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Authentic influencing

Making it easy

Nels Karsvang January 2014.

loos

ing

It is not

abou

t

win

ning

or

Introduction – to the workbook

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The intention with this inspirational workbook is to introduce a sense of a structure that can be used for designing a complete workshop, or just as inspiration to put yourself in the driver’s seat towards being better at authentic influencing.

I hope it will leave you inspired

Nelskarsvang@gmail.com // Linked In

Nels Karsvang, 2014.

First, the workbook is defining, influencing and providing a framework.

Secondly, you are encouraged to work on your own values and connecting them to the framework.

Then you are given 8 additional tools, which are fairly easy to use.

Traditional vs. making it easy

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Traditional / often Making it easy

Start End

Short time Learn Apply

Result

Process Diffi

cult

Easy

Usually a lot of the negotiation and influencing tools are not used in accordance with the intentions of the tools. This often happens because the tools contain long checklists or a lot of process steps if you want to use them as they are intended. What happens is that we can often not remember the long checklist, the many process steps or something happens in the situation that does not comply with the checklist or long process that the tool demands. One consequence is that we forget the tool – and consequently stop using them.

The reasoning behind this workbook is that it will benefit you much more to have some easy-to-use tools. Tools, which can be freely applied in any situation where you need to influence or negotiate. Connecting the tools to your values will secure that you use them in an authentic way. It will save you energy and time in the preparation phase, and it will allow you to be more flexible and present in the given situation. It will not make you come out as winner and that is also not the goal – but it will help you secure an outcome where all involved can leave with high integrity and trust.

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What is influencing

To have an effect and/or

flow into actions, events and persons.

Inspired by: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. And John Dewey 1859 - 1952 American philosopher, psychologist and pragmatist.

In essence a result* of a cause

In essence a process -moving along.Flow into

Effect

*This result does not only come from Cause and effect relations, it could be abductive, neural or other non logical patterns of inference/reasoning.

What is influencingA frame to balance and be aware of - where do you spend your energy.

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The effect when influencing is about doing something that has a result on actions, events and persons. At the same time it is about moving actions, events and persons along. In others words creating results when you are in movement.

Comments:The framework is not about enhancing one domain over another but it is about knowing when you are finding yourself where in the framework, and how your values makes you act and react in each of the four domains.

Furthermore, it is about knowing where you are and then to identify what actions, events or persons will need in order for you to influence them.

And you are most likely able to make the right influence when you are in the balanced domain – keeping in mind that the actions, events and persons could call for one of the others domains.

Effect focus

Moving along

Effect focused

Winner – loser paradigm

Flexible, value- oriented and

aware

Balanced Process focused

Lost, bigger picture or investigating

Being on hold

Bored, relaxed or stressed

Nels Karsvang: Authentic influencing framework. 2013.

Identifying your core values

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Your values

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Your values

Identifying your core valuesUsing the MBTI framework

Understanding Yourself and Others: An Introduction to the 4 Temperaments-4.0: Linda V. Berens

Identifying your core values

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Your values

Schwartz, S.H. (1992). Universals in the content and structure of values: theoretical advances and empirical tests in 20 countries. In M.P. Zanna, ed. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 25. Orlando: Academic Press, pp. 1-65.

Flexible, value oriented and

aware

Balanced

Core values used to authentic influencingPutting your vales into play – increasing your ability to be in each domain in an authentic way.

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Effect focused

Winner – looser

paradigm

Process focused

Lost, bigger picture or investigating

Being on hold

Bored, relaxed or stressed

What is important for you in order to be bored in an authentic way

What is important for you in order to be relaxed in an authentic way

What is important for you in order to ‘stay in’ the stress of being on hold?

What is important for you in order to see the bigger picture in an authentic way?

What is important for you in order to be the investigator in an authentic way?

What is important for you in order to ‘stay in the feeling of’ being lost?

What is important for you in order to win in an authentic way?

What is important for you in order to being balanced; being and doing effect- and process-focused at the same time?

What is important for you to loose in an authentic way?

What is important for you in order to keep a balanced and flexible approach in an authentic way?

Nels Karsvang: Authentic influencing frame work. 2013.

What is important for you in order to position your self so that you are aware of the winner –loser paradigm?

Who are you when you are balanced?

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ToolSecuring your own Authenticity

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Your values Your behaviors

Does your values match your behavior?

What do you do when there is a mismatch/ dissonance?Answers: Change your values to fit the

behavior? Change your behavior to fit your

values? Live with the

mismatch/dissonance?

What are the consequences to you?

What could you benefit from taking actions on and value-reflections from

Gain inspiration from the next page.

Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance. California: Stanford University Press.

ToolSecuring your own Authenticity – help depending on your tilt tendency

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Your values

Optimum balance between values and behavior:Inner experience: Doing the right thing Congruent Being me, honest and authentic

Perceptions from others: Strong, firm Passionate Integrative authentic

Tipped balance when values are dominant and behaviors are subdued:Inner experience Knowing what is right Spend energy on what should have been

done. Torn, split and de-actionPerceptions from others: Approachable Withdrawn Strong value-orientation and weak on

actions

Tipped balance when behaviors are dominant and values are subdued:Inner experience Low self esteem Defined by actions Inconsistent action patternPerceptions from others: Occurs an empty shell Strong action-orientation and weak on

values. Outgoing.

