parenting the family circus

7/29/2019 Parenting the Family Circus

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Parenting the Family Circus:

The Art of Gracefully Running

Life Under the Big Top

The Laundry Moms Parenting E-Book

Authors under the Big Top:

Terri Bonin, Kali Gillespie,

Erin Lichnovsky, & Angela Rose

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INTRODUCTION:

The Greatest Show on Earth

The family is Gods idea.It is the place where mankind is born, where

infants are nourished, children are corrected, hearts are shaped, boys

become men, and girls transform to womanhood.It is the genesis of a

culture, the heartbeat of a society, the strength of a nation, the laboratory of

life. Family is Gods plan, it is unequivocally the Greatest Show on

Earth.

Family is where we grow, we heal, we risk, we dream, we love, we forgive,

we thrive, we learn.It is the backdrop in which the Lord of Heaven came

down to earth.Family is Gods plan, and God has provided us a blueprint to

follow for parenting.He is the perfect parent, and we look to Him for

guidance and direction for this marvelous adventure.

In this book we are sharing our motherly wisdom gained from a combined

100 years of parenting 38+ children (yes, you read that right!) in the nurture

and admonition of the Lord and His ways.

We are real women with all the real challenges you face in your parenting. Itis our firm conviction that not only can children be successfully raised in

todays wild and crazy world, but that raising children to understand right and

wrong as defined by God is the only way to help them navigate through their

childhood with their precious spirits intact.

We offer this book to you as a gift of love and our vote of confidence in your

parenting.

If God has given you children to nurture, then He will surely help you to raise

them.

Now, if youll direct your attention to center stage, the show will begin!

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. The Cast of Characters: 5

Establishing a Chain of Command

2. The Three Ring Circus:

Juggling the Personalities in Your Home

3. The Care and Feeding of our Performers:

Back to Basics

4. The Great Balancing Act:

Finding Balance in Everyday Life

5. Walking a Tight Rope of Consistency

Learning to Stand Firm in LifeLearning to Stand Firm in Life

6. Lions and Tigers and Bears- Oh My!:

The Influence of Media in the Home

7. View from the High Wire:Parenting with Vision

8. The Freak Show:

Keep Your Cool Over Appearances

9. Keeping Those Balls in the Air:

Routines and Chores

10. The Importance of Intermission (for Mom):

Taking Time Out from the Spot Light

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The Cast of Characters:

Establishing a Chain of Command

by Terri

Families come in all shapes and

sizes, from newlyweds to multi-

generations living under one roof.Just as the family was Gods idea, He also

set up a no-nonsense order of authority, which you could also call a chain ofcommand.

Establishing a chain of command takes consistency. If a parent lacks follow

through, the kids will set themselves up against each other and dissention

will reign.

My kids know that ultimately Daddy has the last word, but if he is not home

and it is a trivial matter, Mom lays down the law.

After that, younger children are to listen to older siblings since the older ones

KNOW the boundaries and expectations under our Big Top.

We practice the chain by the order the kids sit at the dinner table and in the

car. It may seem small, but the younger ones know that the older ones get to

sit closest to Mom and Dad. As their siblings grow up and move out, the little

ones move up in the row. This practice solves seating arrangement disputes

and teaches the little ones to respect their older siblings.

Mommy Said!

I heard a scuffle in the other room. It sounded like an argument over a

beloved toy. Little voices escalated, drowning out the peace in the house.

I tried to ignore the noise, hoping the tots would work it out. I wanted them to

be little men and settle the dispute maturely.

The next thing I knew, a short person was tugging on my shirt. Mom, Cadentook my sword and he wont give it back. He says its his toy, but you gave it

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Tip!Establishing a chain of command

will keep life simple in the home.When a clear, loving, respectable

authority is present, justice andpeace will flow freely.


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to me for my birthday.

Tell Caden, Mommysaid to give it back.

The look of defeat left Samuels countenance and he bounded into the other

room with confidence, Mom saidto give it back to me, NOW!

My kids learn early that theres power in my name. Power to return stolen

toys or grant a cookie before dinner, power to allow mix-matched shoes to

be worn to church on Sunday, powerto grant permission for a sleep over.

Mommy said is the dreaded verbal command to any offender in our family

and the assured victory cry of the offended. Mommy said can change

everything in an instant.

But Mommy is not always under The Big Top.For the kids safety, setting up

a clear chain of command is essential.

When Mommy and Daddy are both away from the house, the young ones

MUST know that the oldest siblings carry the authority in our name. We

have taught the kids by the way we live daily how the rank falls. Little

enforcements such as the right to sit near mom and dad teach the little ones

the rank.

For instance, when Daddy is away during dinnertime for an emergency

patient, the oldest son moves up the table and sits in his chair. He prays for

dinner and leads the highs and lows, our familys way to get each person

at the table to talk about the high point and low point of their day.

Everyone moves up a chair and the kids learn through practice that they

each will move up in rank in due time. As the Ring Masters wife, I train the

circus whether the Ring Master is home or not.

Teaching our Cast of Characters the chain of command keeps order in our

home.

I can trust that when my husband and I take a night away, the young ones

will obey the voice of the oldest Character in charge.

This could save a life if they are playing outside and this gives the Ring

Master and me the freedom to enjoy our time away from our Circus.

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Ultimately my children know that The Ring Master and I answer to a Higher

Authority, and that all the power is in His name.

We desire our Characters to respect Heavenly and earthly authority, so we

practice the chain of command under our Big Top.

Lovingly teach your clowns the chain of command and watch order come to

your circus.

