mall in the family (5 - s3.amazonaws.com in...pj reveals the poster’s basketball-themed pie chart....
TRANSCRIPT
TEASER
INT. SKATE CITY - ROLLER SKATE RINK - NIGHT
CHYRON: FEBRUARY 24, 1994
SIX-YEAR-OLDS skate around a huge, wood-paneled skate rink. A “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROGER!” banner hangs across a dining area.
PIETER JOHANNES “PJ” SMIT, 6, tawny skin, short, curly black hair, quiet and thoughtful, skates precariously. He bites his lip in determination. ROGER, 7, spoiled but caring in his own way, easily skates up to him.
ROGERPJ! My Dad says I have to cut the cake soon. You coming, or what?
PJI’ll be over in a sec. I think I’m starting to get the hang of it.
His snail pace says otherwise. Roger SIGHS.
ROGERI don’t get it, PJ. Skate City was your idea. My dad was gonna get us tickets to Nirvana! Now I’ll have to wait until next year.
PJI know, Roger, but... I just need to do this. Make sure I get a good piece of cake, okay?
Roger watches him struggle for a beat before skating up to the dining area. The other Kids crowd around him, oohing and ahhing at the sight of his towering Lion King cake.
Roger’s MOTHER puts her hand on his shoulder. Roger’s father, CLARENCE, stands to his left. The perfect nuclear family.
PJ stares at them from the skate floor. He guides his hand along the walled edge of the rink, still shuffling.
The wall ends. It’s on him to stay upright. For a beat, he’s doing it! He smiles wide! He looks down at his feet, ready for a bigger stride. As soon as he goes for it, he falls.
SKATE CITY EMPLOYEEWhoa there, little fella!
A blonde SKATE CITY EMPLOYEE, 30s, dressed in the striped uniform, catches PJ before he hits the floor. He speaks with a slightly Dutch accent.
SKATE CITY EMPLOYEE (CONT’D)You gotta keep your head up! You can’t move forward if you keep staring down at your feet.
PJYou talk funny. Thanks though.
SKATE CITY EMPLOYEEDon’t worry about it. It’s my job.
The Man winks at him and expertly skates off. PJ stares after him for a bit before -
LORI BETHPJ! Come get some cake!
He looks to the dining area where his mother, LORI BETH, 30s, black, bohemian, campy, exits the restroom and beckons him.
A FLASH goes off. PJ looks back, but the Skate City Employee is gone. PJ tries to skate off but immediately falls. He crawls back to the wall to make his way to the dining area.
INT. SKATE CITY - DINING AREA - DAY
Lori Beth helps PJ into the chair next to Roger. Roger hands PJ a slice of cake with Pumba’s ass carefully traced.
PJVery funny, Roger.
ROGEROnly the best for my bestie!
INT. WARRICK INDUSTRIES - CEO OFFICE LOBBY - DAY
CHYRON: JUNE 23, 2017
PJ, now 29, fidgets in a large chair. He shuffles notecards and MUMBLES. Roger plops down one chair over and holds out his hand. He flips it over to reveal two small pills in a wadded up napkin.
ROGEROnly the best for my bestie!
2.
PJWhat are those even for?
ROGERHonestly? No clue. It’s either an upper or a downer, but either way, it’ll make you not... this.
PJI’m fine. I’m just a bit nervous.
ROGERJust relax. You know what they say, thirteenth time’s the charm.
Roger takes both pills and tosses the paper into a trashcan.
ROGER (CONT’D)Kobe!
PJChicago Bulls, right?
ROGERI’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that. You ready?
PJThe product speaks for itself.
PJ stands. He grabs a poster, a basketball and a large speaker and enters the imposing wooden doors of the corner office. We hear the opening chords of “Get Ready for This” -
INT. WARRICK INDUSTRIES - CEO OFFICE - DAY
PJ turns from the speaker and tries to spin the basketball on his finger. It falls. He smiles at CLARENCE WARRICK, late 50s, Roger’s stone-faced hedge fund manager father.
PJWait. One sec.
He tries again. It falls again.
CLARENCEPJ, I’ve got Gordon Ramsay waiting for me downtown. I really don’t have time to wait --
PJFor me to be good at this? Exactly.
3.
PJ reveals the poster’s basketball-themed pie chart. There are no numbers. No labels. No references.
PJ (CONT’D)89% of people suck at sports.
CLARENCEPJ, being able to make up figures doesn’t make you qualified to open an entire sporting goods store!
PJ looks up with puppy dog eyes, tries a different tactic.
PJYes, but my Dad...
CLARENCEHuh? What about him?
PJThe guy who left my mom high and dry... Who was never in my life... He was an athlete, right? So... clearly I didn’t inherit his athleticism, but I can sell my unathleticism.
CLARENCEThat’s not a word --
PJIt’s sports for dummies! Everything comes with a manual and DVDs to teach the unathlete like me. And there are lots of helmets. Lots and lots of helmets.
CLARENCEUnathlete isn’t a word either. Do you even have a location yet?
PJ thinks fast.
