SOLUTION-BASED, BRIEF PASTORAL COUNSELING FINAL PROJECT

By

Henry LimpetStudent ID: 392871482771200383733847

[Disclaimer: The student/author of this paper has given permission for this paper to be used as a teaching tool. Your review will find some proofreading and formatting glitches; therefore, you should not conclude that this paper perfectly met the expectations of the assignment. However, it DID capture the essence of what is expected and offers a good pattern to follow. No part of this paper may be copied; doing so will result in automatic failure. This paper has been provided to demonstrate what synthesis can accomplish in this learning journey. Comments embedded or otherwise, will reference expectations your Professor will follow during the assessment of your Final Project. NOTE: This project was submitted prior to Spring B 2011; the Kollar (1997) text was used rather than his “Updated and Expanded” (2011) edition. Though this project is a good sample of assignment’s intent, it does not fully comply with current expectations. Build your project based on directions and guidelines established in the Final Project Instructions and Rubric.]

Presented to Dwight C. Rice, DMin (abd/PhD)

In partial fulfillment of the requirements of

Introduction to Pastoral Counseling

PACO 500

Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary

Lynchburg, VA April 1, 2011

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Abstract

I am a single staff pastor of a small town Southern Baptist Church in Shingle Hollow,

NC. The average Sunday morning worship attendance of Knotty Pine Baptist Church is

80 people. My overarching goal for life is to be an imitator of Christ, thus an effective

and efficient instrument in kingdom work. I will be using a solution-based, brief

approach to pastoral counseling based upon the Hawkins’ Pastoral Counseling Scenario

and Assessment Model as well as Kollar’s (1997) Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling.

After reviewing the case study I have decided to choose Bruce as the care-seeker

requesting an appointment for counseling. Bruce has a D relational style and is in the

blaming position. The request for counseling has occurred after the trial and involves the

conflict between Bruce and his youngest son Brody. Brody is withdrawn and distant and

Bruce is impatient and somewhat angry with his youngest son due to the fact that he is

greatly struggling in how to relate to Brody’s interests and different ways of coping with

his recent loss.

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Table of Contents

ABSTRACT 2

THE PASTORAL COUNSELING SCENARIO

PART 1: THE COUNSELING SETTING 4

PART 2: THE COUNSELOR’S STYLE 6

PART 3: THE COUNSELING STRUCTURE/STRATEGY 9

Phase 1

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Phase 2 13

Phase 3 17

Phase 4 21

PART 4: THE COUNSELING SUMMATION 22

REFERENCES 25

APPENDIX A 26

APPENDIX B 27

APPENDIX C 31

APPENDIX D 33

APPENDIX E 35

APPENDIX F 37

GRADING RUBRIC 39

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Part 1: The Counseling Setting

(Leadership Orientation)

A Rationale for using a Solution-Based Brief Pastoral Counseling approach

In a society that has no shortage of so called experts in psychology and problem focused

counseling techniques, olution-based, brief pastoral counseling (SBBPC) is like a breath

of fresh air as it puts the careseeker into the driver’s seat as an expert in self-care

(Greenburg and Ganshorn 2001, 1). The fact remains that no matter how much

theological or psychological training a counselor may have had, he or she is not an expert

on the client (Kollar 1997, 89). The person seeking counseling may need help or

guidance in finding solutions to certain problems or challenges in life, but the fact

remains that only he or she can effectively solve the problem by discovering solutions for

themselves, and not just rehashing the problem and all of the negative energy associated

with it to the counselor. This fact is what makes solution-based, brief pastoral counseling

both unique and effective. The focus is on solutions, and this gives the counseling

process a power and purpose unlike any other. The counselee will find that they alone

have the perspective necessary to discover solutions to their problems, and they alone

with the help of the Holy Spirit have the power to change their life by implementing these

solutions simply and gradually into their lifestyle.

An overview of the Process

As the name implies, SBBPC is also brief. In describing the process as brief, it

should be noted that the counseling sessions will be limited to no more than five, with

each session lasting around one hour to an hour and a half maximum (See appendix C).

The reasons for this are the proven effectiveness of short-term counseling models and the

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often severe time constraints on every pastor’s time. Short term counseling should not be

thought of as inferior to longer term models, and has actually been shown to be quite

effective (Benner 2003, 42). The effectiveness of SBBPC is due largely to the fact that

the counseling process is solution and goal oriented and follows an aggressive agenda of

solution-focused changes. The counselee will be assigned goal oriented homework

between counseling sessions that will be critical for counseling success (See appendix C).

There will also be a scheduled ten minute break near the end of most sessions in

order for the counselor and counselee both to prayerfully reflect on what has been

discussed during the previous session. The counselor will remain in the pastor’s office

while the counselee will go to the sanctuary of the church for prayerful reflection. At the

end of the prescribed ten minute break, the counselee will return to the pastor’s office in

order for the pastor to give supportive feedback and goal oriented homework to be

completed by the next counseling session (Kollar 1997,161).

All counseling sessions will take place at Piney Knob Baptist Church in the

astor’s tudy. The day and time of the sessions will be worked out to the mutual best

interests of both the counselor and the counselee. In order to provide a safe and secure

setting for both the counselor and counselee, the counselor reserves the right to only

counsel other adult males or couples in private. A third party person must be present

while counseling females or minors of either gender. The pastor’s wife or another

member of the church can fill this capacity, but the third person must be mutually agreed

upon by both the counselor and the counselee (See appendix C). The counselee or

careseeker’s right to confidentiality will be protected at all times by both the counselor

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and the third party unless doing so would violate local, state, or federal law or the

counselor’s good judgment or conscience (See appendix C).

Basic Assumptions Guiding SBBPC

1. God is already active in the counselee (Kollar 1997, 91).

2. Small changes are all that are necessary (Hawkins Pastoral Counseling

Scenario Part 3).

3. Complex problems do not demand complex solutions. (Kollar 1997, 91, 92).

4. The counselee is the expert and defines goals (Kollar 1997, 92).

5. The counselor’s focus is on solutions (Kollar 1997, 93).

6. All people are created in the image of God and as His image bearers have

infinite value and worth (Hawkins Pastoral Counseling Scenario Part 3).

For a full description of basic assumptions see Appendix A.

Part 2: The Counselor’s Style

After taking the personality assessment by Uniquely You Inc. I have discovered

that I am an “S” type when I am in a guarded environment (Graph 1: This is Expected of

Me) such as work or around strangers, and an “S/C” type at home or around close friends

when my mask is off (Graph 2: This is Me; UniquelyYou.net). This means that I feel that

people expect me to be extremely nice and easy going, and not demanding or critical. In

other words, the general consensus about Henry Limpet is that he will not give you a hard

way to go, even if you deserve it. He will instead be courteous, understanding,

compassionate, and supportive. When my mask is on, I am the kind of guy that does not

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seem to have a care in the world, and genuinely believes that everything is going to be

O.K. If the world could choose a theme song for me, it would probably be, “Don’t

worry, and be happy!”

My close friends and family know me a little better however. They see my “C”

relational style come through quiet often. In fact, my C on graph 2 is only slightly lower

than my S. When my mask is off, I tend to be quite critical about some of the very

people that I smiled at and patted on the back a few hours ago at church. I have very

little tolerance for incompetence and misinformation. I like for things to run like a well

oiled machine, and can get rather angry at times when they do not. I also expect others to

be as dedicated and thorough as I am. When they are not, I seem calm and easy going on

the outside while I am really hurt and frustrated on the inside.

