making my own map

8/18/2019 Making My Own Map

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Making My Own Map

Bailey Warner

Maps are all around us. They exist in many shapes and forms,

from blueprints and GPS, to grocery lists and meeting agendas. You can

map languages, heritage, and battleelds ! the list is endless. "n my

o#n life, " can loo$ bac$ and map the steps that ha%e brought me to

this point, a #ell as loo$ to the future and try and map out #here " am

going next.

&oming into college, " had a %ery clear plan of the ho# the

follo#ing four years, and the rest of my life, #ere supposed to go. "t

loo$ed something li$e this' science degree, grad school, good (ob,

stable career, comfortable life. This isn)t a bad map, but " soon reali*ed

it #asn)t mine. "t #as the result of a lot of in+uences' teachers,

parents, friends, and society in general. %entually " found the courage

to thro# that map out and start nding my o#n #ay. "t #as time to

start ma$ing my o#n map. " had only a %ague idea of #hat the end

goal #as, and an e%en fu**ier idea of ho# to get there. By creating my

o#n map, " ha%e gro#n in #ays and experienced things " ne%er #ould

ha%e imagined.

-o#e%er, this creation of a ne# map did not happen o%ernight.

s " #ent through the process of /uestioning, re(ecting, and then

creating maps, " also de%eloped #hat 0obert 1egan, a psychologist and

professor at the -ar%ard Graduate School of ducation, rst called self!


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authorship. This idea of self!authorship #as further studied by

li*abeth &reamer, the 2irector of ssessment for the 3irginia Tech

234& program, a 4ational Science 5oundation funded pro(ect 6to

promote the success of faculty #omen in science and engineering

through institutional transformation7 8li*abeth &reamer9. She led a

study in #hich she obser%ed the le%el of self!authorship in college

#omen in particular.

Self!authorship can be dened as 6the ability to collect, interpret,

and analy*e information and re+ect on one)s o#n beliefs in order to

form (udgments7 8&reamer :;9. "t is not (ust about #riting your o#n

story, but being able to collect information and ma$e your o#n

(udgments and decisions, thus allo#ing you to be the primary force in

your o#n life. The de%elopment of self!authorship is generally bro$en

do#n into three stages' a 6reliance on external formulas7, a

6progression through a de%elopmental crossroads7, and the

de%elopment of 6epistemological, intrapersonal, and interpersonal

maturity7 8&reamer :


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process of ma$ing my o#n map by analy*ing the follo#ing artifacts

from my college career.

A Snapshot of the Beginning

My %ery rst college assignment #as an introduction letter for

my -onors nglish class. "n the letter " tal$ about my family, my

interests, hobbies, ma(or, etc. When " #rote this letter, there #as so

much " #anted to say. " #as brimming #ith excitement, mixed #ith a

healthy dose of terror, about this ne# chapter in my life.

&ollege promised so many opportunities. "t felt li$e there #ere

hundreds of things to do, and " #anted to do them all.

The letter is a good snapshot of the person " #as #hen starting

my college (ourney four years ago, and my ideas of my past, present,

and future self. " tal$ about my family, my hometo#n, and my middle

and high school experiences. " e%en mention #here my mother and

father gre# up. My identity #as still hea%ily rooted in my family and

being the smart $id. When " started college " #as still in the band, #ith

plans to (oin the marching band #hen it came around. " (oined the

honors program and loo$ed for#ard to studying abroad. " #as excited

to ta$e challenging classes and had grand %isions of myself in a

pristine #hite lab coat and safety glasses, doing complicated and

important experiments. This letter represents the rst stop on the map

of my college (ourney.


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=oo$ing bac$, it is interesting that " #rote t#o sentences about

my chemistry ma(or, but an entire paragraph about my lo%e of reading.

My head #as going one #ay> my heart #as clearly going another.

Though today the decision to change ma(ors feels ob%ious, it #ould

ta$e another year and a half for me to e%en consider it. This letter is

also symbol and a re+ection of a young #oman follo#ing the map in

her head of #hat college is supposed to be. ?oining the band, nding a

campus ministry, studying abroad, doing research, etc. These things

no# sound li$e a chec$list. 4one of these are bad things to do, but my

moti%ation #as less about me en(oying the organi*ations and

opportunities, and more about follo#ing a prescribed map.

This chec$list is an example of one of the 6external formulas7

that " #as follo#ing. " relied hea%ily on #hat others had done before

me, and #hat " thought the college experience #as supposed to loo$

li$e. ccording to &reamer, in this beginning stage an indi%idual)s 6lac$

of a#areness of their o#n %alues and identity, combined #ith a need

for others) appro%al, leads to an externally dened identity and that is

easily in+uenced by other factors7 8:@9.