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The name of the Lord

is a strong tower,the righteous man

runs into it

and is safe.Proverbs 18:10


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The Three Ring Circus:

Juggling the Personalities in Your Home

by Angela

Life can truly feel like a three ring

circus at times when managing a busy household, especially if you have

multiple characters under one big top.

When God gives us many different personalities in our homes, we

sometimes feel exhausted trying to juggle the moods and different qualities

everyone brings to center stage!

You might have a lion tamerpersonality, a clown, a tightropewalker, and

maybe even someone who does not want to be in the circus at all, but would

rather travel around taking the stance of no cruelty to animals.

So many different people under one roof does make for an adventure when

trying to keep life in order.It also takes effort to discoverthe direction to

encourage each performer, especially when seeking their God given talents.

The MasterPlanner created each one of us with different strengths and

weaknesses. Realizing this allows us to gain insight into accepting those

qualities without putting a damperthem.

We can encourage the clown to be the center of attention and make

everyone around himselflaugh, and we can understand why the tightropewalker insists on being so precise in everything she does!

It is vitally important to know when to encourage the Ring Master to lead, but

also make sure he or she has a humble heart.He must lead with sensitivity

toward his fellow siblings who have different personalities than he does.

My own Big Top has every personality present, which used to cause many

tears and much heartache wondering why this child or that one could not

just think like me.

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Tip!Learn the Personalities

in Your Home formore Peace & Harmony


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I would try to motivate one child to keep herroom clean when all she wanted

to do was color or play outside.

I also had a child whose bed was made before breakfast, and whose school

work was done by noon. This was not only frustrating, but also confusing as

a young mom wanting to keep rules in and order about our day!

At one point, my analytical husband was tryingto communicate with my very

artistic child.He wanted to make sure herfeelings were not hurt.The

different personalities on display were so far from each other!

I felt like I was in the middle of a circus and all the animals had been let out

of their cages!

I was concerned that their relationship was headed for a lions den.We

needed to do something fast before this child acted out her frustration by

running into the arms ofsome Mr. Wrong to feel loved and understood!

Communication is so vital when dealing with many different personalities in

your home.Allowing each personality to feel accepted and honored is the

key to helping everyone feel a part of the team!

Each blessing from heaven was strategically placed in your family in order to

cover each others weaknesses and benefit from each others strengths so

you can work together with diversity in harmony as a complete family.

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Thinking Outside the Box:

Planning the Life of Your Dreams

By Angela

Our family had just experienced a fun-filled eveningat the Houston

Livestock Show and Rodeo. We were laughing, singing, and talking as we

drove home.

I asked each child in turn what his or her favorite part of the rodeo had been.

Everyone was sharing in the excitement. In the energy of the moment, Itold

the kids that they could be anything God had put in their hearts to be when

they grew up!

I just wanted them to have the freedom to dream big dreams about their

future!

To encourage them, I began asking each child, What would you like to be

when you grow up?

Chelsie, the oldest, said she wanted to be an artist.

Levi, the youngest at the time, said he wanted to be a cowboy, no doubt

influenced by his Daddy and the more than 50,000 cowboys we had just

seen at the rodeo!

Then I asked Bailey, our middle child, what she dreamed of being. In her

cute 5-year-old voice she bellowed out, A TENNIS PLAYER!

What?Did I hear her correctly?

NO ONE in our family had ever played tennis, or even been to a tennis

match.

Our dog didnt even own a tennis ball the kids could throw for him!

Where in the world did this come from??

Trying not to sound like I was in shock, and wanting to play the encouraging,

ever loving mother, I replied, WOW, thats sounds interesting Bailey! How

did you decide that you wanted to become a tennis player?

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She ever so light-heartedly responded, Oh I dont know. The outfits are just

so cute!!!

We all roared with laughter. Thats our Bailey, her Daddy acknowledged,

realizing that our little fashionista was, even at an early age, thinking totally

outside of the box!

You have different personalities in yourhome, just as I do.We must learn to

encourage each one in their own strengths for the Glory of their Father in

heaven!

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The eye cannot say

to the hand,I dont need you!

And the headcannot say

to the feet,I dont need you!

On the contrary,those parts of the body

that seem to be weaker

are indispensable,and the parts that we think

are less honorable

we treat withspecial honor

1 Corinthians 12:1


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The Care and Feeding of our Performers:

Back to Basics

by Kali

When things get a little crazy in

our circus/home, Ive learned (at

times, the hard way) to take a few

steps back out of the ring and make sure were all getting the basics: good

food and good sleep!

These two vital life requirements so often get pushed aside to the already

narrow margins of our lives.And oh, do we suffer for it.

I know what happens when I forget to consider the "main act" of my life- and

Ive learned I must not undermine the importance of it.

What really should be the sideshows often include the activities that end up

squeezing out the priorities.

How often do you find yourself rushing out the door, missing breakfast, to

get one of your kids to a music lesson on time?

Or coming home at the dinner hour after a soccer practice or dance class,

with no dinner prepared?

Do you end up throwing on some pasta and jarred sauce, with no time to

make a salad?

After too many days in a row like this, before we know it, theres more tears

than smiles, more freak-outs than laughter and way more stress than peace.

The minorproblems start to look like majors, and show time is just no fun at

all.

Contrast that scene with happy productive children, and parents that fall into

bed at the end of the day, exhausted but satisfied. The proper care and

feeding of our families is truly the foundation of successful lives.

There's also something restorative that takes place when we allow ourselves

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In vain you rise earlyand stay up late,

toiling for food to eatfor he grants sleep

to those he loves.Psalm 127:2


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the pleasure of spending time without rushing to make a big pot of soup,

maybe baking some bread, or chopping a huge bowl of veggies for a big

salad.

