1

2

Magic Motivation From stuck to success in days

By Kirsten Long

“True to its title, this expert and easy-to-use book combines

wisdom, inspiration and practical guidelines in a way that really

is magical, confirming Kirsten Long's status as one of the very

best in the field.”

Pnina Fenster

Editor GLAMOUR MAGAZINE SA

Visit MY BLOG:

http://coach4life.co.za/blog/

Twitter: Coach4LifeKL

3

Copyright @ 2011 Kirsten Long

All Rights Reserved.

The material in this electronic publication is protected under International and Federal Copyright

Laws and Treaties, and as such, any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is strictly prohibited.

The material in this electronic publication may be stored only on one computer at one time. You may

keep one additional copy on CD or disk for backup purposes. You may not copy, forward, or transfer

this publication or any part of it, whether in electronic or printed form, to another person or entity.

Reproduction or translation of any part of this work without the permission of the copyright holder

is against the law.

Coach 4 Life, P.O. Box 2315, Cramerview, South Africa, 2060

Contact: Kirsten@coach4life.co.za

IMPORTANT

You may only view this eBook if you are the person who purchased it.

You do not have resell rights or giveaway rights to this eBook.

4

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book

to my husband Dave

and my children Morgan, Natasha and Cayla

whose presence in my life is essential.

THANKS

To my Mom who read through the first version with an eagle eye

To my sister Terry for website and testing assistance

To Michelle Brownlee Smith for editing

DEFINITIONS

Motion

to move

Motivation

the act of giving someone a reason or incentive to do something

to move to action

Motivator

the reason for action

Motivate

to give someone a reason or incentive to do something

5

Table of Contents

Foreword .............................................................................................................................. 7

How to use this workbook ............................................................................................................ 7

In preparation ............................................................................................................................ 7

The book is made up of five different elements: ........................................................................ 7

When you see these symbols… .................................................................................................. 7

How can I get the most out of this workbook? ........................................................................... 8

Introduction ....................................................................................................................... 10

Reasons for lack of motivation ................................................................................................. 10

Take care of yourself ................................................................................................................ 10

Consequences of lack of motivation ......................................................................................... 10

Can motivation be negative? ................................................................................................... 11

Chapter 1. What is motivation? ...................................................................................... 12

Chapter 2. I just don’t feel like it! ................................................................................... 14

Chapter 3. Motivation myths .......................................................................................... 18

Myth 1: I have to be motivated before I start working ............................................................... 18

Myth 2: My boss/company/spouse/another should motivate me ............................................. 18

Myth 3: Fear is a good motivator ................................................................................................ 18

Myth 4: I am not motivated ........................................................................................................ 19

Myth 5: Motivation is only for work tasks .................................................................................. 19

Myth 6: Giving rewards motivates people .................................................................................. 19

Chapter 4. Motivation truths .......................................................................................... 22

Truth 1: Motivation is a luxury – you don’t have to have it! ....................................................... 22

Truth 2: Motivation is catchy ...................................................................................................... 22

Truth 3: You’re motivated by the consequences of your work.................................................... 22

Truth 4: Start the work, motivation will follow ........................................................................... 23

Truth 5: Motivation is a habit ..................................................................................................... 23

Chapter 5. Your motivators ............................................................................................ 25

Chapter 6. Dirty fears that stop you ............................................................................... 34

Chapter 7. Procrastination .............................................................................................. 39

Chapter 8. Don’t break bad habits .................................................................................. 44

Something extra ................................................................................................................ 48

Chapter 9. Best practice .................................................................................................. 49

Chapter 10. Self-reflection ............................................................................................ 52

Chapter 11. The right attitude ....................................................................................... 57

Chapter 12. Powerful YOU ............................................................................................ 64

Chapter 13. You and your world ................................................................................... 70

6

Chapter 14. Morbid mediocrity ..................................................................................... 76

Chapter 15. Where are you going? ................................................................................ 80

Chapter 16. Failure = feedback ...................................................................................... 84

Conclusion .......................................................................................................................... 88

References .......................................................................................................................... 90

7

Foreword How to use this workbook In preparation Buy yourself a beautiful journal and pen. Alternatively, create a special folder on

your computer where you will do the journal work suggested.

The book is made up of five different elements:

Information and theory. This is the part you’ll need to read.

Journal work. This offers you an opportunity to learn and reflect (the

reflection part is an important part of the work).

Quotes. These support the theory.

Practice. Exercises for you to do that will consolidate your learning and help

bring about change (the action part of your work).

Key ideas. These summaries are found at the end of each chapter and serve

as a quick reminder of what you have learnt in the chapter.

When you see these symbols… …it’s time for Journal work. Wherever you see this sign in the book, take five minutes for yourself. Breathe yourself into a calm, self-reflective space. Square breathing always works for me:

Breathe in while counting to four.

Hold your breath while counting to four.

Breathe out while counting to four.

Hold your breath while counting to four.

Repeat four times

Then, do the exercise in your journal. You may want to write the

page number of the exercise in your journal for cross-referencing

purposes. Take your time and write honestly. If possible, write for a

minimum of 10 minutes. This is for your eyes only – the more honest

you are, the more you will learn and grow.

8

If you do not feel confident about journaling, refer to my book

Journaling Joys.

…it’s time to Practice.

This is a practical exercise for you to follow. It’s different to journal

work where you are required to reflect. These exercises are actions

that you can take to bring change to your life. Follow the

instructions given.

…it’s time to reflect on the Key ideas.

After each chapter, you’ll find a summary of the content and

important points to remember.

How can I get the most out of this workbook?

This book is written in a way that you can choose the best route for you:

Either work through the book from beginning to end. This will give you a

complete understanding of all aspects of self-motivation.

Or, pick the chapters where you believe you’re having difficulty and work

through those first. The book is written in a way that each chapter is an

entity on its own and doesn’t require the previous chapter in order to be

understood.

On that note: when you work on a chapter, complete the work from the beginning to

the end. This is especially true of the journal work. When you get to a journal

exercise, do it right away before reading the rest of the chapter. This is because

some exercises work better when you do them fresh, before reading the theory

behind it. To give yourself the best chance of success, do the journal exercises as you

come across them.

As with life, the theory is useful, but change only comes about when you take action.

This includes not only physical action, like making a telephone call, but includes mind

action like changing your thought patterns and beliefs.

Mind changes are possible because you can consciously focus your mind on

something. For instance, if I suggest that you spend two minutes listing the things

you are grateful for in life, you’ll find that you are quite capable of doing this. Many

9

of your beliefs are unconscious but once you become aware of them (through

journaling or other exercises) you can consciously let go of that belief and replace it

with a more affirming belief. My understanding of action includes this kind of

practice and exercise.

The most important consideration to changing your motivation levels therefore is

that you must take action. The first action you are going to take is to pick up this

book and decide how to work with it. Secondly, you will begin reading. Yes, action

gets things moving – and your journey has begun.

Take on all the journal work – this is an important part of the journey of discovery for

you. Complete all the exercises as this is part of creating change. Small changes every

day make for a lifetime of success.

Commit to working though this book. Take your time (don’t even try to do it all at

once!). If you read the whole book and try to implement the changes in one go,

you’ll lose motivation and be back at square one.

Try spending a whole week on a chapter. Get those changes under your belt before

you embark on something new. You may find one or two chapters make all the

difference for you anyway. You can end each day flipping though all the key ideas to

make the knowledge part of you. Working through the book means that, in time,

you’ll shift your motivation levels.

NEVER, EVER GIVE UP!

10

Introduction Reasons for lack of motivation There are many reasons you may lack motivation. The most common ones are:

Low self-esteem

Lack of purpose and direction

Bad health

Depression and anxiety

Addiction

This book is based on the premise that you’re a reasonably self-regulating person

and that you have the ability to take some steps forwards. Now is a good time to ask:

“Can I help myself with the help of this book?” Or, “Do I need to see a professional?”

This book will NOT cure depression or stop addictions.

Take care of yourself If the majority of your days are spent feeling overwhelmed, abandoned, unworthy,

directionless or numb, you may need to get professional help. Using this book or

other ‘self-help’ material may leave you feeling worse off. Start with a general health

checkup and follow your doctor’s advice going forward.

Consequences of lack of motivation Lacking motivation can have devastating effects in your life. As you read on, you’ll

discover that you DON’T have to be motivated to achieve BUT it helps! Most of us

suffer from the consequences of being unmotivated in many different ways:

You struggle to get things done.

You feel like you can do more with your life but you don’t know how.

Your heart sinks when you look at your to-do list.

You sometimes dread getting up to face the day.

You enter a vicious cycle – the more unmotivated you feel, the less work you

do and the worse you feel.

You feel dissatisfied with yourself and your life.

If you feel like this every now and again – and everyone does at some point – that’s

okay. When you feel this way every day for most of the day, your happiness levels

plummet. The wonderful news is that you can change. Starting right now!

11

Can motivation be negative? Yes! A drug addict is highly motivated to get his next fix; a criminal, to surprise his

next victim. The question is not how to get motivated but rather, what to do with it.

12

Chapter 1. What is motivation?

There are as many definitions for motivation as there are lights in the city. Most

people have a pretty good understanding of it.

Motivation is:

A general desire to do something.

A willingness to act.

An inner power that pushes you to action.

An inner energy needed to accomplish something.

A desire to achieve a goal.

The best description? Motivation is the inner driving force that gets you going. It’s

usually seen in a positive light – when you feel motivated, you feel good.

Unmotivated, you feel bad.

Being motivated does not mean YOU are good or bad. In South Africa, where we

have a high crime rate, you will find that the criminal mind is highly motivated. A

criminal sets a goal to rob a house and has the inner energy and motivation to reach

that goal.

Motivation is part of your human conditioning and it is possible to affect your

motivation levels. This is good news, because it means you can empower yourself to

achieve your dreams. In this book you’ll learn and practice different ways to up your

motivation levels. The more you practice, the better you will get!

One of the quickest and easiest ways to get motivated is to socialise with achievers

and people with similar interests or goals. Drive and positive attitudes are

contagious. Mix with people who are negative and miserable and it won’t be long

before you feel the same. You do have the power to choose with whom you socialise

– use that power!

Be grateful when you feel motivated. Be even more grateful when you learn how to

change from an unresourceful, unmotivated state to an energetic, motivated state.

Now you hold the key to success.

13

“We are what we repeatedly do.

Excellence, therefore,

is not an act but a habit.”

Aristotle

Key ideas

There are many definitions for motivation.

Motivation is a general desire to do something.

Motivation is an inner power that pushes you to action.

Being motivated does not mean YOU are good or bad.

Motivation is part and parcel of our human condition.

It is possible to affect your motivation levels.

Get motivated by socialising with achievers.

Motivation and positive attitudes are contagious.

Be grateful when you feel motivated.

14

Chapter 2. I just don’t feel like it!

Journal work Cast your mind over the last week. Write down everything you did

that you did not feel like doing. Your list might include the following:

I did the laundry.

I wrote that report on Friday afternoon.

I cooked dinner.

I went to gym.

Describe what it feels like to be doing these things. Where do you

feel this in your body?

Journal work

Think back over the last week and write down everything you did

that you really enjoyed. Your list might include:

I cooked a special dinner for my best friend.

I gave a presentation to the board.

I spoke to my Mom on the phone.

Describe what it feels like to be doing these things. Where do you

feel this in your body?

So often you let yourself off the hook by telling yourself, “I don’t feel like it.” Have

you ever felt so tired at the end of the day that you didn’t even feel like brushing

your teeth? You probably still brushed them.

You are VERY capable of doing things that you don’t like or feel like doing. You do it

all the time. Not doing something because you don’t feel like it, is a choice. You are

choosing not to do it. In that moment you are also choosing to believe that you can’t

do it. This is not true. It’s convenient!

15

Practice

Every day this week, consciously do one thing you don’t feel like

doing. It’s important that you acknowledge your feelings. Say to

yourself, “I don’t feel like doing this AND I’m going to do it anyway.”

Then do it. Notice how this allows you to feel empowered.

Here’s the crux: you can practice doing the things you don’t feel like doing and can

get quite good at it. No matter what career you’re following or what you do for a

living there will be times in your life when you have to do things that you don’t feel

like doing. That’s life. There are however, ways to reduce those tasks through

delegation, outsourcing and saying no.

Then, acknowledge your emotions – these are important messages that give you

vital information about what is going on in your life. Get into the habit of

acknowledging your feelings as opposed to invalidating them. Never say phrases like:

“I shouldn’t feel like this.” Your emotions are your truth in that moment. Learn to

listen to your feelings and what they’re trying to tell you!

If most of your day is spent doing tasks that you hate – take heed. This may mean

that you should be doing something differently. Ask yourself, “If I’m still doing the

same thing in 10 years time, will I be happy?” If the answer makes you feel like

jumping off the planet – it’s time to take action and make a change. Set a goal and

take the necessary steps to bring you to a more fulfilled place. Get the support of a

Life Coach if you really don’t know what else to do or how to do it.

You may believe that you have to be motivated first, and then follow with action.

