parks and rec - skate park

7/31/2019 Parks and Rec - Skate Park

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PARKS AND RECREATION

"Skate Park"

by

Colin Wessman

Colin Wessman

1616 5th place

Kirkland, WA, 98033

(425) 241-7339

[email protected]


2/34

COLD OPEN

INT. PAWNEE HOSPITAL - DAY 1

ANN and LESLIE enter, passing the front desk.

ANN

I'm not sure if this is a healthissue or a parks related issue, butI figured you should see it anyway.

Ann stops against a glass window, displaying a dozen injuredTEENAGE BOYS laying in beds. They almost resemble soldiers,injured from battle.

LESLIEWhat on earth? Did Eagleton finallydeclare war on Pawnee?

(presidentially)

We've got to fight back, with fivetimes the fire power! We will getthrough this. We will prevail.With god as my--

ANNNo, that's not what happened. Leslie,calm down.

LESLIESorry, I don't know what got in tome there. So what is this aboutthen?

ANNWell, you know the Pawnee Skate Park?

LESLIEPawnee has a skate park?

ANNApparently. Since these kids keepsaying they injured themselves atthere.

LESLIE

If my memory serves me correctly,I'm pretty sure they shut that placedown years ago.

A NURSE wheels in another injured SKATEBOARDER, looking likea wartorn soldier. The skateboarder grasps his leg.

SKATEBOARDERMy god they shot me in my leg! Therewere so many of them.


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2.

LESLIEWait, what happened to him?

NURSEOh, a gang of wild teenagers ambushedhim and pumped him full of BB gunpellets over at the skatepark.

Someone should really do somethingabout that place. Like maybe someonewho's job it is to keep our parkssafe.

LESLIE(annoyed)

What are you inferring?

NURSEOh, nothing.

The nurse wheels the skateboarder into the room.

LESLIEThat twit. I say we trash her car.First you go get a six pack of toiletpaper, then as much creamed corn asyou can get your hands on.

ANNYou know she kind of has a point.Maybe we should go check out thisskatepark.

LESLIEYeah, that works too.

END OF COLD OPEN


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3.

ACT ONE

EXT. PAWNEE SKATE PARK - DAY 1

Leslie and Ann approach the skatepark, a broken down hybridof pavement and rotting wooden ramps. PRETEENS and TEENAGERSstruggle to traverse the park's crooked terrain.

ANNSo you really had no idea this placewas still around?

LESLIEI guess whenever people brought upthe skate park, I assumed they weretalking about Pawnee's popular skatingrink/trailer park. You'd be surprisedhow much trailer trash enjoy teachingtheir bloodhounds how to ice skate.

ANNYeah, I think it's safe to say thisplace wouldn't be up to snuff withstate safety laws.

LESLIEI don't know, they all look likethey're having a good time to me.

A SKATER DUDE (20s) rolls up a wood quarter pipe, causing itto COLLAPSE. The dude SMASHES through it.

LESLIE (CONT'D)Oh my god!

Leslie and Ann run over to the dude, whose head is stickingout of the ramp.

ANNI'm a nurse, are you all right?

SKATER DUDEYeah, I feel Ok.

(looks down)Wait, no. I'm not ok.

ANNWhat is it?

SKATER DUDEI think a giant nail punctured myfoot.

Leslie and Anne grimace in disgust.


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4.

SKATER DUDE (CONT'D)Oh wait, make that feet. Hey, Iguess that kind of makes me likeJesus.

Anne and Leslie look at his feet and are even more disgusted.

SKATER DUDE (CONT'D)So if you're a nurse, does that meanyou know where the hospital is?

ANNI would hope so.

SKATER DUDERad. I'm gonna need to go there,like now.

LESLIE TALKING HEAD

LESLIEAfter learning that Pawnee did infact have a skatepark, I did a littlebit of research. Apparently Pawnee'sskate park has been voted the mostdangerous skatepark in the midwestfor five years in a row. After doingfurther research, I learned thatthat is in fact a bad thing. Whichsurprised me because I figured thesekids were all about busting theirheads and tweaking their femurs.