PJOf course! It’s all lined up! I just need a loan for the deposit.
Clarence furrows his brow, spent. He SIGHS.
CLARENCEPJ, you’re like a son to me. You come in here once a month with these pitches, and I gotta say they haven’t gotten better.
4.
PJThank you, sir?
CLARENCEBut I believe in you, PJ. I believe in you, and I’m late for lunch. Ramsay waits for no one. Roger’ll be your business partner.
Roger BURSTS IN from where he was listening outside.
ROGERYou sure about that, Pop? I wasn’t looking to get involved in any --
CLARENCEWhich is exactly why I’m making you involved. You can’t inherit this company without experience. Now, I gotta go, boys. There’s a spotted dick downtown with my name on it.
Roger and PJ recoil.
CLARENCE (CONT’D)It’s a British... ah forget it.
EXT. WARRICK INDUSTRIES - DAY
PJ and Roger exit the building. Roger pulls off his nice button down, revealing the Nirvana t-shirt underneath.
ROGEROf course you dragged me into this.
PJIt’s fine. This’ll be great.
ROGERWhere is this location, anyway?
PJHmm? Oh yeah, haven’t got one.
PJ squares up and aims the basketball for a trashcan.
PJ (CONT’D)Craigslist!
He shoots and misses - by a mile. He shrugs and runs after it. Roger puts his head in his hands.
END OF TEASER
5.
ACT ONE
INT. LORI BETH’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
PJ sits among stacks of boxes out of which spill assorted sporting goods - deflated basketballs, gloves, T-shirts...
He searches vigorously through commercial real estate ads on his laptop. He cringes each time he sees a rental fee.
He clicks through pictures of spaces - too gaudy, too small, too... Roger tilts his head to one side at a picture of a space with whips and chains hanging from dark, cement walls.
PJI’m pretty sure this is a dungeon.
He face palms. Manicured hands come down and massage his shoulders. He leans into it - is this his lady?
LORI BETH (O.C.)My big boy is opening a store!
Nope, Lori Beth in her 50s. Her flowy sundresses have graduated to flowy kaftans. She sits and beams with pride.
PJUnless big boy can’t find a spot. Clarence is anxious. He really wants Roger to work for a living.
PJ and Lori Beth share a LAUGH at the thought.
Lori Beth reaches for a box. She shakes it like a present.
LORI BETHWhy sporting goods? You’re never been particularly adept at --
She opens the box and pulls out an ice skate. Her face falls.
LORI BETH (CONT’D)Oh my!
PJMom, I... It’s not what you think --
Lori Beth stands under a hanging light fixture at the center of the kitchen. Having found her spotlight she launches into -
LORI BETHThe year, 1988. The place, Calgary.
6.
PJDo you have to do this every time?
LORI BETHThe temperature... ice cold.
EXT. CALGARY OLYMPIC SADDLEDOME - DAY - FLASHBACK
An early 20s Lori Beth, takes in the sight of all the ATHLETES milling about outside the potato chip-shaped arena.
She raises an expensive camera, lens cap still in place.
LORI BETH (V.O.)The newspaper I was working for had sent me up to cover the games.
PJ (V.O.)But you’d wanted to be in --
LORI BETH (V.O.)I’d wanted to be in theater but Gram and Gramps thought journalism more worthwhile. Needless to say I was totally out of my element.
She finally realizes she needs to take off the lens cap.
A JAMAICAN BOBSLED TEAM walks by. One member accidentally bumps Lori Beth, and she drops the camera. Its lens shatters. She frowns down at her kaleidoscope image.
LORI BETH (V.O.)Just when I thought my future had shattered before my very eyes... I saw my destiny.
A fit YOUNG MAN, late 20s, with blindingly white blond hair appears in the cracked frame of the lens, his hand outstretched. He helps her up. We don’t see his face.
LORI BETH (V.O.)He flashed that winning smile and it was as if he breathed into my very soul when he said -
YOUNG MANAangenaam.
SUBTITLE: PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
He takes the Dutch flag from around his shoulders and places it around hers. He uses a corner to wipe snow from her face.
7.
JOHANNESIk ben Johannes.
LORI BETHIk ben Lori Beth.
INT. LORI BETH’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY - PRESENT
Lori Beth looks far off.
LORI BETHWe had an unbridled affair. I thought it’d never end. But it did.
PJI know, I know. You found out he was married to his ice dancing partner, and though you told him about me, you never heard from him again after the games ended.
The truth of his words stab her like a knife.
LORI BETHThat snake! That... beautiful, sensual snake.
She snaps out of it and turns back to PJ.
LORI BETH (CONT’D)And now you’re trying to erect something in his honor!?
PJDon’t say erect, Ma.
LORI BETHMy diction has nothing to do with this, PJ. This is about your obsession with that lowlife. Your father was a loser, and your pursuit of him insults me!
She falls back into her chair with her hand to her forehead.
PJThe store isn’t about my dad. It’s about me starting a successful business and finally seeing something through. Besides, I agree with you. A dad who doesn’t support his kids is a total bum.
