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STALECONTENTS

CONTENTS

When We Eat

In Oil Sales . 1.5

Credit Union Election . . 1-1

Returns to Germany 16

Champs Once More . 3 1

Published monthly in the interest of the e mplnues of the

A.E.STALEV MANUFACTURING CO.\ DEC ATUR- I LLI N O I S

EDITOR / _./,RUTH Ei C/yDE

CARTOONISTW. R.Van HOOK

theWith Love

The Colonel touring Europe on hisleave of absence, did not forget the onehe left behind. His son received a cardfrom Sparta saying:

"This is the cliff from which the Spar-tans used to throw their defective chil-dren. Wish you were here.—Dad."—TheJester.

&'4Q^\\^ *fo*M(i-^ -^

A frowsy tramp slouched wearily upthe back steps of a house in a small town.

"Ma'am, can you give a poor feller abite to eat:'"

"Yes, I will if you'll work for it. Thishouse is full of flies. Help me get rid ofthem and I'll feed you till you bust."

"All right, ma'am — send your flies out— one at a time."

"Do you know where you are?" de-manded the tourist's wife.

"No," he admitted, "I'm as lost as theaverage American is when he starts onthe third verse of the national anthem." —Cincinnati Enquirer.

Warden (to prisoner)—You say youwant a key. What in thunder are yougoing to use it for?

I want to sleep home at night—I wasonly sentenced to 30 days in jail.

Long EnoughJack—I say! How long did it take you

to learn to drive?Betty—Only four cars.—London Opin-

ion.

Grace—And you say he doesn't knowhow to kiss?

Beryl—I said he didn't know how tokiss.

Scotch and How!Mrs. Gordon came into the house in a

state of great alarm."Tammas, Tammas," she exclaimed,

"there's a cow in the garden!""Dinna stand here wastin' valuable

time," replied Tammas, "get back andmilk it before it gets oot."

The boarding house mistress glancedgrimly down the table as she announced:"We have a delicious rabbit pie for din-ner."

The boarders nodded resignedly-—all,that is, but one.

He glanced nervously downward, shift-ing his feet. One foot struck somethingthat said, "meow."

Up came his head. A relieved smilecrossed his face as he gasped, "Thankgoodness."

Jones—How do you spend your in-come?

Smith—About 30 per cent for shelter,30 per cent for clothing, 40 per cent forfood and 20 per cent for amusement.

Jones—But that adds up to 120 percent.

Smith—That's right.—Hardware Age.

Stock Broker—Hey, you dropped yourpocketbook.

Customer—Oh, that's all right. I'mthrough with it.—Judge.

Slim street car passenger—It's rottento have to wait for a seat, ain't it?

Fat passenger—You're lucky, I gottawait for two.

Engineer to new fireman, just after eat-ing their meal—Say, you got a match?

New fireman, anxious to please—No,but here is my new cigarette lighter.

Engineer—Howinell can I pick myteeth with that?

PointFlashy Comeback

A tourist was enjoying the wondersof California, as pointed out by a native.

"What a beautiful grapefruit!" he saidas they passed through a grove of citrustrees.

"Oh, those lemons are a bit small, ow-ing to a comparatively bad season," ex-plained the Californian.

"And what are those enormous blos-soms?" asked the tourist.

"Just a patch of dandelions," said theCalifornian.

Presently they reached the SacramentoRiver.

"Ah," said the tourist, grasping theidea, "Somebody's radiator is leaking!"

Sweet Inquirer (to hotel clerk)—Howmuch are your rooms?

Clerk—Five dollars up to twelve.Same—How much for one all night?

Visitor—And wot was you thinkin' ofdoing wiv your boy, Mrs Smith?

Mrs Smith—Well, e's that fond of ani-mals "is father was thinkin' of making abutcher of 'im.

Seeing Is Believing

Judge—So your only defense is that youwere drunk when, you kissed that lady.How can you prove that?

Defendant—Well, just take a good lookat her yourself, judge.

"Our cat has kittens.""What did you expect it to have?"

Dinnis Muldoon says the nicest thingabout a clay pipe is that if you drop it ona brick sidewalk you do not have to stoopto pick it up.

Hears Deceit"Black chile, does you all know what

deceit am?""Suttinly I does, Mammy.""Den what is it?""Well, when I leans ovah an' heahs

somethin' rip, I knows dat's de seat."

Mother—You acted wrongly in dis-obeying me, I am punishing you to im-press it on your mind.

Sonny—Aren't you proceeding under aslight misapprehension as to the locationof my mind?—Typo Graphic.

An Indian up in northern Michiganreturned for the third time to buy a half-dozen dollar bottles of cough syrup.

Druggist—Someone sick at your home?Indian—No sick.Druggist—Then what on earth is all

this cough syrup for?Indian—M'm—me likum on pan-cakes.

—Cross Section.

Jock met his friend Sandy in the street."Sandy," he said, "I wonder if you

could oblige me with a cigarette?"But I thocht you said you'd stoppit

smokin'?" said Sandy reluctantly."Ave, weel," replied Jock, "I've reached

the first stage. I've stoppit buyin'."—•Santa Fe Magazine.

"What is your religion?" the recruitwas asked.

Promptly and smartly came the answer,"Militia, sir."

"No, no, I said 'religion'.""Oh, 'religion', sir. I beg your pardon.

I'm a plumber."

She—Is there any alcohol in cider?He—Inside whom?

EditorialTRY IT OUTDOORS

Several times recently friends ofours—born in foreign countries—have remarked about the great fearpeople in the United States seem tohave of out-door sports in winter.In this country, they pointed out,we seem to adore playing golf andtennis and baseball when it is soboiling hot that one drops from theheat. Even football and soccer at-tract a lot of fans when the weatheris perfect, but as soon as the airgets frosty and snappy, Americansstick golf clubs and ball bats andtennis raquets in the store rooms toremain until summer.

According to our British and Ger-man friends, particularly, that is thewrong spirit. Snappy, clear winterweather is the ideal time for out-door sports, they claim. To be sureone can't play golf and tennis in lowtemperature weather, chiefly be-cause of the damage it would dogreens and courts, but our foreignfriends find that there are manyother kinds of outdoor exerciseswhich have the same effect. Theyparticularly recommend walking, anexercise which seems most unpopu-lar in motorized America.

It would seem that we are ideallylocated to give an opportunity toany number of people who want towalk to and from their work. Therows of parked cars about the plantand office bear mute testimony tothe fact that almost in a body weride both ways in good weather andin bad.

It is much easier to be criticalthan to be correct.—Disraeli.

FOR A BETTER PERSPECTIVE

Many young men and womenhave an idea that the only way toachieve success in their work is con-fine their interest and energy tothose things that have a direct andobvious bearing on their jobs.

Many times a reader, in a burstof enthusiasm, suggests to a friendthat a certain popular novel be read,only to be met with the remark: "Ihaven't time for anything like that.I have enough to do to keep up withreading matter that relates to mywork."

Our job or our business may beour chief concern during most ofour working hours yet, if we nevergive a thought to anything outsidethis small circle, we soon developblind spots. A man, in his thoughts,can compass the whole universe. Itmay seem paradoxical, but if he doesthis, the chances are he will see hisown problems in a truer and clearerperspective than if he magnifiesthem by study at close range.

The only danger that lurks in thisadvice is that so many of us overdoa good thing, as is evidenced by theman who was arrested for violatingthe automobile parking ordinance.He explained to the judge that hehad been unavoidably detained at ameeting of citizens to discuss lawenforcement.

Having thus acknowledged thepossibility of «rror, we return to theidea and recommend it. A book offiction, travel, or adventure, may puta better edge on your business mindthan a dozen articles from your fa-vorite technical journal.—HerculesMixer.

Comment AMA FIFTY-FIFTY PROPOSITION

All of us can point to individualmen for whom we like to work—men who are nearly always eventempered and ready to greet us andour troubles with a smile.

But did you ever consider thequestion from the other side of thefence? Are you the kind of a workeryour boss likes to have working forhim? Do you do the jobs he givesyou willingly and smilingly? Areyou alert and ready to offer sugges-tions for improvements in your de-partment? Do you still do youi>work cheerfully, even if your sug-gestions are not accepted?

It is really just as important to bea willing and faithful worker as it isto be a boss for whom men like towork.

Whether you work in the mill orin the office, it is a good idea tocheck these points over with your-self frequently. When things don'tseem to be going smoothly, askyourself these questions, and answerthem honestly. Nine times out often it will be you and not your su-perior who is to blame.—NeponsetReview.

AFTERTHOUGHTSAmong the unpleasant things

which 'accompany an accident arethe afterthoughts, particularly whenthe injury leaves permanent disabil-ity. These thoughts are as unpleas-ant as the physical pain caused bythe injury, and it doesn't comfort afellow to know that he was to blame.

It's mean to rub it in after someone is hurt. The injured person has

had enough punishment. But some-times it is hard to keep from doingit when a bull-headed chap won'tpay any attention to friendly adviceand suffers the consequences. It isparticularly irritating when heblames his trouble on "hard luck."

Why give anybody a chance tosay "I told you so?" A little fore-thought will save a lot of unpleas-ant afterthoughts.

BREATHE PURE AIRBreathing pure air is as essential

to health as the drinking of purewater, writes Bernard Behrencl inthe February Hygeia.

Foul air creates a definite toxicaction on the nerve centers of thebody, says Mr. Behrend. Impure airhas a deadening action on the brain;in offices or schools in which mentalwork must be accomplished, bad airis certainly not conducive in obtain-ing results. Instead, it causes head-aches and dizziness and dulls theworker.

Most people are getting over theidea that a room should be kept her-metically sealed in winter, says Mr.Behrend, yet there are still somewho insist on staying in a roomwith no exchange of air. The win-dows should be opened enough atthe top to cause a slow current offresh air without making a draft.

The fresh air bug who throwsopen the windows thus exposingthose in the room to a chilling draftis doing more harm than he is good,this author declares. Sudden changesof temperature in the air may breakdown the resistance of the body andcause colds.

Weather or No

The weather has rain,And the weather has snow;

It always has somethingTo gum up the show.

The weather has windTo play naughty tricks,

And yet without weatherWe'd be in a fix!

THESTALEYJOUIQML

When We Eat, and How!Staley Restaurant System One of the First in the

Industrial Plants in the City

When that famous general observed,years ago, that an army moved on it'sstomach he was, to put it rather slangily,starting something. Through all the cen-turies that man had been eating and work-ing and fighting, food had been recog-nized as necessary, but no scientific con-sideration had been given it's selection orpreparation.

This was particularly true of the foodprovided for fighting or working men.They were healthy and strong, as a rule,and they ate whatever came their way.At least that was the way they lookedat it. Viewing the situation with the de-cidedly scientific eye of today we decidedthat only the strong and fit remained tofight or work. The food which was pro-vided was coarse and plain, as a rule, justfitted for the hard work and outdoor lifeof those men.

Evidently a large number of soldiers,particularly, showed the good orill effects of the food providedthem. Careful thought was givenfood for soldiers (the belief of

soldiers and former soldiers to the con-trary) long before the diet of the workingman was considered. In the "good olddays" a man was given a job and a placeto work. If he starved to death or gotcut to pieces in a machine or ruined hiseyesight or his general health in workingin unbearable conditions, that was his ownaffair. The employer was quite oftensorry to hear- about it.

Even after the general working condi-tions of men had been bettered and insur-ance and compensation had come to bean accepted thing, the average employergave no thought at all to what his menate. If the men lived too far from tlu-irwork to go home at noon for a hot meal,it was supposed that they carried food ina tin bucket or paper sack. If the house-wife of the family was a good cook, andrealized it's importance, this lunch couldbe a good, although cold, meal. If she

, was of the more indifferenttype, which was quite oftenthe case, the meal was notso good from any angle.