INT. CHRIS'S OFFICE - LATER - D1

Leslie enters. Chris is placing an assortment of greenvegetables in to a blender on his desk.

LESLIEHey, Chris.

CHRISOh hey, Leslie. I was just in themiddle of making one of my patentedvegetable smoothies. So what's up?

LESLIEWell, it seems that a lot of kidshave been getting horribly injuredat the Pawnee Skate Park.

CHRISI thought only geriatrics andrefrigerator salesmen hung out atthat place.


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LESLIENo, not the skate rink/trailer park.I mean the actual Pawnee Skate Park.You know the one for skateboarding,rollerblading, THX biking or whateverthey call it.

CHRISAh.

Chris turns the blender on.

LESLIE TALKING HEAD

LESLIEIf there's one way to get throughChris to the city's check book, it'sby combating Chris's insane amountsof kindness with even more kindness.

Even if that means subjecting yourselfto some disgusting, disgusting act.

INT. CHRIS'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

The blender is still going, except the liquid in it is noworange. Chris opens the blender and pours the smoothie intoa glass.

CHRISSmoothie?

LESLIE

(bubbly)That sounds delightful.

Chris pours some smoothie into another glass and hands it toLeslie. Leslie inspects the smoothie.

LESLIE (CONT'D)Just one question. How exactly didthis turn orange? Everything youput in the blender was green.

CHRISDon't question the smoothie, Leslie.

Just accept it.

LESLIEOk.

Leslie, takes a sip of the smoothie. Disgusted, she almostchokes on it, then downs it.

CHRISHow is it?


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LESLIEIt tastes... like heaven.

CHRISSo glad to hear that.

LESLIE

Yeah, this is like the best thingI've ever drank. Like ever.

CHRISOh you're too kind. So what were wetalking about?

LESLIEWell, since the skatepark is in suchterrible condition, I think it'd bea great idea if we could perhapsthink about building a new one so

kids could have a safer place tohang out.

CHRISThat's a great idea.

LESLIEReally?

CHRISPositively. But I'm gonna have tosay no, there's no way that'shappening. You know as well as I do

that we really can't afford thattype of thing.

LESLIEI'm sure there's some way we couldscrape together enough funds.

CHRISLeslie, not only would we need thesupplies to build such a thing, butwe'd need to bring in some sort offreelance architect or company todesign the skatepark, which I'm sure

would cost us a bundle. Unless youknow someone who would do it forcheap. Have you ever come in contactwith the types of people that wouldknow how to design a skatepark?

LESLIENo.


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7.

CHRISNeither have I. And quite frankly,I don't think I'd want to. Theyscare me.

LESLIEBut Chris, you should have seen these

kids. At the hospital they had awhole room full of injured youngsters.All of them crying about theirshattered bones along with theirshattered dreams.

CHRISThat is literally the most depressingthing I've heard all day. Still,I'm sorry Leslie.

LESLIE

Darn.

Leslie takes another sip of the smoothie, and is againdisgusted and spits it back in to the glass.

LESLIE (CONT'D)Nope, I was right. That is whatit'd tasted like if the Jolly GreenGiant got the runs.

Leslie puts the glass down and heads for the exit.

LESLIE (CONT'D)

I have to go throw up now.

INT. RON'S OFFICE - LATER - D1

RON is at his desk as TOM enters with a bottle of cologne.

TOMHey, Rontimus Prime.

RONSure. Can I help you?

TOM

How would you like to try the newestscent from Tom Haverford's very owncologne line, Tommy Fresh?

RONOn a scale of one to ten... I'd ratherkill myself.


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TOMOk, let me rephrase that. How wouldyou like to have the delicious aromaof your favorite alcoholic beveragein the form of this swagtastic newcologne?

RONMy favorite alcoholic beverage? Ifyou're asking me if I'd like to exudethe smell of whiskey, then my answeris a resounding yes. Unfortunately,society seems to frown upon men whosmell like hard liquor. Societysucks.

TOMTell me about it. But actually Iwas talking about a cologne splashed

with the alluring scent of SnakeJuice. You see I've tweaked theTommy Fresh formula, and I'm tryingto see what people think.

