kitty locker ch2

CH

AP

TE

R 2Building Goodwill

You-Attitude

■ How to Create You-Attitude■ You-Attitude beyond the Sentence Level

Positive Emphasis

Tone, Power, and Politeness

Reducing Bias in Business Communication

■ Making Language Nonsexist■ Making Language Nonracist and Nonagist■ Talking about People with Disabilities and Diseases■ Choosing Bias-Free Photos and Illustrations

Summary of Key Points

33

AN INSIDE PERSPECTIVE

Building Goodwill

Revising for you-attitude makes the message morepersuasive and builds goodwill. When I helpedwrite a 51-page document proposing that Merrill

Lynch create a division to serve investors who were deafand hard of hearing, we used language and arguments thatfocused on the company. When I write a letter to an indi-vidual investor, you-attitude is one way I present informa-tion from the reader’s point of view. You-attitude alsomeans respecting the reader. Many potential clients reallydon’t understand finances, so I often need to explain the ba-sics. You-attitude helps me do that in a way that isn’t con-descending.

As a stockbroker and financial planner, there are timeswhen I can’t use positive emphasis. I have to make sure thatclients understand the risk of a specific investment. Andwhen news is bad, I give solid facts. If the stock market isdown 17%, it would be unprofessional to say, “Your portfo-lio retains 83% of its value.”

Building goodwill also means speaking the client’s lan-guage. I started my position three months before October 19,1987—Black Monday—the day the Dow Jones IndustrialAverage plunged 508 points. On that day, stockbrokers wereflooded by calls from worried clients. Due to time con-straints, Deaf people found face-to-face appointments hard to come by, andbrokers did not have the necessary telecommunications equipment to com-municate with people who used American Sign Language.

With determination and guts, I helped build a bridge between Wall Streetand the Deaf community. Merrill Lynch recognized the potential untappedcommunity and became the first Wall Street brokerage firm to establish theDeaf and Hard of Hearing Investors’ Services Division. The division reflectsthe company’s involvement in a diverse, cross-cultural workforce.

Merrill Lynch’s own slogan is “You should know no boundaries.” Grow-ing up in a Deaf household, I never thought or believed I couldn’t do any-thing I wanted to because of my deafness. I want to instill the same attitudeamong other Deaf and disabled people.

The Internet is a revolution for the Deaf community because it helps tosolve our communication needs and reduce obstacles. Within five years,videoconferencing should be standard, and there’ll be plenty of flyinghands!

Stephen Hlibok

Vice President, Merrill Lynch & Co.

Stephen Hlibok is a Certified Financial Manager whohelps serve more than 4,500 deaf and hard-of-hearing clients. Merrill Lynch, the largest financialservice firm in the United States, also providesspecial services for blind and visually impairedpeople and for families of children with disabilities.

www.ml.comwww.fc.ml.com/Stephen_Hlibok

“Revising for you-attitude makes the

message more persuasive and builds

goodwill.”

33

Goodwill smooths the challenges of business and administration. Companieshave long been aware that treating customers well pays off in more sales andhigher profits. Government organizations now realize that they need citizensupport—goodwill—to receive funding. Goodwill is important in internal aswell as external documents. More and more organizations are realizing thattreating employees well is financially wise as well as ethically sound. SearsRoebuck found that improvements in employee attitudes produced pre-dictable improvements in revenue. Northern Telecom of Toronto, MCI Com-munications, and Electronic Data Systems have also found that internal good-will has a measurable effect on the bottom line.1 Researcher Jim Collins foundthat the most financially successful companies put “people first, strategy sec-ond.” Another study found that companies that “manage people right” out-performed other companies by 30% to 40%.2

You-attitude, positive emphasis, and bias-free language are three ways tohelp build goodwill. Writing that shows you-attitude speaks from the reader’spoint of view, not selfishly from the writer’s. Positive emphasis means focus-ing on the positive rather than the negative aspects of a situation. Bias-free lan-guage is language that does not discriminate against people on the basis of sex,physical condition, race, age, or any other category. All three help you achieveyour purposes and make your messages friendlier, more persuasive, more pro-fessional, and more humane. They suggest that you care not just about moneybut also about your readers and their needs and interests.

You-AttitudePutting what you want to say in you-attitude is a crucial step both in thinkingabout the reader’s needs and in communicating your concern to the reader.

How to Create You-AttitudeYou-attitude is a style of writing that looks at things from the reader’s point ofview, emphasizing what the reader wants to know, respecting the reader’s in-telligence, and protecting the reader’s ego.

To apply you-attitude, use the following five techniques:

1. Talk about the reader, not about yourself.2. Refer to the reader’s request or order specifically.3. Don’t talk about feelings, except to congratulate or offer sympathy.4. In positive situations, use you more often than I. Use we when it includes

the reader.5. In negative situations, avoid the word you. Protect the reader’s ego. Use

passive verbs and impersonal expressions to avoid assigning blame.

As we look at examples of these techniques, note that many of the you-attitude revisions are longer than the sentences lacking you-attitude. You-attitude sentences have more information, so they are often longer. They are notwordy, however. Wordiness means having more words than the meaning requires. We can add information and still keep the writing tight.

1. Talk about the reader, not about yourself.

Readers want to know how they benefit or are affected. When you provide thisinformation, you make your message more complete and more interesting.

Lacks you-attitude: I have negotiated an agreement with Apex Rent-a-Car that givesyou a discount on rental cars.

34 Part One The Building Blocks of Effective Messages

All Work IsSocial*

Establishing good workingrelationships can help ussecure the cooperation of thepeople we need to accomplishour tasks. If we delay buildinggood relationships until wereally need them, it will be toolate.

*Quoted from “Be a Social Worker,”Fast Company, May 1999, 228.

You-attitude: As a Sunstrand employee, you can now get a 20% discountwhen you rent a car from Apex.

The first sentence focuses on what the writer does, not on what the readerreceives. Any sentence that focuses on the writer’s work or generosity lacksyou-attitude, even if the sentence contains the word you. Instead of focusing onwhat we are giving the reader, focus on what the reader can now do.

Lacks you-attitude: We are shipping your order of September 21 this afternoon.

You-attitude: The two dozen Corning Ware starter sets you ordered will beshipped this afternoon and should reach you by September 28.

The reader is less interested in when we shipped the order than in when it willarrive. Note that the phrase “should reach you by” leaves room for variationsin delivery schedules. If you can’t be exact, give your reader the informationyou do have: “A UPS shipment from California to Texas normally takes threedays.” If you have absolutely no idea, give the reader the name of the carrier,so the reader knows whom to contact if the order doesn’t arrive promptly.

2. Refer to the reader’s request or order specifically.

When you write about the reader’s request, order, or policy, refer to it specifi-cally, not as a generic your order or your policy. If your reader is an individual ora small business, it’s friendly to specify the content of the order; if you’re writ-ing to a company with which you do a great deal of business, give the invoiceor purchase order number.

Lacks you-attitude: Your order . . .

You-attitude(to individual): The desk chair you ordered . . .

You-attitude(to a large store): Your invoice #783329 . . .

3. Don’t talk about feelings except to congratulate or offer sympathy.

In most business situations, your feelings are irrelevant and should be omitted.

Lacks you-attitude: We are happy to extend you a credit line of $5,000.

You-attitude: You can now charge up to $5,000 on your American Express card.

The reader doesn’t care whether you’re happy, bored stiff at granting a routineapplication, or worried about granting so much to someone who barely quali-fies. All the reader cares about is the situation from his or her point of view.

It is appropriate to talk about your own emotions in a message of congratu-lations or condolence.

You-attitude: Congratulations on your promotion to district manager! I was reallypleased to read about it.

In internal memos, it may be appropriate to comment that a project has beengratifying or frustrating. In the letter of transmittal that accompanies a report,it is permissible to talk about your feelings about doing the work. But evenother readers in your own organization are primarily interested in their ownconcerns, not in your feelings.