This fact of the masked and unmasked me has been demonstrated by the 360

interview. A family member who knows me well chose a beaver because of my work

ethic and attention to detail, while another chose a golden retriever due to my loyalty,

affection, and easy going nature. The good news about my S/C personality however, is

that I am an above average listener. I scored a 65 on the Communication skills test

(Discoveryhealth.queendom.com). My spiritual gifts also enable me to be an above

average listener. My primary spiritual gift is teaching, but my two secondary gifts are

exhortation and mercy. Possessing these two spiritual gifts give me a sympathetic

attitude to anyone who is hurting or needs encouragement. I must be careful to control

the overuse of these gifts in counseling however, as I can easily become too sensitive and

involved in someone’s story, and than be overcome with the urge to talk way too much

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and solve the counselee’s problems for them instead of leading them to their own

solutions. As an INTJ type I am also gifted at setting goals for myself and others, but

also tend to be a hard driving perfectionist who can be ruthless in regards to achieving

those goals (humanmetrics.com). I must be careful to set realistic and achievable goals

throughout the counseling process. Based upon this knowledge of my personality type, I

will demonstrate FIT in the following ways with the following personality types.

1. “D” type- As an S/C type, the biggest issue that I will have with a D in a

counseling scenario will be frustration in regards to the decisive and impulsive

way that a D type often makes decisions. I will also struggle with the fact that

D’s are often so caught up in doing and directing that they fail to see the problem

as easily as I do. I will demonstrate FIT with a D type personality by listening for

clues as to how they can better direct their determined personality on the problem,

and not on the other person. I will carefully search for ways that I can steer this

“machine” of dominant assertiveness into the right area of probable solutions.

2. “I” type- I will demonstrate fit with an “I” personality by suppressing my own

tendency to be withdrawn and anti-social and instead become more people

oriented. I will remember that “I” types are very interactive with other people and

value their input and advice much more than I do. “I” types are interested in

people and are often inspired by influences that I would not give a second thought

too. In demonstrating FIT by careful listening, I will search for clues in the

people that surround the counselee, and attempt to discern how the counselee is

either being influenced by others or are influencing others themselves.

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3. “S” type- I will demonstrate FIT with S types by recognizing their need for

support and security. S types need to be carefully listened to and encouraged as

they may find it difficult to open up to a counselor. I will also carefully listen for

ways that the counselee may be allowing another person to take advantage of

them because of their loyalty and lack of assertiveness.

4. “C” type- I will demonstrate FIT with a C type personality by carefully outlining

and describing the counseling process and attempting to answer any questions as

thoroughly and correctly as possible. I will take careful notes during the

counseling session and carefully record details. I will remind myself to be as

upbeat and positive as possible and zero in on the word “solution” for the

counselee’s benefit.

I will also universally demonstrate FIT with all four relational types by remembering

my goal and allow the Lord Jesus Christ to first love and serve the people through me

by listening to them carefully. I will always keep in mind how frustrating it is

to want someone to listen to you, but instead get a pool grabber (Peterson 2007, 21).

I will repeatedly tell myself that the Holy Spirit cannot teach the counselee anything

until I have first actively listened to their problem with a loving heart of servant hood.

Part 2 covered all the bases!!!!!

Part 3: The Counseling Structure/Strategy

Phase 1

The purpose of phase 1: “What is the present problem?”

The goal of phase 1: “Problem description”

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The aim of phase 1: “Listen well”

Counselor responsibility in phase 1: “Talk little and listen much”

Guiding assumption for phase 1: “God is already active in the counselee (Kollar

91). Clear presentation of distinctives…now let’s see if you actually used them in

Phase 1

After calling to arrange an appointment at 4:00 in the afternoon, Bruce came in

the church door a few minutes late and very apologetic. I met him at the front door

and heartily shook his hand and walked with him to the pastor’s office and asked him

to sit down in the large and comfortable green chair in the corner of the room. I then

moved the chair from behind my desk to a position ten feet across from Bruce while

talking with him about his present work schedule and how busy he was staying in the

struggling economy. As Bruce answered these questions and explained the reason he

was a few minutes late, I reached for the legal pad and pen on my desk and sat down

in my chair. I could tell that Bruce was very troubled and a little frustrated this

afternoon. He was leaning towards me in his chair in an expectant manner with both

hands tightly clasped together. I leaned slightly forward as well, and reminded him of

my regular habit of taking notes during each counseling session. He replied that he

remembered reading about me taking notes in the papers I had given him and that

note taking was fine; in fact, he did not have any problem with anything in the packet

I gave him after service last Sunday. He had left the intake forms in his truck, but

they were filled out and he would give them to me after the session.

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Feeling that I had joined with Bruce (Benner 2003, 76), I than leaned farther

forward and looked him in the eye and asked, “Bruce, how can I help you today”?

Looking somewhat relieved that we were getting started, Bruce began to talk about

the deteriorating relationship between him and his youngest son Brody. As Bruce

poured out his frustrations with Brody and described how out of touch Brody has

been with reality since the accident and especially since he had picked Brody up from

Josh’s college, I realized two things about Bruce; he was now flat brained (Petersen

2007, 25) and he was also in the blaming position (Kollar 1997, 87). As Bruce

continued to describe Brody’s rotten attitude and lack of motivation I simply nodded

in agreement and drew a picture of a flat brain on the legal pad. I decided that I

would address the blaming position in a later session and instead focus on countering

the flat brain syndrome by increasing Bruce’s confidence and building a supportive

friendship between the two of us (Petersen 2007, 31).

After a few more minutes of Brody bashing, Bruce became quiet and sullenly

stared at the floor. Although every fiber of my type S/C personality wanted to speak

and offer advice and sympathy at the same time, I bit my tongue and prayed for

wisdom in what to do next. After a few more seconds Bruce looked up at me

with tears in his eyes and said, “I just want to do something! If this were a problem at

work or something I could get my hands on I would fix it, but how can I fix a son

who refuses to cope with reality”? At this point my type C went into hyper-drive and

I found myself wondering what was wrong with this guy! Why couldn’t he see that

his son needed his support and engagement now more than ever? Why couldn’t he

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see that Brody was just as hurt and wounded as he was but just coping in a different

way? Since Bruce had asked a question and was expecting me to answer I had to

quickly control my ugly C and remind myself that I was dealing with a D type that

functioned on Doing and Directing.

I took a deep breath and nodded in affirmation to Bruce’s frustration and replied,

“Bruce, I hear and understand your desire to help Brody. This is what any good

father would want to do. I also hear and understand that you do not know how to do

that and this is frustrating you in a way that you cannot even describe. The good

news is that I believe I can help you with the knowledge, but you must provide the

determination. I know that you have the determination because you have

demonstrated it in more ways than I can count during these last few difficult months.

What you have to do now is focus this determination on helping your son find his will

to live again. Do you want that more than anything in this world right now”? Bruce

looked at me with a renewed vigor and replied, “Yes, yes I do.” Sensing there was

more determination in the man than this I replied, “Bruce, your son’s life is at stake

here, you can do better than that!” Surprised at first, but than grinning Bruce

straightened himself up in his chair and said in a loud and extremely determined

voice, “Yes I want my son Brody to find the will to live again!” “Great!” I replied;

now go into the sanctuary and pray that God will give you strength, courage, and

above all determination to come alongside Him and me in saving your son” (Clinton

and Hawkins 2009, 238).

