parenting the family circus ebook

7/29/2019 Parenting the Family Circus eBook

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Parenting the Family Circus

The Art of Gracefully Running

Life Under the Big Top

The Laundry Moms Parenting E-Book

Authors under the Big Top:

Terri Bonin, Kali Gillespie,

Erin Lichnovsky, & Angela Rose


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INTRODUCTION:

The Greatest Show on Earth

The family is Gods idea. It is the place where

mankind is born, where infants are nourished,

children are corrected, hearts are shaped, boys

become men, and girls transform to womanhood. It

is the genesis of a culture, the heartbeat of a

society, the strength of a nation, the laboratory of

life. Family is Gods plan, it is unequivocally the

Greatest Show on Earth.

Family is where we grow, we heal, we risk, we

dream, we love, we forgive, we thrive, we learn. It is

the backdrop in which the Lord of Heaven came

down to earth. Family is Gods plan, and God has

provided us a blueprint to follow for parenting. He is

the perfect parent, and we look to Him for guidance

and direction for this marvelous adventure.

In this book we are sharing our motherly wisdom

gained from a combined 100 years of parenting 38+


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children (yes, you read that right!) in the nurture

and admonition of the Lord and His ways.

We are real women with all the real challenges

you face in your parenting. It is our firm conviction

that not only can children be successfully raised in

todays wild and crazy world, but that raising

children to understand right and wrong as defined

by God is the only way to help them navigate

through their childhood with their precious spirits

intact.

We offer this book to you as a gift of love and our

vote of confidence in your parenting.

If God has given you children to nurture, then He

will surely help you to raise them.

Now, if youll direct your attention to center

stage, the show will begin!


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TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. The Cast of Characters:

Establishing a Chain of Command

2. The Three Ring Circus:

Juggling the Personalities in Your Home

3. The Care and Feeding of our Performers:

Back to Basics

4. The Great Balancing Act:

Finding Balance in Everyday Life

5. Walking a Tight Rope of Consistency

Learning to Stand Firm in Life

6. Lions and Tigers and Bears- Oh My!:

The Influence of Media in the Home

7. View from the High Wire:

Parenting with Vision

8. The Freak Show:

Keep Your Cool Over Appearances


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9. Keeping Those Balls in the Air:

Routines and Chores

10. The Importance of Intermission (for Mom):

Taking Time Out from the Spot Light


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The Cast of Characters:

Establishing a Chain of Command

by Terri

Families come in all shapes and sizes, from

newlyweds to multi-generations living under one

roof. Just as the family was Gods idea, He also set

up a no-nonsense order of authority, which you

could also call a chain of command.

Establishing a chain of command takes

consistency. If a parent lacks follow through, the

kids will set themselves up against each other and

dissention will reign.

My kids know that ultimately Daddy has the last

word, but if he is not home and it is a trivial matter,

Mom lays down the law.

Tip!

Establishingachainofcommandwillkeeplifesimpleinthehome.

Whenaclear,loving,respectableauthorityispresent,justiceand

peacewillflowfreely.


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After that, younger children are to listen to older

siblings since the older ones KNOW the boundariesand expectations under our Big Top.

We practice the chain by the order the kids sit at

the dinner table and in the car. It may seem small,

but the younger ones know that the older ones get

to sit closest to Mom and Dad. As their siblings

grow up and move out, the little ones move up in

the row. This practice solves seating arrangement

disputes and teaches the little ones to respect their

older siblings.

Mommy Said!

I heard a scuffle in the other room. It sounded

like an argument over a beloved toy. Little voices

escalated, drowning out the peace in the house.

I tried to ignore the noise, hoping the tots wouldwork it out. I wanted them to be little men and settle

the dispute maturely.

The next thing I knew, a short person was

tugging on my shirt. Mom, Caden took my sword


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and he wont give it back. He says its his toy, but

you gave it to me for my birthday.

Tell Caden, Mommysaid to give it back.

The look of defeat left Samuels countenance

and he bounded into the other room with

confidence, Mom saidto give it back to me, NOW!

My kids learn early that theres power in my

name. Power to return stolen toys or grant a cookie

before dinner, power to allow mix-matched shoes to

be worn to church on Sunday, power to grant

permission for a sleep over.

Mommy said is the dreaded verbal command to

any offender in our family and the assured victory

cry of the offended. Mommy said can change

everything in an instant.

But Mommy is not always under The Big Top.

For the kids safety, setting up a clear chain of

command is essential.

When Mommy and Daddy are both away from

the house, the young ones MUST know that the


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oldest siblings carry the authority in our name. We

have taught the kids by the way we live daily howthe rank falls. Little enforcements such as the right

to sit near mom and dad teach the little ones the

rank.

For instance, when Daddy is away during

dinnertime for an emergency patient, the oldest son

moves up the table and sits in his chair. He prays

for dinner and leads the highs and lows, our

familys way to get each person at the table to talk

about the high point and low point of their day.

Everyone moves up a chair and the kids learn

through practice that they each will move up in rank

in due time. As the Ring Masters wife, I train the

circus whether the Ring Master is home or not.

Teaching our Cast of Characters the chain of

command keeps order in our home.

