mojo - spring bridal planner 2013

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M o r n i n g J o u r n a l • B r i d a l P l a n n e r 2 0 1 3 • F r i d a y, J a n u a r y 2 5 , 2 0 1 3 • 3

Choosing your flowers is one of the most excitingparts of wedding planning. But before you make any deci-sions, there are a few points you'll want to consider. Usethis step-by-step wedding flower guide to get started.

1. Find the Right Wedding FloristBefore you venture out and start the meet-and-greets

with selected florists, think about the type of person youwork well with. Do you want someone who's going tograb the buds by the stems and take control? Or are youlooking for someone who wants you to guide them everystep of the way? A combination of both? You'll also needto get a good idea about design tendencies (and if theymatch yours) -- insist on seeing a portfolio before youcommit. Talk to friends and relatives who recently gotmarried and find out who they used. Check out the list-ings in The Knot Local Wedding Resources of greatflorists in your area. If you find someone you don't knowor haven't heard of, be sure to check out the companywith the Better Business Bureau where you can find out ifanyone has had problems with them in the past.

2. Consider Your Wedding Flower BudgetThis one is a no-brainer. Figure that eight percent of

the total wedding cost will go to flowers -- from the bou-quets and boutonnieres to the ceremony, cocktail hour,and reception decor. At the start of your first meeting, askstraight out: What great things can you do with$__________? (Don't get sucked into $5,000 worth of flow-ers and then let your florist know that your bottom line is$2,000.) And remember: There's a lot of stuff to consider,so don't be surprised if you end up spending more. So wesuggest you pad in an extra 10 percent.

Need to adjust some numbers? Figure out your wed-ding budget.

3. Establish a VisionHave a general idea about your taste. Are you a true

minimalist? Or are you looking to do an uber-romanticGatsby-style wedding? Create a file of magazine tear-outs -- and not just bridal pics. Lifestyle shots, colors, and fash-ion photos will all help give your florist a clear idea of yourloves and love-nots. And don't forget shots from friends'weddings. Maybe you flipped over the centerpieces, buthated the bouquets. Now's the time to bring it up (to yourflorist, of course, and not your friend).

4. Consider Your Reception Site SpecificsThis is a biggie. Think of your reception site as a blank

canvas on which the florist will create her masterpiece. Isthere bright red wallpaper that she needs to consider? Isit a botanical garden that won't need much floral accent?Or are you starting with a clean, empty loft that will needlots of work? Bring along some sort of photo (a press kitor pamphlet) in case she's never worked a wedding therebefore, and ask her to visit the site to get an idea of its sizeand style.

5. Create a Wedding Color ConceptDon't even think about visiting a florist without know-

ing what your bridesmaids, groomsmen, and moms arewearing. There's literally no point -- you can't pick anyflowers if you don't know what colors will work. On theflip side, you won't know what colors your flowers comein without knowing which flowers you want. First tacklethe attire, then choose your ideal color palette and make alist of your favorite flowers, and then see if your florist canaccomplish both.

6. Consider Your Wedding DressAt this point, you should have already picked out your

gown, seeing as that will dictate what kind of bouquet youshould carry. While you might not think so, florists basemany decisions on the bride's gown -- how ornate it is,whether it's white or cream, if it's classic or contempo-rary, and so on. Most florists think of the wedding dress

as the centerpiece of the day, so this will give her a goodidea of where you're going with the wedding style.

7. Map Out Your Wedding StyleYour style is different than your vision. Are you look-

ing to carry a very dramatic, long bunch of flowers or atight posy of blooms instead? Do the same thinking aboutthe other people in the wedding party: Should Mom weara corsage or carry a nosegay? Should the bridesmaidscarry a single stem or a tussy mussy? Style will also affectprice accordingly, as well as the choice of flowers that willor won't work in the type of bouquet you're eyeing. Atussy what? Brush up on your bouquet lingo.

