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nfluencing ofhersa key sk ora

Much is made of the need to improveour communication and, if we arehonest, we can all probably benefitfrom working at doing so!

If we want to develop ourability to influence people,we do need to think about

where our communication skillscan improve. When we haveto make presentations, addressa group with a specific aim orwrite a key proposal or email,we might spend time thinkingabout our message and howwe want to convey it. However,for much of the time we tendto communicate from someform of unconscious awarenessor autopilot. When it doesnot work very effectively, howoften do we 'blame' the otherparty for their response - orlack of one? A good messageto start to live by is 'themeaning of my communicationis the response I get'. Itplaces the responsibility forour communication andinfluencing effectiveness firmlyin one place!

Within our lives, bothat work and outside, weare faced with the needto influence others to dosomething which mightrequire them to change ordo something differently. Formany of us, this challengeof change involves not onlygetting some acceptanceor buy in, it needs theimplementation process tobe completed. In this day andage, the ability to influenceothers more effectively is anessential quality, whetherwe have authority over themthrough our position ornot. Those in managementpositions can opt for a 'tell'approach and it might getsome results. However,they will be seen as betterleaders if they are able toachieve these results throughtheir teams following more

"Where we have no directauthority, the need to develop ourintluencing skills becomes criticalif we want to get results throughand with others"

Graham Yemm is a director of Solutions 4 Training Ltd and has over 20 years experienceworking in the UK and internationally. He works vi/ith organisations of all sizes from large tosmall, helping them to improve their communication, interpersonal and influencing skills.©Graham Yemmwww.solutions4training.com • +44 1483 480656

willingly. Where we have nodirect authority, the need todevelop our influencing skillsbecomes critical if we want toget results through and with

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'There are various approachesto influencing others. Sonne putthe emphasis on the behaviours,and language, ofthe influencer.Others take a more 'scientific' andstructured approach"

others. This applies outsidework too, for most of us.

One of the issues whichimpedes most of us when weneed to influence others, isthat we do not know how todo it! We might have someawareness of the skills we needto use to communicate moreeffectively. We may be doingour best to apply them. Thisdoes not necessarily mean weare going to be influencingothers. When we want to,we might express ourselvesclearly, but without using themost appropriate influencingstrategy or language, we donot succeed in getting theresults we want This oftenleads to one of the other classicproblems when we feel we arenot getting our point across- repeating ourselves, againand again. Why do we feel thiswill work?

The ability to influence issomething we can all improve.There is a proviso to this! Wehave to be willing to developourselves and to change. Aswe learn more about thedifferent ways in which wecan influence, we need torecognise that one of thesecrets is to learn to becomemore flexible in our behaviourand how we want to achievethe results we want. At thesame time, we keep our focuson the aims or results we wantto achieve.

What is influence?The dictionary states: "Powerof producing an effect,especially unobtrusively; effectof power exerted; ascendancy.

often a secret or undue kind."The key elements are thatinfluence is about getting theresults with some degree ofacceptance or co-operation.

There are various approachesto influencing others. Someput the emphasis on thebehaviours, and language, ofthe influencer. Others take amore 'scientific' and structuredapproach. My belief is thatneither is better than theother, nor do they have to bemutually exclusive. The realityis that the more we can learnand understand the skills andthe options, the more tools wehave available to choose from.

In my experience, peoplewho are good influencers havecharacteristics in common, orat least some of them ! Theyhave a good awareness of theirown style and communicationpreferences. They are clear andfirm about the outcomes theywant to achieve and will beflexible in what they need todo to reach these. Finally, they

take time to consider thosethey want to influence andtheir situation and possibleresponse.

Talking tacticsA starting point is to thinkabout our strategy. It makessense to do this beforethinking about our taaics(or behaviours.) An exampleis shown below, which givesseven choices:

• Friendliness: This involvescreating a sense of warmth,support and positive feelingsbetween both parties. Thereis a sense of openness andtrust which makes people feelcomfortable with the situationand any request.