RONWell, I do enjoy Snake Juice. Whynot.

TOMThat's what I'm talkin' about.

Tom hands Ron a bottle of the cologne.

RON TALKING HEAD

RONI have never worn cologne in my life.I think they're for pussies. In myexperience, women are attracted tothe natural scent of carnal dominance.

(examines the bottle)But I guess I could try this stuffout.

INT. LESLIE AND TOM'S OFFICE - LATER - D1

Leslie and Ann are eating lunch while Tom is on his computer.

ANNSo did you talk to Chris about theskate park?

LESLIEYeah, he gave me a big old "no".But he was really nice about it.


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9.

ANNImagine that.

Ben enters with a bag of food.

LESLIEBenny boy! Our food has arrived.

You stopped by J.J.'s right?

BENBetter. I made you one of my fresh-cooked 'zones.

ANN'Zones?

BENCalzones. See what I did there,Tom? Like calzones, except--

TOMThat is terrible. But nice try.

BENWell, here you go.

Ben sets the calzones down on Leslie's desk.

LESLIEHoney, you wouldn't happen to knowanything about designing skateparkswould you?

BENWhat? Skateparks... why in the worldwould you think...? Why?

LESLIEWell you've worked in other citygovernments before. I just thoughtmaybe--

BENNope. No city I've ever worked forhas had a skatepark. Come on, those

places are-- dumb.

LESLIEAre you sure? You're acting kindaweird.

BENI think I'm acting perfectlyregulatory. Bye now.


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10.

Ben exits.

ANNThat was odd.

LESLIEYeah, we were gonna have lunch

together.

ANNSo where is he going?

They watch Ben's walk turn into a paranoid sprint as he exitsthe office.

LESLIEGood question. Is there some sortof male childhood trauma that mostmen connect with skateparks? Tom?

TOM(uninterested)

I don't know, probably.

LESLIEWhat are you so wrapped up in overthere?

TOMI'm tracking a package for the newtest shipment of the cologne I'mtrying out. It says "out for

delivery". What does that mean? Itcould be in some truck miles away orit could be in a truck parked rightoutside the building. Unacceptable.

ANNYeah, it's a shame we live in such aprimitive society.

TOMI know, right?

APRIL enters carrying a package and puts it on Leslie's desk.

APRILHere, I think this is for you.

Leslie looks at the address on the package.

LESLIEIt's addressed to Tom.


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11.

APRILFine, if you wanna get all technicalon me.

April hands the package to Tom.

TOM

Finally.

Tom opens up the box and looks at his cologne.

APRILBye.

April turns to exit.

LESLIEWait, April.

APRILYeah?

LESLIEYou're young. You wouldn't happento know any people that might beknowledgeable about skateparks?

APRILWell my friend Kyler once got drunkand drove his car into a skateparkand ran over a few meth-heads.

LESLIEWow.

APRILYeah, I think he's in jail orsomething. But besides that, I can'tthink of anyone.

LESLIEEh, it was worth a shot.

APRILWait, I think Andy still

rollerblades... and skateboards.

LESLIEThat's right, he usually does itwhile working.

APRILHey Andy!


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12.

ANDY gets up from his desk and rolls on his skateboard intoLeslie's office.

APRIL (CONT'D)There you go.

April exits.

LESLIEAndy, how much would you say youknow about skateparks?

ANDYLots. Tons actually. When I wasyounger I placed in the Indiana skatechampionships three years in a row,and I was even sponsored for a whileuntil I broke my pelvis and had toretire.

LESLIEImpressive. Well then I think youmight be our man. See we're thinkingof building a new skatepark, but weneed someone who'll design it forcheap. So since you already workfor the parks department, that'dmake it pretty convenient.

ANDY(trying to act smart)

Well before I make any big financial

decisions, I'd like to know what mypayment would be. I wouldn't wantto be, how shall I say... screwedover.

LESLIEWell as I said, since you're workingfor the Parks Department, you'd stillbe paid the same, so--

ANDYDeal!

LESLIEGreat. So tomorrow you and Aprilshould go down to the old skateparkand get some feedback from some ofPawnee's teenagers.