8. Size Up Your CrowdDon't listen to your groom -- size does matter! How

many people are you planning on having to the weddingcelebration? That number will determine how manytables and, consequently, how many centerpieces you'llrequire. How many attendants will you have to outfit withflowers: groomsmen, bridesmaids, flower girls? This willdramatically impact the price. On the other hand, if youare requiring fewer than average centerpieces, you maybe able to get those orchids flown in from China that youswore you couldn't live without.

9. Get Everything in WritingAll the work you will do to get this far will mean noth-

ing if you don't have it all in writing. So make certain thatyour florist drafts a contract, specifically stating the flow-ers you're going to have, how many bouquets you'll need,price, and what time you can expect her to arrive on theday of the wedding.

Don't hesitate to include the things you absolutelydon't want, as well. That way, you'll have recourse if yourflorist doesn't come through for you.

9 Steps to perfect wedding flowers


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1. Don't drink wine or eat dark-colored foods like berries.Unless you want to capture a stained smile in your wedding photos, you should avoid

foods that can tint your pearly whites. To get 'em extra pearly, invest in a professionalteeth-whitening service. On a strict budget? "Crest Whitestrips work magic!" says Melis-sa Roshan of Make-Up by Melissa Roshan in Columbus, Ohio. "Start any whiteningregime about onemonth before the wedding."

2. Don't tan.Not only are you putting yourself at risk of skin damage, but getting too dark a tan

can look unnatural in wedding photos. Especially if it's a spray tan gone wrong. "Nothingsays Jersey Shore more than an orange bride in a white dress," says Hingham, Massa-chusetts, makeup artist Kelly O'Keefe of Blush. "This is one of the worst looks, and it'snot fixable!"

3. Don't get your first-ever bikini wax just before your wedding.If you plan to wax your bikini line, begin the process at least three months before-

hand -- or face the consequences. "Waxing that area becomes less painful each time, andyou'll avoid major pain, swelling, and irritation on your wedding night," says Houstonmakeup artist JenMarine.

4. Don't change your birth control, skin-care program, washing detergent,etc., less than six weeks before the wedding.

Sure, that fabric softener might be on sale, but that new rash you get from it? Hardlya sweet deal. "You don't want to introduce new products because you don't know howyour skin will react," says Los Angeles-basedmakeup artist Elle Leary.

5. Don't get a facial, get your brows waxed, or cut or color your hair twodays or less before your wedding.

"Get these services done a week or so beforehand," says Atlanta-based makeup artistRaney O'Keefe. "Then you have plenty of time to remedy any ‘oopsie-daisies' that mayhappen!"

6. Don't ingest excess sodium the week before the wedding.That means no salty foods, sauces, dressings, or salty deli meats. Instead, choose low-

or no-sodium everything starting at least seven days before the wedding. "Sodium holds50 times its weight in water, so you can shed two to five pounds the week before thewedding just by doing this!" says Liz DiAlto of Fit, Healthy and Beautiful in New YorkCity.

7. Don't flat-iron your hair before a trial or on your big day.That cute, flat-ironed hairstyle you had for your rehearsal dinner is going to wreak

havoc on the curly look you're planning for your ceremony. "If you're aiming for soft,romantic curls on your wedding day, you need to have fresh hair," says Samara Binder ofBridal Beauty Chicago. "That means if you flat-iron your hair the night before, make

sure to wash it out!"

8. Don't sit around in your bra the morning of your wedding.Makeup artist and hair stylist Nicole Francavilla, of Beauty by Nicole in Orange

County, New York, says this is the best way to avoid those unsightly pink indents onyour back and shoulders (especially if you're wearing a strapless dress!). And if you'rewearing your hair up but don't wear your hair up often? "My suggestion is to take anAdvil with your breakfast to eliminate the possibility of an updo headache," she says.

9. Don't skimp on water!Double up on your water intake for at least one month prior to the wedding to keep

your skin clear and glowing. You should also limit the toasting at your prewedding par-ties. "During the rehearsal dinner, try to switch back and forth between alcohol and aglass of water," says makeup artist Adriana Fontes of Adriana Fontes Makeup Design inChandler, Arizona.