Your belief is that you’ll work when you’re motivated. But, motivation is actually a

luxury. You DON’T have to have it! You may find that once you sit down and start

something, you only then begin to feel motivated. A more true statement is that you

will feel motivated once you begin the work. Adopt this belief and you’ll get much

more done!

The reason you can do things you “don’t feel like doing” is simply because you

decide to do them. When you’re exhausted at night you DECIDE to brush your teeth

even though you really don’t feel like it. It’s a choice you’re making.

There may sometimes be a person who is expecting you to do something. You allow

yourself to be accountable to others. But what about being accountable to you? It’s

16

much more difficult to do something if you’re doing it for yourself. Planning to write

a book? Lose weight? Start a business? Do you find it difficult to get going because

you are not motivated? You could wait for years until you feel motivated. The

consequences of waiting until you’re motivated are.... nothing. Yes, that’s right –

nothing will be achieved if you’re waiting for motivation.

“Don't wait until everything is just right.

It will never be perfect.

There will always be challenges, obstacles

and less than perfect conditions.

So what?”

Mark Victor Hansen

The way to overcome this inertia is twofold:

Get your mind right! Understand that motivation is a luxury and a

choice. You know how to start something even if you “don’t feel like

it”.

Then, train yourself to do something small each day that you don’t

like doing but that has to get done. Notice how you feel once it’s

done. Now tackle bigger projects. Soon you’ll discover that you’re

getting things done without noticing whether you’re motivated or

not. Acknowledging that you don’t feel like doing something and

doing it anyway is a winning mindset.

This is how you teach yourself to be accountable to yourself. Once you are

accountable to yourself, you can tackle those projects you’ve been thinking about for

years with ease and grace.

17

“The truth is,

motivation doesn't just appear.

Force yourselves to go

to the gym at first –

over time your body will actually crave a

workout!”

Chris Crocker

Key ideas

You’re capable of doing something you don’t feel like doing.

Empower yourself – acknowledge your feelings AND take action.

You’ll feel motivated once you begin the work.

If you don’t feel like doing what you should be doing most of your

day – take the steps to make a change.

You can train yourself to do things you don’t feel like doing.

Motivation is actually a luxury. You DON’T have to have it!

The reason you can do things you don’t feel like doing is simply

because you decide to do them.

You allow yourself to be accountable to others.

You can train yourself to be accountable to you.

The consequences of waiting until you’re motivated are....

nothing.

Get your mind right. Acknowledge that you don’t feel like doing

something and do it anyway – it’s a winning mindset.

18

Chapter 3. Motivation myths

Myth 1: I have to be motivated before I start working Not true! See Chapter 2. I just don’t feel like it. Almost every day of your life you do

things you don’t really feel like doing. Think of days when you haven’t felt like going

to work but you still did. When you believe this statement, you put off doing tasks

because you don’t feel like you’re motivated – even though you are quite capable of

doing the task.

Myth 2: My boss/company/spouse/another should motivate me Not true! Take responsibility for motivating yourself. Saying that it’s the company’s

fault that they aren’t motivating you is disempowering (for you). You’re NOT likely to

get far in life if you believe this. Is your success in life really that dependant on

others? Be accountable and responsible for your own success, your own motivation

and your own choices.

Myth 3: Fear is a good motivator Not entirely true! Fear certainly does motivate and can get results. However it’s not

always sustainable. And, when fear loses its power, you may start floundering. Fear

motivation often causes cyclical successes. For example, let’s say you have a fear of

being fat and ugly. You wake up, look in the mirror and you say to yourself, “That’s it,

you look dreadful. All that weight is revolting. If you carry on like this you will be

obese and no-one will want to be with you.”

Your fear motivates you to do something. You decide to join a weight-loss group and

you’re highly motivated. The weight starts dropping slowly and steadily. One day you

look in the mirror and you say, “You’re looking great! Look how good those clothes

look on you – time to celebrate!” And off you go to a slap-up meal with your friends.

You have a little extra over the weekend. You “need” a glass of wine after a hard day

at work. Slowly but surely the weight comes back. What happened? The moment

you looked in the mirror and decided you were fine, the fear of being fat was not

there – and your motivation to diet was GONE. Without the motivation, there’s not

much incentive to diet. So you start putting on weight until one day you look in the

mirror and say “That’s it, you look dreadful. All that weight is revolting. If you carry

on like this you will be obese and no-one will want to be with you….”

19

And so the rollercoaster starts – motivated by fear, you spring into action. Fear goes

away, you lose motivation. Fear comes back, and you’re back in action, etc., etc.

Fear may motivate but it’s not the best way to create success in your life.

Myth 4: I am not motivated Not true! (Unless you are severely clinically depressed.) Everyone is motivated about

something – even if it’s to lie in bed on a Sunday morning. Ever “desperately”

wanted that glass of wine at the end of the day? That’s motivation. You believe you

aren’t motivated when you don’t want to do the things that you feel you SHOULD be

doing. When you feel like doing something that you believe you SHOULD be doing

then you say you’re motivated.

Motivation is merely a strong desire to do something (whether you feel you should

or shouldn’t). You ARE experiencing that feeling on a regular basis.

Myth 5: Motivation is only for work tasks Not true! People are motivated to do all sorts of different things: play sport, build

strong relationships, to be more spiritual, to sleep on the couch on a Sunday

afternoon, to climb mountains and swim in freezing rivers….. The list is endless.

Motivation is merely a strong desire to do something.

Myth 6: Giving rewards motivates people Not entirely true! Like fear, it can result in getting people to do things that they may

not really want to do. This way of motivating is called extrinsic motivation.

The problem with this method of motivating people is that they’ll focus on getting

the task done as quickly and effortlessly as possible because their eye is on the

reward and not on the task. They’re motivated to get the reward. They’re not

motivated to do the task well – simply to get it finished.

For example, when I’m filing papers (which is something I hate doing), I set a timer

for half an hour. I file furiously and when the half hour is done, I sit down with a nice

cup of tea and do something that I enjoy (like writing this book). The problem is that

sometimes I file documents in the wrong place because all I want is to get it over

with and have my tea. I don’t intend changing my way of getting the filing done

because most of the time this method works for me. However, this may not be a

useful method to motivate myself when I am coaching someone. “Let’s get this done

20

as quickly as possible so that I can go shopping” would not add that much value to

my coaching practice!

Journal work

Think about the way you run your life. Write down all your extrinsic

motivators – as many as you can. What motivates you to keep

healthy? What motivates you to see your family and friends? What

motivates you to go to work? What motivates you to watch TV for

hours? Be HONEST! For example:

When I avoid conflict it’s because I fear losing my job.

When I avoid doing a report I don’t understand it’s because I

don’t want my boss to know that I can’t do it.

When I reach for that glass of whiskey I tell myself it’s

because I had a long week and deserve it. What I really want

is to forget all my troubles.

21

Key ideas

You’re quite capable of doing a task even if you don’t feel like it.

You’re responsible for your own motivation levels.

Motivation is not only about doing what you “should”. Very often

you’re motivated to do things you “shouldn’t”. Either way, you are

motivated. Let go of the thought that you are unmotivated.

You’ll only do something because you find personal value in

doing it.

Motivation covers all aspects of your life.

Extrinsic motivation (rewards or fear) can motivate – but there are

better ways to get you motivated.

22

Chapter 4. Motivation truths

Truth 1: Motivation is a luxury – you don’t have to have it! So true! A luxury is desirable but not essential – and, it’s often something that’s hard

to get. So too with motivation! If you have a job to do and you’re highly motivated –

that’s wonderful – enjoy it. However, we are all completely capable of doing

something we don’t feel like doing. We’re capable of working even when we’re

unmotivated and most people have experienced that feeling. If you’re not feeling

motivated, acknowledge your feeling AND do it anyway.

Truth 2: Motivation is catchy So true! Think back to a time when you were extremely motivated to do something.

How high were your enthusiasm levels? Probably quite high... Motivation and

enthusiasm seem to go hand in hand. In fact, one of the definitions in the Encarta

Dictionary for motivation is enthusiasm. And, enthusiasm is highly contagious.

Therefore, we can also deduce that motivation is catchy.

If you’re working on a project with someone who is highly motivated and

enthusiastic, there’s a strong possibility that you’ll begin feeling the same way. So if

you’re concerned that you’re unmotivated about a task, start faking the enthusiasm

until it becomes real – and the motivation will follow. I’ve been doing this with gym

lately. I wake up at 4h45 on gym mornings. In winter, when it’s cold, I despair when

the alarm goes off. I shout out (in my head), “I really, really don’t feel like this!” Once

I realised that a pattern was developing, I gave myself a strict talking to – after all the

outcome of gym does have positive consequences. When the alarm goes off, I now

say, “Yay, gym! It’ll be good to work out so that my body grows fit and healthy.” It

definitely helps to get me out of bed.

Truth 3: You’re motivated by the consequences of your work So true! I do quite a lot of pro-bono work with prisoners. The reason I choose to do

this is not because I love criminals and certainly not because I love going into prison

with doors locking behind me. I choose to do this work because these prisoners are

unlikely to recommit crimes once they’ve been through the programme.

Rehabilitation is the consequence of the work that I do in the prison and that makes

the hours worthwhile, giving me a reason to go back. It’s the consequences of the

work that motivates me.

23

If you are feeling unmotivated about a task, think about the outcomes of it. If the

outcome inspires you in some way (hopefully it does, otherwise why are you doing

it?), then visualise that outcome using all your senses. Run this movie through your

head often to help with your motivation levels.

Truth 4: Start the work, motivation will follow So true! I experienced this over and over again while writing this book. Often I didn’t

feel like sitting down and writing. So I’d say to myself, “I don’t feel like this, and I’ll

write anyway.” If I felt really bad, I’d promise myself that if, after 20 minutes, I still

didn’t feel like it, I could stop. That never happened. Once I got going, my motivation

levels rose, and then I didn’t want to stop. So get going, even if you don’t feel like it –

motivation will sneak in while you’re working.

Truth 5: Motivation is a habit So true! Humans often develop habitual ways of being in the world. If you’ve

developed an attitude where you see hard work as negative and unpleasant, you’ll

mostly feel unmotivated. If you focus on the hard work instead of the outcome of

the hard work, you’ll mostly feel unmotivated. If you say to yourself how awful it is

and how much you hate it, you’re unlikely to feel motivated. Fortunately, the

opposite is also true. If you focus on the outcomes of any project and your attitude

to work is healthy, you’re likely to feel motivated about most things in your life.

Attitude is a habit. What you focus on is a habit. Motivation is a habit.

Journal work

Explore your habitual way of being in the world. What are your

common thoughts? In what areas do you display a healthy attitude

and where in your life does your attitude not add value? Describe

your enthusiasm levels for different aspects of your life. Where do

you need to make changes?

24

Key ideas

You’re quite capable of doing a task even if you don’t feel like it.

Motivation is a luxury – you don’t have to have it!

If you’re not feeling motivated, acknowledge your feeling AND do

it anyway.

Motivation is catchy.

Motivation and enthusiasm go hand in hand.

Enthusiasm is highly contagious.

Therefore, motivation is also catchy.

Pretend to be enthusiastic until the enthusiasm becomes real.

Motivation will follow.

You are motivated by the consequences of your work.

Visualise the outcomes of your project to help build up your

motivation levels.

Start the work; motivation will follow.

Motivation is a habit.

25

Chapter 5. Your motivators

What motivates you? This is a question asked by many people and companies. The

answer is quite simple: you are motivated by what you value. Your motivators are

aligned with your value system. Of course it’s not always that simple to identify your

highest values but it’s not that difficult either. It simply means you need to do a bit

of detective work!

Journal work

Write a list of all the values that you can think of. Aim for about 40 to

50. These are not necessarily your values but rather any values you

know of. For example:

Honesty.

Reliability.

Support.

Belonging.

There are three important corners to the motivation triangle:

1. Your resources. This applies to your skills, abilities, knowledge, people and

tools available to help you and your attitude and beliefs.

2. Your goal.

3. Your personal values.

Most people focus on the goal and their resources. An important link, often ignored,

is the congruency between the goal and your personal values. A person who puts

high value on honesty and integrity is unlikely to achieve a goal of robbing a bank.

Your goal must encompass your personal values for your motivation levels to be

high. Obviously, all your resources must be available for you to be motivated and to

reach your goals. We know this to be true: if you’re assigned to a job for which you

are totally incompetent, you’re unlikely to feel motivated about the job.

Identify your personal values. This is essential if you want to be successful.

Understanding personal values is an outcome of self-learning and self-reflection.

Let’s say James makes lots of money. It’s easy to look at that picture and say that

James is motivated by material things. However, he may be driven by the need for

security or the need to be the best. Or, simply to be successful. A value-detective

might take a closer look at James’ home and office. What’s he got on the walls and

26

which is important to him? Certificates and diplomas may mean he values success

and acknowledgement. Beautiful paintings may mean he appreciates creativity and

aesthetics. Paintings of scenery and the outdoors could indicate that he enjoys being

in nature or being at peace. All of these give us a clearer picture of James’ personal

values. It’s these personal values that drive him to do what he does. The money may

merely be an outcome of his work and may not necessarily reflect these values. Bear

this in mind when you look for signs of your own personal value system.