Meals don't need to be extravagant to be healthy and nourishing!Simple

stews, soups, roasted veggies and salads with fresh breads can all be

prepared in under an hour. (Check the archives for some fabulous recipes

here!)

Next to food, the other back-to-basic remedy is the ever-coveted sleep.

Years ago, a friend recommended the "8:30 Prescription" to me.

This is a simple yet brilliant solution guaranteed to alleviate a whole myriad

of ailments!

The remedy is simple: go to bed at 8:30 pm forthree nights in a row!

To really ramp up the sleep benefits, take action to improve the quality of

those precious zzzz's.

Blackout curtains, earplugs, and wool bedding can really boost the

restorative process.Cut the afternoon caffeine, go for a brisk walk in the late

afternoon and sleep should come easily by bedtime. And who doesn't want

to feel more rested?!

Better sleep, and more of it, is the best cure for fatigue (of course), mood

swings, colds & flus, and pretty much any other ache & pain.And make sure

those little ones are in bed on time too!

Add an afternoon cat nap to your Back to Basics focus of good food and

early nights, and you and your troupe will be back on the flying trapeze in no

time!

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There is nothing betterfor a person

than that he should eat and drinkand find enjoyment in his toil.

This is from the hand of God,for apart from him who can eat

or who can have enjoyment?Ecclesiastes 2:24-25


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The Great Balancing Act

Finding Balance in Everyday Life

by Erin

Remember, as far as anyone knows,

we are a normal family!

This sign hangs proudly on the wall in our kitchen.It has become one of our

informal family mottos, reminding us not to sweat the small stuff and that,

though we may LOOK like a circus side-show, normal is a relative term.

I grew up in the 70s.My dad worked a traditional job as an engineer with

NASA, my mom worked as a realtor.I had an older brother and a few friends

my age to play with, but for the most part, I felt alone, and always wished I

had more people around.

Anyone looking at our home would have called us a normal, middle-class

family.

While some may have thought that life was normal, to me, there was a

longing, an angst, that I just couldnt identify.

Gilligans Island and Charlies Angels were both a reflection of my life both

were void of infants, toddlers, and little kids.

The thing is, I rarely ever saw babies or younger kids, unless their last

names were Partridge or Brady.Never in my wildest dreams would I have

imagined a home like the one Im currently managing, which is a busy family

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TIP!

Parenting in the modern era takeswisdom and discernment. Knowing

your childs bent in life can help youto decide which activities will add

valueto your family and which ones

will pull you apart.


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of ten people.

Though oftentimes we feel like were living out our own sit-com, within our

small three bedroom home lives a daughter preparing for marriage, working

two part time jobs and attending college full time; a son who is a full time

college student, also working a part time job and running a music studio

from our home; a 16 year old daughter homeschooling full time and teaching

ballroom dance lessons, while also interning weekly for a local doctor and

interning for a theater company; a 13 year-old son who interns at a local

restaurant in order to be a professional chef, while completing his weekly

homeschooling requirements and participating in theater; and four little girls

who are 10, 8, 5, and 2, each at different skill levels academically; all full oflife and creativity.

My husband, a gifted musician and songwriter, works from home on four

different jobs in order to provide for our growing family.

I mainly stay home with the family, cooking, cleaning, reading, writing,

schooling, disciplining, and child training all the crew.

Over the years I have worked part-time from home for a local Classical

school my kids attend as well as tutoring on the side several hours a week.

To the outsider it looks like were a little crazy.

To society we dont appear normal.

But were not living our life for them

Balancing family life was not learned in a book, or growing up.It came from

years of on-the-job training.My childhood, though pleasant and happy,

didnt prepare me for the crazy schedules we keep today.

When I am asked the question, How on earth do you do it all? my heart

wishes I could pull up a chair and sit with the questioner, and tell them the

story of how hard it was finding the balance.

For years we learned by trial and error that every child does NOT have to

play sports just because one did.We learned that every child does NOT

need to be in choir because the oldest was.The biggie was that justbecause the church doors were opened, that did not mean we needed to be

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there every time.

We learned the difference between good, better, and best, and that

sometimes we can be closer to the Lord as a family by just staying home on

Sunday and Wednesday nights.

We learned the value of margin time, and keeping our Saturdays open for

whatever came up.

Most importantly, we learned that not every day needed to be scheduled.

God, in His sovereign ways, equipped us to roll with the tide over the years

by giving us all these kids and teaching us that flexibility is not only a virtue,

but an essential one.

The great balancing act happens when God, the author of perfect order and

balance, is the center of the home and parents the parent.

That means that we forget about what anyone else expects of us, and

simply try to live up to what we believe God expects of us.

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Thus says the Lord:

Stand in the ways and see and askfor the old paths, where the good

way is and walk in it; then you willfind rest for your souls.

Jeremiah 6:16-17


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Walking a Tight Rope of ConsistencyWalking a Tight Rope of Consistency

Learning to Stand Firm in LifeLearning to Stand Firm in Life

ByBy TerriTerri

Children yearn for strong parents who are reliable and consistent. AnChildren yearn for strong parents who are reliable and consistent. An

inconsistent parent is undependable, unreliableinconsistent parent is undependable, unreliable,, and ultimately disappointingand ultimately disappointing

to a child.to a child.

A parent that blows with the wind will raise children that do not respectA parent that blows with the wind will raise children that do not respect

authority, boundaries or deadlineauthority, boundaries or deadliness..

Before IBefore I hadhad children, I imagined myself living out daily routines with my littlechildren, I imagined myself living out daily routines with my little

ones morning, noonones morning, noon,, and night. Then I had a REAL baby and everythingand night. Then I had a REAL baby and everything

changed.changed.