10. Don't forget your beauty emergency kit.Trust us -- and hair and makeup expert Megan Garmers (MG Hair and Makeup) --

when we say this will be a lifesaver. Include different sized safety pins, double-sidedsticky tape, a small sewing kit, a small pair of scissors, a bleach pen, bobby pins, hairspray, blotting papers, gum or mints, a razor, deodorant, Band-Aids, a small packs of tis-sue, nail polish remover, clear nail polish, an emery board, a nail clipper, makeupremover wipes, tampons, and anything else you think you might need. "Be prepared forwhat can go wrong so it doesn't ruin your day," Garmers says.

11. Don't forget to touch up!It's okay to be a little high-maintenance -- bring a touch-up bag and actually use the

products at the reception. "You may have hired the best makeup and hair professionalsyou could find, but if you're cutting a rug on the dance floor and drinking Champagnelike France is going dry, chances are you'll break a little sweat and your lip color willwear off," says Chicago-basedmakeup artist Adriana Aude.

12. Don't cry off all your beautiful makeup!Tears will happen, so it's important to know how to weep correctly. "Hold a tissue in

each hand. Then press the tissues in the tear duct and let the tears run into the tissue --and keep changing the tissue," says Catherine Sullivan of Fresh Face Chicago. "Thiskeeps you from rubbing your face and eyes and ruining your beautiful face."

13. Don't forget your makeup artist or hair stylist!Trust us, they want to see how beautiful you looked! "Remember to send at least one

picture to your makeup artist," says Stephanie McKenzie of Stephanie M. Make-Up inthe DC metro area. "Doing so enables your makeup artist to build a fantastic portfolioand, more importantly, your beauty will be showcased for all to see."

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Your wedding cake is the centerpiece of your reception. So take as much care inchoosing one as you would in picking out the perfect wedding dress. Here are some keyquestions to ask your cake baker.

Do you customize wedding cakes?Will the cake baker create a custom cake, or are there set styles to choose from?

Look at photos and actual cakes, if possible. Be sure to bring pictures, fabric swatches,and other resources if you have a custom style in mind.

What are my filling choices?Find out what filling choices are available and what ingredients are used. Whether

you're looking for a fruity filling like strawberry or orange; or a heavier mocha or choco-late, the type of ingredients used will make all the difference in taste. Some common fill-ing ingredients: fresh fruits or purees, Italian buttercream, and farm-fresh buttercream.

If you want to garnish your cake with fresh flowers, find out whether your cakedesigner will work with your florist or you are responsible for the blooms.

How far in advance are wedding cakes prepared?Keep in mind that cake bakers often have more than one cake per weekend to pre-

pare. So don't be surprised if your baker makes your cake three to four days prior toyour wedding day. Of course, the closer to your wedding date the better.

Who will bake my wedding cake?Some bakeries house a baker and a designer; at other places, one person creates the

entire cake from batter to sugar flowers. Find out howmany people work with the bakerand who exactly will be making yours. Whether it's a single person or a team of people,however, the number involved should have no bearing on the quality of your cake.

How are your wedding cakes priced?It's common for wedding cakes to be priced by the slice. And the price will increase

depending on the complexity of flavors and fillings you're after. This goes for custom-designed cakes as well. Themore intricate the details, the higher the cost.

Does the wedding cake price include the top tier?Depending on the baker, the top tier may or may not be included in the overall price.

Find out the cake baker's policy, and whether having a top tier will add dollars to yourbill.

What is the delivery process?Some cake bakers will deliver your wedding cake to the reception for an added fee,

while others ask that you have someone pick it up the day-of. Ask the baker how deliver-ies are usually handled, and if you're planning to order a large, delicate, or at all compli-cated cake, know that delivery is well worth the peace of mind.

