pause and response

7/31/2019 Pause and Response

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Pause and

Give WiserResponses

By Stephen R. Covey

Secrets to building a happy family


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Stephen Covey husband, father, grandfather and author of thenumber-one best-seller The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,

shares secrets to building a strong, close family.

It is so easy to be reactive!You get caught Lip in the moment.You say things you dot* mean. Youdo things you later regret. And you

think, "If only I had stopped tothink about it, I never would

have reacted that way!"


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Family life would be a whole lot better if people acted according to theirvalues instead of reacting to the emotion or circumstance of the moment.

It's possible to develop a habit of learning to pause and give wiserresponses. Proactively is the ability to act rather than react.


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I have a friend who makes a powerful proactive choice every day.When she comes home from work, she sits in her car in the drivewayand pauses. She takes a minute to think about the members of her

family and what they are doing inside the house.


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She considers what kindof feeling she wants to help

create when she goes, inside.She says to herself, "my

family is the most enjoyable,the most pleasant, the most

important part of my life.I'm going to go into my homeand feel and communicate

my love for them."

Just think of the differencethis makes in her family.


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While my wife was out of the room, my three-year-old son Brenton emptied a one-and-a-half-gallon jug of water from the fridge-most of it onto the kitchen floor. My wife'sinitial reaction had been to yell at him. Instead, she stopped herself and said patiently,

And another friend told me this story :

Brenton, whatwere you trying

to do?


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"I was trying to be a helping man, Mom," he replied proudly."What do you mean?" she asked.

I washed thedishes for you.


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Sure enough, there on the kitchen table were all the dishes he had washed withthe water from the jug. "Well, honey, why did you use the water from the fridge?

"I couldn'treach the waterfrom the sink."


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"Oh!" my wife said. Then she looked around. "Well, what do you thinkyou could do next time that would make less of a mess?"

I could do it inthe bathroom!


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"The dishes might break in the bathroom," she replied. "But how about this?What if you came and got me and I helped you move a chair in front of the

kitchen sink so you could do the work there?

Good idea!


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As my wife was telling me what had happened, I realized how importantit was that she had been able to catch herself between stimulus

and response. She had made a proactive choice.


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The balance in theaccount determines how

well you can communicateand solve problems with

another person.

One useful way to communicate the idea of pro-activity is through an analogyI call the "emotional bank account." This account is like a financial one inthat you can make "deposits"-things that build trust in the relationship-

or "withdrawals" - things that decrease the level of trust.


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One of the great benefits of being proactive is that you can choose to makedeposits instead of withdrawals. No matter what the situation, there arealways things you can choose to do that will make relationships better.


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Little kindnesses go a long way toward building relationships of trust andunconditional love. Just think about the impact in your own family

of saying "thank you," "please" or "you go first."

O f i d f i h h i if h ' hi


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Or performing unexpected acts of service such as phoning to see if there's anything youcan pick up at the store on your way home. Twelve hugs a day-that's what people need.

Hugs can be physical, verbal, visual or environmental. And each one isa deposit in the emotional bank account.

ld b h d d i h d i h h


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You would be hard pressed to come up with a deposit that has moreimpact than making and keeping promises. just think about it! Howmuch excitement, anticipation and hope is created by a promise.

O d ht C thi h d thi Wh I t l D d i d


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Our daughter Cynthia shared this memory: When I was twelve, Dad promisedto take me with him on a business trip to San Francisco. I was so excited! AfterDad's meetings, we planned to go to Chinatown for dinner, see a movie, takea ride on a trolley car, then go back to our hotel room for hot fudge sundaes

from room service. I was dying with anticipation.

Th d fi ll i d Th h d d b I it d t th h t l Fi ll t 6 30


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The day finally arrived. The hours dragged by as I waited at the hotel. Finally, at 6:30p.m., Dad returned with a dear friend and influential business acquaintance. My heartsank as this man said, "I'm so delighted to have you here, Stephen. Tonight, Lois andI would like to take you to the wharf for a seafood dinner, and then you must see the

view from our house." I could see my hopes and plans going down the drain.

I ill f h f li I h d h D d id


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I will never forget the feeling I had when Dad said,

Gosh, Bill, I'd love to,but this is a special timewith my daughter. We've

already got it plannedto the minute.

W did b l t l thi h d l d I d 't thi k


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We did absolutely everything we had planned. I don't think any younggirl ever loved her father as much as I loved mine that night.


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"The most importantthing youll ever do is

in the four walls ofyour own home."- Stephen Covey

Thank You Very Much

Sompong Yusoontorn

This is a presentationdedicated to pay tribute to

Stephen Covey(1932 - 2012),author of the best-selling

book, The Seven Habits ofHighly Effective People. A bigThank You to you. You are ourinvisible mentor, though we

never met, you helped us andmany friends in the world to

be more effective people andchanged our lives for thebetter. We will miss you.

Rest In Peace.

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