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Love-based Strategies for

Fear, Stress and Trauma

Aletha McArthur, OCTBehaviour/Special Education SpecialistFounder of New Growth Family Centre Inc.211 Birmingham St. West,Mount Forest, ONN0G 2L1 (519)509-6432

Presented by

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The Behaviour is only the Tip of the Iceberg

This is where the Healing must occur

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Critical areas of the brain for love and attachment

Orbitofrontal Cortex

Pituitary Gland

Amygdala

Hippocampus

Adrenal Glands Spinal Cord

Neural Circuitry

(Fight, Flight, or Freeze)

(Lower Limbic/Reptilian)

(Short-term Memory)

(Social/Emotional Control Center)

Brain Stem

Hypothalamus(Oxytocin Response)

www.childtraumaacademy.org. Bruce Perry M.D.

Small brain

Big brain

Stop Start control

Learn more at

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Behaviors

Feelings

Attitudes

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3 Pathways of Emotional Expression

Attitudes

Feelings

Behaviors

Anger Depression

Trauma

Triangle

©2009 B. Bryan Post

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The 4 Levels of Memory

• Cognitive is mental memory eg. multiplication tables.

• Emotional is, of course, emotional memory.

eg. happy, pleasurable plus painful, traumatic events.

• Motor is physical eg. riding a bike.

• State is deep down and unconscious where the trauma settles in and remains for life.

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State Level of Memory• Your earliest

memory to develop• Associated with your

personality traits• Where you store

your personality• Highly unconscious• Typically your

childhood

Cognitive

Emotional

Motor

State

State

Trauma is Buried at the State Level, which directs all other responses!

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Vocabulary ListStressed OutAttachmentTraumaRegulationDysregulationRelationshipEnvironmentTriggersResponseReactionFeedback Loops

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Traumatic Events Common with Regulatory Difficulties

• Abuse• Neglect• Adoption and

Foster Care• Frequent Moves• Chronic Pain• Emotional Absence• Parental Depression• Needs Left Unmet

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Conditions and DisordersADD Attention Deficit Disorder

ADHD Attention Deficit Disorder with hyperactivityODD Oppositional Defiance DisorderOCD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Anxiety Disorder Depression Trauma History Reactive Attachment DisorderFASD Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder

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Autism Spectrum Disorder Asperger’s Syndrome Language Delays Conduct Disorder Bi-Polar Disorder Learning Disabilities

Pills Don’t Teach Skills! Medications may be helpful to open the door for therapeutic treatment to take place.

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These kids just can’t hold the charge ……..yet.

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Freeze

Flight

Fight

Worries, avoids,tenses up and quivers.

Contains the fear until triggered then bolts and runs.

Roars and rises up and fights the world.

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Signs of Stress & Fear Behaviour•No eye contact, looking sideways•Non-stop talking•Biting, picking, scratching•Constantly moving, agitated•Joking, put downs , sarcasm•Curling up & hiding under things•Clinging, hugging, hovering•Hide & seek behaviour•In your face behaviour •Challenging, disagreeing & knowing all

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Stress Triggers*new adults *new kids*new environment *new information*size of group *too much excitement*too quiet *too much noise *too crowded *seating arrangement*too far apart in gym or auditorium*sensory overload *time pressureLack of food and water affects all thinking and

amplifies the triggers

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*Media Images*Fads & Fashions*Social Groups*School Climate*Electronics/Screens *Distractions

All teach, influence and set new & different & opposing standards for use outside of home. Adults are often unaware .

Parents need to get smart!

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Parents are often unaware of “accepted” language, dress, gestures, code words, “new” meanings in the youth culture.

Know the Lingo…..there are generation gaps so don’t be afraid to ask. Be prepared to be shocked!

All this is tried out, acted out, experimented with outside the home to see how it works. This is not trauma but learned behaviours from a variety of sources. They try it on for size…….especially the extreme needs kids.

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Behavior

Emotions

Stress

Love Fear

It is through the expression, processing, and understanding of the Fear that we calm the stress and diminish the behavior.

Triggering Sensory Event

www.postinstitute.com

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In the State of Stress (fear) we lose the connection to cognitive thinking. Thinking processes become confused and distorted and short-term memory is suppressed.

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Stress happens. It’s the responsethat counts. Regulation allows thinking

to take place. The adult response brings regulation to the child.What is your response to stress?Demonstration

What are your triggers?Identifying these allows you to accept and understand the stress in the child and respond not react out of your own stress.

Your regulated state brings regulation and calm to the child. This is a positive feedback loop. It works in reverse to cause a negative feedback loop.

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Calm Calm Calm

Let’s learn regulation.

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Prevention is better than Intervention

Prior knowledge is necessary.Pre-planning is necessary.Self-regulation is necessary.Team members/partners are necessary.

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Key Factors

Environment Relationship

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Techniques for addressing challenging behaviors in attachment challenged children

“Any therapy or technique that is confrontational, aggressive, threatening blaming or fear based will

ultimately not be effective for creating healing environments for attachment challenged Children.”

Bryan Post

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What was your parenting “blueprint” in your childhood?Whatever it was, we all refer to it under stress. Many ineffective, fear-based, trauma inducing tactics are still in use in homes, in schools and in other childcare environments.

Parenting “blueprints” can be changed and adjusted and even erased.

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3 responses by unknowing adults* Ignore and condone* Pounce and make a point* Talk about it and quit* Threaten with punishment* Yell* Spank, slap* Withhold* Belittle and humiliate

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1) Prepare for the worst and expect the best.

2) Get rid of fear tactics but keep the firmness.

3) Use love-based principles but set boundaries for safety and security.

4) Keep things safe by providing structure in the environment and safety in the relationship.

5) Remember that skills are learned in developmental stages.

Strategies that work

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6) Talk less, communicate more.

7)Be attentive and available vs.jumping into problems.

8) Solve problems rather than impose penalties and punishments.

9) Encourage more often….. the good and even the getting better things.

10)Listen to the whole story.

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My Favourite Principles that really work!

1)Savour the Flavor—Enjoy the moment

2)What’s Up Talk?—Check in and catch up with everyone

3)Are you Okay?---When stress behaviour is visible

4)There’s a Problem to Solve—It’s a good thing!

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5) Come with me NOT go /Time in NOT time out---private time to calm, process, solve the problem when it’s small.

6) Be calm, confident and available to handle any situation.

7) It’s OK. You’re safe with me. Yes, it’s OK to touch. They need healthy relationship. It’s crucial to the healing.

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8) Talk less communicate more ------- Pre-plan cues, signals and encouragements.

9) Catch them trying. Notice them improving. Give them encouragement signals.

10) Teach them how to regulate themselves early in life.

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They can’t ……..

yet.

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