8.
DING! PJ gets an email. He grabs his phone and reads quickly.
PJ (CONT’D)Mom! I got a storefront offer! In Pinebrook Mall!
LORI BETHPinebrook’s only 20 minutes from here! I could stop by all the time!
PJUh, or you don’t have to. That’d be cool, too. Look at the pictures! Look at all that foot traffic!
He shoves his phone in her face so she can see the crowd of people in front of the store. Lori Beth squints.
LORI BETHWhat neighborhood is this place in? There’s a lot of Mexicans.
PJWhoa, mom! Don’t be racist!
PJ texts Roger:
MEET ME AT PINEBROOK MALL TOMORROW AT SIX AM. WE GOT A STORE!
LORI BETHHow can I be racist when I buy oranges from Juan every Sunday!?
PJHis name is Javier.
Lori Beth GASPS. PJ’s phone DINGS. Roger’s response reads:
LMAO @ 6 AM? YEAH RIGHT! C U @ 8.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - PLAY WITH PJ - DAY
PJ finishes putting up a “Play with PJ” sign. He smiles up at it. He checks the time on his phone - 8:41 AM.
PJ(to himself)
Geez, Roger.
PJ starts to take a selfie with the sign. Roger ambles up.
9.
PJ (CONT’D)Where the hell were you? I had to load all this stuff in by myself!
ROGERChill! I had band practice.
PJYou don’t have a band.
ROGERYet. I don’t have one, yet. That’s why I need to practice. Come on, let’s see how you did.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - PLAY WITH PJ - DAY
Sections of the store highlight different sports. A “How To” area has fliers, pamphlets and DVDs. A large area is devoted to First Aid, crutches, neck braces and free bandaids.
ROGERNot bad. Not bad.
He walks over and grabs one of the pamphlets and reads --
ROGER (CONT’D)“Kick Push, Protect Your Tush - How to Avoid Nasty Skateboard Falls”... Where did you even find this stuff?
PJThe internet is full of treasure waiting for a pirate in search of booty... wait, that didn’t come out right.
Something catches Roger’s attention: a SECTION FOR WINTER SPORTS. He walks over and holds up a hockey stick.
ROGERYou’ve got to be kidding me. We live in the middle of the desert!
PJ snatches it from him.
PJI just thought if anyone wanted to drive up to the mountains...
ROGEROr if your ghost of a dad decided to waltz in, you’d be ready?
10.
PJ shakes his head and LAUGHS a bit too loudly.
PJWhat!? No!
The bell over the door RINGS. PJ looks up excitedly.
At the door, KAREN EARLY, 42, too intense for the Marines so she chose mall security instead, unsuccessfully tries to maneuver her cheap electric scooter into the store.
KARENYou’re under... wait a second. Damn! North Wing security gets Segways, and I get this garbage.
Karen jumps off the scooter and shoves it aside. She pulls up her pants and paces around the store.
PJUm, can we help you?
KARENI didn’t think I was your type!
Karen shoots a look behind a shelf.
ROGERWe’re just friends actually. Not --
KARENNot what I meant, bucko! I have excellent gaydar. I’m talking about your little advertisement outside.
She SLAMS her hands on the counter.
KAREN (CONT’D)Where are the children!?
PJWhat the -- ?
She grabs a business card from the counter.
KARENPlay with PJ? I never thought pedos would be so forthcoming.
PJNo, no, no! I sell sporting goods! I want you to play with me like... play sports. Not play with...
(MORE)
11.
(beat)Okay, I hear it now.
Karen narrows her eyes.
KARENNothing gets past Karen. I’m the law in South Wing. Always watching.
She gives Roger a look that’s more scary than sultry.
KAREN (CONT’D)I’ll definitely be watching you.
She winks and walks backward to her scooter. She rides out.
ROGERDude.
PJI know. I know. But security guards are supposed to be weird. I’m sure everyone else will be cool.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - SOUTH WING HALLWAY – DAY
OMARI MACKIE, 40s, Egyptian, watches Karen scoot away from PJ’s store. He grins and pops a toothpick into his mouth.
OMARINewbie, huh?
He flips the toothpick in his mouth, but it gets caught. He chokes for a bit before spitting it out. He grips the wall.
OMARI (CONT’D)Jesus Christ!
He moves off to --
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - OMARI’S BOOTH - DAY
Omari, at his cheese puff and grape soda cart, “I Curd it Thru the Grapevine,” addresses fellow South Wing merchants for their daily bitch fest. There are no customers in sight.
LILA MOONEY, 20s, owns the healing stone and incense store, “Clear as Crystal.” She listens with peaceful, closed eyes.
MARGARET and MARTY MANKOWITZ, 60s, own the orthopedic shoe store, “Out of Step.” They listen with angry, narrowed eyes.
PJ (CONT'D)
12.
OMARISouth Wing already has minimal foot traffic. The new guy will make our spread even thinner.
LILAAs long as his aura is good, we should welcome him with open arms... And orbs.