ANDY TALKING HEAD


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13.

ANDYYeah, so my brother actually did allthat contest championship stuff Imentioned. He was pretty good atskateboarding. I was kind of crappy.Still, I don't see any reason to beworried about the fact that I'm

probably not qualified in any way todesign a skatepark. It's not like Iwas qualified to work at the shoeshine stand. It's not like I'mqualified to work for Leslie like Iam right now. And look at how awesomeI am at those things.

Andy looks over at an ERROR MESSAGE on his computer.

ANDY (CONT'D)Not again. It must be getting hungry.

Andy takes a pancake out of his desk and places it in the CDdrive and closes it.

It doesn't close all the way, but Andy keeps jamming it in.

END OF ACT ONE


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14.

ACT TWO

INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT OFFICE - DAY 2

Andy, April, Tom, and DONNA are gathered around April'scomputer watching a YouTube video.

ON COMPUTER: A man pops out of a garbage can and scares hisfriend. The friend gets scared, then immediately punchesthe other man in the face.

Everybody laughs.

ANDYBam! That was awesome.

APRILWho's first instinct when they getscared is to punch the thing that

just scared them in the face?

DONNAA man with no fears. A man who'sgot no reason to run and hide. In aword, a warrior.

Leslie enters.

LESLIEI thought I told you guys to go downto the skatepark.

APRILWe're just doing research.

LESLIEHow is this research?

APRILBecause hanging out at a skateparksounds like as much fun as gettingpunched in the face.

LESLIEI know I usually ask a lot of you

guys, but it'd be great if you couldget a move on. Tom, you might aswell scout this place out as well.

TOMWhat? No.


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LESLIECome on Tom, we're gonna need allhands on deck for this project.It's a big one, but I got a goodfeeling about it.

EXT. PAWNEE SKATE PARK - LATER - D2

Andy and April sheepishly watch the skaters and rollerbladerson the outskirts of the park.

APRILI hate teenagers. They're gross.

ANDYThey're not that bad.

JIMMY (14), a skateboarder rolls up to a ramp. His boardgets caught on the edge of the ramp, and he falls down.

APRILNevermind. That was pretty great.

ANDYHey, are you alright?

JIMMYYeah, I'm ok. Man, this skateparksucks.

ANDYIt's funny you should say that. I'm

actually redesigning this place.You got any ideas on how to make thepark better?

JIMMYI can think of a few.

TOM TALKING HEAD

TOMWhen I got to the skatepark, I had abrilliant epiphany. All this timeI've been marketing my cologne to

adults when I could've been marketingit to this incredible untappedresource -- Teenagers! Not only dothey smell terrible, but they'll buyanything that they think will getthem laid.

EXT. PAWNEE SKATE PARK - CONTINUOUS - D2

A bunch of kids stand around Tom.


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TOMAlright, kids. I've got the cure toall of your teenage problems.

SMART ALECWhat are you, a senior in high school?

The kids laugh.

TOMHey, I am a full grown adult foryour information. You kids however,are ugly and lame and are hangingout with a bunch of sweaty dudes.Now I'm just gonna take a guess thatnone of you clowns have any idea howto talk to girls.

A brief silence.

TOM (CONT'D)I'll take that excruciatingly sadsilence as a yes. Luckily, I've gota solution. It's a new cologne calledTommy Fresh... 2 the extreme!

Tom whips out a bottle and points at the SMART ALEC (14).

TOM (CONT'D)Why don't you come up here, youngman.

SMART ALECIf you say so.

He gets up and stands next to Tom.

TOMNow just pretend for a second thatI'm a teenage girl.

The smart alec holds in his laughter.

TOM (CONT'D)Now put your moves on me, little

man.

SMART ALECAlright.

(suave)Hey, baby. How 'bout you and me goback to my place and play some Xbox.I got a whole case of Mountain Dewsittin' in the fridge.


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TOM(girly)

And how do you s'pose we get there?I need a man with wheels.

SMARTASS KID(points to skateboard)

I got your wheels right here.

TOMOh no you didn't.

(breaks character)Now let's see what a difference TommyFresh 2 The Extreme makes.