Don’t talk about the reader’s feelings, either. It’s distancing to have someoneelse tell us how we feel—especially if the writer is wrong.

Lacks you-attitude: You’ll be happy to hear that Open Grip Walkway Channels meetOSHA requirements.

You-attitude: Open Grip Walkway Channels meet OSHA requirements.

Chapter Two Building Goodwill 35

TheEnlightenedManager*

Building goodwill comes fromattitudes, not just from words.Enlightened managers assumethat workers

■ Want to do a good job.

■ Can improve.

■ Want to be needed,respected, andappreciated.

■ Prefer meaningful work.

■ Are whole people, with livesoutside work.

■ Will make good decisionswhen they have goodinformation.

*Based on “Do You Have What ItTakes to Be an EnlightenedManager?” Inc., October 1998,47–51.

Maybe the reader expects that anything you sell would meet government reg-ulations (OSHA—the Occupational Safety and Health Administration—is afederal agency). The reader may even be disappointed if he or she expectedhigher standards. Simply explain the situation or describe a product’s features;don’t predict the reader’s response.

When you have good news for the reader, simply give the good news.

Lacks you-attitude: You’ll be happy to hear that your scholarship has been renewed.

You-attitude: Congratulations! Your scholarship has been renewed.

4. In positive situations, use you more often than I. Use we when itincludes the reader.

Whenever possible, focus on the reader, not on you or your company.

Lacks you-attitude: We provide health insurance to all employees.

You-attitude: You receive health insurance as a full-time Procter & Gambleemployee.

Most readers are tolerant of the word I in e-mail messages, which seem likeconversation. Edit paper documents to use I rarely if at all. I suggests thatyou’re concerned about personal issues, not about the organization’s prob-lems, needs, and opportunities. We works well when it includes the reader.Avoid we if it excludes the reader (as it would in a letter to a customer or sup-plier or as it might in a memo about what we in management want you to do).

5. In negative situations, avoid the word you. Protect the reader’sego. Use passive verbs and impersonal expressions to avoidassigning blame.

When you report bad news or limitations, use a noun for a group of which thereader is a part instead of you so readers don’t feel that they’re singled out forbad news.

Lacks you-attitude: You must get approval from the director before you publish anyarticles or memoirs based on your work in the agency.

You-attitude: Agency personnel must get approval from the director to publishany articles or memoirs based on their work at the agency.

Use passive verbs and impersonal expressions to avoid blaming the reader.Passive verbs describe the action performed on something, without necessar-ily saying who did it. (See Chapter 4 ➠ for a full discussion of passive verbs.)Impersonal expressions omit people and talk only about things.

In most cases, active verbs are better. But when your reader is at fault, pas-sive verbs may be useful to avoid assigning blame.

Normally, writing is most lively when it’s about people—and most interest-ing to readers when it’s about them. When you have to report a mistake or badnews, however, you can protect the reader’s ego by using an impersonal ex-pression, one in which things, not people, do the acting.

Lacks you-attitude: You made no allowance for inflation in your estimate.

You-attitude (passive): No allowance for inflation has been made in this estimate.

You-attitude (impersonal): This estimate makes no allowance for inflation.

A purist might say that impersonal expressions are illogical: an estimate, forexample, is inanimate and can’t “make” anything. In the pragmatic world ofbusiness writing, however, impersonal expressions often help you convey crit-icism tactfully.


You-AttitudewithInternationalAudiences

When you communicate withinternational audiences, look atthe world from their point ofview.

The United States is in themiddle of most of the mapssold in the United States. It isn’tin the middle of maps soldelsewhere in the world.

The United States clings to ameasurement system that hasbeen abandoned by most ofthe world. When you write forinternational audiences, use themetric system.

Even pronouns and directionwords need attention. We maynot feel inclusive to readerswith different assumptions andbackgrounds. Here won’t meanthe same thing to a reader inBonn as it does to one inBoulder.

You-Attitude beyond the Sentence LevelGood messages apply you-attitude beyond the sentence level by using contentand organization as well as style to build goodwill.

To create goodwill with content,

■ Be complete. When you have lots of information to give, consider puttingsome details in an appendix, which may be read later.

■ Anticipate and answer questions the reader is likely to have.■ When you include information the reader didn’t ask for, show why it is

important.■ Show readers how the subject of your message affects them.

To organize information to build goodwill,

■ Put information readers are most interested in first.■ Arrange information to meet your reader’s needs, not yours.■ Use headings and lists so that the reader can find key points quickly.

Consider the letter in Figure 2.1. As the red marginal notes indicate, manyindividual sentences in this letter lack you-attitude. Fixing individual sen-tences could improve the letter. However, it really needs to be totally rewritten.

Figure 2.2 shows a possible revision of this letter. The revision isclearer, easier to read, and friendlier. Check the BAC Web site for an-other example of a letter revised to improve you-attitude.

Positive EmphasisSome negatives are necessary. As Stephen Hlibok points out, when you havebad news to give the reader—announcements of layoffs, product defects andrecalls, price increases—straightforward negatives build credibility. (See Chap-ter 8 ➠ on how to present bad news.) Sometimes negatives are needed to makepeople take a problem seriously. Wall Data improved the reliability of its com-puter programs when it eliminated the term bugs and used instead the termfailures. In some messages, such as disciplinary notices and negative perfor-mance appraisals, your purpose is to deliver a rebuke with no alternative. Evenhere, avoid insults or global attacks on the reader’s integrity or sanity. Beinghonest about the drawbacks of a job reduces turnover. And sometimes nega-tives create a “reverse psychology” that makes people look favorably at yourproduct. Rent-a-Wreck is thriving. (The cars really don’t look so bad.)3

But in most situations, it’s better to be positive. Annette N. Shelby and N. Lamar Reinsch, Jr., found that business people responded more positivelyto positive than to negative language and were more likely to say they wouldact on a positively worded request.4 Martin Seligman’s research for Met Lifefound that optimistic salespeople sold 37% more insurance than pessimisticcolleagues. As a result, Met Life began hiring optimists even when they failedto meet the company’s other criteria. These “unqualified” optimists outsoldpessimists 21% in their first year and 57% in the next.5

Positive emphasis is a way of looking at things. Is the bottle half empty orhalf full? You can create positive emphasis with the words, information, orga-nization, and layout you choose.

Create positive emphasis by using the following five techniques:

1. Avoid negative words and words with negative connotations.2. State information positively. Focus on what the reader can do rather than

on what you won’t or can’t let the reader do.3. Justify negative information by giving a reason or linking it to a reader benefit.


You-Attitude on the Web*

You-attitude means seeingthings from the audience’s pointof view. GE Polymerland, whichsells plastic pellets thatbecome CD cases, carbumpers, and bedpans, hascreated a profitable Web siteby making life easier for itscustomers.

On the Web, customers cansearch for plastics by name,number, or characteristics anddownload the certificationsheets that specify thecharacteristics of each plastic.Downloading a newcertification sheet let one clientcomplete an overnight jobwhen he couldn’t find hisoriginal copy of the information.

Letting customers find fast,accurate information is good forthe company, too. Onlineorders cut the company’s costs3 to 4%. Online sales wereexpected to bring in more than$1.5 billion in 2001. But, asPeter Foss, President of GEPolymerland, says, “We didn’tdo all of this because it was thenext big thing. We did itbecause it seemed like a greatway to serve our customers.”

*Based on Cheryl Dahle,“Adventures in Polymerland,” FastCompany, May 2000, 353–61.

4. If the negative is truly unimportant, omit it.5. Put the negative information in the middle and present it compactly.

Now, let’s see how to apply each of these techniques.

1. Avoid negative words and words with negative connotations.

Figure 2.3 lists some common negative words. If you find one of these wordsin a draft, try to substitute a more positive word. When you must use a nega-tive, use the least negative term that will convey your meaning.


