7/28/2019 Little Ghost Island by Zheng Jiayin

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Little Ghost Island

Thack! A thin, pointy object collided into my leg, jolting me from my thoughts. I looked

down. A ballpoint pen had landed right beneath my seat.

The girl beside me let out a sigh and bent over to retrieve her pen, but it was well out of her

reach. I stiffened in my chair. I know I should pick it up for her, seeing as it was closer to me,

yet I could not coax my arms hovering awkwardly above my lap into action. Every

anxious effort to lift them yielded no reaction, as though these arms didnt belong to me at

all. The moment passed, and still I was perfectly motionless in my seat.

The girl cast me a quick look and tried again, eventually succeeding in pinching the pen off

the ground after considerable straining.

A burning sense of shame crept up my ears. I must have come off as such a lousy, unhelpful

person. Why do I always behave in this manner?Why couldnt I just retrieve the pen and

hand it back to her with a smile? Was it that hard? I sneaked a glance at the girl, who was

staring resolutely ahead.

I dont think Ill be able to make friends here after all. Im not comfortable like I thought I

would be much earlier, my excitement at the prospect of joining the Paranormal

Investigation team had temporarily clouded recognition of my utter inability to

communicate with normalpeople. Conversations always seem to flow smoothly when they

are pictured in my head. In real life, though, this intense awareness of myself and uneasearound people greatly hinder my every movement, every word I speak. Just be you, people

say. But how can others get to know you if youre unable to express it in the first place?

Never mind, Bern, stop thinking about that. Concentrate.

I turned my attention back to the speaker, who was at the moment addressing details about

the Investigation teams upcoming trip to Pulau Hantu Kechil. Little Ghost Island, as it was

also known. How appropriate that my first trip with the team should be to an island like this.

Maybe it was due to the deepening miscommunication between me and my loved ones,

maybe it was something else entirely; recently Ive come to think of people as islands. All of

us have such distinct inner worlds and ways of perceiving things that there is unavoidably a

gulf of understanding from one person to the next. Things that naturally seem this way to

me are liable to register as something completely different in someone elses head, and vice

versa. Sometimes it takes a simple adjustment of mindset to grasp the intended meaning of

others, sometimes it takes a lengthy explanation, but sometimes, the differences are so

ingrained that it is nearly impossible to see things the way others see it. Every so often, I wish

I could just throw in the towel and permanently withdraw into my little island where

misunderstandings are non-exis

7/28/2019 Little Ghost Island by Zheng Jiayin

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A sudden flash before me caught my notice. The speaker had now moved on to a slide which

listed the names and faces of new members on the team. Then, he motioned for us to

proceed with an icebreaking session.

Individuals came together at the reception area and started introducing themselves to one

another, swapping personal information, conversing animatedly about ghost sightings. I

nodded and smiled, envying them for their volubility, and frowned on my own lack. To

account for my sense of disconnect, I tried to convince myself that I was born different from

others, that the effervescent small talk that people make ultimately boils down to nothing.

But I knew this was only a self-consoling reflex. It wasnt just me, no two minds are made

exactly alike but why is it that these people are able to build bridges between separate

islands with such ease?

Dejected, I moved away from the group, my eyes scanning the room unconsciously for the

girl who had sat beside me earlier by now, I know her name was Jiayin only to discoverthat she was looking at me as well!

But upon contact, our gazes instinctively withdrew. And we scattered, each in a different

direction.

Written by Zheng Jiayin

(706 words)