This is most apparent #hen " examine the chec$list items that "

carried on from high school, such as playing in the band and (oining a

campus ministry. "n high school, " #as %ery in%ol%ed in the band and

the youth group, but #hen " reached college, " found " did not en(oy

them as " used to. The main diAerence bet#een the t#o experiences


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#as the peers " #as surrounded #ith. "n high school, my best friends

#ere in band and youth group. "t #as important to them, ma$ing it

more important to me than perhaps it #ould ha%e been #ithout them.

When that external armation of my friends disappeared in college, "

#as left #ith a hollo# experience that #as a shado# of #hat it had

been before. Things that had made up such a large part of my identity

#ere suddenly less important. When school became harder, they #ere

the rst things to go. t the time, the ease #ith #hich " discarded these

things bothered me, because #ithout them " struggled to dene #ho "

#as. Because of this, " placed more of my identity into my ma(or.

Explosive Reaction Yields Unexpected Prodct

Gro#ing up, " #as al#ays told, 6You)re going to be a scientist one

day.7 When " examine my childhood self, it)s not hard to understand

#hy. My grandfather

#or$ed at the military lab in =os lamos and my father #as an

engineer. ")d al#ays li$ed and excelled in science> throughout my early

education, " dro%e my parents cra*y pic$ing dicult science fair

pro(ects. 5or example, " one year " #anted to study ho# far a person

can lean before falling o%er, instead of doing a nice and easy plant

experiment, li$e my younger sister. " #ould spend hours pouring o%er

one of my fa%orite boo$s, How Things Work , #hich described the

#or$ings of e%erything from an escalator to a dust mite.


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&reamer states that studies ha%e sho#n that parental support is

in+uential for girl #ho goes into a technical or science career 8:C9.

While my parents al#ays encouraged me to follo# my dreams, they

#ere especially supporti%e of my interest in science. Though they #ere

careful to ne%er explicitly demand " ma(or in chemistry or engineering,

" could see the pride in my dad)s eyes #hen ")d discuss my interest in

pursuing it. My father #ould often ta$e me to his oce and explain the

science behind the products his company made in the labs. "f " #as

luc$y, " #ould get to go inside.

When it came time to start thin$ing about a ma(or in my senior

year of high school, science #as an ob%ious choice. " #asn)t %ery

interested in biology or physics, but " #as ta$ing P &hemistry, and "

had an a#esome teacher #ho exposed me to all the career options

chemistry could lead to.

" #as proud to be a chemistry ma(or. Though " #as not in it for

the money, that #as going to be a nice per$. Being a female scientist, "

#as also going to ha%e an ad%antage in the (ob mar$et. nd " do not

li$e to admit it, but " en(oyed the impressed loo$ on people)s faces

#hen " told them #hat " #as studying. &reamer also states that a

6mother and father)s support of a career choice has been sho#n to be

higher for #omen #ho choose STM elds as opposed to more

traditional career elds7 8:C9. &hemistry #as a ma(or for 6smart7


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people, and it t other)s expectations of me, as #ell as my parents)

and my o#n.

gain this expresses the idea that " #as follo#ing 6external

formulas7 8&reamer :


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top of my paper. Thirteen. 4ot thirteen points out of fty or something

li$e that, but thirteen percent.

5or a fe# days, it #as as if someone had snatched my identity

out from under me. 4e%er in my life had " failed so spectacularly.

lthough it #as only a test grade, it represented a much bigger failure.

ll my life " had been one of the smart $ids. lot of classes " had not

needed to study for, but #hen something #as hard, " #or$ed through

it. This #as the rst time " had tried my best at something, and my

best #as not good enough.

Dnce the initial shoc$ #ore oA, " $ne# it #as not the end of the

#orld> " #ithdre# from the class #ith plans to reta$e it, e%en if " had to

get a tutor. -o#e%er, the more " thought about my future in chemistry,

the more " reali*ed ho# unhappy " #as. " #as dreading e%ery class "

had to ta$e, and if " #as honest #ith myself, " #as not excited about

my career prospects either. " spent a lot of time that month trying to

pin do#n exactly #hy " #as ma(oring in chemistry, and " came to see

that #hen it came do#n to it, " #as a science ma(or because " had not

thought it feasible to do anything else that interested me. Throughout

high school, " had lo%ed history and nglish, but had ne%er heard

anyone say anything positi%e about a ma(or in those areas. ll " heard

#as you either teach, or #or$ in a coAee shop. Since neither of those

options appealed to me, and " ne%er heard any diAerent opinions,

science became the ob%ious choice.


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Though ma(oring in chemistry and choosing that corresponding

map #as my choice to a degree, society also played a large role. "t is a

simple enough e/uation.