FIGURE 2.1 A Letter Lacking You-Attitude

December 11, 2003

Ms. Carol McFarlandRollins Equipment Corporation18438 East Night Hawk WayPhoenix, AZ 85043-7800

Dear Ms. McFarland:

We are now ready to issue a check to Rollins Equipment in the amount of $14,207.02. To receive said check, you will deliver to me a release of the mechanic's liens in the amount of $14,207.02.

Before we can release the check, we must be satisfied that the release is in the proper form. We must insist that we be provided with a stamped original of the lien indicating the document number in the appropriate district court where it is filed. Also, either the release must be executed by an officer of Rollins Equipment, or we must be provided with a letter from an officer of Rollins Equipment authorizing another individual to execute the release.

Please contact the undersigned so that an appointment can be scheduled for this transaction.

Sincerely,

Kelly J. Pickett

Kelly J. Pickett

Legalistic

Notyou-

attitude

Focuses on

negative

Sounds dictatorialLacks you-attitude

Hard toread,remember

Jargon

450 INDUSTRIAL PARKCLEVELAND, OH 44120(216) 555-4670 FAX: (216) 555-4672

SIMMONSSTRUCTURAL STEELSIMMONSSTRUCTURAL STEEL

The following examples show how to replace negative words with positive words.

Negative: We have failed to finish taking inventory.

Better: We haven’t finished taking inventory.

Still better: We will be finished taking inventory Friday.

Negative: If you can’t understand this explanation, feel free to call me.

Better: If you have further questions, just call me.

Still better: Omit the sentence.


FIGURE 2.2 A Letter Revised to Improve You-Attitude

Kelly J. Pickett

December 11, 2003

Ms. Carol McFarlandRollins Equipment Corporation18438 East Night Hawk WayPhoenix, AZ 85043-7800

Dear Ms. McFarland:

Let's clear up the lien in the Allen contract.

Rollins will receive a check for $14,207.02 when you give us a release for the mechanic's lien of $14,207.02. To assure us that the release is in the proper form,

1. Give us a stamped original of the lien indicating the document's districtcourt number, and

2. Eithera. Have an officer of Rollins Equipment sign the release

orb. Give us a letter from a Rollins officer authorizing someone else to sign

the release.

Call me to tell me which way is best for you.

Sincerely,

Kelly J. PickettExtension 5318

Focuses

on what

reader

gets

Emphasizes

reader's

choice

Extension number makes

it easy for reader to phone.

List makes it

easy to see that

reader needs to do two

things—and that

the second can

be done in

two ways.

Starts with

main point fro

m the

reader's point of view

450 INDUSTRIAL PARKCLEVELAND, OH 44120(216) 555-4670 FAX: (216) 555-4672

SIMMONSSTRUCTURAL STEELSIMMONSSTRUCTURAL STEEL

If a sentence has two negatives, substitute one positive term.

Negative: Never fail to back up your disks.

Better: Always back up your disks.

When you must use a negative term, use the least negative word that is accurate.

Negative: Your balance of $835 is delinquent.

Better: Your balance of $835 is past due.

Getting rid of negatives has the added benefit of making what you write eas-ier to understand. Sentences with three or more negatives are very hard to understand.6

Beware of hidden negatives: words that are not negative in themselves butbecome negative in context. But and however indicate a shift, so, after a positivestatement, they are negative. I hope and I trust that suggest that you aren’t sure.Patience may sound like a virtue, but it is a necessary virtue only when thingsare slow. Even positives about a service or product may backfire if they suggestthat in the past the service or product was bad.

Negative: I hope this is the information you wanted.[Implication: I’m not sure.]

Better: Enclosed is a brochure about road repairs scheduled for 2004–06.

Still better: The brochure contains a list of all roads and bridges scheduled for repairduring 2004–06. Call Gwen Wong at 555-3245 for specific dates whenwork will start and stop and for alternate routes.

Negative: Please be patient as we switch to the automated system.[Implication: You can expect problems.]

Better: If you have questions during our transition to the automated system, callMelissa Morgan.

Still better: You’ll be able to get information instantly about any house on the marketwhen the automated system is in place. If you have questions during thetransition, call Melissa Morgan.


FIGURE 2.3 Negative Words to AvoidThe Wait fromThis Point*

Waiting is a negative word anda negative experience. DisneyWorld’s FASTPASS systemreduces the experience. Butwhen waiting is necessary,Disney World uses the negativeword to create reversepsychology that results in apositive feeling. Helpful signstell you how long the wait willbe from various points in line. Ifyou’re not ready to wait thatlong, you leave.

If you do stay in line, you’ll bepleasantly surprised: the linewill move faster thanadvertised.

The signs deliberatelyoverstate the wait. Recently, thesign at the Indiana JonesAdventure ride advised a waitof 25 minutes. It actually tookless than 20.

“It’s part of the psychology,”says Tony Baxter, VicePresident of ConceptualDevelopment at Disney’simagineering unit.

*Based on Jeff Rowe, “Waiting inLine Is All Part of the Amusement atTheme Parks,” The ColumbusDispatch, June 14, 1996, 1C; andWalt Disney World, “Parks & More:Disney’s FASTPASS,”disneyworld.disney.go.com/waltdisneyworld/parksandmore/fastpass; visited site August 29,2001.

afraid

anxious

avoid

bad

careless

damage

delay

delinquent

deny

difficulty

Some dis-words:

disapprove

dishonest

dissatisfied

eliminate

error

except

fail

fault

fear

hesitate

ignorant

ignore

impossible

Many in- words:

inadequate

incomplete

inconvenient

insincere

injury

lacking

loss

Some mis-words:

misfortune

mistake

missing

neglect

never

no

not

objection

problem

reject

sorry

terrible

trivial

trouble

wait

weakness

worry

wrong

Many un- words:

unclear

unfair

unfortunate

unfortunately

unpleasant

unreasonable

unreliable

unsure

Negative: Now Crispy Crunch tastes better.[Implication: it used to taste terrible.]

Better: Now Crispy Crunch tastes even better.

Removing negatives does not mean being arrogant or pushy.

Negative: I hope that you are satisfied enough to place future orders.

Arrogant: I look forward to receiving all of your future business.

Better: Call Mercury whenever you need computer chips.

When you eliminate negative words, be sure to maintain accuracy. Wordsthat are exact opposites will usually not be accurate. Instead, use specifics to beboth positive and accurate.

Negative: The exercycle is not guaranteed for life.

Not true: The exercycle is guaranteed for life.

True: The exercycle is guaranteed for 10 years.

Negative: Customers under 60 are not eligible for the Prime Time discount.

Not true: You must be over 60 to be eligible for the Prime Time discount.

True: If you’re 60 or older, you can save 10% on all your purchases withRightWay’s Prime Time discount.

Legal phrases also have negative connotations for most readers and shouldbe avoided whenever possible. The idea will sound more positive if you usenormal English.

Negative: If your account is still delinquent, a second, legal notice will be sent to youinforming you that cancellation of your policy will occur 30 days after thedate of the legal notice if we do not receive your check.


Truth Can BeSpoken inDifferent Ways*

One Iranian told a fable of anancient king who had anominous dream. In the dreamthe king saw himself aged andafflicted, with decaying andfalling teeth. Calling togetherhis court astrologers for aninterpretation, the shaken kingheard the first say, “YourMajesty, I regret to tell you thatthe interpretation must be bad.The dream means that you willdie within a year.” In a rage theking threw the brash astrologerout of his court and turned tothe second man.

The second astrologer said,“Your Majesty, it is good news,the very best. It means that allyour programs and projects willlive on after you, and all yoursons and daughters will surviveyou.” The king, who was oldand knew he might die soon,nevertheless was pleased withthis interpretation and richlyrewarded the astrologer.

*Quoted from John P. Fieg and JohnG. Blair, There Is a Difference: 12Intercultural Perspectives(Washington, DC: Meridian HouseInternational, 1975), 83.

Some stores might say, “Putbooks you don’t want here.”But Bookseller Joseph Best inLexington, KY, uses positiveemphasis.

