Movie Choice Essay Part B - FeedbackPreparation for Rough DraftHeres what I noticedMost papers simply gave a summary of the movie.Most papers did not connect to the heros journey.The FOCUS of your writing was the connect the events of your movie TO the heros journey.Some thesis statements discussed their main characters as EPIC heroes, which is incorrect.Solets practice.

Most students missed the following:Topic Sentences (TS)Topic sentence should include the overview of the entire paragraph, not just the first stageExample: The first few stages of the heros journey can be seen at the beginning of Thor. instead of The ordinary world of Thor begins in Asguard.Specific examples from the movie (MEx)Explanation that connected example to heros journey (MExp)Thesis Statement that was both:A single sentenceMarried the purpose for writing (understanding the heros journey) with the topic (your individual movie and hero)Check your topic sentencesPretend at the start of this paragraph, there is an invisible question: How will your movie show the process of the heros journey?Do they have the purpose for writing represented? (The heros journey)Is your title or hero mentioned?Check your body paragraphDid you use the actual stages from the heros journey in your writing?Did you explain how whatever you mentioned from the movie connected to the heros journey?Lets watch this narrated clip from Thor based on the heros journey

Now, lets discuss the stages!Your paper should include the following for EACH STAGE:A sentence (detail) or two that explains where or how each stage is represented in your movie using the specific name of the stage. (Ex: Thors ordinary world is Asguard. This is where he grew up and it is all he knows.) This part seems to be the majority of what you guys wrote. There must be more! With just this sentence, your reader (me) cannot envision this without having seen the movie.)A specific example from the movie that gives us an example of the key parts of the ordinary world. Use reference statements! (Ex: In the movie, Thors father Odin mentions that the day will come that either Thor or his brother Loki will rule Asguard, and Thor seems to only be concerned with war part of being a king.)An explanation of how your example relates to the current stage of the heros journey. (Ex: This shows that Thor is unaware as a hero, because his reaction shows that he does not know what all goes into being a king.)These two steps were missing from the majority of your papers!How should I format the quotes? Think of the Quote SandwichFirst, you have to introduce the quote. This is your top piece of bread.Second, use the quote. This is the good stuff in the middle of your sandwich.Third, analyze the quote. This is your bottom piece of bread.This is the detail from your outline

This is the direct example from your movie

This is your explanationHow do you use quotes an essay?Think of the parts of the sandwich!

Bread on top Introduce quote

Good stuff Actual Quote in the middle Commentary on quoteBread on bottom

RACEHow should I format the quotes? Think of the Quote SandwichSo to change a descriptive statement to a quote, I would do this:Original Sentence - In the movie, Thors father Odin mentions that the day will come that either Thor or his brother Loki will rule Asguard, and Thor seems to only be concerned with war part of being a king.Make sure to have a reference statement, and add any details to help the reader understand the quote. Also, add a comma before the quote, because #grammargameproper!After the quote, if you need to add information, use a comma (outside the quotation marks) and continue writing.In the movie, Thors father Odin mentions, The day will come that one of you will have to defend us, and Thor seems to only be concerned with war part of being a king.From the first few slides, this is what the first part of our paragraph will look like:The first few stages of the heros journey can be seen at the beginning of Thor. Thors ordinary world is Asguard. This is where he grew up and it is all he knows. In the movie, Thors father Odin mentions, The day will come that one of you will have to defend us, and Thor seems to only be concerned with war part of being a king. This shows that Thor is unaware as a hero, because his reaction shows that he does not know what all goes into being a king.RACELets look at another narrated clip(After the kingdom has been attacked, and defeated by Frost monsters, Thor is pretty upset. NOTE: His call to adventure is the selection of the new king of Asguard, a position he has wanted since he was a child.)

Thor is supposed to respond as a wise king, but instead responds as a foolish warrior. In the movie, ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________. This is his refusal of the call, because ________________________________________________________________________________.

CP 4 minutes!What did you come up with?Thor is supposed to respond as a wise king, but instead responds as a foolish warrior. In the movie, ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________. This is his refusal of the call, because __________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.Now, look at your own outlineDo you see why your part A is so important? It should have the details that you need in order to give a detailed example from your movie.Lets correct your first body paragraph. Add in the components youre missing for ALL of the stages that are being discussed.10-20 minutesSummarizingWhat is the purpose for your writing?How am I (the reader) supposed to know which stage is being discussed?Any part of the movie that is mentioned should be followed by what?HomeworkCorrect your body paragraphs. Each paragraph should have all components included.Write this on your own paper (this is the beginning of your rough draft).I suggest you skip spaces between your lines so that if you need to edit or add, you can write above or beneath the necessary lines.During your WACC appointment, talk over your thesis statement, attention grabber, and concluding sentences. Most of the re-writing (and not just editing) is needed there.