Another aspect to consider is your spending habits. When you have spare cash –

what do you spend it on? Music could mean that relaxation or creativity is important

to you. Buying clothes could indicate that grooming is meaningful or, being the best

you can be, is vital to you. These are just examples and each scenario will be

different for each person. Only you will know which underlying values are important

to you in each case.

The way you live your life provides good clues as to what you value. If you say your

children are important to you yet you spend very little time with them, acknowledge

that perhaps your career aspirations may give you more meaning. Look at the kinds

of holidays you take and the way you spend your leisure time. All of this gives you

clues about your personal values.

Journal work

Answer this question:

What must I have in my life in order to be fulfilled?

Write whatever comes into your mind and spend at least 30 minutes

on it. Allow yourself to get into the flow of your answer and don’t

stop until you feel it’s complete.

Be careful when identifying your values: make sure you are not picking values that

are socially acceptable but not really yours. Maybe integrity is preached about

regularly in your church but this may not mean it’s a top value of yours. It may still

be important to you but perhaps not one of your top three. Watch your feelings

carefully – you will feel congruent when you list true values – and perhaps a little

uncomfortable when you list adopted, socially-accepted values.

Have a look at your weekly activities. What does this tell you about your values? If

you play a lot of sport, what’s driving you? Do you have a need to look good? Does

the need to achieve drive you? Or, is your need to be healthy your main motivator?

You only ever do something when you find personal value in doing it. You can

27

determine this by asking yourself what’s really important to you about doing sport,

as an example.

Journal work

Take some time to do this exercise. Take the values that you wrote

down in the previous journal exercise and add them to the list

below. Add any other values that come up as you do this. You may

give the values different names. You may combine values if you feel

they describe the same sentiment. You may add values if you feel

there is something important missing. Close your journal and take a

few days break.

Support (to/from family).

Quality relationships.

Fulfilment.

Growth.

Achievement.

Contribution.

Belonging.

Responsibility.

Connection to God.

Appreciation.

Respect.

Making a difference.

Development.

Commitment.

Quality of work.

Sharing Joy.

Overall structure.

Comfort.

Creativity.

Transformation.

Self worth.

Freedom.

Connection with people.

Open mindedness.

Learning.

Having a different perspective.

Unlocking potential.

28

Communication.

Empowering others.

Honesty.

Flexibility.

Ability to choose.

Once you’ve identified your highest values, you can use them to motivate yourself. If

quality relationships and appreciation are high on your value system, how can your

work help you align with these values? Nurturing good quality relationships at work

will allow you to persuade people to support your point of view at times when you

need support to achieve something. Spending time appreciating your staff,

colleagues and bosses allows you to build relationships and align with both values –

this will lead to harmony in the workplace which, in turn, allows for greater success.

Journal work

Take some time to do this exercise. Look at the list of values that you

have created. Choose your 12 most important values from the list.

Take your time and think it through. When you find yourself

struggling to choose between two values, look at what your life

demonstrates as most important to you. Once you have completed

your list of 12 values, take a break.

Come back to the exercise and work with your 12 highest values.

Write down your values in list format numbered one to 12. For

example, your list could look something like this:

1) Freedom.

2) Learning.

3) Belonging.

4) Sharing.

5) Success.

6) Growth.

7) Creativity.

8) Aesthetics.

9) Self worth.

10) Connection to God.

11) Honesty.

12) Contribution.

29

If possible, get a friend to help you with the rest of this exercise. Go

through each value one at a time comparing it with every other one.

Each time you compare two values, place a tick next to the one that

is most important to you.

To elaborate:

Compare value 1 and value 2, ticking the most important.

Compare value 1 and value 3, ticking the most important.

Compare value 1 and value 4, etc. all the way up to 1 and 12.

Go on to value 2.

Compare value 2 and value 3, ticking the most important.

Compare value 2 and value 4, ticking the most important.

Compare value 2 and value 5, etc. all the way up to 2 and 12.

Go on to value 3.

Compare value 3 and value 4, ticking the most important.

Compare value 3 and value 5, ticking the most important.

Compare value 3 and value 6, etc. all the way up to 3 and 12.

Go on to value 4.

Compare value 4 and value 5, ticking the most important.

Compare value 4 and value 6, ticking the most important.

Compare value 4 and value 7, etc. all the way up to 4 and 12.

Continue doing the same throughout....

When you are done, count the ticks to determine your most

important values. Do not be stressed if you are surprised by the

outcome. This often happens!

How do you know if what you’re doing is aligned with your values? Simply take note

of your feelings. Uncomfortable feelings are a good indicator that you’re doing

something that compromises your values. Feeling focused, connected and calm

often indicates that what you’re doing is aligned with your values. More detective

work required!

Journal work

Consider the society in which you operate. Write down 20 to 30

values of your society. Then, consider your value system. Which of

your values align with those of your society? Which ones don’t?

What outcomes do you experience that arise from the difference in

your value systems?

30

Think back to the last time you were really angry? What specifically caused that

anger? Think through your answer as it often points to a value of yours. For example:

“I was so angry because he treated her with disrespect!” This probably points to

values of respect or self-worth amongst others. Or, “I was so angry that he didn’t

consult me on the matter.” This may point to the values of respect,

acknowledgement, contribution or self-worth. Or, “I was so angry when he

humiliated me in public,” could point to values of self-worth, integrity or

appreciation. You’ll know best what the relevant values are for you. When your

anger button is pushed it’s often because your value system is being compromised.

Practice

Pay attention to your feelings daily. Make a note of moments when

you’re feeling congruent and authentic. What was going on right

then? What was being honoured in the moment that allowed you to

feel like this?

Make a note of moments you feel angry, irritated or even

uncomfortable and explore that situation? What values were being

suppressed? What important beliefs were being compromised?

Read your answers carefully and write down the values that are

important to you. Keep a record of your values as you discover them.

Knowing your values means that you can learn to motivate yourself. Every time you

do something it’s because you find personal value in doing it. Usually this is

unconscious. Now you have the opportunity to make it more conscious.

Let’s say you set a goal to complete your degree. You’ve done some work and you’ve

discovered your highest values are respect, adventure and friendship. How will

having your degree meet your value of respect? That’s relatively simple: completing

your degree means that you can respect yourself for achieving something. You’ll also

gain respect from your family, friends and work colleagues. How will completing

your degree meet your value of adventure? Perhaps you can see your studies as an

adventure. You’ll be learning something new, meeting new people and discovering

things about yourself that were not there before. Perhaps completing your degree

will translate into greater financial rewards in time – this will give you the ability to

afford adventure holidays. You could also treat yourself to mini-adventures when

you achieve smaller milestones in your studies. You could arrange to go hiking (or

whatever means adventure to you – learn to tango or surf?) after you have

completed 10 assignments. What about the value of friendship? Decide to get into a

study group. Go to all your tutorials. Form a peer group where you chat on Skype

31

once a week to discuss problems you’re experiencing with the studies. All these are

opportunities to make new friends. You may find those bonds formed during

studying last a lifetime.

Once you realise that getting the degree gives you congruence with your top values,

it will be much easier to study. Remind yourself of the ways it is enriching your life by

meeting your values. Include these images in your visualisation when you wake in

the mornings. Studying for a degree will make more sense to you now.

Journal work

How can you use the knowledge of your values to motivate yourself

to achieve your goals? In what ways are you compromising your

values by NOT taking action?

Write down a goal of yours. Write down two or three ways that

achieving that goal will be congruent with your top five values. What

resources (internal and external) do you need in order to achieve

your goal? Are all of these at your disposal? What can be done to get

all of these resources on board?

Working with your value system is a life-long study. This is because values can

change as you grow and mature. Some core values will stay the same; others may

change as you mature. For instance, a person in their twenties may value success

and integrity. By the time they are in their fifties they may value giving back to

society over and above success at work, but integrity will probably still rank highly.

Keeping in mind that every person has a different set of values, the table below

indicates the general values for different age groups that exist today. The different

values arise from the different experiences that each generation has gone through.

Age group Values

Over 55 Privacy, hard work, trust, formality, authority, order, possessions

35 – 55 Competition, change, hard work, success, body language, teamwork, anti-rules and -regulations, fighting for a cause

25-35 Entrepreneurial spirit, independence, creativity, information, feedback, flexibility, quality of life

0-25 Positive reinforcement, autonomy, positive attitudes, diversity, money, technology

It may seem like a lot of work to discover your values but it’s worth it. There are

numerous benefits associated with knowing your unique value system. It’s much

32

easier to make decisions when you can weigh up the outcomes against your values.

You will experience a sense of internal alignment and authenticity when you live

according to your values. Your life purpose becomes clearer. Stress is reduced when

you consciously make choices aligned with your values. Living according to your own

value system makes life’s challenges seem less overwhelming

If your life choices are generally not in alignment with your values, you’ll feel

apathetic, unmotivated, conflicted and stressed. Motivation comes easily to those

who understand their values and make choices accordingly. When you choose a

project or goal that is well-aligned with your values, you don’t have to worry about

how to motivate yourself. Motivation will come naturally.

Journal work

How do your values compare with the table above? Do they match

the age group you are in? How do your values differ? What does this

say about you?

“Know thyself.”

Socrates

33

Key ideas

You are motivated primarily by your value system.

The three corners of the motivation triangle include: your goals,

your resources and your values.

Your lifestyle and your possessions give you a good indication of

your values.

Your values may not necessarily match with those of the society in

which you live.

You can use your highest values to motivate yourself to achieve

your goals. Simply figure out how reaching that goal allows you to

align with those values.

Your feelings are good indicators of whether you are aligning with

your values or not.

If you don’t have the resources necessary to reach your goal, you

will feel de-motivated.

Every person has a different set of values.

The society you live in has a general set of values, as does your

generation and probably your gender.

There are numerous benefits associated with knowing your

unique value system.

It’s much easier to make decisions when you know your highest

values.

You will experience a sense of internal alignment and authenticity

when you live according to your values.

Your life purpose becomes clearer.

Stress is reduced when you consciously make choices aligned with

your values.

Living according to your own value system makes life’s challenges

seem less overwhelming.

Motivation comes easily to those who understand their values.

34

Chapter 6. Dirty fears that stop you

Fear is a distressing emotion caused by anticipation OR awareness of danger. Your

ability to experience fear is part of your basic survival mechanism. Fear is the

emotion that enables you to recognize danger and you usually react by fleeing from

the danger or confronting it. This is known as the fight or flight response. There’s

also a third possible reaction which is the freeze response. This is where your mind

and body slow down and you’re unable to react. Fear is completely natural and helps

people recognise and respond to dangerous situations and threats.

Fear is a negative and uncomfortable emotion. When fear’s present you are unable

to feel motivated (a positive and uplifting emotion). Fear saps your energy, whereas

motivation creates energy. When you want something and are unable to go after it,

it’s often because your fear is much stronger than your desire. Have you ever

wanted to leave a job or relationship, but fear has held you back? We all experience

fear at some time in our lives. Common forms of fear include fear of failure,

rejection, loneliness, loss, being powerful, not being powerful etc. The list goes on

and on. The biggest issue with fear is that fear often stops you from going out there

and getting what you want.

Fear is a feeling. You may invalidate your feelings by thinking, “I shouldn’t be feeling

scared.” Don’t do this. Every feeling is real. Acknowledge them and then go ahead

and do what you want to do despite the fear. You can pack the fear in your bag and

take it with you on your journey. An empowered person may say something like,

“I’m terrified of getting up and speaking in public BUT I’m going to learn how to do it

anyway.” This statement acknowledges the feeling and makes the decision to go

ahead anyway. It’s a myth that fears stop you. The reality is that YOU allow this to

happen; you choose to remain stuck and blame it on the fear.

Martha Beck distinguishes between clean fear and dirty fear. Clean fear is

experienced when you’re facing actual danger. Clean fear reminds you not to put

your hands in boiling water, or to run in front of a bus. Many years ago a man walked

into my study with a gun – clean fear put me into freeze mode which ensured my

survival. Clean fear is appropriate fear.

The amazing thing is that your mind and body can’t distinguish between clean (real)

fear and dirty (imagined) fear. Your brain is an amazing movie-maker: you’re able to

instantaneously picture large vibrant scenes accompanied by sounds, smells and

35

textures. Dirty fear ignores the facts (like right now you’re perfectly safe) and

embellishes your worries in a toxic and dramatic way. Your imagination can put your

body into fight, flight or freeze mode, and create physical symptoms like a madly

beating heart, shallow breathing and a sense of panic. A dear friend of mine

describes how she eventually finds herself deciding what to wear to the funeral

when her husband is late coming home. When you believe a fear to be true (even if

it’s not) your whole body reacts accordingly.

Dirty fear turns you into a victim – you’re powerless to do much in the face of an

imagined fear. When you feel powerless you become de-motivated. When you feel

de-motivated you’re unable to take action. The fear you experience is not the

problem – it’s the fact that YOU allow it to limit you in such an effective way.