Science ma(or e/uals good (ob. Good (ob e/uals money. Money e/uals

happiness. Df course this isn)t al#ays true, and " came to the decision

that though this map #as safe, stable, and secure, it #as not #orth the

time and eAort if it meant sacricing my happiness, both in college and

in my career.

t the time, " thought " #as re(ecting maps. " thought " #as

thro#ing oA the burden of ha%ing to follo# directions. But it is

impossible to truly re(ect maps. %erything you do, e%ery choice and

action, mo%es you for#ard in life to something else. "nstead of

re(ecting maps, " #as re(ecting the idea of being told exactly ho# to get

from point to point B. " #as going to gure it out myself. =etting go of

my science ma(or, and all the ideas about the future that it #as scary,

but #hen it #as done, a huge #eight #as lifted oA my shoulders. "

found myself being excited about my future classes for the rst time.

My decision to lea%e chemistry #as a result of external factors

and a #ea$ sense of self. Dne big failure, one big #ind, and " ble# right

o%er. My identity #as rooted in being a chemistry ma(or, not in the

passion for the sub(ect. "t #as rooted in getting good grades, not in

truly understanding the material. " did not ha%e the dedication or the


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desire needed to #ithstand the challenges that #ere being thro#n at

me.

-o#e%er, this moment #as also the beginning of reaching the

crossroads, or stage t#o of the de%elopment of self!authorship.

&reamer denes indi%iduals in the crossroad stage as ha%ing an

6e%ol%ing a#areness of their o#n %alues and are beginning the self!

exploration needed to create an identity that is distinct from others)

perceptions7 8:@9.

big part of this a#areness came by 6learning to e%aluate

$no#ledge claims and choose beliefs7, instead of 6simple acceptance

of information pro%ided by authorities7, in regards to being an nglish

ma(or 8&reamer :@9. " had al#ays been told that an nglish ma(or #ill

lead to nothing but being a teacher or a barista, and " had ne%er

/uestioned that belief. 5or years, " #ould tell people, 6"f " could do

anything in the #orld and be successful at it, " #ould #rite boo$s.7 But

" ne%er actually belie%ed that it #as a %iable goal. " (ust accepted that a

ma(or in nglish could be fun, but #as a terrible life choice #ith no

prospects. " ne%er e%en loo$ed for another opinion or e%idence.

But as " started to e%aluate myself and reali*e that nglish and

#riting #ere #hat " lo%ed and truly #anted to do, " began to loo$

deeper into #hat an nglish ma(or really oAers. " disco%ered the

multitude of (ob opportunities that are a%ailable to nglish ma(ors. "

learned about the s$ills that you gain, and ho# they #ere applicable to


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many other things. " reali*ed there #as a #hole other side to the story

that " had ne%er been exposed to.

The second stage of de%elopment started #ith my test failure,

but stretched through the ma(ority of my college career. 5or a person

#ho li$es to plan, suddenly not ha%ing one is terrifying. 4ot only had "

gi%en up my science career, " had not e%en pic$ed something sensible

li$e business or communications. While " $ne# that " #as happier than "

had been in years, part of me #as #orried that " had made the #rong

decision. There is a good chance " #ould ha%e ca%ed and s#itched to a

safer

career choice for a ma(or, had it not been for my semester abroad the

follo#ing spring.

!ondon "alling

Studying abroad is the one thing from the original map that did

not end up getting thro#n out, and it played a large role in my

de%elopment to#ards self!authorship. Without going to =ondon, " might

ha%e turned about from the crossroads, and relapsed bac$ into the

beginning stage of external formulas.

Studying abroad had al#ays been a dream of mine. That ?anuary,

" pac$ed up my suitcase, #hich than$fully #eighed in at fty pounds

e%en, and boarded a plane for =ondon, ngland. "t is hard to describe

the feeling #hen that plane ta$es oA for a brand ne# country, $no#ing


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that you #ill not be bac$ for %e months. " %acillated bet#een #anting

to cry from excitement and #anting to thro# up from terror.

=ondon may not seem %ery exotic> but to me, a Southern girl

from a relati%ely suburban to#n, it #as an entirely diAerent #orld. The

rst fe# #ee$s #ere li$e being set adrift in a large sea. We had

ad%isors, but #e had to gure out a lot of things on our o#n. The

second day there " had to nd my #ay to the uni%ersity by myself.

(ourney that e%entually too$ only half an hour too$ me t#o. " #andered

the #hole to#n before " nally found it.

4ot only #as " physically lost, but culturally, there #ere so many

diAerences. The #ay " tal$ed, #al$ed, and dressed #as foreign. " had a

ne# set of social and cultural rules to learn. 2id you $no# that if you

do not press a stop button, the bus #ill go right past your stopE "

didn)t. " don)t thin$ ")%e e%er been prouder than the

day " reali*ed " could successfully na%igate the bus, train, and

underground system. Want to #ear tennis shoes because you #ill be

#al$ing all dayE That #ill get your #allet stolen in a heartbeat because

you loo$ li$e a tourist. Stand on the left side of the escalator, and your

hair #ill catch re from the death glares of fty angry British people

#ho are too polite to as$ you to step to the side so that they can

continue climbing. "t #as o%er#helming at rst, but after a #hile it

became easier. " soon reali*ed that " #asn)t (ust sur%i%ing. " #as

thri%ing.