Bruce returned in ten minutes with a quiet determination in his eyes. I could tell

that he had been crying but decided against my tendency to question him about this

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and decided instead to enforce his D style and stay on course. I silently thanked God

that He had already been active in Bruce and was active even now. I than

began the process of supportive feedback (Kollar 1997, 159) by congratulating Bruce

on his decisive action to come in and talk with me this evening. I told him that it took

a lot of guts to do something and not keep ignoring the situation. I also assured him

that God was still in control of this situation and the Holy Spirit was already at work

in Brody’s life. I than gave him his homework assignment for the week. He was to

play the part of a detective this week, and find out what things were important in

Brody’s life. At this point Bruce started to object and tell me that he already knew

what was important to Brody, it was his music, and he couldn’t relate. Remembering

that Bruce was a D, I got a little out of my comfort zone and raised my hand in

objection and looked Bruce in the eye and simply said, “Bruce, remember your

commitment to determination. You were not satisfied with the police report

concerning the accident and your determination paid off in that situation. Likewise,

you cannot be satisfied with what you think you know about Brody now, so be

focused and determined this week and put yourself in your son’s shoes and find out

what makes him tick. He needs you and you are his father, now you have to be the

adult here and make the first step to restore your son’s will to live. Understand?”

Bruce shook his head in agreement and thanked me for keeping his feet to the

fire. I closed in prayer and as Bruce walked out the door I said, “Bruce, one more

thing, no more Brody bashing this week. Be determined to find the good things about

Brody. I will ask you to give me a report next week and you had better have a good

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list!” Bruce nodded his head in agreement and replied, “That makes sense, I can

always help my guys on the job improve if I focus on the things they do right instead

of the things they do wrong. I’ll see you next week at the same time.” Amen! Phase

1 actually used the distinctives!!!

Phase 2

The purpose of phase 2: “What is the preferred solution?”

The goal of phase 2: “Goal formulation”

The aim of phase 2: “Collaborating Well”

Counselor responsibility in phase 2: “To use questions to discover how the

counselee tacks or moves towards solutions”.

Guiding assumptions for phase 2: “Small changes are all that are necessary

(Hawkins Pastoral Counseling Scenario Part 3) and the counselor’s focus is on

solutions” (Kollar 93).

When Bruce returned the next week, he was in somewhat better spirits. I asked

him to first share with me the positive things he had discovered about Brody this

week. Bruce replied that he had discovered that Brody was extremely kind and

sensitive to the needs of others, as he had observed how he had given a younger

neighborhood boy an old keyboard that he didn’t use anymore and had even offered

to give him some lessons anytime he wanted. Bruce had also overheard Brody crying

in his room one evening before dinner and shared that he had never considered that

Brody was still grieving over the loss of his mother and sister. I than asked how

observing these things about Brody had affected his behavior and feelings towards his

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son. He confessed that it did make him more sympathetic to Brody, but when he had

tried to reach out to his son, he was met with hostility and anger instead of

understanding and love. At this point Bruce became more defensive and angry as he

related several examples of Brody’s hostility. I listened attentively and waited for an

opening, it finally came when Bruce sat back in his chair and sighed deeply and

asked, “What would you do?” (Kollar 1997, 118).

I recited to Bruce many of the clues I had jotted down about the week’s

interaction (Kollar 1997, 118). I than encouraged Bruce concerning the small

changes that he had made during the week in relating to Brody, and how small

changes can lead to big changes (Hawkins Pastoral Counseling Scenario part 3). I

then proceeded to the track option of recent change (Kollar 1997, 121). I began this

process by asking Bruce to envision a train track on the office wall with ten flags

numbering one to ten at various points on the track (150). Flag number 1 was at the

beginning of the track while flag 10 was at the end. I asked Bruce to carefully

consider where he was on that track last week with a 1 being helpless to save his son

and a 10 being a son who is totally restored. After thinking for a moment, Bruce

hesitantly confessed that he was a 2 last week. After thanking him for his honesty, I

asked where he was today. He hesitantly responded that he could only honestly say a

3.

At this point in the session I shocked Bruce by being uncharacteristically excited

and animated. I raised my voice in surprise and quickly sat up in my chair as I

exclaimed, “You moved up a whole point! How did you do that?” (Kollar 1997, 185)

Bruce simply shrugged his shoulders and reflected on how he now understood Brody

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a little better and felt less irritation towards him on a day to day basis. Bruce had also

observed many of Brody’s good qualities through the week and all of these things

combined gave him more optimism for Brody’s future restoration. I then asked

Bruce if he had considered how these small and recent changes in his behavior this

week had led to this improvement. Bruce stated that he hadn’t really considered this

week an improvement because Brody’s behavior had not improved.

When Bruce made this statement, I realized that he was still in the blaming

position and decided to use questions that empower (Kollar 1997, 152).

Realizing that Bruce was a D type, I also decided to be direct with this question. I

said, “Bruce, you seem to be held captive by Brody.” Bruce looked at me with

surprise. I went on to say, “Don’t you think it is about time that you took charge of

the situation by directing and controlling the things that are in your power? Bruce,

what are you going to be doing differently when things are better between you and

Brody?” I could tell this question really took Bruce off guard and he fidgeted

uncomfortably in his chair for a few seconds before he replied, “I guess that I will be

doing similar things that I have been doing, only a little better.” “Right”! I replied,

and added that he also would need to be doing them more often. I than reminded

Bruce of his need for determination in the process of giving Brody a will to live

again, and concluded the session by stating, “Bruce, would you consider it a miracle

if you and Brody could be at a 10 on this track in a few months?”(Greenburg and

Ganshorn 2001, 2) “Sure, you bet it would be a miracle!” he replied. “Well Bruce,

miracles happen one small step at a time (Cloud 2004, 122), and you must start that

miracle today by formulating a decisive plan to move not only yourself, but Brody up

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the track at least one point by next week. I know you can do it, and we’re now going

to take our break for you to begin your plan. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

After the prescribed break, Bruce came back into the office and sat down with a

refreshed look on his face. I asked him if he had formulated a plan for the week. He

replied, “Well, I don’t have it all together yet, but I know I am going to spend some

time with Brody one on one. I’ve been working way too much for over a year now to

keep things afloat, and I just realized how hard that has been on Brody. To tell you

the truth, the Lord has convicted me that all of this has been under the radar for some

time now. Cindy had been keeping the family together while I worked, and I now

understand that it is my responsibility to spend time with my kids. I shouldn’t have

let it go this long, but I can’t do anything about the past, I have to concentrate on the

future, and the first thing I have to do is make the time to spend with Brody.”

“Fantastic!” I replied, “I can see you and Brody moving up that track already!

Just remember one thing; Brody may be resistant at first so take things slow. Let’s

give you and Brody a few weeks to work on this goal before our next appointment.

We’ll meet again at the same time in two weeks.” I closed us in prayer and Bruce left

the church with a spring in his step that I hadn’t seen before. There was no doubt that

he had transitioned himself from the blaming position to the willing position.

Phase 3

The purpose of phase 3: “How do we proceed/partner toward solution?”

The goal of phase 3: “Vision clarification”

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The aim of phase 3: “Executing well”

Counselor responsibility in phase 3: “To enable the counselee to see a future

without the problem”

Guiding assumption for phase 3: “Complex problems do not demand complex

solutions” (Kollar 91, 92) and “The counselee is the expert and defines goals”

(Kollar 92)

Two weeks later Bruce was back in my office with a different perspective on life.