"^Bk*

Miss Case manages all the Staley dining

THE S T A L K Y J O U R N A L February 1931

Plant Has a Cafeteria of Its Own

Thisservingcounteris alwaysspot/ess.Below—A cornerof the bif/dining

Aboi'c—This kitchen isbusy all day.

February 1931 THE S T A L K Y J O U R N A L 9

Administration Building Has Two Kitchens

Left—One view ofCafeteria kitchenshowing worktables.

Right—The tenthfloor kitchen liasthe center of en forwaiters.

Left—7/i w showsthe big electricranges on the 9thfloor.

10 T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L February 1931

From this situation grew up little"greasy spoon" eating places in industrialneighborhoods, never very attractive, andseldom serving first class food But thefood served at noon was hot and inex-pensive, and those were the importantitems.

It was a short step from these restaur-ants to dining rooms managed by the fac-tory owners. A few far-seeing employersrealized that they could furnish bettermeals than the commercial restaurants intheir neighborhood, and the instant suc-cess of such experiments proved theywere right. Industrial dining rooms didnot come into great popularity, however,unti l the cafeteria was introduced. That,and the war, brought industrial diningrooms into their own.

Here at the Staley plant it was neces-sity which opened the first dining room.It was probably sixteen years ago, whenthe plant was just getting well on it'sfeet, that the necessity for such an institu-tion was realized. At that time Decaturwas not as near Staley's as it is now. Theplant was here and the town was there,but in between was a long gap of nothing,chiefly.

Street cars ran only to the intersectionof Eldorado and Sixteenth streets, leav-ing a long drag over sidewalks that werenone too good in some places, and didnot even exist in others. The generalcustom, according to one old timer, wasfor everyone to start off from the end ofthe car line in a sort of cross countrydirection setting a generally northeast-erly course. This took them across Eldo-rado street and some swampy land whichis now Staley's south yard and part ofthe Mississippi Valley property. Afterthis cross country run of ten or twelveblocks one was supposed to be ready forbis day's work.

Since there was absolutely no chanceof a restaurant in that broad expanse ofmuddy prairie, and since the companyeither was not ready or did not think ofopening a restaurant of it's own, everyonewas given an hour and a half at noon.In that time he made the dash back acrossthe prairie to the street car, went homeor down town for lunch and then got hisexercise again before starting the after-noon's work. The fact that automobileswere few, and in indus t r i a l circles almost

not at all, made Staley people terriblydependent upon the street cars.

This system was very good in goodweather. Decatur had not started it's rapidgrowth then and everyone was accus-tomed to the good old middle west noondinner. But in wintry weather, or whenit rained things were not so pleasant.There were times when the low prairiesin the neighborhood flooded, and the side-walks in places had to be raised up likebridges. Then only a sturdy few venturedout for the long noonday trip, while theothers ate cold sandwiches and pie andbard boiled eggs out of sacks, and won-dered why they felt so dull and drowsyall afternoon.

It must have been about 1914 that Mr.Staley decided something must be done.Business was picking up, everyone wasbusy, and that hour and a half at noondidn't seem quite modern and efficientsome way. No factory in Decatur had arestaurant for it's people, but Staley'swere always starting something new. Itcreated quite a stir when the announce-ment was made that such a dining roomwas to be opened.

All of the offices and the laboratorywere then housed in the old made overfarm house which served as an officebuilding for so many years. To the northwas the small brick building, the first unitof what is now the manufacturing office,the stores department and the laboratoryand machine shops. At that time it wasa small, two story brick, with time officeand store room on the first floor, andthree large rooms upstaairs. There, itwas grandly announced, was to be thenew restaurant.

Although we have no record that any-one in the purchasing department wasparticularly trained for restaurant work,that office, according to the memory ofsome old timers, was given charge. Sup-plies were purchased with a lavish hand,a chef was brought down from Chicago,and the noon dash to the car line wasno longer necessary.

At first there were two dining rooms.The large room, still used for the plantdining room, was used by the men in theplant, while the smaller room to the southwas used for the office people. Everyonesat at one long table, in this smaller room,and service was "country" style. Food,in almost unbelievable quant i t ies , was put

February 1931 T I I K S T A L K Y J O U R N A L 11

Where Our Office Workers Eat

W "

Left—Service counter onninth floor.

Below—Ever busy sodafountain.

Above — I:.xccutirc din -ing room.

l\ii/ht—The main Cafe-teria.

12 T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L February 1931

on the table in large dishes and everyonehelped himself. It is one of the tradi-tions among veterans that at least oncea week perfect mountains of fried chickenappeared on the tables, and there was nolimit on the amount one might eat.

Other food was served in proportion,only first class food was served, andthere never was any shortage. For allthis feast each person paid the sum ofexactly twenty-five cents. Which washeavenly, for the employees, but devastat-ing for the man who was paying thehills. An outstanding event during thisreign of plenty was the first Thanksgiv-ing day after the dining room opened. Abig turkey dinner was served, and turkeycame on the tables in such mountainsthat even Staley people were dazed.

After the first few months someone inthe auditing department went over therestaurant books—and the gates to fairyland were closed. The high priced chefwas sent back to his Chicago haunts, or-ders for expensive groceries were can-celled, plate service was instituted, andthe twenty-five cent banquet gave way toa higher priced lunch. About this time,too, the company realized that while itcould manufacture the best corn productsin the world, it could not compete withtrained restaurant people.

Like Andy, it was in a mess, and de-cided the quickest way out was to rentthe whole restaurant concession to some-one in whom they could place faith thatthe meals would be good. That someonewas Mabel Leaser who won a place inthe hearts of all Staley people with hergood meals and excellent service. Shelater gave up the restaurant, and sincethen has done various other kinds ofwork, but to all the older Staley people,Mabel Leaser means a perfect hostessand good meals.

Before and after there have been otheri-tervals in which other managers pre-sided. Perhaps none will ever be as fam-ous as Bob Sattley, who for five yearspresided over the restaurant, ins ta l l inga"d managing the first cafeteria at theplant.

When, two years ago, the company de-cided apain to take over it's own restaur-ant system, it went at it in the modernway. The office bui lding, then under con-struction, was soon to offer new eatingproblems, and it was decided to centralize

all dining rooms under one trained head.That head, Miss Bessie Case, has not atall a small job, but she handles it as abusiness in itself, which it is.

The plant cafeteria and lunch counter,under the new arrangement, were leftwhere they had always been, but entirenew equipment was bought for them.Here counter meals are served from 6:30unt i l 11 in the morning and from 1 unti l6:30 in the afternoon, seven days a week.At noon each day in the week an excel-lent cafeteria luncheon is served there.

In the office building are two other din-ing rooms. On the ninth floor is the beau-t i fu l cafeteria where luncheon is servedfive days a week to all general officeworkers. A soda fountain on this flooris open for service all day.

On the floor above is the restful , oakpaneled English dining room for execu-tives. Fitted with dark oak furniture andlovely hangings, and with table appoint-ments of heavy silver, and linen, the roomgives one the impression that he has step-ped into the dining room of some ex-clusive club. Here each day twenty-fiveexecutives and department heads meet forluncheon and conference.

From her office on the floor above MissCase directs activities in all three diningrooms and kitchens. That is, theoreticallyshe does. Actually she spends a greatdeal of time each day in these threekitchens, overseeing preparations andservice. While each dining room has it'sown kitchen, the food in all three isidentical in quality and preparation. Theonly difference is in the service. Whilethe plant and the ninth floor have cafe-terias, the tenth floor has table service.

So it is a far cry from the noisy, jum-bled tables of fifteen years ago. Whilewe may not have heaps of fried chickenfor twenty-five cents, a good hot mealcan be obtained in any of the three roomsfor less than twice that amount. Themeals served are carefully planned forthe kind of work the patrons are doing,and if one has a draggy feeling after eat-ing lunch in a Staley dining room it isbecause the food was so tempting he wasunable to stop when he had enough.

+"No, I can't give you an appointment

this afternoon; I have 18 cavities to fill,"said the dentist as he turned from the tele-phone and picked up his golf clubs.—TwoBells.

February 19.31 T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L 13

In Oil Sales

H. W. Galley

Henry \V. Galley, who came to thecompany the first of the year to takecharge of oil sales, has a long record inthat business. He was born in Cleveland,Ohio.

Upon leaving; school he became pur-chasing agent for the Sherwin-WilliamsCompany at Chicago. Three years later,feeling the urge of selling, he returnedto Cleveland as district sales manager ofSpencer Kellogg & Sons, representingthem in that market in the sale of veget-able oils for the industr ia l and eclibk1

trade. In 1918 he was made westernmanager of Marden, Orth & HastingsCorporation, manufacturers of vegetableoils, chemicals and edible products.

In 1920 he accepted the offer to becomegeneral sales manager of the AmericanLinseed Company at New York, remain-ing there until the business was sold alittle over a year ago, since which timehe has been in promotional work and wasinstrumental in the consolidation of sev-eral food companies.

Mr. Galley and his family moved toDecatur the latter part of December andare making their home at 2015 WestMain street.

GRENNAN AND NAFZIGER FUR-NISH BAKERY PICTURES USED

IN LAST ISSUEThrough an error which is deeply re-

gretted, no credit was given the NafzigerBaking Company or the Grennan Baker-ies Company for the material and picturesfurnished The Journal, and the article onbakeries used in the January, 1931 issue.

It was through the kindness of the exe-cutives of these bakeries that a represen-tative of The Journal was given an op-portunity to visit various bakeries. Theadvertising department of the same com-panies very generously loaned the excel-lent photographs with which The Journalarticle was illustrated.

The Nafziger Baking Company and theGrennan Bakeries Company both manu-facture a host of bakery products, includ-ing breads, rolls, and cakes of all kinds.The brands manufactured by these twofirms are very popular in Decatur, and nowonder, because most of the productsmade by these two companies contai-'Staley's Corn Starch and Staley's CornSyrup.

—•»

ON HOSPITAL BOARDT. C. Burwell, our traffic manager, was

one of the hosts at the opening of thenew City Public hospital Feb. 1. Mr.Burwell is secretary-treasurer of theboard of directors of the new institution.The new building, one of the Decaturand Macon County hospital group, is thelast word in hospital equipment.

BOWLS 100 GAMES IN 7 HOURSJoe Trombly, of Flint, Mich., estab-

lished what may be a world's record forfast bowling recently when lire bowled100 games in seven hours, or an averageof 14.2 games per hour. Two pinsettersand two balls were used. He had no op-ponent but was bowling against time.

The first five games were bowled in 20minutes and the next ten in 30 minutes.He toppled 17,692 pins, an average of176.09 per game.

His thumb and fingers were taped toprevent blisters from forming and hefinished in good condition.

So far as is known no bowler hasbowled so many games within sevenhours and Mr. Trombly has hung upa mark for other bowlers to shoot at.

14 T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L February 1931

Credit Union Elects

The Staler Credit Union held its an-nual meeting of shareholders on Monday,January 12, 1931. The reports of the vari-ous committees showed a healthy, grow-ing and prosperous condition. A five percent dividend was declared by the Boardof Directors for the period from July 1,1930, to December 31, 1930. Checks weremailed out promptly after the declarationof dividends and was a source of consid-erable pride on the part of the members.Three directors elected to the Boardfor three years were Samuel J. Seibert,H. J. Casley, and Herman Jagusch.

The same officers were elected for 1931as had been for 1930, with Samuel J. Sei-bert president, Helen Harder, vice-presi-dent, and A. J. Percival, secretary-treas-urer. R. S. Bass was elected chairman ofthe Supervisory Committee with LutherH. Hiser and Herman Jagusch as mem-bers. C. W. Thornborough was againelected to the chairmanship of the CreditCommittee with Harry \Yalmsley and J.H. Casley as members.