Better: Even if your check is lost in the mail and never reaches us, you still have a30-day grace period. If you do get a second notice, you will know that yourpayment hasn’t reached us. To keep your account in good standing, stoppayment on the first check and send a second one.

2. Focus on what the reader can do rather than on limitations.

Eliminate double negatives. When there are limits, or some options are closed,focus on the alternatives that remain.

Negative: We will not allow you to charge more than $1,500 on your VISA account.

Better: You can charge $1,500 on your new VISA card.

or: Your new VISA card gives you $1,500 in credit that you can use atthousands of stores nationwide.

As you focus on what will happen, check for you-attitude. In the last ex-ample, “We will allow you to charge $1,500” would be positive, but it lacksyou-attitude.

When you have a benefit and a requirement the reader must meet to get thebenefit, the sentence is usually more positive if you put the benefit first.

Negative: You will not qualify for the student membership rate of $25 a year unlessyou are a full-time student.

Better: You get all the benefits of membership for only $25 a year if you’re a full-time student.

3. Justify negative information by giving a reason or linking it to areader benefit.

A reason can help your reader see that the information is necessary; a bene-fit can suggest that the negative aspect is outweighed by positive factors. Becareful, however, to make the logic behind your reason clear and to leave noloopholes.

Negative: We cannot sell computer disks in lots of less than 10.

Loophole: To keep down packaging costs and to help you save on shipping andhandling costs, we sell computer disks in lots of 10 or more.

Suppose the customer says, “I’ll pay the extra shipping and handling. Sendme seven.” If you can’t or won’t sell in lots of less than 10, you need to write:

Better: To keep down packaging costs and to help customers save on shippingand handling costs, we sell computer disks only in lots of 10 or more.

If you link the negative element to a benefit, be sure it is a benefit the readerwill acknowledge. Avoid telling people that you’re doing things “for their owngood.” They may have a different notion of what their own good is. You maythink you’re doing customers a favor by limiting their credit so they don’t getin over their heads and go bankrupt. They may think they’d be better off withmore credit so they could expand in hopes of making more sales and moreprofits.

4. If the negative is truly unimportant, omit it.

Omit negatives only when

■ The reader does not need the information to make a decision.■ You have already given the reader the information and he or she has access

to the previous communication.■ The information is trivial.


Side Effects?What SideEffects?*

The US Food and DrugAdministration (FDA) requiresfull-length ads recommendingspecific drugs for specificmedical conditions to list majorside effects. Some productsattempt to get around the ruleby preparing two short ads.

A Xenical TV ad discussesobesity, morphing a chubbybaby into a heavyset woman. Itdoesn’t name the drug. Thesecond ad uses the sameimages and music and namesthe drug, but says nothingabout losing weight. The adstotal 45 seconds, as long assome “full-length” TV ads, butnever mention the side effects.

Claritin used the sametechnique in magazine adspicturing celebrity JoanLunden. A first small ad says inlarge type, “Joan Clears the AirAbout Seasonal Allergies.” Noproduct is mentioned. Thesecond small ad reads, “JoanLunden Asks: Curious aboutClaritin?” Neither ad mentionsside effects.

The FDA declared the Claritinads “misleading” and forcedthe company to stop usingthem. The FDA is exploring theissues in TV ads and may endup rewriting its rules.

But whether the rules changeor not, it isn’t ethical to omitnegatives if customers needthe information to makedecisions.

*Based on Chris Adams, “XenicalAds Avoid Listing Unpleasant SideEffects,” The Wall Street Journal,April 3, 2001, B1, B6.

The following examples suggest the kind of negatives you can omit:

Negative: A one-year subscription to PC Magazine is $49.97. That rate is not as lowas the rates charged for some magazines.

Better: A one-year subscription to PC Magazine is $49.97.

Still better: A one-year subscription to PC Magazine is $49.97. You save 43% off thenewsstand price of $87.78.

Negative: If you are not satisfied with Interstate Fidelity Insurance, you do not haveto renew your policy.

Better: Omit the sentence.

5. Put the negative information in the middle and present it compactly.

The beginning and end are always positions of emphasis. Use these positionsfor ideas you want to emphasize. Put negatives in the middle of a paragraphrather than in the first or last sentence and in the middle of the message ratherthan in the first or last paragraphs.

When a letter or memo runs several pages, remember that the bottom of thefirst page is also a position of emphasis, even if it is in the middle of a para-graph, because of the extra white space of the bottom margin. (The first pagegets more attention because it is on top and the reader’s eye may catch lines ofthe message even when he or she isn’t consciously reading it; the tops and bot-toms of subsequent pages don’t get this extra attention.) If possible, avoid plac-ing negative information at the bottom of the first page.

Giving a topic lots of space emphasizes it. Therefore, you can de-emphasizenegative information by giving it as little space as possible. Give negative in-formation only once in your message. Don’t list negatives vertically on thepage since lists take space and emphasize material.

Tone, Power, and PolitenessTone is the implied attitude of the writer toward the reader. If the words of adocument seem condescending or rude, tone is a problem. Tone is tricky be-cause it interacts with power: the words that might seem friendly from a su-perior to a subordinate may seem uppity if used by the subordinate to the su-perior. Norms for politeness are cultural and generational. Language that isacceptable within one group may be unacceptable if used by someone outsidethe group.

The desirable tone for business writing is businesslike but not stiff, friendlybut not phony, confident but not arrogant, polite but not groveling. The fol-lowing guidelines will help you achieve the tone you want.

■ Use courtesy titles for people outside your organization whom you don’tknow well. Most US organizations use first names for everyone, whatevertheir age or rank. But many people don’t like being called by their firstnames by people they don’t know or by someone much younger. When youtalk or write to people outside your organization, use first names only ifyou’ve established a personal relationship. If you don’t know someonewell, use a courtesy title:

Dear Mr. Reynolds:Dear Ms. Lee:

■ Be aware of the power implications of the words you use. “Thank you foryour cooperation” is generous coming from a superior to a subordinate; it’snot appropriate in a message to your superior.

Different ways of asking for action carry different levels of politeness.7


A Soft AnswerTurneth AwayLawsuits*

Lawyers usually tell individualsand companies not to admitliability, lest the admissionbecome evidence in a lawsuitfor damages. Maybe that’sgood advice in major criseswhere the CEO has aresponsibility to stockholders toreduce the company’s legalliability.

But one soft drink companyfound that sincere apologiessatisfied people, so they didn’t sue.

The company had a spate ofcomplaints about explodingbottles. But instead of givingpeople a form to fill out andsaying, “Contact our riskdepartment,” servicerepresentatives were told toempathize and apologize.

The company’s liabilityexpenses went down $2 millionin a year.

*Based on Cynthia Crossen, “TheSimple Apology after Poor ServiceIs in Very Sorry State,” The WallStreet Journal, November 29, 1990,B8; and Lisa Tyler, “Liability MeansNever Being Able to Say You’reSorry: Corporate Guilt, LegalConstraints, and Defensiveness inCorporate Communication,”Management CommunicationQuarterly 11, no. 1 (August 1997):51–73.

Order: Turn in your time card by Monday.(lowest politeness)

Polite order: Please turn in your time card by Monday.(midlevel politeness)

Indirect request: Time cards should be turned in by Monday.(higher politeness)

Question: Would you be able to turn in your time card by Monday?(highest politeness)

Higher levels of politeness may be unclear. In some cases, a question mayseem like a request for information to which it’s acceptable to answer, “No, Ican’t.” In other cases, it will be an order, simply phrased in polite terms.

You need more politeness if you’re asking for something that will inconve-nience the reader and help you more than the person who does the action. Gen-erally, you need less politeness when you’re asking for something small, rou-tine, or to the reader’s benefit. Some discourse communities, however, preferthat even small requests be made politely.

Lower politeness: To start the scheduling process, please describe your availabilityfor meetings during the second week of the month.

Higher politeness: Could you let me know what times you’d be free for a meeting thesecond week of the month?