Practice

Use alarms to do this check every four hours: rate your anxiety levels

on a scale of 0 (totally relaxed and peaceful) to 10 (highly stressed

and anxious, beating heart, shallow breathing etc). If you answered

five or more, then ask yourself whether the issue causing this anxiety

is true right now. Keep a record of your answers for about 10 days.

What do your answers show you?

Learn to discern the dirty fears from the clean ones. It’s not difficult – any moment

when you are experiencing anxiety, check if there’s true, immediate danger. The

majority of the time you’ll find there isn’t. Also, when you experience clean fear –

you’ll find that you are totally present and in the moment. When you cross a busy

road, your mind is aware as you cross. You won’t be wondering what to eat for lunch

as you cross the road!

When your mind is busy with dirty fear – you’re not completely present. When

you’re worrying about your partner being unfaithful, or running out of money, or

being retrenched, your mind is busy with some future possibility; it’s not dealing

with the present moment.

36

Practice

Allocate half an hour each week to indulge your dirty fears. Any

other time during the week when you find yourself in dirty fear

space, stop immediately, make a note of the fear and gently tell

yourself you’ll think about that fear again during your allocated dirty

fear time. Consciously focus your mind on the task at hand. When it’s

time for your weekly “dirty fear indulgence”, look at your list and

enjoy spending half an hour imagining the worst possible scenarios.

Now write down three actions you could take to prevent these

scenarios and then take them.

Generally speaking, clean fear sends you into immediate action. Dirty fear does not.

As your awareness grows and you find certain fears dominate your life – think about

what action you can take to reduce the possibility of your dirty fear becoming a

reality. For instance, if you worry about your partner being unfaithful, what steps can

you take towards building and strengthening your relationship? Take action. If you’re

worrying about your money situation, what steps can you take to create a more

secure financial situation? Take action. You’ll find the more action you take in the

face of your imagined fears, the more those imagined fears diminish.

The less time you spend on dirty, imagined fears, the more motivated you’ll feel

about your life. The more motivated you feel, the more energy you’ll have to expend

on actions that create the kind of life you enjoy living.

After all, it’s difficult to feel motivated if you’re feeling anxious and stressed.

Reducing the amount of time you spend in an anxious and distressed state allows

you to dedicate more positive energy to living an enjoyable life.

“Remember to light a candle

instead of cursing the darkness.”

Chinese Proverb

37

Journal work

Turn to a clean page in your journal and title it: “My Worry Journal.”

For the next month, every time you find yourself worrying about

something, write it down in your journal and then let it go out of

your mind by focusing on the present moment and the task at hand.

At the end of the month, go through your list and cross off

everything that didn’t happen. What have you got left?

38

Key ideas

Fear is a distressing emotion caused by anticipation OR awareness

of danger.

Fear is completely natural and helps people to recognize and

respond to dangerous situations and threats.

Fear saps your energy, whereas motivation creates energy.

When you want something and are unable to go after it, it’s often

because your fear is much stronger than your desire.

People often invalidate their feelings.

Acknowledge your feelings and then go ahead and do what you

want to do despite the fear.

It’s a myth that fears stop us.

Clean fear is experienced when we are facing actual danger.

Clean fear is appropriate fear.

Our minds and bodies cannot distinguish between clean (real)

fear and dirty (imagined) fear.

Dirty fear ignores the facts and embellishes our worries in a toxic

and dramatic way.

When you believe a fear to be true (even if it’s not) your whole

body reacts accordingly.

Dirty fear turns you into a victim and you become unmotivated.

When you experience clean fear you are totally present.

When your mind is busy with dirty fear you will not be present.

Clean fear sends you into immediate action. Dirty fear does not.

You’ll find the more action you take in the face of your imagined

fears, the more those imagined fears diminish.

The less time you spend on dirty, imagined fears, the more

motivated you will feel about your life.

39

Chapter 7. Procrastination

Journal work

Write freely and without restriction for at least half an hour. Answer

this question: “How do I know when to procrastinate?”

This topic is a book in its own right. One of the problems with procrastination is that

you tend to throw out blanket statements like, “I always procrastinate”, which is

never 100% true. Yet, you label yourself with this ‘fact’ and you see yourself as a

PROCRASTINATOR.

Journal work

If you’re a procrastinator answer these questions in your journal:

So I’m a procrastinator. Is that all I am?

How much more am I than just “a procrastinator”?

Write down 10 other (affirming!) nouns that describe you.

For example, “I’m an inspirer.” “I’m a leader.” “I’m a

problem-solver.”

Know that these other nouns also have elements of truth in them,

just as “I’m a procrastinator” does. But neither are they absolutely

true. Notice the change in feelings when you describe yourself as a

procrastinator and then when you describe yourself using an

affirmative noun. Where do you feel this in your body? Write down

your experiences of the different feelings.

If you have to label yourself –

choose the label carefully!!

“How soon 'not now' becomes 'never'.”

Martin Luther

40

Procrastination is your propensity to decide to do something later that you believe

you should be doing now. In reality, you are choosing in that moment the action you

will be taking next. Like thinking: “Mmm, I think I’ll check my emails quickly instead

of writing this chapter on procrastination,” and off you go and spend time working

on things that are not that important and usually, may not add value to your life.

“You cannot get motivated passively.

In fact,

motivation is the opposite of procrastination.

Motivation is doing something... now!

Procrastination is doing nothing... now!

Something... Nothing...”

Larry Hendrick

Journal work

Write down 20 sentences in your journal that each begins with “I

can’t…” For example:

I can’t make money.

I can’t win with my kids

I can’t do the marathon.

There are a few upsides to procrastination. People who procrastinate regularly work

extremely well under pressure. This is because you continually put things off, leave

things to the last minute and then work under tight deadlines to get it done. You get

good at this! People who procrastinate regularly are capable of doing many things in

a short space of time. People who procrastinate regularly are able to focus intensely

when needed. Deadlines have their uses – they enable you to complete projects and

to work under pressure. If you stopped focusing on the fact that you were a

procrastinator you could say that you work well under pressure, you have the ability

to focus intensely and that you are able to do much in a short space of time.

Of course, the issue with procrastinating is that you put undue stress on yourself

because you tend to leave things to the last minute. This leads you to believe that

you only work well under pressure. So if there is no pressure (i.e. the deadline is far

away) then you believe you can’t work. This is similar to believing that you can’t

work because you don’t feel like it.

41

Beliefs are powerful! Let’s see what happens when you believe something. For

example, the belief: “I can’t work without pressure.” Notice that this is just a

thought. Yet you treat it as if it’s a ‘fact’. A fact is 100% true and is irrefutable. You

choose your behaviour according to the facts that surround the situation. You can’t

work unless under pressure becomes an acceptable way of being and you don’t

challenge this idea. You believe it; you treat it as an irrefutable fact and you live your

life according to this principle. Essentially, you give up on yourself. You actually

sabotage your success by buying into this fact.

Don’t forget this: Every time you do something it’s because you find personal value

in doing it.

This is a bit strange. What personal value could you possibly find by hanging onto

this particular belief as if it were a rule by which to live your life? This is where you

have to dig deep. Perhaps you find some bizarre personal value in beating yourself

up and putting yourself down. Perhaps the work is uninspiring and procrastinating is

your way of protecting yourself from boredom. Perhaps buying into this excuse

allows you to live a mediocre life and that’s what you believe you deserve. The

reality is that holding onto the belief that you can’t work without pressure let’s you

off the hook. The personal value in this case is that you are not accountable – after

all you believe it to be true so there’s nothing you can do about it.

Once you realise that you’re holding onto such a belief, you can begin to realise how

limiting this is for you and how severely it holds you back. Usually just the awareness

that you believe this statement allows you to let go of it.

42

Journal work

Write down a limiting belief that you hold. For example: “I am a

procrastinator” OR “I can’t work without pressure” OR “I always leave

things to the last minute”. Then, answer the following questions in

your journal:

Is it true?

Is it absolutely 100% true (100% of the time)? How do I know

this is absolutely true?

How do I react when I think that thought? Write down some

specific examples.

Who would I be without that thought? Describe your life if

you never had that thought again.

Write down one or more opposite statements. For example,

“I can work without pressure” OR “I can work anytime I

choose to”. Examine your life and find three situations where

this is true. Write down specific examples.

Do NOT stop this exercise until you really get that the opposite is

also true, but not absolutely true.

NOTE: this exercise comes from the work of Byron Katie (look for

more information on the internet). I often use this method in my

coaching practice and it’s hugely effective.

When you focus on procrastinating and calling yourself a procrastinator – you’re

affecting your motivation levels. When you do procrastinate, you use up energy

stressing about what you’re not doing. This negative energy affects your psyche. This

eats away at your motivation. When you label yourself as a procrastinator, how can

you expect to be motivated?

Feeling motivated is about feeling good and ready to take on your challenges.

Holding onto limiting beliefs about procrastination erodes away at motivation. Let go

of your procrastination issues and build your motivation levels instead.

43

Key ideas

If you have to label yourself choose the label carefully.

Procrastination is choosing to do something later that you believe

you should be doing now.

Procrastinators work well under pressure, get a lot done in a short

space of time and are able to focus intensely.

Procrastination puts undue stress on you.

Procrastination is a silent saboteur.

Limiting beliefs are often associated with your thoughts around

procrastination.

Holding onto limiting beliefs does provide personal value in some

obscure way.

Awareness that you are holding onto a limiting belief is often

enough to let it go.

Procrastination eats away at your energy reserves.

Procrastination negatively affects your motivation levels.

Procrastination and motivation are inversely linked.

Less procrastination = more motivation.

44

Chapter 8. Don’t break bad habits

Focusing on breaking bad habits creates resistance and uses up energy. As soon as

you start thinking, “I mustn’t do xyz…,” the first thing your brain does is bring up a

picture of you doing exactly that. The brain can’t find a picture of you not doing the

act – so you have to decide on a picture that the brain can use. It’s more beneficial to

use up that energy creating a new habit to replace an aspect of your old habit.

If, for example, you’re a smoker: Instead of using up all your energy trying NOT to

smoke all day, rather focus on replacing the first cigarette of the day with a better

option. If the first thing you do in the morning is reach for the cigarettes next to your

bed, replace that action with something else. Don’t worry about the rest of the day

(and the smoking) until you’ve established a strong new habit for that first moment

in the morning. Let’s say you decide to create a short morning routine that puts you

in a calm state of mind. Your routine could be:

Have a good stretch as you lie in bed.

Get up and sit in a chair.

Spend a few moments in gratefulness for your life.

Decide on your most important task of the day (if it’s weekend, choose a

non-work important task like doing something for yourself or your

partner).

Visualise yourself achieving that using all your senses.

Stand up, open the curtains and windows.

How do you turn this into a habit? According to Dr Maxwell Maltz it takes 21 days to

create a new habit. It has to be 21 days in a row – so you’ll have to start again if you

skip a day. Then there are ways to make the habit even stronger: do it at the same

time every day and include all your senses.

In the example above, make sure that you use all your senses when you visualise

your new habit. You could put a comfortable and colourful cushion on your chair,

place a few drops of lavender on your pillow and listen to the sounds of the birds or

the city as you think about things for which you’re grateful. Make sure you keep your

emotional state calm and peaceful throughout the exercise.

When you decide to create a new habit, consider what it’ll do to your motivation

levels. The new habit should leave you in a state of readiness for the day. You want

to create habits that leave you feeling motivated about your life.

45

Journal work

Write about your current motivation levels. Ask yourself:

When am I motivated?

When am I unmotivated?

What links may there be that cause my motivation levels to

change? (Physical/mental/emotional?)

Then, write down 20 new habits you could create to keep

your motivation levels high. Be creative and use your

imagination. Keep all your ideas and write them down.

Did you know that feeling motivated can become a habit? Of course, for many of us,

feeling unmotivated is a habit already. I call this your habitual way of being in the

world. Some people habitually focus on what’s wrong in their lives. Some people

habitually moan when they wake up in the morning and think of their day. The good

news is that better habitual practices can be adopted. Remember a habit is merely

repeating an action, feeling or thought pattern over and over. The brain is amoral

and doesn’t only create good or bad habits. It creates a habit when there is

repetition. You judge these patterns as good or bad. Your brain’s job is to note when

a pattern is repeated over and over and then create a neural pathway so that the

pattern can be repeated with the least amount of effort.

This is great news because it means that you can consciously create new patterns

and the brain will eventually make them more automatic.

When you think about motivation there are a whole lot of aspects that come into

play. What would you like to be motivated about? (No goal = no motivation.) What

thought processes best support this goal? If you’re stressing as you think about your

goals because you can’t stand the work then perhaps the goal is wrong or your

thoughts should be replaced with more supportive ones. How does your physical

state play a role in this? Have you built up the stamina needed to reach your goal?

All these questions point to the fact that motivation is more than just a feeling. To be

in your best motivated state you can focus on aligning your mental thoughts, your

goal, your physical body, your spiritual being and your emotional state.

If you think about it, all of the above can become habitual by repeating them

consciously.

46

It’s always best to introduce one small habit at a time. If you decide to introduce 10

new habits every week you will soon find yourself demoralised and de-motivated.