I could tell by his body language and smile that he was not the man of three weeks

ago. After the usual small talk, I opened with prayer and asked Bruce to tell me how

the plan had been progressing these last few weeks. “The first three days were rough,

as Brody continued to resist any advances I made with hostility and anger. I stayed

determined however, and finally got him to go get a burger with me at his favorite

restaurant. I asked him about school and the new band he was in and he didn’t talk

much, but I didn’t let it bother me. A few days later he agreed to go with me to the

job site one evening and I let him drive my truck on the back road leading to the

construction site. You should have seen the look on his face when I pulled over and

got out and told him he had to drive the rest of the way. It was priceless! I used to let

him steer my truck on back roads when he was just five or six and I think that this

experience brought back memories for both of us.” I showed a great amount of

excitement and joy about these developments and then asked Bruce where he thought

him and Brody were on the track. Bruce responded by saying, “Preacher, I believe I

have jumped up to a 6, and Brody has got to be at least a 4! We actually talked for

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over an hour after dinner last night and I find myself looking forward to going home

after work in the evenings.” “Hey, that’s fantastic!” I exclaimed, “And now let me

ask you a question. Bruce, if you could make a movie of the next two weeks of your

life and write it so that Brody would move up to a 6 and you could move to an 8,

what would be your personal script?” (Cloud 2004, 76) Bruce thought about the

question for a moment, and than smiled and replied, “Oh, I get it, you are getting me

to make more positive changes again. Well, it works, so I’ll play along and say that I

now need to attempt to spend more time with Brody in his world and show him that I

care about his interests, although I really have a hard time relating to his obsession

with music.” I could see that Bruce was catching the vision, but that he

also was somewhat resistant to make this final step. Things had went well for Bruce

these past two weeks as he had spent time with Brody in Bruce’s world, but the big

step would be if Bruce could make the transition to engaging Brody and supporting

him the way his mother and sister had. At this point in the session, I decided to be

direct with Bruce as he was a type D and replied candidly, “Look Bruce, I know the

music thing is hard for you, but you are going to have to make the sacrifice and be

determined to see this thing through if you are going to move Brody up the track.

Remember, this is about restoring your son’s will to live again. I was upfront with

you at our first meeting that you would have to provide the determination and I could

provide the knowledge. I feel that I have kept my end of the deal and I know that

God has kept His end of the deal, the question is, are you going to keep your end of

the deal? You’re in the driver’s seat and Brody is your son (Kollar 1997, 92). Do

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you want to see this miracle happen or not? If you do, thn make a decision to commit

to proceed with the next step.”

Bruce didn’t respond to me for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably

more like sixty seconds. I began to worry that I was too direct with him, but he

finally nodded his head slowly in agreement and replied, “I know you’re right, but I

don’t know how to relate to Brody the way Cindy and Chelsea did. We have always

been different. He and I both know that. How can we act like everything is O.K.

between us and always has been when we both know better?” The question rang in

the air during the following seconds of silence. I silently prayed that God would give

Bruce wisdom in dealing with his feeling and choosing self (Hawkins Pastoral

Assessment). After a moment or two I replied, “Bruce, you must remember that we

are moving FORWARD (Visser and Bodien 2007, 1) here to a solution. Remember

that this problem between you and Brody may be long-term and complex, but the

solution is not (Kollar 1997, 91, 92). I’m not asking you and God is not asking you to

make everything perfect this week. It is unrealistic because both you and Brody have

a lot of healing to do. What you have to decide is this: Are you going to take the next

step and continue the process of you and Brody healing together? Let’s take a break

and think about this.”

After the break, Bruce returned to the office still in deep thought. I practiced

supportive feedback (Kollar 1997, 159) by encouraging Bruce’s decisions these past

two weeks and praising him for his determination and willingness to purposely spend

time with his son. I thn asked him if he had come to any decisions in the last ten

minutes of prayer and solitude. Without looking up he replied, “I’m still struggling

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with some.” I closed with a prayer and asked Bruce if he would like to stay at the

church for a while and think and pray. I would lock the door from the outside and all

he had to do was go out when he was finished and it would lock back automatically.

He replied that he would really appreciate the solitude and would call me in a few

days to discuss our next appointment.

Phase 4

The purpose of phase 4: “Who are the people that can best support and /or

secure the Counselee in the process of change?

The goal of phase 4: “Promoting and supporting change”

The aim of phase 4: “Connecting community well”

Counselor responsibility in phase 4: “Counselor reinforces commitment to

change through supportive feedback and by arranging accountability through

pastoral care and small group ministries of a local church”

Guiding assumption for phase 4: “All people are created in the image of God

and as His image bearers have infinite worth (Hawkins Pastoral Counseling

Scenario Part 3)

It was over a week before I heard from Bruce again, but when he did finally call me it

was with great news. He and Brody had sat down and had a man to man talk after an

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argument about a week after Bruce’s last appointment. Bruce was open and honest

with Brody about his ignorance of music, but confessed that he was willing to take an

interest in it although he realized that he could never be as knowledgeable as Cindy.

Bruce also apologized to Brody for not spending more time with him over the last

year, and for being insensitive in many ways over Brody’s loss. Brody had also

apologized to his father and thanked him for his honesty and directness. Brody

pointed out the fact that maybe they were more alike than what they realized.

Bruce asked if Brody could come with him to the upcoming session this week. I

responded with an enthusiastic “Yes!” and was thankful to see them both walk

through the door. After explaining the track analogy to Brody (Kollar 1997, 154), I

asked them to share with me and each other where they both were on the track today.

Bruce went first and proudly stated that he was a solid 8 and almost a 9. Brody said

that he was proudly following his Dad’s “tracks” and was a 7 going on an 8. I felt led

to pray with both of them right at that moment and thank God for doing a miracle in

their life. After the prayer I offered supportive feedback by praising them both for

their hard work and determination. I then encouraged them to continue to do what

they had been doing this past week as it was obviously working (Kollar 1997, 89). I

then gave them a list of the church’s current ministry events and small group

opportunities and encouraged them to choose at least one event and one small group

that they could both agree on being a part of. I thanked them both again and assured

them that I would continue to be available in the future as both their pastor and

counselor, but that we all needed to thank the Wonderful Counselor for His wisdom

and guidance. We closed in a group prayer.

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Part 4: The Counseling Summation

I was able to utilize the versatility of the supportive feedback technique in

numerous ways with Bruce during the counseling process. I encouraged him with

supportive feedback in all four phases, but utilized it in phase 3 to challenge him to

contemplate the future consequences of his next decision. In phase 4, supportive

feedback was used to reinforce what was working as well as to encourage and

motivate. The supportive feedback technique was used effectively in this example to

encourage, challenge, and reinforce the counselee through the various phases of the

counseling scenario. Supportive feedback was a vital tool to keep the counselee

progressing towards his goal and not getting off track.

In developing a reflective praxis of my personal performance in the counseling

process using the GRACE acronym, I struggled mostly with Goal Formulation and

vision clarification. It was challenging at times to overcome my S/C personality and

not console and instruct Bruce to choose the goal that I would choose in his position.

It was also challenging to think and feel like a D (which I am clearly not) and steer

Bruce into a position to make effective changes in his relationship with Brody.

Thankfully during those times I remembered my overarching goal in life and allowed

the Lord Jesus Christ to love, serve, and teach Bruce and Brody through me. The

Lord’s wisdom always came through to help Bruce form a goal and formulate a

vision. I also found it difficult at times to cultivate a commitment to action by being

direct with Bruce when appropriate. I had to overcome the S part of my relational

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style and allow the Holy Spirit to embolden me to speak the truth in love to Bruce at

numerous intervals in the counseling process.

After the final counseling session with Bruce and Brody I called up my mentor

and fellow pastor Dan Jividen and gave him a brief rundown of the previous weeks

counseling sessions. I was on somewhat of a spiritual high due to the success of the

sessions. After hearing my glowing report and sensing my excitement Dan asked if I

was tempted to take too much credit for this success. After a few moments of giving

excuses and reasons why I could not take the credit that only God deserved, I had to

admit that it was a temptation. Dan lovingly reminded me that I was just one tool that

God had used to bring restoration and healing to this family. He then asked me if I

had called all of the praying church members who had been continually lifting this

family up in prayer for all of these months and shared my joy with them so that we

could rejoice in the goodness of God together. Feeling embarrassed that I had

unconsciously counted my part in this process as more important than their part; I

thanked Dan and told him I had a few phone calls to make after a joyful prayer of

thanksgiving.