My perfect little circus rings came to life withMy perfect little circus rings came to life with fire!fire! Jumping through hoopsJumping through hoops

was no longer so easy. Exhaustion challenged my priorities as I struggledwas no longer so easy. Exhaustion challenged my priorities as I struggled

through completing the daily tasks ofthrough completing the daily tasks ofaa homemaker.homemaker.

I realized that my children were growing and the chores were, too. TrainingI realized that my children were growing and the chores were, too. Training

the hearts of my children MUSTthe hearts of my children MUST becomebecome as important as the daily householdas important as the daily household

chores.chores.

Simply dressing and feeding kids is SO MUCH EASIER than taking the timeSimply dressing and feeding kids is SO MUCH EASIER than taking the time

to get in the ring with them and shape their souls.to get in the ring with them and shape their souls.

The truth is we only have a short window of opportunity to shape themThe truth is we only have a short window of opportunity to shape them

before permanent habits set like cement blocks in their character.before permanent habits set like cement blocks in their character.

Consistency is inconvenient, but essential if our family circus is going toConsistency is inconvenient, but essential if our family circus is going to

perform in sync. Without consistency our family Big Top will be filledperform in sync. Without consistency our family Big Top will be filled withwith

untamed wild animals running amuck.untamed wild animals running amuck.

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Tip!Being consistent is one of the

most important disciplines weexercise as parents, and one of

the most difficult ones.


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The Inconvenience of ConsistencyThe Inconvenience of Consistency

byby TerriTerri

Suitcases sprawlSuitcases sprawleded over the roomsover the rooms,, begging to be zipped and put awaybegging to be zipped and put away

after our tripafter our trip.. Laundry fLaundry fellell off the folding tableoff the folding table,, begging to be hung and putbegging to be hung and put

awayaway.. The baby wThe baby woreore a soggy diapera soggy diaper,, with only one left on the shelfwith only one left on the shelf..

Several children scurrSeveral children scurriedied around the housearound the house,, passing the last toilet paper rollpassing the last toilet paper roll

from bathroom to bathroomfrom bathroom to bathroom.. I knI kneew this from the voices hollering,w this from the voices hollering, CanCan

someone come help me, please?someone come help me, please?

Everywhere I lookEverywhere I looked,ed, something begsomething beggedged to be cleaned, put away orto be cleaned, put away or

restocked. I felrestocked. I feltt out of sortsout of sorts with the householdwith the household in such disarrayin such disarray,, andand

disdisorderliness pursuorderliness pursuinging hard and fasthard and fast in our homein our home after many days away.after many days away.

Urgent chores negateUrgent chores negatedd the peace that our vacationthe peace that our vacation hadhad so lavishlyso lavishly

bestowed on my soul.bestowed on my soul.

So many odds and ends reachSo many odds and ends reacheded for my attentionfor my attention,, callcalleded for my timefor my time, and, and

begbeggedged for my hands.for my hands.

As I surveyAs I surveyeded the demandingthe demanding to dosto dos thatthat screamscreameded so loudlyso loudly, a soft,, a soft,

tender voice penetratetender voice penetratedd my thoughts as my three-year-old announcemy thoughts as my three-year-old announcedd, Its, Its

time for Bible.time for Bible.

He knows our normal routine.He knows our normal routine.

Drip, drip, drip His milk spillDrip, drip, drip His milk spilleded off the table and onto the flooroff the table and onto the floor,, adding toadding to

the unsightly chaos.the unsightly chaos.

I tI tookook my eyes off of my keys and brmy eyes off of my keys and broughtought my unruly thoughts back intomy unruly thoughts back into

submissionsubmission..

I cI could notould not escape to Super Target and nurse a Venti-latte while Iescape to Super Target and nurse a Venti-latte while I

shopshopped.ped.

My anticipated mini breakMy anticipated mini break wawas pushed to the back of the line fors pushed to the back of the line forthethe

momentmoment..

Reading with my sonReading with my son wawas the most pressing thing on my to do lists the most pressing thing on my to do list thatthat

morning.morning.

His precious, fast growing soulHis precious, fast growing soul wouldwould not wait for me to get it together beforenot wait for me to get it together before

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I focusI focuseded on him.on him.

HeHe waswas being shapedbeing shaped,, whether by my effort owhether by my effort orrby my neglectby my neglect..

HeHe waswas being shapedbeing shaped whether Iwhether I diddid the shapingthe shaping or not.or not.

Indeed,Indeed,everythingeverythingelseelse couldcould wait.wait.

II saidsaid, Yes, its time for Bible., Yes, its time for Bible.

WWe calle calleded the rest of the kids into the den for our morning reading. We readthe rest of the kids into the den for our morning reading. We read

about David and Goliath.about David and Goliath.

I needI neededed a hero like Davida hero like David,, an example of couragean example of courage;; of doing the hard thingof doing the hard thing,,

of stepping forward in faith regardless of outward appearances.of stepping forward in faith regardless of outward appearances.

The story comfortThe story comforteded me andme and energizedenergized my young boys. After our timemy young boys. After our time

togethertogether,, they excitedly talkthey excitedly talkeded about if they were David and dreamabout if they were David and dreameded ofof

slaying their own giants.slaying their own giants.

Courage, strengthCourage, strength,, and loveand love werewere sewn in stitches into my kids souls whilesewn in stitches into my kids souls while

the urgent work impatiently waitthe urgent work impatiently waiteded for my attention.for my attention.

The urgentThe urgent things never leavethings never leave.. TheyThey will presswill press theirtheirdemanddemandss into my daysinto my days

for the rest of my life. These children, however, will not.for the rest of my life. These children, however, will not.