Remember the butterfly effect – small changes often have big outcomes anyway.

“The principle in chaos theory is that in any

dynamic system, small initial differences may,

over time,

lead to large unforeseen consequences.”

Wikipedia

Practice

Decide on a small change in your life that will keep your motivation

levels up. This must be an action that you can do every day and will

only take a few minutes. For example: spend two minutes visualising

your goal OR at the beginning of every day decide on your greatest

priority and do that first OR meditate for five minutes a day. Once

you have decided on the goal, use the ‘post-it’ method to help you

create the habit:

Take a small square of paper and place it in a prominent

position where you will see it daily – next to your

computer, on your bathroom mirror or on the dashboard

of your car.

Every day that you take the action, make a mark on your

paper.

If you miss a day, throw the paper away and start with a

fresh one.

Once you have 21 marks in a row, your habit is

entrenched.

Carry on for another 10 days for strong reinforcement.

Throw the paper away and carry on with the action.

47

Key ideas

Don’t focus on breaking bad habits.

Rather create a new and supportive habit.

Your brain can’t picture DONT’s.

It takes 21 days in a row to create a new habit.

Your chances of creating a new habit are stronger if you repeat

the action at the same time every day.

Your chances of creating a new habit are stronger if you use all

your senses when repeating the behaviour you want to

habitualise.

The brain is amoral about habits.

The brain creates a habit when there is repetition.

The brain’s job is to find a more effective way to do something

that is repeated often. It does this by creating a new neural

pathway that automates the process as much as possible.

You can consciously create new habits by repeating behaviour.

You habitualise your state of being – including thought patterns,

emotions, attitudes, health etc.

Introduce one small habit at a time. Thirty days later, you can

introduce another one.

Don’t stress if you’re not making changes quickly enough.

Remember the butterfly effect!

48

Something extra

I decided to interview a few coaches on Skype about motivation. Listen to the

interviews here:

Annette Breetzke

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lItI-xj0TM&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

John Paisley

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNNL9qexxZY&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

Chi-Chi Muzariri

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZrE1W0ZAQk&feature=related

Madi Hanekom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVteV1Ma9js&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

Alternatively search on www.youtube.com for

motivationinterviewsAB,

motivationinterviewsCM,

motivationinterviewsJP or

motivationinterviewsMH

49

Chapter 9. Best practice

Business defines ‘best practice’ as a technique or methodology that reliably leads to

a desired result. A commitment to using the ‘best practices’ in any field is a

commitment to using all the knowledge and technology at one's disposal to ensure

success.

This works well in business. It can also be extremely effective in your personal life.

‘Best practices’ are the things you do that that allow you to be your very best. For

example: exercising regularly gives you energy and keeps you in the emotional state

that you need to be in order to work on a goal.

When you think about motivation there are activities that decrease motivation and

others that increase motivation. For instance, I know that if I have a really late night

where I overindulge, I very seldom work effectively the next day. Because of this, I

choose to socialise over the weekends, so that I feel my best during the week. I know

that some activities really support me in meeting my goals and these are my ‘best

practices’. I also know there are other activities that I could adopt that would

support me in being the very best I could be – these are the ones that I need to focus

on turning into habits. Choosing to work on my goals first every day, before I do

admin, calls and emails allows me to really progress towards achieving my goals. This

is a best practice for me. Spending five quiet minutes every morning getting my

coaching room ready, doing some breathing exercises and glances though my notes

puts me in a mental state to be present for my clients.

Here are some ‘best practices’ that could help you to be the best you could be:

Get up early and spend an hour in prayer or meditation, self-reflection

and self-development.

Exercise regularly.

Eat healthily five days a week.

Journal to develop self-awareness.

Read to gather new ideas and self-understanding.

Affirm yourself for a few minutes at the end of the day.

Do weekly planning sessions where you can revise goals and set tasks

for the week ahead.

Switch off the computer at 18h00 each day and relax with a novel and

a cup of tea in the garden.

50

Create a CD of feel-good songs that you can play when you’re feeling

down and lacking energy.

Do what needs to be done, even if you don’t feel like it.

Create a movie in your head that depicts the big picture for your life

and run through it every time you sit behind the wheel of your car.

Batch jobs. For example: spend one hour working on a task, then 20

minutes on emails followed by half an hour returning calls. This allows

more efficiency in your day.

There are many more ideas that could be added to the list. Each person is different

and unique and will need different ‘best practices’ that will work in their lives.

The point is that small, constructive actions taken on a daily basis will give you a

sense of accomplishment. Doing this also creates momentum. Repeated actions

form a habit. These daily habits form the foundation for change in the long term.

Develop your ‘best practices’ and live your best life!

Journal work

Write down all the ‘best practices’ you can think of that would

support you in being your best. Highlight the ones that could

increase your motivation levels.

Practice

Pick one ‘best practice’ – the one that you feel would make the most

difference in your life. Read the previous chapter and use the ‘post-

it’ method to implement this practice and turn it into a habit.

51

Key ideas

Business defines ‘best practice’ as a technique or methodology

that reliably leads to a desired result.

‘Best practices’ allow you to be your very best.

Become aware of behaviours that increase your motivation levels

and those that decrease them.

Pick a ‘best practice’ and repeat it until it becomes a habit.

Small, constructive actions taken on a daily basis form the

foundation for change in the long term.

There are activities that decrease motivation and others that

increase motivation.

Small, constructive actions taken on a daily basis will give you a

sense of accomplishment.

Develop your ‘best practices’ and live your best life!

52

Chapter 10. Self-reflection

Self-reflection is essential to your growth and development. All it takes is a few quiet

moments, away from the hustle and bustle of life, where you quietly and calmly look

at yourself and your life. Ask yourself some useful questions like:

What’s not working in my life?

What do I have the power to change?

What’s working?

What should I continue doing?

What aspects of my behaviour are not adding value to my life?

You may want to do this work in a journal if you find that your thoughts jump all over

the place. I certainly find my thoughts are more focused if I write things down.

Regular self-reflection followed by taking action gives you a feeling of being

empowered and in control of your life.

Part of your self-reflection strategy could be focused on monitoring your motivation

levels. It’s normal for motivation levels to fluctuate. Through self-reflection you can

become aware if you’re mostly motivated about your life, or mostly unmotivated.

This will give you an idea of where your energies should be directed. You can use

your motivation levels to guide you to necessary change.

If you have low motivation levels most of the time, this indicates that you must

change something about your life. If you do nothing, and carry on the way you are

for another 10 years, how would that be for you? What needs to happen so that can

you feel fulfilled? Do you need to change careers or get help to deal with a bad

relationship? Have you been for a medical check-up recently? Then, if you don’t feel

empowered to make the changes you need to make, consider seeing a life coach or

psychologist. Remember you are the only one who can help YOU to make a shift.

Take the steps needed to sort out your life.

If your motivation levels are okay but could do with a boost there’s lots you can do.

Self-reflection is a very good start. Do the practice on the next page and start

learning about yourself and how you function. The better you understand yourself,

the easier it’ll become to shift yourself consciously into higher motivation states.

53

Journal work

Write in your journal, once a month, about the areas in your life

where you’re feeling unmotivated. Write down all the details:

How did this situation come about?

Who is involved?

How would I like it to be?

What is my role in creating the situation?

What changes can I make?

What have I learnt from this book that I could apply?

Here’s a serious consideration: there will always be aspects of your life that are not

working. Don’t focus on these issues on a daily basis – this will lead to negativity and

unhappiness. Once a month, sit down and reflect on what’s not working. Identify

what is OUT of your control and what is IN your control. If the ‘not working’ is about

someone else’s behaviours, you DON’T have much control over it and focusing on it

incessantly will leave you feeling frustrated, irritated and sometimes depressed.

What you DO have control over is your own thoughts, feelings, attitudes and

behaviours towards this person. I get that this is hard to swallow! What you can do

and have the power to do is to reflect on your own issues and change something you

are doing, saying or thinking. In this way you can influence the other person’s

reaction towards you.

Learn to let go of issues that are outside of your control – focusing on these issues

causes you undue emotional stress and pain. Focus on being the change that you

want in your life. This is where your power lies.

54

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr

55

Practice

Do this for a month. At lunch time every day rate your levels of

motivation for the past five hours on a scale of 0 to 5:

0 = totally unmotivated

3 = average motivation levels

5 = highly motivated

Each day write brief notes to explain your rate. Plot the rate of your

motivation on a graph at the end of every week. After a month sit

back and reflect on your these levels. Have they increased or

decreased? Are there any patterns that you notice? How can you

use the information that you have learned from this exercise to

motivate yourself in the future?

An example of a motivation graph

Self-reflection is your friend. Use it to grow into the person you want to be.

0

0.5

1

1.5

2

2.5

3

3.5

4

4.5

day 1 day 2 day 3 day 4 day 5 day 6 day 7

motivation level

motivation level

56

Key ideas

Self-reflection is essential for personal growth and development.

Writing in a journal helps to focus your thoughts.

Motivation levels fluctuate naturally.

Self-reflection will help you to know if you need professional help

with managing your life.

Self-reflection helps you to understand yourself and what

motivates you.

You can consciously shift yourself to greater motivation levels.

You don’t have the power to change anybody else.

If you have a strong relationship with someone, you may be able

to influence them.

You only have power over your own thoughts, attitudes and

behaviours.

Focusing on issues that you have no control over leads to

irritation, frustration and ultimately – low motivation.

57

Chapter 11. The right attitude

What is attitude?

Your attitude is the way in which you respond to your environment.

How is attitude formed?

It’s mostly derived from your beliefs about you and the systems in which you exist.

How is attitude linked to motivation?

People feel more motivated when they are adding value in some way. When you

leave people feeling good, you’re adding value, and (even if it’s unconscious) you

feel more motivated about life in general. If you have a negative attitude about

everything, people will have a negative picture about you and want to avoid you.

You know this unconsciously and feel de-motivated about life as a result.

How does your own bad attitude affect you?

How much peace of mind do cynics have? How many friends do they have? How

motivated are they? You’ll feel unhappy, bitter, resentful and frustrated if your

attitude is negative.

When do you need an attitude revamp?

Your life will tell you. If things aren’t going well, perhaps you need a change of

attitude. It’s not always easy to change your attitude if life has been handing you

tough times, but there are always some benefits to these hard times. Focus on what

is right and working. Remember that there is good and bad in everyone's life. Look

for the good to appreciate life and don't let the bad take over your attitude.

A bad attitude can be fixed. If you think about your successes, attitude is not

everything, but it certainly plays a large role. Consider the following two scenarios:

Scenario 1: Your boss walks into the office and says he has an important job

for you. You sigh. Your shoulders slump. You think, “Why has be picked on

me?” You groan as you think about the fact that you don’t have all the

knowledge you need. You procrastinate. You do a half-hearted job and hand

it in late.

Scenario 2: Your boss walks into the office, talks to the guy in the cubicle next

door, and says he has an important job for him. He jumps up, shoulders

straight and says, “Bring it on!” (You think he’s such a jerk!) He doesn’t have

58

the knowledge to do the job, so immediately starts doing some research. He

asks for help. He does the best he can do and gets the job in on time.

Scenario 1: When you arrive in the mornings, you feel grumpy. You catch

someone in the coffee room and pour out all the reasons you wish you were

elsewhere. You slink into your seat without greeting anybody. You spend an

hour on Facebook and then reply to your personal emails.

Scenario 2: The guy next door bounds in every morning, smiles at people and

asks how they’re doing. He gets going on his important projects and leaves

Facebook for his lunch break.

Who do you think will get the better increase and a promotion when it’s due?

Who do you think feels more motivated about life?

Ok, admittedly this example is grossly exaggerated to illustrate the point. But it’s

true that a good attitude gets you the promotion. If you were in the position to

choose one of the guys above to promote, who would that be? I’m not encouraging

you to suck up to your boss and be a “yes” man. What I’m suggesting it that you look

at how your attitude affects those around you – and take in the impact that this has

on your life.

Did you ever experiment with a tuning fork at school? If you hold a tuning fork in

each hand and rap one against a hard surface, what do you see? It starts vibrating

and ringing. Now if you move that fork towards the tuning fork in your other hand

(don’t let them touch) you will notice how the second tuning fork begins vibrating

and ringing too. This is called resonance.

Resonance works with people too!

You may be aware of how other people have an influence over your mental state.

Moaning, negative, complaining people may leave you feeling grumpy. When you

are in the company of an enthusiastic, upbeat person, the chances are that you’ll

leave their company feeling good. You are attracted to people who demonstrate a

healthy mental attitude. And you’ll notice that these people have more friends and

are healthier overall.

Your attitudes, actions and thoughts may be influenced by other people’s attitudes

and thoughts. Of course, the more aware you are of your own thoughts and feelings,

the more control you have over the influence of others on your own mental state.

59

This is all very well. On the flip side: how are your thoughts and attitudes

influencing others?

When people are negatively affected by your attitude, they want to spend less time

in your company. They also have a pessimistic picture of you in their minds. When

people feel good after being in your company, they naturally want to spend more

time with you. They also have a constructive picture of you in their heads. This is also

true of people very close to you. Think about your family. How do they feel when

they walk out the door in the morning? How do they feel when they go to bed after

spending a few hours with you?