Is the baker licensed by the state?It may seem like a silly question, but it's worth verifying that your baker is licensed

by the state health department.

Who will cut the cake?Some catering halls refuse to cut the wedding cake unless they bake it themselves.

You may want to consult with your catering hall or venue to make sure you don’t runinto this mishap. Cutting a wedding cake is much more difficult than cutting a birthdaycake.

Questions to ask your wedding cake baker


We get it: Weddings are expensive. But you can cutcosts without anyonemissing, well, what's missing.

Reception1. Cut the guest list. This will slash your catering costs

and save on invitations and even the number of center-pieces.

2. Think off-peak season and save thousands!

3. Hold your ceremony and reception in one spot -- itwill cut travel time for vendors you pay by the hour.

4. Skip the Saturday wedding.

5. Have bigger tables so you need fewer centerpiecesand tablecloths.

6. Shop the off-season for extra decor -- get modern

black vases on sale after Halloween and pretty pink onesafter Valentine's Day.

Flowers7. Usemore greenery than flowers.

8. Swap out costly flowers -- did you know peonies canbe five timesmore expensive than roses?

9. Stick to just one or two kinds of flowers.

10. Buy flowers that are in season.

11. Include non-florals, like lanterns.

Food & Drink12. Serve entree duets.

13. Skip the main course -- apps and drinks are fine too.

14. Offer beer, wine, anda signature cocktail instead

of a full bar.

15. Serve comfort foods like barbecue chicken, macand cheese, and corn. It's fun and often cheaper.

16. Skip the champagne toast.

Cakes17. Order a small one or two-tiered cake and then sup-

plement cake with a larger sheet cake (hidden back in thekitchen).

18. Keep the add-ons simple.

19. Use fresh flowers, not sugar ones.

20. Reuse ceremony flowers for the cake table.

21. Skip exotic fillings like guava andmango.

Stationery & Favors22. Get single-page invites to save on postage.

Planning your wedding on a budget


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23. Give out one favor per couple.

24. Make your cake the favors.

25. Have favors double as escort cards.

26. Email your save-the-dates.

27. Make your ownmenu cards, escort cards, and wedding favor packaging.

Photo, Video & Music28. Have a photographer you love but can't afford the prices? Ask them if they have

an associate shooter who will do your wedding for less.

29. Opt for a smaller band.

30. Hire a band or DJ who can do both the ceremony and the reception

31. Contact your local music college or conservatory to look for student musicians.Sometimes a student jazz quartet can bemore affordable than an orchestra.


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From flavor to frosting and everything in between, this is the only wedding cake plan-ning guide you'll ever need.

Step 1. Figure Out Your StyleYour cake doesn't have to be white and round. There are so many other choices. To

nail down a design, look to your venue, the time of year and, of course, your personalsense of style. If it's a springtime country-club wedding, you might go for a preppystriped cake with a few pink peony sugar flowers. Modern loft? Then maybe it's a tallcake with thin ribbon trim and a few orchids. As you're deciding on a look, browse tonsof cake photos and save your favorites to show your baker.

Step 2. Learn the BasicsLet's start with cake shapes. Beyond the traditional round cake, there's a slew of oth-

er options. Square cakes are hugely popular -- and a great way to showcase a modernwedding style. But those are just the beginning: We've also seen hexagonal, oval, petal-shaped and even triangle wedding cakes! When it comes to icing, you'll have a numberof choices. Buttercream (made from butter and sugar) is smooth and creamy, and itstays soft -- so it's easy to cut, color and flavor. Fondant is another popular option; it'srolled out before it's draped over the cake and makes a smooth, firm base for decorativedetails.

Step 3. KnowWhere (AndWhere Not) To CutBe prepared to pay anywhere from $1.50 all the way up to $20 a slice and beyond.