Their cherub cheeks and goofy laughs will grow into busy adultTheir cherub cheeks and goofy laughs will grow into busy adult liveslives,,

whether I stop and take part in their training or neglect it all together.whether I stop and take part in their training or neglect it all together.

The truth isThe truth is II alwaysalways dodo what I deem truly importantwhat I deem truly important,, whether its convenientwhether its convenient

or not:or not:

II regularlyregularly tie my tie my tennis shoes and head out the front door for a brisktie my tie my tennis shoes and head out the front door for a brisk

evening walk becauseevening walk because eenergy is important to me.nergy is important to me.

I go on regular dates with my husband and I enjoy his company becauseI go on regular dates with my husband and I enjoy his company because mmyy

marriage is important to memarriage is important to me..

I take my vitamins in hopesI take my vitamins in hopes ofofremainremaininging strong for my family long into thestrong for my family long into the

evening of my life becauseevening of my life because hhealth is important to me.ealth is important to me.

There is time in my day for eachThere is time in my day for each truly importantruly important task. If I really wantt task. If I really want

somethingsomething badlybadly enough, I silence the urgentenough, I silence the urgent,, sacrifice othersacrifice otherto dosto dos,, andand

accomplish the important.accomplish the important.

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My kids souls areMy kids souls are importantimportantto me. They are the future generation that willto me. They are the future generation that will

slay giants or cower in fear.slay giants or cower in fear.

We, as moms, cannot wait for the right timeWe, as moms, cannot wait for the right time to teach our children biblicalto teach our children biblical

principals straight from the word.principals straight from the word. Sitting downSitting down calmlycalmly toto readread,, thinkthink,, andand

discussdiscuss with the kidswith the kids is never easyis never easy when the house looms with unfinishedwhen the house looms with unfinished

choreschores,, but itsbut its necessarynecessary because the chores never end and the kids arebecause the chores never end and the kids are

growing fast.growing fast.

Know tKnow thathat whatwhat you do behind closed doors with your children will reapyou do behind closed doors with your children will reap

public fruit in due time.public fruit in due time. You are giving them the gift of yourself, ofYou are giving them the gift of yourself, of

understanding priorities, of putting first things first,understanding priorities, of putting first things first, as author Stephen as author Stephen

Covey always said.Covey always said.

If your children are ever to learn to put the world aside and commune withIfyour children are ever to learn to put the world aside and commune with

God, it must be learned from your example.God, it must be learned from your example.

If your children are ever to learn that they are the masters of their fate, andIfyour children are ever to learn that they are the masters of their fate, and

they can control their environment, it must be learned from your example.they can control their environment, it must be learned from your example.

Read and enjoy the following telling poem by Anon:Read and enjoy the following telling poem by Anon:

As the TwigAs the Twig

We, the youth who shock you so,We, the youth who shock you so,

Ask, How much did you help us grow?Ask, How much did you help us grow?

You gaze at us with astonishment.You gaze at us with astonishment.

Where were you when the twig was bent?Where were you when the twig was bent?

If you wanted saplings tall and straight,If you wanted saplings tall and straight,

Why did you wait? Why did you wait?Why did you wait? Why did you wait?

You gave us bread. Did that atoneYou gave us bread. Did that atoneFor the days and nights we were left alone?For the days and nights we were left alone?

You laughed our heroes from their heightYou laughed our heroes from their height

And left them worthless in our sight.And left them worthless in our sight.

They lost their standards in the dust;They lost their standards in the dust;

Their weapons dulled with bitter rust.Their weapons dulled with bitter rust.

And when we asked for God, you turnedAnd when we asked for God, you turned

Our answers back with doubt that burned.Our answers back with doubt that burned.We watched you tempt the hand of fate.We watched you tempt the hand of fate.

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The world plunged into war and hateThe world plunged into war and hate

In mockery of brother-love;In mockery of brother-love;

Nothing on earth, nothing above!Nothing on earth, nothing above!

You blame us for skirting dangers brinkYou blame us for skirting dangers brink

We want to feel, for we dare not think.We want to feel, for we dare not think.

Who asks good fruit from a well-grown treeWho asks good fruit from a well-grown tree

Must take the time for husbandryMust take the time for husbandry

(Anon: via Soul Sculpture)(Anon: via Soul Sculpture)

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Train up a childin the way he should go;

even when he is oldhe will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6


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Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh My!

By Angela

In this day and age, our lives are fast paced and media savvy.

Lets face it, our kids know how to surf the internet, Google anything, i.m. on

their iPod, while Facebooking, Tweeting, and pinning their favorite photos on

Pinterest. And they can do itall at the same time!

Life is much different in this media-dominated world. We are influenced by

the influx of digital technology, as it is all around us, every day, all the time.

Dont get me wrong: I do love my technology as much as any app-addicted

teenage girl.

Its quite nice to have Google as a mamas helper when those difficult

questions ariselike where the nearest dog groomer or dry cleaners is, or

figuring out how much butter I might need for a recipe.

At the same time, we must as parents realize that we have to be the

parents when it comes to media influencing our children.

While researching for a paper on the influence of music on the brain, I was

blown away by how much we as human beings are programmed by the

words we speak. Television showsare called programming for a reason.

We do have a TV. set in our home, its just not connected to any dish,

satellite, or antenna.

Yes, we do watch the occasional fun or inspiring family movie.

But we have also made a conscious choice that we do not want our children

to be influenced by societys with values we do not agree with, or exposed to

media that does not represent Godly character.

We do have a choice.

We can choose to ignore the elephant in the room called the TV, computer,

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Tip!Tame the media in your home!


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or gaming system; or we can choose to set boundaries for that wild animal

and tame it before it ravages our most precious gifts from above, our

children!

