oregon humanities fall/winter 2015: move
TRANSCRIPT
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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MoveFallWinter 2015
Whose state is this
The flow of traffic
trash laws and fish
Moving betweenlanguages to find a voice
Leaving and staying gone
$8
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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editor
Kathleen Holt
a rt di r ector s
Jen Wick
Taryn Cowart
a s sis ta n t edit or s
Eloise Holland
Ben Waterhouse
copy editor
Allison Dubinsky
communications
publications intern
Julia Withers
Oregon Humanities (ISSN
2333-5513) is published trian-
nually by Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite
150 Portland Oregon 97205
We welcome letters fromreaders If you would like to
submit a letter for consider-
ation please send it to the
editor at kholtoregon-
humanitiesorg or to the
address listed above Letters
may be edited for space or
clarity
Oregon Humanities is
provided free to Oregonians
To join our mailing list email
ohmoregonhumanities
org visit oregonhumanities
orgmagazine or call our
office at (503) 241-0543 or
(800) 735-0543
Oregon Humanities2
editorial a dvisoryb o a r d
Debra Gwartney
Julia Heydon
Guy Maynard
Win McCormack
Greg Netzer
Camela Raymond
Kate Sage
Rich Wandschneider
Dave Weich
Matt Yurdana
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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12
Whose State Is This
by brent walthLegal measures targeting
Latino Oregonians reflect fears
of change
17
Community in Flux
by lisa loving
A long-persecuted people
begins to speak out
22
This Way through Oregon
by eric gold and tar a
ra e mi ner The flow of salmon waste
traffic and laws
Departments
4
Editorrsquos Note
6
Field Work
Partnership with Portland
Playhouse Pints and
Pulitzers Power and PlaceJoaquin Lopez OH News
Thanks to our funders Talking
about Dying
11
From the Director
40
PostsReaders write about ldquoMoverdquo
44
Read Talk Think
At the Hearth of the Crossed Races
by Melinda Marie Jetteacute Marie
Equi Radical Politics and Outlaw
Passionsby Michael Helquist Landfallby Ellen Urbani
Portlandness A Cultural Atlas by
David Banis and Hunter Shobe People Like Youby Margaret
Malone The Last Love Song by
Tracy Daugherty
46
Croppings
Contemporary Native
Photographers and the Edward
Curtis Legacy Zig Jackson
Wendy Red Star Will Wilson at
Portland Art Museum
3 FallWinter 2015
27
So to Speak
by l a i l a l a l a miMoving between languages to
find a voice
31
Getting Out
by loretta stinson
A shift in perspective helps a
woman move on for good
36
All the Same Ocean
by ja so n a ri a s
Finding the horizon in a life
rocked with waves
P H O T O B Y I N T
I S A R A B I O T O
Features Move
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities4
This issuersquos cover ldquoIn Search of Tomor-
rowrdquo is by photographer Minh Carrico from
Edmonds Washington
If yoursquore an artist and have work that we
might consider for the Spring 2016 issue
on the theme ldquoRootrdquo wersquod love to know
about it Please familiarize yourself with our
publication (back issues viewable online at
oregonhumanitiesorg) then send us the
following by February 22 2016
bull A high-resolution digital image (300 dpi at
8rdquo x 10rdquo scans or photographs JPEG or
TIFF)
bull Your name the title of the work the type
of media as well as contact information
(email and phone number)
bull Description of the relationship of the
image to the theme
Please consider the constraints of a
magazine cover (eg vertical orientation
nameplate and cover lines) We are most
interested in works by Oregon-based artists
Submissions can be sent to
artoregonhumanitiesorg or by post
to Oregon Humanities magazine
921 SW Washington St Suite 150 Portland
OR 97205
Objects in Motion
T H E L A S T TIME I S A W MY DA D O N TH E MA INL A ND
was when he and my stepmom were ta ki ng a cruise to
Alaska from Seat tle My husba nd and kid s and I drove up to
spend some time with them before their ship left Traversing
the hilly downtown streets it was obvious that my dadrsquos Par-
kinsonrsquos was progressing as that disease does While my young
children zigzagged up and down the sidewalksmdashpeeling off to
climb sculptures steps and plantersmdashmy dad shuffled behind
using their side trips to rest and catch his breath and crack a joke
My stepmom fretted that he didnrsquot want to use a walker or a
wheelchai r which would make the going easier Though it wasdifficult to see him struggle against his new physical limita-
tions I understood why he stubbornly did so his identity has
always been grounded in his bodymdashas a soldier a police officer
an athlete
In his pre-Parkinsonrsquos life he was six-foot-one and two
hundred pounds On the days he picked me up from elemen-
tary school fresh off the day shift hersquod unfold himself from
his patrol car and loom above us formidable in his dark blue
uniform The kidsmdashsmall and weary from a day of jostling for
knowledge and power and allegiancesmdashlooked up to him mar-
veled at him feared him Later at home he would cha nge into a
t-shirt and be the easygoing father I adored the one whorsquod letme draw on his long brown arms and legs when I was bored the
one whorsquod warm up tomato soup and cockta il wieners and call
it dinner I remember him being playful and relaxed with me
even in those days when he and my mother were going through
a painful divorce
That afternoon in Seattle we stopped to rest in my par-
entsrsquo hotel room My son continued his antics climbing on and
touching everything he could My husband and I grimaced and
scolded hustling around the small room t rying to prevent dam-
age My dad rested in an armchair jovially remarking on how
many years of trouble we had in front of us
A couple of week s ago my stepmom called to say t hey were
talking to a gerontologist and putting together end-of-life
plans She and I consulted in a strangely businesslike fashion
about my dadrsquos do-not-resuscitate requests she wa rned me
that she needed me to stick to the plan if she in that future
moment vacillated I a ssured her I would hold steady even as
I wondered if I could
When my dad got on the phone I asked him how things were
going He made light as he always does except when we talked
about importa nt things like money bad weather and sports He
joked about how my stepmom wasnrsquot letti ng him eat foods heliked about how she was a bully making him stick to his physi-
cal therapy regimen He sounded like the dad of my youth
Earlier this fall a friend reminded me that the word iner-
tia didnrsquot mean only what I thought it meant Irsquod been think-
ing about it exclusively as meaning immobile Irsquod forgotten the
other definition from high school physics class ldquothe tendency
of objects to keep moving in a straight line at constant velocityrdquo
Though either definition describes the life I sometimes live Irsquom
not sure which should bother me more being stuck or being on
a track resistant to cha nging course or speed
On the phone with my dad I pushed a little asking pointedly
about the meetings w ith the gerontologist and he simply saidldquoItrsquos hardrdquo His voice quavered a bitmdashthe Parkinsonrsquos This day
This life Those t wo words seemed loaded with weariness and
resignation
Then he quickly reverted to teasing saying loudly that my
stepmom and his gerontologist were ganging up on him I heard
laughter in the background and he shifted topics asking about
the kids I mentioned that Emmett was doing well in soccer and
basketball he expressed no surprise chuckling about my sonrsquos
activity in Seattle We laughed We joked We were back on track
kathleen holt Editor
kholtoregonhumanitiesorg
Editorrsquos Note
Cover Art Ideas for ldquoRootrdquo
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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5 FallWinter 2015
You fundYou fund The Trust We in turn fund the strummers writers
cloud dancers and dreamers who make Oregon Oregon
DOUBLE the impact of your favorite cultural donation for FREE
1) Donate to your favorite organization(s) 2) If theyrsquore one of
our 1400 cultural nonprofits donate that same amount to the
Cultural Trust 3) Take that same amount off your state taxes
Easy Learn more and donate at CulturalTrustorg
DONATE$ TO AN ORG
FUELOREGONCULTURE
$ TO THE TRUST
AND GET THE
SAME $ BACK
DONATE+ =
IN TWANG WE TRUST
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities6
HUMA NITIES ACROSS OREGON
Field Work
Donnell Alexander leads a
conversat ion about hip hop on
the stage of Portland Playhousersquos
production of How We Got On
How We Got OnOregon Humanities and Portland Playhouse
partner for an evening of hip hop and
conversation
O N E E V E N I N G I N O C T O B E R P O R T -
land Playhousersquos stage was set not for the
production of How We Got On by Idris Goodwin
which opened at the end of September but for
a conversation about local hip hop culture rap
music and how musicians break into the scene
A s more than sixty peoplemdashincluding a
couple of groups of teens and adults of all
agesmdashfound their seats around the stage DJ Verbz set the tone of the evening with a mix of
local hip hop music
ldquoHow We Got On A Hip Hop Conversationrdquo
wa s org an iz ed by Oregon Hum an ities and
Portland Playhouse to bring residents
together to talk about some of the themes and
ideas presented in the play How We G ot On
One of Portland Playhousersquos goals says Artis-
tic Director Brian Weaver is to engage audi-
ences beyond traditional theater talk-backs
Donnell Alexander who leads an Oregon
Humanities Conversation Project called
ldquoNorthwest Mixtape Hip Hop Culture and
Influencesrdquo facilitated the conversation and
designed the eveningrsquos program While plan-
ning the event he brought on Verbz and up-and-coming Portland rapper Glenn Waco who
performed a short set The cast of How We Got
K I M O
A N H N G U Y E N
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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7 FallWinter 20157
Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon
bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg
to sign up for our monthly
enewsletter
bull Like us on Facebook
bull Follow us on Twitter
On also performed a scene from the play
W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out
what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved
into a discussion that touched on everything
from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-
gages to people who live in certai n areas based
on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the
Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos
like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of
colormdashin Portland
Ithica Tell an actress who performs the
role of the Selector in How We Got On talked
about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music
thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-
ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard
for black culture and communities to take
root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in
Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black
people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot
repealed until 1926
Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-
land was excited by the opportunity to have
people in a room talking about a topic hersquos
passionate about and one thatmdashespecially
when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos
still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of
the Internet we all think we know every-
thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our
environment and the way we start to do that
is by talking to each otherrdquo
ELOISE HOLLAND
Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize
winners to Oregon
OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp
Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize
winners and fina lists in eight events around
Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four
renowned writers will take place in Portland
Astoria Bend and Eugene
Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-
tive conversations about big ideas began as a
happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009
Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-
ues the series remains more intimate and
casual than traditional lecture programs
Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon
Humanities has presented individual Think
amp Drink events outside of Portland this is
the first time the series will feature the same
guests in multiple communities
The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature
appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-
land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-
nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland
and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel
Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland
Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a
Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland
700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm
Minors with parent or guardian
Series tickets ($50$100) available now at
oregonhumanitiesorg
Think amp Drink
2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series
FEBRUARY 16
Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account
February 17 in Bend
APRIL 19
Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark
The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in
a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set
Them Free
April 20 in Eugene
JULY 20
Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of
Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos
Great Migration
July 21 in Astoria
OCTOBER 19
Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful
Forevers Life Death and Hope in a
Mumbai Undercity
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities8
T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S
Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink
returns in 2016 engaging the public to
think and talk about big ideas Thanks
to support from the Pulitzer Centennial
Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series
wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and
finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and
Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-
ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and
Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details
about the series
D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R
Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project
invites Oregonians to write a personal
letter to someone theyrsquove never met
and receive a letter in exchange To par-
ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a
self-addressed stamped envelope and a
signed release form to Dear Stranger co
Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington
St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205
Letters must be mailed by January 22
2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-
manitiesorg for complete guidelines and
to download a release form
H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T
Oregon nonprofits and community
groups can apply until January 31 2016
to host Conversation Project discussions
in the spring and summer Visit oregon-
humanitiesorg for more information
and look out for the application window
for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-
ing in January
W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to
announce the election of Shannon Mara
to the board of directors this September
Mara has worked in business manage-
ment and consulting in Oregon since
1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-
cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on
the boards of directors for Opportunity
Knocks and 1859 Media LLC
N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S
The National Endowment for the
Humanities one of the largest funders
of humanities programs in the country
makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-
sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty
years of achievement Since its inception
in 1965 the organization has awarded
63000 grants totaling $53 billion in
order to strengthen teaching research
and lifelong learning around the nation
Oregon Humanities News
$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-
nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort
to generate conversations across the country
about the impact of journalism and humanities
on our lives in observation of the hundredth
presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-
zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher
Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-
lence in journalism letters and music
Season tickets to the Portland events which
will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are
available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-
ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-
able through local venues
BEN WATERHOUSE
Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to
explore land loss by communities of color
A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -
ingly enthusiastic response to the video
Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-
nated the production of the video for Oregon
Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories
like this one that needed telling The video
which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor
Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners
tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos
black communities It was powerful Holt says
because it showed the effects of displacement
on people and how that experience feels
Inspired by the impact the video had on
Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-
ing a new multimedia project that will collect
and connect stories about the loss of lands and
power by communities of color Combining
technology arts and the humanities the proj-
ect will culminate in a website featuring videos
photos maps timelines graphics words and
other content created by artists and writers of
color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and
power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this
loss including thriving and resistance
Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden
histories and contributions of communities
of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-
stand how the world takes shape around us
Once we have that awareness we can take
steps to change and improve our communityrdquo
she says By creating a space to express many
different stories side by side Oregon Human-
ities aims to help build a broader understand-
ing of how policies and legislation influence
systems of power and landownership in Ore-
gonrsquos past a nd present
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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9 FallWinter 2015
Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a
$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-
tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation
wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of
color to share their work and will invite more
stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the
beginning We hope to create a place for these
kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-
ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo
The website is expected to launch in January
2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-
humanitiesorg
JULIA WITHERS
The Power of Story
Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories
W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y
advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-
vince yout h that they have the power to make
their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey
become the owners of their own experiencerdquo
This summer Lopez shared his story with 120
rising high school seniors from around the
state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-
mer Institute
A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care
The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to
help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most
Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg
R U S S E L L
J Y O U N G
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities10
FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring
Thanks to the support of
our generous funders
Oregon Humanities
brings tens of thousands
of Oregonians togethermdash
face-to-face online and
on the pagemdashto talk
listen and learn from one
another The following
funders have recently
offered support to make
Oregon a more dynamic
and vital place to live
bull The Oregon Community
Foundation $110000
Creative Heights grant
to pursue a multimedia
project that explores land
loss by communities of
color in Oregon
bull The Maybelle Clark
Macdonald Fund
$20000 for matching
new and increased dona-tions over the last year
bull The Rose E Tucker
Charitable Trust $6500
for Conversation Project
bull Emily Georges Gott-
fried Fund $2000 for a
pilot project training high
school students to lead
community conversations
bull Union Bank of California
Foundation $2000 for
Humanity in Perspective
Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings
Oregon teachers and high school juniors
together to explore the pursuit of happiness
and how it shapes our world Students from
diverse communities and economic back-
grounds engage with big ideas through work-
shops lectures films and conversations This
year the weekend concluded with a special pre-
sentation by Lopez
Incorporating personal narrative lecture
and Latin American folk music into his perfor-
mance Lopez focused on the power of stories
to connect people to history themselves and
the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students
how he came to terms with his ow n identity as
a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the
author of his own story and the creator of his
own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-
ing ovation they appreciated his honesty
openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High
School commented ldquoHe left the audience with
ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see
the world not just as what it was
but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)
Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas
Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift
through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide
inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo
Lopez believes in the potential of the
humanities to engage and empower people In
his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash
a nonprofit with locations in Portland and
Gresham that promotes social change by unit-
ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages
Studio Latino an after-school program that
focuses on Latin American arts and culture
The program was piloted last spring and this
year it will enter Reynolds High School in
Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder
Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-
porate themes of perseverance personal char-
acter and cultural identity into the program so
that students can bring those values with them
beyond high school
For Lopez creating spaces where youth can
be themselves and connect with each other is
a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are
all in this togetherrdquo
JULIA WITHERS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR
W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A
small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-
ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-
ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did
what my parents had prepared me to do I asked
for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm
and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and
Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash
that because they were there I was only having
pancakes no bacon
Two decades later I went to visit the fam-
ily of the woman who is now my wife While
most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn
pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky
home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on
the back porch what my belief was about Jesus
Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence
of my response and thanked me and walked
into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to
be careful
A few years ago I went with my wife and
kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third
husband in a Southern Baptist church in a
small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-
known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two
of the three eulogies were delivered from the
altar by gay men When the preacher led us in
prayer and song my kids and I and I think my
wife were silent We knew neither the words
nor the tune
My kids now ten and eight tell people who
ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I
suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-
parents would have said they are neither
I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a
thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam
of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew
Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-
anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky
and Alabama and New York and Israel and
Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff
too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-
cently the author Toureacute thinks through how
he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife
He writes that it will be his job not hers to
bring blackness into the home He tries in his
essay to figure out what that could mean but
he seems certain that the job belongs to him
Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes
of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and
Culture Summit there was a good deal of
attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we
receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and
seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four
and find the looking forward even hardermdashand
there we were thinking about this at just the
third-annual summit an old culture becoming
new again
This summit got me thinking about how
the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe
more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe
more likely you may be to think carefully about
preserving it recognizing it passing it on
One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is
an undiluted commitment to questions This
time of year with the holidays and their vari-
ous rituals upon us my big question is about
what Toureacute calls his job
Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed
whatever everyone and also this what of
what yoursquove received do you want to pass on
What would you be fine leaving behind And
what can you do to transmit the good stuff
inherited or acquired later seven generations
hence
What We Pass On
A DA M DAV IS
K I M N
G U Y E N
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities12
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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13 FallWinter 2015 Move
Whose StateIs This
Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change
I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A
rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought
was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at
Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon
too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new
home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father
gathered the girls and left
ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now
forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying
But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of
hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal
Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons
ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden
Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-
tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo
For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen
it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-
tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until
1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white
residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities
The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-
papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-
yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North
and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-
rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s
BRENT WALTH
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 248
editor
Kathleen Holt
a rt di r ector s
Jen Wick
Taryn Cowart
a s sis ta n t edit or s
Eloise Holland
Ben Waterhouse
copy editor
Allison Dubinsky
communications
publications intern
Julia Withers
Oregon Humanities (ISSN
2333-5513) is published trian-
nually by Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite
150 Portland Oregon 97205
We welcome letters fromreaders If you would like to
submit a letter for consider-
ation please send it to the
editor at kholtoregon-
humanitiesorg or to the
address listed above Letters
may be edited for space or
clarity
Oregon Humanities is
provided free to Oregonians
To join our mailing list email
ohmoregonhumanities
org visit oregonhumanities
orgmagazine or call our
office at (503) 241-0543 or
(800) 735-0543
Oregon Humanities2
editorial a dvisoryb o a r d
Debra Gwartney
Julia Heydon
Guy Maynard
Win McCormack
Greg Netzer
Camela Raymond
Kate Sage
Rich Wandschneider
Dave Weich
Matt Yurdana
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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12
Whose State Is This
by brent walthLegal measures targeting
Latino Oregonians reflect fears
of change
17
Community in Flux
by lisa loving
A long-persecuted people
begins to speak out
22
This Way through Oregon
by eric gold and tar a
ra e mi ner The flow of salmon waste
traffic and laws
Departments
4
Editorrsquos Note
6
Field Work
Partnership with Portland
Playhouse Pints and
Pulitzers Power and PlaceJoaquin Lopez OH News
Thanks to our funders Talking
about Dying
11
From the Director
40
PostsReaders write about ldquoMoverdquo
44
Read Talk Think
At the Hearth of the Crossed Races
by Melinda Marie Jetteacute Marie
Equi Radical Politics and Outlaw
Passionsby Michael Helquist Landfallby Ellen Urbani
Portlandness A Cultural Atlas by
David Banis and Hunter Shobe People Like Youby Margaret
Malone The Last Love Song by
Tracy Daugherty
46
Croppings
Contemporary Native
Photographers and the Edward
Curtis Legacy Zig Jackson
Wendy Red Star Will Wilson at
Portland Art Museum
3 FallWinter 2015
27
So to Speak
by l a i l a l a l a miMoving between languages to
find a voice
31
Getting Out
by loretta stinson
A shift in perspective helps a
woman move on for good
36
All the Same Ocean
by ja so n a ri a s
Finding the horizon in a life
rocked with waves
P H O T O B Y I N T
I S A R A B I O T O
Features Move
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities4
This issuersquos cover ldquoIn Search of Tomor-
rowrdquo is by photographer Minh Carrico from
Edmonds Washington
If yoursquore an artist and have work that we
might consider for the Spring 2016 issue
on the theme ldquoRootrdquo wersquod love to know
about it Please familiarize yourself with our
publication (back issues viewable online at
oregonhumanitiesorg) then send us the
following by February 22 2016
bull A high-resolution digital image (300 dpi at
8rdquo x 10rdquo scans or photographs JPEG or
TIFF)
bull Your name the title of the work the type
of media as well as contact information
(email and phone number)
bull Description of the relationship of the
image to the theme
Please consider the constraints of a
magazine cover (eg vertical orientation
nameplate and cover lines) We are most
interested in works by Oregon-based artists
Submissions can be sent to
artoregonhumanitiesorg or by post
to Oregon Humanities magazine
921 SW Washington St Suite 150 Portland
OR 97205
Objects in Motion
T H E L A S T TIME I S A W MY DA D O N TH E MA INL A ND
was when he and my stepmom were ta ki ng a cruise to
Alaska from Seat tle My husba nd and kid s and I drove up to
spend some time with them before their ship left Traversing
the hilly downtown streets it was obvious that my dadrsquos Par-
kinsonrsquos was progressing as that disease does While my young
children zigzagged up and down the sidewalksmdashpeeling off to
climb sculptures steps and plantersmdashmy dad shuffled behind
using their side trips to rest and catch his breath and crack a joke
My stepmom fretted that he didnrsquot want to use a walker or a
wheelchai r which would make the going easier Though it wasdifficult to see him struggle against his new physical limita-
tions I understood why he stubbornly did so his identity has
always been grounded in his bodymdashas a soldier a police officer
an athlete
In his pre-Parkinsonrsquos life he was six-foot-one and two
hundred pounds On the days he picked me up from elemen-
tary school fresh off the day shift hersquod unfold himself from
his patrol car and loom above us formidable in his dark blue
uniform The kidsmdashsmall and weary from a day of jostling for
knowledge and power and allegiancesmdashlooked up to him mar-
veled at him feared him Later at home he would cha nge into a
t-shirt and be the easygoing father I adored the one whorsquod letme draw on his long brown arms and legs when I was bored the
one whorsquod warm up tomato soup and cockta il wieners and call
it dinner I remember him being playful and relaxed with me
even in those days when he and my mother were going through
a painful divorce
That afternoon in Seattle we stopped to rest in my par-
entsrsquo hotel room My son continued his antics climbing on and
touching everything he could My husband and I grimaced and
scolded hustling around the small room t rying to prevent dam-
age My dad rested in an armchair jovially remarking on how
many years of trouble we had in front of us
A couple of week s ago my stepmom called to say t hey were
talking to a gerontologist and putting together end-of-life
plans She and I consulted in a strangely businesslike fashion
about my dadrsquos do-not-resuscitate requests she wa rned me
that she needed me to stick to the plan if she in that future
moment vacillated I a ssured her I would hold steady even as
I wondered if I could
When my dad got on the phone I asked him how things were
going He made light as he always does except when we talked
about importa nt things like money bad weather and sports He
joked about how my stepmom wasnrsquot letti ng him eat foods heliked about how she was a bully making him stick to his physi-
cal therapy regimen He sounded like the dad of my youth
Earlier this fall a friend reminded me that the word iner-
tia didnrsquot mean only what I thought it meant Irsquod been think-
ing about it exclusively as meaning immobile Irsquod forgotten the
other definition from high school physics class ldquothe tendency
of objects to keep moving in a straight line at constant velocityrdquo
Though either definition describes the life I sometimes live Irsquom
not sure which should bother me more being stuck or being on
a track resistant to cha nging course or speed
On the phone with my dad I pushed a little asking pointedly
about the meetings w ith the gerontologist and he simply saidldquoItrsquos hardrdquo His voice quavered a bitmdashthe Parkinsonrsquos This day
This life Those t wo words seemed loaded with weariness and
resignation
Then he quickly reverted to teasing saying loudly that my
stepmom and his gerontologist were ganging up on him I heard
laughter in the background and he shifted topics asking about
the kids I mentioned that Emmett was doing well in soccer and
basketball he expressed no surprise chuckling about my sonrsquos
activity in Seattle We laughed We joked We were back on track
kathleen holt Editor
kholtoregonhumanitiesorg
Editorrsquos Note
Cover Art Ideas for ldquoRootrdquo
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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5 FallWinter 2015
You fundYou fund The Trust We in turn fund the strummers writers
cloud dancers and dreamers who make Oregon Oregon
DOUBLE the impact of your favorite cultural donation for FREE
1) Donate to your favorite organization(s) 2) If theyrsquore one of
our 1400 cultural nonprofits donate that same amount to the
Cultural Trust 3) Take that same amount off your state taxes
Easy Learn more and donate at CulturalTrustorg
DONATE$ TO AN ORG
FUELOREGONCULTURE
$ TO THE TRUST
AND GET THE
SAME $ BACK
DONATE+ =
IN TWANG WE TRUST
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities6
HUMA NITIES ACROSS OREGON
Field Work
Donnell Alexander leads a
conversat ion about hip hop on
the stage of Portland Playhousersquos
production of How We Got On
How We Got OnOregon Humanities and Portland Playhouse
partner for an evening of hip hop and
conversation
O N E E V E N I N G I N O C T O B E R P O R T -
land Playhousersquos stage was set not for the
production of How We Got On by Idris Goodwin
which opened at the end of September but for
a conversation about local hip hop culture rap
music and how musicians break into the scene
A s more than sixty peoplemdashincluding a
couple of groups of teens and adults of all
agesmdashfound their seats around the stage DJ Verbz set the tone of the evening with a mix of
local hip hop music
ldquoHow We Got On A Hip Hop Conversationrdquo
wa s org an iz ed by Oregon Hum an ities and
Portland Playhouse to bring residents
together to talk about some of the themes and
ideas presented in the play How We G ot On
One of Portland Playhousersquos goals says Artis-
tic Director Brian Weaver is to engage audi-
ences beyond traditional theater talk-backs
Donnell Alexander who leads an Oregon
Humanities Conversation Project called
ldquoNorthwest Mixtape Hip Hop Culture and
Influencesrdquo facilitated the conversation and
designed the eveningrsquos program While plan-
ning the event he brought on Verbz and up-and-coming Portland rapper Glenn Waco who
performed a short set The cast of How We Got
K I M O
A N H N G U Y E N
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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7 FallWinter 20157
Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon
bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg
to sign up for our monthly
enewsletter
bull Like us on Facebook
bull Follow us on Twitter
On also performed a scene from the play
W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out
what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved
into a discussion that touched on everything
from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-