We give below the year ending balancesheet of the financial standing of ourCredit Union.

BALANCE SHEET ACCOUNTSCash $ 219.69Bonds 261.22Personal Loans 14,256.37Shares $13,000.25Notes Payable 1.500.00Entrance Fees 146.00Reserve Fund 81.77Undivided Earnings 9.26

Total balancesheet accounts .$14.73728 $14,737.28

Xumber of Members 57(>

The secretary-treasurer of the CreditUnion has furnished The Journal wi th anarticle by Edward A. Filene on "TheSpread of Credit Unions," which will becarried as a serial.

Henry Ford popularized the automo-bile. The credit union has begun to popu-larize banking. It is not unreasonable,I am convinced, to expect the credit unionto do as much for finance as a businessas Mr. Ford has done for the entiremotor-car industry.

Twenty years ago it was as unheard offor worktngmen to own and operatebanks of their own as it was for themto own and operate their own automo-biles. It was only twenty years ago thatwe organized the first cooperative savings-and-loan inst i tut ion in Massachusetts.There are over fifteen hundred suchcredit-unions agencies in America today,all prosperous and many of them dealingin millions of dollars. Thirty-two stateshave enacted legislation permit t ing theirorganization and regulating their conductin the public interest. Altogether thesecredit unions have assets of over $45,-000,000 and do a loan business of $60,-000,000 a year.

If credit unions have grown fast duringthe past twenty years they are due for amuch faster expansion in the next two de-cades. They have passed the laboratorystage, they have met the tests of practiceand now, with large and powerful inter-ests committed to their encouragement,the movement will pile up momentumthrough its own bulk.

There are now nearly two hundredcredit unions in the postal service withapproximately forty thousand members.The movement among great private cor-porations has also registered the samestriking growth. There are eight unions,with 16 thousand members, among em-ployes of the New England Telephoneand Telegraph Company. There areunions also in twenty-five of our railroadsystems. There are hundreds of factoryunions, farm unions, of unions organizedwithin fraternal orders, within churchparishes and wherever there are homo-geneous groups of people who are some-what acquainted with each other and whoneed or are likely to need small loanswithout the particular securities whichmoney-lenders have heretofore consideredadequate.

Kebruary 1931 T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L 15

His First VisitOne of the Staley company's oldest

employees visited the plant for the firsttime Jan. 28. This was Leonard Swit/er .of Baltimore, who has been with the com-pany since 1912, but who has never beenin Decatur u n t i l recently. Mr. Switzer isa city salesman in Baltimore.

During his spare moments Mr. Switt-zer enjoys music and it was this love formusic which got him a place as one of thefew outsiders in the Baltimore & OhioRailroad company's glee club. When thatclub came to Decatur, Jan. 28 to give aconcert, none were more delighted thanMr. Switzer. As soon as the special t rainwas well parked in the yards lie was offand on his way to the plant, and he spentthe entire day vis i t ing the plant and of-fices and calling on the various Staleypeople who, u n t i l then, had been justnames to him.

Hopeless"Jessie, I have told you again and again

not to speak when older persons aretalking, but wait unt i l they stop."

"I've tried that already, mama. Theynever do stop."

Given Legion PostPhilip Wills was recently appointed

vice-commander of the Staley group ofthe Decatur American Legion. This ap-pointment was one of several made byLegion officials to take charge of groupsin various industries in the city where alarge number of Legion men are em-ployed. There are about 110 ex-servicemen employed by the Staley company inDecatur. While not all are members ofthe Legion, all eligible men in the officehave joined.

Mr. Wills is foreman in 16 building,and is known to practically every ex-service man in the plant. The commanderof the Decatur Legion post this year isA. J. Percival. of our personnel depart-ment.

—»

An old German and his wife were muchgiven to quarreling. One day, after a par-ticularly unpleasant scene, the old womanremarked with a sigh:

"Veil, I vish I vas in heaven!""I vish I vas in the beer garten,"

groaned her husband."Ach. ja!" cried the old woman, "Al-

ways you pick out the best for yourself."

Paper Division Has Convention

// there weren't such a dif/nified lot of handsome men we would like to call themthe />(if>cr dolls, but that never would do. Instead we wi/l introduce them to you as theyare known officially—Staley representatives in the paper mill division, '/'hey (ire ourtechnical men and salesmen who deal with the'paper mills.

I roin left to rii/ht they are /•'. //. Know/Ion, head of the paper mill division: If. I'.Din/lap, assistant sales manai/er who happened into the room and was asked into the pic-ture; Paul Torre, technical man: Kny /:. llarter, salesman: Lowell (.nil. research chem-ist; Charles \ohle. salesman: A. (.',. Maclntyre. salesman: /.ester II'. ('rouse, salesman;If. /.. Vandcrberg, salesman: /-rank 11 ad field, technical man.

Mr. Knowlton called this meetint/ of the men in his department early in the new year.It was a three day convention, held in the ail ministration building in Decatur.

16 I" n K S T A L K Y J O U R N A L

Returns To Germany

February 1931

Mr. and .Mrs. Karl Pansch and small son

It was with a great deal of regret thatMr. and Mrs. Karl Pansch said farewellto their Decatur friends and started fortheir home in Germany, Jan. 26. Withthem went their small son, Lynn Diet-rich, born in Decatur in September. Theysailed from New York on the EuropaJan. 29.

For the present Mr. and Mrs. Panschare to be with Mrs. Pansch's parents, ii>Wiesbaden-Biebrich, but their plans forthe future are uncertain.

Mr. Pansch came to the Staley com-pany two years ago, in January, 1929, asa student of industrial engineering con-ditions and methods in America. Later,in the spring of that same year, his fianceecame to this country and they were mar-ried in Decatur.

Although they came in only as stu-dents, with no intention of staying, bothMr. and Mrs. Pansch grew to love Amer-ica and Decatur, and were not at all anxi-ous to return to their homeland.

"Please try to tell my Staley fr iendshow I hate to leave them," Mr. Panschasked. "There are so many, and I can-not see them all and still I want to sayto them all 'good-bye.' Please tell themhow we have enjoyed knowing them, andhow we shall look forward to returningsome day, and seeing them all again."

During the last year that he was inDecatur, Mr. Pansch earned for himselfthe title of "father of soccer," for he pro-moted the formation of a soccer club

within the Staley organization, and be-came an active member of the DecaturGerman Soccer club, which had been inexistence for some time, but not veryactive.

Under his leadership the Staley teamhas now reached the point where otherteams are seeking games with it. Thepublicity work he did for the GermanSoccer club brought it to public noticeand brought good crowds out to the Sun-day afternoon soccer games. Although hehad played soccer all his life, Mr. Panschdid not consider himself a soccer playerof any worth. He played on the Staleyteam unt i l that team got under way, andwas a big help in teaching the otherplayers, most of whom had never playedthe game before this year.

It is his fond hope that the interestin the game will continue after his depar-ture, and he has assured us that he willbe watching The Journal each month fornews of the soccer team.

Teacher—Who was Anne Bolcyn?Boy—Anne Boleyn was a flatiron.How dare you make such a frivolous

answer?Well, that's what it says in the book.What book?Our textbook.Nonsense, show it to me.The boy brought up his book and

pointed out the sentence: Henry VIIIpressed his suit with Anne Boleyn.

February 1931 T H E S T A I . K V J O U R N A L 17

GETS STATE JOBClayton Radloff resigned from his posi-

tion in the power house to take a job asstationary engineer in Chicago, early inJanuary. The new job is in the powerplant of the new University of Illinoismedical school, and offers many advant-ages. Mr. Radloff probably wil l not movehis family to Chicago until the end of theschool year.

BOSTON VISITORSL. R. Dickinson, manager of our Boston

branch, paid his annual visit to Decaturand the home office, late in January.

•Paul Heffernan says that he knows why

some of the Staley gang applaudes whenhe comes onto the basketball floor, buthe says that everyone else doesn't know,and they think he is some wonderful per-son, and pretty soon they are clappingtoo. So all in all, just on the surface, hesays a stranger might think he really wassome player.

•It is rumored that one of the chairs in

the office occupied by Kathryn Sheehy isto be reinforced, since Kathryn is puttingon weight.

*Bert Crutchley says a couple of days

off from one in the garage now and thenjust means a l i t t le more time in the eldhome town. He likes to get back there,walk up and down Main street, and givethe girls a treat.

GETTING WELLFrancis Wilson and Jimmy Bean, two

of the men injured in the explosion inSeptember, make almost daily visits tothe plant now, and both are showingmarked improvement. Francis says aboutthe only complaint he has now is thatthe nurse doesn't always have his specialbrand of cigarets and Jimmy's only how!is that the same nurse won't tell himwhen he will be able to go "down home",to Kentucky on a visit.

Mrs. Fred Lackey, office cafeteria, wasaway from work for a few days in Janu-ary because of the serious illness of herson. He is recovering now.

Some of his friends in the garage arewondering where Clif Carroll ever gotthe idea that there was a radio on themarket named "My Radio."

Henry Scherer thought he was quitegrown up unt i l he took the mumps a fewweeks ago. He is recovered now and backat work in the employment office.

She KnewMaxine—Bill has the fastest car going.Dabe—Yes, and the slowest coming

back.

A great advantage of miniature golf isthat in case of losing the ball you canalways pick up the course and shake it.

18 THE S T A L E Y J O U R N A L February 1931

Three Generations At the Plant

THEIR CHRISTMASWhen Christmas t ime drew near last

year the boys in the power plant decidedthat they would exert all their effortstoward making life happier for less for-tunate people. With that in mind theycontributed what they would give forpresents for each other, to a commonfund. The amount collected was sufficientto buy good baskets of groceries fortwenty-one families.

Above—/. W. I.iii'lli'ii. cartur. Ins siiii-iii-lini'. l-.arl l.cck. /><i t ivrplant fiirciiiini, liis f a n Hubert l.cek,

U'orks in the machine .*•//<>/>. andyoung son, Jimmy.

RADIO SINGERFrances Hines, aud i t ing department,

made her second radio appearance Jan.30. She sang over WJBL in Decatur thatevening. Frances has a lovely contraltovo'ice, and has been heard in concert inI K-catur a few times. She often sings atSt. Patrick's church.

The oyster may be dumb in some ways,but it has sense enough to get a fourmonths' vacation.

"I want a revolver—for my husband.""Did your husband say what make of

revolver?""No, I don't think that matters. He

doesn't even know I'm going to shoothim."

February 1931 Tin-: S T A L K Y J O U R N A L 19

HEY, BOY!There are various degrees and kinds of

dignity, but none are more ultra than theinborn dignity possessed by our assistantauditor, Ray S. Bass. Ray just simplywas born dignified, and to be formal andbusiness-like, is just second nature withhim. But it seems he has his moments.

For instance, he was in Chicago re-cently with another Staley man. As usual,lie wanted to do the courteous thing, so,while his companion was busy, he offeredto take both hats and overcoats up to hisroom. He started out but as he waswending his way down one of the corri-dors of the hotel a man hailed him froma room with—

"Say, boy, bring up my suit right away,will you?"

Mr. and Mrs. William Bishop and smallson, Billy, went to Mr. Bishop's home, inRed Oak, Iowa, for the Christmas holi-days.

Fred Gentry says he thinks it's just toobad that no one thought in time to getAlbert Hoffman a nice, big, lively dog fora Christmas present.

••W. R. Van Hook is getting so fat he

soon will be like the little boy who hadmumps three weeks before anyone knewit.

Mrs. Florence McChesney, sales de-partment, was ill for several days inJanuary.

Hank Andres, of the garage, haslearned that a big red sore nose can at-tract much too much attention.