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Protecting Children from Pornography

By Angela

It was a hot Texas July, and we were camping. We had electricity, but it was

still camping!The kidswere settling into the campground, making Dallas our

new home away from home for the week.

A few days into our adventure, we needed to do laundry. I started the

laundry at the campgroundLaundromat, and then the kids jumped into the

swimming pool.

When we were done, one child asked to go ahead and walk back to get

rinsed off in the shower before we all piled into the mini-casa for some family

bonding.

I said sure, that we would be right there.

We gathered our things and arrived back at the camper a few minutes after

the other child. Little did I realize the danger that was lurking so close to us.

The kids know we have NO secrets in our family.We regularly check

Facebook, emails, and text messages to keep everyone accountable for

their actions.

This is to safeguard them, as well as set them up for success before any red

flags might happen and things get out of control. Plus, we want to keep open

lines of communication for situations or conversations they havewhere they

might need some guidance.

So as we got back to the camper, I realized my child had been alone in the

camper with a computer, with no protection on the internet.

My heart sank. As I pulled up the history, I discovered that my child had

been exposed to pornography!

An innocent curiosity in a Google search had opened the door for shattered

innocence!

Devastation, anger, and sobs filled that tiny camper as I tried to pull myselftogether to have a heart to heart with my child.

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After much conversation, prayer, and repentance the initial situation was

resolved, but the images implanted in this young mind could not be erased.

We must be proactive in safeguarding our children on a daily basis. Taking

precautionary measures to set boundaries like only allowing the family

computer to be in a visible location, adding a web protection software, and

setting time restrictions will help the fight to keep our childrens innocence in

the battle we face for their futures.

As parents, we cannot let our guard down. We must protect their innocence

at all times. The evil in this world is too pervasive and too tempting for us to

think we can ignore this issue.

What we allow in our homes through media has the power to rob them of

their innocence and candestroy theiradult lives if left unchecked.

Learn from our tragic mishap.We must be set up multiple layers of

boundaries in order to protect ourselves and our children from the rampant

immorality and pornography that is readily available on the internet.

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Do not beconformed to this world,but be transformed

by the renewal of your mind,thatby testing

you may discern what isthe will of God,

what is good and acceptableand perfect.

Romans 12:2
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+12%3A2&version=ESVhttp://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+12%3A2&version=ESV


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View from the High Wire

Parenting with Vision

By Erin

I just dont know how my son is going to turn out!one parent asks.

How do you discipline a child that wont listen, or one who keeps repeating

the same offense day after day?worries another.

What does it mean to have a parenting view from the high wire?

What does it mean to parent with vision?

Whose vision?What vision?

How do you even find a vision?

Many parents think they can teach their kids that if they just try hard

enough, they can do anything they set their mind to.

You may even know a parent who believes that, God has called my son tobe a doctor, a lawyer, or a major league baseball player, when in reality,

any bystander can see that the backyard scientist who is busy chasing

butterflies might be preparing already for a future life of botany research, or

the role of Puck inA Midsummers Nights Dream.

Parenting with Vision means viewing your family through Gods eyes, not

your own expectations and personal ambitions.

It means laying down yourdesires for that child and asking God to show you

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TIP!Do not let the weeds of daily life

blind you from the viewthat is only available

from the high wire.Zoom out your focus,

write down your visionfor your family and each child, and

parent them

with reckless abandon.


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His vision.How does HE want you to parent that child as an individual?

What direction is that life headed and how can you best water the soil of

their soul so that they will one day soar with eagles?

Write the Vision

My favorite week of the year is the time between Christmas and New Years

Day.Its the week where I can look back over the past year, thank God for

all He has done, and look ahead to the new year with anticipation and joy.

My journals are filled with prayers for my husband and children written

during those weeks.When they were young, I bought a new journal and

inside each page I traced a copy of every family members hand, glued a

picture of them on the right side, and wrote down what I was praying for

them.

Looking back on those pages brings tears to my eyes because I see how

God has brought to pass the vision He planted in my heart so many years

ago.

One thing I knew when I held my first child in my arms, was that I wanted

her to love the Lord with all her heart, mind, soul, and strength. In Him is

perfect love, so I knew that if she knewHim and lovedHim, that everything

else would fall into place in her life.

I knew she would not be promised an easy road in life, and suffering most

likely would be in her future; but if she had an anchor for her soul, her life

would be a success.

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Sow with a vision of righteousness,reap according to kindness,

break up the fallow ground, for it istime to seek the Lord until He

comes to rain righteousness onyou.

Hosea 10:12


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The Freak Show:

Keep Your Cool Over Appearances

by Terri

Being a parent means walking a

tight rope between complete humiliation and abundant pride on any given

day. In fact, if you want to stay humble, become a parent.

On special days everyone may need to look just so. But sometimes we just

need to ignore appearances in order to get everything done that we need to

do in a day.

Other times it is necessary for us to purposefully ignore outward

appearances, so that we can reach the hearts of our children. Some days

we have to choose to love them rather than getting hung up on their weird

shirt or funky hair.

If we are always forcing them to dress and act just the way we think they

should dress and act, especially in adolescence, we will push their hearts so

far away that we will lose all influence in their lives.

Each of our kids is unique. I have artsy children, meticulous children,

dramatic daughters, and competitive sons no two alike.

Naturally as the mom, I try to train them in etiquette and decorum, while they

are still little, then when they get a bit older I let go and hold my breath as

they create their own circus act.

Years of experience has shown me have that I can learn a lot about my

childs heart by watching his/her personal expression. This personal

expression sometimes makes us look like a complete freak show, but thats

ok.

There is more to life than outwardly appearing to have the best looking

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Tip!Appearances can be deceiving!