• Empowerment: Allowingothers to have a senseof responsibility for theresults, building a feeling ofconfidence and that we havetrust in them - having givenclear direction. This gives

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a good degree of two-waycommunication and listeningto ideas and concerns.

• Visioning; Creating animage of what the outcomewili be, using elements ofcommon ground wherepossible and engagingemotions to make anappealing outcome.

' Building alliances: Findingcommon interests and areaswhere we can offer help orsupport, before asking for it inreturn.

• Expertise and knowledge:Being the expert, so we canuse information, facts andexperience to reinforce ourmessage and request.

• Bargaining: As it implies- trading to reach agreement,This involves being ableto offer some 'hooks' orincentives, or even pressure, toencourage the others to move.

(We will suggest later, that it isoften more effective to offerour incentive some time beforeasking for what you want.This is the reverse to a typicalcommercial negotiation).

• Positional: Using legitimateauthority to ask for somethingor to tell people what weneed.

Pushing for an outcomeWhen we have chosen whichof these, or a combination,we feel is most appropriate,think about our outcome. Beclear about this, define it asspecifically as we can. Whatelements of it are essential tohave? What parts would we bewilling to move from? Now weknow what we want - whereare the other party? Howfar away? What might theirreaction be to being asked tomove towards our outcome?(Remember to think aboutputting our message acrossto answer the question from

them, "What's in it for me?")Good influencers will alwaysconsider the outcome from theother party's perspective.

There are a number ofspecific methods of influencingothers. One which has been inuse for some time is the ideathat there are two approaches- 'push' or 'puir. The 'push'styles include persuading orasserting. A factor behind eachof these is that they requirea lot of energy! Think abouthaving to move somethingheavy which might also resistand you have the idea. Havingsaid that, there are times wheneither of these is the bestoption.

Persuading involves statingour proposition and thenoffering reasons why wewant this outcome, It is mosteffective when the message isshort, factual and logical.

To apply the persuadingapproach, follow these steps:1. Think through-structure

your approach (make notesto help you!)

2. Explain your aim/outcome3. Acknowledge any downside

(it pre-empts them raising it)4. Give reasons for the aim/

outcome5. State benefits for the

individual6. Get agreement at the end.

Asserting uses three mainbehaviours, stating ouroutcome (clearly!), evaluatingand offering incentives orapplying pressure. In assertingthe expectations, we needto be clear and direct. Givepositive and negative opinions,use incentives and pressuresas appropriate, do not justifyreasons, and do not beaggressive in voice tone orbody language.

To apply the assertingapproach:1. Plan what and how-aim

to be clear and concise withyour message

2. Stay calm and neutral-voice and body

3. State what you want fromthe situation (using 'I ' toown it)

4. Give reasons-withoutinviting a discussion

5. Acknowledge potentialimpact on the other party

6. Check understanding-getagreement.

Pulling in the rightdirectionThe 'pull' styles includebridging and attracting. Thesetend to require less energyon our part! To be effectiveeach of these does need us tooperate with a high degree ofintegrity. Any insincerity willbe quickly spotted.

Bridging does what itsays. It is about buildingconnections and involvingthe other party in the wayforward. The behaviours usedin bridging are: empathising,open communication leadingto involving and supporting,listening and disclosing.

When bridging you mightwant to follow this:1. Think about your aim - and

their position2. State the aim/outcome3. Show you understand their

position and what you areasking them to change orgive up (has to be genuineif you are to have Impact!)