Tom sprays the cologne on the kid.

SMART ALEC(coughs)

Oh god. This smells worse than myparents' break up.

TOM(back in character)

Oh my. You smell so good I justwant to take off all my clothes andjump on top of you, over and overagain. How does that sound?

SMART ALEC(still coughing)

Uh weird.

TOMOf course you do.

(breaks character)And scene. Now who wants to buysome of this amazing product?

The kids shrug and get up and walk away.

TOM (CONT'D)Aw come on.

SMARTASS KID

I feel dizzy-- and burny in my face.

TOMThat's just the feeling of supremeswagger coming over you, my friend.Anyway, thank for being a good sport.

SMARTASS KIDNo problem.


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18.

Tom picks up the box of cologne and hands it to the kid.

TOMWhy don't you just take these. Tellyour friends.

INT. CITY HALL - HALLWAY - D2

Leslie walks and sees Ben coming her way.

LESLIESo Ben, just clarify this for me,you don't know anything aboutskateparks, skateboarding, not evenrollerblading.

BENRollerblading? I don't have anyclue what you're talking about.

LESLIEOk fair enough, Ben.

Leslie starts walking the other way, then stops and turns.

LESLIE (CONT'D)Or should I say Coolasauras Rex?

BENWhat?

LESLIE TALKING HEAD

LESLIESo I did a little bit of dirt-diggingon Ben, and it turns out he used tomake a living dressing up as thecharacter Coolasauras Rex.

INSERT: B-roll pictures of Coolasauras Rex, A T-Rex wearingsunglasses and rollerblades. He talks to kids and hands outstickers saying "A Meteor Didn't Make Me Extinct, Drugs Did".

LESLIE (CONT'D)He'd do a bunch of rollerblading

tricks, then teach kids about thedangers of drugs and alcohol. See Iremembered because Ben keeps thisdinosaur costume in his closet...which I may or may not have askedhim to wear during our lovemaking.

BEN TALKING HEAD


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BENHey, it was a good way to help outwith local schools, and it's notlike anyone knew it was me under themask. Plus rollerblading is thebest sport there is, it's anindisputable fact.

EXT. PAWNEE SKATE PARK - MINI RAMP - D2

A bunch of kids crowd around Andy, who is taking notes.

ANDYAlright so we're all in favor of anew miniramp, correct?

The kids agree.

ANDY (CONT'D)

Now Jimmy here brought up the ideaof putting a live shark tank underthe halfpipe. Who all is in favorof that idea?

Half the kids raise their hands.

ANDY (CONT'D)(writes in notes)

Ok, so we have a bit of a split there.Wait, I just got a brilliant idea.What if they were tiger sharks?

All the kids raise their hands.

ANDY (CONT'D)Ok, so it's agreed. Tiger sharksare awesome.

Andy writes and looks over his notes some more.

ANDY (CONT'D)Ok, now Phillip brought up the ideaof a "death vortex". Could youexplain what that is exactly?

PHILLIP (14) moves to the front.

PHILLIPOk. So the first place to startwith a death vortex is divots. Lotsand lots of divots...

Over on a bench, April watches on, bored.

A SCRAWNY KID (13) approaches her.


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SCRAWNY KIDWanna see me do a Pop Shove-It?

APRILEw. No.

SCRAWNY KID

Come on.

APRILAndy!

Halting his conversation with the kids, Andy notices April,then walks over to her.

ANDYHey, honey. Something wrong?

APRIL

This kid tried to... be near me.

ANDYOh. Hey dude, you think you couldleave my wife alone? I think she'shaving some of her lady issues ifyou know what I mean.

Andy starts laughing, then the scrawny kid starts laughing.

SCRAWNY KID(laughing)

I don't know what you mean.

ANDY(points at kid's ear)

Hey, what's that?

Andy magically swipes a Snickers bar from behind the kid'sear.

SCRAWNY KIDAwesome! Thanks.

ANDYNo problem.

The kid scurries off.

APRILHow did you do that?

ANDYI always carry Snicker bars in mysleeves. You know that.


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21.

APRILNo, I mean how do you talk to kidslike that?