Care more about your childs heartthan you do about the fad

you detest that hes enjoying.


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clowns in the Big Top.

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Dont Major on the Minors

Samuel, our beloved four-year-old, has a fetish for high water pants. If he

accidentally puts on a pair that fits him, a five-minute counseling session

followed by bribery is needed for him to keep them on.

Why he stays ready for a flood, no one knows, but we adore the kid and are

just thankful he is not naked. Besides, when you are one of ten kids in a

busy household, you get away with this type of thingregularly.

And when you are a tired, post partumparentof ten kids, you live by the

motto: Pick your Battles.

High water pants and faded t-shirts are the least ofmy parenting concerns.

Early Friday morning, I decided to run to Wal-Mart with my not so stylish

Samuel. He donned his usual undersized ensemble and I resembled

someone that could have chosen his apparel with my baggy shirt and fuzzy

hair.

We were quite the pair. It was a Wal-Mart run. Who would notice, right?

When we arrived at Walmart,we headed to the McDonalds for an icedtea.

While in line, I smiled at the elderly man behind me.

He smiled back and said in a thick foreign accent, 1335 Sanders Road,

Bethel Temple. We are giving free clothes for children tomorrow at

noon...every Saturday at noon. 1335 Sanders Road.

He repeated the address about 5 times. The look on my face had to be one

of shock.

A foreign missionary to the U.S. was trying to help medress Samuel!! I

quickly tried to recover with a smile and a gracious, Thank you!

I repeated the address back to reward his efforts of kindness. I had no

intentions of telling him we donate clothes to his mission!

Oh the irony!

Needless to say, after that incident, I hid all of the clothes too small for

Samuel, and I promised to tame my frizz with a flat iron before leaving thehouse ever again!

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No more freak shows in public if I can help it.

However, I know better than to major on the minors.

Mismatched children and awkward outward appearances are not THAT big

of a deal in the scheme of life.

31

You are looking at thingsas they are outwardly.

If anyone is confident in himselfthat he is Christs,

let him consider this againwithin himself,

thatjust as he is Christs,

so also are we.2 Corinthians 10:7


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Keeping those Balls in the Air :

Routines and Chores

by Kali

Let's face it: all of us endure the occasional bouts of craziness that home life

brings.

As families, we have different degrees of order and cleanliness that we

appreciate in our daily lives, but the bottom line is that when we don't have

routines and order in our lives, we will feel it.

Our family enjoys pretty basic routines.It's helpful, especially for the

youngest ones, to have a simple sense of "whats next."Meals seem to bethe "full stops" that ourdays revolve around, and chores fall naturally into

this rhythm.

Along with routines, shared family responsibilities are the best way to simply

make sure that the jobs get done.In our house, we have our "dailies" and

"weeklies" for each age & stage.

There's nothing quite so satisfying for kids as "graduating" from one stage to

the next! Kids thrive when they know what is expected of them, and learn to

follow through on completing certain jobs before they're free to move on to

free time!

In my earlier years of mama-hood, I recall a more experienced mom telling

me that she didnt "do" anything for her kids that they could do for

themselves.

It's a gift and privilege to serve our families, but I have adapted this wisdomas a flexible standard to attain.

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TIP: Spontaneity can still exist

within the boundariesof a set rhythm,

but there is a comfortin thepredictabilityof a schedule.

It's easier to veer from the planthan to come up with a new plan

every day!


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It helps me pause and consider what my children are capable of as they

grow older, and challenge myself along with them to be growing and

learning new skills.

There is a fine balance between giving them a task that is just slightly more

difficult than they think they are capable of, and pushing them into

something that is frustrating.

When you find that sweet spot of satisfaction that comes with accomplishing

a slightly more demanding task, kids become surprisingly capable at a very

young ageand we get the help we need!

Here are a few basic ideas to get you started, or to help change up the

chore routines in your home.

Chores for 2 & 3's:

These little ones are often begging for work!Take advantage of this sweet "I

do it!" season (even when it's not always helpful or convenient) to train up

these little ones with the mindset that work is fun and satisfying!

Little ones can:

Make their own beds

Put away toys and books.

Tidy an entrance by putting away shoes.

Put away clean dish cloths and towels.

Dust with socks on hands.

Use a squirt bottle with a diluted, all natural cleaner to wipe down cupboardfronts or baseboards (vinegar and water works great to cut grease!)

Use a small, handheld dustpan to sweep little spots (the corners of stairs

and the area under our lower cabinets are perfect 2 year old sweeping

spots!)

4's and 5's

These eager beavers are still motivated to help, but have become a little

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more sophisticated in their expectations of "what's in it for me?

Their little love tanks benefit from lots of encouragement and reminders that

work is FUN!

Offer lots of praise, and invest in the 1:1 time to train them to do the job well.

They also enjoy checklists, sticker charts or any kind of visual, colorful, fun

recognition and accomplishment.

Ideas:

Dry dishes

Empty garbage from bedrooms or bathrooms.

Takeing out compost, recycling, or small garbage bags.

Sweeping small messes with a small "lobby" broom and dustpan.

Folding simple laundry items and putttingthem away (without dropping!).

Deliver ring laundry to other rooms.

Tidying up a room by picking up books or toys off the floor and putting

them away.

Useing a large floor broom to "swiff sweep.

er" or dust.

Weeding the garden with supervision.

Water small plants indoors and out.

Sweep off entrances or shake doormats outside.

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Unload the cutlery racks of the dishwasher.

Wipe down spots with a wet rag or using a squirt bottle to clean surfaces.

Unload small grocery bags and put away food.

Help with kitchen food prep like measuring, stirring, squeezing lemons,

grating cheese.