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Being able to succeed in a foreign country on my o#n #as a

huge condence builder for me. "t suddenly made succeeding as an

nglish ma(or and building my dream life bac$ in the States seem less

scary and more attainable. broad, " learned to rely on and to be an

ad%ocate for myself, and those s$ills transferred bac$ #ith me.

=ondon is an ama*ingly di%erse city, lled #ith people and

cultures from all o%er the #orld. Many of the other study!abroad

students #ere from other countries li$e ustralia, Tur$ey, 5rance, and

Mexico, to name a fe#. Getting to $no# these people from %astly

diAerent bac$grounds and beliefs helped me see that there is more

than one #ay to li%e your li%e and achie%e your goals. There is no one

right #ay to go about it. 5or example, my friend 4ic$ from ustralia

#as going to graduate in three years #ith a la# degree, something

that can ta$e eight years or longer in merica.

While in =ondon " #as exposed to so many diAerent beliefs,

%ie#points, and bac$grounds, that it became necessary for me to hold

on to and de%elop that sense

of true self that " had disco%ered last semester. "t also allo#ed me to

learn to %ie# diAerent ideas and opinions and understand them,

#ithout loosing myself to that same belief, #hich is a large part of

stage three of self!authorship 8&reamer :@9.

A #ale of #wo Schools


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While studying at 1ingston, " had the opportunity to ta$e a British

culture class, #here #e learned about e%erything from go%ernment, to

theatre, to tele%ision. 5or my nal, " #rote a paper discussing the

diAerences in the British and merican higher education systems.

&ompared to merica, the British system is much stricter and more

structured.

"n high school, British students choose three or four sub(ects to

focus on for their last couple years. They then ta$e tests, called !

=e%els, for three of these sub(ects. 2epending on ho# #ell they do on

the tests, they can then choose to ma(or in one of those sub(ects. Dnce

students start uni%ersity, most do not ta$e a #ide %ariety of classes,

but only ones related to their ma(or. There is no true e/ui%alent to our

general education courses in the States, #hich are meant to 6help

students de%elop...integrati%e thin$ing, communication, /uantitati%e

reasoning, and critical thin$ing7 and #or$ to 6build a foundation of

$no#ledge7 84elson =aird9. Without these general education courses,

it is normal for British students to graduate in three years.

"f a students #ish to ma(or in something else, they must

completely start o%er. "f they #ish to ma(or in something that they did

not ta$e the test for, they must rst pass the !=e%el, along #ith

starting o%er. fter experiencing the British

uni%ersity system myself, it made me reali*e ho# much freedom #e

ha%e in our o#n uni%ersity system. We ha%e the liberty of trying out


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diAerent paths, diAerent maps, unli$e the British students, #hose

paths are mostly decided for them and %ery dicult to change.

"f " had gone to uni%ersity in ngland, " #ould ha%e been half#ay

done #hen " decided to change my ma(or, setting me behind a year

and a half. Than$s to pic$ing a +exible ma(or, " am able to graduate on

time. " no# appreciate ha%ing that +exibility to be able to try

something else, and not be loc$ed into a decision " made #hen " #as

eighteen.

Stage three is dened by &reamer as an 6internally generated

sense of self that that guides interpretation of experience and choices,

accompanied by the ability to e%aluate and interpret $no#ledge claims

in light of the a%ailable e%idence, and the capacity to genuinely

consider other)s perspecti%es #ithout being o%ershado#ed by them7

8:@9. Throughout this entire paper " #as researching another idea of

#hat a secondary education should loo$ li$e that #as %astly diAerent

from mine, along #ith my o#n experiences of both systems. " #as able

to loo$ at the positi%es and negati%es of both, #ithout being so tied to

my o#n system that " #as completely closed!minded to the ne# one,

and #ithout being so enamored #ith the ne# one that " completely

disregarded the old one.

Mind the $ap


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map of the =ondon Fnderground, commonly referred to as the

Tube, represents an important part of my time in =ondon. This map

holds a lot of meaning

for me, for se%eral diAerent reasons. The rst is that it represents a

huge personal achie%ement for me. " am terrible #ith directions. " ha%e

li%ed in one city all my life, and can still only get a handful of places.

Without my GPS, " #ould be lost ninety percent of the time. Someho#

though, the Tube clic$ed for me. " became a master. " did not ha%e the

entire map memori*ed, but " #as good at na%igating it. "t #as a

strange feeling to ha%e people as$ me ho# to get some#here.