ANDYI don't know, I just talk to themhow I would talk to anyone else.

It's not that hard, I'm sure you'llpick it up in time.

APRILIn time for what?

ANDYJust "in time". That's somethingpeople say, right?

APRILI guess. Don't be getting any funny

ideas.

ANDYDon't worry, you can always tellwhen I get funny ideas. Because Iusually laugh at them.

Tom approaches them.

TOMHey, can we leave? This place isnot as commercially viable as I hadanticipated.

TOM TALKING HEAD

TOM (CONT'D)So once again I come home empty-handed. Does that mean this is theend of my cologne line? No! Ofcourse not. To quote Jay-Z, "Ain'tnothing wrong with the aim, justgotta change the target."...

ZOOM in on the smartass kid in the background. He spraysthe cologne on himself and his friends. They cough and

convulse violently.

TOM (CONT'D)...I'm not sure what that means orif it even applies to this situation,but it does sound pretty dope.

END OF ACT TWO


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22.

ACT THREE

INT. BEN'S OFFICE - DAY 3

Ben and Chris are talking as Leslie enters.

CHRIS

Leslie! How's the skatepark processgoing?

LESLIEGreat. I got Andy working on theblueprint with the city planner rightnow. Should be ready for tomorrownight's public forum.

CHRISExcellent.

Leslie stands there looking at Ben.

CHRIS (CONT'D)Was there something else you wantedto talk about?

LESLIENo, I just need to talk to CoolasaurasRex over here.

CHRISCoolarauras Rex? You told her? Ithought that was our little secret.

BENSorry, she's snoopy. Like that dog.

CHRISScruff McGruff? Hell of a crimedog.

(thinks for a moment)Wait a second. Are you gonnaresurrect the beloved character ofCoolasauras Rex and have him put ona demonstration at the opening ofthe new Pawnee Skatepark?

BENWha--

LESLIEThat's exactly what we were planning!

CHRISThat is a brilliant idea.

(MORE)


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23.

CHRIS (CONT'D)Way to go Leslie Knope, andCoolasauras Rex. Truly a partnershipfor the ages. Or should I say stoneages?

Chris laughs heartily and exits.

BENYou planned that didn't you?

LESLIEActually, I was just gonna ask ifTom could borrow your dinosaur suit.

BENWhy?

LESLIE

He was gonna dress up in it and scareJerry. Apparently, he's afraid ofhuman-sized lizards.

BENThat's an oddly specific phobia.How would you know that?

LESLIEBecause Ben, I know all.

Leslie exits.

INT. PARKS DEPTARTMENT OFFICE - LATER - D3

Ron lumbers in, looking like a strung-out, disheveled mess.

RONWhere's Tom?

JERRYGoodness, Ron. Where've you beenall day?

RONShut up for a second. Where's Tom?

DONNAHe's in his office. You can't tell?

Ron looks over at Tom in his office.

RONIs that what that little brown blobis?


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24.

RON TALKING HEAD

RON (CONT'D)Last night I was planning on goingout for a meal at a new Pawneerestaurant that specializes in country-fried chicken loafs, even though I

usually try to avoid health food.So to wuss myself up a bit, I sprayedmyself with Tom's cologne for a goodfifteen seconds or so, and not longafter that I completely blacked out.Cut to 12 hours later, and I findmyself laying in a pool of my own...liquids.

INT. LESLIE AND TOM'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D3

Ron enters.

RONTom, you didn't try to sell any ofthat cologne to anyone did you?

TOMJust some teenagers.

RONWhat?! Teenagers?

TOMYeah, but none of them wanted to buy

any.

RONThank God.

TOMThough I did give a bunch to thisone kid.

RONOk, so it's just one teenager gettingblasted out of his mind. It happens.

TOMWait, what?

Two POLICE OFFICERS enter.

OFFICER #1Tom Haverford?

TOMWhat's up, gentlemen.


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OFFICER #1Are you the originator of thisconcoction?

Officer #1 takes out a bottle of Tom's cologne.

TOM

Why, you fellas trying to buy some?