Thanks for demonstrating how to move toward the best SC version of you in life

and ministry! The acknowledgement of your overarching goal in life was very

obvious and timely!!

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References

Benner, David G. 2003. Strategic pastoral counseling: A short-term structured model. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Academic.

Clinton, Tim, and Ron Hawkins. 2009. The quick reference guide to Biblical counseling. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Books.

Cloud, Henry. 2004. Nine things you simply must do to succeed in love and life. Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson.

Dempsey, Rod. Small group leadership training. Small Group Leadership Training.doc. Accessed June 30, 2010.

Earley, Dave. The 8 habits of effective small group leaders. “Suggestions for what to say and when to say it.” 8 Habits of Small Group Leaders.doc. Accessed June 30, 2010.

Greenburg, Gail, and Keren Ganshorn. 2001. Solution-focused therapy: a solution driven model for change. 2003 depression.org.uk. (June 4, 2010).

Hawkins. Study Guide for Hawkins's Pastoral Assessment model and Hawkins's Pastoral Counseling Scenario. Study notes and PowerPoint presentation, Module 2.

Hawkins, Ron. Pastoral Counseling Scenario Part 3.

Kollar, Charles Allen. 1997. Solution-focused pastoral counseling. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan.

Petersen, James. 2007. Why don’t we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships. Portland, Oregon: Petersen Publications.

Visser, Coert, and Gwenda Schlundt Bodien. 2007. Moving forward with solution-focused change. coert.visser@planet.nl. (June 4, 2010).

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Appendix A

Basic Assumptions Guiding SBBPC

1. God is already active in the counselee (Kollar 1997, 91). Since God is already

active in the life of the counselee, the main responsibility of both the

counselor and counselee is to discover where and how He has been active and

build similar solutions on the foundation of the past solutions built by God.

2. Small changes are all that are necessary. Small changes lead to large changes.

A change in one part of a system usually leads to a change in other parts of the

system (Hawkins Pastoral Counseling Scenario Part 3). The counselee must

begin by making small changes in their behavior and build upon these small

changes in order to bring about effective and lasting change in their life.

3. Complex problems do not demand complex solutions. No matter what the

problem may be that is bringing individuals into counseling, that problem

does not happen all the time. There are good times, times in their lives when

they are happy. I would rather ask what is different about the times when this

problem does not occur. I am looking for evidence the Spirit has already

placed in the counselee’s life-clues to ways of getting unstuck (Kollar 1997,

91, 92).

4. The counselee is the expert and defines goals (Kollar 1997, 92). The

counselor does not and cannot know the intimate and complex details of the

counselee’s life. Therefore, the counselee is the only “expert” in their life and

the only one qualified to define their individual goal.

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5. The counselor’s focus is on solutions (Kollar 1997, 93). The counselor must

think on his/her feet at all times. The basic guidelines are these: If it’s not

broke, don’t fix it; once you discover what works, do more of it; and if it

doesn’t work, don’t do it again, do something different (Kollar 1997, 93).

6. All people are created in the image of God and as His image bearers have

infinite value and worth (Hawkins Pastoral Counseling Scenario Part 3). The

counselor must always remember how valuable the counselee is. God wants

His child restored and whole again, and it is the responsibility of the counselor

to view the counselee in this light and work towards this goal by the aid of the

Holy Spirit.

Appendix BCredentials

I am not a licensed counselor in the state of North Carolina. I have experience as a pastoral counselor however, and always seek to be guided by the Holy Spirit. I have been ordained as a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ by Whistling Springs Baptist Church in Whistle Stop, Virginia and have been the senior pastor of Piney Knob Baptist Church since June 2008. Educational credentials are available upon request.

Statement of BeliefGodThere is one and only one living and true God. He is an intelligent, spiritual, and personal Being; the Creator, Redeemer, Preserver, and Ruler of the universe. God is infinite in holiness and all other perfections. God is all powerful and all knowing and His perfect knowledge extends to all things, past, present, and future, including the future decisions of His free creatures. To Him we owe the highest love, reverence, and obedience. The eternal triune God reveals Himself to us as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, with distinct personal attributes, but without division of nature, essence, or being.1. God the FatherGod as Father reigns with providential care over His universe, His creatures, and the flow of the stream of human history according to the purposes of His grace. He is all powerful, all knowing, all loving, and all wise. God is Father in truth to those who become children of God through faith in Jesus Christ. He is fatherly in His attitude toward all men.Genesis 1:1; 2:7; Exodus 3:14; 6:2-3; 15:11ff; 20:1ff; Leviticus 22:2; Deuteronomy 6:4; 32:6;

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1 Chronicles 29:10; Psalm 19:1-3; Isaiah 43:3, 15, 64:8; Jeremiah 10:10; 17:13; Matthew 6:9ff; 7:11; 23:9; 28:19; Mark 1:9-11; John 4:24; 5:26; 14:6-13; 17:1-8; Acts 1:7; Romans 8:14-15;1 Corinthians 8:6; Galatians 4:6; Ephesians 4:6; Colossians 1:15; 1 Timothy 1:17; Hebrews 11:6; 12:9; 1 Peter 1:17; 1 John 5:7.

2. God the SonChrist is the eternal Son of God. In His incarnation as Jesus Christ He was conceived of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary. Jesus perfectly revealed and did the will of God, taking upon Himself human nature with its demands and necessities and identifying Himself completely with mankind yet without sin. He honored the divine law by His personal obedience, and in His substitutionary death on the cross He made provision for the redemption of men from sin. He was raised from the dead with a glorified body and appeared to His disciples as the person who was with them before His crucifixion. He ascended into heaven and is now exalted at the right hand of God where He is the One Mediator, fully God, fully man, in whose Person is effected the reconciliation between God and man. He will return in power and glory to judge the world and to consummate His redemptive mission. He now dwells in all believers as the living and ever present Lord.

Genesis 18:1ff; Psalms 2:7ff; 110:1ff; Isaiah 7:14; 53; Matthew 1:18-23; 3:17; 8:29; 11:27; 14:33; 16:16, 27; 17:5; 27; 28:1-6,19; Mark 1:1; 3:11; Luke 1:35; 4:41; 22:70; 24:46; John 1:18, 29; 10:30, 38; 11:25-27; 12; 44-50; 14; 7-11; 16:15-16, 28; 17:1-5, 21-22; 20:1-20, 28; Acts 1:9; 2:22-24; 7:55-56; 9:4-5, 20; Romans 1:3-4; 3:23-26; 5:6-21; 8:1-3, 34; 10:4; 1 Corinthians 1:30; 2:2; 8:6; 15:1-8, 24-28; 2 Corinthians 5:19-21; 8; 9; Galatians 4:4-5; Ephesians 1:20; 3:11; 4:7-10; Philippians 2:5-11; Colossians 1:13-22; 2:9; 1 Thessalonians 4:14-18; 1 Timothy 2:5-6; 3:16; Titus 2:13-14; Hebrews 1:1-3; 4:14-15; 7:14-28; 9:12-15, 24-28; 12:2; 13:8; 1 Peter 2:21-25; 3:22; 1 John 1:7-9; 3:2; 4:14-15; 5:9; 2 John 7-9; Revelation 1:13-16; 5:9-14; 12:10-11; 13:8; 19:16

3. God the Holy SpiritThe Holy Spirit is the Spirit of God, fully divine. He inspired holy men of old to write the Scriptures. Through illumination He enables men to understand truth. He exalts Christ. He convicts men of sin, of righteousness, and of judgment. He calls men to the Savior, and effects regeneration. At the moment of regeneration He baptizes every believer into the Body of Christ. He cultivates Christian character, comforts believers, and bestows the spiritual gifts by which they serve God through His church. He seals the believer unto the day of final redemption. His presence in the Christian is the guarantee that God will bring the believer into the fullness of the stature of Christ. He enlightens and empowers the believer and the church in worship, evangelism, and service.