While you are NOT responsible for the thoughts and attitudes of others, you

certainly can have an INFLUENCE over them – that’s what resonance is all about! You

are, however, responsible for your OWN thoughts and actions, and these have an

impact on the people around you. The greatest gift you can give to others is to

ensure that your tuning fork is vibrating in a way that improves the mental state of

others. You don’t have to do this, of course. Be aware, though, that your influence

on the world around you can either be constructive OR destructive. The choice is

yours. The universe tends to reflect back at you what you put into life anyway.

Journal work

Think about an area of your life that’s not working. Describe your

attitude towards life in this area. What would the right mental

attitude be for you to achieve success in this area? Describe in detail.

What small steps can you take today to begin changing this?

How can attitude be changed?

Attitude changes when your perceptions change. A person with a negative mental

attitude probably believes things like:

I’m useless.

I’m worthless.

I’ll never be a success.

People don’t like me.

If you believe that people don’t like you, it will affect your attitude towards them:

you may not trust them; you’re unlikely to be friendly and certainly won’t be too

willing to open up. People who have this view will have a picture in their mind of you

60

– that you’re unfriendly and withdrawn. When they interact with you, they’re

reacting to their internal picture of you (not the real you!). So, you can see that this

belief does not serve you well in life because if affects every interaction you have

with people. It would be very useful to drop that belief and adapt a more

empowering belief like, “People appreciate me.”

“If you don't get everything you want,

think of the things you don't get

that you don't want.”

Oscar Wilde

Journal work

Think about a goal of yours that you’ve never been able to achieve.

(Choose something realistic that in theory you should have been able

to do). Answer these questions in your journal:

What's stopping me from achieving this goal?

Where did this belief come from?

Who gave me this belief?

How do I feel about that person? Do I regard them highly and

respect them?

What does this belief do for me?

What is this belief costing me?

How will my life be different if I let go of this limiting belief?

What concrete evidence do I have to support this belief?

What is the positive intention behind keeping this limiting

belief? (This belief is trying to do something good for you in

its own way – what is that?)

How else can I satisfy this positive intention without relying

on this limiting belief?

Once you have identified some limiting beliefs, you can begin to work on changing them and

thus renewing your mental attitude.

61

Journal work

Answer these questions fully in your journal:

How well is my present attitude serving me? (Am I getting

what I want?)

Am I happy with the response I get from people?

What do I believe about myself? How can I prove this to

myself?

What are my expectations about what life offers me?

Where do I need to make changes?

What resources are available to help me make changes to my

attitude?

What three beliefs could I adopt to help develop the right

attitude?

“Our attitude toward life

determines life's attitude towards us.”

John N. Mitchell

Cultivate new beliefs to support the right mental attitude. These may include:

I have the resources to achieve success.

I can!

I see what’s right and good and will build on this.

Once you’ve decided on a new belief, you need to make it stick. Think of your belief

like a table. You need to give the table four legs so that it is strong and stable. You

give this belief legs by finding four behaviours that support it. It’s a little upside

down, but it works! If you sincerely believed this statement, how would your

behaviour be different? Adopt these four behaviours and stick to them for a month.

The belief will become embedded in your unconscious.

For instance: let’s say you want to believe the thought, “I have the resources to

achieve success.” If you really believed you had all the resources you needed, how

would you behave?

62

The first thing I would do each day is an important task that’ll

help me reach my goal.

I’d only spend one hour a day on emails.

If I need something from someone, I’d ask them for it.

I’d focus on the next step.

Go ahead and religiously adopt these behaviours for a month (refer to the Chapter 8.

Don’t break bad habits to help you). You’ll be amazed at the successes you can notch

up in one month with these actions! Repeat for a few months, enjoy your successes

for a few months and you will KNOW that you have what it takes.

Practice

Choose a new belief that will support you in getting what you want in

life. Decide on four behaviours you can adopt that would validate this

belief. Make sure the behaviours are small things that can be

executed every day. Use technology (like reminders on your phone or

email) to remind you to do these four tasks daily. Repeat for 30 days.

If you skip a day or two, don’t give up. Start again and repeat for

30 days.

There’s not a single part of your life that is not affected by your attitude. Your future

will definitely be influenced by the attitude you carry with you.

Journal work

Think about your diary for the next week. Identify an interaction that

you’ll be having with someone – business or personal.

When this interaction is complete, in what sort of mental

state would you like to leave the other person?

What mental attitude to this person will work best?

What can you give to this interaction that will help you leave

the person in the desired mental state?

What mental state would you like to be in after the

interaction?

What do you need to bring to the meeting to achieve this?

63

Key ideas

Attitude is the way you respond to your environment.

Attitudes are derived from your general belief system.

When you’re adding value, you feel more motivated.

A negative attitude is de-motivating.

Life tells you when you need to revamp your attitude.

A bad attitude can be fixed.

Attitude is not everything but it plays a large role.

Resonance works with tuning forks – and people.

Other people have influence over your mental state.

Your attitudes, actions and thoughts may also be influenced by

other people’s attitudes and thoughts.

You are NOT responsible for the thoughts and attitudes of others

but you certainly can have an INFLUENCE over them.

You ARE responsible for your own thoughts and actions.

Attitudes change when your perceptions change.

Once you’ve identified some limiting beliefs, you can begin to

work on changing these beliefs and thus renewing your mental

attitude.

Cultivate new beliefs to support the right mental attitude.

Give a new belief legs by finding four behaviours that support it.

Your future is influenced by your attitude.

64

Chapter 12. Powerful YOU

There are two kinds of people in the world (gross generalisation I know, but go with

me on this one!):

Those who look at what’s right with their lives.

And those who look at what’s wrong in their lives.

Everyone has stuff that’s working and stuff that’s not working. Believe me: I have

rich and beautiful clients that are the envy of many and even they have aspects in

their lives that aren’t working for them (otherwise they wouldn’t be sitting in my

office).

You have a choice about where your daily focus lies – on what’s working OR on

what’s not working. The choice you make will make all the difference to your

habitual emotional state. It’s a matter of habit where you place your focus which

implies that you can change this focus if needed.

Journal work

Think about your life. What do you really hate about it? What are the

things that irritate you and drive you to distraction? Make a list of 10

items. When you’re done, picture those things as vividly as possible

in your mind. Now ask yourself:

What feelings am I experiencing?

Where in my body do I feel them?

How does it affect me when I experience these 10 issues?

Take a break for at least 20 minutes. Close your journal and this

book. Perhaps have a cup of tea and read some emails.

65

Journal work

Now think about your life again. This time, think of what you really

enjoy? What do you love about your life? Write down 10 things.

When you’re done, picture those as vividly as possible in your mind.

Ask yourself:

What feelings am I experiencing?

Where in my body do I feel them?

How does it affect me when I experience these 10 things?

Notice how much better you feel when you focus on things you enjoy as opposed to

things you dislike. Where does your focus lie in your day to day life? This will give

you some understanding of your general emotional state. If you usually feel down,

negative and unhappy, perhaps your focus is in the wrong place.

Quantum physics teaches us that nature/life continually strives to be in balance:

happy things will happen to you AND dreadful things too. Sometimes you’ll win and

sometimes you’ll lose. That’s life.

The difference between being happy or sad is where your focus lies. If your focus is

on what’s wrong, you’ll only notice and register the negatives; you’ll spend your time

thinking about how bad life is, and so it will be.

If your focus is on what’s right, you’ll pick up on the good things and those that bring

you pleasure. You’ll register what’s working in your life, and your world will feel good

and right – and so it will be.

If you’re wondering why you married your spouse, or why you’re working where you

are, try changing your focus onto what’s right in each case.

Practice

Spend one month looking for what’s right in your life. Start by writing

down one thing that’s right with your situation. The next day, look for

two things, the next, three etc. Do this for a whole month and see

where it takes you...

Remember every situation/person has ‘good’ and ‘bad’ characteristics – choose your

focus and raise your awareness of how your feelings of wellbeing are affected by

66

your focus. There will still be good and bad – that’s how life is – but you have a

choice on how you would like to feel about it.

Jenny Leclezio, Life Coach and Human Resources Specialist, writes:

“Another view holds that there is no right or wrong, just different opinions.

As human being you are limited in being able to see everything that is – your

perceptive abilities cause us to filter a lot of information out as it is the only

way you can cope with the massive amount of data that comes your way.

There is however always the element of choice in what you choose to focus

your attention on. Yes, it’s true that through who you are, your upbringing

and your basic personality, you tend to look at the right or the wrong, but the

good news is that you can change this. It is not that the bad things aren’t

there, but rather that you will be so much happier when you focus on the

good and you only have so much energy so when you are focusing on what’s

right, you tend to stop focusing on what is wrong.

There is a tool in change management called the force field analysis that

provides a useful perspective. The next time you are feeling like something

can’t be done, write down all the reasons why. This you call forces against.

Divide the page in half and then take the alternative position strongly –

brainstorm all the reasons why it can be done. It is amazing how going

through this process can shift us and give a different perspective.”

When your focus is continually on what’s not right and what’s not working you’ll find

that you feel dreadful. When you are in a un-resourceful state, you don’t only feel

dreadful, you’re un-motivated and you don’t achieve much. You may find your

emotions are at a low, you’re lacking energy and perhaps feeling overwhelmed by all

the things you have to do. So, you sit around feeling terrible and doing nothing.

When you are in a resourceful state you get lots done. You feel upbeat and

motivated and have lots of energy. You feel capable and are able to cross many

things off your list of things to do.

I believe that everyone experiences both these states at different times in life. You

may be able to list the reasons (or excuses) that get you into either of the states.

Imagine how empowered you’d feel if you were able to switch from an un-

resourceful to a resourceful state. If you minimise the amount of downtime you

experience from being in an un-resourceful state, and spend most of your time living

in a motivated, resourceful state, the life you desire would be so much closer.

67

You may think that your behaviour is dictated by your emotions. This is not

necessarily true. Read Chapter 2. I just don’t feel like it! It’ll help you understand that

you can still choose to take a certain action, regardless of how you feel. What’s

more, you can also learn to change your emotional state into a more powerful one.

Yes, you can train yourself to do this. You’ve been in a resourceful state before,

which means that you have that ability. And, you can work on skills and techniques

that can help you to shift to a more resourceful state.

This is where you have to experiment until you have a repertoire of skills/techniques

that you can choose from when you wish to change your state. The more you

practice, the better you will get at being able to shift your state at will. How

wonderful it’ll feel unleashing a more powerful you!

Practice

Spend a few minutes visualising the last time you felt resourceful.

Remember everything in great detail from where you were, what you

were doing, what you were feeling, seeing and hearing. What were

you wearing? What was the weather like? The more detail you put in,

the more you’ll recall the exact feeling. When you are truly feeling

resourceful, choose a task you don’t like doing and do it now. Notice

how much easier it is to do the task.

Begin to notice the kinds of things that make you feel better. Keep a list in your

journal of things to do when you are feeling down. I know if I have a hard gym

session I feel energised for the day. Certain songs uplift my spirits. Sitting for five

minutes in the sun with a cup of tea often calms me down and I go back into the

office feeling more determined. You could also give yourself a pat on the back –

acknowledge what you have done well. Reward yourself (but not with something

that induces guilt).

Sometimes you may be thinking about something you have to do and you end up

feeling quite overwhelmed. Break up the task into chunks. Now focus on doing the

first piece and don’t worry about the rest.

Practice

Spend a few hours on a lazy Sunday afternoon going through your

music collection. Create a playlist of songs that make you want to sing

and dance. Keep that playlist ready to use when you have the blues.

68

There are many, many more things you can try. When you notice that your emotions

are dropping, choose and do one or more of your techniques immediately – before

you hit a serious emotional low. You’ll soon find your motivation and enthusiasm

seeping back.

Welcome a more powerful you into your life!

You may also want to read Chapter 13. You and your world where I talk about how

you put yourself down.

Practice

Make a list of 20 things to try when your emotions are low. Use your

imagination and be creative! Next time you’re feeling your

motivation flagging do one thing from your list. Keep a brief journal

about your experiences. Write down the date, how you were feeling,

the circumstances, what technique you used and how effective it

was. Practise this often and you’ll find it easier and easier to change

your state to a more resourceful one. Every now and again add

another technique to your list.

“To keep the lamp burning,

you have to keep putting oil in it.”

Mother Theresa

69

Key ideas

Some people look at what’s right in their lives and build on

that.

Some people focus on what’s wrong in their lives.

There is always stuff that’s working and stuff that’s not.

You have a choice about where your daily focus lies.

The choice you make makes all the difference to your

habitual emotional state.

It’s purely a matter of habit where your focus lies.

The difference between being happy or sad is where your

focus lies.

Your perceptive abilities cause you to filter out a lot of

information.

When you’re in an un-resourceful state you’ll be un-

motivated.

When you’re in a resourceful state you feel upbeat and

motivated and have lots of energy.

Everyone experiences both these states at different times in

their lives.

You will feel immensely empowered if you are able to

switch from an un-resourceful to a resourceful state.