I can trust that when my husband and I take a

night away, the young ones will obey the voice of

the oldest Character in charge.


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This could save a life if they are playing outside

and this gives the Ring Master and me the freedomto enjoy our time away from our Circus.

Ultimately my children know that The Ring

Master and I answer to a Higher Authority, and that

all the power is in His name.

We desire our Characters to respect Heavenly

and earthly authority, so we practice the chain of

command under our Big Top.

Lovingly teach your clowns the chain of

command and watch order come to your circus.

ThenameoftheLord

isastrongtower,

therighteousman

runsintoit

andissafe.Proverbs18:10


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The Three Ring Circus:

Juggling the Personalities in Your Homeby Angela

Life can truly feel like a three ring circus at times

when managing a busy household, especially if you

have multiple characters under one big top.

When God gives us many different personalitiesin our homes, we sometimes feel exhausted trying

to juggle the moods and different qualities everyone

brings to center stage!

You might have a lion tamer personality, a

clown, a tightrope walker, and maybe even

someone who does not want to be in the circus at

all, but would rather travel around taking the stance

of no cruelty to animals.

Tip!

LearnthePersonalities

inYourHomefor

morePeace&Harmony


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So many different people under one roof does

make for an adventure when trying to keep life inorder. It also takes effort to discover the direction to

encourage each performer, especially when

seeking their God given talents.

The Master Planner created each one of us with

different strengths and weaknesses. Realizing this

allows us to gain insight into accepting those

qualities without putting a damper them.

We can encourage the clown to be the center of

attention and make everyone around himself laugh,

and we can understand why the tightrope walker

insists on being so precise in everything she does!

It is vitally important to know when to encourage

the Ring Master to lead, but also make sure he or

she has a humble heart. He must lead with

sensitivity toward his fellow siblings who have

different personalities than he does.

My own Big Top has every personality present,

which used to cause many tears and much


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heartache wondering why this child or that one

could not just think like me.

I would try to motivate one child to keep her

room clean when all she wanted to do was color or

play outside.

I also had a child whose bed was made before

breakfast, and whose school work was done by

noon. This was not only frustrating, but also

confusing as a young mom wanting to keep rules in

and order about our day!

At one point, my analytical husband was trying to

communicate with my very artistic child. He wanted

to make sure her feelings were not hurt. The

different personalities on display were so far from

each other!

I felt like I was in the middle of a circus and allthe animals had been let out of their cages!

I was concerned that their relationship was

headed for a lions den. We needed to do

something fast before this child acted out her


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frustration by running into the arms of some Mr.

Wrong to feel loved and understood!

Communication is so vital when dealing with

many different personalities in your home. Allowing

each personality to feel accepted and honored is

the key to helping everyone feel a part of the team!

Each blessing from heaven was strategically

placed in your family in order to cover each others

weaknesses and benefit from each others

strengths so you can work together with diversity in

harmony as a complete family.


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Thinking Outside the Box:

Planning the Life of Your DreamsBy Angela

Our family had just experienced a fun-filled

evening at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo.

We were laughing, singing, and talking as we drove

home.

I asked each child in turn what his or her favorite

part of the rodeo had been. Everyone was sharing

in the excitement. In the energy of the moment, I

told the kids that they could be anything God had

put in their hearts to be when they grew up!

I just wanted them to have the freedom to dream

big dreams about their future!

To encourage them, I began asking each child,

What would you like to be when you grow up?

Chelsie, the oldest, said she wanted to be an

artist.


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Levi, the youngest at the time, said he wanted to

be a cowboy, no doubt influenced by his Daddy andthe more than 50,000 cowboys we had just seen at

the rodeo!

Then I asked Bailey, our middle child, what she

dreamed of being. In her cute 5-year-old voice she

bellowed out, A TENNIS PLAYER!

What? Did I hear her correctly?

NO ONE in our family had ever played tennis, or

even been to a tennis match.

Our dog didnt even own a tennis ball the kidscould throw for him!

Where in the world did this come from??

Trying not to sound like I was in shock, and

wanting to play the encouraging, ever loving

mother, I replied, WOW, thats sounds interesting

Bailey! How did you decide that you wanted to

become a tennis player?


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She ever so light-heartedly responded, Oh I

dont know. The outfits are just so cute!!!

We all roared with laughter. Thats our Bailey,

her Daddy acknowledged, realizing that our little

fashionista was, even at an early age, thinking

totally outside of the box!

You have different personalities in your home,

just as I do. We must learn to encourage each one

in their own strengths for the Glory of their Father in

heaven!

Theeyecannotsaytothehand,

Idontneedyou!

Andthehead

cannotsay

tothefeet,

Idontneedyou!

Onthecontrary,thosepartsofthebody

thatseemtobeweaker

areindispensable,

andthepartsthatwethink

arelesshonorable

wetreatwith

specialhonor

1Corinthians12:1


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The Care and Feeding of our Performers:

Back to Basicsby Kali

When things get a little crazy in our circus/home,

Ive learned (at times, the hard way) to take a few

steps back out of the ring and make sure were allgetting the basics: good food and good sleep!