Because of this, the Tube became a symbol of freedom and

exploration. "t could ta$e me almost any#here in central =ondon. Dne

minute " #as in Trafalgar S/uare, and fteen minutes later " #as in

&amden mar$ets. " could explore to my heart)s content #ithout fear of

getting dangerously lost, because " $ne# as long as " could nd a Tube

entrance, " could get home. " gre# to lo%e the polite British lady)s %oice

reminding you to 6mind the gap7 as the doors slid open. The =ondon

Fnderground, and =ondon in general, is the rst place " ha%e felt truly

free to explore #hate%er " #anted. So #hat if " had no reason to go to

4otting -illE " could go any#ay. " found some of my fa%orite places (ust

by getting oA before my stop to see #hat #as there.

fter being so excited about re%olting against my original map, it

is a little ironic that " /uic$ly became attached to another, although


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physical, map. "n a #ay, the Tube helped me understand more about

my ideas of maps, and reali*e that they are not necessarily bad.

Though the Tube is conned and limited by nature, it opened so many

doors and allo#ed me a huge amount of freedom. This reinforces

the idea that follo#ing a map for your life is not #rong in and of itself.

Maps gi%e us the safety and security to explore, $no#ing #e can still

get to #here #e are going.

Paris Est #o%ors Une Bonne &d'e

While abroad, " also too$ a trip #ith my mother to Paris, 5rance.

%en though " had not ocially declared it yet, #hile in =ondon " had

decided " #as going to change my minor in 5rench to a ma(or. This #as

a huge de%iation from my original map, e%en more than becoming an

nglish ma(or. The smarter choice for an additional ma(or or minor

#ould ha%e been business, communications, or (ournalism. But the

5rench language and culture #as something " #as passionate about,

and #anted to pursue, despite people)s s$epticism.

My experiences in Paris also represent the huge gro#th "

under#ent #hen it comes to being independent. My mother came on

the trip #ith me, but " planned the entire trip by myself. Dnce there, "

#as the one #ho handled the hotel, the money, buying tic$ets for

things, na%igation, etc. " $ne# a little 5rench at this point, but not

much. Still, " managed to get by.


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4ot only #as this trip good practice for my 5rench, but it ga%e me

a glimpse at #hat li%ing in a country #here the nati%es do not spea$

nglish might be li$e. " #as surprised by ho# much communication

could be made #ith so fe# #ords. The clearest memory of this #as on

our rst morning in Paris #hen #e #ere unable to learn #here to buy

tic$ets for the metro. " sur%eyed our surroundings, and decided a police

ocer #as my best bet for an nglish spea$er. -e responded to my

6Bon(our, Monsieur. Parle*!%ous anglaisE7 #ith a /uic$ 6non7. little

shoc$ed, " paused for a

moment, desperately trying to nd the #ords " needed. 6Billets pour

mtro 8tic$ets for metro9E7 " nally managed. -is face softened a bit

and he started rattling oA something in 5rench. " must ha%e loo$ed a

little panic$ed because he stopped and pointed. 6cheter 8to buy9E7 "

as$ed, pointing in the same direction. -e smiled and nodded. " than$ed

him and #e proceeded to get our tic$ets, and had a #onderful day

exploring the city. " remember #al$ing a#ay from the man #ith a small

spring in my step, a tiny surge of pride in my chest. " had hit an

obstacle, and " had o%ercome it.

"t #as also a reminder that e%en though #e come from totally

diAerent places and spea$ diAerent languages, #e are still the same at

the basic le%els. " had heard so many stereotypes about the 5rench

hating mericans, but " found this to be generally false. " found that if "

sho#ed respect, " tended to recei%e it. My mother, li$e many people,


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tends to snap at people and get exasperated #hen she is anxious and

uncomfortable, but as " found o%er and o%er on my tra%els, a little bit

of $indness and understanding can go a long #ay. ?ust by trying my

best to use his #ords, " #as able to sho# the policeman that "

respected his culture and city, and in return he helped me as best he

could.

My trip to Paris rearmed my decision to study 5rench, both as a

language and a culture. t the Dpera Populaire, " found a small boo$

titled Sherlock Holmes et le Fantome de l’Opera, by 4icholas Meyer. "t

included t#o of my fa%orite literary gures, but it #as #ay abo%e my

5rench reading le%el. " bought it any#ay. Beyond the sentimentality, it

#as a goal. " promised myself that if " bought the boo$, " #ould

read it someday, #hich meant " #ould ha%e to learn enough 5rench to

do so. There ha%e been times #hen learning 5rench has been

discouraging and seemed more trouble than it)s #orth, but a glance at

that simple little boo$ on my shelf #ill gi%e me the boost " need.