Your behaviours are not necessarily dictated by your

emotions.

You can still choose to take a certain action, regardless of

how you feel.

You can also learn to change your emotional state into a

more powerful one.

Build up a repertoire of skills/techniques that you can

choose from when you wish to change your state.

Welcome a more powerful you into your life!

70

Chapter 13. You and your world

Imagine that you’ve planted some seeds to grow carrots. After a few weeks you go

outside to inspect them. You’re disappointed because they’re not growing very well.

You wonder if they need fertilizer, more water, less water or perhaps the sun is too

strong.

You don’t blame the carrots.

Yet, how often do you blame another person when things are going wrong? Your

boss gives you a lousy appraisal – you tell everyone he has no idea how to manage.

Your spouse doesn’t help with anything on the weekend – he/she’s become a lazy

slob. Your relationship is not working but you blame others – it’s their fault, not

yours.

If you nurtured your relationships in the same way you did the carrots, you’d find

that you’ll both grow well. If there are issues, think about what went wrong, as you

did with the carrots, wondering if they needed more water or sunshine. Don’t blame

the other person. You are both in this relationship (and this goes for all relationships:

work, home and elsewhere) and you both contributed to the state it is in now.

Placing blame has no positive effect at all. Blaming others affects your motivation

levels. Remember that you have absolutely no control over anyone else. When you

blame someone else, this then implies that you have no power to change the

situation. Having no power to change something will affect your motivation levels

negatively. It’s seldom true that you have no power to do something to change the

situation. The real truth is that you are choosing to be in a position of no power.

I have sat with countless clients who have huge levels of frustration, anger and

bitterness that come from the feeling that they don’t have the power to change a

situation. They’ll moan and complain endlessly about the other person or their

situation. They often refuse to acknowledge their role in creating the situation as it

is. Only when they get to a place where they are able to do this, can they make

permanent shifts in their lives and relationships.

When you find that your relationship is not working, ask yourself what the other

person needs so that they’ll see you differently. Look at what’s not working, and ask

what changes you can make to shift the relationship. This is where your power lies.

When you feel empowered about more areas in your life, you will find that

motivation comes to you more easily.

71

Journal work

Spend a few minutes describing an important relationship in your

life. Take a quick break. Now describe the kind of relationship you

would like to have with this person. Take a longer break. Now

answer this question: what kind of person do you need to be in order

to have the relationship you would love? Decide on three small

behaviours of yours that you’ll change over the next few weeks.

You may, of course, feel totally unmotivated to do anything about your unhappy

relationship. If this is the case, your relationship is in serious trouble and the chances

of it ending are great. You have the choice: fix it or watch it die.

Pay attention to the subtle messages around you that are giving you feedback on

how you’re doing in the world. If your relationships aren’t working and you’re feeling

like the world is against you, look at what you are putting into your world. The

universe is like a mirror – it reflects back at you what you are putting into your life.

Think about it: if you don’t study for an important exam, you’re likely to get poor

results; if you neglect your relationships, you’re unlikely to feel the love; if you

overeat, you become overweight; if you don’t fill your car with petrol, it’ll stop

running... and if you constantly sabotage yourself, your motivation levels will be low.

You are the constant in your world. If things aren’t working, look inside yourself and

change how you’re acting in your world. You have enormous power to create the

world the way you want it to be. The way you achieve this is to be accountable for

your input into the world.

This brings me to one of the most important factors that affect your motivation

levels: your relationship with yourself.

Journal work

Think about a time in your life when you were upset and beating

yourself up. Write down the kinds of things you say to yourself in this

kind of situation.

Notice how you say things to yourself that you wouldn’t dream of saying out loud to

another person. You don’t say these things to other people because you take

cognisance of their feelings and self-esteem. Do this for yourself too!

72

A person with low self-esteem will find it extremely difficult to be motivated (except

though fear) about any projects they take on. When you have low self-esteem you

don’t really believe in yourself. When you feel unworthy, stupid and worthless, how

can you possibly hope to feel enthusiastic and motivated about anything?

Practice

When you find that you’re beating yourself up mentally, immediately

say, “I don’t need these thoughts!” Consciously replace them with

more empowering ones. If you battle with this, pretend you are

talking to your best friend. What would you say to him/her? Some

examples:

Replace “you’re so useless” with “you handled that one

aspect very well”.

Replace “I can’t believe you actually said that” with

“you started the conversation off very well”.

Replace “you’re so useless with your eating” with “you

looked after yourself when you ate that orange this

morning”.

This practice makes a HUGE difference to how you can be in the world. I’ve been

doing it for years. When I started, I had to do it many times a day. I would sometimes

go off track for a few days and forget to do it. As soon as I realised I had forgotten,

I’d simply decide to start doing it again. I made a decision to come back to supportive

self-talk and my self-talk is far more constructive these days. Every now and again, I

do still beat myself up. I am sure this will continue to happen for the rest of my life.

These days, however, when I become conscious that I am beating myself up, I stop

and look at the situation differently. I’m also at a stage where I can constructively

deal with the mistakes I make. Hey, I’m human, I still make mistakes. Although I

don’t beat myself up for long, I don’t just let myself off the hook either. Remember

that taking accountability for your actions empowers you. Being accountable for my

actions is the magic part that builds on my successes. I look at what didn’t work; I

find the lesson in that and decide what I can do differently next time.

When your self-talk is constructive and supportive, you open a space in your being

that allows motivation to flow freely. What I find now is that I still have unmotivated

moments, but as soon as I decide to sit down and do the work, the motivation

almost immediately arrives. How I love those magic, motivated moments that turn

into hours – certainly makes writing a book more pleasurable!

73

The more accountable you become to yourself, your thoughts and your behaviours,

the more empowered you are to create your world just the way you want it. Then,

the more life works for you, the higher your motivation levels will be. The higher

your motivation levels are, the more action you’ll take to create the world the way

you want it. Upward spirals like this are hugely powerful. All it needs is the decision

to change, and the action to follow....

74

Key ideas

Nurture your relationships and they’ll grow well.

When something goes wrong in a relationship, decide what went

wrong, WITHOUT BLAMING THE OTHER PERSON, and take steps

to fix it.

Both parties contribute to the state of a relationship.

Blame has no positive effect at all.

Blaming others affects your motivation levels negatively.

Remember that you have absolutely no control over anyone else

so when you blame someone else, you cannot have any power

over the situation.

Having no power to change something will affect your motivation

levels negatively.

The real truth is that you are choosing to be in a position where

you have no power.

Learn to acknowledge your role in creating the situation. Only

when you can acknowledge your part in it, can you start making

permanent shifts.

When you feel empowered, motivation comes to you.

Look at what you’re putting into your world.

The universe is like a mirror – it reflects back at you what you are

putting into your life.

YOU are the constant in your world.

If things aren’t working, look inside yourself and change how you

are being in the world.

You have enormous power to create the world the way you want

it to be – you do this by being accountable for your input into it.

A person with low self-esteem will find it extremely difficult to be

motivated.

75

When you become conscious of beating yourself up, stop and

change it to constructive self-talk.

Being accountable for your actions is the magic part that builds on

your successes.

Look at what’s not working; find the lesson and decide what you

can do differently next time.

When your self-talk is constructive and supportive, you open a

space in your being that allows motivation to flow freely.

The more accountable you become to the situation, the more

empowered you’ll be.

Upward spirals of motivation and success are hugely powerful.

76

Chapter 14. Morbid mediocrity

Journal work

Make two columns in your journal headed: Mediocre and Excellent.

Examine all the different aspects of your life e.g. your work, your

social life, your community, your relationships (listing specific ones if

necessary), your spirituality, your health, your integrity etc. Write a

list of aspects that feel average in the Mediocre column and those

that feel great in the Excellent column.

An example:

Mediocre aspects of my life Excellent aspects of my life Relationship with staff My work

Social life Community service

Eating habits Relationship with husband

Everyone has a desire to live a life of greatness and to leave behind a meaningful

legacy. Sometimes, however, your lofty ideals get swept aside by limiting beliefs,

cynicism, a victim mentality and defeatist attitudes. Unconsciously you may be

choosing to live a mediocre life. Yet, each of us has the potential and deep desire to

live a life of greatness. The good news is that it can be done. All it takes is for you to

make a decision and then consciously go about making changes that move you

towards greatness.

Mediocre means low motivation. Low motivation means mediocrity. It doesn’t really

matter which way round it is. It does mean that things will only change when you

decide to put in more energy and effort. Remember: you do NOT have to wait to be

motivated – you can start making changes today.

Stephen Covey says we are four-dimensional beings made up of mind, heart, body

and spirit. He suggests that the way to greatness in your life is two-fold:

Give from all four dimensions of yourself – mind, heart, body and spirit.

Satisfy your needs in relation to these four dimensions: to learn (mind), to

love (heart), to live (body) and to leave a legacy (spirit).

Look after yourself and your needs. This provides you with the energy and inner-

resources you need in order to satisfy all four dimensions. When you give to your

world from your mind, heart, body and spirit, you’ll feel fulfilled and motivated.

Greatness will live within you.

77

Practice

Every day this week, consciously give from your mind, body, heart

and spirit. Choose to do things that you don’t normally do. For

example, teach your domestic worker how to do a budget; clear out

your magazines and take them to an old age home; give your spouse

a long hug the moment you walk in the door; light a candle and pray

for someone who is ill.

Choose greatness in everything that you do, despite what people around you are

doing. The best thing about being an example of excellence in a world of mediocrity

is that it’s contagious! When you choose to live a life of excellence, you influence

those around you, making an impact on your life and the lives of others. Your life is

given meaning when you live each moment in excellence.

Journal work

Use the columns you created in the previous journaling exercise.

Look at it honestly and write down a percentage that represents the

amount of effort and energy you are putting into each area.

An example:

Mediocre aspects of my life Excellent aspects of my life Relationship with staff 10% My work 90%

Social life 20% Community service 60%

Eating habits 10% Relationship with husband 80%

What do you notice?

Excellence, like balance is fluid. It’ll change from moment to moment. You may find

that some areas of your life are great, and some aren’t, and that this changes from

time to time. Good! Your awareness of this indicates the areas where you need to do

some work. Make a conscious effort to put more energy and effort into these areas.

A word of warning: if you feel that greatness exudes from all areas of your life, watch

the ego. If you don’t, the universe will sort you out anyway. Take care to ground

yourself in humility. Strive to do more anyway – there’s always more to learn, to love

and to give. You are not done yet!

78

If you feel like your whole life is a picture of morbid mediocrity, go easy on yourself.

Resolve to change just one thing every week. Whatever you resolve to do remember

to give from all your dimensions and soon you’ll find yourself loving life more. The

more you put into life, the more you’ll get out. When you decide to put more effort

and energy into it, you’ll feel motivation slowly seeping back into your being. As your

motivation levels grow, you’ll find it easier to put in more energy and effort and the

cycle will carry you forwards.

Defeat mediocrity, adopt greatness!

Journal work

Choose an area of your life that feels particularly mediocre. Answer

the following questions:

In what ways am I being mediocre?

What do I believe about myself that allows me to be

mediocre in this area?

What changes can I make to create greatness in that area of

my life?

What do I need to learn in order to create greatness?

How can I give more love in this area of my life, to myself and

to others?

What needs to happen so that I can live a more fulfilled life?

What sort of legacy would I like to leave in this area of my

life?

Put an action plan in place and follow it!

79

Key ideas

Nurture your relationships and they’ll grow well.

Everyone has a desire to live a life of greatness.

Each of us wants to leave behind a meaningful legacy.

We unconsciously choose to live a mediocre life.

Decide to consciously make changes that move you towards

achieving greatness.

Mediocre means low motivation.

Low motivation means mediocrity.

Things will only change when you decide to put in more energy

and effort.

You do NOT have to wait to be motivated.

We are four-dimensional beings: a mind, a heart, a body

and a spirit.

Give from all four dimensions of yourself – mind, heart, body

and spirit.

Satisfy your needs relating to these four dimensions: to learn

(mind), to love (heart), to live (body) and to leave a legacy (spirit).

Look after yourself and your needs.

Fulfilment comes when we live from all four dimensions.

Choose greatness in everything that you do.

Excellence is contagious!

Live a life of excellence and you’ll make an impact on your life and

the lives of others.

Your life is given meaning when you live each moment

in excellence.

Excellence, like balance, is fluid.

Watch the ego. Ground yourself in humility.

Resolve to change just one thing every week.

The more you put into life, the more you’ll get out.

Defeat mediocrity, adopt greatness!

80

Chapter 15. Where are you going?

Journal work

First, spend five minutes reflecting on your life. Consider all aspects:

your way of being in the world; your work; your relationships; your

leisure time; your passions; your successes and failures. Now write a

paragraph of about 400 words that concisely answers this question:

Where are you now?

Picture this: you wake up to the alarm. You stretch leisurely, smile to yourself and

jump out of bed. The cold tiles shock your feet slightly. As you shower, you briefly

consider the journey ahead. You dress quickly. You glance in the mirror – as always

the sight of you in your uniform gives you a thrill. On the way to your workplace you

focus on calming and grounding yourself and your emotions. It’s a big day ahead.