Generally, requests sound friendliest when they use conversational lan-guage.

Poor tone: Return the draft with any changes by next Tuesday.

Better tone: Let me know by Tuesday whether you’d like any changes in the draft.

■ When the stakes are low, be straightforward. Messages that beat aroundthe bush sound pompous and defensive.Poor tone: Distribution of the low-fat plain granola may be limited in your area.

May we suggest that you discuss this matter with your store manager.

Better tone: Our low-fat granola is so popular that there isn’t enough to go around.We’re expanding production to meet the demand. Ask your storemanager to keep putting in orders, so that your grocery is on the list ofstores that will get supplies when they become available.

or Store managers decide what to stock. If your store has stoppedcarrying our low-fat granola, the store manager has stopped orderingit. Talk to the manager. Managers try to meet customer needs, so if yousay something you’re more likely to get what you want.

■ When you must give bad news, consider hedging your statement. JohnHagge and Charles Kostelnick have shown that auditors’ suggestion lettersrarely say directly that firms are using unacceptable accounting practices.Instead, they use three strategies to be more diplomatic: specifying the time(“currently, the records are quite informal”), limiting statements (“it ap-pears,” “it seems”), and using impersonal statements that do not specifywho caused a problem or who will perform an action.8

Reducing Bias in Business CommunicationEverything we do in good business communication attempts to build good-will. Bias-free language and bias-free visuals help sustain the goodwill wework so hard to create.

Bias-free language is language that does not discriminate against people onthe basis of sex, physical condition, race, age, or any other category. It includes


PositiveEmphasis in Canada*

In the United States, asksomeone “How are you?” andyou’ll probably get the standardresponse: “Fine, thank you” oreven “Terrific!” In Canada, thestandard response is “Notbad.”

The words that creategoodwill vary from culture toculture. Canadians—likepeople in Great Britain, NewZealand, and otherCommonwealth countries—tend to understate anddownplay. As a result, positiveemphasis will be a bit lesspositive than it would be in theUnited States.

You-attitude takesprecedence over every otherprinciple: use the language thatworks for your audience.

*Based on Margot Northey,personal communication, October28, 1993, Montreal, Canada; andRoger Graves, “ ‘Dear Friend’(?):Culture and Genre in American andCanadian Direct Marketing Letters,”The Journal of BusinessCommunication 34, no. 3 (July1997): 235–52.

all readers, helps to sustain goodwill, is fair and friendly, and complies with thelaw. Bias-free language and visuals are also profitable. As Stephen Hlibokpoints out, Merrill Lynch tapped into a new, underserved market when it es-tablished its Deaf and Hard of Hearing Investors’ Services Division.

Check to be sure that your language is nonsexist, nonracist, and nonagist.When you talk about people with disabilities or diseases, talk about the peo-ple, not the condition. When you produce newsletters or other documents withphotos and illustrations, choose a sampling of the whole population, not justpart of it.

Making Language NonsexistNonsexist language treats both sexes neutrally. Check to be sure that yourwriting is free from sexism in four areas: words and phrases, job titles, courtesytitles, and pronouns.

Words and phrases

If you find any of the terms in the first column in Figure 2.4 in your writing oryour company’s documents, replace them with terms from the second column.

Not every word containing man is sexist. For example, manager is not sexist.The word comes from the Latin manus meaning hand; it has nothing to do withmaleness.

Avoid terms that assume that everyone is married or is heterosexual.

Biased: You and your husband or wife are cordially invited to the dinner.

Better: You and your guest are cordially invited to the dinner.

Job titles

Use neutral titles which do not imply that a job is held only by men or only bywomen. Many job titles are already neutral: accountant, banker, doctor, engineer,inspector, manager, nurse, pilot, secretary, technician, to name a few. Other titles re-flect gender stereotypes and need to be changed.

If you need a substitute for a traditional word, check the US Department ofLabor’s Job Title Revisions to Eliminate Sex- and Age-Referent Language from theDictionary of Occupational Titles, 4th ed., 1991.

Instead of Use

Businessman A specific title: executive, accountant, department head, owner of a small business, men and women in business, business person

Chairman Chair, chairperson, moderator

Foreman Supervisor (from Job Title Revisions)

Salesman Salesperson, sales representative

Waitress Server

Woman lawyer Lawyer

Workman Worker, employee. Or use a specific title: crane operator, bricklayer, etc.

Courtesy titles

Memos normally use first and last names without courtesy titles. Letters, how-ever, require courtesy titles in the salutation unless you’re on a first-name basiswith your reader. (See Appendix A ➠ for examples of memo and letter formats.)


R-E-S-P-E-C-T*

Most major airlines and hotelchains provide disabilitytraining to employees. . . . Irecognize when someone hasbeen trained—to offer me aBraille menu, use my namewhen addressing me, or take amoment to orient me to a newenvironment. What I appreciateeven more, though, is . . .simple, common courtesy.

I don’t care how many pagesin an employee manualsomewhere are devoted to . . .the dos and don’ts ofinteracting with someone whois deaf, blind, or mentallyretarded. Among hundreds ofexperiences in airports andhotels, the one distinction thatseparates the (mostly) pleasingfrom the (occasionally) painfulin my encounters has been thehonest friendliness and respectwith which I have or have notbeen treated.

Ask me where I’d like to sit,whether I need help gettingthere, and what other kinds ofhelp I need.

Please, assume that I knowmore about my disability thananyone else ever could.

Respect me as you do anyother customer who is payingfor the same service, and havethe grace to apologize ifsomething does go wrong.

Too many companies, itseems to me, are busy shakingin their boots over the imaginedhigh cost of accommodatingpeople with disabilities when, inmany instances, a good old-fashioned refresher course inmanners would cover mostbases.

*Quoted from Deborah Kendrick,“Disabled Resent BeingPatronized,” Columbus Dispatch,July 21, 1996, 3B.

■ When you know your reader’s name and gender, use courtesy titles that donot indicate marital status: Mr. for men and Ms. for women. There are, how-ever, two exceptions:1. If the woman has a professional title, use that title if you would use it

for a man.Dr. Kristen Sorenson is our new company physician.The Rev. Elizabeth Townsley gave the invocation.

2. If the woman prefers to be addressed as Mrs. or Miss, use the title sheprefers rather than Ms. (You-attitude takes precedence over nonsexistlanguage: address the reader as she—or he—prefers to be addressed.)To find out if a woman prefers a traditional title,a. Check the signature block in previous correspondence. If a woman

types her name as (Miss) Elaine Anderson or (Mrs.) Kay Royster, usethe title she designates.

b. Notice the title a woman uses in introducing herself on the phone.If she says, “This is Robin Stine,” use Ms. when you write to her. Ifshe says, “I’m Mrs. Stine,” use the title she specifies.

c. Check your company directory. In some organizations, women whoprefer traditional titles can list them with their names.

d. When you’re writing job letters or crucial correspondence, call thecompany and ask the receptionist which title your reader prefers.

Ms. is particularly useful when you do not know what a woman’s mari-tal status is. However, even when you happen to know that a woman ismarried or single, you still use Ms. unless you know that she prefers an-other title.

In addition to using parallel courtesy titles, use parallel forms for names.

Not Parallel Parallel

Members of the committee will be Members of the committee will be Mr. Jones, Mr. Yacone, and Lisa. Mr. Jones, Mr. Yacone, and Ms. Melton.

or

Members of the committee will be Irving, Ted, and Lisa.


FIGURE 2.4 Getting Rid of Sexist Terms and Phrases

Instead of Use Because

The girl at the front desk

The ladies on our staff

ManpowerManhoursManning

Managers and their wives

The woman’s name or job title: “Ms. Browning,”“Rosa,” “the receptionist”

The women on our staff

PersonnelHours or worker hoursStaffing

Managers and their guests

Call female employees women just as you call male employees men. When you talk about a specificwoman, use her name, just as you use a man’s name totalk about a specific man.