And the more complicated the cake, the more you'll pay. Fondant is generally moreexpensive than buttercream, and if you want elaborately molded shapes, vibrant colors

or handmade sugar flowers, you'll pay for the cake designer's time and labor. One cost-cutting option is to order the cake of your dreams made on a small scale for a price youcan comfortably afford, and then order sheet cakes of the same flavor to be cut in thekitchen (some but not all designers will do this). Bottom line: Once you find your baker,you'll want to work with them to come up with a wedding cake design that falls withinyour budget.

Step 4. Search For The Perfect Cake MateOnce you have a sense of cost and a rough idea of the type of cake you're looking for,

it's time to find a baker. Start your research online: Read reviews, search The-Knot.com/cakes for bakers in your area and ask around. Also, your caterer will mostlikely have recs. Once you have your top three bakers in mind, set up appointments tomeet in person and look at their portfolios. You'll discuss the time and place of the wed-ding, the degree of formality, the colors and what your gown is like. You also shouldbring pictures of cakes you like or even swatches of fabric from your table linens.

Step 5. Taste Test!The biggest misconception about wedding cakes is that they're designed to look

good but taste less than fabulous. Far from the cake being just a showpiece, it's what'sinside that counts. When you meet with your prospective bakers, be sure to taste lots ofsamples (forget the diet—this is "research"). You might be surprised to discover it isn'taverage cake.

Top designers are working with complex flavorings such as coconut and Key lime,blood orange and mango, and chocolate-hazelnut and mocha. (Are you drooling yet?)You might also go for flavors based on the season, with heavier combinations like choco-late cake with mocha-praline filling perfect for winter weddings and lighter sponge cakeswith fruits, curds and preserves more ideal for summer affairs.

Step 6. Book Your BakerWhen you think you've met your match, book your baker. Often, a deposit is required

at this time, and you'll also be asked to sign a contract. Before you sign, there are a fewimportant points to tackle: Find out how far in advance the cakes are made prior to thewedding day and who exactly will be baking and decorating your cake (it's not alwaysthe same person). Lock in your cake maker as soon as you can -- some top bakers getbooked up a year in advance.

Step 7. Decide How You'll Display ItHave fun dressing up your cake table: Drape it with fabrics and decorate it with

motifs, colors and flowers to match the cake (your florist can help). And don't settle for ageneric cake stand -- showcase your masterpiece! For a ballroom wedding, place the

Getting the perfect wedding cake

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cake on a tall, traditional cake stand; go for a wooden platform covered in fresh flowersfor a spring garden wedding; or try a sleek, clear acrylic stand for an urban loft wedding.Andmake sure you have a lighting plan:

Surround the cake with tiny votives, hang a canopy with twinkling lights over it orplace a gleaming antique chandelier above it. Finish off the cake table by covering it witha solid or patterned tablecloth.

Step 8. Work Out Delivery DetailsJust as you would with a fine painting, once you've decided exactly how your wedding

cake is going to look, make certain that great care is taken to transport it in one piece tothe reception site. Most cake designers prefer to deliver the cake themselves (or usetheir in-house, experienced delivery team to do the job), and we think paying the extradelivery fee is worth the peace of mind that the cake will arrive to your reception site intop form.

Make certain that your baker has a contact person at the reception site so they cangive the catering manager or event planner any pertinent information on handling thecake -- it might have to be refrigerated or stationed in a cool, out-of-the-way location, andyou'll want to make sure everyone knows the plan.

Step 9. Schedule A Time To Cut ItTraditionally, the cake cutting signifies that the end of the reception is near (and cues

the elder guests that they can politely slip out), so couples typically wait until an hourbefore the party ends to cut it. But if you don't want to interrupt your dance party, cut itat the beginning of the reception right after you make your grand entrance, while alleyes are on you.

Most important, double-check that your photographer has your cake on his shot listso that you get a few photos of the cake (and of you cutting it) for your wedding album.

Step 10. Eat A Piece Of Your Own CakeYou'd be surprised how many couples don't get a chance to eat their own wedding

cake -- don't let that be you! If you don't have time to sit down at the reception and enjoya slice, ask your caterer to save some for you. Share it as a snack that night after thewedding, or taste it at the postwedding brunch. (Leftover wedding cake makes for theperfect menu addition to the day-after brunch dessert!)