British culture is %ery diAerent from merican culture, but the

gap bet#een merican and 5rench culture is e%en greater. =earning

about 5rench culture and the language has greatly expanded my

perspecti%e of the #orld and my a#areness of my o#n biases and

pre(udices. %en something as tri%ial as the diAerences bet#een

merican and 5rench hotels helped gro# my a#areness and

perspecti%e. We stayed in a relati%ely expensi%e hotel, and " #as


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surprised as ho# things that " too$ for granted in other hotels #ere

missing. We had a $ey to get into our room, not a s#ipe card. The

#rought!iron bed held a thin mattress #ith a /uilt and t#o pillo#s.

There #as one electrical outlet. My mother #anted to lea%e

immediately. "n her mind, a hotel #as supposed to loo$ a certain #ay,

and this one #as not cutting it. -o#e%er, after a fe# nights, #e learned

to en(oy the /uaint /uir$s, and reali*ed that #e could sur%i%e #ithout

our usual merican comforts. The next time " stayed in an merican

hotel, " #as %ery a#are of the mountains of pillo#s on the beds and the

%e lamps in the room. There is nothing #rong #ith appreciating such

comforts, but " am no# a#are and accepting of diAerent ideas of #hat

is re/uired in a hotel in diAerent places.

"n classes " ha%e learned about 5rench go%ernment, history, and

general beliefs. The 5rench consider free health care to be a human

right, #hich is a far cry

from ho# it is %ie#ed in merica. Dn the other hand, they ha%e a much

stricter policy on $eeping religion out of schools, not allo#ing Muslim

girls to #ear hi(abs. =earning to not (udge these issues based solely oA

my o#n experiences and others opinions, but to loo$ at both sides of

the issues in a cultural context as #ell, has help me in my de%elopment

of self!authorship. " understand #hy and ho# things ha%e come to be a

certain #ay, and that ability to understand a point of %ie# and


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empathi*e can be translated across many diAerent elds and

experiences.

" nd myself loo$ing at e%ents and problems, both locally and

globally, and thin$ing, ho# #ould a British person approach or see

thisE 5rench personE What about someone from Bra*il, or &hinaE

Being able to loo$ at things from another perspecti%e besides my o#n

has made a large impact on ho# " relate to people and choices in my

life.

Postcards fro( Rssia

While studying in =ondon and tra%eling to Paris had expanded my

#orld%ie# and cemented my decision to create and follo# my o#n

map, " #as not expecting to ha%e a similar experience bac$ in the

States.

fter the initial excitement of coming home #ore oA, "

experienced immense re%erse culture shoc$. " #as dying for any taste

of another culture. t the "nternational 5esti%al in the fall, " learned

about the "nternational -ouse, #hich is a place #here immigrants and

non!nglish spea$ers can ha%e a place to come and recei%e help and

resources for ad(usting to life in the Fnited States. Dne of the things

they do is oAer an hour and a half of nglish tutoring e%ery #ee$ for

ten!#ee$

periods. xcited at meeting someone #ho #as from another country

and #ho spo$e another language, " %olunteered. The students too$ a


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placement test, #hich #ould place them any#here from basic to

ad%anced.

s a tutor, " had an orientation session, and then #as gi%en a

pac$et of lesson plans. The rst class " #as really ner%ous. More than

anything, " felt a little out of place. The ma(ority of the students #ere

o%er thirty, some e%en old enough to be my grandparent. "t felt

strange to be in a position of $no#ledge and authority o%er people so

much older than me. Still, " had spent a #hile preparing my rst lesson,

and #al$ed in that day feeling decently prepared.

-o#e%er, nothing could ha%e prepared me for Marina, #ho had

recently mo%ed here from 0ussia, and #ho already spo$e decent

con%ersational nglish. " learned that she had been a psychologist in

0ussia, but had mo%ed here to be #ith her husband. We #ent through

the lesson " had prepared, both a little a#$#ard. Dr perhaps " #as the

a#$#ard one, as " #as not sure ho# much to correct or #here to steer

her. But Marina agreed to e%erything " said #ith a smile. " had ne%er

met anyone from 0ussia before, and " found myself surprised at ho#

open and friendly she #as. " #as embarrassed #hen " reali*ed " had

unintentionally stereotyped Marina, especially ha%ing (ust spent

months meeting people from all o%er the #orld. "t #as a good reminder

that " #as still learning and e%ol%ing, and still am today.

The second class she #al$ed in and as$ed if " had e%er read Anna

Karenina. She had (ust nished it in 0ussian. We tal$ed for se%eral


23/30

minutes about boo$s, both suggesting titles #e had found interesting.

We mo%ed on to the lesson, and did an

exercise #here #e #rote a story together. " #ould #rite one sentence,

then she #ould #rite another. We ended up #ith a story about a silly

dog #ho stole soc$s and #ore them on his hands. Because our earlier

con%ersation too$ up so much time, " had to thro# out part of the

lesson " had prepared.