Genesis 1:2; Judges 14:6; Job 26:13; Psalms 51:11; 139:7ff; Isaiah 61:1-3; Joel 2:28-32; Matthew 1:18; 3:16; 4:1; 12:28-32; 28:19, Mark 1:10, 12; Luke 1:35; 4:1, 18-19; 11:13; 12:12; 24:49; John 4:24; 14:16-17, 26; 15:26; 16:7-14; Acts 1:8; 2:1-4, 38; 4:31; 5:3; 6:3; 7:55; 8:17, 39; 10:44; 13:2; 15:28; 16:6; 19:1-6; Romans 8:9-11, 14-16, 26-27; 1

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Corinthians 2:10-14; 3:16; 12:3-11, 13; Galatians 4:6; Ephesians 1:13-14; 4:30; 5:18; 1 Thessalonians 5:19; 1 Timothy 3:16; 4:1; 2 Timothy 1:14; 3:16; Hebrews 9:8, 14; 2 Peter 1:21; 1 John 4:13; 5:6-7; Revelation 1:10; 22:17.

C. ManMan is the special creation of God, made in His own image. He created them male and female as the crowning work of His creation. The gift of gender is thus part of the goodness of God’s creation. In the beginning man was innocent of sin and was endowed by His Creator with freedom of choice. By his free choice man sinned against God and brought sin into the human race. Through the temptation of Satan man transgressed the command of God, and fell from his original innocence whereby his posterity inherit a nature and an environment inclined toward sin. Therefore, as soon as they are capable of moral action, they become transgressors and are under condemnation. Only the grace of God can bring man into His holy fellowship and enable man to fulfill the creative purpose of God. The sacredness of human personality is evident in that God created man in His own image, and in that Christ died for man; therefore, every person of every race possesses full dignity and is worthy of respect and Christian love.Genesis 1:26-30; 2:5, 7, 18-22; 3; 9:6; Psalms 1; 8:3-6; 32:1-5; 51:5; Isaiah 6:5; Jeremiah 17:5; Matthew 16:26; Acts 17:26-31; Romans 1:19-32; 3:10-18, 23; 5:6, 12, 19:6:6; 7:14-25; 8:14-18, 29; 1 Corinthians 1:21-31; 15:19, 21-22; Ephesians 2:1-22; Colossians 1:21-22; 3:9-11.

D. SalvationSalvation involves the redemption of the whole man, and is offered freely to all who accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, who by His own blood obtained eternal redemption for the believer. In its broadest sense salvation includes regeneration, justification, sanctification, and glorification. There is no salvation apart from personal faith in Jesus Christ as Lord.1. Regeneration, or the new birth, is a work of God’s grace whereby believers become new creatures in Christ Jesus. It is a change of heart wrought by the Holy Spirit through conviction of sin, to which the sinner responds in repentance toward God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Repentance and faith are inseparable experiences of grace.Repentance is a genuine turning from sin toward God. Faith is the acceptance of Jesus Christ and commitment of the entire personality to Him as Lord and Savior.2. Justification is God’s gracious and full acquittal upon principles of His righteousness of all sinners who repent and believe in Christ. Justification brings the believer unto a relationship of peace and favor with God.3. Sanctification is the experience, beginning in regeneration, by which the believer is set apart to God’s purposes, and is enabled to progress toward moral and spiritual maturity through the presence and power of the Holy Spirit dwelling in him. Growth in grace should continue throughout the regenerate person’s life.4. Glorification is the culmination of salvation and is the final blessed and abiding state of the redeemed.Genesis 3:15; Exodus 3:14-17; 6:2-8; Matthew 1:21; 4:17; 16:21-26; 27:22-28:6; Luke 1:68-69; 2:28-32; John 1:11-14, 29; 3:3-21, 36; 5:24; 10:9, 28-29; 15:1-16; 17:17; Acts 2:21; 4:12; 15:11; 16:30-31; 17:30-31; 20:32; Romans 1:16-18; 2:4; 3:23-25; 4:3ff; 5:8-

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10; 6:1-23; 8:1-18, 29-39; 10:9-10; 13; 13:11-14; 1 Corinthians 1:18, 30; 6:19-20; 15:10; 2 Corinthians 5:17-20; Galatians 2:20; 3:13; 5:22-25; 6:15; Ephesians 1:7; 2:8-22; 4:11-16; Philippians 2:12-13; Colossians 1:9-22; 3:1ff; 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24; 2 Timothy 1:12; Titus 2:11-14; Hebrews 2:1-3; 5:8-9; 9:24-28; 11:1-12:8, 14; James 2:14-26; 1 Peter 1:2-23; 1 John 1:6-2:11; Revelation 3:20; 21:1-22:5.(Adapted Baptist Faith and Message 2000).

Ethical Guidelines

Definitions and Roles of Pastors and Pastoral Counselor

The Pastor and Pastoral Counselor: Ordained Ministers of the GospelPastors and pastoral counselors have central roles in the counseling and care ministry of the church. They are normally ordained ministers, recognized by a reputable church denomination as called of God, set apart for special church ministry, and have fulfilled the education and preparatory tasks the church requires for that ministry.

The Specialized Pastoral Counselor

Pastoral counselors and psychotherapists have received advanced training in counseling and psychotherapy and often counsel in a church or a specialized counseling setting. Pastoral counselors often have advanced degrees in counseling, have undergone counseling practicum training under supervision, and may be certified by national associations as a pastoral counselor or pastoral psychotherapist.

Rules of Ethics Code Application and Exemption

General Rule of Ethical Code Application and ExemptionPastors and pastoral counselors shall honor this Code in it entirety, except for those code sections (1) not applicable due to their clinical professional nature, or (2) because a higher duty to church or ministry rules require a narrow exemption from this Code. Anyone claiming exemption to the Code has the burden of proving it, and the duty to draw that exemption as narrowly as possible, honoring all other Code requirements.

The Call of Christian Counseling to Gospel Fidelity

Pastors and pastoral counselors have a special call as intermediaries between Christian counseling and the church. They can challenge Christian counselors to hold faith to the Gospel and to apply counseling ministry to the mission and work of the church. They can mediate, explain, and refer parishioners to Christian counselors. They can also encourage involvement for those who need help, and communicate and explain the guidelines of the Code so that parishioners can better judge the value and safety of the Christian

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counseling work.

(adapted from http://aacc.net, 2010).

