Loss & GriefLoss & Grief

List all the things that can be List all the things that can be considered a “loss” considered a “loss” (The loss spectrum)(The loss spectrum)

““Death of a Pet”Death of a Pet”

Effects of a LossEffects of a Loss Loss can cause a wide range of intense emotions, Loss can cause a wide range of intense emotions,

from sadness to anger to numbness.from sadness to anger to numbness.

Loss can also cause physical and emotional Loss can also cause physical and emotional stress.stress.

These feelings are normal and help you cope with These feelings are normal and help you cope with loss.loss.

If the feelings don’t pass in time, you should seek If the feelings don’t pass in time, you should seek help from a parent or trusted adult.help from a parent or trusted adult.

Help for Dealing with a LossHelp for Dealing with a Loss

To help yourself as you cope with a To help yourself as you cope with a loss:loss:

Get plenty of restGet plenty of rest Stick to normal routinesStick to normal routines Share memories with othersShare memories with others Express your feelingsExpress your feelings Do not blame yourself or othersDo not blame yourself or others

Describe three ways you Describe three ways you can help someone cope can help someone cope

with a loss.with a loss.

Show support through simple actionsShow support through simple actions

offer to run errands or cook a mealoffer to run errands or cook a meal

Be there for themBe there for them

Make sure the person knows you are there for themMake sure the person knows you are there for them

Allow the person to share their thoughts and feelingsAllow the person to share their thoughts and feelings

Believe they will get through itBelieve they will get through it

Tell the person you have faith that they are strong and Tell the person you have faith that they are strong and will learn to live with the losswill learn to live with the loss

Contact help or tell a trusted adultContact help or tell a trusted adult

If person seems depressed, avoids family and friends, If person seems depressed, avoids family and friends, or doesn’t seem to be making any progress, tell a or doesn’t seem to be making any progress, tell a trusted adulttrusted adult

Allow the person to share thoughts and feelingsAllow the person to share thoughts and feelings

Listen intently and be respectful of their feelings and Listen intently and be respectful of their feelings and emotionsemotions

GriefGrief

ToTo grievegrieve is to express deep sadness is to express deep sadness because of a loss. because of a loss.

The grieving process can be divided into The grieving process can be divided into five stages.five stages.

Not everyone experiences every stage, Not everyone experiences every stage, or in the same order.or in the same order.

If you feel stuck in a stage, ask for help.If you feel stuck in a stage, ask for help.

List and define the five List and define the five stages of the grieving stages of the grieving

processprocess

1. Denial1. DenialRefuse to believe the loss Refuse to believe the loss occurred.occurred.

When people are told they will die soon, their reaction is usually one of disbelief or shock

2. Anger:2. Anger:Outbursts; rage. Blame self or Outbursts; rage. Blame self or others for the loss. Use anger others for the loss. Use anger management skills.management skills.

When people realize they are going to die, they become hostile, aggravated, or annoyed at God, their family, or the doctor.(don’t use the word anger to describe anger)

3. Bargaining:3. Bargaining:Make promises to change if Make promises to change if person or thing is returned.person or thing is returned.

People who believe in God may promise to reform their lives in exchange for a miraculous recovery

4. Depression:4. Depression:Sadness. Natural and important Sadness. Natural and important emotion to express when a loss is emotion to express when a loss is experienced.experienced.

When people realize that bargaining won’t work, their last hope has faded and they become sad, withdrawn, or somber - (don’t use the word depressed to describe depression)

5. Acceptance:5. Acceptance:Learn how to live with the loss. Learn how to live with the loss. Painful/sad feelings still present Painful/sad feelings still present but realize you will get through but realize you will get through it; life will go onit; life will go on

They confirm their own death and take care of planning

•“Why Me?” Video

List and describe three List and describe three ceremonies that honor ceremonies that honor a loved one who has a loved one who has

passed away.passed away.

