we are currently studying theories of human behaviour including determinism, behaviourism and structuralism and how they interact with physical processes to create tectonic hazards, and how this can lead to different outcomes for communities. Globalisation and the creation of a global consumerist culture are predominant issues in today's society.

As is this… chemistry is more obviously linked, but still it’s clearly done well

This student’s summer has been well spent, and her experiences show how passionate she is about geography (notice: she doesn’t have to say, “I am passionate about geography”)

This summer I volunteered at a community called 'Sunseed' in Southern Spain which aimed to be as sustainable and self-sufficient as possible in a semi-desert environment; here, I made sourdough bread which we baked in a solar oven and used cactus leaves to make compost. I also attended a seminar on Transition towns, and watching the film 'The Economics of Happiness' reinforced the idea that localisation could be a solution to problems such as peak oil and food shortage. In northern Argentina I stayed in an eco tourism centre in 'la selva' and saw how tourism can be used to conserve the rainforest and reduce anthropogenic climate change by helping both wildlife and indigenous people.

More evidence of thoughtful, reflective, relevant wider reading

More focused, reflective relation of other subjects to her chosen discipline

Through the study of R.S, I have learnt to look more theoretically at the balance of human needs and happiness against that of the environment. I have seen first hand how physical processes interact with people to create some of the biggest hazards facing the world today, and also how people can find small scale local solutions. I see a geography degree as enabling me to take up a career that plays an active part in this movement. I love writing creatively, and have attended an Arvon Foundation course. In the future, I would love to explore new ways to write about geography to help people to see its relevance in contemporary society.

Everything is always related to it…