Appendix CIntake Form_____________________________________________________________Registration FormPlease PrintLast Name____________________________________ First Name__________________________ MI___________Address________________________________________________________________________________________City___________________________________________ State____________ Zip____________________________Social Security #________________________________ Date of Birth______________________ Sex_____________Marital Status_____________________ Home Phone____________________ Daytime Phone__________________Cell Phone_______________________ Home E-Mail____________________________________________________Church You Attend________________________________________ Religious Preference______________________Employer Name_________________________________________________________________________________Employer Address__________________________________ City________________ State_____ Zip_____________HOW DID YOU LEARN ABOUT THE CHURCH?Friend/Family____ Yellow Pages____ Physician____ Counselor____ Other____________________Please SpecifyReferring Physician or Counselor____________________________________________________________________Please Specify NameAddress City State Zip PhoneRESPONSIBLE PARTY INFORMATION (if different than patient)Last Name____________________________________ First Name__________________________ MI____________Address________________________________________________________________________________________

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City___________________________________________ State_____________ Zip___________________________Relationship to Patient______________ SS#____________________ Birth Date____________Phone_____________Employer Name_________________________________________________________________________________Employer Address__________________________________ City________________ State_____Zip______________EMERGENCY CONTACT – NOT LIVING WITH YOU (i.e. friend or relative)Last Name_____________________________________ First Name__________________________ MI___________Address________________________________________________________________________________________City___________________________________________ State_______________ Zip_________________________Relationship to Patient_____________________________________ Phone__________________________________BRIEFLY TELL US WHY YOU HAVE COME TO SEE US______________________________________________________________________________________________WHAT DO YOU EXPECT TO ACHIEVE____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(adapted from http://centerforchristiancounseling, 2010).

Informed Consent and Confidentiality Agreement

Name ________________________ Date _____________

I, _______________________________ understand that Rev. Henry Limpet is an ordained pastor but is not a licensed counselor in the state of North Carolina.

I, _______________________________ understand that Rev. Henry Limpet cannot keep silent on the grounds of confidentiality for the following reasons: A. When a disclosure indicates that a counselee may cause danger or harm to self or others.B. When a disclosure indicates suspected child abuse or abuse of the elderly.

I, ________________________________ understand that Rev. Henry Limpet will not counsel any female or minor without a third party present.

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I, ________________________________ understand that the third party participant must be agreed upon by both counselor and counselee.

All things discussed in the counseling sessions will remain completely confidential, unless it violates one of the reasons stated above or violates the counselor’s conscience or good judgment.

The counselor will take notes during the counseling process; these notes will not be shared with anyone outside of the counseling session, unless requested by the counselee. All notes and records will be given to the counselee after the final counseling session has been completed, or destroyed upon the counselee’s request. The counselor will not keep any long term records on file unless expressly requested to do so by the counselee.

Overview of the Counseling Process

The counseling process will be limited to no more than five sessions lasting from one hour to 1 ½ hours maximum. The counseling session will be held weekly or bi-weekly according to the schedules and convenience of both the counselor and the counselee. Homework will be given after each counseling session based upon strategic goals agreed upon at the close of each session. At the end of each session a prescribed 10 minute break will be given for both the counselor and counselee to reflect upon the things discussed in the session. After the 10 minute break the counselor and counselee will meet briefly again for supportive feedback and closing discussion.

I, _______________________________ agree to the following guidelines and requirements. I understand that solution based brief pastoral counseling is solution focused and brief in nature. I agree to end the counseling relationship after the fifth

session even though I may feel additional sessions would be beneficial.

Referral ProcessIn the event that I cannot help the counselee I reserve the right to refer the individual to another source or individual who is more qualified to help. Likewise, if the counselee is not receiving the help they desire, they have the right to terminate the counseling relationship and seek help elsewhere. Heatherwood Counseling Center, Marion, VA is where I will refer counselee’s needing further assistance. Heatherwood Counseling Center is a Christian counseling center with

trained and licensed psychologists and psychotherapists on staff.

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Appendix DAnnotated ReferencesAngerCoblentz, John. 1999. Putting off Anger: a Biblical Study of What Anger is and What to

do About It. Christian Light Publications. ISBN: 0878135790.

This book is an excellent source for discovering what the Bible says about anger and how to deal with it God’s way.

Lester, Andrew D. 1983. Coping with Your Anger: A Christian Guide. Westminster Press. ISBN: 0664244718.

Easy to use and practical guides for helping anyone deal with the detrimental effects of ongoing anger.

Decision Making and the Will of GodFrieson, Garry. 2004. Decision Making and the Will of God. Colorado Springs, CO:

Multnomah Books. ISBN: 1-59052-205-2.

A long but informative read that gives a fresh approach to making decisions in the will of God.

MacArthur, John. 1977. Found: God’s Will. Colorado Springs, CO: SP Publications. ISBN: 978-1-56476-740-0.

A brief, yet truth filled book that outlines God’s will from a simple and Biblical perspective.

ForgivenessSmedes, Lewis B. 2007. Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve.

HarperOne. ISBN: 978-0061285820.

An excellent book for anyone to read who is struggling with bitterness inflicted from past undeserved wounds.

Yancey, Philip. 2002. What’s so Amazing About Grace? Zondervan. ISBN: 978-0310245650.

Forgiving others is much easier when we understand how God has forgiven us. Anyone who reads this book will understand forgiveness and grace in a much deeper way.

GriefLewis, C. S. 2001. A Grief Observed. HarperOne. ISBN: 978-0060652388.

A true classic and a must read for anyone who is struggling with grief or loss in their life. C.S. Lewis is truly timeless.

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Ziglar, Zig. 2004. Confessions of a Grieving Christian. B&H Books. ISBN: 978-0805427455.

This book offers an intimate look into the heart of a grieving saint of God. A book that has been written by someone who has been in the valley of despair and came out again.

ParentingChapman, Gary. 2005. The Five Love Languages of Children. Chicago: Northfield

Publishing. ISBN: 978-1-881273-65-3.

Gary Chapman’s book gives great insight into learning to know your child’s heart. It is amazing to discover that every child has his/her own “love language” waiting to be discovered.

Dobson, James C. 1987. Parenting Isn’t For Cowards. Dallas: Word Publishing. ISBN: 0-8499-4014-10-8499-3342-0.

A humorous and witty, yet life changing book for any parent struggling with the most important task on earth: raising children. This book is guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and encouragement to your heart.

Appendix EJournal

WK1 #1Reference: According to Benner (2003), “Pastoral ministry is broader than pastoral care; so too, pastoral care is broader than pastoral counseling” (19).

Reflection: This quote helped to put pastoral ministry, care and counseling into their proper perspectives.

Relocation: As God continues to show me how vast and varied the role of a pastor can be, I am relieved to learn that counseling is but a small part of being a good pastor. It is not to be confused with overall pastoral care or ministry. People approach the pastor when they need counseling and the pastor should only counsel someone on a short term basis within his capabilities. In general, pastors are not qualified or trained for long term counseling, and they do not have the time due to the obligations of overall pastoral ministry. This does not mean however that they are useless as counselors; on the contrary, pastors can be very helpful in the role of counseling when they rely on upon the perfect counselor; the Holy Spirit. The healthy attitude for every pastor is best described by Clinton/Hawkins; “He will bring to us the people He wants us to help, and we must

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learn to depend on Him to touch others in a supernatural way – so that people exclaim, ‘God showed up (and miracles happened) in the counseling session today!’”(8-9).

WK2 #1Reference: According to Benner (2003), “It is important that the pastor resists the temptation simply to tell the parishioner what needs to be changed. This is a main difference between counseling and preaching” (94).

Reflection: This quote reminds me that as a pastor, I must constantly guard against the tendency to preach to the person being counseled, and instead listen carefully and help them discover their own solutions.

Relocation: I must remember that we are to bear one another’s burdens and look out for the interest of others. As a pastor, I love to teach and instruct others in applying God’s Word in their day to day lives, but I must remember that there is a time and a place for instruction, and a time and place for compassionate listening and personal discovery. During counseling, the latter is preferred.

WK3 #1Reference: According to Kollar (1997), “Or do we believe that the counseling interview is solely dependent upon our own wisdom and ability? This trust in our own understanding is what I believe results in most counselor burnout” (59).

Reflection: This statement reminds me that Jesus Christ is already working in the life of the counselee, and his/her improvement is not my sole responsibility.