When you arrive, you are comforted by the buzz and focused energy of the hundreds

of people you see. You slip efficiently through the staff entrance. At your locker, you

carefully read all the reports and nod your head in satisfaction. All is ready. The long

corridors take you to the small room where you’ll be spending the next few hours.

You go through the standard checks with focused determination. A uniformed smile

opens the door and announces that all 300 of them are present and accounted for

and the plane is ready for take-off. You turn to your co-pilot and ask, “Where shall

we go today?”

Fortunately this doesn’t happen in reality. A pilot has a detailed flight plan and

knows exactly where to go. In the same way, you are the pilot of your life. Are you

efficiently steering yourself closer to your destination? Are you enjoying

the journey?

Are you a “Make it happen” person or a “Wonder what happened?” person?

There is no law against sitting back and seeing where life takes you and certainly this

is a valid choice every now and again. However, this way of being in the world dis-

empowers you. You’re at the mercy of life’s whims. I’m wondering how motivated

you’ll feel if you’re not sure where you’re going and what life will throw at you next.

It’s difficult to muster up enthusiasm for something unknown.

You may argue that life will throw things at you anyway. Yes, I agree. However, if you

have a plan for your life you may handle these interruptions more easily and can

81

probably learn from them. Like the pilot following a flight plan, life can still throw

you off track. Like the pilot following a flight plan, you may have to make some

adjustments and get back on track. When you have a plan for your life, you wake up

in the mornings with a purpose. You know where you’re headed. Motivation and

enthusiasm lighten your journey. You feel (mostly) in control and you head out there

with determination and focus.

Journal work

Think about a time when you chose a project to do and you

completed it successfully. Maybe it was organising a special holiday

or, redecorating a room in your house or, a special project at work.

Write about your experiences as you planned the project – how did

it feel? What did you think about? How were your motivation levels?

How did you handle it when your motivation dipped?

Once the project was wrapped up what did you experience? How did

it feel to complete it? What are your memories of the wrap-up? How

has this completed project affected your motivation for other

projects? What does this success say about you as a person?

There are three essential steps in executing any plan.

Daydream. Those ideas have to come from somewhere! Allow yourself to

daydream and imagine exciting possibilities. Do this often!

Decide. At some stage make a decision – I’m now going to work towards

creating this project.

Do. A daydream without action remains a daydream. Once you have decided

on a project or destination, take three or four small steps every single day.

Take these actions first before you start on your other tasks. That’s exactly

how I am getting this book written. Believe me, if I left it till after the other

work was done, it wouldn’t happen. Small steps every day will get you to

where you want to go.

While you’re taking daily action, refine your daydreams. Every morning, before you

crawl (or hop) out of bed, run a movie through your mind of your completed project.

How will your life be once it’s finished? What will you be seeing and feeling every

day? Add colour, sounds and textures to your movie. Make it exciting so that your

passion, determination and motivation uplift you as you work on this plan. This is

called visualising.

82

Visualisation is a powerful tool! For weeks before I have to say an important speech,

I visualise myself up on stage. I see what I’m wearing. I watch myself speaking

confidently in a relaxed manner. I hear the audience laughing. I feel people touching

my arm as they thank me afterwards. This technique really works. The wonderful

thing is that you already know how to do it – all it takes is using your imagination.

Your imagination is something that you use daily already. What do think is going on

when you travel to work every day? Your mind is busy imagining things. You imagine

things in the future, like how the meeting will go, or how you will talk to your boss,

or how you will make love to your partner. You even imagine things that happened

in the past; you might relive that lovemaking, or imagine how you could have

handled your boss differently. Yes, you use your imagination all the time. When you

visualise, you’re using your imagination with purpose. You direct your thoughts just

like a movie director.

Let your daydreams open up possibilities for your life. Decide on a project and take

action every day. Support yourself through visualisation so that passion and

motivation live side by side with your dreams. Be like the pilot, following the flight

plan, embracing the changes in weather and eventually touching down in the place

of your dreams.

Journal work

Imagine that it’s two years from now. You wake up; the sun is

streaming into your room. You smile and stretch and realise you are

living your best life. Describe that life in detail. Have fun with this

exercise. Really let go and don’t block your imagination in any way.

Write freely for about half an hour or until you feel complete. Now

close your journal and put it away for a week.

Practice

Read your journal entry from the previous exercise. Make a decision

to implement a change in your life that takes you one step closer to

your best life. What are the next small steps you can take to begin

implementing that change? Take them. Repeat this daily until that

change is integrated in your life.

83

Key ideas

You are the pilot of your life.

Become a “make it happen” person.

Waiting to see where life takes you dis-empowers you.

It’s difficult to muster up enthusiasm and motivation for

something unknown.

Life will throw things at you. Make some adjustments and get

back on track.

When you have a plan for your life, you wake up in the mornings

with a purpose. You’re motivated and feel in control.

There are three essential steps in executing any plan: daydream,

decide, then do!

Ideas come when we daydream.

A decision gives you something to work towards.

Daily action completes the project.

Visualising is a powerful tool. Use it.

You use your imagination all the time.

Visualising is imagining with a purpose.

You direct your thoughts just like a movie director.

Let your daydreams open up the possibilities for your life.

Be like the pilot: follow the flight plan, embrace the changes in

weather and eventually touch down in the place of your dreams.

84

Chapter 16. Failure = feedback

Your attitude towards failure can make or break your success. If you allow failure to

de-motivate you and you decide to give up, success will not be yours.

If you give up, that’s it. It’s over. You will never get what you set your heart out to

achieve. If you keep trying, you’ll get there, even if it takes a lifetime.

What do a baby and Thomas Edison have in common? They both kept on trying till

they got it! Thomas Edison made many light bulbs (apparently about 99 attempts)

before he finally created one that worked – imagine if he had given up after his first

‘failure’? Look at a baby learning to walk – how many times do they fall down before

they get it right? Imagine if the baby never tried again after the first fall.

Never, ever give up!

One of the greatest stumbling blocks to your success is the fear of failure. If you’re

avoiding taking action because you’re afraid that you might fail, you’re limiting your

life hugely. Through life’s knocks and falls, somehow you learnt to fear failure. You

beat yourself up whenever you make a mistake. At school you got big red marks

scribbled across ‘bad’ tests. At school you either failed or you passed. Did anyone ask

you what you learnt in the process of ‘failing’? Did anyone ask you what you can do

differently in the future? Did anyone offer to support you in going forward? Probably

not. If you failed, you got into trouble and that was that. It’s no wonder that so many

people have developed a fear of failure.

This fear is often carried into the workplace where your success is measured by your

performance on the last project. One of the best ways of finding out how you are

doing is to ask for feedback from your colleagues or boss (or even your spouse). Very

often, you don’t ask for feedback because you’re terrified that it may be negative.

If you were able to get this feedback, you would be able to adjust your actions, do

something differently so that you can improve on it. By not asking for feedback, you

are missing out on crucial learning.

You may also have difficulty forgiving yourself when you get it wrong. If you fail, you

might want to hide your failure and never try again. What happened? You started

85

seeing mistakes or problems as bad – instead of feeling excited about the fact that

you’ve just learnt something of value.

“There are no secrets to success.

It is the result of preparation, hard work,

and learning from failure.”

Colin Powell

Failure is merely feedback. It’s the universe’s way of telling us that something you

are doing doesn’t work. The important thing IS TO LEARN! See failure (or feedback)

as a necessary part of your development. Generally, if you look at the feedback

(failure) you’re getting from life, and you adjust your actions so that you do it

differently in the future, then you’ve made progress. And, if you are progressing, I

would call that being a success. A wise person keeps making different mistakes. A

fool repeats the same mistakes. If it doesn’t work – don’t do it again. As you move

through life, achieving goals and successes, you build up a repertoire of things that

work and things that don’t. How wonderful!

Journal work

Write down all the failure you’ve experienced in the last few years

including big ones and small ones. Then, answer the following

questions fully:

What role did I play in each of these failures?

What did I learn from each of these failures?

What will I do differently in the future?

What opportunities am I saying no to at this present time?

In what ways am I limiting myself by saying no to these

opportunities?

What will I do differently?

If you are saying no, or avoiding things because you’re afraid of failure, look at how

you are limiting your life. Remember that failure is never permanent. It’s a moment

in time. Change your perception of failure. Change your attitude to failure. Change

your thinking about failure. When something goes wrong, look for the reasons.

Explore and learn. Then do it again – with your newly acquired knowledge – and do it

differently. Make your ‘failures’ work for you. The very worst thing that can happen

if you fail is that you will learn something that can move you closer to success. What

have you got to lose?

86

“Be grateful for failure.

Why?

Failure teaches you so much!”

- Kirsten Long

Never, ever give up!

Practice

Every day this week, talk to yourself out loud! Remind yourself that

failure is merely feedback. Say it a few times. Then have a debate

with yourself where you prove the statement. Find some examples

that happened to you recently.

For example: “Failure is feedback. So, when was that true in my life?

Mmm let’s think... ah, yes, on Monday I forgot to remind my client to

come to coaching on Tuesday. That was really stupid and it cost me

money. I really should stop coaching because I am a useless

administrator.” THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO GO!!

Rather let the conversation go something like this: “Failure is

feedback. So, when was that true in my life? Mmm, let’s think... ah,

yes, on Monday I forgot to remind my client to come to coaching on

Tuesday. That wasn’t clever because I lost the opportunity to coach

him. So what did I learn about myself? I’m not that good about

remembering to do things. What can I do next time? Let’s see, I’ll ask

my PA to look in my diary every Monday and send reminders to

clients. Yay! Missing the client was great feedback for me. I needed

to find a way to compensate for my forgetfulness and I did.”

87

Key ideas

Your attitude towards failure can make or break your success.

If you give up, that’s it. It’s over. You will never get what you set

out to achieve.

If you keep trying, you’ll get there, even if it takes a lifetime.

Never, ever give up!

One of the greatest stumbling blocks to your success is the fear of

failure.

You have learnt to fear failure.

The best way of finding out how you are doing is to ask for

feedback.

Many of us are terrified of receiving negative feedback.

By not asking for feedback, you’re missing out on crucial learning.

Failure is feedback.

It’s important TO LEARN!

Failure (or feedback) is a necessary part of your development.

A wise person keeps making different mistakes.

A fool repeats the same mistakes.

If something doesn’t work – don’t do it again.

Failure is never permanent.

Make your ‘failures’ work for you.

The very worst thing that can happen if you fail is that you’ll learn

something that can move you closer to success.

88

Conclusion

The biggest distraction for me is my email. This morning I decided not to open my

email until I had written for two hours. I wasn’t in the mood for writing – it had been

a hectic week because I had three mornings in the prisons and still had to do my

normal work week. Part of me wants to rest – after all, I’ve had a hard week.

Another part of me is nagging because I want to get this book complete. I also know

that if I start checking my mail an hour can disappear before I know it. So that’s what

I did. I ignored my email and sat down and started writing. After a few minutes, the

conflicting parts of me grew quiet and I started enjoying myself.

What I do know is this: even if you are motivated to achieve something, there will be

moments on the journey when you just don’t feel like doing the work. At these

times, acknowledge that you don’t feel like it and start the work anyway. The

motivation will flow back whilst you are busy.

This book shows you many ways to improve your motivation. There are tricks and

tools. A self-reflective journey is also on offer. Take what you need from the book.

Keep those things in your own special toolkit. Use them whenever necessary. You

will find that the more you use them, the easier it will be to get started and get

going. Once you’re going, you’ll relax into the work and enjoy the process. As Gary

Player said, “The more I practice, the luckier I get.” So will you.

It’s amazing what you can achieve when you’re motivated. Remember the last time

you were really motivated about something? You did it without having to push

yourself too much. Procrastination didn’t come into the picture. You did the work

because you wanted to and you were excited about the outcome. That’s the magic

of motivation.

Visit MY BLOG http://coach4life.co.za/blog/

Twitter: Coach4LifeKL

89

“May there be peace within, today.

May you trust that you are exactly where you

are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities

that are born of faith in yourself and others.

May you use the gifts that you have received,

and pass on the love that has been given to

you.

May you be content with yourself just the way

you are.

Let this knowledge settle into your bones,

and allow your soul the freedom

to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.”

Mother Theresa

90

References The Heart of Love by Dr John F. Demartini

The New Psycho-Cybernetics by Dr Maxwell Maltz

The Greatness Guide by Robin Sharma

Brain Fitness at Work by Judith Jewell

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

Life Balance by Heather Mills McCarthy

Internet sources:

http://ergonomics.about.com/od/ergonomicbasics/f/form_good_habit.htm

http://honolulu.hawaii.edu/intranet/committees/FacDevCom/guidebk/teach

tip/intergencomm.htm

http://www.glancyhypnosis.com/content/neural-pathways-and-behaviors

http://www.larryhendrick.com/motivate/2008/02/20/motivation-is-hard-

failure-is-easy/

http://highered.mcgraw-

hill.com/sites/0070876940/student_view0/chapter2/activity_2_5.html