PRISONER'S SONGDuring the last few years a breed has

been developed, which goes by the nameof cellar snoopers, but Hank Collins isthe last man we ever would have put intothat class. He insists that he was notsnooping—but it's a long story.

It seems that Hank went into the of-fice building basement bound on an er-rand in the vaults. He went into thevaults, but whether he got lost in themaze of filing cabinets in there, got in-terested in his work and forgot the time,or went to sleep, we do not know. At anyrate the big door, which he had left open,was closed when he got ready to leave.

Now when a vault door is closed thatmeans, shut tight and locked so that noone on the wrong side can possibly openit. Hank was decidedly on the wrongside and probably would have been theremuch longer, except that Roy Hartmanhas sharp ears. Roy heard faint cries forhelp, finally located the sound, and wasable to rescue Hank before he died ofstarvation.

•Helen Harder is quite the envy of all

the other girls in the bowling league nowfor she has a grand new bowling ball—the only girl in the league to possess herown.

Marge White, sales, has just about de-cided to get a whole upper plate and quitmaking so many trips to the dentist.

Rubymae says she is taking in all thesepointers on how to dress when bowling.

Wanted—A good suit of overalls.W. H. Barnes.

"YES l«3 AFRAIO•wa'UU HAFTA BARTHU

A» HE ISBReAK'NO- ALL 0013.

4 '. i"i.m PlMS'tva SLIOINO-THE..*>»& BALLS OM

20 STAI.EY J O U R N A L February 1931

SUBSTITUTE NURSEWhile our plant nurse, Mrs. Lucilc

May, was ill for a week with inf luenza,Mrs. Zola Cade had charge of the firstaid work. Mrs. Cade was formerly withthe Visiting Nurses association. In Feb-ruary, Mrs. Cade will begin preliminarywork on physical examinations for allwomen at the plant.

•*•Red Hettinger has a grand explanation

for his flat feet. It seems that when hewas in high school he was a great polevaulter, and always when he vaulted highinto the air he landed back on the groundwith a great thud, on the flat of his feet.As a result he now has flat feet.

Nobody ever knew that Eddie Larrickwas a basketball player, but he certainlyshot a wonderful free goal one night re-cently at a game. From the expressionon his face we judge that no one wasmore surprised than Fddie.

Fred Gentry, of the garage, seems in-terested in television arrangements fortelephones, instead of radios.

Syl Ivens, 17 bui lding, was ill with fluin January.

"My favorite subject of conversation,"says Roger Dawson, sales, in speaking ofhis small daughter Gloria. This young ladywas born two years ago, in Houston, Tex.,but is now living in Decatur.

WESTERNER LIKES USIn no uncertain terms E. D. Baker, of

Los Angeles, praised Decatur and Sta-ley "s when he made a short visit here latein January. Mr. Baker, of the BakerBrokerage Co., stopped in Decatur on hisway to a convention in Chicago, express-ly to visit Staley's, and said he was de-lighted that he did. All Staley people whohad the opportunity of meeting him wereequally glad that he paid a visit here.Luckily, too, we were able to furnish de-lightfully warm, bright weather to ourCalifornia guest.

The day never seems to get a properstart for Margaret and "Bulldog" unlessthey have their usual morning spat in therestaurant.

Frances Hines is developing a wonder-ful new bowling form patterned after thebest manner of Dec West and LynnDavis.

Some of the gang has decided that Ger-trude Hebert must be in love. Surelynothing else could cause her to roll 204one game and 89 the next.

If there is anything Buster Coulsonloves it is to be called by his real name—Francis.

Bernard Riddle, advertising manager,was ill with inf luenza for a week in Jan-uary. ^

John Harris, company representative inBirmingham, Ala., was at the home officeon business early in January. He wasaccompanied by his wife and son, whovisited friends in Decatur.

••Mike Campion, of the round house, who

has been ill for some time, has been re-moved from St. Mary's hospital to hishome.

Harry Lichtenberger had a minor oper-ation late in January.

Roy Hartman, civil engineer, was i l ldur ing most of the month of January.

—••"Jones' wife thinks the world of her

husband.""Does she?""Yes; she even believes the parrot

taught him to swear."—Tit-Bits.

February 1931 ' I ' U K S T A L K Y J O U R N A L 21

BIRTHS WHY ED SMILES

Born—To Mr. and Mrs. Brad Bean,Jan. 1, a son. Mr. Bean works in 21building.

Born—To Mr. and Mrs. Van Wasson,Jan. 1. in Decatur and Macon Countyhospital, a son. Mr. Wasson is a machin-ist.

Born—To Mr. and Mrs. Rudolph M en-dors, Jan. 17, a son. Mr. Meadors worksin the packing house.

•—Born—To Mr. and Mrs. Charles Par-

ri l l . Dec. 4, a daughter. Mr. Parrill worksin Elevator C. The baby has been namedWanda Lee Jean.

—•—Born—To Mr. and Mrs. George Owens,in December, a daughter. Mr. Owens ison the office janitor force.

Born—To Mr. and Mrs. Arcli Beals,Jan. 8, a girl. Mr. Beals is a tinner.

Born—To Mr. and Mrs. Ora Oyler,Jan. 15, a son. Mr. Oyler is a t inner .

Born—To Mr and Mrs. E. C. Rags-dale. Jan. 27. a daughter. Mr. Ragsdak-is foreman of the oil house.

Born—To Mr. and Mrs. Paul Simroth,Jan. 26, a daughter, in St. Mary's hos-pital. She has been named Shirley Lee.M r. Simroth is employed in the machineshop. The proud grandfather is Karl Sim-roth, gardener at the office building.

Born—To Mr. and Mrs. A. S. I.ukey.Jan. 21, a son. He has been named Doug-las Roy. Mr. Lukey is in the traffic de-partment.

—«*—Ed Brindol, track foreman, was ill in

January.

When Joyce Kay Larrick was elevenweeks old this picture was taken with hermother. They gave it to Pafa Eddie forChristinas and he proudly keeps it on hisdesk in the traffic office.

How to Use Travel FoldersIt is reported that a Scotsman decided

to go places and see things, but, after col-lecting many travel folders, he decided tostay at home and let his mind wander.

Small Boy—Dad, give me a dime?Father—Not today, sonny, not today.Boy—Dad, if you'll give me a dime, I'll

tell you what the ice-man said to mammathis morning.

Father—Here, son, quick, what did hesay?

Small Boy—He said 'Lady, how muchice do you want this morning?"

Oh weary mothers, rolling doughDon't you wish that food would grow?How happy all the world would be,With a cookie bush, and a doughnut

tree.—Crisco Adv.

22 'I ' i i !•: S T A L K Y J O U R N A L February 1931

CARDS OF THANKSWe wish to thank the Staley Fellow-

ship club and all other Staley fr iends forthe flowers sent us while we were i l l .

Mr. and Mrs. C. A. May.

I greatly appreciated the beau t i fu lflowers sent me by the Fellowship clubwhile I was ill. Myrtle Burley.

I want to thank the Fellowship clubfor the flowers sent me during my illness.

Jane Cochran Smith.

I want to thank the Fellowship club forthe flowers sent me while I was ill .

Henry Scherer.

I wish to thank the Staley Fellowshipclub for the flowers sent me during my i l l -ness. Rudy Jungman.

•••R. O. Hartman expresses his sincere

thanks to the Staley Fellowship club forflowers sent him while lie was ill.

V

Dortha Eluabeth I.»n</ is rti/<iill\-ing into a yoiini/ ludv, rather to the sorrowof her father, W. /:. l.ony, Staley su'itc/i-inan. She is twelve years old »<>«', and upupil in Roosevelt Junior lliyh.

SO MANY THANKS!\Ve have iust been through, for us. a

rare experience. We have been ill. Inour healthy l i f e an illness stands out inbright red letters, this being especiallytrue of this one, for our Staley friendsmade it seem almost worth repeating.Calls and notes and frui t and flowers andmessages of cheer poured in from youall in such quantities that we can't beginto thank you. All we can even write is,"You're a hunch of swell folks and wethink more of you than ever."—The Edi-tor.

I wish to thank the Fellowship clubfor flowers sent me while I was i l l .

Sam Martini.

I want to thank the Fellowship clubfor the flowers sent me during my illness.

Ed Willis.

I want to thank the Fellowship clubfor the flowers sent me while I was ill.

R. F. Hess.

I wish to thank the Fellowship clubfor the flowers sent me.

John Buechler.

I wish to thank the A. E. Staley Mfg.Co., the Staley Fellowship club and allmy many friends for all the flowers sentme. for all k ind deeds and expressionsof interest and friendship during my re-cent prolonged illness.

W. R. Van Hook.••

I wish to thank the Staley Fellowshipclub for the flowers sent me while I wasil l . Ed Brindol.

*I wish to express my sincere apprecia-

t i on for the flowers sent me whi le Iwas i l l . Bill Brumaster.

Harry Lichtenberger expresses his sin-cere t h a n k s to the Fellowship club forthe lovely plant r en t him whi le he was i l l .

I wish to t l i ank the Fellowship club forthe flowers I received while I was ill.

Sylvester Ivens

Allen Jenk ins wishes to thank the Fel-lowship club for flowers sent him whilohe was ill.

Four Scotchmen went into a Newarkrestaurant the other day. and one of themordered a cup of coffee and three saucers.

February 1931 TH ic S T A L K Y I O C K N A I . 23

CARDS OF THANKSWe gratefully acknowledge and thank

Staley friends who remembered us at thetime of our recent bereavement.

Mrs. A. H. Blakeneyand Family.

Frank Blakeney.

I sincerely thank the Fellowship clubfor flowers sent me during my illness.

\Y. H. Shawhart.

We wish to thank the Staley machineshop for the flowers and kind expressionsof sympathy at the time of the death ofour mother.

Mr. and Mrs. W. Hedenberg.Mr. and Mrs. William Gillispie.

We wish to extend our sincere thanksto the Fellowship club for the flowerssent during our recent sorrow.

George Hott and Family.

I wish to thank the Staley Fellowshipclub, the boys of 21 bui lding and otherfriends who sent flowers and expressionsof sympathy at the time of the death ofmy father. . R. R. Ragel.

•Mrs. Martha Parjani, of the tray room,

wishes to thank the Fellowship club andthe tray room girls for flowers sent atthe time of the death of her father.

Waiting GameFond Mother—How much do you

charge for taking children's photographs?Photographer—Five dollars a dozen.Fond Mother—You'll have to give me

more time, I have onlv ten now.

MRS. MAGGIE HOTTMrs. Maggie Hott died in the family

home, 519 North Stone street. Jan. 20.She was born in Piatt county and spentmost of her life there. She leaves herhusband, George Hott, who is a watch-man at the Staley plant. In addition sheleaves eight children. One son. Glen, anda son-in-law. Sylvester Bowman, workin the laboratory. The children are: Mrs.Opal Xelson, Mrs. Viola Bowman. Mrs.Zola Burr, Chester, Verne, Glenn, Lesterand Junior Dean. She also leaves ninegrandchildren, her mother, Mrs. GeorgeSullivan, two sisters and three brothers.

Funeral services were conducted fromthe Argenta United Brethren church,with burial in Friends Creek cemetery.

DONALD COXDonald Cox, the six weeks old son of

Mr. and Mrs. Ira Cox, died in St. Mary'shospital Jan. 26. Death was caused bypneumonia. Mr. Cox works in the of-fice of 17 building.

MRS. MARY J. LYONSMrs. Mary J. Lyons died in Decatur,

Jan. 16. Burial was in Boiling Springscemetery, Jan. 18. Mrs. Lyons was themother of Mrs. William Gillispie.

FATHER DIESR. R. Ragel was called to St. Elmo, Jan.

3 by the death of his father .