Either way, make sure you try it. You deserve to enjoy the cake you worked so hardto help create.

Step 1: Choose Your FavorsStart by browsing bridal magazines, websites and local stores in your wedding locale,

and thinking about memorable wedding favors your recently married friends have givenout. Gather ideas on innovative packaging, sample flavors and find trinkets that catchyour eye. A few ideas to get you started: lemon drops packaged in tiny tin containers fora yellow-infused wedding, decks of cards because he proposed in Vegas, and miniaturecookbooks filled with your favorite recipes to showcase your culinary passion.

Step 2: Get ThemMadeOnce you've come up with a list of favor ideas, you need to decide how you'll get

themmade. Think about your budget, schedule and your favorite favor ideas, and decideif you're going to buy premade favors or make them yourselves. Whatever you decide,just remember that favors should account for around 1 or 2 percent of your budget. Ifyou're going the traditional route with everyone getting one favor, you'll want to multiplythe cost of any potential favors -- plus packaging -- by the total number of guests to makesure they're within your budget.

For more expensive favors, like champagne or gourmet olive oil bottles, consider giv-ing one gift per couple. In this case, you'll want to place the favor between the couple'stwo dinner plates, and tag it with each of their names, or attach favors to the escort cardsand just give each couple a single card and favor. Singles still get their own favors.

Step 3: Package Them UpYou most certainly can judge a favor by its cover. Whether it's edible or a small take-

home gift, presentation is everything. Personalized packaging and a thoughtful displaycan go a long way when it comes to these tiny tokens of appreciation. From colorful box-

es and clear cellophane bags to tiny tin pails and slim silver canisters, your favor packag-ing can, and should, make as much of an impact as what's inside it.

First, find the right size and type of bag, box or other container. Look for containersthat coordinate with your wedding colors. Craft and stationery stores and online event-and bridal-supply retailers offer a vast array of packaging in different patterns. Someoffer custom gift wrapping and will even do the assembling and wrapping for you.

Step 4: Deck Out the DisplayThe final piece of your favor puzzle: deciding how you want to hand them out or dis-

play them for guests to pick up. There are a lot of options for a stylish send-off, depend-ing on the favors you choose. And though they're thought of as parting gifts, favors canbe handed out anytime, from the start of the wedding to the end of the night. Pile themin baskets by the ceremony entrance or on guests' chairs (think parasols to keep themcomfortable on a sunny afternoon) or by the dance floor to help guests get into thegroove (with flip-flops, for example).

Or have your favors ready at the start of the reception by using them as escort cards.Simply attach a tag indicating guest's name and table number to each token -- this worksespecially well for smaller items, like mini potted plants. For an extra-special deliveryduring the party, instruct the waitstaff to pass around bite-size cupcakes or homemademini fruit tarts -- and mini bakery boxes -- on silver trays before the meal or in betweencourses. End the night on a generous note and hand your favors out as guests maketheir exit. Try a heartwarming good-night theme, like a midnight snack: Include a cook-ie, a mini carton of milk and a note that says "Sweet dreams.”

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1. Speak Up During the CeremonyWe've heard the horror stories -- the "Are you sure?" from the minister, the "Don't do

it man" groomsmen comment and the vocal grandmother using her time as reader atthe pulpit to offer her humble opinion. Yikes.

Instead: If you have information on either the bride or groom that could be a relation-ship game changer, the ceremony is not the time to reveal it. Any reservations about therelationship should be brought up in private long before the ceremony.

2. Stick Your Finger in the CakeBelieve it or not, guests do this. There's nothing cute or okay about touching the

piece de resistance of the reception menu. Besides the sanitary factor, wedding cakesare expensive and should only be handled by three people: the bride, the groom and thecaterer.