These two vital life requirements so often get

pushed aside to the already narrow margins of our

lives. And oh, do we suffer for it.

I know what happens when I forget to consider

the "main act" of my life- and Ive learned I must not

undermine the importance of it.

What really should be the sideshows often

include the activities that end up squeezing out the

Invainyouriseearly

andstayuplate,

toilingforfoodtoeat

forhegrantssleep

tothoseheloves.

Psalm127:2


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priorities.

How often do you find yourself rushing out the

door, missing breakfast, to get one of your kids to a

music lesson on time?

Or coming home at the dinner hour after a

soccer practice or dance class, with no dinner

prepared?

Do you end up throwing on some pasta and

jarred sauce, with no time to make a salad?

After too many days in a row like this, before we

know it, theres more tears than smiles, more freak-outs than laughter and way more stress than

peace. The minor problems start to look like majors,

and show time is just no fun at all.

Contrast that scene with happy productive

children, and parents that fall into bed at the end of

the day, exhausted but satisfied. The proper care

and feeding of our families is truly the foundation of

successful lives.

There's also something restorative that takes


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place when we allow ourselves the pleasure of

spending time without rushing to make a big pot ofsoup, maybe baking some bread, or chopping a

huge bowl of veggies for a big salad.

Meals don't need to be extravagant to be healthy

and nourishing! Simple stews, soups, roasted

veggies and salads with fresh breads can all be

prepared in under an hour. (Check the archives for

some fabulous recipes here!)

Next to food, the other back-to-basic remedy is

the ever-coveted sleep. Years ago, a friend

recommended the "8:30 Prescription" to me.

This is a simple yet brilliant solution guaranteed

to alleviate a whole myriad of ailments!

The remedy is simple: go to bed at 8:30 pm for

three nights in a row!

To really ramp up the sleep benefits, take action

to improve the quality of those precious zzzz's.

Blackout curtains, earplugs, and wool bedding

can really boost the restorative process. Cut the


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afternoon caffeine, go for a brisk walk in the late

afternoon and sleep should come easily bybedtime. And who doesn't want to feel more

rested?!

Better sleep, and more of it, is the best cure for

fatigue (of course), mood swings, colds & flus, and

pretty much any other ache & pain. And make sure

those little ones are in bed on time too!

Add an afternoon cat nap to your Back to

Basics focus of good food and early nights, and

you and your troupe will be back on the flying

trapeze in no time!

Thereisnothingbetter

foraperson

thanthatheshouldeatanddrink

andfindenjoymentinhistoil.

ThisisfromthehandofGod,forapartfromhimwhocaneat

orwhocanhaveenjoyment?Ecclesiastes2:24-25


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The Great Balancing Act

Finding Balance in Everyday Life

by Erin

Remember, as far as anyone knows,

we are a normal family!

This sign hangs proudly on the wall in our

kitchen. It has become one of our informal family

mottos, reminding us not to sweat the small stuff

and that, though we may LOOK like a circus side-

show, normal is a relative term.

TIP!Parentinginthemoderneratakeswisdomanddiscernment.Knowing

yourchildsbentinlifecanhelp

youtodecidewhichactivitieswill

addvalue

toyourfamilyandwhichones

will ull oua art.


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I grew up in the 70s. My dad worked a traditional

job as an engineer with NASA, my mom worked asa realtor. I had an older brother and a few friends

my age to play with, but for the most part, I felt

alone, and always wished I had more people

around.

Anyone looking at our home would have called

us a normal, middle-class family.

While some may have thought that life was

normal, to me, there was a longing, an angst, that I

just couldnt identify.

Gilligans Island and Charlies Angels were both

a reflection of my life both were void of infants,

toddlers, and little kids.

The thing is, I rarely ever saw babies or younger

kids, unless their last names were Partridge orBrady. Never in my wildest dreams would I have

imagined a home like the one Im currently

managing, which is a busy family of ten people.


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Though oftentimes we feel like were living out

our own sit-com, within our small three bedroomhome lives a daughter preparing for marriage,

working two part time jobs and attending college full

time; a son who is a full time college student, also

working a part time job and running a music studio

from our home; a 16 year old daughterhomeschooling full time and teaching ballroom

dance lessons, while also interning weekly for a

local doctor and interning for a theater company; a

13 year-old son who interns at a local restaurant in

order to be a professional chef, while completing

his weekly homeschooling requirements and

participating in theater; and four little girls who are

10, 8, 5, and 2, each at different skill levels

academically; all full of life and creativity.

My husband, a gifted musician and songwriter,works from home on four different jobs in order to

provide for our growing family.


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I mainly stay home with the family, cooking,

cleaning, reading, writing, schooling, disciplining,and child training all the crew.

Over the years I have worked part-time from

home for a local Classical school my kids attend as

well as tutoring on the side several hours a week.

To the outsider it looks like were a little crazy.

To society we dont appear normal.

But were not living our life for them

Balancing family life was not learned in a book,

or growing up. It came from years of on-the-job

training. My childhood, though pleasant and happy,

didnt prepare me for the crazy schedules we keep

today.

When I am asked the question, How on earth do

you do it all? my heart wishes I could pull up a

chair and sit with the questioner, and tell them the

story of how hard it was finding the balance.

