Collaborative Leadership

Paul Schmitz@paulschmitz1

www.leadinginsideout.orgwww.collectiveimpactforum.org

2 2Leadership in

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Leading During a Pandemic1. It’s OK to not be OK

2. Lean into Empathy at home and work

3. Practice Self Care

4. It’s OK if you are off strategy

5. Address special needs of vulnerable populations

6. Advocate to ensure racial equity in response and recovery

7. Learn, adapt, and create new “normal”

Common Agenda

Collective ImpactBackbone Staff

Shared Measurement

Aligned Action

Continuous Engagement

Clear Strategy Guides Clear Commitments

Form Follows Function

Culture Eats Strategy for Breakfast

An action many can take, not a position few can hold1Taking responsibility to work with others on common goals2

Practice of values that engage commitment from others3

Start with Self

Build Trust

Empathy

Difficult Conversations

Warm up: Leadership Styles1. What?

Purpose

2. Why? Influences

3. How? Values

4. Assets, Needs Support

Who are you?

Adding It Up1. Purpose: The difference I want to make is building, supporting, and connecting

diverse leaders working for just and equitable results

2. Influences: This is important to me because I need to pay forward the leadership opportunities and mentorship that I’ve received

3. Values: As a leader, I hope to be asset-based, inclusive, collaborative, adaptive, and accountable

4. Assets: Self-awareness, consultative, strategic, connecter, synthesizer, practical, communication

5. Support: As a leader, I need help when I’m being impatient, talking too much, too much in my head, procrastinating, and avoiding conflict

Start with Self

Build Trust

Empathy

Difficult Conversations

Building and Repairing Trust1. Be sincere and reliable: Do what you promise

2. Acknowledge others’ assets and gifts. People trust feedback and motives more when they feel valued

3. Clarify and confirm expectations: don’t confuse unfulfilled promises with unfulfilled expectations

4. Invite feedback and test your interpretations and assumptions: ask for others’ perspectives

5. Ask for help and check in: People often delegate more when they know they will be consulted if there are challenges

6. Judge people as individuals not by their groups, backgrounds, organizations

7. Own mistakes, failures, unfulfilled promises (and history)

Adapted from Building Trust: In Business, Politics, Relationship and Life by Solomon and Flores

Build Trust in a Group1. Build relationships – get to know each other as individuals and acknowledge each other’s

assets and value to the group

2. Clarify roles, responsibilities, and expectations – what will people be accountable for?

3. Define shared values and groundrules – keep them in front of the group

4. Facilitate intentional, transparent, and fair meetings that support inclusion and accountability

5. Name and negotiate interests among members

6. Surface elephants in the room, learn to have difficult conversations

Start with Self

Build Trust

Empathy

Difficult Conversations

Empathy

Empathy Skills

1. See the world as others see it, perspective taking: Understand others’ mental models, leadership or personality styles, differing interpretations. Be aware of power and privilege.

2. Be nonjudgmental: We judge where we are most susceptible to shame. We don’t judge in areas where we feel a strong sense of self worth and grounded confidence.

3. Understanding another person’s feelings: Must be in touch with our feelings. Recognize and name emotions.

4. Communicate your understanding of another person’s feelings: “What I hear you say is…” Get under the surface. Become the listener and student, not the knower.

5. Mindfulness: Pay attention, listen actively (body language and verbal cues, paraphrase back, ask questions, share what is coming up for you)

Dare to Lead, Brené Brown, 2018

Empathy is about connection not fixing. It is not about connecting to an experience, but about connecting to the emotions that underpin an experience.

It is about being with someone in their darkness, not racing to turn on the light so we feel better.

Empathy Misses

1. Sympathy vs Empathy: Feeling for them instead of with them. “I feel sorry for you.”

2. Confirm their shame by gasping or awkward silence.

3. Knock them off their pedestal. “I am surprised that someone like you could do that.”

4. Find someone to blame: Who else can we blame? Judge and be pissed at someone else.

5. Minimize: “It’s not that bad. You are awesome.” Hustling to make it better so I can get out of my discomfort hearing it instead of hearing and connecting to their emption

6. Compare: One up their suffering. You think that’s bad…

Start with Self

Build Trust

Empathy

Difficult Conversations

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Mental Models & Ladder of InferenceTake Action

Adopt Beliefs

Draw Conclusions

Make Assumptions

Interpret Meaning

Select Data

Observable Data

FamilyFaith

NeighborhoodCommunity

FriendsLife Experience

TeachersClassesLeadersMedia

TV/MoviesMusicBooks

Social Media

Chris Argyris , Harvard Business School and Peter Senge, The Fifth Discipline

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Difficult Conversations1. Balance Inquiry & Advocacy• “My Truth” to “my Perception,”• Blame to Contribution, • Intention to Impact

2. Share my story:• Walk up my ladder• Own my emotional and

identity stakes

3. Listen to their story• Walk up their ladder• Ask questions• Paraphrase back

4. Create a Bridge Story• Treat both stories as legitimate

and work on the difference between the two stories