She pulls a shiny, black sphere from her bag. She whispers something into it and cradles it, listening to its response.
A lone customer, DALE, walks by. The merchants call out.
OMARIIt’s Dale! Dale! I’m over here!
MARGARETHe’s moved on, brownie! Clearly this guy needs orthopedics.
OMARIOne, calling me “brownie” is racist and two, that guy’s barely over 40!
MARTYLet’s see if you make it over 40.
Marty rolls up his sleeves. Lila clears her throat. They all watch Dale walk to the restroom. He looks back and shrugs.
DALESorry, Omari. Super Bullseye has better curds. And they’re on sale.
The merchants all SIGH. Omari closes his eyes in frustration.
OMARILet’s stay focused. When it comes to this new guy --
LILAThe orb says it’s time to say hi.
She leaves the group, seemingly floating away.
OMARIMeeting adjourned, I guess.
The Mankowitz’ leave. Omari takes the toothpick from his mouth and sticks it into a cheese puff. He regards his setup.
13.
OMARI (CONT’D)Presentation is everything.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - PLAY WITH PJ - DAY
PJ stands behind the counter with a huge smile on his face. He looks at the time on his phone and his smile falters.
PJI’m sure they’ll come pouring in.
Roger lies across the counter.
ROGERThis is so boring! You said there was hella traffic in the pictures.
PJ pulls up the Craigslist ad on his phone.
PJThere was! Lots of Mexicans, but --
LILAI remember that day!
The boys jump when they see Lila standing next to them.
LILA (CONT’D)Lila Mooney at your service. Those photos are from the Martinez’ family reunion. You didn’t notice everyone looked alike?
PJBut there are tons of cars in the --
LILAMost of the cars on this side are here for Super Bullseye.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - WALKWAY OUTSIDE SUPER BULLSEYE - DAY
PJ and Lila stand in front of a large department store with red and white decor. It resembles a discount department store we know and love. The similarities aren’t lost on PJ.
Lila points out a directory. On the map inside the padlocked case, Super Bullseye takes up an inordinate amount of space. The hallway to the rest of South Wing is tiny in comparison.
14.
LILAWe are but victims of circumstance, like fish caught in the net of fate’s cruel sense of humor.
PJ gives her a confused look.
PJNot fate. It’s this Target ripoff. This map isn’t even drawn to scale.
ALEX MARSHALL, 30s, the nerd your parents warned you would grow up to be your boss, walks up. Lila’s eyes go wide.
ALEXWhat’s going on?
PJMy man, you see this right? The target, the red and white decor...
Alex clenches his jaw. Lila covers her face with her hands.
ALEXIt’s actually red orange --
PJPlease! The idiot owner didn’t even come up with an original name.
(beat)I’m PJ by the way. I run a sporting goods store back in the South Wing.
He points to the back of Super Bullseye where it opens to the rest of the South Wing. Alex smooths his “red orange” polo.
ALEXAlex Marshall. I’m the unoriginal idiot who owns Super Bullseye.
PJOh, shit. I uh, I didn’t --
ALEXGet the hell away from my directory!
PJBut it’s not your directory. It should lead people to the stores behind yours, too. We get barely any customers back there.
Alex gets in his face. PJ shrinks back. Lila floats away.
15.
ALEXSuper Bullseye is this wing’s department store, therefore I’m in charge. That makes this my directory. You wanna disrespect me? I’ll see to it no one goes to your crapshoot shop or any of the other sorry excuses for capitalism back there!
Alex steps back, suddenly calm. He smiles wide.
ALEX (CONT’D)In your search for low prices, I hope you hit the bullseye! Goodbye!
PJ gapes. He starts to speak -
ALEX (CONT’D)I said goodbye!
PJ scurries out. He hits his forehead with his hand.
PJDamn. Crapshoot is a way better than Play with PJ.
END ACT ONE
16.
ACT TWO
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - WALKWAY OUTSIDE SUPER BULLSEYE - DAY
PJ walks past the directory case outside Super Bullseye. He peers inside. Flyers advertising Super Bullseye’s sporting goods sale cover the entire rest of the South Wing.
PJ(reading)
“With safety equipment available for the unathlete?” Come on! That’s my slogan!
PJ turns and sees Margaret lurking behind him. He jumps.
PJ (CONT’D)Your shoes are incredibly quiet! You must be one of the Mankowitz!
Margaret grabs his shirt and pulls him in close. She points at the directory.
MARGARET“Out of Step” is completely covered on this here map. I blame you. Fix it. Soon. Be a man and get Alex a bottle of Scotch or something.
She points to the directory. PJ GULPS. She lets him go. PJ stares after her as she silently wobbles away.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - RESTROOM - DAY
PJ collects himself in the mirror.
PJA few minor set backs: your store’s name sounds a tad pedophilic, and you’ve pissed off every other vendor in your general vicinity.
He pulls his wallet from his pocket and takes out a folded piece of paper. The picture shows the 20-something Johannes of Lori Beth’s story. PJ unfolds the paper to reveal it’s his Wikipedia page. PJ focuses on the “Personal Life” section.