I ask a simple question.This only t ru th I wish:

Are all fishermen liars.Or do onlv liars fish?—Kx.

<\iW<;< Do A J-ITTLt.

i-JC- TH* Ne.B-OY

24 T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L February 1931

LINCOLN

Honest "Old Abe", simple and sincere,Whose sacred name all memory holds

dear.A mighty Nation, with the hosts of the

earthAgain unite to celebrate thy birth.Thy loving heart, and mind divinely broadMade men admire the handiwork of God;And in that admiration, helped them seeIn man, the likeness of Divinity.For t ruth, and right, you led the cham-

pions boldThat put the glory in "Old Glory's" fold.Thy acts, which tended the oppressed to

shield,Crowned with new hope each star within

it's field.Thy willing hands, guided by power sub-

lime,Carved life thoughts on the golden scroll

of time.Thy feet, which oft on mercy's mission

sped,Have sanctified the ground on which we

tread.Thy fertile mind, the marvel of the age.With human poems blazoned history's

page.Thy life, which was to man so freely

given.Gave "Mother Earth" a mantle made in

Heaven;A robe, designed by the Great ArchitectWho worked through thee his children to

protect.All l ife was sweetened by thy passing

breath,And Nature sang a requiem at thy death.Marvellous Intellect, as thy course we

scanWe better understand why God made

man:And brought thee forth a flower from

lowly sodTo beaut i fy the human sense of God.

The above tribute to Lincoln was writ-ten by a Journal friend in Huntley, 111.,Charles Stephens. Mr. Stephens has beena constant reader of The Journal andwhen we discovered this poem of his, wetook the liberty of using it. We thankhim, and hope he doesn't mind.

TO CANNERS CONVENTIONAmong the Staley men who attended

the Canners convention in Chicago inJanuary were Dr. W. A. Kutsch, generalsuperintendent, E. K. Scheiter, vice pres-ident, R. M. Ives, syrup sales manager,H. P. Dunlap, assistant general salesmanager, and C. M. Cobb, purchasingagent.

When Staley girls go out to meet an-other bowling team they believe in mak-ing a showing that is a showing. Con-sequently when the Staley girls playedSt. Paul's in January they won by 101pins. The games were rolled on St.Paul's own alleys.

Staleys bowlers were Vivian Pierce,who rolled 446, Marge Robb, 392, MaryHeffernan, 446, Bernice Martin, 479, andJavais Cochran, 383.

"Boston Dick" says his eyesight reallyis failing—that's why he wears those trickglasses on a black ribbon. But we knowDick—he knows those glasses aren't ascommon, and they do look stunning.

Fay Brausen is always so busy tryingto land with her best foot forward, at thebowling alley, that she sometimes forgetsto release the ball.

Red Thornborough is eating fruit, try-ing to get back "that skin you love totouch."

Mrs. Flossie Grinstaff, office cafeteria.was ill for a few days in January.

John Wrightsman, of the laboratory,was ill with a heavy cold in January.

M. C. Lilley, of the round house, isagain suffering with rheumatism, and un-able to work.

C. A. May, blacksmith, was ill for twoweeks in January.

Sunday School Teacher—Why must webe good to the poor?

Keystone Kid—You can't tell when theymay get rich.

Hi l l Di lahunty had his tonsils taken outin January.

Jim—Who's that homely woman overthere?

Tim—My wife.Jim—Beg pardon. My mistake.Tim—No, mine.

I'Ybruary 1931 T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L 25

BASKETBALL SCHEDULEMonday, Feb. 9—Biflex vs. Mueller;

Century vs. Staley.Wednesday, Feb. 11—Wabash Blues vs.

Cash; M.V.S.S. vs. I. T. S.

Walt Morenz has taken a sudden likingto soft candies lately, although none ofhis friends realized that he was in theclass with Fletcher, Keck, Moore andWilliams.

Mistress—Did you water the rubberplant , Dora?

Dumb D.—Why, no, ma'am. I thoughtit was waterproof.

HONOREDAt a meeting in Chicago in January

A. J. Percival, of our Credit Union, waselected a director of the Illinois CreditUnion League. Mr. Percival and R. S.Bass, both directors of the Staley Union,went to Chicago to attend the meetingof the Illinois League Jan. 24. It was atthat time that Mr. Percival was electeda state director.

A Continual VictoryProf.—When did Caesar defeat the

greatest number?Stude—I think on examination day.—

Kansas Wesleyan Advance.

This is the Oliver family—allthree of them. Ralph Oliver

ks in the kiln house. At-tractive young Stanley Eugeneis the most important memberof the family.

26 S T A L K Y J O U R N A L February 1931

"CAPTAIN CHARLEY"(By Eddie Larrick)

This young man possibly needs no in-troduction to a great many of the basket-ball and baseball fans of the A. E. StaleyMfg. Co., but, nevertheless, it is CharlesNeuhs, captain of the Staley FellowshipClub Basketball team, champions of theIndustrial Basketball League for the pasttwo years.

To some of us he is "Charley", toothers it is "Neehorse", and to the boysfrom around Witt, Illinois, it is "Hunk,"and to an opposing basketball team he is"Dangerous Man."

Charley hails from Witt, Illinois, at-tended the grade schools and High schoolthere; played and took part in all the ath-letic events of his school. Witt has thereputation for developing excellent play-ers, such as the said Charlie, Coulson,Chervenki, Red Holmes and Hanisko.The mentioned boys represented Witt,Illinois a few years back in the Pana Dis-trict Tournament and won it, giving theright to go to Champaign in the StateFinals. They went up to the semi-finals,to only be defeated by Canton. HereCharley was named by the leading sportwriters as an All-State Guard.

After leaving high school, this same boywent to Illinois Wesleyan and in hisfreshman year made the Varsity Team,and received honorable mention as a run-ning guard in the Little Nineteen Confer-ence. He then left school and returned toWitt.

Here in Decatur basketball had grownto be an outstanding sport and was draw-ing good crowds. Moran & Sons decidedto put a team in the field. Competitionwas so great they decided to get the bestthere was in the state, so the boys I havementioned were called upon, with someother former college stars from Millikinand Illinois, to represent them. It wasnecessary for these boys to have work, sothe manager got busy and we were fortu-nate in getting Charley and Chervinko.

Charley has been a very valuable man.both as a t inner , baseball player and onthe basketball squad. He was named lastyear on the All-Star Team of the Indus-trial League, and, without a doubt, willagain get the same honor. Both last yearand this year he was among the highscorers in the league, and this is a verygood showing, taking into consideration

the fact that the leading scorers havebeen forwards. While playing withMoran & Sons' team they met some ofthe best independent teams of the state,losing very few games. They went toPaxton last year and won the StateChampionship title. Charley again wasnamed by writers as a guard on theAll-Star team of the tournament.

While he is playing he always has abig smile on his face, but sometimes itchanges, especially when he gets arounda referee, but he hardly ever kicks overa decision unless it is out of the question.

Our team has played some out of townteams and they have always spoken wellof Charley's ability as a basketball player.

Charley has been named captain of ourteam for the past two years, and, throughhis influence, we were fortunate in secur-ing Buster Coulson this year for the team.The writer feels that Charley has beengiven some very good assistance by theteam, such as Joe Lahme, Judy Heislerand Bill Brumaster, former high school,St. Viator and Notre Dame players. Reedof the Moweaqua high school. BusterCoulson of Witt, Lou Hoerr a formerLincoln high school star. George Vermil-lion from the Atwood high school andUniversity of Illinois squad, and PaulHeffernan and Frank Larson, formerRoosevelt high school stars.

••He—Do you know what your one great

defect is?She—I simply can't think.He—Right—but I didn't think that

you'd acknowledge it.—Exchange.•»

A teacher was trying to develop theword "sleigh". "Now, Jamcsie," she said,"what is it that comes along on runners?"

"Rum," answered the five-year-old NewYorker sapiently.

February 1931 T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L 27

SCHMIDT-JOHNSONA wedding which came as a complete

surprise to all their Staley friends wasthat of Alice Schmidt and Jay Johnson.The ceremony was performed Fridayafternoon, Jan. 16, at 5 o'clock. Rev.Verne Oglesby, of the East Park Baptistchurch, read the service, in his home. Thebride wore a blue frock.

The bride is well known at the plant,having worked in the tray room for anumber of years. Mr. Johnson has beenfor some time foreman of the table house,and is known to practically all of theplant men.

Mr. and Mrs. Johnson are making theirhome at 630 South Stone street.

YORK-CARTERLucy York and Jim Carter were mar-

ried in Decatur, Dec. 20. The bride is thedaughter of Alec York and the bride-groom is the son of Mr. and Mrs. NoahCarter, all of Decatur. The bridegroom ison the night janitor force at the officebuilding.

••Bob Urfer almost had trouble the other

day, in lighting a cigaret, he dropped theburning match down his vest. Quickaction saved him.

Bill Heer and John Kuhns have a bigtale to tell about the town they visitedrecently, where they were met at the trainby a band. One is prompted to ask—"Band of what?"

F. J. Parr has been having most realis-tic dreams lately.

•»Genesis—Ah tells ye, judge, all's inno-

cent ob hi t t ing dat woman wid ah flat-iron. She done hit husse'f.

Judge—Hold on now! Common sensetells us that a woman wouldn't bit herselfwith a flat-iron.

Genesis—Ah knows jedge. She d idn ' tmean to hit husse'f. She done throwedde iron at me, but she forgot it was anelectric iron and de co'd swung it back.

"You are divine," he whispered."It's damn nice of you to say that," an-

swered the maiden.

Butcher—Round steak, madam?Stella—The shape doesn't interest me

as long as it's tender.

A BRIDE

I 'nlil her recent niurriu</e .1/r.v. Jn\son leas Alice Scl

ADOLPH-WHITESyble Hansen Adolph and Mathias A.

White were married Dec. 19, in Decatur.The ceremony was performed by Rev.Verne Oglesby, the double ring servicebeing used. The bride's sister, Mrs.Dewey Milstead, was the only at tendant .

The bridegroom is a draftsman at theplant. The couple are living at 1805 FastEldorado street.

When Jennie Cochran Smith had theflu it had a bad and lasting effect on herteam. The only reason this team couldn'tgo lower was because it was already atthe foot of the scale.

"When did Moses live?" asked theteacher.

The class was silent, so she continued:"Open your books and read the pageabout Moses. What does it say there?"

After a pause a boy replied: "It says'Moses, 4000 B. C.' "

"Then why didn't you know whenMoses lived?" demanded the teacher.

"Well," said the boy. "I thought thatwas his telephone number."

•The rain, it fal ls on the just and also

the unjus t fellers, but mostly on the just,because the unjus t have the justs umbrel-lers.—Sample Case.

"Why do you leave that ancient car ofyours parked in front of the house?"

"Well, if I leave it in the alley some-body might dump ashes in it."

28 T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L February 1931

Strikes, Splits and SparesBy Eddie Larrick

Now that the holidays are over andeveryone has had a good laugh over mypicture, and everyone has received theirChristmas ties which speak for them-selves, we again return to the game ofbowling on January 7th.

It looks as though the three weeks lay-off did not affect John McDonald andJack Mintun, as on their return they gotseries of 602 and 605, respectively. DizzWills also on the Millwright Team hada series of 591. This team was bowlingagainst the Garage Team and with thesegood series they lost two games, due tothe fact that Bill Bishop was Dog on theGarage Team with 510 pins.

A. E. Staley, Jr., has joined our Bowl-ing League and we trust that he is get-ting quite a good evening's entertainment,as his first night the Electricians werebowling the Traffic Team, of which he isa member, on Alleys 1 and 2. The Elec-tricians broke loose with a high game of1070, together with high total pins of 2969,with Buster Woodworth setting the pacefor his team with a series of 704.