Use parallel terms for males and females. Therefore, use ladies only if you refer to the males on your staff asgentlemen. Few businesses do, since social distinctionsare rarely at issue.

The power in business today comes from both women and men. If you have to correspond with the USDepartment of Labor’s Division of ManpowerAdministration, you are stuck with the term. When youtalk about other organizations, however, use nonsexistalternatives.

Managers may be female; not everyone is married.

■ When you know your reader’s name but not the gender, either1. Call the company and ask the receptionist, or2. Use the reader’s full name in the salutation:

Dear Chris Crowell:Dear J. C. Meath:

■ When you know neither the reader’s name nor gender, you have three options:1. Use a letter format that omits the salutation. The AMS Simplified letter

format (see Appendix A) includes the inside address and uses a subjectline but omits the salutation and complimentary close.SUBJECT: RECOMMENDATION FOR BEN WANDELL

2. Use the reader’s position or job title:Dear Loan Officer:Dear Registrar:

3. Use a general group to which your reader belongs:Dear Investor:Dear Admissions Committee:

Terms that are meant to be positive (Dear Careful Shopper: or Dear Con-cerned Citizen:) may backfire if readers see them as manipulative flattery.

Although many people claim to dislike Dear Friend: as a salutation in a formletter, research shows that letters using it bring in a higher response than let-ters with no salutation.

Pronouns

When you write about a specific person, use the appropriate gender pronouns:

In his speech, John Jones said that . . .In her speech, Judy Jones said that . . .

When you are writing not about a specific person but about anyone whomay be in a given job or position, traditional gender pronouns are sexist.

Sexist: a. Each supervisor must certify that the time sheet for his department is correct.

Sexist: b. When the nurse fills out the accident report form, she should send onecopy to the Central Division Office.

There are four ways to eliminate sexist generic pronouns: use plurals, use second-person you, revise the sentence to omit the pronoun, or use pronoun pairs.Whenever you have a choice of two or more ways to make a phrase or sentencenonsexist, choose the alternative that is the smoothest and least conspicuous.

The following examples use these methods to revise sentences a and b above.

1. Use plural nouns and pronouns.Nonsexist: a. Supervisors must certify that the time sheets for their departments

are correct.

Note: When you use plural nouns and pronouns, other words in the sen-tence may need to be made plural too. In the example above, plural su-pervisors have plural time sheets and departments.

Avoid mixing singular nouns and plural pronouns.Nonsexist but lacks agreement: a. Each supervisor must certify that the time sheet

for their department is correct.

Since supervisor is singular, it is incorrect to use the plural their to refer to it.The resulting lack of agreement is acceptable orally but is not yet accept-able to many readers in writing. Instead, use one of the four grammaticallycorrect ways to make the sentence nonsexist.


Ms. in AnyLanguage*

Other countries are alsodeveloping nonsexist courtesytitles for women.

■ United States

Miss

Mrs.

Ms.

■ France

Mademoiselle (Mlle.)

Madame (Mme.)

Mad.

■ Spain

Señorita (Srta.)

Señora (Sra.)

Sa.

■ Denmark

Frøken

Fru

Fr.

■ Japan

San

San

San

*Based on Mary Ritchie Key, Male/Female Language (Metuchen, NJ:Scarecrow Press, 1975), 50; JohnC. Condon and Fathi Yousef, AnIntroduction to InterculturalCommunication (Indianapolis:Bobbs-Merrill, 1975), 50; and SilviaFuduric, Letter to the Author,January 19, 1998.

2. Use you.Nonsexist: a. You must certify that the time sheet for your department is correct.

Nonsexist: b. When you fill out an accident report form, send one copy to theCentral Division Office.

You is particularly good for instructions and statements of the responsibil-ities of someone in a given position. Using you also may shorten sentences,since you write “Send one copy” instead of “You should send one copy.” Italso makes your writing more direct.

3. Substitute an article (a, an, or the) for the pronoun, or revise the sentence sothat the pronoun is unnecessary.Nonsexist: a. The supervisor must certify that the time sheet for the department is

correct.

Nonsexist: b. The nurse will1. Fill out the accident report form.2. Send one copy of the form to the Central Division Office.

4. When you must focus on the action of an individual, use pronoun pairs.Nonsexist: a. The supervisor must certify that the time sheet for his or her

department is correct.

Nonsexist: b. When the nurse fills out the accident report form, he or she shouldsend one copy to the Central Division Office.

Making Language Nonracist and NonagistLanguage is nonracist and nonagist when it treats all races and ages fairly,avoiding negative stereotypes of any group. Use these guidelines to check forbias in documents you write or edit:

■ Give someone’s race or age only if it is relevant to your story. When youdo mention these characteristics, give them for everyone in your story—notjust the non-Caucasian, non-young-to-middle-aged adults you mention.

■ Refer to a group by the term it prefers. As preferences change, changeyour usage. Fifty years ago, Negro was preferred as a more dignified termthan colored for African Americans. As times changed, Black and AfricanAmerican replaced it. Surveys in the mid-1990s showed that almost half of

blacks aged 40 and older preferred Black, but those 18 to 39 pre-ferred African American.9

Oriental has now been replaced by Asian.The term Latino is the most acceptable group term to re-

fer to Mexican Americans, Cuban Americans, Puerto Ri-cans, Dominicans, Brazilianos, and other people with Cen-tral and Latin American backgrounds. (Latina is the termfor an individual woman.) Better still is to refer to the pre-cise group. The differences among various Latino groupsare at least as great as the differences among Italian Amer-icans, Irish Americans, Armenian Americans, and othersdescended from various European groups.

Eskimo is the accepted term for native people in Alaska.However, First Nation people in Canada prefer the termInuit, which means the people.

Older people and mature customers are more generally ac-cepted terms than Senior Citizens or Golden Agers.

■ Avoid terms that suggest that competent people are un-usual. The statement “She is an intelligent black woman”


InSite

www.serviceintelligence.com/index.html

You-attitude, positive emphasis, and bias-freelanguage build goodwill with words, just as service,quality, and reliability build goodwill with actions.

Attempts ToCreate a UnisexPronoun*

For 150 years, people haveattempted to coin a unisexpronoun. None of the attemptshas been successful.

he his himDate or she or her or her1850 ne nis nim1884 le lis lim1938 se sim sis1970 ve vis ver1977 e e’s em1988 ala alis alum

*Based on Dennis E. Baron, “TheEpicene Pronoun: The Word ThatFailed,” American Speech 56(1981): 83–97; and Ellen Graham,“Business Bulletin,” The Wall StreetJournal, December 29, 1988, A1.

suggests that the writer expects most black women to be stupid. “He is anasset to his race” suggests that excellence in the race is rare. “He is a spry70-year-old” suggests that the writer is amazed that anyone that old canstill move.

Talking about People with Disabilities and DiseasesA disability is a physical, mental, sensory, or emotional impairment that inter-feres with the major tasks of daily living. According to the US Census Bureau,21% of Americans currently have a disability; the number of people with dis-abilities will rise as the population ages.10

■ People-first language focuses on the person, not the condition. People-first language names the person first, then adds the condition. Use it in-stead of the traditional noun phrases that imply the condition defines theperson.


The mentally retarded People with mental The condition does not define retardation the person or his or her

potential.

Cancer patients People being treatedfor cancer

■ Avoid negative terms, unless the audience prefers them. You-attitudetakes precedence over positive emphasis: use the term a group prefers. Peo-ple who lost their hearing as infants, children, or young adults often preferto be called deaf, or Deaf in recognition of Deafness as a culture. But peoplewho lose their hearing as older adults often prefer to be called hard of hear-ing, even when their hearing loss is just as great as that of someone whoidentifies him- or herself as part of the Deaf culture.

Just as people in a single ethnic group may prefer different labels based on generational or cultural divides, so differences exist within the disability


Technology helps blindpeople contribute fully asmembers of the workforce.This Braille keyboard allows acomputer engineer to key incommands and data.Computer programs such asJAWS can read computerscreens out loud.

community. Several disabled people explain their choices in the videoclip on the BAC Web site.