For years we learned by trial and error that every

child does NOT have to play sports just because


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one did. We learned that every child does NOT

need to be in choir because the oldest was. Thebiggie was that just because the church doors were

opened, that did not mean we needed to be there

every time.

We learned the difference between good, better,

and best, and that sometimes we can be closer to

the Lord as a family by just staying home on

Sunday and Wednesday nights.

We learned the value of margin time, and

keeping our Saturdays open for whatever came up.

Most importantly, we learned that not every day

needed to be scheduled. God, in His sovereign

ways, equipped us to roll with the tide over the

years by giving us all these kids and teaching us

that flexibility is not only a virtue, but an essential

one.

The great balancing act happens when God, the

author of perfect order and balance, is the center of

the home and parents the parent.


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That means that we forget about what anyone

else expects of us, and simply try to live up to whatwe believe God expects of us.

ThussaystheLord:

Standinthewaysandseeandask

fortheoldpaths,wherethegood

wayisandwalkinit;thenyouwill

findrestforyoursouls.

Jeremiah6:16-17


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Walking a Tight Rope of Consistency

Learning to Stand Firm in Life

By Terri

Children yearn for strong parents who

are rel iable and consistent. An inconsistent

parent is undependable, unreliable, and

ult imately disappointing to a child.

A parent that blows with the wind wil l

raise children that do not respect authority,

boundaries or deadlines.

Before I had children, I imagined myself

Tip!

Beingconsistentisoneofthemostimportantdisciplineswe

exerciseasparents,andoneof

themostdifficultones.


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l iving out daily routines with my litt le ones

morning, noon, and night. Then I had a

REAL baby and everything changed.

My perfect l i t t le circus rings came to l i fe

with fire! Jumping through hoops was no

longer so easy. Exhaustion challenged my

priorit ies as I struggled through completing

the daily tasks of a homemaker.

I realized that my children were growing

and the chores were, too. Training the

hearts of my children MUST become as

important as the daily household chores.

Simply dressing and feeding kids is SO

MUCH EASIER than taking the time to get

in the ring with them and shape their souls.

The truth is we only have a short window

of opportunity to shape them before


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permanent habits set l ike cement blocks in

their character.

Consistency is inconvenient, but

essential if our family circus is going to

perform in sync. Without consistency our

family Big Top will be fi l led with untamed

wild animals running amuck.


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The Inconvenience of Consistency

by Terri

Suitcases sprawled over the rooms,

begging to be zipped and put away after

our tr ip. Laundry fel l off the folding table,

begging to be hung and put away. The baby

wore a soggy diaper, with only one left on

the shelf.

Several children scurried around the

house, passing the last toi let paper rol l

from bathroom to bathroom. I knew this

from the voices hollering, Can someone

come help me, please?

Everywhere I looked, something begged

to be cleaned, put away or restocked. I felt

out of sorts with the household in such

disarray, and disorderliness pursuing hard


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and fast in our home after many days away.

Urgent chores negated the peace that

our vacation had so lavishly bestowed on

my soul.

So many odds and ends reached for my

attention, called for my t ime, and begged

for my hands.

As I surveyed the demanding to dos

that screamed so loudly, a soft, tender

voice penetrated my thoughts as my three-

year-old announced, Its time for Bible.

He knows our normal routine.

Drip, drip, drip

His milk spil led off the

table and onto the f loor, adding to the

unsightly chaos.

I took my eyes off of my keys and


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brought my unruly thoughts back into

submission.

I could not escape to Super Target and

nurse a Venti-latte while I shopped.

My anticipated mini break was pushed to

the back of the l ine for the moment.

Reading with my son was the most

pressing thing on my to do list that

morning.

His precious, fast growing soul would not

wait for me to get i t together before I

focused on him.

He was being shaped, whether by my

effort or by my neglect.

He was being shaped whether I did the

shaping or not.


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Indeed, everythingelse could wait.

I said, Yes, it s time for Bible.

We called the rest of the kids into the

den for our morning reading. We read about

David and Goliath.

I needed a hero like David, an example

of courage; of doing the hard thing, of

stepping forward in faith regardless of

outward appearances.

The story comforted me and energized

my young boys. After our t ime together,

they excitedly talked about if they were

David and dreamed of slaying their own

giants.

Courage, strength, and love were sewn

in stitches into my kids souls while the

urgent work impatiently waited for my


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attention.

The urgent things never leave. They will

press their demands into my days for the

rest of my l i fe. These children, however,

will not.

Their cherub cheeks and goofy laughs

will grow into busy adult l ives, whether I

stop and take part in their training or

neglect i t al l together.

The truth is I always do what I deem truly

important, whether i t s convenient or not:

I regularly tie my tie my tennis shoes and

head out the front door for a brisk evening

walk because energy is important to me.

I go on regular dates with my husband

and I enjoy his company because my

marriage is important to me.


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I take my vitamins in hopes of remaining

strong for my family long into the evening

of my l i fe because health is important to

me.

There is time in my day for each truly

important task. If I really want something

badly enough, I si lence the urgent,

sacrifice other to dos, and accomplish

the important.