Al Lukey seems to be still hitting hisold stride for the holidays didn't botherhim, coming back with games of 202, 224,173, for a total of 599.

On January 14th Smitty of the Mech-anics Team rolled the high game of theseason, with a score of 277.

Monk Lents of the Tinners received anew ball for Christmas, and he seems toknow how to use it, as his last series hasbeen around 185-190 average.

Cec. Walker, also of the Credit Depart-ment, received a new ball for Christmas,but up unti last week it wasn't workingso well. We trust, though, that Cecil willbe able to overcome this.

The writer is in doubt as to whether ornot the sketch of the Beaut i fu l Dogwhich appeared in last month's Journalwill be kept on hand, as I feel as thoughsomeone else's profile would fit as nicelyas mine, especially a dear f r iend of minewho is a member of the Garage Team thatbowled on January 14th.

Bus March of the Electricians seems asthough he doesn't know when to stop, as

on January 14th he had a series of 605,and then the following week with the sec-ond high series of the year of 701, withgames of 245, 245, 211. A 4-7-10 split kepthim out of high series.

The Mechanics on shooting against theElectricians on January 21st went intosecond place in High Team Game, with atotal of 1009 pins, due to the help of ArtDiebert, who had a high game of 226 anda grand total of 579 pins for the evening,also Bill Starks contributed with a gameof 225 to help this total. Scottie Butleralso aided his team in winning 2 gamesfrom the Leaders by getting 567 pins.

Jack Mintun 's team still continues torest on the bottom. I thought. Jack, afterlooking over your team for this year andcomparing it with the team of last year,that with all the breaks with you youwould finish at least off of the bottom, but—never mind, the Tinners are not so hot.

Baldie May evidently had too muchholidays as he was unable to return to thegame u n t i l January 21st, however, thelayoff did not seem to affect his game ashe came back with a series of 570. Butfound out that Baldie was laid up withthe flu, and Sil Ivens of the same teamwas also down in bed with the flu.

The extracting of Al Crabb's teeth didnot seem to hurt his bowling game, infact I believe it improved it, as he hada nice series of 615. with games of 201,192 and 222, he getting the games of al-leys 5 and 6, which are better known asNorth and South Park streets.

Monk Lents on January 21st rolled hisbest game of 257, he having 7 strikes ina row and the eighth one was a ten pintap, however, this did not bother Monkand the next inning was a strike and thebest he could do in the tenth frame wasa spare. However, this 257 gives himthird high game of the year.

The writer is not going to go into de-tail as to the exhibition of bowling whichJohn McDonald exhibited on Sundayafternoon, January 25th, as I feel asthough the editor of our Journal will dohim full justice. I want to take this op-portunity to say that this is just everybowler's life-time ambition.

February 1931 ' I ' M I - : S T A L K Y J O U R N A L 29

SOCCER GOES ONA father and two sons on the same soc-

cer team is the record now held by theStaley players of that game. Ed Smith,of the time office, first became interestedin the game and later his two sons de-cided to take it up. Now the Staley team,well fortified with Smiths, is doing well,thank you.

Because the weather this winter hasbeen almost spring-like, the Staley teamlias been able to play practically eachSunday afternoon. These games, gener-ally played with one of the Decatur Ger-man Soccer club teams, are attractinglarger and larger crowds each week. Theyare always played on the playground inNelson park, are always free.

The men at the plant who are interestedin soccer are urging more of the youngermen to come out for practice this spring.They insist that the game is not as hardto learn as some may think, and is ex-cellent exercise. Ed Emith, whose en-thusiasm for the game has been the mar-vel even of himself, will gladly take namesof beginners.

A quartet of Staley men visited a radiobroadcasting studio recently, and we un-derstand that they were quite disappoint-ed when they were not asked to sing.One of the members was sure he wouldbe asked to give a few piano numbers,too, but he also was disappointed.

\Ye want to know—Why Mrs. Foster won't have a picture

taken ?Why Lynn Davis is dressing up so

much?Why Lucile and Kathryn have such a

sudden fondness for walking?Who stole Jim Galloway's book of

poems?Why Tom Hanson is living on a 1 i c | i i i : l

diet?.

Dick Ricketts says he sees right nowthat he is going to have another typeradio—one that will give him all the lateststories. The ones he knows now are ter-ribly out of date.

LUCKY?Some people are lucky and some are

wise, but the boys in the industrial officehaven't yet decided into which class toput Henry Scherer. Henry took sick earlyin January, and the doctor pronounced histrouble mumps. Of course that showedneither wisdom nor luck, but he managedto stay sick long enough to escape all theclerical work in connection with theCredit Union dividends, which was oneor the other. Henry, being Henry, justblushes when the subject is brought up.

Whether or not it was the first pipeFrancis Depres had ever owned we can-not say, but at any rate it was one whichlie prized most highly. For that reasonhis grief was all the more intense when,after he had owned it less than half aday, he broke it into bits.

One radio program is to blame for alot, it would seem. Fred Gentry heard abig game hunter tell of his experiencesin Africa and got so excited over thewhole thing that he went right down townand spent $200 for a hun t ing outfi t forhimself. The garage gang has visions ofhunt trophies nailed all over the wallssoon.

READY TO SERVE

Ralph Rentfro, of Elevator C took atrip out to the hospital in January andhad his tonsils out.

Tommy Wagner and Charley Long cer-tainly look their fart ^vhen they are dressedla u'ait tables in the executive dining roomeach noon.

30 T I I K S T A L K Y I O U R N A I , February 1931

Here They Are Agaiin

February 1931 T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L 31

Champs Once MoreCity champions again—twice in suc-

cession—and the first team to ever holdthat record. That is what they are sayingabout town about the Staley basketballteam. For even if the Staley team shouldbe defeated in it's last game, the title isstill safe. The Starchworkers have woneleven games, three more than any otherteam in the league. The Wabash, the I.T. S. and Biflex each won eight gamesduring the season, and lost four. Staley'slost just one.

It was an interesting season which ledup to this victory for the Staley boys,and Coach Roberts feels that never dida team more rightfully win it's honors.All of the boys have fought hard to winon all occasions, and while there wereoutstanding stars in many cases, he stillgives the credit for success to the teamas a whole.

Since the last of December the gameshave been a series of victories for Staley'swith the season's one defeat. On Dec. 22Staley's defeated Mississippi Valley 43to 31. On Jan. 5 the Staley team wentdown in defeat to the I. T. S. The scorewas 32 to 30, and Staley fans and teamalike were a sick lot the next day.

The following week the boys came backwith such a big defeat of the Muellerteam—42 to 12—that everyone forgot thescore of the week previous. On Jan. 19Staley's beat Biflex 27 to 25.

This record, then, gives the Staleyteam the city championship for the sec-ond year straight, and brings a lot ofjoy to the Staley gang. A trophy, put up.by the Y. M. C. A., will be awarded theteam at a later date. Last year, in addi-tion to the Y trophy, the Staley Fellow-ship club gave each man on the teama gold basketball.

While the credit for winning this ser-ies-goes to the team members, no littleof it belongs to the coach, the playersall agree. Gene Roberts, an old DecaturHigh basketball player, played on Staleyteams in the old days, but a few yearsago got out of the game. Last year whenStaley's decided to put a good team intothe race, the first thing, everyone said,must be a coach. Gene is a busy man inthe engineering department, but he lovesbasketball, he understands the game andhe understands men.

Red hearts and lace paper will not bethe main motif for Staley people on Val-entine's Day this year. Instead on Feb.14, 1931, all Staley basketball fans willbe thinking of just one thing—the biggame in Chicago. That is the night thatthe Staley team plays the return gamewith the Chicago Junior Traffic clubteam. The game will be played in thecoliseum of the White City, at 63rd street,and will be worthwhile, no matter whowins.

The Traffic club, one of the strongestteams in industrial basketball in Chicago,asked for two games with Staley's. Thefirst one was played in Decatur in Decem-ber, and Staley's won. Now the Chicagogang is more anxious than ever to beatStaley's, and the boys from the tall grassare even more anxious than that to bringa real victory back from the big city.

In the last three years this Chicagoteam has ranged pretty much over themiddle west, and in all the games it hasplayed it has just three defeats to itscredit—once by a Big Four team, onceby a Kansas City team—and once byStaley's.

The game will be played on Saturdaynight and it is the expectation of CoachGene Roberts that his team will give thefans their money's worth. There will bespecial four dollar week-end rates to Chi-cago that week, and if enough people signto go, there will be a special car on the11:30 Wabash train that morning. Al-ready a large crowd of fans are planningto make the trip with the team, for everyloyal Staley booster is more than anxiousto see this game, and do his part in bring-ing about what the Chicago bunch thinksis hardly possible—-a defeat for the Traf-fic club gang.

Not long ago the Wabash team, fromDecatur, journeyed to Chicago for a gamewith the Traffic club, and was defeated.It is hoped that this record will not berepeated Feb. 14.

THE PLAYERSOn the opposite page are the basketball

champions of the city. In the center areCharley Nuelis, captain, and Gene Rob-erts, coach. Beginning at the extreme leftthe players are Reed, Brumaster, Hoerr,Coulson, Heffernan, Larson, Vermillion,Lahme and Heisler.

32 T H E S T A L E Y J O U R N A L February 1931

John McDonald Takes Bowling Honors

"It takes a good man to do what I did,"modestly remarked John "The Mighty"McDonald, when interviewed hy a Jour-nal reporter after his recent sensationalbowling game. John "The Mighty" hadgone down to Hill's Bowling Alleys Sun-day afternoon, nonchalantly picked up abowling ball, lighted just an ordinarycigaret—and calmly bowled a perfectgame. As the final score of 300 waschalked up, a mighty roar rose from thethroats of the five people present andJohn "The Mighty", smilingly bowed andpatted himself on the back.

The story behind the wonderful gameis one of struggle and long suffering.John, a simple farm boy, was brought tothe city early in life that he might havethe advantages of a city education. In-cluded in that was not only a course inthe grade and high schools of Decatur,but some special work in outside interests—golf, bowling, etc. Later he was giventhe advantages of a college education, inthe broadest modern sense and John, everbeing alert for the best that could be had,made every moment count.

He did not take up bowling in a seri-ous way unt i l about two years ago, whenhe decided that if he was going to bea bowler he would be the best bowler.He is. He worked hard at his chosenavocation, but kept his weekly averagedown to a level near that of the otherplayers. But he has been realizing hispower and ability, and now admits thathe had planned to pull off this big stuntjust as he did—when there were only afew people around.

The circumstances seemed ideal thisnow-famous Sunday af ternoon. In com-pany with his brother-in-law, Ed Scheiter,not such a hot bowler, he wandered downto Hill's "to kill a few minutes," as heexpressed it. But as soon as he got intothe game it was apparent to everyone thatJohn was more than ki l l ing moments. Hewas making history!

The balls bounded from his talented fin-gers like magic, and as each one spundown the alley it registered a strike. Asframe after frame was chalked up witha cross the crowd grew more and moreexcited and our hero grew more and morecalm. The only sign of excitement was

the slight flush which spread to his manlybrow.

And when the perfect game was over,when John was declared "The Mighty",and had been allowed to buy cokes for thecrowd, John sank gracefully to a benchand said, "Why it's nothing, fellows. Anyof you could do what I did, any time, ifyou just had my talent and ability. Icould have done it at any time duringleague play, and perhaps profited more,but I hated to show up some of the otherfellows who have worked so hard, andwon so little. I knew I had it in me, butI purposely waited unti l a quiet Sundayafternoon when there wouldn't be manypeople around."

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is out-hero. Although this picture was not takenjust at the close of the mighty game, itniii/ht have been, for John looked about thisnv// flcased after bowling his recent per-fect game. He has a perfect right to beproud of this score and all of his Staleyfriends are proud of him. Perfect bowlingscores are seldom made, and to our knowl-edge this is the first time any Staley manhas ever done it.