Instead: It sounds ridiculous and should go without saying, but if you can't get closeto a wedding cake without touching it, don't go near it.

3. Wear WhiteWe don't care if it's the middle of summer and your little white sundress is the most

flattering thing in your closet. Do not, we repeat, do not wear white to someone else'swedding. Most brides have been looking forward to their moment in the spotlight -- asthe only one in white. While it's true no one could possibly upstage the bride, it's consid-ered the ultimate guest dress no-no. The other color to avoid wearing at a wedding?Bright red.

Instead: Colorful tones like pinks, yellows and purples are all fair game. Just stayaway from anything in the white and ivory color family.

4. Use the Wedding to Hook UpYes, it's true, a wedding is a great place to meet other singles -- there's a great venue,

lighting, food, everyone is dressed to the nines -- but please refrain from using the recep-tion like you would a club. In other words, no making out on the dance floor with thebride's cousin or the groom's brother. Do you really want to be that guest?

Instead: Hey, if sparks are really flying, feel free to ask for a number and make a date.

5. Give a Roast ToastJust because you have a microphone in your hand that doesn't give you free rein to

tell the most outrageous college drinking story or reveal what happened in Vegas. It'salso not the time to talk about old boyfriends or reveal the groom's most embarrassinghabits.

Instead: Give your speech the grandma test. If it's not PG-rated and something you'dbe comfortable telling her, it's not wedding reception toast material.

6. Drink Too MuchYour friend's wedding celebration is just that -- it's not a fraternity party. Know your

limit and don't go over it. Making a fool of yourself in front of everyone, falling all overthe place or leaving the party early because you couldn't handle your liquor isn't the wayyou want your best friend's new wife to remember you, is it?

Etiquette - what not to do at a wedding


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Instead: Save the shots for the bachelor party.

7. Let the Kids Run WildYou know the scene: the shrieking kids terrorizing the dance floor during dinner, the

toddler tantrum during the toast, the loud baby screaming over the vows during the cer-emony -- all potentially nightmare situations for the couple getting married, not to men-tion the other guests.

Instead: Confirm that there's child care available at the reception and make arrange-ments, or leave the kiddies at home for the evening.

8. Spill Anything on the BrideThat gorgeous white wedding dress more than likely cost the bride a couple thou-

sand. And while she probably won't have another reason to wear it again, a drink spilledon the wedding dress still ranks as one of the worst mistakes a guest could make.

Instead: You can't be too careful holding a beverage near the bride. If you have a glassof red wine or Coke in your hand, put it down.

9. Hit on the WaitstaffIt might sound crass (because it is), but we've heard plenty of stories of rowdy guests

corralling the waitstaff to dance with them. Not only is it completely inappropriate, it'll bereally embarrassing when the catering manager pulls you aside to file a formal harass-ment complaint.

Instead: Uh, just don't?

10. Tell the DJ to Change the MusicAt your wedding, you get to choose the music. Otherwise, the tunes aren't in your

control. You could end up requesting a song that was on the couple's do-not-play list

(like, say, one with unsettling sentimental feelings attached).

Instead: Unless the bride or groom expressly asks you to talk to the band or DJ abouta song request, keep your song suggestions to yourself.

Getting tipsyand beingobnoxious ata wedding isdefinitely nota wise idea.


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The key to crafting the perfect wedding vows? Just take it one word at a time.

Penning your own wedding vows is no easy task -- it’s like writing poetry, publicspeaking and having the deepest conversation of your life all at once. Putting your prom-ises on paper is an emotional, eye-opening and often extremely memorable experience.Up for the challenge? Here's the homework you need to do (and the questions youshould ask) to make your vows perfect.

Get ClearanceMake sure your ceremony officiant will actually allow personalized vows. Certain cel-

ebrants and houses of worship may require you to recite a specific set of traditionalvows. And remember: Even some of the most accommodating officiants will want toreview your words in advance.