My kids souls are importantto me. They

are the future generation that wil l slay

giants or cower in fear.

We, as moms, cannot wait for the right

time to teach our children biblical

principals straight from the word. Sitt ing

down calmly to read, think, and discuss

with the kids is never easy when the house


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looms with unfinished chores, but i t s

necessary because the chores never end

and the kids are growing fast.

Know that what you do behind closed

doors with your children will reap public

fruit in due time. You are giving them the

gift of yourself, of understanding priorit ies,

of putt ing f irst things f irst, as author

Stephen Covey always said.

If your children are ever to learn to put

the world aside and commune with God, it

must be learned from your example.

If your children are ever to learn that

they are the masters of their fate, and they

can control their environment, i t must be

learned from your example.

Read and enjoy the fol lowing tel l ing


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poem by Anon:

As the Twig

We, the youth who shock you so,

Ask, How much did you help us grow?

You gaze at us with astonishment.

Where were you when the twig was bent?

If you wanted saplings tall and straight,

Why did you wait? Why did you wait?

You gave us bread. Did that atone

For the days and nights we were left

alone?

You laughed our heroes from their height

And left them worthless in our sight.

They lost their standards in the dust;

Their weapons dulled with bitter rust.

And when we asked for God, you turned

Our answers back with doubt that

burned.


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We watched you tempt the hand of fate.

The world plunged into war and hate

In mockery of brother-love;

Nothing on earth, nothing above!

You blame us for skirt ing dangers

brink

We want to feel, for we dare not think.

Who asks good fruit from a well-grown

tree

Must take the time for husbandry

(Anon: via Soul Sculpture)

Trainupachild

inthewayheshouldgo;

evenwhenheisold

hewillnotdepartfromit.

Proverbs22:6


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Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh My!

By Angela

In this day and age, our lives are fast paced andmedia savvy.

Lets face it, our kids know how to surf the

internet, Google anything, i.m. on their iPod, while

Facebooking, Tweeting, and pinning their favorite

photos on Pinterest. And they can do it all at the

same time!

Life is much different in this media-dominated

world. We are influenced by the influx of digital

technology, as it is all around us, every day, all the

time.

Dont get me wrong: I do love my technology as

much as any app-addicted teenage girl.

Tip!

Tamethemediainyourhome!


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Its quite nice to have Google as a mamas

helper when those difficult questions arise

likewhere the nearest dog groomer or dry cleaners is,

or figuring out how much butter I might need for a

recipe.

At the same time, we must as parents realize

that we have to be the parents when it comes to

media influencing our children.

While researching for a paper on the influence of

music on the brain, I was blown away by how much

we as human beings are programmed by the words

we speak. Television shows are called

programming for a reason.

We do have a TV. set in our home, its just not

connected to any dish, satellite, or antenna.

Yes, we do watch the occasional fun or inspiringfamily movie.

But we have also made a conscious choice that

we do not want our children to be influenced by

societys with values we do not agree with, or


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exposed to media that does not represent Godly

character.

We do have a choice.

We can choose to ignore the elephant in the

room called the TV, computer, or gaming system;

or we can choose to set boundaries for that wild

animal and tame it before it ravages our most

precious gifts from above, our children!


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Protecting Children from Pornography

By Angela

It was a hot Texas July, and we were camping.

We had electricity, but it was still camping! The kids

were settling into the campground, making Dallas

our new home away from home for the week.

A few days into our adventure, we needed to do

laundry. I started the laundry at the campground

Laundromat, and then the kids jumped into the

swimming pool.

When we were done, one child asked to go

ahead and walk back to get rinsed off in the shower

before we all piled into the mini-casa for some

family bonding.

I said sure, that we would be right there.

We gathered our things and arrived back at the

camper a few minutes after the other child. Little did

I realize the danger that was lurking so close to us.


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The kids know we have NO secrets in our family.

We regularly check Facebook, emails, and textmessages to keep everyone accountable for their

actions.

This is to safeguard them, as well as set them up

for success before any red flags might happen and

things get out of control. Plus, we want to keep

open lines of communication for situations or

conversations they have where they might need

some guidance.

So as we got back to the camper, I realized my

child had been alone in the camper with a

computer, with no protection on the internet.

My heart sank. As I pulled up the history, I

discovered that my child had been exposed to

pornography!

An innocent curiosity in a Google search had

opened the door for shattered innocence!


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Devastation, anger, and sobs filled that tiny

camper as I tried to pull myself together to have aheart to heart with my child.

After much conversation, prayer, and

repentance the initial situation was resolved, but the

images implanted in this young mind could not be

erased.

We must be proactive in safeguarding our

children on a daily basis. Taking precautionary

measures to set boundaries like only allowing the

family computer to be in a visible location, adding a

web protection software, and setting time

restrictions will help the fight to keep our childrens

innocence in the battle we face for their futures.

As parents, we cannot let our guard down. We

must protect their innocence at all times. The evil in

this world is too pervasive and too tempting for us

to think we can ignore this issue.


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What we allow in our homes through media has

the power to rob them of their innocence and candestroy their adult lives if left unchecked.