17.
PJ (CONT’D)(reading)
“Johannes retired after the ‘88 games and moved to South Holland to open up a sporting goods store.”
He holds the article tightly in his hands.
PJ (CONT’D)How’d you manage it, Dad?
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - PLAY WITH PJ - DAY
Roger stands in a corner of the store, facing the rack of pamphlets. He nods to the music in his earbuds. PJ places a trashcan under a drip from the ceiling. He paces back and forth on his cell phone and leaves a voicemail.
PJIt’s PJ again. I’m starting to lose faith in Craigslist! There’s been zero foot traffic into my place except for the weird other vendors you neglected to tell me about. And there’s a leak! Call me back!
PJ looks up and notices JOHN, 50s, white beard, ponytail and beer belly trifecta, walk the aisles. He’s like a sad Santa and is 100% the guy from the rink in the teaser.
PJ goes over and shoves Roger. Roger shakes awake.
ROGERWhat’s going on, what!?
PJYou sleep standing up?
ROGERI had a heavy lunch.
PJGo drop a deuce and buck up. We’ve got a customer. I think I’ll start with: how may I help you? Or: you look like you’d be interested in --
Roger SNORES, asleep once more. PJ regards him.
PJ (CONT’D)It’s actually kinda impressive.
PJ sidles up next to John.
18.
PJ (CONT’D)Afternoon, sir, you look like I may help you! How are you interested?
(beat)Sorry about that. I just suffered from a very small stroke. How could I help you, today?
John lifts a tool kit and points to the spot on the ceiling. He talks with a slightly Dutch accent.
JOHNI’m here to help you with that leak. John Abrams, mall handyman.
PJ’s face falls. John notices.
JOHN (CONT’D)But I guess I could check out the merchandise after I fix this?
PJ beams. John sets up a ladder under the spot and climbs up. He looks down from where he chips away at the soggy tiles.
JOHN (CONT’D)What’s with the --
He nods toward the winter sports section.
PJ grabs a skate and looks far off - not unlike Lori Beth.
PJOh, that’s nothing it’s just --
PJ checks that Roger still sleeps and lets his guard down.
PJ (CONT’D)My dad was a skater. He left my mom before I was born. Part of me figured the display might --
JOHNMake him come back?
PJYeah. Something like that.
(beat)But that’s stupid, though. He doesn’t deserve my respect.
Roger listens now, one eye open. John comes down the ladder.
19.
JOHNHe doesn’t, but this is an honorable thing you’re doing. You’re a good man.
John and PJ share a look. John starts to say something then looks to the sign out front.
JOHN (CONT’D)And you’d seem even more honorable if you changed that sign.
PJYeah, I know. Thanks for the fix up. What do I owe you?
PJ reaches for his wallet. John shakes his head.
JOHNDon’t worry about it. It’s my job.
John slips out. PJ looks out after him, intrigued.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - SUPER BULLSEYE - DAY
PJ carries a bottle of Scotch into the store. He goes to the customer service desk. AMANDA, 16, with a crusty nose ring and an even crustier attitude, stands there.
PJHi, could you page Alex up here for me? I wanna give him something.
Amanda smacks her gum but otherwise doesn’t move. PJ frowns.
PJ (CONT’D)Hi, I said --
AMANDAI heard you, but I’m on break.
She continues to stare blankly ahead.
PJOkay...
PJ turns and runs into a large box. He YELPS effeminately.
The box’s holder SHAINA RAY, 31, black, strong-willed, stronger arms, sets it aside. She wipes her hands on her brown work shorts.
20.
SHAINASorry! I didn’t see you. Did you hurt yourself on the... cardboard?
She smiles. Dumbstruck with attraction, PJ stutters.
PJI not even a paper cut, baby girl.
SHAINAWhat?
PJI mean - You’re fine! I’m fine!
(beat)I’m PJ.
SHAINAShaina. My brother’s a PJ! For Pat JR. You named after your dad?
PJSorta. He’s Johannes. I’m Pieter Johannes.
SHAINAOh, so you’re half --
PJDutch. It’s a long story.
SHAINAMaybe I could hear it sometime. What’s with the Scotch?
PJ tries to hide his smile.
PJIt’s for Alex Marshall, the guy who owns this place. Between you and me, he was a bit of aa dick to me the other day, but I figured I’d be the bigger man.
PJ straightens up, proud of himself. Shaina crosses her arms.
AMANDANow that I’m off break I can tell you Alex is available.
PJGreat where is --
21.
AMANDARight behind you.
PJ turns quickly to see a fuming Alex.
PJDid you hear any of that? I was just making small talk! I mean --
(he leans in)You get it, right? She’s so --
PJ fans himself. Shaina rolls her eyes. Alex moves past him and puts his arm around Shaina’s waist.
ALEXYeah, I know she’s --
Alex fans himself, but in an overly dramatic way.
ALEX (CONT’D)That’s why I asked her to marry me.
Shaina holds up the glittery ring on her left hand.