The next #ee$ Marina handed me a beautiful pastel illustration

of our story, #hich, more than anything, spo$e to the type of person

she #as. She #as incredibly smart, yet she also had a child)s curiosity

and fearlessness about e%erything. She lo%ed art and music and boo$s,

and #as constantly trying out ne# classes, #hether in art or in dance.

She had li%ed in this city for less than a year and hardly spo$e the

language, yet she had experienced much more in a fe# months than "

probably ha%e in four years.

" e%entually thre# the lesson plans out the #indo# completely,

#hich #as hard for me to do. " #as afraid " #ould loo$ dumb or la*y.

"nstead of doing boring grammar exercises, #e tal$ed. We discussed

St. Petersburg, boo$s, the ethics of clothing brands, philosophy.

Whate%er #e thought #as interesting that day. Gi%en my role as a

planner and the teacher, " li$ed to ha%e an idea of #hat exercises #e

#ere going to do, #hat #ords or %erb tenses #e #ere going to practice.


24/30

But once again, " had to experience another moment of letting go of

my map.

This time it #as easier, probably because the conse/uences #ere

less se%ere. But loo$ing bac$, " can see ho# during the fe# months of

being bac$ in the country, " had subconsciously started to fall bac$ into

my old #ay of thin$ing. gain, #ithout the stimulating diAerentness

that is =ondon and the constant +o# of ne#

experiences, " #as in danger of becoming stagnant and falling bac$

into the mindset of accepting #hat is gi%en to me #ithout /uestion.

Though " en(oyed the sub(ects better, " could ha%e easily fallen bac$

into the f chec$lists and maps trap that " thought " had managed to

escape. Without Marina)s energetic and spontaneous in+uence once a

#ee$, " might ha%e ended up almost as miserable in my ne# ma(ors as

" #as before

t our last lesson Marina ga%e me some postcards from 0ussia. "

ha%e collected postcards since " #as eight, though she did not $no#

that. " lost touch #ith her after our lessons ended, but " #ill al#ays

$eep those postcards. lthough " #as technically her teacher, she

taught me more than " e%er taught her. Though " only $ne# her for ten

#ee$s, the memory of her #ill follo# me through my life. She #as a

#a$e!up call and an inspiration to continue to push myself and

continue creating my o#n map. Whene%er " nd myself settling into a

slump, " remember her cra*y ad%entures and lo%e for life, and it


25/30

encourages me to thin$ outside the box and push myself out of my

comfort *one.

Marina is a #onderful example of someone #ho has a fully

de%eloped sense of self!authorship. She $no#s #ho she is and #hat

she #ants, but she is not blind to or dismissi%e of other people)s %ie#s

and ideas. She is open to trying ne# things and loo$ing at things a

diAerent #ay, but at the end of the day she is still herself. Marina

remained an ama*ingly positi%e and enthusiastic person because she

#as able to hold on to that sense of self through a dicult time of

transition.

"hapter One

Sometimes it is easy to feel li$e not much happened to me after

studying abroad and my time #ith Marina. But of course things

happened. 4amely, " (umped headrst into my #riting. Both my time

abroad and my experience #ith Marina had helped me see that it #as

possible to pursue my dream of #riting. The last year or so " ha%e been

putting in the hard #or$ to see that dream inch to#ards reality.

" ha%e ta$en se%eral creati%e #riting classes, and seen my s$ills

%astly impro%e #ith each one. My fa%orite, and the one " am the most

proud of, #as Writing Y 8Young dult9 5antasy. "n that class " produced

#hat has been the most dicult piece of #riting " ha%e attempted so

far' a no%el synopsis.


26/30

no%el synopsis, at least the type for this class, is a uni/ue

piece of #riting. "t must con%ey the plot points of the no%el, from

beginning to end, as #ell as the ma(or character arcs. Dn top of that,

the #riting and style must be the same as the #or$ and should engage

the reader enough to #ant to read your boo$. ll #ithin three pages.

The rst page #as easy enough. We #ere simultaneously #riting

the rst no%el chapter, so " already $ne# #hat my beginning loo$ed

li$e. Then came the hard part. What happens nextE This assignment

sho#ed me the nitty!gritty part of #hat being an author entails. =ots of

people can thin$ of great ideas for a boo$ and can e%en claim to ha%e

plotted it out in their heads. But to actually put it do#n on paper,

#here it all ma$es sense, ts together, and is engagingE That is #here

it gets dicult.

Df course, a no%el synopsis is open to change as you #rite your

no%el, but that did not ma$e #riting an original one any easier. " #ent

through draft after draft. fe# times " changed something in the

beginning that completely negated e%erything else " had come up #ith

so far. When " nally nished, " did not ha%e a perfect no%el. But " had a

complete one. " could #rite that no%el, if " #anted to.

no%el synopsis is in many #ays a type of map. " $ne# #here

the story started, as #ell as all of the stops along the #ay, and, of

course, #here it ended. " (ust needed to ll in the details. "f " #anted to


27/30

see it in a physical map form, " could dra# the synopsis on a line in

chronological order.