Learn from our tragic mishap. We must be set up

multiple layers of boundaries in order to protect

ourselves and our children from the rampant

immorality and pornography that is readily available

on the internet.

Donotbe

conformedtothisworld,

butbetransformedbytherenewalofyourmind,

thatbytesting

youmaydiscernwhatis

thewillofGod,

whatisgoodandacceptableandperfect.

Romans12:2


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View from the High Wire

Parenting with VisionBy Erin

I just dont know how my son is going to turn

out! one parent asks.

How do you discipline a child that wont listen,

or one who keeps repeating the same offense day

after day? worries another.

What does it mean to have a parenting view

from the high wire?

TIP!Donotlettheweedsofdailylife

blindyoufromtheview

thatisonlyavailablefromthehighwire.

Zoomoutyourfocus,writedownyourvision

foryourfamilyandeachchild,and

parentthemwithrecklessabandon.


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What does it mean to parent with vision?

Whose vision? What vision?

How do you even find a vision?

Many parents think they can teach their kids that

if they just try hard enough, they can do anything

they set their mind to.

You may even know a parent who believes that,

God has called my son to be a doctor, a lawyer, or

a major league baseball player, when in reality,

any bystander can see that the backyard scientist

who is busy chasing butterflies might be preparingalready for a future life of botany research, or the

role of Puck inA Midsummers Nights Dream.

Parenting with Vision means viewing your family

through Gods eyes, not your own expectations and

personal ambitions.

It means laying down your desires for that child

and asking God to show you His vision. How does

HE want you to parent that child as an individual?


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What direction is that life headed and how can

you best water the soil of their soul so that they willone day soar with eagles?

Write the Vision

My favorite week of the year is the time between

Christmas and New Years Day. Its the week

where I can look back over the past year, thank

God for all He has done, and look ahead to the new

year with anticipation and joy.

My journals are filled with prayers for myhusband and children written during those weeks.

When they were young, I bought a new journal and

inside each page I traced a copy of every family

members hand, glued a picture of them on the right

side, and wrote down what I was praying for them.

Looking back on those pages brings tears to my

eyes because I see how God has brought to pass

the vision He planted in my heart so many years

ago.


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One thing I knew when I held my first child in my

arms, was that I wanted her to love the Lord with allher heart, mind, soul, and strength. In Him is

perfect love, so I knew that if she knewHim and

lovedHim, that everything else would fall into place

in her life.

I knew she would not be promised an easy road

in life, and suffering most likely would be in her

future; but if she had an anchor for her soul, her life

would be a success.

Sowwithavisionofrighteousness,

reapaccordingtokindness,

breakupthefallowground,foritistimetoseektheLorduntilHe

comestorainrighteousnessonyou.Hosea10:12


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The Freak Show:

Keep Your Cool Over Appearancesby Terri

Being a parent means walking a tight rope

between complete humiliation and abundant pride

on any given day. In fact, if you want to stayhumble, become a parent.

On special days everyone may need to look just

so. But sometimes we just need to ignore

appearances in order to get everything done that

we need to do in a day.

Other times it is necessary for us to purposefully

ignore outward appearances, so that we can reach

the hearts of our children. Some days we have to

Tip!

Appearancescanbedeceiving!Caremoreaboutyourchildsheart

thanyoudoaboutthefadyoudetestthathesenjoying.


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choose to love them rather than getting hung up on

their weird shirt or funky hair.

If we are always forcing them to dress and act

just the way we think they should dress and act,

especially in adolescence, we will push their hearts

so far away that we will lose all influence in their

lives.

Each of our kids is unique. I have artsy children,

meticulous children, dramatic daughters, and

competitive sons no two alike.

Naturally as the mom, I try to train them in

etiquette and decorum, while they are still little, then

when they get a bit older I let go and hold my

breath as they create their own circus act.

Years of experience has shown me have that I

can learn a lot about my childs heart by watchinghis/her personal expression. This personal

expression sometimes makes us look like a

complete freak show, but thats ok.


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There is more to life than outwardly appearing to

have the best looking clowns in the Big Top.


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Dont Major on the Minors

Samuel, our beloved four-year-old, has a fetish

for high water pants. If he accidentally puts on a

pair that fits him, a five-minute counseling session

followed by bribery is needed for him to keep them

on.

Why he stays ready for a flood, no one knows,

but we adore the kid and are just thankful he is not

naked. Besides, when you are one of ten kids in a

busy household, you get away with this type of

thing regularly.

And when you are a tired, post partumparentof

ten kids, you live by the motto: Pick your Battles.

High water pants and faded t-shirts are the least

of my parenting concerns.

Early Friday morning, I decided to run to Wal-

Mart with my not so stylish Samuel. He donned his

usual undersized ensemble and I resembled

someone that could have chosen his apparel with

my baggy shirt and fuzzy hair.


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We were quite the pair. It was a Wal-Mart run.

Who would notice, right?

When we arrived at Walmart, we headed to the

McDonalds for an iced tea. While in line, I smiled at

the elderly man behind me.

He smiled back and said in a thick foreign

accent, 1335 Sanders Road, Bethel Temple. We

are giving free clothes for children tomorrow at

noon...every Saturday at noon. 1335 Sanders

Road.