Your behaviors

ToolSecuring that you get help where you tend to miss it

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When are you asking for help?Before During After

When success

When Problems

When in the mood

Put a ‘X’ in the box below according to when you are asking others for help?

It is the blank boxes that will provide the input that can take you to a new level.

A common pitfall is that we don’t ask for help when is seems to be going well – a success.

ToolThe greater power of any influencing situation

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Actions, events, persons

Greater powers

You

Effect focused

Winner – loser paradigm

Flexible, value-oriented and

aware

Balanced

Process focused

Lost, bigger picture or investigating

Being on hold

Bored, relaxed or stressed

In generalWhenever you are engaged in influencing, remember to consider what greater powers are involved, and take these powers into account. The greater powers always dictate the meta-frame for the actions, events or persons you want to influence.

How to useMatch what the greater powers are doing and act that out towards the event, actions or persons you want to influence. Detect which one of the four influencing styles the greater powers display, and use that specific style towards the actions, events or persons that you want to influence.

ToolWhen to challenge and when to support

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Push

Pull

How do you make the strongest impact

in the current situation, by:

Challenging

Supporting

Confronting

Prescribing

Informing

Releasing

Exploring

Supporting

My Observations (When):

My Actions/ What I will do (Skills):

ToolWhen to challenge and when to support - When to use & what skills to have

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When To show consequences of the client’s

action/thinking To challenge the client to re-think assumptions To raise the client’s awareness (e.g. of greater

powers or other’s perceptions) To boost clients confidence by affirming success

When If expertise is asked for When guidance is needed If the client is unable to direct them-self in

that moment If there are legal, safety or ethical guidelines

When Showing where to find extra help or

information Supplying facts and data Explaining what just happened Telling your own experience

When If the client is afraid of risk or failure If the client feels incompetent If the client is frustrated, demotivated, angry If the client is excited, joyful, pleased

When To achieve a deeper level of understanding To achieve a broader more expansive

conversation To encourage the client to take responsibility To promote motivation and commitment

When To build moral and self-confidence To encourage risk taking To reward success, promote future

results

Skills How to prescribe Giving clear instructions Explaining why Motivating

Skills Knowing when appropriate Direct questions Giving constructive feedback Challenging defensive excuses Giving space to reflect

Skills Presenting information - clear and concise Checking for understanding Inviting and handling questions Judging how much to give

Skills Active listening Questioning Showing Empathy Feedback based on what you perceive Creating a supportive climate

Skills Wide range of questions Reflecting and paraphrasing Provoking curiosity Silence

Skills Expressing appreciation Showing YOUR confidence Sharing your mistakes Apologizing when necessary

InformingPrescribingConfronting

Exploring SupportingReleasing

ToolMBTI – using the functions

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Use logical persuasionTFNS See facts, present tangible

arguments to persuade.

Use appeal toward friendship, values, collaboration and alliance building

Use concepts, metaphors and future benefits to persuade

Listen and identify the way the other is formulating him/herself according to: T, F, N or S

Then you apply their approach in the way you communicate with them – it will increase you ability to influence him/her.

T

FN

S

TT

T

Myers, Isabel Briggs with Peter B. Myers (1980, 1995). Gifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type. Mountain View, CA: Davies-Black Publishing.

ToolSemantic awareness

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Deletions

Distortions

Generalizations

John Grindler and Richard Bandler in: Structure of Magic’ Vol.1 (1975)

Verbal or text/email

Meta model

Question

Desired Revealed information

ToolSemantic awareness – how to identify and use

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Deletions

Distortions

Generalizations

Missing Unspecific

Universal Modal verbs

Mind reading Cause and effect

”I wont do it any more” What is that you won’t do?

”He is rather closed towards me” What do you mean by closed?

”He actually do not like me, I can see it in his eyes” How do you read in his eyes that he cannot like you?

“He keeps on making the same claim he has simply not understood what it is all about”. How do you know that making the same claim means that he has not understood what it is all about?

“He never makes a conclusion” Have you experienced him or heard about him making a conclusion?

“I should tell him to act on it” What happens if you don’t tell him to act on it?

ToolBasic emotion and Empathy

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Paul Ekman: Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life (Times Books, 2003)

Basic emotions that you can read in the facial expressions

Glacomo Rizzalatti, University of Parma, 1990

Repeat or retainAttack Stop

EscapeCryVomit

What are your emotions?

What are the emotions of the other – what do you see?

Put your self in the shoes of the other.

As the other: What emotions would you like to receive?

As your self: Display those emotion

The basic empathic actions

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ToolThe arena of right & wrong – ethical reflections

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Company interest To secure optimal result within the frame of Company values and Vision

Your own Interest?

Client interestDo you know them? Do you take them into account?

HighLow HighLow

HighLow

How do you balance these 3 interests when you are Influencing or Negotiating?

Are the interests right or wrong? Are the interests helping or interfering?

Client Company interest

I welcome your -

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Feedback & feed forward

As you see it In writing to We will listenNelskarsvang@gmail.com