Using the right term requires keeping up with changing preferences.If your target audience is smaller than the whole group, use the term preferredby that audience, even if the group as a whole prefers another term.

Some negative terms, however, are never appropriate. Negative terms suchas afflicted, suffering from, and struck down also suggest an outdated view of anyillness as a sign of divine punishment.


Confined to a Uses a wheelchair Wheelchairs enable people to escape wheelchair confinement.

AIDS victim Person with AIDS Someone can have a disease without being victimized by it.

Abnormal Atypical People with disabilities are atypical but not necessarily abnormal.

Choosing Bias-Free Photos and IllustrationsWhen you produce a document with photographs or illustrations, check the vi-suals for possible bias. Do they show people of both sexes and all races? Is therea sprinkling of various kinds of people (younger and older, people usingwheelchairs, etc.)? It’s OK to have individual pictures that have just one sex orone race; the photos as a whole do not need to show exactly 50% men and 50%women. But the general impression should suggest that diversity is welcomeand normal.

Check relationships and authority figures as well as numbers. If all the menappear in business suits and the women in maids’ uniforms, the pictures aresexist even if an equal number of men and women are pictured. If the onlyblacks and Latinos pictured are factory workers, the photos support racismeven when an equal number of people from each race are shown.

In 1997, as Marilyn Dyrud has shown, only 22% of the images of humans inclip art files were women, and most of those showed women in traditionalroles. An even smaller percent pictured members of minority groups.11 Don’tuse biased clip art or stock photos: create your own bias-free illustrations.

Summary of Key Points■ You-attitude is a style of writing that looks at things from the reader’s point

of view, emphasizing what the reader wants to know, respecting thereader’s intelligence, and protecting the reader’s ego.1. Talk about the reader, not about yourself.2. Refer to the reader’s request or order specifically.3. Don’t talk about feelings except to congratulate or offer sympathy.4. In positive situations, use you more often than I. Use we when it in-

cludes the reader.5. In negative situations, avoid the word you. Protect the reader’s ego. Use

passive verbs and impersonal expressions to avoid assigning blame.■ Apply you-attitude beyond the sentence level by using organization and

content as well as style to build goodwill.■ Positive emphasis means focusing on the positive rather than the negative

aspects of a situation.1. Avoid negative words and words with negative connotations.2. Focus on what the reader can do rather than on limitations.


PositiveEmphasis IsGood for YourHealth*

According to a 30-year studyby the Mayo Clinic, optimistslive almost 20% longer thanpessimists. Optimists are betterat coping with stress and havemore disease-fighting T-cells.

Optimists and pessimists tellthemselves different stories.Optimists feel powerful;pessimists feel doomed. Whenbad things happen, pessimistsbelieve the cause ispermanent. Optimists, incontrast, believe that the causeis temporary or an aberration—a disruption of normally goodprogress.

Experts believe we can learnto be optimistic. If you tend tobe pessimistic,

■ Set realistic goals so thatyou can succeed.

■ Look for lessons. When youlearn something from a badexperience, you canchange the way yourespond in the future.

■ Look for silver linings.

■ Think happy thoughts. Whensomething minor goeswrong, focus on a goodmemory.

■ Smile. Smiling—even whenyou don’t initially feelhappy—can improve yourmood.

*Based on Donald D. Hensrud,“How to Live Longer (and Love It),”Fortune, April 30, 2001, 210; andJudith Newman, “Sailing Throughthe Blues,” Reader’s Digest,January 2001, 145–48.

3. Justify negative information by giving a reason or linking it to a readerbenefit.

4. If the negative is truly unimportant, omit it.5. Put the negative information in the middle and present it compactly.

■ The desirable tone for business writing is businesslike but not stiff, friendlybut not phony, confident but not arrogant, polite but not groveling. The fol-lowing guidelines will help you achieve the tone you want:■ Use courtesy titles for people outside your organization whom you

don’t know well.■ Be aware of the power implications of the words you use.■ When the stakes are low, be straightforward.■ When you must give bad news, consider hedging your statement.■ Writing should be free from sexism in four areas: words and phrases,

job titles, courtesy titles, and pronouns.■ Ms. is the nonsexist courtesy title for women. Whether or not you know

a woman’s marital status, use Ms. unless the woman has a professionaltitle or unless you know that she prefers a traditional title.

■ Traditional pronouns are sexist when they refer to a class of people, notto specific individuals. Four ways to make the sentence nonsexist are touse plurals, to use you, to revise the sentence to omit the pronoun, andto use pronoun pairs.

■ Bias-free language is fair and friendly; it complies with the law. It in-cludes all readers; it helps to sustain goodwill.

■ Check to be sure that your language is nonsexist, nonracist, and nonag-ist. When you talk about people with disabilities or diseases, use theterm they prefer. When you produce newsletters or other documentswith photos and illustrations, picture a sampling of the whole popula-tion, not just part of it.

For a self-test on the concepts in this chapter, visit the BAC Web site.


Exercises and Problems

Getting Started

2.1 Evaluating the Ethics of Positive Emphasis

C H A P T E R 2

The first term in each line below is negative; the second isa positive term that is sometimes substituted for it. Whichof the positive terms seem ethical? Which seem unethi-cal? Briefly explain your choices.

junk bonds high-yield bondssecond mortgage home equity loan

tax user feenervousness adrenalineproblem challengeprice increase price changefor-profit hospital tax-paying hospital

2.2 Eliminating Negative Words and Words with Negative Connotations

Revise each of the following sentences to replace negativewords with positive ones. Be sure to keep the meaning ofthe original sentence.1. You will lose customer goodwill if you are slow in

handling returns and issuing refunds.2. Do not put any paper in this box that is not

recyclable.

3. When you write a report, do not make claims thatyou cannot support with evidence.

4. Do not fail to back up your hard disk every day.5. I am anxious to discuss my qualifications in an

interview.


Revise these sentences to improve you-attitude and pos-itive emphasis. Eliminate any awkward phrasing. Insome cases, you may need to add information to revisethe sentence effectively. 1. We cannot provide vegetarian meals unless you let

us know at least three days in advance.2. We are pleased to provide free e-mail accounts to

students.3. You’ll be happy to know that we have installed an

ATM for your convenience.4. We’re swamped. We won’t be able to get your

order out to you until Friday morning.5. If the above information is unclear, or if further

information on this or any other topic is necessary,please do not hesitate to contact me.

6. I have been using e-mail both in my internship andin classes. I realize that almost everyone now does

have experience with e-mail, but at least I won’t bebehind.

7. I am anxious to discuss this problem with you.8. Medical certification can delay shutoff of electrical

service for nonpayment of bills. If someone in yourhome needs electricity to assure health and well-being, signing up for our medical certification willdelay disconnection for 30 days.

9. I had a difficult time evaluating the Web page. Thesheer size of the site made it difficult to weedthrough. After considerable time, I decided that,although it is huge, the site is thorough and welldesigned.

10. We cannot process your request for a reservationbecause some information is missing.

2.3 Using Passives and Impersonal Expressions to Improve You-Attitude and Positive Emphasis

Revise each of these sentences to improve you-attitudeand positive emphasis, first using a passive verb, then us-ing an impersonal expression (one in which things, notpeople, do the action). Are both revisions equally good?Why or why not?1. You did not supply all of the information necessary

to process your claim.2. The credit card number you supplied has expired.

3. You did not send us your check.4. You did not include all the necessary information in

your letter.5. By failing to build a fence around your pool, you

have allowed your property to violate cityregulations against health hazards.

2.4 Focusing on the Positive

Revise each of the following sentences to focus on the op-tions that remain, not those that are closed off.1. Housing applications that arrive December 1 or

later cannot be processed.2. You cannot use flextime unless you have the

consent of your supervisor.