He repeated the address about 5 times. The look

on my face had to be one of shock.

A foreign missionary to the U.S. was trying to

help me dress Samuel!! I quickly tried to recover

with a smile and a gracious, Thank you!

I repeated the address back to reward his efforts

of kindness. I had no intentions of telling him we

donate clothes to his mission!

Oh the irony!


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Needless to say, after that incident, I hid all of

the clothes too small for Samuel, and I promised totame my frizz with a flat iron before leaving the

house ever again!

No more freak shows in public if I can help it.

However, I know better than to major on the

minors.

Mismatched children and awkward outward

appearances are not THAT big of a deal in the

scheme of life.

Youarelookingatthings

astheyareoutwardly.

IfanyoneisconfidentinhimselfthatheisChrists,

lethimconsiderthisagainwithinhimself,

thatjustasheisChrists,soalsoarewe.2Corinthians10:7


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Keeping those Balls in the Air:

Routines and Choresby Kali

Let's face it: all of us endure the occasionalbouts of craziness that home life brings.

As families, we have different degrees of order

and cleanliness that we appreciate in our daily

lives, but the bottom line is that when we don't have

routines and order in our lives, we will feel it.

Our family enjoys pretty basic routines. It's

helpful, especially for the youngest ones, to have a

simple sense of "whats next." Meals seem to be

the "full stops" that our days revolve around, and

TIP:Spontaneitycanstillexist

withintheboundaries

ofasetrhythm,

butthereisacomfortinthepredictabilityofaschedule.

It'seasiertoveerfromtheplan

thantocomeupwithanewplan

everyday!


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chores fall naturally into this rhythm.

Along with routines, shared family

responsibilities are the best way to simply make

sure that the jobs get done. In our house, we have

our "dailies" and "weeklies" for each age & stage.

There's nothing quite so satisfying for kids as

"graduating" from one stage to the next! Kids thrive

when they know what is expected of them, and

learn to follow through on completing certain jobs

before they're free to move on to free time!

In my earlier years of mama-hood, I recall a

more experienced mom telling me that she didnt

"do" anything for her kids that they could do for

themselves.

It's a gift and privilege to serve our families, but I

have adapted this wisdom as a flexible standard toattain.

It helps me pause and consider what my children

are capable of as they grow older, and challenge

myself along with them to be growing and learning


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new skills.

There is a fine balance between giving them a

task that is just slightly more difficult than they think

they are capable of, and pushing them into

something that is frustrating.

When you find that sweet spot of satisfaction that

comes with accomplishing a slightly more

demanding task, kids become surprisingly capable

at a very young ageand we get the help we need!

Here are a few basic ideas to get you started, or

to help change up the chore routines in your home.

Chores for 2 & 3's:

These little ones are often begging for work!

Take advantage of this sweet "I do it!" season

(even when it's not always helpful or convenient) to

train up these little ones with the mindset that work

is fun and satisfying!

Little ones can:


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Make their own beds

Put away toys and books.Tidy an entrance by putting away shoes.

Put away clean dish cloths and towels.

Dust with socks on hands.

Use a squirt bottle with a diluted, all natural

cleaner to wipe down cupboard fronts or

baseboards (vinegar and water works great to

cut grease!)

Use a small, handheld dustpan to sweep little

spots (the corners of stairs and the area under

our lower cabinets are perfect 2 year old

sweeping spots!)

4's and 5's

These eager beavers are still motivated to help,but have become a little more sophisticated in their

expectations of "what's in it for me?

Their little love tanks benefit from lots of

encouragement and reminders that work is FUN!


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Offer lots of praise, and invest in the 1:1 time to

train them to do the job well. They also enjoychecklists, sticker charts or any kind of visual,

colorful, fun recognition and accomplishment.

Ideas:

Dry dishes

Empty garbage from bedrooms or

bathrooms.

Take out compost, recycling, or small

garbage bags.

Sweep small messes with a small "lobby"

broom and dustpan.

Fold simple laundry items and put them

away (without dropping!).

Deliver laundry to other rooms.

Tidy up a room by picking up books or toys

off the floor and putting them away.

Use a large floor broom to sweep.

Weed the garden with supervision.

Water small plants indoors and out.

Sweep off entrances or shake doormats


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outside.

Unload the cutlery racks of the dishwasher.Wipe down spots with a wet rag or using a

squirt bottle to clean surfaces.

Unload small grocery bags and put away

food.

Help with kitchen food prep like measuring,

stirring, squeezing lemons, grating cheese.

Ages 6 to 7

Unload dishwasher and put away dishes inlow cupboards.

Help make lunches or salads (cutting "soft"

fruits & veggies like cucumbers and apples,

washing and/or tearing lettuce)

Mop floorsStart and move over loads of laundry

Wipe down sinks, counters or bathtubs

Vacuum floors and furniture

Collect firewood and bring inside


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Dust surfaces

Ages 8 to 9 and up

At this age, kids love to be independent with their

jobs. Let them have the music on, put the timer on

to keep them focused, and give them some

breathing space to finish the job the way they want

to finish it.