WakeWake

Ceremony held to allow family and friends to view Ceremony held to allow family and friends to view or watch over the deceased person before the or watch over the deceased person before the funeralfuneral

FuneralFuneral

Ceremony in which a deceased person is buried or Ceremony in which a deceased person is buried or crematedcremated

Memorial ServiceMemorial Service

Ceremony to remember the deceased personCeremony to remember the deceased person

Can take place long after the deathCan take place long after the death

May present a memorial or structureMay present a memorial or structure

Has anyone participated in any different Has anyone participated in any different ceremonies to honor the deceased?ceremonies to honor the deceased?

How to write a condolence How to write a condolence letterletter

1. Acknowledge the loss and name of the 1. Acknowledge the loss and name of the deceased. deceased.  This sets the purpose and tone This sets the purpose and tone of the letter.  Let the bereaved know how of the letter.  Let the bereaved know how you learned of the death and how you felt you learned of the death and how you felt upon hearing the news. Using the name of upon hearing the news. Using the name of the deceased is a tribute that comforts most the deceased is a tribute that comforts most mourners.mourners.   

2. Express your sympathy.2. Express your sympathy.  Let the bereaved   Let the bereaved know your sadness. Use words of sympathy know your sadness. Use words of sympathy that share your own sorrow.  This will remind that share your own sorrow.  This will remind the bereaved they are not alone in their the bereaved they are not alone in their suffering.suffering.   

   

Writing the letter cont’d…Writing the letter cont’d…3. Note special qualities of the deceased.3. Note special qualities of the deceased.

 Acknowledge those characteristics that you  Acknowledge those characteristics that you cherished most about the person who has died. cherished most about the person who has died. These might be qualities of personality (leadership, These might be qualities of personality (leadership, sensitivity), or attributes (funny, good at sports), or sensitivity), or attributes (funny, good at sports), or ways the person related to the world (religious, ways the person related to the world (religious, devoted to community welfare). devoted to community welfare).

    4. Recall a memory about the deceased.4. Recall a memory about the deceased. Tell a Tell a

brief story or anecdote that features the deceased. brief story or anecdote that features the deceased. Try to capture what it was about the person in the Try to capture what it was about the person in the story that you admired, appreciated or respected. story that you admired, appreciated or respected. Talk about how the deceased touched your life. Use Talk about how the deceased touched your life. Use humor-the funny stories are often the most humor-the funny stories are often the most appreciated by the bereaved.appreciated by the bereaved.

Writing the letter cont’d…Writing the letter cont’d…5. Remind the bereaved of their personal strengths.5. Remind the bereaved of their personal strengths.    

Among these qualities might be patience, optimism, religious Among these qualities might be patience, optimism, religious belief, resilience, competence, and trust. If you can recall belief, resilience, competence, and trust. If you can recall something the deceased used to say about the mourner in this something the deceased used to say about the mourner in this regard, you will really be giving your friend a gift. regard, you will really be giving your friend a gift.

6. Offer help, but be specific6. Offer help, but be specific. .  "If there is anything I can do, "If there is anything I can do, please call" actually puts a burden on those in grief who may please call" actually puts a burden on those in grief who may be totally at a loss about what needs to be done.  A definite be totally at a loss about what needs to be done.  A definite offer to help with shopping, the kids, volunteer work, or offer to help with shopping, the kids, volunteer work, or whatever is more appreciated.  whatever is more appreciated. 

    7. End with a word of phrase or sympathy7. End with a word of phrase or sympathy..  Somehow,   Somehow,

"sincerely," "love," or "fondly," don't quite make it.  Try one of "sincerely," "love," or "fondly," don't quite make it.  Try one of these:these:

"You are in my thoughts and prayers.""You are in my thoughts and prayers.""Our love is with you always.""Our love is with you always.""We share in your grief and send you our love.""We share in your grief and send you our love.""My affectionate respects to you and yours.""My affectionate respects to you and yours."

AssignmentAssignment

Take a few minutes to practice writing a Take a few minutes to practice writing a condolence letter using the tips we just condolence letter using the tips we just learned. Use your own piece of paper. learned. Use your own piece of paper.

Choose one of the following as an Choose one of the following as an example:example:• ““Death of Pet”Death of Pet”• Write a letter to a friend or family member who Write a letter to a friend or family member who

has recently experienced a losshas recently experienced a loss• Hypothetical letter regarding a lossHypothetical letter regarding a loss