Relocation: As I continue to counsel in my current ministry and prepare for future counseling in the years to come, I must learn to not lean on my own understanding, but instead trust in the Lord’s wisdom and strength. I must hold to the truth that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Embracing these truths will guard me against counselor burnout.

WK4 #1Reference: According to Peterson (2007), “Good listeners are worth their weight in gold. They help us sharpen our insights and directions” (77).

Reflection: This statement reminds me how valuable I can be to people by being a good listener.

Relocation: As I continue to strive to become a better listener, I pray that the Holy Spirit will always remind me to sharpen people’s insights and direction through active listening. Help me to remember Lord, that good listeners are rare, and that I can be a tremendous blessing to someone just by listening.

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WK5 #1Reference: According to Cloud (2004), “Humility could be seen as giving up the need to be greater than we are. It is giving up thinking that we know it all. Giving up thinking that we can do it all. Giving up thinking that we have to do it well all the time. Giving up thinking that we are better than others when they do not do it well. Giving up needing to be seen as the right or good all the time, and giving up defensiveness. In all these cases, the way of the déjà vu person is basically to be real” (209.

Reflection: I thought I was a humble person until I read the above sentences. I now realize that although I may practice humility in some areas of my life, there is much room for improvement.

Relocation: I need to give up thinking that I can do it all, and that I have to do it well all of the time. I must remember that I may sow or water a seed, but God has to make it grow. He alone can give the increase. As I am prone to be a perfectionist, I also must remember that I do not have to do it well every time. I must stop being so hard on myself. I must rest in the truth that it is Christ who works in me and through me to accomplish His good pleasure. Pleasing Him is all that matters.

WK6 #1Reference: According to Kollar (1997), “Supportive feedback represents that particular aspect of the counseling interview that comes after the counselor and counselee pause to collect their thoughts” (159).

Reflection: This quote informs me of the importance of having prescribed time for the counselor and counselee to collect their thoughts.

Relocation: In the past, I had never considered how important supportive feedback is in the counseling process. I now see it as a necessary and beneficial time for both the counselor and counselee to pause and consider what the Holy Spirit has revealed to them in the interview. This new knowledge will certainly be beneficial for continued change.

WK7 #1Reference: According to Kollar (1997), “Being labeled by an expert on mental disorders and hearing him use deficiency language often locks the counselee into his problems and disorientation. But as counselors we must remind ourselves that the counselee is a child of God, with his own dreams and hopes” (215).

Reflection: Kollar has reminded me of the value and worth of every individual.

Relocation: I now realize after reading this book of how society is guilty of over-analyzing and over-medicating so many people. Counselors are also guilty of many forms of problem focused counseling. There is such a need for solution focused pastoral

counseling and I thank God for allowing me the opportunity to learn and apply it.

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Appendix F

My Relational Style Action Plan

My overarching goal for life is to allow the Lord Jesus Christ to love the people through me, serve the people through me and teach the people through me. My three highest spiritual gift tendencies are teaching, encouraging/exhorting and mercy. This means that I also tend to be more in depth, encouraging and caring. The overuse of these gifts sometimes makes me boring in teaching, too talkative, and too sensitive. My highest personality profile plotting point in Graph 1 is “S” and Graph 2 “S/C”. This means I tend to be more passive than active and more reserved than outgoing. The overuse of this type sometimes makes me too reserved and cautious. My most obvious combination personality and spiritual gift type (relational style) is “S/C” (teaching). To communicate and relate with others more effectively I should seek more relationships, jump into conversations, and mingle and relate to more people. My greatest blessing and or struggle concerning my giftedness are becoming frustrated with people who do not possess my level of giftedness in teaching, exhortation and mercy. I should guard or improve my spiritual gifts of teaching and exhortation. I should guard or improve my personality tendencies of shyness, passiveness, fear of confrontation and insecurity. I will remember to be more assertive with a “D” personality as this type can easily manipulate and intimidate SC personality types. I will remember that “I” types highly value innovation and creativity. This personality type will respond very well to innovative techniques to problem solving. I will remember that “C” types love details and make decisions slowly. This personality type will want all of the facts presented and will highly value competence and progress in a counseling relationship. I will remember that “S” types will have to be encouraged to be assertive and to make decisions. My strategy will be to draw this personality type out and give them confidence in their own ability to solve problems. To grow more spiritually, I will utilize the spiritual disciplines of prayer, scripture study and memorization, and journaling. To avoid and resolve conflicts more effectively, I will covenant with God to engage the protocol of responding and not reacting, praying for guidance, communicating to the other party, valuing the other party as God’s child. My relational style does not confine me as a person. I will choose to master my personal relational style by choosing to

be led by the Spirit and conformed into the image of Jesus Christ.

Paste the Final Project Grading Rubric from Assignment Instructions on the last blank page of the project.

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SOLUTION-BASED, BRIEF PASTORAL COUNSELING (SBBPC)PROJECT GRADING GUIDELINES

The following represents an additive grading rubric. Instead of beginning with 400 and losing points for errors, you begin with a 0 and earn points for your work. In determining your grade, three questions will be asked:

QUESTION VALUES TOTAL 400 POINTS

INTRODUCTION OF SBBPC? Question Value: 40 Points

Abstract: Did it introduce context (4), overarching goal (4), andidentify care seeker (2)? Points: 10

Table of Contents: Organized with appropriate headings & subheadings (10), References (4), each Appendixidentified (12), and Grading Guideline (4)? Points: 30

PART 1 OF SBBPC: The Counseling Setting? Question Value: 120 Points

Introduction: Overview of SBBPC w/rationale (20) & assumptions (20) Points: 40 Pre-session Package: Essential elements explained (15), adequately

prepared (15) & located in Appendix (10): Overview of SBBPC; Statement of Beliefs and/or Worldview; Ethical Guidelines; Intake Form(s); Informed Consent; and ReferralProcess? Points: 40

Annotated References of 5 subjects: 3 Required - grief, anger, forgiveness;2 student’s choice; and 10 annotated entries/2 per subject? Points: 20

Journal: Minimum of 7 substantive entries (Wk 1-7 = 1 per week) Points: 20

PART 2 OF SBBPC: The Counselor’s Style? Question Value: 40 Points

Identified relational language, described relational style (integratedassessments and course materials)? Points: 20

Explained plan for controlling Relational Style utilizing course resources and placed Action Plan in Appendix? Points: 20

PART 3 OF SBBPC: The Counseling Strategy/Structure? Question Value: 80 Points

P1: Use of assumptions, clear distinction of phase, aim, role and goal, skill set used to demonstrate fit in aligning w/counselee’s style? Points: 20

P2: Use of assumptions, clear distinction of phase, aim, role and goal, pastoral assessment, skill set used in collaborative goal description and

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identification of strengths and resources? Points: 20

P3: Use of assumptions, clear distinction of phase, aim, role and goal, skill set used in collaborative development of vision clarification? Points: 20

P4: Use of assumptions, clear distinction of phase, aim, role and goal, skill set used in consolidating change, and partnerships activated to support and secure change? Points: 20

PART 4 OF SBBPC: The Counseling Summation? Question Value: 120 Points

Discussed the versatility of the supportive feedback technique? Points: 20

Developed a procedure for reflexive praxis (15), identified/secured aMentor/Friend (10), and developed debriefing guidelines (15)? Points: 40

SBBPC project was written according to graduate-level expectations, formatted according to Turabian (7e) Reference Style Guidelines, utilized required resources and at least two secondary sources, with Appendix (single-spaced) and not more than 40 pages (in its entirety)? Points: 60

Grade: Comments:

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