OFFICER #1Actually we found this highlyintoxicating inhalant being passedaround at Pawnee High. Apparentlythe kids like to spray it in theirfaces and get "twanked" as they callit.

TOMWhat?

RONOh Jesus.

TOM(elated)

Did you hear that, Ron? The kidslove my product. I'm a success!

RONYou're a drug dealer.

OFFICER #1

Sir, we're gonna have to take you infor questioning.

TOMNo problem.

The officers handcuff Tom and start dragging him away.

RONOfficers, this is a mistake.

TOMDon't worry about it, Ron. It's

just like L'il Wayne after Tha CarterIII blew up.

RONSpeak English, son.

TOMIt's just the high price of success.I'll be fine.


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The officers drag Tom out and exit.

INT. CITY HALL - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT 1

Everybody is setting up for the public forum.

Ron approaches Leslie.

LESLIEWhere've you been?

RONI was just trying to stop Tom frombeing arrested.

LESLIEWhat? So did you?

RON

No. It seemed like he wanted to goto jail.

LESLIEHe was probably just trying to looktough. You gotta get him out ofthere.

RONAnd miss hearing what our wonderfulcitizens have to say?

(laughs)Alright. I'll see what I can do.

Ron exits.

Leslie walks over to the podium.

LESLIEOk everybody. Let's get this thingstarted. Now the main order ofbusiness we have to talk about isPawnee's plans to build a newskatepark. Now here to talk aboutit is the park's designer, Andy Dwyer!

Andy walks up to the podium.

ANDYHey men and ladies, I'm here to talkabout the new hate park-- I meanskate park. Not sure why I saidthat. Ok, let's see what thisthing'll look like.


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27.

April stands at a computer connected to a projector, andloads up the first design.

The first design shows an overall layout of the park, whichlooks closer to a Tim Burton inspired amusement park.

ANDY (CONT'D)

And here we have the whole park thing.

The screen cuts to the half pipe with a shark tank underneath.

ANDY (CONT'D)And here's the new mini ramp, completewith live tiger sharks.

The screen shows the spiralling death vortex.

ANDY (CONT'D)And here's the death vortex.

The screen shows the kill-o-tine, a ramp with a giantguillotine attached to it.

ANDY (CONT'D)And no skate park would be completewithout the kill-o-tine.

TOWNSPERSON #1I'm sorry, did you say you're goingto "kill a teen"?

ANDY

No, kill-o-tine. Like guillotine,except with kill.

TOWNSPERSON #1(sarcastic)

Oh, that's much better.

The townspeople start chattering.

TOWNSPERSON #2I thought the whole point of thiswas to make a less dangerousskatepark, not one in which our kids

have to watch out for sharp objectsand aquatic predators.

TIGERSHARK FANHey, Tiger sharks rule!

ANDYWell that's a good point, but I askedyour kids what they wanted out of askatepark, and this was it.


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28.

TOWNSPERSON #3How much is this monstrosity goingto cost us?

Andy looks over some papers.

ANDY

Um, let's see... 8 million dollars.

The audience is shocked, starts BOOING.

TOWNSPERSON #4This is outrageous! I'm sick ofthis town taking money out of mykids' mouths!

APRILWhy are you feeding your kids money?

SKATER KIDWait a sec! Weren't you hanging outwith that dude that was trying tosell drugs to us at the skatepark,and passing it off as cologne?

ANDYWell sure, but Tom was just tryingto think of new ways of selling hisproduct.

More loud BOOING.

Leslie takes over at the podium and brushes Andy aside.

LESLIE(cheery)

Alright I've heard some great feedbackand we'll take all your concernsinto consideration. After all, we'restill in the planning stages of thisthing.

LESLIE TALKING HEAD

LESLIE (CONT'D)

This is a catastrophe. This skateparkneeds to die.

INT. PAWNEE POLICE STATION - CONTINUOUS - N1

A POLICE OFFICER leads Ron towards a cell, where Tom issitting.

TOMWhat are you doing here?


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RONWhat do you think? Bailing you out.

TOMI don't deserve it. I mean is thiswhat my life is now? Just a seriesof embarrassments? Bankrupting a

corporation, selling kids drugs,never becoming the next billionaireentrepreneur I always envisionedmyself as?