gages to people who live in certai n areas based
on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the
Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos
like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of
colormdashin Portland
Ithica Tell an actress who performs the
role of the Selector in How We Got On talked
about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music
thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-
ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard
for black culture and communities to take
root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in
Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black
people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot
repealed until 1926
Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-
land was excited by the opportunity to have
people in a room talking about a topic hersquos
passionate about and one thatmdashespecially
when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos
still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of
the Internet we all think we know every-
thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our
environment and the way we start to do that
is by talking to each otherrdquo
ELOISE HOLLAND
Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize
winners to Oregon
OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp
Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize
winners and fina lists in eight events around
Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four
renowned writers will take place in Portland
Astoria Bend and Eugene
Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-
tive conversations about big ideas began as a
happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009
Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-
ues the series remains more intimate and
casual than traditional lecture programs
Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon
Humanities has presented individual Think
amp Drink events outside of Portland this is
the first time the series will feature the same
guests in multiple communities
The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature
appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-
land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-
nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland
and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel
Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland
Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a
Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland
700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm
Minors with parent or guardian
Series tickets ($50$100) available now at
oregonhumanitiesorg
Think amp Drink
2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series
FEBRUARY 16
Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account
February 17 in Bend
APRIL 19
Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark
The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in
a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set
Them Free
April 20 in Eugene
JULY 20
Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of
Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos
Great Migration
July 21 in Astoria
OCTOBER 19
Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful
Forevers Life Death and Hope in a
Mumbai Undercity
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities8
T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S
Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink
returns in 2016 engaging the public to
think and talk about big ideas Thanks
to support from the Pulitzer Centennial
Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series
wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and
finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and
Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-
ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and
Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details
about the series
D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R
Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project
invites Oregonians to write a personal
letter to someone theyrsquove never met
and receive a letter in exchange To par-
ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a
self-addressed stamped envelope and a
signed release form to Dear Stranger co
Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington
St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205
Letters must be mailed by January 22
2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-
manitiesorg for complete guidelines and
to download a release form
H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T
Oregon nonprofits and community
groups can apply until January 31 2016
to host Conversation Project discussions
in the spring and summer Visit oregon-
humanitiesorg for more information
and look out for the application window
for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-
ing in January
W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to
announce the election of Shannon Mara
to the board of directors this September
Mara has worked in business manage-
ment and consulting in Oregon since
1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-
cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on
the boards of directors for Opportunity
Knocks and 1859 Media LLC
N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S
The National Endowment for the
Humanities one of the largest funders
of humanities programs in the country
makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-
sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty
years of achievement Since its inception
in 1965 the organization has awarded
63000 grants totaling $53 billion in
order to strengthen teaching research
and lifelong learning around the nation
Oregon Humanities News
$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-
nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort
to generate conversations across the country
about the impact of journalism and humanities
on our lives in observation of the hundredth
presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-
zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher
Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-
lence in journalism letters and music
Season tickets to the Portland events which
will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are
available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-
ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-
able through local venues
BEN WATERHOUSE
Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to
explore land loss by communities of color
A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -
ingly enthusiastic response to the video
Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-
nated the production of the video for Oregon
Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories
like this one that needed telling The video
which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor
Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners
tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos
black communities It was powerful Holt says
because it showed the effects of displacement
on people and how that experience feels
Inspired by the impact the video had on
Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-
ing a new multimedia project that will collect
and connect stories about the loss of lands and
power by communities of color Combining
technology arts and the humanities the proj-
ect will culminate in a website featuring videos
photos maps timelines graphics words and
other content created by artists and writers of
color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and
power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this
loss including thriving and resistance
Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden
histories and contributions of communities
of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-
stand how the world takes shape around us
Once we have that awareness we can take
steps to change and improve our communityrdquo
she says By creating a space to express many
different stories side by side Oregon Human-
ities aims to help build a broader understand-
ing of how policies and legislation influence
systems of power and landownership in Ore-
gonrsquos past a nd present
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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9 FallWinter 2015
Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a
$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-
tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation
wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of
color to share their work and will invite more
stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the
beginning We hope to create a place for these
kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-
ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo
The website is expected to launch in January
2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-
humanitiesorg
JULIA WITHERS
The Power of Story
Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories
W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y
advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-
vince yout h that they have the power to make
their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey
become the owners of their own experiencerdquo
This summer Lopez shared his story with 120
rising high school seniors from around the
state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-
mer Institute
A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care
The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to
help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most
Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg
R U S S E L L
J Y O U N G
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities10
FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring
Thanks to the support of
our generous funders
Oregon Humanities
brings tens of thousands
of Oregonians togethermdash
face-to-face online and
on the pagemdashto talk
listen and learn from one
another The following
funders have recently
offered support to make
Oregon a more dynamic
and vital place to live
bull The Oregon Community
Foundation $110000
Creative Heights grant
to pursue a multimedia
project that explores land
loss by communities of
color in Oregon
bull The Maybelle Clark
Macdonald Fund
$20000 for matching
new and increased dona-tions over the last year
bull The Rose E Tucker
Charitable Trust $6500
for Conversation Project
bull Emily Georges Gott-
fried Fund $2000 for a
pilot project training high
school students to lead
community conversations
bull Union Bank of California
Foundation $2000 for
Humanity in Perspective
Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings
Oregon teachers and high school juniors
together to explore the pursuit of happiness
and how it shapes our world Students from
diverse communities and economic back-
grounds engage with big ideas through work-
shops lectures films and conversations This
year the weekend concluded with a special pre-
sentation by Lopez
Incorporating personal narrative lecture
and Latin American folk music into his perfor-
mance Lopez focused on the power of stories
to connect people to history themselves and
the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students
how he came to terms with his ow n identity as
a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the
author of his own story and the creator of his
own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-
ing ovation they appreciated his honesty
openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High
School commented ldquoHe left the audience with
ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see
the world not just as what it was
but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)
Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas
Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift
through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide
inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo
Lopez believes in the potential of the
humanities to engage and empower people In
his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash
a nonprofit with locations in Portland and
Gresham that promotes social change by unit-
ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages
Studio Latino an after-school program that
focuses on Latin American arts and culture
The program was piloted last spring and this
year it will enter Reynolds High School in
Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder
Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-
porate themes of perseverance personal char-
acter and cultural identity into the program so
that students can bring those values with them
beyond high school
For Lopez creating spaces where youth can
be themselves and connect with each other is
a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are
all in this togetherrdquo
JULIA WITHERS
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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR
W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A
small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-
ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-
ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did
what my parents had prepared me to do I asked
for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm
and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and
Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash
that because they were there I was only having
pancakes no bacon
Two decades later I went to visit the fam-
ily of the woman who is now my wife While
most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn
pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky
home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on
the back porch what my belief was about Jesus
Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence
of my response and thanked me and walked
into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to
be careful
A few years ago I went with my wife and
kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third
husband in a Southern Baptist church in a
small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-
known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two
of the three eulogies were delivered from the
altar by gay men When the preacher led us in
prayer and song my kids and I and I think my
wife were silent We knew neither the words
nor the tune
My kids now ten and eight tell people who
ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I
suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-
parents would have said they are neither
I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a
thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam
of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew
Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-
anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky
and Alabama and New York and Israel and
Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff
too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-
cently the author Toureacute thinks through how
he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife
He writes that it will be his job not hers to
bring blackness into the home He tries in his
essay to figure out what that could mean but
he seems certain that the job belongs to him
Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes
of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and
Culture Summit there was a good deal of
attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we
receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and
seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four
and find the looking forward even hardermdashand
there we were thinking about this at just the
third-annual summit an old culture becoming
new again
This summit got me thinking about how
the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe
more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe
more likely you may be to think carefully about
preserving it recognizing it passing it on
One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is
an undiluted commitment to questions This
time of year with the holidays and their vari-
ous rituals upon us my big question is about
what Toureacute calls his job
Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed
whatever everyone and also this what of
what yoursquove received do you want to pass on
What would you be fine leaving behind And
what can you do to transmit the good stuff
inherited or acquired later seven generations
hence
What We Pass On
A DA M DAV IS
K I M N
G U Y E N
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13 FallWinter 2015 Move
Whose StateIs This
Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change
I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A
rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought
was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at
Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon
too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new
home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father
gathered the girls and left
ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now
forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying
But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of
hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal
Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons
ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden
Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-
tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo
For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen
it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-
tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until
1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white
residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities
The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-
papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-
yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North
and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-
rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s
BRENT WALTH
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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12
Whose State Is This
by brent walthLegal measures targeting
Latino Oregonians reflect fears
of change
17
Community in Flux
by lisa loving
A long-persecuted people
begins to speak out
22
This Way through Oregon
by eric gold and tar a
ra e mi ner The flow of salmon waste
traffic and laws
Departments
4
Editorrsquos Note
6
Field Work
Partnership with Portland
Playhouse Pints and
Pulitzers Power and PlaceJoaquin Lopez OH News
Thanks to our funders Talking
about Dying
11
From the Director
40
PostsReaders write about ldquoMoverdquo
44
Read Talk Think
At the Hearth of the Crossed Races
by Melinda Marie Jetteacute Marie
Equi Radical Politics and Outlaw
Passionsby Michael Helquist Landfallby Ellen Urbani
Portlandness A Cultural Atlas by
David Banis and Hunter Shobe People Like Youby Margaret
Malone The Last Love Song by
Tracy Daugherty
46
Croppings
Contemporary Native
Photographers and the Edward
Curtis Legacy Zig Jackson
Wendy Red Star Will Wilson at
Portland Art Museum
3 FallWinter 2015
27
So to Speak
by l a i l a l a l a miMoving between languages to
find a voice
31
Getting Out
by loretta stinson
A shift in perspective helps a
woman move on for good
36
All the Same Ocean
by ja so n a ri a s
Finding the horizon in a life
rocked with waves
P H O T O B Y I N T
I S A R A B I O T O
Features Move
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 448
Oregon Humanities4
This issuersquos cover ldquoIn Search of Tomor-
rowrdquo is by photographer Minh Carrico from
Edmonds Washington
If yoursquore an artist and have work that we
might consider for the Spring 2016 issue
on the theme ldquoRootrdquo wersquod love to know
about it Please familiarize yourself with our
publication (back issues viewable online at
oregonhumanitiesorg) then send us the
following by February 22 2016
bull A high-resolution digital image (300 dpi at
8rdquo x 10rdquo scans or photographs JPEG or
TIFF)
bull Your name the title of the work the type
of media as well as contact information
(email and phone number)
bull Description of the relationship of the
image to the theme
Please consider the constraints of a
magazine cover (eg vertical orientation
nameplate and cover lines) We are most
interested in works by Oregon-based artists
Submissions can be sent to
artoregonhumanitiesorg or by post
to Oregon Humanities magazine
921 SW Washington St Suite 150 Portland
OR 97205
Objects in Motion
T H E L A S T TIME I S A W MY DA D O N TH E MA INL A ND
was when he and my stepmom were ta ki ng a cruise to
Alaska from Seat tle My husba nd and kid s and I drove up to
spend some time with them before their ship left Traversing
the hilly downtown streets it was obvious that my dadrsquos Par-
kinsonrsquos was progressing as that disease does While my young
children zigzagged up and down the sidewalksmdashpeeling off to
climb sculptures steps and plantersmdashmy dad shuffled behind
using their side trips to rest and catch his breath and crack a joke
My stepmom fretted that he didnrsquot want to use a walker or a
wheelchai r which would make the going easier Though it wasdifficult to see him struggle against his new physical limita-
tions I understood why he stubbornly did so his identity has
always been grounded in his bodymdashas a soldier a police officer
an athlete
In his pre-Parkinsonrsquos life he was six-foot-one and two
hundred pounds On the days he picked me up from elemen-
tary school fresh off the day shift hersquod unfold himself from
his patrol car and loom above us formidable in his dark blue
uniform The kidsmdashsmall and weary from a day of jostling for
knowledge and power and allegiancesmdashlooked up to him mar-
veled at him feared him Later at home he would cha nge into a
t-shirt and be the easygoing father I adored the one whorsquod letme draw on his long brown arms and legs when I was bored the
one whorsquod warm up tomato soup and cockta il wieners and call
it dinner I remember him being playful and relaxed with me
even in those days when he and my mother were going through
a painful divorce
That afternoon in Seattle we stopped to rest in my par-
entsrsquo hotel room My son continued his antics climbing on and
touching everything he could My husband and I grimaced and
scolded hustling around the small room t rying to prevent dam-
age My dad rested in an armchair jovially remarking on how
many years of trouble we had in front of us
A couple of week s ago my stepmom called to say t hey were
talking to a gerontologist and putting together end-of-life
plans She and I consulted in a strangely businesslike fashion
about my dadrsquos do-not-resuscitate requests she wa rned me
that she needed me to stick to the plan if she in that future
moment vacillated I a ssured her I would hold steady even as
I wondered if I could
When my dad got on the phone I asked him how things were
going He made light as he always does except when we talked
about importa nt things like money bad weather and sports He
joked about how my stepmom wasnrsquot letti ng him eat foods heliked about how she was a bully making him stick to his physi-
cal therapy regimen He sounded like the dad of my youth
Earlier this fall a friend reminded me that the word iner-
tia didnrsquot mean only what I thought it meant Irsquod been think-
ing about it exclusively as meaning immobile Irsquod forgotten the
other definition from high school physics class ldquothe tendency
of objects to keep moving in a straight line at constant velocityrdquo
Though either definition describes the life I sometimes live Irsquom
not sure which should bother me more being stuck or being on
a track resistant to cha nging course or speed
On the phone with my dad I pushed a little asking pointedly
about the meetings w ith the gerontologist and he simply saidldquoItrsquos hardrdquo His voice quavered a bitmdashthe Parkinsonrsquos This day
This life Those t wo words seemed loaded with weariness and
resignation
Then he quickly reverted to teasing saying loudly that my
stepmom and his gerontologist were ganging up on him I heard
laughter in the background and he shifted topics asking about
the kids I mentioned that Emmett was doing well in soccer and
basketball he expressed no surprise chuckling about my sonrsquos
activity in Seattle We laughed We joked We were back on track
kathleen holt Editor
kholtoregonhumanitiesorg
Editorrsquos Note
Cover Art Ideas for ldquoRootrdquo
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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5 FallWinter 2015
You fundYou fund The Trust We in turn fund the strummers writers
cloud dancers and dreamers who make Oregon Oregon
DOUBLE the impact of your favorite cultural donation for FREE
1) Donate to your favorite organization(s) 2) If theyrsquore one of
our 1400 cultural nonprofits donate that same amount to the
Cultural Trust 3) Take that same amount off your state taxes
Easy Learn more and donate at CulturalTrustorg
DONATE$ TO AN ORG
FUELOREGONCULTURE
$ TO THE TRUST
AND GET THE
SAME $ BACK
DONATE+ =
IN TWANG WE TRUST
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities6
HUMA NITIES ACROSS OREGON
Field Work
Donnell Alexander leads a
conversat ion about hip hop on
the stage of Portland Playhousersquos
production of How We Got On
How We Got OnOregon Humanities and Portland Playhouse
partner for an evening of hip hop and
conversation
O N E E V E N I N G I N O C T O B E R P O R T -
land Playhousersquos stage was set not for the
production of How We Got On by Idris Goodwin
which opened at the end of September but for
a conversation about local hip hop culture rap
music and how musicians break into the scene
A s more than sixty peoplemdashincluding a
couple of groups of teens and adults of all
agesmdashfound their seats around the stage DJ Verbz set the tone of the evening with a mix of
local hip hop music
ldquoHow We Got On A Hip Hop Conversationrdquo
wa s org an iz ed by Oregon Hum an ities and
Portland Playhouse to bring residents
together to talk about some of the themes and
ideas presented in the play How We G ot On
One of Portland Playhousersquos goals says Artis-
tic Director Brian Weaver is to engage audi-
ences beyond traditional theater talk-backs
Donnell Alexander who leads an Oregon
Humanities Conversation Project called
ldquoNorthwest Mixtape Hip Hop Culture and
Influencesrdquo facilitated the conversation and
designed the eveningrsquos program While plan-
ning the event he brought on Verbz and up-and-coming Portland rapper Glenn Waco who
performed a short set The cast of How We Got
K I M O
A N H N G U Y E N
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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7 FallWinter 20157
Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon
bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg
to sign up for our monthly
enewsletter
bull Like us on Facebook
bull Follow us on Twitter
On also performed a scene from the play
W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out
what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved
into a discussion that touched on everything
from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-
gages to people who live in certai n areas based
on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the
Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos
like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of
colormdashin Portland
Ithica Tell an actress who performs the
role of the Selector in How We Got On talked
about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music
thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-
ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard
for black culture and communities to take
root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in
Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black
people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot
repealed until 1926
Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-
land was excited by the opportunity to have
people in a room talking about a topic hersquos
passionate about and one thatmdashespecially
when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos
still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of
the Internet we all think we know every-
thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our
environment and the way we start to do that
is by talking to each otherrdquo
ELOISE HOLLAND
Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize
winners to Oregon
OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp
Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize
winners and fina lists in eight events around
Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four
renowned writers will take place in Portland
Astoria Bend and Eugene
Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-
tive conversations about big ideas began as a
happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009
Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-
ues the series remains more intimate and
casual than traditional lecture programs
Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon
Humanities has presented individual Think
amp Drink events outside of Portland this is
the first time the series will feature the same
guests in multiple communities
The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature
appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-
land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-
nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland
and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel
Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland
Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a
Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland
700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm
Minors with parent or guardian
Series tickets ($50$100) available now at
oregonhumanitiesorg
Think amp Drink
2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series
FEBRUARY 16
Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account
February 17 in Bend
APRIL 19
Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark
The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in
a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set
Them Free
April 20 in Eugene
JULY 20
Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of
Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos
Great Migration
July 21 in Astoria
OCTOBER 19
Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful
Forevers Life Death and Hope in a
Mumbai Undercity
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities8
T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S
Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink
returns in 2016 engaging the public to
think and talk about big ideas Thanks
to support from the Pulitzer Centennial
Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series
wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and
finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and
Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-
ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and
Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details
about the series
D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R
Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project
invites Oregonians to write a personal
letter to someone theyrsquove never met
and receive a letter in exchange To par-
ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a
self-addressed stamped envelope and a
signed release form to Dear Stranger co
Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington
St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205
Letters must be mailed by January 22
2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-
manitiesorg for complete guidelines and
to download a release form
H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T
Oregon nonprofits and community
groups can apply until January 31 2016
to host Conversation Project discussions
in the spring and summer Visit oregon-
humanitiesorg for more information
and look out for the application window
for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-
ing in January
W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to
announce the election of Shannon Mara
to the board of directors this September
Mara has worked in business manage-
ment and consulting in Oregon since
1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-
cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on
the boards of directors for Opportunity
Knocks and 1859 Media LLC
N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S
The National Endowment for the
Humanities one of the largest funders
of humanities programs in the country
makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-
sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty
years of achievement Since its inception
in 1965 the organization has awarded
63000 grants totaling $53 billion in
order to strengthen teaching research
and lifelong learning around the nation
Oregon Humanities News
$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-
nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort
to generate conversations across the country
about the impact of journalism and humanities
on our lives in observation of the hundredth
presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-
zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher
Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-
lence in journalism letters and music
Season tickets to the Portland events which
will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are
available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-
ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-
able through local venues
BEN WATERHOUSE
Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to
explore land loss by communities of color
A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -
ingly enthusiastic response to the video
Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-
nated the production of the video for Oregon
Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories
like this one that needed telling The video
which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor
Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners
tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos
black communities It was powerful Holt says
because it showed the effects of displacement
on people and how that experience feels
Inspired by the impact the video had on
Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-
ing a new multimedia project that will collect
and connect stories about the loss of lands and
power by communities of color Combining
technology arts and the humanities the proj-
ect will culminate in a website featuring videos
photos maps timelines graphics words and
other content created by artists and writers of
color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and
power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this
loss including thriving and resistance
Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden
histories and contributions of communities
of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-
stand how the world takes shape around us
Once we have that awareness we can take
steps to change and improve our communityrdquo
she says By creating a space to express many
different stories side by side Oregon Human-
ities aims to help build a broader understand-
ing of how policies and legislation influence
systems of power and landownership in Ore-
gonrsquos past a nd present
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9 FallWinter 2015
Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a
$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-
tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation
wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of
color to share their work and will invite more
stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the
beginning We hope to create a place for these
kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-
ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo
The website is expected to launch in January
2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-
humanitiesorg
JULIA WITHERS
The Power of Story
Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories
W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y
advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-
vince yout h that they have the power to make
their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey
become the owners of their own experiencerdquo
This summer Lopez shared his story with 120
rising high school seniors from around the
state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-
mer Institute
A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care
The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to
help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most
Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg
R U S S E L L
J Y O U N G
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities10
FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring
Thanks to the support of
our generous funders
Oregon Humanities
brings tens of thousands
of Oregonians togethermdash
face-to-face online and
on the pagemdashto talk
listen and learn from one
another The following
funders have recently
offered support to make
Oregon a more dynamic
and vital place to live
bull The Oregon Community
Foundation $110000
Creative Heights grant
to pursue a multimedia
project that explores land
loss by communities of
color in Oregon
bull The Maybelle Clark
Macdonald Fund
$20000 for matching
new and increased dona-tions over the last year
bull The Rose E Tucker
Charitable Trust $6500
for Conversation Project
bull Emily Georges Gott-
fried Fund $2000 for a
pilot project training high
school students to lead
community conversations
bull Union Bank of California
Foundation $2000 for
Humanity in Perspective
Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings
Oregon teachers and high school juniors
together to explore the pursuit of happiness
and how it shapes our world Students from
diverse communities and economic back-
grounds engage with big ideas through work-
shops lectures films and conversations This
year the weekend concluded with a special pre-
sentation by Lopez
Incorporating personal narrative lecture
and Latin American folk music into his perfor-
mance Lopez focused on the power of stories
to connect people to history themselves and
the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students
how he came to terms with his ow n identity as