That semester, " truly embraced #riting as a career choice. "t

became more than (ust a dream for the future, but a decision that

#ould direct the path my life ta$es. Though " #ill al#ays gro#, this is

#as the point #here " reached the nal stage in regards to self!

authorship in college and my career.

When " rst s#itched to an nglish ma(or, " had on rose!colored

glasses, en%isioning endless opportunity and fun. Today, #hile " $no#

that the stereotypes of nglish ma(ors that " had been fed for years are

false, " also $no# that this rosy %ie# of it is #rong as #ell. -o#e%er,

through " nglish " de%eloped a much stronger sense of self and

identity, not relying on outside forces to dene it for me.

"n choosing a career path, " loo$ed carefully at diAerent options. "

loo$ed at many diAerent paths " could ta$e, and the positi%es and

negati%es of each. " sought ad%ice from many diAerent people'

professors, ad%isors, friends, parents, authors, and e%en people on the

"nternet. " loo$ed at the issue from all sides, trying to understand the

conse/uences of each choice.

"n the end of the day, " processed all the ad%ice and information "

had learned, and made my o#n decision to pursue #riting as a career.

The path #ill not be easy, but " #ill not be blo#n o%er or $noc$ed do#n

so /uic$ly li$e " #as #ith chemistry. " #ill o%ercome obstacles, because


28/30

" no# nd my sense of identity #ithin myself, not in the external labels

" ha%e created. 5or example, #riting is part of my identity, but my

success as a #riter is not. lo%e for learning is part of my identity. My

grades and success as a student are not. 1no#ing these things ma$es

obstacles li$e a bad grade or a re(ection, if not easier, more realistic to

deal #ith, because those external forces can no longer change my

internal self, desires, goals, and actions.

Many people thin$ " am ma$ing a mista$e pursuing #riting, that "

am dooming myself to po%erty and disappointment and #asting my

smarts. Because of self!authorship, " ha%e the ability to loo$ at those

arguments and understand their point of %ie#, and $no# that they

could %ery #ell be right. But " am ma$ing my o#n choice after

#eighing all the options. " am ma$ing my o#n map.

"onclsion

The map of my college career is not pretty. "t is not simple. 4o

one else could e%er follo# it. "t is a mess of detours and roadbloc$s.

But it is also a map of successes and disco%eries. More importantly, it

is mine. " am seeing the %ague idea of the endpoint that " started #ith

materiali*e around me. "f you had told my freshman, chemistry ma(or

self that " #as going to go to graduate school for creati%e #riting, "

#ould ha%e laughed. nd yet, " start a program at F4&G in the fall.

" learned to let go and explore once and a#hile. Pop do#n that

side street or get oA at the next tube stop. Something may surprise


29/30

me. t the %ery least, " #ill ha%e learned something ne# about myself

or the #orld. " $no# longer feel the need to ma$e it to the laid out step.

"f things do not go exactly as planned, that is o$ay. "t might be a sign

that " need to re!e%aluate my map, and ma$e sure " am still the one in

control.

" can see the #ays " ha%e gro#n, and the places #here " could

gro# and de%elop more. " am loo$ing into the future at the next

direction the map #ill ta$e. There #ill probably com a time #hen " ha%e

to ma$e a ne# map again. nd " am o$ay #ith that. " started my

college career by re(ecting a map. But " learned that follo#ing a map is

not a bad thing. " am going to follo# one #hether " reali*e it or not. "t is

choosing my o#n that made the diAerence. While ma$ing the choice

does not guarantee the destination, it gi%es me the energy and dri%e

to gi%e it my best shot.

Wor$s &ited


30/30

Creamer, Elizabeth G., and Anne Laughlin. “Self-Authorship and Women’s

Career e!ision "a#ing.$ Journal of College Student Development %&.'

()**+ '-)/. Project Muse. 0irginia 1e!h. Web. )& "ar. )*'&

2Elizabeth Creamer.2 Educational Research and Evaluation. 0irginia 1e!h, n.d.

Web. )3 "ar. )*'&

"eszaros, 4egg5 S. “1he 6ourne5 of Self-authorship Wh5 7s 7t 8e!essar59$ New

Directions for Teaching and earning )**/.'*: ()**/+-'%. Web. + Apr.

)*'&

8elson Laird, 1homas ;. “the Effe!t of 1ea!hing General Edu!ation Courses on

eep Approa!hes to Learning t "atters.$

Research in !igher Education +'. ()*'* )%3-&+. Springer in"#

Springer S!ien!e?@usiness "edia. Web. / Apr. )*'&.

making my own map

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