RONProbably.

TOMThanks.

RON

Look, it's not a big deal if younever become successful with any ofyour "endeavors". In the end it'sjust a dream, it's not reality.

TOMSo you're saying I should give up.

RONNo, I'm just saying you should loweryour expectations. You think J.P.Morgan envisioned that he'd--

TOMWho?

RON(sighs)

Ok. You think that Mark Zuckercornguy was planning on that Facebookthing becoming as huge as it did?He was just another kid with somestupid dream that I don't understand.Just like you.

TOM

So you still think there's hope forme to be a success?

RONWhy not?

Tom gets up and exits with Ron.


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30.

INT. CITY HALL - AUDITORIUM - LATER - N1

Leslie is at the podium.

LESLIEAnd I believe that's it for tonight.Thanks everybody for coming out.

The townspeople start exiting. Leslie walks over to Andy.

LESLIE (CONT'D)Andy, why didn't you tell me howexpensive this skatepark would be?

ANDYOh, I thought that didn't matter.

LESLIEOf course that mattered. That's the

whole reason I hired you.

ANDYOh right. Whoops.

Chris walks over to them.

CHRISThat was an interesting presentation,Andy. I really enjoyed that jokeyou made.

ANDY

What joke?

CHRISThe one where you said the park wouldcost 8 million dollars. For somereason no one else enjoyed it though.

ANDYIt would take 8 million dollars tobuild the skatepark.

CHRISSee, that's hilarious.

LESLIEHe's not joking.

CHRIS(deathly serious)

Oh. Leslie can I talk to you for asecond?


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31.

Chris takes Leslie aside. He starts breathing heavily, tryingto put his anger into words.

CHRIS (CONT'D)Leslie, I-- I--

LESLIE

Chris you don't have to say anything.I'll just nix the whole skate parkidea.

CHRIS(catching his breath)

Oh thank god. I really didn't wantto have to yell at someone. Thatwould have been awful.

Ben enters.

CHRIS (CONT'D)Sorry to say it Ben, but it appearsCoolasauras Rex will remain extinct.

Chris exits.

BENI take it the skate park's nothappening.

LESLIEI just feel bad for Andy. Ishouldn't have roped him into this

thing.

BENI think he'll be alright.

ANDY AND APRIL TALKING HEAD

ANDYSo maybe the world wasn't ready forAndy Dwyer'sskatetorial vision. Ohwell, at least I got to meet somereally cool kids.

ZOOM OUT to reveal Andy giving noogies to Jimmy, the skater.

ANDY (CONT'D)Like this little guy.

JIMMYHow long are you gonna keep givingme noogies? My mom wanted me to behome for dinner a half hour ago.


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32.

ANDYThat's ok, you can have dinner atour house. Tonight we're having hotdog stew.

APRILI told you Andy, I'm not allowing

kids in the house until I'm sixty.

ANDYFine.

Andy let's Jimmy go. As Jimmy walks off, Andy gazes sadlyat him.

ANDY (CONT'D)They grow up so fast don't they?

APRIL

Ok, fine. We can have him over fordinner.

ANDYYes!

END OF ACT THREE


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33.

TAG

INT. PARKS DEPT. OFFICE - DAY 4

Ben is in the Coolasauras Rex outfit, hiding under Jerry'sdesk. Tom stands watch.

BENThis is ridiculous. How much longerdo I have to wait?

TOMHe should be getting back from lunchany second.

Jerry enters and walks towards his desk.

TOM (CONT'D)Hey Jerry. How was your lunch?

JERRY(suspicious)

Good. Thanks for asking.

TOMThat's wonderful.

Jerry stops at his desk.

JERRYIs there a reason you're being so--

Ben jumps up from under the desk, YELLING.

Jerry SCREAMS, then immediately punches Ben in the face.Every one is stunned.

Ben takes off the mask, his nose bleeding.

TOMHoly crap, Jerry!

BENI guess I deserved that.

JERRYBen, I'm so sorry.

DONNAWarrior, come out to play.

JERRYHuh?

parks and rec - skate park

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