a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the
author of his own story and the creator of his
own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-
ing ovation they appreciated his honesty
openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High
School commented ldquoHe left the audience with
ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see
the world not just as what it was
but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)
Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas
Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift
through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide
inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo
Lopez believes in the potential of the
humanities to engage and empower people In
his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash
a nonprofit with locations in Portland and
Gresham that promotes social change by unit-
ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages
Studio Latino an after-school program that
focuses on Latin American arts and culture
The program was piloted last spring and this
year it will enter Reynolds High School in
Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder
Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-
porate themes of perseverance personal char-
acter and cultural identity into the program so
that students can bring those values with them
beyond high school
For Lopez creating spaces where youth can
be themselves and connect with each other is
a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are
all in this togetherrdquo
JULIA WITHERS
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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR
W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A
small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-
ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-
ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did
what my parents had prepared me to do I asked
for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm
and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and
Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash
that because they were there I was only having
pancakes no bacon
Two decades later I went to visit the fam-
ily of the woman who is now my wife While
most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn
pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky
home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on
the back porch what my belief was about Jesus
Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence
of my response and thanked me and walked
into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to
be careful
A few years ago I went with my wife and
kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third
husband in a Southern Baptist church in a
small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-
known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two
of the three eulogies were delivered from the
altar by gay men When the preacher led us in
prayer and song my kids and I and I think my
wife were silent We knew neither the words
nor the tune
My kids now ten and eight tell people who
ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I
suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-
parents would have said they are neither
I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a
thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam
of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew
Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-
anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky
and Alabama and New York and Israel and
Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff
too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-
cently the author Toureacute thinks through how
he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife
He writes that it will be his job not hers to
bring blackness into the home He tries in his
essay to figure out what that could mean but
he seems certain that the job belongs to him
Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes
of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and
Culture Summit there was a good deal of
attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we
receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and
seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four
and find the looking forward even hardermdashand
there we were thinking about this at just the
third-annual summit an old culture becoming
new again
This summit got me thinking about how
the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe
more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe
more likely you may be to think carefully about
preserving it recognizing it passing it on
One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is
an undiluted commitment to questions This
time of year with the holidays and their vari-
ous rituals upon us my big question is about
what Toureacute calls his job
Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed
whatever everyone and also this what of
what yoursquove received do you want to pass on
What would you be fine leaving behind And
what can you do to transmit the good stuff
inherited or acquired later seven generations
hence
What We Pass On
A DA M DAV IS
K I M N
G U Y E N
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Oregon Humanities12
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13 FallWinter 2015 Move
Whose StateIs This
Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change
I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A
rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought
was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at
Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon
too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new
home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father
gathered the girls and left
ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now
forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying
But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of
hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal
Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons
ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden
Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-
tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo
For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen
it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-
tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until
1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white
residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities
The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-
papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-
yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North
and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-
rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s
BRENT WALTH
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548
45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities4
This issuersquos cover ldquoIn Search of Tomor-
rowrdquo is by photographer Minh Carrico from
Edmonds Washington
If yoursquore an artist and have work that we
might consider for the Spring 2016 issue
on the theme ldquoRootrdquo wersquod love to know
about it Please familiarize yourself with our
publication (back issues viewable online at
oregonhumanitiesorg) then send us the
following by February 22 2016
bull A high-resolution digital image (300 dpi at
8rdquo x 10rdquo scans or photographs JPEG or
TIFF)
bull Your name the title of the work the type
of media as well as contact information
(email and phone number)
bull Description of the relationship of the
image to the theme
Please consider the constraints of a
magazine cover (eg vertical orientation
nameplate and cover lines) We are most
interested in works by Oregon-based artists
Submissions can be sent to
artoregonhumanitiesorg or by post
to Oregon Humanities magazine
921 SW Washington St Suite 150 Portland
OR 97205
Objects in Motion
T H E L A S T TIME I S A W MY DA D O N TH E MA INL A ND
was when he and my stepmom were ta ki ng a cruise to
Alaska from Seat tle My husba nd and kid s and I drove up to
spend some time with them before their ship left Traversing
the hilly downtown streets it was obvious that my dadrsquos Par-
kinsonrsquos was progressing as that disease does While my young
children zigzagged up and down the sidewalksmdashpeeling off to
climb sculptures steps and plantersmdashmy dad shuffled behind
using their side trips to rest and catch his breath and crack a joke
My stepmom fretted that he didnrsquot want to use a walker or a
wheelchai r which would make the going easier Though it wasdifficult to see him struggle against his new physical limita-
tions I understood why he stubbornly did so his identity has
always been grounded in his bodymdashas a soldier a police officer
an athlete
In his pre-Parkinsonrsquos life he was six-foot-one and two
hundred pounds On the days he picked me up from elemen-
tary school fresh off the day shift hersquod unfold himself from
his patrol car and loom above us formidable in his dark blue
uniform The kidsmdashsmall and weary from a day of jostling for
knowledge and power and allegiancesmdashlooked up to him mar-
veled at him feared him Later at home he would cha nge into a
t-shirt and be the easygoing father I adored the one whorsquod letme draw on his long brown arms and legs when I was bored the
one whorsquod warm up tomato soup and cockta il wieners and call
it dinner I remember him being playful and relaxed with me
even in those days when he and my mother were going through
a painful divorce
That afternoon in Seattle we stopped to rest in my par-
entsrsquo hotel room My son continued his antics climbing on and
touching everything he could My husband and I grimaced and
scolded hustling around the small room t rying to prevent dam-
age My dad rested in an armchair jovially remarking on how
many years of trouble we had in front of us
A couple of week s ago my stepmom called to say t hey were
talking to a gerontologist and putting together end-of-life
plans She and I consulted in a strangely businesslike fashion
about my dadrsquos do-not-resuscitate requests she wa rned me
that she needed me to stick to the plan if she in that future
moment vacillated I a ssured her I would hold steady even as
I wondered if I could
When my dad got on the phone I asked him how things were
going He made light as he always does except when we talked
about importa nt things like money bad weather and sports He
joked about how my stepmom wasnrsquot letti ng him eat foods heliked about how she was a bully making him stick to his physi-
cal therapy regimen He sounded like the dad of my youth
Earlier this fall a friend reminded me that the word iner-
tia didnrsquot mean only what I thought it meant Irsquod been think-
ing about it exclusively as meaning immobile Irsquod forgotten the
other definition from high school physics class ldquothe tendency
of objects to keep moving in a straight line at constant velocityrdquo
Though either definition describes the life I sometimes live Irsquom
not sure which should bother me more being stuck or being on
a track resistant to cha nging course or speed
On the phone with my dad I pushed a little asking pointedly
about the meetings w ith the gerontologist and he simply saidldquoItrsquos hardrdquo His voice quavered a bitmdashthe Parkinsonrsquos This day
This life Those t wo words seemed loaded with weariness and
resignation
Then he quickly reverted to teasing saying loudly that my
stepmom and his gerontologist were ganging up on him I heard
laughter in the background and he shifted topics asking about
the kids I mentioned that Emmett was doing well in soccer and
basketball he expressed no surprise chuckling about my sonrsquos
activity in Seattle We laughed We joked We were back on track
kathleen holt Editor
kholtoregonhumanitiesorg
Editorrsquos Note
Cover Art Ideas for ldquoRootrdquo
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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5 FallWinter 2015
You fundYou fund The Trust We in turn fund the strummers writers
cloud dancers and dreamers who make Oregon Oregon
DOUBLE the impact of your favorite cultural donation for FREE
1) Donate to your favorite organization(s) 2) If theyrsquore one of
our 1400 cultural nonprofits donate that same amount to the
Cultural Trust 3) Take that same amount off your state taxes
Easy Learn more and donate at CulturalTrustorg
DONATE$ TO AN ORG
FUELOREGONCULTURE
$ TO THE TRUST
AND GET THE
SAME $ BACK
DONATE+ =
IN TWANG WE TRUST
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities6
HUMA NITIES ACROSS OREGON
Field Work
Donnell Alexander leads a
conversat ion about hip hop on
the stage of Portland Playhousersquos
production of How We Got On
How We Got OnOregon Humanities and Portland Playhouse
partner for an evening of hip hop and
conversation
O N E E V E N I N G I N O C T O B E R P O R T -
land Playhousersquos stage was set not for the
production of How We Got On by Idris Goodwin
which opened at the end of September but for
a conversation about local hip hop culture rap
music and how musicians break into the scene
A s more than sixty peoplemdashincluding a
couple of groups of teens and adults of all
agesmdashfound their seats around the stage DJ Verbz set the tone of the evening with a mix of
local hip hop music
ldquoHow We Got On A Hip Hop Conversationrdquo
wa s org an iz ed by Oregon Hum an ities and
Portland Playhouse to bring residents
together to talk about some of the themes and
ideas presented in the play How We G ot On
One of Portland Playhousersquos goals says Artis-
tic Director Brian Weaver is to engage audi-
ences beyond traditional theater talk-backs
Donnell Alexander who leads an Oregon
Humanities Conversation Project called
ldquoNorthwest Mixtape Hip Hop Culture and
Influencesrdquo facilitated the conversation and
designed the eveningrsquos program While plan-
ning the event he brought on Verbz and up-and-coming Portland rapper Glenn Waco who
performed a short set The cast of How We Got
K I M O
A N H N G U Y E N
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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7 FallWinter 20157
Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon
bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg
to sign up for our monthly
enewsletter
bull Like us on Facebook
bull Follow us on Twitter
On also performed a scene from the play
W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out
what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved
into a discussion that touched on everything
from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-
gages to people who live in certai n areas based
on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the
Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos
like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of
colormdashin Portland
Ithica Tell an actress who performs the
role of the Selector in How We Got On talked
about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music
thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-
ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard
for black culture and communities to take
root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in
Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black
people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot
repealed until 1926
Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-
land was excited by the opportunity to have
people in a room talking about a topic hersquos
passionate about and one thatmdashespecially
when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos
still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of
the Internet we all think we know every-
thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our
environment and the way we start to do that
is by talking to each otherrdquo
ELOISE HOLLAND
Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize
winners to Oregon
OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp
Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize
winners and fina lists in eight events around
Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four
renowned writers will take place in Portland
Astoria Bend and Eugene
Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-
tive conversations about big ideas began as a
happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009
Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-
ues the series remains more intimate and
casual than traditional lecture programs
Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon
Humanities has presented individual Think
amp Drink events outside of Portland this is
the first time the series will feature the same
guests in multiple communities
The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature
appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-
land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-
nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland
and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel
Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland
Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a
Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland
700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm
Minors with parent or guardian
Series tickets ($50$100) available now at
oregonhumanitiesorg
Think amp Drink
2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series
FEBRUARY 16
Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account
February 17 in Bend
APRIL 19
Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark
The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in
a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set
Them Free
April 20 in Eugene
JULY 20
Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of
Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos
Great Migration
July 21 in Astoria
OCTOBER 19
Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful
Forevers Life Death and Hope in a
Mumbai Undercity
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities8
T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S
Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink
returns in 2016 engaging the public to
think and talk about big ideas Thanks
to support from the Pulitzer Centennial
Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series
wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and
finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and
Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-
ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and
Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details
about the series
D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R
Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project
invites Oregonians to write a personal
letter to someone theyrsquove never met
and receive a letter in exchange To par-
ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a
self-addressed stamped envelope and a
signed release form to Dear Stranger co
Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington
St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205
Letters must be mailed by January 22
2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-
manitiesorg for complete guidelines and
to download a release form
H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T
Oregon nonprofits and community
groups can apply until January 31 2016
to host Conversation Project discussions
in the spring and summer Visit oregon-
humanitiesorg for more information
and look out for the application window
for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-
ing in January
W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to
announce the election of Shannon Mara
to the board of directors this September
Mara has worked in business manage-
ment and consulting in Oregon since
1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-
cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on
the boards of directors for Opportunity
Knocks and 1859 Media LLC
N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S
The National Endowment for the
Humanities one of the largest funders
of humanities programs in the country
makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-
sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty
years of achievement Since its inception
in 1965 the organization has awarded
63000 grants totaling $53 billion in
order to strengthen teaching research
and lifelong learning around the nation
Oregon Humanities News
$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-
nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort
to generate conversations across the country
about the impact of journalism and humanities
on our lives in observation of the hundredth
presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-
zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher
Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-
lence in journalism letters and music
Season tickets to the Portland events which
will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are
available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-
ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-
able through local venues
BEN WATERHOUSE
Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to
explore land loss by communities of color
A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -
ingly enthusiastic response to the video
Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-
nated the production of the video for Oregon
Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories
like this one that needed telling The video
which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor
Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners
tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos
black communities It was powerful Holt says
because it showed the effects of displacement
on people and how that experience feels
Inspired by the impact the video had on
Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-
ing a new multimedia project that will collect
and connect stories about the loss of lands and
power by communities of color Combining
technology arts and the humanities the proj-
ect will culminate in a website featuring videos
photos maps timelines graphics words and
other content created by artists and writers of
color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and
power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this
loss including thriving and resistance
Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden
histories and contributions of communities
of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-
stand how the world takes shape around us
Once we have that awareness we can take
steps to change and improve our communityrdquo
she says By creating a space to express many
different stories side by side Oregon Human-
ities aims to help build a broader understand-
ing of how policies and legislation influence
systems of power and landownership in Ore-
gonrsquos past a nd present
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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9 FallWinter 2015
Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a
$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-
tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation
wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of
color to share their work and will invite more
stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the
beginning We hope to create a place for these
kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-
ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo
The website is expected to launch in January
2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-
humanitiesorg
JULIA WITHERS
The Power of Story
Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories
W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y
advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-
vince yout h that they have the power to make
their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey
become the owners of their own experiencerdquo
This summer Lopez shared his story with 120
rising high school seniors from around the
state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-
mer Institute
A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care
The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to
help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most
Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg
R U S S E L L
J Y O U N G
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities10
FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring
Thanks to the support of
our generous funders
Oregon Humanities
brings tens of thousands
of Oregonians togethermdash
face-to-face online and
on the pagemdashto talk
listen and learn from one
another The following
funders have recently
offered support to make
Oregon a more dynamic
and vital place to live
bull The Oregon Community
Foundation $110000
Creative Heights grant
to pursue a multimedia
project that explores land
loss by communities of
color in Oregon
bull The Maybelle Clark
Macdonald Fund
$20000 for matching
new and increased dona-tions over the last year
bull The Rose E Tucker
Charitable Trust $6500
for Conversation Project
bull Emily Georges Gott-
fried Fund $2000 for a
pilot project training high
school students to lead
community conversations
bull Union Bank of California
Foundation $2000 for
Humanity in Perspective
Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings
Oregon teachers and high school juniors
together to explore the pursuit of happiness
and how it shapes our world Students from
diverse communities and economic back-
grounds engage with big ideas through work-
shops lectures films and conversations This
year the weekend concluded with a special pre-
sentation by Lopez
Incorporating personal narrative lecture
and Latin American folk music into his perfor-
mance Lopez focused on the power of stories
to connect people to history themselves and
the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students
how he came to terms with his ow n identity as
a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the
author of his own story and the creator of his
own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-
ing ovation they appreciated his honesty
openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High
School commented ldquoHe left the audience with
ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see
the world not just as what it was
but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)
Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas
Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift
through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide
inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo
Lopez believes in the potential of the
humanities to engage and empower people In
his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash
a nonprofit with locations in Portland and
Gresham that promotes social change by unit-
ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages
Studio Latino an after-school program that
focuses on Latin American arts and culture
The program was piloted last spring and this
year it will enter Reynolds High School in
Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder
Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-
porate themes of perseverance personal char-
acter and cultural identity into the program so
that students can bring those values with them
beyond high school
For Lopez creating spaces where youth can
be themselves and connect with each other is
a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are
all in this togetherrdquo
JULIA WITHERS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR
W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A
small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-
ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-
ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did
what my parents had prepared me to do I asked
for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm
and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and
Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash
that because they were there I was only having
pancakes no bacon
Two decades later I went to visit the fam-
ily of the woman who is now my wife While
most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn
pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky
home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on
the back porch what my belief was about Jesus
Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence
of my response and thanked me and walked
into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to
be careful
A few years ago I went with my wife and
kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third
husband in a Southern Baptist church in a
small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-
known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two
of the three eulogies were delivered from the
altar by gay men When the preacher led us in
prayer and song my kids and I and I think my
wife were silent We knew neither the words
nor the tune
My kids now ten and eight tell people who
ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I
suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-
parents would have said they are neither
I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a
thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam
of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew
Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-
anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky
and Alabama and New York and Israel and
Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff
too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-
cently the author Toureacute thinks through how
he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife
He writes that it will be his job not hers to
bring blackness into the home He tries in his
essay to figure out what that could mean but
he seems certain that the job belongs to him
Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes
of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and
Culture Summit there was a good deal of
attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we
receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and
seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four
and find the looking forward even hardermdashand
there we were thinking about this at just the
third-annual summit an old culture becoming
new again
This summit got me thinking about how
the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe
more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe
more likely you may be to think carefully about
preserving it recognizing it passing it on
One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is
an undiluted commitment to questions This
time of year with the holidays and their vari-
ous rituals upon us my big question is about
what Toureacute calls his job
Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed
whatever everyone and also this what of
what yoursquove received do you want to pass on
What would you be fine leaving behind And
what can you do to transmit the good stuff
inherited or acquired later seven generations
hence
What We Pass On
A DA M DAV IS
K I M N
G U Y E N
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities12
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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13 FallWinter 2015 Move
Whose StateIs This
Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change
I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A
rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought
was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at
Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon
too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new
home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father
gathered the girls and left
ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now
forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying
But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of
hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal
Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons
ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden
Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-
tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo
For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen
it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-
tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until
1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white
residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities
The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-
papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-
yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North
and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-
rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s
BRENT WALTH
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities36
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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5 FallWinter 2015
You fundYou fund The Trust We in turn fund the strummers writers
cloud dancers and dreamers who make Oregon Oregon
DOUBLE the impact of your favorite cultural donation for FREE
1) Donate to your favorite organization(s) 2) If theyrsquore one of
our 1400 cultural nonprofits donate that same amount to the
Cultural Trust 3) Take that same amount off your state taxes
Easy Learn more and donate at CulturalTrustorg
DONATE$ TO AN ORG
FUELOREGONCULTURE
$ TO THE TRUST
AND GET THE
SAME $ BACK
DONATE+ =
IN TWANG WE TRUST
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 648
Oregon Humanities6
HUMA NITIES ACROSS OREGON
Field Work
Donnell Alexander leads a
conversat ion about hip hop on
the stage of Portland Playhousersquos
production of How We Got On
How We Got OnOregon Humanities and Portland Playhouse
partner for an evening of hip hop and
conversation
O N E E V E N I N G I N O C T O B E R P O R T -
land Playhousersquos stage was set not for the
production of How We Got On by Idris Goodwin
which opened at the end of September but for
a conversation about local hip hop culture rap
music and how musicians break into the scene
A s more than sixty peoplemdashincluding a
couple of groups of teens and adults of all
agesmdashfound their seats around the stage DJ Verbz set the tone of the evening with a mix of
local hip hop music
ldquoHow We Got On A Hip Hop Conversationrdquo
wa s org an iz ed by Oregon Hum an ities and
Portland Playhouse to bring residents
together to talk about some of the themes and
ideas presented in the play How We G ot On
One of Portland Playhousersquos goals says Artis-
tic Director Brian Weaver is to engage audi-
ences beyond traditional theater talk-backs
Donnell Alexander who leads an Oregon
Humanities Conversation Project called
ldquoNorthwest Mixtape Hip Hop Culture and
Influencesrdquo facilitated the conversation and
designed the eveningrsquos program While plan-
ning the event he brought on Verbz and up-and-coming Portland rapper Glenn Waco who
performed a short set The cast of How We Got
K I M O
A N H N G U Y E N
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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7 FallWinter 20157
Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon
bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg
to sign up for our monthly
enewsletter
bull Like us on Facebook
bull Follow us on Twitter
On also performed a scene from the play
W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out
what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved
into a discussion that touched on everything
from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-
gages to people who live in certai n areas based
on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the
Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos
like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of
colormdashin Portland
Ithica Tell an actress who performs the
role of the Selector in How We Got On talked
about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music
thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-
ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard
for black culture and communities to take
root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in
Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black
people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot
repealed until 1926
Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-
land was excited by the opportunity to have
people in a room talking about a topic hersquos
passionate about and one thatmdashespecially
when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos
still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of
the Internet we all think we know every-
thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our
environment and the way we start to do that
is by talking to each otherrdquo
ELOISE HOLLAND
Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize
winners to Oregon
OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp
Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize
winners and fina lists in eight events around
Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four
renowned writers will take place in Portland
Astoria Bend and Eugene
Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-
tive conversations about big ideas began as a
happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009
Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-
ues the series remains more intimate and
casual than traditional lecture programs
Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon
Humanities has presented individual Think
amp Drink events outside of Portland this is
the first time the series will feature the same
guests in multiple communities
The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature
appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-
land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-
nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland
and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel
Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland
Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a
Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland
700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm
Minors with parent or guardian
Series tickets ($50$100) available now at
oregonhumanitiesorg
Think amp Drink
2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series
FEBRUARY 16
Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account
February 17 in Bend
APRIL 19
Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark
The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in
a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set
Them Free
April 20 in Eugene
JULY 20
Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of
Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos
Great Migration
July 21 in Astoria
OCTOBER 19
Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful
Forevers Life Death and Hope in a
Mumbai Undercity
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities8
T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S
Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink
returns in 2016 engaging the public to
think and talk about big ideas Thanks
to support from the Pulitzer Centennial
Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series
wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and
finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and
Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-
ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and
Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details
about the series
D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R
Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project
invites Oregonians to write a personal
letter to someone theyrsquove never met
and receive a letter in exchange To par-
ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a
self-addressed stamped envelope and a
signed release form to Dear Stranger co
Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington
St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205
Letters must be mailed by January 22
2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-
manitiesorg for complete guidelines and
to download a release form
H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T
Oregon nonprofits and community
groups can apply until January 31 2016
to host Conversation Project discussions
in the spring and summer Visit oregon-
humanitiesorg for more information
and look out for the application window
for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-
ing in January
W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to
announce the election of Shannon Mara
to the board of directors this September
Mara has worked in business manage-
ment and consulting in Oregon since
1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-
cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on
the boards of directors for Opportunity
Knocks and 1859 Media LLC
N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S
The National Endowment for the
Humanities one of the largest funders
of humanities programs in the country
makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-
sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty
years of achievement Since its inception
in 1965 the organization has awarded
63000 grants totaling $53 billion in
order to strengthen teaching research
and lifelong learning around the nation
Oregon Humanities News
$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-
nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort
to generate conversations across the country
about the impact of journalism and humanities
on our lives in observation of the hundredth
presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-
zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher
Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-
lence in journalism letters and music
Season tickets to the Portland events which
will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are
available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-
ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-
able through local venues
BEN WATERHOUSE
Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to
explore land loss by communities of color
A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -
ingly enthusiastic response to the video
Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-
nated the production of the video for Oregon
Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories
like this one that needed telling The video
which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor
Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners
tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos
black communities It was powerful Holt says
because it showed the effects of displacement
on people and how that experience feels
Inspired by the impact the video had on
Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-
ing a new multimedia project that will collect
and connect stories about the loss of lands and
power by communities of color Combining
technology arts and the humanities the proj-
ect will culminate in a website featuring videos
photos maps timelines graphics words and
other content created by artists and writers of
color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and
power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this
loss including thriving and resistance
Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden
histories and contributions of communities
of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-
stand how the world takes shape around us
Once we have that awareness we can take
steps to change and improve our communityrdquo
she says By creating a space to express many
different stories side by side Oregon Human-
ities aims to help build a broader understand-
ing of how policies and legislation influence
systems of power and landownership in Ore-
gonrsquos past a nd present
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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9 FallWinter 2015
Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a
$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-
tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation
wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of
color to share their work and will invite more
stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the
beginning We hope to create a place for these
kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-
ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo
The website is expected to launch in January
2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-
humanitiesorg
JULIA WITHERS
The Power of Story
Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories
W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y
advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-
vince yout h that they have the power to make
their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey
become the owners of their own experiencerdquo
This summer Lopez shared his story with 120
rising high school seniors from around the
state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-
mer Institute
A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care
The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to
help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most
Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg
R U S S E L L
J Y O U N G
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities10
FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring
Thanks to the support of
our generous funders
Oregon Humanities
brings tens of thousands
of Oregonians togethermdash
face-to-face online and
on the pagemdashto talk
listen and learn from one
another The following
funders have recently
offered support to make
Oregon a more dynamic
and vital place to live
bull The Oregon Community
Foundation $110000
Creative Heights grant
to pursue a multimedia
project that explores land
loss by communities of
color in Oregon
bull The Maybelle Clark
Macdonald Fund
$20000 for matching
new and increased dona-tions over the last year
bull The Rose E Tucker
Charitable Trust $6500
for Conversation Project
bull Emily Georges Gott-
fried Fund $2000 for a
pilot project training high
school students to lead
community conversations
bull Union Bank of California
Foundation $2000 for
Humanity in Perspective
Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings
Oregon teachers and high school juniors
together to explore the pursuit of happiness
and how it shapes our world Students from
diverse communities and economic back-
grounds engage with big ideas through work-
shops lectures films and conversations This
year the weekend concluded with a special pre-
sentation by Lopez
Incorporating personal narrative lecture
and Latin American folk music into his perfor-
mance Lopez focused on the power of stories
to connect people to history themselves and
the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students
how he came to terms with his ow n identity as
a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the
author of his own story and the creator of his
own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-
ing ovation they appreciated his honesty
openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High
School commented ldquoHe left the audience with
ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see
the world not just as what it was
but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)
Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas
Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift
through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide
inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo
Lopez believes in the potential of the
humanities to engage and empower people In
his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash
a nonprofit with locations in Portland and
Gresham that promotes social change by unit-
ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages
Studio Latino an after-school program that
focuses on Latin American arts and culture
The program was piloted last spring and this
year it will enter Reynolds High School in
Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder
Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-
porate themes of perseverance personal char-
acter and cultural identity into the program so
that students can bring those values with them
beyond high school
For Lopez creating spaces where youth can
be themselves and connect with each other is
a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are
all in this togetherrdquo
JULIA WITHERS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR
W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A
small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-
ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-
ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did
what my parents had prepared me to do I asked
for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm
and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and
Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash
that because they were there I was only having
pancakes no bacon
Two decades later I went to visit the fam-
ily of the woman who is now my wife While
most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn
pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky
home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on
the back porch what my belief was about Jesus
Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence
of my response and thanked me and walked
into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to
be careful
A few years ago I went with my wife and
kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third
husband in a Southern Baptist church in a
small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-
known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two
of the three eulogies were delivered from the
altar by gay men When the preacher led us in
prayer and song my kids and I and I think my
wife were silent We knew neither the words
nor the tune
My kids now ten and eight tell people who
ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I
suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-
parents would have said they are neither
I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a
thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam
of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew
Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-
anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky
and Alabama and New York and Israel and
Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff
too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-
cently the author Toureacute thinks through how
he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife
He writes that it will be his job not hers to
bring blackness into the home He tries in his
essay to figure out what that could mean but
he seems certain that the job belongs to him
Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes
of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and
Culture Summit there was a good deal of
attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we
receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and
seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four
and find the looking forward even hardermdashand
there we were thinking about this at just the
third-annual summit an old culture becoming
new again
This summit got me thinking about how
the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe
more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe
more likely you may be to think carefully about
preserving it recognizing it passing it on
One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is
an undiluted commitment to questions This
time of year with the holidays and their vari-
ous rituals upon us my big question is about
what Toureacute calls his job
Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed
whatever everyone and also this what of
what yoursquove received do you want to pass on
What would you be fine leaving behind And
what can you do to transmit the good stuff
inherited or acquired later seven generations
hence
What We Pass On
A DA M DAV IS
K I M N
G U Y E N
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities12
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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13 FallWinter 2015 Move
Whose StateIs This
Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change
I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A
rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought
was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at
Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon
too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new
home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father
gathered the girls and left
ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now
forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying
But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of
hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal
Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons
ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden
Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-
tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo
For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen
it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-
tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until
1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white
residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities
The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-
papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-
yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North
and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-
rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s
BRENT WALTH
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities6
HUMA NITIES ACROSS OREGON
Field Work
Donnell Alexander leads a
conversat ion about hip hop on
the stage of Portland Playhousersquos
production of How We Got On
How We Got OnOregon Humanities and Portland Playhouse
partner for an evening of hip hop and
conversation
O N E E V E N I N G I N O C T O B E R P O R T -
land Playhousersquos stage was set not for the
production of How We Got On by Idris Goodwin
which opened at the end of September but for
a conversation about local hip hop culture rap
music and how musicians break into the scene
A s more than sixty peoplemdashincluding a
couple of groups of teens and adults of all
agesmdashfound their seats around the stage DJ Verbz set the tone of the evening with a mix of
local hip hop music
ldquoHow We Got On A Hip Hop Conversationrdquo
wa s org an iz ed by Oregon Hum an ities and
Portland Playhouse to bring residents
together to talk about some of the themes and
ideas presented in the play How We G ot On
One of Portland Playhousersquos goals says Artis-
tic Director Brian Weaver is to engage audi-
ences beyond traditional theater talk-backs
Donnell Alexander who leads an Oregon
Humanities Conversation Project called
ldquoNorthwest Mixtape Hip Hop Culture and
Influencesrdquo facilitated the conversation and
designed the eveningrsquos program While plan-
ning the event he brought on Verbz and up-and-coming Portland rapper Glenn Waco who
performed a short set The cast of How We Got
K I M O
A N H N G U Y E N
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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7 FallWinter 20157
Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon
bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg
to sign up for our monthly
enewsletter
bull Like us on Facebook
bull Follow us on Twitter
On also performed a scene from the play
W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out
what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved
into a discussion that touched on everything
from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-
gages to people who live in certai n areas based
on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the
Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos
like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of
colormdashin Portland
Ithica Tell an actress who performs the
role of the Selector in How We Got On talked
about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music
thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-
ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard
for black culture and communities to take
root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in
Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black
people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot
repealed until 1926
Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-
land was excited by the opportunity to have
people in a room talking about a topic hersquos
passionate about and one thatmdashespecially
when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos
still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of
the Internet we all think we know every-
thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our
environment and the way we start to do that
is by talking to each otherrdquo
ELOISE HOLLAND
Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize
winners to Oregon
OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp
Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize
winners and fina lists in eight events around
Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four
renowned writers will take place in Portland
Astoria Bend and Eugene
Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-
tive conversations about big ideas began as a
happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009
Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-
ues the series remains more intimate and
casual than traditional lecture programs
Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon
Humanities has presented individual Think
amp Drink events outside of Portland this is
the first time the series will feature the same
guests in multiple communities
The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature
appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-
land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-
nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland
and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel
Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland
Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a
Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland
700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm
Minors with parent or guardian
Series tickets ($50$100) available now at
oregonhumanitiesorg
Think amp Drink
2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series
FEBRUARY 16
Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account
February 17 in Bend
APRIL 19
Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark
The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in
a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set
Them Free
April 20 in Eugene
JULY 20
Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of
Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos
Great Migration
July 21 in Astoria
OCTOBER 19
Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful
Forevers Life Death and Hope in a
Mumbai Undercity
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities8
T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S
Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink
returns in 2016 engaging the public to
think and talk about big ideas Thanks
to support from the Pulitzer Centennial
Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series
wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and
finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and
Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-
ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and
Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details
about the series
D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R
Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project
invites Oregonians to write a personal
letter to someone theyrsquove never met
and receive a letter in exchange To par-
ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a
self-addressed stamped envelope and a
signed release form to Dear Stranger co
Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington
St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205
Letters must be mailed by January 22
2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-
manitiesorg for complete guidelines and
to download a release form
H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T
Oregon nonprofits and community
groups can apply until January 31 2016
to host Conversation Project discussions
in the spring and summer Visit oregon-
humanitiesorg for more information
and look out for the application window
for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-
ing in January
W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to
announce the election of Shannon Mara
to the board of directors this September
Mara has worked in business manage-
ment and consulting in Oregon since
1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-
cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on
the boards of directors for Opportunity
Knocks and 1859 Media LLC
N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S
The National Endowment for the
Humanities one of the largest funders
of humanities programs in the country
makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-
sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty
years of achievement Since its inception
in 1965 the organization has awarded
63000 grants totaling $53 billion in
order to strengthen teaching research
and lifelong learning around the nation
Oregon Humanities News
$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-
nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort
to generate conversations across the country
about the impact of journalism and humanities
on our lives in observation of the hundredth
presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-
zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher
Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-
lence in journalism letters and music
Season tickets to the Portland events which
will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are
available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-
ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-
able through local venues
BEN WATERHOUSE
Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to
explore land loss by communities of color
A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -
ingly enthusiastic response to the video
Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-
nated the production of the video for Oregon
Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories
like this one that needed telling The video
which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor
Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners
tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos
black communities It was powerful Holt says
because it showed the effects of displacement
on people and how that experience feels
Inspired by the impact the video had on
Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-
ing a new multimedia project that will collect
and connect stories about the loss of lands and
power by communities of color Combining
technology arts and the humanities the proj-
ect will culminate in a website featuring videos
photos maps timelines graphics words and
other content created by artists and writers of
color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and
power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this
loss including thriving and resistance
Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden
histories and contributions of communities
of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-
stand how the world takes shape around us
Once we have that awareness we can take
steps to change and improve our communityrdquo
she says By creating a space to express many
different stories side by side Oregon Human-
ities aims to help build a broader understand-
ing of how policies and legislation influence
systems of power and landownership in Ore-
gonrsquos past a nd present
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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9 FallWinter 2015
Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a
$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-
tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation
wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of
color to share their work and will invite more
stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the
beginning We hope to create a place for these
kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-
ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo
The website is expected to launch in January
2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-
humanitiesorg
JULIA WITHERS
The Power of Story
Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories
W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y
advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-
vince yout h that they have the power to make
their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey
become the owners of their own experiencerdquo
This summer Lopez shared his story with 120
rising high school seniors from around the
state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-
mer Institute
A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care
The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to
help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most
Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg
R U S S E L L
J Y O U N G
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities10
FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring
Thanks to the support of
our generous funders
Oregon Humanities
brings tens of thousands
of Oregonians togethermdash
face-to-face online and
on the pagemdashto talk
listen and learn from one
another The following
funders have recently
offered support to make
Oregon a more dynamic
and vital place to live
bull The Oregon Community
Foundation $110000
Creative Heights grant
to pursue a multimedia
project that explores land
loss by communities of
color in Oregon
bull The Maybelle Clark
Macdonald Fund
$20000 for matching
new and increased dona-tions over the last year
bull The Rose E Tucker
Charitable Trust $6500
for Conversation Project
bull Emily Georges Gott-
fried Fund $2000 for a
pilot project training high
school students to lead
community conversations
bull Union Bank of California
Foundation $2000 for
Humanity in Perspective
Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings
Oregon teachers and high school juniors
together to explore the pursuit of happiness
and how it shapes our world Students from
diverse communities and economic back-
grounds engage with big ideas through work-
shops lectures films and conversations This
year the weekend concluded with a special pre-
sentation by Lopez
Incorporating personal narrative lecture
and Latin American folk music into his perfor-
mance Lopez focused on the power of stories
to connect people to history themselves and
the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students
how he came to terms with his ow n identity as
a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the
author of his own story and the creator of his
own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-
ing ovation they appreciated his honesty
openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High
School commented ldquoHe left the audience with
ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see
the world not just as what it was
but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)
Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas
Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift
through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide
inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo
Lopez believes in the potential of the
humanities to engage and empower people In
his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash
a nonprofit with locations in Portland and
Gresham that promotes social change by unit-
ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages
Studio Latino an after-school program that
focuses on Latin American arts and culture
The program was piloted last spring and this
year it will enter Reynolds High School in
Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder
Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-
porate themes of perseverance personal char-
acter and cultural identity into the program so
that students can bring those values with them
beyond high school
For Lopez creating spaces where youth can
be themselves and connect with each other is
a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are
all in this togetherrdquo
JULIA WITHERS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR
W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A
small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-
ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-
ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did
what my parents had prepared me to do I asked
for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm
and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and
Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash
that because they were there I was only having
pancakes no bacon
Two decades later I went to visit the fam-
ily of the woman who is now my wife While
most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn
pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky
home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on
the back porch what my belief was about Jesus
Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence
of my response and thanked me and walked
into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to
be careful
A few years ago I went with my wife and
kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third
husband in a Southern Baptist church in a
small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-
known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two
of the three eulogies were delivered from the
altar by gay men When the preacher led us in
prayer and song my kids and I and I think my
wife were silent We knew neither the words
nor the tune
My kids now ten and eight tell people who
ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I
suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-
parents would have said they are neither
I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a
thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam
of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew
Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-
anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky
and Alabama and New York and Israel and
Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff
too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-
cently the author Toureacute thinks through how
he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife
He writes that it will be his job not hers to
bring blackness into the home He tries in his
essay to figure out what that could mean but
he seems certain that the job belongs to him
Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes
of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and
Culture Summit there was a good deal of
attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we
receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and
seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four
and find the looking forward even hardermdashand
there we were thinking about this at just the
third-annual summit an old culture becoming
new again
This summit got me thinking about how
the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe
more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe
more likely you may be to think carefully about
preserving it recognizing it passing it on
One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is
an undiluted commitment to questions This
time of year with the holidays and their vari-
ous rituals upon us my big question is about
what Toureacute calls his job
Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed
whatever everyone and also this what of
what yoursquove received do you want to pass on
What would you be fine leaving behind And
what can you do to transmit the good stuff
inherited or acquired later seven generations
hence
What We Pass On
A DA M DAV IS
K I M N
G U Y E N
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities12
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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13 FallWinter 2015 Move
Whose StateIs This
Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change
I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A
rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought
was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at
Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon
too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new
home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father
gathered the girls and left
ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now
forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying
But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of
hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal
Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons
ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden
Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-
tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo
For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen
it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-
tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until
1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white
residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities
The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-
papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-
yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North
and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-
rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s
BRENT WALTH
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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7 FallWinter 20157
Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon
bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg
to sign up for our monthly
enewsletter
bull Like us on Facebook
bull Follow us on Twitter
On also performed a scene from the play
W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out
what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved
into a discussion that touched on everything
from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-
gages to people who live in certai n areas based
on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the
Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos
like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of
colormdashin Portland
Ithica Tell an actress who performs the
role of the Selector in How We Got On talked
about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music
thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-
ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard
for black culture and communities to take
root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in
Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black
people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot
repealed until 1926
Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-
land was excited by the opportunity to have
people in a room talking about a topic hersquos
passionate about and one thatmdashespecially
when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos
still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of
the Internet we all think we know every-
thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our
environment and the way we start to do that
is by talking to each otherrdquo
ELOISE HOLLAND
Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize
winners to Oregon
OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp
Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize
winners and fina lists in eight events around
Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four
renowned writers will take place in Portland
Astoria Bend and Eugene
Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-
tive conversations about big ideas began as a
happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009
Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-
ues the series remains more intimate and
casual than traditional lecture programs
Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon
Humanities has presented individual Think
amp Drink events outside of Portland this is
the first time the series will feature the same
guests in multiple communities
The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature
appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-
land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-
nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland
and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel
Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland
Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a
Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland
700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm
Minors with parent or guardian
Series tickets ($50$100) available now at
oregonhumanitiesorg
Think amp Drink
2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series
FEBRUARY 16
Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account
February 17 in Bend
APRIL 19
Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark
The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in
a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set
Them Free
April 20 in Eugene
JULY 20
Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of
Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos
Great Migration
July 21 in Astoria
OCTOBER 19
Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful
Forevers Life Death and Hope in a
Mumbai Undercity
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities8
T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S
Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink
returns in 2016 engaging the public to
think and talk about big ideas Thanks
to support from the Pulitzer Centennial
Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series
wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and
finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and
Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-
ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and
Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details
about the series
D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R
Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project
invites Oregonians to write a personal
letter to someone theyrsquove never met
and receive a letter in exchange To par-
ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a
self-addressed stamped envelope and a
signed release form to Dear Stranger co
Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington
St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205
Letters must be mailed by January 22
2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-
manitiesorg for complete guidelines and
to download a release form
H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T
Oregon nonprofits and community
groups can apply until January 31 2016
to host Conversation Project discussions
in the spring and summer Visit oregon-
humanitiesorg for more information
and look out for the application window
for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-
ing in January
W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to
announce the election of Shannon Mara
to the board of directors this September
Mara has worked in business manage-
ment and consulting in Oregon since
1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-
cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on
the boards of directors for Opportunity
Knocks and 1859 Media LLC
N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S
The National Endowment for the
Humanities one of the largest funders
of humanities programs in the country
makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-
sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty
years of achievement Since its inception
in 1965 the organization has awarded
63000 grants totaling $53 billion in
order to strengthen teaching research
and lifelong learning around the nation
Oregon Humanities News
$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-
nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort
to generate conversations across the country
about the impact of journalism and humanities
on our lives in observation of the hundredth
presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-
zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher
Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-
lence in journalism letters and music
Season tickets to the Portland events which
will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are
available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-
ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-
able through local venues
BEN WATERHOUSE
Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to
explore land loss by communities of color
A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -
ingly enthusiastic response to the video
Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-
nated the production of the video for Oregon
Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories
like this one that needed telling The video
which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor
Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners
tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos
black communities It was powerful Holt says
because it showed the effects of displacement
on people and how that experience feels
Inspired by the impact the video had on
Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-
ing a new multimedia project that will collect
and connect stories about the loss of lands and
power by communities of color Combining
technology arts and the humanities the proj-
ect will culminate in a website featuring videos
photos maps timelines graphics words and
other content created by artists and writers of
color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and
power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this
loss including thriving and resistance
Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden
histories and contributions of communities
of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-
stand how the world takes shape around us
Once we have that awareness we can take
steps to change and improve our communityrdquo
she says By creating a space to express many
different stories side by side Oregon Human-
ities aims to help build a broader understand-
ing of how policies and legislation influence
systems of power and landownership in Ore-
gonrsquos past a nd present
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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9 FallWinter 2015
Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a
$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-
tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation
wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of
color to share their work and will invite more
stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the
beginning We hope to create a place for these
kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-
ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo
The website is expected to launch in January
2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-
humanitiesorg
JULIA WITHERS
The Power of Story
Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories
W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y
advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-
vince yout h that they have the power to make
their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey
become the owners of their own experiencerdquo
This summer Lopez shared his story with 120
rising high school seniors from around the
state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-
mer Institute
A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care
The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to
help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most
Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg
R U S S E L L
J Y O U N G
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities10
FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring
Thanks to the support of
our generous funders
Oregon Humanities
brings tens of thousands
of Oregonians togethermdash
face-to-face online and
on the pagemdashto talk
listen and learn from one
another The following
funders have recently
offered support to make
Oregon a more dynamic
and vital place to live
bull The Oregon Community
Foundation $110000
Creative Heights grant
to pursue a multimedia
project that explores land
loss by communities of
color in Oregon
bull The Maybelle Clark
Macdonald Fund
$20000 for matching
new and increased dona-tions over the last year
bull The Rose E Tucker
Charitable Trust $6500
for Conversation Project
bull Emily Georges Gott-
fried Fund $2000 for a
pilot project training high
school students to lead
community conversations
bull Union Bank of California
Foundation $2000 for
Humanity in Perspective
Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings
Oregon teachers and high school juniors
together to explore the pursuit of happiness
and how it shapes our world Students from
diverse communities and economic back-
grounds engage with big ideas through work-
shops lectures films and conversations This
year the weekend concluded with a special pre-
sentation by Lopez
Incorporating personal narrative lecture
and Latin American folk music into his perfor-
mance Lopez focused on the power of stories
to connect people to history themselves and
the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students
how he came to terms with his ow n identity as
a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the
author of his own story and the creator of his
own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-
ing ovation they appreciated his honesty
openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High
School commented ldquoHe left the audience with
ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see
the world not just as what it was
but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)
Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas
Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift
through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide
inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo
Lopez believes in the potential of the
humanities to engage and empower people In
his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash
a nonprofit with locations in Portland and
Gresham that promotes social change by unit-
ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages
Studio Latino an after-school program that
focuses on Latin American arts and culture
The program was piloted last spring and this
year it will enter Reynolds High School in
Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder
Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-
porate themes of perseverance personal char-
acter and cultural identity into the program so
that students can bring those values with them
beyond high school
For Lopez creating spaces where youth can
be themselves and connect with each other is
a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are
all in this togetherrdquo
JULIA WITHERS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR
W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A
small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-
ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-
ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did
what my parents had prepared me to do I asked
for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm
and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and
Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash
that because they were there I was only having
pancakes no bacon
Two decades later I went to visit the fam-
ily of the woman who is now my wife While
most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn
pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky
home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on
the back porch what my belief was about Jesus
Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence
of my response and thanked me and walked
into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to
be careful
A few years ago I went with my wife and
kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third
husband in a Southern Baptist church in a
small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-
known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two
of the three eulogies were delivered from the
altar by gay men When the preacher led us in
prayer and song my kids and I and I think my
wife were silent We knew neither the words
nor the tune
My kids now ten and eight tell people who
ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I
suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-
parents would have said they are neither
I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a
thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam
of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew
Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-
anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky
and Alabama and New York and Israel and
Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff
too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-
cently the author Toureacute thinks through how
he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife
He writes that it will be his job not hers to
bring blackness into the home He tries in his
essay to figure out what that could mean but
he seems certain that the job belongs to him
Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes
of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and
Culture Summit there was a good deal of
attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we
receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and
seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four
and find the looking forward even hardermdashand
there we were thinking about this at just the
third-annual summit an old culture becoming
new again
This summit got me thinking about how
the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe
more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe
more likely you may be to think carefully about
preserving it recognizing it passing it on
One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is
an undiluted commitment to questions This
time of year with the holidays and their vari-
ous rituals upon us my big question is about
what Toureacute calls his job
Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed
whatever everyone and also this what of
what yoursquove received do you want to pass on
What would you be fine leaving behind And
what can you do to transmit the good stuff
inherited or acquired later seven generations
hence
What We Pass On
A DA M DAV IS
K I M N
G U Y E N
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities12
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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13 FallWinter 2015 Move
Whose StateIs This
Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change
I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A
rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought
was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at
Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon
too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new
home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father
gathered the girls and left
ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now
forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying
But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of
hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal
Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons
ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden
Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-
tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo
For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen
it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-
tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until
1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white
residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities
The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-
papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-
yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North
and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-
rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s
BRENT WALTH
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities8
T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S
Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink
returns in 2016 engaging the public to
think and talk about big ideas Thanks
to support from the Pulitzer Centennial
Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series
wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and
finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and
Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-
ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and
Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details
about the series
D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R
Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project
invites Oregonians to write a personal
letter to someone theyrsquove never met
and receive a letter in exchange To par-
ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a
self-addressed stamped envelope and a
signed release form to Dear Stranger co
Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington
St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205
Letters must be mailed by January 22
2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-
manitiesorg for complete guidelines and
to download a release form
H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T
Oregon nonprofits and community
groups can apply until January 31 2016
to host Conversation Project discussions
in the spring and summer Visit oregon-
humanitiesorg for more information
and look out for the application window
for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-
ing in January
W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to
announce the election of Shannon Mara
to the board of directors this September
Mara has worked in business manage-
ment and consulting in Oregon since
1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-
cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on
the boards of directors for Opportunity
Knocks and 1859 Media LLC
N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S
The National Endowment for the
Humanities one of the largest funders
of humanities programs in the country
makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-
sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty
years of achievement Since its inception
in 1965 the organization has awarded
63000 grants totaling $53 billion in
order to strengthen teaching research
and lifelong learning around the nation
Oregon Humanities News
$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-
nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort
to generate conversations across the country
about the impact of journalism and humanities
on our lives in observation of the hundredth
presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-
zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher
Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-
lence in journalism letters and music
Season tickets to the Portland events which
will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are
available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-
ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-
able through local venues
BEN WATERHOUSE
Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to
explore land loss by communities of color
A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -
ingly enthusiastic response to the video
Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-
nated the production of the video for Oregon
Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories
like this one that needed telling The video
which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor
Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners
tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos
black communities It was powerful Holt says
because it showed the effects of displacement
on people and how that experience feels
Inspired by the impact the video had on
Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-
ing a new multimedia project that will collect
and connect stories about the loss of lands and
power by communities of color Combining
technology arts and the humanities the proj-
ect will culminate in a website featuring videos
photos maps timelines graphics words and
other content created by artists and writers of
color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and
power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this
loss including thriving and resistance
Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden
histories and contributions of communities
of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-
stand how the world takes shape around us
Once we have that awareness we can take
steps to change and improve our communityrdquo
she says By creating a space to express many
different stories side by side Oregon Human-
ities aims to help build a broader understand-
ing of how policies and legislation influence
systems of power and landownership in Ore-
gonrsquos past a nd present
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9 FallWinter 2015
Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a
$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-
tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation
wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of
color to share their work and will invite more
stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the
beginning We hope to create a place for these
kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-
ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo
The website is expected to launch in January
2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-
humanitiesorg
JULIA WITHERS
The Power of Story
Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories
W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y
advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-
vince yout h that they have the power to make
their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey
become the owners of their own experiencerdquo
This summer Lopez shared his story with 120
rising high school seniors from around the
state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-
mer Institute
A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care
The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to
help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most
Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg
R U S S E L L
J Y O U N G
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities10
FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring
Thanks to the support of
our generous funders
Oregon Humanities
brings tens of thousands
of Oregonians togethermdash
face-to-face online and
on the pagemdashto talk
listen and learn from one
another The following
funders have recently
offered support to make
Oregon a more dynamic
and vital place to live
bull The Oregon Community
Foundation $110000
Creative Heights grant
to pursue a multimedia
project that explores land
loss by communities of
color in Oregon
bull The Maybelle Clark
Macdonald Fund
$20000 for matching
new and increased dona-tions over the last year
bull The Rose E Tucker
Charitable Trust $6500
for Conversation Project
bull Emily Georges Gott-
fried Fund $2000 for a
pilot project training high
school students to lead
community conversations
bull Union Bank of California
Foundation $2000 for
Humanity in Perspective
Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings
Oregon teachers and high school juniors
together to explore the pursuit of happiness
and how it shapes our world Students from
diverse communities and economic back-
grounds engage with big ideas through work-
shops lectures films and conversations This
year the weekend concluded with a special pre-
sentation by Lopez
Incorporating personal narrative lecture
and Latin American folk music into his perfor-
mance Lopez focused on the power of stories
to connect people to history themselves and
the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students
how he came to terms with his ow n identity as
a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the
author of his own story and the creator of his
own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-
ing ovation they appreciated his honesty
openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High
School commented ldquoHe left the audience with
ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see
the world not just as what it was
but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)
Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas
Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift
through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide
inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo
Lopez believes in the potential of the
humanities to engage and empower people In
his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash
a nonprofit with locations in Portland and
Gresham that promotes social change by unit-
ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages
Studio Latino an after-school program that
focuses on Latin American arts and culture
The program was piloted last spring and this
year it will enter Reynolds High School in
Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder
Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-
porate themes of perseverance personal char-
acter and cultural identity into the program so
that students can bring those values with them
beyond high school
For Lopez creating spaces where youth can
be themselves and connect with each other is
a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are
all in this togetherrdquo
JULIA WITHERS
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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR
W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A
small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-
ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-
ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did
what my parents had prepared me to do I asked
for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm
and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and
Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash
that because they were there I was only having
pancakes no bacon
Two decades later I went to visit the fam-
ily of the woman who is now my wife While
most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn
pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky
home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on
the back porch what my belief was about Jesus
Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence
of my response and thanked me and walked
into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to
be careful
A few years ago I went with my wife and
kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third
husband in a Southern Baptist church in a
small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-
known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two
of the three eulogies were delivered from the
altar by gay men When the preacher led us in
prayer and song my kids and I and I think my
wife were silent We knew neither the words
nor the tune
My kids now ten and eight tell people who
ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I
suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-
parents would have said they are neither
I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a
thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam
of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew
Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-
anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky
and Alabama and New York and Israel and
Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff
too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-
cently the author Toureacute thinks through how
he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife
He writes that it will be his job not hers to
bring blackness into the home He tries in his
essay to figure out what that could mean but
he seems certain that the job belongs to him
Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes
of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and
Culture Summit there was a good deal of
attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we
receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and
seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four
and find the looking forward even hardermdashand
there we were thinking about this at just the
third-annual summit an old culture becoming
new again
This summit got me thinking about how
the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe
more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe
more likely you may be to think carefully about
preserving it recognizing it passing it on
One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is
an undiluted commitment to questions This
time of year with the holidays and their vari-
ous rituals upon us my big question is about
what Toureacute calls his job
Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed
whatever everyone and also this what of
what yoursquove received do you want to pass on
What would you be fine leaving behind And
what can you do to transmit the good stuff
inherited or acquired later seven generations
hence
What We Pass On
A DA M DAV IS
K I M N
G U Y E N
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Oregon Humanities12
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13 FallWinter 2015 Move
Whose StateIs This
Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change
I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A
rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought
was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at
Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon
too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new
home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father
gathered the girls and left
ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now
forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying
But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of
hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal
Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons
ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden
Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-
tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo
For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen
it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-
tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until
1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white
residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities
The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-
papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-
yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North
and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-
rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s
BRENT WALTH
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities36
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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9 FallWinter 2015
Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a
$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-
tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation
wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of
color to share their work and will invite more
stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the
beginning We hope to create a place for these
kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-
ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo
The website is expected to launch in January
2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-
humanitiesorg
JULIA WITHERS
The Power of Story
Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories
W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y
advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-
vince yout h that they have the power to make
their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey
become the owners of their own experiencerdquo
This summer Lopez shared his story with 120
rising high school seniors from around the
state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-
mer Institute
A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care
The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to
help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most
Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg
R U S S E L L
J Y O U N G
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities10
FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring
Thanks to the support of
our generous funders
Oregon Humanities
brings tens of thousands
of Oregonians togethermdash
face-to-face online and
on the pagemdashto talk
listen and learn from one
another The following
funders have recently
offered support to make
Oregon a more dynamic
and vital place to live
bull The Oregon Community
Foundation $110000
Creative Heights grant
to pursue a multimedia
project that explores land
loss by communities of
color in Oregon
bull The Maybelle Clark
Macdonald Fund
$20000 for matching
new and increased dona-tions over the last year
bull The Rose E Tucker
Charitable Trust $6500
for Conversation Project
bull Emily Georges Gott-
fried Fund $2000 for a
pilot project training high
school students to lead
community conversations
bull Union Bank of California
Foundation $2000 for
Humanity in Perspective
Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings
Oregon teachers and high school juniors
together to explore the pursuit of happiness
and how it shapes our world Students from
diverse communities and economic back-
grounds engage with big ideas through work-
shops lectures films and conversations This
year the weekend concluded with a special pre-
sentation by Lopez
Incorporating personal narrative lecture
and Latin American folk music into his perfor-
mance Lopez focused on the power of stories
to connect people to history themselves and
the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students
how he came to terms with his ow n identity as
a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the
author of his own story and the creator of his
own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-
ing ovation they appreciated his honesty
openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High
School commented ldquoHe left the audience with
ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see
the world not just as what it was
but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)
Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas
Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift
through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide
inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo
Lopez believes in the potential of the
humanities to engage and empower people In
his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash
a nonprofit with locations in Portland and
Gresham that promotes social change by unit-
ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages
Studio Latino an after-school program that
focuses on Latin American arts and culture
The program was piloted last spring and this
year it will enter Reynolds High School in
Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder
Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-
porate themes of perseverance personal char-
acter and cultural identity into the program so
that students can bring those values with them
beyond high school
For Lopez creating spaces where youth can
be themselves and connect with each other is
a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are
all in this togetherrdquo
JULIA WITHERS
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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR
W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A
small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-
ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-
ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did
what my parents had prepared me to do I asked
for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm
and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and
Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash
that because they were there I was only having
pancakes no bacon
Two decades later I went to visit the fam-
ily of the woman who is now my wife While
most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn
pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky
home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on
the back porch what my belief was about Jesus
Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence
of my response and thanked me and walked
into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to
be careful
A few years ago I went with my wife and
kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third
husband in a Southern Baptist church in a
small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-
known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two
of the three eulogies were delivered from the
altar by gay men When the preacher led us in
prayer and song my kids and I and I think my
wife were silent We knew neither the words
nor the tune
My kids now ten and eight tell people who
ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I
suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-
parents would have said they are neither
I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a
thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam
of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew
Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-
anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky
and Alabama and New York and Israel and
Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff
too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-
cently the author Toureacute thinks through how
he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife
He writes that it will be his job not hers to
bring blackness into the home He tries in his
essay to figure out what that could mean but
he seems certain that the job belongs to him
Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes
of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and
Culture Summit there was a good deal of
attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we
receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and
seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four
and find the looking forward even hardermdashand
there we were thinking about this at just the
third-annual summit an old culture becoming
new again
This summit got me thinking about how
the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe
more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe
more likely you may be to think carefully about
preserving it recognizing it passing it on
One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is
an undiluted commitment to questions This
time of year with the holidays and their vari-
ous rituals upon us my big question is about
what Toureacute calls his job
Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed
whatever everyone and also this what of
what yoursquove received do you want to pass on
What would you be fine leaving behind And
what can you do to transmit the good stuff
inherited or acquired later seven generations
hence
What We Pass On
A DA M DAV IS
K I M N
G U Y E N
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Oregon Humanities12
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13 FallWinter 2015 Move
Whose StateIs This
Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change
I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A
rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought
was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at
Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon
too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new
home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father
gathered the girls and left
ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now
forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying
But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of
hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal
Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons
ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden
Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-
tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo
For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen
it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-
tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until
1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white
residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities
The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-
papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-
yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North
and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-
rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s
BRENT WALTH
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities10
FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring
Thanks to the support of
our generous funders
Oregon Humanities
brings tens of thousands
of Oregonians togethermdash
face-to-face online and
on the pagemdashto talk
listen and learn from one
another The following
funders have recently
offered support to make
Oregon a more dynamic
and vital place to live
bull The Oregon Community
Foundation $110000
Creative Heights grant
to pursue a multimedia
project that explores land
loss by communities of
color in Oregon
bull The Maybelle Clark
Macdonald Fund
$20000 for matching
new and increased dona-tions over the last year
bull The Rose E Tucker
Charitable Trust $6500
for Conversation Project
bull Emily Georges Gott-
fried Fund $2000 for a
pilot project training high
school students to lead
community conversations
bull Union Bank of California
Foundation $2000 for
Humanity in Perspective
Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings
Oregon teachers and high school juniors
together to explore the pursuit of happiness
and how it shapes our world Students from
diverse communities and economic back-
grounds engage with big ideas through work-
shops lectures films and conversations This
year the weekend concluded with a special pre-
sentation by Lopez
Incorporating personal narrative lecture
and Latin American folk music into his perfor-
mance Lopez focused on the power of stories
to connect people to history themselves and
the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students
how he came to terms with his ow n identity as
a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the
author of his own story and the creator of his
own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-
ing ovation they appreciated his honesty
openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High
School commented ldquoHe left the audience with
ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see
the world not just as what it was
but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)
Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas
Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift
through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide
inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo
Lopez believes in the potential of the
humanities to engage and empower people In
his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash
a nonprofit with locations in Portland and
Gresham that promotes social change by unit-
ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages
Studio Latino an after-school program that
focuses on Latin American arts and culture
The program was piloted last spring and this
year it will enter Reynolds High School in
Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder
Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-
porate themes of perseverance personal char-
acter and cultural identity into the program so
that students can bring those values with them
beyond high school
For Lopez creating spaces where youth can
be themselves and connect with each other is
a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are
all in this togetherrdquo
JULIA WITHERS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR
W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A
small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-
ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-
ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did
what my parents had prepared me to do I asked
for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm
and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and
Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash
that because they were there I was only having
pancakes no bacon
Two decades later I went to visit the fam-
ily of the woman who is now my wife While
most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn
pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky
home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on
the back porch what my belief was about Jesus
Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence
of my response and thanked me and walked
into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to
be careful
A few years ago I went with my wife and
kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third
husband in a Southern Baptist church in a
small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-
known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two
of the three eulogies were delivered from the
altar by gay men When the preacher led us in
prayer and song my kids and I and I think my
wife were silent We knew neither the words
nor the tune
My kids now ten and eight tell people who
ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I
suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-
parents would have said they are neither
I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a
thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam
of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew
Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-
anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky
and Alabama and New York and Israel and
Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff
too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-
cently the author Toureacute thinks through how
he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife
He writes that it will be his job not hers to
bring blackness into the home He tries in his
essay to figure out what that could mean but
he seems certain that the job belongs to him
Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes
of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and
Culture Summit there was a good deal of
attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we
receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and
seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four
and find the looking forward even hardermdashand
there we were thinking about this at just the
third-annual summit an old culture becoming
new again
This summit got me thinking about how
the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe
more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe
more likely you may be to think carefully about
preserving it recognizing it passing it on
One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is
an undiluted commitment to questions This
time of year with the holidays and their vari-
ous rituals upon us my big question is about
what Toureacute calls his job
Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed
whatever everyone and also this what of
what yoursquove received do you want to pass on
What would you be fine leaving behind And
what can you do to transmit the good stuff
inherited or acquired later seven generations
hence
What We Pass On
A DA M DAV IS
K I M N
G U Y E N
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Oregon Humanities12
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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13 FallWinter 2015 Move
Whose StateIs This
Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change
I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A
rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought
was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at
Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon
too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new
home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father
gathered the girls and left
ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now
forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying
But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of
hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal
Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons
ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden
Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-
tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo
For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen
it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-
tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until
1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white
residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities
The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-
papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-
yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North
and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-
rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s
BRENT WALTH
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR
W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A
small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-
ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-
ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did
what my parents had prepared me to do I asked
for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm
and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and
Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash
that because they were there I was only having
pancakes no bacon
Two decades later I went to visit the fam-
ily of the woman who is now my wife While
most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn
pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky
home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on
the back porch what my belief was about Jesus
Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence
of my response and thanked me and walked
into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to
be careful
A few years ago I went with my wife and
kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third
husband in a Southern Baptist church in a
small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-
known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two
of the three eulogies were delivered from the
altar by gay men When the preacher led us in
prayer and song my kids and I and I think my
wife were silent We knew neither the words
nor the tune
My kids now ten and eight tell people who
ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I
suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-
parents would have said they are neither
I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a
thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam
of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew
Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-
anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky
and Alabama and New York and Israel and
Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff
too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-
cently the author Toureacute thinks through how
he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife
He writes that it will be his job not hers to
bring blackness into the home He tries in his
essay to figure out what that could mean but
he seems certain that the job belongs to him
Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes
of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and
Culture Summit there was a good deal of
attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we
receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and
seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four
and find the looking forward even hardermdashand
there we were thinking about this at just the
third-annual summit an old culture becoming
new again
This summit got me thinking about how
the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe
more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe
more likely you may be to think carefully about
preserving it recognizing it passing it on
One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is
an undiluted commitment to questions This
time of year with the holidays and their vari-
ous rituals upon us my big question is about
what Toureacute calls his job
Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed
whatever everyone and also this what of
what yoursquove received do you want to pass on
What would you be fine leaving behind And
what can you do to transmit the good stuff
inherited or acquired later seven generations
hence
What We Pass On
A DA M DAV IS
K I M N
G U Y E N
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Oregon Humanities12
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13 FallWinter 2015 Move
Whose StateIs This
Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change
I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A
rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought
was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at
Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon
too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new
home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father
gathered the girls and left
ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now
forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying
But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of
hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal
Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons
ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden
Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-
tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo
For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen
it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-
tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until
1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white
residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities
The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-
papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-
yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North
and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-
rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s
BRENT WALTH
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548
45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
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Oregon Humanities12
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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13 FallWinter 2015 Move
Whose StateIs This
Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change
I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A
rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought
was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at
Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon
too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new
home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father
gathered the girls and left
ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now
forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying
But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of
hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal
Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons
ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden
Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-
tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo
For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen
it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-
tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until
1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white
residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities
The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-
papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-
yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North
and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-
rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s
BRENT WALTH
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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13 FallWinter 2015 Move
Whose StateIs This
Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change
I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A
rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought
was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at
Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon
too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new
home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father
gathered the girls and left
ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now
forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying
But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of
hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal
Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons
ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden
Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-
tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo
For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen
it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-
tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until
1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white
residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities
The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-
papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-
yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North
and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-
rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s
BRENT WALTH
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities14
Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face
staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7
percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything
other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census
numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than
ldquowhite alonerdquo
The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has
shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern
Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown five times faster than the
state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the
population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities
now count Latinos as the majority
One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of
24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city
council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-
lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot
have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-
tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting
down together often enough as it isrdquo
Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small
effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put
a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the
statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each
other
JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE
expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him
ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-
ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone
to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo
Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-
nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform
which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-
ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-
mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc
on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges
for undocumented residents including schools and health
care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the
deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the
country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-
mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen
in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our
immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo
For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken
seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-
dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-
able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick
steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security
numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-
dents committing other crimes
The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-
bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a
nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants
themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-
teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list
Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf
I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he
says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great
country that welcomes people from all over as we always have
But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-
gration policiesrdquo
The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its
place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014
Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting
driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required
proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security
number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the
Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing
to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers
established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove
they were in the country legally
Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by
gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on
the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-
islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-
sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken
The definition of what
it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos
Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
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Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
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Portland OR 97205
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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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15 FallWinter 2015 Move
immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure
two to one
The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his
grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-
ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally
He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-
cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos
rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his
candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug
dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo
Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo
ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the
polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who
likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular
Americansrdquo
O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-
ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The
program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were
by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers
(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-
gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal
housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-
ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley
The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in
many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In
1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop
farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up
in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests
and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of
boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny
rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo
McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom
going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years
many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-
lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-
tries to join them
Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the
call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her
father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved
to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-
ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents
worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For
four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais
without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-
ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the
winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze
Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had
as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She
quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language
But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator
during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school
ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says
In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that
offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager
Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-
ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past
employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-
lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered
Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)
Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she
attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-
gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from
Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University
where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration
Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to
make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who
are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant
students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she
runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of
Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each
year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency
Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes
and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso
Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-
nizes only English
ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-
ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo
Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the
case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo
Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter
three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often
requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents
and many other immigra nts have lacked
ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages
all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have
you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is
they spent all their time making sure their children were fed
and clothedrdquo
THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-
gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and
local governments to conduct business in English Oregon
law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon
is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language
declaration
But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states
impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it
could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-
munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash
despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-
ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities16
Ludwick says is a waste of money
Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-
book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo
he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople
with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-
ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had
jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans
They had coats and ties onrdquo
ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to
be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic
American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated
They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their
cultural beliefs on usrdquo
The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos
about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration
laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-
grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were
born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such
as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have
had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition
grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high
schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open
The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide
(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only
a handf ul of legislators
What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash
the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing
discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any
faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us
including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage
The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-
ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use
instead is a moment of illumination and courage
Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago
Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-
ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-
ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often
rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective
followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in
many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the
books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with
guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the
future
Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-
ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only
club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon
brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the
nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison
A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about
the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account
for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty
years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural
tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-
sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly
talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district
has seen enormous success in graduating students from high
school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the
library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the
cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its
pages into thirty-six lang uages
Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city
has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open
to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the
Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish
speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her
parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has
formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down
cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates
ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-
ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in
government runs against the idea that everyone has the right
to be heardrdquo
Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and
must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never
sought public office before and she could appear on the same
election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration
Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her
Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the
third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving
there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story
ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am
that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she
says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo
Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos
the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior
investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at
Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall
Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon
School of Journalism and Communication
The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about
influence and power
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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17 FallWinter 2015 Move
Communityin Flux
A long-persecuted people begins to speak out
I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -
terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and
stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-
landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by
news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of
Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash
community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard
factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-
ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the
Roma out of town
The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the
Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for
assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland
was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice
of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of
rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could
make the drive south
The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor
not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber
sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting
rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo
ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote
This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of
the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office
accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-
tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the
bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-
tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-
gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families
LISA LOVING
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities36
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
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Oregon Humanities18
A detective and two policemen
escort two arrested Romani women
from the paddy wagon into the
Police Headquarters building at SW
2nd amp Oak in 1951
in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes
Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the
University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma
locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in
Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon
when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were
needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman
says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to
drive out of staterdquo
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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19 FallWinter 2015 Move
COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON
Roma in America today are a community in flux Families
still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-
ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal
and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with
the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-
ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-
tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian
churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar
says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost
everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by
both government and society
Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally
nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian
emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the
local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including
Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions
Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880
and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to
America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and
where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do
Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-
cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo
Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma
people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by
local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In
1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies
have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led
down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn
instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland
last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing
a serious depredationrdquo
No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as
fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of
linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings
in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US
Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani
hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani
asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain
laws on the books in various states and counties that continue
to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which
fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were
intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the
United States they have since found new application against
the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European
Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence
in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo
But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced
Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their
local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in
metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the
1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities20
Most Americanshave no idea
that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust
you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real
Romani skillrdquo
This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s
and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest
Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-
man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly
with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services
with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only
was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged
the local economy
Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-
ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in
the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men
women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash
between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder
of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes
the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo
Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as
the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most
textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because
of lobbying by Roma and their allies
Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of
Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems
because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one
of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her
parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and
nomadic
Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo
whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-
cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic
memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo
After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out
about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-
tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were
born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice
of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that
oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear
witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage
certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo
For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in
bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is
giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment
On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about
his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the
University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades
building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-
mentation Center
Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a
fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document
discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from
Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities36
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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21 FallWinter 2015 Move
No documentsor oral histories
exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944
arrived in the United States in the late 1930s
fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal
grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into
the country
Over the years Ahern has traveled through-
out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani
organizations across the United States South
America Canada Europe and Spain
Silverman adds that over the past twenty
years many American Roma have become
born-again Christians establishing their own
churches or joining evangelical congregations
Some of these church leaders are emerging as
community spokespeoplemdashsomething very
new for a community that has been persecuted
for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want
to be left alone anymore because they are at a
disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-
man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-
ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo
But despite these efforts even today the dis-
crimination that Roma face by revealing their
heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical
memory interacting with American institu-
tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-
izationrdquo Silverman says
For example Silverman describes ethnic
profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in
the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on
ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime
assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and
certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo
The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law
enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used
in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to
describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was
writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s
In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week
sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the
unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-
ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to
us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact
have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore
very bad neighborsrdquo
ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable
for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of
one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad
neighborrdquo
No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened
to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they
stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find
safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And
most important how in the Information Age is it possible that
the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-
stream of society
Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of
Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening
for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani
Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-
mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-
tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani
Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-
ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast
ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani
history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman
says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd
racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that
has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer
prejudicerdquo
Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this
story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour
Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in
Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and
public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907
FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-
winning African American community newspaper the
Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will
be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities22
Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes
it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-
ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and
entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or
wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state
and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-
dents of this place really know about the systems behind these
things that seem to represent our identity
On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-
ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical
sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to
other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars
up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and
ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the
Oregon System
Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and
Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -
lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548
45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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23 FallWinter 2015 Move
Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho
salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers
back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-
nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks
she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species
1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages
along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important
method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-
tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island
and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in
the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and
Oregon in 1948
2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish
brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has
now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of
them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with
his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho
salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch
3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew
S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff
Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to
50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But
by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery
on the Columbia closed in 1980
4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the
ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the
expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site
and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor
classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation
5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind
lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one
word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or
extinct Coho are listed as threatened today
6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-
electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to
pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs
Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the
dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities24
1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every
other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-
cling one of a number of independent haulers
in the Metro region grind their gears uphill
traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food
scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-
board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue
recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in
the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green
roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-
egory recycling compost and yard waste and
garbage
2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly
either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-
gon Recycling System past the airport in East
Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery
facilities (there are a handful in the region)
which then sell the materials based on demand
in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others
in foreign countries such as China
3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable
waste the other trucks head to Metro Central
Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro
South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-
tions in the region Last year almost a half a
million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos
two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins
other company haulers contractors with con-
struction waste and residential customers with
miscellaneous items not picked up through
home collection service At the transfer station
the sorting process begins
4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature
Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-
ogy Organics outside of North Plains about
twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about
twelve miles north of Corvallis
5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household
items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material
in roads
6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader
then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time
is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer
stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a
three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty
no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush
plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo
According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the
garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material
The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is
often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per
minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to
an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the
plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity
powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM
Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland
Waste fromSouthwestPortland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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25 FallWinter 2015 Move
1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in
winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period
in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of
Transportation)
3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a
twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source
TriMet)
HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make
every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-
tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed
Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-
age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo
In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin
Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the
new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue
represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even
signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from
the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles
per hour depending on the time of day
The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars
buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic
signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and
emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one
hundred intersections throughout Portland
Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North
Williams today reflects a different wave of development and
demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share
the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to
bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes
to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density
residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG
Traffic on North Williams Avenue
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities26
Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect
changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-
erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed
law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or
rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already
passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a
referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather
than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-
ers approved this system in 1902
This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an
initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on
a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided
driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal
documentation of US citizenship status
1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three
ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)
Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text
of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall
issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to
provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)
2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-
tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)
3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of
Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative
petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State
Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal
Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)
4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is
certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults
to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88
58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold
of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to
qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-
ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without
requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to
Dec 2013)
5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88
Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor
Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)
6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51
to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails
666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-
croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered
by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed
lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move
(2003)
7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block
saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-
zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the
case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor
General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the
practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The
US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide
law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG
Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548
45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
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27 FallWinter 2015 Move
SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137
983158983151983145983139983141
N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -
room closet I came across a box of old family photographs
I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color
photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-
ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five
standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie
primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos
hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-
tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against
the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But
the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a
frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat
in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple
of the Sun
A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -
graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one
end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both
L A I L A L A L A M I
Al-Mursquoallaqat
The GoldenOdes of Love
J E N W I C K S T U D I O
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities28
of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels
science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-
raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to
love books so much perhaps books provided them an education
about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing
from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches
that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-
ing the reign of King Hassan
It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned
to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed
copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from
friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about
whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-
drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new
offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte
which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne
Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others
Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les
petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why
the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion
Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which
the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to
either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan
tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three
Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords
and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo
Of course none of the characters in these books looked or
spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly
all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan
bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their
homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my
own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they
had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary
world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an
alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define
normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like
my country my imagination had been colonized
I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly
the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-
acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the
fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled
my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high
school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes
where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-
yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as
well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father
said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it
was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted
D RISS C H RAI BI
LA
CI VI LISA TIO N
MA M E R E
PAR
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
Taha Hussein
THE
DA YS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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29 FallWinter 2015 Move
When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same
school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum
el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine
At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were
taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled
with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still
the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-
language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from
the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi
al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the
Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese
Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-
moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some
of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved
each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a
classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-
els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan
authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-
tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren
It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read
adult literature on my own and independently from school that
I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-
ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos
La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a
sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin
Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book
that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment
of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read
lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was
as fertile ground for fiction as any other
And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature
nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in
French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after
all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-
latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss
Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was
ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a
particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made
it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I
was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train
in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco
medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-
ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my
hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat
or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-
matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely
be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study
linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in
a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in
an analytica l way
Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in
Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship
to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait
I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and
racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School
of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work
of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went
back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how
often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes
Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in
our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in
formal soireacutees French was de rigueur
Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-
guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles
and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in
English which made me think even more about the relationship
between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a
prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power
an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people
The education I had received had emphasized the importance
of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our
media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the
shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed
in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored
by the French government for free access to books The role of
Every time I went back
to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much
and how often we moved
between French and
Arabic All of us whether
we wanted to or not
went through life
switching between codes
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
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Oregon Humanities30
French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a
cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no
longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case
of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should
not be writing at all
I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish
after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried
to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of
me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that
stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have
immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the
native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow
me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred
to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic
languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought
Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my
days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use
English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the
linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh
perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a
child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-
gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the
same story
I have always written because I have always had the urge to
tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided
that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-
thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my
race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-
larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while
the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and
waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had
enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos
phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-
rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat
seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of
others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the
works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s
such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in
the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and
sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing
graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had
always told stories but now I wanted to be heard
This essay was first published in World Literature Today
Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami
Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The
Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The
Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy
Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for
Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016
Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16
and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for
more information and to buy tickets
Writing in French came
at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial
baggage that I no longer
wanted to carry I started
to suffer from a peculiar
case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic
perhaps I should not be
writing at all
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
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Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
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Permit No 1274
Portland OR
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31 FallWinter 2015 Move
A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good
LORETTA STINSON
I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M
every day after work waiting for Bruce to
get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching
myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me
sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on
from a distance at whatever is happening to
me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie
and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-
kick of the star or I play a supporting role but
I am definitely not the star of this movie The
moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom
just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been
able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed
freak for fifteen years
Sun through the small rectangular win-
dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats
wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in
1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from
the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom
watchi ng my past present a nd future selves
do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental
after another waiting for the next bad thing
to happen and not getting out of the way even
when I see it coming The habit of living in con-
stant fear and the resignation that nothing can
ever change are the glue that holds me in place
This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting
on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on
Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on
hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the
future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who
can only be counted on not to be counted on
In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses
and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about
J U L I A N N A B R I O N
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities32
detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot
change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-
ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what
the old-timers were saying Needless to say
I didnrsquot
Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go
home and try some new strategy to make Bruce
quit using I once read a book about how sugar
was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding
him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein
diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck
them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat
and beer is a very filling meal in itself When
he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put
in front of him but speed and alcohol are his
drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-
ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never
remembers what he does to me and since he
doesnrsquot remember I have to forget
It be what it be Bruce says about all things
unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color
electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it
be Today I see things clearly for the first time
Today I see myself on this couch waiting for
someone else to do the changing Today I see
that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be
my life until the day he kills me or he dies or
I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been
disappointed too many times Addiction his to
drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove
been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot
see my part until now
My only friend has been telling me for
months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I
have left many times for a day or a week but
Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop
drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs
to me for the first time that this is absurd and a
huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe
itrsquos me who needs to change and not because
that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction
is his business
Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll
be wasted because it was payday and most of
his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-
ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood
alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or
hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how
those will interact with his mood the kind of
day he had and if hersquos eaten
None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for
such a long time that I could Like every person
who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that
if I did all the right things I would figure out a
way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on
his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
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33 FallWinter 2015 Move
I worked like some kind of crazy statistician
making up story problems to predict what he
might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job
and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without
eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito
at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos
left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going
to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-
ing home mistakes his second wife for his first
wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out
Please show your work
I have never been able to figure out the rec-
ipe for equilibrium His or mine
Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce
comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not
wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face
slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat
the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says
Itrsquos not really a question but I answer
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him
clearly for the first time I see his addiction in
action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have
nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest
thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can
do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look
at him for too long when hersquos been drinking
kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash
you just back away slowly and try not to piss
him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows
too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how
little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs
to believe because he has to be mad at some-
one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom
just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by
the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about
nothing that it was never my face that pissed
him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He
needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave
to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do
no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a
revelation
He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you
looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling
ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on
the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-
spread that covers its stained sagging cush-
ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier
mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore
afraid when hersquos like this and they should be
Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that
hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what
if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
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Oregon Humanities36
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities34
dead or at least not living just existing on the
edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story
Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom
suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am
afraid of being killed
I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to
make a home The china teacups that I str ung
together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks
in the window like a mobile The plants my
booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the
sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the
bed my dad and I refinished before I left home
The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday
The fifteen years of history we have together
one year short of half my life tonight not all of
it bad He is no monster just a man struggling
wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to
face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo
He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo
He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo
Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He
screams them at me knowing how in the past
these are the very words that made me cling to
him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go
Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but
this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest
the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about
his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does
Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom
seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man
Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried
to help for his own good right This man Irsquove
tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody
made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when
I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself
Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the
usual responseI know three things tonight Number one
If I stay this will be my life until I die Number
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities36
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities36
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548
45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
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Oregon Humanities36
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
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37 FallWinter 2015 Move
M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN
he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline
somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and
believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he
turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean
for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees
in rows
My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home
at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York
City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for
rows of buildings
ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says
In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark
skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the
Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n
My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I
met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo
My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too
often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance
of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He
was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister
a year later
My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my
father a suit They seem happy in the picture
Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put
half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband
My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years
My grandmother died
All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a
life rocked with waves
P A I G E
V I C K E R S
JASON ARI AS
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities38
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have
let that slip through thecracksrdquo
My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes
My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why
Grandma was hiding
Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here
To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-
vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where
we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We
have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions
We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo
We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo
I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened
My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next
closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed
a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time
tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the
process
Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends
Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his
giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist
until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again
We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in
the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-
ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-
lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be
Ama zons)
The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door
I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour
feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean
ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said
We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not
about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same
ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As
kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon
I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower
water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the
high tide after being beached again and again
One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom
decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia
One of my new Olympian friends flicked a
match that started a fire inside my mattress I
tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking
Mom came home and we put the burning
bed outside
This isnrsquot a metaphor
I slept on the floor of my bedroom that
night missing the ocean of Grayland while my
mom and sister shared their bed in the room
next to mine The next morning my mattress
was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-
ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a
popular song on the radio at the time One of us
would start singing the lyrics
How can we dance when our earth is turning
and then wersquod all join in
How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh
But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame
Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-
land That no matter how many times we
were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty
porous flotation device on which to try to
reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe
even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the
way we did as something gia nt and limit less
something to be feared and conquered some-
thing to be moved by
In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a
flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called
my name and the light receded back down the
hall disappearing into the living room and
slipping out the front door
We discovered that the flickering light had
left wax shapes on the carpet of our living
room that could have been bad pentagrams or
the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It
left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot
take any money It left us wondering if some
past boyfriend had found us somehow
Whi le we were out the next day somebody
hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment
door Mom winced at the divots denting the
wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing
mechanism once was with her hand
We left the dishes in the sink
We left no forwarding address
We boarded a bus
Two days later we were on the doorstep of
the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with
a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my
backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548
45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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39 FallWinter 2015 Move
in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever
received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer
trophies in the other
At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude
who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-
thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been
there were two concave smooth-skinned div-
ots She was always smiling I liked watching
how Jude listened
Before long the four of us moved into an
apartment between Portland and Gresham It
was right on the MAX line and right on the city
line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-
landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign
that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block
to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch
my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but
Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the
perfect space for her She said it was easier for
her to know where everything was in a smaller
environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond
than an ocean
One day Jude brought her new boyfriend
home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo
ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said
Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor
and said ldquo White peoplerdquo
I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was
wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what
ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to
a blind person
Red is the rage in your gut
White is the entrapment of the disabled
One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend
and her room became a closet again
We saw her a little and then not at all
Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to
Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally
almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of
my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday
cards and pictures that were inside it
Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-
day cards away
My wife and I began archiving our new fam-
ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with
the rest of them Our sons grew I became an
uncle My grandfather remarried and went
crazy My mother still has the same smile she
had when I was young
Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a
bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple
of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary
There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help
you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear
Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie
each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out
If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads
directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end
points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably
guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock
between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled
and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long
by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of
human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of
the Mayan calendar
In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and
I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of
the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam
When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-
land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else
ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says
one night while wersquore lying in bed
And I do
I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that
had to happen I listen to our breath
In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I
make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My
finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving
And then the line disappears
And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and
falling together
Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the
Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life
Poems and Stories of the Dead
If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between
Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4448
Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548
45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
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Oregon Humanities40
READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts
One hundred moves and not one of
them associated with the military
a job or being on the run
The Ledger
Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G
through a yard sale I picked up an old
ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-
ance Company of New York A large thin hard-
bound ledger black with a red spine eleven
inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by
insurance agents to track insurers and their
policies all entries written by hand There was
only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty
cents the rest of the pages were blank After
years of treasuring its antiquity but making
no entries of my own I tore the one used page
out and decided to start tracking al l my moves
before my memory lost track I sat down and
recorded all the moves I remembered over one
hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my
parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them
associated with the military a job or being on
the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-
derlust and exploration then relationships
and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad
landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just
being unable as a single parent to bear the rent
and high heating bills Once my oldest son and
I landed in a decent house that could hold us
indefinitely After three months I was drawn to
cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted
to gather them touch them fill their empti-
ness with our lives When I realized what was
going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in
that house for two years then moved to Hawai i
Now the kids are grown the grandkids are
teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos
no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-
foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a
semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided
me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she
said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo
As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot
out of my feet and sink into the ground I was
so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here
three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot
want to move
What have I lea rned th rough al l these
moves Adaptability being and living in the
now and that there is glory in both staying and
moving but it is much easier and cheaper to
stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland
Out of the Nest
I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E
back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze
tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last
time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex
where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs
Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot
stepped inside the apartment for eight months
To do so would risk my life
ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-
tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February
I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following
weekmdashfor six months
Left behind with Michael were our surro-
gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy
and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned
starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier
It was last October when I first developed
symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-
ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4148
41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4248
Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4348
43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4448
Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548
45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4148
41 FallWinter 2015 Move
This is where the plates layers of crust
crashed into each other in a fiery show
perhaps tens of thousands of years ago
Soon breathing was excruciating I took
shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain
Paralyzing fatigue set in
My endocrinologist suspected chronic
obstructive pulmonary disease which made
little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I
began scouring descriptions of lung conditions
Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity
pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung
Relief and terror flooded in
If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-
monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a
terminal condition in which scarring causes
respiratory failure within three to five years
Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif
caught early But the solution is drastic We
would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-
ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even
be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the
parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would
have a new ending
Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms
lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper
grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-
pice moments before plummeting
Today we are moving the last of our belong-
ings into our first house The kitties and birdies
have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed
While I cannot hold my babies I watch them
on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the
two-way speaker
From rescue feedings to teenage angst to
nighttime vigils during illness in caring for
these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging
from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety
Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey
take their first tentative steps toward flight
Today I learned the most painful lesson let-
ting go
MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene
Subduction Zones
T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK
were on an af ternoon in early Septem-
ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for
the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper
and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our
ankles
Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-
berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend
and is directly responsible for the creation of
Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back
then one that I sometimes imagined looked
like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus
Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of
the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale
their name suggests but the result of plates
shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-
tion led to the formation of the trio This is
where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into
each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-
sands of years ago Subduction zones are places
where great trauma lies
And here I was all these years later in the
shadows of these mountains loss everywhere
Later that day back at our apartment we
walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit
into anymore For more than a year we went
through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern
Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that
followed us Then one day our four-year-old
daughter started a conversation that shook me
ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo
I nodded
ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so
sadrdquo
Six words leapt at me
ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo
We moved back to Ash land where brig ht
red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-
hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot
know it then but we were charting our own
map however imperfect Healing crept up on
us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-
ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew
Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng
up the darkness Seventeen years passed
And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most
folks want to flee helps you see things more
clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in
its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along
VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4248
Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4348
43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4448
Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548
45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4248
Oregon Humanities42POSTS
continued from previous page
Just to
underscore
how settled we
planned to be
we unpacked
EverythingEven the
heirloom china
which had never
before left its
boxes We were
here to stay
Dance Church
SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I
go to church Dance church A church
where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers
to recite A church where at first glance outsid-
ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon
arriving I see a few little munchkins running
around with oversize neon headphones on to
protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music
set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with
rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors
There are flowers candles pillow puddles
beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some
kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in
alignment with the morningrsquos intention
As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s
become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-
tainer in which I can move once again after
years of chronic freezing and dissociating A
trapped animal released back into the wild
wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom
in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism
evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with
anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our
spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist
The music awakens the holy spirit within
me and dances me through throngs of people
I am an antelope cut loose checking out the
creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns
bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms
Each stunning in their authentic movement I
see people falling in love with each other from
a distance I see a girl rocking four different
Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed
like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands
ldquopracticing dancingrdquo
This is the church of Miriam the biblical
tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of
years later I move here and I am reunited with
my self my best self my most curious mischie-
vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self
Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten
invited back in the room to whip her hair back
and forth I throw my head back in delight and
laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like
hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form
of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music
EMILY I BEDAL Portland
Again
M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R
upwardly mobile engineer That trans-
lated into at least one move per year until I was
eight and another address for high school I
moved every year in college one year twice I
moved three times during my first stint in Bos-
ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-
ment for the whole two years Then it was back
to Boston where I lived in five different homes
in five years
Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for
the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe
two years back East then back to New Mexico
in two different cities three different homes
Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates
what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo
From Albuquerque we moved to our present
home in Port Orford my thirt ieth
Moving has always been exciting cathar-
tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books
by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally
donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-
ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated
magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets
ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit
thatrsquos never happened In each new house
wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos
never worked
We vowed Port Orford would be our final
ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore
how settled we planned to be we unpacked
Everything Even the heirloom china which
had never before left its boxes We were here
to stay
Except it seems wersquore going to have to move
again but not for the exciting futures wersquod
always envisioned before Now we need doctors
and hospitals and a nearby airport for family
visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is
on the other side of adventure Now we need a
place to feel safe secure
So the sorting and throwing out is about to
begin yet again There are closets and drawers
that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to
dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of
booksmdashto give away This move exciting No
way The very thought of it exhausts me
Still those other feelings cathartic freeing
new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4348
43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4448
Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548
45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4348
43 FallWinter 2015 Move
Next theme Root
For the Spring 2016 issue tell
us your stories about rooting
around taking root being
uprooted or root-bound getting
to the root of a problem being
the root of the problem rooting
someone on Share stories and
ideas about beginnings origins
and foundations Analyze a
historical or contemporary
grassroots effort Describe
the tension between staying
put and being stuck Send your
submission (400 words maxi-
mum) by February 15 2016 to
postsoregonhumanitiesorg
Submissions may be edited for
space or clarity
Listen to Your Body
I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y
motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease
Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit
and spot-on timing Though she was confined
to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was
still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her
sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-
cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone
have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but
aching joints diminished strength and a fal-
tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back
Those maladies werenrsquot the result of
chronic disease More like lack of exercise At
some point in the past decade or so I developed
an aversion to any fitness routine That choice
has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo
class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community
Center
Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the
center for the past thirty-six years teaches
the dance-infused workout three days a week
Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at
the core of each class She dispenses praise as
we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform
deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements
and she encourages each of us to breathe and
listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably
youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying
ballet seriously By then her versatility as an
actress singer dancer and comedian had been
evident in community theater productions in
the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although
not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few
years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe
continues to lead a full life She can still stand
and press her palms flat to the floor despite
relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip
notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg
and stretch at the barre
A role model for agi ng wit h presence and
dignity Lynn maintains her considerable
charm and elegance and purposely keeps her
body and mind active Like my mother she
is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has
inspired me to accept what my body can do
today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow
Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for
getting up in the morning And by some mea-
sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE
Portland
Over the Hill
I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D
eleven times in three years I worked spring
through fall as a natural history guide in
Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure
where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned
into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply
moved around A lot With each new tempo-
rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked
clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was
nothing
At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the
person who would become my life partner
another seasonal worker We would move from
Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We
lived one magical off-season on a houseboat
on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the
ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught
me I loved wide-open spaces What could be
wider than the Pacific A fter one more season
of guiding I came back to the coast and decided
to stay
I volunteered my way into one steady job
and eventually landed another at the local
college After a few more seasons my partner
came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota
and we bought another together He built a
business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our
hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and
had a child Wersquod officially settled down
The economic hardships of rural living
however are real job opportunities decline
and can no longer support the life wersquove built
The accumulation of years no longer fits into
the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner
took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast
and we lived as a split family The split was tax-
ing though so we decided to make the move
to the city We left the first community of our
adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven
ourselves The only community our daughter
has even known Friends asked me not to go
Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart
still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the
sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes
at the memory of that moon over Tillamook
Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot
nothingmdashitrsquos every thing
NANCY SLAVIN Portland
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4448
Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548
45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4448
Oregon Humanities44
Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm
LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015
This intertwined story of two
teenage girls and their mothers
is set in New Orleans during
and after Hurricane Katrina
In her debut novel Urbani an
Oregon writer with Southern
roots brings a maternal touch
to the narrative handling trag-
edy with a careful soulfulness
and love This honest yet brutal
story will simultaneously break
and warm your heart
mdashAnnie Kaffen
At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015
Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French
Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the
Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural
French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-
tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans
and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a
snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland
Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015
Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the
Oregon physician and radicalrsquos
extraordinary experiences
from her early years working in
a textile mill in New Bedford
Massachusetts through her
activist years in Oregon includ-
ing a three-year term at San
Quentin State Prison Equi lived
openly as a lesbian beginning in
the 1890s and was one of the
first practicing female doctors
in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and
compassion for others with a
strong personal belief in social
and economic justice
mdashCarole Shel lhart
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548
45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548
45 FallWinter 2015 Move
People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015
This debut collection from
Portland writer Margaret
Malone is filled with brief
bitterly funny stories about the
sort of people who tie them-
selves in knots in their heads
and feel uncomfortable in their
own skin and can never quite
bring themselves to say the
words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point
includes all of us
mdashBen Waterhouse
The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015
Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer
The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with
Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research
for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the
first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of
revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced
a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer
in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he
writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo
mdashMaggie Starr
To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for
Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon
Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205
Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe
Sasquatch Books 2015
Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter
Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt
to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography
in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers
a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden
rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance
sounds smells and much more
mdashBen Waterhouse
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648
Oregon Humanities46
Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson
February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum
1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg
CROPPINGS
Wendy Red Star Untitled
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748
Oregon Humanities programs are
funded by the National Endowment
for the Humanities and the Oregon
Cultural Trust and by contributions from
individuals foundations community
organizations and corporations For
more information about Oregon
Humanities or to learn how you can help
more Oregonians get together share
ideas listen think and grow please
contact us at
921 SW Washington Street Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax
(503) 241-0024
ohmoregonhumanitiesorg
oregonhumanitiesorg
Staff
e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r
Adam Davis
facilitation and tra ining manager
Rachel Bernstein
communicationsprogram associate
Eloise Holland
editorassociate director
Kathleen Holt
development director
Kamla Hurst
program officer
Annie Kaffen
office manager
Mikaela Schey
director of finance and oper ations
Carole Shellhart
development associate
Maggie Starr
communications associate
Ben Waterhouse
program coordinator
Kyle Weismann-Yee
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR
7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move
httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848
Board of Directorsch a i r
Sona Karentz Andrews Portland
v ic e ch a i r
Janet Webster Newport
tr e a s u r e r
Jeff Cronn Portland
secretary
Matthew Boulay Salem
Paul Duden Portland
Kimberly Howard Portland
Nels Johnson Portland
Emily Karr Portland
Shannon Mara Bend
Win McCormack Portland
Alberto Moreno Portland
Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego
Ron Paul Portland
Denise Reed Astoria
Chantal Strobel Bend
Dave Weich Portland
Oregon Humanities
921 SW Washington St Suite 150
Portland OR 97205
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
Non-profit Org
US Postage
PAID
Permit No 1274
Portland OR