February 1931 T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L 33

STALKY FELLOWSHIP CLUBBOWLING LEAGUE

19th Week, Jan. 28, 1931

STALEY GIRLS' LEAGUEJan. 28, 1931

Team W. L. Pet. Av.Electricians ..50 19 .667Elevator 35 24 .579Syrup Ship. ..32 25 .561Sales Dept. ..30 27 .526Pipe Gang . ..30 27 .526Garage 29 28 .509Mechanics . . . 29 28 509Starch Ship...28 29 .491Traffic 26 31 .456Executives . . . 24 33 .421Tinners 22 35 .386Millwrights . .21 36 .368

828814797818802807806793798801802799

HiGame10709879139689389321009964917993947956

TEN

NameM i n t u nWoodworthMayLarrick . . . .TalhottT JukevKnoebelCrabbWalkerGepford

HIGH

Team. .Mi l .. . Ele.. .SI) .

TinSI)EleStsSvsTfrTfr.

BOWLERS

G.57575151505754T,^5"54

Pins1()'>2210588935592809008

1018496136225

100719410

HiAv. Game

186186183182180179178178177174

2352552312122V-,245247222238217

BOWLING LEAGUE NO. 2White Way Alleys

HiTeam W. L. Pet. Av. GameSolder Slingers . . .32 19 627 689 834Rivet Heaters 31 20 .608 667 823Pole Cl imbers . . . .26 25 .510 693 833Pencil Pushers . . .26 25 .510 664 791Wood Butchers . . . 19 32 .372 660 821Nut Snl i t te rs . . . . 1 9 32 .372 648 760

TEN HIC

Name TeamKoshinski . .PCSchikowski . PCI.innie . . . . NSStimmelYcchumCoxMoran . .Hocrr . . .

Lents

. .WB

. . .PP...SS. .WB. . .PP

SS. . RH

IH BOWLERS

G. Pins Av. (33 5383 16351 7957 15651 7810 15334 5176 15245 6506 14544 6386 1 4538 5480 14442 6007 1 4344 6241 14250 6985 1 40

Hilame

209224212202204226196209187222

TeamJacksQueensAcesKings

TEN

Name T.HebertSmithRobbCochranMartinHarderHeffernan . .KeilvPierceDoran

W.37313022

L.23293038

HIGH

earnAKK

..J.Q• Q.AKA

. . J

G.60485754604860515356

— -*

Pet..617.517.500.367

Av..592.580.600.599

HiGame

765699743735

BOWLERSTotalPins9266669578117232786661417495614661936454

Av.154139137134131128125121117115

HiGame

226179207201182171173167158155

Research WinsThere is nothing like a good start to

keep the year going well, thought the Re-search chemists, when they met and de-feated the Process chemists bowling team.The big game, well advertised, took placeSaturday, Jan. 3. and the Research wononly after a hard battle, and with a mar-gin of 28 pins. The Research total was2510 and the Process total was 2487.

John McDonald led the Research gangwith a total of 570 while Wayne Stewartwas high man on Process with a 538series. Other Research totals were, Torre,551, Williams 470, Baker 403 and Bishop.Process scores were Lappin 551, Bow-man 483, Smith 405, and Brown 505.

Harold Baker, Research, and C. E.Smith, Process, were pitted against eachother and although they fought hardneither one was able to get very far.Their excuse was that neither one was anexperienced bowler.

Dizzy Wills, score keeper for the event,was worn to a thread by the time theseries was over, for it was a hard foughtbattle. The great disappointment cameafter the game was over when HowardFile, chief chemist, did not appear witha silver cup for the winners. However,the winners are keeping the matter be-fore him, and by spring they may get golfballs, or maybe cigars from him.

T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L February 1931

WishingI wish I were beneath a tree

A-sleepin' in the shadeWith all the bills I got to pay

PAID.I would I were on yonder hill

A-baskin" in the sunWith all the work I got to do

DONE.Wish I were beside the sea

Or sailing in a boatWith all the things I got to write

WROTE.(Swiped from Spruce Splinters.)

Her—There are many good reasons formy wearing these flimsy clothes.

Him—Yes, I can see your side.

One sure way to get the last word inan argument with your wife is to say"all right!"

TWO OF A KINDA young lady, finding herself stranded

in a small village a few weeks ago, askedone of the inhabi tants where she mightspend the night.

"There ain' t no hotel here," replied theman, "but you can sleep with the stationagent."

"Sir!" exclaimed the flapper, "I'll haveyou know that I'm a lady."

"That's all right," answered the man."So is the station agent."—Western Heat-ing and Plumbing Journal.

A little pluck when hope burns low,A little laugh when life seems slow,These are the things that wise men

know."

"Jack, are you sure it is me you're inlove with, and not my clothes?"

"Test me, darling."Then she slapped him.

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February 1931 T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L 37

They're Funny That WayDuring last year's American Legion

Convention in Boston, we are told that.in elderly lady, alarmed at the antics ofthe Legionnaires, rushed up to a police-man, saying:

"Can't you stop them, officer?""Lady," responded the cop sadly,

"there's an old man in Europe who triedto do that, and now he's sawing wood inHolland."

"Why is Mabel so angry? The papersgave a ful l account of her wedding."

"Yes, but they put in that Miss Black-field was married to the well-known col-lector of antiques."—Nebelspalter (Zur-ich). ^

Helen Walker, daughter of the creditmanager, carefully copied this and sentit in to us:

"My dear sweet potato. Do you car-rot all for me? My heart beats all foryou and my love is as soft as a squash.I am for you strong as an onion. Youare a peach with your radish hair andturnip nose. You are all the apple of myeye, so if we cantaloupe then lettuce bemarried for I know we will be a happypear."

•»Hubby Knows Fish

"You never bring me candy like youused to before we were married."

"That so—well, you never heard of afisherman feeding bait to a fish after hehad caught it, did you?—Chaparral.

Dad—"Look here, my dear. I don'tmind your sitting up late with that youngman of yours, but I do object to himwalking off with my morning papers!"—Film Fun.

*Young Girl—I feel I ought to know

more about you before I consent to be-come your wife.

Young Man—Well, I can furnish youwith splendid references from my lastthree wives!

A schoolgirl's essay in a Montana pa-per ran as follows:

"When we go camping, we must keepthe place neat, we must be very carefulto put out our fire. This is God's coun-try. Don't burn it up and make it looklike hell."—Hardware Age.

Oh, Doctor!"You remember when you cured my

rheumatism a couple of years ago, Doc?"asked the patient, "and you told me thatI should avoid dampness?"

"Yes, that's right," replied the doctor,approvingly.

"Well, I've come to ask you if I cantake a bath."

*Taxi-driver—Where shall I drive you,

sir?Reveler—I don't caresh: d'you know

Jonson street?"Yes, sir.""Well, don' drive me there, thatsh

Where I live."

The husband drew up a chair beside hiswife's sewing machine the other day andremarked:

"Don't you think it's running too fast?Look out, you'll sew the wrong seam.Slow down, or you'll stick that needle inyour finger!"

"Why, what's the matter with you! I'vebeen running this machine for ten years."

"Oh, I was merely trying to assist you,just as you try to help me drive the car."—Ex.

«»Pat—Be gorry, and why is Ben wear-

ing the big plaid vest?Mike—And haven't ye heard? The doc-

tor told him to keep a check on his stom-ach."

Traffic at the busy corner was tied-upin what seemed a hopeless knot. Threehundred impatient motor horns blendedwith the tweet-tweet of the cop's whistleand confusion was worse confounded. Atlength the big sergeant arrived to un tan-gle the mess, and as the stream beganto flow again he turned to the officer onduty and asked:

"What in Sam Hill caused this, any-way?"

"One o' them women drivers, Sarge.The dumbbell signaled as if she wantedto turn to the right, and then danged ifshe didn't actually turn that way!"

"Motoring is surely a great thing. Iused to be fat and sluggish before thismotoring craze, but now I'm spry andenergetic."

"I didn't know you motored.""I don't. I dodge."—Montreal Star.

38 T H E S T A L K Y J O U R N A L February 1931

An EmergencyGolfer (to members ahead)—Pardon,

but would you mind if I played through?I've just heard that my wife has beentaken seriously ill.—Dublin Opinion.

Hell for garage mechanics will be aland of abundant grease and no steeringwheels to wipe it on.

She doesn't paint, she doesn't rouge;She doesn't smoke, she doesn't booze;She doesn't kiss, she doesn't pet;She's fifty-eight and single yet!

— Motor Exhaust.

A girl met an old flame, and decided tohigh-hat him. "Sorry," she murmured,when the hostess introduced him to her,"I did not get your name."

"I know you didn't," replied the oldflame, "but that's your own fault. Youtried hard enough."—Atchison Globe.

*•Pete—Dark and stormy night and the

old engine was coming down the trackwhistling, puffing and flapping its ears—"

Repeat—Hold on, Pete, an engine hasn'tgot ears."

Pete—"Certainly it has, engineers."

"Mary," inquired the mistress suspici-ously, "did you wash this fish carefullybefore you baked it?"

"Lor" ma'am," replied Mary, "wot's theuse of washin' a fish that lived all his lifein the water?"

*•Out in New Mexico, even public signs

come directly to the point. In a garage,in Albuquerque, is posted the followingnotice:

"Don't smoke around the tank. If yourlife isn't worth anything, gasoline is!"

"What's on your mind?""Thoughts.""Treat them kindly. They're in a

strange place."•

Pious BillAlpha—What was the denomination of

that bill you loaned me?Tlicta—Episcopalian. I guess; it keep;

lent.

A Calamity"Whatever happened to Ringer Col-

lege's star fullback?""He left the college. The alumni failed

to pay the last installment on him, andhis family took him away."—BostonBeanpot.

Rufus—Mistah Lawyer, ah wants to geta divorce.

Lawyer—What seems to be the matter,has your wife left you?

Rufus—No, sah, dat's jes de trouble.She won't leave.

She—Don't you know there are germsin kissing?

He—Say girlie, when I kiss I kiss hardenough to kill the germs.

Dear Old Lady—Why didn't you try tokeep out of prison?

Gangster—I did, ma'am. And I gotthree months extra for resisting an officer.—Exchange.

«They had met and were now on their

way to the concert together.She—I see you got your tuxedo on

time.He—I didn't ask you how you got your

evening gown, did I?

Lawyer—Was the man you found underthe Street car a total stranger?

Witness (who had been told to be care-ful)—No, sir, his arm and leg were gone;he was only a partial stranger.—BucknellBelle Hop.

••"Does 'at smile mean you forgive me?""Stay away, niggah; I'se just smilin' to

rest mah face."

The Cynical EditorThe question and answer editor of an

Atlanta, Georgia, paper recently receivedthe following question: "Is it bad luck topostpone a wedding?" The answer was:"Not if you keep on doing it!"

Gumbo—I'm the happiest man alive.I've got the finest wife in the country.

Mudd—Yeah, that does make a manhappy,- having his wife in the country.

Patron—May I have some stationery?Hotel Clerk (haughti ly)—Are you a

guest of the house?Patron—Heck, no. I'm paying twenty

dollars a day.—Kreolite News.

That indefinable thing we call "charm"is what enables a girl to violate the trafficrules day after day with absolute impun-ity.

an \inti-: nx SAMPLEDTHOUSANDS BOUGHT

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new cakeShoppers who recently sampled this cake wereemphatically pleased. They bought and toldtheir friends. Today Date-Nut Wine Cake isa favorite all over town.

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Not GuiltyAn old negro stood charged with bare

assault. The proceedings were as follows:County Judge (to old negro)—You

stand charged in this information withbare assault; how do you plead, guilty ornot guilty?