Start EarlyWe can't say this enough: Don't leave writing your vows until the day before the wed-

ding! You'll be too nervous, excited and rattled to give them the time and thought theydeserve. Give yourselves at least a month, or work on your vows in that pocket of timeafter you've set up all your major vendors and before you have to start thinking aboutthe details. Vow writing should be done in a relaxed, not rushed, frame of mind. Someloose deadlines to aim for: Try to get a first draft together about three weeks before thewedding and have your final version completed at least two days out.

Look to TraditionTo get inspired, start by reading traditional, by-the-book vows -- from your own reli-

gion, if you practice a certain faith, but others, as well -- to see what strikes a chord withyou. You can incorporate these into the original words you write, or simply use them as ajumping-off point to base your personalized vows on.

Set the ToneBefore putting pen to paper, decide what overall tone you want to achieve. Humorous

but touching? Poetic and romantic? It's your call -- the most important thing is that yourvows ring true and sound like they're from your heart. One word of advice: While yourvows can be lighthearted (or even hilarious), they should, in some way, acknowledgethe seriousness of the commitment you're about to make. One way to do that is to weavelittle jokes into traditional vows (for example: "I promise to love you, cherish you andalways watch Monday Night Football with you").

Figure Out the LogisticsMake sure you and your fiance are both on the same page. Are you each going to

write your own vows, or will you write them together? If you're writing them separately,will you want to run them by each other before the wedding? If you're writing themtogether, will they be completely different for each of you, or will you recite some of the

12 Tips for writing your own wedding vows


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same words and make the same promises to each other, as you would with traditionalvows? If you want them to be a surprise on your wedding day, make sure you both senda copy of what you've written to your officiant or to one friend or family member so theycan check that your vows are about the same length and similar in tone.

Make a Vow DateWhen it's time to come up with the actual content of your vows, go out to dinner or

set aside an evening at home to brainstorm. Talk about your relationship and what mar-riage means to each of you. Discuss what you expect from each other and the relation-ship. What are you most looking forward to about married life? Why did you decide toget married?

What hard times have you gone through together? What have you supported eachother through? What challenges do you envision in your future? What do you want toaccomplish together? What makes your relationship tick? Answering these questionswill help you make and keep your promises, and talking about your bond may exposeyour inner Wordsworth and help you come up with phrases and stories you can incorpo-rate into your vows.

Schedule Some Alone TimeAfter chatting with your future spouse, take some self-reflection time to think about

how you feel about your partner. What did you think when you first saw them? Whendid you realize you were in love? What do you most respect about your partner? Howhas your life gotten better since meeting your mate? What about them inspires you?What do you miss most about them when you're apart? What qualities do you mostadmire in each other? What do you have now that you didn't have before you met? Youmay be surprised how these answers may lead you to the perfect words.

Steal IdeasBorrow freely from poetry, books, religious and spiritual texts -- even from romantic

movies. Jot down words and phrases that capture your feelings. Widely recognizedworks ring true for a reason.

Create an OutlineAn outline can get you started by helping to establish a structure. For example, plan

to first talk about how great your fiance is and then about how you work together as acouple; pause to quote your favorite writer and then go into your promises to each other.

Remember Your AudienceDon't make your vows so personal that they're cryptic -- or embarrassing! You've

invited your family and friends to witness your vows in order to make your bond public,so be sure everyone feels included in the moment. That means putting a limit on insidejokes, deeply personal anecdotes and obscure nicknames or code words.

Time It RightDon't make them too long -- aim for about one minute or so (it's longer than it

sounds!). Your vows are the most important element of your ceremony, but that doesn'tmean they should go on for hours. Get at the heart of what marrying this person meansto you with your vows; pick the most important points and make them well. Save somethoughts for the reception toasts -- and for the wedding night.

Practice Out Loud (Seriously!)These are words meant to be heard by a live audience, so check that they sound

good when spoken. Read your vows out loud to make sure they flow easily. Watch outfor tongue twisters and super-long sentences -- you don't want to get out of breath orstumble.


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