PJWow! What a rock! Where’d you --
GIRLEngagement rings are on Aisle 28.
PJSo, now you’re helpful!?
SHAINAPJ, you should probably go.
Alex looks as if he’ll blow a gasket. PJ walks backward.
PJWe’re cool, right, Alex? No need to do anything drastic?
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - WALKWAY OUTSIDE SUPER BULLSEYE - DAY
PJ puts his hands on his head and SIGHS. He walks away, revealing the directory has another update.
Inside, Super Bullseye is now surrounded by total blackness.
An OLD WOMAN walks up and squints at the display.
OLD WOMANOh my, no restroom?
22.
She looks around herself in a panic.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - PJ’S HOUSE OF PLAY - DAY
PJ walks up to his store and looks up. The sign now reads: PJ’S HOUSE OF PLAY with the “PJ” and “PLAY” from before joined by a repurposed “HOUSE OF” from an old IHOP sign.
Roger walks out of the store, texting on his phone.
PJWay to step it up, Roger!
ROGERYou know, I want to understand what you’re talking about but...
John walks up and looks up at the sign.
JOHNYou like it?
PJIt was you? This is... I don’t know how to thank you.
JOHNEh, I helped out on the pancake house renovations. The old letters were just lying around.
PJIf only the store could stay open. Even without a suspect name, I can’t survive without customers. Alex Marshall is blacklisting us...
Marty walks by and overhears “blacklisting.”
MARTYI gotta tell Margaret they’re putting us on lists again.
PJ looks down at his feet. John puts a hand on his shoulder.
JOHNThat’s quite the predicament. But you won’t get anything done staring at your feet all day. Pick your head up and keep moving forward.
PJ perks up, inexplicably inspired.
23.
PJI have to fix this. I can fix this.
JOHNThat’s the spirit! What’s the plan?
PJThe plan... is to form a plan!
He walks into the store and leaves John and Roger outside.
ROGERHe’s gonna need someone to bounce bad ideas off of. Just use my strategy, keep doing this --
He tilts his head and widens his eyes as if to say “really?”
ROGER (CONT’D)Until he figures it out on his own.
Roger claps his hand on John’s shoulder and points inside where PJ paces back and forth, talking to himself.
END ACT TWO
24.
ACT THREE
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - PJ’S HOUSE OF PLAY - DAY
PJ, Roger and John stand around a baseball display.
PJRoger, what’s our problem?
ROGERHuh? Something about a sign, right?
PJ shakes his head and turns to John.
JOHNAlex is stiffing the South Wing, and everyone hates you.
PJGreat! I mean, not great, but yes, that’s what we’re working with.
PJ squeezes his eyes tight in thought. John looks around and gets an idea. He puts a glove on his hand and grabs a ball.
JOHNHey, PJ!
PJ opens his eyes and lets it fly past him. He picks it up.
JOHN (CONT’D)It helps me think. Just try it.
PJ puts on a glove and tosses the ball back.
PJOkay. I feel wheels turning. Maybe, we kill two birds with one stone --
John nods and tosses the ball back.
PJ (CONT’D)And get everyone to work together to best Alex. But how...
Roger perks up and puts on a glove. He beckons for the ball.
ROGERI don’t like, do work, right?
PJYes, but how is that helpful?
25.
ROGERSo, I have a lot of free time to analyze films. We got ourselves a classic Danny Ocean situation here with a dash of sports flick.
He tosses the ball back to PJ.
ROGER (CONT’D)You’re not an athlete nor is your bone structure on par with that of King Clooney, but this moment needs a Coach Danny Ocean. Everyone else in the Wing has got a unique set of skills. We’re a rag tag group with a common enemy and goal. The scene writes itself. The rest of the merchants just need a rousing act three speech to seal the deal.
PJ ponders this. He turns to John, tosses the ball.
PJWhat do you think, John?
John tosses it back and smiles.
JOHNI guess you don’t have to be good at sports to be a good coach.
ROGERWell, that’s not true at all.
Roger raises an eyebrow and looks between PJ and John.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - SOUTH WING - OMARI'S BOOTH - DAY
Omari stands in front of the others at his booth, Textual Healing. It sells fuzzy cooling gloves for avid texters. Omari flaunts a blue pair as he speaks.
OMARINo one’s been by my cart in days!
MARTYWe haven’t sold a single shoe!
MARGARETFor the last time, Marty, why would we sell one shoe!?
26.
MARTYDiabetic pirates exist, Margaret! I saw one at the Cheesecake Factory!
Omari turns to Lila.
OMARIYou see that! Infighting. The new guy’s shenanigans are making this loving... couple... of siblings...
Marty and Margaret don’t help him out. He focuses on Lila.
OMARI (CONT’D)What say you?
Lila bites her bottom lip. PJ, Roger and John arrive.
OMARI (CONT’D)Well, well, well.
PJI came by to say I’m sorry. I should’ve never meddled and made things difficult for you all. But, I stand by my conviction that Alex needs to be taken down --
MARGARETYou think we should kill him?