Ages 6 to 7

Unload dishwasher and put away dishes in low cupboards.

Help make lunches or salads (cutting "soft" fruits & veggies like

cucumbers and apples, washing and/or tearing lettuce)

Mop floors

Start and move over loads of laundry

Wipe down sinks, counters or bathtubs

Vacuum floors and furniture

Collect firewood and bring inside

Dust surfaces

Ages 8 to 9 and up

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At this age, kids love to be independent with their jobs. Let them have the

music on, put the timer on to keep them focused, and give them some

breathing space to finish the job the way they want to finish it.

Sample tasks:

Cleaning glass doors, windows and mirrors within reach

Shopping assistants- older kids are great cart pushers

Helping with younger siblings- doing puzzles, reading books, playing

games

Increased ability to follow simple recipes

Make lunch: scrambled eggs, toast, simple sandwiches, cut up veggies

Transcribe shopping lists while driving!

Sweep outside decks

Wash Clean out cars, clean out and wipe down insides and wash outsides.

Avoiding Frustration

Lowering our expectations is necessary at times to keep the peace;not so

low that kids are taking shortcuts or cutting corners, but really taking an

honest look at what they are capable of, and evaluating accordingly.

I have seen the look of discouragement on my own children's faces at timeswhere I have come down a little too hard.

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Demanding a higher standard than they are really capable of producing in a

given period of time is so disheartening for them!

Saying "go clean your room" and then arriving to what appears to still be a

mess can be frustrating for a parent!Clearly communicate what is expected

beforehand, and break down each task into bite-sized pieces.Directions

such as make your bed; pick up all clothes on the floor; and put your books

back on the bookshelfare much more helpful.These are specific tasks that

can be completed and checked in a straightforward, unemotional way.

A wise friend taught me this important lesson that I still find a challenge to

put into action:

You can only EXPECT

what you are willing to INSPECT.

Yes, that means checking their work afterit is done. Every single time.

These are some ideas to get you started incorporating your children in

household tasks!

We all know many hands make lighter work.Train them up well while they're

young, and yourhome will be a haven of peace and fun.

37

May the favor of

the Lord our Godrest on us;

establish the work of our handsfor us-yes,

establish the work of our hands.Psalm 90:17


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The Importance of Intermission (for Mom)

by Angela

Sometimes life has a way of moving faster and faster, and before we know it

everything has become like a giant snowball, bolting out of control down the

mountainside.

Women are typically natural born givers.We give life directly from our

bodies, we give food directly from our bodies, and we give love from our

hearts to those in our lives.

It has been instilled in us from the beginning of time to be a helpmeet to our

husbands, to help in anyway, shape, or form with anything that needs to bedone.It is just part of who we were created to be!

Usually we feel fulfilled when we are able to meet the needs of our family

and those around us.

However, ifwe have given, and given, and given for an extended period of

time, we can become exhausted, worn out, irritable, and down right burnt

out.

Taking time out for ourselves to replenish our spirits, and fill ourselves back

up is not only the right thing to do, but it is extremely healthy for our well-

being and for the well being of all those around us!

38

Tip!As the official manager

of the home, it is vitalto make sure our

love pitcher is fullin order to pour out

to those around us!


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The Mommy Meltdown

by Angela

Snuggling up on the sofa with a crackling fire in the fireplace, a good book,

or a long-awaited chick flick with some hot tea and a little chocolate is

nourishment for my soul.

Maybe not like a carrot stick, but more like a cool drink of water on a hot

Texas day!

Life goes by so fast. I have learned the hard way that if I do not stop and

take an hour or two, enjoy a latte and a little time alone, I will pay for it, and

so will everyone else in my path.

Im talking about the dreaded mommy meltdown!

You see, I dont plan on having a mommy meltdown, but as I continue to say

yes, I can do that; sureI can help with that; you need me to pick that up?

Im happy to volunteer for that project; I will squeeze that in at some

point, I have gone too far.

Before you know it, I am frazzled beyond recognition! I can even end up on

the couch for days when my body is exhausted from taking on too many

commitments!

God has a way of reminding me to slow down, and its usually through my

husband telling me Please do not take on anything else. It is going to

overload you and be too much!

I enjoyed the movie How Does She Do It with Sarah Jessica Parkerplaying the wife, mother, and also the businesswoman working to further her

career.

She tries to juggle every role society says she should play, but in the end

she feels like a failure because all the balls come crashing down around her.

Thats becausethis is an unrealistic picture of perfection!

Women are HUMANnot SUPERhuman!

The classic scene where Parkeris lying in bed, going over her to-do list,

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making sure every detail of life is covered, from the dry cleaning, to the

birthday party, to whats for dinner that weekis my favorite, because I can

soooo relate!

How many times have we all done just that? We lie in bed for hours trying to

cover every little detail we have going on in our lives. We try to sort

everything out in order to control or fix the outcome according to how we

think it should all work out.

We are fixers by naturebecause we like to nurture.

Yikes! I am GUILTYof this!

When I relinquish the worry and the desire for control to the Lord, and

realize He does not need my help, I feel more free.

I can take a few deep breaths, maybe even go for a walk. It is during these

times that I realize He wants to be the Godin my life.

I can step down from the throne and let Him take control.

We can all repeat Carrie Underwoods prayerful plea,Jesus, take the

Wheel.

When I give everything to Him, and take time out for an intermission for

mommy, everyone in this family circus seems to perform better and the

electric excitement about life is contagious!

Come to me,all who labor

and are heavy laden,

andI will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you,andlearn from me,

for I am gentleand lowly in heart,

andyou will findrest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy,and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+11%3A28-30&version=ESVhttp://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+11%3A28-30&version=ESV

parenting the family circus

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