4. Present your case in a waywhich incorporates theirprobable concerns

5. Invite their response andhandle

6. Be willing to adapt yourposition slightly if neededto get agreement.

The second 'pulT style ofattracting means gettingpeople to see things as a 'we'situation. As the influencer, wewant to have others share ourvision or idea of the outcome.It requires energy andenthusiasm from us and totalsincerity and integrity. Whilstit can work with individuals, itcan be powerful with groups,even if it is to only start things

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moving towards our outcome.The steps in attrarttng are:

1. Think about your outcomeand create a compellingimage of it!

2. Make sure you are positiveand enthusiastic about theoutcome {and believe in it!)

3. Paint a positive vuordpicture with a lot of goodreasons for the outcome

4 Deliver your message witbplenty of enthusiasm - andgestures to support it

5. 'Future pace'it by talkingas though it is done

6. Keep the balance betweenenthusiasm and not goingover the top!

"Remember, the secret of a goodinfluencer is to keep the end inmind, rather thon the route"

Although these are shown asbeing different styles, we maycboose to use a combinationfor certain outcomes or people.Remember, the secret of a goodinfluencer is to keep the end inmind, rather than the route!

Developing rapportHaving decided on our strategyand approach, we can help ourcause by getting into rapportwith tbe other party. Thestronger the rapport, tbe moreprobable your success. Think ofrapport as being on tbe samewavelength - and when wehave it, we can communicatemore effectively. Anotherfeeling which rapport can helpcreate is trust. When we feelwe trust someone, we are moreopen to being influenced.

To begin developingrapport, think about the otherparty's position and situation.Then we begin to interact,match and pace them.Matching is about being likethe other - body language,posture, gesture, voice leveland speed of speech to namea few of the characteristics.Pay attention when we are

with people and feelingcomfortable and notice howwe will often be matchingand mirroring without evenbeing aware. Look at otherswhen they are together andpay attention to the 'dance'which happens and how weall mismatch when there is abreakdown in tbe rapport.

For those wbo want a morescientific take on influencing,look at the work of RobertCialdini in 'Infiuence, Scienceand Practice'. He has spentmany years researching whatinfluences people and offersmany empirical examplesto support his case. He basidentified wbat be calls six'principles' which are used bysuccessful influencers. Theywill use one, or more, of tbeseeffectively to achieve theiroutcomes.

The principles are:• Liking: People like tbosewbo are like them - think backto what we mentioned aboutrapport.

• Reciprocity; People willrepay or respond in kindand often feel a sense ofobligation when they havereceived something. Theygive something in return forreceiving - whether in equalamounts or not. You may offerto help someone finish a workproject without specificallyasking for anything in return.However, if you need to askfor help in a couple of weeks,the other party will be morelikely to give it.

• Social proof: Human beingsare not always as individualas we like to think! Haveothers like me supported ordone this? Peer power canencourage others to follow!Use phrase sucb as 'a numberof your colleagues have...' andwe are more likely to get buy-in to your ideas.

• Consistency: People willgenerally support their own

decisions - especially whenmade verbally to someone elseand wben committed in writing.Offer reminders of what theyhave done before which hasbeen successful or effective.

• Authority: Establishexpertise or knowledge- and people will respondto it. People will feel morecomfortable with someonewho is confident and anexpert. Put forward your casefrom a position of strength.

• Scarcity: When somethingis thought to be scarce and inshort-supply, people want it- they have a fear of missingout! Look for opportunities tomake your case with referenceto some element of potentialloss if things do not happen.'Only X days to go if you wantthis.' 'Only five places in theteam.' These can be highlyeffective phrases where wecan introduce tbem.

The issue for any of us wheninfluencing others, istbatthere is no one right way, noreven a best way. As a recentdelegate, who is a very highlyqualified and skilled engineer,said to me. "This workshop isgreat and I am learning a lot-1just wish there was a formulaI could take away and use!" Imust add, he was smiling whenhe said it! Alas, I was not ableto help. What we can all takewith us is an awareness thatthere are many approacheswe can use around a few coreprinciples. Know what is ouroutcome; what is the otherparty's position and probablereaction; think about youroverall strategy; cboose theapproach which you feel mightwork; get into rapport; andthen begin to communicate.From here, notice tbe responseyou are getting and if it is notwhat you want - do somethingelse! Change the approachwhilst keeping tbe outcome inmind. •