3. As a first-year employee, you are not eligible fordental insurance.

4. I will be out of the country October 25 to November10 and will not be able to meet with you then.

5. You will not get your first magazine for at least fourweeks.

2.5 Identifying Hidden Negatives

Identify the hidden negatives in the following sentencesand revise to eliminate them. In some cases, you mayneed to add information to revise the sentence effectively.1. The seminar will help you become a better manager.2. Thank you for the confidence you have shown in us

by ordering one of our products. It will be shippedto you soon.

3. This publication is designed to explain how yourcompany can start a recycling program.

4. I hope you find the information in this brochurebeneficial to you and a valuable reference as youplan your move.

5. In thinking about your role in our group, Iremember two occasions where you contributedsomething.

2.6 Improving You-Attitude and Positive Emphasis



Revise these sentences to improve you-attitude and pos-itive emphasis. Eliminate any awkward phrasing. Insome cases, you may need to add information to revisethe sentence effectively. 1. Don’t drop in without an appointment. Your

counselor or caseworker may be unavailable.2. Although I was only an intern and didn’t actually

make presentations to major clients, I was requiredto prepare PowerPoint slides for the meetings andto answer some of the clients’ questions.

3. At DiYanni homes we have more than 30 plansthat we will personalize just for you.

4. Please notify the publisher of the magazine of yourchange of address as soon as possible to prevent adisruption of subscription service.

5. I’m sorry you were worried. You did not miss thedeadline for signing up for a flexible medicalspending account.

6. We are in the process of upgrading our Web site.Please bear with us.

7. You will be happy to hear that our cell phone plandoes not charge you for incoming calls.

8. The employee discount may only be used forpurchases for your own use or for gifts; you maynot buy items for resale. To prevent any abuse ofthe discount privilege, you may be asked to justifyyour purchase.

9. I apologize for my delay in answering yourinquiry. The problem was that I had to check withour suppliers to see whether we could provide theitem in the quantity you say you want. We can.

10. If you mailed a check with your order, as youclaim, we failed to receive it.


Revise these sentences to improve you-attitude and pos-itive emphasis. Eliminate any awkward phrasing. Insome cases, you may need to add information to revisethe sentence effectively. 1. The company cannot make its revenue goals

without increasing sales in Japan.2. We can arrange for our services to reach you

within 24 hours.3. Starting January 1, the company will create a new

program that lets full-time employees volunteerone hour a week on company time.

4. I’m very sorry that you were worried. I’m happy totell you that our special offer has not yet expired.

5. I hope this answers your question. If you still donot understand, do not fail to ask for moreinformation.

6. Once you choose which days you want off, youcan’t change them after December 15 unless youhave holidays remaining.

7. Next Tuesday will not be a problem. Our servicecrew is not overbooked and will not have troublefitting you in.

8. I realize that Wednesday at 10 AM is not aconvenient time for everyone, but I was unable toarrange a time that is good for everyone.

9. You cannot accept gifts from anyone with whomyou, as an employee of the EnvironmentalProtection Agency, deal, because some citizenmight suspect that your enforcement decision hadbeen subject to undue influence.

10. If you supplied receipts with your request forreimbursement, as you claim, they have been lost.

2.9 Eliminating Biased Language

Explain the source of bias in each of the following, and re-vise to remove the bias.1. We recommend hiring Jim Ryan and Elizabeth

Shuman. Both were very successful summerinterns. Jim drafted the report on using rap musicin ads, and Elizabeth really improved the looks ofthe office.

2. All sales associates and their wives are invited tothe picnic.

3. Although he is blind, Mr. Morin is an excellentgroup leader.

4. Unlike many blacks, Yvonne has extensiveexperience designing Web pages.

5. Chris RenkerPacific Perspectives

6300 West Coronado Blvd.Los Angeles, CAGentlemen:

6. Enrique Torres has very good people skills for aman.

7. Parenting 2000 shows you how to persuade yourhusband to do his share of child care chores.

8. Mr. Paez, Mr. O’Connor, and Tonya will representour office at the convention.

9. Sue Corcoran celebrates her 50th birthday today.Stop by her cubicle at noon to get a piece of cakeand to help us sing “The Old Grey Mare Just Ain’tWhat She Used to Be.”

10. Because older customers tend to be really picky, wewill need to give a lot of details in our ads.

Identify three sentences from items that cross your deskthat use (or should use) you-attitude and positive em-phasis. If the sentences are good, write them down or at-tach a copy of the document(s) marking the sentence(s) inthe margin. If the sentences need work, provide both theoriginal sentence and a possible revision.

As Your Instructor Directs,a. Turn in the sentences and revisions.b. Share the sentences and revisions with the class in a

brief oral presentation.c. Discuss the sentences and revisions with a group of

students. What patterns do you see?


E-Mail Messages

2.10 Advising a Hasty Subordinate

Three days ago, one of your subordinates forwarded toeveryone in the office a bit of e-mail humor he’d receivedfrom a friend. Titled “You know you’re Southern when

. . . ,” the message poked fun at Southern speech, atti-tudes, and lifestyles. Today you get this message fromyour subordinate:

Subject: Should I Apologize?

I’m getting flamed left and right because of the Southern message. I thought it wasfunny, but some people just can’t take a joke. So far I’ve tried not to respond to theflames, figuring that would just make things worse. But now I’m wondering if I shouldapologize. What do you think?

Answer the message.

2.11 Responding to a Complaint

You’re Director of Corporate Communications; the em-ployee newsletter is produced by your office. Today youget this e-mail message from Caroline Huber:

Subject: Complaint about Sexist Language

The article about the “Help Desk” says that Martina Luna and I “are the key customerservice representatives ‘manning’ the desk.” I don’t MAN anything! I WORK.

Respond to Caroline. And send a message to your staff,reminding them to edit newsletter stories as well as ex-ternal documents to replace biased language.

Communicating at Work

2.12 Evaluating You-Attitude and Positive Emphasis in Documents That Cross Your Desk

Letter and Memo Assignments

2.13 Evaluating Bias in Visuals

Evaluate the portrayals of people in one of the following:■ Ads in one issue of a business magazine■ A company’s annual report■ A company’s Web page.

Do the visuals show people of both sexes and all races? Isthere a sprinkling of people of various ages and physicalconditions? What do the visuals suggest about who haspower?


2.14 Revising a Memo

Revise the following memo to improve you-attitude andpositive emphasis.

Subject: Status of Building Renovations

We are happy to announce that the renovation of the lobby is not behind schedule. ByMonday, October 9, we should be ready to open the west end of the lobby to limitedtraffic.

The final phase of the renovation will be placing a new marble floor in front of the ele-vators. This work will not be finished until the end of the month.

We will attempt to schedule most of the work during the evenings so that normal busi-ness is not disrupted.

Please exercise caution when moving through the construction area. The floor will beuneven and steps will be at unusual heights. Watch your step to avoid accidental trip-ping or falling.

2.15 Revising a Form Letter

You’ve taken a part-time job at a store that sells fine jewelry.In orientation, the manager tells you that the store pho-tographs jewelry it sells or appraises and mails the photoas a goodwill gesture after the transaction. However, whenyou see the form letter, you know that it doesn’t buildmuch goodwill—and you say so. The manager says, “Well,you’re in college. Suppose you rewrite it.”

Rewrite the letter. Use square brackets for material(like the customer’s name) that would have to be insertedin the form letter to vary it for a specific customer. Addinformation that would help build goodwill.

Dear Customer:

We are most happy to enclose a photo of the jewelry that we recently sold you or ap-praised for you. We feel that this added service, which we are happy to extend to ourfine customers, will be useful should you wish to insure your jewelry or need to iden-tify it should you have the misfortune of suffering a loss.

We trust you will enjoy this additional service. We thank you for the confidence youhave shown by coming to our store.

Sincerely,Your Sales Associate

As Your Instructor Directs,a. Share your findings orally with a small group of students.b. Post your findings in an e-mail to the class.c. Summarize your findings in a memo to your instructor.

d. Present your findings in an oral presentation to theclass.

e. Join with a small group of students to create a writtenreport.