PJNo! No! Taken down a notch. We need to take him down a notch.
They all cross their arms. PJ takes a deep breath. He paces. Roger mouths the speech along with him.
PJ (CONT’D)I know you’re nervous, so am I, but aren’t you ready to finally go out there and take what’s yours? I’m sick and tired of hearing how great Super Bullseye is. Great moments are born from great opportunity. This is our destiny. Tonight we can be the greatest merchants in this mall. Either we heal now as a team or we will... I mean or our stores will die as individuals.
They all stare blankly at him. Roger couldn’t be prouder.
27.
PJ (CONT’D)I have a plan to fix the directory.
MARGARETWhy didn’t you say that? How long do you think these meetings last?
PJOkay, here’s the plan...
Lila smiles at Omari. He shrugs. They all readily look to PJ.
PJ (CONT’D)We meet up at 11. After closing...
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - WALKWAY OUTSIDE SUPER BULLSEYE - NIGHT
Marty and Margaret sneak up to the Super Bullseye entrance.
PJ (V.O.)Step one: Margaret and Marty. You two are silent but deadly in those orthopedics. You’ll go in first to secure access to the directory.
Alex locks up and doesn’t see them lurking in the shadows. Before the door closes, Margaret leans over, Michael Jackson “Criminal” style and holds it open with a single finger as Marty holds her other hand. Alex exits the building.
PJ (V.O.)Two: Omari disables the cameras.
Omari ninja rolls to a keypad. The system needs a passcode.
OMARI (V.O.)So you’re assuming I’m super tech savvy because I’m Middle Eastern?
PJ (V.O.)Is that even a stereotype?
OMARI (V.O.)Oh, so now I can’t be tech savvy because I’m Middle Eastern!?
PJ (V.O.)You’re on the alarm because you’ve been here the longest. You’d definitely know Alex’s password.
Omari thinks for a second before typing in:
28.
NOT TARGET - he thinks again, then types - BETTER THAN TARGET
Three BEEPS indicate access has been granted.
OMARIToo easy.
Lila throws a handful of sparkly dust from a small pouch. The dust lingers on security laser beams.
PJ (V.O.)Three and four: Lila reveals the laser beams, John disables them.
JOHNTwo things: Why would there be laser beams, and also I don’t know if I can do that.
On a ladder, John tinkers with a control panel. He shrugs down at PJ who wears all black. PJ lifts his ski mask.
PJThere’s always lasers. Why didn’t you say so when we were planning?
JOHNI thought I could, but I can’t.
The Others come out and look up as well.
MARTYWait, who is this guy?
OMARIHe was at the meeting, but I’m pretty sure I’ve never even seen him before.
Roger looks up from where he plays on his phone in a corner.
ROGERI knew this wouldn’t work.
PJIt was your idea!
ROGERWhen have I ever had a good idea?
He turns and bumps into Karen who rides by on her scooter.
KARENWhat the hell is going on here!?
29.
MARGARETOh shit! 5-0!
PJKaren, I can explain. We’re fixing the directory. Alex has --
KARENAlex? Alex Marshall?
PJUh, yeah.
Karen tightens her grip on her scooter handles.
KARENHe refuses to sign off on my scooter upgrade.
She pulls the strap on her helmet.
KAREN (CONT’D)He must be destroyed.
She REVS the scooter and charges it through the lasers. She SCREAMS like a banshee. PJ leans over to Lila.
PJAre those painful?
LILANo, but let her have this.
Omari looks up from the security panel.
OMARIWe only have five minutes before the real cops get here!
Karen turns the scooter, headed for Omari now.
OMARI (CONT’D)Other cops! Cops of lateral import!
Karen heads back toward the case. She presses a button below it to disable the lasers. PJ walks over, determined.
He looks up. Everyone gives him nods of encouragement. John smiles wide. PJ sticks the bobby pin in the keyhole and -
The door easily gives way.
PJIt was never even locked!?
30.
They all GROAN. Roger hands PJ a standard briefcase. He opens it slowly and removes a glossy map. PJ puts a new map in the case. John gives PJ a new padlock. He locks it and puts the key in his pocket.
The group regards the new map with all smiles.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - SOUTH WING - NEXT DAY
Each shop owner stands in front of his or her cart or store. A large clock at the end of the hall hits 10 AM. Everyone looks expectantly to the front door.
PJ starts to sweat. He looks to Roger in a panic.
PJWhat if --
Roger’s eyes go wide as a WOMAN walks into the wing from the back of Super Bullseye. She approaches Lila’s cart.
WOMANHave these stores always been here?
Lila nods and slides over so the Woman can browse. The Woman grabs a healing stone. She examines it and turns to Lila.
WOMAN (CONT’D)Do you have this in purple?
Everyone erupts into CHEERS! The Woman starts, terrified.
LILAI do! I do have this in purple!
The other Merchants give PJ a look of gratitude.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - WALKWAY OUTSIDE SUPER BULLSEYE - DAY
PJ walks past the directory and smiles. He bumps into Alex. PJ can see Shaina standing just inside the store.