Accused—Jedge, what you-all mean',bare assault?

Judge—To assault with your hands. Imean that you did not use a deadlyweapon of any kind.

Accused—Fo' God, jedge, I ain't guilty.I wouldn't 'sault no bear wid ma tengauge shot gun, much less wid ma hands!

Conductor—She seemed like a goodsensible girl.

Brakeman—Yeh, she wouldn't pay anyattention to me either.

Teacher—Robert, here is an examplein substraction. Seven boys went downto the creek to swim, but two of themhad been told not to go in the water.Now, can you inform me how many wentin?

Robert—Yes'm; seven.

"Please!""No.""Oh, please do.""Positively, no.""Please, just this time.""I said no.""Aw, Ma, all the boys go barefooted

now."

The cynic is one who never sees a goodquality in a man, and never fails to see abad one. He is the human owl, vigilant indarkness, and blind to light, mousing forvermin, and never seeing noble game.

—Henry Ward Beecher.

It's Never Too LateWhat parents haven't learned from ex-

perience they may now learn from theirchildren.

"See here," said the irate roomer to themaid, "don't you ever sweep under thebed."

"Yes, sir, I always do. It's so muchhandied than using a dustpan."

Lady to manager of battery station—Say, do you charge batteries here?

M. B. S.-—Yes, we do.Lady—Put one in my car and charge

it to my husband.•

Minister—Let me hear how far you cancount.

Willie—One, two, three, four, five, six,seven, eight, nine, ten, Jack, Queen, King.

—Hoo Hoo Bulletin.

Cooper—Honestly, now, you wouldnever have thought this car of mine wasone I had bought second-hand, wouldyou?

Coles—Never in my life. I thought youhad made it yourself.—Answers.

Rastus—Liza, will you go ridin' in mahFord?

Liza—I won't do nothin' else.Rastus—Then you can't ride in mah

Ford. ^

"Now that you've seen my son andheir," said the proud young father,which side of the house do you think heresembles?"

"Well," said his astonished bachelorfriend, "his full beauty isn't developedyet, but surely you don't suggest thathe—er—looks like the side of a house, doyou?"

The New Car

Father—How many miles to the gal-Ion?

Mother—What color is the upholstery?Son—How fast will she go?Daughter—Has it a cigarette lighter?Neighbors—How can they afford it?

In order to reduce a young lady triedhorseback riding. She began falling offright away.

"Hallo, where have you been?""To the station to see my wife and her

mother off for a month's holiday.""But how black your hands are.""Yes, I patted the engine."

Judge—Gentlemen of the jury, haveyou come to a decision?

Foreman—We have, Your Honor. Thejury are all of the same mind—Tempor-arily insane.

—-—«^

"Good morning, madam. I'm takingthe census."

"You'll do nothing of the sort. Wepaid cash for everything in this house!"

"I was outspoken in my sentiments atthe last office I worked in," confided thestenographer to the bookkeeper.

With a look of astonishment he replied:"I can't believe it! Who outspoke you?"

Bluenose—Pardon me, young lady, inthe matter of your dress, don't you thinkyou could show a little more discretion?

Flapper—My gosh, some of you guysain't never satisfied.

Judge—Guilty or not guilty?Prisoner—Decide for yourself, I'm not

here to do your work.

Times Do ChangeThe story is told of an elderly lady who

chided her husband for his failure to as-sist her in climbing the steps of a railroadcoach. "Henry," she said, "you ain't asgallant as when I was a gal." "No, Let-tie," he replied, "and you ain't as buoyantas when I was a boy!"

Papoose—Baw-k-k-k, I wanna drink.Eskimo Mother—Shut up, it's only six

months till morning.—Illinois Siren.

The foreman was rebuking Pat for be-ing late.

"Why is it," he said, "that Johnson, whohas to walk three miles to his work, isalways here in time; and you, staying onlyaround the corner, are always late?"

"Sure," said Pat, "that's easily ex-plained. If he's late, he can hurry a bit;but if I'm late I'm here, and it's no goodhurrying."

• ••There is a club in New York devoted to

the laziest men in the world. Any at-tempt by a member to hurry is punishableby a fine.

One day a member was seen driving hiscar past the club at a high rate of speed.

Summoned before the committee, heexcused himself by saying that he was toolazy to take his foot from the accelerator.

•*Boss—Mike, I'm going to make you a

present of this pig.Mike—Sure, an' 'tis just like you, sor!

*"Did you hear about Willard, the bank

cashier, stealing fifty thousand and run-ning away with his friend's wife?"

"Good heavens! Who'll teach his Sun-day school class tomorrow?"

•*An angel of a girl generally plays the

devil with a man.—Snapshots.

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And Welcome to ItHe hesitantly asked her father for his

daughter's hand."Certainly, certainly, my boy," replied

Dad promptly. "Take the one that is al-ways in my pocket."

SOME men are bornGREAT; some achieveGREATNESS; and some justGRATE upon you.

Dumb—We're going to give the bridea shower.

Dumber—Count me in. I'll bring thesoap.

•*Mrs. Highest—And what did you dis-

cover about your family tree?Genealogist—I found that it was of the

nut-bearing variety.

Bill—-Why don't you like girls?Will—They're too biased.Bill—Biased!Will—Yes—bias this, and bias that un-

til I'm broke.

Late for the show was Pickle-O Pete,In his haste he fought traffic 'on every

street;He sideswiped a truck, crashed into a

pole, ,Now he plays on a harp with all his

soul.

"I think you said your father was aclergyman?"

"Oh, no, not exactly; he's the nearestapproach to one."

"How's that?""Well, he's in the soap trade—and

cleanliness is next to godliness, youknow."

—Texas Ranger.

Ups and DownsA kindly old gentleman, seeing a man

leaning limply against the doorway of anapartment house in the early hours, of-fered to help him upstairs if he livedthere, which offer was accepted. Withmuch diff icul ty he dragged him upstairs,and not wishing to face perhaps an iratewife, he opened the first door he came toand pushed him in. On reaching thestreet, he made out the outline of anotherdrooping figure, apparently in worse con-dition than the first one, so he offered tohelp him upstairs, which offer was ac-cepted, and he was assisted to the sameroom as the first one. Reaching the streetagain, he was surprised to make out theoutline of another drooping figure, butnevertheless, he again approached him tooffer assistance, whereat the object of hissolicitude ran into the arms of a passingpoliceman.

"For heaven's sake, off'cer," he gasped,"protect me from this man. He's donenothin' all night long but carry me up-staairs V throw me down th' elevatorshaf."

She (at the dance)—I spent the sum-mer in Germany. I love Dantzig.

He—Shall we have this fox-trot, thenor is your cold too bad?

He—We are coming to a tunnel—areyou afraid?

She—Not if you take that cigarette outof your mouth.

Our Question and Answer Dept.Dear Editor—Does the law give a man

the right to open his wife's letters?Answer—Yes, but not the nerve.

Mule (after contemplating a Ford forsome time)—And what might you be?

Ford (loftily)—I'm an automobile.Mule (after a pause)—Are you? Well,

I'm a horse.—Ex.

Oh YeahHe—Why do they call you the "yes"

girl?She—I simply don't no.

*He—What does the word "davenport"

suggest to you?She—Oh, I know; a city out in Iowa!

*Recruit—Well, what's the matter?

Didn't I do all right in the parade?Top Sergeant (sweetly)—Sure you did

all right! Didn't you win it by a half ayard ?

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Inventors, Attention!Millions await the man who invents any

of these:A permanent trousers-crease.A handy pocket tool with which to open

railroad car windows.A portable jack for lifting mortgages.A safety-catch for grapefruit.A substitute for the Scotch joke.An automatic check-book balancer for

women.A noiseless alarm clock.A parachute for use in descending from

rumble seats.A confection that can be smoked.A calendar without any first of the

month.—Life.

Our Wonderful LanguageSam—Broke your arm, eh? How?Bill—On a winch.Sam—Why I didn't know that you ran

around with other women.

Mistress—Did you empty the water un-der the refrigerator?

Green Girl—Yes'm, and put in somefresh.

He (bragging about ancestry)—Yes,my father sprang from a line of peers.

Bored Listener—Did he drown?

"What are you studying now?" askedMrs. Johnson.

"We have taken up the subject of mole-cules," answered the son.

"I hope you will be very attentive andpractice constantly," said the mother. "Itried to get your father to wear one, buthe could not keep it in his eye."

"Thanks very much," said the vicar, aslittle Tommy handed up his offering forthe harvest festival; "I must call roundthis afternoon and thank your mother forthese eight beautiful applies."

"P-please. sir," stammered Tommy,"would you m-mind thanking her fort'twelve apples?—Bystander.

The little boy was in church for thefirst time. When the choir, all in whitesurplices, entered, he whispered hoarsely,"Oh, see, daddy. They're all going to gettheir hair cut!"

Inflated Occasion"Was Harold's wedding a swell affair?""Positively! They even used puffed

"Say It \vith Flowers"

F L O W E R SBY FAST MAIL AND TELEGRAPH

Water at North—Phones 5305 and 5306

Unsettled"I've seen better days, sir," said a tramp

to an Aberdonian who replied:"So have I—but I havena' time to dis-

cuss the weather the noo," and shut thedoor.

"Do you mean to say," asked the magis-trate, "that such a physical wreck as yourhusband gave you that black eye?"

The woman smiled proudly." 'E wasn't a physical wreck, your wor-

ship," she said, 'till 'e gave me that blackeye."—Army and Navy Journal.

*Mrs. Gee—William, how do you sup-

pose those dozens and dozens of emptybottles got into our cellar?

Mr. Gee—I'm sure I don't know, love.I never bought an empty bottle in mylife.—Philadelphia Bulletin.

Out of SightHim—I can't see what keeps you

women from freezing.Her—You aren't supposed to, big boy.

••Salesman—Yes, sir. That's the smart-

est hat we've got.The Wise Customer—It doesn't have

to be smart. I'll put the brains in itmyself.

*Rag Merchant—Any beer bottles, lady?Lady—Do I look as if I drank beer?Rag Merchant—Well, vinegar bottles,

lady?*

Have a Shot"You drunken beast! If I were in your

condition I'd shoot myself!"Lady, if you wash in my condishun

you'd mish yershelf."

It is much easier to be critical than tobe correct.—Disraeli.

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GOOD PRINTING[UJ|UR forefathers, 'way back when Lake Decaturwasn't, did. They wore -wooden shoes, too, andhomespun clothing,. It was an event with themto receive a letter and another event to answer it.Travel was seldom afar, and then afoot or horse-back, or, as a luxury, in a sta&e coach. And theyhad no idea of the goodness in Staley Syrups. Wemi&ht exist today likewise, but we wouldn't live.We might exist today without Good Printing, but we can'tlive without it. For Good Printing, see us and talk to us.

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"A Southern Secret

thisF L A V O R E D

"/"TAHE knack of blending this mellow Sorghum flavoredA syrup is a secret I learned in the Old South nearly

fifty years ago," says Bill Heer, the Master Blender. "Iuse the very finest virgin sorghum to get the true, old-timePlantation flavor. But it's even more important to knowthe times and temperatures in blending that bring out itsmellow smoothness." Delicious —and so inexpensive. Atyour grocers. Write jor our free recipe book.

STALKY SALES CORPORATION, Decatur, Illinois

BILL HEER, Staley's Muster BlenderFor more than 47 years Bill Heer has blendedand tested syrup flavors. A sample from eachbatch of Staley's Syrups must pass the test ofhis educated palate a teach step in its making

3 otherdelightfulflavors

Crystal White(red label)

Golden (blue label)Maple Flavored

(green label)

Staley'sSorghum flavored

Syrupcomes in theBrown Can