Sample tasks:

Cleaning glass doors, windows and mirrors

within reach

Shopping assistants- older kids are great

cart pushers

Helping with younger siblings- doing puzzles,

reading books, playing games

Increased ability to follow simple recipes

Make lunch: scrambled eggs, toast, simple

sandwiches, cut up veggies

Transcribe shopping lists while driving!

Sweep outside decks


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Wash cars, clean out and wipe insides

Avoiding Frustration

Lowering our expectations is necessary at times

to keep the peace; not so low that kids are taking

shortcuts or cutting corners, but really taking an

honest look at what they are capable of, and

evaluating accordingly.

I have seen the look of discouragement on my

own children's faces at times where I have come

down a little too hard.

Demanding a higher standard than they are

really capable of producing in a given period of time

is so disheartening for them!

Saying "go clean your room" and then arriving to

what appears to still be a mess can be frustrating

for a parent! Clearly communicate what is expected

beforehand, and break down each task into bite-

sized pieces. Directions such as make your bed;

pick up all clothes on the floor; and put your books


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back on the bookshelf are much more helpful.

These are specific tasks that can be completed andchecked in a straightforward, unemotional way.

A wise friend taught me this important lesson

that I still find a challenge to put into action:

You can only EXPECT

what you are willing to INSPECT.

Yes, that means checking their work after it is

done. Every single time.

These are some ideas to get you started

incorporating your children in household tasks!

We all know many hands make lighter work.

Train them up well while they're young, and your

home will be a haven of peace and fun.

Maythefavorof

theLordourGod

restonus;

establishtheworkofourhands

forus-yes,

establishtheworkofourhands.

Psalm90:17


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The Importance of Intermission (for Mom)

by Angela

Sometimes life has a way of moving faster and

faster, and before we know it everything hasbecome like a giant snowball, bolting out of control

down the mountainside.

Women are typically natural born givers. We give

life directly from our bodies, we give food directly

from our bodies, and we give love from our hearts

to those in our lives.

It has been instilled in us from the beginning of

time to be a helpmeet to our husbands, to help in

any way, shape, or form with anything that needs to

Tip!

Astheofficialmanager

ofthehome,itisvital

tomakesureour

lovepitcherisfullinordertopourout

tothosearoundus!


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be done. It is just part of who we were created to

be!

Usually we feel fulfilled when we are able to

meet the needs of our family and those around us.

However, if we have given, and given, and given

for an extended period of time, we can become

exhausted, worn out, irritable, and down right burnt

out.

Taking time out for ourselves to replenish our

spirits, and fill ourselves back up is not only the

right thing to do, but it is extremely healthy for our

well-being and for the well being of all those around

us!


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The Mommy Meltdown

by Angela

Snuggling up on the sofa with a crackling fire in

the fireplace, a good book, or a long-awaited chick

flick with some hot tea and a little chocolate is

nourishment for my soul.

Maybe not like a carrot stick, but more like a cool

drink of water on a hot Texas day!

Life goes by so fast. I have learned the hard way

that if I do not stop and take an hour or two, enjoy alatte and a little time alone, I will pay for it, and so

will everyone else in my path.

Im talking about the dreaded mommy meltdown!

You see, I dont plan on having a mommy

meltdown, but as I continue to say yes, I can do

that; sure I can help with that; you need me to pick

that up? Im happy to volunteer for that project; I will

squeeze that in at some point, I have gone too

far.


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Before you know it, I am frazzled beyond

recognition! I can even end up on the couch fordays when my body is exhausted from taking on

too many commitments!

God has a way of reminding me to slow down,

and its usually through my husband telling me

Please do not take on anything else. It is going to

overload you and be too much!

I enjoyed the movie How Does She Do It with

Sarah Jessica Parker playing the wife, mother, and

also the businesswoman working to further her

career.

She tries to juggle every role society says she

should play, but in the end she feels like a failure

because all the balls come crashing down around

her. Thats because this is an unrealistic picture of

perfection!

Women are HUMANnot SUPERhuman!

The classic scene where Parker is lying in bed,

going over her to-do list, making sure every detail of


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life is covered, from the dry cleaning, to the birthday

party, to whats for dinner that week is my favorite,because I can soooo relate!

How many times have we all done just that? We

lie in bed for hours trying to cover every little detail

we have going on in our lives. We try to sort

everything out in order to control or fix the outcome

according to how we think it should all work out.

We are fixers by nature because we like to

nurture.

Yikes! I am GUILTY of this!

When I relinquish the worry and the desire for

control to the Lord, and realize He does not need

my help, I feel more free.

I can take a few deep breaths, maybe even go

for a walk. It is during these times that I realize He

wants to be the God in my life.

I can step down from the throne and let Him take

control.


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We can all repeat Carrie Underwoods prayerful

plea, Jesus, take the Wheel.

When I give everything to Him, and take time out

for an intermission for mommy, everyone in this

family circus seems to perform better and the

electric excitement about life is contagious!

Cometome,allwholaborandareheavyladen,

andIwillgiveyourest.

Takemyyokeuponyou,

andlearnfromme,forIamgentle

andlowlyinheart,

andyouwillfindrestforyoursouls.

Formyyokeiseasy,

andmyburdenislight.Matthew11:28-30

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