ALEXYou wouldn’t happen to know how this happened, would you?
Alex gestures toward the new map. The rest of the South Wing’s stores are prominently displayed along with advertisements and promises of “Prices lower than Super Bullseye!” PJ hides his smile and shrugs.
31.
PJNo idea. Is something wrong?
ALEXI’m onto you, PJ. Don’t forget that I run this wing.
PJ smirks, shrugs and walks off. Shaina turns to Amanda.
SHAINAThat guy’s got balls.
Amanda barely moves a muscle.
AMANDABalls are on aisle 16.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - PJ’S HOUSE OF PLAY - DAY
Lori Beth enters the store, impressed by all the customers. She wraps PJ in a hug as he talks to a CUSTOMER.
PJShin guards exist, yes, but your thighs are naturally... can you excuse me for a second?
He turns to Lori Beth with an annoyed expression.
PJ (CONT’D)(annoyed)
Ma, I’m working!
Her face falls, hurt. He smiles.
PJ (CONT’D)(excited)
Ma! I’m working!
They jump up and down together a bit.
LORI BETHI’ll be over here.
She walks away to the winter sports section and lightly caresses a skate. She looks up just in time to see John tinkering with an AC over the display. He turns, she GASPS.
CUT TO:
32.
EXT. CALGARY OLYMPIC SADDLEDOME - DAY - FLASHBACK
Lori Beth looks up at Johannes and we see his perfect row of pearly whites. Again he says -
JOHANNESIk ben Johannes.
BACK TO:
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - PJ’S HOUSE OF PLAY - DAY - PRESENT DAY
The AC kicks back on. As it blasts a wave of cool air through her locks, Lori Beth collects herself enough to say -
LORI BETHIk ben Lori Beth.
John’s face lights up. He reaches out to her.
JOHANNES/JOHNLori Beth, I’m --
Her eyes narrow. She swats his hand away.
LORI BETHA lying snake!
He lightly pulls her out of the store.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - SOUTH WING - HALLWAY - DAY
Lori Beth paces back and forth.
LORI BETHHow are... When did you even... What happened to your accent?
His drops his American accent for a moment to say -
JOHANNES10,000 hours of Seinfeld. Eh, what’s the deal with airplane food?
Lori Beth starts to walk away. He grabs her arm.
JOHANNES (CONT’D)If you would just let me explain!
LORI BETHExplain how you lied and left me and your son --
33.
JOHANNESI didn’t love her.
Lori Beth quiets down.
JOHANNES (CONT’D)I didn’t love Astrid. Our managers made us marry. A married ice dancing pair - it was gold medal bait. I kept it up for as long as I could, but I never stopped thinking about you.
LORI BETHBut I told you... About PJ...
Johannes hangs his head.
JOHANNESAnd I’ll never forgive myself for not coming right away. I was a coward then, but no longer. I’m here to make things right.
LORI BETHYou told him?
JOHANNESNot yet, but soon. I’m hoping in time he can truly forgive me.
Johannes earnestly grabs her hand.
JOHANNES (CONT’D)Maybe you’ll forgive me, too.
Lori Beth’s stony expression melts for a moment before she rears back and slaps him.
LORI BETHStay away from him!
Across the hallway, Omari looks over a CUSTOMER’S head to John and Lori Beth. He watches her march off in a huff. He cocks his head, thinking. The Customer gets his attention.
CUSTOMERCan you explain it again?
OMARIIt’s called, Let’s Get it Gone. It’s stain remover. How are you still not understanding?
34.
He pours grape soda on one of the Textual Healing cooling gloves and sprays it with liquid. The Customer nods.
INT. PINEBROOK MALL - SOUTH WING - PJ’S HOUSE OF PLAY - DAY
PJ counts the money in the cash register. He turns to Roger.
PJWe crushed it today, Roger! It’s all happening for us.
ROGERI never doubted you, bro.
PJYou constantly doubted me.
Roger shrugs. PJ grabs his phone.
PJ (CONT’D)I’d better call the Craigslist guy again to let him know we’re square.
PJ and Roger hear a BUZZ. Roger grabs the vibrating phone from a shelf near the AC. He answers and stares at PJ.
ROGERIsn’t this John’s phone?
PJYeah. It is. John’s the seller? That’s weird...
ROGERYeah, but not as weird as...
Roger walks over to PJ with the phone in hand. He hangs up the call, and they both look at the phone’s wallpaper.
It’s a picture of a Polaroid of six year old PJ from the Skate City party in the teaser.
ROGER (CONT’D)Dude, PJ. John must be...
PJA psycho who’s tracked me since birth with plans to kill me!?
ROGERDude, no. What the fuck? Dutch accent. Weirdly supportive of you...
35.
PJ’s still at a loss. Roger puts his hands on PJ’s shoulders and points him in John’s direction.
ROGER (CONT’D)Think, bro. He’s your --
PJDad?
John looks up and sees PJ and Roger eyeing him. His face falls, knowing they both know.
END OF EPISODE
36.